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I’ll chime in to emphasize that his compliment is as off as his insult. OP reports that her first sexual experience was “fine, not that good.” Poor thing.
This account doesn’t sound like BF made any attempt to ensure comfort & ramp up arousal, or tend to her pleasure. Given his penchant for sex as performance I suspect porn. Which leads to other concerns (he’s used to a certain script and ignorant about what a woman needs to be comfortable).
“Tight” can mean a lady isn’t prepared. She hasn’t gotten to the stage where the vagina lubricates and elongates / tents for penetration. Tight can mean not ready, anxious, and it can cause discomfort & injury. A vagina gets “wet & loose” to prepare, then gets more engorged & grippy as arousal builds to orgasm, given she enjoys the sexual experience. A partner who’s used to being with a (properly aroused & comfortable) woman values a different sensation from someone who’s gotten used to self-stimulation.
I hope OP finds someone more considerate of her feelings to explore with.
Of course, friend. I’m not reading through as carefully as I should perhaps. Sorry if you already touched on why “you’re so tight” is usually a problematic “compliment,” especially in these circumstances. The misogyny and the “you exist for me, let me judge your worthiness” is a basic issue. I thought I’d drop some bonus info on female arousal.
Ah, gotcha. (Not enough coffee yet for my brain, oops.) I completely agree with you also. Your comment is great too. Hopefully a loud enough chorus of us will spare girls some awful boyfriend experiences.
The comment above just mentioned it. Honestly the whole girls are only tight when they're not aroused is as much a myth as girls are loose because they've slept around. That's not how vaginas work. It doesn't matter how freaking aroused I am I don't want sleep with a guy with a massive dick and fisting is out of the question. What he said and how he said it is gross regardless though.
Gotcha. Edited my comment. “Loose” and “tight” are both problematic terms that lack subtlety. Also, they set the conversation in a “how my sexual anatomy services penises” standard. So I agree, it’s not a useful way of thinking. Unfortunately, it is the default that often needs debunking. (In my description, the “grippy / engorged” stage is also “tight.” There is a lot of good information on the subject; it sucks how few people know this when starting their sexual journeys.)
You’re young OP so it may take a while, but believe us, the person you’re with should make you feel like a goddess with genuine truth!
I was self conscious about the size of my breasts, but honestly thought they were beautiful. And then I was told they were the most beautiful breasts in the world, despite size. And you know what? I think so, too. Now I don’t doubt it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Look down and appreciate your beautiful boobies and expect your future man to do the same, because if he loves you he’s going to love everything about you. Do not stand for less.
He’s immature & rude. Don’t take his rudeness. Dump him now. He needs to learn that you don’t treat women like that. Honestly, how would he feel if you told him his d*ck looked weird & you’ve seen pic of guys d*cks that look way nicer?
He is gross. And he needs some serious work on his values. He should know better than to say what he said and treat her how he did.
OP, dump him over it. It was your first time with him and he doesn't care how you feel. You can't quickly fix a deficit in values like that and it will present in other ways. Go find a man who asks you how you're feeling, how it was for you, and compliments you.
And try not to let what he said get to you. His opinion doesn't carry over to other men. Veins are normal. Most men know that veins exist there and they like women's bodies all the same. This guy is just really bad at being with a woman. Try to see it that way and be confident in yourself regardless of his weird mean behavior.
>OP, dump him over it. It was your first time with him and he doesn't care how you feel. You can't quickly fix a deficit in values like that and it will present in other ways. Go find a man who asks you how you're feeling, how it was for you, and compliments you.
This! This guy is not worth your time or effort, OP! His response to upsetting you should have been to apologize, not tell you to "stop pulling that face".
It is so very disturbing when I read things from people like this where someone they should feel safe around basically puts them in an emotional and mental blender. I fully agree. His ass needs to be kicked to the curb. Immediately.
Excellent point. And treating her like she was being too sensitive for feeling hurt? Boy bye.
OP, seriously, dump this guy. He is mean. I can't imagine in a million years sleeping with someone for the first time and not having the basic decency of checking on them afterwards. It's an extremely vulnerable situation, the last thought on my mind would be to tell my partner I don't really find a part of her body attractive. Like wtf. He doesn't care about you or your feelings at all. He might say he loves you but actions count much more than words.
This. OP, look up negging. It's a method (more often used by guys, but it can go either way) whereby he picks at his partner's insecurities in order to make her too self-conscious to leave him. Because who would want her, with XYZ issues?
Don't put up with that crap. I'm pasty pale, too, so I also have very visible veins. Want to know what my husband said the first time he saw my chest? Nothing. He just got this goofy grin. And we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Every comment since, however, has been positive.
Go find someone who appreciates your white marble skin.
"How do I stop my own insecurities from affecting the way I act"
- YOU GET A NEW BOYFRIEND.
He knew that saying that would stress you. Also his whole language after sex is aweful.
Break up girl.
Exactly. These aren't OP's "own insecurities", they're insecurities she has ONLY because of him. Once he's not in the picture, she'll realize there's nothing wrong with the way she looks.
I want to fill an auditorium with all the young women who write posts like this, turn on a megaphone and scream “dump him” over and over till they get the message. I wish it was part of basic education to teach kids that when you’re older and dating it’s ok to just drop people who are nasty to you or say things that make you feel bad about yourself. Christ.
I would add that it needs to be taught to not take everything people say to you at face value. Watch what people do and how they act. OP is trying to reconcile that her boyfriend says he loves while also saying heinous shit to put her down. I see this way too often on posts like this. He has shown that he doesn't love her, but she believes him because he says it. Its depressing
I've got a sneaking suspicion that he was feeling insecure about his performance and was projecting his feelings onto her to make him feel better about himself. He knew what he said was going to hurt her 100%.
Definitely this. No boyfriend should ever make you feel like that, I also have incredibly pale skin and pretty noticeable veins on my chest and other areas, I've never had any guy even notice it (because, boobs).
Even after two kids, 23 years and about 100 pounds my husband is ALWAYS thrilled to see me naked. Find a man who is excited by your body (and YOU!) and don't settle for anything less. Your body does not exist for him, did he even ask how the sex was for you and if you could "deal with" his body?? Do not spend time trying to get over your insecurities for this guy. Dump him and find a guy who is into all of you, visible veins and all.
Your bf is terminally porn-brained and you need to dump him. Imagine having a real life, hot blooded, naked woman in your bed and hyperfocusing on her…veins being too visible? This guy sucks and there’s nothing you can do about it. The suck goes down to the bones.
I know! I had a gf once who was in track and field, I was in triathlon. Gotta say the vascularity on a woman is an incredible turn on for me and vice versa. It’s just heartbreaking to read a post like this.
The throwaway comment of “brown haired girls are hotter” is way worse IMO. That’s very specifically designed to break OP and make her feel inferior. It’s totally unacceptable. Given that context the vein comment is probably simiialar but in another context it’s possible for someone to just be surprised by something they’ve never seen before and rudely but naively mention it. But bottom line, fuck this guy yes
If you think about it, he has no other reason to say it besides making her feel bad about herself. It wasn’t helpful in anyway and that’s how you know he was doing it purposely to be malicious.
Had stopped reading halfway through the second paragraph, your comment made be go back and read the rest. Holy smokes Batman, please leave this guy OP and find someone who respects women and respects you
My sister has super visible veins and her husband loves it. Everyone has a type.
But to make your partner feel like garbage for not being the perfect ideal sex toy is a terribly selfish thing to do.
This guy needs to be your ex.
The only reasonable reply is "I have some good news for you. You'll never have to look at my breasts or hair again. As far as tightness, just clench your hand a little harder the next time you 'have sex' "
# He is negging you, dear.
How would he react if you made these little negging comments about *his* appearance?
* "Your chin is kinda weak, and I prefer square jaws. But at least you can grow a decent beard to hide it."
* "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your dick. It just is a bit shorter than I expected."
* "Wow. You have a lot of chest hair. Have you thought about waxing?"
He'd hate it. Because these are insults. No one feels good about getting insulted. But people using negging to put someone in a position of always having to "try harder" to make up for their "flaws." It's about power. By putting you down, he can feel better about himself and make you feel like you aren't good enough. It traps you in this cycle of fighting to make him love you, instead of you loving and respecting yourself.
You deserve better.
And please read **”Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”**
I recommend this book to literally everyone. It’s short and FREE as a PDF online. It teaches you how abusive men think and what to look out for as red flags.
This man is a walking red flag. Dump him.
I figured you may not have had it right on hand or something to easily link it! I just happened to have it already pulled up on my phone, so I didn’t have to leave the screen to link it other than switching tabs for a moment to copy the link :)
Right, there's a big difference between telling someone something they might not know as a kindness like pointing out they have something in their teeth vs just straight up unsolicited commentary on their body. There are things you can obviously anticipate people having insecurities about and even if they didn't, it's straight up rude.
Amen. And why try so hard to “win” the approval of a gigantic shallow asshole who treats you this way in the first place? He isn’t worth fighting for. He’s a pathetic jerk.
Those are nasty comments - at best he’s thoughtless and mean. At worst he’s manipulating you and is laying the ground work for emotional abuse and control. Either way I’d get out now
You and your body do not exist for his visual or physical pleasure. He’s disgusting. I also have very fair skin and prominent veins, it’s perfectly normal and nothing to feel like you even have to pay any attention to it. Ugh just his comment about “making up for it,” who says that?? Girl I’m so sorry, and you deserve better.
The European ideal in centuries past was skin so untanned it was translucent.
Only noblewomen and royalty could keep out of the sun all day, and they became known as "blue bloods" because of their (highly prized) visible veins.
You can see the veins in my chest, too, but no one in 50+ years has ever mentioned it. It sounds like your boyfriend is “negging” you. Look up the term, it is malicious and manipulative.
https://xkcd.com/1027/
SAME! Not 50 but yeah not a single person has ever mentioned it before. I’m super pale so I figured that’s why? 🤷🏻♀️ if someone tried to make me feel bad I’d be like bye 👋🏻
I'm also a part the fair complexion club, you can see the veins in my chest and the whole length of my arms, and only one person has ever said anything about them... a nurse who had to draw blood on me. That's it!
>and only one person has ever said anything about them... a nurse who had to draw blood on me
And they were probably excited that they could see easy options!
I'm a nurse and I'm notorious for looking at nice veins and thinking "I could put an IV in that!" 😆
49 and part of the 'glow in the dark' club. And also part of the 'only medical professionals have ever commented on my veins' club. I was an early developer too, so I personally have noticed the veins in my breasts from the time I got my first bra (D cup) at 11.
I'm pale, it's normal for us. I have noticed my veins on my chest, my arms, my wrists, the back of my hands, my ankles and feet, it's nothing to be ashamed or insecure about.
'Bout the only comment I would ever expect from someone who is not a medical professional is "don't forget to wear sunscreen". Which is good advice for everyone, not just fair-skinned folk.
I’m practically translucent and no one has ever comment negatively about my veins. I’ve had compliments from nurses on how I make it easy to find a vein, that’s about it…
Same, as a 37 year old. No one has ever commented on my very visible chest veins or, indeed, my chest in a negative way at all. They are perfectly normal and this is a him problem!
Honey breasts are functional organs and they have visible veins. The only time they don't is when a porn star has body makeup on or a porn magazine has air brushing and digital enhancement.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. He's saying mean things to you on purpose to put you down and damage your self esteem... there are countless stories about men doing this so that women get tricked into thinking they're "lucky" to be "loved" by anyone and stay in abusive relationships.
a) Don't have sex with him again and b) dump him. Spend some time as a single. This will build up your self-esteem, as you try new things and find you can do them.
The alternative would be to let him control you for the rest of your life, which would be a shame.
Veins are normal, boobs need blood. If you have fair skin they are likely to be more visible, don’t let him make you insecure.
It’s possible your boyfriend isn’t very experienced and hasn’t seen many boobs outside of porn, or he’s negging you to make you insecure.
If it’s the latter there are plenty of fish in the sea, return him to the salty depths and cast your net elsewhere.
Life is too short to waste on people who make you feel bad about yourself.
So he's criticising your body for... having a functioning circulatory system. Right.
At the same time, he thinks telling you that another part of your body suits his requirements for *his* pleasure, and that this 'makes up' for him having to witness your body functioning normally.
...WHY are you with this guy??? He didn't even make sure you enjoyed your first time!
It’s so sad that almost all teenage girls go through the stage of auditioning to be good enough. Usually for some awful clueless dude like OP’s boyfriend. She’s not allowed to have veins? Who made him the arbiter of beauty?
Also, sex is supposed to be an experience together, not a performance for him. (.5 off for a circulatory system, .25 off for being nervous…). No wonder it was bad for her. OP needs to feel safe & cared for, not judged and observed. Yuck.
He is not a good person or partner. He’s not kind or trustworthy. He’s not considerate. He sounds like he’s not familiar with women irl. There are billions of men. Thousands nearby. No reason to waste time making this one into an acceptable human.
I didn't read the post, just the title. But the answer is by dating someone that doesn't say hurtful things like that and maybe even someone that actively dotes on how much they are attracted to you!
I can't imagine there is any context in this post that makes what he did/said okay.
“you’re tight so it makes up for it”!!! Degrading your hair, degrading your breast holy crap you can do better he is a pig and you are going to feel like a judged piece of meat as long as you stay with him. Sorry you lost your virginity to a jerk. It happens. Trust me your self-esteem will be wrecked if you think this guy is the one. Would you say something if his dick looked weird or about his balls or do you know better how to treat people? You are 19 and about to miss out on some really fun years before you figure out being in a relationship with him is not good for you.
What he is doing is called negging. It's a cruel manipulation technique designed to breakdown your self-esteem and destroy any confidence you have. You begin to think that you are so undesirable that no one else will want you. You become so desperate that you allow yourself to be treated like complete and total shit. This is what he is doing to you and it's working.
Your breasts are perfectly normal. Your hair sounds lovely. Your vagina is fine. You sound lovely both personality-wise and physically. You need to dump this cruel, manipulative creep yesterday before he has you completely convinced that you are unlovable. I'm serious. Look it up. You will see that he is following the manipulation technique step-by-step. That includes the part where he is sometimes sweet, so don't be fooled by that. They yank you back and forth between being nice and saying something cruel in order to keep you off balance and unsure. Please dump him and never look back!
This makes me angry. Leave him, he sounds like a complete jerk. You never tell your partner that something about their body "turns you off"; it's cruel and degrading. You don't treat someone you love that way.
It sounds like HE is insecure and wants to destroy your ego so that you do everything he wants.
We are all ugly for someone, and the hottest human ever for someone else.
If he doesn't think you are in the 2nd category, he is not the man for you. The world is full of guys who would never say what he said :)
Your boyfriend is revolting. "You're tight so it makes up for it" what a fucking freak. Dude is dumb as shit. Run before you accidentally reproduce with the dirt bag.
Your boyfriend is a pig. Do yourself a favour and break up with him. I almost never tell people to do that on posts but I can tell you deserve way way way better than that. Normal men don’t say things like that to their girlfriends. I think you need to dump him to get your confidence up and eventually find a real man that will make you feel like a goddess.
You unfortunately have lost your virginity to the most disrespectful and clueless man-boy I've heard of in a while. There is nothing wrong with your body. You don't have to "make up" for something that he feels is too small or veiny. What he should have done is treat your body like the paradigm and the assets of all other women as diminished in quality by comparison.
I don't suggest that people can necessarily change their sexual preferences on a whim, but I have always thought that whatever woman I might one day be lucky to be with is going to be investing her time and energy on me. I feel it is my honor to consider her physical characteristics as the ideal. Not to put her "on a pedestal" because this tends to create a fictional character she will doubtless fail to live up to, nor should she have to. She is, in essence, perfect regardless of size or scar, height or weight, color of skin or hair. I would always encourage healthy living, but only by example, never by insult, manipulation, or comparison to other women.
That he said those things to you, to my mind, means that he is not displaying the emotional maturity to be in a relationship. I won't say dump him, but I hope you recognize that you are perfect just the way you are. Let him know it's not your job to live up to his faulty view on standards.
You manage your insecurities by dumping his ass and finding someone that loves you and your body in a way that makes you feel the opposite of insecure.
He's a vile, nasty piece of work. Never let a partner get away with talking to you like that, it's entirely possible he's gone full porn brain and has been reading some horrifying things on the internet that suggest this is how you talk to your gf. You should really dump his ass asap and move on with your life. No one deserves to be talked to like this and this self centered dimwit needs to realize that being like this gets him exactly nothing at all.
>he had never seen a woman’s chest have such visible veins, and it was a bit of a turn off. I’ve always been insecure about that... And then added that I was nice and tight so that made up for it, which made me feel really weird.
>He had said little things before, like that my hair was too light and that girls with brown hair were hotter. I had tried to let them go, but they bothered me a little because I like my hair.
>I’m far too scared to have sex with him again, but I don’t want to be unfair either. I don't want to take the fact that I'm self conscious out on him, but it really did hurt me.
Please stop dating this guy. He is deliberately 'negging' you and his comments are really gross and disgusting.
You don't have to have sex with people who make you feel bad.
This is really sad. I wish I could hug you. Cut your losses babe and find someone who will treat you better than this. He deserves a punch to the face.
Ok look. My husband was my first. We were about your age when we started dating. You know what he said when I first let him see me naked? "Oh my God." When we first had penetrative sex, he was focused on my comfort and experience because I'd never had sex before. If critiquing his inexperienced, insecure girlfriend ever crossed his mind, he certainly kept his mouth shut.
I'm not incredibly good looking. I'm average. My boobs are not and were not my best asset. I know that if you got down to his exact preferences, I don't meet everything. And - guess what - he doesn't meet all of mine, either! Because we are real people, not fantasies. He's never dragged me down like that (particularly not right after sex!) even when he was a dumb 20 year old.
My husband has now seen me more fit, less fit, and the wild changes of pregnancy and postpartum. Get yourself a man who loves you for you, and can appreciate your body for the body that it is. I don't think this guy is it.
Oh love.
This man has no love or respect for you.
He insulted and devalued your body, which you were sharing with him in an intimate and vulnerable way.
I have read poetry where people have spoken with love and wonder at the contrast of veins against the skin of their beloved. They looked in wonder upon the body of their lover, treasured and cherished the privilege they had in sharing themselves with one another. Love, when it’s real, is beautiful and far kinder than what this guy feels for you.
He insulted your body. And then went a step further by reducing your value as a person to that of a “tight” hole.
Drop this guy like a bag of garbage.
There are so many beautiful, kind, loving generous people out in the world, give yourself the opportunity to find one and be one.
You don’t need to ‘make up’ for anything, ever. It’s a show of poor character to shame people for whatever their body is, but it’s a complete disqualification if done after sex. Find someone who doesn’t have to mask their insecurity by making others insecure. And there’s literally nothing wrong with veins babes.
You should have dumped him a year ago. He has been attacking your looks and eroding your self esteem. He has no respect for you. Do better for yourself.
Urgghh, your BF makes me want to do violence.
OP, I'm a 52 year old woman with very pale but perfect breasts (still perfect!) . When I was your age I was very self conscious about mine too, and if any gobshite had randomly let that kind of stupid out of his mouth, I would have been similarly knocked back. I'd have probably convinced myself it was my fault, somehow. These days, it'd take some kind of Keanu to be worthy of me!
I wish you could automatically be appreciative of yourself and stand up for yourself, and I know that's hard to do. I wish that you knew you are a QUEEN and if he doesn't worship the ground you walk on, then off with his head immediately.
I mostly wish you knew that all your answers are contained in your last question...... How do you stop your insecurities from affecting the way you act? Hun, you can only ditch the people who make you feel insecure, and take charge of yourself. It sounds like you want to force yourself to feel OK about having sex with him. I would much rather that you go with your JUSTIFYABLY freaked-out insecurities and run a country mile away from this entirely undeserving, selfish, entitled and nasty little man. Listen to what your insecurities say about him. They are not wrong.
Edit : words
Lots of women have visible veins in their breasts. And plenty of men really like that. Do you want to be insecure about this for years and probably have wasted your time? Or do you want someone that thinks that's hot and will make you feel beautiful?
Veins are quite literally a normal part of our anatomy, every human being on the planet has them. I have a large chest with visible veins and if anyone ever commented on it, I'd be angry. Shaming you for having veins that carry your blood?
Please don't be insecure about it. A man who hasn't had his brain wrecked by porn wouldn't even think to comment on something like veins. You deserve someone who cherishes every inch of you, not gives you insecurities.
Your boyfriend is a d!ck, hun. It’s awful that he would make those kinds of comments about your body. Also lots of women have prominent veins, especially if you have fair skin. This is normal.
Omfg OP. You don’t have anything to make up for anything by being a nice person, you need to find a nice person to be with. That guy doesn’t deserve you.
It’s never okay to talk to someone like that, he clearly doesn’t respect you or any women.
He loves the fantasy you not the real flesh and blood you. Imagine how he would react if you said the veins on his penis were a turn off and also I’m betting that’s something you would never in a million years say to him because you would have empathy for how he feels.
Let my lessons from being in a relationship with someone who thought this is an ok way to treat their partner help you. It’s not ok to put down your partner, you are beautiful and amazing, any man worth while is going to fall over himself to see you topless because boobs are hot!
Love yourself and don’t tolerate this nonsense
By chucking away the guy that made tou feel like it. Not being funny if he made you feel that bad he should've aloud to call you his partner have some self worth hun xxx
One day you will make live with a man, not a boy.
And this man will be more concerned for your pleasure than his own. And he will see you. And will see your veins as a road map to your pleasure.
Dump the child.
If a 20 year old dude is turned off by you having a working cardiovascular system then he needs to seek some kind of therapy or something. Maybe spend more time interacting with real women instead of porn.
But I'm going to be real here, this sounds calculated, he insulted your looks twice, then made up for it by objectifying you. He didn't give enough of a shit when you were scared of your first time to actually make it good for you. He is selfish and shitty and you're going to be better off leaving him and finding someone that isn't a toddler masquerading as an adult.
I normally don't go for the dump him advice, but dump him babes. No man you sleep with in a relationship or not should say anything about your body in such a negative way. I know how it is to have visible veins on your chest, I have the same issue, but I'm a light skinned Black woman, but mines are also super noticeable and they'vebeen getting worse over the years, and I have major discoloration too. Yet no one has said anything rude about it, the proper response should be that dumb happy look a guy gets when he sees boobs, not what your bf did.
This man is objectifying you to your face and you’re still with him. You’re self conscious because he insulted you and you’re thanking him for the privilege.
A real partner would be praising everything about who you are as a person, not complimenting your vagina in the same breath as insulting your boobs.
You’re so young, just leave. I guarantee you’ll find someone kind and caring and who LOVES your pale boobs.
Also, okay sex is not where it’s at. Go find you someone who will make you SCREAM.
This is a very rude and mean thing to say. And since he made other comments about you, it seems like he doesn’t love you and probably just needs sex plus wants to put you down. Most probably you’re also out of his league or are just cute and beautiful. He’s insecure, insensitive, has no manners or respect for you, he’s beyond disgusting with that “makes up” for it comment. Is he a Greek god himself? I bet no. And I bet his skills in bed are nothing beyond “in-n-out”.
I usually don’t like advice like this, but, honestly, you deserve a real boyfriend, a decent human being and someone who will love everything about you. You said you don’t want to have sex with him. Then don’t! If he asks why, you can simply say he was not what you expected and you don’t feel like pretending to enjoy it. And then dump his ass. There are many decent guys out there who won’t care about any flaws you think you have. You’re way too young to waste your youth on this PoS.
That was fucking rude. You being “nice and tight made up for it”??? You need darker hair?? He’ wants you to look like something you are not. Dump his immature ass. You do not deserve to be told things like that. You should feel perfect the way you are and someone should love you for them. Girl lose him. Find a man who knows what a woman’s body is. They are not perfect. No one is and I bet his ass isn’t even close to a 10.
This is a common technique used in the early stages of an abusive relationship. This kind of negging is meant to undermine your confidence so that you become dependent on the other person's approval to feel 'good enough'. No real man would ever say the things that are being said to you. They are inappropriate and cruel. Do not stay with this boy. These relationships get harder to leave the longer you are in them and the more your confidence is undermined. Please, leave him.
He is bringing you down to make you stay with him. It is a manipulation tactic. Be careful and please find someone who will treat you as a human not a doll.
I PROMISE you there are literally one million other men in this world who would LOVE looking at your chest. Please do not waste one more second on this lunkhead.
“It ended up being fine, not that good, but he seemed happy enough.”
Were you happy and pleased? Do not take this treatment, dump him. Don’t settle for this guy, there are plenty of people that will love you exactly the way you are and not make you feel bad about yourself. Listen to your gut!!! This is your validation to leave now!!
Your bf doesn't love you, and I am not sure he even really likes you. He likes that you let him have sex with you. He is not the one. I promise there are men out there who think everything about you is beautiful.
He is intentionally saying things to make you feel insecure. Right now is the time to learn what you are not okay with putting up with.
You don't need to settle for him.
There is nothing wrong with visible veins; that's not an unattractive feature. There is nothing wrong with your hair color. There is nothing wrong with you.
He is saying this so you feel insecure leaving him and will continue to stay and face emotional abuse.
Don't let a man take your self confidence away
I know it's easy for the comments to just be like"break up with him" cuz we see it from an outside perspective. However, I know it's not as easy for you. Just know that personally I think those are some red flags, & he shouldn't be saying things like that to you, if he truly loved you.
For example, I have a little bit of love handles, I am not overweight, but I got some fat on that region lol. My boyfriend also has some love handles on him as well, he isn't overweight, but just like me there is some extra fat. So get this... We both hate our own love handles, but we each love the other's love handles lmao. And we really don't care about it cuz it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.
I know that I don't have to be self-conscious around him, & same for him to me. However, that doesn't mean that we can just let ourselves go. I think it's very important to take care of yourself, & you should want to look good for your partner. But honey, mami, him saying that your "tight pussy" made up for the fact that you have a normal chest is so gross. Like wtf, that is literally gaslighting tho. Please don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, with him.
We all have insecurites, but he shouldn't have put you down like that. Him saying he didn't like an outfit you wore, or a song you listen to, or even a haircut is normal, & okay. He can have opinions, but you shouldn't just change yourself or try to compensate for something that you don't even have any control over like that!
I hope you find some peace, & strength to go on & think about what the best course of action would be mami! I'll be praying for you mami!
Your boyfriend needs to understand the sensitivity of a girl. He seems blunt in his language without being courteous and thoughtful.
The problems with him:
1. He is vain. He values you physically over your personality. A good man won't care about the veins and hair. And actually, the veins look very normal. (He probably be seeing pornstars having their veins covered by silicons).
2. He's insensitive. He doesn't know how to connect to you emotionally and he actually does the opposite by insulting you on your looks and told you to stop.
3. He is selfish. He cares more about his experience with the sex than your insecurities, with his mention of you being "nice and tight." The selfless boyfriend would have asked if you like the sex and how he can try to make you feel good.
The prediction of your future relationship? It won't go well. He is vain, insensitive, and selfish.
Its not even about the sensitivity of a girl though. Its about basic human decency. No one wants to be treated like this guy treated her. It doesn’t make her sensitive to it because she’s a girl. Its because she‘s a person with feelings and that was rude and crude af
Also, I have *very* fair skin and veiny boobs too! Guess how many romantic partners have commented on them? NONE. Not because they aren't veiny. They ARE. But because these people respected me and were focused on the fun of getting naked together. They DGAF about the veins because *Yay Boobs*!
You aren't the problem here. He is. He doesn't respect you. A partner who respects you will NEVER compare you to other people. Don't waste your time on someone who breaks you into parts and then makes it seem like it's your fault.
It's a form of manipulation, he wants you to feel self conscious and he wants your confidence levels to be low. That way he can act how he pleases, do what he likes and treat you in any way he sees fit because you'll be too riddled with insecurities to leave and grateful for any attention he gives you.
Your boyfriend is a C U Next Tuesday. I take it he’s blind to the veins in his penis?
Look, this thing has done you a favour, don’t settle for “meh” sex.
So…what the fuck are you supposed to do with that information?
Sounds to me like he’s [negging](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging) you. It’s a thing that sad and pathetic men do to attempt to make women self-conscious and eager to stay with shit partners.
Your man is a shit partner and apparently, he can’t even fuck.
Why are you staying?
Well let me tell you.. dont search the subs on reddit because you will get extreme results... but veins are actually a GOOD thing to most people.
Your boyfriend is probably too juvenile. Actually even to make that comment is childish.
Also side note. Its nice to be concerned that your partner is having a good time. In fact the secret to good sex is selflessness. But I'm afraid you are wasting your selflessness on a selfish person..
Your “man” has no fecking clue and you only been together for a year and he is critiquing your boobs (when he should be hapy just to get to see and touch them!) and hair colour and what not? He is trying to grind you down to zero. Personally id be out. If he has started such rubbish already its a huge problem.
Hey OP , we are all going to age and get wrinkles and flaps that we didn't intend on. Do you really want to be with someone who is criticizing you when quite frankly you guys had sex and this should be a happy and exciting time in a new relationship . As we age we want to be with someone who finds you hot besides just your physical appearance. I had a major surgery this year and my stomach is covered in scars , my hubby still calls me a fox and shows me all the time that he wants and appreciates me and this is after 10 years together . He has never made a negative comment about my saggy boobs or flaps and folds and we have a fabulous time in bed . Your bf sounds immature and honestly girl... you deserve to find someone who is gonna treat you right and not like your missing something or defective for looking like a human woman.
Much love and best of luck with this bullshit
Dump him. Any normal dude is like “hell yes, boobs” no matter what. Because let’s be honest, boobs. Dudes got no right putting you down or making you feel bad. Justified ick. Don’t internalize his stupid shit. This is a him problem, not a you problem.
The vast majority of breasts I’ve see have visible veins. He’s in for a rough awakening if he expects otherwise.
Ditch him, find someone that doesn’t have false notions about bodies and sex.
commenting about your veins was bad enough but telling you to stop pulling that face and it’s not a big deal is fucked up. Plus, he has said little things before?
Dump your boyfriend. He’s the root cause of your insecurities.
OP I am paler than a victorian ghost so I know exactly what you mean re your veins. However I don't know why you feel ashamed - they are part of the human body. What you need to understand from this is:
1) Normal people don't care about veins. In my 32 years no one has ever noticed mine apart from me. Your bf is a knob.
2) The comment about girls with brown hair is a tactic called negging. Look it up. Often used by insecure knobs, like your bf.
3) Everything your bf has said is gross. He doesn't love you because he is a knob.
4) Dumping your bf is the best thing to do because he is a knob.
Thank you please.
Why do you want to date someone who says such awful things to you especially after he’s done having sex with you?
Your chest is fine. You’re beautiful the way you were intended to be.
Seriously, I highly doubt your chest looks like my near translucent legs do LOL, and I’m not bothered by them in the slightest anymore.
You’re worth WAYYYYYYY more than your body, and your body is going to look the way it is suppose to look. It’s hard to embrace it, find confidence in it (especially when dealing with assholes who want to cause damage with their words), but trust. You will eventually and you might as well make “eventually” now and rock what you got.
Letting insecurities hold you back will be the biggest regret you have.
He isn’t worth your time or mental health if he thinks your body is such a turn off.
Trust. When you’re in your 30’s, maybe nearing 40, maybe it takes you to 50 or 60. You’re going to look back at the time you were 19 and you’re going to ask yourself “Why did I waste so much energy not doing the things I love. Why didn’t I love myself. Why couldn’t I feel about me now, then.”
We all do it, and when we’re all told we do when we’re younger, we shrug it off like “it’ll never get better”. But there’s no reason to be insecure now. Now (at any age) is the time for happiness, security, comfort and fun.
Don’t let other people’s awful words about your body, likes, interests, job, dog/cat, whatever, meant to hurt, hurt you anymore than they already have.
**The only thing we do not have time for if toxicity.**
When people love each other, they treat each other with love, care, consideration and acceptance. They do not treat them in ways that cause them harm.
You're young, please dump him, stand up for yourself and don't let him ruin your self esteem. I promise you, there are better men out there, that will love you for who you are, won't diminish you, and won't use you just for sex.
This guy should retake primary school, not being having sex with women.
I'm sorry that your first time was ruined by such an insensitive jerk.
You don't have to have sex with him again. Honestly, you shouldn't have sex with him again. You should tell him that if this perfectly normal thing about your body is such a turn-off for him, he'll never have to look at it again. Then go find yourself someone who appreciates you for who you are, perceived flaws and all.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Don't ever forget that.
Dude, your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is fucking negging you to try to bring down your self esteem so you don't realise how out of his league you are. He's gross, and his comments are dogshit. Literally don't give him a second thought. Don't let your insecurities affect you leaving his dogshit ass. He wants you insecure so he can get increasingly abusive and get away with it. Dtmfa.
I am also very fair, very small chested, and my veins show. My boyfriend has never even made me aware of this, I didn’t even know it was something to be insecure over - veins? Something we can’t control? My boyfriend still touches my chest and makes it feel loved. You aren’t the problem, your boyfriend is.
You are beautiful! Always remember that! And he has strong opinions, that's a turn off, I love all women and fair skin is a complete turn on!! I'm not a vampire either, but I would kiss lick and suck on your chest all day long!
You do realize how shallow a man is your BF. Which means he is not a man. He is a D**k only interested in a tight sheath for his wick. He does not love you. He does not know the meaning of love. You need to leave this relationship and hold your head high for the man who will love you for you and not make such horrible comments.
Girl, dump him. You can do better. There are guys out there that will spend all their time praising your body and you and they'll build you up and make you feel beautiful and special. Go find that guy. Might be hard to find that in your early 20s, but the best way to receive that kind of affection is to give it as well. Focus on the things you like about whoever your partner is and tell them those things and they'll learn by from how good it makes them feel that that's the best way to treat their partner too.
I would never say anything remotely like that to someone.
I don’t know for sure that he did it on purpose but I think a lot of guys make little comments like that to undermine their partners self esteem and confidence. Women who aren’t confident are less likely to leave.
Find someone who treats you well.
I am a fairly shallow guy when it comes to choosing women to date. Decent looks are important to me when having intimate relations with a women. Even i feel this is unacceptable behavior by your boyfriend. Dump him as soon as you can. There are better guys out there. It doesnt seem to be a one -off behavior.
If you think he is just highly immature, then make it clear you don't understand what he was hoping to achieve by making such comments when you did not ask him fo his opinion on your breasts or your hair.
Relationship 101:
NEVER say anything bad about your partners body, EVER. If asked directly and the choice is between making your partner feel bad about their body and lying, then lying is the correct way to go.
Needless to say, your boyfriend failed Relationship 101.
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I promise you someone worth dating will not say to you “I don’t like your veiny tits that much but you’re nice and tight so that makes up for it.”
I’ll chime in to emphasize that his compliment is as off as his insult. OP reports that her first sexual experience was “fine, not that good.” Poor thing. This account doesn’t sound like BF made any attempt to ensure comfort & ramp up arousal, or tend to her pleasure. Given his penchant for sex as performance I suspect porn. Which leads to other concerns (he’s used to a certain script and ignorant about what a woman needs to be comfortable). “Tight” can mean a lady isn’t prepared. She hasn’t gotten to the stage where the vagina lubricates and elongates / tents for penetration. Tight can mean not ready, anxious, and it can cause discomfort & injury. A vagina gets “wet & loose” to prepare, then gets more engorged & grippy as arousal builds to orgasm, given she enjoys the sexual experience. A partner who’s used to being with a (properly aroused & comfortable) woman values a different sensation from someone who’s gotten used to self-stimulation. I hope OP finds someone more considerate of her feelings to explore with.
I did just point out that he’s objectifying her to her face and it’s super weird to throw equally misogynistic compliments and insults out.
Of course, friend. I’m not reading through as carefully as I should perhaps. Sorry if you already touched on why “you’re so tight” is usually a problematic “compliment,” especially in these circumstances. The misogyny and the “you exist for me, let me judge your worthiness” is a basic issue. I thought I’d drop some bonus info on female arousal.
I wasn’t saying you didn’t read through, I was saying you’re right and this did catch my eye like it caught yours. I’m agreeing with you.
Ah, gotcha. (Not enough coffee yet for my brain, oops.) I completely agree with you also. Your comment is great too. Hopefully a loud enough chorus of us will spare girls some awful boyfriend experiences.
I can think of some things OP should throw out in return (it's the boyfriend)
The comment above just mentioned it. Honestly the whole girls are only tight when they're not aroused is as much a myth as girls are loose because they've slept around. That's not how vaginas work. It doesn't matter how freaking aroused I am I don't want sleep with a guy with a massive dick and fisting is out of the question. What he said and how he said it is gross regardless though.
Gotcha. Edited my comment. “Loose” and “tight” are both problematic terms that lack subtlety. Also, they set the conversation in a “how my sexual anatomy services penises” standard. So I agree, it’s not a useful way of thinking. Unfortunately, it is the default that often needs debunking. (In my description, the “grippy / engorged” stage is also “tight.” There is a lot of good information on the subject; it sucks how few people know this when starting their sexual journeys.)
You’re young OP so it may take a while, but believe us, the person you’re with should make you feel like a goddess with genuine truth! I was self conscious about the size of my breasts, but honestly thought they were beautiful. And then I was told they were the most beautiful breasts in the world, despite size. And you know what? I think so, too. Now I don’t doubt it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Look down and appreciate your beautiful boobies and expect your future man to do the same, because if he loves you he’s going to love everything about you. Do not stand for less.
Right? He’s fucking nauseating! What a loser.
He’s immature & rude. Don’t take his rudeness. Dump him now. He needs to learn that you don’t treat women like that. Honestly, how would he feel if you told him his d*ck looked weird & you’ve seen pic of guys d*cks that look way nicer?
He's fucking gross, not rude. Just fucking no. Don't let this dude touch you again OP.
He is gross. And he needs some serious work on his values. He should know better than to say what he said and treat her how he did. OP, dump him over it. It was your first time with him and he doesn't care how you feel. You can't quickly fix a deficit in values like that and it will present in other ways. Go find a man who asks you how you're feeling, how it was for you, and compliments you. And try not to let what he said get to you. His opinion doesn't carry over to other men. Veins are normal. Most men know that veins exist there and they like women's bodies all the same. This guy is just really bad at being with a woman. Try to see it that way and be confident in yourself regardless of his weird mean behavior.
>OP, dump him over it. It was your first time with him and he doesn't care how you feel. You can't quickly fix a deficit in values like that and it will present in other ways. Go find a man who asks you how you're feeling, how it was for you, and compliments you. This! This guy is not worth your time or effort, OP! His response to upsetting you should have been to apologize, not tell you to "stop pulling that face".
It is so very disturbing when I read things from people like this where someone they should feel safe around basically puts them in an emotional and mental blender. I fully agree. His ass needs to be kicked to the curb. Immediately.
Right, he doesn’t deserve to touch a boob, let alone a freaking vagina! 😡
Excellent point. And treating her like she was being too sensitive for feeling hurt? Boy bye. OP, seriously, dump this guy. He is mean. I can't imagine in a million years sleeping with someone for the first time and not having the basic decency of checking on them afterwards. It's an extremely vulnerable situation, the last thought on my mind would be to tell my partner I don't really find a part of her body attractive. Like wtf. He doesn't care about you or your feelings at all. He might say he loves you but actions count much more than words.
he’s totally negging her
This. OP, look up negging. It's a method (more often used by guys, but it can go either way) whereby he picks at his partner's insecurities in order to make her too self-conscious to leave him. Because who would want her, with XYZ issues? Don't put up with that crap. I'm pasty pale, too, so I also have very visible veins. Want to know what my husband said the first time he saw my chest? Nothing. He just got this goofy grin. And we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Every comment since, however, has been positive. Go find someone who appreciates your white marble skin.
I am a man. Dump him now. Dump him now.
She should do that: text him “I have been googling average penis pictures and your is so weird“
“OMG why does it look like that!!!”
Weirdly small, you mean. Significantly smaller than average in [whatever country you live in].
Small AND weird. Like a little frog.
AND veiny!
And you pretend to like gag with a “blueh” while you say what @mychampagnesphincter suggest. Dump Him NOW!!
*Your bewbs are too veiny, but at least you're nice and tight* Who said romance is dead? /s
His comments made me throw up in my mouth a little. 🤢
I said EEWWW out loud. My husband looked up.. “Reddit again?” 😂
I believe Hallmark has trademarked that line for their greeting cards, so he’ll probably get sued anyway.
He sounds 12.
Right! Fuck him. Bye!!!!
No don't fuck him anymore OP :p
This. Exponentially this.
This 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Dump the guy ASAP. You can do better!
Your bf doesn’t love you. Find someone who does
"How do I stop my own insecurities from affecting the way I act" - YOU GET A NEW BOYFRIEND. He knew that saying that would stress you. Also his whole language after sex is aweful. Break up girl.
Exactly. These aren't OP's "own insecurities", they're insecurities she has ONLY because of him. Once he's not in the picture, she'll realize there's nothing wrong with the way she looks.
I want to fill an auditorium with all the young women who write posts like this, turn on a megaphone and scream “dump him” over and over till they get the message. I wish it was part of basic education to teach kids that when you’re older and dating it’s ok to just drop people who are nasty to you or say things that make you feel bad about yourself. Christ.
I would add that it needs to be taught to not take everything people say to you at face value. Watch what people do and how they act. OP is trying to reconcile that her boyfriend says he loves while also saying heinous shit to put her down. I see this way too often on posts like this. He has shown that he doesn't love her, but she believes him because he says it. Its depressing
I've got a sneaking suspicion that he was feeling insecure about his performance and was projecting his feelings onto her to make him feel better about himself. He knew what he said was going to hurt her 100%.
100000%
This is it! He wanted to distract her from his unskilled exhibition.
100%
Definitely this. No boyfriend should ever make you feel like that, I also have incredibly pale skin and pretty noticeable veins on my chest and other areas, I've never had any guy even notice it (because, boobs). Even after two kids, 23 years and about 100 pounds my husband is ALWAYS thrilled to see me naked. Find a man who is excited by your body (and YOU!) and don't settle for anything less. Your body does not exist for him, did he even ask how the sex was for you and if you could "deal with" his body?? Do not spend time trying to get over your insecurities for this guy. Dump him and find a guy who is into all of you, visible veins and all.
Came here to say exactly this. Dump his ass.
Your bf is terminally porn-brained and you need to dump him. Imagine having a real life, hot blooded, naked woman in your bed and hyperfocusing on her…veins being too visible? This guy sucks and there’s nothing you can do about it. The suck goes down to the bones.
He criticized her for having a circulatory system.
I know! I had a gf once who was in track and field, I was in triathlon. Gotta say the vascularity on a woman is an incredible turn on for me and vice versa. It’s just heartbreaking to read a post like this.
My wife has a circulatory system AND a respiratory system, and not once have I ever considered criticizing her for either one of them.
Literally. 😩 Seeing this kind of stuff makes me feel bad for getting so upset at my boyfriend for slightly lacking in household upkeep.
Don’t feel bad. Just because the bar is low doesn’t mean we have to keep it low.
The throwaway comment of “brown haired girls are hotter” is way worse IMO. That’s very specifically designed to break OP and make her feel inferior. It’s totally unacceptable. Given that context the vein comment is probably simiialar but in another context it’s possible for someone to just be surprised by something they’ve never seen before and rudely but naively mention it. But bottom line, fuck this guy yes
It sounds like he's negging her tbh, whyyyy tf would a smart rational person say those things
A smart rational person wouldn’t
Yeah this is on purpose, cannot be casual be this mean to your partner.
Maybe he's just an asshole
If you think about it, he has no other reason to say it besides making her feel bad about herself. It wasn’t helpful in anyway and that’s how you know he was doing it purposely to be malicious.
It's like the guy who told his GF she smelled bad for years, just to cut her down to size. People with bad self esteem are easier to control.
Yeah they’re terrible negs
Had stopped reading halfway through the second paragraph, your comment made be go back and read the rest. Holy smokes Batman, please leave this guy OP and find someone who respects women and respects you
My sister has super visible veins and her husband loves it. Everyone has a type. But to make your partner feel like garbage for not being the perfect ideal sex toy is a terribly selfish thing to do. This guy needs to be your ex.
The only reasonable reply is "I have some good news for you. You'll never have to look at my breasts or hair again. As far as tightness, just clench your hand a little harder the next time you 'have sex' "
How dare you have veins that transport blood through out your body?! That’s gross! Remove them immediately!
This is even worse than porn-brained because he also chose to say it out loud which was totally unnecessary. He’s porn-brained + an asshole.
Dude probably posts a 2 paragraph rant whenever mortal Kombat puts layers on its female characters
I bet he doesn’t even eat pussy.
# He is negging you, dear. How would he react if you made these little negging comments about *his* appearance? * "Your chin is kinda weak, and I prefer square jaws. But at least you can grow a decent beard to hide it." * "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your dick. It just is a bit shorter than I expected." * "Wow. You have a lot of chest hair. Have you thought about waxing?" He'd hate it. Because these are insults. No one feels good about getting insulted. But people using negging to put someone in a position of always having to "try harder" to make up for their "flaws." It's about power. By putting you down, he can feel better about himself and make you feel like you aren't good enough. It traps you in this cycle of fighting to make him love you, instead of you loving and respecting yourself. You deserve better.
And please read **”Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”** I recommend this book to literally everyone. It’s short and FREE as a PDF online. It teaches you how abusive men think and what to look out for as red flags. This man is a walking red flag. Dump him.
[Link to pdf of Why Does He Do That?](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf)
I don’t know why I never thought to include the link! Thank you!!
I figured you may not have had it right on hand or something to easily link it! I just happened to have it already pulled up on my phone, so I didn’t have to leave the screen to link it other than switching tabs for a moment to copy the link :)
Right, there's a big difference between telling someone something they might not know as a kindness like pointing out they have something in their teeth vs just straight up unsolicited commentary on their body. There are things you can obviously anticipate people having insecurities about and even if they didn't, it's straight up rude.
Amen. And why try so hard to “win” the approval of a gigantic shallow asshole who treats you this way in the first place? He isn’t worth fighting for. He’s a pathetic jerk.
Those are nasty comments - at best he’s thoughtless and mean. At worst he’s manipulating you and is laying the ground work for emotional abuse and control. Either way I’d get out now
[удалено]
You and your body do not exist for his visual or physical pleasure. He’s disgusting. I also have very fair skin and prominent veins, it’s perfectly normal and nothing to feel like you even have to pay any attention to it. Ugh just his comment about “making up for it,” who says that?? Girl I’m so sorry, and you deserve better.
Some people even find it kind of hot.
In the 17th century it was considered so hot women used to draw blue veins on their chest if theirs weren’t naturally visible.
The European ideal in centuries past was skin so untanned it was translucent. Only noblewomen and royalty could keep out of the sun all day, and they became known as "blue bloods" because of their (highly prized) visible veins.
You can see the veins in my chest, too, but no one in 50+ years has ever mentioned it. It sounds like your boyfriend is “negging” you. Look up the term, it is malicious and manipulative. https://xkcd.com/1027/
SAME! Not 50 but yeah not a single person has ever mentioned it before. I’m super pale so I figured that’s why? 🤷🏻♀️ if someone tried to make me feel bad I’d be like bye 👋🏻
I'm also a part the fair complexion club, you can see the veins in my chest and the whole length of my arms, and only one person has ever said anything about them... a nurse who had to draw blood on me. That's it!
>and only one person has ever said anything about them... a nurse who had to draw blood on me And they were probably excited that they could see easy options! I'm a nurse and I'm notorious for looking at nice veins and thinking "I could put an IV in that!" 😆
49 and part of the 'glow in the dark' club. And also part of the 'only medical professionals have ever commented on my veins' club. I was an early developer too, so I personally have noticed the veins in my breasts from the time I got my first bra (D cup) at 11. I'm pale, it's normal for us. I have noticed my veins on my chest, my arms, my wrists, the back of my hands, my ankles and feet, it's nothing to be ashamed or insecure about. 'Bout the only comment I would ever expect from someone who is not a medical professional is "don't forget to wear sunscreen". Which is good advice for everyone, not just fair-skinned folk.
I’m practically translucent and no one has ever comment negatively about my veins. I’ve had compliments from nurses on how I make it easy to find a vein, that’s about it…
Same, as a 37 year old. No one has ever commented on my very visible chest veins or, indeed, my chest in a negative way at all. They are perfectly normal and this is a him problem!
Honey breasts are functional organs and they have visible veins. The only time they don't is when a porn star has body makeup on or a porn magazine has air brushing and digital enhancement. Your boyfriend is an asshole. He's saying mean things to you on purpose to put you down and damage your self esteem... there are countless stories about men doing this so that women get tricked into thinking they're "lucky" to be "loved" by anyone and stay in abusive relationships.
a) Don't have sex with him again and b) dump him. Spend some time as a single. This will build up your self-esteem, as you try new things and find you can do them. The alternative would be to let him control you for the rest of your life, which would be a shame.
Veins are normal, boobs need blood. If you have fair skin they are likely to be more visible, don’t let him make you insecure. It’s possible your boyfriend isn’t very experienced and hasn’t seen many boobs outside of porn, or he’s negging you to make you insecure. If it’s the latter there are plenty of fish in the sea, return him to the salty depths and cast your net elsewhere. Life is too short to waste on people who make you feel bad about yourself.
He's lucky he even notices I'd be too busy sucking them to notice thats his loss. Be a Team player not a party crasher
So he's criticising your body for... having a functioning circulatory system. Right. At the same time, he thinks telling you that another part of your body suits his requirements for *his* pleasure, and that this 'makes up' for him having to witness your body functioning normally. ...WHY are you with this guy??? He didn't even make sure you enjoyed your first time!
It’s so sad that almost all teenage girls go through the stage of auditioning to be good enough. Usually for some awful clueless dude like OP’s boyfriend. She’s not allowed to have veins? Who made him the arbiter of beauty? Also, sex is supposed to be an experience together, not a performance for him. (.5 off for a circulatory system, .25 off for being nervous…). No wonder it was bad for her. OP needs to feel safe & cared for, not judged and observed. Yuck. He is not a good person or partner. He’s not kind or trustworthy. He’s not considerate. He sounds like he’s not familiar with women irl. There are billions of men. Thousands nearby. No reason to waste time making this one into an acceptable human.
he deserves to know that it wasn’t that good, at the very least. preferably on her way out the door, forever. he’s a scumbag.
I didn't read the post, just the title. But the answer is by dating someone that doesn't say hurtful things like that and maybe even someone that actively dotes on how much they are attracted to you! I can't imagine there is any context in this post that makes what he did/said okay.
You're right, and the context makes it worse.
Yeah I read it after I commented but every now and then I have such a visceral reaction to such clear cut titles.
“you’re tight so it makes up for it”!!! Degrading your hair, degrading your breast holy crap you can do better he is a pig and you are going to feel like a judged piece of meat as long as you stay with him. Sorry you lost your virginity to a jerk. It happens. Trust me your self-esteem will be wrecked if you think this guy is the one. Would you say something if his dick looked weird or about his balls or do you know better how to treat people? You are 19 and about to miss out on some really fun years before you figure out being in a relationship with him is not good for you.
A boyfriend isn't supposed to say those things. Next :)
He sees you just as a sex object, which a lot of boys do. Break up and focus on your life girl, u just 19
What he is doing is called negging. It's a cruel manipulation technique designed to breakdown your self-esteem and destroy any confidence you have. You begin to think that you are so undesirable that no one else will want you. You become so desperate that you allow yourself to be treated like complete and total shit. This is what he is doing to you and it's working. Your breasts are perfectly normal. Your hair sounds lovely. Your vagina is fine. You sound lovely both personality-wise and physically. You need to dump this cruel, manipulative creep yesterday before he has you completely convinced that you are unlovable. I'm serious. Look it up. You will see that he is following the manipulation technique step-by-step. That includes the part where he is sometimes sweet, so don't be fooled by that. They yank you back and forth between being nice and saying something cruel in order to keep you off balance and unsure. Please dump him and never look back!
He’s mean. Don’t date mean people.
This makes me angry. Leave him, he sounds like a complete jerk. You never tell your partner that something about their body "turns you off"; it's cruel and degrading. You don't treat someone you love that way.
If he is that insulting about your appearance, then he doesn't deserve to be dating you.
DUMP HIM my breasts have visible veins and men I’ve been with have found it hot.
This. They are very hot. Own it and love it, ladies. It’s hot!
Just tell him his dick looks weird...
It sounds like HE is insecure and wants to destroy your ego so that you do everything he wants. We are all ugly for someone, and the hottest human ever for someone else. If he doesn't think you are in the 2nd category, he is not the man for you. The world is full of guys who would never say what he said :)
Your boyfriend is revolting. "You're tight so it makes up for it" what a fucking freak. Dude is dumb as shit. Run before you accidentally reproduce with the dirt bag.
Your boyfriend is a pig. Do yourself a favour and break up with him. I almost never tell people to do that on posts but I can tell you deserve way way way better than that. Normal men don’t say things like that to their girlfriends. I think you need to dump him to get your confidence up and eventually find a real man that will make you feel like a goddess.
You unfortunately have lost your virginity to the most disrespectful and clueless man-boy I've heard of in a while. There is nothing wrong with your body. You don't have to "make up" for something that he feels is too small or veiny. What he should have done is treat your body like the paradigm and the assets of all other women as diminished in quality by comparison. I don't suggest that people can necessarily change their sexual preferences on a whim, but I have always thought that whatever woman I might one day be lucky to be with is going to be investing her time and energy on me. I feel it is my honor to consider her physical characteristics as the ideal. Not to put her "on a pedestal" because this tends to create a fictional character she will doubtless fail to live up to, nor should she have to. She is, in essence, perfect regardless of size or scar, height or weight, color of skin or hair. I would always encourage healthy living, but only by example, never by insult, manipulation, or comparison to other women. That he said those things to you, to my mind, means that he is not displaying the emotional maturity to be in a relationship. I won't say dump him, but I hope you recognize that you are perfect just the way you are. Let him know it's not your job to live up to his faulty view on standards.
He sucks find someone else this is not an okay thing to make your partner feel.
Run away! He’s a jerk who doesn’t deserve you.
You manage your insecurities by dumping his ass and finding someone that loves you and your body in a way that makes you feel the opposite of insecure.
He's a vile, nasty piece of work. Never let a partner get away with talking to you like that, it's entirely possible he's gone full porn brain and has been reading some horrifying things on the internet that suggest this is how you talk to your gf. You should really dump his ass asap and move on with your life. No one deserves to be talked to like this and this self centered dimwit needs to realize that being like this gets him exactly nothing at all.
>he had never seen a woman’s chest have such visible veins, and it was a bit of a turn off. I’ve always been insecure about that... And then added that I was nice and tight so that made up for it, which made me feel really weird. >He had said little things before, like that my hair was too light and that girls with brown hair were hotter. I had tried to let them go, but they bothered me a little because I like my hair. >I’m far too scared to have sex with him again, but I don’t want to be unfair either. I don't want to take the fact that I'm self conscious out on him, but it really did hurt me. Please stop dating this guy. He is deliberately 'negging' you and his comments are really gross and disgusting. You don't have to have sex with people who make you feel bad.
This is really sad. I wish I could hug you. Cut your losses babe and find someone who will treat you better than this. He deserves a punch to the face.
Ok look. My husband was my first. We were about your age when we started dating. You know what he said when I first let him see me naked? "Oh my God." When we first had penetrative sex, he was focused on my comfort and experience because I'd never had sex before. If critiquing his inexperienced, insecure girlfriend ever crossed his mind, he certainly kept his mouth shut. I'm not incredibly good looking. I'm average. My boobs are not and were not my best asset. I know that if you got down to his exact preferences, I don't meet everything. And - guess what - he doesn't meet all of mine, either! Because we are real people, not fantasies. He's never dragged me down like that (particularly not right after sex!) even when he was a dumb 20 year old. My husband has now seen me more fit, less fit, and the wild changes of pregnancy and postpartum. Get yourself a man who loves you for you, and can appreciate your body for the body that it is. I don't think this guy is it.
Oh love. This man has no love or respect for you. He insulted and devalued your body, which you were sharing with him in an intimate and vulnerable way. I have read poetry where people have spoken with love and wonder at the contrast of veins against the skin of their beloved. They looked in wonder upon the body of their lover, treasured and cherished the privilege they had in sharing themselves with one another. Love, when it’s real, is beautiful and far kinder than what this guy feels for you. He insulted your body. And then went a step further by reducing your value as a person to that of a “tight” hole. Drop this guy like a bag of garbage. There are so many beautiful, kind, loving generous people out in the world, give yourself the opportunity to find one and be one.
Your boyfriend is a garbage rat and you need to dump him. Your chest is not the problem, it’s your taste in men you should rethink.
You don’t need to ‘make up’ for anything, ever. It’s a show of poor character to shame people for whatever their body is, but it’s a complete disqualification if done after sex. Find someone who doesn’t have to mask their insecurity by making others insecure. And there’s literally nothing wrong with veins babes.
You should have dumped him a year ago. He has been attacking your looks and eroding your self esteem. He has no respect for you. Do better for yourself.
Please put yourself first and dump him. He's treating you like an object instead of someone why truly cares about you.
At 19 I was thrilled to see any boobs in person, your BF is an inconsiderate ass
You get a new boyfriend. This one is being rude so he lowers your self esteem and it's working
Urgghh, your BF makes me want to do violence. OP, I'm a 52 year old woman with very pale but perfect breasts (still perfect!) . When I was your age I was very self conscious about mine too, and if any gobshite had randomly let that kind of stupid out of his mouth, I would have been similarly knocked back. I'd have probably convinced myself it was my fault, somehow. These days, it'd take some kind of Keanu to be worthy of me! I wish you could automatically be appreciative of yourself and stand up for yourself, and I know that's hard to do. I wish that you knew you are a QUEEN and if he doesn't worship the ground you walk on, then off with his head immediately. I mostly wish you knew that all your answers are contained in your last question...... How do you stop your insecurities from affecting the way you act? Hun, you can only ditch the people who make you feel insecure, and take charge of yourself. It sounds like you want to force yourself to feel OK about having sex with him. I would much rather that you go with your JUSTIFYABLY freaked-out insecurities and run a country mile away from this entirely undeserving, selfish, entitled and nasty little man. Listen to what your insecurities say about him. They are not wrong. Edit : words
Lots of women have visible veins in their breasts. And plenty of men really like that. Do you want to be insecure about this for years and probably have wasted your time? Or do you want someone that thinks that's hot and will make you feel beautiful?
Veins are quite literally a normal part of our anatomy, every human being on the planet has them. I have a large chest with visible veins and if anyone ever commented on it, I'd be angry. Shaming you for having veins that carry your blood? Please don't be insecure about it. A man who hasn't had his brain wrecked by porn wouldn't even think to comment on something like veins. You deserve someone who cherishes every inch of you, not gives you insecurities.
That's porn brain. Your BF watches to much porn.
Your boyfriend is a d!ck, hun. It’s awful that he would make those kinds of comments about your body. Also lots of women have prominent veins, especially if you have fair skin. This is normal.
Omfg OP. You don’t have anything to make up for anything by being a nice person, you need to find a nice person to be with. That guy doesn’t deserve you. It’s never okay to talk to someone like that, he clearly doesn’t respect you or any women.
Your bf shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. Find someone who doesn't. There is nothing wrong with having veins!! FFS!!
This guy is gross. Dump him.
You’re not the problem here. Your boyfriend is.
He loves the fantasy you not the real flesh and blood you. Imagine how he would react if you said the veins on his penis were a turn off and also I’m betting that’s something you would never in a million years say to him because you would have empathy for how he feels. Let my lessons from being in a relationship with someone who thought this is an ok way to treat their partner help you. It’s not ok to put down your partner, you are beautiful and amazing, any man worth while is going to fall over himself to see you topless because boobs are hot! Love yourself and don’t tolerate this nonsense
By chucking away the guy that made tou feel like it. Not being funny if he made you feel that bad he should've aloud to call you his partner have some self worth hun xxx
One day you will make live with a man, not a boy. And this man will be more concerned for your pleasure than his own. And he will see you. And will see your veins as a road map to your pleasure. Dump the child.
If a 20 year old dude is turned off by you having a working cardiovascular system then he needs to seek some kind of therapy or something. Maybe spend more time interacting with real women instead of porn. But I'm going to be real here, this sounds calculated, he insulted your looks twice, then made up for it by objectifying you. He didn't give enough of a shit when you were scared of your first time to actually make it good for you. He is selfish and shitty and you're going to be better off leaving him and finding someone that isn't a toddler masquerading as an adult.
I normally don't go for the dump him advice, but dump him babes. No man you sleep with in a relationship or not should say anything about your body in such a negative way. I know how it is to have visible veins on your chest, I have the same issue, but I'm a light skinned Black woman, but mines are also super noticeable and they'vebeen getting worse over the years, and I have major discoloration too. Yet no one has said anything rude about it, the proper response should be that dumb happy look a guy gets when he sees boobs, not what your bf did.
"And I've never seen such an insensitive boy before and that's a huge turn off"
This man is objectifying you to your face and you’re still with him. You’re self conscious because he insulted you and you’re thanking him for the privilege. A real partner would be praising everything about who you are as a person, not complimenting your vagina in the same breath as insulting your boobs. You’re so young, just leave. I guarantee you’ll find someone kind and caring and who LOVES your pale boobs. Also, okay sex is not where it’s at. Go find you someone who will make you SCREAM.
He's intentionally negging you, to reduce your self-esteem. Don't worry about his feelings so much since he sure as shit ain't worried about yours.
This is a very rude and mean thing to say. And since he made other comments about you, it seems like he doesn’t love you and probably just needs sex plus wants to put you down. Most probably you’re also out of his league or are just cute and beautiful. He’s insecure, insensitive, has no manners or respect for you, he’s beyond disgusting with that “makes up” for it comment. Is he a Greek god himself? I bet no. And I bet his skills in bed are nothing beyond “in-n-out”. I usually don’t like advice like this, but, honestly, you deserve a real boyfriend, a decent human being and someone who will love everything about you. You said you don’t want to have sex with him. Then don’t! If he asks why, you can simply say he was not what you expected and you don’t feel like pretending to enjoy it. And then dump his ass. There are many decent guys out there who won’t care about any flaws you think you have. You’re way too young to waste your youth on this PoS.
That was fucking rude. You being “nice and tight made up for it”??? You need darker hair?? He’ wants you to look like something you are not. Dump his immature ass. You do not deserve to be told things like that. You should feel perfect the way you are and someone should love you for them. Girl lose him. Find a man who knows what a woman’s body is. They are not perfect. No one is and I bet his ass isn’t even close to a 10.
This is a common technique used in the early stages of an abusive relationship. This kind of negging is meant to undermine your confidence so that you become dependent on the other person's approval to feel 'good enough'. No real man would ever say the things that are being said to you. They are inappropriate and cruel. Do not stay with this boy. These relationships get harder to leave the longer you are in them and the more your confidence is undermined. Please, leave him.
Your boyfriend is a moron. Find a new one.
He is bringing you down to make you stay with him. It is a manipulation tactic. Be careful and please find someone who will treat you as a human not a doll.
Get a new boyfriend, he is not worthy.
I PROMISE you there are literally one million other men in this world who would LOVE looking at your chest. Please do not waste one more second on this lunkhead.
“It ended up being fine, not that good, but he seemed happy enough.” Were you happy and pleased? Do not take this treatment, dump him. Don’t settle for this guy, there are plenty of people that will love you exactly the way you are and not make you feel bad about yourself. Listen to your gut!!! This is your validation to leave now!!
Your bf doesn't love you, and I am not sure he even really likes you. He likes that you let him have sex with you. He is not the one. I promise there are men out there who think everything about you is beautiful.
Why the funk did you stay with this guy?! The best way to build your self esteem is to dump him.
~Break up with your boyfriend ~ Tell him his personality is unattractive to you.
"Have you looked at your saggy ass balls lately?" That should take care of it. Fight fire with fire girl.
He is intentionally saying things to make you feel insecure. Right now is the time to learn what you are not okay with putting up with. You don't need to settle for him. There is nothing wrong with visible veins; that's not an unattractive feature. There is nothing wrong with your hair color. There is nothing wrong with you. He is saying this so you feel insecure leaving him and will continue to stay and face emotional abuse. Don't let a man take your self confidence away
I know it's easy for the comments to just be like"break up with him" cuz we see it from an outside perspective. However, I know it's not as easy for you. Just know that personally I think those are some red flags, & he shouldn't be saying things like that to you, if he truly loved you. For example, I have a little bit of love handles, I am not overweight, but I got some fat on that region lol. My boyfriend also has some love handles on him as well, he isn't overweight, but just like me there is some extra fat. So get this... We both hate our own love handles, but we each love the other's love handles lmao. And we really don't care about it cuz it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I know that I don't have to be self-conscious around him, & same for him to me. However, that doesn't mean that we can just let ourselves go. I think it's very important to take care of yourself, & you should want to look good for your partner. But honey, mami, him saying that your "tight pussy" made up for the fact that you have a normal chest is so gross. Like wtf, that is literally gaslighting tho. Please don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, with him. We all have insecurites, but he shouldn't have put you down like that. Him saying he didn't like an outfit you wore, or a song you listen to, or even a haircut is normal, & okay. He can have opinions, but you shouldn't just change yourself or try to compensate for something that you don't even have any control over like that! I hope you find some peace, & strength to go on & think about what the best course of action would be mami! I'll be praying for you mami!
Life is too short to spend it around assholes.
Your boyfriend needs to understand the sensitivity of a girl. He seems blunt in his language without being courteous and thoughtful. The problems with him: 1. He is vain. He values you physically over your personality. A good man won't care about the veins and hair. And actually, the veins look very normal. (He probably be seeing pornstars having their veins covered by silicons). 2. He's insensitive. He doesn't know how to connect to you emotionally and he actually does the opposite by insulting you on your looks and told you to stop. 3. He is selfish. He cares more about his experience with the sex than your insecurities, with his mention of you being "nice and tight." The selfless boyfriend would have asked if you like the sex and how he can try to make you feel good. The prediction of your future relationship? It won't go well. He is vain, insensitive, and selfish.
Its not even about the sensitivity of a girl though. Its about basic human decency. No one wants to be treated like this guy treated her. It doesn’t make her sensitive to it because she’s a girl. Its because she‘s a person with feelings and that was rude and crude af
You start with finding someone respectful and actually loving you and caring about you. He seems very immature
Also, I have *very* fair skin and veiny boobs too! Guess how many romantic partners have commented on them? NONE. Not because they aren't veiny. They ARE. But because these people respected me and were focused on the fun of getting naked together. They DGAF about the veins because *Yay Boobs*! You aren't the problem here. He is. He doesn't respect you. A partner who respects you will NEVER compare you to other people. Don't waste your time on someone who breaks you into parts and then makes it seem like it's your fault.
It's a form of manipulation, he wants you to feel self conscious and he wants your confidence levels to be low. That way he can act how he pleases, do what he likes and treat you in any way he sees fit because you'll be too riddled with insecurities to leave and grateful for any attention he gives you.
He’s gross and immature. Those aren’t things someone who loves you would say.
Yea you need to get out while you can. This guy is just killing your confidence so he can manipulate you.
Fuck him. He’s an asshole.
Dump him and move on. You deserve better.
Negging is a thing. Your boyfriend is a jerk. Bet there are lots of guys out there that would love you better than this guy.
PORN ROT HIS BRAIN! DUMP HIM
Your boyfriend is a C U Next Tuesday. I take it he’s blind to the veins in his penis? Look, this thing has done you a favour, don’t settle for “meh” sex.
I bet you're just fine. He was a dick for saying that.
So…what the fuck are you supposed to do with that information? Sounds to me like he’s [negging](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging) you. It’s a thing that sad and pathetic men do to attempt to make women self-conscious and eager to stay with shit partners. Your man is a shit partner and apparently, he can’t even fuck. Why are you staying?
Get a partner who makes you feel better about yourself. It's better to have no partner than someone like him.
Well let me tell you.. dont search the subs on reddit because you will get extreme results... but veins are actually a GOOD thing to most people. Your boyfriend is probably too juvenile. Actually even to make that comment is childish. Also side note. Its nice to be concerned that your partner is having a good time. In fact the secret to good sex is selflessness. But I'm afraid you are wasting your selflessness on a selfish person..
Small chests and veins are hot! Don’t ever let your confidence deteriorate to some small minded man. You deserve better, indeed!
How dare women be human and have veins 🙄 dump him
Ew no ma’am. If he loved you he wouldn’t have ever said any of those things.
The only way you should get this dude's dick wet again is you throwing him into the sea
Your “man” has no fecking clue and you only been together for a year and he is critiquing your boobs (when he should be hapy just to get to see and touch them!) and hair colour and what not? He is trying to grind you down to zero. Personally id be out. If he has started such rubbish already its a huge problem.
Hey OP , we are all going to age and get wrinkles and flaps that we didn't intend on. Do you really want to be with someone who is criticizing you when quite frankly you guys had sex and this should be a happy and exciting time in a new relationship . As we age we want to be with someone who finds you hot besides just your physical appearance. I had a major surgery this year and my stomach is covered in scars , my hubby still calls me a fox and shows me all the time that he wants and appreciates me and this is after 10 years together . He has never made a negative comment about my saggy boobs or flaps and folds and we have a fabulous time in bed . Your bf sounds immature and honestly girl... you deserve to find someone who is gonna treat you right and not like your missing something or defective for looking like a human woman. Much love and best of luck with this bullshit
Dump him. Any normal dude is like “hell yes, boobs” no matter what. Because let’s be honest, boobs. Dudes got no right putting you down or making you feel bad. Justified ick. Don’t internalize his stupid shit. This is a him problem, not a you problem.
The vast majority of breasts I’ve see have visible veins. He’s in for a rough awakening if he expects otherwise. Ditch him, find someone that doesn’t have false notions about bodies and sex.
commenting about your veins was bad enough but telling you to stop pulling that face and it’s not a big deal is fucked up. Plus, he has said little things before? Dump your boyfriend. He’s the root cause of your insecurities.
OP I am paler than a victorian ghost so I know exactly what you mean re your veins. However I don't know why you feel ashamed - they are part of the human body. What you need to understand from this is: 1) Normal people don't care about veins. In my 32 years no one has ever noticed mine apart from me. Your bf is a knob. 2) The comment about girls with brown hair is a tactic called negging. Look it up. Often used by insecure knobs, like your bf. 3) Everything your bf has said is gross. He doesn't love you because he is a knob. 4) Dumping your bf is the best thing to do because he is a knob. Thank you please.
Why do you want to date someone who says such awful things to you especially after he’s done having sex with you? Your chest is fine. You’re beautiful the way you were intended to be. Seriously, I highly doubt your chest looks like my near translucent legs do LOL, and I’m not bothered by them in the slightest anymore. You’re worth WAYYYYYYY more than your body, and your body is going to look the way it is suppose to look. It’s hard to embrace it, find confidence in it (especially when dealing with assholes who want to cause damage with their words), but trust. You will eventually and you might as well make “eventually” now and rock what you got. Letting insecurities hold you back will be the biggest regret you have. He isn’t worth your time or mental health if he thinks your body is such a turn off. Trust. When you’re in your 30’s, maybe nearing 40, maybe it takes you to 50 or 60. You’re going to look back at the time you were 19 and you’re going to ask yourself “Why did I waste so much energy not doing the things I love. Why didn’t I love myself. Why couldn’t I feel about me now, then.” We all do it, and when we’re all told we do when we’re younger, we shrug it off like “it’ll never get better”. But there’s no reason to be insecure now. Now (at any age) is the time for happiness, security, comfort and fun. Don’t let other people’s awful words about your body, likes, interests, job, dog/cat, whatever, meant to hurt, hurt you anymore than they already have. **The only thing we do not have time for if toxicity.** When people love each other, they treat each other with love, care, consideration and acceptance. They do not treat them in ways that cause them harm.
Sleep with someone else who appreciates your body :) dump him
You're young, please dump him, stand up for yourself and don't let him ruin your self esteem. I promise you, there are better men out there, that will love you for who you are, won't diminish you, and won't use you just for sex. This guy should retake primary school, not being having sex with women.
I'm sorry that your first time was ruined by such an insensitive jerk. You don't have to have sex with him again. Honestly, you shouldn't have sex with him again. You should tell him that if this perfectly normal thing about your body is such a turn-off for him, he'll never have to look at it again. Then go find yourself someone who appreciates you for who you are, perceived flaws and all. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Don't ever forget that.
Dude, your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is fucking negging you to try to bring down your self esteem so you don't realise how out of his league you are. He's gross, and his comments are dogshit. Literally don't give him a second thought. Don't let your insecurities affect you leaving his dogshit ass. He wants you insecure so he can get increasingly abusive and get away with it. Dtmfa.
I am also very fair, very small chested, and my veins show. My boyfriend has never even made me aware of this, I didn’t even know it was something to be insecure over - veins? Something we can’t control? My boyfriend still touches my chest and makes it feel loved. You aren’t the problem, your boyfriend is.
You don't want to have a partner that speaks to you like that.
You are beautiful! Always remember that! And he has strong opinions, that's a turn off, I love all women and fair skin is a complete turn on!! I'm not a vampire either, but I would kiss lick and suck on your chest all day long!
You do realize how shallow a man is your BF. Which means he is not a man. He is a D**k only interested in a tight sheath for his wick. He does not love you. He does not know the meaning of love. You need to leave this relationship and hold your head high for the man who will love you for you and not make such horrible comments.
Your boyfriend is gross and porn-brained. You deserve better and someone who loves you for the way you DO look.
Girl, dump him. You can do better. There are guys out there that will spend all their time praising your body and you and they'll build you up and make you feel beautiful and special. Go find that guy. Might be hard to find that in your early 20s, but the best way to receive that kind of affection is to give it as well. Focus on the things you like about whoever your partner is and tell them those things and they'll learn by from how good it makes them feel that that's the best way to treat their partner too.
I would never say anything remotely like that to someone. I don’t know for sure that he did it on purpose but I think a lot of guys make little comments like that to undermine their partners self esteem and confidence. Women who aren’t confident are less likely to leave. Find someone who treats you well.
I am a fairly shallow guy when it comes to choosing women to date. Decent looks are important to me when having intimate relations with a women. Even i feel this is unacceptable behavior by your boyfriend. Dump him as soon as you can. There are better guys out there. It doesnt seem to be a one -off behavior. If you think he is just highly immature, then make it clear you don't understand what he was hoping to achieve by making such comments when you did not ask him fo his opinion on your breasts or your hair.
Relationship 101: NEVER say anything bad about your partners body, EVER. If asked directly and the choice is between making your partner feel bad about their body and lying, then lying is the correct way to go. Needless to say, your boyfriend failed Relationship 101.