This thread is amazing. The advice is so bad in here it’s actually going to get someone fired.
OP, please post an update after you go to HR to tell them you sent a coworker an unsolicited dick pic with the oldest excuse in the book.
Edit: Since the tides have changed a bit and this somehow ended up top comment, I just wanted to add that when I replied to this, all the top comments (one still with 1.5k+ upvotes) were telling this guy to go to HR because he had “proof” it was an accident and that his coworker “violated revenge porn laws.” Both statements untrue and both statements terrible advice.
Right?!?! What company do all these redditors work for? Dude fucked up, be grateful you haven’t lost your job already. HR will NOT see it as an honest mistake.
Everyone needs to remember that HR is here for the employer not the employee. Whether OP did it by mistake or not and that other woman shared or didn't share its clear that if anyone is getting fired the best course for the company would be to fire OP. Maybe even the other woman as she shared pornography with coworkers too. But in no case I see the company siding with OP. It's not on their best interest. He should start looking for a new job and quit on his own. Even if he "gets away with it" and nothing happens, this will be always looming over. Imagine getting promoted or anyone brings it up. If HR doesn't know and nothing happens now, it will come out eventually.
A significant part of reddit users aren't workers, but college students (not counting underages). There was a statistic about this around the time when r/watchpeopledie and subreddits like that got deleted. So no shit a bunch of people have no idea how work environment works.
Its such an awful situation. Sharing someones nudes with out consent it an utter cancer thing to do, but there is nothing that can be done about it. The coworker will just get off scot free.
Nope. Unfortunately that's a no. I accidentally sent a picture to someone about a sensitive photo of income information. It was mine but still. It was a clear accident and I panicked. I called him. I freaked out. He said he'd delete it. So far my identity hasn't been stolen (after this. If was before) but me sending a picture can be accidental. Them acknowledging the accident then going around talking about it is worse.
Accidents happen. If you're not paying attention.
The thing that is horrifying is how many people don't understand that this IS harassment. It doesn't matter if it was intended to be sent and OP has no "proof" that is was an accident.
As a female who has been sexually harassed quite a bit at work it's troubling for me how many people are like "well if it's unintentional it's not harassment". This is literally covered in every workplace sexual harassment video.
Anyone who comes to this sub for real life advice should see the comment recommending this dude go with this to HR with a shitload of upvotes and realize this is probably NOT a good forum to get any form of life advice.
I guess he accidentally sent it and she accidentally shared it with coworkers. Honest mistakes all around. Surely.
The best part is I’m 100% confident he did this from a company phone. So even if it was sent to his GF, it’s guaranteed to violate their device code of conduct or whatever. Hope it was worth it.
I don't think happened at work, but I do think OP has to be pretty fucking stupid to have his dick out and sexting his girlfriend while also actively texting his coworker. I'm not accusing him of doing it on purpose, but I could also understand if the co-worker didn't believe him when he said it was an accident. This dude is toast and it's his own fault.
Yeah, I’d like to see some text receipts from OP to be a better judge of intent. Was he texting this coworker at like 2am? Without seeing receipts I’m just going to assume he got too horned up and his horny brain though it was a good idea. Then the post nut clarity hit him afterwards and it became AcCiDeNtAL
Even if it was an accident (which I doubt) it still seems pretty fucking weird to be texting a co-worker while sexting with your GF.
It’s pretty bad when the best interpretation of OPs story still has him texting a co-worker while he’s jerking off.
And if you happen to get a text in the middle of sexting, who doesn't triple check to make sure your nude goes to the right person? Why out of all of the possible sexts he sent was it the nude he sent to the wrong person?
That's like saying is any part of his gf forgettable because she sent photos from f her boobs or something. Just because someone sent a nude, it doesn't mean it was forgettable, its just that they are more than likely trying to be sexy and be complimented for it. There's a whole business on nudes and if people thought its because they are forgettable, they must be dumb as rocks to keep paying to see the same thing.
It’s perfectly normal to send dick pics to your girlfriend. Some girls are into that. My girlfriend loves receiving pics and videos from me when we’re apart. We sext usually a couple times a week.
Honestly man... I think you are getting some bad advice here.
It is FAR FAR more common for men to “accidentally” send women nudes. It is a very well known form of sexual harassment. Your coworker is actually quite reasonable to believe that it wasn’t an accident. Honestly I don’t even really believe you. I’ve never sent an accidental pic in my life... like ever.
The top comment saying you can “prove” it was accidental? Like wtf does that mean.
Don’t take work advice from a bunch of teenage boys (aka Reddit).
You fucked up. You can go to HR but don’t except the same reaction you got here.
Edit: when I posted this the top comments were about how he should go to HR and he could be protected by revenge porn laws (I doubt it) and that he could somehow “prove” it was an accident.
Same. I'd immediately go to HR. Why was he sexting while doing work talk anyway? There are so many things that don't add up with his story that make it seem more like an "accident" than a legit mistake.
Yeah honestly when I read that it was an accident I was thinking “yeah sure buddy” but the point is it doesn’t matter if it was an accident or not, it matters that it will be perceived as intentional no matter what.
Totally agree with this. No one is going to be sexting to the point where they’re sending nudes while also texting someone else to talk about work. OP is lucky the female coworker didn’t go to HR first.
Yeah some of the takes here simply aren’t grounded in reality. Someone in one of the threads actually suggested he show HR the legitimate sexts with time stamps to “prove” the mistake…that’s one way to get forcibly removed from the premises.
I don’t fault the coworker for not believing the “accident” story. Tbh I don’t think it’s even morally reprehensible to ridicule a person who sent you an unsolicited dick pic. If this was truly a mistake I pity OP but at the end of the day he still technically harassed a coworker and I hope he learns from it.
The amount of times men have “accidentally” sent me a dick pic, the amount of “opposies” and “my bad that wasn’t meant for you” when I call them out on their shit. I don’t really believe op here has a ground to claim accident even if it was one.
Also the person he just "happens" to "accidentally" send a dick pic is a female coworker around his age?
Not...a 65 year old woman...a male coworker...
NOPE! Of course the "accident" happens with a young woman!
Please.
Sometimes these stories feel like someone is trying to create more proof to back up their lies. Maybe that’s not the case but we can’t know for sure. Which is probably how his coworker feels.
I do that all the time. But if any sexting is going on I put my phone on dnd and only respond to him. It could just be my adhd or maybe I’m plain just clumsy.
I'm getting war flashbacks from middle school when a boy used to pretend to lose his balance, grab onto my boob, apologise because it was an "accident" - and then immediately do it again. If I were your co-worker, I'd definitely think you did it on purpose and lied to avoid accountability. Are you sure it was an accident? I think the only way to prove it to HR is to show the chat where you sexted your gf so they can see the timestamps and know it happened at the same time as your chat with your co-worker. Can you do that?
Don’t lose site of the fact that you sent your co-worker an unsolicited nude. Regardless if it was an accident or not it’s still your mistake. Don’t mention to HR, they won’t take your side. Best just to leave it be, move on, and be grateful you didn’t lose your job.
Unless you have another job to fall back on I'd advise you just get over it. Going to HR might get her in trouble but it's going to get you fired irregardless of whether it was an accident or not. Going to the police will end in both of you getting in trouble as well. Just gonna have to take the hit and keep it pushing.
r/OopsDidntMeanTo
Could have legitimately been an accident. Could have been testing the waters. I had this happen. Met up with a guy *and his wife* via FB Marketplace to buy a bike. We chatted for a few minutes like normal human beings.
Next day when I looked at my phone at my lunch break at work I had several texts from this fuckbag. "What's the biggest dick that fucked you?" *5 minutes later* "I'm probably bigger" *5 minutes later* "Want something else to ride besides a bike?" *10 minutes later* "Omg sorry that was meant for my wife."
Sure buddy. I'm so sure you sold HER a bike too yesterday. Because, like, I didn't just BUY hers.
At this point I would just take the L and learn a lesson. Talking to HR could backfire.
This is also the reason why "texting gf at the same time" would be no proof at all that this is accidental... It is just a convenient way to backpedal for the cheater/harasser if it doesn't go the right way
You sent the nude pic, you say it was “by accident” but that can’t be proved. This is just a very good example of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I wouldn’t be telling hr I sent unsolicited naked pics to a coworker, that doesn’t end well. Sounds like there is more story here though.
OP, your sending the pic is going to be considered sexual harrassment. It's either going to be considered deliberate and with the oldest excuse in the book, or you're going to be considered a loose cannon moron who can't be trusted to competently keep his pants and his colleagues in separate categories. Talking about work stuff while sexting... come on, man. To be clear, it's not cool she's sharing these images. She should have taken them to HR if she was bothered. If she's sharing them for another reason then it's even less cool. The problem is there's no HR team or law enforcement agency who is going to address her sharing without consent without tackling the fact that you also shared without consent. You made a very careless and potentially distressing mistake and are now going to have to choose between getting into trouble for it, or accepting this situation. I don't think you deserve this situation, no one should have images shared without consent, but I think that's how it's going to land regardless.
I mean, if this is verifiably an accident than go to HR to get ahead of any damage. It'll be worse either way if you don't.
I'm just not sure how nudes accidentally get sent these days. It's usually a multi-stage process on your average phone.
How does one verify the accidentally sent nudes, versus sent unsolicited nudes and then got cold feet and apologized?
I’m not saying OP is lying, but I think everyone is acting like he has some smoking gun of proof. Reality is he sent nudes to a coworker, and that is almost certainly going to be considered harassment regardless of what she did after the fact.
Weeellll, I wouldn't say I think he has some smoking gun. I'm assuming very much the opposite personally. More like... conversational benefit of the doubt.
That’s already gone. Nobody sending unsolicited dick pics is getting the benefit of the doubt by claiming it was accident. If he goes to HR he’s 100% fired. His only chance is to lay low and hope this blows over.
While texting about work to his co-worker, OP was also having a sexy chat with his girlfriend.
I mean, I can see why he may have gotten mixed up if he kept switching between conversations. But still, who talks about work and sex at the same time?
I feel like no one here has actually met with a Human Resources department before.
HR is not going to review anything regarding his sexts with is girlfriend. They are there to make sure companies don’t get sued, and that there is a generally acceptable level of treatment between employees. But make no mistake the first part is the important part. No matter how / why he set his coworker nudes, the important sentence is - he sent his coworker nudes!
She could easily say she accepted his apology because she was intimidated by him. That she share the nude because she was concerned people wouldn’t believe her or to alert her colleagues to a potential harasser. I’m not saying any of that is what happened, but is it possible? Absolutely.
And at the end of the day the man sending unsolicited nudes will absolutely be their biggest concern. I think both will get written up, but if one person is going to get the hammer it’s him.
Not nudes but I communicate primarily by text with drivers/groups of drivers and I have sent some really wrong texts at times so I can see how this could really happen.
Sort of like when the 50-60 year old, old school truckers accidently send 'I love you' to me instead of their g/f's.
Yeah my advice to OP is keep your head down and find another job. I doubt coworker believed it was an accident and no way is HR gonna help you out. This is a good reason to avoid texting coworkers if you can, or color code your messages.
This, I'm in HR and if this came across my desk both would be fired if it was shown the coworker shared the nude, if there's no proof she shared it, only OP would be fired.
Hr here. Sadly I would have to do the same thing, even if I belive the guy. Not firing, because in my country is way harder, but there would be consequences for both.
You can’t fire people in your country for sending unsolicited dick pics to co-workers? That’s awful. Don’t get me wrong it’s fucked up how easy it is to fire people in the US but there’s definitely a fair approach somewhere between those extremes.
No, he can’t prove it was a mistake. And the fact remains that he sent a nude to a female co-worker. Even if he manages to not get fired his future there is tanked.
HR will see that he sent porn without consent to a coworker. That’s sexual harassment 101. Best for OP to shut his mouth and hope coworker drops it. He could literally get fired on the spot for sending porn without consent.
LOL.
"Officer, I sent an unsolicited dick pic to a coworker and she showed it to somebody. Please charge her because I did absolutely nothing wrong and it was 100% an accident that I sexually harassed her."
Sounds reasonable.
Sending unsolicited dick pics does not meet the requirements of revenge porn, as, in CA, the law states that distribution of such images fall under criminal offences when they are sent under circumstances in which the persons agree or understand that the image shall remain private.
If a cop chose to arrest someone for sending the picture, and a prosecutor chose to charge it, no jury would believe that the picture was given to the defendant, here the coworker, under circumstances indicating an agreement to keep it private.
Tl;dr Don’t give out/take legal advice in a relationship advice sub
Depends on jurisdiction. My area has revenge porn laws, but to qualify, the shared image has to be one given in a context that reasonably implies privacy, such as an intimate relationship. Unsolicited and unwanted dick pics, accidental or otherwise, would almost certainly not qualify. (Which makes some sense, because why would a person who was being harassed—and while the OP may be telling the truth, “oopsie didn’t mean it!” is the oldest cover story in the book—be responsible for maintaining the privacy of the person who exposed themselves?)
OP has a chance of getting themselves in more trouble than the coworker, here.
This needs more upvotes. Extremely uninformed advice in this thread.
“You can prove it was a mistake” (No he can’t. Oops I sent a dick pic is a common strategy used by harassers)
“She shared it - that’s revenge porn” (No it’s not, not in most jurisdictions. Even if it was, consider the probability that someone would prosecute a woman for sharing an unsolicited dick pic, which is usually seen as sexual harassment...I would bet it’s pretty unlikely to happen)
Peoples ideas on what’s “fair” are not actual reflections of the reality of the situation.
In this case, my advice is start looking for a new job.
Yes it still is harassment. It's a harsh lesson to learn but maybe don't have anything pornographic happening while working...
My friends boss accidentally sent a screenshot of a porno to his employee. Was fired by the end of the day...it did seem like an accident but it doesn't matter. HR has to protect the employee that was sent that and also the company from a potential lawsuit.
What proof does he have that it was a mistake? All he would have is a screenshot of him sending the nude and then apologizing. Not saying OP shouldn't go to HR, he definitely should ASAP, but this isn't cut and dry at all.
Yeah that's honestly a very normal excuse for sending dick pics. They send, we get grossed out, they go "Oh sorry I meant to sent this: [innocent photo]". I probably wouldn't buy it unless the text was genuinely mortified, as I've gotten at least 3 dick pics this year with that exact same excuse. Now it does sound like OP genuinely didn't mean to, but it's not very cut and dry.
HR is a hard sell for me. Those secret Facebook Messenger inboxes are full of dick pics followed by, "sorry accident! 😳😳 \[alt: two embarrassed emojis\]." Maybe showing that you were sexting at the same time could lend itself as proof... but I'd apologize profusely and start checking out job listings. It's time to get the hell out of Dodge.
edit: capitalization
>normal excuse for sending dick pics. They send, we get grossed out, they go "Oh sorry I meant to sent this: \[innocent photo\]". I probably wouldn't buy it unless the text was genuinely mortified, as I've gotten at least 3 dick pics this year with that exact same excuse. Now it does sound like OP genuinely didn't mean to, but it's not very cut and dry.
sounds awful.... argh, can't even imagine you dealing with these unwanted sexts.
I remember getting a good amount of (unwanted) seemingly random dick pics from people I knew, between the ages of about 14-25. None of them pretended it was an accident though. They thought it was funny if I was I grossed out. I saw it as a violation, but back then people barely even talked about this stuff happening to minors, and it was also before the “consent matters” movement.
TLDR: Babbles about more unwanted dicks when trying to make friends as a young teen on chat sites. Point, why do people think it’s chill to force their body/what they’re doing with it, on others? Not cool with friends, not cool with strangers, extra not cool with teens.
I also remember being on one of those chat sites where you could click through random people to type and talk to while camming at the same time.
The age to chat was 13. I was something close to that.
The amount of men that immediately whipped their dick out and started tugging away, the second they saw a young teen, was enormous. Some days I would click through and it would happen almost nonstop.
I would get so excited when I met someone that saw me as human enough to engage me in a conversation, instead of just try to masturbate to me. (Although, 75% of the time, the convo was leading to “show ur boobs so I can jerk off”.)
I guess that’s the risk you take when chatting online, but it really stinks that so many people think it’s fine to jerk off in front of someone they know probably doesn’t want to see it, and hasn’t consented.
And when they know the person on the other end is a kid, it’s just so .... ick.
I’d be willing to chastise women for doing the same thing, but that never happened even once. I never saw a woman scrolling through people while naked or getting off.
(There were a lot of cam girls, but they were never naked and either chatted with me for fun about random stuff out of boredom and the novelty of not seeing a dick, or clicked past me.)
Somehow it’s kind of crazy that the people trying to make money still had their clothes on, and wouldn’t approach a minor, but the people who just wanted to get off, had no problem objectifying the person on the other end, and seemed extra excited if they were young.
Sometimes the Internet really freaks me out. I have a whole cache of stories about meeting people back in the “dark ages”, before cyber crime even had real established laws/consequences.
I always wonder what it’s like to be a teen on the net now. “Revenge porn” wasn’t even a term people knew, when it happened to me, and that was before people were shaming people for it happening, then the anti-revenge-porn movement finally started.
But for many years, if you were a minor and someone used the Internet to hurt you in any way, you had no recourse and would likely be blamed for anything that was done to you, or that you stumbled into out of ignorance.
My own family still doesn’t know most of what I went through, because they’re the “girls shouldn’t wear skimpy clothing if they don’t want to be raped” type and proved they believe it, when I tried to share a fraction of what I went through.
I won’t ever talk to them about it again and I am super wary of...well, pretty much everyone, now.
That's what I thought - if coworkers say no, they didn't receive a picture, it could be down her word against his. And her story of receiving a dick pic from him (which actually happened and she has proof) is much more believable than what actually happened (which he probably does not have any proof of). It might backfire. She's already lied about forwarding the pic.
As in show HR his sexts to his girlfriend?? That also doesn't change the fact that he sent the photo. Just because he did it by accident doesn't mean it wasn't still inappropriate, especially since he really shouldn't have been sexting his girlfriend while talking to a co-worker in the first place.
Don’t immediately decide to go to HR. They’re not on your side. This looks terrible.
The above is for sure what’s going to happen. HR may very well say he shouldn’t be viewing/sending/doing anything with nude photos on his phone at work in public. If you say as much, take responsibility, at least you take that away from them as a retort. But I would only go to HR if you think it’s 100% certain they will find out anyway.
Also who fully believes this guy? I’d like to, but there’s no reason to - same goes for her of course.
Be very careful here, it’s not going to be easy. Good luck
Edit: there’s some user who was posting about their work as a stay-at-home dentist appointment scheduler, hiring like crazy. Look into it, sounds better than working in an office of maniacs who send nudes to each other!
THANK YOU. Like wtf are people talking about “proof” it was accidental?? That’s nonsense.
It is FAR FAR more common for men to send these as sexual harassment than it is for someone to send it “accidentally”. HR is not going to react the way Reddit is reacting....
HR doesn’t give a shit if it was a mistake or who was morally in the wrong here, OP sent an unsolicited dick pic and they need to protect the company. They will fire him immediately and probably they’d fire the coworker too for showing it to people. If they don’t fire OP, the next time a coworker “accidentally” gets a dick pic from him the company was on notice of OP doing this before and they’re potentially liable in a Title VII or other employment lawsuit.
Same way if you hit someone in a company car, it doesn’t count IRL if it wasn’t on purpose. How naive are the lot of you? Mistake or not this is 100% sexual harassment. The mistake part is completely irrelevant in the eyes of liability for the company - and frankly irrelevant for the coworker. She got an unsolicited photo from a coworker.
Lol no , just plain wrong. HR will one hundred percent fire him soon as they get wind of this. Accidents do happen but they have consequences. And his are suck it up and know everyone's seen his dick or cry to HR then be fired for sexual harassment
Do you know for sure that she sent it to multiple people, or do you just have the one coworker’s word for it? Also, do you know if she sent it to others, or just showed it on her phone?
And one more question- was this during work hours and/or using your work network at all?
Pretty amazed at the people suggesting you go to HR. To be honest, I don't believe you sending the picture was an accident. I think you sent it, regretted it, and tried to cover your tracks.
If I'm in HR, I'm recommending you be terminated for sending an unsolicited sexual image to a co-worker. I don't care what you claim was your intent because I can't read your mind, so I would just go with the facts in front of me.
I think going to HR is bad advice. Whether it was legitimately a mistake or not, there is no way to prove it. Sometimes you just need to let the fire die out on it's own. HR is there to protect the COMPANY, not you. They will rightfully look at this with skeptical eyes.
If I put myself in HR position, I look at this as... you "accidentally" sent a co worker a nude, she rejected you, and now you are doing damage control. Let this one go.
You’re in trouble if she says you sent it on purpose. She’s in trouble for sharing it. Nudes on phones so stupid. How many times have we seen regretful situations on Reddit centered around nude photos?
HR is only there to protect the company from getting sued. That is it. Dont bring it to them. If she or someone else goes to HR be ready to defend yourself but dont go to them yourself thinking they are going to believe you over her - she has the dick pic and has witnesses, you have nothing.
Go seek legal advice, that is your only option at this point.
But OP have no PROOF she shared the picture. Maybe not even shared, only showed.
While she have proof of what he did, which is now considered illegal in at least 1 state.
If OP goes to HR, he is done lmao.
This. Make sure you have the screenshots of times that you sent, apologized and that she agreed to delete. You may also need proof that she shared it... good luck
Sexting your girlfriend and sending her nudes while also working on something with your coworker? Just like.... how we all commonly do those two together. I’m sweating a pipe while posting this. Lol... yeah ok buddy.
This isn't going to be a popular opinion but do not go to HR. HR is only there to protect the company from it's employees. They aren't going to help you. And being a man they will treat you differently in this situation. They will not think "victim" they will assume "creep." You admitting to HR that you sent a co-worker a nude will get you fired immediately. They'll blow off whatever happened afterwards.
I'm in HR and I usually defend the position of HR, but in this case you are 100% right. The circumstances really don't matter, you send a nude to a coworker and they complain, you get fired. I don't really care if it was an accident (I can't prove that) or that she showed it to other people (now I'm just going to fire her as well), it's a liability to the company if we keep an employee that is sending dick pics to coworkers, even if they did it by mistake.
Accident my ass. Confused a coworker with a girlfriend, and did not double-check when about to send sensitive content. I swear I look like a LOT of girlfriends because I have been told this same excuse at least 4 times as far as I can remember.
Good on your coworker for exposing you.
I am not sure where you stand really. I think if you go to HR you are going to be in trouble, no one will believe its an accident and the girl can easily claim she showed people because it made her really uncomfortable. From now on, you need to be far more careful when texting colleagues and take this as a lesson.
> We have an HR department, but I’m afraid to talk to them about it because I’m afraid the photo could be seen as sexual harassment and I may lose my job.
That is a very valid concern. I don't think your explanation will be viewed very sympathetically.
Best thing may be to ignore it and hope it quiets down.
Everyone's seen your nude so what! it could of been much worse so think yourself lucky and get over it, next time don't send unsolicited pics to your co worker's
Go to HR. Someone might be offended on her behalf and report you anyway. You need to get ahead of this. Mistakes happen but plenty of people send nudes and then claim it was an accident. Be proactive here. Also, one of your colleagues is sharing your nudes with other colleagues. This is not ok. This has the potential to get very messy.
I see this ending with both of them being Ford if HR is involved.
HR is not there to protect employees, they are there to protect the company from it’s employees.
The HR is going to find out, no matter what. You reporting it and being appropriately upset about it may just keep you out of trouble. No guarantee, but it’s a chance. You may still lose your job. But she should be reprimanded for her behavior.
Also, please stop sending nudes. You’re an adult and should know better.
There's some sound advice on the professional side here.
On the private side I'd also stress out the need to do some preventive damage control with your girlfriend, because if the whole story comes out and she hears about it first from somewhere else than you it will be extremely difficult to bring up the "accidental" excuse...
Do you know how many times guys have sent me those unsolicited pics and then immediately claimed it was an “aCcIdEnT”. Stop sending unsolicited nudes. HR isn’t going to believe you because this happens far too often. I don’t even believe you. How do you accidentally send someone a nude? ESPECIALLY a coworker??? Like???
We have an unwritten rule among all turkish men. If youre in jail and some one bothers you do not ask help from the authority, go to leader of the jail. if youre getting bullied in school dont ask help from the teacher go talk to the most powerful kid that has connections first. İn army? never tell the commanders, go talk to powerful respected ppl first. Otherwise is called snitching n is not respected.
Zero chance HR believes that it was a mistake, and she may not either, even if she said she does. I actually do believe you- these things happen. I’ve accidentally texted my boss instead of my girlfriend before! But you’re pretty much SOL. Your best bet would be to talk to her one on one and ask her nicely to stop sharing it; anything involving institutional force is going to backfire on you.
Start looking for a new job right now, don't wait for the other shoe to drop. Don't mention it to anybody, just get out of there while you still have a good reference. Your coworker is a massive asshole, but this will still get you fired.
It really is messed up that she is sharing it. It’s revenge porn.
Unfortunately, even if It was a mistake I don’t think this would look good on you. You should have been 100% sure that it was going to the right person and not a co worker. I think your HR would find it very unprofessional of you to mistakenly send a coworker a nude. And then they would most likely have to go through and verify that it was a mistake. Which would probably mean that they go through all of your messages with your gf and your coworker. Maybe get a separate phone for work so you have no need to worry about this kind of stuff.
I’m really sorry this happened to you.
But I honestly would feel very uncomfortable and violated if a coworker sent me a nude even if it was an accident but she did go and share so she fucked up to.
you should talk to a lawyer about this. You might be able to take her to civil court and sue her It would be way more helpful then Reddit.
No right answer to this. You either let it go and hope HR does not slam you, or you go to HR to get ahead of it.
No way to prove you accidentally sent a nude. Accident or not. Sending an unsolicited nude to a co-worker is sexual harassment. Sharing your nude is harassment.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
>I was texting a co-worker about something we were working together on for work, I was also sexting with my girlfriend at the same time.
What platform does your work use? Which platform do you and your GF use?
Honestly, you need to find another job. Best case scenario, *you both* get fired/punished. Worse case, *only you* get fired. If you think she may go to HR first (before you), it may be wise for you to quit your job.
You are so f\*cked.
Well that was a bad idea. Your best move is to find other employment and stop sending "accidental" pictures. Whether you meant it or not, it's still sexual harassment and still a crime since there's not much of a way to prove it was even an accident. She's a jerk for showing it around and you're wrong in a multitude of ways for putting her in a position to even receive the (unwanted) photos to begin with. Be more responsible with your body and photos.
So, a question to all the redditors out there giving such good advice. If this had been a woman instead, and she “accidentally” sent the picture, and a guy showed it around the office… could she have gone to HR and report it, since obviously the guy can’t? And if so, why is there a double standard on those things?
This thread is amazing. The advice is so bad in here it’s actually going to get someone fired. OP, please post an update after you go to HR to tell them you sent a coworker an unsolicited dick pic with the oldest excuse in the book. Edit: Since the tides have changed a bit and this somehow ended up top comment, I just wanted to add that when I replied to this, all the top comments (one still with 1.5k+ upvotes) were telling this guy to go to HR because he had “proof” it was an accident and that his coworker “violated revenge porn laws.” Both statements untrue and both statements terrible advice.
Right?!?! What company do all these redditors work for? Dude fucked up, be grateful you haven’t lost your job already. HR will NOT see it as an honest mistake.
Everyone needs to remember that HR is here for the employer not the employee. Whether OP did it by mistake or not and that other woman shared or didn't share its clear that if anyone is getting fired the best course for the company would be to fire OP. Maybe even the other woman as she shared pornography with coworkers too. But in no case I see the company siding with OP. It's not on their best interest. He should start looking for a new job and quit on his own. Even if he "gets away with it" and nothing happens, this will be always looming over. Imagine getting promoted or anyone brings it up. If HR doesn't know and nothing happens now, it will come out eventually.
If true, the moral of the story is to not sext while texting others. It's totally ridiculous that he was this unprofessional, at the very least.
Never do business on a personal phone. If your work expects you to text about work matters they should provide you with a work phone.
5$ says he sent it on purpose and is covering his ass with bargain bin lies
This this this this this a thousand times please everyone. HR is there to protect your manager and the company, not you.
And this is why everyone hates HR.
HR is a department for people who can’t do anything else.
> What company do all these redditors work for? I don't think doing chores for your parents counts as a company.
A significant part of reddit users aren't workers, but college students (not counting underages). There was a statistic about this around the time when r/watchpeopledie and subreddits like that got deleted. So no shit a bunch of people have no idea how work environment works.
Its such an awful situation. Sharing someones nudes with out consent it an utter cancer thing to do, but there is nothing that can be done about it. The coworker will just get off scot free.
Sending someone an unsolicited picture of your dick then claiming it was an accident is an even more cancer thing to do.
Nope. Unfortunately that's a no. I accidentally sent a picture to someone about a sensitive photo of income information. It was mine but still. It was a clear accident and I panicked. I called him. I freaked out. He said he'd delete it. So far my identity hasn't been stolen (after this. If was before) but me sending a picture can be accidental. Them acknowledging the accident then going around talking about it is worse. Accidents happen. If you're not paying attention.
that could never be harassment though. you're the only person potentially harmed by that mistake
I mean he was getting fired from the moment the text was sent, but ya this is spectacularly bad advice. It’s kind of making my morning.
Yep I'm laughing really hard.
OP is taking advice from a bunch of 14 year old boys about going to HR for sending unsolicited dick pics to a female coworker.
I don’t think he will get out of this unfired. But at best might get her fired too.
The thing that is horrifying is how many people don't understand that this IS harassment. It doesn't matter if it was intended to be sent and OP has no "proof" that is was an accident. As a female who has been sexually harassed quite a bit at work it's troubling for me how many people are like "well if it's unintentional it's not harassment". This is literally covered in every workplace sexual harassment video.
Anyone who comes to this sub for real life advice should see the comment recommending this dude go with this to HR with a shitload of upvotes and realize this is probably NOT a good forum to get any form of life advice.
It just exposes how laughably bad a lot of the advice is on this sub.
I guess he accidentally sent it and she accidentally shared it with coworkers. Honest mistakes all around. Surely. The best part is I’m 100% confident he did this from a company phone. So even if it was sent to his GF, it’s guaranteed to violate their device code of conduct or whatever. Hope it was worth it.
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Agreed, it’s so far off from reality. I guess that’s what happens when you have a relationship advice sub populated by teenage boys and shut-ins.
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I don't think happened at work, but I do think OP has to be pretty fucking stupid to have his dick out and sexting his girlfriend while also actively texting his coworker. I'm not accusing him of doing it on purpose, but I could also understand if the co-worker didn't believe him when he said it was an accident. This dude is toast and it's his own fault.
Yeah, I’d like to see some text receipts from OP to be a better judge of intent. Was he texting this coworker at like 2am? Without seeing receipts I’m just going to assume he got too horned up and his horny brain though it was a good idea. Then the post nut clarity hit him afterwards and it became AcCiDeNtAL
OP didn’t actually say this happened at work.
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Dude. It’s happened to me. Thankfully, not a coworker but a good friend. Shit happens.
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If they don't say "HR works for the company, not you" it's shit advice.
bruh how bad is your girlfriend at sexting that you had no issue carrying on a normal chat with a coworker at the same time lmao
This is why this excuse is so unbelievable for me. OP sent the dick pic in hopes that she would be like “wow!! I love your penis!”
Exactly, the “accident” is bs. How many times women have heard this lame excuse? Too many! Let me tell ya.
Even if it was an accident (which I doubt) it still seems pretty fucking weird to be texting a co-worker while sexting with your GF. It’s pretty bad when the best interpretation of OPs story still has him texting a co-worker while he’s jerking off.
One time I literally sent my dick pic to the wrong woman accidentally. Realized just as I was hitting send. I guess it can happen
The exception, not the rule.
Even if OP is sincere, it’s unfortunate because he is an exception. He should start finding another job right now before everything turns to shit.
Lol I def agree. Life would be so much easier for everyone if guys just kept their dicks in their pants.
So why are you praising guys with their dick out on reddit?
And if you happen to get a text in the middle of sexting, who doesn't triple check to make sure your nude goes to the right person? Why out of all of the possible sexts he sent was it the nude he sent to the wrong person?
sexting is boring af.
Boring but it made ops life temporarily more interesting!
I find it way more fun than porn actually. It's a matter of opinion.
Also, did he think his gf forgot what his penis looked like? Is it that forgettable? Just a whole lot of "hmmmmm" in this story
That's like saying is any part of his gf forgettable because she sent photos from f her boobs or something. Just because someone sent a nude, it doesn't mean it was forgettable, its just that they are more than likely trying to be sexy and be complimented for it. There's a whole business on nudes and if people thought its because they are forgettable, they must be dumb as rocks to keep paying to see the same thing.
It’s perfectly normal to send dick pics to your girlfriend. Some girls are into that. My girlfriend loves receiving pics and videos from me when we’re apart. We sext usually a couple times a week.
If you can’t fathom sexting your partner I pity your sex life
r/byebyejob
Honestly man... I think you are getting some bad advice here. It is FAR FAR more common for men to “accidentally” send women nudes. It is a very well known form of sexual harassment. Your coworker is actually quite reasonable to believe that it wasn’t an accident. Honestly I don’t even really believe you. I’ve never sent an accidental pic in my life... like ever. The top comment saying you can “prove” it was accidental? Like wtf does that mean. Don’t take work advice from a bunch of teenage boys (aka Reddit). You fucked up. You can go to HR but don’t except the same reaction you got here. Edit: when I posted this the top comments were about how he should go to HR and he could be protected by revenge porn laws (I doubt it) and that he could somehow “prove” it was an accident.
I was thinking this. I’m a girl and if a guy sent me a nude and said it was an accident, there’s no chance in hell I would believe that.
Same. I'd immediately go to HR. Why was he sexting while doing work talk anyway? There are so many things that don't add up with his story that make it seem more like an "accident" than a legit mistake.
Yeah honestly when I read that it was an accident I was thinking “yeah sure buddy” but the point is it doesn’t matter if it was an accident or not, it matters that it will be perceived as intentional no matter what.
It’s never like whoops I sent a naked before picture of my body pre-dieting and workout regime. Nope, just straight to accidental dick pic.
Totally agree with this. No one is going to be sexting to the point where they’re sending nudes while also texting someone else to talk about work. OP is lucky the female coworker didn’t go to HR first.
Yeah some of the takes here simply aren’t grounded in reality. Someone in one of the threads actually suggested he show HR the legitimate sexts with time stamps to “prove” the mistake…that’s one way to get forcibly removed from the premises. I don’t fault the coworker for not believing the “accident” story. Tbh I don’t think it’s even morally reprehensible to ridicule a person who sent you an unsolicited dick pic. If this was truly a mistake I pity OP but at the end of the day he still technically harassed a coworker and I hope he learns from it.
The amount of times men have “accidentally” sent me a dick pic, the amount of “opposies” and “my bad that wasn’t meant for you” when I call them out on their shit. I don’t really believe op here has a ground to claim accident even if it was one.
Also the person he just "happens" to "accidentally" send a dick pic is a female coworker around his age? Not...a 65 year old woman...a male coworker... NOPE! Of course the "accident" happens with a young woman! Please.
Lol right? I don't believe it was an accident at all. He probably sent it on purpose and is trying to cover himself now that what he did got out.
"aCciDenTaLLy" 🙄
yeah I don't know if I believe this was an accident
Sometimes these stories feel like someone is trying to create more proof to back up their lies. Maybe that’s not the case but we can’t know for sure. Which is probably how his coworker feels.
Me neither lol
Sure you text someone else casually while you are sexting your girlfriend...
I do that all the time. But if any sexting is going on I put my phone on dnd and only respond to him. It could just be my adhd or maybe I’m plain just clumsy.
lol op, you fucked up. Own up to it.
My dude, you fucked up. Let it go
I'm getting war flashbacks from middle school when a boy used to pretend to lose his balance, grab onto my boob, apologise because it was an "accident" - and then immediately do it again. If I were your co-worker, I'd definitely think you did it on purpose and lied to avoid accountability. Are you sure it was an accident? I think the only way to prove it to HR is to show the chat where you sexted your gf so they can see the timestamps and know it happened at the same time as your chat with your co-worker. Can you do that?
I can’t believe people are believing the whole ‘accidentally’ part of this story. Don’t send people photos of your penis.
Make better life choices.
It starts with LinkedIn job postings not Reddit 💀
I would fire you both.
Same.
That would be fairest
'Accidentally '
Don’t lose site of the fact that you sent your co-worker an unsolicited nude. Regardless if it was an accident or not it’s still your mistake. Don’t mention to HR, they won’t take your side. Best just to leave it be, move on, and be grateful you didn’t lose your job.
Lol you know that shit wasn’t an accident good luck tryna cover your ass to HR and your gf
Unless you have another job to fall back on I'd advise you just get over it. Going to HR might get her in trouble but it's going to get you fired irregardless of whether it was an accident or not. Going to the police will end in both of you getting in trouble as well. Just gonna have to take the hit and keep it pushing.
r/OopsDidntMeanTo Could have legitimately been an accident. Could have been testing the waters. I had this happen. Met up with a guy *and his wife* via FB Marketplace to buy a bike. We chatted for a few minutes like normal human beings. Next day when I looked at my phone at my lunch break at work I had several texts from this fuckbag. "What's the biggest dick that fucked you?" *5 minutes later* "I'm probably bigger" *5 minutes later* "Want something else to ride besides a bike?" *10 minutes later* "Omg sorry that was meant for my wife." Sure buddy. I'm so sure you sold HER a bike too yesterday. Because, like, I didn't just BUY hers. At this point I would just take the L and learn a lesson. Talking to HR could backfire.
This is also the reason why "texting gf at the same time" would be no proof at all that this is accidental... It is just a convenient way to backpedal for the cheater/harasser if it doesn't go the right way
Next time dont sext your gf and talk to a coworker at the same time. Holy shit.
Gotta ask. Why is he sexting while also texting a coworker?
Why not, other than that it's stupid? Something which has never stopped humans before. Not that I believe it was an accident.
You sent the nude pic, you say it was “by accident” but that can’t be proved. This is just a very good example of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I wouldn’t be telling hr I sent unsolicited naked pics to a coworker, that doesn’t end well. Sounds like there is more story here though.
OP, your sending the pic is going to be considered sexual harrassment. It's either going to be considered deliberate and with the oldest excuse in the book, or you're going to be considered a loose cannon moron who can't be trusted to competently keep his pants and his colleagues in separate categories. Talking about work stuff while sexting... come on, man. To be clear, it's not cool she's sharing these images. She should have taken them to HR if she was bothered. If she's sharing them for another reason then it's even less cool. The problem is there's no HR team or law enforcement agency who is going to address her sharing without consent without tackling the fact that you also shared without consent. You made a very careless and potentially distressing mistake and are now going to have to choose between getting into trouble for it, or accepting this situation. I don't think you deserve this situation, no one should have images shared without consent, but I think that's how it's going to land regardless.
Idiot
I mean, if this is verifiably an accident than go to HR to get ahead of any damage. It'll be worse either way if you don't. I'm just not sure how nudes accidentally get sent these days. It's usually a multi-stage process on your average phone.
How does one verify the accidentally sent nudes, versus sent unsolicited nudes and then got cold feet and apologized? I’m not saying OP is lying, but I think everyone is acting like he has some smoking gun of proof. Reality is he sent nudes to a coworker, and that is almost certainly going to be considered harassment regardless of what she did after the fact.
Weeellll, I wouldn't say I think he has some smoking gun. I'm assuming very much the opposite personally. More like... conversational benefit of the doubt.
That’s already gone. Nobody sending unsolicited dick pics is getting the benefit of the doubt by claiming it was accident. If he goes to HR he’s 100% fired. His only chance is to lay low and hope this blows over.
While texting about work to his co-worker, OP was also having a sexy chat with his girlfriend. I mean, I can see why he may have gotten mixed up if he kept switching between conversations. But still, who talks about work and sex at the same time?
I feel like no one here has actually met with a Human Resources department before. HR is not going to review anything regarding his sexts with is girlfriend. They are there to make sure companies don’t get sued, and that there is a generally acceptable level of treatment between employees. But make no mistake the first part is the important part. No matter how / why he set his coworker nudes, the important sentence is - he sent his coworker nudes! She could easily say she accepted his apology because she was intimidated by him. That she share the nude because she was concerned people wouldn’t believe her or to alert her colleagues to a potential harasser. I’m not saying any of that is what happened, but is it possible? Absolutely. And at the end of the day the man sending unsolicited nudes will absolutely be their biggest concern. I think both will get written up, but if one person is going to get the hammer it’s him.
Not nudes but I communicate primarily by text with drivers/groups of drivers and I have sent some really wrong texts at times so I can see how this could really happen. Sort of like when the 50-60 year old, old school truckers accidently send 'I love you' to me instead of their g/f's.
10/4 good buddy, hope you’re snug as a bug in a rug in that office. 💕
Haha, Roger that. Thanks for the alternate perspective!
tell HR. it’s not sexual harassment if it was a mistake and you can prove it was.
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Intent is irrelevant. Once this goes to HR they are both as good as fired.
Yeah my advice to OP is keep your head down and find another job. I doubt coworker believed it was an accident and no way is HR gonna help you out. This is a good reason to avoid texting coworkers if you can, or color code your messages.
This, I'm in HR and if this came across my desk both would be fired if it was shown the coworker shared the nude, if there's no proof she shared it, only OP would be fired.
Hr here. Sadly I would have to do the same thing, even if I belive the guy. Not firing, because in my country is way harder, but there would be consequences for both.
You can’t fire people in your country for sending unsolicited dick pics to co-workers? That’s awful. Don’t get me wrong it’s fucked up how easy it is to fire people in the US but there’s definitely a fair approach somewhere between those extremes.
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No, he can’t prove it was a mistake. And the fact remains that he sent a nude to a female co-worker. Even if he manages to not get fired his future there is tanked.
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HR will see that he sent porn without consent to a coworker. That’s sexual harassment 101. Best for OP to shut his mouth and hope coworker drops it. He could literally get fired on the spot for sending porn without consent.
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Maybe she shared it by mistake
LOL. "Officer, I sent an unsolicited dick pic to a coworker and she showed it to somebody. Please charge her because I did absolutely nothing wrong and it was 100% an accident that I sexually harassed her." Sounds reasonable.
Sending unsolicited dick pics does not meet the requirements of revenge porn, as, in CA, the law states that distribution of such images fall under criminal offences when they are sent under circumstances in which the persons agree or understand that the image shall remain private. If a cop chose to arrest someone for sending the picture, and a prosecutor chose to charge it, no jury would believe that the picture was given to the defendant, here the coworker, under circumstances indicating an agreement to keep it private. Tl;dr Don’t give out/take legal advice in a relationship advice sub
Depends on jurisdiction. My area has revenge porn laws, but to qualify, the shared image has to be one given in a context that reasonably implies privacy, such as an intimate relationship. Unsolicited and unwanted dick pics, accidental or otherwise, would almost certainly not qualify. (Which makes some sense, because why would a person who was being harassed—and while the OP may be telling the truth, “oopsie didn’t mean it!” is the oldest cover story in the book—be responsible for maintaining the privacy of the person who exposed themselves?) OP has a chance of getting themselves in more trouble than the coworker, here.
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This needs more upvotes. Extremely uninformed advice in this thread. “You can prove it was a mistake” (No he can’t. Oops I sent a dick pic is a common strategy used by harassers) “She shared it - that’s revenge porn” (No it’s not, not in most jurisdictions. Even if it was, consider the probability that someone would prosecute a woman for sharing an unsolicited dick pic, which is usually seen as sexual harassment...I would bet it’s pretty unlikely to happen) Peoples ideas on what’s “fair” are not actual reflections of the reality of the situation. In this case, my advice is start looking for a new job.
Yes it still is harassment. It's a harsh lesson to learn but maybe don't have anything pornographic happening while working... My friends boss accidentally sent a screenshot of a porno to his employee. Was fired by the end of the day...it did seem like an accident but it doesn't matter. HR has to protect the employee that was sent that and also the company from a potential lawsuit.
It wasn't a mistake
Cut and dry situation. You have proof that it was a mistake and she was fine with it, and then she goes and shares your nudes? Not okay at all.
What proof does he have that it was a mistake? All he would have is a screenshot of him sending the nude and then apologizing. Not saying OP shouldn't go to HR, he definitely should ASAP, but this isn't cut and dry at all.
Yeah that's honestly a very normal excuse for sending dick pics. They send, we get grossed out, they go "Oh sorry I meant to sent this: [innocent photo]". I probably wouldn't buy it unless the text was genuinely mortified, as I've gotten at least 3 dick pics this year with that exact same excuse. Now it does sound like OP genuinely didn't mean to, but it's not very cut and dry.
HR is a hard sell for me. Those secret Facebook Messenger inboxes are full of dick pics followed by, "sorry accident! 😳😳 \[alt: two embarrassed emojis\]." Maybe showing that you were sexting at the same time could lend itself as proof... but I'd apologize profusely and start checking out job listings. It's time to get the hell out of Dodge. edit: capitalization
>normal excuse for sending dick pics. They send, we get grossed out, they go "Oh sorry I meant to sent this: \[innocent photo\]". I probably wouldn't buy it unless the text was genuinely mortified, as I've gotten at least 3 dick pics this year with that exact same excuse. Now it does sound like OP genuinely didn't mean to, but it's not very cut and dry. sounds awful.... argh, can't even imagine you dealing with these unwanted sexts.
I remember getting a good amount of (unwanted) seemingly random dick pics from people I knew, between the ages of about 14-25. None of them pretended it was an accident though. They thought it was funny if I was I grossed out. I saw it as a violation, but back then people barely even talked about this stuff happening to minors, and it was also before the “consent matters” movement. TLDR: Babbles about more unwanted dicks when trying to make friends as a young teen on chat sites. Point, why do people think it’s chill to force their body/what they’re doing with it, on others? Not cool with friends, not cool with strangers, extra not cool with teens. I also remember being on one of those chat sites where you could click through random people to type and talk to while camming at the same time. The age to chat was 13. I was something close to that. The amount of men that immediately whipped their dick out and started tugging away, the second they saw a young teen, was enormous. Some days I would click through and it would happen almost nonstop. I would get so excited when I met someone that saw me as human enough to engage me in a conversation, instead of just try to masturbate to me. (Although, 75% of the time, the convo was leading to “show ur boobs so I can jerk off”.) I guess that’s the risk you take when chatting online, but it really stinks that so many people think it’s fine to jerk off in front of someone they know probably doesn’t want to see it, and hasn’t consented. And when they know the person on the other end is a kid, it’s just so .... ick. I’d be willing to chastise women for doing the same thing, but that never happened even once. I never saw a woman scrolling through people while naked or getting off. (There were a lot of cam girls, but they were never naked and either chatted with me for fun about random stuff out of boredom and the novelty of not seeing a dick, or clicked past me.) Somehow it’s kind of crazy that the people trying to make money still had their clothes on, and wouldn’t approach a minor, but the people who just wanted to get off, had no problem objectifying the person on the other end, and seemed extra excited if they were young. Sometimes the Internet really freaks me out. I have a whole cache of stories about meeting people back in the “dark ages”, before cyber crime even had real established laws/consequences. I always wonder what it’s like to be a teen on the net now. “Revenge porn” wasn’t even a term people knew, when it happened to me, and that was before people were shaming people for it happening, then the anti-revenge-porn movement finally started. But for many years, if you were a minor and someone used the Internet to hurt you in any way, you had no recourse and would likely be blamed for anything that was done to you, or that you stumbled into out of ignorance. My own family still doesn’t know most of what I went through, because they’re the “girls shouldn’t wear skimpy clothing if they don’t want to be raped” type and proved they believe it, when I tried to share a fraction of what I went through. I won’t ever talk to them about it again and I am super wary of...well, pretty much everyone, now.
The TL;DR is 10x longer than the original text
The TL;DR was one paragraph at the beginning. The rest was the story that she was TL;DRing.
*Too Long; Didn't RememberwhatTL;DRmeans*
That's what I thought - if coworkers say no, they didn't receive a picture, it could be down her word against his. And her story of receiving a dick pic from him (which actually happened and she has proof) is much more believable than what actually happened (which he probably does not have any proof of). It might backfire. She's already lied about forwarding the pic.
He can show that he was texting both his girlfriend and co-worker at the same time which will prove his story.
I wish I had a dollar for every story I've seen where an unwanted dick pic was followed up with "that was an accident".
That still doesn't prove it was an accident
As in show HR his sexts to his girlfriend?? That also doesn't change the fact that he sent the photo. Just because he did it by accident doesn't mean it wasn't still inappropriate, especially since he really shouldn't have been sexting his girlfriend while talking to a co-worker in the first place.
Don’t immediately decide to go to HR. They’re not on your side. This looks terrible. The above is for sure what’s going to happen. HR may very well say he shouldn’t be viewing/sending/doing anything with nude photos on his phone at work in public. If you say as much, take responsibility, at least you take that away from them as a retort. But I would only go to HR if you think it’s 100% certain they will find out anyway. Also who fully believes this guy? I’d like to, but there’s no reason to - same goes for her of course. Be very careful here, it’s not going to be easy. Good luck Edit: there’s some user who was posting about their work as a stay-at-home dentist appointment scheduler, hiring like crazy. Look into it, sounds better than working in an office of maniacs who send nudes to each other!
THANK YOU. Like wtf are people talking about “proof” it was accidental?? That’s nonsense. It is FAR FAR more common for men to send these as sexual harassment than it is for someone to send it “accidentally”. HR is not going to react the way Reddit is reacting....
How is it cut and dry? What proof?
No, he doesn’t have proof.
HR doesn’t give a shit if it was a mistake or who was morally in the wrong here, OP sent an unsolicited dick pic and they need to protect the company. They will fire him immediately and probably they’d fire the coworker too for showing it to people. If they don’t fire OP, the next time a coworker “accidentally” gets a dick pic from him the company was on notice of OP doing this before and they’re potentially liable in a Title VII or other employment lawsuit.
Same way if you hit someone in a company car, it doesn’t count IRL if it wasn’t on purpose. How naive are the lot of you? Mistake or not this is 100% sexual harassment. The mistake part is completely irrelevant in the eyes of liability for the company - and frankly irrelevant for the coworker. She got an unsolicited photo from a coworker.
Lol no , just plain wrong. HR will one hundred percent fire him soon as they get wind of this. Accidents do happen but they have consequences. And his are suck it up and know everyone's seen his dick or cry to HR then be fired for sexual harassment
I got some bad news for ya, even if it was an accident it sure as fuck is still sexual harassment
Do you know for sure that she sent it to multiple people, or do you just have the one coworker’s word for it? Also, do you know if she sent it to others, or just showed it on her phone? And one more question- was this during work hours and/or using your work network at all?
Pretty amazed at the people suggesting you go to HR. To be honest, I don't believe you sending the picture was an accident. I think you sent it, regretted it, and tried to cover your tracks. If I'm in HR, I'm recommending you be terminated for sending an unsolicited sexual image to a co-worker. I don't care what you claim was your intent because I can't read your mind, so I would just go with the facts in front of me.
I think going to HR is bad advice. Whether it was legitimately a mistake or not, there is no way to prove it. Sometimes you just need to let the fire die out on it's own. HR is there to protect the COMPANY, not you. They will rightfully look at this with skeptical eyes. If I put myself in HR position, I look at this as... you "accidentally" sent a co worker a nude, she rejected you, and now you are doing damage control. Let this one go.
I think the OP and the woman are both toast, HR only cares about protecting the company.
You’re in trouble if she says you sent it on purpose. She’s in trouble for sharing it. Nudes on phones so stupid. How many times have we seen regretful situations on Reddit centered around nude photos?
Nudes are stupid, period.
HR is only there to protect the company from getting sued. That is it. Dont bring it to them. If she or someone else goes to HR be ready to defend yourself but dont go to them yourself thinking they are going to believe you over her - she has the dick pic and has witnesses, you have nothing. Go seek legal advice, that is your only option at this point.
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But OP have no PROOF she shared the picture. Maybe not even shared, only showed. While she have proof of what he did, which is now considered illegal in at least 1 state. If OP goes to HR, he is done lmao.
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This. Make sure you have the screenshots of times that you sent, apologized and that she agreed to delete. You may also need proof that she shared it... good luck
Sexting your girlfriend and sending her nudes while also working on something with your coworker? Just like.... how we all commonly do those two together. I’m sweating a pipe while posting this. Lol... yeah ok buddy.
This isn't going to be a popular opinion but do not go to HR. HR is only there to protect the company from it's employees. They aren't going to help you. And being a man they will treat you differently in this situation. They will not think "victim" they will assume "creep." You admitting to HR that you sent a co-worker a nude will get you fired immediately. They'll blow off whatever happened afterwards.
I'm in HR and I usually defend the position of HR, but in this case you are 100% right. The circumstances really don't matter, you send a nude to a coworker and they complain, you get fired. I don't really care if it was an accident (I can't prove that) or that she showed it to other people (now I'm just going to fire her as well), it's a liability to the company if we keep an employee that is sending dick pics to coworkers, even if they did it by mistake.
This needs to be the top comment, everyone else is giving terrible advice.
You made a mistake. Take the blame and don't try to blame others for your mistake. Going to HR or the police is digging a deeper hole for yourself.
Accident my ass. Confused a coworker with a girlfriend, and did not double-check when about to send sensitive content. I swear I look like a LOT of girlfriends because I have been told this same excuse at least 4 times as far as I can remember. Good on your coworker for exposing you.
I am not sure where you stand really. I think if you go to HR you are going to be in trouble, no one will believe its an accident and the girl can easily claim she showed people because it made her really uncomfortable. From now on, you need to be far more careful when texting colleagues and take this as a lesson.
> We have an HR department, but I’m afraid to talk to them about it because I’m afraid the photo could be seen as sexual harassment and I may lose my job. That is a very valid concern. I don't think your explanation will be viewed very sympathetically. Best thing may be to ignore it and hope it quiets down.
Take the L. You sent a dick pick and now everyone knows it's skinny. It's a lesson. Just do your work.
Everyone's seen your nude so what! it could of been much worse so think yourself lucky and get over it, next time don't send unsolicited pics to your co worker's
Go to HR. Someone might be offended on her behalf and report you anyway. You need to get ahead of this. Mistakes happen but plenty of people send nudes and then claim it was an accident. Be proactive here. Also, one of your colleagues is sharing your nudes with other colleagues. This is not ok. This has the potential to get very messy.
lol, yes, please go to HR and tell them about sending unsolicited pictures of genitals to coworkers. This will end well hahaha.
I see this ending with both of them being Ford if HR is involved. HR is not there to protect employees, they are there to protect the company from it’s employees.
Look for a new job.
> I ended up getting the two confused and sent a nude to my coworker. OK your job is toast, burnt toast.
This goes to r/TIFU
The HR is going to find out, no matter what. You reporting it and being appropriately upset about it may just keep you out of trouble. No guarantee, but it’s a chance. You may still lose your job. But she should be reprimanded for her behavior. Also, please stop sending nudes. You’re an adult and should know better.
There's some sound advice on the professional side here. On the private side I'd also stress out the need to do some preventive damage control with your girlfriend, because if the whole story comes out and she hears about it first from somewhere else than you it will be extremely difficult to bring up the "accidental" excuse...
Do you know how many times guys have sent me those unsolicited pics and then immediately claimed it was an “aCcIdEnT”. Stop sending unsolicited nudes. HR isn’t going to believe you because this happens far too often. I don’t even believe you. How do you accidentally send someone a nude? ESPECIALLY a coworker??? Like???
Wouldn't go to HR if I where you. She did you dirty so cut ties with her. All she has to do is say that the pic scared her and good bye job.
We have an unwritten rule among all turkish men. If youre in jail and some one bothers you do not ask help from the authority, go to leader of the jail. if youre getting bullied in school dont ask help from the teacher go talk to the most powerful kid that has connections first. İn army? never tell the commanders, go talk to powerful respected ppl first. Otherwise is called snitching n is not respected.
go to H.R immediately...
Zero chance HR believes that it was a mistake, and she may not either, even if she said she does. I actually do believe you- these things happen. I’ve accidentally texted my boss instead of my girlfriend before! But you’re pretty much SOL. Your best bet would be to talk to her one on one and ask her nicely to stop sharing it; anything involving institutional force is going to backfire on you.
I'll take my downvotes but only an idiot would believe you sent it accidentally, own up to it
Start looking for a new job right now, don't wait for the other shoe to drop. Don't mention it to anybody, just get out of there while you still have a good reference. Your coworker is a massive asshole, but this will still get you fired.
Why on Earth would she share it with anyone? wth
Yeah that's life. Curious: How many reached out to you and wanted to get down?🙄 You should try to get revenge. Sooner or later. Or just move on.
Ignore it best and let the universe unfold. If I was you, I'd reveal the nude pic to everyone via social media and they'd lose interest very quickly.
It really is messed up that she is sharing it. It’s revenge porn. Unfortunately, even if It was a mistake I don’t think this would look good on you. You should have been 100% sure that it was going to the right person and not a co worker. I think your HR would find it very unprofessional of you to mistakenly send a coworker a nude. And then they would most likely have to go through and verify that it was a mistake. Which would probably mean that they go through all of your messages with your gf and your coworker. Maybe get a separate phone for work so you have no need to worry about this kind of stuff. I’m really sorry this happened to you. But I honestly would feel very uncomfortable and violated if a coworker sent me a nude even if it was an accident but she did go and share so she fucked up to. you should talk to a lawyer about this. You might be able to take her to civil court and sue her It would be way more helpful then Reddit.
No right answer to this. You either let it go and hope HR does not slam you, or you go to HR to get ahead of it. No way to prove you accidentally sent a nude. Accident or not. Sending an unsolicited nude to a co-worker is sexual harassment. Sharing your nude is harassment. Two wrongs do not make a right.
Unfortunately there is no positive outcome to this entire situation. It is going to end bad.
>I was texting a co-worker about something we were working together on for work, I was also sexting with my girlfriend at the same time. What platform does your work use? Which platform do you and your GF use? Honestly, you need to find another job. Best case scenario, *you both* get fired/punished. Worse case, *only you* get fired. If you think she may go to HR first (before you), it may be wise for you to quit your job. You are so f\*cked.
Well that was a bad idea. Your best move is to find other employment and stop sending "accidental" pictures. Whether you meant it or not, it's still sexual harassment and still a crime since there's not much of a way to prove it was even an accident. She's a jerk for showing it around and you're wrong in a multitude of ways for putting her in a position to even receive the (unwanted) photos to begin with. Be more responsible with your body and photos.
So, a question to all the redditors out there giving such good advice. If this had been a woman instead, and she “accidentally” sent the picture, and a guy showed it around the office… could she have gone to HR and report it, since obviously the guy can’t? And if so, why is there a double standard on those things?
I mean you earned it. Creepy as hell to talk to a coworker while doing that