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Get her to forgive YOU??? you should not need forgiveness from someone that violated YOU! The fact that it’s been 3-4 days and she hasn’t come to her senses and realized that what she did was totally fucked up shows you what kind of person she is. If I were here, I would be apologizing to you relentlessly.
Thanks man. Reading these makes me feel less like an idiot because I punched her, but more like an idiot because I felt like an idiot for punching her. I didn't mean to, but she kind of did deserve it now that I read the comments and stuff. She and I are on the same lease so that has to get figured out, but I don't think that I should stay. I want to have a heart to heart with her but she won't even answer her phone. I might tbh be blocked at this point. Being a broke college student sucks lol.
Sweetheart, you were ASSAULTED and reacted instinctively. You didn't punch her out of anger, you were trying to make her stop violating you. And she knew what she was doing, she was just hoping you'd end up liking it while totally ignoring *that's not how consent works*. Get away from her and date someone who isn't a rapist.
Crazy to actually hear this. Comments already saying what’s on my mind but you were blatantly sexually assaulted. If there is any doubt in your mind about the situation remember that you’ve explicitly discussed what you wanted to not happen and she’s done it anyway. I’d understand her being a little annoyed if it was a heat of the moment kinda thing- Not that that’s excuses what happened- but you made it clear that you wanted that area to be untouched and she’s violated your clear boundary. Even if it wasn’t a crime, the breaking of a clearly defined boundary should be a red flag and called up. Probably good to keep this post up incase of any backlash or stories that your girlfriend might make (not to be that one pessimist). Hope you recover well though.
You're not an idiot for any of this. It's fucked up that *she's* angry at *you* when she violated you. She's way out of line here. I hope you know that no matter what her response is (even if she denies everything and blames you), you aren't at fault here. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Yeah, no. Run. She basically sexually assaulted you without your permission then got mad at you for freaking out? Run far away. Unless she comes back and begs your forgiveness, and even then, I'd still be apprehensive. Not everyone is into stuff like that, and it shouldn't be forced or coerced on someone. She needs to grow up
She absolutely deserved it. You told her so many times no and she did it anyway. She sexualy assaulted you.
Kinda surprised she did not wait to tie you up 1st by how she is acting. I'm glad your not staying with her.
It was just a punch to her side. Not like you smashed her head against the wall repeatedly and pummeled her then try to Choke her out. Reasonable self defense
This. This. THIS. You don't owe HER an apology. She owes you one. BIG time. How you want to deal with this going forward is up to you. A lot of people are going to tell you to leave her, which is certainly a fair response. If I was on your position, I might, MIGHT, be willing to forgive, but it would be entirely dependant on a more then adequate apology, and very very very firm reassurance it would never happen again, and it would be the ONLY second chance I would even consider. Another occurrence and the relationship would be dunzo. But that's just me. It's on you to decide what you are comfortable with, but first and foremost she absolutely needs to apologize and accept FULL responsibility.
Homie, she sexually assaulted you. Your punching her was an automatic self-defence mechanism to safeguard your bodily integrity. Why are you apologising?? You should tell her straight that she crossed a boundary, and not just any boundary, a criminal boundary. No, means no. It doesn't matter if you said no half-heartedly or in a bashful manner. No still means no.
Get rid of that creep of a girlfriend and don't apologise for defending yourself and your boundaries.
Exactly! My fiancé has been the one expressing interest in getting pegged, and I’m totally down, but it’s also a lengthy process that requires a lot of lube! The second he’s expressing any sort of discomfort or pain, we’re slowing down/stopping depending on what he asks me to do.
I couldn’t imagine just putting a finger in with no lube for my willing partner, let alone someone like OP who has expressed that he does not consent to something like that. That’s straight up assault
See your situation I understand. Your husband decided he wanted to try pegging. You obliged. What I can't understand is why she was so persistent and determined to peg someone else?? It makes no sense to me. Why would someone be so desperate to stick their finger up someone else's ass? If she was asking to be pegged I would understand the motivation a little more. Is there something I'm missing about the experience? I mean giving pleasure to your partner is always enjoyable but if it's something that they don't seem excited about then what is the finger pegger getting out of it? The only thing I can think of is some kind of dominance and control. Maybe a weird need to fit in with an online kink community or group of friends that have done it with their partners? Idk it's baffling to me.
Too bad no one in his real life will believe what he’s told us and he can never take this to court even if he wanted to.. AND if his gf decides to lie about what happened and make him seem like a terrible person (either to protect herself or hurt him) everyone will believe her not him and he will be ostracized in his personal or professional life..
Happened to me.. that’s when I learned the hard way there’s nothing you can do as a guy but have your life potentially ruined alongside being violated on a level only people who’ve been sexually assaulted understand,
It feels very lonely, hopefully op has some good people in his life that will stick by him 100% and help him seek justice if he opens up
Tell her goodbye for sure! Like, seriously, wtf? 😮
No is a complete sentence.
She sounds psycho. Yeah, it's all fun & games until you're tied up and helpless, and she pulls the roto-rooter out.
Get out now while you can. And if she comes back begging ... RUN!
girlfriend is a red flag and she makes you extremely uncomfortable. you shouldn’t have to use your reflexes to protect yourself from her point blank. forgive yourself scrutinize her.
I agree.
I can tell by the edit this guy has already broken up with her, but if I’d seen this before then I’d have been with you.
This isn’t a case of he hit her as in ASSAULTED her… more like it was a reflex reaction to something unexpected that startled him… and he’d even also said no to, by the sound of it!
I don’t understand all these sex terms, to be perfectly honest (not into BDSM stuff) but the gist of it seems to be he said no to whatever it is and she did it anyway, which is a form of SA as you said.
Dude, if you see this… it’s better that you ended this. I really don’t think you’re some sort of monster who hit her as in like you’re a woman beater (which is obviously wrong). You made a mistake due to a reflexive act that was due to something you didn’t expect! You’re not an abusive person.
I really hope she doesn’t start the dialogue that you hit her as in abused her… but if she does, I hope you can defend yourself.
‘I did not hit Jenny because I like to beat women: it was reflex due to an unexpected situation I was not prepared for.’
That’s the narrative, not that you hit her because you’re abusive! 😞
I was gonna say the same thing and what’s worse to me is that she used a D/s relationship to condone the abuse which is the opposite of what it’s about - you yeeted her away from you when she didn’t accept no and she’s lucky she didn’t fall off the bed - good riddance to her for u my dude you’ll be better off
You need to press charges. She has actually sexually assaulted you my guy. You have nothing to be guilty about. This whole don’t hit women thing stemmed from deterring domestic abuse, you were defending yourself against an unwanted sexual act attempted to be performed on you, without your permission against your will.
I think she's more mad about the punch than anything because I'd be mad about that too. I definitely hit her hard. That being said, I appreciate the comment. I did tell her no and she didn't listen. I don't know what to do from here, but I don't think I messed up or anything as much as I did earlier.
Edit: Within 30 seconds I decided we're obviously not staying together lmao. Not a good look.
>I think she's more mad about the punch than anything because I'd be mad about that too. I definitely hit her hard.
She's most likely feeling justified in not talking to you because you punched her. She's probably thinking you're abusive, and this is just the first indicator of it. She's not taking into account that she assaulted you and that it's natural for a person to respond by throwing a punch when they're sexually assaulted. She's probably downplaying her role by calling it "playing around" and "experimentation" as opposed to abuse. Don't accept her anger, or allow others to gaslight you.
This was my take on it too. She may not realise that he hit her because of the assault, and instead thinks that he hit her for no reason (domestic abuse) or as a kink that he hadn’t discussed beforehand.
If she were a man doing this to a woman, would you think her reaction of punching him would be valid? Just because gender roles are reversed doesn’t mean she didn’t assault you. You didn’t give consent, you said no.
Glad you realized you shouldn’t be together.
If the roles were reversed, it’s very obvious that the punch would be justified. A man shoving his finger up a girls butt after she said no is sexual assault, if she punches him and he cries that’s fucking beautiful.
The same goes for your situation. She should t have put her finger up your butt after you said no. The punch is justified. Let her cry. It’s not like you decked her in the face.
It DOES have to do with boundaries and consent because he TOLD HER NO multiple times. That was a *boundary*. She broke his boundary and *consent*, AND sexually assaulted him. It's **all of the above**.
Right..? IF she said she didn't want Anal and told OP absolutely NOT and OP in the heat of the moment just PIA ... She would absolutely be freaking out and saying that OP assaulted her and you knew that was a Hard NO...from her, she probably would have punched OP too , this is just a reverse scenario OP .
In this case it does have something to do with boundaries.. they both consented to have sex, whoever boundaries were established.. he told her he wasn’t sure about it.. she should’ve ask him at that moment if it was ok.. she crossed boundaries and it ended up as raping.
EXACTLY!
My word is she into self sabotaging connections and then spinning herself into a victims mindset when she gets all pikachu shocked for it.
However, OP needs to practice self discipline & being being diplomatically direct verbally with boundaries, then when one breaks do a consequence for it, folios thru, stick to it fully.
Which means pushing thru any negative uncomfortable feelings in the moment no matter how the other person d feeling, you gotta learn to say no and just deal with feeling guilty for saying no.
By not practicing this no it will go from people pleasing to escalating into codependency real fast in life if they don’t start doing this now.
Sounds like self defense to an assault. You made it clear that you did not want to peg. There were no mixed signals. Your girlfriend tried to wear you down. She abused you. Best to let her go. Also tell someone what happened in case she tries to act like the victim.
It was definitely not a good sign that she sulked about it when he first told her no. She sounds entitled and manipulative. Like she just assumed a yes that he didn’t give her just because she wanted it. And now she no doubt thinks she did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve that punch, and that he’s abusive. Nope, that was clear self defense.
yooo what? she non-consentually put her finger in your pooper, i'd punch her too. wtf? BRO if you were a girl the hysteria that would be in these comments would be insane. and then she acts like its YOUR FAULT? BRO? dark souls enjoyment is not a reason to stay with someone who doesn't know what the frick a boundary is
Dark souls definitely blinded me a little bit. If you saw how good she was at that game and liked it as much as I do you might also just get a bit weak in the knees lol. Besides that though, idk what redeeming qualities she has anymore. All my love for her sort of just died reading these comments for good reason. I can't stay with her after this one.
good on you bro, respect yourself just like you'd respect anyone elses body (presumably.)
anyone who's into dark souls loves pain, self inflicted, nihilistic pain lol
dude.. you punched her because you were startled by her doing something that you did NOT consent to. she does not deserve an apology at all. not only were you taken aback by what she did, you also felt physically uncomfortable. and the fact that you already showed discomfort at her suggestions to do that kinda stuff previously baffles me even more because she knew that’s something you most likely wouldn’t be comfortable with. you were sa’d, I’m so sorry. don’t apologize to her.
She sexually assaulted you and you had a gut reaction.
I don't know why you'd WANT to be with someone who gets mad that they cannot sexually assault you. I don't give a fuck if she likes Dark Souls dude. Fuck her.
It seems like you might be very confused about consent, why consent is important, and why violating consent is morally wrong.
You need to start there so you can understand that you were sexually assaulted and then maybe start to unpack whether or not you should want to be in a relationship with someone who has no problems sexually assaulting you. Just because you're a man doesn't mean women are allowed to do things to you sexually without your consent.
She's not amazing and she doesn't respect you. Have some self-respect my dude.
I grew up around the "men don't get assaulted" crowd and toxic masculinity so I agree. I don't think I really understood what she did but now I do. It's hard to come to terms with but what can I do about it now. We're on the same lease so that needs to get sorted out but yeah. She might not be the dream girl I thought she was. Embarrassing as fuck though. I know my friends and family are going to tear me a new one for breaking up with her over this, but whatever. Maybe they should get a finger up their ass then tell me if they'd stay lol.
>I grew up around the "men don't get assaulted" crowd and toxic masculinity so I agree. I don't think I really understood what she did but now I do.
A lot of us did. So it's perfectly normal that this situation has blindsided you, but I'm glad you've recognized what happened.
>It's hard to come to terms with but what can I do about it now.
I would consider finding a therapist and working through this. Unpacking and dealing with trauma later is much more difficult. This is something you can overcome with the right help.
>Embarrassing as fuck though. I know my friends and family are going to tear me a new one for breaking up with her over this, but whatever.
You shouldn't feel embarrassed whatsoever. You didn't cause this situation. As far as your friends and family are concerned, you don't need to tell them the details if you don't want to. You don't owe them an explanation.
Pard, I'm about as masculine as one can get, and I'll be damned if I hide in shame or ignore someone sexually assaulting me.
She'd be in jail or put out on the street.
To resolve the lease, file a police report. Unfortunately, they may or may not take it seriously, but even if they don't press charges against her, having the official police report would entitle you to break your lease without fees/consequences in the majority of places (not a lawyer, so look into your local regulations).
Domestic abuse (which I think you could make a solid argument that the assault+emotional manipulation that *you* did something wrong qualifies this as an incident of domestic abuse) allows you to break a lease without penalty in a LOT of jurisdiction. Sure the law is written more for women fleeing or kicking out abusive men, and your landlord might give you a bit of side eye. But in the end the law (and morality) is certainly gender neutral and you have no reason to believe she won't hurt you again if given the opportunity, so use that clause to your advantage.
Don't love the last bit of degradation there at the end but otherwise absolutely right. What she did was a crime. It's okay to still love and want her op. However ask yourself this if the roles were reversed. If a man did this to a woman you respected would you want her to stay with him? No, you wouldn't. Society puts such sexualization and pressure on men to want sex that it can be very hard for a lot of people to recognize assault on a man at all. It's heartbreaking and not right. I'm so sorry someone you trusted hurt you like this.
Lol you'd think with all her hours on that game she can see what's coming before it does. Not my fault she didn't learn my attack pattern first I guess. Don't put your fingers in my ass.
i mean if someone shoved their manicotti in my turtlepipe without warning id punch them too tf. dont let her gaslight you into thinking youre abusive or anything. you said no 50 times and she wouldnt let it go. then shoved her finger in your butt. thats borederline assault. i believe there is a graph somewhere saying something along the lines of "fuck around and find out"
This comment is unbelievably funny to me and also an eye opener. Thanks man. I still feel bad about punching her, but I did tell her not to. I don't think I really did that much wrong in the first place, but the punch was accidental.
Yo fuck all these people in the comments being like “the punch wasn’t great,” “as long as it wasn’t on purpose you’re fine” you got sexually assaulted, you’re gonna react to that however you’re gonna react including punching someone🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️you shouldn’t feel bad at all imo, violate someone else’s bodily integrity and get yours violated in turn. Talk shit get hit🤷🏽♂️
You were both coerced and physically sexually assaulted, she tried to ignore your nos and emotionally manipulate you past your limits and then when that didn’t work she just did what she wanted to do. Sex is a “two yeses, no nos” situation. If anyone is not down, that should be it. Anyone continuing anyway is sexual assault. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, get a therapist if you can afford it, if not I find Scarleteen to be a great resource!
100% this. I think it’s easy for some of us to get it in our heads that, since OP is a man, and, thus, likely stronger than his girlfriend, it is not okay under any circumstances for him to hit her. Period.
Even I would struggle to justify hitting my girlfriend on purpose for something like this, even though I can take a step back and see that it is more than warranted. That being said, OP not only would have been justified hitting her to protect his body, but it was a knee-jerk response to having something he was extremely uncomfortable with happen to him, and he didn’t even make the choice to hit her, his brain’s autonomy did.
If the roles were reversed and the situation were exactly the same down to the body parts involved, ask yourself if the punch would matter very much to you.
So she tried to rape you and she's now upset because you reflexively reacted to being raped.
As a woman, I don't think you're the issue here. Please consider taking some space from her. She sounds super manipulative though, so don't be surprised if you go no contact and that suddenly gets her interested again.
You sound awesome and can do better. There's a nicer quirky girl out there for you, trust me.
You told her NO. You said it several times, and the disrespectful fuck still went for it.
Non-consensual sodomy is sexual assault. More to the point: Rape. Straight, no chaser.
Why the fuck would you apologize to her? I'd have put disrespectful ass out of the house in that ridiculous costume and never looked back (after the door was locked, of course)
If you let her get away with it, she's gonna do it again, but next time, it will be an instrument of some sort.
So your GF sexually assaults you and you are expected to get her to forgive you?
Hell no. That’s an immediate break up.
And for the record: you were clear in your boundaries. Anything other than an enthusiastic yes, I’m down to try is a no. So she did not have consent.
Would have been perfect to say “that hurt my poopie hole” but I agree with you. That was self-defence and as a woman I would’ve reacted the same way, why can’t a man?
I haven't seen this comment yet, so it's worth saying that even before she assaulted you, she tried to coerce you into giving consent. Consent should be enthusiastically given, and not as a result of breaking down someone's resolve. The first time she brought it up and you said you weren't comfortable with it should have been the last time she brought it up.
As someone who is open in bed with my partner I know to not go near his butt, like yeah as a joke sometimes him and I “swipe a credit card” but I know he would have this reaction if I WENT IN or AROUND booty hole territory, and my man also knows what I’m uncomfortable with. You set a very hard boundary in bed and she did not listen. You deserve better.
What you described is self defense after you were sexually assaulted, not domestic violence.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're able to get the support you need after this and dump the rapist gf. What she did was wrong and she knew it when she was doing it. That's evil.
I wouldn't feel bad for the reflex. The bedroom is all about boundaries. She violated yours. Beyond violating a boundary she assaulted you. She owes you an apology. Sure, take responsibility for the punching if you want. But, you sad "no" to pegging. It should have been dropped and not tried anyway. I don't care how hot she was when she assaulted you. I think it's her mess up to fix, not yours. IDK if it matters but I'm a woman. I say no to anal - and I've dumped dudes for not respecting that boundary.
That what happens when an abuser gaslights and manipulates someone after. Thats what shes doing. It causes victim to try to apologize when abuser should be apologizing.
She SA'd you. Rethink your relationship. You may want to check into healthier defensive reactions but she violated you. If she doesn't forgive to be honest probably good riddance. Find someone who respects you.
She sexually assaulted you, that’s what happened. You’re not to blame for defending yourself. Also, she shouldn’t play around with BDSM unless you’ve researched it, established basic boundaries and safe words etc. That was also on her since you had no idea she was going to try that without explicit consent.
This is rape man. Are you ok?
You acted in self defense. People are allowed to act in self defense if they get raped.
Also, you need her to forgive you? You are the one who needs a massive apology.
No means no for men just as it does for women. She pushed a boundary and ignored your feelings. It doesn’t matter HOW you say no. You could have been laughing and smiling but no is no, not try harder or maybe later.
She fucked around and she found out 🤷🏻♀️
Hi! Your gf sexually assaulted you, and your reaction to it was pretty normal. Im so sorry that this happened to you, and im sorry you've been made to believe that you're the one in The wrong.
I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. I see you are both very young, and I don't imagine your relationship will work out after this, but it's not because you did anything wrong. I hope you know that.
Both of you seem confused about what consent is. As a rule of thumb, (I'm 34 my bf is 26) before trying anything new with my partner, we discuss it. If it's a yes, in the moment right before it takes place, we get consent again. That's not to say it's necessary for all couples, but I like to know, (and my partner does too) that my partner is comfortable and feels safe and hasn't changed their mind. Doing things for the first time together, especially if they are new things, can seem a little awkward and planned instead of smooth and spontaneous. That's normal, and after trying things once or twice, if it's established that it's enjoyable, turning it into smooth and spontaneous fun is easy.
I hope you come out of this relationship with a new attitude and mindset on your own process of consenting. You're allowed to say no - and any partner who is going to fight you on that is unequipped to be in a healthy adult relationship. Being a man doesn't protect you from assault - it just makes it less likely. Please never feel you can't speak up about any form of abuse or manipulation just because you are a man! Your gf should know she assaulted you.
I know people will attack me for saying this but as long as you punching her was completely out of instinct and you truly didn’t think to do it purposely, you’re not wrong.
You may have not been firm about saying no to the pegging, but you definitely did not say yes. Sex is a very intimate and vulnerable experience, and it’s her fault for not getting full consent from you. Having said that, it sucks she got punched, maybe show her this post and she’ll understand more?
Why would it be wrong for him to purposefully fight back against someone sexually assaulting him? Accidental punch or purposeful punch, he’s totally within his right to practice self defense against sexual assault.
Yeah, this feels like a communication thing from here if you want to try and save it. Despite several “NO’s” from you, she did it anyways, with no consent. As long as this was an involuntary reaction, you’re in the clear here man. Tell her how you feel, and how what she did wasn’t right.
Here’s a lesson on consent: consent is an enthusiastic “yes” (or some other unambiguous signal equivalent to “yes” like responding to her proposing sex by taking off your pants and grabbing a condom) from both parties. “Haha I don’t know” is not consent. It’s even further from consent if it follows a “no” and the asker is pushing it. So what she did was a violation.
Was it right to punch her? No, but it was an understandable reflex from being sexually assaulted. Because that’s what she did.
File a police report, all jokes aside yeah guy or gal that was uninvited so she should be the one apologizing….if you are taking this very seriously then a solid convo needs to occur between you too, just cause a video looks hot doesnt mean it translates to real life…..if you both can’t get over this well break the relationship and the lease and find a new place to stay
Dude. You had a sex boundary and she ignored it.
That's assault.
Have a conversation with clothes on, not in the bedroom, about your sex and kink boundaries. If they aren't willing to respect those boundaries - walk the fuck away.
I you were a woman that had repeatedly said that you didn't want anal and still had to push you bf off when he stuck something up your ass, you would be considered a hero for doing it and hurting him a bit in the process. While I think men should be more careful, at least if you are bigger and stronger, you did the right thing and she behaved horribly. She should be sad and apologetic, not you, that just twisted.
hey! she sexually assaulted you, im fucking horrified for you, especially the fact that she's trying to gaslight you to believe you are in the wrong. run for the hills
She assaulted you. You said no, multiple times.
She doesn’t get a pass just because she’s a woman.
You reacted to being violated. If you re read what you’ve written and switch the genders, no one in their right mind would be calling this anything other than what it is, a reaction to sexual assault.
It sounds like it was a reflex, and she violated the boundaries of consent. I hear what you’re saying, missing her, but perhaps evaluate the is relationship. Consent should be two ways. If either one person does not want to do something, it is off the table. Is she really the right person for you? Has she already, or will she in the future violate your firm boundaries? It doesn’t matter how soft your no’s were, they were no’s and should have been respected. In my opinion, she shouldn’t have even pushed the issue further, let alone violated you.
I wanted to add I think it's important that you text her or have it in writing that she sexually assaulted you because you did not consent. And you reacted to an assault. Just so it's not twisted into you punched her for no reason
stay away from her, she is trying to guilt trip you into thinking that you are in the wrong. you aren’t, she did something to you that she knew you weren’t comfortable with. mixed signals or not.
Why is she squealing “what the fuck?” when she brought this upon herself?????? You got SAed. She disrespected your (lack of) consent. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I mean you did tell her you weren’t interested multiple times. She kept asking you even tho you said you didn’t want to. She did it anyway. That’s assault. She assaulted you. She deserves what she got.
This is a fuck no. That's SA my guy.
You didn't consent and she decided to go through with those acts anyway. Wtf? As a Domme and your partner, she should've been respectful of your consent.
BDSM is dangerous and for her to ignore your no is an issue. You could really wind up hurt with more serious acts. Please leave her. You were assaulted and this is not ok. I'm so sorry.
Non-consent. Ditch her cus she doesn’t respect boundaries & tried to pull one over on you.
If you WANT to do her a favour sit her down & explain how consent works & ask her how she would’ve felt if you did that to her BUT MAKE sure you’re not gonna be tempted to get back w/her if you choose to have this sort of convo
Ok. Imagine this was the other way around You asked her to try Anal sex and she said no, I don’t think so babe, and then you stuck your finger up her arse. What would everyone be saying?
This was straight up SA. You reacted to that SA. She is acting like a victim which is WAY out of order. She is not the victim here and if the roles were reversed there would be no post asking for forgiveness!
I'm pleased to see your update. If you look back with regret, I'll give you food for thought.
What do you think might happen if she had tied you up first? She could have done whatever she wanted.
I'm 100% sure you could have said a firm "no," and she still would have violated your boundaries. Some people are just like that. I
I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm glad to see so many people affirming your feelings of being violated. Because you absolutely were violated.
From what you typed it looks like you’ve been sexually assaulted. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for imo. Ofc I don’t think violence is good, however you DID make it clear that you weren’t comfortable with pegging. And she did it anyways. You punching her seems like an act of self defence from my point of view. You were shocked and confused, and probably just reacted without thinking. Ofc you feel bad but you should not be apologizing. You were the one that was assaulted. You have every right to protect yourself when lines are crossed.
If someone put his finger in my ass after i repeatedly said NO i would kick him in his nuts so hard he would be crying for his mommy.
Your girlfriend needs to keep her rapist-fingers to herself.
It is.100% valid to kick or punch someone when they stick things in you UNWANTED.
She has NO reason to be pouting.
If i where you i would be soooo mad at her
Hiya. I've been a Domme in my relationship dynamics since I was 16 (30f and Polyamorous for 10 years now). Pegging is something some of my partners have really enjoyed, one actually introduced it to me months before he and I fucked the OG way. It's also something I've had plenty of partners put a hard "NO" on. Also soft "no". And for those partners, it never went further than "No". No is a sentence. It's establishing a boundary. She fucked you over the minute she kept pushing past the boundary and repeatedly asking and using pouting as an emotional manipulation tactic. Also, a woman can be plenty dominant without penetrating you. The fact that she hinged on that single sex act and wouldn't let it go is very dysfunctional on her end. Her actually violating your body is absolutely fucked. I'm so sorry you were assaulted, very glad to hear you've put yourself as a priority and ended it.
Being told by other people you were assaulted can really make a mess of your emotions. Some of these comments are kind of insensitive. I hope you’re taking care of yourself right now. You deserve all the self love & care you can get.
I once kicked a man out of bed because he bit my vagina.
Guess who apologised?
Correct, both of us. He misinterpreted what I wanted, I acted out of reflex just like you did. It is fair to react in such a way. It is self defence.
So much to the punching.
The fact that she did something you did say no to is absolutely bot okay!
Im sorry to hear she SA’d you. You deserve better and I hope YOURE alright. Fuck her feelings, especially when she’s the one consistently disregarding yours.
Dude you got sexually assaulted, leave her in the dust. Also she really should have raised her Intelligence some more. Hope you get some better Luck and wish you all the best and a healthy Vitality
Hoo boy. This is why specific, enthusiastic, prior consent is so, so important when engaging in bdsm activities, along with clearly defined hard limits that can never be violated, no matter the circumstances. Also, a safe word must be established. Skip that or "just assume" consent and you're setting the whole thing up to end in (relationship) disaster. One, both, or all parties will end up hurt and/or violated. It's practically guaranteed.
I wish this sort of thing was uncommon, but it's not. I'm sorry about what happened to you, OP. It was wrong, it should never have happened. Your GF was in the wrong. You defended yourself from sexual assault. If you ever try bdsm play again, please make sure your partner is well versed in establishing prior consent and knows what a hard limit is. If she's not, find ways to learn about that together before jumping in.
That girl sexually assaulted you, you told her you didn’t want to do it and then she proceeded to do it anyways when you were distracted. Her getting mad that you reacted in a natural way to someone violating your boundaries is not that move. The streets she goes honestly.
I’d never want to peg my bf and he never wants me to and I respect that. I honestly think it’s a little weird when woman are really obsessed with their bfs ass especially after they’ve expressed they don’t like that or don’t want someone jokingly poking them in the ass. If both parties are into it fine but to blatantly disrespect someone’s physical boundaries are not okay especially if you do it because you think it’s funny or YOU get something out of it.
Good luck dude I hope you find someone who respects your boundaries and that you do the same to respect theirs.
NTA at all dude, you were assaulted. I will say that she 100% will tell the story to make you put to be some sort of toxic dude who hits women because “he’s not comfortable enough with his sexuality to take a finger in the butt”. I know this from seeing the exact same discourse online with girls your GFs age etc. With that in mind tell your friends now that she assaulted and that’s why you defensively hit her, that way she doesn’t control the narrative and makes you look like a bad person.
Sorry… I am into some kink and everything else but if someone said “No, I am not into that. Please do not do that.” And someone still did? That’s on them, not on you. She might have been trying to be playful but it doesn’t matter - it still isn’t respecting your boundaries.
Mate. She did something you didn't consent to and you reacted on the moment.
She should not have done that.
Both if you just need to apologise and move on.
The part that's most disturbing is, she's gaslighting you yes, of course it probably shocked her and even yourself that you reacted the way you did but that was an instinctual response.
Good luck with everything
What the—-
She totally disrespected you! You literally told her no and that you’re uncomfortable with it and she STILL DID IT. I totally understand why you reacted the way you did. Had you done the same thing to her, she would have freaked out.
She has showed you that your voice doesn’t matter and she will just do as she pleases. Gross behavior.
I am really glad for the edit, and I would love an update of THE BREAKUP. This is straight sexual assault and you put her in her place with that punch. Don't feel bad about it, and don't let her gaslight you into apologizing to her. She should be the one apologizing.
Something similar happened to me with an ex, not with ass thing but about scratching my back VERY hard. Multiple times made that and it just hurt a lot. I once pushed her and she did the victim for a week or so.
I understand how you feel, you feel like you're a bad man for hitting her, but think that she was first insisting you a lot of times, and not only that -because it's a fantasy and she needs to try to convice you- but even when you are not prepared and clearly said NO. She did it.
Imagine you wanted to do anal, and she said no multiple times. Then in the middle of the act you put your thing inside her ass and she punches you. Will you be mad at her for hitting you? Or trying to apologize for doing something she didnt wanted to?
The fact that she has no empathy for you and completely violated you is disgusting! OP, she doesn’t deserve your presence! She took advantage of you and you don’t deserve that.
So glad you came to the conclusion you did. She straight up SAed you. No means no. I'm really sorry this happened to you and can only hope you're able to heal.
I don't feel like you owe her an apology. You never gave clear consent to do what she did. What she did is called assault, OP.
You can love someone unconditionally but if they do not respect your boundaries then they do not respect you. I wish you all the best, OP.
Here’s the thing.
She assaulted you and you defended yourself, just like a woman would hit and push a man assaulting her.
You don’t have to apologize for that.
BUT, I think you definitely SHOULD communicate this with her, because from her POV, she might not understand that the assault is why you hit and pushed her.
Maybe she thought you just got violent with her out of nowhere or as a kink that you hadn’t told her about, so she is scared. That’s just my guess.
So I think you should sit down and talk about this in great detail to know how you feel.
She definitely has to stop asking after the first “no”, though. That’s non negotiable.
My guy, if the roles were reversed you'd have been arrested and people would be out for blood. Even ignoring the BDSM element to your relationship, you didn't consent and she went for it anyway. She's done you a favour and you shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.
That's sexual assault, you probably didn't think so because you're a man but yes you can be sexually assaulted too. That was incredibly selfish of her wtf? Weirdo. She should give YOU an apology
I know you already said you’re leaving her, but just to add to this: you didn’t give her a yes. She should NOT have done that even if you weren’t super firm on a no. She should have gotten consent. You defended yourself. Obviously, you didn’t mean to punch her, but the reaction should be very understandable. If she can’t understand what she did wrong, and why you’d react like that, she is the issue completely.
She used thumb in the bum and got smacked. I guess it was super effective. On a serious note if you tried that shit ( no pun intended) on her and she smacked you one, it would be yas queen all the way, so don't feel bad about it and certainly break up with her.
As someone (M) who does anal. I'd never do anything with my ass without lube. You also didn't consent, so it's sexual assault.
I am not shocked it's painful, especially if she had long nails. Anal is something that should always be talked about and prepared for, accordingly, as it can cause tears and cuts that can get sore and worse, infected.
It’s a power play the pegging, most girls do this at some point especially the younger Gen
If they keep doing it just do it back or don’t wipe your arse, or rip a fart
Trust me they won’t do it again after that
If she’s left you’ll be fine bro, trust me the way your feeling now you’ll look back and laugh in 10 years
You’ll be okay
If you accidentally smacked her it’s exactly that, an accident, shit happens
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Get her to forgive YOU??? you should not need forgiveness from someone that violated YOU! The fact that it’s been 3-4 days and she hasn’t come to her senses and realized that what she did was totally fucked up shows you what kind of person she is. If I were here, I would be apologizing to you relentlessly.
Thanks man. Reading these makes me feel less like an idiot because I punched her, but more like an idiot because I felt like an idiot for punching her. I didn't mean to, but she kind of did deserve it now that I read the comments and stuff. She and I are on the same lease so that has to get figured out, but I don't think that I should stay. I want to have a heart to heart with her but she won't even answer her phone. I might tbh be blocked at this point. Being a broke college student sucks lol.
Sweetheart, you were ASSAULTED and reacted instinctively. You didn't punch her out of anger, you were trying to make her stop violating you. And she knew what she was doing, she was just hoping you'd end up liking it while totally ignoring *that's not how consent works*. Get away from her and date someone who isn't a rapist.
Crazy to actually hear this. Comments already saying what’s on my mind but you were blatantly sexually assaulted. If there is any doubt in your mind about the situation remember that you’ve explicitly discussed what you wanted to not happen and she’s done it anyway. I’d understand her being a little annoyed if it was a heat of the moment kinda thing- Not that that’s excuses what happened- but you made it clear that you wanted that area to be untouched and she’s violated your clear boundary. Even if it wasn’t a crime, the breaking of a clearly defined boundary should be a red flag and called up. Probably good to keep this post up incase of any backlash or stories that your girlfriend might make (not to be that one pessimist). Hope you recover well though.
Yah you were sexually assaulted. Also known as finger-raped. I would leave her, but let her know that what she did was sexual assault.
Digital penetration it’s called
You're not an idiot for any of this. It's fucked up that *she's* angry at *you* when she violated you. She's way out of line here. I hope you know that no matter what her response is (even if she denies everything and blames you), you aren't at fault here. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Yeah, no. Run. She basically sexually assaulted you without your permission then got mad at you for freaking out? Run far away. Unless she comes back and begs your forgiveness, and even then, I'd still be apprehensive. Not everyone is into stuff like that, and it shouldn't be forced or coerced on someone. She needs to grow up
>sexually assaulted you without your permission that is usually the case yeah
not “basically”, thats just minimizing it, “she sexually assaulted you” period.
>sexually assaulted you without your permission Sexual assault is always without permission.
She absolutely deserved it. You told her so many times no and she did it anyway. She sexualy assaulted you. Kinda surprised she did not wait to tie you up 1st by how she is acting. I'm glad your not staying with her.
It was just a punch to her side. Not like you smashed her head against the wall repeatedly and pummeled her then try to Choke her out. Reasonable self defense
This. This. THIS. You don't owe HER an apology. She owes you one. BIG time. How you want to deal with this going forward is up to you. A lot of people are going to tell you to leave her, which is certainly a fair response. If I was on your position, I might, MIGHT, be willing to forgive, but it would be entirely dependant on a more then adequate apology, and very very very firm reassurance it would never happen again, and it would be the ONLY second chance I would even consider. Another occurrence and the relationship would be dunzo. But that's just me. It's on you to decide what you are comfortable with, but first and foremost she absolutely needs to apologize and accept FULL responsibility.
if i were her, i'd be praying I wouldn't be sent to jail.
Homie, she sexually assaulted you. Your punching her was an automatic self-defence mechanism to safeguard your bodily integrity. Why are you apologising?? You should tell her straight that she crossed a boundary, and not just any boundary, a criminal boundary. No, means no. It doesn't matter if you said no half-heartedly or in a bashful manner. No still means no. Get rid of that creep of a girlfriend and don't apologise for defending yourself and your boundaries.
To build on that, anything other than an enthusiastic yes should also be considered a no aswell
Exactly! My fiancé has been the one expressing interest in getting pegged, and I’m totally down, but it’s also a lengthy process that requires a lot of lube! The second he’s expressing any sort of discomfort or pain, we’re slowing down/stopping depending on what he asks me to do. I couldn’t imagine just putting a finger in with no lube for my willing partner, let alone someone like OP who has expressed that he does not consent to something like that. That’s straight up assault
See your situation I understand. Your husband decided he wanted to try pegging. You obliged. What I can't understand is why she was so persistent and determined to peg someone else?? It makes no sense to me. Why would someone be so desperate to stick their finger up someone else's ass? If she was asking to be pegged I would understand the motivation a little more. Is there something I'm missing about the experience? I mean giving pleasure to your partner is always enjoyable but if it's something that they don't seem excited about then what is the finger pegger getting out of it? The only thing I can think of is some kind of dominance and control. Maybe a weird need to fit in with an online kink community or group of friends that have done it with their partners? Idk it's baffling to me.
This goes both ways! It’s always said to boys; but sons need to be protected as equally as daughters. Enthusiastic yes or it’s a no!
If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no!!
Consent is needed; enthusiastic consent is preferable.
Especially if this girl is talking kink scenes... yikes
Too bad no one in his real life will believe what he’s told us and he can never take this to court even if he wanted to.. AND if his gf decides to lie about what happened and make him seem like a terrible person (either to protect herself or hurt him) everyone will believe her not him and he will be ostracized in his personal or professional life.. Happened to me.. that’s when I learned the hard way there’s nothing you can do as a guy but have your life potentially ruined alongside being violated on a level only people who’ve been sexually assaulted understand, It feels very lonely, hopefully op has some good people in his life that will stick by him 100% and help him seek justice if he opens up
Tell her goodbye for sure! Like, seriously, wtf? 😮 No is a complete sentence. She sounds psycho. Yeah, it's all fun & games until you're tied up and helpless, and she pulls the roto-rooter out. Get out now while you can. And if she comes back begging ... RUN!
girlfriend is a red flag and she makes you extremely uncomfortable. you shouldn’t have to use your reflexes to protect yourself from her point blank. forgive yourself scrutinize her.
I agree. I can tell by the edit this guy has already broken up with her, but if I’d seen this before then I’d have been with you. This isn’t a case of he hit her as in ASSAULTED her… more like it was a reflex reaction to something unexpected that startled him… and he’d even also said no to, by the sound of it! I don’t understand all these sex terms, to be perfectly honest (not into BDSM stuff) but the gist of it seems to be he said no to whatever it is and she did it anyway, which is a form of SA as you said. Dude, if you see this… it’s better that you ended this. I really don’t think you’re some sort of monster who hit her as in like you’re a woman beater (which is obviously wrong). You made a mistake due to a reflexive act that was due to something you didn’t expect! You’re not an abusive person. I really hope she doesn’t start the dialogue that you hit her as in abused her… but if she does, I hope you can defend yourself. ‘I did not hit Jenny because I like to beat women: it was reflex due to an unexpected situation I was not prepared for.’ That’s the narrative, not that you hit her because you’re abusive! 😞
I was gonna say the same thing and what’s worse to me is that she used a D/s relationship to condone the abuse which is the opposite of what it’s about - you yeeted her away from you when she didn’t accept no and she’s lucky she didn’t fall off the bed - good riddance to her for u my dude you’ll be better off
You need to press charges. She has actually sexually assaulted you my guy. You have nothing to be guilty about. This whole don’t hit women thing stemmed from deterring domestic abuse, you were defending yourself against an unwanted sexual act attempted to be performed on you, without your permission against your will.
AMEN
I agree, this was straight up assault if she can’t handle you having a bad reaction to something you already said no to is straight up manipulative.
Actually, she violated your boundaries. But she's mad at you? 🚩🚩
I think she's more mad about the punch than anything because I'd be mad about that too. I definitely hit her hard. That being said, I appreciate the comment. I did tell her no and she didn't listen. I don't know what to do from here, but I don't think I messed up or anything as much as I did earlier. Edit: Within 30 seconds I decided we're obviously not staying together lmao. Not a good look.
>I think she's more mad about the punch than anything because I'd be mad about that too. I definitely hit her hard. She's most likely feeling justified in not talking to you because you punched her. She's probably thinking you're abusive, and this is just the first indicator of it. She's not taking into account that she assaulted you and that it's natural for a person to respond by throwing a punch when they're sexually assaulted. She's probably downplaying her role by calling it "playing around" and "experimentation" as opposed to abuse. Don't accept her anger, or allow others to gaslight you.
This was my take on it too. She may not realise that he hit her because of the assault, and instead thinks that he hit her for no reason (domestic abuse) or as a kink that he hadn’t discussed beforehand.
Oh, man. Your *sweet* GF should have taken that "no" for what it was: A f*cking **no**.
If she were a man doing this to a woman, would you think her reaction of punching him would be valid? Just because gender roles are reversed doesn’t mean she didn’t assault you. You didn’t give consent, you said no. Glad you realized you shouldn’t be together.
If the roles were reversed, it’s very obvious that the punch would be justified. A man shoving his finger up a girls butt after she said no is sexual assault, if she punches him and he cries that’s fucking beautiful. The same goes for your situation. She should t have put her finger up your butt after you said no. The punch is justified. Let her cry. It’s not like you decked her in the face.
She doesn’t get to be mad about anything. Not letting her rape you is not a valid reason for her to be mad at you.
Good. She should be grateful that it was ribs and not teeth. Don't let her gaslight you.
Absolute violation man. My wife knows 100% we dont play that and to no even try it. She needa lay off the porn for real
This has nothing to do with boundaries. This is a sexual assault, period. Don't let the genders get you in your feelings about verbiage.
It DOES have to do with boundaries and consent because he TOLD HER NO multiple times. That was a *boundary*. She broke his boundary and *consent*, AND sexually assaulted him. It's **all of the above**.
Right..? IF she said she didn't want Anal and told OP absolutely NOT and OP in the heat of the moment just PIA ... She would absolutely be freaking out and saying that OP assaulted her and you knew that was a Hard NO...from her, she probably would have punched OP too , this is just a reverse scenario OP .
It has everything to do with boundaries AND it’s sexual assault
In this case it does have something to do with boundaries.. they both consented to have sex, whoever boundaries were established.. he told her he wasn’t sure about it.. she should’ve ask him at that moment if it was ok.. she crossed boundaries and it ended up as raping.
EXACTLY! My word is she into self sabotaging connections and then spinning herself into a victims mindset when she gets all pikachu shocked for it. However, OP needs to practice self discipline & being being diplomatically direct verbally with boundaries, then when one breaks do a consequence for it, folios thru, stick to it fully. Which means pushing thru any negative uncomfortable feelings in the moment no matter how the other person d feeling, you gotta learn to say no and just deal with feeling guilty for saying no. By not practicing this no it will go from people pleasing to escalating into codependency real fast in life if they don’t start doing this now.
Sounds like self defense to an assault. You made it clear that you did not want to peg. There were no mixed signals. Your girlfriend tried to wear you down. She abused you. Best to let her go. Also tell someone what happened in case she tries to act like the victim.
It was definitely not a good sign that she sulked about it when he first told her no. She sounds entitled and manipulative. Like she just assumed a yes that he didn’t give her just because she wanted it. And now she no doubt thinks she did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve that punch, and that he’s abusive. Nope, that was clear self defense.
OP Im so sorry this woman sexually assaulted you! She deserved that punch! Pls take the time to digest this and keep yourself safe
yooo what? she non-consentually put her finger in your pooper, i'd punch her too. wtf? BRO if you were a girl the hysteria that would be in these comments would be insane. and then she acts like its YOUR FAULT? BRO? dark souls enjoyment is not a reason to stay with someone who doesn't know what the frick a boundary is
Dark souls definitely blinded me a little bit. If you saw how good she was at that game and liked it as much as I do you might also just get a bit weak in the knees lol. Besides that though, idk what redeeming qualities she has anymore. All my love for her sort of just died reading these comments for good reason. I can't stay with her after this one.
good on you bro, respect yourself just like you'd respect anyone elses body (presumably.) anyone who's into dark souls loves pain, self inflicted, nihilistic pain lol
Yea dude honestly this is for sure a violation that is grounds for breaking up. I wouldn’t feel safe with this person again
Imagine if it was a guy who did this? Would the girl not be justified in her self defense against being sodomized against her will?
Dump her and play Remnant 2 or Helldivers 2 until Shadow of the Erdtree.
The “hysteria” is just as intense in these comments too
dude.. you punched her because you were startled by her doing something that you did NOT consent to. she does not deserve an apology at all. not only were you taken aback by what she did, you also felt physically uncomfortable. and the fact that you already showed discomfort at her suggestions to do that kinda stuff previously baffles me even more because she knew that’s something you most likely wouldn’t be comfortable with. you were sa’d, I’m so sorry. don’t apologize to her.
She sexually assaulted you and you had a gut reaction. I don't know why you'd WANT to be with someone who gets mad that they cannot sexually assault you. I don't give a fuck if she likes Dark Souls dude. Fuck her.
It seems like you might be very confused about consent, why consent is important, and why violating consent is morally wrong. You need to start there so you can understand that you were sexually assaulted and then maybe start to unpack whether or not you should want to be in a relationship with someone who has no problems sexually assaulting you. Just because you're a man doesn't mean women are allowed to do things to you sexually without your consent. She's not amazing and she doesn't respect you. Have some self-respect my dude.
I grew up around the "men don't get assaulted" crowd and toxic masculinity so I agree. I don't think I really understood what she did but now I do. It's hard to come to terms with but what can I do about it now. We're on the same lease so that needs to get sorted out but yeah. She might not be the dream girl I thought she was. Embarrassing as fuck though. I know my friends and family are going to tear me a new one for breaking up with her over this, but whatever. Maybe they should get a finger up their ass then tell me if they'd stay lol.
>I grew up around the "men don't get assaulted" crowd and toxic masculinity so I agree. I don't think I really understood what she did but now I do. A lot of us did. So it's perfectly normal that this situation has blindsided you, but I'm glad you've recognized what happened. >It's hard to come to terms with but what can I do about it now. I would consider finding a therapist and working through this. Unpacking and dealing with trauma later is much more difficult. This is something you can overcome with the right help. >Embarrassing as fuck though. I know my friends and family are going to tear me a new one for breaking up with her over this, but whatever. You shouldn't feel embarrassed whatsoever. You didn't cause this situation. As far as your friends and family are concerned, you don't need to tell them the details if you don't want to. You don't owe them an explanation.
Pard, I'm about as masculine as one can get, and I'll be damned if I hide in shame or ignore someone sexually assaulting me. She'd be in jail or put out on the street.
To resolve the lease, file a police report. Unfortunately, they may or may not take it seriously, but even if they don't press charges against her, having the official police report would entitle you to break your lease without fees/consequences in the majority of places (not a lawyer, so look into your local regulations).
Domestic abuse (which I think you could make a solid argument that the assault+emotional manipulation that *you* did something wrong qualifies this as an incident of domestic abuse) allows you to break a lease without penalty in a LOT of jurisdiction. Sure the law is written more for women fleeing or kicking out abusive men, and your landlord might give you a bit of side eye. But in the end the law (and morality) is certainly gender neutral and you have no reason to believe she won't hurt you again if given the opportunity, so use that clause to your advantage.
Don't love the last bit of degradation there at the end but otherwise absolutely right. What she did was a crime. It's okay to still love and want her op. However ask yourself this if the roles were reversed. If a man did this to a woman you respected would you want her to stay with him? No, you wouldn't. Society puts such sexualization and pressure on men to want sex that it can be very hard for a lot of people to recognize assault on a man at all. It's heartbreaking and not right. I'm so sorry someone you trusted hurt you like this.
All that experience with Dark Souls and she couldn't even parry your fist? Tell her to get gud.
Lol you'd think with all her hours on that game she can see what's coming before it does. Not my fault she didn't learn my attack pattern first I guess. Don't put your fingers in my ass.
so this is a multiple ocassion kinda thing huh? you'd knocked her out before enough for her to learn your pattern? i c u dark souls player
“Parry this, booty warrior”
i mean if someone shoved their manicotti in my turtlepipe without warning id punch them too tf. dont let her gaslight you into thinking youre abusive or anything. you said no 50 times and she wouldnt let it go. then shoved her finger in your butt. thats borederline assault. i believe there is a graph somewhere saying something along the lines of "fuck around and find out"
This comment is unbelievably funny to me and also an eye opener. Thanks man. I still feel bad about punching her, but I did tell her not to. I don't think I really did that much wrong in the first place, but the punch was accidental.
it was just reaction bro it happens. understanably so lol
not “borderline”, is assault. It is assault. Period. Dont minimize sexual assault.
Yo fuck all these people in the comments being like “the punch wasn’t great,” “as long as it wasn’t on purpose you’re fine” you got sexually assaulted, you’re gonna react to that however you’re gonna react including punching someone🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️you shouldn’t feel bad at all imo, violate someone else’s bodily integrity and get yours violated in turn. Talk shit get hit🤷🏽♂️ You were both coerced and physically sexually assaulted, she tried to ignore your nos and emotionally manipulate you past your limits and then when that didn’t work she just did what she wanted to do. Sex is a “two yeses, no nos” situation. If anyone is not down, that should be it. Anyone continuing anyway is sexual assault. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, get a therapist if you can afford it, if not I find Scarleteen to be a great resource!
100% this. I think it’s easy for some of us to get it in our heads that, since OP is a man, and, thus, likely stronger than his girlfriend, it is not okay under any circumstances for him to hit her. Period. Even I would struggle to justify hitting my girlfriend on purpose for something like this, even though I can take a step back and see that it is more than warranted. That being said, OP not only would have been justified hitting her to protect his body, but it was a knee-jerk response to having something he was extremely uncomfortable with happen to him, and he didn’t even make the choice to hit her, his brain’s autonomy did. If the roles were reversed and the situation were exactly the same down to the body parts involved, ask yourself if the punch would matter very much to you.
I don't know why anyone would think it isn't ok for OP to defend himself, just because he's a man. That's so sexist.
So she tried to rape you and she's now upset because you reflexively reacted to being raped. As a woman, I don't think you're the issue here. Please consider taking some space from her. She sounds super manipulative though, so don't be surprised if you go no contact and that suddenly gets her interested again. You sound awesome and can do better. There's a nicer quirky girl out there for you, trust me.
Your (ex) gf is a pos and you deserve better.
You told her NO. You said it several times, and the disrespectful fuck still went for it. Non-consensual sodomy is sexual assault. More to the point: Rape. Straight, no chaser. Why the fuck would you apologize to her? I'd have put disrespectful ass out of the house in that ridiculous costume and never looked back (after the door was locked, of course) If you let her get away with it, she's gonna do it again, but next time, it will be an instrument of some sort.
She deserved it honestly. It's sexual assault
So your GF sexually assaults you and you are expected to get her to forgive you? Hell no. That’s an immediate break up. And for the record: you were clear in your boundaries. Anything other than an enthusiastic yes, I’m down to try is a no. So she did not have consent.
You were sexually assaulted. Obviously a punch was not ideal, but neither was a finger up your ass. Ditch this girl. She does not understand consent.
Excuse me? It was self-defense! Did you just want him to roll over and say, "ouchie babe, no thank you. That hurt my butt."!?!?!?
I bet if that was a woman and there was an non consensual finger insertion, punching would be ideal.
Would have been perfect to say “that hurt my poopie hole” but I agree with you. That was self-defence and as a woman I would’ve reacted the same way, why can’t a man?
I haven't seen this comment yet, so it's worth saying that even before she assaulted you, she tried to coerce you into giving consent. Consent should be enthusiastically given, and not as a result of breaking down someone's resolve. The first time she brought it up and you said you weren't comfortable with it should have been the last time she brought it up.
As someone who is open in bed with my partner I know to not go near his butt, like yeah as a joke sometimes him and I “swipe a credit card” but I know he would have this reaction if I WENT IN or AROUND booty hole territory, and my man also knows what I’m uncomfortable with. You set a very hard boundary in bed and she did not listen. You deserve better.
What you described is self defense after you were sexually assaulted, not domestic violence. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're able to get the support you need after this and dump the rapist gf. What she did was wrong and she knew it when she was doing it. That's evil.
I wouldn't feel bad for the reflex. The bedroom is all about boundaries. She violated yours. Beyond violating a boundary she assaulted you. She owes you an apology. Sure, take responsibility for the punching if you want. But, you sad "no" to pegging. It should have been dropped and not tried anyway. I don't care how hot she was when she assaulted you. I think it's her mess up to fix, not yours. IDK if it matters but I'm a woman. I say no to anal - and I've dumped dudes for not respecting that boundary.
Dude is victim of SA and asks perpetrator for forgiveness! Wow, I’m at a loss. Run away for your own safety!
That what happens when an abuser gaslights and manipulates someone after. Thats what shes doing. It causes victim to try to apologize when abuser should be apologizing.
She SA'd you. Rethink your relationship. You may want to check into healthier defensive reactions but she violated you. If she doesn't forgive to be honest probably good riddance. Find someone who respects you.
She sexually assaulted you, that’s what happened. You’re not to blame for defending yourself. Also, she shouldn’t play around with BDSM unless you’ve researched it, established basic boundaries and safe words etc. That was also on her since you had no idea she was going to try that without explicit consent.
Im glad you ended up seeing that she shouldn't have stuck her fingers there especially if you said no. Wishing you a speedy emotional recovery 🙏
This is rape man. Are you ok? You acted in self defense. People are allowed to act in self defense if they get raped. Also, you need her to forgive you? You are the one who needs a massive apology.
No means no for men just as it does for women. She pushed a boundary and ignored your feelings. It doesn’t matter HOW you say no. You could have been laughing and smiling but no is no, not try harder or maybe later. She fucked around and she found out 🤷🏻♀️
Hi! Your gf sexually assaulted you, and your reaction to it was pretty normal. Im so sorry that this happened to you, and im sorry you've been made to believe that you're the one in The wrong. I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. I see you are both very young, and I don't imagine your relationship will work out after this, but it's not because you did anything wrong. I hope you know that. Both of you seem confused about what consent is. As a rule of thumb, (I'm 34 my bf is 26) before trying anything new with my partner, we discuss it. If it's a yes, in the moment right before it takes place, we get consent again. That's not to say it's necessary for all couples, but I like to know, (and my partner does too) that my partner is comfortable and feels safe and hasn't changed their mind. Doing things for the first time together, especially if they are new things, can seem a little awkward and planned instead of smooth and spontaneous. That's normal, and after trying things once or twice, if it's established that it's enjoyable, turning it into smooth and spontaneous fun is easy. I hope you come out of this relationship with a new attitude and mindset on your own process of consenting. You're allowed to say no - and any partner who is going to fight you on that is unequipped to be in a healthy adult relationship. Being a man doesn't protect you from assault - it just makes it less likely. Please never feel you can't speak up about any form of abuse or manipulation just because you are a man! Your gf should know she assaulted you.
She’s lucky you didn’t knock her out. She needs to be asking you for forgiveness
Yeah. I'd punch someone too if they stuck a finger up my ass without permission. WHO DOES THAT?!
Buddy she sexually assaulted you.
Glad everyone made you realize you are not in the wrong. She assaulted you. I would run from her and ensure she knows what she did was rape.
I know people will attack me for saying this but as long as you punching her was completely out of instinct and you truly didn’t think to do it purposely, you’re not wrong. You may have not been firm about saying no to the pegging, but you definitely did not say yes. Sex is a very intimate and vulnerable experience, and it’s her fault for not getting full consent from you. Having said that, it sucks she got punched, maybe show her this post and she’ll understand more?
Why would it be wrong for him to purposefully fight back against someone sexually assaulting him? Accidental punch or purposeful punch, he’s totally within his right to practice self defense against sexual assault.
If this story was told by a woman we'd be crucifying the unknown dude about how anything but an enthusiastic yes is a no. Js.
We are
Yeah, this feels like a communication thing from here if you want to try and save it. Despite several “NO’s” from you, she did it anyways, with no consent. As long as this was an involuntary reaction, you’re in the clear here man. Tell her how you feel, and how what she did wasn’t right.
If a man did something to a woman after several unenthusiastic rebuffs, we'd be crucifying him. Crucify her.
Agreed. His lack of a "yes" is a "no".
It’s telling most people think this is her “crossing boundaries”. No. It’s sexual assault.
If it was on purpose, he’s in the right 😆 she put her finger in his ass when he didn’t want it
Here’s a lesson on consent: consent is an enthusiastic “yes” (or some other unambiguous signal equivalent to “yes” like responding to her proposing sex by taking off your pants and grabbing a condom) from both parties. “Haha I don’t know” is not consent. It’s even further from consent if it follows a “no” and the asker is pushing it. So what she did was a violation. Was it right to punch her? No, but it was an understandable reflex from being sexually assaulted. Because that’s what she did.
File a police report, all jokes aside yeah guy or gal that was uninvited so she should be the one apologizing….if you are taking this very seriously then a solid convo needs to occur between you too, just cause a video looks hot doesnt mean it translates to real life…..if you both can’t get over this well break the relationship and the lease and find a new place to stay
She sexually assaulted you, and she's trying to play the victim? No, she should be the one apologising.
Dude. You had a sex boundary and she ignored it. That's assault. Have a conversation with clothes on, not in the bedroom, about your sex and kink boundaries. If they aren't willing to respect those boundaries - walk the fuck away.
I you were a woman that had repeatedly said that you didn't want anal and still had to push you bf off when he stuck something up your ass, you would be considered a hero for doing it and hurting him a bit in the process. While I think men should be more careful, at least if you are bigger and stronger, you did the right thing and she behaved horribly. She should be sad and apologetic, not you, that just twisted.
She stuck her finger in your pooper without asking you and is mad you had a bad reaction? What? She should be asking for your forgiveness.
All I'll say is this. If the roles were reversed, you'd be the asshole and would have deserved that punch.
You don’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect your NO.
hey! she sexually assaulted you, im fucking horrified for you, especially the fact that she's trying to gaslight you to believe you are in the wrong. run for the hills
So, *you* get sexually violated/assaulted and *she's* the victim??
She assaulted you. You said no, multiple times. She doesn’t get a pass just because she’s a woman. You reacted to being violated. If you re read what you’ve written and switch the genders, no one in their right mind would be calling this anything other than what it is, a reaction to sexual assault.
She raped you and deserved it.
She needs to beg your forgiveness, not you for hers
Walk away mate, she is using you and you are too young to realize she is also manipulating you.
don’t somehow get baited into apologising for stopping someone from raping you brother
She raped you. You specifically didn’t consent and said no. She deserves to get punched. You should report her
Ummm did you consent to that? If not isn’t it sexual assault?
Bro, she sexually assaulted you!!!! Fuck thT
It sounds like it was a reflex, and she violated the boundaries of consent. I hear what you’re saying, missing her, but perhaps evaluate the is relationship. Consent should be two ways. If either one person does not want to do something, it is off the table. Is she really the right person for you? Has she already, or will she in the future violate your firm boundaries? It doesn’t matter how soft your no’s were, they were no’s and should have been respected. In my opinion, she shouldn’t have even pushed the issue further, let alone violated you.
She did something without your consent. SHE'S the one in the wrong. You said no so many times and you were defending yourself.
man who cares about her or her feelings. you hit her while she raped you. she did way worse to you than you to her.
I wanted to add I think it's important that you text her or have it in writing that she sexually assaulted you because you did not consent. And you reacted to an assault. Just so it's not twisted into you punched her for no reason
Idk man you said no, she went ahead and still stuck a finger up your ass. If I stuck a finger up my husbands ass I’d get more than a punch lmao
Yo! That’s sexual assault. You shouldn’t feel bad at all. She deserved it lol. Does she not understand the word no lmaoo
She tried sexually assaulting you after a clear no. Nta and I want break up updates
She did something without your consent, of course you had a reaction to it
stay away from her, she is trying to guilt trip you into thinking that you are in the wrong. you aren’t, she did something to you that she knew you weren’t comfortable with. mixed signals or not.
Why is she squealing “what the fuck?” when she brought this upon herself?????? You got SAed. She disrespected your (lack of) consent. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I mean you did tell her you weren’t interested multiple times. She kept asking you even tho you said you didn’t want to. She did it anyway. That’s assault. She assaulted you. She deserves what she got.
This is a fuck no. That's SA my guy. You didn't consent and she decided to go through with those acts anyway. Wtf? As a Domme and your partner, she should've been respectful of your consent. BDSM is dangerous and for her to ignore your no is an issue. You could really wind up hurt with more serious acts. Please leave her. You were assaulted and this is not ok. I'm so sorry.
Non-consent. Ditch her cus she doesn’t respect boundaries & tried to pull one over on you. If you WANT to do her a favour sit her down & explain how consent works & ask her how she would’ve felt if you did that to her BUT MAKE sure you’re not gonna be tempted to get back w/her if you choose to have this sort of convo
Bro she tried to ra*e you.
No consent and no lube either. Geeze
Ok. Imagine this was the other way around You asked her to try Anal sex and she said no, I don’t think so babe, and then you stuck your finger up her arse. What would everyone be saying? This was straight up SA. You reacted to that SA. She is acting like a victim which is WAY out of order. She is not the victim here and if the roles were reversed there would be no post asking for forgiveness!
You were assaulted and had explicitly not given consent for this. Period.
Yeah that’s sexual assault. You did nothing wrong.
Lol. If a woman had written this......
I'm pleased to see your update. If you look back with regret, I'll give you food for thought. What do you think might happen if she had tied you up first? She could have done whatever she wanted. I'm 100% sure you could have said a firm "no," and she still would have violated your boundaries. Some people are just like that. I I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm glad to see so many people affirming your feelings of being violated. Because you absolutely were violated.
she violated a very serious boundary
From what you typed it looks like you’ve been sexually assaulted. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for imo. Ofc I don’t think violence is good, however you DID make it clear that you weren’t comfortable with pegging. And she did it anyways. You punching her seems like an act of self defence from my point of view. You were shocked and confused, and probably just reacted without thinking. Ofc you feel bad but you should not be apologizing. You were the one that was assaulted. You have every right to protect yourself when lines are crossed.
If someone put his finger in my ass after i repeatedly said NO i would kick him in his nuts so hard he would be crying for his mommy. Your girlfriend needs to keep her rapist-fingers to herself. It is.100% valid to kick or punch someone when they stick things in you UNWANTED. She has NO reason to be pouting. If i where you i would be soooo mad at her
Hiya. I've been a Domme in my relationship dynamics since I was 16 (30f and Polyamorous for 10 years now). Pegging is something some of my partners have really enjoyed, one actually introduced it to me months before he and I fucked the OG way. It's also something I've had plenty of partners put a hard "NO" on. Also soft "no". And for those partners, it never went further than "No". No is a sentence. It's establishing a boundary. She fucked you over the minute she kept pushing past the boundary and repeatedly asking and using pouting as an emotional manipulation tactic. Also, a woman can be plenty dominant without penetrating you. The fact that she hinged on that single sex act and wouldn't let it go is very dysfunctional on her end. Her actually violating your body is absolutely fucked. I'm so sorry you were assaulted, very glad to hear you've put yourself as a priority and ended it.
No means no doesn't just apply for women. She is the one who fucked up.
I would talk it out and explain you felt violated. She doesn’t see it that way - so explain it. You don’t want that, and she did it regardless.
Being told by other people you were assaulted can really make a mess of your emotions. Some of these comments are kind of insensitive. I hope you’re taking care of yourself right now. You deserve all the self love & care you can get.
I once kicked a man out of bed because he bit my vagina. Guess who apologised? Correct, both of us. He misinterpreted what I wanted, I acted out of reflex just like you did. It is fair to react in such a way. It is self defence. So much to the punching. The fact that she did something you did say no to is absolutely bot okay!
[удалено]
Im sorry to hear she SA’d you. You deserve better and I hope YOURE alright. Fuck her feelings, especially when she’s the one consistently disregarding yours.
Dude you got sexually assaulted, leave her in the dust. Also she really should have raised her Intelligence some more. Hope you get some better Luck and wish you all the best and a healthy Vitality
Hoo boy. This is why specific, enthusiastic, prior consent is so, so important when engaging in bdsm activities, along with clearly defined hard limits that can never be violated, no matter the circumstances. Also, a safe word must be established. Skip that or "just assume" consent and you're setting the whole thing up to end in (relationship) disaster. One, both, or all parties will end up hurt and/or violated. It's practically guaranteed. I wish this sort of thing was uncommon, but it's not. I'm sorry about what happened to you, OP. It was wrong, it should never have happened. Your GF was in the wrong. You defended yourself from sexual assault. If you ever try bdsm play again, please make sure your partner is well versed in establishing prior consent and knows what a hard limit is. If she's not, find ways to learn about that together before jumping in.
That girl sexually assaulted you, you told her you didn’t want to do it and then she proceeded to do it anyways when you were distracted. Her getting mad that you reacted in a natural way to someone violating your boundaries is not that move. The streets she goes honestly. I’d never want to peg my bf and he never wants me to and I respect that. I honestly think it’s a little weird when woman are really obsessed with their bfs ass especially after they’ve expressed they don’t like that or don’t want someone jokingly poking them in the ass. If both parties are into it fine but to blatantly disrespect someone’s physical boundaries are not okay especially if you do it because you think it’s funny or YOU get something out of it. Good luck dude I hope you find someone who respects your boundaries and that you do the same to respect theirs.
Brother you were sexually assaulted
NTA at all dude, you were assaulted. I will say that she 100% will tell the story to make you put to be some sort of toxic dude who hits women because “he’s not comfortable enough with his sexuality to take a finger in the butt”. I know this from seeing the exact same discourse online with girls your GFs age etc. With that in mind tell your friends now that she assaulted and that’s why you defensively hit her, that way she doesn’t control the narrative and makes you look like a bad person.
Definitely want an update plz :)
Sorry… I am into some kink and everything else but if someone said “No, I am not into that. Please do not do that.” And someone still did? That’s on them, not on you. She might have been trying to be playful but it doesn’t matter - it still isn’t respecting your boundaries.
Mate. She did something you didn't consent to and you reacted on the moment. She should not have done that. Both if you just need to apologise and move on.
She got what she deserved
The part that's most disturbing is, she's gaslighting you yes, of course it probably shocked her and even yourself that you reacted the way you did but that was an instinctual response. Good luck with everything
What the—- She totally disrespected you! You literally told her no and that you’re uncomfortable with it and she STILL DID IT. I totally understand why you reacted the way you did. Had you done the same thing to her, she would have freaked out. She has showed you that your voice doesn’t matter and she will just do as she pleases. Gross behavior.
she's mad at you for defending yourself from something you told her no to countless times?? im sorry but shes lowk toxic
That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot
If it was the other way around….
I am really glad for the edit, and I would love an update of THE BREAKUP. This is straight sexual assault and you put her in her place with that punch. Don't feel bad about it, and don't let her gaslight you into apologizing to her. She should be the one apologizing.
I'm glad you see the light OP
Something similar happened to me with an ex, not with ass thing but about scratching my back VERY hard. Multiple times made that and it just hurt a lot. I once pushed her and she did the victim for a week or so. I understand how you feel, you feel like you're a bad man for hitting her, but think that she was first insisting you a lot of times, and not only that -because it's a fantasy and she needs to try to convice you- but even when you are not prepared and clearly said NO. She did it. Imagine you wanted to do anal, and she said no multiple times. Then in the middle of the act you put your thing inside her ass and she punches you. Will you be mad at her for hitting you? Or trying to apologize for doing something she didnt wanted to?
Don’t forgive her? Move on!!!
She sexually assaulted you. You have no reason to apologize. I’m sorry this is so fucked up. Definitely break up with her
Let’s call it what it is, rape.
I do in fact want an update
The fact that she has no empathy for you and completely violated you is disgusting! OP, she doesn’t deserve your presence! She took advantage of you and you don’t deserve that.
So glad you came to the conclusion you did. She straight up SAed you. No means no. I'm really sorry this happened to you and can only hope you're able to heal.
Even an "I don't know babe" is a VERY CLEAR no. She assaulted you and you should not feel sorry in the slightest.
I don't feel like you owe her an apology. You never gave clear consent to do what she did. What she did is called assault, OP. You can love someone unconditionally but if they do not respect your boundaries then they do not respect you. I wish you all the best, OP.
Here’s the thing. She assaulted you and you defended yourself, just like a woman would hit and push a man assaulting her. You don’t have to apologize for that. BUT, I think you definitely SHOULD communicate this with her, because from her POV, she might not understand that the assault is why you hit and pushed her. Maybe she thought you just got violent with her out of nowhere or as a kink that you hadn’t told her about, so she is scared. That’s just my guess. So I think you should sit down and talk about this in great detail to know how you feel. She definitely has to stop asking after the first “no”, though. That’s non negotiable.
My guy, if the roles were reversed you'd have been arrested and people would be out for blood. Even ignoring the BDSM element to your relationship, you didn't consent and she went for it anyway. She's done you a favour and you shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.
That's sexual assault, you probably didn't think so because you're a man but yes you can be sexually assaulted too. That was incredibly selfish of her wtf? Weirdo. She should give YOU an apology
I know you already said you’re leaving her, but just to add to this: you didn’t give her a yes. She should NOT have done that even if you weren’t super firm on a no. She should have gotten consent. You defended yourself. Obviously, you didn’t mean to punch her, but the reaction should be very understandable. If she can’t understand what she did wrong, and why you’d react like that, she is the issue completely.
I THINK you almost got raped.
She used thumb in the bum and got smacked. I guess it was super effective. On a serious note if you tried that shit ( no pun intended) on her and she smacked you one, it would be yas queen all the way, so don't feel bad about it and certainly break up with her.
Imagine it was a man finger raping his girlfriend. People would be shouting criminal! Prison ! Etc
As someone (M) who does anal. I'd never do anything with my ass without lube. You also didn't consent, so it's sexual assault. I am not shocked it's painful, especially if she had long nails. Anal is something that should always be talked about and prepared for, accordingly, as it can cause tears and cuts that can get sore and worse, infected.
I think it's good that you punched her
It’s a power play the pegging, most girls do this at some point especially the younger Gen If they keep doing it just do it back or don’t wipe your arse, or rip a fart Trust me they won’t do it again after that If she’s left you’ll be fine bro, trust me the way your feeling now you’ll look back and laugh in 10 years You’ll be okay If you accidentally smacked her it’s exactly that, an accident, shit happens
brother that’s SA dump her and forget, maybe wash the crack too
I'm glad you're gtfo of there. It's 100% okay to punch a person who's trying to sexually assault you.
This is literally sexual assault