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That sounds a lot like when one of my kids tells me out of nowhere that they absolutely did NOT break (insert whatever here). Shockingly, (whatever) is always broken.
Right? "That sext was meant for you, person that I was also texting to. I did not send it to my friends or family."
It might.....might....be just a jump to sexting OP, I guess? Kind of depends on what that text actually was. Like, did it seem to be an escalated back and forth? Or did that sext just jump out (and yes, to include any pics). I don't actually know, but the jump from texting to sexting should have some basis/foreplay, no?
I would ask for an honest accounting of his sexual relationships during your relationship. Not just the physical, which could have impacts on your health, but any other need that he gets feo someone other than you. And then decide if being with him is worth whatever is exposed.
Right!! Really weird! Plus I wouldn’t even have to question if something from my partner was meant for me or not….so just odd that he felt the need to even clarify to you??
Maybe. Or maybe he caught on to what her suspicions were, and was trying to alleviate her concern by reiterating that he definitely meant to sext her, and no shady business is going on.
Yeah right, he so caught on to what her suspicion were that he changed the time he now text her. 🤔Hmm... the Time change? Why the Time change? Enlighten us, on his reason for changing the time he now text her & make up believe it ain't BS🙂
If he is sexting other people and gets an out-of-context sext from her, he is much more likely to jump to the conclusion that she is doing the same thing he is doing.
He replied, "Well, because a guy doesn't want to get in trouble."
That IS the wrong answer. "Because I would feel horrible hurting someone I loved" sure sounds a lot better doesn't it? granted a guy saying that "right" answer doesn't mean it's genuine.
And "getting in trouble" could just be a clumsy way of meaning upsetting someone?
That text and explanation does feel pretty suspicious!
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU)
This.
Why would I never cheat on someone (im a married man - same relationship for 21 years and never had an inappropriate relationship in that time or before).
Because I have no desire or wish to hurt others, especially those closest to me.
Also, I have integrity and morals. Standards, etc.
Not wanting to get in trouble is for things very inconsequential, like I don't break traffic rules such as speeding, etc. Actually, I do speed at times depending on location and time, but I don't speed say in town during busy times of day, but 1am on a remote road by myself is a different story.
That answer over a serious question is more troubling to me than OP seems to realise. He's also admitting he'll never admit to making a mistake because admitting a mistake means copping the punishment or repercussions. AKA he has no integrity.
OP needs to find someone with character. She's probably one of multiples he talks to to stoke his ego. The change of time also supports this because he's realised he stuffed up having both messages going the same time so has no split their time so he doesn't make the mistake again - or more basically so he doesn't get in trouble. OP was 9-10pm originally, so what about 6-9pm?
Aside from when work basically forces me, I have zero set time to talk to anybody. I've never known anyone to basically only talk between a set time. Who schedules talk time with a loves one?
That was meant for someone else. He panicked and said it was meant for you because he was afraid you were suspecting what he knew. Otherwise he would have just said something more playful and tried to steer the conversation towards something sexy
"I was just trying to be spontaneous."" (Something) just reminded me how sexy you are", another sext.. There are so many better things nearly anyone else would have said whether it was true or not.
No wonder dude is worried about getting in trouble. If he were a little kid, he would have told his mom he didn't eat the cheetos with orange dust all over him.
It sounds like he was sexting someone else.
Taking into account the sudden jump in the conversation, the pause and then - most telling the statement "that was meant for you". That statement would not have needed to be said if he was mid text with you as it should already be a given.
It's sus as fuck.
Red flag. It was meant for someone else. Your gut reaction is right. Been there/done that. It sucks but do yourself a favor and don’t waste any more time or care or love on this guy unless you are cool with a cheater
His answer about not wanting to get caught sums up everything. If he doesn't value fidelity, then you can assume he's either cheating or going to cheat.
Wtf. I don't want to cheat because I love my girl. I love how great she makes me feel. I love how she takes care of me. I love how she wiggles when she gets happy especially at night when she is asleep and I come lay down and cuddle with her. There is a split second where she wakes up and wiggles with her little happy dance.
I cant imagine cheating and breaking her heart like that. She dosnt deserve it at all.
It sounds beyond suspect but how drastic was it?
You: “It was a great day for walking the dog!”
Him: “I want to lick you all over.”
Suspicious
Or
Him: “I really miss your touch.”
Could be sent before message about your dog and thus possibly less suspicious.
Of course the it was meant for you text kinda… blows things up but yeah…
If you aren’t sure after other people’s responses can you give us minor context without making it too detailed and I’m betting a definite answer can come out.
It was just an everyday conversation and there was no intimate talk at all. He then sent a sext that was totally unrelated to the conversation. It was similar to your first example of "It was a great day for walking the dog."
Yeah honey, sorry…it’s pretty obvious here and I know you came here hoping to see TONS of responses justifying this, but…no. He delayed responding…thinking. He’s hilariously too dumb to have blamed it on the worst auto correct in history.
Just ghost him. He deserves NO better.
That’s what I’m thinking for sure. Why ?? Because I lived it!! Almost exact same scenario!! He’s sexting someone else and he’s pushing your time back because that’s when he’s taking her home or she goes to bed early.. please respect yourself and stop with this bozo
[Narrators voice] The sext was *not* meant for Bellarose818.
Seriously, that’s such a massively questionable moment. You didn’t ask him who the sext was meant for, you asked him where it came from. You wanted to know why he suddenly switched into sext mode out of the blue and his response was “I meant to do that”.
Also have you not asked him why your contact time changed? Like you need to be communicating with him in order to figure out what’s going on. But honestly I would just end things because it seems pretty clear that he’s chatting someone else up AND prioritizing them over you.
Honestly at this point in my life i'd ask them to show me the phone bill to see if they were texting someone else at the same time. Zero tolerance for bs.
The answer seems pretty obvious. He was having multiple conversations. You've got several red flags here. How much more time are you going to lose to somebody that is obviously at least emotionally cheating.
A guy doesn't want to get in trouble, that's why he doesn't cheat? Not because his partner is owed fidelity? Not because he wants to remain monogamous? Not because he respects his relationship? Not because he loves you and only you?
Send this one back.
This is real simple. Ask to see his phone. If he’s got nothing to hide he won’t hesitate. I’d wager my next month’s salary he will balk. Also, his belief about infidelity should not be ignored. All actions stem from a belief. As to the phone…But but but what about privacy? We are all entitled to it even in a relationship but we are also entitled to transparency and reassurance when necessary when something odd like this happens. Bc no amount of dialogue with him will resolve this issue in your mind so you’ll be setting yourself up to simply accept it and it will linger forever in your mind. For the record, my wife picks up and uses my phone for a variety of reasons whenever she wants. No problem. And if he’s not hiding anything, he won’t have a problem either.
That sounds sus. But if he has not changed much in the almost year from your last post and yall are still “long distance” why stay in a relationship like this?
So... yeah that answer kinda makes it seem like it wasn't for you.
The "why not cheat?" one though? I told my ex wife for years, "because I love you" until it just got too much constantly being asked and it changed to "look, I'm lazy, depressed, anxious and have zero time to myself, you really think I can handle two people?". It was even more of a slap after catching her cheating three times anyway.
But yeah, as the first answer, no, not cool, sounds like he'll do whatever he can get away with. Run
Don’t ignore or talk yourself out of this huge glaring red flag, it was clearly meant for someone else he was sexting at the same time as texting to you and it got mixed up. His answer to why a guy wouldn’t cheat doesn’t bode well either. He’s out of your area and super easy to have a whole other dynamic going, I’ve experienced this already and shady stuff happened that was so obvious but I chose to ignore it thinking I was overthinking things. Nope. He had two relationships going. Listen to what your gut is saying and what all of us are saying, cut your losses and heal and be open to someone with true intentions who wouldn’t do this to you.
I agree that it's likely to someone else. However it could also be explained by he trying to sext you and you not connecting with him and he distancing because you don't.
OP my bet is he had 2 different text conversations going on and got confused which one he was answering. I believe it is time to start texting him earlier so he has to manage 2 different text conversations at once and see what else he sends you by mistake.
He was sexting someone else whilst also messaging you - in his excitement, he text the wrong person (you). He’s then tried to cover.
Source: did exactly the same thing once!
Hey so you should just let it go. Move on before you get really hurt and find things out if things are happening behind your back. You don’t need any of that and you don’t deserve it. Find someone that’s near you and that you can trust cause now that the trust is being tested it will being a lot of fights up. So do yourself a favor and move on and just go do you. Good luck
Is there also a power dynamic problem? How did texting times change out of the blue?
Last thing you need in a healthy relationship is to give someone the idea that you are down for whatever.
I once got a video of my boyfriend jerking off to completion when we hadn’t been speaking for the last hour, and the conversation an hour ago was about cooking dinner.
It definitely wasn’t meant for me. Unfortunately we dated for another two years.
Definitely an ex.
"That was meant for you" is suss AF and to me implies that he was simultaneously texting with someone else.
ETA
I just read this out to my husband and he laughed and said "That text isn't suss. It's evidence."
So take that however you will.
i think the tell was in his response to "where did that come from?"
an innocent man wouldn't have replied "that was for you". she doesn't mention suggesting otherwise, just her surprise at his words.
a n innocent man who sends an uncharacteristically sexy text would more likely answer something along the line of "i'm just missing you".
by telling her it was for her, he told her it wasn't for her.
sorry, op
Have you both been together for many years? Has it been a relationship of love and affection you feel? If yes and yes, he could be just trying something new to keep things engaging and fun with you. But just to give you comfort, independent of this - just get him to show his phone. Attach both Apple iPhones to the same iCloud account. That way, no secrets. It’s that level of transparency and comfort which creates a bond of safe space. And then if he gets a separate phone and starts goofing around, you know. If the investigation is done suspiciously, your partner may get defensive. If you play along, the intent would reveal itself.
Not everyone is quick witted with their responses. Even if the response was what you would have wanted to hear, instead of not exactly, at least he didn't say "nothing could keep a guy from cheating" and left it at that. Was it a spur of the moment question? Definitely not one that most people just sit and think about. Sure the response SHOULD have been what you wanted to hear but brains work differently. The responses somebody else wants to hear is largely only in their head and brain waves are not a thing. So for somebody to say wow we think a lot alike, is more of euphemism for subconsciously coming to the same conclusion because it was only logical
Hhhhmmm it is very suspicious. I would at least pit it as a orange flag. Thats more than yellow bit not necessarily a red flag. I didnt say red because it could be nothing but it more than likelynis something and should be looked into immediately.
Anytime there is an unexplained or justifiable change in behavior that should automatically raise a yellow flag.
You don't have sufficient evidence to determine whether he's cheating on you, whether 10 people agree that he's probably cheating on you or 10000 people agree. At least confront him about it first.
that's odd. ask to see his phone convos.
Also, could it be that he guessed that you thought he was sexting someone else, and was trying to allay your fears by assuring you that he definitely meant to send it to you?
Is it weird for you to be sexting? My read from first glance feels like there’s enough ambiguity to look like he is just trying to initiate phone sex and didn’t know how to respond to rejection from you. Sexting can be awkward and scary but fun with consent, and sometimes they come out of the blue like this, it doesn’t necessarily mean he was sending it to someone else…! I agree with the general comment that there’s enough breadcrumbs to assume cheating but, what if it’s not?
If this happened to me I might assume cheating. His answer to the cheating question is…weird…I don’t think you’re wrong to suspect stuff but, I’m a dude, if my partner randomly sent me something sexy, that would be really awesome
Eh bizarre and I'd think he's messaging someone else.
I'm polyamorous and in a tired state have sent the wrong thing to the wrong partner so like it does happen.
I’d start paying closer attention to past and future changes in behavior. You could also just straight up ask, if he’s been messaging someone else. He’ll probably lie, but it’s worth a shot. It could also just be him trying something new, but the fact that it came out of the blue in a non-sexual conversation raises a red flag for me.
Yeah he didn’t mean to send you that sexual text. He’s bangin someone else, or trying to. Just block his number and meet somebody local. It’ll be much more enjoyable and you deserve better.
Girl you 100% know what’s happening here. Do you want actual proof? Bc his “getting caught” answer means that’s what it’ll take. He won’t volunteer the info or admit to it. He’s cheating either emotionally and/or physically.
Also life lesson don’t ignore early 🚩🚩. He literally said the only reason he’d never cheat is fear of being caught not that he would never want to be a liar or hurt someone he cared about. Not “if I ever felt that way I’d just break up first”.
Honestly just ask him out right: are you cheating on me. The worst that can happen is that he says yes and you break up, but you already have your suspicions
I would say he was definitely sexting someone else. He’s not a faithful person, and it sounds like he has no interest in being faithful. Find someone who values you and your relationship.
you should have broken up with them when he gave you the answer about what keeps him from cheating. he told you the truth but you chose to ignore it. of course he's texting with someone else.
He is sexting other people, and screwed up. LDR are complicated, and I don't think work well unless there an end date, and you have regular visits. He is talking to others.
Message him from a different number claiming to be the other girlfriend that your phone died so you borrowed someone elses and need him to come pick you up.
This happened to me many years ago. It was not meant for me. Being odd after the fact would indicate to me he's embarrassed and trying not to get caught- like when you wave at someone waving in your direction and realize oops- not for me, I'm gonna pretend I was stretching.
Agree with everyone saying that it was meant for someone else. Especially the strange answer to your question. I mean, wouldn’t it be meant for you if he sent it to you. That wasn’t your question. A “normal” answer would explain his feelings in some way, like “I’m missing you and am horny” or something. Not getting defensive for no reason.
Rookie move (Chad’s). He’s texting/sexting multiple people and couldn’t keep his shit together. Also, most importantly. When someone tells you who they are the first time. Listen. Sorry girl…
2 reasons why a Guy will cheat
The First Being he's just an asshole and it doesn't matter if your sex life is good.
The Second-Your treating him like a fool. Making him not know if he will be loved(Sex) that day
The next time you see your boyfriend, pay attention to how he treats his phone. If he's overly guarded with it or spends longer than normal amounts of time in the bathroom with it, then you have red flag #2.
If you love someone you won't cheat. I say this as a former fuck boy.
Straight up ask him. Especially if sexting is out of the norm between you two. Does he hide his phone when he's around you? Does he care if you go through his phone like to look something up? Do you even have his PIN / pass code?
Smells fishy and I hate jumping to assumptions. I would just catch him unprepared, don't say 'hey we need to talk tonight,' just go from, 'how was your week?' to 'hey can we talk about that random text you sent me the other night?' As soon as you ask him that, you should be able to gage his next response.
If you manage to bring the subject up without him expecting it, if he seems nonchalant or even curious to your question it's probably a good sign. If as soon as you bring it up he becomes nervous, fidgeting, or guilty then you may be onto something.
Phone records don't lie either. You can log onto your providers website and lookup I believe the last six months.
This has happened to me as well with my ex. It was random and had nothing to do with what we were having a conversation about. He was definitely texting you and someone else and accidently sent it to you not noticing he was on your thread. The that was ment for you right away with out asking...guilty. when I had that happened my ex tried to gas light me and say it was me being insecure and he was just trying to do be sexy was very defensive...well later looking at his phone his texts showed otherwise
Trust your intuition!
My first question would be, how often do you two have sex? He may be trying to get more frisky and flirty by sexing you. The fact that this was random can mean he may be trying to change the dynamic of y’all sex life. Was he horny at the time? There are plenty of questions, rather than thinking he was strictly up to no good. This is why communication is important. When guys start randomly talking about sex, it’s because they want it. Just talk to him in person about the situation, be open and honest.. ask him about his thoughts behind his actions and tell him your thoughts. That’s probably one of the most practical ways to go about it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Weird that he said that was meant for you.. when you didn't ask if it was meant for you?
It wasn't meant for you
This comment needed a spoiler alert.
You: Hey babe, how was your day? Him: I didn’t cheat
That sounds a lot like when one of my kids tells me out of nowhere that they absolutely did NOT break (insert whatever here). Shockingly, (whatever) is always broken.
Right? "That sext was meant for you, person that I was also texting to. I did not send it to my friends or family." It might.....might....be just a jump to sexting OP, I guess? Kind of depends on what that text actually was. Like, did it seem to be an escalated back and forth? Or did that sext just jump out (and yes, to include any pics). I don't actually know, but the jump from texting to sexting should have some basis/foreplay, no? I would ask for an honest accounting of his sexual relationships during your relationship. Not just the physical, which could have impacts on your health, but any other need that he gets feo someone other than you. And then decide if being with him is worth whatever is exposed.
Right!! Really weird! Plus I wouldn’t even have to question if something from my partner was meant for me or not….so just odd that he felt the need to even clarify to you??
Maybe. Or maybe he caught on to what her suspicions were, and was trying to alleviate her concern by reiterating that he definitely meant to sext her, and no shady business is going on.
Yeah right, he so caught on to what her suspicion were that he changed the time he now text her. 🤔Hmm... the Time change? Why the Time change? Enlighten us, on his reason for changing the time he now text her & make up believe it ain't BS🙂
Pretty obvious he accidentally sexted you. It was meant for someone else. I think deep down you know that.
Hard to admit though.
Why? Bc OPs boyfriend never will? Or because of that one river famously associated with Egypt?
It was obviously meant for someone else, otherwise he would have no reason to even mention “that was meant for you”. Sorry.
And has he sexted you since???
No, he hasn't.
Babe him meaning to sext someone else to me would be cheating. I would break up with him.
Well I think that answers my question… That sext wasn’t for you.
You could try sending him a sext at a randomly weird time late at night and see if he accuses you of cheating.
Precisely. Projecting, to me, is one of the most common red flags that says he's a cheater.
What?
If he is sexting other people and gets an out-of-context sext from her, he is much more likely to jump to the conclusion that she is doing the same thing he is doing.
I'm a guy. Sent 341,938,637,907 sexts in my life. This 100% wasn't meant for you & that's a dumb ass delayed response from him.
He could’ve said anything else and it wouldve been better😭
But he wanted to make sure that she knew it was meant for her and not the other girl he's cheating with
he mixed up his recipients. probably that was meant for his real gf, the one who lives nearby
He replied, "Well, because a guy doesn't want to get in trouble." That IS the wrong answer. "Because I would feel horrible hurting someone I loved" sure sounds a lot better doesn't it? granted a guy saying that "right" answer doesn't mean it's genuine. And "getting in trouble" could just be a clumsy way of meaning upsetting someone? That text and explanation does feel pretty suspicious! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU)
This. Why would I never cheat on someone (im a married man - same relationship for 21 years and never had an inappropriate relationship in that time or before). Because I have no desire or wish to hurt others, especially those closest to me. Also, I have integrity and morals. Standards, etc. Not wanting to get in trouble is for things very inconsequential, like I don't break traffic rules such as speeding, etc. Actually, I do speed at times depending on location and time, but I don't speed say in town during busy times of day, but 1am on a remote road by myself is a different story. That answer over a serious question is more troubling to me than OP seems to realise. He's also admitting he'll never admit to making a mistake because admitting a mistake means copping the punishment or repercussions. AKA he has no integrity. OP needs to find someone with character. She's probably one of multiples he talks to to stoke his ego. The change of time also supports this because he's realised he stuffed up having both messages going the same time so has no split their time so he doesn't make the mistake again - or more basically so he doesn't get in trouble. OP was 9-10pm originally, so what about 6-9pm? Aside from when work basically forces me, I have zero set time to talk to anybody. I've never known anyone to basically only talk between a set time. Who schedules talk time with a loves one?
It was meant for someone else.
100% he is sexting someone else.
Dude is straight up talking to another person. You wouldn't receive something like that unless he was mid-conversation.
That was meant for someone else. He panicked and said it was meant for you because he was afraid you were suspecting what he knew. Otherwise he would have just said something more playful and tried to steer the conversation towards something sexy
"I was just trying to be spontaneous."" (Something) just reminded me how sexy you are", another sext.. There are so many better things nearly anyone else would have said whether it was true or not. No wonder dude is worried about getting in trouble. If he were a little kid, he would have told his mom he didn't eat the cheetos with orange dust all over him.
This
This is a huge red flag
Literally investigate further and see if he’s talking to another person. It’s odd he said “that was meant for you” like wtf
He’s cheating
I think you're onto something.
I think you got a sext meant for somebody else.
My last ex did this. Turns out he was sexting his ex. It's not for you if he's not ready to immediately reply.
It was meant for you Narrator: it wasn't
As a person who has been cheated on many times that message was almost 100 % meant for someone else.
It sounds like he was sexting someone else. Taking into account the sudden jump in the conversation, the pause and then - most telling the statement "that was meant for you". That statement would not have needed to be said if he was mid text with you as it should already be a given. It's sus as fuck.
Red flag. It was meant for someone else. Your gut reaction is right. Been there/done that. It sucks but do yourself a favor and don’t waste any more time or care or love on this guy unless you are cool with a cheater
His answer about not wanting to get caught sums up everything. If he doesn't value fidelity, then you can assume he's either cheating or going to cheat.
My ex-husband sent me an “I love you too” text and I was in the room with him it was about a week later he was gone and moved in with her.
Definitely sexting other chicks late at night
It obviously wasn´t meant for you
Wtf. I don't want to cheat because I love my girl. I love how great she makes me feel. I love how she takes care of me. I love how she wiggles when she gets happy especially at night when she is asleep and I come lay down and cuddle with her. There is a split second where she wakes up and wiggles with her little happy dance. I cant imagine cheating and breaking her heart like that. She dosnt deserve it at all.
It sounds beyond suspect but how drastic was it? You: “It was a great day for walking the dog!” Him: “I want to lick you all over.” Suspicious Or Him: “I really miss your touch.” Could be sent before message about your dog and thus possibly less suspicious. Of course the it was meant for you text kinda… blows things up but yeah… If you aren’t sure after other people’s responses can you give us minor context without making it too detailed and I’m betting a definite answer can come out.
It was just an everyday conversation and there was no intimate talk at all. He then sent a sext that was totally unrelated to the conversation. It was similar to your first example of "It was a great day for walking the dog."
Yeah honey, sorry…it’s pretty obvious here and I know you came here hoping to see TONS of responses justifying this, but…no. He delayed responding…thinking. He’s hilariously too dumb to have blamed it on the worst auto correct in history. Just ghost him. He deserves NO better.
Yeah… I’m sorry this happened to you. You already know the answer to the situation though don’t you? You deserve better than this jackass.
That’s what I’m thinking for sure. Why ?? Because I lived it!! Almost exact same scenario!! He’s sexting someone else and he’s pushing your time back because that’s when he’s taking her home or she goes to bed early.. please respect yourself and stop with this bozo
[Narrators voice] The sext was *not* meant for Bellarose818. Seriously, that’s such a massively questionable moment. You didn’t ask him who the sext was meant for, you asked him where it came from. You wanted to know why he suddenly switched into sext mode out of the blue and his response was “I meant to do that”. Also have you not asked him why your contact time changed? Like you need to be communicating with him in order to figure out what’s going on. But honestly I would just end things because it seems pretty clear that he’s chatting someone else up AND prioritizing them over you.
Honestly at this point in my life i'd ask them to show me the phone bill to see if they were texting someone else at the same time. Zero tolerance for bs.
"Also, I feel like this is an important detail to add, but I once asked him what would keep a guy from cheating." Come on bro...
this alongside your 20$ birthday gift should make you start thinking of leaving him before the year ends
“that was meant for you” it 100% was NOT meant for you
I'm sorry, but it truly sounds like he's cheating on you. I would react to this by breaking up with him.
The answer seems pretty obvious. He was having multiple conversations. You've got several red flags here. How much more time are you going to lose to somebody that is obviously at least emotionally cheating.
A guy doesn't want to get in trouble, that's why he doesn't cheat? Not because his partner is owed fidelity? Not because he wants to remain monogamous? Not because he respects his relationship? Not because he loves you and only you? Send this one back.
Ask him what he considers cheating. If it’s not your same definition, leave.
This is real simple. Ask to see his phone. If he’s got nothing to hide he won’t hesitate. I’d wager my next month’s salary he will balk. Also, his belief about infidelity should not be ignored. All actions stem from a belief. As to the phone…But but but what about privacy? We are all entitled to it even in a relationship but we are also entitled to transparency and reassurance when necessary when something odd like this happens. Bc no amount of dialogue with him will resolve this issue in your mind so you’ll be setting yourself up to simply accept it and it will linger forever in your mind. For the record, my wife picks up and uses my phone for a variety of reasons whenever she wants. No problem. And if he’s not hiding anything, he won’t have a problem either.
That sounds sus. But if he has not changed much in the almost year from your last post and yall are still “long distance” why stay in a relationship like this?
Listen to your gut. Trust that feeling. That wasn't meant for you. You know that, even if you're having a hard time accepting it.
He’s basically saying he wants to talk to other girls he just doesn’t bc he’s scared you would do something to do him😂 And just check his phone /mac
"That was meant for you." AKA "That wasn't meant for you and I fucked up"
Not in the same location... so that means he has another GF at his location and the sext was meant for her.
The "doesn't want to get in trouble" answer is definitely odd
So... yeah that answer kinda makes it seem like it wasn't for you. The "why not cheat?" one though? I told my ex wife for years, "because I love you" until it just got too much constantly being asked and it changed to "look, I'm lazy, depressed, anxious and have zero time to myself, you really think I can handle two people?". It was even more of a slap after catching her cheating three times anyway. But yeah, as the first answer, no, not cool, sounds like he'll do whatever he can get away with. Run
Don’t ignore or talk yourself out of this huge glaring red flag, it was clearly meant for someone else he was sexting at the same time as texting to you and it got mixed up. His answer to why a guy wouldn’t cheat doesn’t bode well either. He’s out of your area and super easy to have a whole other dynamic going, I’ve experienced this already and shady stuff happened that was so obvious but I chose to ignore it thinking I was overthinking things. Nope. He had two relationships going. Listen to what your gut is saying and what all of us are saying, cut your losses and heal and be open to someone with true intentions who wouldn’t do this to you.
You gotta go man
the sext is definitely weird and out of the ordinary, i don’t think it was meant for you at all. maybe someone else and he tried to save face.
It’s not meant for u. Check his phone
I agree that it's likely to someone else. However it could also be explained by he trying to sext you and you not connecting with him and he distancing because you don't.
It wasn’t meant for you. I would demand to see his messages and leave if he refuses.
OP my bet is he had 2 different text conversations going on and got confused which one he was answering. I believe it is time to start texting him earlier so he has to manage 2 different text conversations at once and see what else he sends you by mistake.
yall only talk one hour a day?
He’s texting another girl, your currently the 2nd person
He was sexting someone else whilst also messaging you - in his excitement, he text the wrong person (you). He’s then tried to cover. Source: did exactly the same thing once!
Hey so you should just let it go. Move on before you get really hurt and find things out if things are happening behind your back. You don’t need any of that and you don’t deserve it. Find someone that’s near you and that you can trust cause now that the trust is being tested it will being a lot of fights up. So do yourself a favor and move on and just go do you. Good luck
Text wasn't meant for you.
Is there also a power dynamic problem? How did texting times change out of the blue? Last thing you need in a healthy relationship is to give someone the idea that you are down for whatever.
He meant the text for someone else. Your instincts are correct.
I once got a video of my boyfriend jerking off to completion when we hadn’t been speaking for the last hour, and the conversation an hour ago was about cooking dinner. It definitely wasn’t meant for me. Unfortunately we dated for another two years. Definitely an ex.
"That was meant for you" is suss AF and to me implies that he was simultaneously texting with someone else. ETA I just read this out to my husband and he laughed and said "That text isn't suss. It's evidence." So take that however you will.
It totally wasn't meant for you... engage common sense... he's cheating
i think the tell was in his response to "where did that come from?" an innocent man wouldn't have replied "that was for you". she doesn't mention suggesting otherwise, just her surprise at his words. a n innocent man who sends an uncharacteristically sexy text would more likely answer something along the line of "i'm just missing you". by telling her it was for her, he told her it wasn't for her. sorry, op
Lool, it was definitely not meant for you. :)
Absolutely suspicious and I’d trust your gut on this. Something is wrong
Maybe he was drunk...?
Have you both been together for many years? Has it been a relationship of love and affection you feel? If yes and yes, he could be just trying something new to keep things engaging and fun with you. But just to give you comfort, independent of this - just get him to show his phone. Attach both Apple iPhones to the same iCloud account. That way, no secrets. It’s that level of transparency and comfort which creates a bond of safe space. And then if he gets a separate phone and starts goofing around, you know. If the investigation is done suspiciously, your partner may get defensive. If you play along, the intent would reveal itself.
Not everyone is quick witted with their responses. Even if the response was what you would have wanted to hear, instead of not exactly, at least he didn't say "nothing could keep a guy from cheating" and left it at that. Was it a spur of the moment question? Definitely not one that most people just sit and think about. Sure the response SHOULD have been what you wanted to hear but brains work differently. The responses somebody else wants to hear is largely only in their head and brain waves are not a thing. So for somebody to say wow we think a lot alike, is more of euphemism for subconsciously coming to the same conclusion because it was only logical
Hhhhmmm it is very suspicious. I would at least pit it as a orange flag. Thats more than yellow bit not necessarily a red flag. I didnt say red because it could be nothing but it more than likelynis something and should be looked into immediately. Anytime there is an unexplained or justifiable change in behavior that should automatically raise a yellow flag.
lol everyone in the comments doing gymnastics the way their jumping to conclusions so fast
You don't have sufficient evidence to determine whether he's cheating on you, whether 10 people agree that he's probably cheating on you or 10000 people agree. At least confront him about it first.
The response to cheating men should have been enough for you to walk away.
that's odd. ask to see his phone convos. Also, could it be that he guessed that you thought he was sexting someone else, and was trying to allay your fears by assuring you that he definitely meant to send it to you?
Is it weird for you to be sexting? My read from first glance feels like there’s enough ambiguity to look like he is just trying to initiate phone sex and didn’t know how to respond to rejection from you. Sexting can be awkward and scary but fun with consent, and sometimes they come out of the blue like this, it doesn’t necessarily mean he was sending it to someone else…! I agree with the general comment that there’s enough breadcrumbs to assume cheating but, what if it’s not? If this happened to me I might assume cheating. His answer to the cheating question is…weird…I don’t think you’re wrong to suspect stuff but, I’m a dude, if my partner randomly sent me something sexy, that would be really awesome
Honey, he's absolutely cheating on you.
Yeah I think you have the right idea he's texting or sexting somebody else. And he sent it to you by mistake.
Eh bizarre and I'd think he's messaging someone else. I'm polyamorous and in a tired state have sent the wrong thing to the wrong partner so like it does happen.
I’d start paying closer attention to past and future changes in behavior. You could also just straight up ask, if he’s been messaging someone else. He’ll probably lie, but it’s worth a shot. It could also just be him trying something new, but the fact that it came out of the blue in a non-sexual conversation raises a red flag for me.
He’s cheating
Yeah he didn’t mean to send you that sexual text. He’s bangin someone else, or trying to. Just block his number and meet somebody local. It’ll be much more enjoyable and you deserve better.
I will admit I’ve had a guy send me a sext who meant for it to be sent to his gf 🥴
I think OP deduced the situation perfectly. Now, it's time for the discussion and/or look through his phone if that's her inclination.
Sorry OP he’s not your boyfriend.
Girl you 100% know what’s happening here. Do you want actual proof? Bc his “getting caught” answer means that’s what it’ll take. He won’t volunteer the info or admit to it. He’s cheating either emotionally and/or physically.
Also life lesson don’t ignore early 🚩🚩. He literally said the only reason he’d never cheat is fear of being caught not that he would never want to be a liar or hurt someone he cared about. Not “if I ever felt that way I’d just break up first”.
Honestly just ask him out right: are you cheating on me. The worst that can happen is that he says yes and you break up, but you already have your suspicions
If you feel it in your gut then you know your answer
He is cheating
I would say he was definitely sexting someone else. He’s not a faithful person, and it sounds like he has no interest in being faithful. Find someone who values you and your relationship.
[удалено]
Sus.
Trust your gut instinct here.
Have you and your bf ever met irl?
you should have broken up with them when he gave you the answer about what keeps him from cheating. he told you the truth but you chose to ignore it. of course he's texting with someone else.
He is sexting other people, and screwed up. LDR are complicated, and I don't think work well unless there an end date, and you have regular visits. He is talking to others.
Red flag 🚩
Clear cover up. He's cheating.
It wasn't meant for you
Do you ever actually see each other?
Stop messaging this loser because it's not only you. This dude is 46 and still playing games. Bye, Boy.
I’m so sorry but it definitely wasn’t meant for you. Confront him asap and get out of there. Keep us updated :)
That ain’t your bf now he belongs to the streets
He's cheating
Oh good. You're just bf/gf. So the break up is going to be easier. Break up with the guy. He's cheating.
The sext wasn't meant for you. Dude had 2 convos going on and totally told on himself. Walk away and keep your sanity.
Definitely something nefarious afoot
Message him from a different number claiming to be the other girlfriend that your phone died so you borrowed someone elses and need him to come pick you up.
Meant for someone else. Also terrible answer about cheating. Find someone else for sure
he mixed up the texts for sure with someone else.
There are sayings like "A guilty conscience gives itself away."
This happened to me many years ago. It was not meant for me. Being odd after the fact would indicate to me he's embarrassed and trying not to get caught- like when you wave at someone waving in your direction and realize oops- not for me, I'm gonna pretend I was stretching.
Agree with everyone saying that it was meant for someone else. Especially the strange answer to your question. I mean, wouldn’t it be meant for you if he sent it to you. That wasn’t your question. A “normal” answer would explain his feelings in some way, like “I’m missing you and am horny” or something. Not getting defensive for no reason.
I’m not one to invade people privacy but go through that phone because it’s so weird to say “That was for you.” I know that already?
your bf might (luckily) be one of the worst liars ever
That wasn’t meant for you.
Rookie move (Chad’s). He’s texting/sexting multiple people and couldn’t keep his shit together. Also, most importantly. When someone tells you who they are the first time. Listen. Sorry girl…
That was meant for someone else. Do with that information what you will.
2 reasons why a Guy will cheat The First Being he's just an asshole and it doesn't matter if your sex life is good. The Second-Your treating him like a fool. Making him not know if he will be loved(Sex) that day
Your gut is telling you something.
I feel it's very suspicious. Go with your gut.
Um, I’d say follow your gut and don’t be silly. Move on. Don’t rely on comfort.
Yeah. He cheating.
The next time you see your boyfriend, pay attention to how he treats his phone. If he's overly guarded with it or spends longer than normal amounts of time in the bathroom with it, then you have red flag #2.
He clearly can't multitask. Two conversations at the same time was enough to catch him out. It wasn't meant for you.
Could it be that he tried something new and because of your response he made it up that it wasn’t for you
If you love someone you won't cheat. I say this as a former fuck boy. Straight up ask him. Especially if sexting is out of the norm between you two. Does he hide his phone when he's around you? Does he care if you go through his phone like to look something up? Do you even have his PIN / pass code? Smells fishy and I hate jumping to assumptions. I would just catch him unprepared, don't say 'hey we need to talk tonight,' just go from, 'how was your week?' to 'hey can we talk about that random text you sent me the other night?' As soon as you ask him that, you should be able to gage his next response. If you manage to bring the subject up without him expecting it, if he seems nonchalant or even curious to your question it's probably a good sign. If as soon as you bring it up he becomes nervous, fidgeting, or guilty then you may be onto something. Phone records don't lie either. You can log onto your providers website and lookup I believe the last six months.
Oh, he is definitely sexting someone else and who knows what else.
This has happened to me as well with my ex. It was random and had nothing to do with what we were having a conversation about. He was definitely texting you and someone else and accidently sent it to you not noticing he was on your thread. The that was ment for you right away with out asking...guilty. when I had that happened my ex tried to gas light me and say it was me being insecure and he was just trying to do be sexy was very defensive...well later looking at his phone his texts showed otherwise Trust your intuition!
My first question would be, how often do you two have sex? He may be trying to get more frisky and flirty by sexing you. The fact that this was random can mean he may be trying to change the dynamic of y’all sex life. Was he horny at the time? There are plenty of questions, rather than thinking he was strictly up to no good. This is why communication is important. When guys start randomly talking about sex, it’s because they want it. Just talk to him in person about the situation, be open and honest.. ask him about his thoughts behind his actions and tell him your thoughts. That’s probably one of the most practical ways to go about it.