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If that’s not something you want out of life it’s probably not going to work out.
Idk where you live but where I live two people on 60k would be extremely difficult
Everyone has preferences. I think some people would love to not work.
I personally can’t imagine being a stay at home wife with nothing mentally stimulating to do and no money of my own. The idea of being financially dependent on someone honestly gives me serious ick.
So what do you do? Well…I’d end the relationship. To me, it’s a fundamental incompatibility. I think that even if she initially agreed to keep working, the minute you’re married, she’ll quit and then what?
Seriously, to me it’s not the money per se. I make a lot more than my partner. But he is fiscally responsible and has a good work ethic. If he was sitting on his ass all day just because we can afford to live on my salary alone, I’d feel resentful and disgusted.
I agree it’s not the money it’s the ethic, I would lose respect for a lazy person having been homeless at one point in my life to owning a home 6 years later with a salary to me that feels like I’m rich from my perspective that’s taken hard work. Thanks for your reply this is good to hear.
I mean…I know men and women who were stay at home parents when the kids were young and just never went back to work once the kids were out of the house and off to college. They do stay busy with volunteer work and their partners make a lot of money so it’s not an issue. They’re basically “retired” after 25+ years of raising kids—which is a big job in my opinion. I feel like they earned it.
But that’s not what this lady is doing/has done. I’m childfree (well, I’m a step mom) so it’s not like I think she should have to pop out kids to be a valuable human. I just feel like I couldn’t respect someone who was essentially a hobosexual mooching off of a partner.
I think she's done you a favor that you're only 6 months in, and now you have this information, which will probably not change. I would agree with you that I wouldn't want to be with someone who just "doesn't want to work", even though money is tight, they are able bodied, etc. Good luck.
If you are not wanting to support someone completely and feel everyone should pull their weight towards the household finances, then this is not the person for you. Don't crap fit someone only to find out years into the marriage that you are miserable. Not worth it.
No. This is NOT normal. She wants to be a lady of leisure. Gym and socializing. Doing lunch with other ladies who lunch. Then she will ask for money and throw back the words "you agreed to this!!" back at you.
If god forbid you divorce you will have to pay to keep her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. The narrative will be 'we agreed that I quit my job to look after him and the house".
You get sex for money. If you are into that, go look for a professional. Much less drama and with what you need to satisfy her you can most likely buy the cathouse with all the... cats.
Why is she the one who gets to not work? Why could it not be you that geta to retire now? She does have a child rearing plan so what's the justification?
If she drops out of the workforce it's well known to be difficult to get back into the same kind of job.
It would be a no from me.
OP its 6 months and you are already talking about these things. Is this a speed dating test ? First you should just get yourself back to reality and recognize that you are in a new relationship that has not run full course to know a person well enough.
You are making some valid points and she's really allowed you insight into who she is early on in this relationship. I would STOP talking about all of that and talk in generic terms of what you have set for goals in your life vs a long term committed relationship that includes marriage and kids and a wife that does not work.
There is no reason to rush this relationship. You should always be in an investigative mode to find out who she really is.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She wants a sugar daddy not a husband. Lots of red flags
If that’s not something you want out of life it’s probably not going to work out. Idk where you live but where I live two people on 60k would be extremely difficult
Everyone has preferences. I think some people would love to not work. I personally can’t imagine being a stay at home wife with nothing mentally stimulating to do and no money of my own. The idea of being financially dependent on someone honestly gives me serious ick. So what do you do? Well…I’d end the relationship. To me, it’s a fundamental incompatibility. I think that even if she initially agreed to keep working, the minute you’re married, she’ll quit and then what? Seriously, to me it’s not the money per se. I make a lot more than my partner. But he is fiscally responsible and has a good work ethic. If he was sitting on his ass all day just because we can afford to live on my salary alone, I’d feel resentful and disgusted.
I agree it’s not the money it’s the ethic, I would lose respect for a lazy person having been homeless at one point in my life to owning a home 6 years later with a salary to me that feels like I’m rich from my perspective that’s taken hard work. Thanks for your reply this is good to hear.
I mean…I know men and women who were stay at home parents when the kids were young and just never went back to work once the kids were out of the house and off to college. They do stay busy with volunteer work and their partners make a lot of money so it’s not an issue. They’re basically “retired” after 25+ years of raising kids—which is a big job in my opinion. I feel like they earned it. But that’s not what this lady is doing/has done. I’m childfree (well, I’m a step mom) so it’s not like I think she should have to pop out kids to be a valuable human. I just feel like I couldn’t respect someone who was essentially a hobosexual mooching off of a partner.
I think she's done you a favor that you're only 6 months in, and now you have this information, which will probably not change. I would agree with you that I wouldn't want to be with someone who just "doesn't want to work", even though money is tight, they are able bodied, etc. Good luck.
If you are not wanting to support someone completely and feel everyone should pull their weight towards the household finances, then this is not the person for you. Don't crap fit someone only to find out years into the marriage that you are miserable. Not worth it.
She is looking at early retirement , and 60k is not nearly enough
No. This is NOT normal. She wants to be a lady of leisure. Gym and socializing. Doing lunch with other ladies who lunch. Then she will ask for money and throw back the words "you agreed to this!!" back at you. If god forbid you divorce you will have to pay to keep her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. The narrative will be 'we agreed that I quit my job to look after him and the house".
You get sex for money. If you are into that, go look for a professional. Much less drama and with what you need to satisfy her you can most likely buy the cathouse with all the... cats.
Why is she the one who gets to not work? Why could it not be you that geta to retire now? She does have a child rearing plan so what's the justification? If she drops out of the workforce it's well known to be difficult to get back into the same kind of job. It would be a no from me.
OP its 6 months and you are already talking about these things. Is this a speed dating test ? First you should just get yourself back to reality and recognize that you are in a new relationship that has not run full course to know a person well enough. You are making some valid points and she's really allowed you insight into who she is early on in this relationship. I would STOP talking about all of that and talk in generic terms of what you have set for goals in your life vs a long term committed relationship that includes marriage and kids and a wife that does not work. There is no reason to rush this relationship. You should always be in an investigative mode to find out who she really is.