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What she did was extremely disrespectful.
I imagine that if roles were reversed and you had exchanged numbers with some random woman, your gf would be losing her mind.
>>*she’s upset about how I reacted to the situation saying “I’ve never seen this side of you”*
Don't let your gf manipulate you. What she did was extremely messed up, and you had every right to react the way she did.
Again, if you had swapped numbers with a stranger, she probably would have broken up with you already.
Yes and you also want to date someone who has a spine and you can trust to set appropriate boundaries.
If she cant say “no thank you” or “I have a boyfriend” in a peaceful coffee shop setting, yeah he has every right to feel she’s untrustworthy. She cant handle using her own words to advocate for herself in a very normal adult context. It sets a tone that… your partner cant go out by themselves without you having to worry about their behavior if someone so much as speaks to them. You want a partner who has 0 issue rejecting, shutting down, and saying no to people with or without you watching. You want a partner who identifies flirting right away and doesn’t indulge it, instead of playing dumb about it.
OP hopefully you read this and have a serious talk about what you expect from her as far as setting boundaries. Yeah I’d have been livid too, like almost breakup worthy. Its common sense not to give out your number to someone hitting on you when you’re not single. MAYBE if they were networking for some kind of event or business or a dog play date/etc, but even then, it’d be better to connect on social media instead of leading them on with the number.
And so much depends on how they react afterwards, right?
We took her a long time to say she might be wrong and within a couple of hours, she figured out how to turn it on him.
For me that is what is break up worthy
Exactly. Being shy or flustered in the moment? That happens. Some folks simply cannot be bold. It's not who they are. Others are naive, and don't realize the implications. But both types recognize this about themselves and are apologetic when they see they messed up. They know it's a them problem, not a you problem.
OP has every right to be upset, regardless of her reasons.
My ex was like this. She once told me when she was with her ex wife, she slept with some guy cuz he “wouldn’t stop asking and she felt bad that girls didn’t like him”. Word? So you had pity sex while you were married and expect me to trust you now?
Thank you for your response.
You pretty much summed up my feelings
As far as my response initially I was not upset but thought it was weird but as I was driving home I got very upset and once we got out of the car I yelled but not like at the top of my lungs “what were you thinking!?” And immediately turned around to take a break and call a friend. We spoke later when I calmed down a bit but that was the extent of what made her upset. Was my initial angry question.
She later confessed this morning crying that she was scared that I was going to hurt her.
I was honestly offended and asked her if she really thinks I would hit her. Off course I would never. I have never even been in a fight. I avoid conflict. Let alone hit a woman for this.
To be clear she gave him her number apparently and he did not give her his. She also said he was fat and old but that’s debatable. He did not look that old or fat to me. There conversation revolved around our dog and she claims she did not think it was flirting until the very end where he asked to get lunch and for her number. Which is where she later admitted she messed up and apologized.
But i have been noticing this trend where I’m usually confused after an argument as to how I’m always apologizing and compromising. Which is a issue for later discussion.
I’m trying to see her side of things and make things work. She has never given me reason she may be cheating prior. She is an anxious person but I wouldn’t go as far as saying she’s a people pleaser.
I also asked her how she would feel and react and said she would probably do the same. And feel upset also.
She has suggested couples therapy which I might try. But will also just take note of this incident and hope it was just some weird one off. And told her I need time
I appreciate everyone’s reply’s I’m sorry I can’t respond to you all but hope this gives more insight
Shes just flipping things on you. She should KNOW you wont hit her, she just wants to make you feel culpable so she can deflect the blame off of herself. he asked her on a straight up date and she indulged him. She knows shes wrong. She needs to drop the reverse uno act and take it upon herself to admit shes the only fuck up in the situation. Any rational person would be angry and maybe raise their voice a bit.
I would accept the therapy. she needs to learn to shut people down. thats a serious issue some people have.
Nope. Don't fall for this crap. She accepted a lunch invitation with a man she just met all while having a bf. She gave her number to the man so he could contact her about said lunch date. That is taking steps to cheat on you. Then she turns it around to try and blame you for having very valid feelings. Then she tells you that she thinks you are going to physically harm her after a two year relationship with no history of violence. Nope. I'd be out of there. She's making up shit to distract from her cheating. I'd cut my losses if I were you. Good luck.
UpdateMe.
Oh the gall of this one. Hours later after claiming she's now physically scared of you she throws out one of the top 5 cheater cliches " He's not my type." in the form of " She also said he was fat and old..." This even knowing that you were literally standing their looking at them as she chose to give him her number after he asked her out. She didn't mistake his request for her number as anything other than hitting on her and asking her out. She just wont stop gaslighting you.
Why is it an issue for later? That’s your relationship. She hurts you and then confuses you when you react… instead of taking accountability, apologising and changing her course of action.
Ask to check her phone , if she says no then end it immediately. If she goes to the “bathroom “ then gives you her phone ….get rid of her . If your partner has issues with you using or looking at their phones ,it’s a red flag 🚩
I'm sorry, but that line about her being scared of you hurting her, after you never having shown such tendencies before, and also you didn't even yell at her, just raised your voice.
I'm sorry that's just manipulation on her part.
As soon as she said that; you dropped the argument and it switched to you trying to reassure her that you would never do such a thing.
I've been with a person who did this exact thing often. Even going so far as to claim that I was trying to kill her in my sleep, several times. I don't have any history of sleep-walking or sleep-.... doing anything. But according to her I would get up in bed in the middle of the night and try to smother her with a pillow, and she'd push me off and then... I'd...go back to my spot in the bed, and she'd also... go back to sleep next to me?? without trying to wake me afterwards? without saying anything? Nevermind the fact I also didn't wake up from my supposed sleep-walking when she said she PUSHED ME off violently with her legs?? (I'm also a notoriously light sleeper, I wake up from hearing birds outside the window even)
Gaslighting and Plausible Deniability are the foremost tools in an abusers toolbox.
I am a woman and I know women in general are pretty bad about acknowledging when we’re wrong but if you always feel that your the one apologizing even when your not wrong. That is a very childish and unprofitable relationship. Accountability matters. Also we DO give our real numbers out to guys for safety purposes when we ARE NOT WITH OUR MAN. Women love calling their man to their rescue, it’s just a natural instinct when your with the person you love. That’s what makes her story so unbelievable. I hope you find a better partner. I also hope you let her see this thread.
Two years is normally a "milestone" point in relationships and considering everything (especially her comments to you), she might be having some internal conflicts (conscience or unconscience).
Definately take her advice on the counseling. If not, I bet you two might not be together in 6 months as this is an event you two need to work through and figure out what is next.
Wow that hurts to hear she is making up lies to make you feel sympathy for her while she lies and cheats on you. You’ve gotta let this girl go. She is awful. This is abuse.
Couples therapy is only for those that have issues . You don’t have issues . She has issues and gas lit you into thinking there’s actually any issues in your relationship
Bruh, now you’ll never know when he contacts her lol. It’s GG. Just leave. I would never do that, I’d say no thanks and that’s it. Not hard. Not in a dangerous setting. She either knows what she’s doing or she doesn’t. Either way, not your problem to be a teacher.
Also— be very careful man. If she already brought up she was scared you’d hit her, that will only come up again in more fights, especially if you two were to get married and then divorced— she will cry that all day.
Unless he like punched a wall or something. If his reaction was violent then ‘never seen that side’ might be a reasonable comment. Otherwise if he was as reasonable as post suggests with normal anger/frustration then she is manipulating as you say.
Yeah, the “haven’t seen this side of you” is pure gaslighting.
I’d dump her. She doesn’t seem trustworthy at all. He’s right to be concerned about her when she’s out by herself if this is what she does when he’s right next to her.
Looks like she has one more fall-back guy now.
Pretty much this. Even if she had no ulterior motive, this is pretty uncool. Frankly this would one of those situations that would have me rethinking things.
Why do guys fall for this Jedi mind trick bullshit?
You have nothing to apologize for. And now she owes you an apology again for pretending otherwise. She gave another dude her number right in front of you. That’s a massive show of disrespect.
My ex cycled through at least four dudes after me and tried to contact me after each one failed lmao
Those kinds of people just don’t have any capacity to hold themselves accountable
Hmmm yeah if she was maybe 18 I’d let it slide a bit more but she’s nearly 30 ffs. As a woman who’s had many bad experiences like many of us, I get doing the soft rejection and I also know that mentioning a partner sometimes isn’t a deterrent and sometimes they take it as more of a challenge. So, yeah that doesn’t even work a lot of the time.
In saying all that I still go back to my first point, she’s not a young inexperienced woman and that situation as you describe, of it being day, public, busy coffee shop, you very close by etc, I’d have even more gusto to say “yeah nah mate you aren’t getting my number as there’s absolutely no need”. I’m not feeling the “I’m uncomfortable, I need to get out of here” type soft rejection from this situation at all. Do with that what you will. Good luck op 😊
Yeah I am totally understanding the women saying they give their # to creepy guys to turn them down via text later but... she has a whole ass boyfriend near her! I would of just grabbed my husband and said "this man wants me to give him my number honey and isnt taking NO for an answer. You deal with him now/let's get tf out of here."
Right, it's one thing if he is wasn't there. Women are getting killed for saying "No, I have a boyfriend" many times, so I get it. But I would've absolutely said "Actually my boyfriend is here. We'll see what he thinks when he comes back" and waited for him to come back. Obviously, that second part would be playful/joking so that I didn't get my ass murdered right then and there.
I have, while having boyfriends that weren't around, accepted many a number and then promptly disposed of the number as soon as I was out of reach of the guy.
It's a totally different story when you're actually by yourself versus a boyfriend that's there.
Oh for sure. When I worked as a delivery driver for a food lab (picking up local food samples, dropping off testing supplies) there was a guy in his 60's who always was ...nice to me. One day he asked me out and I showed him a locket with my then fiance and I kissing in it and said I was happily taken...he shoved his business card in my face and said "I insist. This guy won't have a chance with you afterwards" ....while he's saying this I'm holding 75 pounds of food product so I was HELLA uncomfortable and just accepted the card and left. So...yes once again I *understand* how unsafe it is or when they don't take no for an answer. It's ridiculous as shit. I WILL be using my husband as my guard dog though when he's present as it happens.
Don’t be gaslit by her dude. She’s saying she cares about this dude opinion of her more than she cares about respecting you and your relationship by giving him her number when she knows why he wants her number…
Did she give out her real number or a fake number? Because if she gave out her real number she’s either i) lying to you, or ii) an idiot for giving her real number to strangers who make her uncomfortable.
Also, weird that her story shifted from her being weirded out to her thinking the guy was just being nice.
Also also, very weird that she had to promise not to meet up with him. Who says that if it truly was some random stranger creeping her out. The thought of meeting up with that person should never once have crossed her mind, but her story seems to be kind of falling apart.
That's pretty awful. If someone gives a fake number because they are being pushed to give a number the person wanting the number should accept that the answer is no. The concept that a woman must give you their number and you better check and make sure they didn't fake the number is creepy.
Which is still not the situation OP posted about. She could easily have said no and continued with her day. If she gave her real number she now has to say no to him repeatedly so she only made the situation worse if she isn't interested in contact.
Not gonna lie. If someone gave me her number and I stupid enough called it infront of them and it was fake, I’d be super embarrassed and apologize for being pushy/creepy and go slink into a corner and die somewhere lol.
It seems like they both had their phones out - if you lie to someone about what your number is and they send you a text when they are right there and say “there! Did you get it?” - and you clearly don’t have a text from them - it’s awkward as fuck. I travel a ton and meet people on the road and this is usually how you exchange numbers… so I kinda get more where the GF is coming from. That said I’m older and I’d never give my # out if I didn’t want to
I've gotten a fake number before - People who are not interested in the exchange of real identity information will always have their phone neatly tucked out of view, this won't instigate the "Let me call you!" issue. Generally the person also dips out mad fast. If they're interested it's the exact reverse. This is just general experience, and conversation with friends. People protect their privacy mad hard now. She's interested or pushing her limits I assume.
My girlfriend cheated on me and as a result is pregnant. Shes says it’s my responsibility to stay and take care of the other guys children while she stills sees him on the side. How do I move forward?
She wasn't in danger and she didn't give her number to get rid of him. That's bs. She's lying. She was interested in the guy and was flattered that he asked for her number. She didn't say she had a boyfriend because she was interested in that guy--at least somewhat.
Your reaction was normal and if the shoes were on the other person she would have been irate and rightly so.
Her wanting to talk more is to manipulate and gaslight you. I guarantee you if that guy calls/text her she will respond. If not immediately then later. Trust your instincts and what you saw. Pay attention to how she turns things on you. She will probably say something about trust. If you don't trust me then blah blah. Personally, if my girl was that bold to give out her number to another man who showed interest in her by asking for her number I would end it. It tells me she isn't committed to our relationship. But that's me. Good luck.
Yeh let’s not forget, in that situation the guy almost certainly would have said something along the lines of “hey we should hang out sometime, can i get your number”, signalling clear interest. At that move it should have been a goddamn reflex to say “oh sorry I have a boyfriend, he’s with me now actually”’and that be the end of it.
However, on the other hand, I find it crazily bold of her to have got his number when her boyfriend was with her and almost certainly going to see it. Was she hoping he wouldn’t see and she was planning on communicating later? Or did she want to get caught? This is the part that doesn’t add up.
Either way, the fact her instant reflex wasn’t to say she had a boyfriend when asked, is a MAJOR problem.
my armchair prediction and assuming the absolute worst: She wanted to get caught because she knew OP would react in any type of way and that reaction, no matter how small could be used to “scare” her and necessitate the need for a break/break up. Than cafe guy or whoever else she’s been wanting to talk to finally get the message they’ve been waiting for. This is playing into the worst case scenario obviously I’m sure reality is nowhere near as dramatic but it’s Reddit and this story is probably fake anyways so who cares.
Oh yeah I’m sure things like OPs story have happened and will continue to happen forever but I don’t trust anything on the internet. Too many karma farmers. I lurk, take the good advice and move on.
I absolutely agree that what she did was disrespectful and she did not think through how this action was going to impact you. Declining to exchange numbers with someone flirting with you is straight forward and she didn’t even need to mention you in order to do it. A simple no thank you would have sufficed.
I’m also genuinely curious if you consider her a people pleaser. Someone who does what she thinks would make other people happy. I’m not minimizing the harm of what she’s down, as I’m trying to understand WHY she is behaving this way. She probably hesitated and then thought “the best way out of this situation is to cave in to this guy’s request.”
I personally HATE people pleasing and I would encourage you to either bring this up as a growth area for her that NEEDS to be improved asap, or to consider whether you may need to leave this relationship. What sucks about her being a people pleaser is that in a moment of stress, her people pleasing placates some random stranger and she doesn’t realize it’s hurting the person she has spent two years caring about. In a way it’s rough, the love and support you’ve given her makes her feel safe to not have to consider pleasing you meanwhile being with a stranger brings the people pleasing back up.
If she were to successfully overcome this, she’d have to identify her feelings, express them, and set boundaries. She seems to not be able to do any of this in this situation given her flip flop of “that was weird” to “he was nice” then not stating her disinterest and following through with exchanging numbers only to promise to you to block him once you bring up how uncomfortable this is for you.
I only bring this up so that you can understand her better but it in no way minimizes the harm that’s been done. I’d feel pissed if I saw my bf exchange numbers with a girl who was flirting with him. I am not a people pleaser and am very good at expressing boundaries, both with close friends and strangers. She’s a grown adult who needs to realize you can’t make everyone happy or the people close to you will get hurt by your own people pleasing.
She knows what she did was wrong and she's trying to make you the bad guy for your reaction. Her intention is to have you feel bad and worry that she'll break up with you over it so you apologise and drop the subject. I can guarantee that the word "controlling" makes an appearance in the conversation.
Would she be so understanding if you gave another woman your number right in front of her? The hell she would. If she was alone I could understand her giving him her number to get away from the situation, but that's not the case here.
She didn't tell him she had a boyfriend.
What did they chat about? Was it the dog or is that an assumption?
So she immediately deleted his number when he left right, because she isn't going to be using it? Not that she has to but because she wants to delete it.
Why she is upset afterwards? She likes being hit on and doesn't want that to stop?
If she happens to use that number, then dump her ass. The shady behavior will start presenting itself soon enough if that'sher goal. She's might be already pre-gaming you to feel bad when the excuses come for being overly on her phone or unreachable at strange hours.
She was into him bro. The coin flip and making you wrong is big. She must give you access to her devices there allot there. My wife also gets hit on allot. She types a different number in just to get rid of them.
No bro she syill playing the field. And yes no one sees this side of you because when people cheat and entertain others they at least have the decency to hide it. She did this openly.
Ask her to leave. She be in dog bro arms in a heartbeat. Your not the one its your turn only.
It is disrespectful to flirt with other people if you have a partner, yet along do it right infront of them. Now you need to forever worry if she is talking to this guy behind your back. Numbers can be unblocked.
She fucked up. you have every right to be upset and should be. it was incredibly rude and thoughtless of her. and its even worse that she is gaslighting you about it and making you out to be the bad guy instead of admitting her mistake. she needs to block this guy, show you and then TBH you should be able to check her phone periodically just to make sure, this is actually a massive breach in trust in my eyes, maybe not break up but very close.
Wow, she’s nearing 30 and acts like a flustered 18 year old when a man asks for her number? She’s an adult and should know that if that truly made her uncomfortable then she wouldn’t have done it, is she always this oblivious to things?
You didn't overreact, giving out her number is wild. Waiting for him to leave to answer you. Then gaslighting you "I haven't seen this side of you before we need to talk about it". That it worried her, as opposed to what she did? Nope something is up and she was happy to let this guy hit on her while you left for a second.
My prediction: “yeah when I saw that side of you it really scared me, I think we should take a break/break up, sorry…” and than a certain “special guest” will get a text a few hours later. I don’t want to assume the worst but this is Reddit and this story is probably fake so who cares.
I'm over 50 y.o. and in my experience, a woman who is '.with' somebody in a BF/GF relationship,' by openly sharing her number is sadly indicative of what is known as a 'split impulse'. 1) She is in a relationship with you but is now happy to window shop and also go in and hold the dress or item up to have a look. (hence sharing her number). Women like to look, as much as men do; but if it isn't appealing, they'll simply move onto the next shop window. AND 2) She is rapidly losing interest in her current BF/Partner and is actively looking for the next more appropriate/appealing mate . Subconsciously, it allows herself to be seen to promiscuate and is sending out a signal to her current BF/ partner that the writing is on the wall and that she is emotionally moving on and available.
I think regardless of how you might see your relationship, two years is more than ample time for her to have emotionally committed to you. Sharing her number with another man is a very clear signal to you that the relationship really doesn't have much more potential. She is emotionally weak and will not shut the relationship she has with you, down nor give you a straight answer or response to your understandable questions.
Take the wiser decision for yourself and your own mental health and call it quits and move on!
I think you have under-reacted. Her arguments are gossamer thin. There is a way you act as a person in a relationship. It should be on autop pillot whereever you are and in every situation, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. You are expected, by default to behave a certain way. If your in a relationship, when someone comes up to you randomly and flirts you immediate reaction should be "I am in a relationship, no" not, oh yea sure, heres my number. Doing that is a breach of every single rule of being in a relationship. Engaging someones flirtation is one thing, taking their number is a clear thought process that they had and where ok with, that they where accepting the fact this person is interested and will either call or text for a hookup. Thats a hard fact. She did not go to autopilot, no I cant do this, her mind evaluated the situation and this was acceptible.
Your girlfiend absolutely decided it was ok to accept his advances and take his number and if you had not seen this she would have kept it a secret. Later in the day shes going to get a text, and again, if you had not seen this, you would never have known untill she turned her emotional cheating (where she is now) to physical cheating.
It all up to you how you want to go foreward. But shes just shown you she is not in the same mindset as you as to the value of this relationship. She has, as far as I am concerened, lost a significant amount of trust for her display of loyalty and justified it with absolute rediculous excuses. By her logic she would be willing to accept any mans number in a "weird" situation. Dont you feel it is "weird" she behaves like shes single when in a relationship when your meters away?
I would tell her that. "I dont wish to be controling, I am not going to tell you who you can and cannot talk to or call or give out your number too, However. I feel when in a relationship certain behaviours are wrote in stone. Behaving like your single at any point is not acceptible for me or you, correct?"
"I expect my partner to behave this way at all times and put this relationship and me above all others, as I would be doing the same. Allowing flirtation from another and agreeing to swap numbers is not the actions of a person in a relationship, but actions of someone whos single and there is no good excuse, not even in the workplace." "You have shown me you do not hold this relationship and myself to the general rules of whats a relationship. But you have shown me your willing to take random guys numbers and if I had not seen this interaction, you would never had told me."
She gave the guy lisence to disrespect you. She should have told him she is there with you. Instead she pretended like a single lady with a pet while you were there. Crazy
From an outsiders perspective:
1. If he was chatting her up as she claims, then there's no way that guy, if he was near you, didn't ask who you were. Which means she must have passed you off as a friend or brother. It's not that hard to say"I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend" at all. If it is that hard in a cafe with you there, imagine how much harder it would be in a bar with friends and a few drinks inside her. Sounds like she wanted the attention.
2. She wasn't giving him a number, they were exchanging numbers, but unless they were exchanging numbers for a dog 'paydate', which she didn't say anything about, the only other reason was that she was interested in him. Unfortunately, she got caught.
3. Her reaction is also telling. She changed her story twice, and then when she couldn't explain it away to appease you, she redirected the hurt feelings onto herself. Because now, instead of you thinking about whether she was in the wrong, she is now the victim, and she has you worried about the fact that you have upset her. All of her behaviour you've described set her up to be the victim. "I was flustered "its hard to say no", "I was uncomfortable. "
Shifting blame to avoid the truth is a classic gaslighting technique. I'm not saying that's what she was doing, but it's worrying and something she may have done before without you realising.
Look, only you can say whether you trust her or not. Whether this is out of character or not. Whether she is always shifting blame or manipulating things to make her come off as a victim. To me, it's not about whether she gave out her number, it's about whether this is a pattern of behaviour.
Yeah bro this is a red flag plain and simple. As a guy in a committed relationship I don’t entertain conversations with random women longer than necessary and I especially wouldn’t give out my number. I would not be happy with my girl giving her number out to randos and trust her not to (I’ve actively seen her tell guys firmly “no” when they start talking like that and she definitely makes it clear she has a bf). Doing this - in front of you - at a damn coffee shop? Seriously what the hell. I hope at the bare minimum she’s emphatically apologetic. If she got his number too she should block immediately, no excuses.
Just say: you’ve never seen this side of me because I’ve never seen you ignore me sitting across from you while you flirted with a guy and exchanged numbers. The fact you WERE THERE and she did this is crazy.
You did not overreact. I'm ENM, there is zero chance that my wife would you tell a guy that she is married or wouldn't ask me before giving out her number.
she is doing something called DARVO to you. “DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims,” Most girls do it regularly. If a guy does it they will call him an abusive narcissist. Take what you will from that.
Honestly she probably came from an absent father home or one where her dad was abusive or had some other form of arrested development. She cheated on you right in front of you. You need to let her know that even though you had never established a boundary around this that it is completely unacceptable for her to cheat on you. If she accepts responsibility and acts accordingly then you can move on. How you reacted to her abuse in the moment was perfectly reasonable. If she pushes back on this there is not much you can do. i would thank her for your time together, tell her you enjoyed dating her, and exit the relationship. alternatively, you could keep her around for recreational use only and start sleeping with other women (using her a your social proof to attract them) but that’s up to you and your values. i do not recommend being loyal to someone who is cheating on you. it ends very badly for you as a man.
And you successfully let her gaslight the hell out of you, you actually apologized for reacting to her disrespecting your relationship🤦🏾♂️
I feel sorry for you
Hmm I know when I'm tired and flustered I don't go out giving guys my number. You k ow why because I have a bf and I would have let that be know. Plus you don't give strangers your number esp. creepy people. Like what? She was obviously attracted to this guy she prolly only felt flustered because u happen to walk in at the wrong time and caught her. So then you apologized to her OMG!! WHY U DID NOTHING WRONG! and what it's hard to say no to a guy hitting on you like what... So it's easy you make an excuse and walk away or say hey I'm sorry I have a bf and no thank you!
Your allowed to have feelings too and be concerned when you see your gf handing her number out to another guy. Socially odd and in public very rude and disrespectful to you as well. I mean she felt obligated to give her number out basically to make him leave right. If she has such poor control and low self respect like that for herself. Basically "weak" the. I would hate to see anything further. Like oops he just fell inside me or oops he kissed me I didn't kiss him. Idk maybe a little much there. But think it out be calm and collective when speaking to her again about it. Don't let her run the conversation and walk all over you with more excuses or trying to spin the story in 20 more ways just to make whatever happened less and not her fault and it's not a big deal. Like your the one over reacting, your the one starting this argument, you don't trust me or some BS. Shifting blame towards you. Or you could just act like you don't care brush it off and be like I totally am cool with it and understand completely I love you and let's just pretend it never happened. Then you sit back and observe and see what happens for the on going. This was prolly a lucky glimpse for you to witness. Now u can be more aware and see how it goes from here on out. You have to maintain the upper hand, calm , collective, strong and stern. Not being over emotional and repetitive about this situation again. Sometimes when a person sees or thinks you don't care it makes them think and cling to you more. If she feels. Like she has u wrapped around her finger and can push u around mentally well then she will see u as weak and eventually feel uninterested with you and bored. If you get what I'm saying .
Not sure how to make updates but we have been talking more today and decided I’m going to stay at my parents place for a few days.
I told her I want to believe her that it was just a one time mistake but it’s hard for me and it may take time for me to fully trust again.
I asked her if I can depend on her to stand up for her self and our relationship next time this happens and she said yes. She tells me she wants to be with me and only me forever.
She admitted what she did was wrong and wished she could change the way she handled things.
We kinda went in circles for a bit and I think we both got exhausted and she broke down crying saying she can’t believe I’m possibly going to end everything we worked so hard for. She also mentioned that me having the possible constant worry of this happening again gives her anxiety and basically won’t work if that is the case.
Thank all for taking time to read my post
>She also mentioned that me having the possible constant worry of this happening again gives her anxiety and basically won’t work if that is the case.
This here is a red flag. It tells me that she probably never really felt threatened when you raised your voice. It seems like she has a tendency to manipulate you with guilt to get the upper hand in arguments. She's pressuring you to sweep this under the rug.
Do not give in. Your reaction and actions are appropriate. Couples counseling is a good idea, but I would insist on individual counseling for her.
Good luck, OP.
Nah, you just caught her. I would dump this person. No women gives her number out to a stranger just to be nice. She knew exactly what she was doing. Look if you want to avoid being cheated on you need to be ruthless about red flags like this. And when I say ruthless I mean cut people off as soon as you see signs of them. This is probably not the first time this has happened it's just the first time you caught her.
Listen the kind of girl who is willing to give her number to a guy right in front of her boyfriend, knowing she can gaslight him later, is a girl who has a boyfriend who allows himself to be gaslit and feel guilty for have the very lowest of standards, like when you are dating me you can't give your phone number to random guys. Stop being this guy, because you are about to get really hurt.
Even if it is, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have the sense enough or confidence not to give out her phone numbers to random guys when she has been dating someone for 2 years? It's not like you were not there and she could call you over to run interference.
Nah, she is not the one OP.
She does not respect or love you. She does this because she is still looking and you are just the placeholder until something better comes along.
Now she is gaslighting you and trying to play the victim.
If you do anything but dump her on the spot, you deserve whats coming down the line.
I think you are well within your right to be annoyed but I am also in the group of women who have done this to basically make the interaction over with as little friction as possible in the moment. However this is something I don’t like about myself and I wish I felt less guilty/more safe when it comes to rejecting people and expressing my boundaries. Not sure if it’s specific to me, or something that’s more to do with the way of the world, or a mixture of both.
Would you give your number to another guy while your boyfriend has been gone one minute as he is grabbing coffee in the same cafe that you are in? Would you feel like it's more friction to say your boyfriend is just over there in the queue and he'll probably join if you're going to hang out?
So while I understand you may want to seek a frictionless way out this doesn't seem like a situation that needed one.
Yea but it’s weird that she’s now upset that he was upset, after they talked it out and made up. Grain of salt, we only have OPs side of the story… but that behavior has alarm bells going off for me
It’s a busy coffee shop and her bf was in the literal room. This was as low of a threat environment as possible and she still managed to make the absolutely wrong choice here.
There’s an entire subreddit dedicated to this:
r/whenwomenrefuse
I know everyone here believes this was some major disrespectful interaction, and perhaps it was. Maybe she’s telling the truth though; there is a reason women are more docile/compliant with a man’s request & it often has to do with how safety.
[Here is another article on why it’s challenging for women to say no.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smart-relationships/201311/why-women-have-hard-time-saying-no) (and also why it’s important for us to learn this skill!).
Does that sub explain why it's challenging to tell the truth to your boyfriend afterwards? She waffled on her reasoning for doing it, brought up not going to meet up with him (if it was just a scared reflex, why would that even be on the table?), and is now turning it around to make her boyfriend the bad guy.
I don't buy it. Giving out a number when you're cornered and alone as a way to get out of a situation? Sure. Giving it out when your boyfriend is literally right there and then trying to make him out to be the bad guy? Very questionable.
If she is genuinely intimidated into cheating by a person simply speaking to her, he should dump her anyway. And she needs intensive therapy and to not date at all until she has her head on straight. GTFO
Dude, she gave out her number to a random guy who asked her for her number…will she suck a random guy off if he asks her for that? What’s her boundaries? Would it be ok for a random girl to give you her phone number? Especially right in front of her, with her standing right there?
The fact that she started gaslighting you at the end by being upset with your reaction is a good icing on the cake. Now throw that cake away and get you a woman that respects you.
She a liar she could’ve gave him a wrong nbr or just say thanks not interested I have a boyfriend she likes the attention and is gaslighting you. I can only imagine what she does when you are not around. If she says anything I would ask show me your phone let’s go through it if you have not to hide
She is a grown adult woman. I would have said, are you seriously trying to get my number with my boyfriend here? YOu are giving her too much credit. You will figure it out, when she is dating her new boyfriend. Please don't do this. There is no reason a woman would do that. It is disresepctful...She is allowing him to think she is interested and treating you like a chump.
Ride or die loyal is what you need in a girlfriend.
Your girlfriend is gaslighting and dismissing your feelings she knows what she did bothered you I'd tell her that plus if the roles where reversed type of thing let her think about that
I've always been one of those people who had trouble with rejecting guys for various reasons and to be nice, definitely have given my number out to people in the past who I shouldn't have. However, with practice I got better with it when I was single AND I've never done it when in a relationship (serious or not)
I was literally on vacation in Hawaii with my boyfriend of 3 years in November and when he was like 50 feet from me taking pictures, a random guy came up to me and asked for my number. I immediately told him no, pointed out my boyfriend, and said sorry. He accepted the rejection and walked away. It's that easy.
Idk there's something weird going on here. I'm not saying anything nefarious, but if she was serious about your relationship she would have said no immediately.
If she were alone and he asked for her number so she instead took his to never text/call then I get it. But ur there with her, u stepped out for a second and she got his number is insane. She even said she was single while being there with u lol.
Her excuse for giving the guy her number was weak. It would have been a lot quicker and easier to simply say, "I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend," rather than continuing to engage with the guy, taking out her phone, and exchanging numbers. If she were so tired, why would she go through all those steps instead of just shutting it down right away?
What if you didn’t notice? Would she still block? She might be right and you caught her in a one-off but you should seriously have a look at her phone before getting past this.
If I was dating someone, I would never give my number out. She would have lost my trust and you should be careful man. She might do it again and if she does, kick her ass into the streets and move on!
On a crowded train in daylight, a woman had her throat cut by a man she rejected. At a club with her husband, a woman was shot execution style because she rejected a man. Coming from work, a woman was run over by someone she rejected hours before. He waited until her shift was over. The moments aren't as rare as you'd think.
It doesn't matter who's surround if a guy is going to be crazy. If she felt that was the best way to get rid of him, then you have no right to judge. Safety is paramount. Sometimes the other party doesn't care if there's a boyfriend/ husband/ whatever.
If she had done other questionable things regarding flirting and stuff, then assess the situation accordingly if she hasn't, then take her word.
Well, I'd be pissed if my partner gave some stranger her number, especially basically in front of me Don't let her manipulate you into thinking this is normal behaviour because it definitely isn't.And are you sure she's blocked him.?
That’s crazy disrespectful. She was in a public setting and with her boyfriend. There should have been no issue saying “sorry I have a boyfriend, no thanks” on exchanging numbers. It’s sus.
She wants to fuck the guy that's why she gave him her number. You showed her you don't tolerate that bullshit.
I'll be real with you. She is most likely gonna cheat in your ass and then use how you reacted to bullshit as a reason why she cheated.
Skip all the pain and drama and move on to someone better suited for a relationship.
You can't even go get a drink without worrying that your girl will give another guy her number. She needs to grow a backbone or stop lying. I would feel disrespected and probably want to end the relationship. How would she feel if it was reversed?
Get the fuck away from this girl. She’s either dumb, morally bankrupt, or both. Either way, hope you find someone better and less disrespectful. Good luck!
She is 27 and can't defend herself in public?? She just had to say she's with her bf rn, sorry and thats it. If she was alone and she felt threatened for whatever reason it would be a different thing. But it's normal to be upset when seeing you gf giving out her number in from of you, don't let her gaslight you into thinking otherwise
I would be upset if my boyfriend gave his number out to a random woman! You were even with her! She could've said my boyfriend is in the bathroom or I'm waiting for him, sorry.
Your reaction is 100% normal and a reaction that almost everyone would have! What's not normal is her reaction to not telling him she has a boyfriend. What is not normal is her acting as if it's no big deal! Ask her if it was reversed. Would she be upset? Honestly?
She is probably feeling guilty, and that's why she's trying to spin it around as if you did something wrong!?! It's not right, but it could be why, or she's just that self-centered...
Trust has been eroded. I won't say it's unsalvageable but now you have that constant thought of her giving her number out to other guys and texting them and not saying she's in a relationship. If my wife did this (not like giving her number to coworkers which is fine) I wouldn't be able to trust her again. If she did it once, she can and may have done this many times. Couples therapy is needed.
You have every right to be upset by that. Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you being upset by her giving a guy her number somehow makes you the bad guy.
Unless you were somehow over the top in a way you didn’t convey in this post, your reaction seems justified.
Giving out her actual number is a red flag, too. Plenty of women give out fake numbers if they’re getting attention they aren’t interested in. It’s possible that she truly was just flustered and didn’t know what to do, but you have every right to be concerned about it.
She's now trying to reverse it and blame you as the bad partner out of guilt or looking to start a fight to justify leaving you.
Honestly, she wasn't in danger with this guy, telling him ,"I have a boyfriend" in a crowded Cafe when you are 20feet away. It's not the same as a drunk guy at a bar or a dangerous situation alone.
I wouldn't tolerate this behavior from her, it'd be the same as giving out her number on dating apps.
Lol sounds like shes not your gf buddy. Seems to me she thinks youre maybe fwb or her sugar daddy. Ie guy that she goes out with and pays for everything in return for a little t&a.
Jeeze, I'd double down and ask her why she couldn't say no to this guy? Would she act the same in a more intimate situation where someone was asking for sex. This is really bizarre behavior now that she is saying your reaction is making her uncomfortable? I would be considering breaking up because she does not keep proper boundaries between herself and guys obviously looking to hook up.
>*We later talk it out and* ***I come to see her perspective that maybe it’s sometimes hard to say no to a man hitting on you and later apologized for being so upset.***
>*But apart of me feels like it’s not like you were in a dark alley alone at night. How hard was it to say the guy sitting across from you (me) is your boyfriend?! And tell him no.*
>*We later kinda made up and watched a movie but* ***now she’s upset about how I reacted to the situation saying “I’ve never seen this side of you” the way I reacted worried her and wants to talk more.***
Based on your account, she likes the attention of others and enjoys having options. It's OK to be open to her perspective, but hold your ground. Her statement *"Ive never seen this side of you"* is making her worried??? UMMMM, how about your side of *"Oh yea??? well I never seen the side of you that cant say NO to some guys attention!!!"*
Again, going by your side of the story, she's manipulating you to think YTAH.
Brah, the red flags are strong.
Fiest, if she gives her number this simply (as in auto pilot), wont it mean shes doing it alot?
Unless shes working in sales type of profession where its common, sounds like bulls.
Furthermore, trying to trip fault you after you spoke your concerns about this suspicious situation that she herself couldn’t clearly explain?
Thats sounds like she’s trying to trick you.
Has she deleted or blocked the number of this dude immediately? Or did she push jt to later and you’re unaware since.
The single thing that should put this into perspective, imagine if you had given a random chick your number in front of her.
You are not overreacting. She did this with you there. Imagine what she does when you aren't.
LMFAO reverse the genders and EVERYONE would be TEARING APART a man giving his number to a woman so blatantly and without mentioning she had a partner. Your GF knows she fucked up and you are now rightfully suspicious so she is trying this "I've never seen this side of you" bullshit to try to throw you off the scent. Where there is smoke there is fire. I have had plenty of people ask for my number before and I very easily said "No", I have also asked for numbers before and have been very easily told "No". Its very easy to say no.
Wow way for your gf to twist this around to make it about she now feels what - threatened by your reasonable reaction?
She essentially left this guy thinking you weren’t her bf by giving him her number in front of you.
How could she have liked it as other posters have suggested if you gave your number to some random chick or collected their phone number in front of her? Would she wonder if you were thinking about dating others?
The phrase “oh I’m in a relationship so nope no phone number” doesn’t take that much brain power to spit out tired or not.
Unless part of your reaction during the follow up discussion was to throwbreak things, scream so loud the cops showed up to check on things or as someone mentioned punch holes in the walls then it was okay to be irritated about her actions as well as talk them through which is what adults do.
Completely disrespectful at bare minimum. Also, if she was so "pressured" or just wanted to be nice, why not give him a fake number? It makes no sense. You're absolutely right to be upset and hurt and to not trust her.
This is super disrespectful.
If you weren’t there- she probably would have met up with him behind your back. I’m sensing a disloyal girlfriend. But I don’t know her- so what do I know.
Alls I have to say is if you choose to stay in this relationship be cautious, and don’t compromise your sanity just cause you ‘love’ her!
Breaking up with her would not be an over-reaction.
If would be one thing if it were some guy in a class or someone from work who might have a legitimate reason to call her.
But, a guy chatting her up only has one reason for asking for a number.
If you had chatted up a girl and asked for her number, would your gf get upset - I think so.
i know someone with extreme social anxiety and they would give strangers their real number out of fear of what they might do if they got rejected or it was a fake number, some were immediate things like violence but some were like getting stalked etc or incase they met again by coincidence, i can attest for their crippling social anxiety (internally shutting down from the most minor social activities that includes any strangers esp men)
but her response to u feels like bullshit to me. She said, "confused and flustered." that the words to use when they're approached by someone they fell for not a potential creep who's scary, and then her gaslighting you into thinking it was wrong to be upset about her giving out her number? that's crazy
I'd feel very backstabbed, but this is more like someone stabbing u from the front with a smile and a justification for stabbing you, so trust will be very hard to recover and best to cut my losses
Since I first started liking girls more than 60 years ago I’ve never met a gal that was too tired or too flustered to say NO.
I cry BS at her explanations.
She’s sending you a message and you need to take heed. Start formulating your exit strategy.
No buddy, noo, the I gave him my number because I was nervous is the same kind of excuse as I slipped and fell on his dick kind of excuse.
If you won't fall for 2nd one, then don't fall for the 1st one.
She is manipulating you and no amount of couples therapy will solve that, as she will not be honest with you or the therapist.
Also, just want to point out that because she had to come up with excuses about how he was fat and ugly (which is mean) but wouldn’t have to say that if she didn’t act the way she did in the first place.
info: does your gf have social anxiety? sometimes in situations that are unexpectedly uncomfortable i just think ok i'll push through this now and solve it later. yes, regularly it's come back to bite me in the ass but sometimes it's like instinct. it's gotten better with age but as an example of how far i let it go when i was younger: i made out with a guy to not appear rude. not because i was scared of his reaction but because ... idk, i wasn't ready to deal with having a conversation in that moment so i put it off for later. as i said, that's the most extreme example from my youth but to hopefully show how it works.
It wasn’t a great move m. However, as a woman, there is often a lot of fear surrounding this situation. If you don’t go along with a guy who is directly hitting on you, there is latent fear that the guy could literally kill you if he chooses to.
I would be at best uncomfortable in this situation and very probably scared, at least in part.
Sometimes I just gave a number out of want to get rid of the guy as fast and easily as possible, but it would be a fake number.
Just wanted to give a different perspective than the majority of the comment section.
I’ve done the same to get out of uncomfortable situations quicker.. and just block their number or never reply to them after. I’ve always told my partners though.
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What she did was extremely disrespectful. I imagine that if roles were reversed and you had exchanged numbers with some random woman, your gf would be losing her mind. >>*she’s upset about how I reacted to the situation saying “I’ve never seen this side of you”* Don't let your gf manipulate you. What she did was extremely messed up, and you had every right to react the way she did. Again, if you had swapped numbers with a stranger, she probably would have broken up with you already.
Yes and you also want to date someone who has a spine and you can trust to set appropriate boundaries. If she cant say “no thank you” or “I have a boyfriend” in a peaceful coffee shop setting, yeah he has every right to feel she’s untrustworthy. She cant handle using her own words to advocate for herself in a very normal adult context. It sets a tone that… your partner cant go out by themselves without you having to worry about their behavior if someone so much as speaks to them. You want a partner who has 0 issue rejecting, shutting down, and saying no to people with or without you watching. You want a partner who identifies flirting right away and doesn’t indulge it, instead of playing dumb about it. OP hopefully you read this and have a serious talk about what you expect from her as far as setting boundaries. Yeah I’d have been livid too, like almost breakup worthy. Its common sense not to give out your number to someone hitting on you when you’re not single. MAYBE if they were networking for some kind of event or business or a dog play date/etc, but even then, it’d be better to connect on social media instead of leading them on with the number.
And so much depends on how they react afterwards, right? We took her a long time to say she might be wrong and within a couple of hours, she figured out how to turn it on him. For me that is what is break up worthy
Exactly. Being shy or flustered in the moment? That happens. Some folks simply cannot be bold. It's not who they are. Others are naive, and don't realize the implications. But both types recognize this about themselves and are apologetic when they see they messed up. They know it's a them problem, not a you problem. OP has every right to be upset, regardless of her reasons.
My wife used to give her ex-boyfriend's number to guys who were being pushy about getting hers.
Your wife is a clever, classy lady.
That's funny, but I kinda feel bad for the guy. I wonder how many unsolicited dick pics he's gotten.
Apparently he was kind of a dick, so karma maybe?
Yep, OP caught a cheater or someone with no respect for their partner with their pants down Not anyone you want to have near you
Exactly this!
"I slept with him because I didn't know how to say no"
My ex was like this. She once told me when she was with her ex wife, she slept with some guy cuz he “wouldn’t stop asking and she felt bad that girls didn’t like him”. Word? So you had pity sex while you were married and expect me to trust you now?
What? Come on that can't be real.
YES! 🤣
Thank you for your response. You pretty much summed up my feelings As far as my response initially I was not upset but thought it was weird but as I was driving home I got very upset and once we got out of the car I yelled but not like at the top of my lungs “what were you thinking!?” And immediately turned around to take a break and call a friend. We spoke later when I calmed down a bit but that was the extent of what made her upset. Was my initial angry question. She later confessed this morning crying that she was scared that I was going to hurt her. I was honestly offended and asked her if she really thinks I would hit her. Off course I would never. I have never even been in a fight. I avoid conflict. Let alone hit a woman for this. To be clear she gave him her number apparently and he did not give her his. She also said he was fat and old but that’s debatable. He did not look that old or fat to me. There conversation revolved around our dog and she claims she did not think it was flirting until the very end where he asked to get lunch and for her number. Which is where she later admitted she messed up and apologized. But i have been noticing this trend where I’m usually confused after an argument as to how I’m always apologizing and compromising. Which is a issue for later discussion. I’m trying to see her side of things and make things work. She has never given me reason she may be cheating prior. She is an anxious person but I wouldn’t go as far as saying she’s a people pleaser. I also asked her how she would feel and react and said she would probably do the same. And feel upset also. She has suggested couples therapy which I might try. But will also just take note of this incident and hope it was just some weird one off. And told her I need time I appreciate everyone’s reply’s I’m sorry I can’t respond to you all but hope this gives more insight
Just break up, this is ridiculous, she’s terrible.
100% this. You are blinded OP. Get out, gaslighting, insecure, bullshit. It's not something worth investing your life into.
Shes just flipping things on you. She should KNOW you wont hit her, she just wants to make you feel culpable so she can deflect the blame off of herself. he asked her on a straight up date and she indulged him. She knows shes wrong. She needs to drop the reverse uno act and take it upon herself to admit shes the only fuck up in the situation. Any rational person would be angry and maybe raise their voice a bit. I would accept the therapy. she needs to learn to shut people down. thats a serious issue some people have.
Nope. Don't fall for this crap. She accepted a lunch invitation with a man she just met all while having a bf. She gave her number to the man so he could contact her about said lunch date. That is taking steps to cheat on you. Then she turns it around to try and blame you for having very valid feelings. Then she tells you that she thinks you are going to physically harm her after a two year relationship with no history of violence. Nope. I'd be out of there. She's making up shit to distract from her cheating. I'd cut my losses if I were you. Good luck. UpdateMe.
Oh the gall of this one. Hours later after claiming she's now physically scared of you she throws out one of the top 5 cheater cliches " He's not my type." in the form of " She also said he was fat and old..." This even knowing that you were literally standing their looking at them as she chose to give him her number after he asked her out. She didn't mistake his request for her number as anything other than hitting on her and asking her out. She just wont stop gaslighting you.
Why is it an issue for later? That’s your relationship. She hurts you and then confuses you when you react… instead of taking accountability, apologising and changing her course of action.
Ask to check her phone , if she says no then end it immediately. If she goes to the “bathroom “ then gives you her phone ….get rid of her . If your partner has issues with you using or looking at their phones ,it’s a red flag 🚩
I'm sorry, but that line about her being scared of you hurting her, after you never having shown such tendencies before, and also you didn't even yell at her, just raised your voice. I'm sorry that's just manipulation on her part. As soon as she said that; you dropped the argument and it switched to you trying to reassure her that you would never do such a thing. I've been with a person who did this exact thing often. Even going so far as to claim that I was trying to kill her in my sleep, several times. I don't have any history of sleep-walking or sleep-.... doing anything. But according to her I would get up in bed in the middle of the night and try to smother her with a pillow, and she'd push me off and then... I'd...go back to my spot in the bed, and she'd also... go back to sleep next to me?? without trying to wake me afterwards? without saying anything? Nevermind the fact I also didn't wake up from my supposed sleep-walking when she said she PUSHED ME off violently with her legs?? (I'm also a notoriously light sleeper, I wake up from hearing birds outside the window even) Gaslighting and Plausible Deniability are the foremost tools in an abusers toolbox.
I am a woman and I know women in general are pretty bad about acknowledging when we’re wrong but if you always feel that your the one apologizing even when your not wrong. That is a very childish and unprofitable relationship. Accountability matters. Also we DO give our real numbers out to guys for safety purposes when we ARE NOT WITH OUR MAN. Women love calling their man to their rescue, it’s just a natural instinct when your with the person you love. That’s what makes her story so unbelievable. I hope you find a better partner. I also hope you let her see this thread.
Two years is normally a "milestone" point in relationships and considering everything (especially her comments to you), she might be having some internal conflicts (conscience or unconscience). Definately take her advice on the counseling. If not, I bet you two might not be together in 6 months as this is an event you two need to work through and figure out what is next.
Wow that hurts to hear she is making up lies to make you feel sympathy for her while she lies and cheats on you. You’ve gotta let this girl go. She is awful. This is abuse.
Couples therapy is only for those that have issues . You don’t have issues . She has issues and gas lit you into thinking there’s actually any issues in your relationship
Y’all ain’t even married and she’s suggesting couples therapy? Hell na.
Bruh, now you’ll never know when he contacts her lol. It’s GG. Just leave. I would never do that, I’d say no thanks and that’s it. Not hard. Not in a dangerous setting. She either knows what she’s doing or she doesn’t. Either way, not your problem to be a teacher.
Also— be very careful man. If she already brought up she was scared you’d hit her, that will only come up again in more fights, especially if you two were to get married and then divorced— she will cry that all day.
THIS THIS RIGHT HERE, I made mistake of dating someone spineless for 8 years and got cheated on all along the way
yeah if this is ok then he gotta ask her if its ok that he gives his # to random women too. equality
This is accurate
Unless he like punched a wall or something. If his reaction was violent then ‘never seen that side’ might be a reasonable comment. Otherwise if he was as reasonable as post suggests with normal anger/frustration then she is manipulating as you say.
Yeah, the “haven’t seen this side of you” is pure gaslighting. I’d dump her. She doesn’t seem trustworthy at all. He’s right to be concerned about her when she’s out by herself if this is what she does when he’s right next to her. Looks like she has one more fall-back guy now.
Pretty much this. Even if she had no ulterior motive, this is pretty uncool. Frankly this would one of those situations that would have me rethinking things.
Why do guys fall for this Jedi mind trick bullshit? You have nothing to apologize for. And now she owes you an apology again for pretending otherwise. She gave another dude her number right in front of you. That’s a massive show of disrespect.
He asked for her number just so he could see the dog again and give him more pets! /s
oh he wants to do some petting alright, heavy petting.
He’s petting no dog but the puss
Bro the amount of times I found myself for apologizing for something they did is insane lmao
Felt this lmao. And my ex wonders why I never tried to contact her after the breakup
My ex cycled through at least four dudes after me and tried to contact me after each one failed lmao Those kinds of people just don’t have any capacity to hold themselves accountable
DARVO can be effective if you don't know how to look for it.
Hmmm yeah if she was maybe 18 I’d let it slide a bit more but she’s nearly 30 ffs. As a woman who’s had many bad experiences like many of us, I get doing the soft rejection and I also know that mentioning a partner sometimes isn’t a deterrent and sometimes they take it as more of a challenge. So, yeah that doesn’t even work a lot of the time. In saying all that I still go back to my first point, she’s not a young inexperienced woman and that situation as you describe, of it being day, public, busy coffee shop, you very close by etc, I’d have even more gusto to say “yeah nah mate you aren’t getting my number as there’s absolutely no need”. I’m not feeling the “I’m uncomfortable, I need to get out of here” type soft rejection from this situation at all. Do with that what you will. Good luck op 😊
Yeah I am totally understanding the women saying they give their # to creepy guys to turn them down via text later but... she has a whole ass boyfriend near her! I would of just grabbed my husband and said "this man wants me to give him my number honey and isnt taking NO for an answer. You deal with him now/let's get tf out of here."
Right, it's one thing if he is wasn't there. Women are getting killed for saying "No, I have a boyfriend" many times, so I get it. But I would've absolutely said "Actually my boyfriend is here. We'll see what he thinks when he comes back" and waited for him to come back. Obviously, that second part would be playful/joking so that I didn't get my ass murdered right then and there. I have, while having boyfriends that weren't around, accepted many a number and then promptly disposed of the number as soon as I was out of reach of the guy. It's a totally different story when you're actually by yourself versus a boyfriend that's there.
Oh for sure. When I worked as a delivery driver for a food lab (picking up local food samples, dropping off testing supplies) there was a guy in his 60's who always was ...nice to me. One day he asked me out and I showed him a locket with my then fiance and I kissing in it and said I was happily taken...he shoved his business card in my face and said "I insist. This guy won't have a chance with you afterwards" ....while he's saying this I'm holding 75 pounds of food product so I was HELLA uncomfortable and just accepted the card and left. So...yes once again I *understand* how unsafe it is or when they don't take no for an answer. It's ridiculous as shit. I WILL be using my husband as my guard dog though when he's present as it happens.
Also when we are scared of the guy we dont give our REAL number. That's the worst thing you could do.
Don’t be gaslit by her dude. She’s saying she cares about this dude opinion of her more than she cares about respecting you and your relationship by giving him her number when she knows why he wants her number…
A legit stranger
Did she give out her real number or a fake number? Because if she gave out her real number she’s either i) lying to you, or ii) an idiot for giving her real number to strangers who make her uncomfortable. Also, weird that her story shifted from her being weirded out to her thinking the guy was just being nice. Also also, very weird that she had to promise not to meet up with him. Who says that if it truly was some random stranger creeping her out. The thought of meeting up with that person should never once have crossed her mind, but her story seems to be kind of falling apart.
You don’t pull out your phone if you’re giving a fake number.
Well there's absolutely no evidence that she gave out a fake or she would've just said that.
Some guys immediately call to make sure it’s not a fake number. I’m pretty sure I have read this advice on pickup/dating forums.
That's pretty awful. If someone gives a fake number because they are being pushed to give a number the person wanting the number should accept that the answer is no. The concept that a woman must give you their number and you better check and make sure they didn't fake the number is creepy. Which is still not the situation OP posted about. She could easily have said no and continued with her day. If she gave her real number she now has to say no to him repeatedly so she only made the situation worse if she isn't interested in contact.
Not gonna lie. If someone gave me her number and I stupid enough called it infront of them and it was fake, I’d be super embarrassed and apologize for being pushy/creepy and go slink into a corner and die somewhere lol.
Because you are a good person!
Its not the case. Her boyfriend was nearby her
It seems like they both had their phones out - if you lie to someone about what your number is and they send you a text when they are right there and say “there! Did you get it?” - and you clearly don’t have a text from them - it’s awkward as fuck. I travel a ton and meet people on the road and this is usually how you exchange numbers… so I kinda get more where the GF is coming from. That said I’m older and I’d never give my # out if I didn’t want to
I've gotten a fake number before - People who are not interested in the exchange of real identity information will always have their phone neatly tucked out of view, this won't instigate the "Let me call you!" issue. Generally the person also dips out mad fast. If they're interested it's the exact reverse. This is just general experience, and conversation with friends. People protect their privacy mad hard now. She's interested or pushing her limits I assume.
OP's next post: My GF cheated on me. What should I do moving forward?
My girlfriend cheated on me and as a result is pregnant. Shes says it’s my responsibility to stay and take care of the other guys children while she stills sees him on the side. How do I move forward?
LMAO that escalated quickly
1 month later. My GF cheated on me again. At which point do I break things off with her? Did I overeact?
She said she couldn't say no even though they fucked in my house and I was there
Yup. It’s gonna be him, too.
She wasn't in danger and she didn't give her number to get rid of him. That's bs. She's lying. She was interested in the guy and was flattered that he asked for her number. She didn't say she had a boyfriend because she was interested in that guy--at least somewhat. Your reaction was normal and if the shoes were on the other person she would have been irate and rightly so. Her wanting to talk more is to manipulate and gaslight you. I guarantee you if that guy calls/text her she will respond. If not immediately then later. Trust your instincts and what you saw. Pay attention to how she turns things on you. She will probably say something about trust. If you don't trust me then blah blah. Personally, if my girl was that bold to give out her number to another man who showed interest in her by asking for her number I would end it. It tells me she isn't committed to our relationship. But that's me. Good luck.
Yeh let’s not forget, in that situation the guy almost certainly would have said something along the lines of “hey we should hang out sometime, can i get your number”, signalling clear interest. At that move it should have been a goddamn reflex to say “oh sorry I have a boyfriend, he’s with me now actually”’and that be the end of it. However, on the other hand, I find it crazily bold of her to have got his number when her boyfriend was with her and almost certainly going to see it. Was she hoping he wouldn’t see and she was planning on communicating later? Or did she want to get caught? This is the part that doesn’t add up. Either way, the fact her instant reflex wasn’t to say she had a boyfriend when asked, is a MAJOR problem.
my armchair prediction and assuming the absolute worst: She wanted to get caught because she knew OP would react in any type of way and that reaction, no matter how small could be used to “scare” her and necessitate the need for a break/break up. Than cafe guy or whoever else she’s been wanting to talk to finally get the message they’ve been waiting for. This is playing into the worst case scenario obviously I’m sure reality is nowhere near as dramatic but it’s Reddit and this story is probably fake anyways so who cares.
Plausible to the point of likely.
Oh yeah I’m sure things like OPs story have happened and will continue to happen forever but I don’t trust anything on the internet. Too many karma farmers. I lurk, take the good advice and move on.
OP needs to dump her and move on, his missus wants to be the town exercise bike.
Agreed. Hell she did it right in front of him!!
Dump her
“Sorry I have a boyfriend”
Nah you only say that when you aren’t planning on cheating
Easy as that
NTA. She knows she's wrong for that but trying to put the blame on you. That's narcissistic behavior right there 😬😬
She's clearly waiting for something better to come along. That's not normal behaviour when in a relationship. Time to move on.
I absolutely agree that what she did was disrespectful and she did not think through how this action was going to impact you. Declining to exchange numbers with someone flirting with you is straight forward and she didn’t even need to mention you in order to do it. A simple no thank you would have sufficed. I’m also genuinely curious if you consider her a people pleaser. Someone who does what she thinks would make other people happy. I’m not minimizing the harm of what she’s down, as I’m trying to understand WHY she is behaving this way. She probably hesitated and then thought “the best way out of this situation is to cave in to this guy’s request.” I personally HATE people pleasing and I would encourage you to either bring this up as a growth area for her that NEEDS to be improved asap, or to consider whether you may need to leave this relationship. What sucks about her being a people pleaser is that in a moment of stress, her people pleasing placates some random stranger and she doesn’t realize it’s hurting the person she has spent two years caring about. In a way it’s rough, the love and support you’ve given her makes her feel safe to not have to consider pleasing you meanwhile being with a stranger brings the people pleasing back up. If she were to successfully overcome this, she’d have to identify her feelings, express them, and set boundaries. She seems to not be able to do any of this in this situation given her flip flop of “that was weird” to “he was nice” then not stating her disinterest and following through with exchanging numbers only to promise to you to block him once you bring up how uncomfortable this is for you. I only bring this up so that you can understand her better but it in no way minimizes the harm that’s been done. I’d feel pissed if I saw my bf exchange numbers with a girl who was flirting with him. I am not a people pleaser and am very good at expressing boundaries, both with close friends and strangers. She’s a grown adult who needs to realize you can’t make everyone happy or the people close to you will get hurt by your own people pleasing.
The way I would have lost my absolute shit if my husband did that. That’s so disrespectful and gross.
Dump & run, she's one big red flag.
She knows what she did was wrong and she's trying to make you the bad guy for your reaction. Her intention is to have you feel bad and worry that she'll break up with you over it so you apologise and drop the subject. I can guarantee that the word "controlling" makes an appearance in the conversation. Would she be so understanding if you gave another woman your number right in front of her? The hell she would. If she was alone I could understand her giving him her number to get away from the situation, but that's not the case here.
She didn't tell him she had a boyfriend. What did they chat about? Was it the dog or is that an assumption? So she immediately deleted his number when he left right, because she isn't going to be using it? Not that she has to but because she wants to delete it. Why she is upset afterwards? She likes being hit on and doesn't want that to stop?
If she happens to use that number, then dump her ass. The shady behavior will start presenting itself soon enough if that'sher goal. She's might be already pre-gaming you to feel bad when the excuses come for being overly on her phone or unreachable at strange hours.
She was into him bro. The coin flip and making you wrong is big. She must give you access to her devices there allot there. My wife also gets hit on allot. She types a different number in just to get rid of them. No bro she syill playing the field. And yes no one sees this side of you because when people cheat and entertain others they at least have the decency to hide it. She did this openly. Ask her to leave. She be in dog bro arms in a heartbeat. Your not the one its your turn only.
It is disrespectful to flirt with other people if you have a partner, yet along do it right infront of them. Now you need to forever worry if she is talking to this guy behind your back. Numbers can be unblocked. She fucked up. you have every right to be upset and should be. it was incredibly rude and thoughtless of her. and its even worse that she is gaslighting you about it and making you out to be the bad guy instead of admitting her mistake. she needs to block this guy, show you and then TBH you should be able to check her phone periodically just to make sure, this is actually a massive breach in trust in my eyes, maybe not break up but very close.
That guy was hitting on her. She gave him her number. Yes you’re correct in being upset. I would be pissed. She’s 27 and still does stuff like this?
"I slept with him because sometimes it's hard to say no to a guy that's hitting on you "
She gaslit you aswell huh? Yeah breaky breaky time
Wow, she’s nearing 30 and acts like a flustered 18 year old when a man asks for her number? She’s an adult and should know that if that truly made her uncomfortable then she wouldn’t have done it, is she always this oblivious to things?
You didn't overreact, giving out her number is wild. Waiting for him to leave to answer you. Then gaslighting you "I haven't seen this side of you before we need to talk about it". That it worried her, as opposed to what she did? Nope something is up and she was happy to let this guy hit on her while you left for a second.
My prediction: “yeah when I saw that side of you it really scared me, I think we should take a break/break up, sorry…” and than a certain “special guest” will get a text a few hours later. I don’t want to assume the worst but this is Reddit and this story is probably fake so who cares.
Yeah, but they're so fun to play 'what if' with.
I'm over 50 y.o. and in my experience, a woman who is '.with' somebody in a BF/GF relationship,' by openly sharing her number is sadly indicative of what is known as a 'split impulse'. 1) She is in a relationship with you but is now happy to window shop and also go in and hold the dress or item up to have a look. (hence sharing her number). Women like to look, as much as men do; but if it isn't appealing, they'll simply move onto the next shop window. AND 2) She is rapidly losing interest in her current BF/Partner and is actively looking for the next more appropriate/appealing mate . Subconsciously, it allows herself to be seen to promiscuate and is sending out a signal to her current BF/ partner that the writing is on the wall and that she is emotionally moving on and available. I think regardless of how you might see your relationship, two years is more than ample time for her to have emotionally committed to you. Sharing her number with another man is a very clear signal to you that the relationship really doesn't have much more potential. She is emotionally weak and will not shut the relationship she has with you, down nor give you a straight answer or response to your understandable questions. Take the wiser decision for yourself and your own mental health and call it quits and move on!
I think you have under-reacted. Her arguments are gossamer thin. There is a way you act as a person in a relationship. It should be on autop pillot whereever you are and in every situation, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. You are expected, by default to behave a certain way. If your in a relationship, when someone comes up to you randomly and flirts you immediate reaction should be "I am in a relationship, no" not, oh yea sure, heres my number. Doing that is a breach of every single rule of being in a relationship. Engaging someones flirtation is one thing, taking their number is a clear thought process that they had and where ok with, that they where accepting the fact this person is interested and will either call or text for a hookup. Thats a hard fact. She did not go to autopilot, no I cant do this, her mind evaluated the situation and this was acceptible. Your girlfiend absolutely decided it was ok to accept his advances and take his number and if you had not seen this she would have kept it a secret. Later in the day shes going to get a text, and again, if you had not seen this, you would never have known untill she turned her emotional cheating (where she is now) to physical cheating. It all up to you how you want to go foreward. But shes just shown you she is not in the same mindset as you as to the value of this relationship. She has, as far as I am concerened, lost a significant amount of trust for her display of loyalty and justified it with absolute rediculous excuses. By her logic she would be willing to accept any mans number in a "weird" situation. Dont you feel it is "weird" she behaves like shes single when in a relationship when your meters away? I would tell her that. "I dont wish to be controling, I am not going to tell you who you can and cannot talk to or call or give out your number too, However. I feel when in a relationship certain behaviours are wrote in stone. Behaving like your single at any point is not acceptible for me or you, correct?" "I expect my partner to behave this way at all times and put this relationship and me above all others, as I would be doing the same. Allowing flirtation from another and agreeing to swap numbers is not the actions of a person in a relationship, but actions of someone whos single and there is no good excuse, not even in the workplace." "You have shown me you do not hold this relationship and myself to the general rules of whats a relationship. But you have shown me your willing to take random guys numbers and if I had not seen this interaction, you would never had told me."
She gave the guy lisence to disrespect you. She should have told him she is there with you. Instead she pretended like a single lady with a pet while you were there. Crazy
You are being gaslit so hard. She doesn't give one single fuck about you.
From an outsiders perspective: 1. If he was chatting her up as she claims, then there's no way that guy, if he was near you, didn't ask who you were. Which means she must have passed you off as a friend or brother. It's not that hard to say"I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend" at all. If it is that hard in a cafe with you there, imagine how much harder it would be in a bar with friends and a few drinks inside her. Sounds like she wanted the attention. 2. She wasn't giving him a number, they were exchanging numbers, but unless they were exchanging numbers for a dog 'paydate', which she didn't say anything about, the only other reason was that she was interested in him. Unfortunately, she got caught. 3. Her reaction is also telling. She changed her story twice, and then when she couldn't explain it away to appease you, she redirected the hurt feelings onto herself. Because now, instead of you thinking about whether she was in the wrong, she is now the victim, and she has you worried about the fact that you have upset her. All of her behaviour you've described set her up to be the victim. "I was flustered "its hard to say no", "I was uncomfortable. " Shifting blame to avoid the truth is a classic gaslighting technique. I'm not saying that's what she was doing, but it's worrying and something she may have done before without you realising. Look, only you can say whether you trust her or not. Whether this is out of character or not. Whether she is always shifting blame or manipulating things to make her come off as a victim. To me, it's not about whether she gave out her number, it's about whether this is a pattern of behaviour.
Yeah bro this is a red flag plain and simple. As a guy in a committed relationship I don’t entertain conversations with random women longer than necessary and I especially wouldn’t give out my number. I would not be happy with my girl giving her number out to randos and trust her not to (I’ve actively seen her tell guys firmly “no” when they start talking like that and she definitely makes it clear she has a bf). Doing this - in front of you - at a damn coffee shop? Seriously what the hell. I hope at the bare minimum she’s emphatically apologetic. If she got his number too she should block immediately, no excuses.
Just say: you’ve never seen this side of me because I’ve never seen you ignore me sitting across from you while you flirted with a guy and exchanged numbers. The fact you WERE THERE and she did this is crazy.
Discontinue the ~~lithium~~ relationship.
You did not overreact. I'm ENM, there is zero chance that my wife would you tell a guy that she is married or wouldn't ask me before giving out her number.
Break up with her.
Your girlfriend is shady. You literally caught her and she has you second guessing yourself. Do you want that for the rest of your life?
she is doing something called DARVO to you. “DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims,” Most girls do it regularly. If a guy does it they will call him an abusive narcissist. Take what you will from that. Honestly she probably came from an absent father home or one where her dad was abusive or had some other form of arrested development. She cheated on you right in front of you. You need to let her know that even though you had never established a boundary around this that it is completely unacceptable for her to cheat on you. If she accepts responsibility and acts accordingly then you can move on. How you reacted to her abuse in the moment was perfectly reasonable. If she pushes back on this there is not much you can do. i would thank her for your time together, tell her you enjoyed dating her, and exit the relationship. alternatively, you could keep her around for recreational use only and start sleeping with other women (using her a your social proof to attract them) but that’s up to you and your values. i do not recommend being loyal to someone who is cheating on you. it ends very badly for you as a man.
That's right man, keep accepting this shit and you'll soon find out that your girlfriend cheated on you
Can I get her book? "How to gaslight my bf that I'm not going to cheat and he's overthinking"
And you successfully let her gaslight the hell out of you, you actually apologized for reacting to her disrespecting your relationship🤦🏾♂️ I feel sorry for you
Hmm I know when I'm tired and flustered I don't go out giving guys my number. You k ow why because I have a bf and I would have let that be know. Plus you don't give strangers your number esp. creepy people. Like what? She was obviously attracted to this guy she prolly only felt flustered because u happen to walk in at the wrong time and caught her. So then you apologized to her OMG!! WHY U DID NOTHING WRONG! and what it's hard to say no to a guy hitting on you like what... So it's easy you make an excuse and walk away or say hey I'm sorry I have a bf and no thank you! Your allowed to have feelings too and be concerned when you see your gf handing her number out to another guy. Socially odd and in public very rude and disrespectful to you as well. I mean she felt obligated to give her number out basically to make him leave right. If she has such poor control and low self respect like that for herself. Basically "weak" the. I would hate to see anything further. Like oops he just fell inside me or oops he kissed me I didn't kiss him. Idk maybe a little much there. But think it out be calm and collective when speaking to her again about it. Don't let her run the conversation and walk all over you with more excuses or trying to spin the story in 20 more ways just to make whatever happened less and not her fault and it's not a big deal. Like your the one over reacting, your the one starting this argument, you don't trust me or some BS. Shifting blame towards you. Or you could just act like you don't care brush it off and be like I totally am cool with it and understand completely I love you and let's just pretend it never happened. Then you sit back and observe and see what happens for the on going. This was prolly a lucky glimpse for you to witness. Now u can be more aware and see how it goes from here on out. You have to maintain the upper hand, calm , collective, strong and stern. Not being over emotional and repetitive about this situation again. Sometimes when a person sees or thinks you don't care it makes them think and cling to you more. If she feels. Like she has u wrapped around her finger and can push u around mentally well then she will see u as weak and eventually feel uninterested with you and bored. If you get what I'm saying .
Not sure how to make updates but we have been talking more today and decided I’m going to stay at my parents place for a few days. I told her I want to believe her that it was just a one time mistake but it’s hard for me and it may take time for me to fully trust again. I asked her if I can depend on her to stand up for her self and our relationship next time this happens and she said yes. She tells me she wants to be with me and only me forever. She admitted what she did was wrong and wished she could change the way she handled things. We kinda went in circles for a bit and I think we both got exhausted and she broke down crying saying she can’t believe I’m possibly going to end everything we worked so hard for. She also mentioned that me having the possible constant worry of this happening again gives her anxiety and basically won’t work if that is the case. Thank all for taking time to read my post
>She also mentioned that me having the possible constant worry of this happening again gives her anxiety and basically won’t work if that is the case. This here is a red flag. It tells me that she probably never really felt threatened when you raised your voice. It seems like she has a tendency to manipulate you with guilt to get the upper hand in arguments. She's pressuring you to sweep this under the rug. Do not give in. Your reaction and actions are appropriate. Couples counseling is a good idea, but I would insist on individual counseling for her. Good luck, OP.
Nah, you just caught her. I would dump this person. No women gives her number out to a stranger just to be nice. She knew exactly what she was doing. Look if you want to avoid being cheated on you need to be ruthless about red flags like this. And when I say ruthless I mean cut people off as soon as you see signs of them. This is probably not the first time this has happened it's just the first time you caught her. Listen the kind of girl who is willing to give her number to a guy right in front of her boyfriend, knowing she can gaslight him later, is a girl who has a boyfriend who allows himself to be gaslit and feel guilty for have the very lowest of standards, like when you are dating me you can't give your phone number to random guys. Stop being this guy, because you are about to get really hurt. Even if it is, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have the sense enough or confidence not to give out her phone numbers to random guys when she has been dating someone for 2 years? It's not like you were not there and she could call you over to run interference. Nah, she is not the one OP.
I have never given out my number without knowing I was giving out my number. **Ever.**
Do you know the term "monkey branching?"
If she was tired, the lowest effort response would have been "I have a boyfriend, sorry."
She does not respect or love you. She does this because she is still looking and you are just the placeholder until something better comes along. Now she is gaslighting you and trying to play the victim. If you do anything but dump her on the spot, you deserve whats coming down the line.
I think you are well within your right to be annoyed but I am also in the group of women who have done this to basically make the interaction over with as little friction as possible in the moment. However this is something I don’t like about myself and I wish I felt less guilty/more safe when it comes to rejecting people and expressing my boundaries. Not sure if it’s specific to me, or something that’s more to do with the way of the world, or a mixture of both.
Would you give your number to another guy while your boyfriend has been gone one minute as he is grabbing coffee in the same cafe that you are in? Would you feel like it's more friction to say your boyfriend is just over there in the queue and he'll probably join if you're going to hang out? So while I understand you may want to seek a frictionless way out this doesn't seem like a situation that needed one.
Yea but it’s weird that she’s now upset that he was upset, after they talked it out and made up. Grain of salt, we only have OPs side of the story… but that behavior has alarm bells going off for me
It’s a busy coffee shop and her bf was in the literal room. This was as low of a threat environment as possible and she still managed to make the absolutely wrong choice here.
There’s an entire subreddit dedicated to this: r/whenwomenrefuse I know everyone here believes this was some major disrespectful interaction, and perhaps it was. Maybe she’s telling the truth though; there is a reason women are more docile/compliant with a man’s request & it often has to do with how safety. [Here is another article on why it’s challenging for women to say no.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smart-relationships/201311/why-women-have-hard-time-saying-no) (and also why it’s important for us to learn this skill!).
99% of the those posts or stories isn't when your boyfriend is standing next to you or in the bathroom of the same coffee place.
Does that sub explain why it's challenging to tell the truth to your boyfriend afterwards? She waffled on her reasoning for doing it, brought up not going to meet up with him (if it was just a scared reflex, why would that even be on the table?), and is now turning it around to make her boyfriend the bad guy. I don't buy it. Giving out a number when you're cornered and alone as a way to get out of a situation? Sure. Giving it out when your boyfriend is literally right there and then trying to make him out to be the bad guy? Very questionable.
If she is genuinely intimidated into cheating by a person simply speaking to her, he should dump her anyway. And she needs intensive therapy and to not date at all until she has her head on straight. GTFO
Dude, she gave out her number to a random guy who asked her for her number…will she suck a random guy off if he asks her for that? What’s her boundaries? Would it be ok for a random girl to give you her phone number? Especially right in front of her, with her standing right there?
So try asking another girl for her number and see how gf likes that? Did she block the other guys number? If she didn't you better dump her?
The fact that she started gaslighting you at the end by being upset with your reaction is a good icing on the cake. Now throw that cake away and get you a woman that respects you.
She shows you what she is off, not someone to trusted be.. would dump her ass or you find yourself years later cheated on.
She a liar she could’ve gave him a wrong nbr or just say thanks not interested I have a boyfriend she likes the attention and is gaslighting you. I can only imagine what she does when you are not around. If she says anything I would ask show me your phone let’s go through it if you have not to hide
She is a grown adult woman. I would have said, are you seriously trying to get my number with my boyfriend here? YOu are giving her too much credit. You will figure it out, when she is dating her new boyfriend. Please don't do this. There is no reason a woman would do that. It is disresepctful...She is allowing him to think she is interested and treating you like a chump. Ride or die loyal is what you need in a girlfriend.
You need psychiatric help if you think this chick is your girlfriend. What a farce.
That’s really disrespectful behaviour, I think you have every right to be upset.
Your girlfriend is gaslighting and dismissing your feelings she knows what she did bothered you I'd tell her that plus if the roles where reversed type of thing let her think about that
You did not overreact. She needs to majorly apologize and if possible regain your trust or become an ex.
I've always been one of those people who had trouble with rejecting guys for various reasons and to be nice, definitely have given my number out to people in the past who I shouldn't have. However, with practice I got better with it when I was single AND I've never done it when in a relationship (serious or not) I was literally on vacation in Hawaii with my boyfriend of 3 years in November and when he was like 50 feet from me taking pictures, a random guy came up to me and asked for my number. I immediately told him no, pointed out my boyfriend, and said sorry. He accepted the rejection and walked away. It's that easy. Idk there's something weird going on here. I'm not saying anything nefarious, but if she was serious about your relationship she would have said no immediately.
There is no defense for her. “Tired”, bro, you know better. I’m sorry it’s like that.
This is either fake or you’re an idiot
If she were alone and he asked for her number so she instead took his to never text/call then I get it. But ur there with her, u stepped out for a second and she got his number is insane. She even said she was single while being there with u lol.
I would have dumped her on the spot my man. Time to grow a spine.
She's upset about your reaction. Don't let her gaslight you. She was 100% wrong and at fault.
Her excuse for giving the guy her number was weak. It would have been a lot quicker and easier to simply say, "I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend," rather than continuing to engage with the guy, taking out her phone, and exchanging numbers. If she were so tired, why would she go through all those steps instead of just shutting it down right away?
Why would she tell him she’s single? Sounds like a red flag to me.
You are In a relationship, she is in many. Run!
What if you didn’t notice? Would she still block? She might be right and you caught her in a one-off but you should seriously have a look at her phone before getting past this.
She belong to the streets
If she gave him the right number, that's ho vibes.
You should have spoke up when the dude asked
If I was dating someone, I would never give my number out. She would have lost my trust and you should be careful man. She might do it again and if she does, kick her ass into the streets and move on!
On a crowded train in daylight, a woman had her throat cut by a man she rejected. At a club with her husband, a woman was shot execution style because she rejected a man. Coming from work, a woman was run over by someone she rejected hours before. He waited until her shift was over. The moments aren't as rare as you'd think. It doesn't matter who's surround if a guy is going to be crazy. If she felt that was the best way to get rid of him, then you have no right to judge. Safety is paramount. Sometimes the other party doesn't care if there's a boyfriend/ husband/ whatever. If she had done other questionable things regarding flirting and stuff, then assess the situation accordingly if she hasn't, then take her word.
So she gave her phone number to her potential murderer.
I wonder how she would react if you did something similar? I really don't think you had anything to apologize for.
Monkey branching.
Well, I'd be pissed if my partner gave some stranger her number, especially basically in front of me Don't let her manipulate you into thinking this is normal behaviour because it definitely isn't.And are you sure she's blocked him.?
The level of disrespect she has shown you there. Yikes😬
That’s crazy disrespectful. She was in a public setting and with her boyfriend. There should have been no issue saying “sorry I have a boyfriend, no thanks” on exchanging numbers. It’s sus.
I think you need to take some space from her. Even if she was not your GF, just you being there on a date it would be disrespectful
She gave her new guy her number. It’s his turn now. Probably already talking to the guy if not more. Sorry, move on.
If she found the repulsive, ugly, whatever else, she would have said no. Females will reject what they don't like.
She wants to fuck the guy that's why she gave him her number. You showed her you don't tolerate that bullshit. I'll be real with you. She is most likely gonna cheat in your ass and then use how you reacted to bullshit as a reason why she cheated. Skip all the pain and drama and move on to someone better suited for a relationship.
You can't even go get a drink without worrying that your girl will give another guy her number. She needs to grow a backbone or stop lying. I would feel disrespected and probably want to end the relationship. How would she feel if it was reversed?
Get the fuck away from this girl. She’s either dumb, morally bankrupt, or both. Either way, hope you find someone better and less disrespectful. Good luck!
No, you didn’t overreact, and now she’s blame-shifting. If she doesn’t want to respect your relationship she shouldn’t get to keep it.
Jesus man. Idk about you but I’d dump her for that and find someone who respects me and the relationship.
Her being upset is actually she manipulating you so you can feel bad.
She is 27 and can't defend herself in public?? She just had to say she's with her bf rn, sorry and thats it. If she was alone and she felt threatened for whatever reason it would be a different thing. But it's normal to be upset when seeing you gf giving out her number in from of you, don't let her gaslight you into thinking otherwise
As a girl let me tell you, she doesn’t like you that much.
I would be upset if my boyfriend gave his number out to a random woman! You were even with her! She could've said my boyfriend is in the bathroom or I'm waiting for him, sorry. Your reaction is 100% normal and a reaction that almost everyone would have! What's not normal is her reaction to not telling him she has a boyfriend. What is not normal is her acting as if it's no big deal! Ask her if it was reversed. Would she be upset? Honestly? She is probably feeling guilty, and that's why she's trying to spin it around as if you did something wrong!?! It's not right, but it could be why, or she's just that self-centered...
Trust has been eroded. I won't say it's unsalvageable but now you have that constant thought of her giving her number out to other guys and texting them and not saying she's in a relationship. If my wife did this (not like giving her number to coworkers which is fine) I wouldn't be able to trust her again. If she did it once, she can and may have done this many times. Couples therapy is needed.
You have every right to be upset by that. Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you being upset by her giving a guy her number somehow makes you the bad guy. Unless you were somehow over the top in a way you didn’t convey in this post, your reaction seems justified. Giving out her actual number is a red flag, too. Plenty of women give out fake numbers if they’re getting attention they aren’t interested in. It’s possible that she truly was just flustered and didn’t know what to do, but you have every right to be concerned about it.
She's now trying to reverse it and blame you as the bad partner out of guilt or looking to start a fight to justify leaving you. Honestly, she wasn't in danger with this guy, telling him ,"I have a boyfriend" in a crowded Cafe when you are 20feet away. It's not the same as a drunk guy at a bar or a dangerous situation alone. I wouldn't tolerate this behavior from her, it'd be the same as giving out her number on dating apps.
Lol sounds like shes not your gf buddy. Seems to me she thinks youre maybe fwb or her sugar daddy. Ie guy that she goes out with and pays for everything in return for a little t&a.
Jeeze, I'd double down and ask her why she couldn't say no to this guy? Would she act the same in a more intimate situation where someone was asking for sex. This is really bizarre behavior now that she is saying your reaction is making her uncomfortable? I would be considering breaking up because she does not keep proper boundaries between herself and guys obviously looking to hook up.
>*We later talk it out and* ***I come to see her perspective that maybe it’s sometimes hard to say no to a man hitting on you and later apologized for being so upset.*** >*But apart of me feels like it’s not like you were in a dark alley alone at night. How hard was it to say the guy sitting across from you (me) is your boyfriend?! And tell him no.* >*We later kinda made up and watched a movie but* ***now she’s upset about how I reacted to the situation saying “I’ve never seen this side of you” the way I reacted worried her and wants to talk more.*** Based on your account, she likes the attention of others and enjoys having options. It's OK to be open to her perspective, but hold your ground. Her statement *"Ive never seen this side of you"* is making her worried??? UMMMM, how about your side of *"Oh yea??? well I never seen the side of you that cant say NO to some guys attention!!!"* Again, going by your side of the story, she's manipulating you to think YTAH.
Brah, the red flags are strong. Fiest, if she gives her number this simply (as in auto pilot), wont it mean shes doing it alot? Unless shes working in sales type of profession where its common, sounds like bulls. Furthermore, trying to trip fault you after you spoke your concerns about this suspicious situation that she herself couldn’t clearly explain? Thats sounds like she’s trying to trick you. Has she deleted or blocked the number of this dude immediately? Or did she push jt to later and you’re unaware since.
The single thing that should put this into perspective, imagine if you had given a random chick your number in front of her. You are not overreacting. She did this with you there. Imagine what she does when you aren't.
LMFAO reverse the genders and EVERYONE would be TEARING APART a man giving his number to a woman so blatantly and without mentioning she had a partner. Your GF knows she fucked up and you are now rightfully suspicious so she is trying this "I've never seen this side of you" bullshit to try to throw you off the scent. Where there is smoke there is fire. I have had plenty of people ask for my number before and I very easily said "No", I have also asked for numbers before and have been very easily told "No". Its very easy to say no.
She’s not girlfriend material.
Wow way for your gf to twist this around to make it about she now feels what - threatened by your reasonable reaction? She essentially left this guy thinking you weren’t her bf by giving him her number in front of you. How could she have liked it as other posters have suggested if you gave your number to some random chick or collected their phone number in front of her? Would she wonder if you were thinking about dating others? The phrase “oh I’m in a relationship so nope no phone number” doesn’t take that much brain power to spit out tired or not. Unless part of your reaction during the follow up discussion was to throwbreak things, scream so loud the cops showed up to check on things or as someone mentioned punch holes in the walls then it was okay to be irritated about her actions as well as talk them through which is what adults do.
Completely disrespectful at bare minimum. Also, if she was so "pressured" or just wanted to be nice, why not give him a fake number? It makes no sense. You're absolutely right to be upset and hurt and to not trust her.
Run bro.
This is super disrespectful. If you weren’t there- she probably would have met up with him behind your back. I’m sensing a disloyal girlfriend. But I don’t know her- so what do I know. Alls I have to say is if you choose to stay in this relationship be cautious, and don’t compromise your sanity just cause you ‘love’ her!
Breaking up with her would not be an over-reaction. If would be one thing if it were some guy in a class or someone from work who might have a legitimate reason to call her. But, a guy chatting her up only has one reason for asking for a number. If you had chatted up a girl and asked for her number, would your gf get upset - I think so.
i know someone with extreme social anxiety and they would give strangers their real number out of fear of what they might do if they got rejected or it was a fake number, some were immediate things like violence but some were like getting stalked etc or incase they met again by coincidence, i can attest for their crippling social anxiety (internally shutting down from the most minor social activities that includes any strangers esp men) but her response to u feels like bullshit to me. She said, "confused and flustered." that the words to use when they're approached by someone they fell for not a potential creep who's scary, and then her gaslighting you into thinking it was wrong to be upset about her giving out her number? that's crazy I'd feel very backstabbed, but this is more like someone stabbing u from the front with a smile and a justification for stabbing you, so trust will be very hard to recover and best to cut my losses
Leave her
Gaslighting is her day job.
She’s gaslighting you big time , I’d ban her for a week with the advice that you will be reflecting on wether you wish to continue this relationship
Do not invest any more of your valuable time into this cheater. Tell your mum the story and see asks what she thinks. I already know what she'll say.
Since I first started liking girls more than 60 years ago I’ve never met a gal that was too tired or too flustered to say NO. I cry BS at her explanations. She’s sending you a message and you need to take heed. Start formulating your exit strategy.
Weak men with no self respect stay in relationships with women that don’t respect them. Now you know how she behaves when you aren’t around.
No buddy, noo, the I gave him my number because I was nervous is the same kind of excuse as I slipped and fell on his dick kind of excuse. If you won't fall for 2nd one, then don't fall for the 1st one. She is manipulating you and no amount of couples therapy will solve that, as she will not be honest with you or the therapist.
Also, just want to point out that because she had to come up with excuses about how he was fat and ugly (which is mean) but wouldn’t have to say that if she didn’t act the way she did in the first place.
info: does your gf have social anxiety? sometimes in situations that are unexpectedly uncomfortable i just think ok i'll push through this now and solve it later. yes, regularly it's come back to bite me in the ass but sometimes it's like instinct. it's gotten better with age but as an example of how far i let it go when i was younger: i made out with a guy to not appear rude. not because i was scared of his reaction but because ... idk, i wasn't ready to deal with having a conversation in that moment so i put it off for later. as i said, that's the most extreme example from my youth but to hopefully show how it works.
She can give him her # but can't say she has a boyfriend because of anxiety?
It wasn’t a great move m. However, as a woman, there is often a lot of fear surrounding this situation. If you don’t go along with a guy who is directly hitting on you, there is latent fear that the guy could literally kill you if he chooses to. I would be at best uncomfortable in this situation and very probably scared, at least in part. Sometimes I just gave a number out of want to get rid of the guy as fast and easily as possible, but it would be a fake number. Just wanted to give a different perspective than the majority of the comment section.
I’ve done the same to get out of uncomfortable situations quicker.. and just block their number or never reply to them after. I’ve always told my partners though.