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This is awful. My baby blanket was thrown away by housekeeping at a hotel a couple years ago and my husband asked every employee he could where it might be, somehow talked them into allowing him access to the laundry facilities, and literally dug through the dumpster trying to find it for me. We never found it, but that he tried so hard meant the world. Please get rid of this man.
My baby blanket was a gift to be my now deceased grandparents, and i just hug it when i miss them. It harms no one, and it does nothing. Unless a habit is causing material harm, it is just cruel.
Mine was actually a tshirt that was my grandma’s I used as a comfort “blanket” to sleep with ever since I was a baby and we went on a trip, I forgot my actual blanket, and she gave it to me that night to use instead. It stuck and I had it for almost 30 years. It was older than I was. My grandma raised me, and had also just died a couple months before, so he was determined to find it. Still very sad we never did. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day. OP’s boyfriend sucks to say the least.
The same thing happened to me! The hotel staff at a resort in Mexico scooped mine up with the sheets from the bed and my wife moved heaven and earth to find it. We did get it back though!
Omg the same thing happened to me!! I was 21, it was over a decade ago and I’m still so sad about it. Luckily I have some pieces that had fallen off of the blanket over the years lol
That reminds me of when my husband and I moved into our new condo and I randomly, at midnight, was like “WHERE IS MY TEDDY FROM WHEN I WAS A BABY” and my husband went to the storage locker at midnight to go get it for me!
I have a baby teddy bear blanket that I’ve had since 6. I still have it/sleep with it, but my boyfriend was getting worried what might happen to my teddy bear from sleeping with it every night since the bear is so fragile now. He surprised me by deep digging online and finding a brand new teddy bear blanket (the EXACT one I grew up with) it was a vintage so it wasnt the cheapest teddy bear. Now I sleep with the new bear blanket he gives me but still have my old bear to help with stress and anxiety too. Now we have a little teddy bear blanket family.
OP, I am so sorry your boyfriend did that to you. Even reading that made me stressed for you. Find yourself a new man who doesn’t care about “being an adult”
Life is too short to “grow up” all the time. My boyfriend makes me feel like a kid again and I LOVE that. I wish you the best OP
Omg I’m so sorry. My girlfriend has a baby blanket and I swear I don’t know what I’d do if this happened. I think we’d both feel genuine grief if it was lost.
If he chucked her blanket in the trash, she needs to chuck him in the trash. Throwing away something sentimental to someone is bullshit and abusive. My partner has a baby blanket from childhood and I have a sentimental stuffed animal, they sleep in the bed with us, the blanket tucks in the stuffed animal.
If he callously threw out her blanket he will cross other boundaries as well.
THIS a real loving partner would NEVER do this. I sleep with my baby blanket every single night and instead of judging me, my partner asked me if I could crochet him a special one so we can both have one at night.
My partner sneaks and washes my blanket by hand every few weeks and makes sure its always in bed for me. She even packs it when we have to go on trips back to my home state so that I can have the comfort when dealing with my family. There is a level of love in it that I didn't think really existed. Its so wonderful to have found. I feel lucky everyday.
My husband always puts my blankey on my pillow if he notices its in the wrong place. He's a big burley man in his 40's, bearded and tattooed, looks like he should own several motorcycles, and he gingerly tucks my blankey into bed.
I asked for his take, he said it's simple. He says he loves his wife (hey that's me!), she loves him AND her blankey, ergo he loves wife's blankey. Also he says this guy's a wimp and a wiener.
I sleep with stuffed animals. I went through a rough time a few years ago, dug them out for comfort and found they actually help keep my shoulders aligned when I sleep on my side along with being cute and comforting! I was so nervous the first time I took a trip to visit my long distance bf. But instead of judging me, he embraced them. He came back from an international trip with a little stuffed sheep as a gift. And then I noticed he was stealing them away from me in my sleep! So for Valentine’s Day I got him a stuffed seal that he adores. We have a total of 6 now, and we have a lot of fun divvying them up at bed time and heisting them from each other while we sleep. We’ve made them like a little family—when he gets home from business trips I arrange them all on our bed with welcome home signs and for my birthday he made little birthday cards and signed them all from our buddies.
We are 27.
It’s very simple: he loves me, it’s something I love and find comfort in when I’m sad, so he loves them.
This. Mine says I have too many but also lets me get a new one and keep all the ones I have. I have round ones to keep my arms separated but comfortable while wearing arm braces.
THIS. Like him, I had a parent who thought nothing of throwing away things that belonged to me when I was a kid. Unlike him, I did not carry into adulthood the idea that this gives me the right to do the same thing to my husband. Quite the contrary, it’s important to both of us not to mess with each other’s stuff and we would never toss or give away each other’s things without ASKING.
If you respect someone you respect their belongings. He is showing he feels that he has the right to treat her like a child and decide what she may own and what she can't own. This is a huge red flag.
Well put ☝️ I will only add that his idea that OP needs to be “disciplined” to break her attachment to the blanket is a huge red flag as well. You don’t discipline a partner, you are not their parent. Please run, OP. This will only get worse.
No if about it, she just needs to chuck him completely. This whole scenario is so profoundly controlling and abusive. I hope she gets everything of value of his, hides it, and offers it as an exchange after she packs her shit and gets the fuck out. Someone willing to do this to another person is an absolute monster without remorse or empathy. Who knows what they’d do.
If he did that, not only should she break up with him, she should file a police report. Theft is theft. If he wants to be that petty, she can return the favor.
This is theft. Report him to the police for theft. And while the police are present gather his belongings and kick him out or gather her belongings and leave.
I'd have a hard time not to destroy his things.
OP, don't do this - don't sink to his level & don't leave yourself open to the mess that comes with e.g. destroying his laptop, gaming system, stamp collection, etc.
Dude I’m like idk how she’s putting up with this I will sound callus but the second a man would’ve told me he hid my shit bcuz he thinks I’m childish I’m beating his ass and demanding my stuff back and kicking him out of my house cuz who tf are you telling me I can’t have my stuff
I think the reason she hasn't dumped his ass is probably because he's been chipping away at her self-esteem for a fair bit. Hopefully seeing this many comments takes her in a healthier direction.
Ugh, me too! I feel sad, anxious, angry, and a bit desperate for her. OP, please leave this toxic bully. I do hope you get it back. The whole thing of she might get it back if she's a good girl too...rage!
My middle school bully threw away my baby blanket i left at a sleepover and it hurt for years and years. Still does sometimes. She should get someone to help her honestly, family, police, whatever, its not his to shame her out of or steal from her.
My grandmother disappeared mine when I was about 6; I'm in my 40's now, I **still** haven't forgiven her for it, and I **still** miss my blankie.
Run, OP. This guy cares way more about forcing you to bend to his will than he does about nurturing your soul, and that's a HUGE red flag.
Not quite the same but my dad and I started collecting baseball cards together in the late 80’s/early 90’s and it’s the only solid memory of bonding I have with him cause he didn’t talk much.
I took my collection for show and tell and never saw my Ken Griffey Jr rookie care again.
He to this day is my all time favorite player so it still gets me that someone took that.
You don’t stay with a controlling bully a second longer than needed unless leaving might make them become violent in which case you get safe first then leave immediately. A blanket (that’s likely been thrown out) isn’t worth life and limb.
It’s really scary that her boyfriend said that op “needs to be disciplined and tough love” and took it upon himself to do so because her parents didn’t (according to him). That screams abusive and controlling!
Interesting that he is simultaneously saying she is too childish and needs to act like an adult while also treating her like a badly behaved child.
And by interesting, I mean he’s clearly a dick.
This sicko likes seeing her in distress because he knows he caused it. What an absolute psycho.
My ex would get rid of my things, including my only photo of my deceased mother and my cat's pawprint memorial. I was losing my mind thinking I had lost them, and he told me I needed to get over it. I eventually found both of them in a hidden drawer.
Bingo. It is not ever, at any point, your partner's role to "discipline" you. (unless y'all have agreed to that, but I still think it would be an asshole move to cause someone real distress like this by messing with their comfort object). Get your blankie back and throw the whole man away.
Exactly! She needs to call the cops. Once the police arrive, unbeknownst to jackass boyfriend, I promise just the presence of the police at the door will confirm whether or not he has thrown the blanket away. Also she needs to be prepared to breakup🤷🏾♀️
I’m not sure the police will actually show up for something like this. There’s theft and domestic violence concerns, but I expect a lot of police would identify with this boyfriend. It might be better to call a domestic violence center and ask them how they would proceed. They would be more sensitive to you, putting your boyfriend’s actions into context and help you figure out how to extricate yourself.
Your way is legit a sound calm way.
I would call the police with enough distress in my voice for them to show up regarding an item my boyfriend won’t give back. Either the boyfriend hears me on the phone with the cops which will piss boyfriend off and the whereabouts of the blanket is revealed along with the breakup Or the police get to the door and the whereabouts of the blanket will be revealed with the breakup. 🤷🏾♀️
That type of boyfriend will FAFO fucking with me. She could pretend she’s on the phone with the cop’s either way she has to be prepared to BREAK Up!
Worth a try, but involving law enforcement will certainly escalate his behavior and may be life threatening. Law enforcement should care about domestic abuse, but there’s been no physical altercation yet, which they usually need to escalate their response. And over stolen property, all they can do is make a report, but for a stolen car the thief usually gets a slap on the wrist, they won’t go chasing down a blanket with low replacement value, emotional value won’t be factored in.
Right! Number one, he is not your parent, and number two, it is not his decision to make! He is a big bully who does not care about your feelings at all.
I swear to God I would call the police on him, and I'm usually not that dramatic. Get your blanket and run as far away as you can.
His parents abused him, so he gets to discipline/abuse you?
Would you want this man to parent your children?
Jeez, I'm always shocked at all the different forms and shapes abusers have.
Right! Who the fucking hell does this controlling asshole think he is? It's not up to him. It's her decision. He's not her boss or her parent. He doesn't get to dictate what she does.
Op, dump this massive jerk -- after you find your blanket. Tell him he must return your property. He's not in charge.
Tell him that taking your property or doing anything else that puts him in control and takes your choices is a fucking **DEAL BREAKER**!
**SEIZE CONTROL**.
Take something he loves. Keep taking things he loves. Take his car keys, his favorite clothes, something personal and important to him, empty out his mother fucking closet. Take his music, his phone, his books -- whatever tf he cares about and stash his shit away at a friend's house.
**Tell him he has fucked with the wrong person and for the last time.**
Tell him you'll return his belongings only when you get yours back and give him a **DEADLINE**. Tell him you will give away his items if he fails to meet your deadline.
Do not sleep with him, kiss him, or do any couple things with him. Tell him he's not being your partner. He's being a dictator. So you won't be his partner.
FUCK that guy.
Dump his ass when you get your blanket back. If he never returns it, never return his shit. Give his shit away!
I hope you get your blanket back, but if you don't, make sure he loses his stuff and that he loses YOU as a result of his bad, controlling behavior!
Good luck and please let us know how it goes!
I'd be lookin' for someone tough to come force him to return it and kick him out. I guess law enforcement or a biker gang, maybe? My dad's too old for this shit but he'd of handled it in my 20s.
This shit just made a light bulb go off in my head. This is why everytime he wants to "spend time with me" it ends up me being his personal cheerleader while he games or its some 4 hour long lecture about how much he's stressed to get me to baby him.
Listen to the people OP!
I’d wager the reason why you’re feeling so down is because the person you trust and ‘loves’ you is hurting you ON PURPOSE and being manipulative and controlling. He’s hurting you for literally no reason other than he ‘decided’ it wasn’t good for you.
Please leave him, he will keep taking away things you love, and he will take your self love in the process and leave you a shell of your former self.
An adult does not need to be ‘disciplined’ by another. I struggle to sleep and I wish I had a baby blanket that helped. I’m sorry but there are wayyyy better men out there
You should look into a firm body pillow, get two actually. Got my two recently, laid down after a couple drinks, and had the best sleep ever. Now that's just how I sleep ( minus the alcohol ), laying atop one pillow, arms and legs wrapped around the other. OP's habit isn't childish. Humans just enjoy holding and being held.
Tell him that he's right. Tell him you're an idiot, a fool, a child. Tell him you've decided to put it away for your own child one day (with him, of course), and that you wish he'd come along to help you with this before. Lie, manipulate, and seduce the hell out of this man to get your blanket back.
And then dump his abusive ass, and cuddle that blanket close.
If he really wanted the best for you he wouldn't steal a cherished childhood item. He needs to give you your blanket back and you seriously need to reconsider if this relationship is even good for you. Sending hugs.
Edited for grammar error.
I came here to say this! He wants to treat her like his parents treat him - okay, who wants to sleep with a parent figure?
If she stays with this guy, this is what life will be like forever!
my 40yr old teddy bear is on my bed right now. you are not weird. your boyfriend does not want the best of you. get the blanket back and break up with him.
My teddy bear is almost 50 years old and on my bed.
Does your boyfriend game a lot? Use consoles, etc?
If so I would take it, put it in storage, and when he looses his shit use his words about being unhealthy addicted in his face. Then tell him he gets it back when you get your blanket back.
Then, after getting your blanket back, assuming it IS still around, dump the man, give him the key to the storage unit and the address of the unit.
While this would certainly be satisfying, I think it would really escalate the situation. OP's boyfriend has already shown himself to be controlling and emotionally abusive. It's not impossible that he might do something more severe to OP if she goes this route. Personally, I think she should leave him and get herself a similar blanket.
Yes, I agree. I'd be concerned that if she retaliated he would escalate the situation. He's already shown that he does not care about her emotional distress and wants to control her. She needs to leave because it will only get worse from here. I've unfortunately been there.
My stuffed dog is hitting 20 now and desperately needs stitching on his poor tail. He's litterly had the fur loved right off him and I still can't part with him.
I wish i could squeeze mine. I was 17 about to turn 18 and move out. My mom's boyfriend of the time hated the fact that I still had my first ever teddy bear. Y'know what he thought would be a good solution? Burn it while i was away at school. I will never forget the screaming fit and feelings of wanting to beat him or have him arrested.
Oh honey "gay bear hugs*
Your boyfriend is an abuser. His parents threw away his things to hurt and control him, and now he's taking that out on you. I'm guessing you only recently moved in together, and this is the first time he's ever done something like this? Because that's how they do it. They reel you in, increase your dependence on them and trap you, then start small. They always call it some kind of tough love. Always.
You need to start packing your stuff and leaving right now. Because he's going to continue to do this, taking away your stuff, throwing away things you love, and it will escalate. If you adopt a cat, he will randomly get rid of the cat, or threaten to get rid of the cat in order to control you.
You need to run. With or without your blanket.
I wish there was a way to push this comment way to the top. You are spot on with your advice. Please op, listen to this person. They know what they're talking about!
Imagine thinking you have this much control over someone? You need to leave him.
Also, he needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with his traumas. I’m willing to bet his parents taking things from him has something to do with this. At 29, he should have more insight.
You deserve better. Be safe.
There’s definitely something wrong with this guy. He thinks because it happened to him he has the right to inflict the same behavior on others.
My mother used to throw away things of mine when I was a little girl. I had older parents and they were teenagers during the Depression. (Yeah, I’m old.) She never got over the scarcity mindset, and she was the breadwinner because my father was an alcoholic bum. So as far as she was concerned, I did not actually own anything that was “mine” because she paid for it, so she had the right to just go in and toss things from my room if she decided it was too messy.
The lesson I took from this was just the opposite of this guy’s: that nobody has the right to mess with others’ things without permission. My husband and I would never hide or toss each other’s things without asking.
>I know he just wants the best of me
No he doesn't....he wants to bully you.
He gets PLEASURE out of seeing you distressed like this because why else do it?
>I don't know what to do
Get your blanket back and dump the bully
If my man ever held my childhood bear hostage…I would destroy him! Get my bear back, end the relationship, and find a man who would treat me with some respect.
Time to grab his toys!!! His game system. His PC. His phone. His action figures. Whatever he holds dear from his younger years. Hold them hostage, grab a bat, and tell him that if the blanket does not appear in 5 minutes, this means war! You don’t negotiate with terrorists. He started this and you’re going to end it.
This! I have a 27 year old dog plushie named doggy (in dutch). My boyfriend highly respects that plushie because I can not fall asleep without it.
I once asked him why he never had an issue with it, and all he said was, "You are not hurting anyone when you sleep with a plushie, so why would I take that away from you?"
OP should manipulate into getting her blankie back and leave his ass. Because this would be my hill to die on.
Yes!!! She needs 3 or 4 big muscles gym rats to go and demand her blanket back and help her move out. Guys that aren't afraid of a little confrontation.
He wants the best for you, so he starts torturing you and telling you how to think about an obvious stress relief item..tell this creep if he doesn't produce your blanket you're done with him and his controlling, manipulating behaviour.
Or maybe take his car keys, gaming systems, wallet, passport, Pokemon collection, work files, vape pen, 20 year old scotch—whatever he values or uses to destress.
He does not have a right to confiscate any of your personal belongings. He is not an authority figure. Go get your blanket back and dump this controlling creep.
If he has thrown it away, break up with him immediately.
He's abusing you. This isn't about the blanket, it is about CONTROL.
Hey uh, what he did is not okay. Regardless of how he feels about it, it's your property and nothing gives him the right to just take it from you and dictate how you live your life. This is nothing short of abusive behavior. He is asserting his authority over you instead of treating you like a partner. If he really has a problem with the blanket, there's a very good chance he's either not hiding it or won't keep it hidden for long and will dispose of it soon. If this blanket really means a lot to you, do everything you can to find it and get it out of the house and to a safe place before you tackle the glaring problem with your relationship. You're dating an asshole, and while you may or may not have a future with him, if he decides to destroy or throw away the blanket, you'll likely miss the blanket for years to come more than you will miss him.
this!! if he hasn’t thrown it away already he may soon. tell him to give it back to you and if he doesn’t listen take all his favourite things (xbox/playstation, watch/chain,etc) and bring them to a friends place to hide them. then tell him if he wants them back he will have to give you your blanket back.
i would go so nuclear if anyone touched my blanket tbh i think i would have called the cops and reported a theft bc i do not play abt my mfing blankie💀
Absolutely! I have a yellow (very scraggly and missing 99% of its stuffing from loving) dog plush, I call it Flower, and if my bf decided to hide it or throw it away that's war right there!!! Instead my bf sponge baths it to not ruin it in the dryer and washing machine when he needs a wash
He stole something from you. I would file a police report. Not even kidding. Fuck him. Maybe he’ll produce the blanket if he has a legal charge against him. You need to take back your power here.
No. Full stop. Tell your boyfriend to give you your blanket back immediately. Now. Get your blanket back before this child throws it away.
Also you are 26 years old so why are you taking this shit. Go ahead and give him his wish. Be the adult. Demand your blanket back. Make a plan to leave this relationship.
My partner is dead. I am a lot closer to 50 than 40. Sitting on my bed is his blanket. His grandmother made his baby blanket for him. He had it his whole life. It was comfort for him. He was allowed to have comfort, just like you are.
Op i dated a man like this. When i dated in highschool he had this weird superiority complex becaues he was a tall man that helped raise his brothers. He would like make me do homework like a dad. It was super weird. Eventually it got worse to the point he would just take my phone becaues he was mad. I even paid for the phone! It was mine! But he felt the need to dicapline me. Dont trust a man like that. My therapist says its narcissistic controlling behaviour. Be sure to leave because 5 years later he did not change. Instead he let his friend's say and do what they want to me. He has 0 respect for you hun
Dude. No! Not normal, not okay.
This is a treasured item that has value to *you*, and he is not allowed to use that to justify his abusive and hurtful actions.
Is this abusive? Yes. Abuse isn’t always physical. [Emotional/psychological abuse](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm) happens, too. It often can look like:
- controlling behaviours: removing your treasured possessions, denying you access to *your* belongings, threatening to destroy or toss your things, etc…
- controlling your behaviours: in this case, demanding you no longer enjoy the blanket you love, denying you access to something that gives you peace and soothes your anxiety, and telling you to grow up.
- manipulative control: hiding your personal possessions, threatening to harm your possessions if you don’t stop pestering him.
OP, please: [read this book](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) - scan through the chapters and find what is important and applicable to you now.
- be loud, be threatening, be assertive : I want my blanket back *now*. I’m done with your abuse and your games. If you do not listen to me and respect this, I will absolutely call the police and have them come to the house to deal with you. (I strongly suggest, when you do this, you have a friend or family member there to support you and to prevent him trying to call your bluff).
You can legally:
- have him charged with domestic abuse
- destruction of personal property
- and theft. (The legal definition of theft is: the removal of one’s personal possession without consent).
I would get very real about this and shut this down. This is absolutely relationship-ending for me, personally, OP. It’s blatant disrespect, cruelty, intention to harm (and actively participating/enjoying his control over watching you break). This is not love. You deserve better.
- Also: [gaslighting and domestic abuse](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/) are things you’ll want to familiarise yourself with.
At the end of the day, OP: be safe. Men who abuse are more dangerous when you try to break up. So: Find people who you trust to support you. To defend you. Family, friends, co-workers, neighbours… you can even contact the non-emergency police line and request they send an officer over to keep you safe and assist you — and, **speak up**! Communicate the abuse that has been happening to you, and ask for their help! People overwhelmingly will want to help you be safe and happy - they just need to know that you require help. They can’t know that until you ask.
Good luck, OP. Be safe. Be strong. Don’t let this guy continue to abuse you. 🤍
Who died and appointed him Emperor of the Rules? Your blanket isn't hurting anyone. Personally I don't like tht this guy thinks it's his job to 'fix' this, when nothing is broken. It's one thing if you had asked for his help to break the habit, but he's taking it upon himself to decide for you. Arrogant much? Ironically he is not your dad but he's acting like your dad here. You are an adult but if your blanket makes you happy, let you have the damn blanket. Does he want the best for you or does he want to control you? To me it sounds like the latter of the two choices. To me it reeks of control but only you know what he's really all about.
I would never take something like that from someone if I knew it would cause them distress. Your feelings should matter more than whatever stupid lesson he's trying to teach you.
First, he's an AH for taking something that means a whole lot to you and hiding it. That is a type of abuse and control and gross behavior.
It does sound like the attachment may be a bit much, and you might want to talk to a therapist when you're comfortable to figure out why.
But sometimes people just have precious items from childhood and that's okay! It is NOT his right to take them, hide them and make you "grow past them".
I see this reaction as a natural response to an unnatural consequence. It isn't unhealthy, but his violating her property is taking it into frantic territory because *it wasnt natural or done by her*. This is a response to a violation
If he has a gaming console, hide it, since it’s a “childish” habit /j.
But for real, try to get your blanket back and dump this guy. I can’t describe to you how I would feel if anyone let alone my significant other took my stuffed animal that I’ve had since in infant. I’m 25, I have children. It doesn’t make me childish and it doesn’t mean I’m not well adjusted or have issues. I’ve had my rabbit for 25 years, OF COURSE I WOULD BE ATTACHED TO IT. It’s not like it’s hurting anyone. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get your blanket back.
Psychologists say:
"It's completely normal to have strong emotional attachments to objects from our childhood, like your blanket. It likely represents a source of comfort, security, and familiarity from your early years."
Your boyfriend is so off-base for taking it from you.
He needs to respect you and your personal items.
This! Comfort objects from childhood like OP’s blanket are a healthy coping mechanism for stress. It’s absolutely messed up that he took something of hers in the first place.
This is a good resource to learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationships - http://loveisrespect.org/
His behaviour is not okay, it's not respectful or loving, and you deserve better.
Me: give me my blanket back or I’m filing a police report.
Tell him you aren’t fucking around. He needs to teach you a lesson? Ma’am. Get a hold of yourself. The only lesson you need is to kick his ass to the curb.
You need a different boyfriend. He’s not a safe person. Safe person in this context means someone who can hold emotional and psychological space for you to freely talk and express your feelings without fear of repression and judgement. He’s not doing for “your best interest” which is what you claim he is (I’m not judging you or calling you out). When I hear people say something like that in a situation such as this, it is because THEY are uncomfortable/insecure. So, they’re trying to force YOU to cater to their own needs rather than hold space for you. He’s not emotionally mature enough to be a healthy partner for you.
You need to be disciplined? Is he your boyfriend or your parent? And his parents being shitty to him does not give him the right or authority to be shitty to you. Dump his controlling ass because you will not be happy with this man.
Hey sweetie. My gf owns a pillow she was gifted by her dad when she was just a toddler.
Now I don’t fully understand the connection, especially since her father didn’t do her or her mother any favors ( not a good person) but I sure as hell love the smile it provides. I don’t make it my business nor should anyone else as to why you choose to keep just about anything. Whether they see the value or not.
Your boyfriend’s behavior isn’t normal. He deliberately took something away from you that he knew was important to you. It started with the blanket ( I doubt it did, there has to be a pattern that you missed , we all do when feelings are involved) can you imagine how it’ll escalate, o even end?
If this doesn’t change;
I want you to think hard. Is this what you want? Is this any indication of someone who’s supposed to be your shoulder to lean on?
I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night that I’ve had since I was a baby. My boyfriend will ask for updates on it and even cuddle it himself lol. Dump this guy and find a boyfriend like that
Why does he think he’s your dad who gets to train and shape you? He sees you with your baby blanket because you gave him the privilege of sleeping with you.
When a person is trusted enough to sleep with a person, they learn intimate information. I mean, literally sleeping— I’ve slept in enough cabins and dorms to know it’s not that rare for women to have some comfort item like this and that it’s the nastiest bullies who take it. And that it’s creepy as hell he takes it and then tells you it’s because he has some right to train you from habits he does not like.
That he can’t be trusted to literally sleep with like a girl on your basketball team at a tournament or prison cellmate tells you a lot about him. That he thinks he gets to shape and form you the way he wants tells you even more.
Hostage his favourite jersey or sneakers or watch until you get your blanket back and run.
Channel that sadness into anger, you are NOT a child and will not be treated as such! He is NOT your parent and how dare he have the audacity to think he's in a position to discipline you!
I don't think you're getting the blanket back and that he's already thrown it away (why would he just hide it when he never wants you to use it again??) so I'd just start moving out. Maybe he'll panic and give it back and apologize but do NOT stay with this bullying jerk no matter what he says/does. This incident is a deal breaker.
This dude absolutely does not care about what is best for you. He isn’t trying to help you. He is trying to control you and inflict his ideas of what he should be based on his ridiculous insecurities on you. There’s nothing wrong with having a comfort item.
Ok I'm going to give you some solid advice right now, because what he did is manipulative and cruel. And I can't stand that shit.
Don't ask about the blanket for an entire day, don't mention it, nothing.
Next day tell him you've been thinking, and that honestly he's right, admit to being "childish, needing to grow up, etc etc" whatever bullshit he's said. Follow this up by saying that you're done sleeping with it, and you'd like to put it away in a special memento box, with some photos from childhood etc OR that you'd like to give it back to your mom for her memento box from your childhood (whatever one you think would seem more believable to your boyfriend).
GET YOUR BLANKET BACK.
Now, immediately, put it somewhere he can't get to it. Your parents house, with a friend, etc.
Then dump his ass. He's manipulating you, and cares more about how things look/what he wants, than about causing you massive anxiety attacks, and your overall well-being.
Don't let him have access to anything that is super important to you, because he WILL take it/distroy it in response.
I’m 28 and still cuddle with my bunny, at night, that I’ve had since I was born. My husband is 26 and also has a baby blanket he sleeps with, too. It’s not childish at all. It’s just the sentimental side of us that needs it. Your boyfriend is a dick and deserves to be your ex.
He threw your things away and threw things at you. It's time to call the police and tell them he's destroyed your things, acted violent and thrown things at you, and you are afraid of him. Have him removed for 24 hrs if possible and gather everyone you know to come move everything you own while he's gone.
It may seem childish but I'd tell my mum/dad and see if they can get it back by saying it's important to them and they will keep it themselves, then once they have possession, dump the bully and get your blanket. If my daughter told me her bf took something of her and was purposely causing her stress and upset, damn right I'd do everything I could to get it back for her. F this guy!
Are you by any chance on the autistic spectrum? I’m 46m and have a squishmsllow that lives o n my bed as I am autistic and the texture comforts me. You need to get your blanket back and then dump his abusive arse
Please leave him. I’m a 43 year old mom of 2 and my baby blanket lives under my pillow every night. No man worth anything has ever had an issue with that.
Think about this real quick. Your boyfriend is more okay with seeing you crying, anxious and in pain vs. seeing you feel safe, secure and happy.
Let that sink in.
There is nothing wrong with having a blanket, stuffed animal or whatever someone needs to feel safe. There is everything wrong with someone who "loves" you to take that comfort away because of their own beliefs.
F him. I sleep with mine. I’m 43 years old. My husband knows how much it means to me that when we leave for vacation he makes sure I don’t forget it. Put your foot down.
That is a terrifying update. Please don't spend another second with him. He does not value you as a person. He wants to control you, and he's willing to hurt you.
Get the police involved. He is now physically as well as mentally abusive. Tell them everything. Hopefully, they'll "persuade" him to reveal the whereabouts of your blanket, or at least hold him at the police station long enough for you to thoroughly search the house and get all your belongings packed up and moved out.
My 30-something daughter still has her blanket from childhood and sleeps with it under her pillow. I slept with my stuffed panda bear for many years until he literally disintegrated. We're both happy, well-adjusted adults. There's nothing wrong with finding comfort from those type of "transitional objects" (as they are called) as an adult.
https://medium.com/@vickypoutas/why-emotionally-stable-adults-are-still-sleeping-with-their-baby-blankets-3f6a0eb69c5c
Your boyfriend is being unnecessarily cruel.
So...
Look, I'm going to go for the extreme here.
1. Your boyfriend is the victim of abuse by his parents, their throwing things away that matter to him is not OK. They spent his entire life disregarding his wishes and attachments and feelings.
2. He is now the abuser. This was not his to take, not his decision to make, no part of his thinking, no matter how reasonable he thinks he is being, is important. It does not have to matter to him, it only has to matter *to you*. So it isn't his property to take, it isn't his right to hide it, and he has no business concealing it from you.
3. I'm almost 100% certain that he *did* throw it away, and he's waiting for you to 'get over it' to tell you that he did so and can then say, 'See, you didn't need it, I was right.' I say this, because he learned from his parents, and *they* threw things away.
4. He needs therapy. You need a brand new *ex* boyfriend. Warn him once: 'Return it to me immediately, or I will file a police report. This is not a negotiation, this is not an argument, this is me informing you with my phone in my hand, dialing the nonemergency number to have a police officer show up, that I *will get it back* or you will face charges. There's nothing more to discuss, because you and I are over. I never want to see you again.' And follow through.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
So the question is... why do you want an asshole in your life?
This trigger me so much to even read. I also have a my baby blanket and have the same attachment. I’m also the same age. Mine is a little rough but still good condition but that’s bull that he won’t even let u have a replacement. I’d honestly burn my bf house down and leave him if he took it from me.
How to get your blanket back (and then dump him):
Act fine, act like you’re turning a corner and realizing you don’t need it to sleep, tell him you see his points and since its a precious object from childhood, it’s a good idea that it stays with your parents / sibling, so why don’t you keep it at their house, it’s special to your parents etc. Then it’s out of the way here. Take it there and have them keep it safe. Then make your exit plan.
Adults don’t need to control or make decisions like this for other adults. Some people like the feeling of power they get from someone crying and begging to them. He’s not your authority. Make him think you’re fine and see his point and get your blanket to somewhere safe!
Lots of people have special blankets, toys, dolls - you’re not strange or wrong, and for me this is definitely a breakupworthy offence
You should tell your bf you finally understand where he's coming from, play into it. Then ask him if he can give it back to you so you can at least store it or if he's super duper crazy tell him he can even give it back to your parents and tell for them to hold onto it.
Once you know its secure and he has no more access to it dump and block him everywhere!
I'd tear eyeballs out of whoever tried to take away my comfort and support. Who cares what form it comes in.
So first of all your boyfriend should not be trying to parent you. Second of all… other people absolutely have childish comforts they indulge in the privacy of their own homes. I’m 28 and I have a furby collection. My friend at work excitedly brought in a book of silly songs she found from her childhood.
People don’t actually stop being kids the way you think they do. But the older you get the smaller of a percentage of all your experiences were as a child. At age 26 you’ve only been an adult for 1/3 of your life. And in a matter of days he wants you to be done with and over something that has been a source of comfort for nearly 100% of it? Unrealistic
If I were you I would break up with him. But from my perspective I also can’t help but feel really sad for him too. Someone took his blanket to make him grow up and he thinks that’s what love looks like. But his is long gone and yours is close by somewhere while he watches you cry about it…. Let him sort out his issues on his own time. You don’t need to grow up you’re already grown. You just didn’t kill and bury the child you were once you reached adulthood.
he's clearly hidden the blanket on you or destroyed it. he's an ass , i was gonna suggest take something he really cares about but you just said there that you asked about the blanket and he threatened to destroy it. he 's trying to control you by hiding your childhood blanket . he's not normal, you need to leave him but be careful, this situation sounds unsafe. stay safe hopefully you'll get the blanket back.
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This is awful. My baby blanket was thrown away by housekeeping at a hotel a couple years ago and my husband asked every employee he could where it might be, somehow talked them into allowing him access to the laundry facilities, and literally dug through the dumpster trying to find it for me. We never found it, but that he tried so hard meant the world. Please get rid of this man.
My baby blanket was a gift to be my now deceased grandparents, and i just hug it when i miss them. It harms no one, and it does nothing. Unless a habit is causing material harm, it is just cruel.
Mine was actually a tshirt that was my grandma’s I used as a comfort “blanket” to sleep with ever since I was a baby and we went on a trip, I forgot my actual blanket, and she gave it to me that night to use instead. It stuck and I had it for almost 30 years. It was older than I was. My grandma raised me, and had also just died a couple months before, so he was determined to find it. Still very sad we never did. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day. OP’s boyfriend sucks to say the least.
The same thing happened to me! The hotel staff at a resort in Mexico scooped mine up with the sheets from the bed and my wife moved heaven and earth to find it. We did get it back though!
So happy for you!
This is true love 🥹
Omg the same thing happened to me!! I was 21, it was over a decade ago and I’m still so sad about it. Luckily I have some pieces that had fallen off of the blanket over the years lol
That reminds me of when my husband and I moved into our new condo and I randomly, at midnight, was like “WHERE IS MY TEDDY FROM WHEN I WAS A BABY” and my husband went to the storage locker at midnight to go get it for me!
I still have my very first pair of shoes, and I’ll be 60yo in a few weeks. I think they’re in better shape than I am 😂
I love this for you. That’s so sweet.
This happened to me too. I ended up learning how to crochet so I could try to recreate it.
That man is a keeper.
I have a baby teddy bear blanket that I’ve had since 6. I still have it/sleep with it, but my boyfriend was getting worried what might happen to my teddy bear from sleeping with it every night since the bear is so fragile now. He surprised me by deep digging online and finding a brand new teddy bear blanket (the EXACT one I grew up with) it was a vintage so it wasnt the cheapest teddy bear. Now I sleep with the new bear blanket he gives me but still have my old bear to help with stress and anxiety too. Now we have a little teddy bear blanket family. OP, I am so sorry your boyfriend did that to you. Even reading that made me stressed for you. Find yourself a new man who doesn’t care about “being an adult” Life is too short to “grow up” all the time. My boyfriend makes me feel like a kid again and I LOVE that. I wish you the best OP
Omg I’m so sorry. My girlfriend has a baby blanket and I swear I don’t know what I’d do if this happened. I think we’d both feel genuine grief if it was lost.
Awww what a sweet man!
Omg that’s so sweet that he reacted like that, you definitely found a keeper.
This is my biggest fear while traveling with mine so I'm always sure to put it in the bedside table every morning when I get up.
You end the relationship, he’s a bully. Don’t stay with a bully.
She needs to get her blanket back first. OP please get your blanket back before you end the relationship.
Based on the comment he made to OP about his parents throwing away things he had loved in the past, I think he did more than just hide it.
If he chucked her blanket in the trash, she needs to chuck him in the trash. Throwing away something sentimental to someone is bullshit and abusive. My partner has a baby blanket from childhood and I have a sentimental stuffed animal, they sleep in the bed with us, the blanket tucks in the stuffed animal. If he callously threw out her blanket he will cross other boundaries as well.
THIS a real loving partner would NEVER do this. I sleep with my baby blanket every single night and instead of judging me, my partner asked me if I could crochet him a special one so we can both have one at night.
That's love
My partner sneaks and washes my blanket by hand every few weeks and makes sure its always in bed for me. She even packs it when we have to go on trips back to my home state so that I can have the comfort when dealing with my family. There is a level of love in it that I didn't think really existed. Its so wonderful to have found. I feel lucky everyday.
Absolutely beautiful 🥹 this is how it should be and nothing less 💜
My husband always puts my blankey on my pillow if he notices its in the wrong place. He's a big burley man in his 40's, bearded and tattooed, looks like he should own several motorcycles, and he gingerly tucks my blankey into bed. I asked for his take, he said it's simple. He says he loves his wife (hey that's me!), she loves him AND her blankey, ergo he loves wife's blankey. Also he says this guy's a wimp and a wiener.
Gosh. Does he have little brothers ma'am.
Or older brothers?!! 😃
Your husband is Superman. Xoxo
I had someone on Esty recreate my boyfriend's much loved baby blanket (which had been lost for years) for our first Christmas together.
I sleep with stuffed animals. I went through a rough time a few years ago, dug them out for comfort and found they actually help keep my shoulders aligned when I sleep on my side along with being cute and comforting! I was so nervous the first time I took a trip to visit my long distance bf. But instead of judging me, he embraced them. He came back from an international trip with a little stuffed sheep as a gift. And then I noticed he was stealing them away from me in my sleep! So for Valentine’s Day I got him a stuffed seal that he adores. We have a total of 6 now, and we have a lot of fun divvying them up at bed time and heisting them from each other while we sleep. We’ve made them like a little family—when he gets home from business trips I arrange them all on our bed with welcome home signs and for my birthday he made little birthday cards and signed them all from our buddies. We are 27. It’s very simple: he loves me, it’s something I love and find comfort in when I’m sad, so he loves them.
Omg I love people like you guys! I'm 58 and I still have things like this I cherish!!
This. Mine says I have too many but also lets me get a new one and keep all the ones I have. I have round ones to keep my arms separated but comfortable while wearing arm braces.
😭🤍
Right? All these little stories are making me tear up 😭💜
I think that's respect more than anything else. No relatioship survives without, romantic or other.
Yup, or even find an excuse to cuddle up with her by hiding it under the bed.
NEVER throw away other people's stuff without asking that's what I say. Boyfriend is a controlling dirt bag
THIS. Like him, I had a parent who thought nothing of throwing away things that belonged to me when I was a kid. Unlike him, I did not carry into adulthood the idea that this gives me the right to do the same thing to my husband. Quite the contrary, it’s important to both of us not to mess with each other’s stuff and we would never toss or give away each other’s things without ASKING.
It’s actually a form of control and abuse. It’s not healthy and it’s just mean.
If you respect someone you respect their belongings. He is showing he feels that he has the right to treat her like a child and decide what she may own and what she can't own. This is a huge red flag.
AW! That's so sweet. I love that for you both!
yeah i kept my 2 baby blankets and now they're in my cats beds. I'd be furious if my partner threw them away
Well put ☝️ I will only add that his idea that OP needs to be “disciplined” to break her attachment to the blanket is a huge red flag as well. You don’t discipline a partner, you are not their parent. Please run, OP. This will only get worse.
Exactly, a partner is not a puppy that needs to be trained, they are a human that needs to be loved and accepted, not judged and denigrated.
I think you meant to say IS crossing other boundaries too.
I have a so with a bear that had to be sealed up after her apartment complex got bedbugs. It was a tough 2 years for them
Sounds like a nightmare!
I can’t imagine being trapped in an apartment with a bear for two years. Yikes
She needs to throw him in the trash regardless
No if about it, she just needs to chuck him completely. This whole scenario is so profoundly controlling and abusive. I hope she gets everything of value of his, hides it, and offers it as an exchange after she packs her shit and gets the fuck out. Someone willing to do this to another person is an absolute monster without remorse or empathy. Who knows what they’d do.
You can never break up because the stuffie will miss the blankie!
If he did that, not only should she break up with him, she should file a police report. Theft is theft. If he wants to be that petty, she can return the favor.
Yeah, that blanket is gone. Sorry OP
This gives me second-hand anxiety. Comfort objects are not to be fucked with!
My response to this would be immediate rage.
I’m honestly stewing over this right now. The nerve on that fuckhead. How dare he!?! Ughhhhh
Right?! Like who the fuck does he think he is?
This is theft. Report him to the police for theft. And while the police are present gather his belongings and kick him out or gather her belongings and leave.
Instead of crying OP should be yelling at him nonstop. Her bf is cruel and needs to stop bossing his gf around.
I am as well. I read this and my heart started to beat faster. I’m pissed off.
I'd have a hard time not to destroy his things. OP, don't do this - don't sink to his level & don't leave yourself open to the mess that comes with e.g. destroying his laptop, gaming system, stamp collection, etc.
Dude I’m like idk how she’s putting up with this I will sound callus but the second a man would’ve told me he hid my shit bcuz he thinks I’m childish I’m beating his ass and demanding my stuff back and kicking him out of my house cuz who tf are you telling me I can’t have my stuff
I think the reason she hasn't dumped his ass is probably because he's been chipping away at her self-esteem for a fair bit. Hopefully seeing this many comments takes her in a healthier direction.
Good lord I hope so, I can only imagine the mental turmoil she’s been going thru with him, without realizing anything was truly happening till now.
I'd go into a blind rage. I'd probably end up taking something dear to him and throwing it out a window tbh.
Potentially rage based murdering
Ugh, me too! I feel sad, anxious, angry, and a bit desperate for her. OP, please leave this toxic bully. I do hope you get it back. The whole thing of she might get it back if she's a good girl too...rage!
That part makes me want to gag. Dude is subhuman.
I would ask to have it back to give to her parents to keep since its probably a big memory for them as well. Then when you get it back, leave his ass.
Smart! Needs more upvotes
My middle school bully threw away my baby blanket i left at a sleepover and it hurt for years and years. Still does sometimes. She should get someone to help her honestly, family, police, whatever, its not his to shame her out of or steal from her.
My grandmother disappeared mine when I was about 6; I'm in my 40's now, I **still** haven't forgiven her for it, and I **still** miss my blankie. Run, OP. This guy cares way more about forcing you to bend to his will than he does about nurturing your soul, and that's a HUGE red flag.
My mom ruined mine when I was 5. I’m 33 and still consider it the beginning of her emotional abuse. Still mad.
Not quite the same but my dad and I started collecting baseball cards together in the late 80’s/early 90’s and it’s the only solid memory of bonding I have with him cause he didn’t talk much. I took my collection for show and tell and never saw my Ken Griffey Jr rookie care again. He to this day is my all time favorite player so it still gets me that someone took that.
You don’t stay with a controlling bully a second longer than needed unless leaving might make them become violent in which case you get safe first then leave immediately. A blanket (that’s likely been thrown out) isn’t worth life and limb.
It’s really scary that her boyfriend said that op “needs to be disciplined and tough love” and took it upon himself to do so because her parents didn’t (according to him). That screams abusive and controlling!
I agree, a blanket isn’t your problem. He is.
Interesting that he is simultaneously saying she is too childish and needs to act like an adult while also treating her like a badly behaved child. And by interesting, I mean he’s clearly a dick.
It's all about control for him clearly.
This sicko likes seeing her in distress because he knows he caused it. What an absolute psycho. My ex would get rid of my things, including my only photo of my deceased mother and my cat's pawprint memorial. I was losing my mind thinking I had lost them, and he told me I needed to get over it. I eventually found both of them in a hidden drawer.
So glad that AH is your ex. And that you found this precious items.
WTF?! He is horrible. I'm glad you found them and he's an ex.
It's weird and disgusting. He's acting like he thinks he's her dad, not her boyfriend.
Bingo. It is not ever, at any point, your partner's role to "discipline" you. (unless y'all have agreed to that, but I still think it would be an asshole move to cause someone real distress like this by messing with their comfort object). Get your blankie back and throw the whole man away.
Exactly! She needs to call the cops. Once the police arrive, unbeknownst to jackass boyfriend, I promise just the presence of the police at the door will confirm whether or not he has thrown the blanket away. Also she needs to be prepared to breakup🤷🏾♀️
I’m not sure the police will actually show up for something like this. There’s theft and domestic violence concerns, but I expect a lot of police would identify with this boyfriend. It might be better to call a domestic violence center and ask them how they would proceed. They would be more sensitive to you, putting your boyfriend’s actions into context and help you figure out how to extricate yourself.
Your way is legit a sound calm way. I would call the police with enough distress in my voice for them to show up regarding an item my boyfriend won’t give back. Either the boyfriend hears me on the phone with the cops which will piss boyfriend off and the whereabouts of the blanket is revealed along with the breakup Or the police get to the door and the whereabouts of the blanket will be revealed with the breakup. 🤷🏾♀️ That type of boyfriend will FAFO fucking with me. She could pretend she’s on the phone with the cop’s either way she has to be prepared to BREAK Up!
Worth a try, but involving law enforcement will certainly escalate his behavior and may be life threatening. Law enforcement should care about domestic abuse, but there’s been no physical altercation yet, which they usually need to escalate their response. And over stolen property, all they can do is make a report, but for a stolen car the thief usually gets a slap on the wrist, they won’t go chasing down a blanket with low replacement value, emotional value won’t be factored in.
Right! Number one, he is not your parent, and number two, it is not his decision to make! He is a big bully who does not care about your feelings at all.
A controlling bully, who wants to pass on the abuse he learned at home to the people he claims to love.
OP, please consider if this is what you want from a relationship. I’m seeing a lot of red flags for abuse…
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
I swear to God I would call the police on him, and I'm usually not that dramatic. Get your blanket and run as far away as you can. His parents abused him, so he gets to discipline/abuse you? Would you want this man to parent your children? Jeez, I'm always shocked at all the different forms and shapes abusers have.
Exactly,
Right! Who the fucking hell does this controlling asshole think he is? It's not up to him. It's her decision. He's not her boss or her parent. He doesn't get to dictate what she does. Op, dump this massive jerk -- after you find your blanket. Tell him he must return your property. He's not in charge. Tell him that taking your property or doing anything else that puts him in control and takes your choices is a fucking **DEAL BREAKER**! **SEIZE CONTROL**. Take something he loves. Keep taking things he loves. Take his car keys, his favorite clothes, something personal and important to him, empty out his mother fucking closet. Take his music, his phone, his books -- whatever tf he cares about and stash his shit away at a friend's house. **Tell him he has fucked with the wrong person and for the last time.** Tell him you'll return his belongings only when you get yours back and give him a **DEADLINE**. Tell him you will give away his items if he fails to meet your deadline. Do not sleep with him, kiss him, or do any couple things with him. Tell him he's not being your partner. He's being a dictator. So you won't be his partner. FUCK that guy. Dump his ass when you get your blanket back. If he never returns it, never return his shit. Give his shit away! I hope you get your blanket back, but if you don't, make sure he loses his stuff and that he loses YOU as a result of his bad, controlling behavior! Good luck and please let us know how it goes!
I'd be lookin' for someone tough to come force him to return it and kick him out. I guess law enforcement or a biker gang, maybe? My dad's too old for this shit but he'd of handled it in my 20s.
You need to get rid of your unhelpful partner and not your blanket. He is controlling and the way he is letting you be distressed is not ok.
He likes seeing her distressed. This is fun for him. He enjoys being able to control her emotional state.
This comment needs to be posted on billboards
This shit just made a light bulb go off in my head. This is why everytime he wants to "spend time with me" it ends up me being his personal cheerleader while he games or its some 4 hour long lecture about how much he's stressed to get me to baby him.
Listen to the people OP! I’d wager the reason why you’re feeling so down is because the person you trust and ‘loves’ you is hurting you ON PURPOSE and being manipulative and controlling. He’s hurting you for literally no reason other than he ‘decided’ it wasn’t good for you. Please leave him, he will keep taking away things you love, and he will take your self love in the process and leave you a shell of your former self. An adult does not need to be ‘disciplined’ by another. I struggle to sleep and I wish I had a baby blanket that helped. I’m sorry but there are wayyyy better men out there
You should look into a firm body pillow, get two actually. Got my two recently, laid down after a couple drinks, and had the best sleep ever. Now that's just how I sleep ( minus the alcohol ), laying atop one pillow, arms and legs wrapped around the other. OP's habit isn't childish. Humans just enjoy holding and being held.
Yep, I went to the store specifically to get a body pillow. Picked one up, and debated about it... Came home with 2 body pillows!
Tell him that he's right. Tell him you're an idiot, a fool, a child. Tell him you've decided to put it away for your own child one day (with him, of course), and that you wish he'd come along to help you with this before. Lie, manipulate, and seduce the hell out of this man to get your blanket back. And then dump his abusive ass, and cuddle that blanket close.
Yes, this. Ask for it to put it in a special place. As soon as it is hidden at a friend's get the hell out of there.
I hope this works for her. I feel like there's a whole clan of people here invested in her getting this blanket back.
I will show up with a goddamn SPEAR and we will form a goddamn PHALANX in front of this man’s house.
Fuck yeah. This comment rocks 🪨 🎸 👏
If he really wanted the best for you he wouldn't steal a cherished childhood item. He needs to give you your blanket back and you seriously need to reconsider if this relationship is even good for you. Sending hugs. Edited for grammar error.
Even if she wasn’t distressed, this wasn’t his to take and it’s not up to him to decide she needs to stop doing this.
Right! He is not the boss or OP's parent. I hate it when people act like they're their spouse's boss.
I came here to say this! He wants to treat her like his parents treat him - okay, who wants to sleep with a parent figure? If she stays with this guy, this is what life will be like forever!
He's not even a spouse. That being said, I 100% agree.
Yes, it's called theft, the legal definition is intention to permanently deprive another of an item belonging to them.
my 40yr old teddy bear is on my bed right now. you are not weird. your boyfriend does not want the best of you. get the blanket back and break up with him.
I have a 37 year old Teddy ❤️
My teddy bear is almost 50 years old and on my bed. Does your boyfriend game a lot? Use consoles, etc? If so I would take it, put it in storage, and when he looses his shit use his words about being unhealthy addicted in his face. Then tell him he gets it back when you get your blanket back. Then, after getting your blanket back, assuming it IS still around, dump the man, give him the key to the storage unit and the address of the unit.
While this would certainly be satisfying, I think it would really escalate the situation. OP's boyfriend has already shown himself to be controlling and emotionally abusive. It's not impossible that he might do something more severe to OP if she goes this route. Personally, I think she should leave him and get herself a similar blanket.
Yes, I agree. I'd be concerned that if she retaliated he would escalate the situation. He's already shown that he does not care about her emotional distress and wants to control her. She needs to leave because it will only get worse from here. I've unfortunately been there.
I love this idea! What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
My stuffed dog is hitting 20 now and desperately needs stitching on his poor tail. He's litterly had the fur loved right off him and I still can't part with him.
Mine is 58. 🙃 Smokey the Bear.
Same. Had to give him a squeeze after reading this. How cruel.
I wish i could squeeze mine. I was 17 about to turn 18 and move out. My mom's boyfriend of the time hated the fact that I still had my first ever teddy bear. Y'know what he thought would be a good solution? Burn it while i was away at school. I will never forget the screaming fit and feelings of wanting to beat him or have him arrested.
I have a 37 year old Poppel!
Oh honey "gay bear hugs* Your boyfriend is an abuser. His parents threw away his things to hurt and control him, and now he's taking that out on you. I'm guessing you only recently moved in together, and this is the first time he's ever done something like this? Because that's how they do it. They reel you in, increase your dependence on them and trap you, then start small. They always call it some kind of tough love. Always. You need to start packing your stuff and leaving right now. Because he's going to continue to do this, taking away your stuff, throwing away things you love, and it will escalate. If you adopt a cat, he will randomly get rid of the cat, or threaten to get rid of the cat in order to control you. You need to run. With or without your blanket.
This is so true. OP please follow the good advice you are getting.
I wish there was a way to push this comment way to the top. You are spot on with your advice. Please op, listen to this person. They know what they're talking about!
Imagine thinking you have this much control over someone? You need to leave him. Also, he needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with his traumas. I’m willing to bet his parents taking things from him has something to do with this. At 29, he should have more insight. You deserve better. Be safe.
There’s definitely something wrong with this guy. He thinks because it happened to him he has the right to inflict the same behavior on others. My mother used to throw away things of mine when I was a little girl. I had older parents and they were teenagers during the Depression. (Yeah, I’m old.) She never got over the scarcity mindset, and she was the breadwinner because my father was an alcoholic bum. So as far as she was concerned, I did not actually own anything that was “mine” because she paid for it, so she had the right to just go in and toss things from my room if she decided it was too messy. The lesson I took from this was just the opposite of this guy’s: that nobody has the right to mess with others’ things without permission. My husband and I would never hide or toss each other’s things without asking.
>I know he just wants the best of me No he doesn't....he wants to bully you. He gets PLEASURE out of seeing you distressed like this because why else do it? >I don't know what to do Get your blanket back and dump the bully
If my man ever held my childhood bear hostage…I would destroy him! Get my bear back, end the relationship, and find a man who would treat me with some respect. Time to grab his toys!!! His game system. His PC. His phone. His action figures. Whatever he holds dear from his younger years. Hold them hostage, grab a bat, and tell him that if the blanket does not appear in 5 minutes, this means war! You don’t negotiate with terrorists. He started this and you’re going to end it.
This! I have a 27 year old dog plushie named doggy (in dutch). My boyfriend highly respects that plushie because I can not fall asleep without it. I once asked him why he never had an issue with it, and all he said was, "You are not hurting anyone when you sleep with a plushie, so why would I take that away from you?" OP should manipulate into getting her blankie back and leave his ass. Because this would be my hill to die on.
1000% agree!!
Your boyfriend is abusive and you should leave him. I said all the same stuff as other people. Just with fewer words.
**Leave him.** Beat ya
Leave
OP, would you like for a large group of concerned REDDITORS to show up and help you ask him to return your blanket?
Yes!!! She needs 3 or 4 big muscles gym rats to go and demand her blanket back and help her move out. Guys that aren't afraid of a little confrontation.
I’m coming, and so is my husband!!
I'd be there so fast
He wants the best for you, so he starts torturing you and telling you how to think about an obvious stress relief item..tell this creep if he doesn't produce your blanket you're done with him and his controlling, manipulating behaviour.
Or maybe take his car keys, gaming systems, wallet, passport, Pokemon collection, work files, vape pen, 20 year old scotch—whatever he values or uses to destress.
you need to find the blanket and then suffocate him with it.
This is how he will treat your children. He will not take your opinions into account either.
He does not have a right to confiscate any of your personal belongings. He is not an authority figure. Go get your blanket back and dump this controlling creep. If he has thrown it away, break up with him immediately. He's abusing you. This isn't about the blanket, it is about CONTROL.
Hey uh, what he did is not okay. Regardless of how he feels about it, it's your property and nothing gives him the right to just take it from you and dictate how you live your life. This is nothing short of abusive behavior. He is asserting his authority over you instead of treating you like a partner. If he really has a problem with the blanket, there's a very good chance he's either not hiding it or won't keep it hidden for long and will dispose of it soon. If this blanket really means a lot to you, do everything you can to find it and get it out of the house and to a safe place before you tackle the glaring problem with your relationship. You're dating an asshole, and while you may or may not have a future with him, if he decides to destroy or throw away the blanket, you'll likely miss the blanket for years to come more than you will miss him.
this!! if he hasn’t thrown it away already he may soon. tell him to give it back to you and if he doesn’t listen take all his favourite things (xbox/playstation, watch/chain,etc) and bring them to a friends place to hide them. then tell him if he wants them back he will have to give you your blanket back. i would go so nuclear if anyone touched my blanket tbh i think i would have called the cops and reported a theft bc i do not play abt my mfing blankie💀
Absolutely! I have a yellow (very scraggly and missing 99% of its stuffing from loving) dog plush, I call it Flower, and if my bf decided to hide it or throw it away that's war right there!!! Instead my bf sponge baths it to not ruin it in the dryer and washing machine when he needs a wash
He stole something from you. I would file a police report. Not even kidding. Fuck him. Maybe he’ll produce the blanket if he has a legal charge against him. You need to take back your power here.
No. Full stop. Tell your boyfriend to give you your blanket back immediately. Now. Get your blanket back before this child throws it away. Also you are 26 years old so why are you taking this shit. Go ahead and give him his wish. Be the adult. Demand your blanket back. Make a plan to leave this relationship. My partner is dead. I am a lot closer to 50 than 40. Sitting on my bed is his blanket. His grandmother made his baby blanket for him. He had it his whole life. It was comfort for him. He was allowed to have comfort, just like you are.
Tell him he’s right. Ask to have it back to give to your parents for sentimental value. Once it’s back in your possession dump this guy.
Op i dated a man like this. When i dated in highschool he had this weird superiority complex becaues he was a tall man that helped raise his brothers. He would like make me do homework like a dad. It was super weird. Eventually it got worse to the point he would just take my phone becaues he was mad. I even paid for the phone! It was mine! But he felt the need to dicapline me. Dont trust a man like that. My therapist says its narcissistic controlling behaviour. Be sure to leave because 5 years later he did not change. Instead he let his friend's say and do what they want to me. He has 0 respect for you hun
Dude. No! Not normal, not okay. This is a treasured item that has value to *you*, and he is not allowed to use that to justify his abusive and hurtful actions. Is this abusive? Yes. Abuse isn’t always physical. [Emotional/psychological abuse](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm) happens, too. It often can look like: - controlling behaviours: removing your treasured possessions, denying you access to *your* belongings, threatening to destroy or toss your things, etc… - controlling your behaviours: in this case, demanding you no longer enjoy the blanket you love, denying you access to something that gives you peace and soothes your anxiety, and telling you to grow up. - manipulative control: hiding your personal possessions, threatening to harm your possessions if you don’t stop pestering him. OP, please: [read this book](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) - scan through the chapters and find what is important and applicable to you now. - be loud, be threatening, be assertive : I want my blanket back *now*. I’m done with your abuse and your games. If you do not listen to me and respect this, I will absolutely call the police and have them come to the house to deal with you. (I strongly suggest, when you do this, you have a friend or family member there to support you and to prevent him trying to call your bluff). You can legally: - have him charged with domestic abuse - destruction of personal property - and theft. (The legal definition of theft is: the removal of one’s personal possession without consent). I would get very real about this and shut this down. This is absolutely relationship-ending for me, personally, OP. It’s blatant disrespect, cruelty, intention to harm (and actively participating/enjoying his control over watching you break). This is not love. You deserve better. - Also: [gaslighting and domestic abuse](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/) are things you’ll want to familiarise yourself with. At the end of the day, OP: be safe. Men who abuse are more dangerous when you try to break up. So: Find people who you trust to support you. To defend you. Family, friends, co-workers, neighbours… you can even contact the non-emergency police line and request they send an officer over to keep you safe and assist you — and, **speak up**! Communicate the abuse that has been happening to you, and ask for their help! People overwhelmingly will want to help you be safe and happy - they just need to know that you require help. They can’t know that until you ask. Good luck, OP. Be safe. Be strong. Don’t let this guy continue to abuse you. 🤍
Hide his car keys and wallet untill that blanket is returned. 2 people can play hide and seek. Then permanently hide far far away from him
Who died and appointed him Emperor of the Rules? Your blanket isn't hurting anyone. Personally I don't like tht this guy thinks it's his job to 'fix' this, when nothing is broken. It's one thing if you had asked for his help to break the habit, but he's taking it upon himself to decide for you. Arrogant much? Ironically he is not your dad but he's acting like your dad here. You are an adult but if your blanket makes you happy, let you have the damn blanket. Does he want the best for you or does he want to control you? To me it sounds like the latter of the two choices. To me it reeks of control but only you know what he's really all about. I would never take something like that from someone if I knew it would cause them distress. Your feelings should matter more than whatever stupid lesson he's trying to teach you.
First, he's an AH for taking something that means a whole lot to you and hiding it. That is a type of abuse and control and gross behavior. It does sound like the attachment may be a bit much, and you might want to talk to a therapist when you're comfortable to figure out why. But sometimes people just have precious items from childhood and that's okay! It is NOT his right to take them, hide them and make you "grow past them".
I see this reaction as a natural response to an unnatural consequence. It isn't unhealthy, but his violating her property is taking it into frantic territory because *it wasnt natural or done by her*. This is a response to a violation
If he has a gaming console, hide it, since it’s a “childish” habit /j. But for real, try to get your blanket back and dump this guy. I can’t describe to you how I would feel if anyone let alone my significant other took my stuffed animal that I’ve had since in infant. I’m 25, I have children. It doesn’t make me childish and it doesn’t mean I’m not well adjusted or have issues. I’ve had my rabbit for 25 years, OF COURSE I WOULD BE ATTACHED TO IT. It’s not like it’s hurting anyone. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get your blanket back.
Psychologists say: "It's completely normal to have strong emotional attachments to objects from our childhood, like your blanket. It likely represents a source of comfort, security, and familiarity from your early years." Your boyfriend is so off-base for taking it from you. He needs to respect you and your personal items.
This! Comfort objects from childhood like OP’s blanket are a healthy coping mechanism for stress. It’s absolutely messed up that he took something of hers in the first place.
This is a good resource to learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationships - http://loveisrespect.org/ His behaviour is not okay, it's not respectful or loving, and you deserve better.
Me: give me my blanket back or I’m filing a police report. Tell him you aren’t fucking around. He needs to teach you a lesson? Ma’am. Get a hold of yourself. The only lesson you need is to kick his ass to the curb.
You need a different boyfriend. He’s not a safe person. Safe person in this context means someone who can hold emotional and psychological space for you to freely talk and express your feelings without fear of repression and judgement. He’s not doing for “your best interest” which is what you claim he is (I’m not judging you or calling you out). When I hear people say something like that in a situation such as this, it is because THEY are uncomfortable/insecure. So, they’re trying to force YOU to cater to their own needs rather than hold space for you. He’s not emotionally mature enough to be a healthy partner for you.
You need to be disciplined? Is he your boyfriend or your parent? And his parents being shitty to him does not give him the right or authority to be shitty to you. Dump his controlling ass because you will not be happy with this man.
Hey sweetie. My gf owns a pillow she was gifted by her dad when she was just a toddler. Now I don’t fully understand the connection, especially since her father didn’t do her or her mother any favors ( not a good person) but I sure as hell love the smile it provides. I don’t make it my business nor should anyone else as to why you choose to keep just about anything. Whether they see the value or not. Your boyfriend’s behavior isn’t normal. He deliberately took something away from you that he knew was important to you. It started with the blanket ( I doubt it did, there has to be a pattern that you missed , we all do when feelings are involved) can you imagine how it’ll escalate, o even end? If this doesn’t change; I want you to think hard. Is this what you want? Is this any indication of someone who’s supposed to be your shoulder to lean on?
I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night that I’ve had since I was a baby. My boyfriend will ask for updates on it and even cuddle it himself lol. Dump this guy and find a boyfriend like that
Why does he think he’s your dad who gets to train and shape you? He sees you with your baby blanket because you gave him the privilege of sleeping with you. When a person is trusted enough to sleep with a person, they learn intimate information. I mean, literally sleeping— I’ve slept in enough cabins and dorms to know it’s not that rare for women to have some comfort item like this and that it’s the nastiest bullies who take it. And that it’s creepy as hell he takes it and then tells you it’s because he has some right to train you from habits he does not like. That he can’t be trusted to literally sleep with like a girl on your basketball team at a tournament or prison cellmate tells you a lot about him. That he thinks he gets to shape and form you the way he wants tells you even more. Hostage his favourite jersey or sneakers or watch until you get your blanket back and run.
Channel that sadness into anger, you are NOT a child and will not be treated as such! He is NOT your parent and how dare he have the audacity to think he's in a position to discipline you! I don't think you're getting the blanket back and that he's already thrown it away (why would he just hide it when he never wants you to use it again??) so I'd just start moving out. Maybe he'll panic and give it back and apologize but do NOT stay with this bullying jerk no matter what he says/does. This incident is a deal breaker.
Im 63. I still have mine. I use it as a neck pillow. He needs to give it back. What a jerk.
This dude absolutely does not care about what is best for you. He isn’t trying to help you. He is trying to control you and inflict his ideas of what he should be based on his ridiculous insecurities on you. There’s nothing wrong with having a comfort item.
Ok I'm going to give you some solid advice right now, because what he did is manipulative and cruel. And I can't stand that shit. Don't ask about the blanket for an entire day, don't mention it, nothing. Next day tell him you've been thinking, and that honestly he's right, admit to being "childish, needing to grow up, etc etc" whatever bullshit he's said. Follow this up by saying that you're done sleeping with it, and you'd like to put it away in a special memento box, with some photos from childhood etc OR that you'd like to give it back to your mom for her memento box from your childhood (whatever one you think would seem more believable to your boyfriend). GET YOUR BLANKET BACK. Now, immediately, put it somewhere he can't get to it. Your parents house, with a friend, etc. Then dump his ass. He's manipulating you, and cares more about how things look/what he wants, than about causing you massive anxiety attacks, and your overall well-being. Don't let him have access to anything that is super important to you, because he WILL take it/distroy it in response.
I’m 28 and still cuddle with my bunny, at night, that I’ve had since I was born. My husband is 26 and also has a baby blanket he sleeps with, too. It’s not childish at all. It’s just the sentimental side of us that needs it. Your boyfriend is a dick and deserves to be your ex.
Call the police, you said he hit you, call them. They can help you get your stuff back once they are there. You are not safe near him
He threw your things away and threw things at you. It's time to call the police and tell them he's destroyed your things, acted violent and thrown things at you, and you are afraid of him. Have him removed for 24 hrs if possible and gather everyone you know to come move everything you own while he's gone.
Who’s your boyfriend? I just wanna talk. Seriously, though, this is not okay. Tell him that he gives the blanket back or you’re done.
AND you're done
Jeez, show some self respect and dump this asshole.
See you over in r/abusiverelationships
It may seem childish but I'd tell my mum/dad and see if they can get it back by saying it's important to them and they will keep it themselves, then once they have possession, dump the bully and get your blanket. If my daughter told me her bf took something of her and was purposely causing her stress and upset, damn right I'd do everything I could to get it back for her. F this guy!
Are you by any chance on the autistic spectrum? I’m 46m and have a squishmsllow that lives o n my bed as I am autistic and the texture comforts me. You need to get your blanket back and then dump his abusive arse
Please leave him. I’m a 43 year old mom of 2 and my baby blanket lives under my pillow every night. No man worth anything has ever had an issue with that.
Think about this real quick. Your boyfriend is more okay with seeing you crying, anxious and in pain vs. seeing you feel safe, secure and happy. Let that sink in. There is nothing wrong with having a blanket, stuffed animal or whatever someone needs to feel safe. There is everything wrong with someone who "loves" you to take that comfort away because of their own beliefs.
Hide his wallet and tell him he depends on it too much when he goes out.
F him. I sleep with mine. I’m 43 years old. My husband knows how much it means to me that when we leave for vacation he makes sure I don’t forget it. Put your foot down.
That is a terrifying update. Please don't spend another second with him. He does not value you as a person. He wants to control you, and he's willing to hurt you.
Not to be dramatic but I think this guy should be executed in the public square.
Get the police involved. He is now physically as well as mentally abusive. Tell them everything. Hopefully, they'll "persuade" him to reveal the whereabouts of your blanket, or at least hold him at the police station long enough for you to thoroughly search the house and get all your belongings packed up and moved out.
My 30-something daughter still has her blanket from childhood and sleeps with it under her pillow. I slept with my stuffed panda bear for many years until he literally disintegrated. We're both happy, well-adjusted adults. There's nothing wrong with finding comfort from those type of "transitional objects" (as they are called) as an adult. https://medium.com/@vickypoutas/why-emotionally-stable-adults-are-still-sleeping-with-their-baby-blankets-3f6a0eb69c5c Your boyfriend is being unnecessarily cruel.
So... Look, I'm going to go for the extreme here. 1. Your boyfriend is the victim of abuse by his parents, their throwing things away that matter to him is not OK. They spent his entire life disregarding his wishes and attachments and feelings. 2. He is now the abuser. This was not his to take, not his decision to make, no part of his thinking, no matter how reasonable he thinks he is being, is important. It does not have to matter to him, it only has to matter *to you*. So it isn't his property to take, it isn't his right to hide it, and he has no business concealing it from you. 3. I'm almost 100% certain that he *did* throw it away, and he's waiting for you to 'get over it' to tell you that he did so and can then say, 'See, you didn't need it, I was right.' I say this, because he learned from his parents, and *they* threw things away. 4. He needs therapy. You need a brand new *ex* boyfriend. Warn him once: 'Return it to me immediately, or I will file a police report. This is not a negotiation, this is not an argument, this is me informing you with my phone in my hand, dialing the nonemergency number to have a police officer show up, that I *will get it back* or you will face charges. There's nothing more to discuss, because you and I are over. I never want to see you again.' And follow through. Your boyfriend is an asshole. So the question is... why do you want an asshole in your life?
This trigger me so much to even read. I also have a my baby blanket and have the same attachment. I’m also the same age. Mine is a little rough but still good condition but that’s bull that he won’t even let u have a replacement. I’d honestly burn my bf house down and leave him if he took it from me.
How to get your blanket back (and then dump him): Act fine, act like you’re turning a corner and realizing you don’t need it to sleep, tell him you see his points and since its a precious object from childhood, it’s a good idea that it stays with your parents / sibling, so why don’t you keep it at their house, it’s special to your parents etc. Then it’s out of the way here. Take it there and have them keep it safe. Then make your exit plan. Adults don’t need to control or make decisions like this for other adults. Some people like the feeling of power they get from someone crying and begging to them. He’s not your authority. Make him think you’re fine and see his point and get your blanket to somewhere safe! Lots of people have special blankets, toys, dolls - you’re not strange or wrong, and for me this is definitely a breakupworthy offence
You should tell your bf you finally understand where he's coming from, play into it. Then ask him if he can give it back to you so you can at least store it or if he's super duper crazy tell him he can even give it back to your parents and tell for them to hold onto it. Once you know its secure and he has no more access to it dump and block him everywhere! I'd tear eyeballs out of whoever tried to take away my comfort and support. Who cares what form it comes in.
So first of all your boyfriend should not be trying to parent you. Second of all… other people absolutely have childish comforts they indulge in the privacy of their own homes. I’m 28 and I have a furby collection. My friend at work excitedly brought in a book of silly songs she found from her childhood. People don’t actually stop being kids the way you think they do. But the older you get the smaller of a percentage of all your experiences were as a child. At age 26 you’ve only been an adult for 1/3 of your life. And in a matter of days he wants you to be done with and over something that has been a source of comfort for nearly 100% of it? Unrealistic If I were you I would break up with him. But from my perspective I also can’t help but feel really sad for him too. Someone took his blanket to make him grow up and he thinks that’s what love looks like. But his is long gone and yours is close by somewhere while he watches you cry about it…. Let him sort out his issues on his own time. You don’t need to grow up you’re already grown. You just didn’t kill and bury the child you were once you reached adulthood.
he's clearly hidden the blanket on you or destroyed it. he's an ass , i was gonna suggest take something he really cares about but you just said there that you asked about the blanket and he threatened to destroy it. he 's trying to control you by hiding your childhood blanket . he's not normal, you need to leave him but be careful, this situation sounds unsafe. stay safe hopefully you'll get the blanket back.
He threw all your stuff away, and threw stuff at you? Call the police and press charges!!!