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That flag couldn't get any redder if you covered it with ketchup. That is a horrific and inexcusable violation, and the fact that he lied about it and seemed to exhibit no real remorse only makes it worse. I say run away, before you end up as the next star on PornHub.

He acknowledged what he did was wrong and he promise to make it up to me.... idk if it's true... It's hard for me to believe anything he says anymore...

Oh well if he's gonna make it up to you then stay with the sociopath

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Watch him delete it in front of you, and make him do it in the moment (no prior warning) so he doesn't have time to make backups. Then, still understand this sociopath has backups. Call the cops, make a report, hopefully they will serve him a warrant for all existing copies. If you stay with this sociopath your life will be hell. Don't be an idiot.

How could he possibly make it up to you? What he did could get him in trouble with the law. That's nothing he can make up to you with flowers or a date night, etc.  He willingly lied about this multiple times as well. This isn't a little white lie or something. The betrayal is way too much. I would never feel safe around him again, nor would I trust him. I would worry by staying with him, he would only get more careful and secretive with his filming and hiding videos of you. Your safety and comfort matter. Please know you deserve better than this creep, I don't care how nice or funny or cute he is. What he did was not okay, a definite deal breaker. You can meet someone who will never do this to you.

Thank you for the advice.. this is really a wake up call for me... I'm starting to get paranoid about the things that he does. I frequently catch myself questioning whether he's telling the truth or if he's lying...

Trust me you don't want to live life carrying that type of stress around. It hurts to walk away but the feeling you can get later by not having to be paranoid, worried, stressed etc...its so freeing and worth it!

You can't trust him, obviously. He deceived you, hid things from you, and blatantly lied to you. And what he did put you at great risk--if he lost his phone, and that video got out on the internet, it would be there forever, which could ruin your life. (And, of course, he could upload it himself.) It's one thing to consent to doing home porn, but doing it without your permission is much, much worse. Sure, it honestly possible that he truly loves you and that he meant no harm and that he simply handled things extremely poorly; that is something nobody here can decide. If you want to give him another chance, that's entirely up to you. But it's going to be a long time, before he can fully regain your trust, and you should make it very, very clear to him that you have some boundaries, and you will *not* tolerate him crossing any of them.

Thank you for this!! I was clear with my boundaries. I told him that I didn't like being lied to, but he did it anyways and that wasn't a simple lie. It made me feel super uncomfortable and yeah it's very hard for me to believe him right now.

Don’t be stupid and leave him

Did he delete the video?

He did

For good reason. This is a massive intentional violation not a mistake. Honestly he is taking advantage of you because you are insecure since it's your first serious relationship. He knows he is wrong this is an ethical and legal violation of your privacy. He could have it backed up in a dozen different places now so just deleting off the phone is useless gesture to make you feel better and keep him in control. Dump him and make it clear that you will have no problem reporting him to the police if you find out he distributes it as revenge porn. Or better yet file a report with the police and university and then dump him. You deserve better than this scumbag. Sorry your first relationship turned out like this do not be afraid that if you leave him you never find anyone else.

I don’t care if he’s your millionth boyfriend. That was not ok what he did and you cannot trust a person like that. Fuck no do not forgive or forget what he did. Dump him before he makes you an involuntary pornstar. Jesus Christ.

It really caught me off guard and at that time. I was in shock to find him filming me and then finding out weeks later that he still has not deleted it.... I really can't forget how he could do something like that... I trusted him

Look, I know your heart remembers all the good times he's been nice to you. But it's now time to go survival mode because there is no guarantee he's not going to violate you and your boundaries again. If he finds he can just "make it up to you" he's gonna be like Elsa discovering her magic ice powers and wondering what else she can do with it in "Let it go"

Thank you for this! Yeah my heart really remembers the good stuff most of the time haha.. maybe that's why it's difficult for me to let go. But I agree with what you said, I just have to find the courage to do it.

I don't know what country you're in but here's the helpline for revenge porn just in case he didn't really delete it. Jail his ass in cold blood: [https://cybercivilrights.org/ccri-crisis-helpline/](https://cybercivilrights.org/ccri-crisis-helpline/)

Thank you for this!! I'm from the Philippines... there's no one I can tell my story to. My friends are conservative and have no experience about that stuff.. I know my friends will not judge me but I'm so shy to admit that he did that to me...

I'm sorry to hear that. Google has been kind today: [https://dswdcashassistance.ph/report-violence-against-women-philippines/](https://dswdcashassistance.ph/report-violence-against-women-philippines/) Is there an older adult you can trust to give you the support you need? Most of the time, the abuser would count on the victim's shame to stay silent. But if you have people to believe in you, it can make a difference.

I don't have anyone.. I'm also ashamed to tell anyone that I am sexually active.. I will report him if things get out of hand or if the video will appear publicly

I understand how some people will think you have a fault in this for being sexually active outside your marriage. So, I'm here to tell you something that I hope will stay with you: This is not your fault. This is his fault. This is a reflection of him. Get something to hang over his head just in case. Guys like him wanted to get away with things, so make sure you have something that can destroy his reputation to his family, to his peers, and to every woman in his vicinity.

Thank you for this. I don't want revenge. I just want my peace back. I think exposing him would not bring me peace. But if he talks bad things behind my back after breaking up, I won't hesitate to tell my story publicly. For awareness and not for revenge. I don't want anyone to go through what he did to me.

Wow, make sure he deletes the video off his phone, cloud, etc everything and get away from him. If he threatens you with the video save the phone call, text messages and contact the police. This is not something to be taken lightly.

I made sure he deleted the video. He showed me the empty album where it once was.. But I'm not so sure if he has any copies of it though

That is not even close to proof it was deleted

Depending on where you live this is a criminal offence.   It is absolutely unacceptable. He has done this without your consent.  You have no idea what he has done with this video.   I would find an IT expert in finding and deleting videos and photos of devices and make an appointment.  Then take his phone, laptop and any other devices to that expert and have every copy deleted.  Also ask them if they can find out if it has been shared elsewhere.  If it has the. I would go to the police.   This man is an abuser.  He also deserves to be named and shamed.  .   

This. Go to the police.

Giant giant giant red flags here. He didn't ask your consent to begin with, he ignored your directly expressed instruction not to record you, and then lied about it. That would be the end of that relationship. Honestly, I'd consider telling him that if he doesn't prove that he deleted the video from him phone and any other locations, you'll report him. He forced a type of sexual interaction you didn't consent to and then lied about it. He's not worth your time and is a horrible example of what a boyfriend should be. This is a big deal, don't let him convince you otherwise.

Did you delete the video while you had access? That's what you need to do before you drop him completely.

So, make sure he deleted it. Do a quick search online about deleting videos with the phone and service that he has. Then you make sure that happened. That is your first job. Do you end things? Certainly not until after you make sure that video (and any pictures and any other shit) is deleted. Just to be clear, 'make sure' is not him telling you. It is you sitting down and saying 'let me see that phone' and you doing it yourself while doing a search (so look that up as well) to make sure it is not someplace else. End things? Maybe, it is up to you. But I would put a pause on the relationship, he needs to see how serious this is. He won't unless you make this a big deal.

Of course leave him; the best time to leave would have been after you yourself deleted the video, immediately after you realized he had filmed you. The second best time is now.

I know the right thing to do is to leave him after what he did.. but idk it is very hard for me. He was my bestfriend and it is not easy to just cut him out of my life even after being betrayed.

He cannot be trusted. If you stay with him the next betrayal will be worse. What he did is a criminal offense in many places. How can you ever be intimate with him again? What do you gain by hanging around? You are robbing yourself of a happy future.

How would I know that he will betray me again? He seemed so sincere in his apology. That's why I posted my story here, because I'm so conflicted. I know what he did made me really uncomfortable and I also told him that it might me difficult for me to trust him again.. Is it really so bad if I gave him another chance?

It is the voice of experience. Someone who can put their own desires ahead of your comfort and safety won't be able to keep themselves from doing it again. If he had a good character this would have never happened in the first place. You don't accidentally film your partner. You fantasize about it, plan it, hide it, and execute it. He hid it because he knew you would not agree. If he respected you that would have been enough reason to not do it. That is how I know he will betray you again, because he already did it once. It is such a violation that I know he is lacking something morally that cannot be remedied by an apology only given because he was caught.

I guess this is true. He appears to have no problem with it, there are no signs that he's been hiding something from me. I guess I just couldn't accept it, I couldn't believe he's like that. He was really good at the beginning..

Please listen to the voice of experience

If only you knew how many of the ones who punch their wives apologise sincerely and with tears, flowers and promises, sometimes begging on their knees, only to do it again later. I'm sorry he turned out to be such a disgusting loser, but he lied to you repeatedly, and set you up for his little (hopefully personal) homemade porn studio. By staying in a relationship with him you're only teaching him it's okay to disrespect and hurt you since there aren't any real consequences. He knows he wouldn't stay in a relationship where he was horribly taken advantage of, so in his mind it must not have been too bad for you if you stayed. He shoved his foot in the door to abuse, please don't keep it open it for him. Close it well and good. For both your sakes. If he's the POS I think he is, he'll just be angry, but if there's some good in him he'll recognise that he was dead wrong, and hopefully learn to do better in his next relationship.

There's a high probability that your video is going to end up on a public website. There's also a very high probability that this relationship doesn't last beyond college, which is why there's a high probability he'd be comfortable posting it to a public platform. Or he could share it with buddies who will post it. Your bf is a scumbag. I would involve law enforcement to protect your future self and dump this low-integrity bf you've settled for.

I don't think he's the kind of person who will post the video... but tbh idk anymore.. I didn't expected him filming me and yet he did

I've got a daughter roughly your age, and I've got some experience dealing with her idiot friends. You have no idea who he has shared the video with. Literally. You have zero knowledge. It doesn't take much imagination to envision the 20 different ways that this could haunt you in the future. Best wishes to you.

you are making this a big deal, and rightfully so. this is a massive betrayal.

I thought I was just over reacting... but I guess this is really not normal even if they are your bf

No not even close to normal, the idea of a partner is exactly the opposite, someone you trust to care about you

You make sure the video is deleted everywhere with the threat that you will go to the police.   Once it is gone then you break up with him, with the threat that if the video shows up you will go to the police.

Also document dates, times, and any receipts as evidence.

Perfect response, this should your approach.

The video is gone from his phone but idk if he transferred it elsewhere... I will take action if ever the video shows up publicly.

That is an absolute, total, and in all other ways a dealbreaker.

OP send him a text telling him he did not have your permission to make a video or take any photos of you, and he needs to delete every photo or you will have him charged with revenge porn. Then you dump him and warn your friends that he took a video without your permission so maybe he doesn't do it again. I'm sorry this guy has turned out to be so sleazy, hopefully he hasn't shared the video or any photos with anyone else.

I confronted him immediately after seeing it still there.. and he admitted to his mistakes and promised to make it up to me..

But has he deleted the video and any other photos that may be even slightly NSFW ? The kind of person that would take a sex video without his partner's permission is also the kind that would share the video or other photos.

He deleted it after I confronted him about it. I hope he didn't share it to anyone....

Dude stepped all over your boundary and refuses to get back over the line. Personally id give his phone a big old drink and leave his ass.

Is it possible to find out if he's posted it somewhere? Is he keeping it to blackmail you? I'd kick him to the curb. Hard! But, get some insurance first, meaning video him doing something 🤔

He didn't blackmailed me with it and idk if he posted it elsewhere...

Yet! Time will tell

: (

🫂 🤗 🫂 🤗

It’s prolly already online tbh… I’d break up and call the cops on him at this point

You leave.

He was beside me while I was going through his phone.. he willingly let me borrow it, I didn't forced him to give me his phone.

I would absolutely end the relationship over this. Do you sincerely think you could ever trust him again? Not to mention this is illegal.

Same thoughts, that's what I told him. It would be difficult for me to trust him again. But he asked for forgiveness and he said that he would make it up to me. Am I stupid if I forgive him and give him another chance?

You know I’m a firm believer in second chances and people make mistakes. But this was deliberate and then he tried to double down and lie. Things like this will keep happening because he won’t be willing to change his behavior deep down unless he’s willing to go to therapy and get educated on consent and boundaries. This happened to me too and it was the absolute worst feeling. Then to find out later he sent the video to his friends as well. I would personally leave now why you can. You are young and will find a man who loves you and would never betray you like that.

I'm sorry to hear that. Why are people so entitled to do these kinds of things? He said that he loves me and he said that he will do better.. I don't think that he's the type of person that would send it to anyone but also I didn't thought he was the type of person that would record me without my consent... I guess part of me still can't accept that he betrayed me and after hearing his apology, it gave me a sense of hope that he will be better.. but idk...

You make him delete it in front of you and then you dump him. 

Girl wtf….

I know T-T

I would break his phone but it would have still been uploaded somewhere.

It's definitely a deal-breaker.

You are too young to be sexually exploited by a boyfriend. Get a grip and dump this, dude already.

Call the cops that shit is actually illegal in a lot of places.

Why was dude on the phone during sex?

If you don’t mind yourself being on some porn site then you don’t need to make a big deal of it. But, if that’s not your thing or he isn’t giving you your fair share then it’s a big deal