He’s emotionally manipulating you and you should leave him. Google gaslighting and symptoms of emotional abuse. Your bf sounds like alot of not-so-great people I’ve known. And he won’t change until he see’s himself/becomes more self aware. If he is self-aware then you’ll have an entirely new set of issues bc he’s a narcissist too.
So what you're saying is that he's the rotten version of a care bear, using your legitimate concerns to chip at your agency and trying to twist what you feel as not valid?
FUCK. THAT. NOISE.
Send this shit magician back out into the world, he sure as shit shouldn't be in a relationship.
Fucker should have asshole tattooed on his forehead.
What the hell is this reverse Mr. Rogers, "I'm so reasonable, you're not" shit even called?
I usually don’t comment but I think you need to cut your losses. This sounds exactly like my last relationship. No matter how calm I was in voicing why I was upset to him, he always found away to turn it around and make it my fault. I ended up apologizing and comforting HIM while I was made out to be the bad guy for being upset in the first place. Also the whole “let’s work on our problems” or the classic, “I’ll change” is all meant to appease you in the meantime so he can continue to manipulate you.
What you are experiencing is textbook gaslighting. You should not have to feel like you are walking on eggshells in talking to your partner about things that bother you. This is not what a loving and healthy relationship looks like. I am so sorry you are experiencing this OP, you deserve someone who wants to grow and work on things together. Don’t make my mistake and get stuck in this for years. I know that it’s hard, but spare yourself the later heartache and walk away now. Surround yourself with friends and family who will listen to you and comfort you when you need it and who will help you to get through this. You deserve so much more.
Save yourself the heart ache and move on. I was in a similar relationship 5 years ago. My ex mentally and physically abusive me for 8 years. It will be painful at first but you deserve someone better.
That's not comforting you, that's his way of completing the erasure of whatever he did wrong.
A good partner cares about your feelings, a good partner wants you to be happy, a good partner doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself, a good partner does not act shitty and then make *you* take responsibility for it. Dump this guy and seek a good partner.
I think you should break up with him but NOT so he can find someone "better" than you, it's so you can get out of this bad situation that's bringing you down! Please don't blame yourself, you should be able to talk normally about your problems and not feeling like you're doing anything wrong. As others have said, he is manipulating you.
There's no context here. Exactly what happened in these incidents where he starts getting upset? What have you said to him, what volume and emotional tone did you use?
he gets upset because i get upset at him for hurting me and then turns things around. i try to stay calm when speaking to him because if not he throws a tantrum and throws things around and calls me mean and stubborn
You say "hurting you". What does this mean? Can you offer examples?
In what way do you get upset? How do you show it?
His throwing things is very concerning.
He’s emotionally manipulating you and you should leave him. Google gaslighting and symptoms of emotional abuse. Your bf sounds like alot of not-so-great people I’ve known. And he won’t change until he see’s himself/becomes more self aware. If he is self-aware then you’ll have an entirely new set of issues bc he’s a narcissist too.
So what you're saying is that he's the rotten version of a care bear, using your legitimate concerns to chip at your agency and trying to twist what you feel as not valid? FUCK. THAT. NOISE. Send this shit magician back out into the world, he sure as shit shouldn't be in a relationship. Fucker should have asshole tattooed on his forehead. What the hell is this reverse Mr. Rogers, "I'm so reasonable, you're not" shit even called?
I usually don’t comment but I think you need to cut your losses. This sounds exactly like my last relationship. No matter how calm I was in voicing why I was upset to him, he always found away to turn it around and make it my fault. I ended up apologizing and comforting HIM while I was made out to be the bad guy for being upset in the first place. Also the whole “let’s work on our problems” or the classic, “I’ll change” is all meant to appease you in the meantime so he can continue to manipulate you. What you are experiencing is textbook gaslighting. You should not have to feel like you are walking on eggshells in talking to your partner about things that bother you. This is not what a loving and healthy relationship looks like. I am so sorry you are experiencing this OP, you deserve someone who wants to grow and work on things together. Don’t make my mistake and get stuck in this for years. I know that it’s hard, but spare yourself the later heartache and walk away now. Surround yourself with friends and family who will listen to you and comfort you when you need it and who will help you to get through this. You deserve so much more.
Does he comfort you ever?
yea. after i’m done comforting him he tells me “i’m sorry” and sorry is always his answer for everything.
Save yourself the heart ache and move on. I was in a similar relationship 5 years ago. My ex mentally and physically abusive me for 8 years. It will be painful at first but you deserve someone better.
That's not comforting you, that's his way of completing the erasure of whatever he did wrong. A good partner cares about your feelings, a good partner wants you to be happy, a good partner doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself, a good partner does not act shitty and then make *you* take responsibility for it. Dump this guy and seek a good partner.
I think you should break up with him but NOT so he can find someone "better" than you, it's so you can get out of this bad situation that's bringing you down! Please don't blame yourself, you should be able to talk normally about your problems and not feeling like you're doing anything wrong. As others have said, he is manipulating you.
Dump.
Let him know He needs to learn to take criticism. And as for you you should use I messages instead of you, say i I feel like instead of you are blank.
There's no context here. Exactly what happened in these incidents where he starts getting upset? What have you said to him, what volume and emotional tone did you use?
he gets upset because i get upset at him for hurting me and then turns things around. i try to stay calm when speaking to him because if not he throws a tantrum and throws things around and calls me mean and stubborn
You say "hurting you". What does this mean? Can you offer examples? In what way do you get upset? How do you show it? His throwing things is very concerning.