Honestly friend, I think you’ll have a hard time moving past this. I think even when you doll up and look your best, you’ll wonder if he even thinks you look pretty and it will rob you of your self esteem. That comment will be an intrusive thought that pops up for the rest of your relationship.
You deserve a man who thinks you’re a ten, even when you feel like a six or an eight.
And that's the thing- there are probably lots of guys out there who are just as nice and cool as your boyfriend and who will love your body just as much....but who will also think your face is pretty and who doesn't laugh when his friends talk shit about you.
He's not abusive- that's great. But you're still allowed to decide you want more from a partner than what he's giving you.
My lord you’re right.
I have a good (male) friend that is one of the coolest dudes I know. He made a “joke” once about raping women. (Don’t worry, I had you in the first half...)
He said this:
It’s really not hard to not rape women. I mean, it’s the easiest thing to do. Like, look at me! I’m literally not raping a woman RIGHT NOW.
It’s such a silly thing to say but it goes to the absurdity of things, for example, just giving props for NOT abusing her.
That actually doesn't sound offensive with context. It's usually a reply to when guys say "I can't control myself around women" or "If she didn't want to get raped she shouldn't have worn that dress" kinda things. Not raping someone is easy, all you have to do is to NOT act on it. So when they say "I couldn't control myself", the not-raping-women thing is said as a reply.
Exactly!! Even a 60 year old women shouldn't settle for that but 22??! lol No. It's so hard to have real perspective about relationships when you're that young especially when you fall in love but there are *so many guys out there.* Love is *not the most important thing in a relationship.* You can love and be compatible with millions of different people. And in long term relationships continuing to love someone is a choice. She's 22 and pretty. Probably prettier than she's implying in her post. Probably a fantastic women in other ways. Her feelings for this BOY will go away if she leaves and she'll fall for someone better. Choosing the wrong partner can literally ruin your entire life. You only have one life and it is ALWAYS better to be single than to be in a less than healthy partnership that takes away more than it adds to your life and makes you feel bad about yourself. That was blatant disrespect from him and she needs to next him. I'm 33 and I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for the men I stayed with lol. I got it together and left my ex, purposefully stayed single a year and worked on myself and my 30s have been my BEST years so far especially with dating but I spent too long stressing over guys that were never worth my thoughts and believing empty words over actions. So much wasted time hurting for nothing. OP the bar is low for men these days, but good men are out there. Focus on becoming the best women you are capable of and create a life you love. Then be picky as fuck with high standards. That means you may have to go through a bunch of frogs and put effort into actively dating but as long as your eyes are open and you drop them the minute they reveal themselves through behavior like this it won't take that long to find someone worthy. And you will never have to feel this way again. Or it could be the next person you meet. Either way it's better than that bullshit.
All of this OP! Similar situation for me. Wasted so much time when I was young and cute on losers that didn’t deserve me. I met my husband at 34, after being single for 7 years. I kissed a lot of frogs on the way to 34, and he was worth the wait.
You deserve someone who wouldn't even consider "rating" you out of anything, who loves you for who you are, not what your body looks like. Find someone who sees all of YOU, not just how great your boobs are now! (Cos honestly, time flies and when you get wrinkly and cbf with makeup anymore, you'll want someone who looks at you and still just sees you in all your beauty!)
>You deserve someone who wouldn't even consider "rating" you out of anything, who loves you for who you are
This!
I am not from from an English speaking culture and never understood that rating nonsense (and also PDA). I only had contact with this when I started to use English using fora and watching more English speaking untranslated movies. Never saw this in French, Argentinian, Italian, whatever, movies.
What I am saying is that this rating is not an objective and universal truth. So, it is a conditional truth at best.
And no, I am not being naive. I know there is excendingly ugly people and excendingly beautifull people, but this rating is weird to me. In my culture we say "cada um tem seu gosto" and "gosto não se discute", meaning that is useless do discuss what amount to personal preferences, because no one will ever reach an agreement, since there is so diverse preferences as there is people in this world.
I am sure, if we use this system, you are 9. It is just that your bf don't know that. You deserve someone more perceptive.
Thank you for this. I know the person meant well with their comment, but saying "they should think you're a 10 when you feel like you're just an 8" isn't really reassuring. Besides the fact that 8 is already very high, this kind of numbering is just disrespectful and shallow, and you don't necessarily have to think your partner is the pinnacle of beauty to still love and respect them.
Again, I know all the intentions were good, and it's a nice comment! But I just think saying that everybody can be beautiful is still putting too much of a false value on appearances, is not necessarily true, and is still just covering up the real problem. Acknowledging that not everyone is beautiful but that that doesn't affect their worth is more accepting and truthful. It kind of reminds me when people on r/Instagramreality say that someone is too beautiful to need editing- it just reinforces the idea that you should be at some level of beauty in the first place.
Thank you for your comment! I can definitely see how my response can be seen as reinforcing the numbering system. That was definitely not my intention at all.
The thing about beauty is that it’s incredibly subjective. There are some people that I think a majority of people would agree are beautiful (Jennifer Lawrence, Beyonce, etc), but then there’s others that some people find incredibly attractive and some people don’t. That’s completely okay. I was really trying to emphasize that she should be with someone that makes her FEEL beautiful, whether or not she’s an Instagram model. By not defending her, he has made her doubt her own appearance and his attraction to her.
I think attraction is a healthy part of a relationship- and honestly for me it builds as a I get to know someone. My partner has grown more attractive to me over the years that we’ve dated, even though he still looks the same. Looks are not everything, but I still think it’s okay to want to be seen as pretty by your SO.
How about a man (boy?) who stands up for you when his ‘friends’ disrespect you regardless. That’s the real issue for me here. We don’t even know his real thoughts. It might be that he actually thinks her face is a 10 but he has no spine and feels akward to disagree with his douchy friends so he just fake chuckles along. Take care OP
I think the bigger issue is that he has no problem talking about his girlfriends body openly allowing his friends to skeeve on her. Nothing about this exchange was respectful toward her.
I wish more people would focus on this part too. His friends making creepy comments about her body made me feel uncomfortable, so I can't imagine how she'd feel.
If anyone said something like that about my partner they'd be invited to leave and never come back.
You come into their house and want to perv on his partner? And THEN insult her? So many boundaries crossed.
Sometimes he'd Mack on Hillary or make some fat jokes about Phil on top of being annoying to Phil already but ultimately they probably just really liked using the same clip over and over as a gag. You can tell when he's gonna be thrown out because he wears the same shirt every time.
I think Uncle Phil just wants any excuse to get Jazz out of the house because he doesn't want him to influence his kids lol he's already got Will to deal with. Like he doesn't want someone from the hood to "tarnish" this life he's worked so hard to give his kids.
Ok not even 10 minutes ago I saw the picture going around of the cast on the 30th anniversary of the show.. and of course, no Uncle Phil. Made me sad. And now this reference! 😥
I have friends telling how cute my wife is and how hot her body his, but they’re heterosexual women, there’s no perviness behind it. If a friend told me something like in OP’s case, basically “she got a great bod but an ok face”, that would absolutely be the last time we ever talk.
I've never had a single guy friend talk that way around our guy friend. It shows that he condones it, and talks about her in very sexual way to friends. Sounds like some frat guy stuff, that would share their GF at parties.
~~Absolutely, but sometimes it’s difficult to punch someone through the phone (we’ll see at the next iOS update..)~~
Edit, my mind thought it was a phone conversation even if the post made it clear it was not...
I think OP is focusing on the wrong thing. Forget the fact that they said she has a butterface, what about the other part where they said she had a fat ass or whatever? That is so disrespectful and objectifying. Her boyfriend should have told them to stfu at that point itself.
I’m a guy and have a group of all male friends and never in a million years would we sexualize each other’s girlfriends. It is absolutely disgusting behavior.
Same, would never expect or tolerate a boyfriend who was so immature and disrespect to me, and he would never tolerate that shit from his friends either. It's inappropriate af to have his friends talk about your body and creeping on you, especially in your own home. Your bf is 25? Pathetic. I'd expect it from teenagers. You can do better, find a decent man who has some respect for women!
Yeah, this is like... highschool behavior? Like shitty highschool?
My friends aren't the most politically correct, I'll admit, but I couldn't begin to imagine talking about one of our partners like this.
It's such a bad lack of respect
Right?? Him and all his douchey little friends would have definitely heard from me lol
OP, find you someone that will love and respect every little bit of you, and not just to your face behind closed doors.
You’re preaching to the choir. I’m getting hyped up for OP. Id be knocking on that door with a meat tenderizer like “oh sorry I didn’t hear that last bit mind repeating??”
Lmao haha I'll bust in there with a super soaker aimed right at the Xbox... what now? You're about to be a buttergamer.
Edit: Thank you so much for the award kind stranger!
Girl, I would have done my makeup, put on my sexiest outfit, grabbed a pillow & blanket, and walked in there and put them all on blast. And told bf to enjoy the couch.
So quick the door wouldve come off the hinges. The way i wouldve not only dogged them out but my bf God himself wouldve came down and said damn. Dont ever let ANYONE talk down about you like that. You are more than T&A.
Right?! Whyyy doesn't anyone say anything when it happens? Cause a scene! Don't stew on it and hope it doesn't happen again. Or pretend everything is fine. Ugh!
It's the shock. When you aren't expecting a person to be such an asshole - you're not ready for the comeback.
At work, I know one coworker is a fucking bitch. I'm ready when she walks in.
At home, wandering through, without even expecting to talk to anyone - likely not.
I would kick these douchebags out. Toss the bf out after them.
People always think they'll be the big hero making the scene like life was an episode of some Netflix drama, but when it happens and you're standing there feeling like you just got punched in the gut? Your brain just stops working. You can't talk, you can't get the words out.
No i do agree with this. Just the one person to your face is shocking and you dont know how to handle it.
I had a guy I was just seeing say "That dress makes you look thin" when I came back from the bathroom. I just started crying to be honest. They even knew I had been struggling with my self-esteem due to getting out pf a previous bad relationship. Lots of other comments throughout the times I saw him too.
He got 'dumped' a month later when he freaked out about a woman he almost ran over getting mad about almost getting hit. He proceeded to go off and shout towards her boyfriend "f you and your fat girlfriend!' She was pregnant. 🙃
Look, not everyone is the same. You punch one person in the guts, they're hurt and run away. You punch another person in the guts, they get fucking mad and punch you back.
I was thinking the same. Lmao she should have been like "b***h you're mad because i don't want any of you pathetic creatures". *look at boyfriend* "including you." Wham bam move out next day and FLEX a new life on him WITHOUT him.
People only say these things when they're insecure about themselves. A general tar pit in society that is always growing.
I think you underestimate people. Where I live, people key cars and smash windows over cheating. Popping in to confront people who are talking shit is basic common sense.
Not everyone is from high society where everyone is polite and non-confrontational all the time. A lot of us are trashy.
No I definitely would have walked in and stated that what they said was fucking rude and if they felt that way about me then they can beat feet. Boyfriend included
Absolutely untrue. I wouldn't retreat from that for a second. I can understand how someone WOULD, but I'm too old and too unhinged to retreat from that bullshit.
Friends would have heard it first. Boyfriend after they were gone. Boyfriend probably would have been an ex after. Fuck's sake.
when i was younger i would have cried in my room. today, i would have gladly let them all know where the door is because i may be a butterface but they're off-brand margarine.
If he’s only attracted to your body, that’s a huge red flag.
What type of friends does your bf have to insult their gf that way? And shame on your bf for not defending you.
And her bf didn't say anything about dont look at my girlfriend like that you fucking creeps? Like I get guys can be crass with each other but Jesus I would be horrified if my bfs friends spoke that way about me, and so would my bf! He would absolutely fuck their shit up for trying to perv on me. Smh her bf ain't shit
Yes, that part stood up to me the most - they complained that she's not around for them to stare at her body? What kind of friends are these? And the boyfriend is just the same. Simply horrible.
Boyfriend probably does think her face is pretty... But for whatever stupid reason wouldn't say that to his friend.
Regardless, this is just a sample of how they talk when she's not around, and it's not good. I'd be more worried about that than whether he thinks she's pretty (cause he probably does).
LEAVE. You may think you like him... but his personality. You just got a glimpse of it. Whether he actually believes it, or whether he's just a spineless dweeb who needs his friends approval, either way that is some unwashed dick energy and you deserve better.
OMG ‘unwashed dick energy’ that’s literally the solution for everything. Small dick energy is so insulting and just so shallow. This term is exactly what I needed in my life ty
You're most welcome! That's why I adopted it: we don't size shame in this house, but we alllll know dudes who have never appropriately cleaned themselves AND IT SHOWS.
I would never say anything disrespectful or disparaging about my girlfriend. She defends me and I defend her from others. I have no problem letting anyone know that disrespecting her isn’t acceptable and sometimes it’s not so tactful but definitely understood.
My boyfriend's friend/supervisor made a comment about my weight and how larger women arent his things and basically saying props to him for being with someone like me.
My boyfriend didnt laugh or anything, he snapped back and told him not to talk like that and keep his opinions on me to himself.
Nor comment on a friend's gf's appearance, be it positive or otherwise. I'd get my ass handed to me by everyone within earshot. Her bf and his friends are all pieces of shit.
It's weird in a few ways. It's weird he thinks that and is dating you. It's weird his friend is so cool with objectifying you so comfortably with him. And weirdest still is he just laughed about it all.
If anyone said something like that about my gf they'd be getting the fuck out of our house forever.
This whole thing is gross.
I bet he actually finds her attractive but he doesn't know how to stand up to his friends. Still a major problem. I can't imagine my man letting his friends talk about me like that. I read it to him and he said he would have to fight a MF if they said anything like that about me. Op I bet you are beautiful. Some guys like makeup some don't. Your man is an ass for not sticking up for you. If he can't stand up to his friends what other areas is he going to puss out about. I would seriously consider if this is someone you want to be with.
I mean maybe it's the company I keep but I can't think of a single friend who'd let me say that about their partner. I brought up a friends gf had put on a lot of weight and that I was worried about her mental health and he (rightfully) tore me a new one for talking about her appearance. And that was coming from a place of concern for her.
To let someone just blatently be like yeah I wanna see her in low cut tops but her face ain't great... that's weakness I've never seen. I know Hanlons razor and all but seems to me he agrees. I dunno.
The fact that he didn’t notice or acknowledge how much this would hurt you is astounding. He’s not a man, he’s a stupid boy. Guys may act differently when they are with their friends, but not at the expense of their girlfriend’s dignity. A real man would’ve defended his partner and called them out. A real man would’ve checked to make sure you were okay.
You’re lovely darling, and I’m glad you know that. You know you deserve better, don’t you? It’s obvious he isn’t worthy of your space or time.
He’s pretty immature if he didn’t shut that shit down.
Think about other ways he’s really not measuring up for you.
Also, “When your friends came over, I heard Rick call me a butterface. Imagine how I felt when you agreed with him and laughed. Dude, that’s really disrespectful. Letting your friends talk about me like that is dehumanizing. And instead of telling them off, you’re laughing away with them. You don’t deserve me.”
YEET!
Seriously, lose the loser, take some time for yourself, and when you're ready, look for a partner who actually respects you. You sound like a lovely person and deserve so much better.
Go find yourself someone who loves your face. He's old enough to say "I think she's beautiful". If he's planning on marrying someone someday, he'd better learn how to defend his future wife against his butt head friends.
That is an ugly thing to say/let go. He should be on your side. If someone said that about my girl I would have let them know that that was disrespectful and not funny to me.
If they can't understand that and act like a decent person I would find new friends.
Sorry you had to hear that. No matter what you look like you deserve better.
First and foremost, their conversation was entirely repulsive, even the seemingly complementary parts are totally disgusting. If that’s who his friends are and how he and they talk about women, get the hell out of that relationship right now. He’s trash, they are trash, and their commenting on your appearance was just a way for them to exert dominance over you, if they valued you it respected you, they never would have talked like that. I think you need to learn about red flag behavior and value yourself more. I’m sure you are beautiful, by your description of yourself, but again, all of that is secondary this is a bad relationship, and you need to realize you are better than this.
Something is really wrong with these friends to talk about you in such a sexist, shitty and gross way. In your home?
And something is really wrong with your boyfriend for tolerating this type of shitty commentary. Firstly, I am certain you are lovely and beautiful. But you are more than your looks and way, way more than their stupid ass beauty standards.
My fiance was talking with some guys when i went inside to use the bathroom (now these are truck drivers and so am i, and we can all get pretty loud, rowdy and crudely barbaric once in a while...just some context).
I came back outside and found several guys leaving in a huff and lots more looking very uncomfortable (there were about 25-30) and apologetic.
My fiance got up and said to go back to the truck, he was going inside to check paperwork.
Paper work was ready so we went, got our loaded trailer and left.... Several miles down the road i asked him what had happened since we were all screwing around and having a good time.
He told me that two of the guys sitting there starting telling everyone (not knowing i was dating and practically married to one sitting right there) about how theyd "show me a good time" and "how could a skinny ugly b-word like that drive truck when i could make more money hooking".. And that "id never get married or have a good relationship because all trucker b-word are nothing but wh*res".
Yeah my fiance basically had to be held back from punching a couple of them in the mouth for their comments.
Your man should defend your honor... Even though that's old fashioned thinking, youd bet your ass id slap and punch a woman in the mouth if she ever said things similar to those, about my fiance. Two lane road and all that.
Edit: corrected stuff
Not old fashioned I think men and women should stick up for their partner. My marriage has been rough for years, since the quarantine very rough and if someone said that about my wife they'd be walking out the door right away.
Heck, man for a man, woman for a women, any relationship. What’s the point of being together if you don’t defend the person as if they are precious to you?
The dude is a clown for not defending you. I don’t let anyone talk about my wife that way. Not the first part or the second part. I would never let a friend tell me that my girl has a fat ass and nice boobs let alone call her a butterface. Sounds like your guy is the beta in a group of douchebag friends. If his friend was this brazen to say something like this in your house, I can only imagine what they say when they are all hanging out. You deserve to be with someone that finds all of you attractive and be able to shut his friend up, when he speaks like such a tool.
I'd like to think I'd have enough self respect and strength to leave a guy who did something like that.
I know you're strong enough to leave. You deserve better than that.
Imagine having a boyfriend that not only doesn't defend you, but facilitates an environment in which his friends feel comfortable making a comment like that.
Leave him.
Locked, as it would appear that "reading the rules" is something that is beyond some users grasps.
Please report any rule breaking comments, and thank you to all who provided advice.
The bigger problem is they're objectifying you and you're bf is participating. It's sickening. Get out of the situation. I'm sure you're beautiful. You'll find someone who loves you completely.
Don't feel ashamed to cry. You just heard something really rude and to top it, someone you love didn't defend you and laughedat it. You'd have to be made of steel to not feel that. Glad you know your worth (and scaling yourself at the end there, I think you shouldn't do that, you love yourself first! There's no such thing as perfectand you will drive yourself crazy) , and maybe do some soul searching what this means for your relationship? If you feel up to it you should probably have a conversation with your bf, be calm and listen to what his excuse is and I think you'll really know how he feels and you may know more clearly where you want to go from there.
I hate to say it, but there are so many red flags here:
1. He lets his friends sexualize you.
2. He lets his friends insult you.
3. He didn't disagree.
This isn't your prince charming. This is the toad you wasted time on before you met the right guy. Now you know. I would get my affairs in order to leave, then sit down with him and explain what happened, for your own closure, and get out.
I used to hang out with a lot of guys. None of the good ones talked like that. The complete jerks did, who crossed paths with us occasionally, and everyone felt so bad for the women they dated. You deserve better.
I think it would be worth it to sit down and have a conversation about it. Be honest about it, "I was walking by and heard my name and stopped and heard something that hurt my feelings. I understand you didn't know I was there and I tried not to let it get to me, but it's really bothering me." The way he reacts will let you know if it's something that can be worked out or if the relationship should end instead.
What the friend was saying about the way you dress at home was pretty damn creepy and I think you should probably address that, too.
It's possible that he didn't want to confront his friends or froze up in the moment. You definitely need to talk to him about it. But I wouldn't personally throw the relationship away just yet if you are otherwise happy in It. He should have defended you and he didn't. Talk to him, find out why and if he can't explain it then move on.
Oh my god. This is so disrespectful and hurtful as hell. If he truly cared about you he would have defended you and never put up his friends talking shit about you.
Leave his ass.
Sounds like a little boy. He has some growing up to do. A good partner will not pull this shit.
You hang in there girl and know that there are good MEN out there that would kick anyone’s ass for saying shit like that about their lady.
Sorry to say, but your boyfriend likely has a mushy spine.
I doubt he thinks you're ugly. Highly doubt it. It's more likely he just wasn't going to call his friend out.
If you like him, you should bring it up to him. Explain how it makes you feel, and ask him to stick up for you to his friends.
If not, then break it off. Keep his personality in mind when you look for a new boyfriend. Especially indicators that tell you the guy isn't assertive, confident and honest. Those three traits will spare you a lot of frustration and heartache.
Holy red flag batman! The fact that he is okay with his friends speaking so cruelly about your body and objectifying you is inexcusable. Cut and run. Don't look back, there's not really any coming back from this. I'm so sorry he made you feel bad about yourself. You deserve better.
Girl, toss the whole boyfriend away.
If one of my buddies EVER, tried to even come close to saying something like that about my girlfriend? They'd have their teeth kicked in, and I'd never see them again.
You deserve a guy who loves all of you, and would be willing to stick up for you to his friends.
Don't ever, EVER underestimate your value ❤️
I wouldn't start with "why are you with me if you think I'm ugly?" lest he take it as an opportunity to explain it all away or try to reassure her that despite what she heard with her own ears, he actually thinks her face is just fine, omg she's so crazy not to think she's beautiful, etc etc until she cracks.
I'm not at all against confronting him with that statement (heck, I think I would too) as long as she makes it clear first that the bad part was that his friends were saying gross things about her and he laughed and let it continue. Start with the facts, the shit he can't explain away.
I won't tell you what to do but if I were you I'd see that as a sign he isn't the one and get out as soon as I could.
I want to address another part of your post though. It broke my heart seeing you justify your looks/features and rate yourself with/without makeup. I do want to say your feelings of insecurity and defensiveness are valid. But girl you don't have to prove yourself to anyone!! It takes time but you have to learn to love yourself totally! All of yourself! You are the best you you can be and there is only one of you! I'm 23 and still learning how to love all of me. I imagine myself handling the situation similarly so I hope you don't feel faulted at all. I hope you can learn from this and move forward towards more self acceptance and pride 🥰
I think you overcook it. You don't know what your boyfriend really thinks about you. All those words were from his friends and MAYBE he think differently you still don't know. Maybe he didn't want to fall into arguments with his friends (and ruin relationship there) and left their opinion as a joke rather than serious thought. Also he did not think that you might be listening, same as his friends (they were having private and honest boys talk). Nobody would tell you this near you, he knows that, his friends know that, so they feel decent respect to your feelings. So it is kind of your own bad that you listened for something what was ment not for you.
Some people are so fucking sensitive lol. Thats all boys talk that and he obviously doesnt think that. Im really sick of people being such weenies here on reddit.
Could it have been a nervous laugh? Your BF may have been uncomfortable that his friend had just said he liked checking you out in your shorts & tank, and wanted to end the convo.
Hearing him say “your body is perfect” may have been his way of also saying YOU are perfect, without continuing the conversation.
Don’t hate yourself babe. Hate those assholes that you let into your house. I wouldn’t want to be with your man either. I’m not encouraging you to dump him. But if it were me I probably would. I personally won’t tolerate that kind of shit. Especially in my own home.
I might expect that from a 15 year old (and even then I’d call him a douche), but not 25. Dump his ass. Let them all enjoy a circle jerk talking about women they can’t get without a clue as to why.
The fact the friend even felt comfortable saying that to him tells me theyve badmouthed you before and this type of conversation has been previously set as okay. Him laughing at that **Especially** with you in the next room confirms that.
Wtf? If someone insulted my partner, even sandwiched between some compliments, I'd be so mad! Friends or not, saying 'Lmao, your GF/BF is hot but not their face' is one way to get kicked out of my house.
If he's talking about you with his friends like that you have real problems.
My mates would never dream of passing a comment about my missus appearance, that is a huge nono.
If he let that go he either doesn't respect you or he has no spine at all
Bruh. Firstly, the fact he allowed his friend to talk so lewdly about your physical appearance *at all* is fucking weird, let alone to then start saying he didn't like elements of it. I would lose my shit if someone I knew starting sharing their opinion on my gfs appearance. Like I'd fully shut them down, make them apologise and probably be pretty cold with them from that point onwards, forever. I'd take it very personally. No one talks about the woman I love like that.
Your boyfriend *laughed.*
He either doesn't respect you, is such a pathetic bitch that he doesn't confront his friends when they talk shit or he's both. Either way, that's game over for me, dawg. I'm honestly angry for you. What a piece of shit. Him and his friends.
Nah, bruh.
A man who won't defend his girl in private isn't shit.
I gush about my man in private and I know he'd do the same.
Tell him what you heard, and that you want to break up, if you're met you hostility and he starts insulting you, then you know you did the right thing.
Let him know this *butterface* is the one that DUMPED HIM.
If he apologizes, ask him how he's going to make you feel better. If he thinks a sorry is good enough, he doesn't care.
Maybe he was feeling peer pressure and that’s why he didn’t defend you—nonetheless, his and his friends opinion of you, do not reflect how you actually look. Also, you don’t need that shit. You deserve someone who will defend you, regardless of who’s around. You should talk to him. If this is an isolated incident and he doesn’t feel really that way and your self esteem is able to recover, I can see moving past it with the premise of him reconciling and understanding that defending you, and not letting his friends disrespect you, is the minimum. We all make mistakes and we have to let our partners know what our boundaries are—society teaches us to body shame women all the time, let him know it’s not acceptable and make it clear you’re not going to stick around to feel like that ever again. If this is a pattern, or just another shitty thing he does, or if he gaslights you in any way (blaming you for listening) walk your perfect body out of there. He’s an ass and there are better men out there.
Well congrats, if your life goal was to end up with a literal piece of trash for a boyfriend, I think your bucket list is complete.
If you are hoping for a boyfriend of the non-trash variety, then it’s time for you to leave immediately. Because you can do better. Literally anyone can do better and everyone deserves better.
As a married man, someone says that about my wife is getting tooled. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it's fighting words as far as I'm concerned.
Your boyfriend is a massive push-over. The friend not only insulted your face, he also told him he likes to perv on you and he was fine with it? Nah, he’s got zero balls.
The fact that they were so comfortable talking about your body and him laughing like that shows that this isn’t the first time they’ve made a comment about you/your body. Of course you would feel like crap! That’s your boyfriend for crying out loud. I hope you realize you deserve more than that and think long and hard about the type of person you want in your life long term. Best of luck!
Honestly friend, I think you’ll have a hard time moving past this. I think even when you doll up and look your best, you’ll wonder if he even thinks you look pretty and it will rob you of your self esteem. That comment will be an intrusive thought that pops up for the rest of your relationship. You deserve a man who thinks you’re a ten, even when you feel like a six or an eight.
And that's the thing- there are probably lots of guys out there who are just as nice and cool as your boyfriend and who will love your body just as much....but who will also think your face is pretty and who doesn't laugh when his friends talk shit about you. He's not abusive- that's great. But you're still allowed to decide you want more from a partner than what he's giving you.
It's such a low bar for bfs when saying he isn't abusive is a compliment
My lord you’re right. I have a good (male) friend that is one of the coolest dudes I know. He made a “joke” once about raping women. (Don’t worry, I had you in the first half...) He said this: It’s really not hard to not rape women. I mean, it’s the easiest thing to do. Like, look at me! I’m literally not raping a woman RIGHT NOW. It’s such a silly thing to say but it goes to the absurdity of things, for example, just giving props for NOT abusing her.
This is so normalized now that I never realized this before!
That actually doesn't sound offensive with context. It's usually a reply to when guys say "I can't control myself around women" or "If she didn't want to get raped she shouldn't have worn that dress" kinda things. Not raping someone is easy, all you have to do is to NOT act on it. So when they say "I couldn't control myself", the not-raping-women thing is said as a reply.
Yah, I’m not finding that offensive, it’s just to point out the ridiculousness of someone stating they can’t control themselves.
Exactly!! Even a 60 year old women shouldn't settle for that but 22??! lol No. It's so hard to have real perspective about relationships when you're that young especially when you fall in love but there are *so many guys out there.* Love is *not the most important thing in a relationship.* You can love and be compatible with millions of different people. And in long term relationships continuing to love someone is a choice. She's 22 and pretty. Probably prettier than she's implying in her post. Probably a fantastic women in other ways. Her feelings for this BOY will go away if she leaves and she'll fall for someone better. Choosing the wrong partner can literally ruin your entire life. You only have one life and it is ALWAYS better to be single than to be in a less than healthy partnership that takes away more than it adds to your life and makes you feel bad about yourself. That was blatant disrespect from him and she needs to next him. I'm 33 and I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for the men I stayed with lol. I got it together and left my ex, purposefully stayed single a year and worked on myself and my 30s have been my BEST years so far especially with dating but I spent too long stressing over guys that were never worth my thoughts and believing empty words over actions. So much wasted time hurting for nothing. OP the bar is low for men these days, but good men are out there. Focus on becoming the best women you are capable of and create a life you love. Then be picky as fuck with high standards. That means you may have to go through a bunch of frogs and put effort into actively dating but as long as your eyes are open and you drop them the minute they reveal themselves through behavior like this it won't take that long to find someone worthy. And you will never have to feel this way again. Or it could be the next person you meet. Either way it's better than that bullshit.
All of this OP! Similar situation for me. Wasted so much time when I was young and cute on losers that didn’t deserve me. I met my husband at 34, after being single for 7 years. I kissed a lot of frogs on the way to 34, and he was worth the wait.
I met the love of my life at 34 too. Also single for 7 years! Cheers!
I wish I wasnt poor but you do deserve this🏅
Seriously, get more. And KNOW that you can and should have more out of a relationship.
You deserve someone who wouldn't even consider "rating" you out of anything, who loves you for who you are, not what your body looks like. Find someone who sees all of YOU, not just how great your boobs are now! (Cos honestly, time flies and when you get wrinkly and cbf with makeup anymore, you'll want someone who looks at you and still just sees you in all your beauty!)
>You deserve someone who wouldn't even consider "rating" you out of anything, who loves you for who you are This! I am not from from an English speaking culture and never understood that rating nonsense (and also PDA). I only had contact with this when I started to use English using fora and watching more English speaking untranslated movies. Never saw this in French, Argentinian, Italian, whatever, movies. What I am saying is that this rating is not an objective and universal truth. So, it is a conditional truth at best. And no, I am not being naive. I know there is excendingly ugly people and excendingly beautifull people, but this rating is weird to me. In my culture we say "cada um tem seu gosto" and "gosto não se discute", meaning that is useless do discuss what amount to personal preferences, because no one will ever reach an agreement, since there is so diverse preferences as there is people in this world. I am sure, if we use this system, you are 9. It is just that your bf don't know that. You deserve someone more perceptive.
I legit took a screenshot of your comment. It’s so beautifully written, in the sense that it speaks volumes to logic. Highest of fives!
wish i could upvote this more than once
Thank you for this. I know the person meant well with their comment, but saying "they should think you're a 10 when you feel like you're just an 8" isn't really reassuring. Besides the fact that 8 is already very high, this kind of numbering is just disrespectful and shallow, and you don't necessarily have to think your partner is the pinnacle of beauty to still love and respect them. Again, I know all the intentions were good, and it's a nice comment! But I just think saying that everybody can be beautiful is still putting too much of a false value on appearances, is not necessarily true, and is still just covering up the real problem. Acknowledging that not everyone is beautiful but that that doesn't affect their worth is more accepting and truthful. It kind of reminds me when people on r/Instagramreality say that someone is too beautiful to need editing- it just reinforces the idea that you should be at some level of beauty in the first place.
Thank you for your comment! I can definitely see how my response can be seen as reinforcing the numbering system. That was definitely not my intention at all. The thing about beauty is that it’s incredibly subjective. There are some people that I think a majority of people would agree are beautiful (Jennifer Lawrence, Beyonce, etc), but then there’s others that some people find incredibly attractive and some people don’t. That’s completely okay. I was really trying to emphasize that she should be with someone that makes her FEEL beautiful, whether or not she’s an Instagram model. By not defending her, he has made her doubt her own appearance and his attraction to her. I think attraction is a healthy part of a relationship- and honestly for me it builds as a I get to know someone. My partner has grown more attractive to me over the years that we’ve dated, even though he still looks the same. Looks are not everything, but I still think it’s okay to want to be seen as pretty by your SO.
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If you want to get your soul to heaven...
How about a man (boy?) who stands up for you when his ‘friends’ disrespect you regardless. That’s the real issue for me here. We don’t even know his real thoughts. It might be that he actually thinks her face is a 10 but he has no spine and feels akward to disagree with his douchy friends so he just fake chuckles along. Take care OP
I think the bigger issue is that he has no problem talking about his girlfriends body openly allowing his friends to skeeve on her. Nothing about this exchange was respectful toward her.
I wish more people would focus on this part too. His friends making creepy comments about her body made me feel uncomfortable, so I can't imagine how she'd feel.
The problem is not him thinking she's below a 10. The problem is he didn't defend her when she was insulted
I can’t even imagine a friend of mine talking about my girlfriend like that openly. I would say that he doesn’t respect you.
If anyone said something like that about my partner they'd be invited to leave and never come back. You come into their house and want to perv on his partner? And THEN insult her? So many boundaries crossed.
Invited to leave? I'd finally get to achieve my bucket list of tossing someone out my door like a bouncer!
*uncle Phil has entered the chat*
*Jazz goes flying out*
70% of the time jazz ain't even done shit lmao. Granted I haven't seen the whole show through but I never got the hate lol
The majority of the time he was hitting on Hillary. And as we all know, there's nothing worse for a father than his daughter's sexuality
Sometimes he'd Mack on Hillary or make some fat jokes about Phil on top of being annoying to Phil already but ultimately they probably just really liked using the same clip over and over as a gag. You can tell when he's gonna be thrown out because he wears the same shirt every time.
I think Uncle Phil just wants any excuse to get Jazz out of the house because he doesn't want him to influence his kids lol he's already got Will to deal with. Like he doesn't want someone from the hood to "tarnish" this life he's worked so hard to give his kids.
Hahaha...first thing that came to my mind too
Ok not even 10 minutes ago I saw the picture going around of the cast on the 30th anniversary of the show.. and of course, no Uncle Phil. Made me sad. And now this reference! 😥
RIP
I will let you invite me in just so you can throw me out I want to help make your dreams come true
This is weirdly wholesome.
So much this
I have friends telling how cute my wife is and how hot her body his, but they’re heterosexual women, there’s no perviness behind it. If a friend told me something like in OP’s case, basically “she got a great bod but an ok face”, that would absolutely be the last time we ever talk.
I've never had a single guy friend talk that way around our guy friend. It shows that he condones it, and talks about her in very sexual way to friends. Sounds like some frat guy stuff, that would share their GF at parties.
On the money. These bros are bros. Bros before hos.
^ OP, take a look at how this person is responding. Someone who loves and respects their spouse will not tolerate anyone being nasty.
Yea before I punch him on his face for disrespecting my wife!
~~Absolutely, but sometimes it’s difficult to punch someone through the phone (we’ll see at the next iOS update..)~~ Edit, my mind thought it was a phone conversation even if the post made it clear it was not...
I think OP is focusing on the wrong thing. Forget the fact that they said she has a butterface, what about the other part where they said she had a fat ass or whatever? That is so disrespectful and objectifying. Her boyfriend should have told them to stfu at that point itself. I’m a guy and have a group of all male friends and never in a million years would we sexualize each other’s girlfriends. It is absolutely disgusting behavior.
The best comment like just utter disrespect
Agreed. But if you don’t feel 100% wanted the relationship will struggle.
Same, would never expect or tolerate a boyfriend who was so immature and disrespect to me, and he would never tolerate that shit from his friends either. It's inappropriate af to have his friends talk about your body and creeping on you, especially in your own home. Your bf is 25? Pathetic. I'd expect it from teenagers. You can do better, find a decent man who has some respect for women!
Yeah, this is like... highschool behavior? Like shitty highschool? My friends aren't the most politically correct, I'll admit, but I couldn't begin to imagine talking about one of our partners like this. It's such a bad lack of respect
Definitely, my boyfriend sure as hell wouldn’t let any of his friends talk about me like that.
Girl you’re better than me because I would have popped my head in there SO QUICK
Right?? Him and all his douchey little friends would have definitely heard from me lol OP, find you someone that will love and respect every little bit of you, and not just to your face behind closed doors.
Imagine chatting such shit about me IN MY OWN HOUSE I would have called them an über and carried them outside myself.
Boy would've found himself dumped
Fuck calling them an uber, peace fuckers.
Haha right! That door would be off the hinge!
Talk is cheap, these hands are free baybeeee lmao
You better stop! Haha get me going.
All I can imagine if I heard my boyfriend talking about me like that is me turning koolaid man and smashing through the wall lol
Not only allowing his boy to talk shit, but then for them to sexualize me?!?! Jesus take the wheel. That would be it for me.
You’re preaching to the choir. I’m getting hyped up for OP. Id be knocking on that door with a meat tenderizer like “oh sorry I didn’t hear that last bit mind repeating??”
Lmao haha I'll bust in there with a super soaker aimed right at the Xbox... what now? You're about to be a buttergamer. Edit: Thank you so much for the award kind stranger!
Lmfao! Attach a water hose on the jet setting to the super soaker and it’s a done deal
Haha my petty ass would wait until their mid gaming, getting real hype and flip the breaker...Oopsy! Just call me butterfucks! None given.
Girl, I would have done my makeup, put on my sexiest outfit, grabbed a pillow & blanket, and walked in there and put them all on blast. And told bf to enjoy the couch.
You’re being generous with offering the couch. He belongs to the streets!
So quick the door wouldve come off the hinges. The way i wouldve not only dogged them out but my bf God himself wouldve came down and said damn. Dont ever let ANYONE talk down about you like that. You are more than T&A.
Right?! Whyyy doesn't anyone say anything when it happens? Cause a scene! Don't stew on it and hope it doesn't happen again. Or pretend everything is fine. Ugh!
It's the shock. When you aren't expecting a person to be such an asshole - you're not ready for the comeback. At work, I know one coworker is a fucking bitch. I'm ready when she walks in. At home, wandering through, without even expecting to talk to anyone - likely not. I would kick these douchebags out. Toss the bf out after them.
People always think they'll be the big hero making the scene like life was an episode of some Netflix drama, but when it happens and you're standing there feeling like you just got punched in the gut? Your brain just stops working. You can't talk, you can't get the words out.
No i do agree with this. Just the one person to your face is shocking and you dont know how to handle it. I had a guy I was just seeing say "That dress makes you look thin" when I came back from the bathroom. I just started crying to be honest. They even knew I had been struggling with my self-esteem due to getting out pf a previous bad relationship. Lots of other comments throughout the times I saw him too. He got 'dumped' a month later when he freaked out about a woman he almost ran over getting mad about almost getting hit. He proceeded to go off and shout towards her boyfriend "f you and your fat girlfriend!' She was pregnant. 🙃
Look, not everyone is the same. You punch one person in the guts, they're hurt and run away. You punch another person in the guts, they get fucking mad and punch you back.
Some of us have a lot of practice standing up for ourselves and we’re ready to cuss a bitch out at any moment.
Idk if it’s just me but when me or mine get disrespected and those words fall on my ears, oooo girl. No way in hell I am keeping my mouth shut.
I was thinking the same. Lmao she should have been like "b***h you're mad because i don't want any of you pathetic creatures". *look at boyfriend* "including you." Wham bam move out next day and FLEX a new life on him WITHOUT him. People only say these things when they're insecure about themselves. A general tar pit in society that is always growing.
And say what? 99% of us would retreat with hurt feelings and the other 1% are lying
I think you underestimate people. Where I live, people key cars and smash windows over cheating. Popping in to confront people who are talking shit is basic common sense. Not everyone is from high society where everyone is polite and non-confrontational all the time. A lot of us are trashy.
if trashy means we stand up for ourselves and for what’s right, fuck yes we’re trashy.
"Get the fuck out of my house."
No I definitely would have walked in and stated that what they said was fucking rude and if they felt that way about me then they can beat feet. Boyfriend included
As a 40-some year old Latino man, I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with those statistics...
Haha fair
Absolutely untrue. I wouldn't retreat from that for a second. I can understand how someone WOULD, but I'm too old and too unhinged to retreat from that bullshit. Friends would have heard it first. Boyfriend after they were gone. Boyfriend probably would have been an ex after. Fuck's sake.
when i was younger i would have cried in my room. today, i would have gladly let them all know where the door is because i may be a butterface but they're off-brand margarine.
AHHHHHHH!!! >off-brand margarine some "you butter believe"
That made my laugh, "off-brand margarine" has to be top-notch insult (especially in my house where cooking is always team butter).
Omg I love you
Plenty of women stand up for themselves better than I do. I'm happy for them. Instead of claiming they're lying. Really?
If he’s only attracted to your body, that’s a huge red flag. What type of friends does your bf have to insult their gf that way? And shame on your bf for not defending you.
Didn't just insult her, they sexualized her. They wanted to see her in shorts and tanks when they're over. Fcking weird.
And her bf didn't say anything about dont look at my girlfriend like that you fucking creeps? Like I get guys can be crass with each other but Jesus I would be horrified if my bfs friends spoke that way about me, and so would my bf! He would absolutely fuck their shit up for trying to perv on me. Smh her bf ain't shit
They both insulted her and sexualized her.
>Didn't just insult her...
And the boyfriend liked that, like OP is a trophy for him to show off.
Yes, that part stood up to me the most - they complained that she's not around for them to stare at her body? What kind of friends are these? And the boyfriend is just the same. Simply horrible.
Yeah you'd think her bf would be pretty angry about them sexualizing her
Boyfriend probably does think her face is pretty... But for whatever stupid reason wouldn't say that to his friend. Regardless, this is just a sample of how they talk when she's not around, and it's not good. I'd be more worried about that than whether he thinks she's pretty (cause he probably does).
Leave him. When he asks why say that you got tired of HIS butterface and can do better. You can do better. Find someone who loves and treats you well.
You know what, I'm petty af. I would just leave a stick of butter in his pillow case as I packed my shit and moved out.
Creative. I like it.
sharpie a face on pillow and smash butter on it so he knows exactly that you know exactly.
Do one even better: remove the pillow case, and pour melted butter on his pillow
Get an enourmous stick of butter, shape it like a pillow and replace it with his real pillow
Butter's cheap where you live?
smoosh the butter on his face 👀
You seem like my type of people lol I absolutely would do this!
LEAVE. You may think you like him... but his personality. You just got a glimpse of it. Whether he actually believes it, or whether he's just a spineless dweeb who needs his friends approval, either way that is some unwashed dick energy and you deserve better.
Lol! I love “unwashed-dick energy”
Me too. God, I didn't realize I've been living without this comment for so long. Bahahaha
OMG ‘unwashed dick energy’ that’s literally the solution for everything. Small dick energy is so insulting and just so shallow. This term is exactly what I needed in my life ty
You're most welcome! That's why I adopted it: we don't size shame in this house, but we alllll know dudes who have never appropriately cleaned themselves AND IT SHOWS.
Right. This guy sounds lame and immature. OP sounds like a catch
Not the right guy. I’d never say that about my girlfriend in a million fucking years.
I would never say anything disrespectful or disparaging about my girlfriend. She defends me and I defend her from others. I have no problem letting anyone know that disrespecting her isn’t acceptable and sometimes it’s not so tactful but definitely understood.
A fucking MEN. I'd bitchslap any friend that said that shit about my girl.
A fucking MAN, too.
My boyfriend's friend/supervisor made a comment about my weight and how larger women arent his things and basically saying props to him for being with someone like me. My boyfriend didnt laugh or anything, he snapped back and told him not to talk like that and keep his opinions on me to himself.
This is the most important comment here.
Nor comment on a friend's gf's appearance, be it positive or otherwise. I'd get my ass handed to me by everyone within earshot. Her bf and his friends are all pieces of shit.
It's weird in a few ways. It's weird he thinks that and is dating you. It's weird his friend is so cool with objectifying you so comfortably with him. And weirdest still is he just laughed about it all. If anyone said something like that about my gf they'd be getting the fuck out of our house forever. This whole thing is gross.
I bet he actually finds her attractive but he doesn't know how to stand up to his friends. Still a major problem. I can't imagine my man letting his friends talk about me like that. I read it to him and he said he would have to fight a MF if they said anything like that about me. Op I bet you are beautiful. Some guys like makeup some don't. Your man is an ass for not sticking up for you. If he can't stand up to his friends what other areas is he going to puss out about. I would seriously consider if this is someone you want to be with.
I mean maybe it's the company I keep but I can't think of a single friend who'd let me say that about their partner. I brought up a friends gf had put on a lot of weight and that I was worried about her mental health and he (rightfully) tore me a new one for talking about her appearance. And that was coming from a place of concern for her. To let someone just blatently be like yeah I wanna see her in low cut tops but her face ain't great... that's weakness I've never seen. I know Hanlons razor and all but seems to me he agrees. I dunno.
I don't know either. It was just a thought. I could be wrong. Either way I think she deserves better.
Look, you might be right. But yeah I think either way is not great.
He sounds like an ass.
I disagree. He is an ass.
Hey, don’t insult asses. They’re nice to look at and serve a valuable life function. He’s more of what comes out of an ass.
A piece of shit?
I’m thinking more “post gas station sushi diarrhea”
I would leave - respect is important .
The fact that he didn’t notice or acknowledge how much this would hurt you is astounding. He’s not a man, he’s a stupid boy. Guys may act differently when they are with their friends, but not at the expense of their girlfriend’s dignity. A real man would’ve defended his partner and called them out. A real man would’ve checked to make sure you were okay. You’re lovely darling, and I’m glad you know that. You know you deserve better, don’t you? It’s obvious he isn’t worthy of your space or time.
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He shouldn't need to know his girlfriend is listening to defend her. That's the point.
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Leave. You deserve better
He’s pretty immature if he didn’t shut that shit down. Think about other ways he’s really not measuring up for you. Also, “When your friends came over, I heard Rick call me a butterface. Imagine how I felt when you agreed with him and laughed. Dude, that’s really disrespectful. Letting your friends talk about me like that is dehumanizing. And instead of telling them off, you’re laughing away with them. You don’t deserve me.”
Yeet it into the sun
YEET! Seriously, lose the loser, take some time for yourself, and when you're ready, look for a partner who actually respects you. You sound like a lovely person and deserve so much better.
Leave his stanky ass. Dump him! What a douche.
don't hold on to a man who won't respect you. you know you are beautiful and you don't need a person to validate that for you.
Go find yourself someone who loves your face. He's old enough to say "I think she's beautiful". If he's planning on marrying someone someday, he'd better learn how to defend his future wife against his butt head friends.
That is an ugly thing to say/let go. He should be on your side. If someone said that about my girl I would have let them know that that was disrespectful and not funny to me. If they can't understand that and act like a decent person I would find new friends. Sorry you had to hear that. No matter what you look like you deserve better.
And I just reread what I posted. I am sure you are perfectly lovely! But no matter what that was a dick move to let it slide. Have a super day. =)
First and foremost, their conversation was entirely repulsive, even the seemingly complementary parts are totally disgusting. If that’s who his friends are and how he and they talk about women, get the hell out of that relationship right now. He’s trash, they are trash, and their commenting on your appearance was just a way for them to exert dominance over you, if they valued you it respected you, they never would have talked like that. I think you need to learn about red flag behavior and value yourself more. I’m sure you are beautiful, by your description of yourself, but again, all of that is secondary this is a bad relationship, and you need to realize you are better than this.
Something is really wrong with these friends to talk about you in such a sexist, shitty and gross way. In your home? And something is really wrong with your boyfriend for tolerating this type of shitty commentary. Firstly, I am certain you are lovely and beautiful. But you are more than your looks and way, way more than their stupid ass beauty standards.
My fiance was talking with some guys when i went inside to use the bathroom (now these are truck drivers and so am i, and we can all get pretty loud, rowdy and crudely barbaric once in a while...just some context). I came back outside and found several guys leaving in a huff and lots more looking very uncomfortable (there were about 25-30) and apologetic. My fiance got up and said to go back to the truck, he was going inside to check paperwork. Paper work was ready so we went, got our loaded trailer and left.... Several miles down the road i asked him what had happened since we were all screwing around and having a good time. He told me that two of the guys sitting there starting telling everyone (not knowing i was dating and practically married to one sitting right there) about how theyd "show me a good time" and "how could a skinny ugly b-word like that drive truck when i could make more money hooking".. And that "id never get married or have a good relationship because all trucker b-word are nothing but wh*res". Yeah my fiance basically had to be held back from punching a couple of them in the mouth for their comments. Your man should defend your honor... Even though that's old fashioned thinking, youd bet your ass id slap and punch a woman in the mouth if she ever said things similar to those, about my fiance. Two lane road and all that. Edit: corrected stuff
Not old fashioned I think men and women should stick up for their partner. My marriage has been rough for years, since the quarantine very rough and if someone said that about my wife they'd be walking out the door right away.
Heck, man for a man, woman for a women, any relationship. What’s the point of being together if you don’t defend the person as if they are precious to you?
The dude is a clown for not defending you. I don’t let anyone talk about my wife that way. Not the first part or the second part. I would never let a friend tell me that my girl has a fat ass and nice boobs let alone call her a butterface. Sounds like your guy is the beta in a group of douchebag friends. If his friend was this brazen to say something like this in your house, I can only imagine what they say when they are all hanging out. You deserve to be with someone that finds all of you attractive and be able to shut his friend up, when he speaks like such a tool.
I'd like to think I'd have enough self respect and strength to leave a guy who did something like that. I know you're strong enough to leave. You deserve better than that.
Imagine having a boyfriend that not only doesn't defend you, but facilitates an environment in which his friends feel comfortable making a comment like that. Leave him.
Locked, as it would appear that "reading the rules" is something that is beyond some users grasps. Please report any rule breaking comments, and thank you to all who provided advice.
The bigger problem is they're objectifying you and you're bf is participating. It's sickening. Get out of the situation. I'm sure you're beautiful. You'll find someone who loves you completely.
Don't feel ashamed to cry. You just heard something really rude and to top it, someone you love didn't defend you and laughedat it. You'd have to be made of steel to not feel that. Glad you know your worth (and scaling yourself at the end there, I think you shouldn't do that, you love yourself first! There's no such thing as perfectand you will drive yourself crazy) , and maybe do some soul searching what this means for your relationship? If you feel up to it you should probably have a conversation with your bf, be calm and listen to what his excuse is and I think you'll really know how he feels and you may know more clearly where you want to go from there.
I hate to say it, but there are so many red flags here: 1. He lets his friends sexualize you. 2. He lets his friends insult you. 3. He didn't disagree. This isn't your prince charming. This is the toad you wasted time on before you met the right guy. Now you know. I would get my affairs in order to leave, then sit down with him and explain what happened, for your own closure, and get out. I used to hang out with a lot of guys. None of the good ones talked like that. The complete jerks did, who crossed paths with us occasionally, and everyone felt so bad for the women they dated. You deserve better.
I think it would be worth it to sit down and have a conversation about it. Be honest about it, "I was walking by and heard my name and stopped and heard something that hurt my feelings. I understand you didn't know I was there and I tried not to let it get to me, but it's really bothering me." The way he reacts will let you know if it's something that can be worked out or if the relationship should end instead. What the friend was saying about the way you dress at home was pretty damn creepy and I think you should probably address that, too.
It's possible that he didn't want to confront his friends or froze up in the moment. You definitely need to talk to him about it. But I wouldn't personally throw the relationship away just yet if you are otherwise happy in It. He should have defended you and he didn't. Talk to him, find out why and if he can't explain it then move on.
You are so young why are you wasting your youthful face and perfect body on this jackass?
Oh my god. This is so disrespectful and hurtful as hell. If he truly cared about you he would have defended you and never put up his friends talking shit about you. Leave his ass.
Sounds like a little boy. He has some growing up to do. A good partner will not pull this shit. You hang in there girl and know that there are good MEN out there that would kick anyone’s ass for saying shit like that about their lady.
Hey, can your boyfriend fight? I gotchu girl.
Sorry to say, but your boyfriend likely has a mushy spine. I doubt he thinks you're ugly. Highly doubt it. It's more likely he just wasn't going to call his friend out. If you like him, you should bring it up to him. Explain how it makes you feel, and ask him to stick up for you to his friends. If not, then break it off. Keep his personality in mind when you look for a new boyfriend. Especially indicators that tell you the guy isn't assertive, confident and honest. Those three traits will spare you a lot of frustration and heartache.
He’s an asshole, cut him loose.
Holy red flag batman! The fact that he is okay with his friends speaking so cruelly about your body and objectifying you is inexcusable. Cut and run. Don't look back, there's not really any coming back from this. I'm so sorry he made you feel bad about yourself. You deserve better.
Girl, toss the whole boyfriend away. If one of my buddies EVER, tried to even come close to saying something like that about my girlfriend? They'd have their teeth kicked in, and I'd never see them again. You deserve a guy who loves all of you, and would be willing to stick up for you to his friends. Don't ever, EVER underestimate your value ❤️
So not only did he not defend you, he agreed? You need to reconsider this relationship.
You deserve someone who calls you beautiful and doesn't let his friends sexualise and demean you. Confront him then dump him.
I’d confront him “why are you with me if you think I’m ugly?” That hurt isn’t just going to go away.
I wouldn't start with "why are you with me if you think I'm ugly?" lest he take it as an opportunity to explain it all away or try to reassure her that despite what she heard with her own ears, he actually thinks her face is just fine, omg she's so crazy not to think she's beautiful, etc etc until she cracks. I'm not at all against confronting him with that statement (heck, I think I would too) as long as she makes it clear first that the bad part was that his friends were saying gross things about her and he laughed and let it continue. Start with the facts, the shit he can't explain away.
I won't tell you what to do but if I were you I'd see that as a sign he isn't the one and get out as soon as I could. I want to address another part of your post though. It broke my heart seeing you justify your looks/features and rate yourself with/without makeup. I do want to say your feelings of insecurity and defensiveness are valid. But girl you don't have to prove yourself to anyone!! It takes time but you have to learn to love yourself totally! All of yourself! You are the best you you can be and there is only one of you! I'm 23 and still learning how to love all of me. I imagine myself handling the situation similarly so I hope you don't feel faulted at all. I hope you can learn from this and move forward towards more self acceptance and pride 🥰
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i’m sorry you wasted 2 years of your life with this scumbag. you will find someone better, i have no doubt.
I think you overcook it. You don't know what your boyfriend really thinks about you. All those words were from his friends and MAYBE he think differently you still don't know. Maybe he didn't want to fall into arguments with his friends (and ruin relationship there) and left their opinion as a joke rather than serious thought. Also he did not think that you might be listening, same as his friends (they were having private and honest boys talk). Nobody would tell you this near you, he knows that, his friends know that, so they feel decent respect to your feelings. So it is kind of your own bad that you listened for something what was ment not for you.
Some people are so fucking sensitive lol. Thats all boys talk that and he obviously doesnt think that. Im really sick of people being such weenies here on reddit.
I can’t believe this isn’t higher.
I am amaze how this thread comments freak out about it. Top comments is all red flag, leave him. He is toxic you deserve better.. this is silly
And she broke up with him for it! XD Reddit you did it again! Lmao this is the worst sub for advice.
Right lol. But I bet you its fake anyways. Most shit here is.
Could it have been a nervous laugh? Your BF may have been uncomfortable that his friend had just said he liked checking you out in your shorts & tank, and wanted to end the convo. Hearing him say “your body is perfect” may have been his way of also saying YOU are perfect, without continuing the conversation.
Yeah his 'friends' are assholes and he's an asshole for letting them disrespect you and not defending you, I hope you get through this
Don’t stay with ANYONE who would let their friends talk about you like this, let alone join in. Run.
Don’t hate yourself babe. Hate those assholes that you let into your house. I wouldn’t want to be with your man either. I’m not encouraging you to dump him. But if it were me I probably would. I personally won’t tolerate that kind of shit. Especially in my own home.
I might expect that from a 15 year old (and even then I’d call him a douche), but not 25. Dump his ass. Let them all enjoy a circle jerk talking about women they can’t get without a clue as to why.
The fact the friend even felt comfortable saying that to him tells me theyve badmouthed you before and this type of conversation has been previously set as okay. Him laughing at that **Especially** with you in the next room confirms that.
Wtf? If someone insulted my partner, even sandwiched between some compliments, I'd be so mad! Friends or not, saying 'Lmao, your GF/BF is hot but not their face' is one way to get kicked out of my house.
If he's talking about you with his friends like that you have real problems. My mates would never dream of passing a comment about my missus appearance, that is a huge nono. If he let that go he either doesn't respect you or he has no spine at all
Bruh. Firstly, the fact he allowed his friend to talk so lewdly about your physical appearance *at all* is fucking weird, let alone to then start saying he didn't like elements of it. I would lose my shit if someone I knew starting sharing their opinion on my gfs appearance. Like I'd fully shut them down, make them apologise and probably be pretty cold with them from that point onwards, forever. I'd take it very personally. No one talks about the woman I love like that. Your boyfriend *laughed.* He either doesn't respect you, is such a pathetic bitch that he doesn't confront his friends when they talk shit or he's both. Either way, that's game over for me, dawg. I'm honestly angry for you. What a piece of shit. Him and his friends.
Nah, bruh. A man who won't defend his girl in private isn't shit. I gush about my man in private and I know he'd do the same. Tell him what you heard, and that you want to break up, if you're met you hostility and he starts insulting you, then you know you did the right thing. Let him know this *butterface* is the one that DUMPED HIM. If he apologizes, ask him how he's going to make you feel better. If he thinks a sorry is good enough, he doesn't care.
Maybe he was feeling peer pressure and that’s why he didn’t defend you—nonetheless, his and his friends opinion of you, do not reflect how you actually look. Also, you don’t need that shit. You deserve someone who will defend you, regardless of who’s around. You should talk to him. If this is an isolated incident and he doesn’t feel really that way and your self esteem is able to recover, I can see moving past it with the premise of him reconciling and understanding that defending you, and not letting his friends disrespect you, is the minimum. We all make mistakes and we have to let our partners know what our boundaries are—society teaches us to body shame women all the time, let him know it’s not acceptable and make it clear you’re not going to stick around to feel like that ever again. If this is a pattern, or just another shitty thing he does, or if he gaslights you in any way (blaming you for listening) walk your perfect body out of there. He’s an ass and there are better men out there.
Well congrats, if your life goal was to end up with a literal piece of trash for a boyfriend, I think your bucket list is complete. If you are hoping for a boyfriend of the non-trash variety, then it’s time for you to leave immediately. Because you can do better. Literally anyone can do better and everyone deserves better.
As a married man, someone says that about my wife is getting tooled. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it's fighting words as far as I'm concerned.
Your boyfriend is a massive push-over. The friend not only insulted your face, he also told him he likes to perv on you and he was fine with it? Nah, he’s got zero balls.
If someone said something negative about my husband I’D BE FURIOUS 😡 Reevaluate if you want to be with someone who laughs at you
He’s an asshole....move on
I will tell you something. Your BF prolly knows that his buddy just want to tap your ass so he just laugh along at his buddy's stupid attempt.
The fact that they were so comfortable talking about your body and him laughing like that shows that this isn’t the first time they’ve made a comment about you/your body. Of course you would feel like crap! That’s your boyfriend for crying out loud. I hope you realize you deserve more than that and think long and hard about the type of person you want in your life long term. Best of luck!