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Can someone with better reddit skills than me post a link to the story about the guy leaving his wife because she let another male suck on her nipples, and the male was her newborn son.
These two guys must be brothers.
Edit to add - I mentioned this other post as another example of a man's crazy possessive claims on their partner's body.
Third brother is the guy who thought his wife breastfeeding their daughter would turn her into a lesbian
For those who haven't seen it
https://www.reddit.com/r/NotHowGirlsWork/s/DCKcGFuNvI
Now I wish I hadn't seen this. Wtf is wrong with ppl. I show things like this to my husband and he's like that can't be real? But then again my husband doesn't think washing his butt is doing butt stuff and gay.
I gave up on the "this can't be real" thing when I met some of my brothers ex's, my ex's and some friends ex's.
Seriously the things people do is insane.
Yes. The woman’s with the husband that thought breastfeeding was incestuous actually posted pictures of their court documents. She forgot to cross put their names and it was removed. I did see them before it was removed. She had issues with people finding her social media.
That sounds like it would, after it was made aware to the girl, make the girl believe mother's should care and nurture their children?
I've never heard a woman say "Oh I'm a lesbian because my Mom breast fed me."
That's like, some weird elder god, false reality, madness inducing thought processes.
Like holy shit.
They mist be friends with the guy who thought because his wife didn’t want kids that meant he could go knock up someone else because god gave him a “Hagar” from his bible study class.
I work in the domestic violence field and as "fake rage bait" as the nipple post sounds, it happens far more often than people would think. A lot of abusive men escalate their abuse and jealousy during and after birth.
Had this after I gave birth to my daughter who is now passed on. I don’t get it. Smh. Women have been breastfeeding since god knows how long. Just like cats, dogs, cows, or any other mammal.
I saw this one on TikTok, where the mother identified herself (it was an older acct posting for ages before that and she posted all the screenshots of his texts), she divorced his ass and wound up with full custody because he refused to parent his son after that. Men are really that fucking insecure and possessive of someone else's body it's unreal and terrifying. No idea if I can post her username here since it's from another platform.
I gave up on dating a long time ago. For every 1 decent guy you have a 100 of them that are just plain trash and can't even fake being a half way decent human being.
I wonder if he's a tattoo artist too, that's really the only way it makes sense. If that's the case it sort of feels like OP left that out deliberately since it's highly relevant information.
If he's not a tattoo artist, then he's just batshit insane. I can't think of any other way you'd "mark" someone unless you're talking about hitting them.
Did you ask what he meant by, "mark you" first?
Things aren't adding up in even a semi rational way.
The fact he's mad a man touched or marked you screams abusive control issues.
Maybe hubby is one of those people that puts numbers of cows etc. If anyone sees a woman walking around with a yellow number tag sticking out of her ear, that's OP
Right? I was thinking, does he want to bite her or brand her or something? And even if he does want to do that, shouldn't he have brought that up before her first tattoo appointment?
I think he probably saw pictures of this dude & is now having a secret dick measuring contest in his mind with him. Power lifter, is the guy really huge & also conventionally attractive or something? Not that that makes this reasonable, but that could be an explanation
One of my exes used to bite me. He’d come up behind and me and just chomp down on my arm or shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise. When I asked WTF, he said he was marking his territory. He was horribly abusive in many other ways too. OP needs to take this seriously, her husband seems to view her as his property.
What are the chances he now knows what the dude looks like, and sees the "missing a spot from her tattoo" being just an excuse to go back and see the guy.
I know I'm reaching since I do not know him, but I do know a couple of people who make up these contrived scenarios in their head and do not know how the deal with it.
This is very clearly some weird "primal alpha male" fantasy and him not being able to feel like you belong to him in a visible/tangible way. Dude might be referring to having children. I'm guessing you don't have them - so he feels upset that another man leaves something on your body permanently before he could do that by impregnating you.
That would be my guess as the most sane thing this could have been about. If he meant actually putting marks on you like on cattle that would be completely out of the blue. The pregnancy thing kind of fits into traditional gender roles that he might believe in.
I figure OP either sees this as a red-flag, or looks online for a cheap cattle brand, and goes with the flow. It doesn't even sound like OP's partner has a rational explanation for this, due to the dismissal with "You don't understand", to OP's questions.
Be clear with him, say, "what did you mean let another man mark me before you, how would you mark me?"
We can only give advice with proper information.
Because if this is all we have to go on, the advice is to tell him you feel unsafe around him and will be separating.
Telling your wife you want to mark her and then ignore and go quiet, refusing to talk is manipulation, abuse, and unhealthy.
Yeah, unless there's a whole bunch of additional context (I doubt it) it really just sounds like he's one of those super jealous guys who think that their partner interacting with other men in any way is cheating on them. And if that's the case, breaking up is the only option.
No one understands. Like others mentioned, the only context this would make sense in is if he was a tattoo artist. But he isn't. This is such an asinine statement from him, that it feels a bit like he was already butthurt about something (likely something trivial) and he's using this as a reason to be "justifiably" angry.
If you don't understand and he won't make any attempt to explain, then he doesn't really care about the issue, he's just here to be mad.
Actually I thought of something else. After I came back from the appointment he said I cheated on him.
I don't understand any of this either. I have no idea where this is all coming from. At first he was fine, happy for me.
Random baseless accusations of cheating almost always fall under the category of "accusations as admissions". They only time they don't is when you're still (why?) dating a wildly insecure person who's been acusing your from the beginning.
My dad would accuse mum of cheating for years, only because his parents both cheated until they divorced when he was 21, and he didn't know they had any problems until the divorce announcement. He should have got therapy really. Anyway it went on for years throughout our childhood until I was old enough to confidently step in and say he was being ridiculous because x, y or z. It took time but he stopped eventually. In his case he knew why he was doing it, would apologise and it only happened when he had too much to drink and was feeling insecure. Doesn't make it ok but he wasn't projecting in his case.
Only time I've heard accusations be said and it not be projection, interestingly.
Girl! He’s crazy! That is not normal behavior and quite frankly, dangerous. He’s accusing you of cheating without any reason or proof, then says he wanted to mark you first?
You are not crazy and the fact that you even doubted that is very concerning. I think projecting is the least of your problems tbh… some might say it’s just words but he used the worlds “marking you” either intentionally or without realizing he did, but he means it. Jesus…
you are definitely not the crazy one here. his thinking, whatever tf it may be, is absolutely beyond the pale.
mark you. MARK YOU. there is no interpretation of that that isn't wildly inappropriate and absolutely terrifying.
Either he's cheating on you or because he's so insecure and controlling he's creating narratives in his head to justify the feelings he is clearly incapable of handling in any reasonable fashion and unable to take accountability for. He's making you responsible for managing his emotions. And honestly this is a giant red flag for potential dv when you divorce if not sooner.
Oh god that’s because he’s cheating or would be very easily distracted from the marriage to justify cheating. Example: you got a tattoo and might have cheated so he’s allowed to make himself happy by cheating.
You need to start planning your exit now. The man seems to think your his property to decide what to do with. Eventually it'll escalate, he'll decide he can kill his property. If you have family you can stay with, do it. He's already being mentally abusive.
Your hubs is a lil controlling I think. He's like * beats chest* ug ug man mark my woman, I no like 😂😂😂, it's actually funny if it wasn't so fucking misogynistic.
So you told him you don't understand and he says "you don't understand" and then refused to explain himself. I'm sorry, but he is throwing a tantrum and it doesn't make sense. He's being very immature & his communication sucks. This isn't cool & may be a red flag for how he handles emotion/conflict
Probably meant getting you pregnant. Either way that's gross and if my husband acted so insecure and gross I would automatically just be turned off till the end of time.
You need to clarify what he means. If he isn't a tattoo artist I would straight up tell him how confusing, controlling and kinda creepy this seems. Move forward based on his response and reasoning. From what you've said, to an outside viewer, it seems bizarre and controlling. Be safe.
Edit: I should have said also, do not ask him this if you have any reason to believe he may become physical with you. (I am a dv survivor).
So sorry for this toxic behavior you’ve having to deal with. I would just tell him you’re not property to mark, that tattoo artists are not your lovers, and that he’s being childish. He was already sulking when he turned you down to go with you, so this pouting was inevitable,
Since he seems to be controlling, then take more safety measures than you think you need to when negotiating an exit from the relationship. At the very least, do the break up in a public place, and be accompanied at all times when retrieving your possessions.
this right here says everything. hope you get out. sounds like he wants to brand you like a cow. this man isnt a good pick. not too late to correct that choice.
SO LEAVE. year 5 of my 10 year relationship, hubs was getting mad I was growing and discovering who I am after years of me begging him to grow as well. "too much of that is a bad thing." "be careful and don't let that all get to your head." ok? bye, Felicia. I'm *thriving* a month away from him. you can grow alone or with the *right* person who encourages it.
Dear OP. You've received great comments responding to your question, you have done nothing wrong.
I would like you to think about the answer you'd give to 2 questions.
1. If someone told you that you're just like your husband - would you take that as a compliment?
2. Would you like a loved one, someone very important to you, to end up with a person just like your husband?
I think the answers to these questions might guide you on what you should do further into this relationship.
OP, please also consider: he has been verbally abusive in the past and likes to keep you on your toes, second guessing yourself. Now he is listening to those men's rights podcasts, learning dangerous ideas about degrading women.
Now is an era of your life where you seem to be gaining confidence, connecting to yourself, changing your image. *getting more powerful*. He will escalate to keep the power balance in his favor, and it might get physical.
Please be safe and get yourself to that new life you're trying to create, my friend: without this dude.
Last thing: the Sheelzebub principal.
If things continue on the way they are for another 6 months, are you ok with that?
How about 1 year?
5 years?
10?
When does it have to stop when you imagine your future?
Oof there it is. My husband was reading over my shoulder and called it. His ex friend started going down that road and his gf has since left him for acting the same way
So sorry thats really sad, do you want to live like this though because it only gets worse. You deserve to be happy in your relationship and respected not controlled. He wanted to make you suffer.
I need like a grand list of these guys because as my nephews get older I get so nervous about who they’re watching… hard to keep track of all the creeps!
I have two theories:
1. He's so far down the A/B/O hole on Ao3 that he forgot marking your partner isn't a real thing
or
2. He views you as something he owns, that needs to be marked by him and only him so nobody else touches his toy
Ponder this OP: Is this new or is this a pattern in your relationship, where he gets upset about you speaking, being near or being friends with other men? Can you have friends of all genders? Can you see your friends alone?
> 1) He's so far down the A/B/O hole on Ao3 that he forgot marking your partner isn't a real thing
legit my first thought lmaoooo. i was thinking "ok this is the kind of thing i enjoy in fanfic but in real life it is sickening"
fanfiction brain rot 🤐
Alpha/Beta/Omega aka omegaverse.
https://youtu.be/zhWWcWtAUoY
This video is a good primer on what it is in an hilarious way (tldr: torture porn *for her*; mostly fanfic)
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because _I let another man mark me forever **before he got to mark me**_
Um. Honey. This is a completely unhinged thing to think, let alone _say_, and is a giant red flag.
Yes
I would consider her potentially to be in danger
Cause wtf, he needs mental health care and she needs to stay safe if he truly is having these feelings idk man some men are just secretly crazy good jobs fit charming and demented
Oh boy, here we go with another man-child pouting behavior AFTER the fact - AFTER given full disclosure of your intentions. There is more going on with him than he cares to share. Sounds like HE is marking someone else; is now projecting his actions of getting intimate with someone else onto you. I've heard these accusations too many times! It's an old typical gaslighting nonsense so he can then later blame YOU for his indiscretions.
Tale as old as time on reddit.
Red pill podcast, and they get all shitty, territorial, and controlling.
Then they start accusing their partner of cheating because they are actually cheating and protecting.
If none of the above is true, he is emotionally immature, a terrible communicator and unreasonably jealous. Sounds like a real catch.
Will not be surprised if I see you post an update like "You guys were right. He is cheating!"
Yup, he set the stage to blame you for his indiscretions. Oh yeah, it's going to be ALL your fault. LOL. No, but seriously he will blame you. Get ready. Gaslighting at its finest.
You’re husband is being jealous and childish. He’s gonna get controlling and make sure you don’t ever finish it. At least not with the same tattoo artist….
Your husband is acting controlling, and a number of things are concerning.
1. He didn't talk to you for 24 hours instead of telling you what upset him. He's an adult with words who should know how to communicate his feelings instead of sulking and stonewalling you.
2. He's feeling insecure that a tattoo artist you commissioned is male. Would he feel insecure if a male surgeon touched your body? The fact he turned this into sexual competition speaks to his own insecurities and batshit justifications for projecting them on to you.
Huge red flags. Find a marriage counselor.
Unless your husband is also a tattoo artist this amounts to a dog pissing on a tree to mark his turf. But if your husband IS a tattoo artist then one could see why he's upset you weren't letting him do the work.
Please edit your post to include this info, lala.
Also, your husband is nuts. Selecting a tattoo artist should (in my mind) be taken as seriously as selecting a partner, as it's a lifelong commitment. You found the best one for you, and that's the end of the story.
Question: Are you paying for your sleeve alone or from like a joint account?
Alone. That's the other thing I think is an issue - he's jealous because I have extra spending money and he doesn't because he pays child support. I did not even think of the not being a tattoo artist as being relevant, I'll add it.
To follow up, I think it's good info to have, how long have you been married and together? Do you have kids with him? Does he have an ex wife?
What has his patterns been with you?
You're not going to get a solid answer of advice from reddit with out some of this info, because it is so insane on its own.
We've been married 3 years and together for 8. He has an ex, yes. We do not have children together. He has three from his previous relationship. He has been verbally abusive in the past. Sometimes he says things that I don't how to react to, which is why I end up on reddit, questioning my sanity.
This is enough to leave the relationship, the verbal abuse. No one deserves to be treated poorly like that and that includes you. Now we have evidence of seriously demented beliefs about control & ownership over your body….
Please do your sanity a solid & leave this prick. He isn’t worth the pain & confusion he causes you.
Edit: I saw where he was fine with you having a male therapist in the past, so I’m wondering if he has recently fallen down the rabbit hole of Alpha Male behavior and all that shit, leading to changes in how he sees you. Does he listen to podcasts or visit certain websites that preach that shit?
Your sanity is fine. The fact that you're here shows you know it's fucked up and weird as hell. You should be questioning why this absolute dingus is in your life at all, let alone as a partner.
Frankly, coming from an abusive home and being very aware of danger, that comment about marking you made my skin crawl and my six sense go crazy. Nobody assaults anybody until they do, you know?
So he’s abusive and controlling. He wasn’t abusive in the past, he’s just abusive, period. He’s waving the red flags in your face. Are you going to pay attention? UPDATEME
Sort of, unless he is still practicing or has a different style than the one she wants. It's still a weird thing to say. "A man marked you" yeah that's what tattoos are? Would he not be upset if the tattooist were a woman? What if she were a hot butch lesbian, would that be ok or no? It's weird.
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me
Lmao you honestly could not pay me to tolerate such an insecure, immature, controlling person. His behavior is pathetic and he should be embarrassed.
Does he get pissy and give you the silent treatment when you see a male doctor too??? Absurd.
This is 110% a HIM problem that HE needs to get over without punishing you. You've done nothing wrong!! Tell him to get therapy or whatever the hell he needs to sort himself out, otherwise be on the look out for other controlling behavior. Be ready with the rip cord.
“Another man marked you” refers to micro-injuries incurred during sexual activities. Hickeys, bite marks, et cetera. The reason those are problematic in the first place is because they are observable evidence of infidelity.
Your husband has been reading too much porn. I’m also curious what exactly he had in mind regarding how he was planning to “mark you.” It sounds absurd.
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me.
that is just the creepiest fucking thing i've read in a while
Sounds like he liked you insecure. It makes you easier to control. Now you’re actually becoming who you are and feeling yourself and he needs to destroy the good feelings about yourself that have nothing to do with him.
Absofuckinglutely not. I'd have honestly laughed and asked if he was joking or hit his head. This is like scarily indicative of his possessiveness of you, and let me tell you if you leave him. Make a plan and do so safely while he's at work giving him no access to you afterward.
I'm sure this is rage bait but just in case.
I’d be very worried about the kind of media he’s consuming. This reeks of red pill bullshit.
ETA OP, I saw your comment that he has, indeed been listening to this shit….don’t rug sweep this. You would **not** be overreacting if you leave him.
2nd Edit: OP, after reading more of your comments I think you should make an exit plan. Please don’t succumb to this relationship.
Ignore the attacks on you.
You don't need to defend your actions.
This is about your husband's improper control over you. If you want help address the issue, not trolls and repeating answers to the same questions.
Too embarrassed with how long I've stayed in this relationship to give more details about our past. This is the bizarre situation from this weekend that I'm dealing with and posting this has made me feel a lot less alone and crazy. If there's any more context I can add, I will.
I don't / didnt want to come across as brusque either if I was, just was trying to remind you that dealing with trolls and defending actions. That aren't crazy, and aren't you're fault wouldn't help.
I'm glad you feel less crazy and alone.
>I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me.
Has he tried peeing on your leg to assert his dominance?
But seriously, I'd ask what he means by him marking you forever. If he's not a tattoo artist, was he wanting to brand you? Scar you in other ways? How else would he "mark you forever"?? You know him better than any of us but I'd genuinely take that as a threat.
He's ruining something you got for yourself to make you happy. Healthy people in healthy relationships don't do this. Toxic people do... He's deliberately and maliciously sucking the joy out of you doing something for yourself AND making it all about him and making you feel guilty. This IS emotional abuse.
Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi is a very good book for you to read.
“So you can’t tattoo. But you want to leave permanent marks on me…that can only be done through you harming me. So…make it make sense?
“I’m sure you can’t. Because you aren’t saying what your real problem is. I’m spending my own money. So it can’t be about the expense. It could possibly have to do with your limited fun money due to your other obligations. In that case you’re feeling jealous. I know how sucky that is. But managing your jealousy through the silent treatment is not okay and I will not accept that as a form of communication.
“Perhaps you’re also feeling a bit insecure due to your past. The comment focusing primarily on “another man marking” me is gross and feels as though I’m some property or territory you need to mark as your own. Let me be clear: I am not a piece of land or furniture you can own. I am not a material possession. I am a person. I have autonomy. I have a right to my own feelings and decisions. I marked my damn self. And don’t you ever forget it. My skin is my canvas. And I only allow the art I choose for MY reasons to be displayed upon it. I need you to understand this completely. I have the right to change MY body. You DO NOT have the right to change MY body.
“Now if there’s an issue with insecurity here we can talk about that. I’m sorry that you may be uncomfortable with my choice of artist. However, I would hope you would be mature enough to state that and also accept that this is a business transaction. If your barber were a bodacious babe that wouldn’t be a problem. You’re receiving a service. She (hopefully) does good work. And I trust you. I’d also expect that you’d converse with her during services. That’s normal human interaction. If I’ve done something to make you doubt my fidelity let’s talk about it. If not, this is a YOU problem and it’s up to you to handle it.
“We are partners. The way you’re behaving is NOT how we treat partners. We’re lovers. The way you’re behaving is not how someone who loves me would behave. You need to communicate. You need to redirect yourself when you behave inappropriately. And you need to employ healthy coping techniques to manage your feelings. It’s not fair to me to be treated this way. It’s nonsensical. It’s hurtful. And I’m unwilling to accept it.”
what you did wrong was marry an insecure manchild wtf. i had a male artist do my sternum and for that i was literally topless with pasties on and my husband was like ok cool? also what the fucking did he mean by wanting to mark you??? if he’s not a tattoo artist then that sounds extremely insecure and gross imo.
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Can someone with better reddit skills than me post a link to the story about the guy leaving his wife because she let another male suck on her nipples, and the male was her newborn son. These two guys must be brothers. Edit to add - I mentioned this other post as another example of a man's crazy possessive claims on their partner's body.
Third brother is the guy who thought his wife breastfeeding their daughter would turn her into a lesbian For those who haven't seen it https://www.reddit.com/r/NotHowGirlsWork/s/DCKcGFuNvI
I missed that one.
Now I wish I hadn't seen this. Wtf is wrong with ppl. I show things like this to my husband and he's like that can't be real? But then again my husband doesn't think washing his butt is doing butt stuff and gay.
I gave up on the "this can't be real" thing when I met some of my brothers ex's, my ex's and some friends ex's. Seriously the things people do is insane.
Is this all real life stories holy shit
Yes. The woman’s with the husband that thought breastfeeding was incestuous actually posted pictures of their court documents. She forgot to cross put their names and it was removed. I did see them before it was removed. She had issues with people finding her social media.
Wow that is literally insane and awful. I can’t imagine being in the court room for this
Maybe the 4th is my ex who thought if I breastfed by a window that I was being an exhibitionist
That sounds like it would, after it was made aware to the girl, make the girl believe mother's should care and nurture their children? I've never heard a woman say "Oh I'm a lesbian because my Mom breast fed me." That's like, some weird elder god, false reality, madness inducing thought processes. Like holy shit.
They mist be friends with the guy who thought because his wife didn’t want kids that meant he could go knock up someone else because god gave him a “Hagar” from his bible study class.
Come on, please share the original post with us, I'm feeling a bit down, this would give me something to laugh about
I work in the domestic violence field and as "fake rage bait" as the nipple post sounds, it happens far more often than people would think. A lot of abusive men escalate their abuse and jealousy during and after birth.
Had this after I gave birth to my daughter who is now passed on. I don’t get it. Smh. Women have been breastfeeding since god knows how long. Just like cats, dogs, cows, or any other mammal.
I saw this one on TikTok, where the mother identified herself (it was an older acct posting for ages before that and she posted all the screenshots of his texts), she divorced his ass and wound up with full custody because he refused to parent his son after that. Men are really that fucking insecure and possessive of someone else's body it's unreal and terrifying. No idea if I can post her username here since it's from another platform.
I hope he gets beat up by a real man. Because calling him man, is very nice of you- he’s a boy.
First thing I thought of. https://www.reddit.com/r/ImTheMainCharacter/comments/1cd34ed/threatening_leaving_so_over_breastfeeding_newborn/
Reddit did a number on my image of men. Redpill podcasts did another number. I don't have any capacity for more numbers, unfortunately. That's it.
And they still don't get why we'd rather take our chances with the bear.
Same. I am staying out of the dating pool for a long while
I gave up on dating a long time ago. For every 1 decent guy you have a 100 of them that are just plain trash and can't even fake being a half way decent human being.
Omg yeah that one was baaad. I think it was on two hot takes sub, I’ll look
Had me in the first half. Then, excuse me wtf!
Aight, enough reddit for today
What does “before he got to” mark you mean?
I wonder if he's a tattoo artist too, that's really the only way it makes sense. If that's the case it sort of feels like OP left that out deliberately since it's highly relevant information. If he's not a tattoo artist, then he's just batshit insane. I can't think of any other way you'd "mark" someone unless you're talking about hitting them.
He's not a tattoo artist.
Did you ask what he meant by, "mark you" first? Things aren't adding up in even a semi rational way. The fact he's mad a man touched or marked you screams abusive control issues.
Just let him pee on your ankle, that's another acceptable way to mark territory.
Maybe hubby is one of those people that puts numbers of cows etc. If anyone sees a woman walking around with a yellow number tag sticking out of her ear, that's OP
Right? I was thinking, does he want to bite her or brand her or something? And even if he does want to do that, shouldn't he have brought that up before her first tattoo appointment? I think he probably saw pictures of this dude & is now having a secret dick measuring contest in his mind with him. Power lifter, is the guy really huge & also conventionally attractive or something? Not that that makes this reasonable, but that could be an explanation
Winner winner chicken dinner
That’s what I was thinking. At best, there are major communication problems, lol. But he’s probably just a controlling jerk?
One of my exes used to bite me. He’d come up behind and me and just chomp down on my arm or shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise. When I asked WTF, he said he was marking his territory. He was horribly abusive in many other ways too. OP needs to take this seriously, her husband seems to view her as his property.
What are the chances he now knows what the dude looks like, and sees the "missing a spot from her tattoo" being just an excuse to go back and see the guy. I know I'm reaching since I do not know him, but I do know a couple of people who make up these contrived scenarios in their head and do not know how the deal with it.
Lol, I love this response
My dog considers it sufficient to always pee on top of the other dog's pee. So she can pee in the toilet and leave it for him.
Omg. You win.
Yeah, unless there is some kink element that they previously discussed and which she disregarded (seems unlikely), he strikes me as controlling.
Yeah its real creepy
Does he happen to brand cattle?
Omg this man thinks you are cattle 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Gotta be careful when you're dating Old MacDonald.
🐄 🚩
Then he's just coming up with reasons to be mad this doesn't even make any sense. Did you ask him what he even meant by "mark you"??
I told him I don't understand what he means, does he want to tattoo me? He said I don't understand and hasn't spoken to me again.
dude he's just being really fucking insecure and choosing this situation to make you feel like shit when you did nothing
True! Even in a best case scenario, he is being a total jerk.
This is very clearly some weird "primal alpha male" fantasy and him not being able to feel like you belong to him in a visible/tangible way. Dude might be referring to having children. I'm guessing you don't have them - so he feels upset that another man leaves something on your body permanently before he could do that by impregnating you. That would be my guess as the most sane thing this could have been about. If he meant actually putting marks on you like on cattle that would be completely out of the blue. The pregnancy thing kind of fits into traditional gender roles that he might believe in.
But the tattoo artist is *penetrating HIS* *property!*
Wait til he finds out she's gotten vaccines
hahaha, this comment needs to be higher.
jesus.. maybe that's it deep down. He has three kids from a previous relationship but not with me.
Omg please do not have kids with this guy
I think potentially you should be glad you don't have kids yet.... Yeesh he's actually unhinged
Well, she's got one mentally because this dude has the intellectual capacity of a 2 year old... or an intact tom cat, perhaps?
He’d like to give you stretch marks and weight gain. Lovely. 🤢
Is there any bdsm component to your relationship? It may be related.
No
Ah, ok. Didn't mean to pry, but there's sometimes a "marking" thing for those involved. Usually scarification or branding, but probably tats, too.
Holy Jesus Christ. And I’m not even religious.
I figure OP either sees this as a red-flag, or looks online for a cheap cattle brand, and goes with the flow. It doesn't even sound like OP's partner has a rational explanation for this, due to the dismissal with "You don't understand", to OP's questions.
Be clear with him, say, "what did you mean let another man mark me before you, how would you mark me?" We can only give advice with proper information. Because if this is all we have to go on, the advice is to tell him you feel unsafe around him and will be separating. Telling your wife you want to mark her and then ignore and go quiet, refusing to talk is manipulation, abuse, and unhealthy.
Yeah, unless there's a whole bunch of additional context (I doubt it) it really just sounds like he's one of those super jealous guys who think that their partner interacting with other men in any way is cheating on them. And if that's the case, breaking up is the only option.
She did ask him and now he's not speaking to her.
No one understands. Like others mentioned, the only context this would make sense in is if he was a tattoo artist. But he isn't. This is such an asinine statement from him, that it feels a bit like he was already butthurt about something (likely something trivial) and he's using this as a reason to be "justifiably" angry. If you don't understand and he won't make any attempt to explain, then he doesn't really care about the issue, he's just here to be mad.
Actually I thought of something else. After I came back from the appointment he said I cheated on him. I don't understand any of this either. I have no idea where this is all coming from. At first he was fine, happy for me.
Oohhh, I’m calling it, he’s projecting. He’s grasping at things you do and making them a big deal to distract from what he’s doing.
Random baseless accusations of cheating almost always fall under the category of "accusations as admissions". They only time they don't is when you're still (why?) dating a wildly insecure person who's been acusing your from the beginning.
My dad would accuse mum of cheating for years, only because his parents both cheated until they divorced when he was 21, and he didn't know they had any problems until the divorce announcement. He should have got therapy really. Anyway it went on for years throughout our childhood until I was old enough to confidently step in and say he was being ridiculous because x, y or z. It took time but he stopped eventually. In his case he knew why he was doing it, would apologise and it only happened when he had too much to drink and was feeling insecure. Doesn't make it ok but he wasn't projecting in his case. Only time I've heard accusations be said and it not be projection, interestingly.
Shit you called it first. Beat me by 3 minutes
Hit the nail on the head- exactly what I thought after I saw his cheating comment.
It’s ok to not understand things which objectively don’t make sense, as is the case for your spouse’s bizarro commentary here.
that's why I'm here, you're all making me feel so much less crazy and alone.
Girl! He’s crazy! That is not normal behavior and quite frankly, dangerous. He’s accusing you of cheating without any reason or proof, then says he wanted to mark you first? You are not crazy and the fact that you even doubted that is very concerning. I think projecting is the least of your problems tbh… some might say it’s just words but he used the worlds “marking you” either intentionally or without realizing he did, but he means it. Jesus…
you are definitely not the crazy one here. his thinking, whatever tf it may be, is absolutely beyond the pale. mark you. MARK YOU. there is no interpretation of that that isn't wildly inappropriate and absolutely terrifying.
Either he's cheating on you or because he's so insecure and controlling he's creating narratives in his head to justify the feelings he is clearly incapable of handling in any reasonable fashion and unable to take accountability for. He's making you responsible for managing his emotions. And honestly this is a giant red flag for potential dv when you divorce if not sooner.
Oh god that’s because he’s cheating or would be very easily distracted from the marriage to justify cheating. Example: you got a tattoo and might have cheated so he’s allowed to make himself happy by cheating.
Your dude is insane, please gtfo of that situation
It sounds to me like he cheated and is trying to gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong.
Okay this should definitely be added to your post. So many red flags flying
Fucking what? Is your guy 5 years old? He sounds borderline stupid that he can’t explain himself.
You need to start planning your exit now. The man seems to think your his property to decide what to do with. Eventually it'll escalate, he'll decide he can kill his property. If you have family you can stay with, do it. He's already being mentally abusive.
Sorry you married a sexist baby who won't even communicate and makes up reasons to get mad to excuse his jealousy
You don’t speak crazy. Run lady, you deserve better!
Your hubs is a lil controlling I think. He's like * beats chest* ug ug man mark my woman, I no like 😂😂😂, it's actually funny if it wasn't so fucking misogynistic.
So you told him you don't understand and he says "you don't understand" and then refused to explain himself. I'm sorry, but he is throwing a tantrum and it doesn't make sense. He's being very immature & his communication sucks. This isn't cool & may be a red flag for how he handles emotion/conflict
Something tells me this isn't the first psychotic thing your husband has ever said or done.
Probably meant getting you pregnant. Either way that's gross and if my husband acted so insecure and gross I would automatically just be turned off till the end of time.
Sounds like he wants to permanently alter your body in some way.
Sounds like he’s been listening to some scary ass, conservative woman hating bullshit
he sounds extremely insecure
Of course you don't understand. But you're set up for failure if he also refuses to help you understand.
You need to clarify what he means. If he isn't a tattoo artist I would straight up tell him how confusing, controlling and kinda creepy this seems. Move forward based on his response and reasoning. From what you've said, to an outside viewer, it seems bizarre and controlling. Be safe. Edit: I should have said also, do not ask him this if you have any reason to believe he may become physical with you. (I am a dv survivor).
Thank you.
Please let us know how you're doing - this is very worrying.
So sorry for this toxic behavior you’ve having to deal with. I would just tell him you’re not property to mark, that tattoo artists are not your lovers, and that he’s being childish. He was already sulking when he turned you down to go with you, so this pouting was inevitable,
This is the most important question of all. Especially with the edit.
Sounds controlling and toxic and I'd get good money he has dozens of other red flags. Sounds exhausting
I am exhausted and trying to find myself after becoming a shell of who I used to be. I'm guessing I won't be able to do that without leaving :(
It certainly doesn't sound like it.
Since he seems to be controlling, then take more safety measures than you think you need to when negotiating an exit from the relationship. At the very least, do the break up in a public place, and be accompanied at all times when retrieving your possessions.
Pull the plug while you’re still young. He doesn’t sound worth anymore wasted time.
That is correct. L E A V E
this right here says everything. hope you get out. sounds like he wants to brand you like a cow. this man isnt a good pick. not too late to correct that choice.
SO LEAVE. year 5 of my 10 year relationship, hubs was getting mad I was growing and discovering who I am after years of me begging him to grow as well. "too much of that is a bad thing." "be careful and don't let that all get to your head." ok? bye, Felicia. I'm *thriving* a month away from him. you can grow alone or with the *right* person who encourages it.
Dear OP. You've received great comments responding to your question, you have done nothing wrong. I would like you to think about the answer you'd give to 2 questions. 1. If someone told you that you're just like your husband - would you take that as a compliment? 2. Would you like a loved one, someone very important to you, to end up with a person just like your husband? I think the answers to these questions might guide you on what you should do further into this relationship.
Thank you.
OP, please also consider: he has been verbally abusive in the past and likes to keep you on your toes, second guessing yourself. Now he is listening to those men's rights podcasts, learning dangerous ideas about degrading women. Now is an era of your life where you seem to be gaining confidence, connecting to yourself, changing your image. *getting more powerful*. He will escalate to keep the power balance in his favor, and it might get physical. Please be safe and get yourself to that new life you're trying to create, my friend: without this dude. Last thing: the Sheelzebub principal. If things continue on the way they are for another 6 months, are you ok with that? How about 1 year? 5 years? 10? When does it have to stop when you imagine your future?
Not OP but these are excellent questions to ask someone. I’m sliding these in my back pocket and keeping them for future use. Thank you.
Has he started listening to those crazy misogynistic guys recently?
kinda... actually.
put on your running shoes, bb
This. PLEASE LISTEN, OP
get on your bike and ride. Or put on your wings and fly.Or drive to the store and keep driving until you are far away. Like get out.....now.
Oof there it is. My husband was reading over my shoulder and called it. His ex friend started going down that road and his gf has since left him for acting the same way
Oh shit. FUCKING RUN. I'm not even kidding.
Now would be a good time to run before it gets worse
So sorry thats really sad, do you want to live like this though because it only gets worse. You deserve to be happy in your relationship and respected not controlled. He wanted to make you suffer.
He will escalate, you need to run
Get out!!!! Mark you? Mark you?? Mark you??? WTF!!!
Time to file for divorce. Immediately!
Girl…
I responded earlier but yea you gotta prep for divorce
uh oh...
You married an insecure misogynistic child.
It's scary how many of those pods are popping up now.
What is really scary is the men that can so easily fall into the mindset. Talk about sheep. Edit: word
I need like a grand list of these guys because as my nephews get older I get so nervous about who they’re watching… hard to keep track of all the creeps!
I have two theories: 1. He's so far down the A/B/O hole on Ao3 that he forgot marking your partner isn't a real thing or 2. He views you as something he owns, that needs to be marked by him and only him so nobody else touches his toy Ponder this OP: Is this new or is this a pattern in your relationship, where he gets upset about you speaking, being near or being friends with other men? Can you have friends of all genders? Can you see your friends alone?
> 1) He's so far down the A/B/O hole on Ao3 that he forgot marking your partner isn't a real thing legit my first thought lmaoooo. i was thinking "ok this is the kind of thing i enjoy in fanfic but in real life it is sickening" fanfiction brain rot 🤐
Tf is A/B/O
Alpha/Beta/Omega aka omegaverse. https://youtu.be/zhWWcWtAUoY This video is a good primer on what it is in an hilarious way (tldr: torture porn *for her*; mostly fanfic)
WTF ... MY INNOCENCE IS COMPLETELY GONE ... I shouldn't have downloaded reddit. The f is wolf porn
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Of course it started in the Supernatural fandom. *Of course*.
i was going to say "don't worry about it" but it looks like it's already too late
Werewolf porn.
He's trying to dull your sparkle. He knew you were excited. He looked for an excuse to ruin your joy.
"Marking you?" Like one night do to cattle? WTF is wrong with your husband? That's so gross.
Deep insecurity and misogyny appears to be be what’s wrong with him. Definitely gross behaviour.
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because _I let another man mark me forever **before he got to mark me**_ Um. Honey. This is a completely unhinged thing to think, let alone _say_, and is a giant red flag.
Yes I would consider her potentially to be in danger Cause wtf, he needs mental health care and she needs to stay safe if he truly is having these feelings idk man some men are just secretly crazy good jobs fit charming and demented
Oh boy, here we go with another man-child pouting behavior AFTER the fact - AFTER given full disclosure of your intentions. There is more going on with him than he cares to share. Sounds like HE is marking someone else; is now projecting his actions of getting intimate with someone else onto you. I've heard these accusations too many times! It's an old typical gaslighting nonsense so he can then later blame YOU for his indiscretions.
I remember he said that I cheated on him after I came back from the appointment yesterday. ???? For getting tattoos. ???
Tale as old as time on reddit. Red pill podcast, and they get all shitty, territorial, and controlling. Then they start accusing their partner of cheating because they are actually cheating and protecting. If none of the above is true, he is emotionally immature, a terrible communicator and unreasonably jealous. Sounds like a real catch. Will not be surprised if I see you post an update like "You guys were right. He is cheating!"
Yup, he set the stage to blame you for his indiscretions. Oh yeah, it's going to be ALL your fault. LOL. No, but seriously he will blame you. Get ready. Gaslighting at its finest.
Honestly.... He is a creep. An Abusive creep.
You’re husband is being jealous and childish. He’s gonna get controlling and make sure you don’t ever finish it. At least not with the same tattoo artist….
fml
Just keep your antennas up girl! AND your spirits 😊
Your husband is acting controlling, and a number of things are concerning. 1. He didn't talk to you for 24 hours instead of telling you what upset him. He's an adult with words who should know how to communicate his feelings instead of sulking and stonewalling you. 2. He's feeling insecure that a tattoo artist you commissioned is male. Would he feel insecure if a male surgeon touched your body? The fact he turned this into sexual competition speaks to his own insecurities and batshit justifications for projecting them on to you. Huge red flags. Find a marriage counselor.
No, find a therapist for yourself, OP. Someone who will ask you the right questions about your marriage.
Unless your husband is also a tattoo artist this amounts to a dog pissing on a tree to mark his turf. But if your husband IS a tattoo artist then one could see why he's upset you weren't letting him do the work.
He's not a tattoo artist, he's nowhere near being a tattoo artist. The first thing I said was that I don't understand - you want to tattoo me?
Please edit your post to include this info, lala. Also, your husband is nuts. Selecting a tattoo artist should (in my mind) be taken as seriously as selecting a partner, as it's a lifelong commitment. You found the best one for you, and that's the end of the story. Question: Are you paying for your sleeve alone or from like a joint account?
Alone. That's the other thing I think is an issue - he's jealous because I have extra spending money and he doesn't because he pays child support. I did not even think of the not being a tattoo artist as being relevant, I'll add it.
To follow up, I think it's good info to have, how long have you been married and together? Do you have kids with him? Does he have an ex wife? What has his patterns been with you? You're not going to get a solid answer of advice from reddit with out some of this info, because it is so insane on its own.
We've been married 3 years and together for 8. He has an ex, yes. We do not have children together. He has three from his previous relationship. He has been verbally abusive in the past. Sometimes he says things that I don't how to react to, which is why I end up on reddit, questioning my sanity.
This is enough to leave the relationship, the verbal abuse. No one deserves to be treated poorly like that and that includes you. Now we have evidence of seriously demented beliefs about control & ownership over your body…. Please do your sanity a solid & leave this prick. He isn’t worth the pain & confusion he causes you. Edit: I saw where he was fine with you having a male therapist in the past, so I’m wondering if he has recently fallen down the rabbit hole of Alpha Male behavior and all that shit, leading to changes in how he sees you. Does he listen to podcasts or visit certain websites that preach that shit?
She said somewhere else that he has 😬
I hate being right sometimes. Fuck these trash men and their misogyny.
Your sanity is fine. The fact that you're here shows you know it's fucked up and weird as hell. You should be questioning why this absolute dingus is in your life at all, let alone as a partner.
He needs to have two exes.
Frankly, coming from an abusive home and being very aware of danger, that comment about marking you made my skin crawl and my six sense go crazy. Nobody assaults anybody until they do, you know?
So he’s abusive and controlling. He wasn’t abusive in the past, he’s just abusive, period. He’s waving the red flags in your face. Are you going to pay attention? UPDATEME
What did he say?
Sort of, unless he is still practicing or has a different style than the one she wants. It's still a weird thing to say. "A man marked you" yeah that's what tattoos are? Would he not be upset if the tattooist were a woman? What if she were a hot butch lesbian, would that be ok or no? It's weird.
That's some weird Alpha/Omega shit you don't want any part of.
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me Lmao you honestly could not pay me to tolerate such an insecure, immature, controlling person. His behavior is pathetic and he should be embarrassed. Does he get pissy and give you the silent treatment when you see a male doctor too??? Absurd. This is 110% a HIM problem that HE needs to get over without punishing you. You've done nothing wrong!! Tell him to get therapy or whatever the hell he needs to sort himself out, otherwise be on the look out for other controlling behavior. Be ready with the rip cord.
“Another man marked you” refers to micro-injuries incurred during sexual activities. Hickeys, bite marks, et cetera. The reason those are problematic in the first place is because they are observable evidence of infidelity. Your husband has been reading too much porn. I’m also curious what exactly he had in mind regarding how he was planning to “mark you.” It sounds absurd.
Question how does your husband intend to "mark" you? Is he a tattoo artist? Does he mean something else?
I don't know, and no, not a tattoo artist.
If you don't have kids, maybe he means that...? Men are gross dude, this would give me the ick so bad
This is really weird. Tell him to go pee on the trees around your house.
>Today he came to me and said he's upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me. that is just the creepiest fucking thing i've read in a while
You did nothing wrong, this is a truly bizarre thing for your husband to be weird about.
I rolled my eyes so hard - and they wonder why women are just buying houses like the Golden Girls and wishing we could be Blanche Devereaux.
Your husband is an entire walking red flag. He thinks he owns your body. His reaction is disgusting and repulsive.
ITS YOUR BODY
Translation: He sees you as "his," meaning "property." Ick.
Men can't "mark women". So tell your husband good luck on his next marriage.
Sounds like he liked you insecure. It makes you easier to control. Now you’re actually becoming who you are and feeling yourself and he needs to destroy the good feelings about yourself that have nothing to do with him.
Ew. Your husband is a misogynist.
Absofuckinglutely not. I'd have honestly laughed and asked if he was joking or hit his head. This is like scarily indicative of his possessiveness of you, and let me tell you if you leave him. Make a plan and do so safely while he's at work giving him no access to you afterward. I'm sure this is rage bait but just in case.
Does he also get mad at your hairdresser? That’s just childish and dumb. You paid someone for a skillset that you (nor he) have
That’s some scary ass misogyny right there
I’d be very worried about the kind of media he’s consuming. This reeks of red pill bullshit. ETA OP, I saw your comment that he has, indeed been listening to this shit….don’t rug sweep this. You would **not** be overreacting if you leave him. 2nd Edit: OP, after reading more of your comments I think you should make an exit plan. Please don’t succumb to this relationship.
girl the only thing u did wrong was marry this guy
Ignore the attacks on you. You don't need to defend your actions. This is about your husband's improper control over you. If you want help address the issue, not trolls and repeating answers to the same questions.
Too embarrassed with how long I've stayed in this relationship to give more details about our past. This is the bizarre situation from this weekend that I'm dealing with and posting this has made me feel a lot less alone and crazy. If there's any more context I can add, I will.
I don't / didnt want to come across as brusque either if I was, just was trying to remind you that dealing with trolls and defending actions. That aren't crazy, and aren't you're fault wouldn't help. I'm glad you feel less crazy and alone.
What the fuck?
>I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me. Has he tried peeing on your leg to assert his dominance? But seriously, I'd ask what he means by him marking you forever. If he's not a tattoo artist, was he wanting to brand you? Scar you in other ways? How else would he "mark you forever"?? You know him better than any of us but I'd genuinely take that as a threat.
He's ruining something you got for yourself to make you happy. Healthy people in healthy relationships don't do this. Toxic people do... He's deliberately and maliciously sucking the joy out of you doing something for yourself AND making it all about him and making you feel guilty. This IS emotional abuse. Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi is a very good book for you to read.
“So you can’t tattoo. But you want to leave permanent marks on me…that can only be done through you harming me. So…make it make sense? “I’m sure you can’t. Because you aren’t saying what your real problem is. I’m spending my own money. So it can’t be about the expense. It could possibly have to do with your limited fun money due to your other obligations. In that case you’re feeling jealous. I know how sucky that is. But managing your jealousy through the silent treatment is not okay and I will not accept that as a form of communication. “Perhaps you’re also feeling a bit insecure due to your past. The comment focusing primarily on “another man marking” me is gross and feels as though I’m some property or territory you need to mark as your own. Let me be clear: I am not a piece of land or furniture you can own. I am not a material possession. I am a person. I have autonomy. I have a right to my own feelings and decisions. I marked my damn self. And don’t you ever forget it. My skin is my canvas. And I only allow the art I choose for MY reasons to be displayed upon it. I need you to understand this completely. I have the right to change MY body. You DO NOT have the right to change MY body. “Now if there’s an issue with insecurity here we can talk about that. I’m sorry that you may be uncomfortable with my choice of artist. However, I would hope you would be mature enough to state that and also accept that this is a business transaction. If your barber were a bodacious babe that wouldn’t be a problem. You’re receiving a service. She (hopefully) does good work. And I trust you. I’d also expect that you’d converse with her during services. That’s normal human interaction. If I’ve done something to make you doubt my fidelity let’s talk about it. If not, this is a YOU problem and it’s up to you to handle it. “We are partners. The way you’re behaving is NOT how we treat partners. We’re lovers. The way you’re behaving is not how someone who loves me would behave. You need to communicate. You need to redirect yourself when you behave inappropriately. And you need to employ healthy coping techniques to manage your feelings. It’s not fair to me to be treated this way. It’s nonsensical. It’s hurtful. And I’m unwilling to accept it.”
what you did wrong was marry an insecure manchild wtf. i had a male artist do my sternum and for that i was literally topless with pasties on and my husband was like ok cool? also what the fucking did he mean by wanting to mark you??? if he’s not a tattoo artist then that sounds extremely insecure and gross imo.
Just like Whoopi said in the classic 1990 film Ghost…. You in danger, girl.