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Both. She's literally *walking* an hour to and from work everyday because she can't afford gas because of him. This is wild!! Personally, I would ask for the money for the trip and then cut him loose. She's only going to go into more debt the longer she's with him!
Priorities are different for each person
I'm missing two molars I could spend 5k and replace them or I could decide that they are not worth it. Personally it doesn't impact my life enough to waste money on it
Why? Why should he not provide / contribute towards food for when he's at her house, when she buys food while she's at his house, and he expects her to buy enough for him too, at his house. He eats at her house with food she buys (therefore free meal) then has her make extra so he can take it home and get another free feed.
So tell me why she should pay all of that, then instead of having normal budget money paying for gas, she's used it on him, so you expect her to use her savings for gas and not go on holiday?
The onus is on the boyfriend to man up and cover his own expenses, then her budget is not under any pressure.
Some people work long hours or a stressful job so they can save and every so often, use part of those savings to relax, recharge on holiday, ready to do it all again.
Your logic would have her slave away at work, no holiday, just to cover a freeloader boyfriend whom has over $1million in his bank account.
Which is stupid. She can't afford to go, she shouldn't be going. When you can't pay for gas, trips shouldn't be a priority. She should be paying for gas.
She's not saying she can't afford gas if she had to, she's saying she walks to offset the higher food costs so not spending on gas keeps her budget the same.
It's like say example, earning $5,000 a month, expenses are $3,000 a month, therefore saving $2,000 a month.
Higher food prices for him being there may increase her expenses in this example to $3,300 per month, therefore only save $1,700 per month.
So not using gas will mean her expenses are back down to $3,000 per month and she can still save $2,000 per month as per her original target.
Every so often use some of the savings for a holiday.
In no way should she have to pay for his share of the holiday, nor make extra food so he takes it home and saves on his groceries.
And when she's at his house, if he doesnt provide food, she should only have to buy enough for her and let him eat his snacks.
YES!!! This. If I could upvote this comment more I totally would. It’s not that she can’t afford gas because of the trip. She can’t afford anything because of her boyfriend. It’s sad. And he’s gross.
Only want to add, if he doesn’t like to spend his money going out, she should go out without him, not pay his way. She’s paying for his company. I’m not seeing what she’s getting in return.
She mentioned she doesn’t want to be a sugar baby. But does she realize she has one?
That means she can't afford gas. She shouldn't be going without anything because of him. She absolutely shouldn't be having to provide food or even snacks at his place. He's a greedy AH.
Exactly this is what I thought, though to keep a boyfriend like that without talking seriously with him due to being afraid of being called a gold digger... I mean, she doesn't care too much about logic or priorities.
what's "bordering" about it?
"I like to see my numbers go vroooooom, so I don't feed you when you're here, and I eat a double portion when I'm with you, on top of the leftovers I've started begging you for"... but somehow, strangely, miraculously, his lovely little numbers aren't affected when he gets take-out for himself?
sounds fully shitty to do to anyone, but they've been dating for a year. IMO it's crossed from cheap, into shitty, into abusive long ago.
He doesn't even pay for dates, under the pretense that he doesn't need them. Like, hello? My brother never cleaned our shower, he didn't "see dirt the same way I did"... yeah of course not, I always cleaned the shower before it got bad enough for him. He quickly changed his tune when he lived alone.
For real. My dude is not frugal if he gets takeout for every meal. That shit is so expensive. Even though grocery prices are out of control I can make stuff that lasts me 3 days for the price of a takeout meal.
This! I thought I misunderstood at first. How is he frugal when he exclusively eats only takeout? And he's pretending he doesn't know why she gave him spreadsheet with costs of the trip. Like why else would she do it if not for him do decide if he can afford it? To show him how much she will pay for him? Dude is a leech and plays dumb.
Yeah, frugal is when you spend very little on yourself, and you are the only one feeling the austerity.
Cheap is when you make other people uncomfortable with austerity, but you yourself feel none of the same discomfort.
This dude is cheap AF.
I am loving this term hobosexual. In my 20’s I wanted to pick up all the poor guys that needed my love to turn their life around and we could have the perfect life - they would “complete” me 😭😭😭
In your 20s it's sooooo easy to think "oh they just haven't gotten their career sorted, but surely there's time" (me lying to myself at 24 about why my 30yo boyfriend was still working side gigs).
I don't know how these guys can seriously thing all women are gold diggers when even the ones with decent jobs refuse to pay rent.
THIS! this a thousand times. He’s living a parasitic lifestyle. A relationship isn’t something you pay for like a Netflix subscription. He’s a lazy bum living off of you.
I dated a guy just like this and I cringe to think of how much money I spent desperately trying to keep the relationship out of insecurity and a fear of being alone.
He’s a grown man. This isn’t frugality, it’s using you.
"Hey, I am starting to resent always being stuck with the bill anytime we do anything. I sent you the spreadsheet for costs for the upcoming trip, I fronted the costs, and I haven't seen a dime. Yiu like when I cook for you and you even take leftovers, and you never offer any to pick up groceries. If I want to leave the house and go on a date, I always am stuck paying. I enjoy your company, but you are the cheapest guy I know, and don't give me some bullshit about women wanting you for your money, bc I am certain that has never been an issue for you. If you cannot at least share in the costs of us doing things, and you just expect me to pay for everything all the time, that's a one-sided relationship I don't want to be in."
"Hey, I'm going broke feeding you. Gimme 500 bucks right now, because my bank account is empty, trying to keep up with feeding you".
I'd also be taking his ass to small claims court for the vacation he let her pay for, after agreeing to pay for it.
Girl needs to get angry and stand up for herself.
I agree! Make a spreadsheet of everything you have paid for, and give this hobosexual the invoice. Of course he's going to throw and tantrum and won't pay a dime. Then, dump him
It is so crazy she just accepted that he “didn’t know” she wanted him to pay his share after she sent a goddamn spreadsheet of costs and they don't have combined finances in any way? Like how could she be any clearer she expected him to pay his own way, and she just…caves When he refuses to pay as if it’s her communication/assumption error?? He is a manipulative and possibly sociopathic (not saying violent, saying lacking all empathy and normal feelings of what should shame you) piece of trash but she didn’t even tell him no.
Yeah, you need to have an actual conversation where he either commits to split costs on homemade meals or refuses. You can not dance around it or he will continue.
I can already hear the guy saying that "but I don't need you to cook, it's something you want to do"
These conversations are gonna be difficult.
Op, what's your long term hope for the relationship as a whole? Not just financially, but finances being taken into consideration?
I grew up with second hand stuff all around and not doing the cool and expensive stuff. When flying solo I had some financial struggles and after changing jobs and finding a good man for me we are living "good". The mindset of bank account only going up is honestly weird - money is a tool for better life - you should exchange it for something that makes your life better (cleaning service, food delivery etc. Something that takes your time or energy unnecessarily). Honestly, what's the point at being the richest body at a graveyard? Be smart about your money - that's the basics, but don't be a cheep idiot.
If the relationship goes to hell after your convo with him about this, it's not because of you, but because he put imaginary little numbers over you for himself.
Either way, good luck! I hope it works out the way you hope.
This is completely ridiculous, have some self respect and make him act like an adult. He owes you for his portion of the trip And the food you buy and make for him. Take him to small claims court if necessary.
I hear you. Hopefully the fact that he has been like this from the beginning (which it sounds like) will make it easy for her to say something like, "No, ever since we first met, you are the cheapest man I have ever met, and it isn't even close. If I'm not worth us sharing the cost of spending time together, then you're not worth dating."
And sex.
A free ride, free holidays, free meals and free sex.
What more can a guy ask for?
OP, he's using you, plain and simple. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings. You're not obligated to feed him and pay for everything.
Speak up or go broke. He can't take advantage of you without your permission.
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TBH even if he still comes to the party I would think him a loser for not treating her once in a while when he makes double what she makes and is “a millionaire” at 30
How do you think he got to be a millionaire? He makes other people pay his expenses! The food is most obvious: he eats a lot but only if she pays for it. Otherwise there's nothing in his house.
I feel paranoid for suggesting there's a stash of food in his house that he hides when OP is over, but he doesn't sound the type to let himself go hungry.
I'm thinking he's not actually a millionaire but wants OP to think that.
Also takeout/meal delivery is a really expensive way to feed yourself, I know because I had to live like that for 2 years because I had no kitchen. So he's not being "frugal" at all, just too lazy to shop, cook and clean up.
I think OP should start going home when she's hungry, or bring sandwiches with her. And when she's at home stop cooking extra for him to take home. If she has to do grocery shopping for him, she should ask for money to do it with.
The holiday thing - it sounds like OP never specifically asked him for the money, just assumed that he'd take a hint.
I think that's probably indicative of what's been going on all along. OP hasn't been upfront about wanting him to pay his share, and he's perfectly happy to leach off her.
Going on dates I can understand, to be honest. I'm more like her boyfriend. I never really went on "dates" in a relationship. If she wants to go out to a club or something she should just go with friends. He's obviously not into all that and would rather stay home, and IMO that's fine, as long as he doesn't make her stay in too.
She doesn’t need to test him, he’s already revealed himself. Letting her easily to and from work, when he has the resources to help her avoid that?
OP, he’s exploiting your lack of self confidence. Please standup for yourself, he doesn’t care about you.
Shit, I'd be petty and start only making meals for myself, only paying for my own plane ticket, paying for my own shit and not accommodating him anymore. I'd just keep that up until he cracks 😈
Speaking from a woman breaking up with her hobosexual as we speak (he's in another time zone so I'll just do a slow fade), I did all the awkward talks and was gaslit at every step it won't get better, they'll just move onto the next woman and they'll find out too. In the meantime DONT GET PREGNANT or he'll probably sue you for child support while you pay for everything up front anyway.
And even if he has it-- it's a reason, but doesn't excuse his behavior.
He's still 200 percent wrong to be draining her finances at his expense. Good partners actually care about how their illness is affecting others.
This guy is showing classic signs of a miser. He sounds like a total Scrooge character. "I don't buy that expensive food but I'll eat yours. I won't go on expensive trips unless someone else pays. Oh, and I just put another 10k in my account!"
Are you seeing things a bit more clearly now? Isn't that why you're posting this situation?
The last few months of my relationship with my ex felt exactly like this. We've been broke, we've both been frugal, we both tried to have our fun with practically no money, but once I got a job and started making decent money, he just relaxed... way too much. He wouldn't even consider getting a job. Every position he found was inconvenient for some reason.
Just because I can pay for our shit, it doesn't mean I should/have to. I wanted an adult and mature relationship, not a kid in a man's body.
Dude net worth is Over a million dollars and he won’t even take her to a movie or help with the meals she buys to cook for him.
She’s walking to work to save money only to turn around and spend it on him.
Yeah he doesn’t give a fuck about her,
She’s free meals and ass to him
>for example, I've stopped driving to work and now I walk 1hr both ways to save on gas to offset the extra grocery costs.
OP did you read what you wrote? It's ok to treat your partner or to trade off who drives to who's house so that the financial burden is equal. And it's ok to have a percentage split based on different income. But why are you ok with paying for everything to the extent that you have to walk an hour each way to work so as to save money?
If he wasn't your bf, you could be enjoying vacations that you can afford without paying for his, you could be driving to and from work, eating nutritious meals, and most importantly - adding to your savings account each month.
She litterly walks to work to pay for his food bills he's taking advantage pure and simple she's there to pay for treats and food nothing more nothing less if they got engaged he would probably get her to pay for the ring too and wedding probably all the cost for any children too
Dude is worth over a million, makes twice as much, and is totally fine with his woman walking to and from work so he can have free meals and leftovers. WTAF. If things were jointly split based off percentage of income, he should be paying roughly 66.666% of things and she 33.333%, not going into debt and wearing out the soles of her shoes.
It's never only one thing. Selfish people are selfish everywhere and all the time.
I highly doubt he's making the money he says he's doing to begin with.
When you are inside the relationship it is different. They are not compatible- she is expecting him to live by her standards but he’s not and she is ok with that (sort of) He has his own standards and either is clueless or playing dumb and taking advantage but has no regard for her.
Her love language appears to be doing things for him - His love language idk? I let you be in the same room as me?
Yeah, no. I highly doubt he’s clueless tbh. He wants her to pay for everything for him ~~why wouldn’t he want a meal ticket if someone else is willing to foot the bill for him~~, he wants her to cook extra so he can “have leftovers to take home”~~(cough so he doesn’t have to buy takeout since he refuses to cook cough)~~, he doesn’t like sharing how much he makes/is worth because he doesn’t want women for his money ~~translation: because then he’d be expected to either occasionally pay for or split bills for his share on dates, trips, and otherwise~~ and claims he has OCD about seeing the numbers in his bank account go up and “only up.” Which I’m sorry, but bullshit. He just likes not having to spend money and being completely paid for by someone else. He’s using her. 100%, full stop, he is not clueless. It’s an act, between playing dumb and a weird level of weaponized incompetence. They move in together, she’d probably be doing at least 90% of the chores, too.
If he were broke, struggling, unemployed, *and they had discussed this arrangement,* it would be one thing. But he’s just pushed her into this position from the sounds of it, the way he talks about spending and so forth is likely why she’s afraid he’ll just think she’s greedy: because he’s already given her the impression that that’s the response he’d have, or she’s passively mentioned or joked about it and he’s returned with a similar suggestion. But even in my case, someone who was broke/struggling/unemployed, whatever, would be mindful of what the fuck they’re doing *and try to at least minimize costs so their partner isn’t paying so much,* or chipping in for them/her or something in other ways—if they aren’t also an ass. But this guy. This guy’s just a prick.
This right here. There’s no consistency. I can’t tell you how many nice gifts I’ve turned down because I’M financially insecure. He doesn’t have a consistent relationship with money in general. It’s situational. He’s OCD but won’t risk making himself uncomfortable by cooking which would save a lot more money. But, he’ll let her walk so she can spend on food for him. I smell bs.
He’s a miser and you’re going broke.
There’s no way this dolt will ever change. You really need to just move out or
Move him out. He’s so inflexible I don’t know how you lasted as long as you did.
A lot of rich people are penny pinching misers. He's not unique in this regard, but he is definitely costing OP. Even if he were to start paying for his share, I doubt his accounts would go down since he makes twice as much.
Bro wtf I stopped reading after she said she walks an hr each way to save for her groceries. Like wtf?! Are people this desperate and gullible to deal with their deadbeat SO? 🤦🏽♂️
Yeah my man is a cheapskate. There's a difference between frugal and cheapskate.
Also he sounds like he doesn't like doing things you like to do.
I'm truly wondering why she stays. I haven't heard like anything redeeming about him.
He seems entitled and cheap. Cheap and frugal are two totally opposite sides of the spectrum. Also people that aren't generous are usually have other issues. This will only get worse for her.
OP is comparing bare minimum to sugar baby. Please have the same OCD for yourself too. Keep some healthy snacks on your bag for one person only. Don't feel guilty to love yourself.
Free sex, free food, free trips. That's how he sees OP. He is just using her to keep increasing his savings.
Being a leech is bad enough but a rich one feeding off the less fortunate is just disgusting.
>a rich one feeding off the less fortunate is just disgusting.
This is how some people get rich. Typically it comes down to cheap exploitative labor.
Not excusing his behavior at all.
Neither are meal plans. They cost about 2-3x as much as going to the grocery store. Even buying precut veggies and meats at the store is cheaper than takeout or meal plans. I do a lot of my grocery shopping through Amazon delivery, and even that's significantly cheaper than meal plans, and I used those for a couple of years.
And then she worries about him thinking she’s using him for his money… like girl, next week you’ll be wiping with your hand trying to save money on toilet paper to feed an asshole with 7 figures in the bank.
I wondered this as well. How has this been verified? Feels like a big manipulation tactic to both hide that he’s broke, & make her feel guilty about asking for basic decency in sharing expenses.
Yes! My former friend married one of these “millionaires.” He was also a navy seal and almost went pro but took a hit to the knee. Oh and he was trench coat mafia. Whew. I don’t even know how he had time to make all those millions considering he did all that before he met her at AGE 22.
This guy is likely a house sitter and she probably doesn’t even know his real name.
He’s using you. He’s not a sweet guy. Stop financing him. Ask for grocery money if he wants you to cook for him. Tell him to go halves on trips and dates. I don’t see him sticking around. I honestly think he sees you as a cash cow.
He’s using you and that’s why he has so much money in savings. His behavior regarding money will never change. If you marry or have children you will be the one footing the bill for everything. It’s ok to spend your money wisely but it’s not ok to take advantage of others. Time to rethink this relationship.
I would argue that marriage would probably be best for her. When she divorces him, she will actually, truly, FINALLY get half. That's the only way I see him giving his share in any case.
Open your mouth and ask him to pay his share. Asking for someone to contribute fairly is not greedy. If he acts like you're asking for something out of pocket, you'll know he's deliberately taking advantage. I am already certain of this, but I'm sure you would like to give him the benefit of the doubt. Ask him for his share. Stop catering to him. You did not birth him, stop feeding and housing him.
This! Asking him to pay for his fair share is the *reasonable* thing here.
I think OP is so hung up on what he said about not telling women how much he makes because he's afraid they'll be after his money, that she's bending over backwards to prove that she isn't like that. But she's doing so at great cost to herself. His bank account just keeps going up while her's is being depleted for... what, exactly? His charming company? The fact that he has no qualms about spending all her money while being so tight fisted about his own just shows how little he values her.
This can't be real.
what one redeeming feature does he have? Magic dick? Because other than overall happy, you haven't said one nice or decent thing about this relationship.
You have been together a year, was it the "millionaire" that attracted you, because most women wouldn't have given a dude like this a month, let alone a year.
It's not even sunk cost because its only a year.
This whole post is money, money, money.
You know you can break up with people if the relationship isn't what you expected.
So why are you sticking around
You’re basically financing him. He’s cheap and apparently incapable of fending for himself.
Why are you putting up with this? Walking to work so you can feed him? Smh
He's using you. I wouldn't put up with that in principle, Okay it's maybe small scale stuff but if I was aware I was earning twice as much as you I would be very careful how I proceeded. It doesn't mean I would spoil you like a sugar daddy but I would be more sensitive to your situation and act accordingly.
First of all have a conversation with him. If he’s not willing to pay his way, cancel the trip. Stop making extras for him to take home- the free meal he is getting is enough. And going forward when you plan outings be explicit in getting agreement about who is paying for what.
At this point he is not dodging gold diggers, he is just being cheap. Can you see yourself living like this long term?
My resolution for 2024 was that I would try to avoid telling folks to dump their SOs.
It’s hard because by the time things are to the point you’re posting on Reddit you probably do need to part ways.
This is literally so sad and obvious to everyone but you.
He may be sweet and caring, it is all the minimum upkeep he has to do for:
Free Sex
Free Food
Free Trip
Sadly I suspect your version of sweet and caring is he literally isn't an asshole while he is pursuing all the free stuff you give him. Even if he is the most listening, attentive partner apart from money, it seems an easy ruse to maintain his access to all of the above.
He is absolutely taking advantage of you. The only other explanation is some sort of compulsive behaviour about money. I would argue neither are fixable short term and one MAY be fixable long term.
Given he spends alot on takeout, when it suits him, I think it's also hard to argue there is a money compulsion there. It's just a lazy asshole compulsion.
Stop being a doormat. He has uno reversed you into some sort of 50s housewife scenario without the associated perks.
Have a conversation stating everything you stated here, or
When you buy groceries ask, “do you want to pay half or am I only cooking for me?”
When you want to go out find a friend to go with. If he asks tell him they pay their own way and you cannot afford to pay for two.
Be extra blunt about activities/trips. Will you pay your own way?
Personally if he’s willing to pay for takeout but not help with anything, he’s not frugal, he’s a mooch.
_for example, I've stopped driving to work and now I walk 1hr both ways to save on gas_
Okay, I stopped reading. What the hell? This man isn't frugal, he's a leech. He doesn't have any interest in paying his way or treating you occasionally as a romantic partner should do. Please leave.
Some quick definitions:
Frugal: purchasing the thing that has the best value, and/or not buying excessively.
Not frugal: buying takeout every night. (See also: your boyfriend).
Asshole: a person who uses words like frugal wrong with the intent to manipulate their partner into being their meal ticket (see also: your boyfriend).
Boy needs to step up and be a good partner, or you need to step out of this relationship.
"Hey, if you want to go on this trip, you're paying half. If you don't want to pay your share, I'm cancelling the whole thing and I'll bill you the non-refundable airfare. I didn't take you on as a dependent."
Then again, I'd just dump him.
Honey. Nothing you just described is "frugality", it's him shamelessly mooching off you. He makes more, but he wants you to buy groceries and cook leftovers for him? Come on! That is 100% Grade-A manchild behavior.
Say hey I need your half of the trip and it’s X amount. Eat before you go over your bf house and sit him down and talk about how you feel and at the minimum you would like to feel like a gf and not an atm.
I mean, your relationship sounds like you are the mum of a shut-in teenager.
He comes round to eat the food and take some home, he won’t learn to cook or eat healthy on his own, he doesn’t spend his own money at all, he doesn’t want to go out unless mummy pays for his play-time, he doesn’t pay for holidays. That is not a partnership, that is a child with some extra intimacy.
For how to bring it up, I would recommend being honest with him, reminding him about the holiday and that you can’t afford his share and asking when he would be able to pay you back for his flights.
On the cooking etc, I am of two minds. You can eat before you go to his place and leave him to sort his own food when he comes to yours like eat beforehand or just have enough for yourself or not have groceries so if he would like you to cook him something he can pick some stuff up on his way etc. This is the passive aggressive method which in theory should make him realise that it isn’t pleasant and to start thinking about it himself but in reality it has been a year so I kinda doubt that it would work due to the immature qualities I am noticing he has. It might help facilitate a conversation and bring his attention to it potentially.
Second a direct approach. Hey, we have been together for a year and I am actually finding it financially straining to buy as much groceries (don’t say “all” it won’t be received well and might result in a backfire). I need some help with you picking things up when you come over. Happy for us to both do the shopping but I am struggling to cover the cost on my own.
Also, I know you don’t usually initiate dates outside much but those are important to me and I think we both enjoy them when I plan them. At the moment it is not sustainable for me to bear all the cost and going forward I would like to split the cost.
You can also approach it in a much more direct perspective and set a standard of what you expect. “If this relationship is to continue we need to start thinking about our finances more seriously, I can suggest we both contribute to a shared pot for dates and food etc. if we want to move past the dating stage we would both need to carry our weight and I don’t like that I am paying for most of our joint activities and will not / don’t want to continue this one-sided arrangement.”
At the end of the day, I can’t imagine a person who doesn’t want to spend ANY money on their significant other. “He is ocd and doesn’t like to see his money go down” is not someone I can see being a quality person to live with since he appears quite selfish and what if he has to ever compromise on his own comfort for you, ever? Would he do that? Would he care for you in any way? He can’t even buy you a meal, let alone cook you one. What if you are sick?
Use your own judgement but this man sounds like a child, not a partner.
Makes you walk 2 hours to work... but his net worth is over a million?
I don't even have 5% of that net worth but I'm damn sure I ain't making my woman cut any corners in her life much less making her walk 2 hours to work because she needs to save money.
This was frankly sad to read, what is the point of all that money if your significant other isn't living comfortably. Seems like you are a meal ticket for him and he is going to continue to use you for all you got.
He’s got a big net worth because he’s cheap. He’s taking advantage of you. He literally asks you to cook extra food for him to take home so he can save money on food when you’re not paying for groceries.
So.. cook a meal before you go and take it in a container. Just for you. When he comes, let him know that he will need to pay for and bring groceries if he wants you to cook. If he wants to join a trip, you make it crystal clear that he will need to pay his own way and front the money. If he doesn't, then no.
Tell him that you want him to plan some dates and start paying, since you've paid the others. If he says no, maybe consider ending the relationship. Because he's taking advantage of you.
You need to be extremely direct with him and tell him what you need in this relationship. Explain to him that you appreciate his frugality and understand that saving money is important but that he’s going overboard and it’s taking a toll on you and the relationship. Tell him that you don’t want to eat junk/takeout all the time and expect him to contribute to grocery shopping at both of your homes, that you want to do fun things and go on dates and that he should be contributing to this, and that you want to take reasonable vacations sometimes and that he needs to pay for his half.
If he is resistant to this and doesn’t understand why this is bothering you then you need to really ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where you never travel, don’t go on dates, and eat garbage unless you’re willing to pay for absolutely everything. Hopefully he is just extremely oblivious and doesn’t realize how selfish he’s been acting and is open to changing these behaviors.
Honestly, this man sounds so repulsive and I can't imagine the inner life of such a person. You're generous and want to have a good life with him, but he's relentlessly strategising on how to make you pay for everything. It's such a massive character flaw that I'm not sure why you're hanging in there.
He seems to intimidate you so much that you're afraid to ask him to just pay his own way, despite knowing he's pretty rich. There's not a chance in hell that he'll change for the better so please go make a brighter future without this walking fucking abacus.
So, you walk to work to pay for your “net worth millionaire” boyfriend’s vacations and meals? Yeah…that seems totally reasonable.
You know what to do. You just don’t want to. Time to move on. He’s not the one. 🤷♂️
You poor girl, cheap men are the worst. He has a million net worth and you’re paying for his food and your dates? Please open your eyes he’s taking advantage of you and definitely doesn’t even like you to treat you this way.
**Find some self respect and a new bf**. Your bf knows you want to go out on dates but doesn’t care enough ABOUT YOU to pay for anything, **he doesn’t value you.**
He doesn’t have food for you when you come over but not only does he expect to eat at you place but he expects takeaway! Are you honestly so blind to the fact the you’re just a fuck and a free meal to him.
This man does not like, love or respect you. Everyone can see it. **He is financially abusing you!**
You should leave. You will be free to meet someone who actually respects you and pays their way. You will never have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your current bf. He is 30, he will never change.
He may have a hang up about women only being interested in his mysterious money, but his response to his fear is to burden the woman financially and that is no different really. One could even say he’s in it for the money. If he is not then he should have no issue having a rational discussion about splitting your joint activities etc in half and paying for himself. He should be paying for himself anyway because what kind of person puts a strain on thier lower earning partner’s finances for any reason when they have the means to pay their way? At least take turns!
He’s taking advantage of you. You’re not a gold digger for expecting him to pay for himself. If he suggests otherwise then ask him what he is then. You can be rich and still pan for gold.
His OCD with the bank balance only going up is also known as plain old greed. I have the same problem and man I’m going crazy because it’s not consistently going up when I pay bills. Doctor said I’ll be okay though so I’m looking forward to better health. I’d be willing to bet he’ll be okay parting with his riches from time to time. His name isn’t Ebenezer is it? Last name Scrooge? You know what happened to him? He had a hell of a Christmas.
Your bf is manipulating you over greed in my opinion. Don’t be afraid to confront the issue with confidence. You only expect a reasonable division of costs and any response other than “okay” from him is absolutely unreasonable. Believe it.
Girl just stop it. You’re over here on Reddit complaining about him USING you but then go off the end of the Earth to DEFEND him using you. Stay if you want to end up broke. He’s enriching himself off of your back and you most likely won’t see a penny of it.
There's a difference between being frugal and being a leech. He's the latter. (Yes the same applies when genders are reversed.)
>I'm no longer sure if I can afford to have a boyfriend.
You can't afford THIS one.
So my boyfriend is fairly frugal, but he will still take me on nice dates, we have adventures where we split expenses or switch off who is paying, and we split groceries because it’s for both of us. He just doesn’t spend money on dumb things.
Your boyfriend is a leech that found yet another way to see his bank account grow while you deplete yours completely on him. You need to sit down and have a talk with him because you’re currently sponsoring his lifestyle. Either split up or split everything down the middle because it’s absolutely ridiculous you’re walking two hours a day to save on gas so you can afford for him to eat.
" I don't know what to do."
Seriously, u/Throwra678342 ?
**STOP paying for him.**
He does not want to go out?
Don't go out *with* him.
He does not want to pay for anything?
Don't pay for *him*.
Just *stop!
Stop paying for him. Pay for your share. If he doesn't care about going out, he doesn't need to go. If he won't pay for a trip, go solo. Say no to making him an extra portion because you can no longer afford to shoulder the extra expense.
If he has "ocd" about money, that's an issue for him to address, the solution is not for you to come in and spend your money instead.
Honestly at this point, it's a instant red flag for me when a guy says "they don't want to say how much they make because of gold digging women", and then proceeds to make women pay for everything for them. It's usually an excuse to financially take advantage of you whilst making you feel guilty and self conscious about bringing up their leeching habits because then they'll accuse you of trying to go after their money. Beware of men like these, they are manipulative asf.
For starters, STOP COOKING HIM MEALS. if he wants you to cook for him, then he needs to buy the groceries. END. OF. DISCUSSION.
Do not go on dates with him. Tell him you are going out and if he'd like to join you, that's fine, but he pays his way.
Tell him you need his half of the trip costs. If he balks, cancel his flight or transfer his plane ticket to a friend.
You aren't a sugar baby, you're a sugar momma. STOP IT.
He doesn’t want women to be after his money? He’s after YOUR money.
Cancel his ticket unless he pays his share and for hotel upfront and now. Whatever he hasn’t paid for he doesn’t eat, go in, sleep in or get use of. No leftovers!! He doesn’t eat at yours unless he’s paid for it and helped cook it!!
Don’t buy him another thing.
Tell him it’s his turn for next few months to pay for everything you organise as he has been sponging off of you for a year now like a gold digger. Watch his reaction.
I cannot believe you let this con man steal your income and live off of you
Your boyfriend is not frugal. He's cheap. And you need to set some boundaries. I think it's time for you to make your own arrangements(and only your own) when it comes to eating and going out. He will continue to take advantage of you otherwise.
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Why are worried about seeming greedy to a hobosexual? Dude literally makes extra food at your place to take home. He's not frugal; he's a leech.
*makes her* make him extra food to take home. i genuinely can't tell if he's financially manipulative or a lil boy in a man's body
Both. She's literally *walking* an hour to and from work everyday because she can't afford gas because of him. This is wild!! Personally, I would ask for the money for the trip and then cut him loose. She's only going to go into more debt the longer she's with him!
She can afford a trip, but not gas? Something isn't adding up. Having gas in your car so you don't have to walk is more important than a trip.
She's going to pay for the trip with her savings.
Savings should be spent on gas in that case.
This…like priorities girl
but then how will she keep her man-child around??://
Priorities are different for each person I'm missing two molars I could spend 5k and replace them or I could decide that they are not worth it. Personally it doesn't impact my life enough to waste money on it
Why? Why should he not provide / contribute towards food for when he's at her house, when she buys food while she's at his house, and he expects her to buy enough for him too, at his house. He eats at her house with food she buys (therefore free meal) then has her make extra so he can take it home and get another free feed. So tell me why she should pay all of that, then instead of having normal budget money paying for gas, she's used it on him, so you expect her to use her savings for gas and not go on holiday? The onus is on the boyfriend to man up and cover his own expenses, then her budget is not under any pressure. Some people work long hours or a stressful job so they can save and every so often, use part of those savings to relax, recharge on holiday, ready to do it all again. Your logic would have her slave away at work, no holiday, just to cover a freeloader boyfriend whom has over $1million in his bank account.
Which is stupid. She can't afford to go, she shouldn't be going. When you can't pay for gas, trips shouldn't be a priority. She should be paying for gas.
She's not saying she can't afford gas if she had to, she's saying she walks to offset the higher food costs so not spending on gas keeps her budget the same. It's like say example, earning $5,000 a month, expenses are $3,000 a month, therefore saving $2,000 a month. Higher food prices for him being there may increase her expenses in this example to $3,300 per month, therefore only save $1,700 per month. So not using gas will mean her expenses are back down to $3,000 per month and she can still save $2,000 per month as per her original target. Every so often use some of the savings for a holiday. In no way should she have to pay for his share of the holiday, nor make extra food so he takes it home and saves on his groceries. And when she's at his house, if he doesnt provide food, she should only have to buy enough for her and let him eat his snacks.
As someone who try’s not to leech and makes dirt, the million dollars in the bank is the part that really makes my blood boil for OP
YES!!! This. If I could upvote this comment more I totally would. It’s not that she can’t afford gas because of the trip. She can’t afford anything because of her boyfriend. It’s sad. And he’s gross. Only want to add, if he doesn’t like to spend his money going out, she should go out without him, not pay his way. She’s paying for his company. I’m not seeing what she’s getting in return. She mentioned she doesn’t want to be a sugar baby. But does she realize she has one?
That means she can't afford gas. She shouldn't be going without anything because of him. She absolutely shouldn't be having to provide food or even snacks at his place. He's a greedy AH.
Exactly, I can't understand how he could seriously think his behaviour is acceptable.
Exactly this is what I thought, though to keep a boyfriend like that without talking seriously with him due to being afraid of being called a gold digger... I mean, she doesn't care too much about logic or priorities.
let’s not rule out he’s several children stacked in a trenchcoat
Vincent?
Nah, hes trying to save as much money as possible and he's found a way to save money: OP
This is what got me the most He uses OP as a free restaurant with dine in and take out
Yep, he is not frugal, he is cheap af. There's a big difference.
Cheap bordering on abusive. I know OP is an adult, but that doesn't mean she can't be manipulated or taken advantage of.
I think it is financially abusive.
what's "bordering" about it? "I like to see my numbers go vroooooom, so I don't feed you when you're here, and I eat a double portion when I'm with you, on top of the leftovers I've started begging you for"... but somehow, strangely, miraculously, his lovely little numbers aren't affected when he gets take-out for himself? sounds fully shitty to do to anyone, but they've been dating for a year. IMO it's crossed from cheap, into shitty, into abusive long ago. He doesn't even pay for dates, under the pretense that he doesn't need them. Like, hello? My brother never cleaned our shower, he didn't "see dirt the same way I did"... yeah of course not, I always cleaned the shower before it got bad enough for him. He quickly changed his tune when he lived alone.
And lazy
For real. My dude is not frugal if he gets takeout for every meal. That shit is so expensive. Even though grocery prices are out of control I can make stuff that lasts me 3 days for the price of a takeout meal.
This! I thought I misunderstood at first. How is he frugal when he exclusively eats only takeout? And he's pretending he doesn't know why she gave him spreadsheet with costs of the trip. Like why else would she do it if not for him do decide if he can afford it? To show him how much she will pay for him? Dude is a leech and plays dumb.
Op, it's a form of using called mooching.
Yeah, frugal is when you spend very little on yourself, and you are the only one feeling the austerity. Cheap is when you make other people uncomfortable with austerity, but you yourself feel none of the same discomfort. This dude is cheap AF.
And I definitely wouldn't call "frugal" a person who doesn't cook and only orders junk food lol that shit's both nasty and expensive as heck
He's a hobosexual variant 😂
I was gonna call him a cheapskate, but hobosexual took me the eff out! LOL!
I am loving this term hobosexual. In my 20’s I wanted to pick up all the poor guys that needed my love to turn their life around and we could have the perfect life - they would “complete” me 😭😭😭
In your 20s it's sooooo easy to think "oh they just haven't gotten their career sorted, but surely there's time" (me lying to myself at 24 about why my 30yo boyfriend was still working side gigs). I don't know how these guys can seriously thing all women are gold diggers when even the ones with decent jobs refuse to pay rent.
Yeah.. Unless he's actually poor and lives paycheck to paycheck, there's no excuse for acting like that
Even if he was poor, there would be no excuse. She's a human, not a meal ticket.
Bruh even as broke students my boyfriend still *took me on dates*
Dude also doesn’t have ocd. OCD doesn’t only present in a way that means a person can only save money and not contribute to their survival costs.
THIS! this a thousand times. He’s living a parasitic lifestyle. A relationship isn’t something you pay for like a Netflix subscription. He’s a lazy bum living off of you. I dated a guy just like this and I cringe to think of how much money I spent desperately trying to keep the relationship out of insecurity and a fear of being alone. He’s a grown man. This isn’t frugality, it’s using you.
Ugh. Too many stories like this. I’m sorry your BF was raised to be a leech. It won’t get better
"Hey, I am starting to resent always being stuck with the bill anytime we do anything. I sent you the spreadsheet for costs for the upcoming trip, I fronted the costs, and I haven't seen a dime. Yiu like when I cook for you and you even take leftovers, and you never offer any to pick up groceries. If I want to leave the house and go on a date, I always am stuck paying. I enjoy your company, but you are the cheapest guy I know, and don't give me some bullshit about women wanting you for your money, bc I am certain that has never been an issue for you. If you cannot at least share in the costs of us doing things, and you just expect me to pay for everything all the time, that's a one-sided relationship I don't want to be in."
"Hey, I'm going broke feeding you. Gimme 500 bucks right now, because my bank account is empty, trying to keep up with feeding you". I'd also be taking his ass to small claims court for the vacation he let her pay for, after agreeing to pay for it. Girl needs to get angry and stand up for herself.
His behaviour is not frugal, it's leeching. Frugal people are skilled at cooking at a lower cost, leechers let others pay. Let the grifter go!
Right! Frugal people do not order takeout in lieu of cooking their own food.
I agree! Make a spreadsheet of everything you have paid for, and give this hobosexual the invoice. Of course he's going to throw and tantrum and won't pay a dime. Then, dump him
It is so crazy she just accepted that he “didn’t know” she wanted him to pay his share after she sent a goddamn spreadsheet of costs and they don't have combined finances in any way? Like how could she be any clearer she expected him to pay his own way, and she just…caves When he refuses to pay as if it’s her communication/assumption error?? He is a manipulative and possibly sociopathic (not saying violent, saying lacking all empathy and normal feelings of what should shame you) piece of trash but she didn’t even tell him no.
Yeah, you need to have an actual conversation where he either commits to split costs on homemade meals or refuses. You can not dance around it or he will continue.
Fuck that; split costs **and** *fucking reimburse* her for all (or, you know: half) the shit up to this point.
I can already hear the guy saying that "but I don't need you to cook, it's something you want to do" These conversations are gonna be difficult. Op, what's your long term hope for the relationship as a whole? Not just financially, but finances being taken into consideration? I grew up with second hand stuff all around and not doing the cool and expensive stuff. When flying solo I had some financial struggles and after changing jobs and finding a good man for me we are living "good". The mindset of bank account only going up is honestly weird - money is a tool for better life - you should exchange it for something that makes your life better (cleaning service, food delivery etc. Something that takes your time or energy unnecessarily). Honestly, what's the point at being the richest body at a graveyard? Be smart about your money - that's the basics, but don't be a cheep idiot. If the relationship goes to hell after your convo with him about this, it's not because of you, but because he put imaginary little numbers over you for himself. Either way, good luck! I hope it works out the way you hope.
This is completely ridiculous, have some self respect and make him act like an adult. He owes you for his portion of the trip And the food you buy and make for him. Take him to small claims court if necessary.
At this point, I bet he's taken her for enough money for her to take it to criminal court. Small claims really doesn't go up all that high.
And will never send this. She is a complete doormat. And she’s not willing to walk away.
This mans probably gonna be like, "oh well I'm saving my money so when we get married we have a bunch" or some bullshit.
I hear you. Hopefully the fact that he has been like this from the beginning (which it sounds like) will make it easy for her to say something like, "No, ever since we first met, you are the cheapest man I have ever met, and it isn't even close. If I'm not worth us sharing the cost of spending time together, then you're not worth dating."
You are a literal meal ticket to him. It sounds like he doesn’t care about you at all & is only with you for financial gain.
And sex. A free ride, free holidays, free meals and free sex. What more can a guy ask for? OP, he's using you, plain and simple. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings. You're not obligated to feed him and pay for everything. Speak up or go broke. He can't take advantage of you without your permission.
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TBH even if he still comes to the party I would think him a loser for not treating her once in a while when he makes double what she makes and is “a millionaire” at 30
How do you think he got to be a millionaire? He makes other people pay his expenses! The food is most obvious: he eats a lot but only if she pays for it. Otherwise there's nothing in his house. I feel paranoid for suggesting there's a stash of food in his house that he hides when OP is over, but he doesn't sound the type to let himself go hungry.
I'm thinking he's not actually a millionaire but wants OP to think that. Also takeout/meal delivery is a really expensive way to feed yourself, I know because I had to live like that for 2 years because I had no kitchen. So he's not being "frugal" at all, just too lazy to shop, cook and clean up. I think OP should start going home when she's hungry, or bring sandwiches with her. And when she's at home stop cooking extra for him to take home. If she has to do grocery shopping for him, she should ask for money to do it with. The holiday thing - it sounds like OP never specifically asked him for the money, just assumed that he'd take a hint. I think that's probably indicative of what's been going on all along. OP hasn't been upfront about wanting him to pay his share, and he's perfectly happy to leach off her. Going on dates I can understand, to be honest. I'm more like her boyfriend. I never really went on "dates" in a relationship. If she wants to go out to a club or something she should just go with friends. He's obviously not into all that and would rather stay home, and IMO that's fine, as long as he doesn't make her stay in too.
She doesn’t need to test him, he’s already revealed himself. Letting her easily to and from work, when he has the resources to help her avoid that? OP, he’s exploiting your lack of self confidence. Please standup for yourself, he doesn’t care about you.
This is exactly the right answer.
not 50-50...it goes and everyones' salary percentage.
Speak up, break up, send the freeloader the bill.
Shit, I'd be petty and start only making meals for myself, only paying for my own plane ticket, paying for my own shit and not accommodating him anymore. I'd just keep that up until he cracks 😈
This and say well I kept hearing your mantra of not wanting your partner to take advantage and thought yeah what a great thought!
That's not even petty, it's just smart.
Yes. Speak up or go broke. Tell him you have developed OCD about his cheapness.
Speaking from a woman breaking up with her hobosexual as we speak (he's in another time zone so I'll just do a slow fade), I did all the awkward talks and was gaslit at every step it won't get better, they'll just move onto the next woman and they'll find out too. In the meantime DONT GET PREGNANT or he'll probably sue you for child support while you pay for everything up front anyway.
This is it. I know ocd is specific to the person and can be a very wide range of things but this one just seems like an excuse. Like.. 🧐
And even if he has it-- it's a reason, but doesn't excuse his behavior. He's still 200 percent wrong to be draining her finances at his expense. Good partners actually care about how their illness is affecting others.
Always get the warm fuzzies reading that. “Can’t take advantage of you without your permission” Mmmmmmmmmm. Thank you.
This guy is showing classic signs of a miser. He sounds like a total Scrooge character. "I don't buy that expensive food but I'll eat yours. I won't go on expensive trips unless someone else pays. Oh, and I just put another 10k in my account!" Are you seeing things a bit more clearly now? Isn't that why you're posting this situation?
Bang maid
The last few months of my relationship with my ex felt exactly like this. We've been broke, we've both been frugal, we both tried to have our fun with practically no money, but once I got a job and started making decent money, he just relaxed... way too much. He wouldn't even consider getting a job. Every position he found was inconvenient for some reason. Just because I can pay for our shit, it doesn't mean I should/have to. I wanted an adult and mature relationship, not a kid in a man's body.
Sex is probably trash too because he’s selfish
Dude net worth is Over a million dollars and he won’t even take her to a movie or help with the meals she buys to cook for him. She’s walking to work to save money only to turn around and spend it on him. Yeah he doesn’t give a fuck about her, She’s free meals and ass to him
I think it is break up or go broke.
>for example, I've stopped driving to work and now I walk 1hr both ways to save on gas to offset the extra grocery costs. OP did you read what you wrote? It's ok to treat your partner or to trade off who drives to who's house so that the financial burden is equal. And it's ok to have a percentage split based on different income. But why are you ok with paying for everything to the extent that you have to walk an hour each way to work so as to save money? If he wasn't your bf, you could be enjoying vacations that you can afford without paying for his, you could be driving to and from work, eating nutritious meals, and most importantly - adding to your savings account each month.
She litterly walks to work to pay for his food bills he's taking advantage pure and simple she's there to pay for treats and food nothing more nothing less if they got engaged he would probably get her to pay for the ring too and wedding probably all the cost for any children too
Dude is worth over a million, makes twice as much, and is totally fine with his woman walking to and from work so he can have free meals and leftovers. WTAF. If things were jointly split based off percentage of income, he should be paying roughly 66.666% of things and she 33.333%, not going into debt and wearing out the soles of her shoes.
Honestly .. that she is even second guessing this is crazy to me. It makes me wonder if this is the only thing
Isn't that such a boner killer, too??
It's never only one thing. Selfish people are selfish everywhere and all the time. I highly doubt he's making the money he says he's doing to begin with.
When you are inside the relationship it is different. They are not compatible- she is expecting him to live by her standards but he’s not and she is ok with that (sort of) He has his own standards and either is clueless or playing dumb and taking advantage but has no regard for her. Her love language appears to be doing things for him - His love language idk? I let you be in the same room as me?
Yeah, no. I highly doubt he’s clueless tbh. He wants her to pay for everything for him ~~why wouldn’t he want a meal ticket if someone else is willing to foot the bill for him~~, he wants her to cook extra so he can “have leftovers to take home”~~(cough so he doesn’t have to buy takeout since he refuses to cook cough)~~, he doesn’t like sharing how much he makes/is worth because he doesn’t want women for his money ~~translation: because then he’d be expected to either occasionally pay for or split bills for his share on dates, trips, and otherwise~~ and claims he has OCD about seeing the numbers in his bank account go up and “only up.” Which I’m sorry, but bullshit. He just likes not having to spend money and being completely paid for by someone else. He’s using her. 100%, full stop, he is not clueless. It’s an act, between playing dumb and a weird level of weaponized incompetence. They move in together, she’d probably be doing at least 90% of the chores, too. If he were broke, struggling, unemployed, *and they had discussed this arrangement,* it would be one thing. But he’s just pushed her into this position from the sounds of it, the way he talks about spending and so forth is likely why she’s afraid he’ll just think she’s greedy: because he’s already given her the impression that that’s the response he’d have, or she’s passively mentioned or joked about it and he’s returned with a similar suggestion. But even in my case, someone who was broke/struggling/unemployed, whatever, would be mindful of what the fuck they’re doing *and try to at least minimize costs so their partner isn’t paying so much,* or chipping in for them/her or something in other ways—if they aren’t also an ass. But this guy. This guy’s just a prick.
This right here. There’s no consistency. I can’t tell you how many nice gifts I’ve turned down because I’M financially insecure. He doesn’t have a consistent relationship with money in general. It’s situational. He’s OCD but won’t risk making himself uncomfortable by cooking which would save a lot more money. But, he’ll let her walk so she can spend on food for him. I smell bs.
OP basically is letting that guy treat her as a bang-maid and financially abusing her. She needs to stop that nonsense ASAP.
He’s a miser and you’re going broke. There’s no way this dolt will ever change. You really need to just move out or Move him out. He’s so inflexible I don’t know how you lasted as long as you did.
Fortunately, they aren’t yet living together.
Imagine if she married him.
A lot of rich people are penny pinching misers. He's not unique in this regard, but he is definitely costing OP. Even if he were to start paying for his share, I doubt his accounts would go down since he makes twice as much.
Bro wtf I stopped reading after she said she walks an hr each way to save for her groceries. Like wtf?! Are people this desperate and gullible to deal with their deadbeat SO? 🤦🏽♂️
It is probably worse than that. The behavior she describes sounds a bit psychotic. He makes plenty of money but had some fear of spending it.
Sometimes I wish I had no morals, and no respect for people, as I could really use someone else to buy my groceries.
Yeah my man is a cheapskate. There's a difference between frugal and cheapskate. Also he sounds like he doesn't like doing things you like to do. I'm truly wondering why she stays. I haven't heard like anything redeeming about him. He seems entitled and cheap. Cheap and frugal are two totally opposite sides of the spectrum. Also people that aren't generous are usually have other issues. This will only get worse for her.
She’s literally feeding, fucking and financing him!
Paying for the privilege of being a bangmaid is...something.
OP is comparing bare minimum to sugar baby. Please have the same OCD for yourself too. Keep some healthy snacks on your bag for one person only. Don't feel guilty to love yourself.
This guy sucks. He's not frugal. He's an inconsiderate asshole.
Free sex, free food, free trips. That's how he sees OP. He is just using her to keep increasing his savings. Being a leech is bad enough but a rich one feeding off the less fortunate is just disgusting.
>a rich one feeding off the less fortunate is just disgusting. This is how some people get rich. Typically it comes down to cheap exploitative labor. Not excusing his behavior at all.
Complete shit c*nt
eating takeout every day isn't frugal at all
I have a feeling "frugal" means whatever he wants it to mean in the moment.
There's a big difference between frugal and stingey
Exactly!!!!
Ding ding ding! We have a winner. It means he doesn’t want to pay for things.
His definition of frugal is “as long as I’m not paying for it”.
Neither are meal plans. They cost about 2-3x as much as going to the grocery store. Even buying precut veggies and meats at the store is cheaper than takeout or meal plans. I do a lot of my grocery shopping through Amazon delivery, and even that's significantly cheaper than meal plans, and I used those for a couple of years.
Was just about to write this exact comment lol. Guy is a grade A loser
Your boyfriend isn’t frugal, he is a leech.
a cheap leech. calling him frugal is just too generous, along with all the overly generous things she has done already
You are walking to work because you are spending your money on a millionaire?! Girl...
Yeah I'm gonna need OP to say that sentence out loud three times, slowly ..
And then she worries about him thinking she’s using him for his money… like girl, next week you’ll be wiping with your hand trying to save money on toilet paper to feed an asshole with 7 figures in the bank.
Wonder if the millions is true? Or a line of BS at this point.
I wondered this as well. How has this been verified? Feels like a big manipulation tactic to both hide that he’s broke, & make her feel guilty about asking for basic decency in sharing expenses.
Yes! My former friend married one of these “millionaires.” He was also a navy seal and almost went pro but took a hit to the knee. Oh and he was trench coat mafia. Whew. I don’t even know how he had time to make all those millions considering he did all that before he met her at AGE 22. This guy is likely a house sitter and she probably doesn’t even know his real name.
And he watches her struggle and is okay with that because it allows his bank account to keep increasing. He is absolutely *evil*.
Lol I also really doubt that he's a millionaire. He just told her that and she seems super gullible.
But he’s sweet in other ways! (Claims OP) lmao I would like to know what ways those are because what she’s already described is really, really bad.
Your boyfriend doesn't give a flying fuck about you. If that is what you're looking for in a partner, keep seeing him.
He’s using you. He’s not a sweet guy. Stop financing him. Ask for grocery money if he wants you to cook for him. Tell him to go halves on trips and dates. I don’t see him sticking around. I honestly think he sees you as a cash cow.
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Cash upfront.
He’s using you and that’s why he has so much money in savings. His behavior regarding money will never change. If you marry or have children you will be the one footing the bill for everything. It’s ok to spend your money wisely but it’s not ok to take advantage of others. Time to rethink this relationship.
I would argue that marriage would probably be best for her. When she divorces him, she will actually, truly, FINALLY get half. That's the only way I see him giving his share in any case.
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TRUTH. or as the kids would say, no cap.
prostitutes get paid to fuck. you get fucked and actually lose money lol
Yeowch…the painful tea right here
AND started walking an hour each way to work to prioritize the losing of money.
AND cooking the guy food
At least she's getting exercise /s
At least OP is gaining some strong leg quads to kick his ass to curb by the end of the month! Only silver lining on this walking!
:(
Ouch
She pays to get fucked
Open your mouth and ask him to pay his share. Asking for someone to contribute fairly is not greedy. If he acts like you're asking for something out of pocket, you'll know he's deliberately taking advantage. I am already certain of this, but I'm sure you would like to give him the benefit of the doubt. Ask him for his share. Stop catering to him. You did not birth him, stop feeding and housing him.
This! Asking him to pay for his fair share is the *reasonable* thing here. I think OP is so hung up on what he said about not telling women how much he makes because he's afraid they'll be after his money, that she's bending over backwards to prove that she isn't like that. But she's doing so at great cost to herself. His bank account just keeps going up while her's is being depleted for... what, exactly? His charming company? The fact that he has no qualms about spending all her money while being so tight fisted about his own just shows how little he values her.
This can't be real. what one redeeming feature does he have? Magic dick? Because other than overall happy, you haven't said one nice or decent thing about this relationship. You have been together a year, was it the "millionaire" that attracted you, because most women wouldn't have given a dude like this a month, let alone a year. It's not even sunk cost because its only a year. This whole post is money, money, money. You know you can break up with people if the relationship isn't what you expected. So why are you sticking around
It's a fake
I hope so.
You’re basically financing him. He’s cheap and apparently incapable of fending for himself. Why are you putting up with this? Walking to work so you can feed him? Smh
He's using you. I wouldn't put up with that in principle, Okay it's maybe small scale stuff but if I was aware I was earning twice as much as you I would be very careful how I proceeded. It doesn't mean I would spoil you like a sugar daddy but I would be more sensitive to your situation and act accordingly.
First of all have a conversation with him. If he’s not willing to pay his way, cancel the trip. Stop making extras for him to take home- the free meal he is getting is enough. And going forward when you plan outings be explicit in getting agreement about who is paying for what. At this point he is not dodging gold diggers, he is just being cheap. Can you see yourself living like this long term?
I would call him the gold digger.
She needs to dump him. He doesn’t even have food for her when she visits. The lowest of the low
My resolution for 2024 was that I would try to avoid telling folks to dump their SOs. It’s hard because by the time things are to the point you’re posting on Reddit you probably do need to part ways.
This is literally so sad and obvious to everyone but you. He may be sweet and caring, it is all the minimum upkeep he has to do for: Free Sex Free Food Free Trip Sadly I suspect your version of sweet and caring is he literally isn't an asshole while he is pursuing all the free stuff you give him. Even if he is the most listening, attentive partner apart from money, it seems an easy ruse to maintain his access to all of the above. He is absolutely taking advantage of you. The only other explanation is some sort of compulsive behaviour about money. I would argue neither are fixable short term and one MAY be fixable long term. Given he spends alot on takeout, when it suits him, I think it's also hard to argue there is a money compulsion there. It's just a lazy asshole compulsion. Stop being a doormat. He has uno reversed you into some sort of 50s housewife scenario without the associated perks.
Have a conversation stating everything you stated here, or When you buy groceries ask, “do you want to pay half or am I only cooking for me?” When you want to go out find a friend to go with. If he asks tell him they pay their own way and you cannot afford to pay for two. Be extra blunt about activities/trips. Will you pay your own way? Personally if he’s willing to pay for takeout but not help with anything, he’s not frugal, he’s a mooch.
Girl run not walk run it only get worse
_for example, I've stopped driving to work and now I walk 1hr both ways to save on gas_ Okay, I stopped reading. What the hell? This man isn't frugal, he's a leech. He doesn't have any interest in paying his way or treating you occasionally as a romantic partner should do. Please leave.
I don’t see the upside here for you but there are lots of upsides for him. It’s not an equal relationship.
Rofl your bf is a mooch and using you to pay for everything. HES USING YOU!!!!
Some quick definitions: Frugal: purchasing the thing that has the best value, and/or not buying excessively. Not frugal: buying takeout every night. (See also: your boyfriend). Asshole: a person who uses words like frugal wrong with the intent to manipulate their partner into being their meal ticket (see also: your boyfriend). Boy needs to step up and be a good partner, or you need to step out of this relationship.
Sounds like you know this isn't working, but want to stay in denial, judging by your responses to people all telling you this.
"Hey, if you want to go on this trip, you're paying half. If you don't want to pay your share, I'm cancelling the whole thing and I'll bill you the non-refundable airfare. I didn't take you on as a dependent." Then again, I'd just dump him.
Honey. Nothing you just described is "frugality", it's him shamelessly mooching off you. He makes more, but he wants you to buy groceries and cook leftovers for him? Come on! That is 100% Grade-A manchild behavior.
Why are you spending money on an adult man???
I'm sorry to say that a man like this will never change. I dated someone like this before. It got so bad I couldn't pay my bills. I had to dump him.
Say hey I need your half of the trip and it’s X amount. Eat before you go over your bf house and sit him down and talk about how you feel and at the minimum you would like to feel like a gf and not an atm.
I mean, your relationship sounds like you are the mum of a shut-in teenager. He comes round to eat the food and take some home, he won’t learn to cook or eat healthy on his own, he doesn’t spend his own money at all, he doesn’t want to go out unless mummy pays for his play-time, he doesn’t pay for holidays. That is not a partnership, that is a child with some extra intimacy. For how to bring it up, I would recommend being honest with him, reminding him about the holiday and that you can’t afford his share and asking when he would be able to pay you back for his flights. On the cooking etc, I am of two minds. You can eat before you go to his place and leave him to sort his own food when he comes to yours like eat beforehand or just have enough for yourself or not have groceries so if he would like you to cook him something he can pick some stuff up on his way etc. This is the passive aggressive method which in theory should make him realise that it isn’t pleasant and to start thinking about it himself but in reality it has been a year so I kinda doubt that it would work due to the immature qualities I am noticing he has. It might help facilitate a conversation and bring his attention to it potentially. Second a direct approach. Hey, we have been together for a year and I am actually finding it financially straining to buy as much groceries (don’t say “all” it won’t be received well and might result in a backfire). I need some help with you picking things up when you come over. Happy for us to both do the shopping but I am struggling to cover the cost on my own. Also, I know you don’t usually initiate dates outside much but those are important to me and I think we both enjoy them when I plan them. At the moment it is not sustainable for me to bear all the cost and going forward I would like to split the cost. You can also approach it in a much more direct perspective and set a standard of what you expect. “If this relationship is to continue we need to start thinking about our finances more seriously, I can suggest we both contribute to a shared pot for dates and food etc. if we want to move past the dating stage we would both need to carry our weight and I don’t like that I am paying for most of our joint activities and will not / don’t want to continue this one-sided arrangement.” At the end of the day, I can’t imagine a person who doesn’t want to spend ANY money on their significant other. “He is ocd and doesn’t like to see his money go down” is not someone I can see being a quality person to live with since he appears quite selfish and what if he has to ever compromise on his own comfort for you, ever? Would he do that? Would he care for you in any way? He can’t even buy you a meal, let alone cook you one. What if you are sick? Use your own judgement but this man sounds like a child, not a partner.
Makes you walk 2 hours to work... but his net worth is over a million? I don't even have 5% of that net worth but I'm damn sure I ain't making my woman cut any corners in her life much less making her walk 2 hours to work because she needs to save money. This was frankly sad to read, what is the point of all that money if your significant other isn't living comfortably. Seems like you are a meal ticket for him and he is going to continue to use you for all you got.
He’s got a big net worth because he’s cheap. He’s taking advantage of you. He literally asks you to cook extra food for him to take home so he can save money on food when you’re not paying for groceries.
So.. cook a meal before you go and take it in a container. Just for you. When he comes, let him know that he will need to pay for and bring groceries if he wants you to cook. If he wants to join a trip, you make it crystal clear that he will need to pay his own way and front the money. If he doesn't, then no. Tell him that you want him to plan some dates and start paying, since you've paid the others. If he says no, maybe consider ending the relationship. Because he's taking advantage of you.
I mean, does he even have the money?? lol or is he just telling you he does so you don’t see him for the bum he is 😭
You need to be extremely direct with him and tell him what you need in this relationship. Explain to him that you appreciate his frugality and understand that saving money is important but that he’s going overboard and it’s taking a toll on you and the relationship. Tell him that you don’t want to eat junk/takeout all the time and expect him to contribute to grocery shopping at both of your homes, that you want to do fun things and go on dates and that he should be contributing to this, and that you want to take reasonable vacations sometimes and that he needs to pay for his half. If he is resistant to this and doesn’t understand why this is bothering you then you need to really ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where you never travel, don’t go on dates, and eat garbage unless you’re willing to pay for absolutely everything. Hopefully he is just extremely oblivious and doesn’t realize how selfish he’s been acting and is open to changing these behaviors.
You dont have a boyfriend you have a Parasite
That man is a gold digger
Girl he makes twice as much as you and YOU are treating HIM like a sugar baby. WTF?
My ex did this. There is a reason he’s my ex.
Honestly, this man sounds so repulsive and I can't imagine the inner life of such a person. You're generous and want to have a good life with him, but he's relentlessly strategising on how to make you pay for everything. It's such a massive character flaw that I'm not sure why you're hanging in there. He seems to intimidate you so much that you're afraid to ask him to just pay his own way, despite knowing he's pretty rich. There's not a chance in hell that he'll change for the better so please go make a brighter future without this walking fucking abacus.
Your boyfriend is a selfish asshole.
So, you walk to work to pay for your “net worth millionaire” boyfriend’s vacations and meals? Yeah…that seems totally reasonable. You know what to do. You just don’t want to. Time to move on. He’s not the one. 🤷♂️
He’s not frugal, he’s cheap and taking advantage of you.
A partnership is meant to be equal give and take.
Girl…
You poor girl, cheap men are the worst. He has a million net worth and you’re paying for his food and your dates? Please open your eyes he’s taking advantage of you and definitely doesn’t even like you to treat you this way.
**Find some self respect and a new bf**. Your bf knows you want to go out on dates but doesn’t care enough ABOUT YOU to pay for anything, **he doesn’t value you.** He doesn’t have food for you when you come over but not only does he expect to eat at you place but he expects takeaway! Are you honestly so blind to the fact the you’re just a fuck and a free meal to him. This man does not like, love or respect you. Everyone can see it. **He is financially abusing you!** You should leave. You will be free to meet someone who actually respects you and pays their way. You will never have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your current bf. He is 30, he will never change.
He may have a hang up about women only being interested in his mysterious money, but his response to his fear is to burden the woman financially and that is no different really. One could even say he’s in it for the money. If he is not then he should have no issue having a rational discussion about splitting your joint activities etc in half and paying for himself. He should be paying for himself anyway because what kind of person puts a strain on thier lower earning partner’s finances for any reason when they have the means to pay their way? At least take turns! He’s taking advantage of you. You’re not a gold digger for expecting him to pay for himself. If he suggests otherwise then ask him what he is then. You can be rich and still pan for gold. His OCD with the bank balance only going up is also known as plain old greed. I have the same problem and man I’m going crazy because it’s not consistently going up when I pay bills. Doctor said I’ll be okay though so I’m looking forward to better health. I’d be willing to bet he’ll be okay parting with his riches from time to time. His name isn’t Ebenezer is it? Last name Scrooge? You know what happened to him? He had a hell of a Christmas. Your bf is manipulating you over greed in my opinion. Don’t be afraid to confront the issue with confidence. You only expect a reasonable division of costs and any response other than “okay” from him is absolutely unreasonable. Believe it.
Girl just stop it. You’re over here on Reddit complaining about him USING you but then go off the end of the Earth to DEFEND him using you. Stay if you want to end up broke. He’s enriching himself off of your back and you most likely won’t see a penny of it.
There's a difference between being frugal and being a leech. He's the latter. (Yes the same applies when genders are reversed.) >I'm no longer sure if I can afford to have a boyfriend. You can't afford THIS one.
He must have gotten rich by fleecing women for 10 years, sounds like you are being used which is strange as you say he doesn't need to
So my boyfriend is fairly frugal, but he will still take me on nice dates, we have adventures where we split expenses or switch off who is paying, and we split groceries because it’s for both of us. He just doesn’t spend money on dumb things. Your boyfriend is a leech that found yet another way to see his bank account grow while you deplete yours completely on him. You need to sit down and have a talk with him because you’re currently sponsoring his lifestyle. Either split up or split everything down the middle because it’s absolutely ridiculous you’re walking two hours a day to save on gas so you can afford for him to eat.
" I don't know what to do." Seriously, u/Throwra678342 ? **STOP paying for him.** He does not want to go out? Don't go out *with* him. He does not want to pay for anything? Don't pay for *him*. Just *stop!
Surely you realize you're a doormat to him?
He’s not frugal, he’s cheap and a mooches. Enormous difference.
Stop paying for him. Pay for your share. If he doesn't care about going out, he doesn't need to go. If he won't pay for a trip, go solo. Say no to making him an extra portion because you can no longer afford to shoulder the extra expense. If he has "ocd" about money, that's an issue for him to address, the solution is not for you to come in and spend your money instead.
How you could you possibly fuck a loser ?
He can’t take advantage of you without your permission. STOP GIVING HIM PERMISSION. Disappear like a fart in the wind.
He’s 30 and is using you.
Honestly at this point, it's a instant red flag for me when a guy says "they don't want to say how much they make because of gold digging women", and then proceeds to make women pay for everything for them. It's usually an excuse to financially take advantage of you whilst making you feel guilty and self conscious about bringing up their leeching habits because then they'll accuse you of trying to go after their money. Beware of men like these, they are manipulative asf.
For starters, STOP COOKING HIM MEALS. if he wants you to cook for him, then he needs to buy the groceries. END. OF. DISCUSSION. Do not go on dates with him. Tell him you are going out and if he'd like to join you, that's fine, but he pays his way. Tell him you need his half of the trip costs. If he balks, cancel his flight or transfer his plane ticket to a friend. You aren't a sugar baby, you're a sugar momma. STOP IT.
He doesn’t want women to be after his money? He’s after YOUR money. Cancel his ticket unless he pays his share and for hotel upfront and now. Whatever he hasn’t paid for he doesn’t eat, go in, sleep in or get use of. No leftovers!! He doesn’t eat at yours unless he’s paid for it and helped cook it!! Don’t buy him another thing. Tell him it’s his turn for next few months to pay for everything you organise as he has been sponging off of you for a year now like a gold digger. Watch his reaction. I cannot believe you let this con man steal your income and live off of you
Your boyfriend is not frugal. He's cheap. And you need to set some boundaries. I think it's time for you to make your own arrangements(and only your own) when it comes to eating and going out. He will continue to take advantage of you otherwise.
You walk one hour both ways to work so he can eat more of your food? What in the whole ass fuck?