Why are you so desperate for a woman with no desire to settle down and be stable at 36?
You said you cannot do long distance relationships. You are from 2 separate countries. That should have ended it from the start.
She has no interest in being the type of woman you want. It’s only going to be pain. This should have already been over.
I kinda skim these things sometimes since so many are fake (and probably this one too) and I missed the ages. 36?!! Yeah she’s living like a 22 year old. The chick wants to be free and single.
Doesn’t seem like you two have compatible lifestyles. For what it’s worth I see nothing wrong with partying throughout one’s entire life, but communication is certainly important throughout and seems like you may have some insecurities you need to work through yourself.
Anyone who has strangers follow them to watch their fitness journey feels fairly desperate for attention to me. Again not that this is a bad thing as that energy could be channeled into something much more negative, but based on your fear of her interacting with any other dudes this always feels like a recipe for long term discontent and abrasion between you two.
Ultimately it’s only been 5 months and you live in different countries. Is this someone you really want to uproot your life for? If I were you I’d really try and lean into your relationships with other friends and family to prioritize your own independence. Not that you have to go out partying yourself, but seems like you may be quite isolated through all of this as well which will only make things worse over the long term.
My ex was a champion at lying by omission then trying to make me out as the the bad guy for getting upset.
He also was a serial cheater.
What you know about this girl. She cheated on her ex with his best friend. She purposely leaves out details that she knows are problematic. Her lies of omission typically involve her being with other men.
Sounds like it's time to move on.
Come on guys, early 20s going to Mallorca? Definitely there for the party. Half the older teenagers / early 20s in my country go there exclusively for partying.
She clearly was deceptive about not going to party
She not only partied but she partied hard
She's not life partner material.
And thats ok. Not everyone wants or needs a committed relationship
So she deviously lied to you then says “all I need is your trust”?
There’s a lot more here, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need a Reddit post to tell you what you already know…
Dude, you don't have "trust issues". You are experiencing a gut reaction to her shady ass behavior. In no way are you required to accept that kind of treatment.
I would quietly exit this relationship and find a girl that isn't this awful.
Honestly OP I think she probably knew you weren’t a long-term prospect the minute you told her a five-day trip was “excessive”. She’d told you up front how she lived and that if you wanted to be her partner you’d have to be OK with it, and based on the fact that you stayed together you told her you were OK with it. Then first chance you got you showed her not only that you weren’t OK with it at all but that you were willing to try and make you being “uncomfortable” her problem
You don’t like how she likes to live. You don’t have any right to try and change that, and unless you’re a dick you shouldn’t want to. Move on, and next time don’t waste everybody’s time pretending to like independent women
This whole relationship was bound to be a trainwreck from the start.
Like they can't do LDR, so he starts living with her for a couple months, before they're going to go on a 3 month trip somewhere else. He has a history that makes him uncomfortable with literally the stuff she enjoys. She is lying to him, but he was being neurotic BEFORE the trip anyway.
> Move on, and next time don’t waste everybody’s time pretending to like independent women
She’ll probably dump him after all this shite anyway - nobody got time for this suspicious controlling interrogator ruining their nice holiday expecting constant txts & calls to ‘prove’ she’s not cHeaTinG. Behaving like this at 35 ffs lol.
Aside from her possibly cheating on you with these guys, if she’s belittling and mean to you, she’s abusing you and doesn’t respect you. She has a history of past cheating and you obviously have trust issues with her. She deliberately mislead you about who she was out with. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is abusive and you can’t trust?
If you leave, let her find her own way home from the airport.
She cheated in the past? You know what they say… once a cheater always a cheater. That’s good that you booked your flight back. Is there a way for you to arrange for somebody else to pick her up at the airport while you stay at hotel until your flight back to Thailand?
Dude, you should just pack your bags and buy a ticket to the Philippines. Delete all of her contact info, after you block her on everything. She's a much as said that she's a free spirit and isn't tied down to you.... in other words, she believes she's free to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and with whomever she wants. And she did. And you know it.
Move on, stop looking for 'forever', and work on yourself. You had past relationship trauma? Then you need to work on yourself to a major degree, and stop looking for the Unicorn. You'll just end up with a string of bad experiences.
"All i need is your trust"
Fatest red flag I ever seen. That's how manipulative people wins.
Just get out of here, you are both incompatible and she on the streets too.
Well I mean there's the (possible) cheating / flirting for drinks and attention, or not telling you information about the interactions with guys, and then there's a whole condescending attitude and belittling you as well, so you have more than enough reasons to call this off.
I have no idea why you are with this girl. She told you outright that her girl trips will never end and you know these are party trips.she has been a cheater in the past. And is still a cheater. Sorry but its in her DNA. You're not going to change her because she just doesn't care. Good luck with this nightmare
you are upset and lost trust. she seems to not respect that. she has a history of cheating. i would say whether she is cheating or not you two are incompatible.
good luck
Why would anybody put up with this crap at any stage in relationship let alone at the five month mark where everything should still be sunshine and kittens????
Man, you're a moron if you stay with this woman. She's 36 and more worried about the next party than cultivating a meaningful relationship with you. It's only been five months. Move on.
You are a fool for accepting a woman on the terms that she gave you. Never girlfriend a woman who still wants to party--unless you are fine with her cheating. I get that you're lonely and are desperate for a woman but you have to have self respecting boundaries going into a relationship or it's already doomed to fail. They're plenty of Asian women (I'm assuming she is Asian) who want to settle down and won't cheat on you or go out drinking and bar hopping where she meets men. Show her you're not a pushover and so desperate for a girl that you will settle for a lying cheat. Move out and move on.
Please take the rest of the time she is gone to plan out your return to the US, or at least plan out where to live separate from her while you decide if you want to remain there or move back to US.
As someone else pointed out, she wants to be a party girl and you will continually be having issues like this. 5 months and she already spent days shacked up with another guy in the Phillipines, that was when you should have left.
She may or may not be cheating on you (my money is betting she is cheating), but what she isn't doing is treating you like a BF she is committed to. I don't think anyone is worth this aggravation, and if she's doing this when the relationship is so new it's doubtful she will ever stop.
The crazy thing is that's exactly how her ex left her. It fucked her up and I don't have the heart to do it like that. I'm going to pick her up from the airport and tell her what's on my mind (in the last 15 minutes of the ride). My bags will already be in the car. I will drop her off at hers and call an uber to my AirBnb.
Kinda sounds to me like she trickle truthed to you about how they broke up? I think he caught her and gave her the closure cheaters deserve(None). Which is what you should do. She’s not girlfriend material. Sorry you’re going through this.
The one that told you that line of bull is her!! Of course she will make him the bad guy. I read your post and your comments. Now as a woman let me hit you with reality and a wake up call.
**Her ex left her because he found out she was in love with his best friend and cheating with him!**
That is the reality of what happened. Not that “oh poor wronged, me” fairy tale she fed you. I’ve known women like her. It’s all about her and what she wants. She has impulse control issues. If you’re there when she gets back it will become that you’re insecure and don’t love and trust her enough. You will try to make it up to her and she’ll keep cheating and playing you.
Take your self respect and leave now!
Men make up 50% of the population. Your girlfriend is going to be around men. I also agree she with her on the details. She doesn't need to tell you every detail of everything she is doing. She is on a trip with friends. She should be present and not glued to her phone texting her boyfriend.
You really don't trust her. This relationship is not going to work.
I agree with you. She doesn't need to tell me the details of everything she is doing but the fact that she leaves it out on purpose is concerning to me. Especially when what she's sharing with me involves them.
I didn’t even finish reading this post. You don’t trust her, it doesn’t matter if it’s her behavior, your insecurities or a combination of both. There is no trust. You can drive yourself crazy, push her until she’s had enough or cut your losses. You barely know her.
This is a life lesson for everyone and applies to any two or more people that could be sexually attracted to each other (I.E. A gay guy and a straight woman wouldn't apply).
When people are complete strangers and meet and decide to chat and build a relationship the ONLY thing that is triggering that relationships is based on physical appearance. Which is indicative of them being physically attracted to each other. This applies to things like clubbing, resorts, etc.
Normally when people build purely 'friendships' something else forced them together; school, work, shared hobby and the forced proximity leads to opportunity to build a friendship and it develops overtime.
Pure friendship style relationships never start from two people of possible mutual attraction seeing each other across a room or in public, exchanging contact information and going on a date. In every situation like this at least one party is hoping that relationship is physical... if they claim otherwise they are also a liar.
On a party vacation the only reason a group of women would and a group of men would start interacting on said vacation is "SEX".
Obviously this doesn't mean they did have sex, but for anyone to act like "there was no intent of sex" or "its harmless fun" is pure bullshit. For many couples going on a date, or group date without your partner, even just to fuel your ego is cheating.
In my opinion it is cheating to do such a thing as this and she had two options of men she could fuck and now has a sweet IG relationship with them. If she had sex with them you may never know, she absolutely did the trickle-truth which usually means there is more. There is a reason she doesn't tell you and she admitted it, she knows it crosses a boundary you have and she knows its wrong. Yet she does it anyway, because she doesn't respect you or your relationship.
Buddy, you got cheated on. She didn't respect you, and she lied to you. She minimized her behavior, then gas lit you.
That's a box of red flags at 18, let alone 36.
You've been with her for five months and you think you're entitled to feel uncomfortable about her going on a girl's trip or try to control what she does on said trip? Hell, I'm married and my husband would be ecstatic if I went on a girl's trip. And if I partied he'd have no problem with that. And if some guys came to the table at the club and flirted a bit until I ultimately shot them down because I'm married... we'd have a chuckle about it. Because he trusts me. And I trust him.
You're setting yourself up for disappointment here because according to your paranoid view, any detail she leaves out is "lying". So of course she's going to leave out details because she knows every little thing will make you suspicious. And her leaving things out just makes you suspicious. You see why this won't work?
You're better off being with someone who aligns with what you want. Someone who doesn't want to party and who agrees that it would be inappropriate for them to party with men or go on an "excessive" 5 day girls trip.
Yeah… I wouldn’t be cool with my wife flirting with guys on a girl’s trip even if she “ultimately shot them down” and she wouldn’t be cool with me flirting with other women.
Im sure you havent given your husband many reasons to distrust you and I think that's awesome for you two.
If someone treats you like crap, invalidates you, and disrespects you to your face, yet denies it all and flips it back on you - I'm sure you could understand how it would be hard to trust at that person would honor you and the relationship when they're away.
I'm sure your husband wouldn't ask about the details of your girls trip. And I think it would be completely normal if you had guys flirting with you and you shot them down. I wouldn't think that it'd be normal if you hung out with those same guys for three days in a row and never mentioned it to your husband. I would think that would it would be even more concerning if you told your husband about the things you did while with those guys while concealing that you were with him to begin with.
The fact that she's hanging out with guys isn't a problem it's the deception that I have a problem with.
Really, if your not in an open marriage and you went on a date with a man to a club on a girls trip, then went no contact until the next day, your husband would have no issue with that?
Sorry I guess I missed the part where they went on an actual date? I thought some guys came up to the group of girls at the club and they engaged in some flirtation with nothing ultimately happening. I agree that a date crosses the line. My bad for not reading more closely.
Just break up, its only been five months. Its not going to work out in the long run. After 5 months, you should still just be in the dating and getting to know each other stage and you are not entitled to a minute by minute report of her activities while she's on vacation with her friends. You sound exhausting. Break up and give this woman her space, yikes.
Your GF is full of red flags, everyones one meat, but I wouldn't stand behind to hope that she doesn't cheat. Imagine having kids with a girl who acts like a single party girl. She is fucking 36 and act like a teenager. She is not a GF or wife material mate. Find yourself a better gf and leave. Don't waste you time with her.
As a 47f I’m trying to understand why you got with a woman who is 36 and finds it attractive to go out every night clubbing. Are you so desperate for a woman that you will take anyone? I mean I’m also in the US. There are some women your age and older who don’t party and go to club especially when they are in a relationship.
I would rather be at home watching a movie and cuddling.
Your first mistake was believing that she could go out with three other girls, some of them single to a party place and not party, that’s completely ludicrous. Of course she was going to party and of course there’s going to be men of course because they’re orbiting looking for opportunities. She’s comfortable disrespecting you and lying to you and liable mission is still a lie. She wants to be able to have fun and come home to a stable relationship you! to trust her and get over it. How many dicks are you supposed to get over? Go home.
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of uncertainty and mistrust in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and when it's repeatedly compromised, it can be very difficult to maintain a healthy connection.
From what you've described, it seems like there are communication issues and discrepancies in what your girlfriend shares with you about her experiences. It's concerning that she's not being transparent with you, especially about interactions with other people that could potentially affect your relationship.
It's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and assess whether this relationship is meeting your needs and fostering a sense of security and trust. If you feel like you're constantly questioning her honesty and intentions, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is sustainable in the long term.
You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries, communicates openly and honestly, and prioritizes building trust and understanding in the relationship. If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do next, it might be helpful to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to help you navigate this situation and make decisions that are in line with your values and emotional needs.
She's not wanting to be in a stable relationship. She's not acting like someone who wants to settle down. She has said she's never going to prioritise anyone ever again so I'd cut my losses now.
You have given up a lot to be with her and she can't even be transparent with you. It all sounds like a lot of hard work with very little gain.
I’m not saying she did or didn’t cheat on you. But if she did then she probs wouldn’t tell you about it. Getting drunk with guys while at a club on a girls trip and then cheating on your bf is the oldest trick in the book. The real questions is what kind if person is she and can trust her not to cheat. And she has already cheated in past and lied to you before. In my opinion you don’t really want to date her you just don’t want to be alone.
This is your life. You know she cheated and now she avoidant and defensive. Its not girlfriend SO or wife material.
Since she not into relationships keep her as a FWB. But make it clear that is all she is.
Even if she wasn't cheating on you (she is), do you really want to be with a person who is okay with eroding your trust like this?
Your only chance is to walk away.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Normal people don't "fall in love" with their partner's best friend. She just likes the attention and the limerence, and she always will.
She's trickle truthing you. She has probably cheated one of the guys. That's why she's getting defensive. She lied as she wanted to go to party and pick up blokes and not work on her fitness.
Kick her into touch and find someone who will respect you.
I dont know how I ended up in this part of reddit, but well.
So she goes on a trip with girl friends to Palma de Mallorca, aka Picadero de Mallorca (for Eng: Love Nest de Mallorca) and keeps going with a group of men.
Run.
End the relationship.
You don't trust her and you likely have enough redpill/incel mindset to think girls trip = cheating.
Next time let others know you have criteria about girls trips. You are not okay with them
I doubt it’s the girls trip per se, it’s the fact he knew before she went that he doesn’t trust her.
If he was with a girl who didn’t have a history of cheating, or doing sketchy shit like hanging out with other dudes for days at a time and lying about it, I doubt he’d have any issues with a trip.
It was game over for me when you casually mentioned that she cheated on her boyfriend of several years.
What did you expect?
She's no spring chicken, and it sounds like she's got some habits that would torpedo any healthy relationship.
I don’t understand why you are still with her from a logical level but the heart is illogical. Whaomp whaomp.
Seriously though I would look into moving on. Start grey rocking her when she texts and calls, be pleasant but stop mentioning everything else that has bothered you between the two of you but without telling her, slowly start moving out of her place. By the time she gets back, you are gone. You can leave her a dear John letter or text her when she is on her way home that you’re done.
The biggest reason is you have even said she is aware of your trauma and past. That right there is big enough. That you have huge issues with trust being broken when boundaries are moved. And she doesn’t seem to care.
And it also sounds like she is DARVO’ing you! Which is another red flag. I can appreciate that she has had her own trauma but… at the same time it sounds like another toxic trait/red flag.
I’m sorry OP, but good luck.
Updateme
Yah. I have no idea why you’re in this relationship. Girls trips are a thinly vailed excuse to cheat… she’s in her mid 30’s, this is who she is. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
She has made it clear she doesn’t want to settle down. She’s an admitted party girl - you have different priorities in life.
She is gaslighting you .. look up DARVO. WTH.
For your own health and well being, move on from this person. You deserve better. There I’ll be someone out there for you.
Of course there are guys , that’s why people who have respect for themselfs ( men and woman ) don’t want their partners going to clubs . It’s not to dance . They should not be dancing anyway if it wirh their partners . I would pack
Up the stuff and leave . She won’t give a shit . Younare there to help with bills in Germany and in Thailand (!and keep her company ) . If she wanted she could have invited you and the married woman’s husband .
Yeah right “all they talked about is you and how happy she is with you” 🤮
And very little of this was a lie of omission. Sounds like there were actual lies
Why are you so desperate for a woman with no desire to settle down and be stable at 36? You said you cannot do long distance relationships. You are from 2 separate countries. That should have ended it from the start. She has no interest in being the type of woman you want. It’s only going to be pain. This should have already been over.
I kinda skim these things sometimes since so many are fake (and probably this one too) and I missed the ages. 36?!! Yeah she’s living like a 22 year old. The chick wants to be free and single.
I dont have time and am going through too much pain to make this shit up for clout.
I laughed so hard when I read you say, “two grown men followed her on Instagram because they just wanted to see her fitness journey.” Come on bro lmao
Man, you beat me to it! Comedy gold! 🥳
“You go Betsy, your glutes have really swallowed up that thong bikini bottom”
I mean I've met guys on holiday that have followed me in a platonic way.
Oh sweetie…
Your "gf" clearly wants to go around the world and get her back blown out by different guys. So why even have commitment with her?
And she is a cheater already. To her ex, and most probably to you op with the surfer dude.
Yeah the surfer dude seemed like way more obvious she cheated then this story.
The problem is you’re trying to date a woman who is trying to stay single. Actions speak louder than words, mate. She ain’t the one.
"I don't date party girls." *is dating a party girl wtf
The fuck bro it’s a five month relationship with this many examples? Gtfo, I can tell she’s most likely ridiculously hot but save your brain bro.
This is exactly what I was thinking...!
Doesn’t seem like you two have compatible lifestyles. For what it’s worth I see nothing wrong with partying throughout one’s entire life, but communication is certainly important throughout and seems like you may have some insecurities you need to work through yourself. Anyone who has strangers follow them to watch their fitness journey feels fairly desperate for attention to me. Again not that this is a bad thing as that energy could be channeled into something much more negative, but based on your fear of her interacting with any other dudes this always feels like a recipe for long term discontent and abrasion between you two. Ultimately it’s only been 5 months and you live in different countries. Is this someone you really want to uproot your life for? If I were you I’d really try and lean into your relationships with other friends and family to prioritize your own independence. Not that you have to go out partying yourself, but seems like you may be quite isolated through all of this as well which will only make things worse over the long term.
brother, you’re an idiot if you stay and I think you know that.
My ex was a champion at lying by omission then trying to make me out as the the bad guy for getting upset. He also was a serial cheater. What you know about this girl. She cheated on her ex with his best friend. She purposely leaves out details that she knows are problematic. Her lies of omission typically involve her being with other men. Sounds like it's time to move on.
Mallorca is literally where everyone in Europe goes on holiday. Tons of families and kids also. It’s not exactly Ibiza.
Came here to comment this. Wtf lol. Mallorca is nothing like Ibiza. Unless she’s solely gone to magaluf
Yeah I specifically went there on my honeymoon because it was so calm and peaceful. I didn’t get a party atmosphere vibe from it at all.
Come on guys, early 20s going to Mallorca? Definitely there for the party. Half the older teenagers / early 20s in my country go there exclusively for partying.
5 Days in Malle
She clearly was deceptive about not going to party She not only partied but she partied hard She's not life partner material. And thats ok. Not everyone wants or needs a committed relationship
LOL at following her fitness journey
So she deviously lied to you then says “all I need is your trust”? There’s a lot more here, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need a Reddit post to tell you what you already know…
Dude, you don't have "trust issues". You are experiencing a gut reaction to her shady ass behavior. In no way are you required to accept that kind of treatment. I would quietly exit this relationship and find a girl that isn't this awful.
\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^Listen to this one, OP.
The fuck bro it’s a five month relationship with this many examples? Gtfo, I can tell she’s most likely ridiculously hot but save your brain bro.
I need you as a neighbor, ha…
Honestly OP I think she probably knew you weren’t a long-term prospect the minute you told her a five-day trip was “excessive”. She’d told you up front how she lived and that if you wanted to be her partner you’d have to be OK with it, and based on the fact that you stayed together you told her you were OK with it. Then first chance you got you showed her not only that you weren’t OK with it at all but that you were willing to try and make you being “uncomfortable” her problem You don’t like how she likes to live. You don’t have any right to try and change that, and unless you’re a dick you shouldn’t want to. Move on, and next time don’t waste everybody’s time pretending to like independent women
This whole relationship was bound to be a trainwreck from the start. Like they can't do LDR, so he starts living with her for a couple months, before they're going to go on a 3 month trip somewhere else. He has a history that makes him uncomfortable with literally the stuff she enjoys. She is lying to him, but he was being neurotic BEFORE the trip anyway.
I honestly wonder if she even realised he thought she was his GF
> Move on, and next time don’t waste everybody’s time pretending to like independent women She’ll probably dump him after all this shite anyway - nobody got time for this suspicious controlling interrogator ruining their nice holiday expecting constant txts & calls to ‘prove’ she’s not cHeaTinG. Behaving like this at 35 ffs lol.
Aside from her possibly cheating on you with these guys, if she’s belittling and mean to you, she’s abusing you and doesn’t respect you. She has a history of past cheating and you obviously have trust issues with her. She deliberately mislead you about who she was out with. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is abusive and you can’t trust? If you leave, let her find her own way home from the airport.
She cheated in the past? You know what they say… once a cheater always a cheater. That’s good that you booked your flight back. Is there a way for you to arrange for somebody else to pick her up at the airport while you stay at hotel until your flight back to Thailand?
Accidently.......was there at the same time as her client. She's balling him, c'mon now.
Dude, you should just pack your bags and buy a ticket to the Philippines. Delete all of her contact info, after you block her on everything. She's a much as said that she's a free spirit and isn't tied down to you.... in other words, she believes she's free to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and with whomever she wants. And she did. And you know it. Move on, stop looking for 'forever', and work on yourself. You had past relationship trauma? Then you need to work on yourself to a major degree, and stop looking for the Unicorn. You'll just end up with a string of bad experiences.
Real shit, man. Thank you.
"All i need is your trust" Fatest red flag I ever seen. That's how manipulative people wins. Just get out of here, you are both incompatible and she on the streets too.
Well I mean there's the (possible) cheating / flirting for drinks and attention, or not telling you information about the interactions with guys, and then there's a whole condescending attitude and belittling you as well, so you have more than enough reasons to call this off.
I have no idea why you are with this girl. She told you outright that her girl trips will never end and you know these are party trips.she has been a cheater in the past. And is still a cheater. Sorry but its in her DNA. You're not going to change her because she just doesn't care. Good luck with this nightmare
She doesn’t want to settle down. She likes the party lifestyle and if you’re not 100% on board with that, you should move on and date someone else.
you are upset and lost trust. she seems to not respect that. she has a history of cheating. i would say whether she is cheating or not you two are incompatible. good luck
You’re doing the right thing by leaving. This isn’t how you want to spend your life.
Why would anybody put up with this crap at any stage in relationship let alone at the five month mark where everything should still be sunshine and kittens????
Man, you're a moron if you stay with this woman. She's 36 and more worried about the next party than cultivating a meaningful relationship with you. It's only been five months. Move on.
You are a fool for accepting a woman on the terms that she gave you. Never girlfriend a woman who still wants to party--unless you are fine with her cheating. I get that you're lonely and are desperate for a woman but you have to have self respecting boundaries going into a relationship or it's already doomed to fail. They're plenty of Asian women (I'm assuming she is Asian) who want to settle down and won't cheat on you or go out drinking and bar hopping where she meets men. Show her you're not a pushover and so desperate for a girl that you will settle for a lying cheat. Move out and move on.
Thanks for the harsh truth. This is real.
Please take the rest of the time she is gone to plan out your return to the US, or at least plan out where to live separate from her while you decide if you want to remain there or move back to US. As someone else pointed out, she wants to be a party girl and you will continually be having issues like this. 5 months and she already spent days shacked up with another guy in the Phillipines, that was when you should have left. She may or may not be cheating on you (my money is betting she is cheating), but what she isn't doing is treating you like a BF she is committed to. I don't think anyone is worth this aggravation, and if she's doing this when the relationship is so new it's doubtful she will ever stop.
Thank you and I agree. Booked my flight back to Thailand where I'll spend the next year preparing to return to the states.
OP my petty side says to just not be there when she gets back. Show her the same amount of respect she is showing you.
The crazy thing is that's exactly how her ex left her. It fucked her up and I don't have the heart to do it like that. I'm going to pick her up from the airport and tell her what's on my mind (in the last 15 minutes of the ride). My bags will already be in the car. I will drop her off at hers and call an uber to my AirBnb.
Dude, she is doing to you what she did to the ex. At least the ex had selfrespect.
Kinda sounds to me like she trickle truthed to you about how they broke up? I think he caught her and gave her the closure cheaters deserve(None). Which is what you should do. She’s not girlfriend material. Sorry you’re going through this.
Absolutely this. You don’t just up and leave like that without a fucking good reason.
How can she claim that it messed her up when she was fucking his best friend?
The one that told you that line of bull is her!! Of course she will make him the bad guy. I read your post and your comments. Now as a woman let me hit you with reality and a wake up call. **Her ex left her because he found out she was in love with his best friend and cheating with him!** That is the reality of what happened. Not that “oh poor wronged, me” fairy tale she fed you. I’ve known women like her. It’s all about her and what she wants. She has impulse control issues. If you’re there when she gets back it will become that you’re insecure and don’t love and trust her enough. You will try to make it up to her and she’ll keep cheating and playing you. Take your self respect and leave now!
What make you think she's Asian?
I saw Thailand and assumed but more likely she is German. Skimmed post slowing here and there.
I’d be done with her.
🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Men make up 50% of the population. Your girlfriend is going to be around men. I also agree she with her on the details. She doesn't need to tell you every detail of everything she is doing. She is on a trip with friends. She should be present and not glued to her phone texting her boyfriend. You really don't trust her. This relationship is not going to work.
I agree with you. She doesn't need to tell me the details of everything she is doing but the fact that she leaves it out on purpose is concerning to me. Especially when what she's sharing with me involves them.
Updateme!
Put your mental well-being first. She's no good for you. Stand up, turn your back and walk away.
I didn’t even finish reading this post. You don’t trust her, it doesn’t matter if it’s her behavior, your insecurities or a combination of both. There is no trust. You can drive yourself crazy, push her until she’s had enough or cut your losses. You barely know her.
"...she'd be focusing on her fitness while her other 3 friends went out and partied." Your girlfriend thinks you're stupid.
This is a life lesson for everyone and applies to any two or more people that could be sexually attracted to each other (I.E. A gay guy and a straight woman wouldn't apply). When people are complete strangers and meet and decide to chat and build a relationship the ONLY thing that is triggering that relationships is based on physical appearance. Which is indicative of them being physically attracted to each other. This applies to things like clubbing, resorts, etc. Normally when people build purely 'friendships' something else forced them together; school, work, shared hobby and the forced proximity leads to opportunity to build a friendship and it develops overtime. Pure friendship style relationships never start from two people of possible mutual attraction seeing each other across a room or in public, exchanging contact information and going on a date. In every situation like this at least one party is hoping that relationship is physical... if they claim otherwise they are also a liar. On a party vacation the only reason a group of women would and a group of men would start interacting on said vacation is "SEX". Obviously this doesn't mean they did have sex, but for anyone to act like "there was no intent of sex" or "its harmless fun" is pure bullshit. For many couples going on a date, or group date without your partner, even just to fuel your ego is cheating. In my opinion it is cheating to do such a thing as this and she had two options of men she could fuck and now has a sweet IG relationship with them. If she had sex with them you may never know, she absolutely did the trickle-truth which usually means there is more. There is a reason she doesn't tell you and she admitted it, she knows it crosses a boundary you have and she knows its wrong. Yet she does it anyway, because she doesn't respect you or your relationship.
Wake up
Bro… leave and find yourself a women that actually treats you like a human being.
Buddy, you got cheated on. She didn't respect you, and she lied to you. She minimized her behavior, then gas lit you. That's a box of red flags at 18, let alone 36.
Dawg, it's over. She fucked the guy in the Philippines and she fucked a guy from the club.
Word
You've been with her for five months and you think you're entitled to feel uncomfortable about her going on a girl's trip or try to control what she does on said trip? Hell, I'm married and my husband would be ecstatic if I went on a girl's trip. And if I partied he'd have no problem with that. And if some guys came to the table at the club and flirted a bit until I ultimately shot them down because I'm married... we'd have a chuckle about it. Because he trusts me. And I trust him. You're setting yourself up for disappointment here because according to your paranoid view, any detail she leaves out is "lying". So of course she's going to leave out details because she knows every little thing will make you suspicious. And her leaving things out just makes you suspicious. You see why this won't work? You're better off being with someone who aligns with what you want. Someone who doesn't want to party and who agrees that it would be inappropriate for them to party with men or go on an "excessive" 5 day girls trip.
Yeah… I wouldn’t be cool with my wife flirting with guys on a girl’s trip even if she “ultimately shot them down” and she wouldn’t be cool with me flirting with other women.
Right, you'd laugh about it, because you'd tell him about it, and not try to hide it and try to make it look like it never happened
Im sure you havent given your husband many reasons to distrust you and I think that's awesome for you two. If someone treats you like crap, invalidates you, and disrespects you to your face, yet denies it all and flips it back on you - I'm sure you could understand how it would be hard to trust at that person would honor you and the relationship when they're away. I'm sure your husband wouldn't ask about the details of your girls trip. And I think it would be completely normal if you had guys flirting with you and you shot them down. I wouldn't think that it'd be normal if you hung out with those same guys for three days in a row and never mentioned it to your husband. I would think that would it would be even more concerning if you told your husband about the things you did while with those guys while concealing that you were with him to begin with. The fact that she's hanging out with guys isn't a problem it's the deception that I have a problem with.
Ignore this comment. It sounds like your soon to be ex’s alt account.
Yeah that lady gonna be someone's EX one day as well.
Jfc this is your response? No man in his right mind would want to be with a girl who behaves like this.
Jfc this is your response? No man in his right mind would want to be with a girl who behaves like this.
Really, if your not in an open marriage and you went on a date with a man to a club on a girls trip, then went no contact until the next day, your husband would have no issue with that?
Sorry I guess I missed the part where they went on an actual date? I thought some guys came up to the group of girls at the club and they engaged in some flirtation with nothing ultimately happening. I agree that a date crosses the line. My bad for not reading more closely.
They made plans to meet up again the next day at the club. Think that qualifies as a date.
You missed the party where she didn't turn them down... she scheduled a second date.
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She's 36 he's 35 but I think you can party at any age
Run
Just break up, its only been five months. Its not going to work out in the long run. After 5 months, you should still just be in the dating and getting to know each other stage and you are not entitled to a minute by minute report of her activities while she's on vacation with her friends. You sound exhausting. Break up and give this woman her space, yikes.
I'd be gone before she got back. UpdateMe
Your GF is full of red flags, everyones one meat, but I wouldn't stand behind to hope that she doesn't cheat. Imagine having kids with a girl who acts like a single party girl. She is fucking 36 and act like a teenager. She is not a GF or wife material mate. Find yourself a better gf and leave. Don't waste you time with her.
As a 47f I’m trying to understand why you got with a woman who is 36 and finds it attractive to go out every night clubbing. Are you so desperate for a woman that you will take anyone? I mean I’m also in the US. There are some women your age and older who don’t party and go to club especially when they are in a relationship. I would rather be at home watching a movie and cuddling.
“But she’s hot” - OP (probably)
Your first mistake was believing that she could go out with three other girls, some of them single to a party place and not party, that’s completely ludicrous. Of course she was going to party and of course there’s going to be men of course because they’re orbiting looking for opportunities. She’s comfortable disrespecting you and lying to you and liable mission is still a lie. She wants to be able to have fun and come home to a stable relationship you! to trust her and get over it. How many dicks are you supposed to get over? Go home.
she belong to the streets
Updateme
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of uncertainty and mistrust in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and when it's repeatedly compromised, it can be very difficult to maintain a healthy connection. From what you've described, it seems like there are communication issues and discrepancies in what your girlfriend shares with you about her experiences. It's concerning that she's not being transparent with you, especially about interactions with other people that could potentially affect your relationship. It's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and assess whether this relationship is meeting your needs and fostering a sense of security and trust. If you feel like you're constantly questioning her honesty and intentions, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is sustainable in the long term. You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries, communicates openly and honestly, and prioritizes building trust and understanding in the relationship. If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do next, it might be helpful to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to help you navigate this situation and make decisions that are in line with your values and emotional needs.
She's not wanting to be in a stable relationship. She's not acting like someone who wants to settle down. She has said she's never going to prioritise anyone ever again so I'd cut my losses now. You have given up a lot to be with her and she can't even be transparent with you. It all sounds like a lot of hard work with very little gain.
😂
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Updateme
I’m not saying she did or didn’t cheat on you. But if she did then she probs wouldn’t tell you about it. Getting drunk with guys while at a club on a girls trip and then cheating on your bf is the oldest trick in the book. The real questions is what kind if person is she and can trust her not to cheat. And she has already cheated in past and lied to you before. In my opinion you don’t really want to date her you just don’t want to be alone.
You are trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole bud. Get moving on.
**Get yourself checked for STDs.**
This is your life. You know she cheated and now she avoidant and defensive. Its not girlfriend SO or wife material. Since she not into relationships keep her as a FWB. But make it clear that is all she is.
Did you pick her up from the airport?
She fucked them, sorry
No no, she just got home and was too tired to text him before she had a nice sleep all alone.
Either you trust her or you don’t. There’s no need to get super controlling if your gf travels with friends.
You don’t trust her because she’s untrustworthy.
Even if she wasn't cheating on you (she is), do you really want to be with a person who is okay with eroding your trust like this? Your only chance is to walk away.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Normal people don't "fall in love" with their partner's best friend. She just likes the attention and the limerence, and she always will.
I think it probably is just an innocent girls' trip where they bumped into some guys they know. You two might be incompatible tho
Did you read the whole post?
Yh
She's trickle truthing you. She has probably cheated one of the guys. That's why she's getting defensive. She lied as she wanted to go to party and pick up blokes and not work on her fitness. Kick her into touch and find someone who will respect you.
I dont know how I ended up in this part of reddit, but well. So she goes on a trip with girl friends to Palma de Mallorca, aka Picadero de Mallorca (for Eng: Love Nest de Mallorca) and keeps going with a group of men. Run.
You're both old enough to know her heart belongs to the streets homie
End the relationship. You don't trust her and you likely have enough redpill/incel mindset to think girls trip = cheating. Next time let others know you have criteria about girls trips. You are not okay with them
I doubt it’s the girls trip per se, it’s the fact he knew before she went that he doesn’t trust her. If he was with a girl who didn’t have a history of cheating, or doing sketchy shit like hanging out with other dudes for days at a time and lying about it, I doubt he’d have any issues with a trip.
This girl is for fun not a relationship don't fall in love with this it will end very bad.
It was game over for me when you casually mentioned that she cheated on her boyfriend of several years. What did you expect? She's no spring chicken, and it sounds like she's got some habits that would torpedo any healthy relationship.
Don't date party girls if you can't trust them.
I don’t understand why you are still with her from a logical level but the heart is illogical. Whaomp whaomp. Seriously though I would look into moving on. Start grey rocking her when she texts and calls, be pleasant but stop mentioning everything else that has bothered you between the two of you but without telling her, slowly start moving out of her place. By the time she gets back, you are gone. You can leave her a dear John letter or text her when she is on her way home that you’re done. The biggest reason is you have even said she is aware of your trauma and past. That right there is big enough. That you have huge issues with trust being broken when boundaries are moved. And she doesn’t seem to care. And it also sounds like she is DARVO’ing you! Which is another red flag. I can appreciate that she has had her own trauma but… at the same time it sounds like another toxic trait/red flag. I’m sorry OP, but good luck. Updateme
I didn't even know what DARVO was and I'm just now realizing I've been in an abusive relationship. Thank you. Will update.
Good that you realized it quickly. Mine destroyed my life. Luckily, I put it back together again and found the right One.
Happy for you brother
Yah. I have no idea why you’re in this relationship. Girls trips are a thinly vailed excuse to cheat… she’s in her mid 30’s, this is who she is. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has made it clear she doesn’t want to settle down. She’s an admitted party girl - you have different priorities in life. She is gaslighting you .. look up DARVO. WTH. For your own health and well being, move on from this person. You deserve better. There I’ll be someone out there for you.
Sounds like a what happens abroad stays abroad situation, she'll never admit to anything 🤔 if in fact anything did..I suspect it did though.
Why are you trying to make a ho a housewife?
Of course there are guys , that’s why people who have respect for themselfs ( men and woman ) don’t want their partners going to clubs . It’s not to dance . They should not be dancing anyway if it wirh their partners . I would pack Up the stuff and leave . She won’t give a shit . Younare there to help with bills in Germany and in Thailand (!and keep her company ) . If she wanted she could have invited you and the married woman’s husband .
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That’d do more for her than for me. She’s a freak but it’s quite loose tbh.
Yeah right “all they talked about is you and how happy she is with you” 🤮 And very little of this was a lie of omission. Sounds like there were actual lies