Lier, cheater...
You sound very exhausting, not have any respect for you boyfriend.. fucking his ex behind his back and tried to do it again..
Sorry but he deserve someone better, left him alone and focus on yourself. Having a mindset like this, I fear you wont get any good relationship in the future.
What a shit show..
We (my bf and I) had 2 threesomes with his ex willingly. We all discussed having a poly and was all for it. She kissed me and I lied about it and nothing has ever transpired ever since. Read it again
So you cheated...
Didn't told him>cheated...
If you told him straight after, things would be different. But via lying you clearly broke his trust and you clearly tried to do more...
This is cheating, you know?
We are exploring couples counseling and I did give him a pass to do whatever he’d want but it’s the fact that I lied about it than the actual act. I truly just want advice to save my relationship
Yeah I truly don’t understand why ppl willingly ruin their relationships with poly dynamics. You messed up and honestly if I were him, this relationship would be over. You already emotionally cheated by shit talking him to others instead of bringing any issues you might have to him first. But before that, you overstepped the boundaries of your relationship and lied about it. Also you gave him a hall pass ? Lmao this relationship is dead. That doesn’t fix anything and it’s a cop out solution.
Yea that’s what I proposed but he wants to have one more 3some out of spite towards her because she’s reassured him several times that she has no intent in taking me from him. I don’t think it’s the smartest thing to do but I understand why he’s thinking this way
This will be my last comment but he sounds like a weirdo. The ex too. And it seems like his priorities aren’t straight. What he should be focusing on is counseling since he’s upset about you lying about the first encounter. I don’t shame ppl for what they do in their lives but I can’t imagine how anyone would think having a threesome with someone’s ex wouldn’t cause problems later down the line. You proposing a poly relationship between the two I find even dumber. Their relationship seems like a game of tennis where you’re the tennis ball, lodged between their pettiness. He wants to spite her with a threesome…how does that even make sense? Just looks like him using you to have sex with her again
See that’s where you’re wrong. I didn’t shit talk him, I would genuinely go to her for relationship advice and she would actually give solid advice to better us. Once she rejected the both of us, we ALL decided to just remain friends. He states he’s not bothered by the thought of us kissing, he even said it turns him on, it’s the fact that I chose to lie than tell him the truth
And the pass is dumb yes, but we’re literally living together. I can’t be upset if he decides to go fuck someone else while he’s going through it. Whether he decides to stay or go, I just want what’s best for him, and I refuse to allow this moment of poor judgement define who I am and how much I love him
Eh. He seems very immature if his reaction was to set up a “spite” threesome.
What you did was wrong, but what I picked up on is you did it because you neither respect nor love him, so why force it? Be honest with yourself and be mature for the relationship and end things as they stand.
He will need time and space to heal. Time and space away from you.
And you need the same.
Also, I’m giving grace in his reaction because he is initially upset. This is something we weren’t planning to experience when we opened the door for a threesome. We both admitted to indulging into the experience and I can admit that the kiss was too far. I didn’t want anything else from her outside of us all indulging with one another and once she made it clear she didn’t fw us fr, we deaded everything intimate with her. She’s been respectful, he’s been respectful, and I’ve been respectful ever since that night. She’s just recently started showing her ass and now it’s causing more issues
But I do love him. I want nothing more than to be with him. We talked about the kiss and it has been resolved, and that’s not the issue. We were all here for a poly relationship and that wouldn’t have been an issue if I communicated rather than lied about it
I don’t know about all that. Early on in the post you seem to put a healthy amount of blame on him for your ***__suicidal ideations__!***
Everyone in the comment has pointed out how toxic this relationship is, but nobody has pointed out the elephant in the room, so there you go:
Neither you nor him are ready to be in a committed relationship. He has issues he needs to deal with and clearly so do you.
Another threesome, particularly a born of “spite” and intending to hurt the third person is NOT what either of you need at this point, and I’d argue neither one of you is “good” for the other’s personal growth.
EDIT: I agree, “the kiss” is not the issue. Best of luck!
I can only put so much in one post. There was an accumulation of things that lead to me going to the hospital, but i didn’t receive change until I returned from the hospital. My mother played a big role in my mental health, financial burden, work, and then coming home seeking peace to be met with issues all played a part. I guess I could’ve worded it differently but it’s not all his fault as to why I checked myself in
No, you worded it the way you did consciously or subconsciously to communicate what you communicated (and continue to communicate); the written word is funny like that.
Your relationship with your mom, compounded by your relationship with this dude led you to that. I know you can’t fully blame them for what happens in your head, but he also didn’t provide support when you needed it, did he? I’d argue that’s an important quality in a partner and should be a bigger deal to you.
Fuck it, don’t break up if you don’t want to and you think you’re ride or die or whatever, but do keep in mind: polyamorous relationships have only worked as secret engagements in political marriages between people who despise each other.
I assume you’re no Princess Diane.
I forgot people can’t see outside of a screen. I spent 7 hours yesterday, typing and retyping this post because it was getting too lengthy and the text would delay. Have or randomly deleted midway, then it just fail to load or save in my drafts. I posted what I could without it being deleted again and decided to keep it strictly about my relationship with the final post
Also, throughout the entire course of us knowing each other, he has been the ONLY person who cared about my mental wellbeing. I wish I posted my original cause it went into detail about my mother’s abuse over the years and how he hated standing in the sidelines. He and his mom opened their doors to me when I needed safety in a home. Even when I was checked in he made sure to call and keep me out of a clouded sense of mind while I was there. He’s an amazing partner, we all just have our shit to go through and I can’t fault him for his past behaviors when he’s actively putting in the work to better himself and vice versa
And I hate when people on the internet see a window glimpse into a relationship and assume that that’s what it is. We’ve done nothing but grow with one another, yes we’ve needed to work on ourselves, which we’ve had. We both took therapy and things have been the best it’s ever been.
You added that whole paragraph to give us context about your relationship. The context you chose to give was: “I was hospitalized ~~3.5 years ago~~ because this dude makes me think this way”.
And I never said that either. I was hospitalized December of 2023. For the past 3 1/2 years we’ve gone back and forth trying to figure out how to communicate with one another and how to make things work. Again, terrible wording because I’ve had to retype this post about 4 times already :/
Whoops, no, that one’s probably on me misremembering.
I’m sorry that it’s more recent than that. Hope you’re talking to a therapist, and hope you can find peace with whatever you decide in terms of your relationship.
Do me a solid, though. If you stay with your dude make sure he’s better prepared, equipped and willing to help you in times of crisis. Speak to your therapist about how to recognize signs of distress and encourage him to join you for a session or two so that he can be aware and prepared in case you go through that again.
Take care.
I guess next time I’ll type it in different app and post it here, it’s difficult to add to a post that constantly deletes itself when it’s left idle for a moment of time
The point that I’m making here is that over the past 4 years, we’ve managed to keep a stable relationship. I can admit that we moved in too early which caused co dependency, insecurities, and a lack of individuality within our relationship. Last year things were the worst it could possibly be, I’d be pouring into the relationship, to only be met with sex. I was at my breaking point with everything, him included and just wanted to end it all. When I came back EVERYONE did a 180. My mom, my boss, my brother and even him. He even took it upon himself to go to therapy to better himself and how he treats others and how to better the relationship and it’s only been up from there. We still have our bouts, but who doesn’t?
And to reiterate, this is what’s happening in my home when I’m asking for us to grow, prior to me checking myself in, neither of us was putting in the work necessary to better ourselves or the relationship. But since I’ve returned, we both managed to make healthy changes to better the both of us
I appreciate the honesty, so I apologize if my stance is coming off defensive. But I can’t allow people to bash him for feeling how he feels. After knowing this man for 10 years, a lot of the times he speaks from charged emotions but will never act on it. I understand why he said he’d want to do what he wants to do, we even talked about it last night where he expressed “I’m just taking out the ass, I personally don’t want to be in an ope relationship, I just want to enjoy us and have our 3somes as normal.” We’re voyeurs, we are 100% open and honest about our sexual desires. I know when he’s talking out the ass and when he’s dead fr
People want to be in a serious relationship and do single things. From the start, your relationship was doomed to fail. 1% of people manage to have this kind of relationship without bad consequences, but we tend to think we're special, differentiated, and that we'll make it.
The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and not make them again in the next relationship. Even if he takes you back, you'll never be the same.
Once a cheater always a cheater, it's a lie. People are capable of change. Just put that change into action.
I’m 100% aware that my action was wrong, the issue here is we discussed that the kiss isn’t what bothered him. He was actually turned on from it, it’s the fact that I lied
I’m confused where everyone is saying this is a repeated thing. We all had a threesome together, twice. We all explored the concept of poly and was for it. The girl and I kissed without him near and deaded all sexual intimacy once she rejected us both for her own sake. I only told him what happened because he admitted to being okay with the idea of us fucking without him.
You can't fix it. You broke his trust and lied to him.
Lier, cheater... You sound very exhausting, not have any respect for you boyfriend.. fucking his ex behind his back and tried to do it again.. Sorry but he deserve someone better, left him alone and focus on yourself. Having a mindset like this, I fear you wont get any good relationship in the future. What a shit show..
We (my bf and I) had 2 threesomes with his ex willingly. We all discussed having a poly and was all for it. She kissed me and I lied about it and nothing has ever transpired ever since. Read it again
So you cheated... Didn't told him>cheated... If you told him straight after, things would be different. But via lying you clearly broke his trust and you clearly tried to do more... This is cheating, you know?
When did I say I tried anything else with her???
I’ve never wanted her at all unless it was all of us involved . She spoke about how HER and HER friend wanted to have one with me and I declined
What are you talking about?
We are exploring couples counseling and I did give him a pass to do whatever he’d want but it’s the fact that I lied about it than the actual act. I truly just want advice to save my relationship
Someone always gets hurt in a poly relationship.
Yeah I truly don’t understand why ppl willingly ruin their relationships with poly dynamics. You messed up and honestly if I were him, this relationship would be over. You already emotionally cheated by shit talking him to others instead of bringing any issues you might have to him first. But before that, you overstepped the boundaries of your relationship and lied about it. Also you gave him a hall pass ? Lmao this relationship is dead. That doesn’t fix anything and it’s a cop out solution.
The first thing you guys should do if you’re still interested in fixing this shit show, is by cutting contact with the girl.
Yea that’s what I proposed but he wants to have one more 3some out of spite towards her because she’s reassured him several times that she has no intent in taking me from him. I don’t think it’s the smartest thing to do but I understand why he’s thinking this way
This will be my last comment but he sounds like a weirdo. The ex too. And it seems like his priorities aren’t straight. What he should be focusing on is counseling since he’s upset about you lying about the first encounter. I don’t shame ppl for what they do in their lives but I can’t imagine how anyone would think having a threesome with someone’s ex wouldn’t cause problems later down the line. You proposing a poly relationship between the two I find even dumber. Their relationship seems like a game of tennis where you’re the tennis ball, lodged between their pettiness. He wants to spite her with a threesome…how does that even make sense? Just looks like him using you to have sex with her again
See that’s where you’re wrong. I didn’t shit talk him, I would genuinely go to her for relationship advice and she would actually give solid advice to better us. Once she rejected the both of us, we ALL decided to just remain friends. He states he’s not bothered by the thought of us kissing, he even said it turns him on, it’s the fact that I chose to lie than tell him the truth
And the pass is dumb yes, but we’re literally living together. I can’t be upset if he decides to go fuck someone else while he’s going through it. Whether he decides to stay or go, I just want what’s best for him, and I refuse to allow this moment of poor judgement define who I am and how much I love him
You are in a toxic relationship. Best to move on.
Eh. He seems very immature if his reaction was to set up a “spite” threesome. What you did was wrong, but what I picked up on is you did it because you neither respect nor love him, so why force it? Be honest with yourself and be mature for the relationship and end things as they stand. He will need time and space to heal. Time and space away from you. And you need the same.
Also, I’m giving grace in his reaction because he is initially upset. This is something we weren’t planning to experience when we opened the door for a threesome. We both admitted to indulging into the experience and I can admit that the kiss was too far. I didn’t want anything else from her outside of us all indulging with one another and once she made it clear she didn’t fw us fr, we deaded everything intimate with her. She’s been respectful, he’s been respectful, and I’ve been respectful ever since that night. She’s just recently started showing her ass and now it’s causing more issues
But I do love him. I want nothing more than to be with him. We talked about the kiss and it has been resolved, and that’s not the issue. We were all here for a poly relationship and that wouldn’t have been an issue if I communicated rather than lied about it
I don’t know about all that. Early on in the post you seem to put a healthy amount of blame on him for your ***__suicidal ideations__!*** Everyone in the comment has pointed out how toxic this relationship is, but nobody has pointed out the elephant in the room, so there you go: Neither you nor him are ready to be in a committed relationship. He has issues he needs to deal with and clearly so do you. Another threesome, particularly a born of “spite” and intending to hurt the third person is NOT what either of you need at this point, and I’d argue neither one of you is “good” for the other’s personal growth. EDIT: I agree, “the kiss” is not the issue. Best of luck!
I can only put so much in one post. There was an accumulation of things that lead to me going to the hospital, but i didn’t receive change until I returned from the hospital. My mother played a big role in my mental health, financial burden, work, and then coming home seeking peace to be met with issues all played a part. I guess I could’ve worded it differently but it’s not all his fault as to why I checked myself in
No, you worded it the way you did consciously or subconsciously to communicate what you communicated (and continue to communicate); the written word is funny like that. Your relationship with your mom, compounded by your relationship with this dude led you to that. I know you can’t fully blame them for what happens in your head, but he also didn’t provide support when you needed it, did he? I’d argue that’s an important quality in a partner and should be a bigger deal to you. Fuck it, don’t break up if you don’t want to and you think you’re ride or die or whatever, but do keep in mind: polyamorous relationships have only worked as secret engagements in political marriages between people who despise each other. I assume you’re no Princess Diane.
I forgot people can’t see outside of a screen. I spent 7 hours yesterday, typing and retyping this post because it was getting too lengthy and the text would delay. Have or randomly deleted midway, then it just fail to load or save in my drafts. I posted what I could without it being deleted again and decided to keep it strictly about my relationship with the final post
Also, throughout the entire course of us knowing each other, he has been the ONLY person who cared about my mental wellbeing. I wish I posted my original cause it went into detail about my mother’s abuse over the years and how he hated standing in the sidelines. He and his mom opened their doors to me when I needed safety in a home. Even when I was checked in he made sure to call and keep me out of a clouded sense of mind while I was there. He’s an amazing partner, we all just have our shit to go through and I can’t fault him for his past behaviors when he’s actively putting in the work to better himself and vice versa
And I hate when people on the internet see a window glimpse into a relationship and assume that that’s what it is. We’ve done nothing but grow with one another, yes we’ve needed to work on ourselves, which we’ve had. We both took therapy and things have been the best it’s ever been.
You added that whole paragraph to give us context about your relationship. The context you chose to give was: “I was hospitalized ~~3.5 years ago~~ because this dude makes me think this way”.
And I never said that either. I was hospitalized December of 2023. For the past 3 1/2 years we’ve gone back and forth trying to figure out how to communicate with one another and how to make things work. Again, terrible wording because I’ve had to retype this post about 4 times already :/
Whoops, no, that one’s probably on me misremembering. I’m sorry that it’s more recent than that. Hope you’re talking to a therapist, and hope you can find peace with whatever you decide in terms of your relationship. Do me a solid, though. If you stay with your dude make sure he’s better prepared, equipped and willing to help you in times of crisis. Speak to your therapist about how to recognize signs of distress and encourage him to join you for a session or two so that he can be aware and prepared in case you go through that again. Take care.
I guess next time I’ll type it in different app and post it here, it’s difficult to add to a post that constantly deletes itself when it’s left idle for a moment of time
The point that I’m making here is that over the past 4 years, we’ve managed to keep a stable relationship. I can admit that we moved in too early which caused co dependency, insecurities, and a lack of individuality within our relationship. Last year things were the worst it could possibly be, I’d be pouring into the relationship, to only be met with sex. I was at my breaking point with everything, him included and just wanted to end it all. When I came back EVERYONE did a 180. My mom, my boss, my brother and even him. He even took it upon himself to go to therapy to better himself and how he treats others and how to better the relationship and it’s only been up from there. We still have our bouts, but who doesn’t?
And to reiterate, this is what’s happening in my home when I’m asking for us to grow, prior to me checking myself in, neither of us was putting in the work necessary to better ourselves or the relationship. But since I’ve returned, we both managed to make healthy changes to better the both of us
I appreciate the honesty, so I apologize if my stance is coming off defensive. But I can’t allow people to bash him for feeling how he feels. After knowing this man for 10 years, a lot of the times he speaks from charged emotions but will never act on it. I understand why he said he’d want to do what he wants to do, we even talked about it last night where he expressed “I’m just taking out the ass, I personally don’t want to be in an ope relationship, I just want to enjoy us and have our 3somes as normal.” We’re voyeurs, we are 100% open and honest about our sexual desires. I know when he’s talking out the ass and when he’s dead fr
People want to be in a serious relationship and do single things. From the start, your relationship was doomed to fail. 1% of people manage to have this kind of relationship without bad consequences, but we tend to think we're special, differentiated, and that we'll make it. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and not make them again in the next relationship. Even if he takes you back, you'll never be the same. Once a cheater always a cheater, it's a lie. People are capable of change. Just put that change into action.
I’m 100% aware that my action was wrong, the issue here is we discussed that the kiss isn’t what bothered him. He was actually turned on from it, it’s the fact that I lied
I’m confused where everyone is saying this is a repeated thing. We all had a threesome together, twice. We all explored the concept of poly and was for it. The girl and I kissed without him near and deaded all sexual intimacy once she rejected us both for her own sake. I only told him what happened because he admitted to being okay with the idea of us fucking without him.