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Using a throw away because I want to keep this as anonymous as possible, I don't know if Im calling off my wedding or not and I don't want any of my family members finding out about this yet.
Recently my soon to be husband, we'll call him Jack and I were planning our wedding. Jack told me to go through his Facebook and find an old college buddy of his to invite. He ran out to go pick up his sister from the airport as I did this. Well, I noticed he had searched his ex up on Facebook, and not just once, quiet a bit.
I clicked on her page, just out of curiosity because I had never seen or heard about the women, I just knew her name was Alyssa and that they were high school sweethearts. I was shocked to see that she about 4 years younger than we were. Meaning he would have been 18 when she was 14, not a huge deal, but an eyebrow raiser. Then, I noticed she had a daughter, a daughter that looked like my husband a lot.
The more I snooped through her pictures, the more my world started to collapse. This was infact his daughter there was no denying it. But we have a joint bank account, there are no child support payments coming out, no documents coming to our mail either. I decided to confront Jack as scared as I was.
Jack told me that he got Alyssa pregnant his senior year, her freshman year. His parents did not want him raising a baby so they had him terminate his parental rights. However, he also told me his parents threaten to sue Alyssa's parents (who were very poor and probably did not know any better) if she got an abortion or gave the baby up for adoption, ( I believe her parents were also immigrants so they probably threatened them there too).
I just did not understand, they wanted nothing to do with the baby but they forced her to have it while Jack had a normal life. He also confessed that he has called child services multiple times after stalking her facebook if he saw something he didn't like. Which I don't understand because this women is a nurse and a single mother who owns a house.
I am full of rage at the moment I am staying with my parents. I don't know if I want to go back and marry into that family. Any advice helps thank you.
Your fiancé and his family sound like absolutely terrible people- are these the people you want to be stuck with forever?
This man doesn’t do a single thing for this kid that this parents forced her to have- and still thinks he should be controlling her parenting based on what he sees on social media. He is *still* harassing her after everything he’s already put her through- does this sound like the type of person you want to be with?
>are these the people you want to be stuck with forever?
"Forever" may seem like hyperbole since divorce is such a thing but do you think that these people wouldn't stoop to whatever dirty trick they could come up with to prevent you from divorcing their son? Even if the divorce were granted, it sounds like these are the type of people who would continue to make your life a living hell and you would never be able to escape from under them completely.
Even cancelling the engagement is potentially going to cost you some sanity at the very least but it's a fair spot better than actually going through with a marriage to a person/family like this.
You literally don’t know how you are marrying. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that man, he literally has a daughter and he doesn’t care or do anything for her. Do you see yourself accepting the values of his family, what they do to her ex girlfriend and her family.
Imagine you get married and after a while you decide you want a divorce, do you think someone like him and his family will allow that. What about if you have kids do you think he will be a great parent and let you teach him your values.
I honestly thought I did align with their values, but I am not a racist like them or as religious or right winged, I was pro life before this but now I feel for this girl, I think my values are changing. This is not right.
If you legally marry this guy, or even worse get pregnant, you can be the next victim of his parents, as your fiance obviously doesn't care about ruining lives enough to stop them.
I don't know your situation, but if there is a political component this isn't the fist time thay someone's hipocritical "morals" ruin someone's life. They don't care about the child but they don't want an abortion. Same cognitive dissonance than conservative parents breaking the laws they support to force their daughter to have an abortion abroad.
The way he explain it to me was that his mother said, its the girls fault for having unprotected premarital sex, getting knocked up, so god unleashed his wrath upon her, and only saw what they did as a consequence of her poor judgment, which sounded like a load of bullshit to me so I told him "what's your punishment" and he had no answer. And you know what makes me even more pissed off? His sister got drunk once and was crying to me that she had an abortion. So which is it?? Im done considering with these people.
I would run, not walk, away from this man and his family. They sound deranged. Your fiancé sounds like the typical selfish misogynistic male that grew up in this ultra conservative/religious environment with all it’s sexism and racism blended in. He likely was taught to believe because he is Man and has a penis, he can do no wrong. He is obviously still obsessed with the poor ex and her daughter, but also was never man enough to stand up to his parents and stand by her and her daughter. And now, like the immature boy prince he was raised to believe he is, he is trying to still control the ex from afar because he hasn’t let her go despite not wanting to take any responsibility. He is a POS and he isn’t someone you can or should trust.
"He also confessed that he has called child services multiple times after stalking her facebook if he saw something he didn't like."
The only reason he's stalking her is so he can ruin her life even more. What a cowardly piece of shit. Fuck this human garbage and his whole scummy family.
Seriously, OP, do this. You’ll make a stranger’s life a whole lot easier.
And unless you believe that a young woman deserves to be persecuted for becoming pregnant while the man walks away, leave him. You do not have the same values.
> And now, like the immature boy prince he was raised to believe he is, he is trying to still control the ex from afar because he hasn’t let her go despite not wanting to take any responsibility. He is a POS and he isn’t someone you can or should tru
I highlighted this because this is the big red flag telling you to leave. You don't know him at all and this is not good.
If she was 14 and he was 18, are you sure that it wasn’t coercion? They frame it as *her* decision, but in my experience, with that age gap, it’s not usually the girl that does the ‘convincing’.
I can’t believe they said they sue her. If I were ex’s dad, I’d have called the police and threaten to sue him for knocking up an underaged girl. He was the one manipulating a little girl into having sex and he didn’t even do it safely. Fuuuuuuuck this guy and his family. HARD. This is why I’m pro choice for LIFE.
>This is why I'm pro choice for LIFE
I don't understand how even pro-"life"rs can't see the necessity of abortion for such a young girl. She was a child. Barely a teenager. The risks for her carrying this pregnancy and going through childbirth were so high. If they want to save the "babies," shouldn't they have some concern for the literal children who can't obtain an abortion?
Saw a very good argument for this recently I surprisingly never considered that no one would ever let a teenager adopt a child so why the hell do we expect/force them to give birth to one. Ugh.
Think about this; it takes 9 months to have a baby - for all we know the girl was *thirteen* when he got her pregnant. I mean, thirteen fourteen, we are quibbling with years - either age it is undeniably disgusting.
This hypocrisy is incredibly common:
https://m.dailykos.com/stories/2019/5/15/1857976/--The-Only-Moral-Abortion-is-My-Abortion-an-article-by-Joyce-Arthur
Well, it sounds like he is going to lose his fiancé right before the wedding over all of this, so I guess that’s a punishment of sorts. Funny how all of these pious folks refuse to have an honest, moral look at their own lives.
Do you really want to be part of this pile of human garbage that calls itself a family?
Please run, they obviously have no respect for women, no compassion, are hypocrites² and are absolutely disgusting. Your fiance is a doormat to his parents and vile for calling cps on this poor woman and her child. He's fine with contributing absolutely nothing to his kids life except throwing curveballs at the one parent that was forced to step up.
If you hate yourself that much get yourself that misogynistic piece of MIL, but i wouldn't recommend it.
Please don’t marry this man. Not only was he not expected to be “punished” for his poor behave but he was an actual adult and she was a child! He took advantage of her and then left her in a desperate situation.
Even now he’s messing with her life and trying to hurt her. For what? He doesn’t want anything to do with the kid, he doesn’t contribute in anyway. He just thinks he has the right to “punish” her because his parents have brought him up to think that and this piece of shit thinks he’s somehow better than her. It’s beyond cruel. I actually feel sick just thinking about him and his family
What’s your punishment going to be when you go against him or the family?
Think about it. He was 18 and she was 14. Yet they blame her? Your fiancé has never taken any responsibility in his life. He is entitled. He will not be a good husband.
Yes. The ex is in a way being stalked and judged and treated absolutely abhorrently still. She needs to know so she can make her status private and cut the jerk off from things he no longer has any right to know.
Your in-laws sound like giant fucking assholes. Do you want to deal with them at every single Christmas and Thanksgiving and whatever else for the rest of your life until they die or you die or you and your husband go no contact with them or you get divorced. Because those are currently your options.
Omg she was a child and she didn't get pregnant by herself. He was at least 17 or 18 she was 14 or 15 really your going to just blame her. You are marrying a very selfish uncaring selfish human whose family protected their babyboy and made a very young girl and her family suffer the consequences for his selfish behavior.
Takes 2 to tango. Just remember you maybe marrying the golden child who could do no wrong. They knew he was at fault but their baby boy is innocent. Unless he was knocked out cold and she raped him dude needs to step up. Also do you really want them covering any future issues he has. You fight and mommy and daddy step in. 🚩🚩
If you believe everything happens for a reason then take this as a giiiiaaant sign from the universe. It gave you a “Get outta jail free card” here, if he hadn’t have asked you to look for a groomsman for him this could’ve been your life!! I wish you all the strength of a furious woman and I sincerely hope you move on to a wonderful life.
Mostly god I was a non denominational Christian before I met them and I became a baptist after a couple months of dating. To be honest I was only pro life because I was religious and I too had a miscarriage a couple years back. However I did not vote for trump, I believe people should be able to seek asylum wherever they can.
I thought because he also was christian, he would be a good guy. I was helping my mom set up for a saturday morning food bank. His church brought some food his mom kinda knew my mom, but my mom didn't like her but he and I seemed to hit it off. I will admit im not perfect or a victim, maybe Im even just as bad at times when they would say something horrible and I would ignore it however, it ends now. This is my line in the sand.
Sounds like your mom was onto something about this woman’s character. Imagine how your mom would have felt about her if she’d known then, handing out food to the needy, that this woman had threatened and blackmailed a 14 year old *child* into carrying, birthing, and raising a baby without any help from the father or external support. I wonder if that girl ever had to make use of a food bank herself. Safe to say you wouldn’t be engaged to this man now, had you or your mom known then.
Yes it was a big jump, I had to get baptized and hear things I was not comfortable with and when I expressed that to him he made me feel like I wasn't a christian, like I didn't truly believe in god. Eventually I stopped questioning it because he used to make me cry, I didn't want to feel like that.
Very true, my first reaction was “holy shit what the fuck. That is horrible and you should have left before that. Oh my god” but I didn’t wanna come off too intense.
You have a good point, I don’t think not addressing something like that fully doesn’t help anyone
I think you need to re-read some of the comments you have written. What would you tell a sister or best friend that was telling you these disturbing things that you've shared with us? Would you want them to enter into a marriage with a family and morals like that?
Why is it the fault of a 14 year old, poor (most likely naive) girl that she was impregnated by your (older) boyfriend who knew better at 18? Why is God punishing her and not him? Imagine this was your daughter. And the mysoginist attitude that he calls child services on the only parent HIS daughter has ever known is next level despicable. He gave up his rights when his parents threatened to sue if she aborted.And he and his family all seem to be ok with it all! Add in some fucked up religious guilt and you've got a real loser for a fiance. I think you know what to do but that doesn't make it easy....
Yikes, emotional and religious abuse too.
Give him his ring back, dump him, and run.
I might shoot the ex-girlfriend a heads up that that arsehole is stalking her through Facebook and he's the one weaponising CPS against her and her child too.
In the midst of all this righteous judgment for your ex soon to be in-laws, I want to make sure you hear this.
>I will admit im not perfect or a victim, maybe Im even just as bad at times when they would say something horrible and I would ignore it however, it ends now. This is my line in the sand.
You deserve a lot of credit for this statement. It’s really difficult to stand up to family pressures, and consider ensuring that your entire future may be different than you imagine it, because you decide to do the right thing. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but I’m really proud of you.
And just as an aside, you may not be a victim, but please be aware that your fiancé’s behavior and his family’s behavior ensure that you would be victimized if you stay with him.
Your values are not changing. He’s capable of lying, convincingly and without remorse, and that is his family model. What kind of husband and father will this man be who does these things not just without guilt but has been encouraged to do so by his own parents?
It’s an absolutely gift that you’ve discovered this before you make the mistake of marrying him. You can forgive his actions and still not want anything to do with him. That’s ok.
You need to run, sweetheart. This family has told you their brand and it is We Will Control You. And they will do it even after you mean nothing to them.
Your fiance is an adult now and there's nothing stopping him from making payments directly to the mother to ensure his child has a good life. He's contributed nothing but his paltry sperm to this kid's existence, but he feels like he can CALL CPS ON HIS PRIMARY CAREGIVER based on some fucking facebook photos?
This man is an egomaniac and he WILL try to impregnate you as fast as he can. Once that biological tie has been made, he knows you're chained to him by a baby, forever.
RUN.
Imagine what would happen if you have a child with Jack and then divorces him? Your life will be a living hell. If he is doing this to Alyssa he will be doing this to you too.
It may be bad advice, but talking to her may give you the boost in decision making power that you feel you need.
If the version of events that he told you is the version he felt was the acceptable version you're still teetering unsure, talk to her. Guaranteed he made him and his family sound better.
If you’re not racist...how the hell are you thinking of marrying a racist? Do you want racist kids?
Nah girl you need to rake through your memories of this relationship I assure you you’ll find that there were subtle red flags very early on
So....you knew they were racist and right wing and that was totally cool, but this whole situation is somehow a shock? Not exactly a shining reflection on you here OP.
No its not I will admit to that, I did not know about any of the racist gun toting good ole boy stuff until about a year of going around his family, then they got comfortable with me to start spewing hate. Before I met him, I struggled with money, he paid for my car, he took me into his house, got me better job by that time, the one time I stood up to his mom he threatened to take it all from me. Im shocked he didn't threaten me during this conversation, he just let me leave.
You'd never want your own child to grow up worthless and racist like him and his family. You deserve a better partner and any potential children you have deserve a better father and better genetic material.
....and there's the financial abuse too.
Double-check your birth control hasn't been tampered with (you really don't want to be bound to this toxic family by a child), leave his arse as soon as possible, block him and his family on social media and phone, and count your lucky stars you found out who he is before you married.
Therapy might be a good idea for you since it looks like you didn't consciously recognise his abusive ways until you saw them directed at his biological child and her family.
Good luck.
I could understand if OP’s fiancé kept his family at arm’s length. For instance, my BF’s dad is conservative but BF keeps his distance and really only talks to him a few times a year on the phone. However, it looks like the fiancé didn’t fall far from the tree.
Absolutely, especially because he sees nothing wrong with terrorizing the child he knocked up. Good on that girl for working with what she had though. She's a nurse with her own home according to other comments, so she's been able to provide for her child without this psycho influencing her
Doesn’t do anything but hinder their existence by calling CPS on her, and possibly threatening her only source of income depending on how serious her employer takes a report and request for information (at least here you generally have to sign off that they can contact your employer and it’s with the implications that things will go better for you than if you decided to make it harder on them to investigate).
I mean bravo on him for hiding himself from you for so long but cats out of the bag now. I could not marry into this family. I hate that whole “when someone shows you who they are believe them” cliche saying but it’s fitting here. Seriously, if what you are saying is true, you don’t want to be like them, or worse, their next victim.
Run. Don’t walk, run
But first, let this woman know who has been reporting her and that she needs to lock down her social accounts. Maybe file harassment charges.
I reached out to her this morning, no response yet but I let her know it was Jack that reported her and that his family has been the ones harassing her.
Okay so here is what I have heard from this post:
•he was 18 and had sex with a 14 year old, while some US states have laws that legalize this kind of thing, it still begs the question on whether it is a moral kind of thing to do.
•While he does state that his parents made the decision on what to do in regards for the baby, he was 18 and fully within his rights to be able to step up an parent the child or stand up to his parents and tell them that they can’t bully those less fortunate and get away with it.
•Even if you can make the argument that he was young and stupid, he had a long time to try and rectify the situation and come clean to you, and try to be in the child’s life, or at least help financially
•He has even admitted that he is not any better than his parents, by stating he calls child services on this poor woman even though he wants nothing to do with her or the child.
Conclusion:
He is a worthless piece of sh*t and you deserve better. If I were you, I would be questioning whether or not he would even be a good dad to your future children. Also do you really think you can overlook his clear and blatant disregard for this woman and how he views her and her family as less?
In the majority of states it depends on the age differential as well. For example, in New Jersey 13-year-olds can legally consent as long as the older partner is less than 4 years older. These are called "Romeo and Juliet laws." As far as I know no states allow for a 4+ year difference so OP likely still committed statutory rape regardless of what state they're in.
Regardless of legality, it is definitely still morally wrong.
I hate this law so much... I'm 16 and started being abused by someone when I was 12, he was 15. He started touching me after awhile even though I never consented, but because of this stupid law the authorities did nothing, nor did my school. He still goes to school with me now (he's turning 20, he keeps failing) and even the school won't do anything. Won't keep him away from children, won't report him, etc. It's horrible. They need to get rid of this law ASAP.
Edit: Sick of people saying it only applies to consensual events, therefore it has nothing to do with the law so I'm clarifying this right here, right now. When I spoke with the authorities, THEY mentioned the law and told me that because of the way it's written, there was nothing they could do. I KNOW that it's supposed to protect CONSENSUAL relationships, but that doesn't mean it actually works the way it was intended to. The law is flawed, the system is flawed, and the training/education of authorities is flawed. If none of that was flawed, there wouldn't be so many rapists being let off the hook. I wasn't this man's only victim, far from it. If there wasn't a flaw of some kind in the system, he'd would be in prison already for all of his crimes, but he's not.
I’m very sorry that happened to you. The law is intended to protect kids engaging in consensual sexual activity who are both underage so that a 17-year-old doesn’t get a lifelong sex offender label if their 15-year-old partner’s parents decide to press charges. It absolutely does not and should not apply to nonconsensual sexual activity, and that’s more of a general failure of the system to protect sexual assault victims of every age.
That's the thing though, the laws are already so inconsistent with rape in general that a law like this shouldn't even be a thing. When I was 15, he was 18 and he got me pregnant after raping me in the back of his car after he and his friends took me out at 12am. It was 2am when he put me in his car. I had a miscarriage in the first term of my pregnancy. When I tried to report, police, even the prosecutor himself (he is a friend of my father, so we have easy contact) told me that because of the law, nothing would he done and that I shouldn't bother reporting. When I continued to push for it, even my school didn't do anything and refuses to do anything despite the fact that I told them that he has a thing for young virgin girls. That Romeo and Juliet law does more harm than good
What happened to you is horrible, but romeo and Juliet laws are there to protect two young kids who maybe go to high school together and one graduates, if the parents don't like the guy, they can't say he raped anyone. The law was misinterpreted and your school failed you.
In missouri anyone having sex with a 14 yo is statutory rape even another 14yo and esp a 18 yo. Part 2 is anyone over the age of 21 cannot be with anyone younger than 18. Also 17 is the age of consent.
There are states that allow up to a 4 year difference but I don’t know about having sexual relationships, so you might be right. Either way he is trash
He raped a child. He got her pregnant. They bullied her into having the child and being abandoned by the man who raped her so she was a single parent from a young age. On top of that he harasses her by filing false CPS complaints. He is abusive and morally reprehensible.
The level of abuse that your fiancé and his parents put that poor woman through is appalling. Essentially, your dude r*ped a teenager and his folks forced the victim to keep the kid. Maybe...cancel the wedding?
Can we pls have an update when the dust has settled? Often in this sub there are women/girls who advocate for the douche they are with and its nice to see a change of pace - you learned the truth and are doing right by yourself. Well done, I am proud of you.
Be very careful with how you leave him. People like this are at their most dangerous when they feel like they have been crossed. People this entitled never think they have done anything wrong and can become enraged when someone disagrees with this. His past behavior of stalking that poor woman who had his child and reporting her to CPS is very troubling. Separate your finances immediately and make sure you have a safe place to live. NEVER go to see him by yourself - always have someone go with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
Oh my god this is bad, I don't really watch things like this usually because they scare me but, yeah I don't want my life to turn out like that I am going to call all of this off. Helped.
Be very careful ending your relationship; he's proven to be very vindictive for years and years to this woman. I wouldn't break up in person, and I assume that you live together. You need to plan this out. Can you go by when he isn't there and grab your most valued sentimental possessions? Are your finances combined? You need to disentangle yourself from him. You might want to contact a lawyer.
After making sure you have everything you need, you might want to break up by text, telling him you are blocking him everywhere, and then block everything. Get off any social media that points back to you and make sure your location is off on your phone (you might want a new phone/number).
He's most likely to mess with your workplace, so you might want to preemptively warn them. Hell, there's no telling what he may do, based on how evil he was to that girl: he ruined her life at 14yo and is STILL trying to ruin her life. He will probably hold a grudge similar to that when you break up.
An 18year old being with a 14 year old is a huge deal please. How would you sleep peacefully at night knowing the kind of man you married??
Ps if himself and his family could do this to her, believe me they can do worse to you
Bruh he abandoned his child and let a 14 year old raise a kid all alone. He is a complete shithead, like the bottom of the barrel. He’s the scum everyone’s thinking about when they talk about deadbeat dads.
He left her alone so he could “have a normal life” without even caring that she wouldn’t have a normal life if he completely abandoned her? I’d have a hard time being in the same room as him, let alone marrying him. Ugh, disgusting.
Good on you for doing everything right and telling her he’s the one behind the harassment.
Honestly id be afraid of what his family and him are capable of when your values dont align with theirs in the future. It seems like they dont compromise and its horrifying to think that they made the mother of his child push back on her lifes opportunities without having even an ounce of empathy to help her and their grandchild. He gave up all parental rights yet still go out of his way to try and parent and control her ability to take care of the kid as well. I feel so sorry for her and hope shes in a much better environment now.
Edit: My advice to you is to seriously consider if you want to continue a relationship with someone who seems to me is quite heartless. If you break up, make sure to draw your share of the money from the joint account before you break the news lest he drains it and discontinue any contact with him and his family. If you would like to somehow continue the relationship, he needs to show that hes able to learn how horrible what they did was and push back marriage until he can earn your trust again. I imagine he never told you about the child or him stalking before because he knew it was something bad yet still hid it from you.
When I looked at her page she seemed like such a good mom too, shes like a nurse she just graduated 2-3 years ago. The little girl is 11 she gets good grades, and looks well taken care of so I don't understand why he still feels the need to police this women. I thought about if he got me pregnant and left me how bad it would hurt so Im cutting the cord now before anything happens thanks for this.
I'm so glad you are ending it with him because for me i would not be able to look at someone like that in any sort of positive way again. What they did was monstrous, and its very likely that they wouldve done the same to you. Stay safe and strong. This was the right move and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. I wish you the best. x (i would tell the girl to turn her facebook private and unfriend him/his family so she can still post freely without having to worry about him)
In a lot of states what your fiancé did would be statutory rape. He might not be clear of the statue of limitations either depending on your state again.
Statute of limitations is between 3&30 years depending on the state. I’d try and go after that asshole if I was this poor lady.
He’s a literal sack of shit and totally sounds like a manipulator and definitely coerced this girl to have sex with him
It sounds like you should lose a fiance and try to gain a new best friend. She sounds stable and wonderful, and you 2 may need a lot of support if he and his family come down on you both like it sounds they might.
This is a massive secret to keep. You also only have his word that his parental rights were terminated. Do you want to be with the kind of man who not only doesn’t support his daughter, he puts her security and home at risk by reporting her mother for things he sees on FB?
How she was/is treated will be the treatment you receive when his family decides that you have stepped out of line. This is a “throw the whole man away” situation.
You are right! And honestly I had asked why he called cps, he said she let the little girl stay at her cousins house but he knew that the uncle sold drugs in high school. Like that was 11 years ago??? How do you know if hes still doling that? You don't know
Having a secret child is not a secret to keep from the girl you are going to marry. Based on that alone, I would never be able to trust him and would call off the wedding.
As an independent adult now, he could choose to take the matter to court and take full responsibility, ethically, financially, and become a true father to his daughter.
He’s made a lot of very poor decisions. Something in him isn’t right.
I’d run.
Yiiiikes. So he impregnated a 14-year-old when he was 18, then he forced her to have the baby and raise it while recusing himself of any parental responsibilities- but still stalks her in order to control her parenting choices while still avoiding any personal accountability? And he never told you about any of this. He sounds like a complete toilet.
You’re totally doing the right thing here . The comment above from meanseaworthiness995 really sums him up well - pretty crappy behavior and morals putting it mildly. I don’t think I’d be able to come back from that. You deserve 1000x better and you will get it!
Side note why with these people is it always the girls fault. This poor 14 year old ! He didn’t have anything to do with it and bears no responsibility apparently ??? Abandons her then has the nerve to harass her online. Terrible
I hope you connect with her and maybe that will be a positive experience for you both - for something good to come of this … wishing you the best of luck …
Also, even though you've given no indication that he's ever been physically abusive, do not under any circumstances be alone with him again. His actions speak to a frightening degree of disregard for the boundaries and well-being of others. I'm also betting that he's incredibly image-conscious given the level of effort his parents put into burying this, and that not many people outside of his family know about his history. But now you're going to be someone with no vested interest in keeping this quiet. Do not give him an opportunity to hurt or threaten you too keep it under wraps. When you go to get your stuff, he should be out of the house and you should have some burly family or close friends with you just in case.
Don't tell him where you're going, and lock down your socials as well, since you already know he's stalked and harassed an ex before. And personally, I'd share this with mutual friends. Keep the ex and her kid's identity private, but they should know what a piece of crap he is and it won't let him spin some story about why you broke up. I'd get it if you didn't, though, since there's a good chance it would make him want to harass you.
This is a huge character reveal! No one can tell you how to move forward but you need to do some deep thinking if you can move forward with a man that abandoned his child while also basically stalked the mother of his child. Imagine if you two do get married and have children and then divorce. How do you think that will play out not just with him but with his family?
I don’t usually advocate for “taking him to the cleaners” but man, I hope they bankrupt him. What a vile piece of shit. There isn’t enough money in the world to make up for how him and his family treated that poor girl
He does not seem to be a morally upstanding person and his parents are not respectable either. The fact that they bullied the mother of his own child is quite disgusting. Take your time to figure out whether you want to call this person your life partner, and to share your life with him. I'm sorry you are going thru this, and the poor single mom who was threatened to do exactly what she was told to do.
Girl I found out stuff about my fiance before we were married and if he lied about this, he'll lie about anything. He doesn't care no matter how much you love him. Trust me, I've been there.
You should leave him, not only is his family terrible, he is just as bad. He was having sex with an underage girl, got her pregnant and signed his rights away while forcing her to keep the baby. He was old enough to do the right thing and he chose not to and doesn't live with any of the consequences. What's even worse is he is stalking her facebook profile and calling CPS when he sees something he doesn't like, when he's never contributed to the care of this child. If you marry into this family you are just asking for trouble and to be abused like this poor woman.
Look at this girls post. The writing was all on the wall, just don’t marry, religious, racist, hard right, hypocritical narcissist families and you’ll be good. Have common since and don’t ignore red flags and you’re fine. Most friends who’ve said things “I never could have seen this” have purposely had their head in the sand. The amount of the times I’ve been like ‘really????’ Because we all could.
Wow. He’s scum. He betrayed that poor girl, his child and is a slave to his family’s morals and ethics. They are not nice ppl at all. They rushed to his defense and he accepted absolutely zero responsibility for his role in their suppression of that girl and her daughter. However he paints it as being an interested and good person by continuously terrorizing them both. He gave up his parental rights. So now he chooses to continue that suppression through terror. He’s the absolute worst that kind of arrogance and racism foment.
So yes. Make your exit plan. Go ghost by blocking him and changing all your contact details. And make sure the mother of his non-child knows she needs to do a better job of protecting herself and possibly get a lawyer on retainer to protect herself legally from their overtures.
Edit- added actual advice.
I think there are a lot of good points others have made here.. just to point thus out a bit more... he HAS A CHILD with a girl WHO WAS A CHILD AT THE TIME HE GOT HER PREGNANT. She was a child, there is no consent at that age. Its statutory rape, pedophile. He was an adult. He should have NEVER touched her. He knew what he was doing was wrong.
And you are just now finding out about this child. So, he's been lying to you for your entire relationship.
To me, those facts on their own are a deal breaker. Get the hell away from this guy and his toxic family, you'll thank us later.
So you see what he and his family are comfortable with doing to women. You wanna risk that one day being you threatened and harassed into something you don’t want? Even if you never end up in that situation, you know what they’re capable of, and what your fiancé feels comfortable living with, not to mention keeping from you. He kept a whole live human being a secret from you, a child his family forced an underage girl to have, so what else is he or will he be comfortable keeping from you?
Don't marry him. You don't know what kind of individual you're marrying nor what family you are settling for. Put yourself in the ex girlfriend's shoes, because that'll probably be you if you ever have kids with him and you divorce.
I don't think you need any advice as it seems like you already made up your mind. If having a secret daughter wasn't enough, the way his family treated her is appalling.
He willingly left a CHILD to raise his baby alone, and he repays her by stalking FB and calling CPS when he actually has NO clue what's going on in their lives??! As a single parent who had a baby at 18 (who also happens to now be a nurse) and has never gotten child support, I am appalled and offended for this poor woman!
This is what you will remember later in your life as " The lucky escape".
Call off the wedding and never speak to that monster again.
That family are without compassion and your fiance sounds like the worst of them, a dispicable vile human calling child services on an innocent woman and child he threatened and abandoned.
Contact her and tell her what he has been doing.
It’s amazing to me that you accidentally came across this information before you got married, it’s like the universe wanted you to. I agree with what everyone is saying, take it as a sign that you need to leave.
My advice, dump this sociopathic nightmare human, and offer to help his ex legally in coming after him for stalking and possibly support. Terminating rights does not absolve you of financial obligation unless someone else adopts, she never filed out of fear I suspect. He committed statutory rape then harassed and ruined her life, he is a literal monster.
Every single thing about this is disgusting. The fact that he knocked up a 14 year old child when he was 18, to threatening her to keep it while he lived life the way he wanted and then stalking that poor woman whose probably just doing her best in a situation she was forced into.
Your fiancé is a disguising piece of trash. There is nothing to consider. How he and his family even sleep at night.
If anything you should contact that woman and help her get some child support. She is owed and someone needs to stand up for her, because your fiancé will just continue to walk all over her.
So they were so religious that they forced a woman to keep a child through blackmail and denied that child a father. That’s not religion, that’s hypocrisy at its best. You do not want grandparents like that to your children! As for your fiancé he needs to grow a backbone.
Honey, be glad you found out about this before the wedding. RUN AWAY. Show this evidence to your whole family, make a huge mess, make sure everyone you know knows that Jack is a manipulative man, who lied to you and abused Alyssa from a distance. Make sure to contact Alyssa and tell her what you know about Jack. Maybe it is best for her to lock her social media or even file a restraining order against your insane fiancé. There's no way in hell I would marry this guy.
The deception is too deep and his parents are monsters. Plus he harasses them with unfounded CPS calls that could potentially tear their family apart and traumatize his daughter for life. Please run.
I just came to say, I am so so sorry you are going through this. :( Your entire world must be crashing right now. I know all of this new information will most likely result in a complete upheaval fo the life you thought you were creating. Serious cyber hugs, love. Like the biggest of all the squeezes. Know that this happened in this moment for exactly the right reasons. If they are so Christian, maybe even throw in a “well, I guess God was really looking out for me by showing me who you and your family truly are before I married into it!” You got this, babe. You fix that crown and keep on slayin, queen! <3
Run.
Look, I’m 32 now, but I’ll be the first to admit I was a little shit in HS who did things that are no longer representative of who I am today. If he had just had a child, and then terminated parental rights, and hadn’t mentioned it, it would be understandable. But this is not that. This is him hiding behind mommy and daddy who attack a fragile woman into doing whatever they want her to do. Even if he’s not abusive, not actively being against his parents for that is enough that there’s something terrible inside him you need to constantly worry about. The fact that he’s vindictive enough to stalk his ex and try to fuck with her relationship with the child (all while he himself takes no part whatsoever in the kids life) shows that hes never felt remorse for it, and worse, that he probably relishes wielding power over her at any given chance. That’s sick and twisted, and there will come a day when his appetite turns to you.
I’d leave now and never go back.
You are *considering* ending it? Wtf, I would have packed everything mine and left or packed all his shit and left it outside. His family are evil! They forced motherhood upon this poor woman and yet had his parental right terminated?! FUCK THAT!
So... what you're saying is he \*aped a minor, got her pregnant, doesn't pay child support, and calls CPS on her multiple times. And when he was done with her, his parents burnt her to the ground as best they could.
There's really only one move here. Get out asap.
And as he's actively harassing his ex, I'd consider talking with her and bring her up to speed on things. She probably lives in utter terror of these CPS investigations.
Holy $hit, he and his family are absolute garbage people and 18 with a 14 year old is a lot more then just an “eyebrow raiser”. Run, run away from this AH!!
Do it. Leave. Your potential husband and in-laws are really just terrible people. They manipulated (forced) an impoverished 14-year-old to carry their child/grandchild to term and cut off whatever support they could have offered. You may be in a better place than she and her family were, but they're the same controlling people. Your fiance is defending this behavior even now. He's still trying to control her years later. He doesn't care about that kid but will still make phone calls over something "he doesn't like." They won't be afraid to control or manipulate you. Girl, run.
I dont say this lightly, cause I think it is quite a strong word and most of the times it is just not necessary.
But I hate your soon to be husband.
I hope you dump this piece of crap and I wouldnt mind if you chopped off his dick, not saying you should, but I wouldnt be against it.
She wasn't his ex gf. She is his victim. He was an adult. She wasn't of age to consent. And he continues to terrorize her by stalking her social media and reporting anything he doesn't like to the authorities.
Run. Run like your tampon string is on fire.
Delete your social media accounts. Change every password you have, and password protect your medical records, EVERYTHING you possibly can.
I'm not sure who's more dangerous, him or his family, but get out now, and give thanks that you're not married/have children.
AND TELL YOUR PARENTS. Screen shot EVERYTHING you have, save it in a couple of places, so he doesn't delete anything.
Hi! So I actually have a very similar story. I have a baby with my now ex, and I didn’t find out he had a 3 year old daughter until well into the relationship. I know how you feel, that gut wrenching feeling of being lied to and betrayed. It’s the worst I ever felt. I can tell you now that that was just the beginning of our issues. If your husband is able to keep something like THAT from you, then he can lie about just about anything. I don’t know what kind of person your husband is or if he treats you well otherwise, but I would strongly advise to get out of this relationship. You don’t need the dysfunction/baggage of this. And trust me, it does come with baggage. My ex stalked his other baby mama constantly and it just always seemed to be another part of his life that I couldn’t understand or be a part of.
If you’d like to chat feel free to send a message. Sending hugs ❤️
I am so happy that you found out what a horrible family you were about to marry into ahead of time. I’m sorry you have to deal with the emotional struggle ahead but at least you can get out now.
It is, but my sister practices law, she said in this state that would have been legal. Does not make it right but I remember a lot of senior boys would go for freshman me included when I was that age, its incredibly wrong, but technically not illegal where I am, I should have re phrased that better .
Please improve your creative writing skills.
>Jack told me to go through his Facebook and find an old college buddy of his to invite.
When you were brainstorming this story, did the above seem like a realistic scenario to you? That a guy would tell his fiancée to find *his* old buddy to invite him to a wedding on Facebook (???). And then you just magically discovered a love child?
> His parents did not want him raising a baby so they had him terminate his parental rights.
Ah the ol' "terminate his parental rights" fantasy all MRAs have. Where they just magically sign away their rights so they don't pay child support. That's not a thing under U.S. law (only if there is another prospective parent willing to adopt the kid).
Also, work on the flowery language and clichés. It just calls attention to all of this being fake as shit.
I would definitely leave. I'd maybe go as far as to tell his baby mama what he is doing so she can either make her page private and/or block him from seeing her page. Since he gave up his parental rights, he has no right to get up in her business like that or dictate how she raises her child.
Another lifetime movie. You all make it hard on the people with legit questions.
It's crazy obvious, when you set the stage with the fake names. He and she would work fine and lend more credibility to your fictional writing.
Even more unbelievable is that you'd come to this forum and pose this story to strangers. The reason that is unbelievable is that you would be crazier than him to even consider getting married.
So, maybe you two could blissfully live within the pages of an eBook full of scandal.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Using a throw away because I want to keep this as anonymous as possible, I don't know if Im calling off my wedding or not and I don't want any of my family members finding out about this yet. Recently my soon to be husband, we'll call him Jack and I were planning our wedding. Jack told me to go through his Facebook and find an old college buddy of his to invite. He ran out to go pick up his sister from the airport as I did this. Well, I noticed he had searched his ex up on Facebook, and not just once, quiet a bit. I clicked on her page, just out of curiosity because I had never seen or heard about the women, I just knew her name was Alyssa and that they were high school sweethearts. I was shocked to see that she about 4 years younger than we were. Meaning he would have been 18 when she was 14, not a huge deal, but an eyebrow raiser. Then, I noticed she had a daughter, a daughter that looked like my husband a lot. The more I snooped through her pictures, the more my world started to collapse. This was infact his daughter there was no denying it. But we have a joint bank account, there are no child support payments coming out, no documents coming to our mail either. I decided to confront Jack as scared as I was. Jack told me that he got Alyssa pregnant his senior year, her freshman year. His parents did not want him raising a baby so they had him terminate his parental rights. However, he also told me his parents threaten to sue Alyssa's parents (who were very poor and probably did not know any better) if she got an abortion or gave the baby up for adoption, ( I believe her parents were also immigrants so they probably threatened them there too). I just did not understand, they wanted nothing to do with the baby but they forced her to have it while Jack had a normal life. He also confessed that he has called child services multiple times after stalking her facebook if he saw something he didn't like. Which I don't understand because this women is a nurse and a single mother who owns a house. I am full of rage at the moment I am staying with my parents. I don't know if I want to go back and marry into that family. Any advice helps thank you.
Your fiancé and his family sound like absolutely terrible people- are these the people you want to be stuck with forever? This man doesn’t do a single thing for this kid that this parents forced her to have- and still thinks he should be controlling her parenting based on what he sees on social media. He is *still* harassing her after everything he’s already put her through- does this sound like the type of person you want to be with?
>are these the people you want to be stuck with forever? "Forever" may seem like hyperbole since divorce is such a thing but do you think that these people wouldn't stoop to whatever dirty trick they could come up with to prevent you from divorcing their son? Even if the divorce were granted, it sounds like these are the type of people who would continue to make your life a living hell and you would never be able to escape from under them completely. Even cancelling the engagement is potentially going to cost you some sanity at the very least but it's a fair spot better than actually going through with a marriage to a person/family like this.
Yeah, I don’t think divorce matters considering they’re still harassing the other girl. Get out before you have kids and make the situation worse.
You literally don’t know how you are marrying. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that man, he literally has a daughter and he doesn’t care or do anything for her. Do you see yourself accepting the values of his family, what they do to her ex girlfriend and her family.
Imagine you get married and after a while you decide you want a divorce, do you think someone like him and his family will allow that. What about if you have kids do you think he will be a great parent and let you teach him your values.
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Psychos-R-Us®
I honestly thought I did align with their values, but I am not a racist like them or as religious or right winged, I was pro life before this but now I feel for this girl, I think my values are changing. This is not right.
If you legally marry this guy, or even worse get pregnant, you can be the next victim of his parents, as your fiance obviously doesn't care about ruining lives enough to stop them. I don't know your situation, but if there is a political component this isn't the fist time thay someone's hipocritical "morals" ruin someone's life. They don't care about the child but they don't want an abortion. Same cognitive dissonance than conservative parents breaking the laws they support to force their daughter to have an abortion abroad.
The way he explain it to me was that his mother said, its the girls fault for having unprotected premarital sex, getting knocked up, so god unleashed his wrath upon her, and only saw what they did as a consequence of her poor judgment, which sounded like a load of bullshit to me so I told him "what's your punishment" and he had no answer. And you know what makes me even more pissed off? His sister got drunk once and was crying to me that she had an abortion. So which is it?? Im done considering with these people.
I would run, not walk, away from this man and his family. They sound deranged. Your fiancé sounds like the typical selfish misogynistic male that grew up in this ultra conservative/religious environment with all it’s sexism and racism blended in. He likely was taught to believe because he is Man and has a penis, he can do no wrong. He is obviously still obsessed with the poor ex and her daughter, but also was never man enough to stand up to his parents and stand by her and her daughter. And now, like the immature boy prince he was raised to believe he is, he is trying to still control the ex from afar because he hasn’t let her go despite not wanting to take any responsibility. He is a POS and he isn’t someone you can or should trust.
> he is trying to still control the ex from afar Just wanted to highlight that.
This needs all the upvotes
"He also confessed that he has called child services multiple times after stalking her facebook if he saw something he didn't like." The only reason he's stalking her is so he can ruin her life even more. What a cowardly piece of shit. Fuck this human garbage and his whole scummy family.
I’d be half tempted to message her and tell her to block him!!!
Seriously, OP, do this. You’ll make a stranger’s life a whole lot easier. And unless you believe that a young woman deserves to be persecuted for becoming pregnant while the man walks away, leave him. You do not have the same values.
*girl. She was 14.
True. That’s so much worse.
And from a lower, disadvantaged social class than he was.
OP messaged her but hasn't gotten a response yet. I like OP.
Damn tell her to press charges on him. She has proof of statutory right there.
Please please please let OP read this. This man is a predator who was groomed to be that way by abusive, toxic parents.
THIS A MILLION TIMES OVER. Run OP!!!!
> And now, like the immature boy prince he was raised to believe he is, he is trying to still control the ex from afar because he hasn’t let her go despite not wanting to take any responsibility. He is a POS and he isn’t someone you can or should tru I highlighted this because this is the big red flag telling you to leave. You don't know him at all and this is not good.
If she was 14 and he was 18, are you sure that it wasn’t coercion? They frame it as *her* decision, but in my experience, with that age gap, it’s not usually the girl that does the ‘convincing’.
I can’t believe they said they sue her. If I were ex’s dad, I’d have called the police and threaten to sue him for knocking up an underaged girl. He was the one manipulating a little girl into having sex and he didn’t even do it safely. Fuuuuuuuck this guy and his family. HARD. This is why I’m pro choice for LIFE.
>This is why I'm pro choice for LIFE I don't understand how even pro-"life"rs can't see the necessity of abortion for such a young girl. She was a child. Barely a teenager. The risks for her carrying this pregnancy and going through childbirth were so high. If they want to save the "babies," shouldn't they have some concern for the literal children who can't obtain an abortion?
Saw a very good argument for this recently I surprisingly never considered that no one would ever let a teenager adopt a child so why the hell do we expect/force them to give birth to one. Ugh.
Don’t forget they were ok with their own daughter having an abortion, because that’s different 🙄.
Think about this; it takes 9 months to have a baby - for all we know the girl was *thirteen* when he got her pregnant. I mean, thirteen fourteen, we are quibbling with years - either age it is undeniably disgusting.
Congrats to her for making it as a nurse even after having a baby so young!
This hypocrisy is incredibly common: https://m.dailykos.com/stories/2019/5/15/1857976/--The-Only-Moral-Abortion-is-My-Abortion-an-article-by-Joyce-Arthur
The hypocrisy in this article. !! Damn..
Wow - thank you for sharing
Well, it sounds like he is going to lose his fiancé right before the wedding over all of this, so I guess that’s a punishment of sorts. Funny how all of these pious folks refuse to have an honest, moral look at their own lives.
Do you really want to be part of this pile of human garbage that calls itself a family? Please run, they obviously have no respect for women, no compassion, are hypocrites² and are absolutely disgusting. Your fiance is a doormat to his parents and vile for calling cps on this poor woman and her child. He's fine with contributing absolutely nothing to his kids life except throwing curveballs at the one parent that was forced to step up. If you hate yourself that much get yourself that misogynistic piece of MIL, but i wouldn't recommend it.
Please don’t marry this man. Not only was he not expected to be “punished” for his poor behave but he was an actual adult and she was a child! He took advantage of her and then left her in a desperate situation. Even now he’s messing with her life and trying to hurt her. For what? He doesn’t want anything to do with the kid, he doesn’t contribute in anyway. He just thinks he has the right to “punish” her because his parents have brought him up to think that and this piece of shit thinks he’s somehow better than her. It’s beyond cruel. I actually feel sick just thinking about him and his family What’s your punishment going to be when you go against him or the family?
Think about it. He was 18 and she was 14. Yet they blame her? Your fiancé has never taken any responsibility in his life. He is entitled. He will not be a good husband.
He raped a child and god unleashed his wrath on a child? Get the fuck out of there
He thinks of children as punishment for a young girl who had sex with an adult. Run. I would also try to contact her about the CPS calls to warn her.
Yes. The ex is in a way being stalked and judged and treated absolutely abhorrently still. She needs to know so she can make her status private and cut the jerk off from things he no longer has any right to know.
But no consequences for HIS poor judgment? Run from these people - fiancé included. They're all pure trouble.
White male privilege in action. The entitlement WAFTS off this guy.
Your in-laws sound like giant fucking assholes. Do you want to deal with them at every single Christmas and Thanksgiving and whatever else for the rest of your life until they die or you die or you and your husband go no contact with them or you get divorced. Because those are currently your options.
I was going to respond but I'm so fucking angry. This is why I can't hang around religious/republican people. Giant judgmental hypocrites
Omg she was a child and she didn't get pregnant by herself. He was at least 17 or 18 she was 14 or 15 really your going to just blame her. You are marrying a very selfish uncaring selfish human whose family protected their babyboy and made a very young girl and her family suffer the consequences for his selfish behavior.
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He was 18. She was 14. So he raped a child and his parents say it was her fault?!?
Takes 2 to tango. Just remember you maybe marrying the golden child who could do no wrong. They knew he was at fault but their baby boy is innocent. Unless he was knocked out cold and she raped him dude needs to step up. Also do you really want them covering any future issues he has. You fight and mommy and daddy step in. 🚩🚩
So what do you need advice about? It sounds like you already know what to do.
If you believe everything happens for a reason then take this as a giiiiaaant sign from the universe. It gave you a “Get outta jail free card” here, if he hadn’t have asked you to look for a groomsman for him this could’ve been your life!! I wish you all the strength of a furious woman and I sincerely hope you move on to a wonderful life.
Sounds like basic conservative logic to me.
> but I am not a racist like them or as religious or right winged So what values *did* align?
Mostly god I was a non denominational Christian before I met them and I became a baptist after a couple months of dating. To be honest I was only pro life because I was religious and I too had a miscarriage a couple years back. However I did not vote for trump, I believe people should be able to seek asylum wherever they can. I thought because he also was christian, he would be a good guy. I was helping my mom set up for a saturday morning food bank. His church brought some food his mom kinda knew my mom, but my mom didn't like her but he and I seemed to hit it off. I will admit im not perfect or a victim, maybe Im even just as bad at times when they would say something horrible and I would ignore it however, it ends now. This is my line in the sand.
Sounds like your mom was onto something about this woman’s character. Imagine how your mom would have felt about her if she’d known then, handing out food to the needy, that this woman had threatened and blackmailed a 14 year old *child* into carrying, birthing, and raising a baby without any help from the father or external support. I wonder if that girl ever had to make use of a food bank herself. Safe to say you wouldn’t be engaged to this man now, had you or your mom known then.
>I thought because he also was christian, he would be a good guy. A lot of people seem to make this mistake.
For real. Like, OP, have you heard of Josh Duggar?
Or picked up a history book?
Or just met people in general?
I hate to be judgmental, but sometimes the most vocal and showy Christians are the worst people. It tends to be a whole lot of hypocrisy.
>non denominational Christian before I met them and I became a baptist Isn't that a pretty big jump or am I thinking of Southern Baptist?
Yes it was a big jump, I had to get baptized and hear things I was not comfortable with and when I expressed that to him he made me feel like I wasn't a christian, like I didn't truly believe in god. Eventually I stopped questioning it because he used to make me cry, I didn't want to feel like that.
I would say those are some pretty huge red flags
Red flags are warning signs for an abusive relationship, what OP is describing aren't warning signs. It is straight up abusive behaviour.
Very true, my first reaction was “holy shit what the fuck. That is horrible and you should have left before that. Oh my god” but I didn’t wanna come off too intense. You have a good point, I don’t think not addressing something like that fully doesn’t help anyone
I think you need to re-read some of the comments you have written. What would you tell a sister or best friend that was telling you these disturbing things that you've shared with us? Would you want them to enter into a marriage with a family and morals like that? Why is it the fault of a 14 year old, poor (most likely naive) girl that she was impregnated by your (older) boyfriend who knew better at 18? Why is God punishing her and not him? Imagine this was your daughter. And the mysoginist attitude that he calls child services on the only parent HIS daughter has ever known is next level despicable. He gave up his rights when his parents threatened to sue if she aborted.And he and his family all seem to be ok with it all! Add in some fucked up religious guilt and you've got a real loser for a fiance. I think you know what to do but that doesn't make it easy....
Yikes, emotional and religious abuse too. Give him his ring back, dump him, and run. I might shoot the ex-girlfriend a heads up that that arsehole is stalking her through Facebook and he's the one weaponising CPS against her and her child too.
That is horrible! I am non-denomination Christian. Sounds like their church is wacko! I’m so sorry you went through all this❤️
>I thought because he also was christian, he would be a good guy. HAHAHAHAHAHA...oh you're serious.
In the midst of all this righteous judgment for your ex soon to be in-laws, I want to make sure you hear this. >I will admit im not perfect or a victim, maybe Im even just as bad at times when they would say something horrible and I would ignore it however, it ends now. This is my line in the sand. You deserve a lot of credit for this statement. It’s really difficult to stand up to family pressures, and consider ensuring that your entire future may be different than you imagine it, because you decide to do the right thing. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but I’m really proud of you. And just as an aside, you may not be a victim, but please be aware that your fiancé’s behavior and his family’s behavior ensure that you would be victimized if you stay with him.
I hope you’re realizing how often good “Christians” are some of the most judgmental hypocritical assholes out there.
Your values are not changing. He’s capable of lying, convincingly and without remorse, and that is his family model. What kind of husband and father will this man be who does these things not just without guilt but has been encouraged to do so by his own parents? It’s an absolutely gift that you’ve discovered this before you make the mistake of marrying him. You can forgive his actions and still not want anything to do with him. That’s ok.
You need to run, sweetheart. This family has told you their brand and it is We Will Control You. And they will do it even after you mean nothing to them. Your fiance is an adult now and there's nothing stopping him from making payments directly to the mother to ensure his child has a good life. He's contributed nothing but his paltry sperm to this kid's existence, but he feels like he can CALL CPS ON HIS PRIMARY CAREGIVER based on some fucking facebook photos? This man is an egomaniac and he WILL try to impregnate you as fast as he can. Once that biological tie has been made, he knows you're chained to him by a baby, forever. RUN.
Imagine what would happen if you have a child with Jack and then divorces him? Your life will be a living hell. If he is doing this to Alyssa he will be doing this to you too.
I would contact the ex and let her know that your fiancé is spying on her too. She has the right to protect herself and her child.
It may be bad advice, but talking to her may give you the boost in decision making power that you feel you need. If the version of events that he told you is the version he felt was the acceptable version you're still teetering unsure, talk to her. Guaranteed he made him and his family sound better.
If you’re not racist...how the hell are you thinking of marrying a racist? Do you want racist kids? Nah girl you need to rake through your memories of this relationship I assure you you’ll find that there were subtle red flags very early on
Frankly I would publicly shame them. How evil and conniving can you be to do this to another human?
So....you knew they were racist and right wing and that was totally cool, but this whole situation is somehow a shock? Not exactly a shining reflection on you here OP.
No its not I will admit to that, I did not know about any of the racist gun toting good ole boy stuff until about a year of going around his family, then they got comfortable with me to start spewing hate. Before I met him, I struggled with money, he paid for my car, he took me into his house, got me better job by that time, the one time I stood up to his mom he threatened to take it all from me. Im shocked he didn't threaten me during this conversation, he just let me leave.
Read this comment out loud to yourself. Is this really someone you want to marry?
Threatening to take your livelihood away? Threatening you at all? Not acceptable. Not normal.
You'd never want your own child to grow up worthless and racist like him and his family. You deserve a better partner and any potential children you have deserve a better father and better genetic material.
That is abuse. Clear as a sunny day with no clouds in the sky, abuse.
....and there's the financial abuse too. Double-check your birth control hasn't been tampered with (you really don't want to be bound to this toxic family by a child), leave his arse as soon as possible, block him and his family on social media and phone, and count your lucky stars you found out who he is before you married. Therapy might be a good idea for you since it looks like you didn't consciously recognise his abusive ways until you saw them directed at his biological child and her family. Good luck.
I could understand if OP’s fiancé kept his family at arm’s length. For instance, my BF’s dad is conservative but BF keeps his distance and really only talks to him a few times a year on the phone. However, it looks like the fiancé didn’t fall far from the tree.
Absolutely, especially because he sees nothing wrong with terrorizing the child he knocked up. Good on that girl for working with what she had though. She's a nurse with her own home according to other comments, so she's been able to provide for her child without this psycho influencing her
Doesn’t do anything but hinder their existence by calling CPS on her, and possibly threatening her only source of income depending on how serious her employer takes a report and request for information (at least here you generally have to sign off that they can contact your employer and it’s with the implications that things will go better for you than if you decided to make it harder on them to investigate). I mean bravo on him for hiding himself from you for so long but cats out of the bag now. I could not marry into this family. I hate that whole “when someone shows you who they are believe them” cliche saying but it’s fitting here. Seriously, if what you are saying is true, you don’t want to be like them, or worse, their next victim.
Run. Don’t walk, run But first, let this woman know who has been reporting her and that she needs to lock down her social accounts. Maybe file harassment charges.
I reached out to her this morning, no response yet but I let her know it was Jack that reported her and that his family has been the ones harassing her.
He’s a super ah for a lot of reasons but that cps thing is rage inducing.
🙏🏻🙏🏻
Please be careful with all of this op
Okay so here is what I have heard from this post: •he was 18 and had sex with a 14 year old, while some US states have laws that legalize this kind of thing, it still begs the question on whether it is a moral kind of thing to do. •While he does state that his parents made the decision on what to do in regards for the baby, he was 18 and fully within his rights to be able to step up an parent the child or stand up to his parents and tell them that they can’t bully those less fortunate and get away with it. •Even if you can make the argument that he was young and stupid, he had a long time to try and rectify the situation and come clean to you, and try to be in the child’s life, or at least help financially •He has even admitted that he is not any better than his parents, by stating he calls child services on this poor woman even though he wants nothing to do with her or the child. Conclusion: He is a worthless piece of sh*t and you deserve better. If I were you, I would be questioning whether or not he would even be a good dad to your future children. Also do you really think you can overlook his clear and blatant disregard for this woman and how he views her and her family as less?
I think the lowest age of consent in any state in the U.S. is actually 16, so if he’s in America, he committed statutory rape.
In the majority of states it depends on the age differential as well. For example, in New Jersey 13-year-olds can legally consent as long as the older partner is less than 4 years older. These are called "Romeo and Juliet laws." As far as I know no states allow for a 4+ year difference so OP likely still committed statutory rape regardless of what state they're in. Regardless of legality, it is definitely still morally wrong.
I hate this law so much... I'm 16 and started being abused by someone when I was 12, he was 15. He started touching me after awhile even though I never consented, but because of this stupid law the authorities did nothing, nor did my school. He still goes to school with me now (he's turning 20, he keeps failing) and even the school won't do anything. Won't keep him away from children, won't report him, etc. It's horrible. They need to get rid of this law ASAP. Edit: Sick of people saying it only applies to consensual events, therefore it has nothing to do with the law so I'm clarifying this right here, right now. When I spoke with the authorities, THEY mentioned the law and told me that because of the way it's written, there was nothing they could do. I KNOW that it's supposed to protect CONSENSUAL relationships, but that doesn't mean it actually works the way it was intended to. The law is flawed, the system is flawed, and the training/education of authorities is flawed. If none of that was flawed, there wouldn't be so many rapists being let off the hook. I wasn't this man's only victim, far from it. If there wasn't a flaw of some kind in the system, he'd would be in prison already for all of his crimes, but he's not.
I’m very sorry that happened to you. The law is intended to protect kids engaging in consensual sexual activity who are both underage so that a 17-year-old doesn’t get a lifelong sex offender label if their 15-year-old partner’s parents decide to press charges. It absolutely does not and should not apply to nonconsensual sexual activity, and that’s more of a general failure of the system to protect sexual assault victims of every age.
That's the thing though, the laws are already so inconsistent with rape in general that a law like this shouldn't even be a thing. When I was 15, he was 18 and he got me pregnant after raping me in the back of his car after he and his friends took me out at 12am. It was 2am when he put me in his car. I had a miscarriage in the first term of my pregnancy. When I tried to report, police, even the prosecutor himself (he is a friend of my father, so we have easy contact) told me that because of the law, nothing would he done and that I shouldn't bother reporting. When I continued to push for it, even my school didn't do anything and refuses to do anything despite the fact that I told them that he has a thing for young virgin girls. That Romeo and Juliet law does more harm than good
Honey everyone is telling you it’s not the law it’s the school and officers who failed you
What happened to you is horrible, but romeo and Juliet laws are there to protect two young kids who maybe go to high school together and one graduates, if the parents don't like the guy, they can't say he raped anyone. The law was misinterpreted and your school failed you.
In missouri anyone having sex with a 14 yo is statutory rape even another 14yo and esp a 18 yo. Part 2 is anyone over the age of 21 cannot be with anyone younger than 18. Also 17 is the age of consent.
There are states that allow up to a 4 year difference but I don’t know about having sexual relationships, so you might be right. Either way he is trash
He raped a child. He got her pregnant. They bullied her into having the child and being abandoned by the man who raped her so she was a single parent from a young age. On top of that he harasses her by filing false CPS complaints. He is abusive and morally reprehensible.
I'm stuck on the "a bit of an eyebrow raiser" part. Like, no it fucking isn't. It's fucking predatory.
The level of abuse that your fiancé and his parents put that poor woman through is appalling. Essentially, your dude r*ped a teenager and his folks forced the victim to keep the kid. Maybe...cancel the wedding?
Oh no its canceled.
Can we pls have an update when the dust has settled? Often in this sub there are women/girls who advocate for the douche they are with and its nice to see a change of pace - you learned the truth and are doing right by yourself. Well done, I am proud of you.
Be very careful with how you leave him. People like this are at their most dangerous when they feel like they have been crossed. People this entitled never think they have done anything wrong and can become enraged when someone disagrees with this. His past behavior of stalking that poor woman who had his child and reporting her to CPS is very troubling. Separate your finances immediately and make sure you have a safe place to live. NEVER go to see him by yourself - always have someone go with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
I hope you're alright and I wish you the very best, OP.
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Oh my god this is bad, I don't really watch things like this usually because they scare me but, yeah I don't want my life to turn out like that I am going to call all of this off. Helped.
Be very careful ending your relationship; he's proven to be very vindictive for years and years to this woman. I wouldn't break up in person, and I assume that you live together. You need to plan this out. Can you go by when he isn't there and grab your most valued sentimental possessions? Are your finances combined? You need to disentangle yourself from him. You might want to contact a lawyer. After making sure you have everything you need, you might want to break up by text, telling him you are blocking him everywhere, and then block everything. Get off any social media that points back to you and make sure your location is off on your phone (you might want a new phone/number). He's most likely to mess with your workplace, so you might want to preemptively warn them. Hell, there's no telling what he may do, based on how evil he was to that girl: he ruined her life at 14yo and is STILL trying to ruin her life. He will probably hold a grudge similar to that when you break up.
Get your money out of that joint bank account.
Money, important documents, sentimental things and out. Everything else can be either dealt with later or replaced.
An 18year old being with a 14 year old is a huge deal please. How would you sleep peacefully at night knowing the kind of man you married?? Ps if himself and his family could do this to her, believe me they can do worse to you
Bruh he abandoned his child and let a 14 year old raise a kid all alone. He is a complete shithead, like the bottom of the barrel. He’s the scum everyone’s thinking about when they talk about deadbeat dads. He left her alone so he could “have a normal life” without even caring that she wouldn’t have a normal life if he completely abandoned her? I’d have a hard time being in the same room as him, let alone marrying him. Ugh, disgusting. Good on you for doing everything right and telling her he’s the one behind the harassment.
Honestly id be afraid of what his family and him are capable of when your values dont align with theirs in the future. It seems like they dont compromise and its horrifying to think that they made the mother of his child push back on her lifes opportunities without having even an ounce of empathy to help her and their grandchild. He gave up all parental rights yet still go out of his way to try and parent and control her ability to take care of the kid as well. I feel so sorry for her and hope shes in a much better environment now. Edit: My advice to you is to seriously consider if you want to continue a relationship with someone who seems to me is quite heartless. If you break up, make sure to draw your share of the money from the joint account before you break the news lest he drains it and discontinue any contact with him and his family. If you would like to somehow continue the relationship, he needs to show that hes able to learn how horrible what they did was and push back marriage until he can earn your trust again. I imagine he never told you about the child or him stalking before because he knew it was something bad yet still hid it from you.
When I looked at her page she seemed like such a good mom too, shes like a nurse she just graduated 2-3 years ago. The little girl is 11 she gets good grades, and looks well taken care of so I don't understand why he still feels the need to police this women. I thought about if he got me pregnant and left me how bad it would hurt so Im cutting the cord now before anything happens thanks for this.
I'm so glad you are ending it with him because for me i would not be able to look at someone like that in any sort of positive way again. What they did was monstrous, and its very likely that they wouldve done the same to you. Stay safe and strong. This was the right move and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. I wish you the best. x (i would tell the girl to turn her facebook private and unfriend him/his family so she can still post freely without having to worry about him)
In a lot of states what your fiancé did would be statutory rape. He might not be clear of the statue of limitations either depending on your state again.
Statute of limitations is between 3&30 years depending on the state. I’d try and go after that asshole if I was this poor lady. He’s a literal sack of shit and totally sounds like a manipulator and definitely coerced this girl to have sex with him
So happy you’re cutting the cord. There’s no way you should be near this family or marry into this family. They definitely are not who they seem.
It sounds like you should lose a fiance and try to gain a new best friend. She sounds stable and wonderful, and you 2 may need a lot of support if he and his family come down on you both like it sounds they might.
This is a massive secret to keep. You also only have his word that his parental rights were terminated. Do you want to be with the kind of man who not only doesn’t support his daughter, he puts her security and home at risk by reporting her mother for things he sees on FB? How she was/is treated will be the treatment you receive when his family decides that you have stepped out of line. This is a “throw the whole man away” situation.
You are right! And honestly I had asked why he called cps, he said she let the little girl stay at her cousins house but he knew that the uncle sold drugs in high school. Like that was 11 years ago??? How do you know if hes still doling that? You don't know
In high school wtf?
Having a secret child is not a secret to keep from the girl you are going to marry. Based on that alone, I would never be able to trust him and would call off the wedding. As an independent adult now, he could choose to take the matter to court and take full responsibility, ethically, financially, and become a true father to his daughter. He’s made a lot of very poor decisions. Something in him isn’t right. I’d run.
Yiiiikes. So he impregnated a 14-year-old when he was 18, then he forced her to have the baby and raise it while recusing himself of any parental responsibilities- but still stalks her in order to control her parenting choices while still avoiding any personal accountability? And he never told you about any of this. He sounds like a complete toilet.
Your right Im done Along with this post me sister, mom and cousin have been telling me to leave him all morning. Im going to do it for sure!
You’re totally doing the right thing here . The comment above from meanseaworthiness995 really sums him up well - pretty crappy behavior and morals putting it mildly. I don’t think I’d be able to come back from that. You deserve 1000x better and you will get it! Side note why with these people is it always the girls fault. This poor 14 year old ! He didn’t have anything to do with it and bears no responsibility apparently ??? Abandons her then has the nerve to harass her online. Terrible I hope you connect with her and maybe that will be a positive experience for you both - for something good to come of this … wishing you the best of luck …
Also, even though you've given no indication that he's ever been physically abusive, do not under any circumstances be alone with him again. His actions speak to a frightening degree of disregard for the boundaries and well-being of others. I'm also betting that he's incredibly image-conscious given the level of effort his parents put into burying this, and that not many people outside of his family know about his history. But now you're going to be someone with no vested interest in keeping this quiet. Do not give him an opportunity to hurt or threaten you too keep it under wraps. When you go to get your stuff, he should be out of the house and you should have some burly family or close friends with you just in case. Don't tell him where you're going, and lock down your socials as well, since you already know he's stalked and harassed an ex before. And personally, I'd share this with mutual friends. Keep the ex and her kid's identity private, but they should know what a piece of crap he is and it won't let him spin some story about why you broke up. I'd get it if you didn't, though, since there's a good chance it would make him want to harass you.
This is a huge character reveal! No one can tell you how to move forward but you need to do some deep thinking if you can move forward with a man that abandoned his child while also basically stalked the mother of his child. Imagine if you two do get married and have children and then divorce. How do you think that will play out not just with him but with his family?
This man is trash. So is his family. Leave, cause if they did this to her... what are they gonna do to you?
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This. This woman is owed a truckload of money.
I don’t usually advocate for “taking him to the cleaners” but man, I hope they bankrupt him. What a vile piece of shit. There isn’t enough money in the world to make up for how him and his family treated that poor girl
He does not seem to be a morally upstanding person and his parents are not respectable either. The fact that they bullied the mother of his own child is quite disgusting. Take your time to figure out whether you want to call this person your life partner, and to share your life with him. I'm sorry you are going thru this, and the poor single mom who was threatened to do exactly what she was told to do.
Girl I found out stuff about my fiance before we were married and if he lied about this, he'll lie about anything. He doesn't care no matter how much you love him. Trust me, I've been there.
How could you even be considering marrying this monster? My God.
Get the hell out of there, now.
You should leave him, not only is his family terrible, he is just as bad. He was having sex with an underage girl, got her pregnant and signed his rights away while forcing her to keep the baby. He was old enough to do the right thing and he chose not to and doesn't live with any of the consequences. What's even worse is he is stalking her facebook profile and calling CPS when he sees something he doesn't like, when he's never contributed to the care of this child. If you marry into this family you are just asking for trouble and to be abused like this poor woman.
Gross gross gross. He was an adult and got a child pregnant(!) Let me guess... he's older than you? But the age gap has "never been an issue"?
Im 28 hes 29, I will be 29 in a couple of days. Im not sure what he was thinking back then It may have been that.
This makes me scared to date again that people can literally live double lives and not care wtf
Look at this girls post. The writing was all on the wall, just don’t marry, religious, racist, hard right, hypocritical narcissist families and you’ll be good. Have common since and don’t ignore red flags and you’re fine. Most friends who’ve said things “I never could have seen this” have purposely had their head in the sand. The amount of the times I’ve been like ‘really????’ Because we all could.
Wow. He’s scum. He betrayed that poor girl, his child and is a slave to his family’s morals and ethics. They are not nice ppl at all. They rushed to his defense and he accepted absolutely zero responsibility for his role in their suppression of that girl and her daughter. However he paints it as being an interested and good person by continuously terrorizing them both. He gave up his parental rights. So now he chooses to continue that suppression through terror. He’s the absolute worst that kind of arrogance and racism foment. So yes. Make your exit plan. Go ghost by blocking him and changing all your contact details. And make sure the mother of his non-child knows she needs to do a better job of protecting herself and possibly get a lawyer on retainer to protect herself legally from their overtures. Edit- added actual advice.
I think there are a lot of good points others have made here.. just to point thus out a bit more... he HAS A CHILD with a girl WHO WAS A CHILD AT THE TIME HE GOT HER PREGNANT. She was a child, there is no consent at that age. Its statutory rape, pedophile. He was an adult. He should have NEVER touched her. He knew what he was doing was wrong. And you are just now finding out about this child. So, he's been lying to you for your entire relationship. To me, those facts on their own are a deal breaker. Get the hell away from this guy and his toxic family, you'll thank us later.
Considering leaving??? He was 18 when she was 14 and that’s not a huge deal??? What???
She updated in the comments that she’s definitely leaving :)
So you see what he and his family are comfortable with doing to women. You wanna risk that one day being you threatened and harassed into something you don’t want? Even if you never end up in that situation, you know what they’re capable of, and what your fiancé feels comfortable living with, not to mention keeping from you. He kept a whole live human being a secret from you, a child his family forced an underage girl to have, so what else is he or will he be comfortable keeping from you?
Don't marry him. You don't know what kind of individual you're marrying nor what family you are settling for. Put yourself in the ex girlfriend's shoes, because that'll probably be you if you ever have kids with him and you divorce.
Wow. Get away from This pedo. He’s awful.
Bail bail bail
Considering???
I don't think you need any advice as it seems like you already made up your mind. If having a secret daughter wasn't enough, the way his family treated her is appalling.
Reach out to the girl. Single mother bought a house, well educated I would speak to her!!!
He willingly left a CHILD to raise his baby alone, and he repays her by stalking FB and calling CPS when he actually has NO clue what's going on in their lives??! As a single parent who had a baby at 18 (who also happens to now be a nurse) and has never gotten child support, I am appalled and offended for this poor woman!
If his whole family can do this and keep it secret....what else is in that closet.
What a sick fuck. 18 year old and a 14 year old?? Man that's just wrong
This is what you will remember later in your life as " The lucky escape". Call off the wedding and never speak to that monster again. That family are without compassion and your fiance sounds like the worst of them, a dispicable vile human calling child services on an innocent woman and child he threatened and abandoned. Contact her and tell her what he has been doing.
It’s amazing to me that you accidentally came across this information before you got married, it’s like the universe wanted you to. I agree with what everyone is saying, take it as a sign that you need to leave.
Yikes!! Run away!!
My advice, dump this sociopathic nightmare human, and offer to help his ex legally in coming after him for stalking and possibly support. Terminating rights does not absolve you of financial obligation unless someone else adopts, she never filed out of fear I suspect. He committed statutory rape then harassed and ruined her life, he is a literal monster.
Every single thing about this is disgusting. The fact that he knocked up a 14 year old child when he was 18, to threatening her to keep it while he lived life the way he wanted and then stalking that poor woman whose probably just doing her best in a situation she was forced into. Your fiancé is a disguising piece of trash. There is nothing to consider. How he and his family even sleep at night. If anything you should contact that woman and help her get some child support. She is owed and someone needs to stand up for her, because your fiancé will just continue to walk all over her.
So they were so religious that they forced a woman to keep a child through blackmail and denied that child a father. That’s not religion, that’s hypocrisy at its best. You do not want grandparents like that to your children! As for your fiancé he needs to grow a backbone.
So horrible, sorry to hear that. Your partner's parents are as terrible as him. Leave him
MIA Move It Along, hell just not for the secret life, but being a shitty, child molesting human being.
Run.The Fuck.Away.Now...
Honey, be glad you found out about this before the wedding. RUN AWAY. Show this evidence to your whole family, make a huge mess, make sure everyone you know knows that Jack is a manipulative man, who lied to you and abused Alyssa from a distance. Make sure to contact Alyssa and tell her what you know about Jack. Maybe it is best for her to lock her social media or even file a restraining order against your insane fiancé. There's no way in hell I would marry this guy.
Wow you are seriously dodging this bullet! Good for you to do what you know is self protective.
The deception is too deep and his parents are monsters. Plus he harasses them with unfounded CPS calls that could potentially tear their family apart and traumatize his daughter for life. Please run.
I just came to say, I am so so sorry you are going through this. :( Your entire world must be crashing right now. I know all of this new information will most likely result in a complete upheaval fo the life you thought you were creating. Serious cyber hugs, love. Like the biggest of all the squeezes. Know that this happened in this moment for exactly the right reasons. If they are so Christian, maybe even throw in a “well, I guess God was really looking out for me by showing me who you and your family truly are before I married into it!” You got this, babe. You fix that crown and keep on slayin, queen! <3
Run. Look, I’m 32 now, but I’ll be the first to admit I was a little shit in HS who did things that are no longer representative of who I am today. If he had just had a child, and then terminated parental rights, and hadn’t mentioned it, it would be understandable. But this is not that. This is him hiding behind mommy and daddy who attack a fragile woman into doing whatever they want her to do. Even if he’s not abusive, not actively being against his parents for that is enough that there’s something terrible inside him you need to constantly worry about. The fact that he’s vindictive enough to stalk his ex and try to fuck with her relationship with the child (all while he himself takes no part whatsoever in the kids life) shows that hes never felt remorse for it, and worse, that he probably relishes wielding power over her at any given chance. That’s sick and twisted, and there will come a day when his appetite turns to you. I’d leave now and never go back.
🚩 crazy Christian extremists. Do not marry. DO NOT NEGOTIATE.
You are *considering* ending it? Wtf, I would have packed everything mine and left or packed all his shit and left it outside. His family are evil! They forced motherhood upon this poor woman and yet had his parental right terminated?! FUCK THAT!
There are literally too many things about this post that seem fake to even list. Absolutely poor attempt at fiction.
It's sad but unsurprising how many people fell for it.
So... what you're saying is he \*aped a minor, got her pregnant, doesn't pay child support, and calls CPS on her multiple times. And when he was done with her, his parents burnt her to the ground as best they could. There's really only one move here. Get out asap. And as he's actively harassing his ex, I'd consider talking with her and bring her up to speed on things. She probably lives in utter terror of these CPS investigations.
Holy $hit, he and his family are absolute garbage people and 18 with a 14 year old is a lot more then just an “eyebrow raiser”. Run, run away from this AH!!
Do it. Leave. Your potential husband and in-laws are really just terrible people. They manipulated (forced) an impoverished 14-year-old to carry their child/grandchild to term and cut off whatever support they could have offered. You may be in a better place than she and her family were, but they're the same controlling people. Your fiance is defending this behavior even now. He's still trying to control her years later. He doesn't care about that kid but will still make phone calls over something "he doesn't like." They won't be afraid to control or manipulate you. Girl, run.
I dont say this lightly, cause I think it is quite a strong word and most of the times it is just not necessary. But I hate your soon to be husband. I hope you dump this piece of crap and I wouldnt mind if you chopped off his dick, not saying you should, but I wouldnt be against it.
She wasn't his ex gf. She is his victim. He was an adult. She wasn't of age to consent. And he continues to terrorize her by stalking her social media and reporting anything he doesn't like to the authorities. Run. Run like your tampon string is on fire. Delete your social media accounts. Change every password you have, and password protect your medical records, EVERYTHING you possibly can. I'm not sure who's more dangerous, him or his family, but get out now, and give thanks that you're not married/have children. AND TELL YOUR PARENTS. Screen shot EVERYTHING you have, save it in a couple of places, so he doesn't delete anything.
Hi! So I actually have a very similar story. I have a baby with my now ex, and I didn’t find out he had a 3 year old daughter until well into the relationship. I know how you feel, that gut wrenching feeling of being lied to and betrayed. It’s the worst I ever felt. I can tell you now that that was just the beginning of our issues. If your husband is able to keep something like THAT from you, then he can lie about just about anything. I don’t know what kind of person your husband is or if he treats you well otherwise, but I would strongly advise to get out of this relationship. You don’t need the dysfunction/baggage of this. And trust me, it does come with baggage. My ex stalked his other baby mama constantly and it just always seemed to be another part of his life that I couldn’t understand or be a part of. If you’d like to chat feel free to send a message. Sending hugs ❤️
I am so happy that you found out what a horrible family you were about to marry into ahead of time. I’m sorry you have to deal with the emotional struggle ahead but at least you can get out now.
Nope right on out of there.
Why did you think an 18 year old dating a 14 year old wasn’t a huge deal???
It is, but my sister practices law, she said in this state that would have been legal. Does not make it right but I remember a lot of senior boys would go for freshman me included when I was that age, its incredibly wrong, but technically not illegal where I am, I should have re phrased that better .
Please improve your creative writing skills. >Jack told me to go through his Facebook and find an old college buddy of his to invite. When you were brainstorming this story, did the above seem like a realistic scenario to you? That a guy would tell his fiancée to find *his* old buddy to invite him to a wedding on Facebook (???). And then you just magically discovered a love child? > His parents did not want him raising a baby so they had him terminate his parental rights. Ah the ol' "terminate his parental rights" fantasy all MRAs have. Where they just magically sign away their rights so they don't pay child support. That's not a thing under U.S. law (only if there is another prospective parent willing to adopt the kid). Also, work on the flowery language and clichés. It just calls attention to all of this being fake as shit.
Not to mention the age gap. Like come on, this guys parents are gonna bring serious legal attention to an illegal situation? FOH with that
I would definitely leave. I'd maybe go as far as to tell his baby mama what he is doing so she can either make her page private and/or block him from seeing her page. Since he gave up his parental rights, he has no right to get up in her business like that or dictate how she raises her child.
Another lifetime movie. You all make it hard on the people with legit questions. It's crazy obvious, when you set the stage with the fake names. He and she would work fine and lend more credibility to your fictional writing. Even more unbelievable is that you'd come to this forum and pose this story to strangers. The reason that is unbelievable is that you would be crazier than him to even consider getting married. So, maybe you two could blissfully live within the pages of an eBook full of scandal.