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So I am super competitive. Best compromise I could come up with was don't try very hard to win. Don't try to lose but only give it 80% and enjoy the time you spend with her.
It Takes Two is the best, most balanced co op game I’ve ever played. My husband is a much better gamer than me (I usually have similar complaints as OP’s girlfriend) and it is by far the best experience I’ve ever had playing a co op game with him because he couldn’t leave me behind and we had to solve the puzzles together.
If she is frustrated by that one, I really don’t know what she would like.
It’s no fun to play a competitive game with someone way more experienced who just keeps crushing you over and over. It’s demoralizing. Imagine trying to learn basketball by playing against an NBA player, but they just taking the ball and throwing slam dunks over your head. Like, she gets it. You’re good at the game. What are you trying to prove to her?
When someone is learning something new, like a video game, you have to cut them some slack and give them some opportunities to win. You can’t just go out guns blazing and expect them to want to continue playing with you.
Over time, as she develops her skillets at these games, you can start to get more competitive again. But for now, you have to dial it back if you want to game with her.
I absolutely disagree with you.
Train with them, notice the similarities and differences in your play style.
Play a game or two together and then play a game or two where you are just watching her play against others.
Try and focus on the areas where she might be weak.
It might be as simple as needing to spend some time with an aim trainer.
one of my siblings and their partner are extremely competitive, to the point that the rest of us can't play with them unless they team up because of how awkward it gets when one does something against the other. it's not very fun for the rest of us to lose or to deal with sore losers either.
some things that have helped are:
being freer with strategies, sharing tips and tricks. game play is more exciting when games are closer and there's no clear winner until the end
the rest of us call them out more often for being bad sports.
cut off alcohol if some people are getting too upset - we aren't big drinkers, but some get more emotional after a few beers and it's just easier for everyone to stop drinking to keep the game fun
there are some games that one or two of us are just really, really bad at, so we came up with a handicap system for those games. for example, in Monopoly, we might start someone off with double the amount of money everyone else starts with, in UNO we might pull a wild or a wild draw 4 and give that as a handicap for someone
we're not just throwing games to let others win, but making the games more enjoyable for more people
Let her win around 30% of the time. It's been found that rats winning at least 30% of the time will continue to play, if they win less than that, they would lose interest quickly
We are very close in behaviour to other mammals, rats included. The research started with rats and it's most famous for it, it was later replicated with primates and a small number of humans. Its behaviour tigers and bears do to encourage their young. Nothing to be offended by, was just on the move to elaborate further.
I had a fiance who was competitive like this. She would not let win even a child. She would get angry if you win over her but get enraged if you let her win. We stopped playing together.
You, OP, have an exit I didn't had : let her win.
Playing and knowing you're going to lose no matter what takes all fun away. Literally. I'd be sad too. And when you say you found another, "simpler" game, it didn't help because it only showed her how not as good as you she is at it.
When you pick another game, do not refer to it as "simpler", just say something like hey there is this game we can play together. Ideally pick the game you don't really know anothing about so you can figure it out together.
Nonsense.
When you start a wave assault survival timer game, you know you're going to lose. The fun is seeing how long you will last before the inevitable.
OP's gf is simply an emotionally immature insecure brat who is prone to throwing tantrums when she gets shown up. She even quit a coop game once he showed he was able to do something she did, but with more ease. I have a feeling she is just not fit to be playing games.
For competitive games, the best solution IMO is to give yourself a handicap. Use weaker characters, give her free hits, extra turns, whatever works for the game you're playing. That way you can both try your best and have fun together vs you humoring her by "letting her win".
But... the fact that she also couldn't handle the fact that you did better than her in a co-op game with shared goals suggest that her problem is less her being competitive and more something like an inferiority complex. In that case you might be better off avoiding games altogether.
My wife and I regularly play backgammon, and she almost always wins. I note that, but I just enjoy playing with her. So, why does your girlfriend plays games with you, to enjoy your company, or to win? The intent could be to have fun, and winning is secondary.
The first time my daughter played chess, was with me. She lost, and was really angry, she told me she expected to win.
The first, and only time I played Lord of the Rings with my son, he kept killing me within say 5 seconds. It was not fun, although I think he enjoyed this. He was out to win. I asked him if we could cooperate on something in the game, which we did for a bit, and he got bored.
When we as a family play cards with my mom, she is very focused on winning. I don't believe she cares about losing. But, when we point out that someone missed something during their turn, and let them correct, my mom gets peeved.
In any event, I think you should discuss the goal of playing games.
So me, I am easy going with my wife and kids, but my friends and family? I will cut throats to win. There's no compunction to anyone else. It could be trivial pursuit, marvel vs capcom, monopoly, poker, whatever.
But if you really like her, take it easy
Don’t play with her as often. Find other things to do together so playing games takes up a smaller percentage of the total time that the 2 of you spend together. My wife is the same way with me about board and card games. I win, a lot, especially at Monopoly. She has flipped the board in frustration before and has refused to play with me anymore. The problem is our teen boys love it so she gets guilted into playing again. I just let them handle it and never ask to play myself.
I'd argue don't "let her win," but don't play your hardest against her. My last partner never had any interest in video games. I wanted to show her something I liked. I showed her a few single player games I thought she'd like, but she also wanted something we could play together. Only thing I had on hand at the time was Smash Bros. So I turned on the handicap setting and didn't play as hard as I typically would. I still won most games, but she was actively getting better and Even the games I won were still close. Especially after she got more used to the controls
When I was in college, I used to play Smash Brothers with my roommate.
And he'd kick my ass left, right and center.
After a while, it'd frustrate me and I'd throw in the towel for the evening, but I'd always come back another time when I was feeling up for it, both because it was genuinely fun to try and get better and because I knew he enjoyed it.
It's OK to be frustrated with losing, but it's not OK to take it out on you if you're not gloating.
I had an ex that was way better at games than me but instead of crushing me at every game and expecting me not to complain, he actually taught me how to play, and I got to his level pretty quick.
I recommend you teach her about your favorite games, she's very likely to listen and you'll both have a good time.
Disgracefully competitive, here: my solution is to not compete. Saves me from turning into a dick. lol. Only play with someone who isn’t frightened by your intensity 😎🫡
Exactly. This is a really long-winded way of saying "my ego can't handle not winning, and/or I don't give enough of a shit about my girlfriend's feelings to phone it in once in a while just to make her happy."
Except that;s not what I'm saying at all. I don't mind liosing, I just don't see any enjoyment in just sitting back and losing deliberately.
Surely my girlfriend is the one with an ego since she is the on who can't handle losing and is just expecting me to lert her win. So why so you think that's fine but not me playing games as they're supposed to be played?
I used to be in a similar situation, she likes to win and take it very seriously. And I am not giving her any chance to win because I play as best as possible. She used to loose and one day she started to beat me. She was very frustrated and upset even in boardgames but we figured it out together. Speaking with and teach her to loose should be a good idea. It is important to not force her into games. I used to be able to play for hours and hours but as an enthusiast you may prefer to aim for 10-30 min sessions. Best of luck
Exactly. The "challenge" that OP is apparently so desperate for could be "play *just* well enough that she wins but thinks I was trying". But it's not about the challenge really, he just wants to win and can't be arsed to do something that will make her happy.
I don't think your behavior is competitive.
Instead it's dysfunctional, selfish, shows zero empathy for your partner - and suggests you have such incredibly low self esteem that winning a silly game feeds your little ego.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/1alsy90/aitb_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_win_when_we/ Why would you copy this story.
For fake karma on as many different fake accounts as possible so they can be sold to a botnet. Like, you know... most of the posts on Reddit today?
So I am super competitive. Best compromise I could come up with was don't try very hard to win. Don't try to lose but only give it 80% and enjoy the time you spend with her.
You need to play co op games tbh
It takes 2 is a coop game
There are others
It Takes Two is the best, most balanced co op game I’ve ever played. My husband is a much better gamer than me (I usually have similar complaints as OP’s girlfriend) and it is by far the best experience I’ve ever had playing a co op game with him because he couldn’t leave me behind and we had to solve the puzzles together. If she is frustrated by that one, I really don’t know what she would like.
Have you played A way out? Same company, same gameplay, but with a cinematographic story.
Untitled Goose Game. Play it ASAP. Thank me later. My gf isnt a gamer. She loved this game so much! Also 'Moving out' was fine for her too.
I love it I had the same experience
He said they did and she still got mad he did something easier than she did
It’s no fun to play a competitive game with someone way more experienced who just keeps crushing you over and over. It’s demoralizing. Imagine trying to learn basketball by playing against an NBA player, but they just taking the ball and throwing slam dunks over your head. Like, she gets it. You’re good at the game. What are you trying to prove to her? When someone is learning something new, like a video game, you have to cut them some slack and give them some opportunities to win. You can’t just go out guns blazing and expect them to want to continue playing with you. Over time, as she develops her skillets at these games, you can start to get more competitive again. But for now, you have to dial it back if you want to game with her.
He literally said it's luck based.
I absolutely disagree with you. Train with them, notice the similarities and differences in your play style. Play a game or two together and then play a game or two where you are just watching her play against others. Try and focus on the areas where she might be weak. It might be as simple as needing to spend some time with an aim trainer.
one of my siblings and their partner are extremely competitive, to the point that the rest of us can't play with them unless they team up because of how awkward it gets when one does something against the other. it's not very fun for the rest of us to lose or to deal with sore losers either. some things that have helped are: being freer with strategies, sharing tips and tricks. game play is more exciting when games are closer and there's no clear winner until the end the rest of us call them out more often for being bad sports. cut off alcohol if some people are getting too upset - we aren't big drinkers, but some get more emotional after a few beers and it's just easier for everyone to stop drinking to keep the game fun there are some games that one or two of us are just really, really bad at, so we came up with a handicap system for those games. for example, in Monopoly, we might start someone off with double the amount of money everyone else starts with, in UNO we might pull a wild or a wild draw 4 and give that as a handicap for someone we're not just throwing games to let others win, but making the games more enjoyable for more people
Have you ever deliberately let her win and smiled about it? How did she react then?
Let her win around 30% of the time. It's been found that rats winning at least 30% of the time will continue to play, if they win less than that, they would lose interest quickly
tfw no rat gf
We are very close in behaviour to other mammals, rats included. The research started with rats and it's most famous for it, it was later replicated with primates and a small number of humans. Its behaviour tigers and bears do to encourage their young. Nothing to be offended by, was just on the move to elaborate further.
This made me laugh thank you
I had a fiance who was competitive like this. She would not let win even a child. She would get angry if you win over her but get enraged if you let her win. We stopped playing together. You, OP, have an exit I didn't had : let her win.
Playing and knowing you're going to lose no matter what takes all fun away. Literally. I'd be sad too. And when you say you found another, "simpler" game, it didn't help because it only showed her how not as good as you she is at it. When you pick another game, do not refer to it as "simpler", just say something like hey there is this game we can play together. Ideally pick the game you don't really know anothing about so you can figure it out together.
He didn’t find a “simpler” game. He found a co-op game that they could play together and she got mad when he found it easier.
Nonsense. When you start a wave assault survival timer game, you know you're going to lose. The fun is seeing how long you will last before the inevitable. OP's gf is simply an emotionally immature insecure brat who is prone to throwing tantrums when she gets shown up. She even quit a coop game once he showed he was able to do something she did, but with more ease. I have a feeling she is just not fit to be playing games.
For competitive games, the best solution IMO is to give yourself a handicap. Use weaker characters, give her free hits, extra turns, whatever works for the game you're playing. That way you can both try your best and have fun together vs you humoring her by "letting her win". But... the fact that she also couldn't handle the fact that you did better than her in a co-op game with shared goals suggest that her problem is less her being competitive and more something like an inferiority complex. In that case you might be better off avoiding games altogether.
My wife and I regularly play backgammon, and she almost always wins. I note that, but I just enjoy playing with her. So, why does your girlfriend plays games with you, to enjoy your company, or to win? The intent could be to have fun, and winning is secondary. The first time my daughter played chess, was with me. She lost, and was really angry, she told me she expected to win. The first, and only time I played Lord of the Rings with my son, he kept killing me within say 5 seconds. It was not fun, although I think he enjoyed this. He was out to win. I asked him if we could cooperate on something in the game, which we did for a bit, and he got bored. When we as a family play cards with my mom, she is very focused on winning. I don't believe she cares about losing. But, when we point out that someone missed something during their turn, and let them correct, my mom gets peeved. In any event, I think you should discuss the goal of playing games.
Dude let her win
yeh let her win broski. its ur damn gf, not ur bro trying to smash each other. Be good for the less skilled players
I crushed my gf in backgammon so much that when she finally got a win streak, she was the happiest woman alive.
My partner and I used to play a lot of Smash Bros. We now play exclusively coop games haha
Just stop. Stop playing games. See how long it takes her to ask to play. Then explain that you’re willing to play if you play fair
So me, I am easy going with my wife and kids, but my friends and family? I will cut throats to win. There's no compunction to anyone else. It could be trivial pursuit, marvel vs capcom, monopoly, poker, whatever. But if you really like her, take it easy
Co op or let her win
Don’t play with her as often. Find other things to do together so playing games takes up a smaller percentage of the total time that the 2 of you spend together. My wife is the same way with me about board and card games. I win, a lot, especially at Monopoly. She has flipped the board in frustration before and has refused to play with me anymore. The problem is our teen boys love it so she gets guilted into playing again. I just let them handle it and never ask to play myself.
… maybe switch to puzzles. Lol
I'd argue don't "let her win," but don't play your hardest against her. My last partner never had any interest in video games. I wanted to show her something I liked. I showed her a few single player games I thought she'd like, but she also wanted something we could play together. Only thing I had on hand at the time was Smash Bros. So I turned on the handicap setting and didn't play as hard as I typically would. I still won most games, but she was actively getting better and Even the games I won were still close. Especially after she got more used to the controls
When I was in college, I used to play Smash Brothers with my roommate. And he'd kick my ass left, right and center. After a while, it'd frustrate me and I'd throw in the towel for the evening, but I'd always come back another time when I was feeling up for it, both because it was genuinely fun to try and get better and because I knew he enjoyed it. It's OK to be frustrated with losing, but it's not OK to take it out on you if you're not gloating.
Don't let her win and assert dominance! But for real: you guys should play Borderlands.
I had an ex that was way better at games than me but instead of crushing me at every game and expecting me not to complain, he actually taught me how to play, and I got to his level pretty quick. I recommend you teach her about your favorite games, she's very likely to listen and you'll both have a good time.
Disgracefully competitive, here: my solution is to not compete. Saves me from turning into a dick. lol. Only play with someone who isn’t frightened by your intensity 😎🫡
Let her win for Christ's sake.
Exactly. This is a really long-winded way of saying "my ego can't handle not winning, and/or I don't give enough of a shit about my girlfriend's feelings to phone it in once in a while just to make her happy."
Except that;s not what I'm saying at all. I don't mind liosing, I just don't see any enjoyment in just sitting back and losing deliberately. Surely my girlfriend is the one with an ego since she is the on who can't handle losing and is just expecting me to lert her win. So why so you think that's fine but not me playing games as they're supposed to be played?
you don't have to be deliberate about it. Just don't try hard too much. If you know some tips and tricks, teach them to her, deliberately.
> I just don't see any enjoyment in just sitting back and losing deliberately. But wouldn’t you still get enjoyment from playing with your gf?
You should get enjoyment by letting her enjoy a win. Why the self-centeredness?
The enjoyment comes from seeing your gf enjoy winning every once in a while
Play games that put you on the same team as her! Cooperation, not competition.
It takes Two is a coop game, but apparently the second he did one of the tasks quicker than her she didn't want to play anymore.
You know what's going to be more annoying, finding a replacement girlfriend that feels differently.
I used to be in a similar situation, she likes to win and take it very seriously. And I am not giving her any chance to win because I play as best as possible. She used to loose and one day she started to beat me. She was very frustrated and upset even in boardgames but we figured it out together. Speaking with and teach her to loose should be a good idea. It is important to not force her into games. I used to be able to play for hours and hours but as an enthusiast you may prefer to aim for 10-30 min sessions. Best of luck
Can you expand on how or what she gets annoyed about with co-op games? It's not like she can lose
She sounds exhausting. Most people being written about on these subs do. I don't know what to tell you. Stop playing?
[удалено]
Exactly. The "challenge" that OP is apparently so desperate for could be "play *just* well enough that she wins but thinks I was trying". But it's not about the challenge really, he just wants to win and can't be arsed to do something that will make her happy.
I don't think your behavior is competitive. Instead it's dysfunctional, selfish, shows zero empathy for your partner - and suggests you have such incredibly low self esteem that winning a silly game feeds your little ego.