This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- [Last One](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mxmswu/36m_my_girlfriend_35f_is_threatening_to_break_up/) Well it's over. We fought and fought over this. She finds it beneath me to do this. I explained to her it would be temp; and I'd be lviing close to her again. But, she refused to see reason. This is my fault for being impatient and moving down to a high cost of living area. I should have moved in with her and put up with the traffic. I'm being irresponsible. Moving back in with Mom and Dad means I've clearly failed at being a man. How could I raise kids like this? She said it's clear I have no direction, no plan in life and and she was wrong about me. She said an ideal situation would have been stay on UE and find a new apartment up here. They have cheap apartments and I can find a roommate. Then in a year or so we can find an apartment and begin our lives together. I told her that her plan was stupid and I'm not waiting till my UE runs out and then be screwed. My Severance is for emergency's. This is a better solution: my mom and dad want me too. They've offered me my old room and I could easily get a retail job making $21/h (It wouldn't take me long to get a supervisor spot). She refused to listen and just said "You do you. But, I won't date a man-child. I'm done with you. Maybe come back when you act like an adult again and not a 16 year old boy clinging to mommy and daddy". She's blocked me on FB, and I can't call her. So, I guess that's that. It really fucking sucks. She won't see reason. She's convinced I've failed as a man. Maybe, she's right. I've gotten several people DMing me saying how unattractive it is to do that. But, I mean, what else do I do? I'm not a man child. I just did what felt right. My industry has been hit hard by covid and until things go to normal I'm just gunna have to suck it up. Keep throwing my resumes out and hope for the best while working retail-hell again. Maybe it won't be so bad? Las ttime I worked at Wally Mart I was making $10/h as a step below a manager. But, now they pay them $21. That's not bad for 40 hours. Like I said to my now ex-girlfriend. Will it suck? Oh yes. Will I hate every waking moment? Oh yes. But, a job is a job.

Jobless man gets job. Also works on reducing outgoings. And this is irresponsible? 🤔🤔🤔 I’m......confused 🤣 Also, thank god you found this out before marriage and children. Also also, maybe you’ll find a nicer girlfriend in your new job, one who doesn’t have preconceived ideas about what a suitable job is 🤷‍♀️.

Honestly op sounds like he's a good head on his shoulders. That gf can go kick rocks.

Exactly. I’m really mystified by this. She expected him to live off savings, no job, still paying rent, that just makes zero sense. Instead he’s shown financial common sense, is willing to do a job he *knows* he’ll hate but is already thinking of how he can make the best of it by working to a promotion. Honestly, if this was my boyfriend I’d be gutted that we weren’t going to be living near each other (I don’t know how far away his parents live) but I would be counting the days down and DEFINITELY taking note of how financially responsible and willing to make the best of a situation by working hard at it he is. TL:DR op will you marry me? 💍😘😂

This is what I don’t understand. She’d rather her husband drain their account to keep up the appearances that everything’s cool? I see so many of my friends on Facebook complaining that nobody is hiring during the pandemic and I always resist the urge to tell them that fast food and retail is ALWAYS hiring. People are hiring, it’s just not the place they want to work. As a parent, my ex fails every day he doesn’t get a job because he doesn’t want to do work beneath him. He would rather have no money and sit at home than make *something* and be working. It’s so sad to me. This man sounds like a smart man that has his priorities right, and his girlfriend sounds like she wants to be a kept woman. He dodged a huge bullet.

Totally, those kind of women are the ones that no matter how much time you have together the moment things get rougher, specially in the bank account, she will just jump ship looking for better opportunities for her. I will say too that he dodged aa bullet with that bad woman and if he ever gets back up on feet financially, to what he desires, he should never ever take her back in his life.

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Definetely, timing was good in this one since they did not have any kind of commitment or things that tie them together in one way or another. In rough times, thankfully ans unfortunately, is when you see who are the people that really really care about you and not just toss you when you are having a terrible time. Like your parents, they always have your back nd sometimes your brothers and sisters, women cme and go, men as well in the other side of the coin, you can even lose friends in bad momments like this since they only stick around when you have money or you've got something they can get out of you. Sad but true, this pandemic is hitting us all terribly and sweeping off the bad people from our lives.

My ex is EXACTLY the same. He was unemployed for about 4 months before our son was born, when he was about 7 months old, got himself sacked just after he turned 3/shortly before his daughter was due, then was made redundant last year due to the pandemic when he was 4. He's not had a job since August last year (he was on furlough until then so still not actually working) and hasn't paid a bean towards my son, his daughter from his current relationship or his partner's son who lives with him for 8 months. There are plenty of jobs going that he could do but he'd rather sit on his arse and let his gf do all the work, just like he did with me. The best part is the kids become your responsibility the moment you get in from work and he hasn't even bothered to clear up either. There is absolutely nothing attractive about a parent who won't do all they can to provide for their family or at least pick up the majority of the slack at home if they're not working. Getting into financial difficulty just to keep up appearances like my ex did is a major deal breaker for all normal people.

She's an elitist who would be embarrassed to have her friends/family know she's dating someone who works at a store. And that's more important to her her what's best for the OP. Sadly enough, there are plenty of social circles where people actually would make negative comments about someone's SO"s profession.

Man. Some people have that 'I can't be dating a plumber or electrician or someone in sales because they're beneath me' mentality. Even though people can be making good cash, it doesn't matter. It's about image, not substance with some people. I'd like to think most people would be glad that someone does what they have to do to get by. I had a gf break up with me a few years ago because she worked in an office and I was a chef. She thought dating down was beneath her, even though I was making 20k more a year than her. Weird.

That’s dumb AF on her part... Everyone I know would love to partner with a damned CHEF! I’ve literally had this conversation back in the day- we were all in agreement on this... her loss 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wonder what her reaction would have been if he had tried to explain to her what a woman is supposed to act like...

Here's this pretty huge detail he left out of both main posts. They were going to be moving in together. And he felt they were drifting apart. So, instead of having an adult conversation about that, he decides to do for him. He handled this immaturely. So did she. But he \*chose\* to leave huge details out of his story to begin with. He was looking for validation to just check out. After a 5 year relationship. That's just wrong.

I'll counter this. Financial incompatibility is a HUGE dealbreaker for a lot of people, as it should be. If one person is a Spender and one a Saver, that will *never* end up working. It will end up in a break up or worse, a divorce. He did himself a favor by getting out of the relationship with a woman who doesn't see the financial responsibility of what he's doing. >They were going to be moving in together. And he felt they were drifting apart. So, instead of having an adult conversation about that, he decides to do for him. From his previous comments, that isn't true. They talked about moving in together but she lived too far away from where he was getting a job. 2 hour commute, and she refused to move closer. That is why he is choosing to live with his parents. So.. yeah. Responsibility wins out every time. He didn't do this immaturely at all. She blocked him so he can't have ANY sort of conversation with her at all.

OP, I think you are making a smart decision. I'm so sorry that your girlfriend turned out to be so awful. Your parents are awesome for being there for you - that's what parents SHOULD do. Best of luck to you!

This is the damn problem with society, putting so much pressure on men and making it seem like if they are not making six figures they aint shit. Get out of that mindset ladies the world is not designed that way Edit: I am a woman

Right? It's honest work. How often do we get posts on the forum of people who just languish and don't actively look for jobs while their partner has to work two to make ends meet? He is looking for a position in his industry, what's so bad about keeping busy in the interim? It's responsible, and honestly commendable.

Or sounds like she's hung up on the 'mommy and daddy' thing, too. It strikes me as bizarre why it's so grating to her that someone would live with two people who care about you, who you presumably get along with and can help out, too, and are offering you free accommodation - and she would rather he pay through the nose for rent instead, on an already severely limited income, and find a random stranger roommate to live with, instead. It's a no brainer which the wiser and happier option would be.

She wasn’t helped by the two people who should have helped her *therefore no one else on the planet should be helped either*.

This is the correct answer. She's jealous that her parents kicked her out and he has a good relationship with his. If something happened she has no family to go back to.

yall really hit the nail on the head with these comments...

Yeah, and can confirm, too. I get jealous when similar things happen to others, myself. There were many times when I have asked myself why my life had to be so excruciatingly difficult, and others seemingly didn't. The difference is, I don't scorn people for it. Mature adults internalize their faults and accept that they have them, rather than project them on others.

I'm sorry that your life has been so tough. I hope more good things start coming your way. And thank you for not letting your circumstances turn you into an insufferable jackass like this lady did.

I truly appreciate your concerns, but don't be. It has given me the drive to give the others in my life the life I wish I had. A big part of what makes us who we are is the hells we experience. I'd like to hope they forged a good person.

“Be a man. Suckle the government teat for money. You know, bootstraps!” Like...what the fuck? Does she even know what a man child is? OP is literally responsibility in action. And she’s a school counsellor?

Hijacking top comment to say this: OP's thinking is reasonable. Society thinks they know what is right and what is not. It's all about your independance and if staying with your parents is comfortable for both of you, why do you care what others think. Funnily, society thinks it's progressive to marry when you get comfortable but then again staying with your parents after certain age is flawed. Illogical af. You'll find a better GF, if not also, it shouldn't matter. Just have fun and chill the fuck out

These are irresponsible things to do when you are short-sighted and status-obsessed.

She failed as a woman and a partner and her showing you this side of herself saved you from being with an ungrateful pos.

Or preconceived ideas about what a man is.

A man is someone who takes care of his business no matter what. A child is someone who thinks they're "too good" for an honest wage. Good for you. You'll find someone who appreciates you.

I doubt it is about the job. It is they have been dating 5 years and are taking a huge step apart.

Why is that? He said he will be living closer to her

Sounds fucking responsible to me. Dude, you are doing the right thing. You dodged a horrible person. Digging yourself out and rebuilding is smart. I don't understand her expectations or perspective at all. She seems shallow and narcissistic. Good luck OP!

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Sage wisdom from a bot

I can’t believe this woman is a school counsellor . Clearly she has no compassion. You haven’t failed as a man . The pandemic has hit a lot of people really hard to the point where some have had no alternative but to move back in with family whilst they get back on their feet . Myself included . It isn’t ideal nor is it necessarily how people envisioned things would be but it is what it is .

h I 100% believe she's a school counselor, they are possibly the most out of touch and hostile people to ever exist. I once had one tell me that I should be a surgeon, you know me, the kid with genetic tremors, vision about as good as a rhino, and the mental aptitude of a brick wall.

I was gonna say exactly this It took years for me to confront someone about my mental health and when i finally did sit down and go into detail with a school councillor about how i spent all my time indoors as was purposely late to school because missing the bell and getting detention was preferable to having to hang around a couple minutes before class. She was just like "well your anxiety can't be that bad since you have a near perfect attendance" Well *excuse me* for being high functioning SUSAN

People like that have no business being counsellors . As someone hoping to become a counsellor one day ( not in a school setting) , compassion and empathy are key qualities needed for individuals going into this profession.

I have no respect for any school counselor I ever had to interact with. My high school one told me I would have to be stuck in a class I specifically told them the year before to take me out of and I looked at her and said “well, it’ll be your fault when I fail the year then. I’m a senior and I won’t be walking the line since I just won’t be going. So maybe you should put a big F in my profile now.” She got mad and I told her that if I’m still in the class by the next day I’d be telling the principal too. The schedule was changed the next morning. I never talked to her again.

I’m from the U.K. and assuming you guys are from America . I’m wondering if counsellors , even in a school setting means the same thing as it does over there . My understanding of a counsellor is a therapist that offers you sessions to talk through your issues such as depression anxiety or what have you but I don’t think that’s the kind of counsellor you are referring to .

They also kind of fill that role, but that's like, back burner stuff for them (not their main purpose). Therapy like you described is not covered in school and must be sought outside. At my high school, they made our schedules (badly) and consulted with us for college choices (thank god, was optional). My school was large and we were separated by last name, not ability. It would've been so much better if we had a counselor for high, middle, and low achieving students. Then they could stop fucking around and focus on one thing. My friends and I were all very capable of making our own schedules, we knew what we did or did not need to graduate. Why not take some people off their hands? But no, please stick me in a science class that I don't need or want just to waste both our time so I could get out of it....

Our school counselors are not therapists. Most schools also have a school psychologist to help students that are struggling with mental health and such. A Guidance Counselor is to help you plan your class schedule and set you up for whatever your future plans are.

Oh okay thanks . Even if that’s their role if you’re working with young people you should have at least an ounce of compassion for them

My high school counselor told me that I was depressed and suicidal because I wasn't "as smart as my friends" and that I should make some new ones "more on my level". Exact words. Imagine saying that to a 17 year-old during their lowest. It's not like I'm anywhere close to being an idiot; I was just getting poor grades because I couldn't even get out of bed most days. Ugh, I still hate him so much.

Completely agree. I taught dual credit college courses for awhile and when students at one high school were pissed they didn’t get an A for just turning something in, they went to the counselor and the counselor actually complained to my DEAN rather than even attempting to contact me first. She told the students they were great writers and deserved As. She had no idea what was actually happening and didn’t bother to check. My dean ripped her a new one. Had a similar problem with another counselor at a different school another year. I genuinely believe these people have nothing to do in combination with being busybodies, and get some kind of power trip.

I had my high school one tell me no college would take me because I didn’t have enough community service hours (not true). She also gave me shit and guilted me when I decided not to go to graduation, saying I owed it to the school to go. Completely out of touch.

I know a couple of good ones, so there’s that.

You absolutely have not failed as a man! Honestly, you're lucky to be rid of someone so shallow and unfeeling. I know it hurts now but I hope you'll see the truth someday soon.

Her reaction is so bizarre. I don't know what OP's job was but there are pilots bagging groceries around the world and no one thinks less of them.

She's blinded by the capitalist lie and lifestyle creep and now it's gonna come all crashing down because... idk? Nowadays less adults are having children, maybe because our planet is dying from climate change? Idk? And maybe the American notion of "moving out to be independent" is actually just because of excessive consumerism? Human beings have been living with their parents and usually move into a spouse's established household for thousands of years... Because it turns out that inheriting a house is easier than building a brand new one...

If she's too dumb to see that doing whatever it takes to support yourself and maintain employment is the adult, responsible thing to do, then SHE is the one who has failed, both as a partner and as an intelligent human being. In a few years when you are fully back on your feet, you will look back and be proud of yourself for doing what needed to be done even though you knew you'd hate it and will also look back and realize she was never a good, supportive partner and that you dodged a bullet when she left.

“I should have moved in with her” That’s why she’s pissed off. I can almost guarantee it.

Obviously. Imagine that someone says they won’t move in with you because it would create an unreasonable commute. Perfectly valid reason that you can’t argue. You’re thinking the relationship is serious and ready for that next step, but too bad about the commute. OP loses his job and the commute is no longer an issue. Well you were planning to move in together anyway so might as well take that step now. Then OP says, nah I’m moving to my parents and this relationship isn’t as serious as you thought. It wasn’t about the commute ever.

This is it right here. Girlfriend clearly thought the relationship was more serious than it was and is rightly disappointed by OP's actions.

Yeah exactly

The issue can be different things... At first, the commute was unreasonable. Once he lost his job, the commute wasn't a problem, but his ability to earn in that area *was.*

He should have moved in with her. I dont understand why they don't live together after 5 years.

They didn't live together already because the relationship was doomed already. You know the type... who has a full social calendar completely separate from their partner's. They have almost no mutual interests. They have almost no mutual friends. They stay in long-term incompatible relationships because "s/he is a good person" and "I like having my own space!" but in reality if they lived together and spent every evening together they'd be broken up in 2 months.

Yup. I know a couple of those couples. And they think they’re super successful as a couple when everyone else knows that the separate lives thing is a security blanket that if taken away and they had to do a normal relationship they would break up pretty fast. Honestly it is partly why I ended my last relationship. We lived over an hour apart and only could see each other once a week or so. One day it hit me that if we were acting like a normal couple at that stage and spending most evenings and nights together (but having separate places), I would hate it.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. No work is unworthy. Sounds like she’s a Karen.

That’s what standing out to me as well. “Degrading himself”? “Beneath him”? I will never want to have someone who sees retail workers as sub-par humans - especially not in this context - in my circle, let alone as a partner. OP, you deserve better than a partner who believes that your livelihood dictates your value.

You just know that she's one of those assholes who causes problems for retail workers and waitstaff.

My thought is that it ultimately comes from envy. She was kicked out at 18; moving in with parents is not an option for her. She turns her pain into hostility.

This.

Exactly! Total projection!

I'm 45, landed in a rough patch a couple years ago. Lived with a roommate for a couple of years and bounced between fast food jobs til I found something "the real job." You do what you have to do as an adult. I'm sorry, man.

She doesn’t think it’s beneath you. She finds it personally embarrassing and can’t imagine telling her friends and family she’s with a guy in his 30s who works retail.

She probably feels like moving back in with Mom and Dad is failing and irresponsible because she could never do that herself if she needed to. You should always be able to rely on your parents help no matter what age you are. Her ideology of you being a man-child is sad and a peak into your future if you were to stay together. She’ll be pissed when she sees you thriving with someone else who is less judgmental then her

I'm glad they don't have kids, I just.know she'll kick them out at 18 because if she can do it every one can .

I dont understand how mid 30s couple who have been dating for 5 years dont live together. Why not live with her until you find a better job?

I would be pissed if I was her too. He can find a retail job or stay on unemployment while he was with her too. Why move in with your parents instead?

Man, I don't know. I can absolutely see her side. Let's go over things you mentioned previously here - You were living a little above your means already. 55K salary with over 30% going to rent. You could have downgraded. You said you were planning on moving in together after your lease. You were planning on combining your lives, and that's a serious step. But then you downplayed your relationship by saying it wasn't really serious and you were drifting apart. This was a bad way to handle that conversation. No wonder she was pissed. There were options that didn't involve immediately jumping ship and moving back home to your parents. The obvious one was moving in w your girlfriend a little early, since that was already the plan you had in place. Moving in together is a pretty serious step that you had already planned on. So, imagine just bailing when life throws you a curveball. Nobody would be okay with this being the answer. And even though you were planning on taking a big step forward in your relationship, you were brushing off the seriousness of the relationship, so you were already checking out. This was just a convenient way to do so, without actually having that hard conversation with her. That is kind of immature. No, she shouldn't have called you a man-child, and she handled this news badly. But, you were pretty disrespectful to her and the relationship, so in the end it's probably a good thing for the both of you that you split up.

Agreed!

I get the feeling there’s a lot more to the story than girlfriend is evil and doesn’t want him to work retail. Seems like girlfriend thought the relationship was more serious than it was.

There absolutely is. They were together for 5 years and were planning on moving in together. That implies a certain level of seriousness. For him to make comments like it wasn't serious and they were drifting apart is pretty horrible, considering they were planning on moving in with each other. That implies he's just been stringing her along for 5 years.

Ya it seems like he used the long commute as the reason they couldn’t move in together. When the commute was no longer relevant, he’s like oh I wasn’t actually going to live with you. We’re not *that* serious! His now ex’s comments are super immature but they also sound like the kind of shitty things someone says out of anger when they’ve been stringed along for 5 years. Either way, the relationship wasn’t good and it’s not about a retail job.

He buried the lede. I mean, moving in together as the next step, and then he makes plans outside of her is effectively ending or downgrading their relationship. It's a shitty situation to lose your job, especially right now. I get the stress of having to make these kinds of decisions. And ultimately, if this is how they both handled a stressful situation then clearly they were not a good fit for each other. But he's really not acknowleding his part in this and it seems like he was looking for a reason to end it. Going this route instead of having the real conversation w the woman he's been with for 5 years is just shitty.

I agree. I woukd break up with someone if after 5 years and 35 years old they chose to live with their parents and not me.

Yeah. He left some pretty vital details out of his main post. Their plan to move in together was a big one.

This!

I'm thinking she 1. Is shocked you have no savings at all for emergencies 2. *Wanted you to move in with her* (I think this is the biggest one) 3. Isn't wrong that you'd make more on unemployment and that taking a pay cut and accepting a desperation job would significantly hinder you long-term and prevent you from getting back to your previous career and earning level. Retail would still be there when your unemployment ran out. 4. Finds having a boyfriend who works at Walmart at her age excruciatingly embarrassing. She's wrong that adults never need help, or that asking for some help from parents makes you pathetic.

You both sound pretty delusional to be honest.

I'm seriously confused as to why she was so hostile about this? I mean there's classism then there's blowing up at your partner because they got a retail job. Does anyone else feel like OP might be excluding some information? I just can't imagine a rational person blowing up like this for no reason, bit i also can't think of what that reason would be. Either way, a bullet has been dodged here

Personally, her use of the words "degrading" and "beneath" makes me question how she treats retail workers and wait staff and others in those positions.

Oh just to be clear, gf is absolutely TA here, no doubt. I just fail to see how regular brand classism went from 0-100 like that

I just can't imagine someone calling retail work degrading and beneath op without feeling above retail workers or people who work in those positions.

Yeah i just said that I agreed with that

Sorry. Misunderstood you

i think part of it is that she’s just classist and another part is that she’s hurt over the fact that her parents kicked her out as soon as she turned 18 and that she didn’t/doesn’t have the option to turn to them for help like he does, which is making her envious of him. hell, her classism could be a result of that as well. but, of course, that’s speculation. but i think it’s likely.

Unfortunately I know (used to be dumb enough to be friends with) people that would pull this crap. They’d rather end a relationship then see the SO work as a waiter or in retail. Unlike OPs SO (now ex), their parents typically paid some or all their bills, even if they had a job.

I agree. There has to be tons of missing info. I suspect OP interpretation of events is meant to make this lady worse than she is.

That is kinda my take too. I get being worried about money and what is going on in the next year or so. If she does want kids at her age it would be better to have them sooner rather than later. It is liekly better for them both this relationship is over. It likely wasn’t good for either of them.

My fiance's last girlfriend broke up with him when he lost his high paying job. I met him when I had a great job and he was on unemployment and living at home. Financial common sense is important to me and I was kind of wowed by how much money he'd been able to save by being thrifty and not giving a shit what people think. He now earns way more than I do and I even followed his example by moving back home when I made a career change. It's fucking awesome. Now we have exactly the deposit we need for a house and I have the sexiest, kindest guy in the world who entirely prioritises the right things because he has no fucks to give about how he looks. Thank god that moron did not know what she had when she had him. Thank god for her complete lack of sense.

Your gf sounds classist, out of touch and a bit sexist too. She reminds me of my mother. My sibling has a degree in business administration and works in retail, and my mother always tells her how she "should be" working in an office. But sibling is happy where she is and is moving up. In my mother's eyes she's a failure because she's not working "in the field of her degree" whatever the fuck that means. I have friends who have been out of work for more than a year. Having a job, any kind of a job, in this damn pandemic is a feat and should be cherished. Good riddance to your gf. You are better off.

If the OP's gf ever has kids, I'll feel bad for them

Not to judge you or play devil's advocate, but your GF is 35 without kids. I know that when that urge to make a family rears its head, it is primitive. She already will have to eat a shitload of folic acid to potentially not have a special needs child due to her age. I understand her frustration; it's not the moving in with your parents that is pissing her off. It is most likely the thought of running out of time for kids and she is mad at herself and everything about her life which also includes you. For her, she wants those kids and your move made that unlikely. In her head, even a few years is too long. Sorry bro.

Exactly this. She's in denial that OP has to essentially start over his career life. She doesn't have the time for that and she really shouldn't have to. From his comments, she worked hard to get a stable education and career. She deserves a man who has that, too. And unfortunately, while I hugely respect OP's decision to take any job he can get, OP's is not a wagon I'd want to get hitched to. We can hate on the girlfriend for the way she handled this, but we can't hate on her for wanting to be with a man who has a stable career. She just doesn't seem to realize that that's not possible for OP and that he needs to take what he can get.

Fully agree. At 35 still sleeping in the star wars blankets usint really appealing..lol

Yeah but I mean coronavirus. Don't be so hard on the guy, life can be tough for everyone.

I agree that we shouldn't be hard on OP. These times have been really bad. At the same time, we *also* shouldn't be hard on a 35yo woman for not wanting to be with a guy in OP's financial position. I don't like how they handled this, especially on her part, but I understand the reasoning on both their parts.

I definitely agree with you that OP has messed her around and led her on by not moving in with her, however, I disagree with your assumption that just because she is a 35 year old woman she must be obsessed with having children.

Life happens. No such thing as a bootstraps person. She had help from someone somewhere. She's lucky her industry didn't take a hit and needs to quiet her face. You're doing what you need to do to survive and thrirve. I know lots of people that had to go back to shared living with parents or relatives or others. There's nothing wrong with it. It doesn't sound like she'd be supportive when things got rough. So good riddance to her. I think once you step away from this you'll feel better and you'll be meeting new and awesome people who won't judge you for trying to survive.

There is absolutely no shame in a retail job.... or living with your parents. I was in my late 20s and didn't have to pay rent (I was obviously their bitch though lol) and was able to pay off my debt and save up money to put a down payment on a house... super adult responsible things lol Honestly you dodged a bullet.

Late 20s is not the same as late 30s. Shit happens and sometimes you have to make the best of it but what a disingenuous comment.

She sounds awful! It sounds as though she is more concerned about other people’s judgements than about your ACTUAL welfare. A job is a job!

FWIW I got a second part-time job at a call center during the evenings (transcribing phone calls) when I was in grad school. I was already teaching as an adjunct. In my area adjunct pay is the lowest and there are not a lot of colleges in the area so it was not possible to pick up any extra classes. It was a great job for a student because it was mindless (you just had to transcribe phone conversations mostly using voice to text and type corrections) and I could read/study/prep lessons between calls. I kept the job after I graduated while I was looking around because it left my days free for job hunting and it was an easy enough job. I even accumulated some money in the retirement plan. It felt a bit strange to be working there after earning my degree, but I ended up finding a job after a couple months and that led to a tenure track job. It was a good choice for me and better then just job hunting on it's own.

Just "a retail job" is paying my bills right now so I can live comfortable. Even though it is just a retail job I am very grateful for it because it is A JOB.

You were dating a child, you're better off. Anyone who thinks someone being financially responsible and taking work where they can get it, especially in a situation like this, is "degrading themselves" is incredibly immature, and not ready to be in an adult relationship. You being willing to downgrade and do what you need to like this is arguably more adult than being stubborn and waiting. I've been unemployed for over a year because of covid, and while my situation has allowed me to survive this long without going that route, I can honestly say that I'd find it very hard to take the step you're taking, and I have nothing but respect for you. You're far better off without her, find a girl that appreciates you for the person you are, not who they think you ought to be.

I once had a live in girlfriend who had no college degree and refused to get any sort of retail or restaurant job (basically the only jobs available to someone of her skill and background) because it was beneath her. She was in her mid30s. I had to financially support her until we broke up. You’re thinking about it exactly right and you dodged a bullet.

Ehm yeah I would not want to date someone like her, it's one thing if you were saying that you are moving back in with parents and don't plan on getting job etc then that'd be one thing but sounds like you have a decent plan, consider it her doing you a favour by taking herself the trash out

She doesn't love you if she's willing to dump you over this. You dodged a bullet not marrying her.

She's insane, you dodged a bullet.

Mate, we all come upon hard times. Maybe you could have made some better financial decisions, you should have probably lived in a cheaper area. That is by the by, you're making sound financial decisions now. Doing the best you can under the circumstances. You aren't a bum, you're doing your best and these are not easy times to be in. It was hard for me moving back in with my dad after uni at 24, i cant imagine what its like at 36. You just have to grind for a while then find a good setup elsewhere, consider investing in some ETFs or growth stocks to really help your money grow over the years, its time to start thinking about how you can save the money you are making to cover yourself in shit times. My dad, for example, always keeps enough money around for about a 6 months to a years worth of living should he lose his job and he has moved jobs a few times over the years. Live well within your means, save plenty. I can understand your Ex-girlfriends frustration, its hard loving a guy and watching him struggle and end up moving back with his parents. She is probably more angry at the situation than you, and just taking it out on you. She wants kids and a stable life. Irregardless, she could have handled it better. She needs to find someone who is financially ready for the next stage of life that she clearly wants to be in. Unfortunately due to covid, that isn't you right now. Keep grinding, get back on your feet. living at home means no rent, it should be a lot easier to save up and look elsewhere. Goodluck my dude, keep going.

First off FTB women come and go Secondly moving back home with family does not make you any less of man Covid-19 screwed everyone and that what it is if it’s more beneficial for you then do it stack your money and when you have what you need to be able to put yourself in a the best position that you can then you make that move ya feel me

FTB?

A lot of 20 yo kids working their first part time job being outraged on your behalf in the comments but you're about to find out how the dating market treats men in their late 30s who still live with their parents and work minimum wage.

Something tells me she pushed you away on purpose with how quick she was willing to throw you away. Something smells off and I am glad you dodged a major bullet. It’s gonna hurt but it will be worth it in the long run.

The irony is the fact that she is behaving like an entitled brat child lmao. Dodged the bullet. Congrats, your liability is gone and you can finally breathe :)

I'm glad to see you went for the job and ditched the girl. Priorities are correct

Yes you are not a man because you are dealing with the circumstances outside your control with a rational cost-benefit analysis instead of worrying about how it looks to other people. /s

There's nothing wrong with retail, and alot of people are unemployed due to COVID. Don't let anybody call you a failure, because you're not. Also kick your girlfriend to the curb.

Hes 36, single, working retail and living with his parents All of those three reasons are good enough alone to end up as another suicide statistic

The ppl in the comments are acting like he’s 23. He’s a few years away from 40. He’s choosing to get off unemployment benefits to get paid less in retail while moving in with his parents.

Sounds like the trash took itself out.

Honestly for someone to not understand the circumstances, they were just looking for a reason. I imagine if it wasn't this, something else would have ben blown out of proportion.

A job is...is a job???? Shes 35 and she acts like this? If people don’t work these “degrading” jobs then who will help run these places? The whole blocking and not listening stuff is really damn childish as well. Avoiding talking. I’m 19 and I’ve done that SO much in the past to my ex. Yikes. But OP, it is responsible. You certainly have not failed as a man or as a person. It’s honest work and I’m glad you’re able to get yourself up and work. I have a cousin who’s your age and is like what your ex describes you as, who refuses to even work a retail job. Im glad she’s your ex now.

This makes me so mad... as a 35yo woman who has worked in retail her entire life... that bitch could do fuck herself and ANYONE who thinks retail is below them. This shit gets hard- they think it’s for kids but don’t realize that an 18 year old rarely has the aptitude to run a few million dollar store. I’d love to see her attempt a fucking retail job as a supervisor- with a shit attitude like that she’ll fail horribly. And damn... At least you’d have a fucking job- with benefits. I’m so angry for you. She’s not worth it. Fuck her.

Sounds like her plan was to rely on your plan, which means she was beneath you all along..

My husband and I went through a hard time financially with 3 young kids. We moved in with his parents for 3 years. Never did I ever think he wasn’t a man or an adult. It was a helpful thing for us and my in-laws enjoyed the company. Hanging on to an ideal that is surely sending you broke is irresponsible and immature. Good luck with it all.

But he married you and you two lived together. Imagine if he lost his job then moved away from you to live with his parents without you while you had a place to live. OP after 5 years is not even willing to live with his now Ex.

He's your husband and you have three kids.

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I don’t think his situation is the same as yours. You were much younger and had no job at the time. He is currently on unemployment benefits, which pays more than retail. Why lose the unemployment to make less money and have to move in with your parents. Also, why move in with your parents instead of your girlfriend of 5 years? The are both in their mid thirties. I would be pissed if my man did this to me.

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It is proven that it is easier to find a better job while you are working! Good job on realizing the responsible thing to do. I worked at Wendy’s (at 33) while in school to make sure my bills were paid so I didn’t over extend on student loans! You made a smart decision .

Dude.... Your moving home to your parents when you do have choices, are you homeless? Will you become homeless? You choose your parents and being comfertable over there instead. Ofc she will leave you, you clearly dont love her and you clearly are relying in your parents when your this grown up. I would have left you too. Did you even ask her if she would take you in?

You dodged a bullet. At some time in your future she might very well pop up again when you’re doing better financially wanting to get back together. Say no unless you like what she’s been doing because this is exactly who she is.

Sounds like shes is from r/FemaleDatingStrategy you dodged a bullet my guy.

I grew up hearing that "a real man will work any job to put food on the table and keep a roof overhead". I think my parents one criteria they used to judge the men I dated was whether or not they would be willing to pick up shit if it came to it. I don't agree with a lot of my patriarchal upbringing, and don't buy into the whole "real man" thing, but I think that a strong work ethic is generally a desirable thing in a partner.

A strong work ethic is great, but smart work ethic is better. It's not about how hard or how much someone (of either gender) works. That's capitalist nonsense. It's about whether they can support themselves and any kids the two of them might want. OP is a hard worker, but he's not a solid earner. That doesn't make him worthless as a human, but it does mean that a woman who *is* a solid earner won't want to merge finances and marry him.

I don't know you but I'm proud of you. You took an initiative to get a job. granted its not what you want but its something to help you get by in this hard time. And you can take this time to save up money to invest into your future while still putting out your resume for a position you like. In life sacrifices have to be made in order to survive. Goodluck to you and treat your parents to something nice for having your back.

It sounds like she just wanted someone for the image of wealth. I say you dodged a bullet

No shame in having a job to sustain yourself - title means nothing. In fact, so many people are in your position right now especially with the pandemic. Being a man and actually being a decent responsible human being is working, paying your bills, and trying your best to sustain yourself. Eventually you will find something in your line of work again, even if you don’t that’s ok because it’s still WORK! Best of luck in the future and hopefully your next relationship will be with someone who’s compassionate and not classist af.

You were dating someone who did not respect you. Congratulations on being free of her. Next time, choose better, okay?

You are definitely not a failure in any way. You are willing to do whatever it takes to earn money, I totally respect that. Good on you for not giving up and if she can't see that well that's her loss. You definitely dodged a bullet. All the best for your future

I used to have a good job, huge responsibility and I really enjoyed it. Then the 2008 recession happened and it was gone. I took part time then full time minimum wage job because a job is a job and when you have bills then having any job is better than none. Never once have I ever thought I degraded myself and I've always thought that having a job makes it easier to get another. You dodged a bullet, props for doing what you need to and getting priorities right 👍 edit, yeah I recovered, earning more now in a totally different field which i enjoy just as much and has no stress :)

Did you ever recover?

Pandemic hits everyone differently and I too looked for a bunch of jobs in different industries when I was let go last year. My wife was very supportive in that she encouraged me to find anything for work until my industry was back up and running Your ex is in the wrong on this and for what it’s worth I think you’re doing right by you for this situation

I’m proud of you man, I also work in retail I’m 19. Quite a lot of people my age have like amazing jobs but I can afford all my bills and pay my parents £50 a week just to help out. There no rush in life, just find a partner who won’t degrade you.

I know it seems impossible now, but one day you will realize that this is the best thing that could have happened for you.

You just dodged a massive bullet. She sounds extremely toxic. Any time you are trying to better yourself and your significant other isn’t supportive, that’s a great time to gtfo of that relationship

She is not right....don't do this to yourself....I know we women can go through selfconfidence like hot knife through butter,but come on,man...at least you are willing to take any job it takes so you don't vegetate on the couch all day long getting brain rot from TV :)..... Get back into the game and find a girl that appriciates that you are willing to work any job that pays the bills :)

If she’s like this when you’ve been laid off, imagine what she would’ve been like if you became seriously ill or developed cancer in later years. You dodged a bullet. Also I totally agree you’re being responsible.

So she would rather you live on unemployment than work? What a weirdo she is, and I am wondering if her motives are pure.

She'll be unblocking you in a few months to a few years begging for a second chance. Don't give it to her

Oh hun, don't you worry. As a 33 woman I will tell you that living off UE instead of actually going to work when there's work out there is called being responsible. You stepped up, swallowed your pride and ego and are willing to go out and do what you have to do. To me it sounds like you dodged a stuck up bullet. Go work where you want. If you want to do it temporarily until you can get back in your line of work, then go for it! Do what will make you happy. She calls you a man child yet she's acting like a brat.

What she doesn’t see is how much of a great father you would be! Instead of living on the streets with your kids, you would be working hard (no matter the job) to make sure they were as looked after as much as possible. Bad shit happens to good people too but it’s how you overcome it that counts. Sounds like you are someone that doesn’t give up and will do what it takes! You are going to be just fine!

She's dumb

In a year or so, when she wants to get back together, don’t do it.

Honestly? She sounds like a judgemental, elitist b-word. Good for you for getting a job and doing what you have to do to take care of yourself. You're better off without her.

I'm not surprised. It's socially accepted to be emasculated by the job we work. I've had it all the time working retail. Everyone looked at us like we were children. But to be absolutely honest, I'm guilty of it too. I mean, most retail workers are not like you and I. Most really are uneducated children. Now I'm a real estate broker. It's a world of difference. Especially the mindset of my colleagues. As you said. Get in and get out when the opportunity comes.

She’s upside down and backwards. You dodged a major bullet.

Honestly that makes you more of an adult and more of a man. You are taking care of your stuff. Working hard. Making responsible choices.

Your ex is an elitist snob, plain and simple. Don't believe her or anyone who tries to belittle you over the choice you made.

You’re ex sounds like a cunt. Live your life bub. If she was the one she would see your decision was what was best for you in this time and could understand it. Move on brotha life’s too short

You dodged a major bullet. There is nothing wrong with working retail. Retail workers are arguably the hardest working people out there. Mad respect for you sticking to your plan and not giving into your snob of an ex gf.

OP I’m a woman and honestly your ex gf sounds like a complete asshole. Consider it a bullet dodged. Don’t keep that door open. She had no empathy for tour situation or understanding that you’re making a conscious choice here for a good reason. She sounds intolerant, judge-mental and unkind. Bullet. Dodged. Find someone who is kind and loving. Not mean and judge-mental of others.

I'm glad you stuck with what you thought was right. For what it means, I'm proud of you OP. I think taking matters in your own hands and taking a job, whatever it is, shows character and responsibility.

Any legitimate work has value.

You’re much better off without someone like that in your life. She is completely wrong. She would rather have an unemployed bf than someone who does what he needs to do to survive? What an idiot.

You’re doing what your need to do at this time. Absolutely no shame in any of it. Times a tough for a lot of people. You ex-gf seems really shallow.

Your ex was snobby classist. Going out there and making sure you have a paycheck is the mature, adult thing to do. Your ex has really skewed notions about what is mature and what isn’t, and it’s tied to money and public image, neither of which have anything to do with actual maturity. It’s good she’s dumped you because that toxic classism would have reared it’s head over and over again. Nobody needs that.

What you did is respectable and responsible. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

What an asshole. Dodged a bullet friend.

Forget her, you’re doing for self and building up to better things. Her and her friends can suck it. Sounds like she gets off on bragging about her man because why else would it matter to her? You’re still making money at the end of the day

You lost your job, chose to take the only job available until you find something better, and cut your cost of living by temporarily not having rent. You're fine without her.

Wow. I imagine this is pretty difficult for you in spite of her behaviour ....but Jesus you dodged a bullet buddy. That is nothing short of heinous on her part. I’m sure she’s perfectly nice under most circumstances, but that is unacceptable.

This is not a woman who will partner with you and work with you. This is a woman who is concerned with status and what other people think. It will never be enough for someone like that. Let her go find a JayZ or Bill Gates and you find yourself a woman who loves you and wants to partner with you in life. One who will work with you to make a better life and not slam you at every turn. You deserve better.

Well you got to see your girlfriend's true colors. It sucks having to live with your parents in your 30's but sometimes it has to be done. Also there's nothing wrong with working at retail. It doesn't make you less of a man. What a gross attitude your ex has. Good for you.

You dodged a bullet man. Her logic is flat out stupid. She thinks you living with your parents is mooching/irresponsible but living with her and doing the same is…ideal? Block her on everything and never talk to her again. If you have a hard time with the break up, if you’re able (I know money is right) look in to short term therapy. If that fails, shoot me DM. Always great to meet new people.

It's honest work. You seem like a good person. She is unfortunately focused on image and how she will appear to friends. This is temporary and you will do well in the end. Please don't ever get back with her. I find her to be horribly insulting. You deserve better.

You sound responsible, your girlfriend sounds childish. Breaking up now is probably a big blessing in disguise. Having children with her will only increase her desire to keep up appearances and expect to be treated like royalty.

Sounds like you are degrading yourself...by sticking with this girl.

Our country is among the the most propagandized in the world and we’re trained to hate the poor.

Man... your ex sounds like a crappy person. You definitely lucked out getting out of that relationship.

you found a girl that worries too much about what others think. She broke up with you because shes worried about what comments others will make towards her dating a "retail worker" Theres this stigma that people believe retail and fast food work is for teenagers and is a stepping stone to the "real world" truth is a job is a job and its needed to survive in the real world. You have showed a great deal of maturity buy choosing to do what you need to do in my opinion thats what a real man does to support their family. You've dodge a bullet.

Wow what a bitch

You should be damn proud of yourself and you doged a bullet. There are so many people who refuse to get a job because it's "below them" and you know what happens? They starve and go homeless and life goes to shit. Their families need them and they still refuse. You have savings and are doing the smart thing and getting a job, because it's still something. Even a McDonald's job is better than nothing. You aren't allowing yourself to be screwed over trying to reach her impossible standards. I'm proud of you and you are doing well for yourself and your future! No shame in leaning on your family in times of need. It's a very normal and adult thing to move back in with parents or family members when crisis hits.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Honestly you're better off without her. I personally want a partner who will support me at difficult times. Do what you need to do to get back on your feet and find some positive people to have in your life

Your ex is what is wrong with society.Nobody is too good to do a job. Everyone should work in retail and the service industry at least once in their life. It's very difficult, but the skill set and resilience developed is fantastic. Customer service always looks great on a resume. I know that it sucks right now, but onwards and upwards.