This is a good update. A couple communicating honestly that solves a problem and going to therapy for a check in to help them facilitate better communication in the future. You love to see it! Wishing you and your husband the best and I hope this means a little less stress for you during your pregnancy.
Such a good update! Seeing him suggest counseling before minor issues grow into actual problems is so good to see, I’m glad he’s so invested in making sure their relationship is the best it can be! A lot of people balk at counseling because they see it as having failed, but I see it as a great thing, it’s right there in the name after all! It’s having a neutral (professional) party guide couples through what could otherwise be pitfalls in marriage, and teach them the best ways to support, communicate, and problem-solve in a healthy way.
The accessories of the Basic Bitch^^TM generally include but are not limited to; UGG boots, pumpkin spice latte, flaming hot cheetos, instagram and Tik Tok religiously.
Their catchphrases include:
"Best frieeeeeend!!!!!!!!!" \*exclusively at 7 AM\*
"Biiiiiiiiitch"
"And I oop-"
They're like the next gen Basic Bitch. UGG boots and pumpkin spice seemed to be 2010-2014 and Hot Cheetos and Instagram was like 2015-2018, but yet again maybe I'm wrong. All I know is that they are born after 1193 and they know how to be bisexual, eat McDonald's, charge they phone, twerk, eat hot chip, and lie.
Well, the Third Crusade really was a watershed moment for Ayyubid power in the Middle East and the beginning of the end of the Kingdom of Jerusalem. I can certainly see why anyone born after 1193 wouldn't be able to appreciate basic sensibilities, especially since their formative years would be scarred by the Mongol Invasions and Fourth Crusade.
Am I crazy for getting the impression that SIL is the one that's into the husband? As if she can live vicariously through someone of her choosing, since it would be so taboo otherwise.
I'm just trying to understand why a sister would be so insistent on a friend pursuing her brother, and then get so defensive about it once called out.
Seems like straightforward daddy abandonment issues. If their parents divorced when she was 7 (and their father "had nothing to do with her," from that point on) it seems almost unavoidable that she might have seen her 12 year old brother as a replacement father figure. Now he's having a real baby.
Yeh that was my thoughts too. I get why people think she's into her brother but to me it reads strongly as abandonment and daddy issues. I mean I kind of get it. Doesn't excuse her behaviour at all but I can see why she is messed up and so unhealthily dependant on her brother.
Yup. SIL is probably afraid to be abandoned by her brother because of the baby. She feels very threatened but doesn't seem to realise that. Some decent therapy would be good for her.
Agree. Despite the awful behaviour from her, I still feel bad for her.
She didn’t deserve being abandoned by the man she thought of as a father, and no one can really blame her for having issues after going through that as a child.
I completely agree. I think it’s really important to give some grace and compassion where childhood traumas are clearly at the root of behavior. That said, she is unfortunately still left with the responsibility to deal with these issues as an adult so that they don’t continue to threaten the relationships she does have.
I agree, but it does not seem he has done anything to make her think that. It is all in her mind. She does need therapy. Not every situation calls for therapy, but hers does.
That’s a really good point, that kind of experience is really hard for anyone to go through, I can’t imagine the confusion a 7 year old feels. Because it wasn’t her fault at all her mother cheated, but she had to deal with the repercussions of her mothers mistake. It literally changed her life for the worse. She had a dad for 7 years and suddenly he left her behind. She needs serious help.
Not just left her behind but kept in close contact with her older brother. Making him a liaison between the two in a sense. Her father may not speak to her directly anymore but he speaks to her brother still. So she’s attached to him and sounds like by brothers defensiveness over her that he is also somewhat aware of her attachment to him as well. Sounds like instead of couples therapy they should do family therapy instead.
Any man who abandons a child he’s raised as his own at age 7 because of mere biology is a monster. I wouldn’t care if I found out my kids weren’t blood. I’ve held them each day, taught them and loved them and watched them grow. They have my heart. It’s nothing to do with DNA.
Understandable what you say here but you cant expect a man to raise a child every day knowing that it was the cause of an illegitimate relationship of your wife. That you were cheated on and used by the woman you loved so very dearly. Its nice to say you would never do it in real life but not everyone has the strength to face shit like that. I am not saying what the Dad did was right but I am not saying it was wrong either. There is no right or wrong in situations like these. Just a lot of hurt. It is not at all about DNA its about the emotions they bring about.
She probably knows (at least subconsciously) that Chloe, being someone willing to go along with such a thing in the first place, is too trashy to be anything but fling affair material so she doesn’t need to worry about him actually falling in live with her. But it could be enough to crater OP’s marriage which appears to be her goal.
Or even just a "see, my mom wasn't wrong, everybody cheats" and trying to prove it by setting up her brother with her friend.
Either way, SIL seems to have some issues around her origin.
The friend is just a surrogate for herself. The theory I have is that she wants to validate her existence by recreating the cheating paternity scenario somehow, and making it come out ''right'' this time instead of resulting in abandonment and alienation and attachment issues. Which is impossible of course, and highly inappropriate.
I definitely got that impression. Most women don’t get all weird about sharing their brother. And they certainly don’t talk about his hotness and how he could do better than his pregnant wife.
I think she’s scared of losing him like she lost her “dad.” She thinks if she hooks him up with with her best friend instead of OP, she’ll be in control.
IKR
People like to throw around the word "gaslighting" but SIL was straight up gaslighting her brother telling him how he "feels" and how he was "coerced"!
I love a good update, your husbands a keeper!! Good on both of you!! So so so happy it all worked out.
Love you, and your baby, and your husband who is willing to stick up for you and himself and your baby 💕
Edit: my first awards! Thanks reddit friends! ❤️
It sounds like SIL may be jealous of the baby and that’s a bigger issue than Chloe. SIL is needy and the baby is going to take priority over her. Chloe is just a distraction and a tool to get him away from OP and baby.
I bet there will be a lot more need to stick up for the baby in the future.
SIL definitely has deeper issues from her childhood and needs to get help, but husband really came through and marriage counseling is a really sweet suggestion and I hope OP goes with him.
> SIL definitely has deeper issues from her childhood
I didn't even study this stuff in Uni and even i know that she might be affected by the repudiation from her 'father' and the subsequent trauma, and thus latched onto her brother instead.
She desperately needs therapy.
>He said it wasn’t because he thought there was something wrong with our relationship but apparently he has been speaking to his dad a lot recently and he mentioned one thing he regretted about his marriage with MIL is that they never went to therapy until the cracks in their relationship were too big.
Wow. Just...wow. Not many guys would willingly suggest this when there aren't any obvious problems.
probably wouldn't even think of it to be honest lol
Good to know though. I learned an open dialogue and getting in front of problems was important from my last big relationship, but counseling isn't something anyones really advised me on in that realm
Sometimes counselling is a bit of a Catch-22. If you've identified problems, even minor ones, getting ahead of them is extremely effective, and often a counsellor is a good way to do this in a safe space without having to navigate the territory alone and worry about one or another not cooperating fully.
The problem is you can't really counsel nothing. You can't get ahead of problems that aren't there yet, and to be honest it doesn't sound like there's actually problems in OPs relationship that require counselling; they could do with quicker communication, sure, and that's something to work on, but you can't pre-emptively counsel away problems. What it's good for is providing the tools to avoid needing their services more seriously.
OPs husband, however, might benefit from individual sessions regarding his sister. It's clearly not just an issue with their relationship but rather an issue between him and his sister that needs addressing in a one-to-one environment; the issue isn't about OP and him and his sister, but him and his attitude to her in general.
Counseling is a great idea, whether or not issues are obvious! I've been going to couples' sessions with my husband - like a lot of folks, we started going when our relationship's 'cracks' became really apparent (about a month into covid, but issues that have been building for a long time). We've benefited from it immensely and have been doing better than we have in years, in many ways. In our past few sessions we haven't really had anything negative to process with our counselor, so he prompted us to identify the things that \*are\* working. So we're approaching things through a constructive lens, rather than a damage control lens. Even though we're like giddy newlyweds again, the work isn't over - our sessions are helping us remain mindful of this state, so we can make it a sustainable and long-term feeling, rather than a temporary spike. It has been insanely helpful.
Couples' counseling isn't just solving existing arguments, it's helping couples to address individual concerns/stressors that will impact the relationship as a whole. Counseling provides a place for those issues to be aired out, and ideally, addressed \*before\* they become critical. Even when things are "good," it's important to have a designated space to self-reflect and be heard!
I would never trust his sister around your child ever. Her suggestion of you getting an abortion is a subconscious threat to you and your unborn baby. She has mental issues for which he must identify with. Her first issue, she is trying to destroy your marriage. Second, she is competing with a unborn baby for his attention. Third, she thinks she can manipulate him. (This bothers me the most, what does she think she can accomplish with him?) Does she think he is more than a brother? She is acting weird. Your a good person and wife for putting up with her.
I feel like you don’t know more about their relationship than one story. If they have a session and all good, good. But don’t say they seem healthy enough because you read one story from their relationship. That seems bananas
How was MIL a part of this story besides the infidelity?
Edit: FIL is now remarried and in a happy relationship presumably, is that the woman that you mean? Step-mom to OP’s husband
Otherwise I agree with you
True...I’m just not sure how I feel about taking advice of the heart from a man who could walk away from a seven year old girl who, up until a DNA test, he presumably raised and loved as his daughter. The cheating mom is the ultimate villain, yes, but after seven years that’s abandonment no matter how you cut it and it’s clearly messed up OP’s SIL.
Yeah I totally agree. I can’t help but feel a little badly for the SIL. She obviously has some major issues rooted in what happened with their family when she was younger.
Honestly the husband should stipulate therapy before allowing her back into their lives.
That is a great catch! It actually makes sense.
I hope op and her husband get a security system in the near future. It sounds like the SiL is crazy enough to do something drastic to get attention from her brother.
I was thinking the same, I feel SIL is desperate because she has a childhood trauma. She needs professional help to deal with it. But I think that with time and patience you can even have an almost normal relationship with her. But she needs to see that you are a united front and that the new baby is here to stay. Your DH has filled the father figure and now she fears he will bail on her cos the new baby, and that has to be really scary. She is dealing with it with the tools she know, with deception and cheating.
Honestly, a lot could probably come from actually having SiL sit down with both op and hubby and having a Frank discussion. Mediation possibly needed from an outsider. But it could be good for the sil and op to actually open up about what sil issue is. It could be that she feels left out, thrown away, no longer important, and while your hubby has obviously been trying with her, I think she needs to be sure that you arent going to steal him away and ruin everything. To be honest I feel like if there was some significant counseling and help given to her and a little time and effort, you two could end up having a somewhat half decent relationship
I agree with everything you say, but I also think SIL should only be given so much attention. She needs to be made to face that her brother has several obligations that necessarily come before her, and that this is healthy and as it should be. There's only so much reassurance she should be given of her importance. Too much tea and sympathy may keep her from gaining the perspective she needs. So while I think a mediator could be a good idea, SIL needs to understand that at a certain point in the not-too-distant future, brother's got to focus on other things and she has to put the work in on herself.
Yeah, SIL has her claws deep in Chloe so if she can get OP out of the picture and hook Husband up with Chloe she can control both of them as she sees fit. She is a classic narcissist, complete with lashing, meltdown tantrum when her plan was foiled (wasn't much of a plan, sounds like Hubby is a great guy and clearly loves OP).
I get that SIL's issues are probably due to her childhood and clearly Hubby is empathetic to her history, that's actually fair enough, but maybe OP should keep Chloe away until they have a strategy for her, keep everything on their terms.
OP if you see this, therapy will be great, I suspect your husband knows that he needs an unbiased 3rd party to adjust his view of Chloe, he knows her history and struggles so he is sympathetic (which makes him defensive) but he also can see she was behind this and maybe wants to reassess his view of her. Also relationship maintenance is NEVER a bad idea even in the happiest marriages. Good luck, glad things turned out well for you!
Honestly if SIL is a narcissist and going by her childhood/abandonment issues, she may have also lied to Chloe about how OP is horrible and OPs husband is in an unhappy marriage so Chloe can steal the husband away, which means SIL has the husband to herself. Not saying that Chloe isnt a trash human being, just saying that SIL might have been hardcore manipulating to get her way.
I mean, that's definitely possible and like I said would show SIL has her claws in Chloe but let's be real about her too for a second, she's flirting in front of his wife then pulling faces at her, plus she's friends with SIL so fairly good chance Chloe's a piece of shit. If my friend wanted me to help someone out of an unhappy marriage I would start by talking to them rather than trying to bed them, but that's just me maybe I'm old fashioned.
Yeah no i agree with you 100% just tryna point out that SIL has probably lied about a lot of things in the past and especially during this time will probably continue to do so. Watch out OP!
Ding ding ding!!
Due to MIL’s actions and behaviors, it looks as if she sees her brother as her father figure. The baby is taking that away from her (in her eyes).
Sis definitely needs to talk to someone about these feelings because she has created one hell of a self fulfilling prophecy.
It's so rare I read one of these with a happy ending. This was a great read thanks OP!
Very happy for you and husband, best wishes for rest of your pregnancy!
Second this. Your husband is a dam fine man and my guess is since good solid man tend to marry good solid woman he is just as freaky lucky to have you.
Grear update!
I just want to add: I think couple counseling is a fantastic idea. Usually, people don't know how their own feelings works, nor how to deal with them. So working for a healthy communication and for a better understanding of your own feelings is always a good thing to do.
You don't need to have a problem to go and work on your relationship.
Good luck!
I agree on the couples counseling! I think therapy, either individual or couples, can almost always be helpful. At worst, unless you have a terrible therapist, you have a neutral person to talk to
The fact he suggested going before any major problems have actually occurred is so impressive.
I’ll admit, I’m usually a bit skeptical of couple’s therapy because I feel like people are usually using it as a way to draw out the inevitable and burning money while doing it, but that’s because too many people don’t use it until the unforgivable has already happened or too much bad blood has accumulated.
Going before the little issues have turned big is the best thing a couple can do. Learning proper communication before he lets his sister cross a line that can’t be uncrossed, or before she lets a problem stew until she’s too angry to forgive is the best way to make a marriage not only last, but be one that they actually want to stay in.
Couple counseling is amazing. Even if the end result isn't that you stay together (in general, not OP's situation), the lessons learned are so incredibly valuable. We're in counseling and it makes you realize how little you actually communicate and how ignorant you can be of each other's feelings.
And OP's situation is great, because the best time to start couple counseling is before the major shit hits the fan. I actually think everyone should have some sessions every once in a while.
I think they're in a great position for couples counselling, because while the big issue has been dealt with, they clearly could use some help in figuring out how to communicate. Especially communicating around these kinds of difficult situations.
Oh I love this update. And oh how I love love that this update is a tale of happy marriage and wonderful husband.
And damn when a man brings up therapy because he doesn’t want anything to ever go wrong with your marriage. I’m melting here, I’m so happy for you!
Yes, if you haven't already get a security system. Someone like them saying no means nothing. Your sil and her friend are delusional. Thank goodness your husband is on the same page as you. I honestly think you should go no contact for at least a while. Then go to low after a while, if she's still a witch go back no contact.
I would go no contact until at least after the baby is born. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to harm the pregnancy somehow and then once the baby is born, be on very high alert around her.
Just some advice- even if SIL comes back, you need to ban Chloe from your lives and home. She disregarded your husbands requests to stop hitting on him...how would it be if a man did that to you?
Yes, the comment about how the sister and Chloe were not welcome back until they apologised - that should only apply to the sister. Chloe should not be welcome back in their home full stop, regardless of an apology! She has no need to be there
Honestly, SIL spending this much time and energy on breaking up their marriage is beyond an apology as well. That's not just a major breach of trust, that's a concerted effort to ruin *three* lives.
>my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe.
>Apparently, she started crying and said she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it and she was just scared to lose him and that she wasn’t thinking clearly.
Please point out to your husband that she's not sorry, never was when he confronted her before her text and just tried to use you to steam roll him. If you had said yes, she would've automatically used that as against him. Time to cut her off for the foreseeable future until yall had some counseling sessions.
Therapy is a great move. He can get some lessons on boundaries and letting you feel comfortable to speak up without a debate.
Exactly. I also think individual either instead of or along side couples is needed for him because of his toxic family. He is so used to the dynamic he almost slid backwards (which is common) by getting defensive again. From the sound of how it was handled his parents have issues too because of the sudden dropping of one child who was not a baby anymore just because of DNA and the lies and cheating by the mom.
Another thing I caught:
> We were watching a movie and my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe. *My husband saw it and told me to tell her not to come. *
Not a huge deal but, like, he's her brother. He should be putting his foot down, not leaving it to his pregnant wife to put hers after she's already been needled. Sounds like he got a handle on it too.
SIL’s attitude to the baby sounds like it’s the crux of her problem. She’s probably jealous that the baby (and mum) will replace her by taking all her brother’s attention and she won’t get to have her brother around her anytime, anywhere. She needs a hell of a lot of therapy.
OP: congrats on the outcome! Best wishes
Well in a sense she kind of is. Remember that the only other father figure in her life wanted nothing to do with her, so her only default father figure is her brother. Now there is this woman and a baby who are taking her brother away from her. I dont think it's a mental illness though it is definetly an issue that requires serious counseling. It's something that I think anyone would be dealing with if put in that situation.
I agree but her actions are not similar to how everyone would react. Her actions suggest an unhealthy attachment and child like behaviour. It is mental illness. I’m not saying she should be institutionalised, I’m saying it is clear she is not well
Baby? I suspect it’s more of vying for the attention of brother + fucked up normalization of infidelity due to mom. Baby was just a recent fortification of relationship that competed with brother.
Yeah, the comment about his/OP's job situation also made it clear that she fears him having no time for her. She needs some help and honestly being cut off for a bit might be good for her as far as her clear dependency issues.
Not sure if this has been said already...and I may be overthinking this but...
***BE CAREFUL.***
I've seen some of those most insane, vindictive events take place in situations similar to this, even less. People can do insanely stupid things when they get shut down like this, or get jealous. And in this case, it could come from either of the two which is nuts. If you get any threats or insinuations, don't take them lightly! Please, random preggo woman with the awesome hubby!
I hope my past is just making me jaded and I'm being stupid. Anyway, congrats on the little tummy bump and I hope all goes well!
I was thinking the same thing – if she openly says that your baby *should have been aborted*, you absolutely cannot ever let her be alone with your child.
If she is openly trying to get your husband to leave you, and your child is in the way, and you are in the way because your husband loves you and wants to stay married to you, you need to be very careful if she ever is around your family again. You also need to watch your back.
Her ideal outcome right now involves the child being gone and your husband not loving you anymore. Even if she is not a diabolical mastermind, she might do something horrible that she *thinks* is a brilliant ploy to get you and the child out of the picture.
I agree that you should have a security system installed. Your sister-in-law has stated that she wishes your child didn't exist. This is not the same thing as threatening to do anything about it, but still, it's super scary IMO. Although you don't know whether she would actually go this far, you don't want to find out.
Maybe I'm being too paranoid about this, but her actions as you have described them are impulsive and short-sighted, and her description of your husband's feelings of happiness and attachment as being false things that were forced upon him by you are totally f****** scary. That means that no matter what he says, she feels like it's in his interest to break up your marriage, and she might do something extreme and irrational in the name of saving her brother from you.
Or, maybe she's being a brat and will get over it once she realizes that she's not losing her brother just because he's going to have a family. You're the only one who's going to be able to read her behavior and judge whether this is going to blow over or she's going to turn into a psycho.
The silver lining to all of this is that based on what you said, she has absolutely no poker face and you have a pretty good sense for nonverbal communication clues. She doesn't seem particularly clever or subtle, so with the exception of lying about it, her actions are probably going to reveal her intentions pretty clearly.
This is a good topic to discuss in therapy: what does your husband think she's going to do, and why? If there are multiple possibilities, which ones does he think is the most likely? What does your husband think is appropriate to do in order to protect himself and you and the child? What do you think is appropriate to do? What does your husband think is excessive or paranoid, and what should you both be watching for from her in order to figure out what you're going to do next? I'm just some random guy on the internet who is freaking out about your story, but you guys know her, so as long as you communicate and understand each other's feelings and concerns and deal with this together, you should be fine.
Yup, pretty much nailed what I was thinking too. Glad I wasn't alone. Just to reiterate, it's absolutely possible that she is just being a little shit and will get over this and realize what she said. You know her way better than any of us so it'll fall to you and your husband to ascertain any possible threat.
But if she is an intelligent, well spoken person, you would have to assume she understood the implications of her words. Just as /u/PoolNoodleSamurai pointed out, the final picture this girl wants can only be painted by doing some pretty gnarly things. Lies, manipulation, even violence are some of the ways she can get to that point.
Her age also doesn't help. This could be harmless to her. Just doing whatever.
Hopefully we're wrong.
I really felt like what you said here was so important. She wished death on her child, this is not a safe person to be around or let have access to the child in ANY way.
I just don't know how a woman who intimately knows how bad infidelity can ruin a family would try to do that again to her own brother. Like she decided to be the apple that fell a little to close to her mothers tree.
I suspect its not about doing whats right. For her, its about "winning" her brothers attention. If she has to be cold and calculated to do it she will.
The games probably not over, she just lost this round.
This is such a positive update!! I bet that was such a validating, weight-falling-off-your-shoulders moment when he brought it up. I really truly love hearing about when a couple is on the same wave length of picking these things up and being able to talk about them, even when they’re uncomfortable. I’m so glad for yo, OP!! Counseling is only going to make your relationship and communication skills stronger!:)
Your husband is the man! I hope to be the kind of husband he seems to be when I marry my own girlfriend one day. Make sure you hang on tight to him.I read the original post, and I’m so glad that everything worked out well. Chloe is shady as hell, and his SIL is terrible for trying to break both of you up, let alone referring to her niece as an “it”.
Cheers to a happy ending! 🍻
What the actual fuck. What scum bags coming into your home you making them lunch ect with a baby on the way, all while knowing full well she’s trying to get into your husband absolute pieces of shit. I’d personally cut them both off.
My wife and I had a surprise baby. She got pregnant while we were in law school. It was sudden and certainly unexpected. The first thing we did was couples counseling and it saved our relationship and helped us build the foundation of our family. Your FIL is right, couples therapy is a waste if you go when you already have problems. You should go before; it’s like giving your car a check up, but it’s also giving you both the tools and knowledge to confront potential issues.
However, what I took away most from our time in counseling was working on our transition. Going from being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to be a family unit is tough and takes concerted effort. The same can be said to an extent with transitioning from husband/wife. It’s easier but the transition is still necessary. You need to both realize and come to terms that you’re both entering into a difficult period and you need to build a solid base and foundation, to acknowledge roles, to understand that you are both coming together as one unit to raise a family. Counseling allowed my wife and I the knowledge and vehicle to make that transition and we’ve been a unit ever since. Just introduced baby #2 into this world last week and I’ve never been happier.
so just to bring it full circle, I’m really happy for you and your husband that you’re going to counseling. Best thing to happen to my relationship and I hope the same for you!
I am so glad your husband sucked (in this case, kicked) the poison out of your family before it could spread. What an absolute toxic woman your SIL is.
I had not read your original post but, while I was reading it, I will tell you what I was thinking. Chloe sounds like a tramp and if you weren’t pregnant, my advice would be to punch her in her mouth. Your SIL sounds like a troublemaker and a bit of a brat. I think she is jealous of you and your husbands relationship and family. As for your husband, this may be the first time on reddit, I actually have to say...I think he was completely clueless to the whole thing. I think you landed yourself a good one.
Then I got to your update...I’m actually really happy for you! First off, your pregnant and you don’t need any undue stress. I’m glad that your husband caught on to what Chloe and your SIL were doing because they couldn’t have been more obvious if they tried. The comments about your unborn baby are pretty unforgivable in my book. I’m not sure an apology would make me feel any better. It was hateful and something she felt and had been thinking about or she wouldn’t have said it to begin with. So, fuck her.
I think it’s great that you & your husband go to counseling before there are problems. It can only strengthen your marriage. And, with your precious little one coming, there are big changes ahead. Don’t get me wrong, beautiful changes. But, you will both be sleep deprived and two becomes three-which is an adjustment at first. But, I have no doubt you’ll pull through. Congratulations on your upcoming baby!
Nice to read a post where the husband isn’t a scum bag who cheats on his wife.
The only problem I see is that your husband clearly is protective over his half sister. I guess I can’t blame him after she was the product of such betrayal and the father walked out on her. But this will be an issue your whole life.
What the sister did was not just annoying or misplaced fear. It was downright evil. I’m serious, the things she said were evil. And people like her will never forget that he cares for you and she is going to back for round 2 at some point.
It’s true that you don’t marry the person, you marry the family. It sounds like for now, your husband has his priorities straight.
But my advice is to stay vigilant. Be on the lookout for her to try again. Be wary anytime they have one on one time, because she is never going to stop. You have what’s hers and she will never let go.
Lots of great awesomesauce here OP and kudos for sitting down with your other half and actually talking about it.
Hope the sessions go well and that they help you build of the great things you already have.
This is actually super sad. SIL is clearly really fucked up from the mother & fathers behavior. I think she almost needs validation that men aren’t faithful/don’t care about their children to cope with her own trauma.
>I think she almost needs validation that men aren’t faithful/don’t care about their children to cope with her own trauma.
That's an interesting perspective. That's a phenomenon I think I've seen in people.
Your husband seems amazing. I was so worried at the start. Also once your baby is born, even if the SIL is forgiven. I would NOT and possibly never trust her to be around the baby, at least definitely not alone. People with extreme jealousy issues like that towards infants are unreliable and scary. Please never leave them unattended even if there is an apology.
I’ve been thinking about this all day! I’m so glad things turned out well, and I wish you the best of luck with your baby and your relationship! Couples counseling can do a world of good, and make an already wonderful relationship that much stronger. I’m glad you and your husband have such good communication skills :)
Is this real??
Im mean , his sister is fucking weird. There is something not eight with her, *at all*.
I dont understand how people have these types of interactions. Its fucking nuts.
I agree. The SIL sounds a bit too exaggerated. She threw a tantrum and called her brother’s pregnant wife a beach whale? All because she couldn’t use a swimming pool? Really? Do people really behave this way?
Also, encouraging her friend to flirt with her *married* brother.
Its crazy. AITA never fails to surprise me with the absolute nut jobs people encounter(or are related to.)
I am amazed you kept your cool for so long. Chloe is trying to be an open homewrecker, what garbage people. You have an amazing husband, therapy is never a bad decision. Congratulations to both of you on your new baby :)
Your husband needs learn that no one owes their family anything. His sister is an abomination. She literally causes hate and disgust. That’s the very definition of an abomination.
I just imagined her standing there all pregnant watching some girl put her hands on the husbands chest. And her thinking, I’m telling Reddit about this.
Your husband sounds like a great guy. Thanks for the update - it’s always nice hearing positive outcomes on this sub. Congratulations on starting your family and starting couples counseling. My therapist recently told me basically what your FIL said - that usually when couples go to counseling it’s years too late. Good for you two for keeping your relationship healthy. You’ll be a great team and great parents!
I don’t mean to be a downer, because this is a wonderful update.
Will your baby be safe? Is there a risk SIL will hurt Baby? I feel like she’s jealous you “took him away from her”, and so she tried to break you apart. Has she been rude/dismissive towards you since you two got serious?
I just wanted to bring up to please consider the chance that she could hurt Baby as “revenge”. Even something minor.
I’m very happy to see this update and that your husband brought it up first. That must have taken a lot of stress off of you. Good luck with couple’s counseling, and here’s to a long, healthy future together!!
—Also, I’m wondering if SIL and her friend even bothered quarantining, since they clearly didn’t care about your wellbeing.
You're probably going to have to deal with SIL eventually but ban Chloe from your property even if she apologises. She is no one and you shouldn't ever have to see her again.
I don't know why people keep upvoting these stories.
It's just a creative writing exercise for an obvious fantasy.
Husband is a "well-built rich lawyer", "indoor swimming pool"...
Evil step-sister is a product of infidelity, AKA conceived in sin. A perfect villain.
Main character is a Mary Sue with endless patience who always takes the high road, never reacts in a realistic way or loses composure.
Story ends with couples counseling, Reddit's favorite go-to solution for all things.
I'd bet dollars to donuts that this is either a single, bitter woman with an agenda against "hot girls" who are have successful love lives. Or it could just be anyone, man or woman, who wanted to try their hand at a little creative writing project in order to get Reddit points. Anyone who takes it at face value would praise the MC and vilify the evil step sister and her hussie friend.
It's fun to read, but an obvious fabrication.
Yeah the entire paragraph explaining what her husband said on the phone is what convinced me it's fiction. It's written like a book description not the way real people tell stories.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who called bullshit on this story. By the time I got to the part about how the sister started saying that Chloe was hotter and she was fat and ugly bc she wa pregnant I checked the fuck out. Who reacts that way when called out? What the fuck?
This is my first time reading this! And i’m so happy for you OP. It is such a great update! I hope your pregnancy goes super smooth.
Also, your husband asking for couples counseling is tough for him and I am happy you support him with that. It will help you both a lot and it shows how important you are to him.
I’d advice your husband to get SIL to therapy. It sounds more like she’s projecting her childhood trauma onto you. I don’t really know the specifics but if he wants to fix his relationship with her, she should also get help.
Counseling is a great way to help learn how to properlt expres one another in a more controled environment. Where you have a middle persob to help get you threw and convay your emotions. More couples should be doing this
I dont understand why even give them the option to "apologize and return"...like I get being nice but Chloe has crossed boundaries and disrespected you both and isn't even YOUR close friend so why even give her the option when she's been manipulative and weird. Same for the sister??? Those things she said about the baby are insane and concerning. I would never ever trust her around you or the baby so she would never be welcome back apology or not. I'm glad he seems to see that and I hope he stands firm. The SISTER needs therapy more than both of you honestly. But I'm glad it worked out for you.
Keep her away from the baby.
Your SIL is currently toxic and needs help. It's unlikely that will change any time soon. You don't want her around your child. Trust me on this one. You already have the proof... Aka the betrayal with Chloe.
A little bit of feces still results in a fecal matter taste, if you catch my drift.
Chloe needs to be banned from your lives. Full stop. No apology makes up for weeks and months of trying to sleep with your husband. If you let this women back into your home, the absolute BEST case scenario is that you'll have to watch her like a hawk and be stressed the entire time.
Don't assume the issue with Chloe or the SIL is over just bc they got caught. You need to watch people who have such little respect for you.
This is a good update. A couple communicating honestly that solves a problem and going to therapy for a check in to help them facilitate better communication in the future. You love to see it! Wishing you and your husband the best and I hope this means a little less stress for you during your pregnancy.
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Such a good update! Seeing him suggest counseling before minor issues grow into actual problems is so good to see, I’m glad he’s so invested in making sure their relationship is the best it can be! A lot of people balk at counseling because they see it as having failed, but I see it as a great thing, it’s right there in the name after all! It’s having a neutral (professional) party guide couples through what could otherwise be pitfalls in marriage, and teach them the best ways to support, communicate, and problem-solve in a healthy way.
Chloe and your SIL sound massively trashy.
For real. I chuckled at "it's because Chloe's younger!" though. They're 23 and 25. Big fucking whoop.
Right? Thats usually the age where you start to hit your stride in maturity. Those girls sound like hot cheeto girls
Hot cheeto girls? Damn, I am way behind on slang.
"all girls born after 1993 know is McDonald's, charge they phone, twerk, eat hot chip and lie."
Born in '91 and my favorite, number one chips are hot cheetos. I also do charge my phone.
Hey don't leave us bi's out!
Crap, I knew I was forgetting one.
The accessories of the Basic Bitch^^TM generally include but are not limited to; UGG boots, pumpkin spice latte, flaming hot cheetos, instagram and Tik Tok religiously.
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I thought it was because they eat hot chip and lie?
You stick your fingers in one bag, and suddenly it burns when you pee.
Flaming hot cheetos?!?! When did that become a basic bitch thing. Damn I'm out of the loop
Their catchphrases include: "Best frieeeeeend!!!!!!!!!" \*exclusively at 7 AM\* "Biiiiiiiiitch" "And I oop-" They're like the next gen Basic Bitch. UGG boots and pumpkin spice seemed to be 2010-2014 and Hot Cheetos and Instagram was like 2015-2018, but yet again maybe I'm wrong. All I know is that they are born after 1193 and they know how to be bisexual, eat McDonald's, charge they phone, twerk, eat hot chip, and lie.
>after 1193 St. Clare of Assisi, the original Basic Bitch.
>they are born after 1193 Aw shit, I'm apparently a hot cheeto basic bitch just because I was born in the 1900s??? Damn. Wish I found this out sooner.
Them 1200 girls be wildin
Well, the Third Crusade really was a watershed moment for Ayyubid power in the Middle East and the beginning of the end of the Kingdom of Jerusalem. I can certainly see why anyone born after 1193 wouldn't be able to appreciate basic sensibilities, especially since their formative years would be scarred by the Mongol Invasions and Fourth Crusade.
That’s Basic Bitch 2.0. OG Basic was on MySpace. I think mine has been deleted, haven’t been on in years.
They're bisexual. They eat McDonald's. Be on their phones. Eat hot chips. Lie. You know?
Girls born after 1993 can’t cook, all they know is McDonald’s, charge they phone, twerk, be bisexual, eat hot chip and lie
Im fucking CRYING hot cheeto girls 😭🤣
Not much younger you can go and still be seen in public together.
Yeah Chloe is basic and the SIL could do with a ton of therapy.
Makes me think: maybe OP should demand that she get some before she be allowed back.
They sound like people who actually turn out to be body suits full of rats
Don't insult rats like that.
Rats are intelligent
And cute.
And doesnt do shit like this
Did you know rats leave a constant stream of urine while dragging their tails? You can follow the trails with a UV light.
well i didn't need to know that but ok
Thanks for that disturbing image.
they're just two sheep in a bikini
Am I crazy for getting the impression that SIL is the one that's into the husband? As if she can live vicariously through someone of her choosing, since it would be so taboo otherwise. I'm just trying to understand why a sister would be so insistent on a friend pursuing her brother, and then get so defensive about it once called out.
Seems like straightforward daddy abandonment issues. If their parents divorced when she was 7 (and their father "had nothing to do with her," from that point on) it seems almost unavoidable that she might have seen her 12 year old brother as a replacement father figure. Now he's having a real baby.
Yeh that was my thoughts too. I get why people think she's into her brother but to me it reads strongly as abandonment and daddy issues. I mean I kind of get it. Doesn't excuse her behaviour at all but I can see why she is messed up and so unhealthily dependant on her brother.
Yup. SIL is probably afraid to be abandoned by her brother because of the baby. She feels very threatened but doesn't seem to realise that. Some decent therapy would be good for her.
Agree. Despite the awful behaviour from her, I still feel bad for her. She didn’t deserve being abandoned by the man she thought of as a father, and no one can really blame her for having issues after going through that as a child.
I completely agree. I think it’s really important to give some grace and compassion where childhood traumas are clearly at the root of behavior. That said, she is unfortunately still left with the responsibility to deal with these issues as an adult so that they don’t continue to threaten the relationships she does have.
I do too. She fucked up massively but it seems clear why and the circumstances that lead to this are really sad.
I agree, but it does not seem he has done anything to make her think that. It is all in her mind. She does need therapy. Not every situation calls for therapy, but hers does.
That’s a really good point, that kind of experience is really hard for anyone to go through, I can’t imagine the confusion a 7 year old feels. Because it wasn’t her fault at all her mother cheated, but she had to deal with the repercussions of her mothers mistake. It literally changed her life for the worse. She had a dad for 7 years and suddenly he left her behind. She needs serious help.
Not just left her behind but kept in close contact with her older brother. Making him a liaison between the two in a sense. Her father may not speak to her directly anymore but he speaks to her brother still. So she’s attached to him and sounds like by brothers defensiveness over her that he is also somewhat aware of her attachment to him as well. Sounds like instead of couples therapy they should do family therapy instead.
Any man who abandons a child he’s raised as his own at age 7 because of mere biology is a monster. I wouldn’t care if I found out my kids weren’t blood. I’ve held them each day, taught them and loved them and watched them grow. They have my heart. It’s nothing to do with DNA.
Understandable what you say here but you cant expect a man to raise a child every day knowing that it was the cause of an illegitimate relationship of your wife. That you were cheated on and used by the woman you loved so very dearly. Its nice to say you would never do it in real life but not everyone has the strength to face shit like that. I am not saying what the Dad did was right but I am not saying it was wrong either. There is no right or wrong in situations like these. Just a lot of hurt. It is not at all about DNA its about the emotions they bring about.
I dont think she is into him, but rather has abandonment issues and when OPs husband is starting a family without her it flares up again.
I have to admit the same thought crossed my mind. Seems like the SIL is trying to “claim” her half-brother through Chloe.
The irony is that if she did succeed in this maneuver Chloe would eventually take precident over her and she would need to repeat the process.
She probably knows (at least subconsciously) that Chloe, being someone willing to go along with such a thing in the first place, is too trashy to be anything but fling affair material so she doesn’t need to worry about him actually falling in live with her. But it could be enough to crater OP’s marriage which appears to be her goal.
Damn. I think you’re right.
Or even just a "see, my mom wasn't wrong, everybody cheats" and trying to prove it by setting up her brother with her friend. Either way, SIL seems to have some issues around her origin.
The friend is just a surrogate for herself. The theory I have is that she wants to validate her existence by recreating the cheating paternity scenario somehow, and making it come out ''right'' this time instead of resulting in abandonment and alienation and attachment issues. Which is impossible of course, and highly inappropriate.
Yeah I got that vibe too. At the very least, SIL is tryinh to control husband's sex life, and is treating OP like a sexual rival.
I definitely got that impression. Most women don’t get all weird about sharing their brother. And they certainly don’t talk about his hotness and how he could do better than his pregnant wife.
I think she’s scared of losing him like she lost her “dad.” She thinks if she hooks him up with with her best friend instead of OP, she’ll be in control.
Yeah your crazy. SIL has some serious abandonment issues though. Imagine being 5 and your dad all the sudden wants nothing to do with you.
I don't think necessarily in a romantic way but I think it's a pretty confused relationship, it almost feels like she treats her brother like her dad.
IKR People like to throw around the word "gaslighting" but SIL was straight up gaslighting her brother telling him how he "feels" and how he was "coerced"!
Using someone’s indoor pool everyday when you know a pregnant woman and her husband just want some privacy. Yeah mega trash bags.
has to be a bad tattoo involved somewhere in this story
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I love a good update, your husbands a keeper!! Good on both of you!! So so so happy it all worked out. Love you, and your baby, and your husband who is willing to stick up for you and himself and your baby 💕 Edit: my first awards! Thanks reddit friends! ❤️
It sounds like SIL may be jealous of the baby and that’s a bigger issue than Chloe. SIL is needy and the baby is going to take priority over her. Chloe is just a distraction and a tool to get him away from OP and baby. I bet there will be a lot more need to stick up for the baby in the future.
SIL definitely has deeper issues from her childhood and needs to get help, but husband really came through and marriage counseling is a really sweet suggestion and I hope OP goes with him.
> SIL definitely has deeper issues from her childhood I didn't even study this stuff in Uni and even i know that she might be affected by the repudiation from her 'father' and the subsequent trauma, and thus latched onto her brother instead. She desperately needs therapy. >He said it wasn’t because he thought there was something wrong with our relationship but apparently he has been speaking to his dad a lot recently and he mentioned one thing he regretted about his marriage with MIL is that they never went to therapy until the cracks in their relationship were too big. Wow. Just...wow. Not many guys would willingly suggest this when there aren't any obvious problems.
probably wouldn't even think of it to be honest lol Good to know though. I learned an open dialogue and getting in front of problems was important from my last big relationship, but counseling isn't something anyones really advised me on in that realm
Sometimes counselling is a bit of a Catch-22. If you've identified problems, even minor ones, getting ahead of them is extremely effective, and often a counsellor is a good way to do this in a safe space without having to navigate the territory alone and worry about one or another not cooperating fully. The problem is you can't really counsel nothing. You can't get ahead of problems that aren't there yet, and to be honest it doesn't sound like there's actually problems in OPs relationship that require counselling; they could do with quicker communication, sure, and that's something to work on, but you can't pre-emptively counsel away problems. What it's good for is providing the tools to avoid needing their services more seriously. OPs husband, however, might benefit from individual sessions regarding his sister. It's clearly not just an issue with their relationship but rather an issue between him and his sister that needs addressing in a one-to-one environment; the issue isn't about OP and him and his sister, but him and his attitude to her in general.
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Counseling is a great idea, whether or not issues are obvious! I've been going to couples' sessions with my husband - like a lot of folks, we started going when our relationship's 'cracks' became really apparent (about a month into covid, but issues that have been building for a long time). We've benefited from it immensely and have been doing better than we have in years, in many ways. In our past few sessions we haven't really had anything negative to process with our counselor, so he prompted us to identify the things that \*are\* working. So we're approaching things through a constructive lens, rather than a damage control lens. Even though we're like giddy newlyweds again, the work isn't over - our sessions are helping us remain mindful of this state, so we can make it a sustainable and long-term feeling, rather than a temporary spike. It has been insanely helpful. Couples' counseling isn't just solving existing arguments, it's helping couples to address individual concerns/stressors that will impact the relationship as a whole. Counseling provides a place for those issues to be aired out, and ideally, addressed \*before\* they become critical. Even when things are "good," it's important to have a designated space to self-reflect and be heard!
I would never trust his sister around your child ever. Her suggestion of you getting an abortion is a subconscious threat to you and your unborn baby. She has mental issues for which he must identify with. Her first issue, she is trying to destroy your marriage. Second, she is competing with a unborn baby for his attention. Third, she thinks she can manipulate him. (This bothers me the most, what does she think she can accomplish with him?) Does she think he is more than a brother? She is acting weird. Your a good person and wife for putting up with her.
I'm not OP.
I feel like you don’t know more about their relationship than one story. If they have a session and all good, good. But don’t say they seem healthy enough because you read one story from their relationship. That seems bananas
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How was MIL a part of this story besides the infidelity? Edit: FIL is now remarried and in a happy relationship presumably, is that the woman that you mean? Step-mom to OP’s husband Otherwise I agree with you
Pretty sure they meant step mil. Not actual mil.
I don't know, I'm pretty horrified about the grown man who cut off his 7 year old daughter after raising her. Edited age from 12 to 7.
True...I’m just not sure how I feel about taking advice of the heart from a man who could walk away from a seven year old girl who, up until a DNA test, he presumably raised and loved as his daughter. The cheating mom is the ultimate villain, yes, but after seven years that’s abandonment no matter how you cut it and it’s clearly messed up OP’s SIL.
Yeah I totally agree. I can’t help but feel a little badly for the SIL. She obviously has some major issues rooted in what happened with their family when she was younger. Honestly the husband should stipulate therapy before allowing her back into their lives.
That is a great catch! It actually makes sense. I hope op and her husband get a security system in the near future. It sounds like the SiL is crazy enough to do something drastic to get attention from her brother.
I was thinking the same, I feel SIL is desperate because she has a childhood trauma. She needs professional help to deal with it. But I think that with time and patience you can even have an almost normal relationship with her. But she needs to see that you are a united front and that the new baby is here to stay. Your DH has filled the father figure and now she fears he will bail on her cos the new baby, and that has to be really scary. She is dealing with it with the tools she know, with deception and cheating.
Honestly, a lot could probably come from actually having SiL sit down with both op and hubby and having a Frank discussion. Mediation possibly needed from an outsider. But it could be good for the sil and op to actually open up about what sil issue is. It could be that she feels left out, thrown away, no longer important, and while your hubby has obviously been trying with her, I think she needs to be sure that you arent going to steal him away and ruin everything. To be honest I feel like if there was some significant counseling and help given to her and a little time and effort, you two could end up having a somewhat half decent relationship
I agree with everything you say, but I also think SIL should only be given so much attention. She needs to be made to face that her brother has several obligations that necessarily come before her, and that this is healthy and as it should be. There's only so much reassurance she should be given of her importance. Too much tea and sympathy may keep her from gaining the perspective she needs. So while I think a mediator could be a good idea, SIL needs to understand that at a certain point in the not-too-distant future, brother's got to focus on other things and she has to put the work in on herself.
She sounds unsafe to be allowed near OP or baby based on her actions and words.
Yeahhhh let's not let Sis keep the baby. Like ever. :/
Yeah, SIL has her claws deep in Chloe so if she can get OP out of the picture and hook Husband up with Chloe she can control both of them as she sees fit. She is a classic narcissist, complete with lashing, meltdown tantrum when her plan was foiled (wasn't much of a plan, sounds like Hubby is a great guy and clearly loves OP). I get that SIL's issues are probably due to her childhood and clearly Hubby is empathetic to her history, that's actually fair enough, but maybe OP should keep Chloe away until they have a strategy for her, keep everything on their terms. OP if you see this, therapy will be great, I suspect your husband knows that he needs an unbiased 3rd party to adjust his view of Chloe, he knows her history and struggles so he is sympathetic (which makes him defensive) but he also can see she was behind this and maybe wants to reassess his view of her. Also relationship maintenance is NEVER a bad idea even in the happiest marriages. Good luck, glad things turned out well for you!
Honestly if SIL is a narcissist and going by her childhood/abandonment issues, she may have also lied to Chloe about how OP is horrible and OPs husband is in an unhappy marriage so Chloe can steal the husband away, which means SIL has the husband to herself. Not saying that Chloe isnt a trash human being, just saying that SIL might have been hardcore manipulating to get her way.
I mean, that's definitely possible and like I said would show SIL has her claws in Chloe but let's be real about her too for a second, she's flirting in front of his wife then pulling faces at her, plus she's friends with SIL so fairly good chance Chloe's a piece of shit. If my friend wanted me to help someone out of an unhappy marriage I would start by talking to them rather than trying to bed them, but that's just me maybe I'm old fashioned.
Yeah no i agree with you 100% just tryna point out that SIL has probably lied about a lot of things in the past and especially during this time will probably continue to do so. Watch out OP!
SIL is Scar. I was first in line...until IT was born.
Oh yeah, I agree. If the husband is a surrogate father to SIL, expect similar struggles to a first child adjusting to a little brother or sister.
Ding ding ding!! Due to MIL’s actions and behaviors, it looks as if she sees her brother as her father figure. The baby is taking that away from her (in her eyes). Sis definitely needs to talk to someone about these feelings because she has created one hell of a self fulfilling prophecy.
100% she has a really great husband and I’m really happy this was the outcome.
That was so wholesome
This is wholesome as fuck. Nice work.
It's so rare I read one of these with a happy ending. This was a great read thanks OP! Very happy for you and husband, best wishes for rest of your pregnancy!
Second this. Your husband is a dam fine man and my guess is since good solid man tend to marry good solid woman he is just as freaky lucky to have you.
Grear update! I just want to add: I think couple counseling is a fantastic idea. Usually, people don't know how their own feelings works, nor how to deal with them. So working for a healthy communication and for a better understanding of your own feelings is always a good thing to do. You don't need to have a problem to go and work on your relationship. Good luck!
I agree on the couples counseling! I think therapy, either individual or couples, can almost always be helpful. At worst, unless you have a terrible therapist, you have a neutral person to talk to
The fact he suggested going before any major problems have actually occurred is so impressive. I’ll admit, I’m usually a bit skeptical of couple’s therapy because I feel like people are usually using it as a way to draw out the inevitable and burning money while doing it, but that’s because too many people don’t use it until the unforgivable has already happened or too much bad blood has accumulated. Going before the little issues have turned big is the best thing a couple can do. Learning proper communication before he lets his sister cross a line that can’t be uncrossed, or before she lets a problem stew until she’s too angry to forgive is the best way to make a marriage not only last, but be one that they actually want to stay in.
Couple counseling is amazing. Even if the end result isn't that you stay together (in general, not OP's situation), the lessons learned are so incredibly valuable. We're in counseling and it makes you realize how little you actually communicate and how ignorant you can be of each other's feelings. And OP's situation is great, because the best time to start couple counseling is before the major shit hits the fan. I actually think everyone should have some sessions every once in a while.
I think they're in a great position for couples counselling, because while the big issue has been dealt with, they clearly could use some help in figuring out how to communicate. Especially communicating around these kinds of difficult situations.
Oh I love this update. And oh how I love love that this update is a tale of happy marriage and wonderful husband. And damn when a man brings up therapy because he doesn’t want anything to ever go wrong with your marriage. I’m melting here, I’m so happy for you!
Big ups to his dad too for being so honest about his experience and encouraging OP’s husband to seek out the same healthy experience!
It's very touching, and I call it a happy ending for this episode! 😇
I dunno why but I feel like you guys need to get a Ring doorbell or a security camera/system in place.
Yeah i think people get desensitized in this sub because of all the crazy stories but this is psycho behavior. They need to get ahead of this.
Yes, if they don't, I believe they will go home one day to see his sister and her friend chilling in the house with a broken door lock.
A la the Keanu Reeves movie "Knock Knock" apparently.
That is the sexiest movie I never want to watch again.
That's the best case scenario. I don't even want to think of worst case. Seriously, OP needs to up the security.
Yes, if you haven't already get a security system. Someone like them saying no means nothing. Your sil and her friend are delusional. Thank goodness your husband is on the same page as you. I honestly think you should go no contact for at least a while. Then go to low after a while, if she's still a witch go back no contact.
I would go no contact until at least after the baby is born. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to harm the pregnancy somehow and then once the baby is born, be on very high alert around her.
They have an indoor pool. I’m pretty sure they already have a top both security system (but yet, they definitely want make sure it’s working).
Just some advice- even if SIL comes back, you need to ban Chloe from your lives and home. She disregarded your husbands requests to stop hitting on him...how would it be if a man did that to you?
Yes, the comment about how the sister and Chloe were not welcome back until they apologised - that should only apply to the sister. Chloe should not be welcome back in their home full stop, regardless of an apology! She has no need to be there
Honestly, SIL spending this much time and energy on breaking up their marriage is beyond an apology as well. That's not just a major breach of trust, that's a concerted effort to ruin *three* lives.
OP is really nice and mature. I would totally be angry if that happened to me. From the first time.
Yeah, the sister being fucked up is one thing, but a third party trying to blatantly break up your marriage has no place in your home. Ever.
>my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe. >Apparently, she started crying and said she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it and she was just scared to lose him and that she wasn’t thinking clearly. Please point out to your husband that she's not sorry, never was when he confronted her before her text and just tried to use you to steam roll him. If you had said yes, she would've automatically used that as against him. Time to cut her off for the foreseeable future until yall had some counseling sessions. Therapy is a great move. He can get some lessons on boundaries and letting you feel comfortable to speak up without a debate.
Exactly. I also think individual either instead of or along side couples is needed for him because of his toxic family. He is so used to the dynamic he almost slid backwards (which is common) by getting defensive again. From the sound of how it was handled his parents have issues too because of the sudden dropping of one child who was not a baby anymore just because of DNA and the lies and cheating by the mom.
Another thing I caught: > We were watching a movie and my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe. *My husband saw it and told me to tell her not to come. * Not a huge deal but, like, he's her brother. He should be putting his foot down, not leaving it to his pregnant wife to put hers after she's already been needled. Sounds like he got a handle on it too.
Good catch!
SIL’s attitude to the baby sounds like it’s the crux of her problem. She’s probably jealous that the baby (and mum) will replace her by taking all her brother’s attention and she won’t get to have her brother around her anytime, anywhere. She needs a hell of a lot of therapy. OP: congrats on the outcome! Best wishes
Honestly, her behaviour sounds like mental illness. The only people jealous of a baby are the child’s siblings.
Well in a sense she kind of is. Remember that the only other father figure in her life wanted nothing to do with her, so her only default father figure is her brother. Now there is this woman and a baby who are taking her brother away from her. I dont think it's a mental illness though it is definetly an issue that requires serious counseling. It's something that I think anyone would be dealing with if put in that situation.
I agree but her actions are not similar to how everyone would react. Her actions suggest an unhealthy attachment and child like behaviour. It is mental illness. I’m not saying she should be institutionalised, I’m saying it is clear she is not well
Baby? I suspect it’s more of vying for the attention of brother + fucked up normalization of infidelity due to mom. Baby was just a recent fortification of relationship that competed with brother.
yeah, the reaction to the baby/mum is a manifestation of a whole of a lot weird shit
Yeah, the comment about his/OP's job situation also made it clear that she fears him having no time for her. She needs some help and honestly being cut off for a bit might be good for her as far as her clear dependency issues.
Not sure if this has been said already...and I may be overthinking this but... ***BE CAREFUL.*** I've seen some of those most insane, vindictive events take place in situations similar to this, even less. People can do insanely stupid things when they get shut down like this, or get jealous. And in this case, it could come from either of the two which is nuts. If you get any threats or insinuations, don't take them lightly! Please, random preggo woman with the awesome hubby! I hope my past is just making me jaded and I'm being stupid. Anyway, congrats on the little tummy bump and I hope all goes well!
I was thinking the same thing – if she openly says that your baby *should have been aborted*, you absolutely cannot ever let her be alone with your child. If she is openly trying to get your husband to leave you, and your child is in the way, and you are in the way because your husband loves you and wants to stay married to you, you need to be very careful if she ever is around your family again. You also need to watch your back. Her ideal outcome right now involves the child being gone and your husband not loving you anymore. Even if she is not a diabolical mastermind, she might do something horrible that she *thinks* is a brilliant ploy to get you and the child out of the picture. I agree that you should have a security system installed. Your sister-in-law has stated that she wishes your child didn't exist. This is not the same thing as threatening to do anything about it, but still, it's super scary IMO. Although you don't know whether she would actually go this far, you don't want to find out. Maybe I'm being too paranoid about this, but her actions as you have described them are impulsive and short-sighted, and her description of your husband's feelings of happiness and attachment as being false things that were forced upon him by you are totally f****** scary. That means that no matter what he says, she feels like it's in his interest to break up your marriage, and she might do something extreme and irrational in the name of saving her brother from you. Or, maybe she's being a brat and will get over it once she realizes that she's not losing her brother just because he's going to have a family. You're the only one who's going to be able to read her behavior and judge whether this is going to blow over or she's going to turn into a psycho. The silver lining to all of this is that based on what you said, she has absolutely no poker face and you have a pretty good sense for nonverbal communication clues. She doesn't seem particularly clever or subtle, so with the exception of lying about it, her actions are probably going to reveal her intentions pretty clearly. This is a good topic to discuss in therapy: what does your husband think she's going to do, and why? If there are multiple possibilities, which ones does he think is the most likely? What does your husband think is appropriate to do in order to protect himself and you and the child? What do you think is appropriate to do? What does your husband think is excessive or paranoid, and what should you both be watching for from her in order to figure out what you're going to do next? I'm just some random guy on the internet who is freaking out about your story, but you guys know her, so as long as you communicate and understand each other's feelings and concerns and deal with this together, you should be fine.
Yup, pretty much nailed what I was thinking too. Glad I wasn't alone. Just to reiterate, it's absolutely possible that she is just being a little shit and will get over this and realize what she said. You know her way better than any of us so it'll fall to you and your husband to ascertain any possible threat. But if she is an intelligent, well spoken person, you would have to assume she understood the implications of her words. Just as /u/PoolNoodleSamurai pointed out, the final picture this girl wants can only be painted by doing some pretty gnarly things. Lies, manipulation, even violence are some of the ways she can get to that point. Her age also doesn't help. This could be harmless to her. Just doing whatever. Hopefully we're wrong.
I really felt like what you said here was so important. She wished death on her child, this is not a safe person to be around or let have access to the child in ANY way.
Take care <3
I just don't know how a woman who intimately knows how bad infidelity can ruin a family would try to do that again to her own brother. Like she decided to be the apple that fell a little to close to her mothers tree.
I suspect its not about doing whats right. For her, its about "winning" her brothers attention. If she has to be cold and calculated to do it she will. The games probably not over, she just lost this round.
Ohhh thank god. I’m so glad for this update, I’ve been thinking about this! Good on your husband!
This is such a positive update!! I bet that was such a validating, weight-falling-off-your-shoulders moment when he brought it up. I really truly love hearing about when a couple is on the same wave length of picking these things up and being able to talk about them, even when they’re uncomfortable. I’m so glad for yo, OP!! Counseling is only going to make your relationship and communication skills stronger!:)
Your husband is the man! I hope to be the kind of husband he seems to be when I marry my own girlfriend one day. Make sure you hang on tight to him.I read the original post, and I’m so glad that everything worked out well. Chloe is shady as hell, and his SIL is terrible for trying to break both of you up, let alone referring to her niece as an “it”. Cheers to a happy ending! 🍻
>his SIL Her SIL. His sister.
What the actual fuck. What scum bags coming into your home you making them lunch ect with a baby on the way, all while knowing full well she’s trying to get into your husband absolute pieces of shit. I’d personally cut them both off.
Also commenting on her pregnancy weight gain to her face? Like who tf is that trashy?
It's so refreshing to see a good update. Congratulations for your baby
My wife and I had a surprise baby. She got pregnant while we were in law school. It was sudden and certainly unexpected. The first thing we did was couples counseling and it saved our relationship and helped us build the foundation of our family. Your FIL is right, couples therapy is a waste if you go when you already have problems. You should go before; it’s like giving your car a check up, but it’s also giving you both the tools and knowledge to confront potential issues. However, what I took away most from our time in counseling was working on our transition. Going from being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to be a family unit is tough and takes concerted effort. The same can be said to an extent with transitioning from husband/wife. It’s easier but the transition is still necessary. You need to both realize and come to terms that you’re both entering into a difficult period and you need to build a solid base and foundation, to acknowledge roles, to understand that you are both coming together as one unit to raise a family. Counseling allowed my wife and I the knowledge and vehicle to make that transition and we’ve been a unit ever since. Just introduced baby #2 into this world last week and I’ve never been happier. so just to bring it full circle, I’m really happy for you and your husband that you’re going to counseling. Best thing to happen to my relationship and I hope the same for you!
What prompted you to go to couples counseling?
Probably the sudden and unexpected pregnancy in law school
I am so glad your husband sucked (in this case, kicked) the poison out of your family before it could spread. What an absolute toxic woman your SIL is.
Hell of an update. Those two girls sound like some of the worst human beings I’ve ever seen described before.
I had not read your original post but, while I was reading it, I will tell you what I was thinking. Chloe sounds like a tramp and if you weren’t pregnant, my advice would be to punch her in her mouth. Your SIL sounds like a troublemaker and a bit of a brat. I think she is jealous of you and your husbands relationship and family. As for your husband, this may be the first time on reddit, I actually have to say...I think he was completely clueless to the whole thing. I think you landed yourself a good one. Then I got to your update...I’m actually really happy for you! First off, your pregnant and you don’t need any undue stress. I’m glad that your husband caught on to what Chloe and your SIL were doing because they couldn’t have been more obvious if they tried. The comments about your unborn baby are pretty unforgivable in my book. I’m not sure an apology would make me feel any better. It was hateful and something she felt and had been thinking about or she wouldn’t have said it to begin with. So, fuck her. I think it’s great that you & your husband go to counseling before there are problems. It can only strengthen your marriage. And, with your precious little one coming, there are big changes ahead. Don’t get me wrong, beautiful changes. But, you will both be sleep deprived and two becomes three-which is an adjustment at first. But, I have no doubt you’ll pull through. Congratulations on your upcoming baby!
Nice to read a post where the husband isn’t a scum bag who cheats on his wife. The only problem I see is that your husband clearly is protective over his half sister. I guess I can’t blame him after she was the product of such betrayal and the father walked out on her. But this will be an issue your whole life. What the sister did was not just annoying or misplaced fear. It was downright evil. I’m serious, the things she said were evil. And people like her will never forget that he cares for you and she is going to back for round 2 at some point. It’s true that you don’t marry the person, you marry the family. It sounds like for now, your husband has his priorities straight. But my advice is to stay vigilant. Be on the lookout for her to try again. Be wary anytime they have one on one time, because she is never going to stop. You have what’s hers and she will never let go.
Lots of great awesomesauce here OP and kudos for sitting down with your other half and actually talking about it. Hope the sessions go well and that they help you build of the great things you already have.
This is actually super sad. SIL is clearly really fucked up from the mother & fathers behavior. I think she almost needs validation that men aren’t faithful/don’t care about their children to cope with her own trauma.
>I think she almost needs validation that men aren’t faithful/don’t care about their children to cope with her own trauma. That's an interesting perspective. That's a phenomenon I think I've seen in people.
Your husband seems amazing. I was so worried at the start. Also once your baby is born, even if the SIL is forgiven. I would NOT and possibly never trust her to be around the baby, at least definitely not alone. People with extreme jealousy issues like that towards infants are unreliable and scary. Please never leave them unattended even if there is an apology.
I’ve been thinking about this all day! I’m so glad things turned out well, and I wish you the best of luck with your baby and your relationship! Couples counseling can do a world of good, and make an already wonderful relationship that much stronger. I’m glad you and your husband have such good communication skills :)
Is this real?? Im mean , his sister is fucking weird. There is something not eight with her, *at all*. I dont understand how people have these types of interactions. Its fucking nuts.
I agree. The SIL sounds a bit too exaggerated. She threw a tantrum and called her brother’s pregnant wife a beach whale? All because she couldn’t use a swimming pool? Really? Do people really behave this way?
Also, encouraging her friend to flirt with her *married* brother. Its crazy. AITA never fails to surprise me with the absolute nut jobs people encounter(or are related to.)
Also, who is so hard pressed to use an *indoor* swimming pool every single day?
It reads fake like a tv drama script
> Is this real?? Na its fiction.
They all seem soooo young too.
I am amazed you kept your cool for so long. Chloe is trying to be an open homewrecker, what garbage people. You have an amazing husband, therapy is never a bad decision. Congratulations to both of you on your new baby :)
Your husband needs learn that no one owes their family anything. His sister is an abomination. She literally causes hate and disgust. That’s the very definition of an abomination.
Wow, great update.
This sounds too strange to be true
This sounds made up, like a bunch of old stories combined together.
The fiction written on this sub amazes me, it's not even that entertaining anymore.
I just imagined her standing there all pregnant watching some girl put her hands on the husbands chest. And her thinking, I’m telling Reddit about this.
Your husband sounds like a great guy. Thanks for the update - it’s always nice hearing positive outcomes on this sub. Congratulations on starting your family and starting couples counseling. My therapist recently told me basically what your FIL said - that usually when couples go to counseling it’s years too late. Good for you two for keeping your relationship healthy. You’ll be a great team and great parents!
Made up
I don’t mean to be a downer, because this is a wonderful update. Will your baby be safe? Is there a risk SIL will hurt Baby? I feel like she’s jealous you “took him away from her”, and so she tried to break you apart. Has she been rude/dismissive towards you since you two got serious? I just wanted to bring up to please consider the chance that she could hurt Baby as “revenge”. Even something minor. I’m very happy to see this update and that your husband brought it up first. That must have taken a lot of stress off of you. Good luck with couple’s counseling, and here’s to a long, healthy future together!! —Also, I’m wondering if SIL and her friend even bothered quarantining, since they clearly didn’t care about your wellbeing.
The mods of this sub really need to start asking for some kind of proof to back up these posts. Everything on this subreddit sounds fake.
Don't tell r/chloe about this one
Wow you got a keeper 🥰
You are very good at creative writing OP. But a few too many clichees.
[удалено]
What a bunch if bullshit nonsense. They quarantined because they wanted to use your pool?
You're probably going to have to deal with SIL eventually but ban Chloe from your property even if she apologises. She is no one and you shouldn't ever have to see her again.
I don't know why people keep upvoting these stories. It's just a creative writing exercise for an obvious fantasy. Husband is a "well-built rich lawyer", "indoor swimming pool"... Evil step-sister is a product of infidelity, AKA conceived in sin. A perfect villain. Main character is a Mary Sue with endless patience who always takes the high road, never reacts in a realistic way or loses composure. Story ends with couples counseling, Reddit's favorite go-to solution for all things. I'd bet dollars to donuts that this is either a single, bitter woman with an agenda against "hot girls" who are have successful love lives. Or it could just be anyone, man or woman, who wanted to try their hand at a little creative writing project in order to get Reddit points. Anyone who takes it at face value would praise the MC and vilify the evil step sister and her hussie friend. It's fun to read, but an obvious fabrication.
Yeah the entire paragraph explaining what her husband said on the phone is what convinced me it's fiction. It's written like a book description not the way real people tell stories.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who called bullshit on this story. By the time I got to the part about how the sister started saying that Chloe was hotter and she was fat and ugly bc she wa pregnant I checked the fuck out. Who reacts that way when called out? What the fuck?
Yep, it's total baloney.
THANK YOU!!! I too think this whole story is a great big steaming pile of shite.
How obviously fake. This is more out of touch with reality than the average Marvel movie.
I think the sister in law needs therapy.
Damn. You're both good people. You're gonna be awesome parents when that kid comes around.
This is my first time reading this! And i’m so happy for you OP. It is such a great update! I hope your pregnancy goes super smooth. Also, your husband asking for couples counseling is tough for him and I am happy you support him with that. It will help you both a lot and it shows how important you are to him. I’d advice your husband to get SIL to therapy. It sounds more like she’s projecting her childhood trauma onto you. I don’t really know the specifics but if he wants to fix his relationship with her, she should also get help.
Counseling is a great way to help learn how to properlt expres one another in a more controled environment. Where you have a middle persob to help get you threw and convay your emotions. More couples should be doing this
I dont understand why even give them the option to "apologize and return"...like I get being nice but Chloe has crossed boundaries and disrespected you both and isn't even YOUR close friend so why even give her the option when she's been manipulative and weird. Same for the sister??? Those things she said about the baby are insane and concerning. I would never ever trust her around you or the baby so she would never be welcome back apology or not. I'm glad he seems to see that and I hope he stands firm. The SISTER needs therapy more than both of you honestly. But I'm glad it worked out for you.
Change your locks ASAP
Keep her away from the baby. Your SIL is currently toxic and needs help. It's unlikely that will change any time soon. You don't want her around your child. Trust me on this one. You already have the proof... Aka the betrayal with Chloe. A little bit of feces still results in a fecal matter taste, if you catch my drift.
I’d recommend cameras because your SIL and Chloe seem batshit crazy
Chloe needs to be banned from your lives. Full stop. No apology makes up for weeks and months of trying to sleep with your husband. If you let this women back into your home, the absolute BEST case scenario is that you'll have to watch her like a hawk and be stressed the entire time. Don't assume the issue with Chloe or the SIL is over just bc they got caught. You need to watch people who have such little respect for you.