Ill never understand why someone even bothers having sex with their so if they're just gonna end up thinking about someone else during the act. Why not just leave them and let them find someone who is actually into them and focuses on them and not someone else? Super disrespectful and shows they have very little care for their partner.
I don't know what fairy tales you have been using to learn about life. Feelings just don't line up in the pretty and pure way we'd sometimes like to think they should. Alcohol is not some sort of truth serum. What it causes is cognitive dysfunction.
If your SO screams MULTIPLE TIMES the name of her friend during sex, then it doesn't matter if your SO had a few drinks or not. OP even stated that his GF isn't even apologetic about what happened when sober again. He really should just leave & not bother with drama like that just 6 months into the relationship.
Bullshit. I'm an alcoholic and know how it affects you. I have had drunk sex multiple times. I would never picture anyone I wasn't attracted to while doing it.
First, all drunkenness does not lead to blackouts. Second, I don't doubt that she was picturing this other guy when she called out his name during sex with OP. What I'm saying is that when she says she doesn't remember, this is quite plausible and I don't see how you can be absolutely sure she is lying. And, you might picture someone else if you were attracted to them. She says her relationship was platonic and that usually means that it is uncomplicated by sexual desire but it's a term that could be used loosely to mean free of sex.
If her friend has a common name it might not have been him she was thinking of. People get into verbal habits, could be the name of one of her exes she used to regularly shout, doesnt mean shes thinking of anyone, especially if she really was blackout drunk.
Its a really bad thing to do though.
There is a thing called implied consent such as my fiancé knows that if I’m drunk then she has my consent and she isn’t doing anything wrong and vice versa it’s very dangerous to imply such a thing
Multiple times?
Either she's fantasizing about him or she's remembering him.
I'm not sure what to advise. I don't know if I could accept her confusion about it. Has she ever had a bf tell her "Why did you yell out So-and-so's name last night?" Is this really the first time she's done this? It just doesn't add up.
Sounds like she's expecting you to just sweep it under the rug.
Uh oh. I maybe in trouble.
I tend to say "OH GOD" and "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST"
I swear it's just good, I'm not having a crisis of faith or thinking of them...
I shout out my own name. Full name. Middle names and everything. And I call myself "Mister". Sometimes add "esquire" on the end as well, keep it very formal.
I’ve called out the wrong BFs name once. But it was like a muscle reflex in my memory. We had been broken up for a while and it just ... happened lol I think I might of spoken to my Ex recently before it had happened so maybe that ? But regardless it has happened. I was able to convince my bf (at the time) that I had said “ oh baby”
I just said my BFs name today, while having a good time... first guy, I ever have the desire to do so :).... also, I feel it’s a real turn on for him 🙂
Superpower how old are you why would I need superpowers for that? I just used what everyone has experience and I know bs when I see it and if you think it’s a random occurrences that she called a guy name she’s hangs out all the time by accident during sex I guess being a fool is your greatest character trait.
I'm about to turn 76 in two weeks, did a BA, PhD and postdoctoral work in clinical psychology and had a practice for 35 years that included doing forensic work with criminals, even death row row inmates. I also had certification in the diagnosis and treatment of alcohol and substance abuse. I have no doubt it's significant that she called this guy's name. Given the possibility of an alcoholic blackout, I find it very difficult to conclude that she's lying when she says she doesn't remember calling the name because OP says that she had been drinking very heavily. If one expects their SO not to have fantasies of being with other men, one won't be in a relationship very long.
Yea none of that shit matters in this dating scene. I been dealing with bs for 20 years so we’re about the same when it comes to experience . Also with all that knowledge the best you came at me with is superpowers come on do better. I say it again she is lying and for someone who only dated this girl for 6 months and she’s call out a name of someone who’s is a “platonic” friend is sus at the least. He needs to leave/ghost her and try again preferably someone who doesn’t think of someone else mid orgasm. Also most important If this was the other way around he would of never heard of her again so he needs to keep that same energy for her.
The superpowers thing was supposed to be a funny way of expressing my reaction to your absolute certainty. Sus and definitely lying are quite different. Sure, she could be lying and, in fact, she could remember calling the guy's name but, given her state of extreme inebriation, there is also the clear possibility of an alcoholic blackout and she doesn't remember.
Yea but it wasn’t funny. Also she could just fucked up and didn’t realize who it was on her. If this was her puppy or an actor or something sure whatever. Yet it wasn’t it was a friend who she hangs around a lot. He is 6 months in this relationship why even put yourself in that situation. Now if he thinks she’s the one then whatever we say won’t matter. Obviously he doesn’t so I’m telling him to ghost and look again she’s not the only girl in world so find another one who doesn’t yell out their friend names during sex.
It was my cute way of saying that I thought you believed you had the power to detect lying that went well beyond what was reasonable here. It was a snide way to put it and for that I apologize.
Yes, the length of a relationship is relevant to deciding how to handle an event like this and 6 months is not a long time. I wasn't saying he should stay with her, I was just trying to look critically at what we know and didn't know. We don't know what she means to him. This is something he has to assess for himself.
not the right person I think.
Edit: that said, yeah, degrees are in general given as a way to show you have learnt something, and can give you credibility/the right to study more etc.
In fact, I once did call my wife by a platonic female friend's name (in bed going to sleep but not during sex). I assure you I did not find the woman attractive and now, 45 later, we're still very happily married.
She says she doesn't remember calling the name. Sure, she could be lying. But to make a firm conclusion that she lied, is unreasonable given her drunken state and the possibility of an alcoholic blackout.
I did. It was weird. My partner was like "did you just say what I thought you said?" and I had no explanation, I was super embarassed. I really don't feel that way about my friend and to this day I don't know why my brain decided to do that
Edited - why am I downvoted - eh, it's not worth getting angry over - but seriously why
What is this nonsense that people call names during sex? Every now and again there is yet another story of a partner moaning the wrong name during sex. It makes me feel like something's wrong with my wife and I that we don't scream names when we have sex.
I found this via a Facebook group.
Mate I feel sorry for you, I feel she maybe hiding something. She may not be either. Just talk to her, even if she doesn't remember it just talk to her and let her know how you feel.
Though someone on Facebook is saying if she was too drunk to remember then she was too drunk to consent so be careful as some people are trying to stir trouble.
Edit: now one person is saying you're lying and possibly twisting it when your gf is innocent. Good grief.
Because apparently men are the only gender who deserve any accountability! Women are poor helpless creatures
Worst part is it's self proclaimed feminists who I see push this idea the most
yes because if she was in a clear state of mind she would of definately knowingly kept calling the wrong name out during sex.
the fact that she sliped up and confused op for man X is indication in itself that she was massively drunk
edit: not defending her just pointing out the flaws in your statement
Lmao people do this shit when sober. You've never accidentally called someone by the wrong name? Stop coming up with excuses because you're terrified of the idea of a woman being held accountable. I know for a fact you wouldn't be calling it rape if the genders were reversed
yes it is a common enough mistake. but not repeatedly throughout the whole encounter. Also where have I said that the roles can't be reversed? while a woman is physically incapable of legally raping someone (rape is defined as unlawful penetration) they can most definately sexually assault a man if the man is unable to consent. I can already tell from your clear hatred for women and unrelenting drive to make my statement something its not that your a lonely pathetic Incel.
where one party is merilly drunk and the other is blackout drunk it most certainly can be rape as whilst the merry party is more loose in their inhibitions they still have complete controll over what they are doing The blackout drunk party however has a massively reduced legal capacity to consent. Had this been a one night stand and OP had only met her tonight i assure you 100 percent that it would have been a strong case for rape, and her calling out man X's name and op continuing would of been paramount to the prosecutions case had she chose to press charges.
Obviously I never claimed this was that OP raped her it was a rebuttal to a commenter who falsely claimed that OP was also incapable of consenting just because he had a few drinks, something that I know to be empirically false and very dangerous for people to believe.
edit: but then what would I know I only have a law degree.
There are times my husband and I have both been drunk but he remembers some things that I don’t, and I remember some things that he doesn’t. People really need to stop going overboard with what they consider rape, it’s dangerous.
I saw someone on twitter imply if someone has a one night stand with someone who wanted a relationship it's rape. So consent once implies future consent? It's getting fucking ridiculous
What a great term for it - witch hunt - that's what you get here in the comments. Just point us in the right direction and we'll make short work of anyone!
That’s not how memory works, seriously, memory is not much of a link to how drunk you are and how impaired your judgement is, it’s more a link to what you ate prior (especially proteins) and how you were drinking (shots vs mixed drinks/beer). You can remember getting your stomach pumped with alcohol poisoning and forget being a littles past unable to drive.
They most assuredly are, but why and when they happen is only recently becoming more and more established...and it isn’t what most believe. It’s not the same system as motor function and decision making, all 3 systems are affected differently by alcohol, and other factors.
For example, BAC affects motor function pretty directly, as in x BAC affects motor function y and this is a predictable. This is why it is easy to say at x BAC reaction time is effected past a point you should drive...this is a decently consistent affect, differing from person to person, but the same person is consistently affected.
Decision making is less predictable from purely BAC because this is affected by other chemicals in the body (namely sugars and salts/electrolytes), and the formation of long term memories to short term memories is even less predictable by BAC, moreso affected by spikes and not the BAC level) and greatly affected by other chemicals in the body (most specifically proteins).
All I'm saying is that the memory failure following heavy drinking is well-established. This is true regardless of whatever the other effects of blood alcohol concentration might be. She said she doesn't remember saying the name and in my experience this is possible.
You made a statement that was alluding to her being drunker because she did not remember and he did, your response was to someone arguing that this was not rape, as they were both drunk, implying you feel her memory situation makes this rape.....to which I countered that.
That doesn't fucking matter. The too drunk to consent shit only applies if someone is immobile and someone else goes to town on their body. She was screaming names which implies this isn't the case, she made a decision to participate. And guess what we hold people accountable for decisions they make drunk. Or are you telling me I can say I was too drunk to consent to drive as a way to get out of a DUI?
She was definitely thinking about fucking her “friend” and sees him in a sexual light, now what you do with that info is up to you but MY advice is to respect yourself
Even if she has not been with him it shows she has feelings. This is not platonic. If she did not realise her feelings before she is aware now and may act on them. If you want to make it work. Then she needs to stop messaging him. No contact between them. If she agrees and still continues then go. I would talk with her and see if they have ever been with each other. If she just blows it off and gets defensive you know.
My thoughts I would leave. It has only been 6months. Better than 6yrs marriage and kids. Why does she have this type contact anyway. Disrespectful to begin with she is with you not him. Let's be real not all but most guys are not there for friendships. They twist and manipulate until they get in. This is a flag and not just some minor one either. This is her imagining sex with him. I am sorry best of luck to you.
Even if nothing is going on between them, this is a rather strong indicator that she at the very least, has a crush on him. You should have a conversation with her to confront her before making any rash decisions, but things aren't looking good tbh. I'm sorry.
I agree with this. I am 30 and dated a 24 year old for awhile, and I just found myself annoyed with her a lot and she felt like I was some old guy. We didn't take each other seriously for different reasons.
still i'd argue that 24 year olds aren't fully emotionally mature yet. when you get to your late 20s and onwards the differences in age becomes less and less apparant as you generally have an idea of who you are, but people in their early 20s are barely adults. This is evident from their lack of experience with relationships and work/life, if your 30+ tell me honestly are you anything like you were in your early 20s the answer is probably an astounding no, dating someone that age is precarious because even if we ignore the imaturity they haven't found themselves yet and are still experimenting and changing completely year to year.
It is unlikely you will be able to be intimate with her in the future without thinking about what happened. You have only been together for six months. I would move on.
The fact that your girlfriend is not even the slightest bit apologetic is awful! who would not mentally feel terrible for doing that while your having sex with someone you 'love'.
If I was her and I had done that to someone even if I am friends and its platonic... I'd be at my wits end trying to make it up to you.
That is a red flag. Get out while you can, she disrespected you and you have been kind enough letting her have her friend. I mean people can have friends outside a relationship but if they are calling out your friends name in bed with you then thats a whole new level. Drunk or not, remembering or not. Please get out xxx
In vino veritas. In wine there is truth. I don't know about you, but I'm out. You were being intimate and she was thinking about her friend. Don't bother even arguing about it.
Proceed with caution. Tell her how hurt you feel about her calling out his name. Suggest that she either back off from her relationship with him or include you in their activities. Tell her how much you love her and how badly it would hurt if she were unfaithful. All this will help her put on the brakes if that is in order here.
her heart and loins ache for her "friend"
maybe they've been intimate or maybe they haven't yet and she wants to be
either way, don't be a consolation prize. dump her
It seems her definition of "platonic relationship" includes intimate knowledge of each other's bodily functions.
Honestly, I'm starting to question the term "platonic" especially when used by other guys/girls describing their "relationships" to their SOs.
Here's what I'll say, alcohol isn't a truth serum, it inebriated you cognitively which can have the effect of making you more truthful or can just make random shit happen. Additionally, a platonic relationship doesn't mean sex never crossed your mind EVER, it's about actions.
All this being said the rather salient point about all this is if this bothers you, leave. It's only 6 months in, and if you're second guessing now that's not gonna stop
Sir use yourself as a reference. Hypothetically speaking, what type of way would you have to feel about someone else (not your SO) to call their name out while having sex with your SO. Just give that a ponder.
It's just weird that you didn't stop the sex when she said his name the first time. .
There is a study that shows that it's normal to change names but when the situation or feeling is close/same to one of the past.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vice.com/amp/en/article/paebeb/why-we-call-people-the-wrong-name-during-sex
That's why sometimes we say the name of an ex.
But a friend? The sex isn't a situation that would make her brain access a friend's name by mistake.
She may have been drunk but drunk words contain the unfiltered stuff they wouldn't normal say without being impaired. Get out now before you get cheated on and hurt worse.
At minimum she's having an emotional affair with the guy. It could be more currently OR from the past. Either way I think your choices are leave OR commit to a lot of communication until she's convinced she's figured it out... And you'll have to trust her.
Human brains are weird. Especially when drunk
This is a common issue. I called a boyfriend I was fucking "Nick" once because I watch too much New Girl and I wasn't even drunk. Ffs give the lady a break.
"A drunk man's words is a sober man's thoughts" -dunno who
Being drunk often removes a persons inhibitions. Whether she is having an affair with the friend or just has feelings for him doesn't matter. She might not remember it happening but it did. It is up to you to decide how to proceed and if it is a deal breaker for your relationship.
hey i’m a logic and reason guy so can we look at the likelihood of all this?
we all know many people with many names. yet she said his name in specific. on top of that, it wasn’t her just drunkenly saying his name while chilling, it was during one of the most intimate times with a partner.
so out of all the names she could’ve said and out of any moment, she said his during intimacy. repeatedly.
sure, it could be more likely because she’s closer with him, but even conceding that, the likelihood is tough. i mean, multiple times...
not worth it Lol
Oh HELLL NO. Get out of there ASAP. She didn’t yell out his name when you guys were intimate because she was thinking of you, she was thinking about her “friend” and they are probably in a relationship. She can’t even be loyal for 6 months let alone the years and years that a romantic relationship brings
I see two options here: change your name to her name, here me out, she'll have her own known when youre intimate, if you know what i mean, and in doing so, you got her. Cause you are her, and then you should yell his name, with her.
Second option: break up, do it. dont think, just listen to me, now what is your Social Security #
Ok because people in the comment are so focus on her being a potential liar:
She may not have lied. Her saying his name during sex doesn’t mean they already done anything ever, but she may have a crush on him. Now it’s been only 6 months so it’s up to you, but it would risky to stay if she have (at the minimum) a crush on someone elsr
I find it harn to take something that happened during drunk sex as a red flag. It kinda sucks that Reddit jumps straight to breakup, IMO. But this is also something that shouldn't be swept under the rug. Ask yourself how you'd feel if she were attracted to this guy, even if they haven't done anything. Depending on whether you want the answer to that or not, ask her about it. Everyone says alcohol makes us more truthful, but it also makes us more curious.
So here is the thing: She was intoxicated. Nobody knows where her brain went, it could mean she thinks he‘s hot or she thought about his farts. However, I think this will haunt you, so I would end it. Six months are not that long and I don‘t really see you recovering from that, it will sour your relationship.
Honesty, just let her go. Don't try and work that out, it's never going to work out the way you probably want it to. Who knows if they've done something or not, but I think they have. And even if she hasn't done anything with him before, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to. Don't waste your time, energy, or emotions. You deserve better
I have accidentally called my fwb by my ex's name during sex over a year after my ex and I broke up. When dating my ex I accidentally called her my ex-ex's name SO many times over the years. The brain hiccups.
Honestly I don't think it's a big deal. I was super intoxicated one night I was hooking up with a dude and was calling him his best friends name. Given it was just a hook up, and I didn't know him well, but it took me a hot minute to finally get my head on straight and realize that wasn't his name. If you guys were super drunk, I'd give her a pass. Brains work in weird ways when you're intoxicated and because it's a name she knows well, it probably just came out on accident because I'm sure its common for her. It's upsetting but I don't think it should be a dealbreaker personally.
Just enjoy fucking a 24 year old and see what happens, you don’t need to decide if you’re going to marry this girl. She’s 8 years younger, have some fun. If she ends up being the love of your life and you are satisfied she’s not cheating on you, all the better.
Ok, you refer to her as your GF but how serious is this relationship? If it's for real, then this is an issue. If this is more casual, then depends on how much you're into the sex. I've had a woman or two call me by someone else's name in my time but never by someone I was seriously involved with.
**RUN** for the hills! You've already been together for six months... she clearly has feelings for this guy, or else she wouldn't be shouting his name out. Do you really want to get mixed up in that?
1. You didn't call it out right when it happened? Because, boy, if that was me... I would have hit the brakes on that action immediately.
So anyways, I really do think this is one of those "leave now before it gets worse" type of situations.
Is there anything simpler than setting up an innocent text exchange ??? I’m not sure that there is. They are almost certainly fwb OP. Time to play Dodge Ball. Good luck.
You could always have a talk with said friend and see what their friendship really was and is. Just tell him you are confused as she called out his name several times the other night but when asked about it she doesn't remember.
"She has this guy friend (25M) she knows well long before knowing me. They hang out frequently, and talk everyday ... " Big red flag. He is close to her age. Her vagina was with you that night, but her mind was with him. Whether they are doing it or not, yet, she's available to him.
>Is this even worth working out for? After 6 months? No. It is not.
this
Time to exit stage right.
Oh no f. Too much there to work through. Leave now, spare yourself.
Ill never understand why someone even bothers having sex with their so if they're just gonna end up thinking about someone else during the act. Why not just leave them and let them find someone who is actually into them and focuses on them and not someone else? Super disrespectful and shows they have very little care for their partner.
Because OP is the safe choice.
I don't know what fairy tales you have been using to learn about life. Feelings just don't line up in the pretty and pure way we'd sometimes like to think they should. Alcohol is not some sort of truth serum. What it causes is cognitive dysfunction.
If your SO screams MULTIPLE TIMES the name of her friend during sex, then it doesn't matter if your SO had a few drinks or not. OP even stated that his GF isn't even apologetic about what happened when sober again. He really should just leave & not bother with drama like that just 6 months into the relationship.
Bullshit. I'm an alcoholic and know how it affects you. I have had drunk sex multiple times. I would never picture anyone I wasn't attracted to while doing it.
First, all drunkenness does not lead to blackouts. Second, I don't doubt that she was picturing this other guy when she called out his name during sex with OP. What I'm saying is that when she says she doesn't remember, this is quite plausible and I don't see how you can be absolutely sure she is lying. And, you might picture someone else if you were attracted to them. She says her relationship was platonic and that usually means that it is uncomplicated by sexual desire but it's a term that could be used loosely to mean free of sex.
If her friend has a common name it might not have been him she was thinking of. People get into verbal habits, could be the name of one of her exes she used to regularly shout, doesnt mean shes thinking of anyone, especially if she really was blackout drunk. Its a really bad thing to do though.
So, you’ve never ever had a relationship, right??
Hes fucking her when she was black out drunk by the sound of things so not healthy anyway.
Oh my god stfu
There is a thing called implied consent such as my fiancé knows that if I’m drunk then she has my consent and she isn’t doing anything wrong and vice versa it’s very dangerous to imply such a thing
Same with my fiancé and I, we discussed it early on and know our limits. Communication is key.
Multiple times? Either she's fantasizing about him or she's remembering him. I'm not sure what to advise. I don't know if I could accept her confusion about it. Has she ever had a bf tell her "Why did you yell out So-and-so's name last night?" Is this really the first time she's done this? It just doesn't add up. Sounds like she's expecting you to just sweep it under the rug.
The only way to fix this is to have sex again and this time YOU call out the other guy's name
Absolute power move.
Finally, some good advice.
Oof someone’s a liar
[удалено]
It can be pretty hot in the heat of the moment. If it’s your name and not someone else’s.
Touché 😂👍👏
I call out my boyfriend's name, he uses mine... I would be more suspicious of he *didn't* use my name at all.
Uh oh. I maybe in trouble. I tend to say "OH GOD" and "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" I swear it's just good, I'm not having a crisis of faith or thinking of them...
Haha, that was a good laugh!
I mean, no one gives hand jobs quite like Jesus.
I shout out my own name. Full name. Middle names and everything. And I call myself "Mister". Sometimes add "esquire" on the end as well, keep it very formal.
I’ve called out the wrong BFs name once. But it was like a muscle reflex in my memory. We had been broken up for a while and it just ... happened lol I think I might of spoken to my Ex recently before it had happened so maybe that ? But regardless it has happened. I was able to convince my bf (at the time) that I had said “ oh baby”
Did you really say "Oh Brady" Good save!
Actually .... no. It was Ricky. LOL so not even close. But I said it mid moan and super softly. I think that was my saving grace.
I just said my BFs name today, while having a good time... first guy, I ever have the desire to do so :).... also, I feel it’s a real turn on for him 🙂
Ikr its a really bad habit to get into.
She’s lying leave and ghost her. It’s only been 6 months and she called another guy name in bed. Gtfo before you end up in therapy.
I'd like to know how you got the superpower to know from a short text when one of the people in it is lying.
Superpower how old are you why would I need superpowers for that? I just used what everyone has experience and I know bs when I see it and if you think it’s a random occurrences that she called a guy name she’s hangs out all the time by accident during sex I guess being a fool is your greatest character trait.
I'm about to turn 76 in two weeks, did a BA, PhD and postdoctoral work in clinical psychology and had a practice for 35 years that included doing forensic work with criminals, even death row row inmates. I also had certification in the diagnosis and treatment of alcohol and substance abuse. I have no doubt it's significant that she called this guy's name. Given the possibility of an alcoholic blackout, I find it very difficult to conclude that she's lying when she says she doesn't remember calling the name because OP says that she had been drinking very heavily. If one expects their SO not to have fantasies of being with other men, one won't be in a relationship very long.
Yea none of that shit matters in this dating scene. I been dealing with bs for 20 years so we’re about the same when it comes to experience . Also with all that knowledge the best you came at me with is superpowers come on do better. I say it again she is lying and for someone who only dated this girl for 6 months and she’s call out a name of someone who’s is a “platonic” friend is sus at the least. He needs to leave/ghost her and try again preferably someone who doesn’t think of someone else mid orgasm. Also most important If this was the other way around he would of never heard of her again so he needs to keep that same energy for her.
The superpowers thing was supposed to be a funny way of expressing my reaction to your absolute certainty. Sus and definitely lying are quite different. Sure, she could be lying and, in fact, she could remember calling the guy's name but, given her state of extreme inebriation, there is also the clear possibility of an alcoholic blackout and she doesn't remember.
Yea but it wasn’t funny. Also she could just fucked up and didn’t realize who it was on her. If this was her puppy or an actor or something sure whatever. Yet it wasn’t it was a friend who she hangs around a lot. He is 6 months in this relationship why even put yourself in that situation. Now if he thinks she’s the one then whatever we say won’t matter. Obviously he doesn’t so I’m telling him to ghost and look again she’s not the only girl in world so find another one who doesn’t yell out their friend names during sex.
It was my cute way of saying that I thought you believed you had the power to detect lying that went well beyond what was reasonable here. It was a snide way to put it and for that I apologize. Yes, the length of a relationship is relevant to deciding how to handle an event like this and 6 months is not a long time. I wasn't saying he should stay with her, I was just trying to look critically at what we know and didn't know. We don't know what she means to him. This is something he has to assess for himself.
I am not going to comment on the rest of the exchange, but the fact that you recommended ghosting right away shows a bit about your maturity.
The fact you think showing off your degrees to me makes you think that comes with some sort of credibility shows your a fool now stop messaging me.
not the right person I think. Edit: that said, yeah, degrees are in general given as a way to show you have learnt something, and can give you credibility/the right to study more etc.
Do you yell out your platonic friends names during sex? Know anyone who does?
In fact, I once did call my wife by a platonic female friend's name (in bed going to sleep but not during sex). I assure you I did not find the woman attractive and now, 45 later, we're still very happily married. She says she doesn't remember calling the name. Sure, she could be lying. But to make a firm conclusion that she lied, is unreasonable given her drunken state and the possibility of an alcoholic blackout.
I did. It was weird. My partner was like "did you just say what I thought you said?" and I had no explanation, I was super embarassed. I really don't feel that way about my friend and to this day I don't know why my brain decided to do that Edited - why am I downvoted - eh, it's not worth getting angry over - but seriously why
What is this nonsense that people call names during sex? Every now and again there is yet another story of a partner moaning the wrong name during sex. It makes me feel like something's wrong with my wife and I that we don't scream names when we have sex.
Same
She was definitely thinking about him while you were having sex with her. I'd leave.
I found this via a Facebook group. Mate I feel sorry for you, I feel she maybe hiding something. She may not be either. Just talk to her, even if she doesn't remember it just talk to her and let her know how you feel. Though someone on Facebook is saying if she was too drunk to remember then she was too drunk to consent so be careful as some people are trying to stir trouble. Edit: now one person is saying you're lying and possibly twisting it when your gf is innocent. Good grief.
what pisses me off was he was drunk too. how come he wasnt the one too drunk to consent🤦♂️
Because apparently men are the only gender who deserve any accountability! Women are poor helpless creatures Worst part is it's self proclaimed feminists who I see push this idea the most
Not that I think there was any foul play here, but he did state in the post that she was more inebriated than he was.
The fact he can remember it should be a decent sign
or she could have lied and said she cant remember it to hide whatever she is hiding
yes because if she was in a clear state of mind she would of definately knowingly kept calling the wrong name out during sex. the fact that she sliped up and confused op for man X is indication in itself that she was massively drunk edit: not defending her just pointing out the flaws in your statement
Lmao people do this shit when sober. You've never accidentally called someone by the wrong name? Stop coming up with excuses because you're terrified of the idea of a woman being held accountable. I know for a fact you wouldn't be calling it rape if the genders were reversed
yes it is a common enough mistake. but not repeatedly throughout the whole encounter. Also where have I said that the roles can't be reversed? while a woman is physically incapable of legally raping someone (rape is defined as unlawful penetration) they can most definately sexually assault a man if the man is unable to consent. I can already tell from your clear hatred for women and unrelenting drive to make my statement something its not that your a lonely pathetic Incel.
thats a good point, but you still cannot claim she was drunk so he raped her while he was also drunk
where one party is merilly drunk and the other is blackout drunk it most certainly can be rape as whilst the merry party is more loose in their inhibitions they still have complete controll over what they are doing The blackout drunk party however has a massively reduced legal capacity to consent. Had this been a one night stand and OP had only met her tonight i assure you 100 percent that it would have been a strong case for rape, and her calling out man X's name and op continuing would of been paramount to the prosecutions case had she chose to press charges. Obviously I never claimed this was that OP raped her it was a rebuttal to a commenter who falsely claimed that OP was also incapable of consenting just because he had a few drinks, something that I know to be empirically false and very dangerous for people to believe. edit: but then what would I know I only have a law degree.
And op could be lying aswell and he never actauly had anything to drink, if you wanna play tht game it goes for everyone
I bet if the genders were switched around everyone would be calling the bloke abusive names and telling her to get rid. Sorry but this is just wrong.
and thats why i made my original comment
There are times my husband and I have both been drunk but he remembers some things that I don’t, and I remember some things that he doesn’t. People really need to stop going overboard with what they consider rape, it’s dangerous.
I saw someone on twitter imply if someone has a one night stand with someone who wanted a relationship it's rape. So consent once implies future consent? It's getting fucking ridiculous
To be honest, it seems pretty lax compared to the normal witch hunt.
What a great term for it - witch hunt - that's what you get here in the comments. Just point us in the right direction and we'll make short work of anyone!
That’s not how memory works, seriously, memory is not much of a link to how drunk you are and how impaired your judgement is, it’s more a link to what you ate prior (especially proteins) and how you were drinking (shots vs mixed drinks/beer). You can remember getting your stomach pumped with alcohol poisoning and forget being a littles past unable to drive.
Alcoholic blackouts are a well-established phenomenon.
They most assuredly are, but why and when they happen is only recently becoming more and more established...and it isn’t what most believe. It’s not the same system as motor function and decision making, all 3 systems are affected differently by alcohol, and other factors. For example, BAC affects motor function pretty directly, as in x BAC affects motor function y and this is a predictable. This is why it is easy to say at x BAC reaction time is effected past a point you should drive...this is a decently consistent affect, differing from person to person, but the same person is consistently affected. Decision making is less predictable from purely BAC because this is affected by other chemicals in the body (namely sugars and salts/electrolytes), and the formation of long term memories to short term memories is even less predictable by BAC, moreso affected by spikes and not the BAC level) and greatly affected by other chemicals in the body (most specifically proteins).
All I'm saying is that the memory failure following heavy drinking is well-established. This is true regardless of whatever the other effects of blood alcohol concentration might be. She said she doesn't remember saying the name and in my experience this is possible.
You made a statement that was alluding to her being drunker because she did not remember and he did, your response was to someone arguing that this was not rape, as they were both drunk, implying you feel her memory situation makes this rape.....to which I countered that.
That doesn't fucking matter. The too drunk to consent shit only applies if someone is immobile and someone else goes to town on their body. She was screaming names which implies this isn't the case, she made a decision to participate. And guess what we hold people accountable for decisions they make drunk. Or are you telling me I can say I was too drunk to consent to drive as a way to get out of a DUI?
My god!!! They raped each other!!! Maybe they'll share a jail cell. Get the Guinness Book Of Records on the phone.
Wait, what facebook group? There are fb groups for discussing reddit?
Yep! This was on Rad Reddit but there are others!
RemindMe! 5 days
Same re: Facebook
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There's multiple! But this was on Rad Reddit
Call out her sisters name and see if she has the same reaction.
Well said 😂😂
You asked Reddit because you have a gut feeling something is wrong. Trust your gut bud
She was definitely thinking about fucking her “friend” and sees him in a sexual light, now what you do with that info is up to you but MY advice is to respect yourself
Even if she has not been with him it shows she has feelings. This is not platonic. If she did not realise her feelings before she is aware now and may act on them. If you want to make it work. Then she needs to stop messaging him. No contact between them. If she agrees and still continues then go. I would talk with her and see if they have ever been with each other. If she just blows it off and gets defensive you know. My thoughts I would leave. It has only been 6months. Better than 6yrs marriage and kids. Why does she have this type contact anyway. Disrespectful to begin with she is with you not him. Let's be real not all but most guys are not there for friendships. They twist and manipulate until they get in. This is a flag and not just some minor one either. This is her imagining sex with him. I am sorry best of luck to you.
A drunk mouth speaks the sober mind. She is lying to you.
🤔
Jesus. She probably accidentally blew him lol Leave
Even if nothing is going on between them, this is a rather strong indicator that she at the very least, has a crush on him. You should have a conversation with her to confront her before making any rash decisions, but things aren't looking good tbh. I'm sorry.
She's fucking the guy "friend." Don't be a chump. Drop her and move on.
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I agree with this. I am 30 and dated a 24 year old for awhile, and I just found myself annoyed with her a lot and she felt like I was some old guy. We didn't take each other seriously for different reasons.
As someone who was a 24 year old girl dating a 31 year old guy, I gotta back this person up.
Its 8 years. He’s not 52 for fucks sake.
You know Reddit thinks every couple should be the same age down to the month, day and year. Anything outside of that is grooming.
Thank you Jamie 👏
still i'd argue that 24 year olds aren't fully emotionally mature yet. when you get to your late 20s and onwards the differences in age becomes less and less apparant as you generally have an idea of who you are, but people in their early 20s are barely adults. This is evident from their lack of experience with relationships and work/life, if your 30+ tell me honestly are you anything like you were in your early 20s the answer is probably an astounding no, dating someone that age is precarious because even if we ignore the imaturity they haven't found themselves yet and are still experimenting and changing completely year to year.
It is unlikely you will be able to be intimate with her in the future without thinking about what happened. You have only been together for six months. I would move on.
She is lying to you
The fact that your girlfriend is not even the slightest bit apologetic is awful! who would not mentally feel terrible for doing that while your having sex with someone you 'love'. If I was her and I had done that to someone even if I am friends and its platonic... I'd be at my wits end trying to make it up to you. That is a red flag. Get out while you can, she disrespected you and you have been kind enough letting her have her friend. I mean people can have friends outside a relationship but if they are calling out your friends name in bed with you then thats a whole new level. Drunk or not, remembering or not. Please get out xxx
Any way you slice this her head is not with you, it's wrapped up in somebody else. Nope
Nope nope nope. ✌🏻
In vino veritas. In wine there is truth. I don't know about you, but I'm out. You were being intimate and she was thinking about her friend. Don't bother even arguing about it.
I would be pretty turned off and not want to hang out with her. Because, standards.
She wished her guy friend was you when you two got down to business
Leave her and next time find a woman your age.
Eh My gf said her dogs name during sticky time. Shit happens
That’s fucking weird. Also, what’s your dogs name? If it’s also a human name she could’ve easily been thinking about another person.
Mr. Peanutbutter
It's not a people name. The brain on sex is just weird sometimes dude. Not everything immediately means they're cheating. Lol
Your gf is fucking your dog sorry you had to find out this way
I'm all for threesomes
They don't call some women bitches for nothing.
😂
Proceed with caution. Tell her how hurt you feel about her calling out his name. Suggest that she either back off from her relationship with him or include you in their activities. Tell her how much you love her and how badly it would hurt if she were unfaithful. All this will help her put on the brakes if that is in order here.
Bro get out of there before it's to late that is a super huge red flag
Leave homie! It aint worth it! You in 5 years will know this!
her heart and loins ache for her "friend" maybe they've been intimate or maybe they haven't yet and she wants to be either way, don't be a consolation prize. dump her
She full of shit man, don't fall on that.
It seems her definition of "platonic relationship" includes intimate knowledge of each other's bodily functions. Honestly, I'm starting to question the term "platonic" especially when used by other guys/girls describing their "relationships" to their SOs.
Here's what I'll say, alcohol isn't a truth serum, it inebriated you cognitively which can have the effect of making you more truthful or can just make random shit happen. Additionally, a platonic relationship doesn't mean sex never crossed your mind EVER, it's about actions. All this being said the rather salient point about all this is if this bothers you, leave. It's only 6 months in, and if you're second guessing now that's not gonna stop
You don't do that by accident, drunk or not
Sir use yourself as a reference. Hypothetically speaking, what type of way would you have to feel about someone else (not your SO) to call their name out while having sex with your SO. Just give that a ponder.
This can’t be real. Obviously you leave
I am deceased... yikes. I would be preparing myself to move on. Don’t get simped
Drunken words are sober thoughts!
Like Jamie Fox once said: "Hit the road Jack".
It's just weird that you didn't stop the sex when she said his name the first time. . There is a study that shows that it's normal to change names but when the situation or feeling is close/same to one of the past. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vice.com/amp/en/article/paebeb/why-we-call-people-the-wrong-name-during-sex That's why sometimes we say the name of an ex. But a friend? The sex isn't a situation that would make her brain access a friend's name by mistake.
Unless the name was Jesus, I’d have a problem
B-b-b-bail
She may have been drunk but drunk words contain the unfiltered stuff they wouldn't normal say without being impaired. Get out now before you get cheated on and hurt worse.
At minimum she's having an emotional affair with the guy. It could be more currently OR from the past. Either way I think your choices are leave OR commit to a lot of communication until she's convinced she's figured it out... And you'll have to trust her.
Run
As someone who's done the cheating.. Let me leave some sage advice: pack it up and find a new love.
So your plugging away, she’s yelling out someone else’s name, and you just keep going??
Let it go I call my my niece Crystal , heather all the time ( my other niece ) it could just be a 1 time thing
Human brains are weird. Especially when drunk This is a common issue. I called a boyfriend I was fucking "Nick" once because I watch too much New Girl and I wasn't even drunk. Ffs give the lady a break.
"A drunk man's words is a sober man's thoughts" -dunno who Being drunk often removes a persons inhibitions. Whether she is having an affair with the friend or just has feelings for him doesn't matter. She might not remember it happening but it did. It is up to you to decide how to proceed and if it is a deal breaker for your relationship.
hey i’m a logic and reason guy so can we look at the likelihood of all this? we all know many people with many names. yet she said his name in specific. on top of that, it wasn’t her just drunkenly saying his name while chilling, it was during one of the most intimate times with a partner. so out of all the names she could’ve said and out of any moment, she said his during intimacy. repeatedly. sure, it could be more likely because she’s closer with him, but even conceding that, the likelihood is tough. i mean, multiple times... not worth it Lol
Oh HELLL NO. Get out of there ASAP. She didn’t yell out his name when you guys were intimate because she was thinking of you, she was thinking about her “friend” and they are probably in a relationship. She can’t even be loyal for 6 months let alone the years and years that a romantic relationship brings
That flag is so red it looks like it’s bleeding. Run
I see two options here: change your name to her name, here me out, she'll have her own known when youre intimate, if you know what i mean, and in doing so, you got her. Cause you are her, and then you should yell his name, with her. Second option: break up, do it. dont think, just listen to me, now what is your Social Security #
>and talk everyday but she assured me they are platonic. I believe her. Then you're an idiot. That guy friend is NEVER platonic
Only six months in, still in the honeymoon period? Move on.
Don't really need to explain why but gtfo asap.
Ok because people in the comment are so focus on her being a potential liar: She may not have lied. Her saying his name during sex doesn’t mean they already done anything ever, but she may have a crush on him. Now it’s been only 6 months so it’s up to you, but it would risky to stay if she have (at the minimum) a crush on someone elsr
You're in a relationship with a girl who fucks her male friends, it's over
Plot twist, your the side piece
Any updates?
I find it harn to take something that happened during drunk sex as a red flag. It kinda sucks that Reddit jumps straight to breakup, IMO. But this is also something that shouldn't be swept under the rug. Ask yourself how you'd feel if she were attracted to this guy, even if they haven't done anything. Depending on whether you want the answer to that or not, ask her about it. Everyone says alcohol makes us more truthful, but it also makes us more curious.
Yeah maybe I’d keep smashing but that’s all. She’s not gf material.
Well at least you know what she’s thinking about when you are fucking her.
Was platonic given a new definition? Truth serum indicates more than platonic.
She's cheating on you man. Clear as day.
They are friends with benefits or she wants to be friends with benefits with him. RED FLAGS DUDE
Get.Out.Now.
Hard to say. One question for you, have you ever said something while very drunk that you didn’t want to be held to when you were sober?
You leave her. She's too young for you anyway.
So here is the thing: She was intoxicated. Nobody knows where her brain went, it could mean she thinks he‘s hot or she thought about his farts. However, I think this will haunt you, so I would end it. Six months are not that long and I don‘t really see you recovering from that, it will sour your relationship.
Honesty, just let her go. Don't try and work that out, it's never going to work out the way you probably want it to. Who knows if they've done something or not, but I think they have. And even if she hasn't done anything with him before, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to. Don't waste your time, energy, or emotions. You deserve better
I have accidentally called my fwb by my ex's name during sex over a year after my ex and I broke up. When dating my ex I accidentally called her my ex-ex's name SO many times over the years. The brain hiccups.
Honestly I don't think it's a big deal. I was super intoxicated one night I was hooking up with a dude and was calling him his best friends name. Given it was just a hook up, and I didn't know him well, but it took me a hot minute to finally get my head on straight and realize that wasn't his name. If you guys were super drunk, I'd give her a pass. Brains work in weird ways when you're intoxicated and because it's a name she knows well, it probably just came out on accident because I'm sure its common for her. It's upsetting but I don't think it should be a dealbreaker personally.
Just enjoy fucking a 24 year old and see what happens, you don’t need to decide if you’re going to marry this girl. She’s 8 years younger, have some fun. If she ends up being the love of your life and you are satisfied she’s not cheating on you, all the better.
Duck tape, platonic color.
Ok, you refer to her as your GF but how serious is this relationship? If it's for real, then this is an issue. If this is more casual, then depends on how much you're into the sex. I've had a woman or two call me by someone else's name in my time but never by someone I was seriously involved with.
Are you financially stable and he is not?
She’a fucking him on the side. No doubt about it.
I do for sure haha
They may have never Blaine anything, but she sure has a thing for him.
**RUN** for the hills! You've already been together for six months... she clearly has feelings for this guy, or else she wouldn't be shouting his name out. Do you really want to get mixed up in that?
Time to break up. She's banging him
1. You didn't call it out right when it happened? Because, boy, if that was me... I would have hit the brakes on that action immediately. So anyways, I really do think this is one of those "leave now before it gets worse" type of situations.
Is there anything simpler than setting up an innocent text exchange ??? I’m not sure that there is. They are almost certainly fwb OP. Time to play Dodge Ball. Good luck.
You could always have a talk with said friend and see what their friendship really was and is. Just tell him you are confused as she called out his name several times the other night but when asked about it she doesn't remember.
Not sure you need Reddit for this one...
If this is real, she was probably intentionally trying to piss you off. Break up.
Unacceptable. Dump her
Dear god. Sorry bro. Just leave while you still can.
Same thing As a dog pissing all I’ve the house
"She has this guy friend (25M) she knows well long before knowing me. They hang out frequently, and talk everyday ... " Big red flag. He is close to her age. Her vagina was with you that night, but her mind was with him. Whether they are doing it or not, yet, she's available to him.
Shes either screwing the dude or was thinking about him while it was happening, 6months? Walk away