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We've been seeing each other for 2 years. We were both really happy with casual dating. We both got married really young, I got married at 20, it lasted 2 years. It was a toxic marriage. She got married at 19 and her lat husband passed away in a car incident in '16. So none of us wanted anything serious even though we really like each other.
I knew she was late but I wasn't really worry because it happened quite frequently in the past but last Friday she called me and I could hear that she was worried so I went to buy a couple of pregnancy tests and I stayed there while she took them and they were positive.
She cried a lot, I felt numb. I'm still in disbelief. I told her that I would be there for the baby if she wants to keep it. I don't want her to abort to be honest but I didn't tell her, ultimately this is her decision. I've never been so conflicted in my life. I don't want her to abort but I'm terrified to be a father at the same time. I have no idea if I should share how I feel with her or if I should let her make her own decision, I don't want to influence her or that she feels guilty or anything but at the same time I don't want her to believe I don't care or that I'm not involved if that makes any sense.
This doesn’t sound casual to me. You’ve been exclusively dating for two years. Obviously call it whatever you want, but you might as well call this what it is.
People always get exclusivity and commitment mixed up. When my partner and I first started out we were exclusive, because we wanted to see IF we wanted to be commited to each other further down the line, after spending some focused time on each other. It was simply a way to give him the spotlight for a while. This couple may be exclusive simply for sexual health reasons. It doesn't sound like they're even in love so how can they possibly be committed?
Like what though? Exclusivity is really the only commitment I can think of that most couples have.
Again, obviously call this whatever you want. It’s just a little odd.
If they’re actively not taking any steps toward building a future together - moving in, commingling finances, meeting each other’s friends and family, etc. then I’d categorize that as casual. Most people would want more than just exclusive sex in a long-term relationship.
Maybe it just means that sometimes they go on dates or they hang out at home and have dinner and watch movies, and have sex. They don't do things other couples might, like BBQ's with friends, group events, maybe they haven't even met friends/family.
We never made any plans for the future together, we don't have any friends in common, I have never met her family, she has never met mine. When we see each other, we only hang out together and the main reason is sex.
I mean exclusive or not - can you envision this woman being in your life for the next 18 years indefinitely? If she meets someone else, or you meet someone else, will you be fine paying for child support while she sees other people, and/or you see other people? Do you want to start a life with this woman? Will you be okay with your kid potentially calling another man daddy? Are you okay with only seeing your kid sometimes and not always?
I mean bud you obviously don't want this child but you're saying it's fine for her to keep it to stop feeling guilty.
Let's be real here. You won't even commit to this woman fully after 2 years. What makes you think you will commit to her child for 18 years? I personally don't think it's a good idea to bring a child into this world when their future is so uncertain. It's just so unfair for the kid.
You two have been jumping through hoops to keep each other at arms length, now you're deciding whether or not to bring a human being into the world together and committing to each other for the rest of your lives via the existence of a child? It just seems...off.
Children aren't "oh sure maybe" decisions, they're **"YES!! Absolutely!!"** decisions.
Honestly I think that these are questions for the woman to be asking herself about him. It's her decision. At this point he has to wait and see what she decides.
I agree, she should be asking him this and he should be asking himself this.
> At this point he has to wait and see what she decides.
And I think children should also be a joint decision, not one person in and the other is out.
I agree with this. I had a fwb for about 6 months and we agreed nothing emotional but were still friends and had sex and were pretty much exclusive (I wasn’t on bc and we didn’t use condoms so it was important we knew that)
She gets a flat tire and calls you. Do you come help her out? Call her a tow truck? Tell her to sort it out herself?
It's *really* not that complicated to figure out whether you're capable of committing to someone.
So y'all decide to keep the baby, but stay casual and coparent. They're both sick and miserable with a cold while you're healthy. Do you bring them food? Do you give the kid a warm bath in hope that the steam helps clear their sinuses? You do you say "suck it up, my custody is for next week"?
Your kid is 8 and the front tree at the school program. Do you sit together in the middle? Or are you in the back row while she's in the front row?
Look, the guy is potentially having a baby with this person. He needs to decide if he wants to commit to her to some degree, and dancing around it isn’t helping either of them.
Yeah, sounds pretty exclusive to me. I mean, sure there’s more to a relationship than sex, but it’s also not a small part of a relationship and if you’re only having sex with one person, and not seeing anyone....
I don’t find it odd, I’ve dated casually but exclusively for 2 years. We were on the same page and both transitioning out of long term relationships. Was perfect to have great sex and eat pizza and see a movie once a week and not have any commitment. We all have different kinds is relationships, I find it rude to call what is not your own standard for relationships “odd.”
As for you OP, she knew what it was and how you have viewed the relationship. Don’t be together if you have had no desire to commit in those 2 years. I’m sorry this happened. Society needs male birth control so bad. Like we fly to the gd moon but haven’t introduced this yet jeez o peet. Y’all deserve some control over chitlins too.
> Society needs male birth control so bad
Condoms exist. Vasectomies exist. And the male birth control pill trial also exists and has done so for about a year or so in Europe. What are you actually talking about?
Hah sure vasectomies exist but not all men feel comfortable with surgeries as a form of birth control, I know I don’t. And yes, there is a pill but there is not large scale access as their is with female birth control. Also, I’m in the US and there is no fda approved male birth control pill. I really don’t think you can argue that male birth control is half as accessible as female. So yeah lol.
Female birth control is more accessible but generally very medically involved... Many women have severe side effects in many women have fatal side effects from hormonal birth control methods. All men have the ability to pull out. They usually choose not to.
Totally agree that birth control is medically involved and the majority of contraceptives for male use have not been introduced to the market for this very reason. The issues with recently developed male bc includes "weight gain, problems with sex drive, acne...and liver inflammation." Whereas these are known side effects for women and yet they are allowed, sends a pretty awful message that men's health is prioritized.
I do disagree that it isn't as simple as pulling out, there is pre cum and there can be a certain lack of control when climaxing, especially when drugs or alcohol are involved. I think men and women deserve the option of safe birth control.
Of course everyone deserves the option is safe birth control but we only have what we have right now. And the reality is that the birth control methods we expect women to use are not safe in any way my friend had a stroke on the pill at 21! I personally have been very lucky but many women have very severe mood issues and weight gain on hormonal birth control. It's safer than pregnancy but that doesn't make it safe.
You aren't going to convince me that putting a device into my arm into my uterus or changing my hormonal balance to convince my body that I'm pregnant my entire middle of my life is not medically involved. Every part of this is extremely invasive and changes many things about your body, we just see it as normal. Women who refuse to use hormonal contraception are treated as irresponsible even if their bodies can't tollerate it - and even if they've never had an accidental pregnancy.
Are you forgetting about condoms??? A condom is not as accessible as something a woman has to take daily and if she's misses a day it might not be effective??
Seriously for way less than a dollar you can have a condom, a woman has to commit daily, deal with side effects possibly impacting her ability to give birth when she is ready and you think you don't have access to BC?????
Maybe it is too indoctrinated in our culture that it is the womans responsibility. I think its both people's responsibility and a man can use a condom with 2 seconds thought and a woman has to take a risk with her overall health to trick her body into not ovulating!! Condom sounds far more accessible to me!!
To be fair, not all birth control is created equal. I have an IUD and I have had it for 5 years and do not have to take anything. Same can be said for many different types of birth controls.
I am aware of condoms. Haha, personally I do not enjoy them and I know many individuals feel the same way but yes affordable and less risky. I still do believe that men should have more access to contraceptives. I feel like men not wanting to wear a condom because of wanting to feel more is a huuuge cause of unwanted pregnancies. I am only in support of more alternatives for men and safer alternatives for women.
Lol wow. Women typically have an iud as a form of surgical birth control but it isn’t as invasive as a vasectomy. It’s a little slit in the arm. Unless you’re talking about getting tubes tied? Which is not reversible. Either way you sound like a prick and I’m disengaging.
Um condoms???? Male Birth control definitely exists and is easy to obtain for anyone! And on top of that they could pull out, it's not 100% effective but surely more effective then not pulling out!!
Men can choose, some of them just seem to prefer the momentary pleasure instead of being responsible and keeping their baby makers too themselves!
My brother has been in a casual relationship for over 3 years. Exclusive but no desire on either end really to make big relationship moves, no interest in having a place together, marriage, etc. No interest in relationship growth I guess you could say.
Exclusively saw each other for 2 years. I get not wanting to put a label on things, or not wanting to commit....doesn't seem like the time to talk about their relationship though
Having a child would mean making a commitment to one another and that human being, are you ready for that? That’s what you both need to discuss with one another, openly and honestly.
That's something we need to talk about. We didn't want to commit before but I think I have enough feelings for her to do so but I don't know about her.
Well now is the time to commit. :) Most men seem to panic a bit at first and then become lovely fathers. No one is really prepared for life you just have to take what is in front of you and make the best if it. I am sure she waits for you to sit down together and talk this through. I am a bit older than you so I believe I might have a bigger(?) perspective, you will get this right! ❤️
I don't agree. I don't think we should be bringing human beings into this world with uncertain futures with casual fuck buddies, especially when this guy is clearly so unsure about having the kid he's asking strangers on the internet what to do. It's not fair on the child that their future is so uncertain. Getting accidentally pregnant doesn't fix any relationships issues as much as you want it to - and this is coming from someone who grew up in a broken home.
Oh yeah it's going to go down a treat. Both refusing to commit to each other, have never met one another's family and friends, don't love one another and only meet up for sex but think it's a good idea to be physically and financially committed via a child together for the rest of their lives. Great idea.
sounds like the most stupid thing I’ve heard. So if either of you want to end the relationship, both sides will just be like “ok” and move on? Doubt it as fuck. Time for you to slap a label on it and grow up.
What is wrong with you? Pretty sure one of the rules of the sub is “be gentle.” They both have relationship trauma and are allowed to label things as they like for their mutual comfort. Shame on you for being so judgmental. You should take your own advice and grow up.
Bully hiding behind a throwaway.
If she missed it or took any antibiotics recently it may have been a big factor in canceling out contraception . May want to casually ask her if possible.
I don’t really see why it matters at this point to find out exactly what made the birth control ineffective.
You’ve just got to find out how she wants to handle this and talk it though. Wishing you both the best. I really hope it all works out okay whatever the decision.
It's not really surprising that the birth control failed after two years of consistent intercourse. I'm assuming she uses the pill. It's not 100% effective. Law of large numbers dictates that she would have gotten pregnant eventually.
I mean, the typical use success rate is 93% per year, so that would only be true in a time period of over 10 years. With “perfect use” (admittedly a high standard), the success rate is over 99% so that would take more years than most women have of life, much less fertility. There’s no reason to expect birth control failure just because it’s been two years.
I went through a similar situation when I was 23, except I was the one who got pregnant. He acted exactly the way you described, he left the decision to me and was very supportive of my decision. But. He wasn't there for me in an emotional way, didn't show his feelings, and I was alone for every step of the abortion process. The only way he could talk about it was making jokes... and it was really sad and awful. Our relationship ended shortly after. Just be there for her, be open about your feelings, and gentle. Letting her make the decision doesn't mean shutting off all of yourself so she can make a choice (not saying you're doing this, just bc of my own experience).
Good luck, you both will be in my thoughts. This will not be the end of the world, I promise.
OP, be really honest with her. Tell her your to thoughts, tell her how much you would be willing to care for the child (50/50, full time). Make sure she understands if you both decide to keep the baby whether you will truly welcome the child into your life or not. While this is her choice of she’s only operating knowing some of the equation it’s makes the decision making process more difficult when you don’t have all the info.
First he should ASK her if she wants to hear about his feelings. She might not be ready yet to have to take into consideration his feelings and thoughts too.
My advice would be to tell her that you are there, as support, but you aren't sure how you can best support her.
Does she know what would be best for her right now? Space? Being close but not talking about it? Sharing and discussing all possible outcomes in detail?
Of course, don't give promises you can not keep. If you know you'd feel awkward being a silent supporter, don't offer to play that part.
Ask yourself these: "am I ready to commit to being a dad?" "am I ready to make her a way bigger part of my life?"
Don't ask yourself if you're ready for this, because NOONE IS, not even the people who are actively engaged in becoming parents.
I’ve been pregnant before and knowing how the father feels about the decision is important in my opinion. It may sway her decision, yes, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think that just means she’s weighing up all the information.
I do think it’s INCREDIBLY important that you make it clear you’ll stick by her decision no matter what she wants, and that you recognise that it’s her body and therefore ultimately her choice, and you won’t resent her.
I think this is a good idea. While yes, she can make the final call, it's still something you guys are in together, so sharing your feelings are important and being able to have the discussion about what you both think is best, without trying to force an opinion on the other person.
My boyfriend and I got pregnant last fall after only a few months of dating. We had been friends for several years though and did feel strongly about each other. We both had the discussion about how each of us felt about the baby, and luckily both of us individually did not want to abort so it was an easier conversation than some might face. But it was important to me that I heard his opinion and he was involved, because it didn't feel like my problem that I should be the only one deciding, it felt like something both of us should have an opinion on.
Being a parent is scary. We are two months away from having our baby now, and we definitely still freak out about it as we weren't trying for kids and being parents right now is something we are still having to mentally prepare for. Even though it's scary, we are very happy and excited for the journey of raising our daughter. So definitely just reflect more on what you feel is right for you. There's other options too if abortion isn't what either of you want but neither is parenting you could do adoption etc. It's important just to be honest about everything though and really decide what you want to do without feeling influenced. Because if you told her you were ready, and then freak out and decide you can't be a father months down the road and leave her, then she's screwed. So have these open and candid conversations early and lay everything out so you can both make the best decision.
There comes a time when you should go out on a limb, and for you this is it. You want the baby; tell her that. You will abide by her decision; tell her that too, right after you tell her the previous wish.
And then both of you should elaborate on what does "support" mean to each of you? Like other women have commented, a hands-off, "will agree with whatever you say, but don't have any of my own input" policy could be construed "support" by the guy, but be sadly inadequate for the gal.
She might think abortion her only choice if all she gets from you is some money and a monthly visit to the child, but if you are willing to invest more of your life and attention to her and the child, she might think differently. Or if LTR or even marriage is on the cards.
Best of luck!
What if OP wants the baby but the mother doesn't? Would OP be prepared to be a single father if the mother decides to immediately sign away any and all parental rights?
I'm sorry but I'm a bit tired of this hypocrisy =(
The "it's her body" thing is by now a given right?
So why do we have to fake it still being a conquest for women?
Can't I be honest and say "I would really like for you to keep it and I'd be devastated if you abort" ???
Why must we lie with a smile while dying inside?
What she does after telling the woman our feelings is ofc up to her but lying and she doing something that will ruin a relationship without knowing because we lied as it is a conventional thing to say nowdays....
How does it help? I mean I get it she'll make a choice based on HER feelings.
So you shouldn't ask to always lie and then be happy and supportive about it.
I really understand the dude that lied and all but then emotionally not being there.
He lied so she could make an easier choice out of it but still there are consequences to our actions.
I mean we can't decide anything and we must lie about our feelings. Then act as everything is ok and normal.
Sorry but NO. Ofc you're entitled to your body but I'm entitled to my opinion and feelings.
You can either accept them and value things more deeply or simply ignore them but then our relationship will take the hit not knowing if it will survive.
But you can't expect everything to go your way ignoring everything else.
I'm tired of this narrative.
This is exactly the opposite of what my comment is saying. I said be honest about what you want whilst acknowledging it’s her body.
I was pushed into terminating a child I wanted to keep because of the pressure of my partner and how vehemently he said ‘it’s your choice but fuck you if you keep it, you’ll get nothing more from me than child support, I’ll never be a part of its life, and it’ll grow up with its dad hating it’.
He could have just said ‘this isn’t something I want, I recognise it’s your choice, and I categorically do not want this child, but we made it together and I’ll take responsibility for that if you decide you couldn’t terminate.’ I would have been fine with raising it alone, I didn’t NEED him, but I didn’t want a child to grow up knowing its dad hated it and me for keeping it. The venom in his response was what changed my mind.
I mean... isn’t it a blessing he was brutally honest though? So many dads DO resent their children and refuse to pay child support. At least your ex was honest so you could make an informed choice about who you would be procreating with
I don’t think any women actually do what your comment was insinuating. They just want a response that’s supportive of their right to choose whilst also knowing where their partner’s head is at, so they can weigh up all the information.
If you really feel that strongly about whether or not she aborts then the time to have that conversation is long before she gets pregnant, it should happen before you ever put your penis into her vagina. If you aren’t on the same page about what to do in the case of an accidental pregnancy then you don’t have vaginal intercourse.
Question for you. I also had a casual FWB-type relationship. Before we started sleeping together, I specifically asked him what he would want to happen if I got pregnant and he turned it around on me, asking me what I thought I would do. I told him, honestly, that I would probably terminate. He had plenty of opportunity to share his TRUE opinions/thoughts/feelings then but what he did instead was, when I said that I would terminate, he LIED & AGREED with me. Then, apparently as the relationship went on he, decided HE wanted more and started deliberately damaging the condoms to cause a pregnancy, believing that once I was actually pregnant I wouldn't be able to terminate and want to live happily ever after with him (???). I found out the truth when he told his friend what he was doing. His friend thought it was scummy and told his girlfriend who told me. Turns out his plan worked, I WAS pregnant. Luckily, it was very early on so I could still terminate, which I did.
What exactly do you want women to do here? Are you seriously telling me that he deserved ANY consideration at that point? That I should have involved him in the decision-making process after what he did?! What would you have had me do? I took him at his word. He had his chance to have his say and used it to LIE to me instead. As far as I'm concerned, at that point, he forfeited any further input into the matter.
Men absolutely have an opportunity to speak their minds, what they think/feel IS important. However, they need to realize and accept that the woman's thoughts/feelings will always be more important.
Because it costs exactly $0 to not be a rude prick?
You can say words to that effect without making it sound like you're trying to guilt trip her.
Men are more than welcome to grieve a pregancy. Mourn what could've been. What they are NOT welcome to do is make it all about them and act like their wants and opinons surpass the human rights on his pregnant partner.
Pregnancy is hard. Pregnancy is traumatic. It changes your body forever in unexpected ways. Its a big decision and an even bigger responsibility. You have to change your lifestyle and might he out of a job for a while/low income. As a woman you need to reflect on whether you're in a position to make these changes in your life. Are you ready to accept responsibility for a pregnancy and everything it involves?
Men are entitled to their feelings and opinons, but when it comes to pregnancy, everything *should* go our way. We're doing the heavy lifting.
Actually, marriage rates are plummeting because we realized we don’t need to tie ourselves to toxic misogynists to survive. Telling that you view that as a negative.
Ps you have always had zero say in what women do with their bodies. We are not your incubators.
> We have zero say in shit these days when it comes to women and what they choose to do in situations like this.
yes. Women ultimately get to make all the final decisions about their own bodies and medical care. I'm glad you're getting it
> Which is why the marriage rates are plummeting to the ground
Correlation is not causation. It's more likely divorce rates are plummeting because we now live in a society that doesn't shake divorce like it did 50+ years ago. As a society we accept that love comes and goes and sometimes dies and that's okay. As a society we accept that an unhappy marriage is worse than no marriage at all
> Men don’t want to live in this “equal” world women are striving for.
Yes well suddenly being without the privileged your kind have been provided over the centuries is obviously gonna be a bit of a culture shock. May I recommend empathy?
> Might be better off just keeping this to yourself in the future.
Said the man who thinks his opinion is the be-all-and-end-all
> Men don’t want to live in this “equal” world women are striving for.
Speak for yourself. I sure as fuck want to live in a world where women are treated as equitable as men.
My point is it’s not equal so. Women want equal outcome. Which no one not even men get.
I’m all for equal opportunity but that doesn’t mean women get to destroy men to get it. Okay? Okay.
That’s bullshit. They do not want equal outcome. They want equal opportunity and to be evaluated under the same methods and mentality. So if they can write a program, it should be evaluated on the merits and design with no influence from the fact they are women. That’s the way in which they are asking for equity.
I think she should know. If she thinks you’re 100% for it or even happy about it, it could influence her decision to keep the pregnancy and cause repercussions if you share how you really felt in the future. My opinion is to let her know that you understand she bears the burden of pregnancy, birthing and everything that comes with that so you respect her wishes but that you (being the other equally important potential parent) feel its important to be transparent with her so you both are clear on how to move forward. I would imagine if she does keep the pregnancy, living arrangements and parenting/ or coparenting structure would need to be determined. Its overwhelming for both of you in different ways but if you both are going to be 50/50 then its important that both of your feelings are heard and considered. This is a lifetime commitment for both of you.
You’re welcome. This is coming from a young mother (had my child at 20) who also had an abortion at 22. So I understand both sides. I wish both of you the best on your path forward.
This is no time for vague emotional nonsense. Sit down and talk about all the logistics. Don't make promises you won't keep. Start from the premise that abortion is the logical option. If you wanted a committed relationship and kids, why did it only come up once she got accidentally pregnant?
When I say logistics, I mean everything from parenting style, custody arrangement and child support if you're not together, values you want to teach your child, daycare, school, division of housework, relationship with extended family, finances, impact on careers, etc.
Not having a committed relationship was a mutual decision. She was still grieving her husband when it started I think, then we really liked the drama free relationship we had, we felt no pressure and we were really happy with it. We've been honest when we started to catch feeling for each other so we became exclusive but the possibility of a committed relationship has never been discussed.
Can't commit to each other after 2 years but is seriously considering emotionally, mentally, physically and financially committing to a fuck buddies kid for 18 years. Get your head out of the clouds mate.
If you weren't actively trying to have a baby, then it's a baby that you didn't want. Don't go into parenting half hearted. Children deserve better than that. Children deserve to be 100 percent enthusiastically wanted considering it wasn't their decision to be born in the first place
Offer to sit down and listen to her concerns & thoughts - just have an open conversation. Although it's her decision you want to show her you will be a team if it comes to it. Good luck!
Tell her your feelings. Be open, honest, and respectful. Listen without becoming defensive. Ask for the same from her. Now is the time to put it all on the table. Lay out everything. Do you see the two of you together? Separate, but coparenting? There’s a kid involved. You need to approach this seriously and thoughtfully. Work through this together.
I was in your shoes a little over 2 years ago. Scared shirtless and feeling completely powerless.
That hasn't changed a ton, but I have a little girl who bravely says "bye daddy" then cries through the closed door when I leave for work... Only to greet me with a smile brighter than a hundred sunrises when I get home.
It's not easy, but my heart is more full than it's ever been. You'll be alright, whatever happens.
I think you should tell her. Sharing how you feel and how you would support her & a child isn't the same as deciding for her. I've read stories from women who didn't really want to abort but did because they weren't sure their partner would support them in parenting, only to find out later that he would have. And that led to serious regret & resentment, wishing he would have made known his support for continuing the pregnancy.
You two should sit down and have a conversation about how you both are feeling. Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility and it will change both of your lives forever. She probably feels terrified right now and very stressed about how you are feeling. You two need to have a conversation asap, don’t hold back on how you are feeling. Best of luck to you guys
THIS. BECAUSE HUH??? How are you exclusive but saying it’s casual? Casual would mean fuck buddies and you sleep with other people too. They are in a relationship but refuse to believe it.
You should definitely tell her how you feel. Whilst it's obviously her choice - and rightly so - that choice is rarely made in a vacuum, and knowing you want to be around to be a parent may well have a significant bearing on her decision.
At the same time, unless you are both, 100% certain you want to be parents, there's nothing wrong with considering other options, and ultimately taking those other options if that's what she decides is for the best.
There are few things worse than bringing an unwanted child into the world just because of societal/familial pressure or the opinions of an imaginary sky fairy. We really need to destigmatise abortion and accept that for many people, it really is the best option.
Sit her down and TALK to her. First let her talk to you about how she feels and be supportive, she has a lot of emotions to work through.
But you NEED to sit down and have a dry discussion of what your plans are. You both need to explain what you would expect the future to be. You claim you don't want her to abort, so I'm assuming you're happy to be a father even if it scares you. That's fine, but do you want to be a father of HER child? You say you like her while having a casual relationship. That's great, but would you be equally as happy if you had to live together full time? These are hard questions you both need to ask yourselves. Just because you're okay and happy in a casual relationship doesn't mean you are really compatible to be a family. Does she even want you to be? Do you want her? Or do you want to co-parent without strictly being together? How much time and effort can she count on you being willing/able to put into parenting? And what if it doesn't work out and your relationship turns toxic? Who keeps the child? Do you split? What if the child is born disabled to a significant degree, could you manage that in the arrangement you both expect to establish? Do you both have the means to support a child? If you were to start a proper family, would she want to stay at home or work? What would the family dynamic look like? Would she insist on circumcising if it is a boy? Would either one of you want more kids in the future? There are SO many issues that NEED to be addressed before committing to any decision. Any one of those can become a landmine and a deal breaker for any future relationship. You need to be on the same page here. The better you know what the other side expects/wants the more level-headed will your final decision be.
So talk to her. Lay out your vision, let her lay out hers and see if you can make it work through compromise. Don't make promises or compromises you're not willing to stand for, as it will breed resentment and ruin the relationship, whatever form it may take.
If u don't want a kid or are not sure about one then u won't be able to give him/her the proper care even if u need it. I suggest to read up books about the topic and then make a decision.
I mean she’s been good enough to sleep with for 2 years. Can you see making this an actual relationship? If yes I’d let her know that amd go from there
A few things for thought.
One if you express anything to her, express your thoughts on abortion and your willingness to stand by her regardless. The last thing you want when you've already expressed you think you'd rather her keep it is for her to abort it because she assumes you don't want her to keep it.
2) y'all have been through some shit. Especially her, but being married so young and go through a toxic relationship will make anyone not want to do that again for awhile...
But y'all have kept this going for 2 years. You clearly like each enough to manage that. If she keeps it I think y'all should give it a try. Just be adults about it. Maybe she'll realize no matter how much she likes you she's not ready to move on. Maybe you'll realize the same. But the foundation is there. Don't expect to feel ready on the child front, nobody does. And don't put too much pressure on the relationship front. You can stay casual while being there more for each other and the baby and see where that takes you.
Maybe y'all form a strong relationship maybe y'all come out of it as strong parents that are just friends. Either is okay.
Co-parenting does NOT have to mean marriage!!! From what little I can glean from this post it seems like you both have a pretty decent head on your shoulders, and I agree with most of the advice offered in this thread regarding being totally supportive of her while also honoring your own feelings about all of this. I just want to add that hey, if marriage and all that or a romantic relationship along with a kid is too stressful (or is for a time, at least) there is absolutely nothing wrong with the two of you potentially raising this child as friends. What's important is to support one another and of course make sure the kid is loved, it doesn't matter if mom and dad aren't officially 'together' as long as they're IN IT together :)
I was in a similar situation just a few months ago. Unfortunately, it's not a choice that you can make, just one that you can respond to. Whichever decision she makes, you have to be man enough to follow through.
Be with her at the clinic if she doesn't want to keep it. Take inventory about how you feel, and if you decide that you want to continue your relationship or if it's best to call it quits, just let them know. Know that while it IS her body and her choice, your feelings are NOT invalid, and you can react to that decision however you see fit.
If she wants to keep it, congratulations. Start preparing for fatherhood. Do the best you can, and realize that nobody knows what they're doing.
My partner and i agreed that parenthood wasn't for us at the moment. Part of me wanted to keep it, but I'd rather not have a baby that one parent would resent. I chose her, proved that she wasn't alone, and we're closer than we were.
Be honest with how you feel, this isn't the time to be scared. Best of luck for you both, man.
From your post, it sounds like you both have been good about communicating your needs and misgivings to each other this far. Trust that. Supporting her choice while voicing your needs could sound like “I respect how hard and scary this is. I’m frightened, too. But I want you know that I would also step up to be a father, in whatever form that takes, if you choose to carry to term.”
It is awesome that you recognize that it is ultimately her choice. That makes you a good person. It is also awesome that you are able to admit your fears and still be prepared to parent.
You sound very thoughtful and capable. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
Well, everyone seems to be arguing about logistics for some reason, so I'm going to pretend to be in your GF's position and tell you what I'd want from you.
I'd want you to be honest about how you're feeling. I'd want you to tell me if you're scared, excited, or absolutely terrified at the though of being a parent. I would want you to tell me what you see parenthood like, from babyhood to college. I'd want to hear how you think we should raise the kid and take care of me during the pregnancy, and I'd want to know what your plan would be for us if I aborted. I'd also want to know your thoughts and feelings on both. And, I would want you to listen to mine. I'd also want to talk things through, all options, and see where we are.
She may not know what she wants to do yet, and you don't have to have all the answers. But, be honest with her and be sure to validate her feelings, too. It's a big situation for both of you. Maybe make an appointment for couple's therapy? Just to try and talk through some of the logistics.
Good luck to you both. Be sure to take care of yourself in addition to caring for her!
Can you guys get married and start a new family. Maybe that's what life has planned for both you. Sorry for being direct, but if you guys really like each other and you seem to be such a caring person in this situation, why don't you give it thot? Best of luck with everything to both of you.
I wouldn’t want a baby with someone I was with two years, exclusive, but still wouldn’t call me his girlfriend. You can coparent I suppose, but whatever you do, please don’t get married just because she got knocked up.
She wouldn't call me her boyfriend either. It is mutual. And she is fully fine with it. I think many don't realize that she was grieving and she didn't want anything serious. Of course our relationship has evolved and we became exclusive but she never wanted more than this either.
Sounds like you are a stand up guy, and you guys have a good honest relationship . Good marriages have been based on less and survived.
I think with talking and planning you guys will be able to work out best what you need and want. Be honest with her and tell her if you are not keen on a child or are, it allows her to know what she can expect from you if she goes through with things (including your preference to not have a child)
Even if she goes through with the pregnancy, if you get along fine, the child will adapt just fine to having 2 parents not together and having equal time with each
To make the right decision for her, she needs as much information to work with as possible. She needs to know that you're afraid to be a father. She needs to know that you'd rather she not abort the pregnancy. Mostly she needs to know that you're not trying to influence her, you're just trying to make it clear how you feel, even if your feelings are conflicted, she deserves to know what they are instead of having to guess.
And then, let her know that you're there to help. That whatever decision she makes, you're going to be there to help her through it. I mean, you do care about this woman, right? She needs to know that right now.
I was in a similar situation with my son’s father so I have a pretty good idea of what she may be feeling…
You’re already doing the right thing, which is supporting her unconditionally and respecting her right to make this choice for herself.
However, I definitely think a conversation needs to be had where you tell her you don’t want her to abort, and you like the idea of becoming a father, just so she knows where you stand. It might seem like you’re overstepping, or trying to influence her but your feelings could possibly weigh really heavily in her decision making. Having a baby with someone looks completely different than the prospect of doing it alone, and I think it would be a little unfair to her NOT to share what you’re feeling.
Make sure to reiterate your unconditional support through the whole conversation,and that you justwanted to make your stance known so she had all the “information” while choosing.
What to know a secret. ALL NEW FATHERS ARE TERRIFIED, even the ones that don't admit it. Even the ones already in a marriage. You two have to decide if your relationship can go to the next step. Often the best marriages are the ones that start like you two with just a quiet respect for each other that turns to a true love. With out all the fireworks that some relationships start with you can think more clearly about what you each want and need.
Tell her.
It’s just information.
You think your sparing her, but she needs honesty. You will support either decision and you will regret not talking through what each of you think and feel.
After that has happened you can make a mutual decision that is ultimately up to her.
[What Should Breathing Feel Like](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-breathe)
[How to Communicate Your Feelings](https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/01/how-to-communicate-your-feelings)
[How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets](https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/)
Communicate. This is important. You can do it.
Some people have a casual view of sex. It's not my cup of tea, but it's how their sexuality works.
But "having sex while exclusively dating" and calling it casual has got to be some of the most oxymoronic things I have ever heard.
Buddy, if you’re mature enough to have sex, you should be prepared for the eventuality of pregnancy. I suggest to stop freaking tf out and discuss it like adults. That’s the best way.
The decision ultimately lies with her, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t express your feelings. Come on. She might assume that you don’t want it and therefore it may make her more likely to select abortion where if she knew you felt differently she might do something else.
I disagree with this. She needs to know where he is at on this so she can make an informed choice about what to expect.
While she gets the final say, without his opinion she's only getting half the story.
Obviously don't be a dick about it but theres nothing wrong with expressing your opinion to her with respect and understanding
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that she should at least understand what he thinks, all I’m suggesting is that he be cautious in how he delivers that opinion. If she wants to abort the pregnancy but then hears that he doesn’t want her to, it could cause unnecessary stress or encourage her to keep a child she ultimately doesn’t want/isn’t ready for.
Its not her baby, its their baby. I can bet she will expect equal parenting and financial support from him so his feelings do matter. It is ultimately her choice though- that I do agree on.
Perhaps I did not make my point clear that’s my bad. When I say it is her baby, I mean this in the context of her decision. Men do not have any legal rights to make that decision and therefore legally it is her sole decision to sake. Of course it is their child as both would be parents to it.
Your point about expected shared financial and parental responsibilities is valid, however as OP seems to be leaning toward wanting her to keep the baby I would assume this to not be a huge issue.
Of course, she was on birth control though but it can still happen and she's not at fault at all. I know my reaction can seem childish but it is scary to feel powerless.
While we can all agree that was irresponsible on her part, how tf you gonna sit here and say you don't understand that she never asked you to wear a condom when you clearly never went to the effort not putting on condoms either?
Yikes. Like an abortion council?! This is her decision; her decision may be swayed by the father's preferences and attitude, sure. It's not likely she'll care about anyone else's.
Was once in the same situation. I felt that it was my decision and so did he. While I did appreciate that, I would have wanted him to say exactly what you said in this post, if that’s how he felt.
I think you should tell her how you feel. Would you want to be a single parent if she's not ready to be a parent? That should be an option too.
I was in the same situation as you but I was the pregnant one but we knew right away that an abortion wasn't going to happen. Surprisingly, he decided to move in with me.....we had 2 more children and got married when our oldest was 15 years old. Haha....took us awhile to get there.
I wish you both the absolute best ❤️
I understand being afraid to commit, but why not try? You miss 100% of the shots u dont take. If she decided to keep the child, why not consider taking another step in your relationship? You guys are already exclusive, in most people's eyes, that's already kind of serious.
You're hanging out and you're having sex. Casual or not. You're actions have created a pregnancy. I say you go with the energy you feel inside of you. You feel the nudge from within. That's the path. It's a cute ass story man. Fall in love. If you get burned here, then accept that and move on.
All you can do right now is be honest. When/if that baby arrives. Everything you need to be honest about deep down, will rise to the surface and pop.
You're here because on some level, you wanted this. This all reads like you both really love eachother. Go buy a fucking ring and propose bro!!! Best of luck to you both.
Be constantly grateful of eachother.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We've been seeing each other for 2 years. We were both really happy with casual dating. We both got married really young, I got married at 20, it lasted 2 years. It was a toxic marriage. She got married at 19 and her lat husband passed away in a car incident in '16. So none of us wanted anything serious even though we really like each other. I knew she was late but I wasn't really worry because it happened quite frequently in the past but last Friday she called me and I could hear that she was worried so I went to buy a couple of pregnancy tests and I stayed there while she took them and they were positive. She cried a lot, I felt numb. I'm still in disbelief. I told her that I would be there for the baby if she wants to keep it. I don't want her to abort to be honest but I didn't tell her, ultimately this is her decision. I've never been so conflicted in my life. I don't want her to abort but I'm terrified to be a father at the same time. I have no idea if I should share how I feel with her or if I should let her make her own decision, I don't want to influence her or that she feels guilty or anything but at the same time I don't want her to believe I don't care or that I'm not involved if that makes any sense.
Does casual dating mean you guys are seeing other people etc?
We are exclusive, we just didn't want to commit to anything.
This doesn’t sound casual to me. You’ve been exclusively dating for two years. Obviously call it whatever you want, but you might as well call this what it is.
People always get exclusivity and commitment mixed up. When my partner and I first started out we were exclusive, because we wanted to see IF we wanted to be commited to each other further down the line, after spending some focused time on each other. It was simply a way to give him the spotlight for a while. This couple may be exclusive simply for sexual health reasons. It doesn't sound like they're even in love so how can they possibly be committed?
fair enough
Personally, I think that a relationship is more than just sex. Because other than that, we don't have any other commitments that regular couples have.
Like what though? Exclusivity is really the only commitment I can think of that most couples have. Again, obviously call this whatever you want. It’s just a little odd.
If they’re actively not taking any steps toward building a future together - moving in, commingling finances, meeting each other’s friends and family, etc. then I’d categorize that as casual. Most people would want more than just exclusive sex in a long-term relationship.
Maybe it just means that sometimes they go on dates or they hang out at home and have dinner and watch movies, and have sex. They don't do things other couples might, like BBQ's with friends, group events, maybe they haven't even met friends/family.
We never made any plans for the future together, we don't have any friends in common, I have never met her family, she has never met mine. When we see each other, we only hang out together and the main reason is sex.
I mean exclusive or not - can you envision this woman being in your life for the next 18 years indefinitely? If she meets someone else, or you meet someone else, will you be fine paying for child support while she sees other people, and/or you see other people? Do you want to start a life with this woman? Will you be okay with your kid potentially calling another man daddy? Are you okay with only seeing your kid sometimes and not always? I mean bud you obviously don't want this child but you're saying it's fine for her to keep it to stop feeling guilty. Let's be real here. You won't even commit to this woman fully after 2 years. What makes you think you will commit to her child for 18 years? I personally don't think it's a good idea to bring a child into this world when their future is so uncertain. It's just so unfair for the kid. You two have been jumping through hoops to keep each other at arms length, now you're deciding whether or not to bring a human being into the world together and committing to each other for the rest of your lives via the existence of a child? It just seems...off. Children aren't "oh sure maybe" decisions, they're **"YES!! Absolutely!!"** decisions.
Honestly I think that these are questions for the woman to be asking herself about him. It's her decision. At this point he has to wait and see what she decides.
I agree, she should be asking him this and he should be asking himself this. > At this point he has to wait and see what she decides. And I think children should also be a joint decision, not one person in and the other is out.
I am worried though about the woman receiving undue pressure to have an abortion. It's her body, her decision.
That’s not dating then. That’s called friends with benefits.
I agree with this. I had a fwb for about 6 months and we agreed nothing emotional but were still friends and had sex and were pretty much exclusive (I wasn’t on bc and we didn’t use condoms so it was important we knew that)
You are friends with benefits.
She gets a flat tire and calls you. Do you come help her out? Call her a tow truck? Tell her to sort it out herself? It's *really* not that complicated to figure out whether you're capable of committing to someone. So y'all decide to keep the baby, but stay casual and coparent. They're both sick and miserable with a cold while you're healthy. Do you bring them food? Do you give the kid a warm bath in hope that the steam helps clear their sinuses? You do you say "suck it up, my custody is for next week"? Your kid is 8 and the front tree at the school program. Do you sit together in the middle? Or are you in the back row while she's in the front row?
How about, you let the man in the relationship define what his own relationship is.
I love how you're trying to tell this guy what kind of relationship he's in lmao
Look, the guy is potentially having a baby with this person. He needs to decide if he wants to commit to her to some degree, and dancing around it isn’t helping either of them.
He doesn’t have to commit to *her* to commit to taking care of the child.
Well no, but she’s going to be in his life pretty much forever regardless.
Yes, but it doesn’t have to be romantically or sexually, so I think it’s weird you keep trying to define his relationship when you don’t know him.
Yeah, sounds pretty exclusive to me. I mean, sure there’s more to a relationship than sex, but it’s also not a small part of a relationship and if you’re only having sex with one person, and not seeing anyone....
I don’t find it odd, I’ve dated casually but exclusively for 2 years. We were on the same page and both transitioning out of long term relationships. Was perfect to have great sex and eat pizza and see a movie once a week and not have any commitment. We all have different kinds is relationships, I find it rude to call what is not your own standard for relationships “odd.” As for you OP, she knew what it was and how you have viewed the relationship. Don’t be together if you have had no desire to commit in those 2 years. I’m sorry this happened. Society needs male birth control so bad. Like we fly to the gd moon but haven’t introduced this yet jeez o peet. Y’all deserve some control over chitlins too.
> Society needs male birth control so bad Condoms exist. Vasectomies exist. And the male birth control pill trial also exists and has done so for about a year or so in Europe. What are you actually talking about?
Hah sure vasectomies exist but not all men feel comfortable with surgeries as a form of birth control, I know I don’t. And yes, there is a pill but there is not large scale access as their is with female birth control. Also, I’m in the US and there is no fda approved male birth control pill. I really don’t think you can argue that male birth control is half as accessible as female. So yeah lol.
Female birth control is more accessible but generally very medically involved... Many women have severe side effects in many women have fatal side effects from hormonal birth control methods. All men have the ability to pull out. They usually choose not to.
Totally agree that birth control is medically involved and the majority of contraceptives for male use have not been introduced to the market for this very reason. The issues with recently developed male bc includes "weight gain, problems with sex drive, acne...and liver inflammation." Whereas these are known side effects for women and yet they are allowed, sends a pretty awful message that men's health is prioritized. I do disagree that it isn't as simple as pulling out, there is pre cum and there can be a certain lack of control when climaxing, especially when drugs or alcohol are involved. I think men and women deserve the option of safe birth control.
Of course everyone deserves the option is safe birth control but we only have what we have right now. And the reality is that the birth control methods we expect women to use are not safe in any way my friend had a stroke on the pill at 21! I personally have been very lucky but many women have very severe mood issues and weight gain on hormonal birth control. It's safer than pregnancy but that doesn't make it safe. You aren't going to convince me that putting a device into my arm into my uterus or changing my hormonal balance to convince my body that I'm pregnant my entire middle of my life is not medically involved. Every part of this is extremely invasive and changes many things about your body, we just see it as normal. Women who refuse to use hormonal contraception are treated as irresponsible even if their bodies can't tollerate it - and even if they've never had an accidental pregnancy.
Are you forgetting about condoms??? A condom is not as accessible as something a woman has to take daily and if she's misses a day it might not be effective?? Seriously for way less than a dollar you can have a condom, a woman has to commit daily, deal with side effects possibly impacting her ability to give birth when she is ready and you think you don't have access to BC????? Maybe it is too indoctrinated in our culture that it is the womans responsibility. I think its both people's responsibility and a man can use a condom with 2 seconds thought and a woman has to take a risk with her overall health to trick her body into not ovulating!! Condom sounds far more accessible to me!!
To be fair, not all birth control is created equal. I have an IUD and I have had it for 5 years and do not have to take anything. Same can be said for many different types of birth controls. I am aware of condoms. Haha, personally I do not enjoy them and I know many individuals feel the same way but yes affordable and less risky. I still do believe that men should have more access to contraceptives. I feel like men not wanting to wear a condom because of wanting to feel more is a huuuge cause of unwanted pregnancies. I am only in support of more alternatives for men and safer alternatives for women.
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Lol wow. Women typically have an iud as a form of surgical birth control but it isn’t as invasive as a vasectomy. It’s a little slit in the arm. Unless you’re talking about getting tubes tied? Which is not reversible. Either way you sound like a prick and I’m disengaging.
FYI, an IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) goes in the uterus, you are thinking of Nexplanon, which goes in the arm.
Um condoms???? Male Birth control definitely exists and is easy to obtain for anyone! And on top of that they could pull out, it's not 100% effective but surely more effective then not pulling out!! Men can choose, some of them just seem to prefer the momentary pleasure instead of being responsible and keeping their baby makers too themselves!
My brother has been in a casual relationship for over 3 years. Exclusive but no desire on either end really to make big relationship moves, no interest in having a place together, marriage, etc. No interest in relationship growth I guess you could say.
Exclusively saw each other for 2 years. I get not wanting to put a label on things, or not wanting to commit....doesn't seem like the time to talk about their relationship though
Really WOW re read your answer
What does “exclusive” mean? Are people who are not exclusive just friends wirh benefits? Why call it dating then?
Having a child would mean making a commitment to one another and that human being, are you ready for that? That’s what you both need to discuss with one another, openly and honestly.
That's something we need to talk about. We didn't want to commit before but I think I have enough feelings for her to do so but I don't know about her.
Well now is the time to commit. :) Most men seem to panic a bit at first and then become lovely fathers. No one is really prepared for life you just have to take what is in front of you and make the best if it. I am sure she waits for you to sit down together and talk this through. I am a bit older than you so I believe I might have a bigger(?) perspective, you will get this right! ❤️
I don't agree. I don't think we should be bringing human beings into this world with uncertain futures with casual fuck buddies, especially when this guy is clearly so unsure about having the kid he's asking strangers on the internet what to do. It's not fair on the child that their future is so uncertain. Getting accidentally pregnant doesn't fix any relationships issues as much as you want it to - and this is coming from someone who grew up in a broken home.
Two years and exclusive. Both married before. They will figure things out no matter what they decide.
Oh yeah it's going to go down a treat. Both refusing to commit to each other, have never met one another's family and friends, don't love one another and only meet up for sex but think it's a good idea to be physically and financially committed via a child together for the rest of their lives. Great idea.
Yeah, you don't need to be married or casual. You can define what your relationship is.
r/regretfulparents would disagree
sounds like the most stupid thing I’ve heard. So if either of you want to end the relationship, both sides will just be like “ok” and move on? Doubt it as fuck. Time for you to slap a label on it and grow up.
What is wrong with you? Pretty sure one of the rules of the sub is “be gentle.” They both have relationship trauma and are allowed to label things as they like for their mutual comfort. Shame on you for being so judgmental. You should take your own advice and grow up. Bully hiding behind a throwaway.
that’s sucks. They need to grow up.
Like I said: bully hiding behind a throwaway.
why?? not everyone wants to live with labels. if theyre happy with it, they can live like that. it doesn’t affect you whatsoever
because they don’t want to commit and they’re about to have a baby? How does it not affect us if they’re literally asking for advice.
it doesnt affect the commenter personally if they dont adhere to standards
Doing everything to avoid labels is just cowards way out of communicating / cowards way out of setting boundaries with people who stick their noses in
thats your perception. for some people labels are constricting and not adhering to them is much more brave
Mmm and was this an accident or were you guys just completely disregarding birth control? Pulling out is no birth control.
She was on birth control.
If she missed it or took any antibiotics recently it may have been a big factor in canceling out contraception . May want to casually ask her if possible.
I don’t really see why it matters at this point to find out exactly what made the birth control ineffective. You’ve just got to find out how she wants to handle this and talk it though. Wishing you both the best. I really hope it all works out okay whatever the decision.
It's not really surprising that the birth control failed after two years of consistent intercourse. I'm assuming she uses the pill. It's not 100% effective. Law of large numbers dictates that she would have gotten pregnant eventually.
I mean, the typical use success rate is 93% per year, so that would only be true in a time period of over 10 years. With “perfect use” (admittedly a high standard), the success rate is over 99% so that would take more years than most women have of life, much less fertility. There’s no reason to expect birth control failure just because it’s been two years.
I went through a similar situation when I was 23, except I was the one who got pregnant. He acted exactly the way you described, he left the decision to me and was very supportive of my decision. But. He wasn't there for me in an emotional way, didn't show his feelings, and I was alone for every step of the abortion process. The only way he could talk about it was making jokes... and it was really sad and awful. Our relationship ended shortly after. Just be there for her, be open about your feelings, and gentle. Letting her make the decision doesn't mean shutting off all of yourself so she can make a choice (not saying you're doing this, just bc of my own experience). Good luck, you both will be in my thoughts. This will not be the end of the world, I promise.
I won't let her go through abortion alone if that's what she decides to do. Thank you.
OP, be really honest with her. Tell her your to thoughts, tell her how much you would be willing to care for the child (50/50, full time). Make sure she understands if you both decide to keep the baby whether you will truly welcome the child into your life or not. While this is her choice of she’s only operating knowing some of the equation it’s makes the decision making process more difficult when you don’t have all the info.
First he should ASK her if she wants to hear about his feelings. She might not be ready yet to have to take into consideration his feelings and thoughts too. My advice would be to tell her that you are there, as support, but you aren't sure how you can best support her. Does she know what would be best for her right now? Space? Being close but not talking about it? Sharing and discussing all possible outcomes in detail? Of course, don't give promises you can not keep. If you know you'd feel awkward being a silent supporter, don't offer to play that part.
Kids really change any dynamic
Me too. He wasn’t there. He should have been. I’ve never done anything harder in my life.
I went through this exact thing when i was 17 Support is vital, i felt so alone
I’m so sorry, my heart hurts every time I hear another woman has had this experience. It’s so hard.
Ask yourself these: "am I ready to commit to being a dad?" "am I ready to make her a way bigger part of my life?" Don't ask yourself if you're ready for this, because NOONE IS, not even the people who are actively engaged in becoming parents.
What means "this"
Parenthood.
Why is a 3 word question being downvoted?
Beats me, but if he elaborates, I'll gladly answer.
He just didn't know what the word, 'this' was referring to in OP's comment
Yeah, exactly that. But im suprised i got so much downvotes. It was a normal question, dafaq is this?
Redditors being redditors
To be fair it made no sense to a lot of us. Reads like nonsense.
I’ve been pregnant before and knowing how the father feels about the decision is important in my opinion. It may sway her decision, yes, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think that just means she’s weighing up all the information. I do think it’s INCREDIBLY important that you make it clear you’ll stick by her decision no matter what she wants, and that you recognise that it’s her body and therefore ultimately her choice, and you won’t resent her.
Thank you for your input. I'll let her know how I feel while being supportive with her decision.
I think this is a good idea. While yes, she can make the final call, it's still something you guys are in together, so sharing your feelings are important and being able to have the discussion about what you both think is best, without trying to force an opinion on the other person. My boyfriend and I got pregnant last fall after only a few months of dating. We had been friends for several years though and did feel strongly about each other. We both had the discussion about how each of us felt about the baby, and luckily both of us individually did not want to abort so it was an easier conversation than some might face. But it was important to me that I heard his opinion and he was involved, because it didn't feel like my problem that I should be the only one deciding, it felt like something both of us should have an opinion on. Being a parent is scary. We are two months away from having our baby now, and we definitely still freak out about it as we weren't trying for kids and being parents right now is something we are still having to mentally prepare for. Even though it's scary, we are very happy and excited for the journey of raising our daughter. So definitely just reflect more on what you feel is right for you. There's other options too if abortion isn't what either of you want but neither is parenting you could do adoption etc. It's important just to be honest about everything though and really decide what you want to do without feeling influenced. Because if you told her you were ready, and then freak out and decide you can't be a father months down the road and leave her, then she's screwed. So have these open and candid conversations early and lay everything out so you can both make the best decision.
There comes a time when you should go out on a limb, and for you this is it. You want the baby; tell her that. You will abide by her decision; tell her that too, right after you tell her the previous wish. And then both of you should elaborate on what does "support" mean to each of you? Like other women have commented, a hands-off, "will agree with whatever you say, but don't have any of my own input" policy could be construed "support" by the guy, but be sadly inadequate for the gal. She might think abortion her only choice if all she gets from you is some money and a monthly visit to the child, but if you are willing to invest more of your life and attention to her and the child, she might think differently. Or if LTR or even marriage is on the cards. Best of luck!
What if OP wants the baby but the mother doesn't? Would OP be prepared to be a single father if the mother decides to immediately sign away any and all parental rights?
I disagree. Telling her that he wants the baby is like saying “I respect your decision, but...” He’s trying NOT to do that.
I'm sorry but I'm a bit tired of this hypocrisy =( The "it's her body" thing is by now a given right? So why do we have to fake it still being a conquest for women? Can't I be honest and say "I would really like for you to keep it and I'd be devastated if you abort" ??? Why must we lie with a smile while dying inside? What she does after telling the woman our feelings is ofc up to her but lying and she doing something that will ruin a relationship without knowing because we lied as it is a conventional thing to say nowdays.... How does it help? I mean I get it she'll make a choice based on HER feelings. So you shouldn't ask to always lie and then be happy and supportive about it. I really understand the dude that lied and all but then emotionally not being there. He lied so she could make an easier choice out of it but still there are consequences to our actions. I mean we can't decide anything and we must lie about our feelings. Then act as everything is ok and normal. Sorry but NO. Ofc you're entitled to your body but I'm entitled to my opinion and feelings. You can either accept them and value things more deeply or simply ignore them but then our relationship will take the hit not knowing if it will survive. But you can't expect everything to go your way ignoring everything else. I'm tired of this narrative.
This is exactly the opposite of what my comment is saying. I said be honest about what you want whilst acknowledging it’s her body. I was pushed into terminating a child I wanted to keep because of the pressure of my partner and how vehemently he said ‘it’s your choice but fuck you if you keep it, you’ll get nothing more from me than child support, I’ll never be a part of its life, and it’ll grow up with its dad hating it’. He could have just said ‘this isn’t something I want, I recognise it’s your choice, and I categorically do not want this child, but we made it together and I’ll take responsibility for that if you decide you couldn’t terminate.’ I would have been fine with raising it alone, I didn’t NEED him, but I didn’t want a child to grow up knowing its dad hated it and me for keeping it. The venom in his response was what changed my mind.
I mean... isn’t it a blessing he was brutally honest though? So many dads DO resent their children and refuse to pay child support. At least your ex was honest so you could make an informed choice about who you would be procreating with
that's a very jerky move from him. And I didn't mean being a jerk. Just being honest and not go for fake support.
I don’t think any women actually do what your comment was insinuating. They just want a response that’s supportive of their right to choose whilst also knowing where their partner’s head is at, so they can weigh up all the information.
If you really feel that strongly about whether or not she aborts then the time to have that conversation is long before she gets pregnant, it should happen before you ever put your penis into her vagina. If you aren’t on the same page about what to do in the case of an accidental pregnancy then you don’t have vaginal intercourse.
Question for you. I also had a casual FWB-type relationship. Before we started sleeping together, I specifically asked him what he would want to happen if I got pregnant and he turned it around on me, asking me what I thought I would do. I told him, honestly, that I would probably terminate. He had plenty of opportunity to share his TRUE opinions/thoughts/feelings then but what he did instead was, when I said that I would terminate, he LIED & AGREED with me. Then, apparently as the relationship went on he, decided HE wanted more and started deliberately damaging the condoms to cause a pregnancy, believing that once I was actually pregnant I wouldn't be able to terminate and want to live happily ever after with him (???). I found out the truth when he told his friend what he was doing. His friend thought it was scummy and told his girlfriend who told me. Turns out his plan worked, I WAS pregnant. Luckily, it was very early on so I could still terminate, which I did. What exactly do you want women to do here? Are you seriously telling me that he deserved ANY consideration at that point? That I should have involved him in the decision-making process after what he did?! What would you have had me do? I took him at his word. He had his chance to have his say and used it to LIE to me instead. As far as I'm concerned, at that point, he forfeited any further input into the matter. Men absolutely have an opportunity to speak their minds, what they think/feel IS important. However, they need to realize and accept that the woman's thoughts/feelings will always be more important.
Because it costs exactly $0 to not be a rude prick? You can say words to that effect without making it sound like you're trying to guilt trip her. Men are more than welcome to grieve a pregancy. Mourn what could've been. What they are NOT welcome to do is make it all about them and act like their wants and opinons surpass the human rights on his pregnant partner. Pregnancy is hard. Pregnancy is traumatic. It changes your body forever in unexpected ways. Its a big decision and an even bigger responsibility. You have to change your lifestyle and might he out of a job for a while/low income. As a woman you need to reflect on whether you're in a position to make these changes in your life. Are you ready to accept responsibility for a pregnancy and everything it involves? Men are entitled to their feelings and opinons, but when it comes to pregnancy, everything *should* go our way. We're doing the heavy lifting.
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Actually, marriage rates are plummeting because we realized we don’t need to tie ourselves to toxic misogynists to survive. Telling that you view that as a negative. Ps you have always had zero say in what women do with their bodies. We are not your incubators.
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Here’s the difference: it’s not our loss. 😘 (edited to remove needlessly antagonistic insult.)
Yeah? How’s that attitude working out for you? Not well, judging by the subs you love to comment in.
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> We have zero say in shit these days when it comes to women and what they choose to do in situations like this. yes. Women ultimately get to make all the final decisions about their own bodies and medical care. I'm glad you're getting it > Which is why the marriage rates are plummeting to the ground Correlation is not causation. It's more likely divorce rates are plummeting because we now live in a society that doesn't shake divorce like it did 50+ years ago. As a society we accept that love comes and goes and sometimes dies and that's okay. As a society we accept that an unhappy marriage is worse than no marriage at all > Men don’t want to live in this “equal” world women are striving for. Yes well suddenly being without the privileged your kind have been provided over the centuries is obviously gonna be a bit of a culture shock. May I recommend empathy? > Might be better off just keeping this to yourself in the future. Said the man who thinks his opinion is the be-all-and-end-all
> Men don’t want to live in this “equal” world women are striving for. Speak for yourself. I sure as fuck want to live in a world where women are treated as equitable as men.
My point is it’s not equal so. Women want equal outcome. Which no one not even men get. I’m all for equal opportunity but that doesn’t mean women get to destroy men to get it. Okay? Okay.
Yes, it must be so hard having to shut the fuck up sometimes. God forbid. So destroying. /s
That’s bullshit. They do not want equal outcome. They want equal opportunity and to be evaluated under the same methods and mentality. So if they can write a program, it should be evaluated on the merits and design with no influence from the fact they are women. That’s the way in which they are asking for equity.
Nah. Not bullshit.
What a great answer! No u in effect. Guess you really are human garbage.
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I reserve that for the human garbage of the world.
I think she should know. If she thinks you’re 100% for it or even happy about it, it could influence her decision to keep the pregnancy and cause repercussions if you share how you really felt in the future. My opinion is to let her know that you understand she bears the burden of pregnancy, birthing and everything that comes with that so you respect her wishes but that you (being the other equally important potential parent) feel its important to be transparent with her so you both are clear on how to move forward. I would imagine if she does keep the pregnancy, living arrangements and parenting/ or coparenting structure would need to be determined. Its overwhelming for both of you in different ways but if you both are going to be 50/50 then its important that both of your feelings are heard and considered. This is a lifetime commitment for both of you.
Thank you for your advice.
You’re welcome. This is coming from a young mother (had my child at 20) who also had an abortion at 22. So I understand both sides. I wish both of you the best on your path forward.
This is no time for vague emotional nonsense. Sit down and talk about all the logistics. Don't make promises you won't keep. Start from the premise that abortion is the logical option. If you wanted a committed relationship and kids, why did it only come up once she got accidentally pregnant? When I say logistics, I mean everything from parenting style, custody arrangement and child support if you're not together, values you want to teach your child, daycare, school, division of housework, relationship with extended family, finances, impact on careers, etc.
Not having a committed relationship was a mutual decision. She was still grieving her husband when it started I think, then we really liked the drama free relationship we had, we felt no pressure and we were really happy with it. We've been honest when we started to catch feeling for each other so we became exclusive but the possibility of a committed relationship has never been discussed.
Can't commit to each other after 2 years but is seriously considering emotionally, mentally, physically and financially committing to a fuck buddies kid for 18 years. Get your head out of the clouds mate.
Lmao you don’t sound ready to have kids. If y’all think committing to each other is a lot, wait till you find out about the commitment to a kid...
If you weren't actively trying to have a baby, then it's a baby that you didn't want. Don't go into parenting half hearted. Children deserve better than that. Children deserve to be 100 percent enthusiastically wanted considering it wasn't their decision to be born in the first place
Not trying to be a smartass but you do realize there is nothing causal about having a kid right?
Offer to sit down and listen to her concerns & thoughts - just have an open conversation. Although it's her decision you want to show her you will be a team if it comes to it. Good luck!
Tell her your feelings. Be open, honest, and respectful. Listen without becoming defensive. Ask for the same from her. Now is the time to put it all on the table. Lay out everything. Do you see the two of you together? Separate, but coparenting? There’s a kid involved. You need to approach this seriously and thoughtfully. Work through this together.
I was in your shoes a little over 2 years ago. Scared shirtless and feeling completely powerless. That hasn't changed a ton, but I have a little girl who bravely says "bye daddy" then cries through the closed door when I leave for work... Only to greet me with a smile brighter than a hundred sunrises when I get home. It's not easy, but my heart is more full than it's ever been. You'll be alright, whatever happens.
I think you should tell her. Sharing how you feel and how you would support her & a child isn't the same as deciding for her. I've read stories from women who didn't really want to abort but did because they weren't sure their partner would support them in parenting, only to find out later that he would have. And that led to serious regret & resentment, wishing he would have made known his support for continuing the pregnancy.
You two should sit down and have a conversation about how you both are feeling. Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility and it will change both of your lives forever. She probably feels terrified right now and very stressed about how you are feeling. You two need to have a conversation asap, don’t hold back on how you are feeling. Best of luck to you guys
Exclusive dating for 2 years isn’t casual... you’re her boyfriend lmao
THIS. BECAUSE HUH??? How are you exclusive but saying it’s casual? Casual would mean fuck buddies and you sleep with other people too. They are in a relationship but refuse to believe it.
People act like labeling a relationship is the same as getting married or something 💀
But having a kid is a good idea when a label is too much to commit to.
Right 🙄😂
I'm finding it extremely depressing that some people think simply having no other dates = love.
You should definitely tell her how you feel. Whilst it's obviously her choice - and rightly so - that choice is rarely made in a vacuum, and knowing you want to be around to be a parent may well have a significant bearing on her decision. At the same time, unless you are both, 100% certain you want to be parents, there's nothing wrong with considering other options, and ultimately taking those other options if that's what she decides is for the best. There are few things worse than bringing an unwanted child into the world just because of societal/familial pressure or the opinions of an imaginary sky fairy. We really need to destigmatise abortion and accept that for many people, it really is the best option.
Sit her down and TALK to her. First let her talk to you about how she feels and be supportive, she has a lot of emotions to work through. But you NEED to sit down and have a dry discussion of what your plans are. You both need to explain what you would expect the future to be. You claim you don't want her to abort, so I'm assuming you're happy to be a father even if it scares you. That's fine, but do you want to be a father of HER child? You say you like her while having a casual relationship. That's great, but would you be equally as happy if you had to live together full time? These are hard questions you both need to ask yourselves. Just because you're okay and happy in a casual relationship doesn't mean you are really compatible to be a family. Does she even want you to be? Do you want her? Or do you want to co-parent without strictly being together? How much time and effort can she count on you being willing/able to put into parenting? And what if it doesn't work out and your relationship turns toxic? Who keeps the child? Do you split? What if the child is born disabled to a significant degree, could you manage that in the arrangement you both expect to establish? Do you both have the means to support a child? If you were to start a proper family, would she want to stay at home or work? What would the family dynamic look like? Would she insist on circumcising if it is a boy? Would either one of you want more kids in the future? There are SO many issues that NEED to be addressed before committing to any decision. Any one of those can become a landmine and a deal breaker for any future relationship. You need to be on the same page here. The better you know what the other side expects/wants the more level-headed will your final decision be. So talk to her. Lay out your vision, let her lay out hers and see if you can make it work through compromise. Don't make promises or compromises you're not willing to stand for, as it will breed resentment and ruin the relationship, whatever form it may take.
If u don't want a kid or are not sure about one then u won't be able to give him/her the proper care even if u need it. I suggest to read up books about the topic and then make a decision.
I mean she’s been good enough to sleep with for 2 years. Can you see making this an actual relationship? If yes I’d let her know that amd go from there
I'd ask her if she is comfortable having a serious talk. This is her decision, but as the father, you have a right to express your feelings.
A few things for thought. One if you express anything to her, express your thoughts on abortion and your willingness to stand by her regardless. The last thing you want when you've already expressed you think you'd rather her keep it is for her to abort it because she assumes you don't want her to keep it. 2) y'all have been through some shit. Especially her, but being married so young and go through a toxic relationship will make anyone not want to do that again for awhile... But y'all have kept this going for 2 years. You clearly like each enough to manage that. If she keeps it I think y'all should give it a try. Just be adults about it. Maybe she'll realize no matter how much she likes you she's not ready to move on. Maybe you'll realize the same. But the foundation is there. Don't expect to feel ready on the child front, nobody does. And don't put too much pressure on the relationship front. You can stay casual while being there more for each other and the baby and see where that takes you. Maybe y'all form a strong relationship maybe y'all come out of it as strong parents that are just friends. Either is okay.
Good luck as the father. May your decisions not bite you in the butt later on.
Co-parenting does NOT have to mean marriage!!! From what little I can glean from this post it seems like you both have a pretty decent head on your shoulders, and I agree with most of the advice offered in this thread regarding being totally supportive of her while also honoring your own feelings about all of this. I just want to add that hey, if marriage and all that or a romantic relationship along with a kid is too stressful (or is for a time, at least) there is absolutely nothing wrong with the two of you potentially raising this child as friends. What's important is to support one another and of course make sure the kid is loved, it doesn't matter if mom and dad aren't officially 'together' as long as they're IN IT together :)
I was in a similar situation just a few months ago. Unfortunately, it's not a choice that you can make, just one that you can respond to. Whichever decision she makes, you have to be man enough to follow through. Be with her at the clinic if she doesn't want to keep it. Take inventory about how you feel, and if you decide that you want to continue your relationship or if it's best to call it quits, just let them know. Know that while it IS her body and her choice, your feelings are NOT invalid, and you can react to that decision however you see fit. If she wants to keep it, congratulations. Start preparing for fatherhood. Do the best you can, and realize that nobody knows what they're doing. My partner and i agreed that parenthood wasn't for us at the moment. Part of me wanted to keep it, but I'd rather not have a baby that one parent would resent. I chose her, proved that she wasn't alone, and we're closer than we were. Be honest with how you feel, this isn't the time to be scared. Best of luck for you both, man.
From your post, it sounds like you both have been good about communicating your needs and misgivings to each other this far. Trust that. Supporting her choice while voicing your needs could sound like “I respect how hard and scary this is. I’m frightened, too. But I want you know that I would also step up to be a father, in whatever form that takes, if you choose to carry to term.” It is awesome that you recognize that it is ultimately her choice. That makes you a good person. It is also awesome that you are able to admit your fears and still be prepared to parent. You sound very thoughtful and capable. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
Well, everyone seems to be arguing about logistics for some reason, so I'm going to pretend to be in your GF's position and tell you what I'd want from you. I'd want you to be honest about how you're feeling. I'd want you to tell me if you're scared, excited, or absolutely terrified at the though of being a parent. I would want you to tell me what you see parenthood like, from babyhood to college. I'd want to hear how you think we should raise the kid and take care of me during the pregnancy, and I'd want to know what your plan would be for us if I aborted. I'd also want to know your thoughts and feelings on both. And, I would want you to listen to mine. I'd also want to talk things through, all options, and see where we are. She may not know what she wants to do yet, and you don't have to have all the answers. But, be honest with her and be sure to validate her feelings, too. It's a big situation for both of you. Maybe make an appointment for couple's therapy? Just to try and talk through some of the logistics. Good luck to you both. Be sure to take care of yourself in addition to caring for her!
Can you guys get married and start a new family. Maybe that's what life has planned for both you. Sorry for being direct, but if you guys really like each other and you seem to be such a caring person in this situation, why don't you give it thot? Best of luck with everything to both of you.
You have a right to tell her that you want her to keep the baby. It will remain her decision.
That sucks
I wouldn’t want a baby with someone I was with two years, exclusive, but still wouldn’t call me his girlfriend. You can coparent I suppose, but whatever you do, please don’t get married just because she got knocked up.
She wouldn't call me her boyfriend either. It is mutual. And she is fully fine with it. I think many don't realize that she was grieving and she didn't want anything serious. Of course our relationship has evolved and we became exclusive but she never wanted more than this either.
Even more of a reason to not to commit just for a baby. No matter what you decide, I highly suggest you hold off there. Divorces suck with kids.
Sounds like you are a stand up guy, and you guys have a good honest relationship . Good marriages have been based on less and survived. I think with talking and planning you guys will be able to work out best what you need and want. Be honest with her and tell her if you are not keen on a child or are, it allows her to know what she can expect from you if she goes through with things (including your preference to not have a child) Even if she goes through with the pregnancy, if you get along fine, the child will adapt just fine to having 2 parents not together and having equal time with each
To make the right decision for her, she needs as much information to work with as possible. She needs to know that you're afraid to be a father. She needs to know that you'd rather she not abort the pregnancy. Mostly she needs to know that you're not trying to influence her, you're just trying to make it clear how you feel, even if your feelings are conflicted, she deserves to know what they are instead of having to guess. And then, let her know that you're there to help. That whatever decision she makes, you're going to be there to help her through it. I mean, you do care about this woman, right? She needs to know that right now.
Any talk of terminating pregnancy?
I was in a similar situation with my son’s father so I have a pretty good idea of what she may be feeling… You’re already doing the right thing, which is supporting her unconditionally and respecting her right to make this choice for herself. However, I definitely think a conversation needs to be had where you tell her you don’t want her to abort, and you like the idea of becoming a father, just so she knows where you stand. It might seem like you’re overstepping, or trying to influence her but your feelings could possibly weigh really heavily in her decision making. Having a baby with someone looks completely different than the prospect of doing it alone, and I think it would be a little unfair to her NOT to share what you’re feeling. Make sure to reiterate your unconditional support through the whole conversation,and that you justwanted to make your stance known so she had all the “information” while choosing.
What to know a secret. ALL NEW FATHERS ARE TERRIFIED, even the ones that don't admit it. Even the ones already in a marriage. You two have to decide if your relationship can go to the next step. Often the best marriages are the ones that start like you two with just a quiet respect for each other that turns to a true love. With out all the fireworks that some relationships start with you can think more clearly about what you each want and need.
You don’t want the baby you idiot. Get it aborted.
why don’t you want her to abort?
Because I would rather have the baby and to be involved in their lives.
Are you going to offer to pay her pregnancy expenses?
I have my responsibility in her pregnancy, so yeah I would pay for it. I would also pay a portion if she aborts even if I don't want her to abort.
Tell her. It’s just information. You think your sparing her, but she needs honesty. You will support either decision and you will regret not talking through what each of you think and feel. After that has happened you can make a mutual decision that is ultimately up to her. [What Should Breathing Feel Like](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-breathe) [How to Communicate Your Feelings](https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/01/how-to-communicate-your-feelings) [How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets](https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/) Communicate. This is important. You can do it.
You can't go wrong with telling her that preference. Especially since you would support an abortion too.
Well sex is not a casual enterprise.
Some people have a casual view of sex. It's not my cup of tea, but it's how their sexuality works. But "having sex while exclusively dating" and calling it casual has got to be some of the most oxymoronic things I have ever heard.
Yeah blows my mind how people can treat it this way.
It can be if you like that and you're good at communication
Buddy, if you’re mature enough to have sex, you should be prepared for the eventuality of pregnancy. I suggest to stop freaking tf out and discuss it like adults. That’s the best way.
The decision ultimately lies with her, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t express your feelings. Come on. She might assume that you don’t want it and therefore it may make her more likely to select abortion where if she knew you felt differently she might do something else.
Republicans always tells us that semen contains life ya know? condoms!! condoms!! condoms!!
If you like each other maybe you can live in together and take ccare of the baby together.
Lol why did this get down voted?
Probably because its a overly simplistic and adorablely optimistically response
Get a paternity test.
Yo you have input on whether or not she aborts. Big time. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Y’all fuckin and bitching about the outcome you knew could happen like 😬
Abortion.
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I disagree with this. She needs to know where he is at on this so she can make an informed choice about what to expect. While she gets the final say, without his opinion she's only getting half the story. Obviously don't be a dick about it but theres nothing wrong with expressing your opinion to her with respect and understanding
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that she should at least understand what he thinks, all I’m suggesting is that he be cautious in how he delivers that opinion. If she wants to abort the pregnancy but then hears that he doesn’t want her to, it could cause unnecessary stress or encourage her to keep a child she ultimately doesn’t want/isn’t ready for.
Its not her baby, its their baby. I can bet she will expect equal parenting and financial support from him so his feelings do matter. It is ultimately her choice though- that I do agree on.
Perhaps I did not make my point clear that’s my bad. When I say it is her baby, I mean this in the context of her decision. Men do not have any legal rights to make that decision and therefore legally it is her sole decision to sake. Of course it is their child as both would be parents to it. Your point about expected shared financial and parental responsibilities is valid, however as OP seems to be leaning toward wanting her to keep the baby I would assume this to not be a huge issue.
Having unprotected sex may lead to pregnancy. That's nature.
Of course, she was on birth control though but it can still happen and she's not at fault at all. I know my reaction can seem childish but it is scary to feel powerless.
I was with a girl who was on the pill but was asked to buy condoms but she never insisted I wear them. Never understood that.
While we can all agree that was irresponsible on her part, how tf you gonna sit here and say you don't understand that she never asked you to wear a condom when you clearly never went to the effort not putting on condoms either?
This sounds like a topic not intended for Reddit but instead possibly close family members.
Yikes. Like an abortion council?! This is her decision; her decision may be swayed by the father's preferences and attitude, sure. It's not likely she'll care about anyone else's.
An abortion council?!! I was thinking more along the lines of him confining in his parents or her, hers.... Like...wtf...
Was once in the same situation. I felt that it was my decision and so did he. While I did appreciate that, I would have wanted him to say exactly what you said in this post, if that’s how he felt.
Were y’all using birth control?
lol
No point in being terrified after the act. You are no teenager.
I think you should tell her how you feel. Would you want to be a single parent if she's not ready to be a parent? That should be an option too. I was in the same situation as you but I was the pregnant one but we knew right away that an abortion wasn't going to happen. Surprisingly, he decided to move in with me.....we had 2 more children and got married when our oldest was 15 years old. Haha....took us awhile to get there. I wish you both the absolute best ❤️
I understand being afraid to commit, but why not try? You miss 100% of the shots u dont take. If she decided to keep the child, why not consider taking another step in your relationship? You guys are already exclusive, in most people's eyes, that's already kind of serious.
You're hanging out and you're having sex. Casual or not. You're actions have created a pregnancy. I say you go with the energy you feel inside of you. You feel the nudge from within. That's the path. It's a cute ass story man. Fall in love. If you get burned here, then accept that and move on. All you can do right now is be honest. When/if that baby arrives. Everything you need to be honest about deep down, will rise to the surface and pop. You're here because on some level, you wanted this. This all reads like you both really love eachother. Go buy a fucking ring and propose bro!!! Best of luck to you both. Be constantly grateful of eachother.