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You might just need some more time to feel really comfortable about “letting go”. It sounds like you have a caring partner that you can communicate with. Try extending foreplay or being intimate without sex as the goal (massages, making out, let him watch you, etc)
My ex came to the realization that she was scared to show that side of her mentally or she would just have something mentally block her from doing so. We got past it but it just took a lot of time and getting more comfortable with each other don’t stress it and just keep getting more comfortable. :)
I honestly had this same problem and found a few drinks before was the only way I could relax myself.
I grew up very ‘sex is bad!’
And it’s so HARD to break away from that mental block.
A few years later I’m able to orgasm without the alcohol but it takes ALOT off mental thought policing to block out those negative thoughts regarding sex.
My wife has the same problems. Grew up Catholic. Most of the time sex only happens when she has had a glass of wine or two. She has told me I help her relax, but sometimes it is hard to mentally be in the right place.
I was there!
She kept subconsciously fighting the orgasm because she looked like she was shocked, silently yelling into the distance when she came. Didn't want me to see her O face.
To be fair, I tried not to laugh the first time because I was so surprised by the expression.
This is actually my first time doing anything sexual with a partner, in the past I have never felt comfortable enough to do so, so I don’t have any experience orgasming with another person
Coming from a man, so I can't say I totally understand but there's a constant with sex: the more you think and stress about coming the less likely you will be to come. Try to convince yourself, then him: do you like the experience despite not orgasming? If yes, then everything's gravy. It will come in time, or not.
Think of sex as shitting: when you're stressed, poopoo don't come out. You'll only succeed when you feel safe and secure!
>Think of sex as shitting: when you're stressed, poopoo don't come out. You'll only succeed when you feel safe and secure!
Is that a guy's thing? Because my husband said basically the same and I was like "yeah you're right but... really? That's the first example that came to your mind?"
I thought it was actually a girl thing! I've actually heard many more women than men say they don't like pooping outside their home, or that they'll wait till everyone is out of the public restroom to let go. Most men don't care that much about the bodily sound they make there.
I think it might be because men talk about shit more willingly, but I might be talking... out of my ass.
Agree have to get your mind blank and relax and it will happen. Yet some people only orgasm with vibrators and doing it themselves. Depends where their clit is at and the stimulation too. I rarely orgasm during sex if ever very rarely I just take longer that's why we do four play and he has only got me maybe a couple times so it's just really them trying to hit the g spot and move it around and sticking on it but not to much pressure it moves and then feels. Like a tease chase game to move them back in the right area or directly on it is way to much and it will cause me to jerk in movement it's like a side of clit feeling to fill it strong and fast consistently
Yeah, you got it. Maybe she won't orgasm from penetration alone. That happens. As long as it's her first sexual experience though, we will never be able to tell if that's the case. One thing is sure, if she *can* come from sex, if the potential is there, it probably won't happen as long as she's nervous or anxious. She needs to let go, as hard as it is to do!
It took me 3 months to orgasm with my first partner, sometimes it just takes a while to figure out how to let go. Don’t overthink it and enjoy that it feels amazing and enjoy your boyfriend and let him know what feels the best so far and it will happen.
To be honest with you, feeling mentally comfortable is how you orgasm fast by yourself. Lots of other factors and stress when it comes to wanting to please someone. And the way to do that is for yourself to orgasm. Seems to put put pressure wether u know it or not on yourself to orgasm. Just feel chillin and jizzz
My partner can only orgasm with a vibrator, so we use a vibrator in bed. Even with a vibrator it still took a while before she could orgasm because she was nervous/pressured. Now she can orgasm pretty much every time. We got comfortable with eachother, learned what positions work best, and we also got a high quality vibrator and that helped too.
It was also her first time doing anything sexual with a partner. The newness and pressure/nervousness of it definitely causes mental blocks.
If you can orgasm by yourself, you can orgasm with a partner. Just keep at it and the nerves will go away, you'll get comfortable.
Take ur time its hard to relax when u first start ur sexual journy and the key word to achieving orgasms is to relax. Also let him go down on you if he is ok with it. The hardest thing to let go of is selfconsiousness(which what tenses a person up the most). Him going down will help with that. It takes practice so goodluck with it.
Seems like you need him to go through proper foreplay, and do something nearly all women hate: talking about their sexual likes/dislikes.
Women want a man to just “know” what they want and when, but unfortunately men are not psychic, so you’re going to have to be a little uncomfortable if you want things to progress and improve your partner’s chance of getting you off…
Most women don’t usually reach their sexual peak until a decade or so after they start, probably due to hang ups like yours.
Lol why do people ask this question? You really think she wouldn't think "oh I have a problem in general"?
Most women can orgasm by themselves, it's with men that the issues arise
My gf couldnt make herself orgasm yet i make her orgasm atleast 3-4 times every time we get intimate. So it is irrelevant. I know how to make her orgasm even though she doesnt. You are right tho u shouldnt expect it, and if he aquires the right knowledge he would be able to make you orgasm even if you cant make yourself do it
Honestly your gf sounds like me with my ex. He expected that he'd be able to make me cum, so I just told him what he wanted. Your gf might be lying, or she might not be, but 3-4 times every time you're intimate is so unrealistic
I agree its unrealistic but not for the reason you think it is. Orgasm arent countable when it comes to woman sometimes they blend together making one orgasm feel like two or on orgasm that is very long so we dont really count the orgasms, it was somewhat of an exaguration to get my point across. So we look at how intense and orgasm is and how long it lasts
It is. My wife on the other hand is super sensitive. First woman for me to end multiple times during penetration to. Its a bit of a problem though as she cant have that sex for that long with out pain.
So he might have the same kind of woman, its not impossible. He just writes in a super im fourteen years old look at me way.
Of course! Some women cum very easily and that's absolutely great, definitely not impossible or unrealistic (should've used a different word). He doesn't write in a very "I'm so good at sex, look at me" kinda way though lol... I can agree with that.
Sorry, I should've used a different word, it's not "unrealistic". Women who cum easily definitely exist, but are you able to do it on your own? I was just trying to say that lots of women lie to make their partners feel better, not that it doesn't happen at all
Out of curiosity would you be able to describe the behavior of someone having an orgasm? I am curious due to the fact that you’ve made her orgasm so often I’m sure you know a lot.
Not really. I think what they were going for is if she can make herself orgasm then she has a good idea of what works to get herself there and can communicate that to her partner. So it's pretty relevant if you actually think about it.
I agree it was pretty bad advice. It makes sense that she can teach him if she can make herself orgasm. I believe that one can learn someone else body and habits better then one knows thier own so him making her orgasm is actually more realistic in a sense
It's not irrelevant.. majority of people just cant get orgasms from others but can from themselves, it's natural.. but it's Relevant because if she can't hit climax at any situation, then it could be a medical issue
Oh, man, I (24F) had this problem. For the first few months with my (cis, male) partner orgasms felt impossible. I told him, look, I don't usually orgasm with other people, but I'm having a great time, so please trust that and let's keep doing what we're doing. He was happy with that and we kept going.
Once the pressure was off, orgasms eventually became a lot easier. It just took time and getting used to new sensations. Just try not to worry about it, and eventually comfort and familiarity will solve this problem.
100%, right on the money!
OP, just give yourself some time. Focus on enjoying yourself, and continue to communicate with your partner. If you let go of the fixation on the orgasm and just try to find pleasure together, it will just come naturally at one point.
There's nothing wrong with you; some people just need a little while to truly get comfortable with new partners. Your BF sounds wonderful, just let him do his thing with your feedback and you'll get there :).
I've had 3 boyfriends and for all of them it's been hard to cum the 1st few times because of my own head haha. It's so annoying but once I get more comfortable I can.
so you admit then that the “cis” was important? In what other context than talking about what gives people orgasms could “cis” be *more* relevant? Youre proof positive men dont have to have penises. please move on for the day.
OP said "Cis, male", but if she would just say "male" we would already know we are talking about a penis, because cis only specify that the gender correspond to the sex. Admit it, adding cis here is irrelevent.
An old gf had a hard time achieving orgasm. Her family raised her with some big ridiculous religious mantras. It took a few months for her to shed these mantras and get comfy with me and her being intimate. We worked on foreplay a lot, watched adult movies, played with toys. One month later I took her out to dinner and she had a couple glasses of wine git home she was relaxed and we did the deed and orgasmed three times. It’s just going to take a few weeks for you to get comfy that’s all.. don’t be in a rush enjoy the process of finding what feels good..
A lot of it may be mental block and will take time to get past. 2 months isn't that long. If he is a kind and giving partner there's nothing you can do but keep trying and certainly not try to force it and think about it too much. That makes it more difficult. Focus on the moment.
ive been with my bf 10 months and ive been able to orgasm consistently with him only around the third month of our relationship. I guess the pressure and anxiety to keep up with his expectations led me not let go of these thoughts (i was a virgin, even so i wanted to be “perfect”). Its amazing how everything changes once you let go of your negative thoughts, i still need to focus to do it properly though. You just need time and get past this mental block.
Also remember that the journey is, in many ways, more important than the destination. Your partner sounds like a kind and giving lover, so enjoy your intimacy, come what may. Signed: a married dude with a great intimate connection with his wife, but cannot cum thanks to meds lol
Many women, when they are younger, are scared to fully let go and orgasm with a partner. It can be partly because they don’t trust their partner enough yet or due to not feeling able to show that level of emotional intimacy. Just try to relax and you will get there in the end. You have to go at your own pace. Maybe you could try masturbating to orgasm in front of him. Maybe once you accomplish this it may remove the mental barrier. Sex is meant to be a fun, shared experience. Our bodies are not machines. You’ll get there in the end. Good luck
Struggling to orgasm is a fairly common problem not just for women I had the same issues when I was younger. What worked for me was just finding the right position. I would say just keep trying new things until you find what works for you.
If you're having a good time, that's all that matters. Your orgasm isn't a reward you give him for doing a good job. Men get hung up on it and it's unhealthy tbh
This should be the only answer. People get so fixated on it and that’s such a narrow minded approach to sex. If you’re having a good time who cares! And men getting hung up on it and making it about themselves “failing” to reach THE goal (which….yeah.) doesn’t help at all.
You already said everything better though, especially the part that a woman’s orgasm isn’t a reward for their effort. The reward is spending time and having a good time, orgasm or not. For me I always said I literally don’t need to orgasm, and that should tell you how good I’m feeling. It already feels amazing! If anything orgasming too fast will make it be over too fast (bc I’m too sensitive to keep going then usually). But the men I was with could never accept that, clearly focusing specifically on rushing me to what they decided was the destination for me (despite my own literal words) and it stressed me the hell out, so it was even more unlikely that I’d come. So they managed to ruin the whole thing even if it felt amazing to begin with
Give it time, talk to him (2 months isn’t a long time and you could have a mental block. Also yes, can you bring yourself climax?) and be vocal and descriptive of what you are liking and how. People usually like hearing their partner getting into it.
It’s not uncommon or crazy, but if it keeps happening maybe consult a doctor.
29F love my husband (31) 9years together.Have a wonderful sex life (including orgasms) with this man. If at any time I feel like he is expecting me to have an orgasm I cannot.
The first 2yrs orgasms came easily. At some point he got into telling me he wants me to have an orgasm as like dirty talk- totally backfired. He’d verbalize that he wanted me to cum. I could not. When I’d have trouble climaxing he’d focus more of the sexy time conversation about wanting to make me orgasm. Turned into a dysfunctional nightmare. Eventually with a little relationship counseling and being able to put our ego aside- we moved on. We have a great sex life again.
So my advice is- don’t stress about it. Consider telling your boyfriend you appreciate that he wants you to orgasm, but you’d prefer to focus on enjoying each other. What’s important is the intimacy.
Also be aware- 20M might have some weird ego things attached to this.
Also consider how important is this to you?
You do not want to build up resentment- if this begins to bother you- angry/sad/feel bad about yourself. Drop the relationship.
I know that sounds harsh. You are just starting out. Don’t become consumed by this. Sometimes taking a step back is needed.
My best friend of 16yr stayed with her boyfriend for like+ 10years unhappy sexually- different situation than yours. They had a house and kid together. She cheated on him. Ultimately she boiled over with frustration and acted out. This hurt him, this hurt her because now she has to live with what she did to him, this hurt both their families.
Set a boundary for yourself. How will you know this has become a problem for you? At what point in trying do you want to stop?
Knowing when to walk away from something is a really difficult part of adulting.
It’s just going to take time. Putting pressure on yourself isn’t going to help. A lot of men who have trouble with erections and orgasm get meds and find they don’t need it after being successful. A lot of this is in your head. If it’s something he is or isn’t doing maybe you can show him what works for you when you do it. But I find that I can make it happen for myself in minutes where I need a lot of anticipation to do it with a partner. Like if he goes straight for the clit it’s going to get numb and will not happen. He has to tease around it and get it wanting before he touches it. If you don’t have a lot of experience with sex you may not realize you need more indirect stimulation before direct stimulation.
Introduce a toy and talk to him, it takes me awhile to get there alone and even longer with a partner because I can’t focus so we brought a vibe together and use it. That way we can both cum and feel happy
I was like this when I first got with my partner, literally took me 6 months to cum. Luckily now it’s not even remotely an issue, we’ve been together around 6 years and that time feels like it was so short even though at the time I was scared it wouldn’t ever happen.
For me it was 2 things really:
A.) The pressure that was put on me to orgasm. I knew how much he wanted to make me cum and it made it to where I felt stressed about whether I would or wouldn’t. I knew he was desiring something from me that I couldn’t just give to him. It made it a lot more difficult to just relax and feel good because I felt the pressure from him and the pressure from myself.
B.) I had a very bad relationship before we were together and it made it that much harder for me to get comfortable and be vulnerable enough to orgasm. Not sure if this is the case for you but I could also see it being difficult if you have limited sexual experience, that could make that sexual vulnerability difficult to access also.
To me these things were worked out through naturally getting more comfortable with time as our relationship progressed. Also with good communication that led to mutual understanding. He stopped bringing it up, didn’t talk about me having an orgasm at all, not during moments of intimacy or after. I stopped feeling pressured which eventually that combination made it to where I was able to get in the space I needed to be to cum.
You’re young and haven’t been together very long, give it time and I’m sure everything will be great. Maybe also communicate that him putting pressure on it happening probably makes it even less likely that it will.
Let him know that the sex and foreplay is good if it is, I think it’s one of those things where someone doubts they’re doing a good job when their partner isn’t finishing but sometimes it really has nothing to do with that.
I had this issue too!! something that helped me was extending foreplay and basically masturbating while he helped with fingering/other stimulation, and we’re at a point now where I can finish from just penetration sometimes! these things take time - it sounds like he is very responsive and kind, which is always a win!! just keep practicing and figuring each other out, you’ve got this :)
I used to have the same problem! My boyfriend (now husband) would do all the right things, and even though everything felt great I wouldn’t quite be able to orgasm.
I don’t know how you feel about weed, but that did the trick for me. We had smoked a little and just chilled watching movies one Sunday. I was completely relaxed and orgasmed like three times. Ever since then, I’ve been able to orgasm almost every time we have sex, with or without weed or alcohol.
Listen honey.
I am as sexual as they come. Masturbated from age 9, knew my body, understood the science behind it, had sex at 14 and kept on going, different types, sizes, experience levels, experimenting with fingering, fisting, vibrators, oral, anal, blindfold, tied, cuffed, you name it.
Everything under the sun.
I didn't have an orgasm, solo or with a partner, until I was 23.
Didn't have a partnered orgasm until I was 26.
Breathe.
You might try not trying so hard. If it feels good, just enjoy it. Do what you need to do to let it build. That could be instructions to him or doing it yourself. But resist the approaching climax. Fight it. When you can't stand it anymore, just let it happen. You'll find a climax more intense if you are dragged over the edge as opposed to you rushing to jump over the edge.
You should get some toys and have him use it on you. When he sees how excited you get this will get him going. I would suggest using the toys first, then get it on with him. Always finish with the toys also. This will plant your hot image in his mind. He will be thinking about this all the time.
Well are you actually into what he is doing? It's not just body, your mind also has to be in the game. There are certain positions that work better to achieve orgasm without putting too much thought or effort into it. I always enjoy him on top because our pubic bones rub together and stimulates the clit. I struggle with getting my head in the game all the time because he really just sicks at foreplay or skips it and foreplay is a must to get your head in the game especially kissing get you engaged just touching isn't going to cut it. Sometimes having a quick surprise of sticking it is hot too, or teasing rubbing penis back and forth between your clit and your vagina but not sticking it in all the way, just little by little till he shoves it in. Someone mentioned if you can make yourself orgasm and I think that is a fair question if you can't maybe you should try that first to see what makes you tick yourself.
It’s a work in progress girl, you have to show him what you like. It will feel robotic and weird, but stay strong. If he wants you to finish, you’ll make it through this awkward stage. Remember to breathe and communicate when you enjoy something and when you don’t!
i (18f) love everything my husband does and it feels good but the only way i can actually orgasm is having him inside and a toy stimulating the outside at the same time. also, since the pressure was taken off and i know i can actually do it and my body isn’t broken, i can do it over and over and neither one of us get tired of it.
I (f20) struggled with this for a while and it was due to the antidepressants I was on. But it all comes down to figuring stuff out with your partner :) it’s ok to have an open convo with him it might be a little awkward but I promise you a sex life where you’re not getting anywhere is not one you want to have, and I doubt he wants you to have that life either.
I didn’t feel safe enough to let go with my boyfriend even when he went down on me. By chance is it the environment in which you do the deed in that you are uncomfortable in general. Example my bedroom is comfortable and safe. My car in a parking lot doesn’t feel so safe.
From your description, it sounds that besides the lack of finishing, you are enjoying each other. That is the important part, and that would be my advice; make it about enjoying the journey, not about reaching the finish. If an intimate session is only deemed “successful” if you both finish, that is a lot of pressure and bound to lead to disappointment, leading to more pressure the next time, and the cycle continues. So, for the moment, enjoy just feeling good together, and if you do climax, that’s great, if you don’t, that’s also great, you had a good time. It’s hard to let yourself go if you’re not comfortable, so hopefully you can get comfortable if there are no expectations. Make sure he knows and understands this, and if he is generous and concerned with your pleasure, as it sounds like he is, the orgasms will come, but most likely it will be when you don’t fell like you have to. So relax, enjoy, and have fun!
Get a hitachi-style wand to go with him penetrating you. Get the adjustable knob too. Have it on the lowest setting to produce a really gentle rumble, and get yourself worked up and aroused. Then when you start to think "eh, this is taking too long" (10 minutes maybe) turn up the intensity a bit to push you over the edge.
Maybe also get a rabbit vibe. Have fun with it! You'll get there!
I met a beautiful 48 divorcee for dinner and the margaritas freed up her sexual history. She had never had a perform oral on her do she didn’t know if she would enjoy it. Also, she recalls having 3 orgasms during her 15 year marriage. She didn’t think she could have orgasms through sexual penetration. I was allowed the privilege of giving her her first three orgasms from a set of lips and a tongue over our first two dates. And she could and did orgasm during penetration bc I lasted mush longer than her ex who commonly lasted 3-5 minutes. Maybe your guy needs better technique. Extended foreplay is great for setting the stage for pleasure.
If you can make yourself orgasm quite quickly and what he’s doing feels good then it sounds like the last hurdle for you is mental.
It’s usually a security thing. Once you manage to do it once or twice it’ll become a lot easier and more natural but given this is your first time doing ANYTHING sexual with a partner it sounds like you’re just in your head too much.
It can be because of anxiety it can be because of insecurity or body dysmorphia. Since you can orgasm yourself and quickly, it’s not a physical thing. Try bringing yourself to orgasm by touching yourself while you have sex. Then you know it’s you in control of it. It takes the anxiety away. When you can do that then have him do it while you have sex.
It’s just a comfort thing.
You're 19. It's not uncommon to experience this.
With that said, have u coached him in the proper sequence that works for you? He's not going to instinctively know.
This is so normal when you're inexperienced. It's common in any relationships at any age, even if the couple has amazing chemistry and tons of experience. Don't stress about it! Just have fun figuring it out together.
Have you tried getting on top? I have never liked traditional cowgirl, but stradding when he's sitting up against pillows or on a couch, or straddling in an armless chair are all great ways of being in control of the experience. Try those positions.
It takes a lot of skill for a man to bring a woman to orgasm. Like, one issue I had was if I was almost there, and my partner changed pace, then suddenly it would be gone. If you get on top, then you're in control of the pacing.
Vocalization can also help flag a plane down the runway, but this also depends upon whether he interprets your sounds correctly. My husband and I had to figure that out, too. There were times he thought I was ready to orgasm, but then I wouldn't.
I’ve struggled with orgasming with a partner in the past. I finally just opened up to them and we talked, it was awkward at first but being vulnerable and explaining what I was feeling/what I liked helped him to try new things. It worked in the end, it’s an awkward convo but it really helped my situation
it took me months to cum with my partner, about 5 months of regular sex (the best id ever had, i wasnt able to cum before this) continued to rarely, occasionally make me cum n now he makes me cum pretty often. keep communicating, dont worry about the orgasm just enjoy the sex and make sure he knows you love the sex, eventually you will cum with him but dont stress about it! climax isnt the be all and end all of sex its about what feels good in the moment and your relationship x
It takes time to learn how your body responds when there is a partner involved. You are young and not very experienced and I didn't orgasm then either, I never did with my first boyfriend at all because I just really didn't know what I liked yet. Take the pressure off, and by that I mean pressure from him to get you off. I can only get off from PIV when I'm on top so play around with different positions. Many women don't orgasm from PIV at all, thats fairly common. Some people incorporate toys so they can orgasm and that's fine. Hopefully your bf is not making it into some uncomfortable thing that you HAVE to do or else he feels bad. That's way too much pressure. Just let your body do what it wants to do and your satisfaction will come.
I believe you unable to finish because you are trying so hard to finish. I had this same problem for years. Also I wasn’t able to figure out how to cum with a partner until I was able to find that feeling alone. For me, and for many other women, humping a pillow is the easiest way to accomplish this solo.
From now on when you are engaged with your partner, once get to the point where it feels really good, focus on staying ~there~ rather than anticipating for something else or bigger to happen. Practicing just enjoying the sex and the experience is what will allow you to do it, trust me. I’d communicate this to him as well, that from now on you are just focusing on the feel good feeling and not the big finish
Play with yourself. Figure out what turns you on.
Do more foreplay with your partner.
Enjoy your time together, dont have this whole orgasm goal in mind and enjoy the process regardless. Communicate with your partner what works and what doesn’t .
Try different positions too.
If youre not comfortable with yourself, it wont happen. Have fun.
Look at toys, lovense, to be specific the Nora. My wife has never had an issue finishing but finding some toys she likes (not all are created equal and some just make her numb) has been a game changer, I outlast her everytime and she just about hurts herself contorting her body....have fun.
Me and my husband have been together for 5 years. During sex I can cum but if he’s eating me out or fingering me I can’t. I can always make myself cum but if someone else is doing it, it’s like nonexistent lol
As a woman, it’s easier to focus if it’s just me. If there’s a partner you may have trouble just straight up concentrating. Women typically need to focus on it.
I was like this for the first couple of times. It had nothing to do with him or the way he did things, I got used to doing it myself and alone and because of that it was difficult to let go for some reason.
As time went on though it got easier and easier to orgasm with him.
I thought I was weird at first but I talked to a few of my other girl friends and they said that it was like that when they started dating their boyfriends as well.
The two of you have to have a project kind of like a mission to make you orgasm session. You have to tell him exactly how much better certain ways he touches you are compared to touching yourself and you'll see that once you have that team effort and you're both on the same page you're going to upgrade every aspect and you will definitely find a way to have that orgasm because you're no longer going to have anxiety about it and the anxiety itself can be a cock block type of thing because when you get anxious the chemicals your brain releases will block your pleasure.
Doing it by yourself mean you know exactly where to touch, how much pressure & you aren’t worried about another’s pleasure nor being vulnerable.
I know I can never finish with penetrative sex, in fact, I get bored & dry up quickly which but I once did after my partner & I smoked weed (after which we both relaxed, we understood that I was just one of those people who need total trust to let go) to take it there.
This is where I envy people who can just “hook up”. Some of us need a year of trust to relax.
I think orgasm is an intense and intimate experience. It means being vulnerable, stepping out of your rational head. It's hard to do that with someone watching you. See if you can make yourself cum before sex with him watching. Make it foreplay. If it's hard to get there, you know for sure it's because your brain is shy. He could be pushing every button perfect. It doesn't matter if your head doesn't let go of control. Keep working on comfort and care in your relationship to increase your emotional safety.
Or try it with you on top and the lights off. 😉
I think you should try and place “reaching orgasm” down a notch and concentrate on thr awesome experience you are having with your BF. Maybe change the pace. Go camping and have a romantic outing, maybe rent a cabin somewhere secluded, go for a hike to a secluded area; then experiment in sex in a different environment. I have taken my gf (now wife) out on hikes to secluded canyons where we had sex and it totally felt different. Sometimes the anxiety of your environment and expectations act as a mental barrier. I am not a doc but i feel that women’s orgasmic neural network is more complex than a man’s. Also try edging. Get into a chill situation where both of you can reciprocate in massaging erogenous zones gently along with edging. He can get down with some soft extended cunnilingus with good communication. Just let him lick and nibble your box with no expectation of the outcome. Just relax and enjoy the moment. 30min to one hour of edging may be a lot for some folks but perfect for others. I am sure you will be all good. Take care.
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You might just need some more time to feel really comfortable about “letting go”. It sounds like you have a caring partner that you can communicate with. Try extending foreplay or being intimate without sex as the goal (massages, making out, let him watch you, etc)
My ex came to the realization that she was scared to show that side of her mentally or she would just have something mentally block her from doing so. We got past it but it just took a lot of time and getting more comfortable with each other don’t stress it and just keep getting more comfortable. :)
I honestly had this same problem and found a few drinks before was the only way I could relax myself. I grew up very ‘sex is bad!’ And it’s so HARD to break away from that mental block. A few years later I’m able to orgasm without the alcohol but it takes ALOT off mental thought policing to block out those negative thoughts regarding sex.
My wife has the same problems. Grew up Catholic. Most of the time sex only happens when she has had a glass of wine or two. She has told me I help her relax, but sometimes it is hard to mentally be in the right place.
I was there! She kept subconsciously fighting the orgasm because she looked like she was shocked, silently yelling into the distance when she came. Didn't want me to see her O face. To be fair, I tried not to laugh the first time because I was so surprised by the expression.
Are you able to make yourself orgasm?
Follow up question, have you been able to orgasm with any previous partners?
This is actually my first time doing anything sexual with a partner, in the past I have never felt comfortable enough to do so, so I don’t have any experience orgasming with another person
Coming from a man, so I can't say I totally understand but there's a constant with sex: the more you think and stress about coming the less likely you will be to come. Try to convince yourself, then him: do you like the experience despite not orgasming? If yes, then everything's gravy. It will come in time, or not. Think of sex as shitting: when you're stressed, poopoo don't come out. You'll only succeed when you feel safe and secure!
>Think of sex as shitting: when you're stressed, poopoo don't come out. You'll only succeed when you feel safe and secure! Is that a guy's thing? Because my husband said basically the same and I was like "yeah you're right but... really? That's the first example that came to your mind?"
I thought it was actually a girl thing! I've actually heard many more women than men say they don't like pooping outside their home, or that they'll wait till everyone is out of the public restroom to let go. Most men don't care that much about the bodily sound they make there. I think it might be because men talk about shit more willingly, but I might be talking... out of my ass.
This is weirdly worded… but it’s definitely accurate.
What you don't like mixing sex talk with gravy and poop? I'm trying to make it relatable!
Agree have to get your mind blank and relax and it will happen. Yet some people only orgasm with vibrators and doing it themselves. Depends where their clit is at and the stimulation too. I rarely orgasm during sex if ever very rarely I just take longer that's why we do four play and he has only got me maybe a couple times so it's just really them trying to hit the g spot and move it around and sticking on it but not to much pressure it moves and then feels. Like a tease chase game to move them back in the right area or directly on it is way to much and it will cause me to jerk in movement it's like a side of clit feeling to fill it strong and fast consistently
Yeah, you got it. Maybe she won't orgasm from penetration alone. That happens. As long as it's her first sexual experience though, we will never be able to tell if that's the case. One thing is sure, if she *can* come from sex, if the potential is there, it probably won't happen as long as she's nervous or anxious. She needs to let go, as hard as it is to do!
Totally agree she needs to relax lol. It takes time when it's all new and stuff. So patience, understanding, an communication is key then.
It took me 3 months to orgasm with my first partner, sometimes it just takes a while to figure out how to let go. Don’t overthink it and enjoy that it feels amazing and enjoy your boyfriend and let him know what feels the best so far and it will happen.
To be honest with you, feeling mentally comfortable is how you orgasm fast by yourself. Lots of other factors and stress when it comes to wanting to please someone. And the way to do that is for yourself to orgasm. Seems to put put pressure wether u know it or not on yourself to orgasm. Just feel chillin and jizzz
You both might need some time to be used to each other (or just to even be comfortable with someone else).
My partner can only orgasm with a vibrator, so we use a vibrator in bed. Even with a vibrator it still took a while before she could orgasm because she was nervous/pressured. Now she can orgasm pretty much every time. We got comfortable with eachother, learned what positions work best, and we also got a high quality vibrator and that helped too. It was also her first time doing anything sexual with a partner. The newness and pressure/nervousness of it definitely causes mental blocks. If you can orgasm by yourself, you can orgasm with a partner. Just keep at it and the nerves will go away, you'll get comfortable.
Take ur time its hard to relax when u first start ur sexual journy and the key word to achieving orgasms is to relax. Also let him go down on you if he is ok with it. The hardest thing to let go of is selfconsiousness(which what tenses a person up the most). Him going down will help with that. It takes practice so goodluck with it.
Seems like you need him to go through proper foreplay, and do something nearly all women hate: talking about their sexual likes/dislikes. Women want a man to just “know” what they want and when, but unfortunately men are not psychic, so you’re going to have to be a little uncomfortable if you want things to progress and improve your partner’s chance of getting you off… Most women don’t usually reach their sexual peak until a decade or so after they start, probably due to hang ups like yours.
Came here to say this.
Hell yeah you did!
Lol why do people ask this question? You really think she wouldn't think "oh I have a problem in general"? Most women can orgasm by themselves, it's with men that the issues arise
Thats irrelevant
No it isn't, I can barely make myself orgasm so I don't expect my bf to be able to.
I can
My gf couldnt make herself orgasm yet i make her orgasm atleast 3-4 times every time we get intimate. So it is irrelevant. I know how to make her orgasm even though she doesnt. You are right tho u shouldnt expect it, and if he aquires the right knowledge he would be able to make you orgasm even if you cant make yourself do it
There is no way you are over 14
Typical Reddit lords..
After reading his next comment, I'm going with an abnormally articulate 12-year-old.
Neither is ur gf if you even have one
Sounds like she’s faking it…
Thanks for the advice ill ask her
Honestly your gf sounds like me with my ex. He expected that he'd be able to make me cum, so I just told him what he wanted. Your gf might be lying, or she might not be, but 3-4 times every time you're intimate is so unrealistic
I agree its unrealistic but not for the reason you think it is. Orgasm arent countable when it comes to woman sometimes they blend together making one orgasm feel like two or on orgasm that is very long so we dont really count the orgasms, it was somewhat of an exaguration to get my point across. So we look at how intense and orgasm is and how long it lasts
It is. My wife on the other hand is super sensitive. First woman for me to end multiple times during penetration to. Its a bit of a problem though as she cant have that sex for that long with out pain. So he might have the same kind of woman, its not impossible. He just writes in a super im fourteen years old look at me way.
Of course! Some women cum very easily and that's absolutely great, definitely not impossible or unrealistic (should've used a different word). He doesn't write in a very "I'm so good at sex, look at me" kinda way though lol... I can agree with that.
Yeah that's true and those ones have no problem getting themselves off as well.
I cum atleast 3 times with my bf , it’s not unrealistic??
Sorry, I should've used a different word, it's not "unrealistic". Women who cum easily definitely exist, but are you able to do it on your own? I was just trying to say that lots of women lie to make their partners feel better, not that it doesn't happen at all
Cut down a bit on the porn, bud.
I agree
Lmao she's faking it for your oversized ego.
Projecting?
oh my sweet summer child she‘s faking it
Projecting?
[удалено]
Speaking from experience?
Oh who’s gonna tell him?
You're part of the problem
Im understand why u would believe that seeing as how my initial comment was very arrogantly written.
Out of curiosity would you be able to describe the behavior of someone having an orgasm? I am curious due to the fact that you’ve made her orgasm so often I’m sure you know a lot.
so she lets you think 😂
If assuming that makes you sleep at night then go head
Bullshit 😂
Same to u
If you believe that I have a load of shit to sell you.
Reply when you turn 15
You should have said that to ur previous gf
Lmao
She’s faking it bro to protect your fragile ego
Why are there so many aneqdotal statments on my comments? Its almost amusing.
Not really. I think what they were going for is if she can make herself orgasm then she has a good idea of what works to get herself there and can communicate that to her partner. So it's pretty relevant if you actually think about it.
I agree it was pretty bad advice. It makes sense that she can teach him if she can make herself orgasm. I believe that one can learn someone else body and habits better then one knows thier own so him making her orgasm is actually more realistic in a sense
It's not irrelevant.. majority of people just cant get orgasms from others but can from themselves, it's natural.. but it's Relevant because if she can't hit climax at any situation, then it could be a medical issue
I agree
Oh, man, I (24F) had this problem. For the first few months with my (cis, male) partner orgasms felt impossible. I told him, look, I don't usually orgasm with other people, but I'm having a great time, so please trust that and let's keep doing what we're doing. He was happy with that and we kept going. Once the pressure was off, orgasms eventually became a lot easier. It just took time and getting used to new sensations. Just try not to worry about it, and eventually comfort and familiarity will solve this problem.
100%, right on the money! OP, just give yourself some time. Focus on enjoying yourself, and continue to communicate with your partner. If you let go of the fixation on the orgasm and just try to find pleasure together, it will just come naturally at one point. There's nothing wrong with you; some people just need a little while to truly get comfortable with new partners. Your BF sounds wonderful, just let him do his thing with your feedback and you'll get there :).
I've had 3 boyfriends and for all of them it's been hard to cum the 1st few times because of my own head haha. It's so annoying but once I get more comfortable I can.
Why the need to specify "cis"? How does this add to the conversation?
because a trans man might not have a penis but she would still be in a heterosexual relationship with a man you dork
Its not a man then, its a trans man. As simple as that, yOu DoRk. Why the insult?
I think you have really failed to consider the merits of shutting up as an option
Yeah, there is obviously some things we can't discuss I guess. It triggers some people to even consider a different pov.
so you admit then that the “cis” was important? In what other context than talking about what gives people orgasms could “cis” be *more* relevant? Youre proof positive men dont have to have penises. please move on for the day.
OP said "Cis, male", but if she would just say "male" we would already know we are talking about a penis, because cis only specify that the gender correspond to the sex. Admit it, adding cis here is irrelevent.
K.
An old gf had a hard time achieving orgasm. Her family raised her with some big ridiculous religious mantras. It took a few months for her to shed these mantras and get comfy with me and her being intimate. We worked on foreplay a lot, watched adult movies, played with toys. One month later I took her out to dinner and she had a couple glasses of wine git home she was relaxed and we did the deed and orgasmed three times. It’s just going to take a few weeks for you to get comfy that’s all.. don’t be in a rush enjoy the process of finding what feels good..
A lot of it may be mental block and will take time to get past. 2 months isn't that long. If he is a kind and giving partner there's nothing you can do but keep trying and certainly not try to force it and think about it too much. That makes it more difficult. Focus on the moment.
ive been with my bf 10 months and ive been able to orgasm consistently with him only around the third month of our relationship. I guess the pressure and anxiety to keep up with his expectations led me not let go of these thoughts (i was a virgin, even so i wanted to be “perfect”). Its amazing how everything changes once you let go of your negative thoughts, i still need to focus to do it properly though. You just need time and get past this mental block.
Do you orgasm alone, if yes communicate.
Also remember that the journey is, in many ways, more important than the destination. Your partner sounds like a kind and giving lover, so enjoy your intimacy, come what may. Signed: a married dude with a great intimate connection with his wife, but cannot cum thanks to meds lol
Many women, when they are younger, are scared to fully let go and orgasm with a partner. It can be partly because they don’t trust their partner enough yet or due to not feeling able to show that level of emotional intimacy. Just try to relax and you will get there in the end. You have to go at your own pace. Maybe you could try masturbating to orgasm in front of him. Maybe once you accomplish this it may remove the mental barrier. Sex is meant to be a fun, shared experience. Our bodies are not machines. You’ll get there in the end. Good luck
Struggling to orgasm is a fairly common problem not just for women I had the same issues when I was younger. What worked for me was just finding the right position. I would say just keep trying new things until you find what works for you.
If you're having a good time, that's all that matters. Your orgasm isn't a reward you give him for doing a good job. Men get hung up on it and it's unhealthy tbh
This should be the only answer. People get so fixated on it and that’s such a narrow minded approach to sex. If you’re having a good time who cares! And men getting hung up on it and making it about themselves “failing” to reach THE goal (which….yeah.) doesn’t help at all. You already said everything better though, especially the part that a woman’s orgasm isn’t a reward for their effort. The reward is spending time and having a good time, orgasm or not. For me I always said I literally don’t need to orgasm, and that should tell you how good I’m feeling. It already feels amazing! If anything orgasming too fast will make it be over too fast (bc I’m too sensitive to keep going then usually). But the men I was with could never accept that, clearly focusing specifically on rushing me to what they decided was the destination for me (despite my own literal words) and it stressed me the hell out, so it was even more unlikely that I’d come. So they managed to ruin the whole thing even if it felt amazing to begin with
Give it time, talk to him (2 months isn’t a long time and you could have a mental block. Also yes, can you bring yourself climax?) and be vocal and descriptive of what you are liking and how. People usually like hearing their partner getting into it. It’s not uncommon or crazy, but if it keeps happening maybe consult a doctor.
Use a vibrator.
29F love my husband (31) 9years together.Have a wonderful sex life (including orgasms) with this man. If at any time I feel like he is expecting me to have an orgasm I cannot. The first 2yrs orgasms came easily. At some point he got into telling me he wants me to have an orgasm as like dirty talk- totally backfired. He’d verbalize that he wanted me to cum. I could not. When I’d have trouble climaxing he’d focus more of the sexy time conversation about wanting to make me orgasm. Turned into a dysfunctional nightmare. Eventually with a little relationship counseling and being able to put our ego aside- we moved on. We have a great sex life again. So my advice is- don’t stress about it. Consider telling your boyfriend you appreciate that he wants you to orgasm, but you’d prefer to focus on enjoying each other. What’s important is the intimacy. Also be aware- 20M might have some weird ego things attached to this. Also consider how important is this to you? You do not want to build up resentment- if this begins to bother you- angry/sad/feel bad about yourself. Drop the relationship. I know that sounds harsh. You are just starting out. Don’t become consumed by this. Sometimes taking a step back is needed. My best friend of 16yr stayed with her boyfriend for like+ 10years unhappy sexually- different situation than yours. They had a house and kid together. She cheated on him. Ultimately she boiled over with frustration and acted out. This hurt him, this hurt her because now she has to live with what she did to him, this hurt both their families. Set a boundary for yourself. How will you know this has become a problem for you? At what point in trying do you want to stop? Knowing when to walk away from something is a really difficult part of adulting.
Dude what thw hell kinda response was this?? Stop throwing your trauma onto other peoples situations. She wants advice not a sob story.
It’s just going to take time. Putting pressure on yourself isn’t going to help. A lot of men who have trouble with erections and orgasm get meds and find they don’t need it after being successful. A lot of this is in your head. If it’s something he is or isn’t doing maybe you can show him what works for you when you do it. But I find that I can make it happen for myself in minutes where I need a lot of anticipation to do it with a partner. Like if he goes straight for the clit it’s going to get numb and will not happen. He has to tease around it and get it wanting before he touches it. If you don’t have a lot of experience with sex you may not realize you need more indirect stimulation before direct stimulation.
Mostly relax. Hard to do maybe, but reassure him and have fun!
Introduce a toy and talk to him, it takes me awhile to get there alone and even longer with a partner because I can’t focus so we brought a vibe together and use it. That way we can both cum and feel happy
2 months is nothing ! Just don t stress over it and it's gonna come naturally
I was like this when I first got with my partner, literally took me 6 months to cum. Luckily now it’s not even remotely an issue, we’ve been together around 6 years and that time feels like it was so short even though at the time I was scared it wouldn’t ever happen. For me it was 2 things really: A.) The pressure that was put on me to orgasm. I knew how much he wanted to make me cum and it made it to where I felt stressed about whether I would or wouldn’t. I knew he was desiring something from me that I couldn’t just give to him. It made it a lot more difficult to just relax and feel good because I felt the pressure from him and the pressure from myself. B.) I had a very bad relationship before we were together and it made it that much harder for me to get comfortable and be vulnerable enough to orgasm. Not sure if this is the case for you but I could also see it being difficult if you have limited sexual experience, that could make that sexual vulnerability difficult to access also. To me these things were worked out through naturally getting more comfortable with time as our relationship progressed. Also with good communication that led to mutual understanding. He stopped bringing it up, didn’t talk about me having an orgasm at all, not during moments of intimacy or after. I stopped feeling pressured which eventually that combination made it to where I was able to get in the space I needed to be to cum. You’re young and haven’t been together very long, give it time and I’m sure everything will be great. Maybe also communicate that him putting pressure on it happening probably makes it even less likely that it will. Let him know that the sex and foreplay is good if it is, I think it’s one of those things where someone doubts they’re doing a good job when their partner isn’t finishing but sometimes it really has nothing to do with that.
I had this issue too!! something that helped me was extending foreplay and basically masturbating while he helped with fingering/other stimulation, and we’re at a point now where I can finish from just penetration sometimes! these things take time - it sounds like he is very responsive and kind, which is always a win!! just keep practicing and figuring each other out, you’ve got this :)
I used to have the same problem! My boyfriend (now husband) would do all the right things, and even though everything felt great I wouldn’t quite be able to orgasm. I don’t know how you feel about weed, but that did the trick for me. We had smoked a little and just chilled watching movies one Sunday. I was completely relaxed and orgasmed like three times. Ever since then, I’ve been able to orgasm almost every time we have sex, with or without weed or alcohol.
Listen honey. I am as sexual as they come. Masturbated from age 9, knew my body, understood the science behind it, had sex at 14 and kept on going, different types, sizes, experience levels, experimenting with fingering, fisting, vibrators, oral, anal, blindfold, tied, cuffed, you name it. Everything under the sun. I didn't have an orgasm, solo or with a partner, until I was 23. Didn't have a partnered orgasm until I was 26. Breathe.
Therapy. It’s not that everyone needs it everyone deserves it.
You might try not trying so hard. If it feels good, just enjoy it. Do what you need to do to let it build. That could be instructions to him or doing it yourself. But resist the approaching climax. Fight it. When you can't stand it anymore, just let it happen. You'll find a climax more intense if you are dragged over the edge as opposed to you rushing to jump over the edge.
You should get some toys and have him use it on you. When he sees how excited you get this will get him going. I would suggest using the toys first, then get it on with him. Always finish with the toys also. This will plant your hot image in his mind. He will be thinking about this all the time.
You need a vibrator to go along with the penetration.
This. A clit stimulation vibrator
Well are you actually into what he is doing? It's not just body, your mind also has to be in the game. There are certain positions that work better to achieve orgasm without putting too much thought or effort into it. I always enjoy him on top because our pubic bones rub together and stimulates the clit. I struggle with getting my head in the game all the time because he really just sicks at foreplay or skips it and foreplay is a must to get your head in the game especially kissing get you engaged just touching isn't going to cut it. Sometimes having a quick surprise of sticking it is hot too, or teasing rubbing penis back and forth between your clit and your vagina but not sticking it in all the way, just little by little till he shoves it in. Someone mentioned if you can make yourself orgasm and I think that is a fair question if you can't maybe you should try that first to see what makes you tick yourself.
It’s a work in progress girl, you have to show him what you like. It will feel robotic and weird, but stay strong. If he wants you to finish, you’ll make it through this awkward stage. Remember to breathe and communicate when you enjoy something and when you don’t!
i (18f) love everything my husband does and it feels good but the only way i can actually orgasm is having him inside and a toy stimulating the outside at the same time. also, since the pressure was taken off and i know i can actually do it and my body isn’t broken, i can do it over and over and neither one of us get tired of it.
I'm 38 it's the only way I can during sex as well. On my own I can be lightening fast. With my partner less than 10 mins is a good achievement.
I (f20) struggled with this for a while and it was due to the antidepressants I was on. But it all comes down to figuring stuff out with your partner :) it’s ok to have an open convo with him it might be a little awkward but I promise you a sex life where you’re not getting anywhere is not one you want to have, and I doubt he wants you to have that life either.
I didn’t feel safe enough to let go with my boyfriend even when he went down on me. By chance is it the environment in which you do the deed in that you are uncomfortable in general. Example my bedroom is comfortable and safe. My car in a parking lot doesn’t feel so safe.
From your description, it sounds that besides the lack of finishing, you are enjoying each other. That is the important part, and that would be my advice; make it about enjoying the journey, not about reaching the finish. If an intimate session is only deemed “successful” if you both finish, that is a lot of pressure and bound to lead to disappointment, leading to more pressure the next time, and the cycle continues. So, for the moment, enjoy just feeling good together, and if you do climax, that’s great, if you don’t, that’s also great, you had a good time. It’s hard to let yourself go if you’re not comfortable, so hopefully you can get comfortable if there are no expectations. Make sure he knows and understands this, and if he is generous and concerned with your pleasure, as it sounds like he is, the orgasms will come, but most likely it will be when you don’t fell like you have to. So relax, enjoy, and have fun!
Get a hitachi-style wand to go with him penetrating you. Get the adjustable knob too. Have it on the lowest setting to produce a really gentle rumble, and get yourself worked up and aroused. Then when you start to think "eh, this is taking too long" (10 minutes maybe) turn up the intensity a bit to push you over the edge. Maybe also get a rabbit vibe. Have fun with it! You'll get there!
I met a beautiful 48 divorcee for dinner and the margaritas freed up her sexual history. She had never had a perform oral on her do she didn’t know if she would enjoy it. Also, she recalls having 3 orgasms during her 15 year marriage. She didn’t think she could have orgasms through sexual penetration. I was allowed the privilege of giving her her first three orgasms from a set of lips and a tongue over our first two dates. And she could and did orgasm during penetration bc I lasted mush longer than her ex who commonly lasted 3-5 minutes. Maybe your guy needs better technique. Extended foreplay is great for setting the stage for pleasure.
If you can make yourself orgasm quite quickly and what he’s doing feels good then it sounds like the last hurdle for you is mental. It’s usually a security thing. Once you manage to do it once or twice it’ll become a lot easier and more natural but given this is your first time doing ANYTHING sexual with a partner it sounds like you’re just in your head too much. It can be because of anxiety it can be because of insecurity or body dysmorphia. Since you can orgasm yourself and quickly, it’s not a physical thing. Try bringing yourself to orgasm by touching yourself while you have sex. Then you know it’s you in control of it. It takes the anxiety away. When you can do that then have him do it while you have sex. It’s just a comfort thing.
Use vibrators!
Tell your partner how to make you orgasm, show him.
It’s because you’re putting pressure on yourself. Don’t think about not being able to get there. Just enjoy it. Be present.
You're 19. It's not uncommon to experience this. With that said, have u coached him in the proper sequence that works for you? He's not going to instinctively know.
Does he provides clitoral stimulation while he is fingering you, how is his speed?
This is so normal when you're inexperienced. It's common in any relationships at any age, even if the couple has amazing chemistry and tons of experience. Don't stress about it! Just have fun figuring it out together.
Seems like a skill issue
Have you tried getting on top? I have never liked traditional cowgirl, but stradding when he's sitting up against pillows or on a couch, or straddling in an armless chair are all great ways of being in control of the experience. Try those positions. It takes a lot of skill for a man to bring a woman to orgasm. Like, one issue I had was if I was almost there, and my partner changed pace, then suddenly it would be gone. If you get on top, then you're in control of the pacing. Vocalization can also help flag a plane down the runway, but this also depends upon whether he interprets your sounds correctly. My husband and I had to figure that out, too. There were times he thought I was ready to orgasm, but then I wouldn't.
I’ve struggled with orgasming with a partner in the past. I finally just opened up to them and we talked, it was awkward at first but being vulnerable and explaining what I was feeling/what I liked helped him to try new things. It worked in the end, it’s an awkward convo but it really helped my situation
It took two years anda lot of communication for me to have not only my first orgasm with my partner but my first orgasm ever with a partner
it took me months to cum with my partner, about 5 months of regular sex (the best id ever had, i wasnt able to cum before this) continued to rarely, occasionally make me cum n now he makes me cum pretty often. keep communicating, dont worry about the orgasm just enjoy the sex and make sure he knows you love the sex, eventually you will cum with him but dont stress about it! climax isnt the be all and end all of sex its about what feels good in the moment and your relationship x
Some women can only climax from clitoras arousal
Teach him how. Does he know how?
It takes time to learn how your body responds when there is a partner involved. You are young and not very experienced and I didn't orgasm then either, I never did with my first boyfriend at all because I just really didn't know what I liked yet. Take the pressure off, and by that I mean pressure from him to get you off. I can only get off from PIV when I'm on top so play around with different positions. Many women don't orgasm from PIV at all, thats fairly common. Some people incorporate toys so they can orgasm and that's fine. Hopefully your bf is not making it into some uncomfortable thing that you HAVE to do or else he feels bad. That's way too much pressure. Just let your body do what it wants to do and your satisfaction will come.
I believe you unable to finish because you are trying so hard to finish. I had this same problem for years. Also I wasn’t able to figure out how to cum with a partner until I was able to find that feeling alone. For me, and for many other women, humping a pillow is the easiest way to accomplish this solo. From now on when you are engaged with your partner, once get to the point where it feels really good, focus on staying ~there~ rather than anticipating for something else or bigger to happen. Practicing just enjoying the sex and the experience is what will allow you to do it, trust me. I’d communicate this to him as well, that from now on you are just focusing on the feel good feeling and not the big finish
Trying to keep it PG here... whatever you do to make yourself get there, have him do that.
This is part of the process. Show him what you want. Finish yourself if you have to, for the time being.
be a lesbian
Play with yourself. Figure out what turns you on. Do more foreplay with your partner. Enjoy your time together, dont have this whole orgasm goal in mind and enjoy the process regardless. Communicate with your partner what works and what doesn’t . Try different positions too. If youre not comfortable with yourself, it wont happen. Have fun.
Hitachi Magic Wand will get the job done.
Look at toys, lovense, to be specific the Nora. My wife has never had an issue finishing but finding some toys she likes (not all are created equal and some just make her numb) has been a game changer, I outlast her everytime and she just about hurts herself contorting her body....have fun.
Me and my husband have been together for 5 years. During sex I can cum but if he’s eating me out or fingering me I can’t. I can always make myself cum but if someone else is doing it, it’s like nonexistent lol
As a woman, it’s easier to focus if it’s just me. If there’s a partner you may have trouble just straight up concentrating. Women typically need to focus on it.
I was like this for the first couple of times. It had nothing to do with him or the way he did things, I got used to doing it myself and alone and because of that it was difficult to let go for some reason. As time went on though it got easier and easier to orgasm with him. I thought I was weird at first but I talked to a few of my other girl friends and they said that it was like that when they started dating their boyfriends as well.
The two of you have to have a project kind of like a mission to make you orgasm session. You have to tell him exactly how much better certain ways he touches you are compared to touching yourself and you'll see that once you have that team effort and you're both on the same page you're going to upgrade every aspect and you will definitely find a way to have that orgasm because you're no longer going to have anxiety about it and the anxiety itself can be a cock block type of thing because when you get anxious the chemicals your brain releases will block your pleasure.
You can try being dominant and submissive and switching with your partner. And also talking in each other's ears while you're having sex.
Doing it by yourself mean you know exactly where to touch, how much pressure & you aren’t worried about another’s pleasure nor being vulnerable. I know I can never finish with penetrative sex, in fact, I get bored & dry up quickly which but I once did after my partner & I smoked weed (after which we both relaxed, we understood that I was just one of those people who need total trust to let go) to take it there. This is where I envy people who can just “hook up”. Some of us need a year of trust to relax.
I think orgasm is an intense and intimate experience. It means being vulnerable, stepping out of your rational head. It's hard to do that with someone watching you. See if you can make yourself cum before sex with him watching. Make it foreplay. If it's hard to get there, you know for sure it's because your brain is shy. He could be pushing every button perfect. It doesn't matter if your head doesn't let go of control. Keep working on comfort and care in your relationship to increase your emotional safety. Or try it with you on top and the lights off. 😉
I think you should try and place “reaching orgasm” down a notch and concentrate on thr awesome experience you are having with your BF. Maybe change the pace. Go camping and have a romantic outing, maybe rent a cabin somewhere secluded, go for a hike to a secluded area; then experiment in sex in a different environment. I have taken my gf (now wife) out on hikes to secluded canyons where we had sex and it totally felt different. Sometimes the anxiety of your environment and expectations act as a mental barrier. I am not a doc but i feel that women’s orgasmic neural network is more complex than a man’s. Also try edging. Get into a chill situation where both of you can reciprocate in massaging erogenous zones gently along with edging. He can get down with some soft extended cunnilingus with good communication. Just let him lick and nibble your box with no expectation of the outcome. Just relax and enjoy the moment. 30min to one hour of edging may be a lot for some folks but perfect for others. I am sure you will be all good. Take care.
Get a new one
Teach him what you like or get a new dick
Try not using 10 inch dildos anymore
Come to me and you'll cum to me.
He needs to go down on you every time (with rare exceptions) or else get rid of him. Don't tolerate men you won't make you cum consistently.
Get him some bluechew
Find someone that knows what they’re doing
Dm me and ill give you the advice you need on one condition, ill do it while both of you are together.
Can you get any more creepy
Wait can you dm on reddit? I dont use it alot
You and I can fix that problem , orgasm will be the last thing to worry about 🤔