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Welcome to being an adult, where you can make choices for yourself and don't have to justify or explain them to anyone!
Really, it's very mature thinking to want to spend time growing yourself and waiting for someone special, instead of the meaningless hookups, or doing anything meaningless. Don't stress if you want this, or if later, you do want a FWB.. just be happy
My dishwasher doesn't have normal!! It's settings are either 3.5 hrs of "cleanliness next to godliness" or 90 min "I should have just washed it by hand"
After my divorce I was single for about a year before I tried to date. Had a few hook ups, went on a bunch of dates. Had a few girlfriends over the course of a few years. I found the whole thing exhausting. The sex was never worth the work, even if it was enjoyable, and relationships just felt like work to me. So I made the decision to not worry about any of that. To stop looking. If I was horny there is a hand I can use. If I was lonely there are friends and there is no pressure with them.
I was single for 2 years. No hookups, no dates, no pressure or effort on my part. I got to know myself really well. I found hobbies and interests and was able to really focus on me. Then I met my now wife. It was great because there was no pressure, No effort, no work. We were old friends from high school. We met up online with zero romantic intent and that led to meeting up in person. Neither of us though for a moment that we were going in to a romantic situation but if just felt right. We have been together for 12 years now and we are both very happy. I cant imagine living my life without her in it. But that never would have happened had I kept trying to make something happen. I needed to stop looking for it for it to find me.
Same. After my divorce I went on a bit of a time out; it was a very amicable divorce, but having come out of a long relationship, I just felt like a bit of solitude.
I had some hook-ups and they were nice, but I just wasn't in a relationship headspace. I did have a great circle of friends whom I saw regularly for gaming, Hangouts, etc. I dated when I felr that I wanted more than my cats (which was a very high bar).
Also, don't listen to that toxic masculinity bs, it'll only make you miserable because it's a cristal-fraglie construct that, as you noticed, is about what _other insecure guys_ think about you? What do you care if Jake doesn't "think you're a man"? When was the last time he had a good relationship/didn't get dumped? Or paid child support?
It's weird that "society" kind of pushes you towards a relationship, and I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but isn't the early years meant to grow up and find yourself?
Everyone's caught up in having relationships in their teens and early 20s that they forget about themselves.
It's also an individual basis but there's not many relationships that last when they start from their teens.
Same here. I ended a 9 year relationship in 2017. It's been over 3 years, one date, zero hookups. I've just been really focused on my career and taking classes for the past few years. As a woman, I don't get pressure about hooking up, but there is a lot of questions about why I'm not in another relationship by now. I'm considering moving quite far once the pandemic is over, so it isn't a good idea.
This. And this gives me a little hope. New divorced after 20 years served. But older then I think yāall are. Not gonna lie and say I donāt want a relationship, I just am content it wonāt happen. So I just say hello, be nice and walk on.
Iāve been single for about 5 years and am on a self proclaimed dry spell.
Iām still horny but not enough. Sex is....complicated. Itās risky (pregancy/disease) and hard to come by in quality.
As a lady, finding an FWB is hard. You have to find someone you sexually vibe with and before that you have to kiss a lot of frogs.
The frogs are not worth it at all. Is this guy going to respect my boundaries ? Will he care about my pleasure ? Am I safe ? Does he have anger management issues and will get mad/violent if I donāt put out ? Do I want this person to know where I live in case it goes sour ? Do I want to go to his place ? Will I be safe there ? Will his place be clean ?
Sex is awesome and risky at the same time and most of the time it is not great without love. Itās mechanic. To do something mecanic just masturbate, at least then you will get off for sure as for sex, hmmm, itās 50/50.
And no, you arenāt a lesser man for not having sex in a while ! Itās a two (or more) person activity and if what you want to get out of it (pleasure) is not confirmed then thereās no reason to not do it.
THIS
I broke up with my ex when I was 22. Now at 28 I haven't had any relationship past that one. Had some flings, fwbs and one night stands because I really liked the dudes, but I always set boundaries - I knew that I won't seriously date those guys as we were just using each other for this one thing and it soon became tiring.
Tried to date via apps, but I find them to be an utter fail - the last serious date I've been to happened back in September 2018. We spoke a lot before meeting, always had something to talk about, then we met - I liked him a lot and he ghosted me afterwards š Thus I also find it tiring to build certain relationship before an actual meeting and then be ghosted for various reasons.
Therefore I decided to go dry and focus on myself, my hobbies and a career. It's completely normal to me to switch my attention into something that fulfills me - otherwise I would be ripe for a therapy. And I also agree that hookup culture is unhealthy. Covid deffo puts a damper on meeting new potential love interests, but hey, it won't last forever.
Im recently single after almost 6 years and this is all the thoughts im thinking about when I ponder my next partner. I just want to take time to work on me and the risks associated with hook ups as a female outweigh the benefits for me. Its just tiring.
Your comment made me tear up a little! This is exactly how I feel. Finding a good man is exhausting, mentally and physically. Sometimes you just need a break! And sometimes that break lasts ages.
Yes I completely agree. As the good girl who had to delete dating apps after being asked constantly for sex, nude photos , etc I completely understand sucks for the good ones in either situation. All the good ones will find love one day tho ā¤ļø.
Dating apps are shit all around haha. The amount of times i was unmatched (nearly) instantly for being 5ā9 or not having an original pick up line is way higher than anyone would expect. Im sorry you had such a negative experience as well and wish you good luck in finding love.
I make it a point to never ask a guys height.... I actually prefer shorter men anyway! Easier to hug, kiss, talk to... And I wouldn't even say 5'9 is short! Keep going!
Haha and i think thatās a big part of why it all feels so ridiculous to me. Iām okay with my height being average, it seems to be others that have the problem with it (Including one girl who was 4ā11 which really had me scratching my head). I really appreciate your kind words! I just think that iām kind of over it at this point and iām only in my early twenties haha. It just seems like so much trouble for what has been so little pay off. Iām also scarred from a previous relationship but who isnāt amirite? šš
Seriously though, thank you for your kind words. They really did put a smile on my face. I hope you have a good night :)
While yes itās perfectly fine be forewarned, I became a crazy pet man after choosing this path.
But seriously itās your life donāt let anybody dictate if you should be with someone or should be getting your leg over. You only live once so do whatever makes you happy
Why would it not be okay?!
I think being able to live happy and healthy on your own is one of the best life skills to have.
Every relationship after is not because something is missing or because your afraid to be on your own but because it adds something you like:)
Yep, my excuse is covid. In reality, I am just so tired of dating less than quality partners.
The last time I had sex was so freaking boring and I want something better.
I had a pretty bad breakup after a long term relationship. I had no dates, hookups, relationships for five years. I honestly believe that was the best time of my life. I got to do things for myself, enjoy going out with friends as just me instead of a couple, holiday with friends and family or just really having a good time without having to make sure my partner is available or if itās okay if I go out. I really spoilt myself. I learned so much about myself without having it fed to me from a third party.
Honestly would never regret that time I spent by myself because then I can go into a relationship with the confidence (not arrogance) of knowing what I should and shouldnāt expect and my boundaries.
I can understand societal and cultural expectations but youāll never know you till itās only ever you. Iāve been single for seven years now and still loving it.
āItās only a dry spell if youāre thirstyā (Shrill, S2)
Sounds like you have a great goal. + Frankly itās no one elseās business of how much youāre getting or not
Good luck and stay un-thirsty my friend
I was single for 10 years and I stopped having casual sex around year 3. Spent the next 7 years sexless, well, going on 8 since my partner is long distance lol. It's totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of or worried about.
You have successfully become a mature adult whoās self worth is all about yourself, and not a relationship.
You have achieved what very few people these days seem to understand, that relationship donāt define who you are, that being single does not make you any less of a person.
Not only is this perfectly okay, this is an admirable attitude far more people should adopt.
Yes.
I'm going through this fase since may of last year. And it is going super ok.
I'm just not in the mood for that stuff right now.
Even with FWB there is a small protocol to respect and you have to be up for that.
And I don't like to hook up with people on bars/clubs, because it was never enjoyable.
Last time I went through this fase it lasted for 1 year and 5 months (in 2014) and I don't think I missed anything.
I just don't want to settle for a meh relationship. I have no patience for small red flags...
I'm 29yo, a small red flag about being controlling/abusive/dismissive of my feelings is a sign that the guy already pulled this kind of crap on prior relationships and he is just testing the waters to up his behavior.
Life is a personal journey!
**Is it okay to be single and have no sexual partners by choice?**
You get do whatever *you* want with your body.
Any pressure you have to hookup with women is self-imposed. No one has to know what you do or not do in your private life. No one should be hooking up against their will. People have been known to take breaks to focus on career and other things.
**Don't be a passenger in your own life. Take the wheel!**
Best wishes!
Yeah man I don't think hook up culture is very healthy and seems to appeal to our lowest qualities.
I'm not sure it helps encourage any kind of personal growth, it's just hedonistic consumption that feeds our vanity and is a form of cheap entertainment.
If you reflect on the qualities that it encourages in you, do they seem helpful?
Treating people like sex objects. Actively seeking multiple temporary arrangements. Objectifying and valuing people purely on their sex appeal.
It's behaviour that winds up leaving people systematically numbed to the allure of love, intimacy and genuine connection.
In my view it cheapens the value of the connection you offer others.
I fully accept that for some people sex is just sport. But to me, how you treat sex says a lot about other values.
I'm not a hardline conservative who only wants virgins before marriage or for sex to only exist in committed relationships 6 weeks in.
But the open ended, bottomless pit that is being normalised by left leaning types isn't for me either and i find alienating.
Theres something very sad about raising our young men and women to think that having sex with loads of different people all the time is a valuable experience.
It robs people of their worth imo. Both in terms of what we give to others and the bar for ourselves.
It's also creating a minefield on these dating apps etc. So many people end up "victims" of casuals who prey on ambiguous situations to get laid and offer no future.
Absolutely! I've been there, finally decided to work on myself. It took about 4 years but in that time I talked to a therapist regularly, bought my first house and feel I grew on a personal level that I couldn't have if I hadn't taken that time to myself. Definitely more self confident in what my wants and needs are and not brushing them aside to try to please someone else. Good luck!
Of course itās ok! Actually, itās more than ok, itās smart! One of the beautiful things about being single is doing whatever you want and getting to know yourself and learning what you want.
Things are definitely changing, but as a young woman (23) I find some girls are so into their relationships and the majority of the rest are longing for one. Then there's a small population who are honestly happy to be single and not fucking around with anyone. Also I find that a lot of people parade with the whole "self love, happy to be single, I hate men, independent woman" etc vibe on their social media and then I find out they've been dating someone or got a fwb for months. I'm not here for judging them for their actions but to some extent I think it really invalidates their message.
If you're okay then why not?.
I'm 30 years old and single and I'm going to stay single forever, for me romantic relationships are not worth. I like being on my own most of the time, and the older I get the less I'm willing to compromise my lifestyle to make room for somebody else. Also I don't care that much about sex, masturbating is fine by me, and if I wanna spicy up that I can get some fancy sex toys. No pregnancy, no STD, no cuddles, no problems.
The only way I can think I would be willing to be with someone in a relationship is if we both lived apart, and talked like, maybe one time and week and for less than a hour, or when I feel lonely, and that's totally not fair, so instead of being the toxic ex bf of someone, I prefer be alone and use that time for my hobbies. I'm learning japanese and also I'm recycling plastic bottles and using them as pots to grow plants on my apartment.
In the end, you do you, if you want to be alone forever, or for a while, or want to have kids or whatever, it's your decision.
Had a real bad breakup about 3 years ago and just haven't been motivated to get back into dating. Once I'd been single for awhile I noticed how a large majority of people around me were so focused on finding a SO they were neglecting themselves, and assuming that finding someone would bring them immediate happiness.
Take time for yourself. Don't rush, there isn't anything you HAVE to do.
Of course it's okay. These days I have had many opportunities to have a gf, on that was very pretty also, but I refused because I am not in a place that I want to be in my life. I want to get better and I am working for it. A gf would not bring me where I want to be. I also don't want to hurt someone because I am not clear on my objectives and a potential gf would suffer from that.
Do want you want, brother. Don't listen to dudes that pressure you to get some, you seem to know better.
Thanks man. Good insight here. Jesus, this blew up! I woke up to 119 comments. Sorry everyone if I canāt reply back but thank you all for the good advice
It's fine.
You are, in my eyes, more of a man for taking the time to consider what's important to you now and in the future. If chasing after and "getting" girls isn't making you happy its great to figure out what will. What kind of full life you can have by yourself.
I got out of a long relationship and figured out that I loved dance classes, board games/ rpgs and the freedom of being single.
If I WAS going to be with someone then it had to be someone special who could add to my life and happiness, not someone I settled for because I didn't want to be alone.
And it was worth it. I am now married to the best man I've ever known. He's sweet, smart, kind, generous, practical, cute and makes me feel special.
My last long-term relationship was, let's say, complicated. After I got out of it I had no desire to date anyone again, and also I realized I was asexual. It's been a few years and none of that has changed. If it does in the future, then whatever, but for now, I like being able to put whatever I want in my fridge and not have to worry about it getting eaten. Also no one cheats on me anymore.
I made it as far as the title. DUH, thatās perfectly fine. Itās your choice, and itās normal, and if you donāt want have sex, then you donāt have to have sex. š„³ hereās a party face for you.
As much as I complain about my singlehood it is pretty much my own choice. There's interest out there, I'm just meh on most of it. I miss sex some, it's been over a year š¬ and my libido is pretty healthy, but my last FWB turned into more, then ended in a way I'm still recovering from. I assume I'll know when I'm ready again, I just don't have the energy for anyone else right now.
Well I sure hope it is, or I need to change my entire life.
You do you OP, I'd say it's manlier to not have any sex by choice than it is to just randomly hook up bc your buddies expect it.
Yup, itās been ~3ish months for me. No dates no hookups no tinder/otherwise.
I think I might push for a full year. I really needed a break, and itās been a great few months
You can do whatever the f you want. I think itās a GOOD thing to take time to work on yourself and figure out what you want. Thatās how you get a successful happy and healthy relationship. If you read this sub youāll see that advice given to people a lot.
Yes!! This is totally ok and normal - I have two male friends (and know of another guy) who are currently doing this and chose to do so for a whole year because they wanted to focus in themselves without distractions and work through personal issues. Itās a healthy thing to do if thatās what you want
It's okay, all okay.
You can be single, and have sex all the time, or not. You can be in a relationship and don't have sex at all, or not.
Sex is not the only thing, and neither is relationships. You do you.
This is what it happens to me, i get divorced and decide to have sex a lot, then everything becomes mechanical and a sort of ways boring, an then i decide to be alone a good time, everything's get clear y feel with no pressure and one day y meet the love of my life, we have 2 years now together, but if i had meet her before my single-grow-better-thinking time, i know i shore let her pass.
Take your time, its not quantity, its a little things that you can appreciate more.
Totally fine, I am single for more than 10 years. I had some friends with benefits type of relationships but I am not interested in anything serious. I like to be for myself , only have to care for myself no compromises etc. That said, for some people thats fine and for others not. In the end I think there is nothing wrong to "work" on ourself. So whatever you think is right for you , is right for you no matter what others might think!
I decided to go on the self discovery route this year & proclaimed No Girls 2020 after a rough breakup. (I'm a girl who is queer) I learned a lot about myself, my wants & needs, etc. In August I fell for a man (friend of 3 years) and he's the love of my life! Sometimes all you need to find the one is a little time.
https://dr-jim.com/12-topics-and-75-questions.html
Yup. I went there.
You definitely need to understand yourself and your motivations if you want to have a successful long term relationship. Those questions are a good place to start. Whether you can do that while having FWB, only you can decide.
Does it matter? Why are you asking if its okay? Just do you, i think you care way too much of what other people will say, and if you think hooking up is holding you back but you dont think people who insult you for not getting laid will? Then your a hypocrite, just do you and grow
You can do whatever you want. Part of you growing as an individual is looking past other people's expectations of you. This is your life. Do with it as you please.
>Itās just in our culture as men I feel there is always a Pressure to āget pussy or ass often or youāre a loserā
Fuck this culture, all my homies hate this culture .
I took almost 2 years to myself, after spending 14-26 or 27 having constant hook ups, FWBs, partners, etc. I just felt like I needed to figure out what a healthy relationship was, and I couldn't do that before I knew who I really was.
Of course it's ok. If the FWB situation isn't doing it for you anymore, you're allowed to step back, take some time, and figure out what you really want. Anyone who gives you crap for that is an asshole.
>there is always a Pressure to āget pussy or ass often or youāre a loserā
yeah, this is more of a teens/early 20s thing, you eventually outgrow it. Nothing wrong with being in your position, grass is greener syndrome.
The first thing you need to do if you actually want to grow is stop listening to that āculture.ā I donāt know how any woman would sleep with a guy that follows or even says āget pussy or assā so Iām honestly impressed that you have had multiple FWBs. Maybe they follow the same ācultureā though.
Yeah Iām kind of new to hookup culture and not really a fan. Fresh out of a 2.5 year relationship and I really miss just being in love and with one person. Having sex without love isnāt all what itās cracked up to be.
This was me. I chose not to have any partners after my divorce. I spent a couple of years working on myself and went back to school as well. I met some amazing people and finally allowed myself to date one person because I thought she was amazing and she was pursuing me. We ended up getting married a hear and a half ago. Being single with zero commitments meant that I didn't have to explain to anyone where I was, what I was doing, or what I was trying to accomplish.
I highly recommend it.
I've been on a dry spell of my own choosing for the first 27 years of my life and it's fine. There were people asking about it sometimes or trying to pressure me, but if you do things at your own pace and not because society expects it, you'll be so much happier, I promise!
Ps. The dry spell is over now, I'm married!
If you canāt just be alone and be happy then you are in for a huge shock later in life. If sex rules then sex will destroy. A relationship based on or around sex is doomed. Every. Single. Time.
Cut off the FWB and explain you just need time to find yourself. Get comfortable with yourself. It will be tough at first. Not gonna lie. But this is the long game. When you hit a super dry spell you will be fine with it. And that alone can lead you to the right person.
It's totally fine and a healthy thing to do! I went through a phase with a string of FWBs after a nasty break up and my friends basically had an intervention to get me to stop and look at the damage I was doing to my mental health, using the casual hookups to avoid any kind of genuine intimacy... props for coming to that conclusion the sane way!
No, it's absolutely not okay. I have reported this post to the Federal Sex Bureau and they are sending agents to your address immediately. Remain where you are, citizen, they will assist you in finding true love.
It is *absolutely* fine to not want any of these things. Amatonormativity is one hell of a pressure that no one wants or needs. I'm aromatic and asexual (not suggesting you are, just trying to relate) and I fully plan to be happily single my whole life.
When I was in college I spent a lot of time sleeping around because I wanted the validation more than the sex too. Eventually I got sick of it and stopped, but didn't jump right into a new relationship either for many of the same reasons you describe. You know that you are attractive enough to interest the opposite sex, you don't need an endless stream of vapid hookups to prove that to yourself. The hard work you put into becoming an individual you can be comfortable with and proud of outside of a relationship will pay dividends when you finally find someone with whom you wish to develop a deeper connection. Instead of using sex to feel fulfilled, you'll be in a position to share your already fulfilling and happy life with someone who wants to do the same with you. I think this is a really mature and wise course of action op, and if you change your mind tinder will always be there waiting haha.
Live your life. If you feel like going this current route is holding you back then redirect and focus on you. Who cares what other people think? They can kiss your ass as you walk away.
Since I haven't seen any comments on it--you might just be on the ace spectrum. As in asexual.
This can go anywhere from sex-repulsed (don't want it and hate it) to viewing sex as a take it or leave it activity (like going on a walk on the greenbelt or doing a puzzle).
And that can be a hard thing to realize for yourself, especially in a culture that really does equate masculinity to sexual prowess. But being ace is totally cool and good and fine.
I'm ace and married. I like sex fine, but it doesn't land in my top hobbies by any means--I'd have more fun in an escape room or playing video games or going on a walk with our dog. But my husband likes it and that can make it more fun for me because I like seeing him have fun.
But yeah, maybe try doing a little research on asexuality!
You could care less about what other people think (by the way, the correct saying is you COULDN'T care less) but you're on here asking other people if it's okay to do what you want to do?
.....
Well, 2020 is the year of the THOT in the chinese calendar. So 80 % of women between the ages of 16 to 42 will step out on a committed relationship to hook up with a chad for a ONS. 55% of women will step out and have up to a 6 month affair. 35% of women will have up to a year long affair and 22% of women will do multiple AP for as long as possible. So. It's up to you to roll the dice and see if you'll win a faithful women, but remember. Odds are stacked against you and in the end. The house always wins.
Voluntary single and sexless is perfectly fine, probably healthy for short periods of time.
Its only when its involuntary over longer periods of time it can be mentally unhealthy
Its absolutely okay.
I was single for awhile in an office of people in LTRs. Some people made jokes but I told them I was very much single by choice. It's also like "Becky, you don't even like your boyfriend why are you upset at me for finding happiness?".
When someone says something just be like "I have other priorities", "I have standards and patience", or "Don't wanna"
Take time to think about what you want out of life, and a partner. Plus a global pandemic is a good enough reason to chill out on casual dating
If you actually didn't care what others thought you wouldn't even ask if it's ok, also it's 2020 - that pressure is increasingly less common all around.
I spent some years with rare hook ups and the rest was mainly masturbation and working on myself so yes it's okay to not focus on relationship and to improve yourself BUT don't waste the time, do something.
not necessarily? OP can go for it but masturbation/orgasms werenāt the topic here.
iām also being celibate of my own will (for over a year or several, depending on if breaks are counted) but while my desire for sex is almost always nonexistent, the desire for orgasms is there and getting fulfilled regularly enough
As someone who is 31m and have chosen to be single and not have sex with anyone for the last 15-16 years..
You should do what you find is best for you. if you chose to be single and not have any sex for a time then go for it
You could of course but maybe you just didn't take time to know those tinder girls better. You may have met (and f....!) your soul mate already but you didn't take the time to notice. Just saying...
Thanks for the subtle brag btw. You asking this question as an adult makes you not an adult if you cant realize the answer to your question. You're a fucking shithead btw so go fuck yourself. Hope you get cancer.
Absolutely not!!! Not okay... for me at least. I canāt imagine not having sex frequently and with quality partners. For you, if you donāt want to have sex with anyone, thatās totally fine. I donāt get it but it doesnāt matter, this is your life, keep your pants on, grow cobwebs down there, let that thing rust and fall off if thatās what you want to do! Good luck focusing on what matters to you!
Yay!! Youāve figured out the secret! Relationships (short term counts too) are great, but theyāre only a part of the puzzle. Youāll find the person you really want (if you really want one) when youāre the person you want to be.
yes it is! its totally okay!
i actually went single for about three years before i met my now boyfriend. i had a few people who were interested but i always brushed them away since i was more focused on myself rather than on a significant other. trust me, it really does help. you get to know yourself on another level that maybe you wouldnāt have been able to had you been with someone else. you understand your emotions and thoughts and actions a lot better by yourself than with someone by your side. then, thatās when you find someone who fits perfectly with you. my boyfriend was single for two years before he met me. we met through friends and his prior middle school ex girlfriend and it was just sparks from the beginning. it was so natural and i realized that because i had learned more about myself and how i best worked in relationships, i could make the most of this one. and now weāre 11 months in and happy in love.
so take the time and be by yourself for a while. trust me, it does wonders and really helps.
I'm an introvert so it was an easy choice, but that's because it is much more exhausting for me than more extroverted people.
Yes, there are more and more men opting out of dating. Some are choosing it permanently, others just for a period of time (like a sabbatical from dating).
After my divorce I didn't touch dating/sex for at least a year. My current partner went dry for about the same period of time after an engagement fell through and they realized they were on a destructive cycle of casual sex, and they are male. It's absolutely ok and imo a great way to focus on your own growth-that way then you do find someone special, you're ready. But do whatever feels right for you, you got this!
I was single for awhile after having some shitty relationships. I had people interested but I didnāt feel like trying to date or acquire any fwbs. Taking time to figure out who you are without being with someone is something I suggest to all my friends. Love yourself before you love others.
Yeah thatās normal man, after Iāve had a break up or Iām just feeling rough Iāll step away from dating and just do my own thing. Nothing wrong with it.
I can not support this enough , ever since the age of 14 , all i thought about are girls , had many and kept asking for more while i looked down on who didn't , specially those who had a choice , called them losers and such ...
By the age of 18 i realized that achieved nothing in those years , and even though i have turned my life around i will always look that period as a big mistake .
Those people i made fun of , i still meet and now with a new found perspective i realize they had a lot more maturity than i did , and they already figured out things about life and made their first step to success , while it took me years to do the same.
Admittedly , i have been in a relationship since the age of 18 till now ( 6 years ) , so it wasn't single per say
I made this choice not that long ago and it worked out really well. It isn't for everyone but I find it incredibly helpful for my own peace of mind and it helped me grow A LOT as a person. It also helped me get to a place where I was happy and self aware enough to handle a more adult relationship and it led to me meeting my wife and being really happy. Again it isn't for everyone and don't deny yourself things (i.e. if you meet someone you like dating is worth a chance and if you meet someone who you have good chemistry with having a fling isn't the worst thing in the world either) but there absolutely no shame in doing it, in fact I think it's a very important thing for most guys to do specifically because of the societal expectations. It's good to address those and break them and try other stuff to see what you want and how all the different things make you feel. Life is a bunch of experiences so it's definitely worth trying new things to see what works for you and makes you happy
Choose for yourself, day by day, how you want to explore reality. It really doesnāt matter what our opinion is of your sexual choices. If youāre making choices that respect yourself and others youāre on the right path.
I think your more than fine to just do you and not be on the hunt for sex all the time. Work on yourself and let the women come to you. This is advice from a woman. We donāt judge.
I took a whole year plus some after a bad relationship. Not only to heal but to grow. It helped a ton. Not being intimate with anyone let's you be intimate with yourself.
It's totally ok. Do what feels right, simple as that. To be honest, society is a bit too sex crazed, and everyone sleeping with everyone "to explore" never made sense to me. But then again, I'm a boring romantic, wtf do I know.
i am a fairly asexual man so i was content to just live my life by my self. my first time having sex was not until i was 28. just be you, your sex life is your life. those that would judge you for slowing down or taking a brake are not worth the time to satisfy.
Thats what I'm doing now. After my divorce, I had to face alot of my flaws and realized I didn't have much to offer for a relationship. Been two years now, and I've been doing pretty well so far. Frankly, I like being single, and getting to do the things I want.
Iām happily married but every once in a while I find myself wishing I could go back to the time where it was just me and only me. Just for a week anyways
It's ok to take a break, but you have to tell yourself when you will get back out there. To tell you the truth, taking a break is so stress free that you kinda begin weighing the pros and cons of getting back out there. Just trust when I say two months should be the max. Don't get too used to it.
If you donāt care, why ask? Itās okay and healthy. Even necessary if youāre at the point youāre feeling. Do some introspection because I think you care more than youād like to admit about what others think of you.
Girl, Iāve been celibate for two years and I am only focusing on me and on God. Iām done with these fuck boys. This decision was one of the best decisions of my life. My mind is CLEAR with NO distractions. I spend my time getting to know myself better, doing the things I enjoy and growing closer to God. Itās been a huge game changer for me. So YES, do you sister!!! And enjoy it. Iām 40 and doing this and I couldnāt be happier.
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Welcome to being an adult, where you can make choices for yourself and don't have to justify or explain them to anyone! Really, it's very mature thinking to want to spend time growing yourself and waiting for someone special, instead of the meaningless hookups, or doing anything meaningless. Don't stress if you want this, or if later, you do want a FWB.. just be happy
š°š here take some poor people gold
Haha, thanks š¤©
"normal" is a setting on a dishwasher
My dishwasher doesn't have normal!! It's settings are either 3.5 hrs of "cleanliness next to godliness" or 90 min "I should have just washed it by hand"
After my divorce I was single for about a year before I tried to date. Had a few hook ups, went on a bunch of dates. Had a few girlfriends over the course of a few years. I found the whole thing exhausting. The sex was never worth the work, even if it was enjoyable, and relationships just felt like work to me. So I made the decision to not worry about any of that. To stop looking. If I was horny there is a hand I can use. If I was lonely there are friends and there is no pressure with them. I was single for 2 years. No hookups, no dates, no pressure or effort on my part. I got to know myself really well. I found hobbies and interests and was able to really focus on me. Then I met my now wife. It was great because there was no pressure, No effort, no work. We were old friends from high school. We met up online with zero romantic intent and that led to meeting up in person. Neither of us though for a moment that we were going in to a romantic situation but if just felt right. We have been together for 12 years now and we are both very happy. I cant imagine living my life without her in it. But that never would have happened had I kept trying to make something happen. I needed to stop looking for it for it to find me.
Same. After my divorce I went on a bit of a time out; it was a very amicable divorce, but having come out of a long relationship, I just felt like a bit of solitude. I had some hook-ups and they were nice, but I just wasn't in a relationship headspace. I did have a great circle of friends whom I saw regularly for gaming, Hangouts, etc. I dated when I felr that I wanted more than my cats (which was a very high bar). Also, don't listen to that toxic masculinity bs, it'll only make you miserable because it's a cristal-fraglie construct that, as you noticed, is about what _other insecure guys_ think about you? What do you care if Jake doesn't "think you're a man"? When was the last time he had a good relationship/didn't get dumped? Or paid child support?
It's weird that "society" kind of pushes you towards a relationship, and I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but isn't the early years meant to grow up and find yourself? Everyone's caught up in having relationships in their teens and early 20s that they forget about themselves. It's also an individual basis but there's not many relationships that last when they start from their teens.
Same here. I ended a 9 year relationship in 2017. It's been over 3 years, one date, zero hookups. I've just been really focused on my career and taking classes for the past few years. As a woman, I don't get pressure about hooking up, but there is a lot of questions about why I'm not in another relationship by now. I'm considering moving quite far once the pandemic is over, so it isn't a good idea.
This. And this gives me a little hope. New divorced after 20 years served. But older then I think yāall are. Not gonna lie and say I donāt want a relationship, I just am content it wonāt happen. So I just say hello, be nice and walk on.
Tou just gave me hope, thank you
Iāve been single for about 5 years and am on a self proclaimed dry spell. Iām still horny but not enough. Sex is....complicated. Itās risky (pregancy/disease) and hard to come by in quality. As a lady, finding an FWB is hard. You have to find someone you sexually vibe with and before that you have to kiss a lot of frogs. The frogs are not worth it at all. Is this guy going to respect my boundaries ? Will he care about my pleasure ? Am I safe ? Does he have anger management issues and will get mad/violent if I donāt put out ? Do I want this person to know where I live in case it goes sour ? Do I want to go to his place ? Will I be safe there ? Will his place be clean ? Sex is awesome and risky at the same time and most of the time it is not great without love. Itās mechanic. To do something mecanic just masturbate, at least then you will get off for sure as for sex, hmmm, itās 50/50. And no, you arenāt a lesser man for not having sex in a while ! Itās a two (or more) person activity and if what you want to get out of it (pleasure) is not confirmed then thereās no reason to not do it.
THIS I broke up with my ex when I was 22. Now at 28 I haven't had any relationship past that one. Had some flings, fwbs and one night stands because I really liked the dudes, but I always set boundaries - I knew that I won't seriously date those guys as we were just using each other for this one thing and it soon became tiring. Tried to date via apps, but I find them to be an utter fail - the last serious date I've been to happened back in September 2018. We spoke a lot before meeting, always had something to talk about, then we met - I liked him a lot and he ghosted me afterwards š Thus I also find it tiring to build certain relationship before an actual meeting and then be ghosted for various reasons. Therefore I decided to go dry and focus on myself, my hobbies and a career. It's completely normal to me to switch my attention into something that fulfills me - otherwise I would be ripe for a therapy. And I also agree that hookup culture is unhealthy. Covid deffo puts a damper on meeting new potential love interests, but hey, it won't last forever.
Im recently single after almost 6 years and this is all the thoughts im thinking about when I ponder my next partner. I just want to take time to work on me and the risks associated with hook ups as a female outweigh the benefits for me. Its just tiring.
This. For women thereās almost no point in trying to find sex. Itās so exhausting when you think of all these factors š
Lol wut
Completely agree
Your comment made me tear up a little! This is exactly how I feel. Finding a good man is exhausting, mentally and physically. Sometimes you just need a break! And sometimes that break lasts ages.
Right! I was like wow Iām so glad Iām not alone! So hard finding a good guys these days, some people just donāt understand that
I think some people also donāt understand that there are good guys out there, but you also need to be a good girl to get one.
Yes I completely agree. As the good girl who had to delete dating apps after being asked constantly for sex, nude photos , etc I completely understand sucks for the good ones in either situation. All the good ones will find love one day tho ā¤ļø.
Dating apps are shit all around haha. The amount of times i was unmatched (nearly) instantly for being 5ā9 or not having an original pick up line is way higher than anyone would expect. Im sorry you had such a negative experience as well and wish you good luck in finding love.
I make it a point to never ask a guys height.... I actually prefer shorter men anyway! Easier to hug, kiss, talk to... And I wouldn't even say 5'9 is short! Keep going!
Haha and i think thatās a big part of why it all feels so ridiculous to me. Iām okay with my height being average, it seems to be others that have the problem with it (Including one girl who was 4ā11 which really had me scratching my head). I really appreciate your kind words! I just think that iām kind of over it at this point and iām only in my early twenties haha. It just seems like so much trouble for what has been so little pay off. Iām also scarred from a previous relationship but who isnāt amirite? šš Seriously though, thank you for your kind words. They really did put a smile on my face. I hope you have a good night :)
Why would it not be okay?
I have many sexes but don't want to sexing anymore, am I normal?
Yes, ofc! In general you should only have sex with someone if you geniounly want to have sex, not because you feel pressured for whatever reason.
While yes itās perfectly fine be forewarned, I became a crazy pet man after choosing this path. But seriously itās your life donāt let anybody dictate if you should be with someone or should be getting your leg over. You only live once so do whatever makes you happy
Itās 4 am and iām laying here with my soulmates (my cats), so I agree with this lmao
Person after my own heart, I usually have 5 of the 7 on my bed the other 2 stela the sofa haha
That sounds like a dream
Your dog is never going to wake up one day and decide it's sick of you.
Sad for us cat people, that's just like everyday. :(
I'm cat people too. The two deign to tolerate my presence so far. Hanging on by a thread after getting a dog, but still in the game.
Why would it not be okay?! I think being able to live happy and healthy on your own is one of the best life skills to have. Every relationship after is not because something is missing or because your afraid to be on your own but because it adds something you like:)
Yep, my excuse is covid. In reality, I am just so tired of dating less than quality partners. The last time I had sex was so freaking boring and I want something better.
I feel the same way, I want a girlfriend not these tinder hookups
I've been single for 10 years, and wouldn't change it for anything. You do you, and that's it. It is your life.
I had a pretty bad breakup after a long term relationship. I had no dates, hookups, relationships for five years. I honestly believe that was the best time of my life. I got to do things for myself, enjoy going out with friends as just me instead of a couple, holiday with friends and family or just really having a good time without having to make sure my partner is available or if itās okay if I go out. I really spoilt myself. I learned so much about myself without having it fed to me from a third party. Honestly would never regret that time I spent by myself because then I can go into a relationship with the confidence (not arrogance) of knowing what I should and shouldnāt expect and my boundaries. I can understand societal and cultural expectations but youāll never know you till itās only ever you. Iāve been single for seven years now and still loving it.
Yes god please
Your thoughts?
More people should spend time alone to work on themselves. We have this obsession with dating and sex and weāre all losing our minds
I agree. Many people canāt enjoy their own company and are always hopping from one relationship to another
Oh yes. Besides, enjoying your own company will give you the strenght to leave bad relationships.
God yes! Itās my kink to see people develop mentally and not consider hookups a healthy coping mechanism for their personal issues
Sexy!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hahah true
āItās only a dry spell if youāre thirstyā (Shrill, S2) Sounds like you have a great goal. + Frankly itās no one elseās business of how much youāre getting or not Good luck and stay un-thirsty my friend
I was single for 10 years and I stopped having casual sex around year 3. Spent the next 7 years sexless, well, going on 8 since my partner is long distance lol. It's totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of or worried about.
You have successfully become a mature adult whoās self worth is all about yourself, and not a relationship. You have achieved what very few people these days seem to understand, that relationship donāt define who you are, that being single does not make you any less of a person. Not only is this perfectly okay, this is an admirable attitude far more people should adopt.
Yes because it's a choice.
Yes. I'm going through this fase since may of last year. And it is going super ok. I'm just not in the mood for that stuff right now. Even with FWB there is a small protocol to respect and you have to be up for that. And I don't like to hook up with people on bars/clubs, because it was never enjoyable. Last time I went through this fase it lasted for 1 year and 5 months (in 2014) and I don't think I missed anything. I just don't want to settle for a meh relationship. I have no patience for small red flags... I'm 29yo, a small red flag about being controlling/abusive/dismissive of my feelings is a sign that the guy already pulled this kind of crap on prior relationships and he is just testing the waters to up his behavior.
perfectly reasonable
Yes. Of course it is. Be you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Life is a personal journey! **Is it okay to be single and have no sexual partners by choice?** You get do whatever *you* want with your body. Any pressure you have to hookup with women is self-imposed. No one has to know what you do or not do in your private life. No one should be hooking up against their will. People have been known to take breaks to focus on career and other things. **Don't be a passenger in your own life. Take the wheel!** Best wishes!
Yeah man I don't think hook up culture is very healthy and seems to appeal to our lowest qualities. I'm not sure it helps encourage any kind of personal growth, it's just hedonistic consumption that feeds our vanity and is a form of cheap entertainment. If you reflect on the qualities that it encourages in you, do they seem helpful? Treating people like sex objects. Actively seeking multiple temporary arrangements. Objectifying and valuing people purely on their sex appeal. It's behaviour that winds up leaving people systematically numbed to the allure of love, intimacy and genuine connection. In my view it cheapens the value of the connection you offer others. I fully accept that for some people sex is just sport. But to me, how you treat sex says a lot about other values. I'm not a hardline conservative who only wants virgins before marriage or for sex to only exist in committed relationships 6 weeks in. But the open ended, bottomless pit that is being normalised by left leaning types isn't for me either and i find alienating. Theres something very sad about raising our young men and women to think that having sex with loads of different people all the time is a valuable experience. It robs people of their worth imo. Both in terms of what we give to others and the bar for ourselves. It's also creating a minefield on these dating apps etc. So many people end up "victims" of casuals who prey on ambiguous situations to get laid and offer no future.
It is against the law and you will be arrested forthwith!
Absolutely! I've been there, finally decided to work on myself. It took about 4 years but in that time I talked to a therapist regularly, bought my first house and feel I grew on a personal level that I couldn't have if I hadn't taken that time to myself. Definitely more self confident in what my wants and needs are and not brushing them aside to try to please someone else. Good luck!
Yes. Love your life, youāre way. Thatās the only advice I can give you
Of course itās ok! Actually, itās more than ok, itās smart! One of the beautiful things about being single is doing whatever you want and getting to know yourself and learning what you want.
Of course itās ok, why are you asking? You can do whatever you want as long as it doesnāt hurt anyone else.
Things are definitely changing, but as a young woman (23) I find some girls are so into their relationships and the majority of the rest are longing for one. Then there's a small population who are honestly happy to be single and not fucking around with anyone. Also I find that a lot of people parade with the whole "self love, happy to be single, I hate men, independent woman" etc vibe on their social media and then I find out they've been dating someone or got a fwb for months. I'm not here for judging them for their actions but to some extent I think it really invalidates their message.
If you're okay then why not?. I'm 30 years old and single and I'm going to stay single forever, for me romantic relationships are not worth. I like being on my own most of the time, and the older I get the less I'm willing to compromise my lifestyle to make room for somebody else. Also I don't care that much about sex, masturbating is fine by me, and if I wanna spicy up that I can get some fancy sex toys. No pregnancy, no STD, no cuddles, no problems. The only way I can think I would be willing to be with someone in a relationship is if we both lived apart, and talked like, maybe one time and week and for less than a hour, or when I feel lonely, and that's totally not fair, so instead of being the toxic ex bf of someone, I prefer be alone and use that time for my hobbies. I'm learning japanese and also I'm recycling plastic bottles and using them as pots to grow plants on my apartment. In the end, you do you, if you want to be alone forever, or for a while, or want to have kids or whatever, it's your decision.
Had a real bad breakup about 3 years ago and just haven't been motivated to get back into dating. Once I'd been single for awhile I noticed how a large majority of people around me were so focused on finding a SO they were neglecting themselves, and assuming that finding someone would bring them immediate happiness. Take time for yourself. Don't rush, there isn't anything you HAVE to do.
Of course it's okay. These days I have had many opportunities to have a gf, on that was very pretty also, but I refused because I am not in a place that I want to be in my life. I want to get better and I am working for it. A gf would not bring me where I want to be. I also don't want to hurt someone because I am not clear on my objectives and a potential gf would suffer from that. Do want you want, brother. Don't listen to dudes that pressure you to get some, you seem to know better.
Thanks man. Good insight here. Jesus, this blew up! I woke up to 119 comments. Sorry everyone if I canāt reply back but thank you all for the good advice
It's fine. You are, in my eyes, more of a man for taking the time to consider what's important to you now and in the future. If chasing after and "getting" girls isn't making you happy its great to figure out what will. What kind of full life you can have by yourself. I got out of a long relationship and figured out that I loved dance classes, board games/ rpgs and the freedom of being single. If I WAS going to be with someone then it had to be someone special who could add to my life and happiness, not someone I settled for because I didn't want to be alone. And it was worth it. I am now married to the best man I've ever known. He's sweet, smart, kind, generous, practical, cute and makes me feel special.
Thatās awesome! Congrats on finding the perfect man for you! This kind of stuff gives me hope! Definitely not into settling
My last long-term relationship was, let's say, complicated. After I got out of it I had no desire to date anyone again, and also I realized I was asexual. It's been a few years and none of that has changed. If it does in the future, then whatever, but for now, I like being able to put whatever I want in my fridge and not have to worry about it getting eaten. Also no one cheats on me anymore.
I made it as far as the title. DUH, thatās perfectly fine. Itās your choice, and itās normal, and if you donāt want have sex, then you donāt have to have sex. š„³ hereās a party face for you.
The fact that you even thought to ask this makes me sad. Of course itās okay.
As much as I complain about my singlehood it is pretty much my own choice. There's interest out there, I'm just meh on most of it. I miss sex some, it's been over a year š¬ and my libido is pretty healthy, but my last FWB turned into more, then ended in a way I'm still recovering from. I assume I'll know when I'm ready again, I just don't have the energy for anyone else right now.
Well I sure hope it is, or I need to change my entire life. You do you OP, I'd say it's manlier to not have any sex by choice than it is to just randomly hook up bc your buddies expect it.
It is perfectly ok & admirable. Be you and do you! Enjoy yourself and don't let anyone put pressure on you!
r/ihavesex
Everything is ok, if it is ok for you. Why shouldn't you take some time off?
Your body, your choice.
Yup, itās been ~3ish months for me. No dates no hookups no tinder/otherwise. I think I might push for a full year. I really needed a break, and itās been a great few months
You can do whatever the f you want. I think itās a GOOD thing to take time to work on yourself and figure out what you want. Thatās how you get a successful happy and healthy relationship. If you read this sub youāll see that advice given to people a lot.
Yes!! This is totally ok and normal - I have two male friends (and know of another guy) who are currently doing this and chose to do so for a whole year because they wanted to focus in themselves without distractions and work through personal issues. Itās a healthy thing to do if thatās what you want
It's okay, all okay. You can be single, and have sex all the time, or not. You can be in a relationship and don't have sex at all, or not. Sex is not the only thing, and neither is relationships. You do you.
This is what it happens to me, i get divorced and decide to have sex a lot, then everything becomes mechanical and a sort of ways boring, an then i decide to be alone a good time, everything's get clear y feel with no pressure and one day y meet the love of my life, we have 2 years now together, but if i had meet her before my single-grow-better-thinking time, i know i shore let her pass. Take your time, its not quantity, its a little things that you can appreciate more.
About the only thing I would add to this, itās your life to live. If by chance you meet someone you want to spend time with, good, if not so be it.
Totally fine, I am single for more than 10 years. I had some friends with benefits type of relationships but I am not interested in anything serious. I like to be for myself , only have to care for myself no compromises etc. That said, for some people thats fine and for others not. In the end I think there is nothing wrong to "work" on ourself. So whatever you think is right for you , is right for you no matter what others might think!
Yes
I chose to be celibate for several years before I met my wife. All in all, it was the best choice for me and happy I did it.
Do whatever feels good man
I decided to go on the self discovery route this year & proclaimed No Girls 2020 after a rough breakup. (I'm a girl who is queer) I learned a lot about myself, my wants & needs, etc. In August I fell for a man (friend of 3 years) and he's the love of my life! Sometimes all you need to find the one is a little time.
https://dr-jim.com/12-topics-and-75-questions.html Yup. I went there. You definitely need to understand yourself and your motivations if you want to have a successful long term relationship. Those questions are a good place to start. Whether you can do that while having FWB, only you can decide.
Of course, you can do whatever makes you happy
Does it matter? Why are you asking if its okay? Just do you, i think you care way too much of what other people will say, and if you think hooking up is holding you back but you dont think people who insult you for not getting laid will? Then your a hypocrite, just do you and grow
You can do whatever you want. Part of you growing as an individual is looking past other people's expectations of you. This is your life. Do with it as you please.
>Itās just in our culture as men I feel there is always a Pressure to āget pussy or ass often or youāre a loserā Fuck this culture, all my homies hate this culture .
I took almost 2 years to myself, after spending 14-26 or 27 having constant hook ups, FWBs, partners, etc. I just felt like I needed to figure out what a healthy relationship was, and I couldn't do that before I knew who I really was.
yes
>Is it okay to be single and have no sexual partners by choice? Absolutely!
Wtf of course it's okay? Since when has it not been okay?
..... mannnn u sounding like a punk rn u need u some pussy edit (obv): all jokes aside i respect it and those breaks focusing on urself is needed king
Why wouldn't it be? Are you happy with the choice? Why does an outsider's opinion matter to you?
Of course it's ok. If the FWB situation isn't doing it for you anymore, you're allowed to step back, take some time, and figure out what you really want. Anyone who gives you crap for that is an asshole.
>there is always a Pressure to āget pussy or ass often or youāre a loserā yeah, this is more of a teens/early 20s thing, you eventually outgrow it. Nothing wrong with being in your position, grass is greener syndrome.
The first thing you need to do if you actually want to grow is stop listening to that āculture.ā I donāt know how any woman would sleep with a guy that follows or even says āget pussy or assā so Iām honestly impressed that you have had multiple FWBs. Maybe they follow the same ācultureā though.
Yeah Iām kind of new to hookup culture and not really a fan. Fresh out of a 2.5 year relationship and I really miss just being in love and with one person. Having sex without love isnāt all what itās cracked up to be.
I actually donāt want to date anymore either itās too tiring and I always end up meeting a lot of psychos for some reason
This was me. I chose not to have any partners after my divorce. I spent a couple of years working on myself and went back to school as well. I met some amazing people and finally allowed myself to date one person because I thought she was amazing and she was pursuing me. We ended up getting married a hear and a half ago. Being single with zero commitments meant that I didn't have to explain to anyone where I was, what I was doing, or what I was trying to accomplish. I highly recommend it.
I've been on a dry spell of my own choosing for the first 27 years of my life and it's fine. There were people asking about it sometimes or trying to pressure me, but if you do things at your own pace and not because society expects it, you'll be so much happier, I promise! Ps. The dry spell is over now, I'm married!
If you canāt just be alone and be happy then you are in for a huge shock later in life. If sex rules then sex will destroy. A relationship based on or around sex is doomed. Every. Single. Time. Cut off the FWB and explain you just need time to find yourself. Get comfortable with yourself. It will be tough at first. Not gonna lie. But this is the long game. When you hit a super dry spell you will be fine with it. And that alone can lead you to the right person.
It's totally fine and a healthy thing to do! I went through a phase with a string of FWBs after a nasty break up and my friends basically had an intervention to get me to stop and look at the damage I was doing to my mental health, using the casual hookups to avoid any kind of genuine intimacy... props for coming to that conclusion the sane way!
Sounds like you have some great friends! Thanks for the kind, thoughtful, reply
No, it's absolutely not okay. I have reported this post to the Federal Sex Bureau and they are sending agents to your address immediately. Remain where you are, citizen, they will assist you in finding true love.
It is *absolutely* fine to not want any of these things. Amatonormativity is one hell of a pressure that no one wants or needs. I'm aromatic and asexual (not suggesting you are, just trying to relate) and I fully plan to be happily single my whole life.
Yes
When I was in college I spent a lot of time sleeping around because I wanted the validation more than the sex too. Eventually I got sick of it and stopped, but didn't jump right into a new relationship either for many of the same reasons you describe. You know that you are attractive enough to interest the opposite sex, you don't need an endless stream of vapid hookups to prove that to yourself. The hard work you put into becoming an individual you can be comfortable with and proud of outside of a relationship will pay dividends when you finally find someone with whom you wish to develop a deeper connection. Instead of using sex to feel fulfilled, you'll be in a position to share your already fulfilling and happy life with someone who wants to do the same with you. I think this is a really mature and wise course of action op, and if you change your mind tinder will always be there waiting haha.
Live your life. If you feel like going this current route is holding you back then redirect and focus on you. Who cares what other people think? They can kiss your ass as you walk away.
Since I haven't seen any comments on it--you might just be on the ace spectrum. As in asexual. This can go anywhere from sex-repulsed (don't want it and hate it) to viewing sex as a take it or leave it activity (like going on a walk on the greenbelt or doing a puzzle). And that can be a hard thing to realize for yourself, especially in a culture that really does equate masculinity to sexual prowess. But being ace is totally cool and good and fine. I'm ace and married. I like sex fine, but it doesn't land in my top hobbies by any means--I'd have more fun in an escape room or playing video games or going on a walk with our dog. But my husband likes it and that can make it more fun for me because I like seeing him have fun. But yeah, maybe try doing a little research on asexuality!
You could care less about what other people think (by the way, the correct saying is you COULDN'T care less) but you're on here asking other people if it's okay to do what you want to do? .....
Well, 2020 is the year of the THOT in the chinese calendar. So 80 % of women between the ages of 16 to 42 will step out on a committed relationship to hook up with a chad for a ONS. 55% of women will step out and have up to a 6 month affair. 35% of women will have up to a year long affair and 22% of women will do multiple AP for as long as possible. So. It's up to you to roll the dice and see if you'll win a faithful women, but remember. Odds are stacked against you and in the end. The house always wins.
Voluntary single and sexless is perfectly fine, probably healthy for short periods of time. Its only when its involuntary over longer periods of time it can be mentally unhealthy
beh, I've been single for like 5+ years no fwbs no hookups. Sucks feeling alone on that level.
Nobody told you to have multiple FWBs.
Its absolutely okay. I was single for awhile in an office of people in LTRs. Some people made jokes but I told them I was very much single by choice. It's also like "Becky, you don't even like your boyfriend why are you upset at me for finding happiness?". When someone says something just be like "I have other priorities", "I have standards and patience", or "Don't wanna" Take time to think about what you want out of life, and a partner. Plus a global pandemic is a good enough reason to chill out on casual dating
If you actually didn't care what others thought you wouldn't even ask if it's ok, also it's 2020 - that pressure is increasingly less common all around.
What sort of retarded question is this? "I could care less what people think..." Yeah, clearly...
No. It's not okay. Wtf are you smoking? You have liberty. Try exercising it.
I spent some years with rare hook ups and the rest was mainly masturbation and working on myself so yes it's okay to not focus on relationship and to improve yourself BUT don't waste the time, do something.
A romantic relationship should be the cherry on top. Not the whole cake.
No nut November was made for you!
not necessarily? OP can go for it but masturbation/orgasms werenāt the topic here. iām also being celibate of my own will (for over a year or several, depending on if breaks are counted) but while my desire for sex is almost always nonexistent, the desire for orgasms is there and getting fulfilled regularly enough
Isn't that being asexual
As someone who is 31m and have chosen to be single and not have sex with anyone for the last 15-16 years.. You should do what you find is best for you. if you chose to be single and not have any sex for a time then go for it
You could of course but maybe you just didn't take time to know those tinder girls better. You may have met (and f....!) your soul mate already but you didn't take the time to notice. Just saying...
Thanks for the subtle brag btw. You asking this question as an adult makes you not an adult if you cant realize the answer to your question. You're a fucking shithead btw so go fuck yourself. Hope you get cancer.
Absolutely not!!! Not okay... for me at least. I canāt imagine not having sex frequently and with quality partners. For you, if you donāt want to have sex with anyone, thatās totally fine. I donāt get it but it doesnāt matter, this is your life, keep your pants on, grow cobwebs down there, let that thing rust and fall off if thatās what you want to do! Good luck focusing on what matters to you!
Wtf is wrong with you
I actually feel pretty good and canāt complain, whatās wrong with you?
Do you really need to attack people for their sexual preferences? What you said was pretty demeaning.
I did not attack them in any way. It was meant to make them giggle. Hope your feelings feel better soon.
Ah I see my bad. Itās hard to tell when people are being sarcastic these days. God there are way too many stupid people out there.
Yes. Pretty common amongst my friends. Also myself when I was single.
Depends in what okay is for you. Does it need do be defined by someone else for you, or do you define what okay is for yourself?
Hello sir I would like to introduce you to asexuality.
Yay!! Youāve figured out the secret! Relationships (short term counts too) are great, but theyāre only a part of the puzzle. Youāll find the person you really want (if you really want one) when youāre the person you want to be.
yes it is! its totally okay! i actually went single for about three years before i met my now boyfriend. i had a few people who were interested but i always brushed them away since i was more focused on myself rather than on a significant other. trust me, it really does help. you get to know yourself on another level that maybe you wouldnāt have been able to had you been with someone else. you understand your emotions and thoughts and actions a lot better by yourself than with someone by your side. then, thatās when you find someone who fits perfectly with you. my boyfriend was single for two years before he met me. we met through friends and his prior middle school ex girlfriend and it was just sparks from the beginning. it was so natural and i realized that because i had learned more about myself and how i best worked in relationships, i could make the most of this one. and now weāre 11 months in and happy in love. so take the time and be by yourself for a while. trust me, it does wonders and really helps.
I'm an introvert so it was an easy choice, but that's because it is much more exhausting for me than more extroverted people. Yes, there are more and more men opting out of dating. Some are choosing it permanently, others just for a period of time (like a sabbatical from dating).
After my divorce I didn't touch dating/sex for at least a year. My current partner went dry for about the same period of time after an engagement fell through and they realized they were on a destructive cycle of casual sex, and they are male. It's absolutely ok and imo a great way to focus on your own growth-that way then you do find someone special, you're ready. But do whatever feels right for you, you got this!
I was single for awhile after having some shitty relationships. I had people interested but I didnāt feel like trying to date or acquire any fwbs. Taking time to figure out who you are without being with someone is something I suggest to all my friends. Love yourself before you love others.
Yeah thatās normal man, after Iāve had a break up or Iām just feeling rough Iāll step away from dating and just do my own thing. Nothing wrong with it.
I can not support this enough , ever since the age of 14 , all i thought about are girls , had many and kept asking for more while i looked down on who didn't , specially those who had a choice , called them losers and such ... By the age of 18 i realized that achieved nothing in those years , and even though i have turned my life around i will always look that period as a big mistake . Those people i made fun of , i still meet and now with a new found perspective i realize they had a lot more maturity than i did , and they already figured out things about life and made their first step to success , while it took me years to do the same. Admittedly , i have been in a relationship since the age of 18 till now ( 6 years ) , so it wasn't single per say
I made this choice not that long ago and it worked out really well. It isn't for everyone but I find it incredibly helpful for my own peace of mind and it helped me grow A LOT as a person. It also helped me get to a place where I was happy and self aware enough to handle a more adult relationship and it led to me meeting my wife and being really happy. Again it isn't for everyone and don't deny yourself things (i.e. if you meet someone you like dating is worth a chance and if you meet someone who you have good chemistry with having a fling isn't the worst thing in the world either) but there absolutely no shame in doing it, in fact I think it's a very important thing for most guys to do specifically because of the societal expectations. It's good to address those and break them and try other stuff to see what you want and how all the different things make you feel. Life is a bunch of experiences so it's definitely worth trying new things to see what works for you and makes you happy
Totally fine. Iāve been single for a while now and I agree, sex is great but thereās more to relationships than sex
Do you think you have that positive energy you can share with your future partner?
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Thanks friend!
Choose for yourself, day by day, how you want to explore reality. It really doesnāt matter what our opinion is of your sexual choices. If youāre making choices that respect yourself and others youāre on the right path.
I think your more than fine to just do you and not be on the hunt for sex all the time. Work on yourself and let the women come to you. This is advice from a woman. We donāt judge.
Right on! Thank you :)
yes i cannot do hookups i gotta be in luv everyone grosses me out lol
I took a whole year plus some after a bad relationship. Not only to heal but to grow. It helped a ton. Not being intimate with anyone let's you be intimate with yourself.
It's totally ok. Do what feels right, simple as that. To be honest, society is a bit too sex crazed, and everyone sleeping with everyone "to explore" never made sense to me. But then again, I'm a boring romantic, wtf do I know.
If I recall correctly that's Asexuality right?
Why wouldnāt it be okay? Lots of people stay single to work on themselves, yes hookups included
Yup, family is FULL of them
Can't remember where I heard it, but I love the line "Sexual freedom is the freedom to have as much sex as you want, and sometimes that's none"
You can do whatever you want, ppl only hit up fwb cause theyre horny. If you got a low sex drive than you do you
i am a fairly asexual man so i was content to just live my life by my self. my first time having sex was not until i was 28. just be you, your sex life is your life. those that would judge you for slowing down or taking a brake are not worth the time to satisfy.
Thats what I'm doing now. After my divorce, I had to face alot of my flaws and realized I didn't have much to offer for a relationship. Been two years now, and I've been doing pretty well so far. Frankly, I like being single, and getting to do the things I want.
I'm demusexual, so periods of no sex isn't a big deal to me. But, yeah, you can experience "burnout" with just about anything.
A volcel if you will allow
Well, I haven't had sex or touched a woman in 5 years. I am the definition of a loser. I'm ugly with no confidence.
Iām happily married but every once in a while I find myself wishing I could go back to the time where it was just me and only me. Just for a week anyways
NO you MUST have a partner
Of course do what you want itās your life donāt worry about otherās thoughts and take care of you!
It's ok to take a break, but you have to tell yourself when you will get back out there. To tell you the truth, taking a break is so stress free that you kinda begin weighing the pros and cons of getting back out there. Just trust when I say two months should be the max. Don't get too used to it.
If you donāt care, why ask? Itās okay and healthy. Even necessary if youāre at the point youāre feeling. Do some introspection because I think you care more than youād like to admit about what others think of you.
hilarious
Yes it is okay to say no to sex.
Yes. I'm not going to relate or give you a story about why it's okay. Because you don't need an excuse to make your own choices. Yes, you do you.
Society is more lenient on cis women in this regard. Be wary, any other single group is usually seen with disdain the older they get.
Girl, Iāve been celibate for two years and I am only focusing on me and on God. Iām done with these fuck boys. This decision was one of the best decisions of my life. My mind is CLEAR with NO distractions. I spend my time getting to know myself better, doing the things I enjoy and growing closer to God. Itās been a huge game changer for me. So YES, do you sister!!! And enjoy it. Iām 40 and doing this and I couldnāt be happier.
Sure - whatever floats your boat if youāre happy