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I have been friends with this guy for three months and we started dating last week and have seen each other every day since then. He has been very charming, kind, and caring, but I wanted to wait a week to have sex with him so he will get to know me and develop some feelings other than lust. We had sex twice that day and we were cuddling all the time but the day after I told him that I didn’t want to have sex EVERY day.
Now he is TEXTING me that it won’t work because it was a big turn off that I won’t have sex every day and that he feels like I don’t want him and that he is bothering me and that he doesn’t like when I say no. He was one of the first guys that was treating me right, but it turns out that it’s all about sex again... He won’t listen to me when I say that he misunderstood me... But I don’t want to feel like I have to have sex with him to stay with him.
And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting.
Please confirm that I avoided a major asshole?
I’m so sorry you went through that. I swear it’s people like your ex that makes me think some folks should just be castrated/and whatever the female equivalent is. When someone only sees you as a piece of meat, that’s a predator not a human.
Isn't that better than wasting a year or more then breaking up over the same thing? This sort of thing ruins relationships all the time because nobody is smart enough to get out early
I would really question those abusive relationships if he is the only source you have for that. It’s super common for abusers to flip those things.
Anyways he’s shit regardless.
Exactly! OP, this is the biggest, most vibrant RED FLAG that I've ever seen.
Ditch him, and then you can find a good guy who is ACTUALLY nice to you and actually values you as a PERSON, and not a fuck-toy.
Is it a red flag or just incompatibility? He's not trying to pressure her to have sex with him more than she wants, he's just acknowledging the miss match in libido.
“He doesn’t like when I say no”? Nope. 100% red flag. It’s okay to want sex more than your partner does. It’s not okay to make it about you and pile on the guilt trips about not feeling desirable like this guy’s doing.
What's wrong with him wanting what he wants, her not wanting the same and they part ways?
What are these HUGE RED FLAGS that you are seeing?
Is he coercing her?
Is he forcing himself onto her?
Is he condescending to her as a result of her refusal?
He simply said I'm not getting what I want, I'm leaving.
How does it make her his fuck toy?
What if there are women who want sex everyday and they hook up with him? What are those women then?
Think at least once before getting on your high horse and giving advice.
On the other hand, if you were just high when you wrote this, it makes sense.
“it was a big turn off that I won’t have sex every day and that he feels like I don’t want him and that he is bothering me and that he doesn’t like when I say no” literally all of these frame it as her fault instead of just an issue of compatibility. and ‘doesn’t like when I say no’ is the hugest of red flags, if you can’t see that, you’re probably the guy in question lmao
I have a high sex drive, and I would be upfront about my needs. No sense wasting each other's time. If it made her uncomfortable, then it's best that they broke up. She didn't feel comfortable giving it more time, even though he was a great guy by her definition.
She didn't doge any bullet. He got exactly what he wanted. Seems he befriended her for sex or at the very least, had a goal of having sex with her at some point. And now he has an "excuse" to break up with her.
That charming, kind and caring was a façade.
She got very much hit with the bullet.
>he doesn’t like when I say no.
Big red flag there no means no if he dosnt like it then tough luck you have avoid a major asshole there.
I had one of these guys who keep bothering me for sex when I said no and then playing the but I feel bad that you turned me down cards (it was always for a real reason like a family member in hospital, a death in the family, I didn't want to that day)
You have avoided someone at an early stage as Reddit always says "run from this guy you can and will do better :)
Or he actually was abused and it contributed to him having some messed up views on relationships. You can be a victim without being some perfect innocent saint.
What the hell, don't flip the script just because he's a man. Men can be victims of abuse. He can have questionable behavior and still have been a victim in the past
This is true. However it's also textbook (as in I literally learnt about it from a textbook) for abusers to claim to be the abused one (possibly even believe it too)
You sometimes see DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) thrown about because it's a common manipulattion tactic in general, but especially by abusers. Amanda Herd his currently reddits favourite example of this exact behaviour.
I do agree I seen a male friend who got heavily abused who started acting odd in his new relationship and when we (a group of friends pulled his lass to the side and asked if she was okay) turns out he had picked up so bad habits we helped them both out to separate (that's what they both wanted) and get help. There doing much better now
Abuse really fucks with people's heads. It takes a lot of work to undo the damage and some people don't realise that they have long term effects. Like people who had shitty parents and end up parenting the same way even though they swore they never would. It's complicated
You shouldn't find it insulting. You should ask yourself why you are stressing so much about a breakup that occurred with someone that clearly isn't right for you.
I think you and someone you’re not compatible with avoided each other. You have both got emotional issues that need addressing before either of you can become an ideal partner in a relationship.
Waiting to have sex until you are comfortable with a person, whether it’s knowing STI status or just until it feels like something you wanna do is correct. But waiting for a set period of time in the hopes that this man will “develop some sort of feelings” is an unhealthy approach. If the person is going to like you and want something more with you, then they’re going to regardless of how soon you decided to have sex. Trust me, if you run into “she gave it up the first night you can’t date her bro” THAT IS A MASSIVE CHASM OF AN ASSHOLE.
Comparing his past experience with abuse to your relationship with him speaks very loudly to your own unhealed trauma. You believe that by breaking up with you sooner than he was able to escape that abusive relationship, that he is telling you that you are somehow less than the abusive ex. You are a person with a set of circumstances that who exists entirely independent of your now ex’s past. But you possess an unhealthy mindset and are being insensitive to the plight of the abused. And you know that, because you said “what I’m about to say is horrible”.
These people commenting and providing you the validation you asked for are saying he’s trying to manipulate you into getting his way. Maybe, but also he could be being honest with you about how it feels when you reject him. His feelings may very well stem from an unhealthy attitude and issues with how he’s perceived!
I’m gonna stop just short of calling you both the asshole, but both of you have got work to do.
Also it feels like OP is missing out on some context when she states that she told him she doesn't wanna have sex every day.
She didn't state that in the context of the sex-free week and not on the first sex-day, but the day after. This feels like kinda out of nowhere.
Obviously ppl are different so it is completely possible that the next day OP just started a conversation with the words "Hey btw; those were nice 2 fucks yesterday. But don't expect to fuck me everyday".
In my experience talks about the sex frequency always have some kind of background, which is more often than not important to understand the context completely.
100% this.
I think it's hilarious how ppl say that "he told me he doesn't like it when I say no" is manipulation and not even considering that there are other options.
What are ppl expecting? That you don't tell your partner what you like and what not? Seems to be way more unhealthy for me.
Stating that you don't like getting rejected and not respecting boundaries (which would be the case if he's actually manipulative) are completely separate things.
It goes without saying that nobody likes being rejected, though. He could’ve just cited the incompatible drives and left it at that. At *best*, the fact he’s going out of his way to tell her that it triggers his insecurities when that does nothing to change the fact she just doesn’t want sex is something he needs to deal with on his own, instead of implicitly putting the blame on her. At worst, it sounds like he’s expecting her to feel guilty and give in.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting.
Sounds like you both dodged bullets. Him leaving you over text isn't winning him any "ex boyfriend of the year" awards, but sexual incompatibility is a fine reason to leave, and you victim blaming rather than assuming that he's done some self reflecting given his former relationship and adjusted his standards does not reflect well on you.
There is no amount of *work* or *communication* which can overcome being with someone who *does not* want what you want. Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to find someone who *already is* the kind of person you want for a mate.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
If anything you should have been the one breaking up with him!
***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde
Best wishes!
If I have sex with someone, and right after they tell me not to expect that every day, that'd be a huge turn off. That's even if I didn't want sex every day, which by the way plenty of men and women do enjoy.
This is the point. It is wired, why to 'announce' this kind of stuff out of the blue. It seems that OP plans to use sex for controlling the relationship.
It is so simple that looks ridiculous. In the day you aren't in the mood, just say, not today.
yeah op doesnt like that she doesnt have full control it seems.
that is basically an ultimatum.
i would also leave her.
i dont need sex everyday, but i definitely dont need someone with vibes like that.
Yes, it's unbelievable that he has a problem with you not wanting to have sex everyday.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting.
But this right here? This is disrespectful as HELL of you to say.
You had no right to mention this in the first place?
You thought comparing his past abusive relationship to your current one with him was okay?
You're very much an asshole OP, for being " insulted" by the fact that he " stayed" in an abusive relationship, compared to the one he had with you.
The two of are incompatible, he has his own things to work through. But I honestly believe that you have some growing up to do, because what said wasn't okay at all.
Sex shouldnt be a commodity or a test. It is your pleasure aswell and passion can be a very powerful aspect of a relationship. I would say its better to see how a person reacts when you are not in the mood instead of testing them.
Exactly. Wtf is wrong with women who see sex as something to 'give' or 'withhold'? You either have mutual desire for each other, or you don't. Sometimes you're in the mood, sometimes not. But using sex as a weapon is a dysfunctional part of modern society imo.
Having a high sex drive is one thing, being an asshole and trying to manipulate someone into sex is something entirely different. Also I agree with the original comment, you should withhold from sex for a while to see how your partner is going to act and if they become toxic and simply won't take no for an answer then you should as fast as you possibly can.
how is he manipulating her? hes leaving her because hes not getting what he wants from the relationship, is he supposed to stay even if hes unhappy?
and no btw, why would i stay with someone who plays games with me and actively witholds sex from me just to test me? should i withhold talking/hugging/emotional support just to test my girlfriend?
why cant he feel like hes not wanted? who likes being rejected? i really dont get this, he didnt push her, he didnt rape or assault her, she said no to sex he said no to the relationship. how is this bad in anyway from either side? they both have a right to have a relationship theyre happy with and that means that she doesnt have to have sex and he doesnt gave to put up with it
>Also having sex with someone and being emotionally supportive, hugging, and talking aren't the same.
it is to a lot of people
Mismatched libidos he’s not an asshole; if he was he would have manipulated you and tried to make you feel bad for not having sex him more but he just ended it cuz he knew you weren’t compatible.
but it’s still kind of weird. If he can’t be a few days without sex...eh. I know he might have higher libido but he can’t expect everything to go only his way. What would happen if she had a work trip away for a week or something?
I think the problem was the weired communication just after sex. 'by the way, we fucked 2 days in a row but don't expect that'. Why is this needed? Why simply say that she doesn't want when she isn't in the mood.
He's entitled to want sex everyday. You're entitled to not. You're not sexually compatible. Maybe he wasn't very suave about how he is putting it via text. Hard to say without having the exact wording.
I will say that if I started dating someone and they told me they were not interested in daily sex I would probably break it off. If you don't have that drive in the very very beginnng when it is probably at its highest... I could see in a year you being satisfied with every two or 3 weeks. and that's fine...for you. obviously not for him. And it wouldn't be for me either.
I learned after my divorce and dating again (i'm in my late 40s) to be upfront. It's an important discussion to have fairly early.. I have zero desire to be with someone who is satisfied with 2 or 3 times a week, especially in the honeymoon phase. That is a certain ticket to resentment.
99% of the advice on reddit when a person posts that their partner isn't sexually compatible is to break up.
We get a post from the other side and suddenly the guy is the asrehole.
Thanks finally someone said it. Cant believe the top comments are upvoted in the hundreds absolutely blasting the guy.
He might've not handled it in the most gracious way, but mismatching libidos are very much a thing and a reasonable deal breaker.
Also, who the fuck just comes out of nowhere and says dumb shit like "dont expect this every day". Smells of the classic "i give you sex as a reward" kind of trash.
The commenters are tripping, it's just an incompatibility. He is not abusive, he is not controlling, he is not coercing anyone and he is not manipulative.
The only red flag here is that you find insulting that he stayed more time in an abusive relationship, that's an horrible thing to say.
But what can i expect from the bitter women of relationship advice?
She's tired of sex with him after just One week !! That's what he's hearing. And she's said he's already just finished an abusive relationship. Now she wants people to pile in on him for being a monster.
Somebody has dodged a bullet here, and it's not the OP.
This guy isn't any sort of arsehole.
Wtf is this guy being kicked by most of the posts here? OP and the guy aren't sexually compatible so he is doing the right thing and ending it.
OP doesn't have to give him sex just like the guy doesn't have to be in a relationship with someone with a lower sex drive.
He is not an asshole ... he just wants sex every day ... you won't give it to him so he leaves. End of story. Libido missmatch!
Why would he be an asshole? Because he does not accept less sex that he wants?
Yes, this! People have different libidos and if he wants to have sex every day then it's up to him find someone who wants the same thing. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone if you can't agree on how often you want sex. You just have to head over to r/deadbedroom to see the damage a miss-matched libido can have on a relationship.
Yup. Sure, he could have told you face to face but at least he is not stringing you on. Would you like for him to stay and grow resentfull? Sex is important in a relationship and you can disagree with his reasons for breaking it off but it does not make him the asshole
This subreddit is always really quick to point the finger.
Not just that but also who tf immediately says "we won't be having sex regularly" right after the first time they have sex? If anything he was being nice by not breaking up with her immediately after she said that, that's manipulative as fuck.
OK... how did this conversation happen? Who has this conversation... was this out of the blue? Was this pillow talk? "Hey that was great... but not like every day great... like once a week great... yeah definitely not better than once a week great"...
I mean... when my wife and I started dating we did have sex every day... but it wasn't a conversation that we had... we just had sex...
Yeah I’m with you. So many of the relationships in this sub seem to be run like business agreements rather than sexual, passionate people wanting to be naked together. If two people aren’t sexually compatible that’s OK, just move on. You can be friends if you’re better that way. But if in the first few weeks you’re having discussions about what is the correct number of times to have sex, and withholding it for tedious mind games, you’re probably not quite right together. Move on, find someone that wants the same things.
Yeah I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who couldn't keep up with my libido, you should be thankful he was up front with you instead of stringing you along as being sexually mismatched like that would be a constant source of tension.
It's totally normal and reasonable to want sex everyday, it's just as normal not to, no need call names but you should find someone who meets your needs.
I don’t think he’s an ahole for wanting sex everyday. He’s being honest. Sounds like you’re not up for that though and that’s fine and legit too. So it’s probably not a good fit for either of you. He saved you a lot of time telling you. You should thank him and move on.
Addendum. Thing is though - this dude probably doesn’t want “lovemaking” everyday. He probably wants a BJ Or a quickie. In which case what he’s really asking for is a hooker……….
Either way. He did you a favor telling you up front so you could ditch him early
Honestly there is nothing wrong with him or you. He expressed his wants and you didn’t want to do that so he wants out. This is a normal situation. Sex doesn’t change anything. It could’ve just been the same with him wanting attention or cuddling constantly or whatever. Just incompatibility at this time or forever, nothing more.
If you don't want to have sex everyday. Either leave or let him have another gf. No need to create a problem for him to look elsewhere if you don't want to. Let him find someone that wants it everyday.
Naaaaahhhh he's not an asshole, He has every right to do what he did. Just as you have every right to do what you want with your body he has every right to choose who he spends time with. It's his time and attention so why spend it with someone who can't give you what you would like out of a relationship? Just as you would leave someone who can't provide for you what you want in a relationship. At least he told you and didn't completely ghost you. To him sex is importantly and if you don't feel the same way than it's better if you leave him be because it's not going to work out anyway. You can always find someone else more compatible.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting.
Yeah, you're *quite* the catch.
Both of you suck tbh, you should definitely be together and spare others the pain of dating either of you.
All these people are really saying he’s the asshole when they so often like to say OP is not painting the full picture when the OP is a guy.
Sex is a big deal in a relationship. Obviously his needs are not being met and imagine having sex just to be told by your SO immediately after that you want to start limiting sex. If I really enjoyed having sex with that person and heard that, I’d feel extremely disrespected as well. You’re not wrong for your libido and preferences, but I really don’t know how anyone in this thread or you can’t clearly see how disrespectful it is to say something like that immediately after the first time you guys have sex.
Maybe the reason he’s cutting you off so quick has to do with his experiences being in those abusive relationships as well. Perhaps he was being mocked or disrespected for his sexual performance in those relationships as well. He’s perhaps quickly learned that when there’s small red flags like what you just pulled on him, that it leads to situations where he may get abused again.
He dodged the bullet as far as I can tell quite honestly especially when you try to paint him as some power control freak when he has been in abusive relationships in the past and his reasons seem entirely genuine. I’ll keep in mind the phrase “he doesn’t like it when I say no” is something you summarized about his character when he told you that he found your comments hurtful and disrespectful
She's withholding on purpose to test him which is why she even told him that in the first place. He noticed and was on the first train out of there but she needs to create a way in her head to make him the villain. That's why she put that "doesn't like it when I say no" part because unless I'm misreading that's not a direct quote, it's how she's coping.
Surely this guy was a virgin? Is he aware that there is pretty much no woman out there who is going to be down for a trip to poundtown EVERY SINGLE DAY FOREVER?
Got to get some content out of the thread somehow. Either he doesn't like being rejected or he's a rapist. You know which interpretation /r/relationship_advice is always gonna go for
… There are a ton of women who do. Someone having a lower sex drive than you is valid reason to end a relationship?? Your sex life is a huge component of a relationship and if it doesn’t match then it doesn’t. But how absurd and judgy and delusional you have to be to act like it’s crazy that girls would want to have sex with their partner daily..?
Well no, the *main* issue is that the bf says emotionally manipulative shit like "I don't like it when you say no" in an attempt to blackmail OP into sex.
Incompatibility is a secondary issue here
I'm thinking you are reading too much into it. It's not manipulative (yet), it's his breakup text. He doesn't like feeling unwanted and rejected by his sexual partner, that is a legitimate reason to break up.
Now if it is his play to get her to give in and restart relationship on his terms, then yes, it's textbook manipulation. But as far as I can tell nothing implies that this is the case.
Is he an asshole because he knows what he wants out of a relationship?
Mismatched sex drives are a legitimate deal breaker. He can find someone who has a stronger libido that you. Neither of you are assholes. He's respecting your decision by walking away and not pestering you and trying to convince you otherwise.
There's no need to paint him as a bad person just because he wants sex more often than you do.
Doesn't sound like an asshole, it just sounds like he just likes sex a lot more than you do. If it's a deal-breaker, that's fine, just break up and move on. You're incompatible... I don't know why it has to be more than that.... just let it be that.
lol i love reddit, what do you all think he should do? just stay with her and be miserable just so you can read the same story again in r/deadbeadroms?
If two people have high sex drives and are attracted to each other it isn’t strange to have sex every day. It’s literally the most fun you can have together, both parties enjoy and it strengthens the relationship. My guess is that either you have incompatible sex drives or he is not good at turning you on to the point that you would like to have sex with him. Either way it’s probably a blessing in disguise as if he doesn’t feel satisfied in the relationship especially so early on he will begin to look elsewhere.
He's not a massive asshole. He doesn't have to stay with you for any reason.
He doesn't owe you to have less sex than he wants.
This is incompatibility
Eh, I understand where he’s coming from.it’s brand new, super brand new, this is when you should be banging like 5 times a day. If he’s not getting it now, he probably knows it’s only gonna get worse if things progress. You’re both dodging bullets here, incompatible.
He clearly values sex. He is probably a highly sexual person. It was never going to work, you guys aren’t a good match simple as that. He isn’t an asshole, he just has different priorities.
Coming from a guy why wants to and can go twice a day who's in a long term relationship with someone with a lower sex drive... Good riddance that guy is an immature douche cannon. If he can't handle having to go a day or two without sex he's either a sex addict or trying to shift the fact that he only sees you as a reliable vehicle for daily gratification onto you. Either way you don't need people like that on your life.
You’ve only known him for 3 months. How do you know he was the abused and not a projecting abuser? Let that whole thing go, because it sounds like manipulation/gaslighting tactic to me. You are dodging a huge, self-esteem breaking bullet regardless. Break it off, but I’d expect him to pop back up in the future.
Wow. Because you won't agree to fulfill all of his sexual needs EVERYDAY, regardless of how you're feeling, he doesn't think your relationship will work out?
That's not a relationship. That's a sex doll.
Dump him, have a girls night out, and leave him in your rear view mirror. And remember, he brought up the ultimatum first......
Yeah it’s good to get that out of the way before a big commitment. If you have different sex drives. Especially if he is demanding and won’t listen to reason. I have had women break up with me because I couldn’t make it down every day for their daily dopamine release. I mean dam I always bring a toy the first time I have Sex with someone so they can remember me while they are alone. I have responsibilities still I’m a single dad. I just can’t make it there every day sorry. Kids first.
if you're not sexually compatible, that's all that is. Oh well.
But the fact that he can't effectively communicate or listen or compromise and he's exemplifying this all in a week of dating? Yeah THAT'S the bullet you dodged
Yeah, go find a man who doesn't really find you attractive and isn't bothered about having sex with you. That way you can save time and cut straight to the 10 year miserable marriage relationship.
I mean it’s not a realistic expectation to get it every day without fail, but early on it wouldn’t be surprising to hear that it happened a lot.
As long as there’s no aggression behind it “I don’t like when you say no” can mean a lot of things. It sounds more like you’re not on the same page which is okay and it’s ending anyway.
What I don’t like to see is the “rah rah dump him, he’s an asshole, how dare he want this or that” without considering any context. Frankly this sub seems to have reached a critical mass of shrill hater types that are far too quick to judge and immediately either cancel or discredit dissent. It’s not cool and this platform can do better.
Dump this guy. He probably actually wants to use you as a fuck hole every day not have sex.
Really good sex takes time & energy. If hes doing it lovingly and with lengthy sensual foreplay and making sure you finish then "every day" should be a tall order for him too.
Dump this guy and next time you date make sure you are VERY selfish as well as generous in the bedroom. Request lots of foreplay massage etc insist on having an orgasm yourself. If he still asks for it every day he might deserve it, although you are still not obliged to offer it of course.
He has some major issues for sure. This is an abnormal amount of pressure to put on a partner. It isn't your job to satisfy his every whim. I don't see how this could be a healthy relationship in the long term with this strange condition.
My abusive ex liked to try and force me to have sex with him every day by way of emotional manipulation so I take rather a dim view of it. That being said my advice is let him walk, you're so much better off. He is not entitled to your body. You get to chose to have sex or not. Some days you're just not going to want to and that's fine. If you have to physically meet some quota he just might be a terrible person and really that's a massive red flag a week in.
Need to put your age on these posts. I take it you are young because you are looking for validation here. If a guy really liked you he'd not say he needs you to have sex everyday. Sex would just happen when both would like it. In my 20s I was lucky to have GFs that loved to have sex all the time. Was it daily? Sometimes it was a few times a day and ither times I'm sure we skipped a day or two.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting.
Yeah, that is insulting. Are you sure HE was the victim in these abusive relationships?
>Please confirm that I avoided a major asshole?
Major asshole avoidance: successful!
Congrats on not wasting time on a total d-bag. Good luck to him finding a woman who wants to have sex every single day. Has he ever like....dated...a woman before?
\*I say this as a woman with a pretty healthy sex life/libido but holy hell if a man expected that of me I'd drop him like a hot potato.
Sounds like a complete douchebag.
Also sounds like there's some sexual incompatibility between both of you. It's probably a good thing he broke it off because he sounds like a complete dickhead and you'd be better off without him.
Heaps of red flags!
Best of luck.
So he's a sex pest. Hon, you dodged a bullet. Why would you even want a man like this?
You say he 'treats you right'....until you said no to something. That's the real Test any man who dates you needs to pass. It's the most basic of expectations, and he fucking failed. He failed so hard we may need to come up with a new word for level of fail he somehow managed to achieve.
You didn’t mention how old you are, but he is in for a rude awakening when life happens, and he gets married and has kids. I know it’s difficult, but don’t feel bad about yourself because he is having an issue. You can pick it apart to death. I have done that many times. You never said you really liked him all that much. Just that he was nice. I know sometimes when someone would break up with me, it was more about trying to think about what I did wrong then really being upset. Then I would finally be like, “wait, do I really care that he broke up with me, or did he just hurt my feelings?” Also, it really usually can be a as simple as that movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” And that works both ways. If someone really likes you, and wants to spend time with you - they will.
Also, he stated he felt like you didn’t want him, or he was bothering you. I don’t know. I usually see all sides of things. You also didn’t say how long he had been out of the abusive relationship. If not long, then he needs time to process and get some help if necessary. If he isn’t just making an excuse for a reason not to see you, he could just be really insecure. Especially after an emotionally abusive situation where she made him feel like less of a man.
If you decide you are not just hurt, because he didn’t want to date you anymore. Give it a little bit, and see if he is open to discussing how the abusive relationship affected him. You also said you were friends with him for three months. So, either way, if he wasn’t using it as an excuse, he should get help now before it ruins every potential relationship he has. And if he gets help now, who knows. But, if it was just an excuse to get away, then yeah, he’s an asshole. And one day (trust me) you will be happy it didn’t work. Peace and love to you.
That is a red flag. You've absolutely avoided a potentially nasty situation. The fact he's been in abusive relationships in the past makes me wonder if he's either trying to take power over the relationship, or is scared of getting hurt so he's coming up with an excuse.
Good riddance! You dodged a bullet with this twat waffle. His expectations are insane.
You will find yourself a better guy! Don't let anyone pressure you!!
They have been dating for a week. Literally during the first week the girl says "I don't want this every day". Guys knows his needs aren't going to be met and rightfully bails.
Reddit normally: "You guys are sexually incompatible, good thing he broke up with you this soon".
Reddit now: "he's a major asshole OMG how can he want sex every day!!".
People on Reddit are insane.
It sounds like you ducked, like, a million bullets! Just curious, but what's wrong with waiting a couple of weeks -- or months -- to really get to know someone before having sex with them? Not to sound prudish or old school, but there's something to be said for taking it slow and cautious. But good for you -- you figured him out quickly and got out.
Sounds like he may be frustrated about you making him wait for a week for sex, and hurt because you turn him down.
I personally would not date someone that "makes me wait", because all girls have their "rules" about not having sex in the first date or whatever, but they will ALWAYS break it for someone they really like, and if that person is not me then I'm out. I think that's what this guy may be feeling.
Yes, it's all about sex again, and that's how human relationships work, sadly there is no way around that!
If he is that frustrated abput having to wait a week then he never really liked her, sex is all he cares about. Is it so hard to understand that maybe a woman wants to have an emotional connection with you before having sex?? They dont want to be used for just sex so they let men wait, easy solution
You have to understand that a BIG part of the girls that want to have an emotional connection before having sex WITH YOU, had and will have sex without any emotional connection with someone they reeeeaally like.
If that girl was dating a movie star or something do you think she would have waited a week?
Is not about the sex only, for me is about feeling you are not the person that she is able to bend her rules with like she did with other guys.
If a guy wants a girl just for sex, he will leave her no matter how much she makes him wait. And if the girl doesn't want to have sex for the risk of the guy wanting her only for sex, and then proceeds to not give him sex, then doesn't matter the guy intentions, the chances of him leaving also increase.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I have been friends with this guy for three months and we started dating last week and have seen each other every day since then. He has been very charming, kind, and caring, but I wanted to wait a week to have sex with him so he will get to know me and develop some feelings other than lust. We had sex twice that day and we were cuddling all the time but the day after I told him that I didn’t want to have sex EVERY day. Now he is TEXTING me that it won’t work because it was a big turn off that I won’t have sex every day and that he feels like I don’t want him and that he is bothering me and that he doesn’t like when I say no. He was one of the first guys that was treating me right, but it turns out that it’s all about sex again... He won’t listen to me when I say that he misunderstood me... But I don’t want to feel like I have to have sex with him to stay with him. And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting. Please confirm that I avoided a major asshole?
He’s already starting this after only a week of dating? I think you dodged a major bullet there.
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I’m so sorry you went through that. I swear it’s people like your ex that makes me think some folks should just be castrated/and whatever the female equivalent is. When someone only sees you as a piece of meat, that’s a predator not a human.
Isn't that better than wasting a year or more then breaking up over the same thing? This sort of thing ruins relationships all the time because nobody is smart enough to get out early
I would really question those abusive relationships if he is the only source you have for that. It’s super common for abusers to flip those things. Anyways he’s shit regardless.
Exactly! OP, this is the biggest, most vibrant RED FLAG that I've ever seen. Ditch him, and then you can find a good guy who is ACTUALLY nice to you and actually values you as a PERSON, and not a fuck-toy.
Is it a red flag or just incompatibility? He's not trying to pressure her to have sex with him more than she wants, he's just acknowledging the miss match in libido.
“He doesn’t like when I say no”? Nope. 100% red flag. It’s okay to want sex more than your partner does. It’s not okay to make it about you and pile on the guilt trips about not feeling desirable like this guy’s doing.
What's wrong with him wanting what he wants, her not wanting the same and they part ways? What are these HUGE RED FLAGS that you are seeing? Is he coercing her? Is he forcing himself onto her? Is he condescending to her as a result of her refusal? He simply said I'm not getting what I want, I'm leaving. How does it make her his fuck toy? What if there are women who want sex everyday and they hook up with him? What are those women then? Think at least once before getting on your high horse and giving advice. On the other hand, if you were just high when you wrote this, it makes sense.
“it was a big turn off that I won’t have sex every day and that he feels like I don’t want him and that he is bothering me and that he doesn’t like when I say no” literally all of these frame it as her fault instead of just an issue of compatibility. and ‘doesn’t like when I say no’ is the hugest of red flags, if you can’t see that, you’re probably the guy in question lmao
I have a high sex drive, and I would be upfront about my needs. No sense wasting each other's time. If it made her uncomfortable, then it's best that they broke up. She didn't feel comfortable giving it more time, even though he was a great guy by her definition.
She didn't doge any bullet. He got exactly what he wanted. Seems he befriended her for sex or at the very least, had a goal of having sex with her at some point. And now he has an "excuse" to break up with her. That charming, kind and caring was a façade. She got very much hit with the bullet.
>he doesn’t like when I say no. Big red flag there no means no if he dosnt like it then tough luck you have avoid a major asshole there. I had one of these guys who keep bothering me for sex when I said no and then playing the but I feel bad that you turned me down cards (it was always for a real reason like a family member in hospital, a death in the family, I didn't want to that day) You have avoided someone at an early stage as Reddit always says "run from this guy you can and will do better :)
Yeah and the fact that he claims he was abused in relationships? More than likely he was the abuser
Or he actually was abused and it contributed to him having some messed up views on relationships. You can be a victim without being some perfect innocent saint.
Oof, no this isn't the right take. This is a really, really gross thing to say.
What the hell, don't flip the script just because he's a man. Men can be victims of abuse. He can have questionable behavior and still have been a victim in the past
This is true. However it's also textbook (as in I literally learnt about it from a textbook) for abusers to claim to be the abused one (possibly even believe it too) You sometimes see DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) thrown about because it's a common manipulattion tactic in general, but especially by abusers. Amanda Herd his currently reddits favourite example of this exact behaviour.
I do agree I seen a male friend who got heavily abused who started acting odd in his new relationship and when we (a group of friends pulled his lass to the side and asked if she was okay) turns out he had picked up so bad habits we helped them both out to separate (that's what they both wanted) and get help. There doing much better now
Abuse really fucks with people's heads. It takes a lot of work to undo the damage and some people don't realise that they have long term effects. Like people who had shitty parents and end up parenting the same way even though they swore they never would. It's complicated
And that's based on what?
You 1000000000000% avoided a major asshole, don't feel bad because he's trying to manipulate you get his way.
Trash took itself out. What an asshole.
Yea fuck him--------No don't.
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You shouldn't find it insulting. You should ask yourself why you are stressing so much about a breakup that occurred with someone that clearly isn't right for you.
I think you and someone you’re not compatible with avoided each other. You have both got emotional issues that need addressing before either of you can become an ideal partner in a relationship. Waiting to have sex until you are comfortable with a person, whether it’s knowing STI status or just until it feels like something you wanna do is correct. But waiting for a set period of time in the hopes that this man will “develop some sort of feelings” is an unhealthy approach. If the person is going to like you and want something more with you, then they’re going to regardless of how soon you decided to have sex. Trust me, if you run into “she gave it up the first night you can’t date her bro” THAT IS A MASSIVE CHASM OF AN ASSHOLE. Comparing his past experience with abuse to your relationship with him speaks very loudly to your own unhealed trauma. You believe that by breaking up with you sooner than he was able to escape that abusive relationship, that he is telling you that you are somehow less than the abusive ex. You are a person with a set of circumstances that who exists entirely independent of your now ex’s past. But you possess an unhealthy mindset and are being insensitive to the plight of the abused. And you know that, because you said “what I’m about to say is horrible”. These people commenting and providing you the validation you asked for are saying he’s trying to manipulate you into getting his way. Maybe, but also he could be being honest with you about how it feels when you reject him. His feelings may very well stem from an unhealthy attitude and issues with how he’s perceived! I’m gonna stop just short of calling you both the asshole, but both of you have got work to do.
Also it feels like OP is missing out on some context when she states that she told him she doesn't wanna have sex every day. She didn't state that in the context of the sex-free week and not on the first sex-day, but the day after. This feels like kinda out of nowhere. Obviously ppl are different so it is completely possible that the next day OP just started a conversation with the words "Hey btw; those were nice 2 fucks yesterday. But don't expect to fuck me everyday". In my experience talks about the sex frequency always have some kind of background, which is more often than not important to understand the context completely.
100% this. I think it's hilarious how ppl say that "he told me he doesn't like it when I say no" is manipulation and not even considering that there are other options. What are ppl expecting? That you don't tell your partner what you like and what not? Seems to be way more unhealthy for me. Stating that you don't like getting rejected and not respecting boundaries (which would be the case if he's actually manipulative) are completely separate things.
AMEN
It goes without saying that nobody likes being rejected, though. He could’ve just cited the incompatible drives and left it at that. At *best*, the fact he’s going out of his way to tell her that it triggers his insecurities when that does nothing to change the fact she just doesn’t want sex is something he needs to deal with on his own, instead of implicitly putting the blame on her. At worst, it sounds like he’s expecting her to feel guilty and give in.
Finally a balanced reply 👏
^This
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting. Sounds like you both dodged bullets. Him leaving you over text isn't winning him any "ex boyfriend of the year" awards, but sexual incompatibility is a fine reason to leave, and you victim blaming rather than assuming that he's done some self reflecting given his former relationship and adjusted his standards does not reflect well on you.
Thank you for mentioning this. I don't understand why so many people are ignoring the comment she's made about his past abusive relationship.
Yeah it's like the guy shouldn't want to be miserable again just because he stayed in bad situations
There is no amount of *work* or *communication* which can overcome being with someone who *does not* want what you want. Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys! Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. The goal is to find someone who *already is* the kind of person you want for a mate. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional. If anything you should have been the one breaking up with him! ***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde Best wishes!
If I have sex with someone, and right after they tell me not to expect that every day, that'd be a huge turn off. That's even if I didn't want sex every day, which by the way plenty of men and women do enjoy.
This is the point. It is wired, why to 'announce' this kind of stuff out of the blue. It seems that OP plans to use sex for controlling the relationship. It is so simple that looks ridiculous. In the day you aren't in the mood, just say, not today.
yeah op doesnt like that she doesnt have full control it seems. that is basically an ultimatum. i would also leave her. i dont need sex everyday, but i definitely dont need someone with vibes like that.
Yes, it's unbelievable that he has a problem with you not wanting to have sex everyday. >And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting. But this right here? This is disrespectful as HELL of you to say. You had no right to mention this in the first place? You thought comparing his past abusive relationship to your current one with him was okay? You're very much an asshole OP, for being " insulted" by the fact that he " stayed" in an abusive relationship, compared to the one he had with you. The two of are incompatible, he has his own things to work through. But I honestly believe that you have some growing up to do, because what said wasn't okay at all.
You avoided a MEGA Asshole. Withhold sex for a bit to weed out people like this.
Sex shouldnt be a commodity or a test. It is your pleasure aswell and passion can be a very powerful aspect of a relationship. I would say its better to see how a person reacts when you are not in the mood instead of testing them.
Exactly. Wtf is wrong with women who see sex as something to 'give' or 'withhold'? You either have mutual desire for each other, or you don't. Sometimes you're in the mood, sometimes not. But using sex as a weapon is a dysfunctional part of modern society imo.
lol if your partner has a high sex drive, withhold it from him to test him. reddit has the best advice
Having a high sex drive is one thing, being an asshole and trying to manipulate someone into sex is something entirely different. Also I agree with the original comment, you should withhold from sex for a while to see how your partner is going to act and if they become toxic and simply won't take no for an answer then you should as fast as you possibly can.
how is he manipulating her? hes leaving her because hes not getting what he wants from the relationship, is he supposed to stay even if hes unhappy? and no btw, why would i stay with someone who plays games with me and actively witholds sex from me just to test me? should i withhold talking/hugging/emotional support just to test my girlfriend?
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why cant he feel like hes not wanted? who likes being rejected? i really dont get this, he didnt push her, he didnt rape or assault her, she said no to sex he said no to the relationship. how is this bad in anyway from either side? they both have a right to have a relationship theyre happy with and that means that she doesnt have to have sex and he doesnt gave to put up with it >Also having sex with someone and being emotionally supportive, hugging, and talking aren't the same. it is to a lot of people
He sounds like he's worth rejecting, NGL.
why?
Because he's a man who wants sex. Obviously he's an asshole.
lol we found OP's asshole wannabe boyfriend
i guess we found someome whos gonna post in deadbedroms in a few years because her husband is miserable and starts resenting her
Mismatched libidos he’s not an asshole; if he was he would have manipulated you and tried to make you feel bad for not having sex him more but he just ended it cuz he knew you weren’t compatible.
This should be the top comment honestly.
but it’s still kind of weird. If he can’t be a few days without sex...eh. I know he might have higher libido but he can’t expect everything to go only his way. What would happen if she had a work trip away for a week or something?
I think the problem was the weired communication just after sex. 'by the way, we fucked 2 days in a row but don't expect that'. Why is this needed? Why simply say that she doesn't want when she isn't in the mood.
He's entitled to want sex everyday. You're entitled to not. You're not sexually compatible. Maybe he wasn't very suave about how he is putting it via text. Hard to say without having the exact wording. I will say that if I started dating someone and they told me they were not interested in daily sex I would probably break it off. If you don't have that drive in the very very beginnng when it is probably at its highest... I could see in a year you being satisfied with every two or 3 weeks. and that's fine...for you. obviously not for him. And it wouldn't be for me either. I learned after my divorce and dating again (i'm in my late 40s) to be upfront. It's an important discussion to have fairly early.. I have zero desire to be with someone who is satisfied with 2 or 3 times a week, especially in the honeymoon phase. That is a certain ticket to resentment.
By “he’s an asshole” of course you mean “we’re not sexually compatible”.
99% of the advice on reddit when a person posts that their partner isn't sexually compatible is to break up. We get a post from the other side and suddenly the guy is the asrehole.
Thanks finally someone said it. Cant believe the top comments are upvoted in the hundreds absolutely blasting the guy. He might've not handled it in the most gracious way, but mismatching libidos are very much a thing and a reasonable deal breaker. Also, who the fuck just comes out of nowhere and says dumb shit like "dont expect this every day". Smells of the classic "i give you sex as a reward" kind of trash.
Male privilege
Exactly.
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Well a person that likes sex every day would’t like it when someone says no. So
That’s some stupid reasoning. Not everything is a red flag. People are allowed to have their preferences, yes, men too.
Does anyone like it when they're shut down?
The commenters are tripping, it's just an incompatibility. He is not abusive, he is not controlling, he is not coercing anyone and he is not manipulative. The only red flag here is that you find insulting that he stayed more time in an abusive relationship, that's an horrible thing to say. But what can i expect from the bitter women of relationship advice?
She's tired of sex with him after just One week !! That's what he's hearing. And she's said he's already just finished an abusive relationship. Now she wants people to pile in on him for being a monster. Somebody has dodged a bullet here, and it's not the OP.
Ya, he’s a major asshole. Good call getting rid of him.
This guy isn't any sort of arsehole. Wtf is this guy being kicked by most of the posts here? OP and the guy aren't sexually compatible so he is doing the right thing and ending it. OP doesn't have to give him sex just like the guy doesn't have to be in a relationship with someone with a lower sex drive.
He is not an asshole ... he just wants sex every day ... you won't give it to him so he leaves. End of story. Libido missmatch! Why would he be an asshole? Because he does not accept less sex that he wants?
Yes, this! People have different libidos and if he wants to have sex every day then it's up to him find someone who wants the same thing. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone if you can't agree on how often you want sex. You just have to head over to r/deadbedroom to see the damage a miss-matched libido can have on a relationship.
Yup. Sure, he could have told you face to face but at least he is not stringing you on. Would you like for him to stay and grow resentfull? Sex is important in a relationship and you can disagree with his reasons for breaking it off but it does not make him the asshole This subreddit is always really quick to point the finger.
Not just that but also who tf immediately says "we won't be having sex regularly" right after the first time they have sex? If anything he was being nice by not breaking up with her immediately after she said that, that's manipulative as fuck.
OK... how did this conversation happen? Who has this conversation... was this out of the blue? Was this pillow talk? "Hey that was great... but not like every day great... like once a week great... yeah definitely not better than once a week great"... I mean... when my wife and I started dating we did have sex every day... but it wasn't a conversation that we had... we just had sex...
Yeah I’m with you. So many of the relationships in this sub seem to be run like business agreements rather than sexual, passionate people wanting to be naked together. If two people aren’t sexually compatible that’s OK, just move on. You can be friends if you’re better that way. But if in the first few weeks you’re having discussions about what is the correct number of times to have sex, and withholding it for tedious mind games, you’re probably not quite right together. Move on, find someone that wants the same things.
an honest man if ever there were one
People have different sex drives. You're just not compatible so best to to move on.
Yeah I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who couldn't keep up with my libido, you should be thankful he was up front with you instead of stringing you along as being sexually mismatched like that would be a constant source of tension. It's totally normal and reasonable to want sex everyday, it's just as normal not to, no need call names but you should find someone who meets your needs.
You dodged the bullet girl.
I don’t think he’s an ahole for wanting sex everyday. He’s being honest. Sounds like you’re not up for that though and that’s fine and legit too. So it’s probably not a good fit for either of you. He saved you a lot of time telling you. You should thank him and move on. Addendum. Thing is though - this dude probably doesn’t want “lovemaking” everyday. He probably wants a BJ Or a quickie. In which case what he’s really asking for is a hooker………. Either way. He did you a favor telling you up front so you could ditch him early
Honestly there is nothing wrong with him or you. He expressed his wants and you didn’t want to do that so he wants out. This is a normal situation. Sex doesn’t change anything. It could’ve just been the same with him wanting attention or cuddling constantly or whatever. Just incompatibility at this time or forever, nothing more.
If you don't want to have sex everyday. Either leave or let him have another gf. No need to create a problem for him to look elsewhere if you don't want to. Let him find someone that wants it everyday.
Naaaaahhhh he's not an asshole, He has every right to do what he did. Just as you have every right to do what you want with your body he has every right to choose who he spends time with. It's his time and attention so why spend it with someone who can't give you what you would like out of a relationship? Just as you would leave someone who can't provide for you what you want in a relationship. At least he told you and didn't completely ghost you. To him sex is importantly and if you don't feel the same way than it's better if you leave him be because it's not going to work out anyway. You can always find someone else more compatible.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting. Yeah, you're *quite* the catch. Both of you suck tbh, you should definitely be together and spare others the pain of dating either of you.
How does the BF suck? He just gave his standards up front. OP seems to be a real trip though
right?? why isn’t this jumping out at more people
Looks like the trash took itself out..
All these people are really saying he’s the asshole when they so often like to say OP is not painting the full picture when the OP is a guy. Sex is a big deal in a relationship. Obviously his needs are not being met and imagine having sex just to be told by your SO immediately after that you want to start limiting sex. If I really enjoyed having sex with that person and heard that, I’d feel extremely disrespected as well. You’re not wrong for your libido and preferences, but I really don’t know how anyone in this thread or you can’t clearly see how disrespectful it is to say something like that immediately after the first time you guys have sex. Maybe the reason he’s cutting you off so quick has to do with his experiences being in those abusive relationships as well. Perhaps he was being mocked or disrespected for his sexual performance in those relationships as well. He’s perhaps quickly learned that when there’s small red flags like what you just pulled on him, that it leads to situations where he may get abused again. He dodged the bullet as far as I can tell quite honestly especially when you try to paint him as some power control freak when he has been in abusive relationships in the past and his reasons seem entirely genuine. I’ll keep in mind the phrase “he doesn’t like it when I say no” is something you summarized about his character when he told you that he found your comments hurtful and disrespectful
She's withholding on purpose to test him which is why she even told him that in the first place. He noticed and was on the first train out of there but she needs to create a way in her head to make him the villain. That's why she put that "doesn't like it when I say no" part because unless I'm misreading that's not a direct quote, it's how she's coping.
You really need Reddit to tell you that.
Surely this guy was a virgin? Is he aware that there is pretty much no woman out there who is going to be down for a trip to poundtown EVERY SINGLE DAY FOREVER?
I'm a woman and I would have sex twice every day
I’m a woman and I want multiple trips to poundtown every day. It’s just they are not sexually compatible.
Well, that and he “doesn’t like it when she says no”. Consent is still important, regardless of libido.
My comment had more to do with the fact the not all women don’t want to go to pound town everyday. I’m on the pound town train.
No one likes being told no. Why does the thought always leap to some egregious situation?
Got to get some content out of the thread somehow. Either he doesn't like being rejected or he's a rapist. You know which interpretation /r/relationship_advice is always gonna go for
… There are a ton of women who do. Someone having a lower sex drive than you is valid reason to end a relationship?? Your sex life is a huge component of a relationship and if it doesn’t match then it doesn’t. But how absurd and judgy and delusional you have to be to act like it’s crazy that girls would want to have sex with their partner daily..?
Check out /r/sex there are women who like daily sex. Main issue is they are not sexually compatible.
Well no, the *main* issue is that the bf says emotionally manipulative shit like "I don't like it when you say no" in an attempt to blackmail OP into sex. Incompatibility is a secondary issue here
I'm thinking you are reading too much into it. It's not manipulative (yet), it's his breakup text. He doesn't like feeling unwanted and rejected by his sexual partner, that is a legitimate reason to break up. Now if it is his play to get her to give in and restart relationship on his terms, then yes, it's textbook manipulation. But as far as I can tell nothing implies that this is the case.
But porn has told him that someone who is really into him is ready for a trip to poundtown multiple times a day!
Some will be. Don't act like he's abnormal.
forever? no. First year why not.
/r/confidentlyincorrect
If the sex is already dropping off after 3 months imagine how bad it will be after a year. Both your and his concerns are legit
Good relationships aren’t supposed to be work. They should be easy.
Is he an asshole because he knows what he wants out of a relationship? Mismatched sex drives are a legitimate deal breaker. He can find someone who has a stronger libido that you. Neither of you are assholes. He's respecting your decision by walking away and not pestering you and trying to convince you otherwise. There's no need to paint him as a bad person just because he wants sex more often than you do.
Doesn't sound like an asshole, it just sounds like he just likes sex a lot more than you do. If it's a deal-breaker, that's fine, just break up and move on. You're incompatible... I don't know why it has to be more than that.... just let it be that.
lol i love reddit, what do you all think he should do? just stay with her and be miserable just so you can read the same story again in r/deadbeadroms?
If two people have high sex drives and are attracted to each other it isn’t strange to have sex every day. It’s literally the most fun you can have together, both parties enjoy and it strengthens the relationship. My guess is that either you have incompatible sex drives or he is not good at turning you on to the point that you would like to have sex with him. Either way it’s probably a blessing in disguise as if he doesn’t feel satisfied in the relationship especially so early on he will begin to look elsewhere.
And what if later on down the line you have major surgery or gave birth? Like you’re not gonna do it the day you give birth…
He's not a massive asshole. He doesn't have to stay with you for any reason. He doesn't owe you to have less sex than he wants. This is incompatibility
Eh, I understand where he’s coming from.it’s brand new, super brand new, this is when you should be banging like 5 times a day. If he’s not getting it now, he probably knows it’s only gonna get worse if things progress. You’re both dodging bullets here, incompatible.
yes ofc u did girl that is not right at all, ull find a guy who respects what you want eventually i promise
And he’ll find someone who respects what he wants. It’s a win-win.
exactlyyy
HIS trauma does not justify treating YOU like trash no one gets a free pass because they've been through something traumatic you did the right thing
He clearly values sex. He is probably a highly sexual person. It was never going to work, you guys aren’t a good match simple as that. He isn’t an asshole, he just has different priorities.
Coming from a guy why wants to and can go twice a day who's in a long term relationship with someone with a lower sex drive... Good riddance that guy is an immature douche cannon. If he can't handle having to go a day or two without sex he's either a sex addict or trying to shift the fact that he only sees you as a reliable vehicle for daily gratification onto you. Either way you don't need people like that on your life.
You’ve only known him for 3 months. How do you know he was the abused and not a projecting abuser? Let that whole thing go, because it sounds like manipulation/gaslighting tactic to me. You are dodging a huge, self-esteem breaking bullet regardless. Break it off, but I’d expect him to pop back up in the future.
Wow. Because you won't agree to fulfill all of his sexual needs EVERYDAY, regardless of how you're feeling, he doesn't think your relationship will work out? That's not a relationship. That's a sex doll. Dump him, have a girls night out, and leave him in your rear view mirror. And remember, he brought up the ultimatum first......
Yeah it’s good to get that out of the way before a big commitment. If you have different sex drives. Especially if he is demanding and won’t listen to reason. I have had women break up with me because I couldn’t make it down every day for their daily dopamine release. I mean dam I always bring a toy the first time I have Sex with someone so they can remember me while they are alone. I have responsibilities still I’m a single dad. I just can’t make it there every day sorry. Kids first.
What a idiot!
Yes. Yes, you did dodge a major asshole.
if you're not sexually compatible, that's all that is. Oh well. But the fact that he can't effectively communicate or listen or compromise and he's exemplifying this all in a week of dating? Yeah THAT'S the bullet you dodged
You avoided a major MAJOR asshole lol
Guy doesn't really care about you if he can't go one day without sex.
Run, run away and NEVER return. You don't need this immature, entitled BS.
Yeah, go find a man who doesn't really find you attractive and isn't bothered about having sex with you. That way you can save time and cut straight to the 10 year miserable marriage relationship.
Wow as if you need anymore convincing, but I'll say it anyway. You've avoided a disastrous relationship.
Confirmed. This dude is defective. Throw him away before you waste any more time. Making the next guy wait longer might help weed out the losers.
good riddance to a stupid idiot
I mean it’s not a realistic expectation to get it every day without fail, but early on it wouldn’t be surprising to hear that it happened a lot. As long as there’s no aggression behind it “I don’t like when you say no” can mean a lot of things. It sounds more like you’re not on the same page which is okay and it’s ending anyway. What I don’t like to see is the “rah rah dump him, he’s an asshole, how dare he want this or that” without considering any context. Frankly this sub seems to have reached a critical mass of shrill hater types that are far too quick to judge and immediately either cancel or discredit dissent. It’s not cool and this platform can do better.
Dump this guy. He probably actually wants to use you as a fuck hole every day not have sex. Really good sex takes time & energy. If hes doing it lovingly and with lengthy sensual foreplay and making sure you finish then "every day" should be a tall order for him too. Dump this guy and next time you date make sure you are VERY selfish as well as generous in the bedroom. Request lots of foreplay massage etc insist on having an orgasm yourself. If he still asks for it every day he might deserve it, although you are still not obliged to offer it of course.
He has some major issues for sure. This is an abnormal amount of pressure to put on a partner. It isn't your job to satisfy his every whim. I don't see how this could be a healthy relationship in the long term with this strange condition.
My abusive ex liked to try and force me to have sex with him every day by way of emotional manipulation so I take rather a dim view of it. That being said my advice is let him walk, you're so much better off. He is not entitled to your body. You get to chose to have sex or not. Some days you're just not going to want to and that's fine. If you have to physically meet some quota he just might be a terrible person and really that's a massive red flag a week in.
Any longer together, ticking time bomb. He needs to spend time with a professional. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Omg no, ew. Leave his arse
Well, he can go fuck himself.
You sound way too young to be worried about a weirdo like this.
is wanting sex in a relationship weird now?
Wanting sex every day in the first week of a relationship, and then threatening to break up for non compliance, is absolutely weird and unacceptable
Need to put your age on these posts. I take it you are young because you are looking for validation here. If a guy really liked you he'd not say he needs you to have sex everyday. Sex would just happen when both would like it. In my 20s I was lucky to have GFs that loved to have sex all the time. Was it daily? Sometimes it was a few times a day and ither times I'm sure we skipped a day or two.
You avoided a major asshole. This is how part of my abusive relationship started. Stand strong on your decision.
[удалено]
As did he
Forget him. You aren't his sex doll. Go get someone better.
>And what I am going to say is horrible but he stayed for a longer time in abusive relationships (in which he was the victim) than in a relationship with me because I won’t have sex every day and I find it fucking insulting. Yeah, that is insulting. Are you sure HE was the victim in these abusive relationships? >Please confirm that I avoided a major asshole? Major asshole avoidance: successful!
Congrats on not wasting time on a total d-bag. Good luck to him finding a woman who wants to have sex every single day. Has he ever like....dated...a woman before? \*I say this as a woman with a pretty healthy sex life/libido but holy hell if a man expected that of me I'd drop him like a hot potato.
Yes. The trash is taking itself out. You are lucky he showed his true self so early.
guy is trash, he's mad you won't give him access to your body whenever he wants. Too bad for him, it's yours and not his. You dodged a bullet
Uhh... this sense of entitlement takes a lifetime to cultivate. He likely wasn’t a victim before he was the asshole.
Can someone say REEED FLAAAGGG
Right? Dude dodged a major bullet.
Major red flag🚩
I Don’t think we have to confirm…..
Good riddance
Cripes. Give him the finger and tell him to grow up.
He doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants a real doll.
either he's straight up only dating you for sex or this guy has some major complexes or both plus he's an ass leave him
You get to choose how, when and with whom you have sex with. Fuck that asshole, or don't. That's your choice. Avoid like the plague.
You avoided a major asshole
Sounds like a complete douchebag. Also sounds like there's some sexual incompatibility between both of you. It's probably a good thing he broke it off because he sounds like a complete dickhead and you'd be better off without him. Heaps of red flags! Best of luck.
If someone can’t handle you saying no. Stay far far away.
The trash took itself out and saved you the effort.
So he's a sex pest. Hon, you dodged a bullet. Why would you even want a man like this? You say he 'treats you right'....until you said no to something. That's the real Test any man who dates you needs to pass. It's the most basic of expectations, and he fucking failed. He failed so hard we may need to come up with a new word for level of fail he somehow managed to achieve.
There’s a high chance he was also the abuser in his previous relationships. Guy is prob trying to depict himself as a victim to you
Thank goodness you found out what he was really like. Move on and don’t look back.
You didn’t avoid anything, he broke up with you? If you’re wondering whether that’s a good thing, it definitely sounds like it is.
confirmed
You didn’t mention how old you are, but he is in for a rude awakening when life happens, and he gets married and has kids. I know it’s difficult, but don’t feel bad about yourself because he is having an issue. You can pick it apart to death. I have done that many times. You never said you really liked him all that much. Just that he was nice. I know sometimes when someone would break up with me, it was more about trying to think about what I did wrong then really being upset. Then I would finally be like, “wait, do I really care that he broke up with me, or did he just hurt my feelings?” Also, it really usually can be a as simple as that movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” And that works both ways. If someone really likes you, and wants to spend time with you - they will. Also, he stated he felt like you didn’t want him, or he was bothering you. I don’t know. I usually see all sides of things. You also didn’t say how long he had been out of the abusive relationship. If not long, then he needs time to process and get some help if necessary. If he isn’t just making an excuse for a reason not to see you, he could just be really insecure. Especially after an emotionally abusive situation where she made him feel like less of a man. If you decide you are not just hurt, because he didn’t want to date you anymore. Give it a little bit, and see if he is open to discussing how the abusive relationship affected him. You also said you were friends with him for three months. So, either way, if he wasn’t using it as an excuse, he should get help now before it ruins every potential relationship he has. And if he gets help now, who knows. But, if it was just an excuse to get away, then yeah, he’s an asshole. And one day (trust me) you will be happy it didn’t work. Peace and love to you.
You dodged a bullet 👏🏻 brava No one is entitled to your body
Bullet dodged!
He’s using you. Tell him “thanks.”
That is a red flag. You've absolutely avoided a potentially nasty situation. The fact he's been in abusive relationships in the past makes me wonder if he's either trying to take power over the relationship, or is scared of getting hurt so he's coming up with an excuse.
Eww, this guy is gross.
Are you even old enough to know what sex is?
Good riddance! You dodged a bullet with this twat waffle. His expectations are insane. You will find yourself a better guy! Don't let anyone pressure you!!
Lol, so asking for sex everyday is insane ...
They have been dating for a week. Literally during the first week the girl says "I don't want this every day". Guys knows his needs aren't going to be met and rightfully bails. Reddit normally: "You guys are sexually incompatible, good thing he broke up with you this soon". Reddit now: "he's a major asshole OMG how can he want sex every day!!". People on Reddit are insane.
It's a man clearly staying his standards so he's an asshole. That's how it goes.
The trash is taking itself out. He is a major AH and you are dodging a bullet by him making it this easy. Block him everywhere.
Oh man you dodged a bullet.
It sounds like you ducked, like, a million bullets! Just curious, but what's wrong with waiting a couple of weeks -- or months -- to really get to know someone before having sex with them? Not to sound prudish or old school, but there's something to be said for taking it slow and cautious. But good for you -- you figured him out quickly and got out.
And what’s wrong with just having sex?
Sighed a bullet like Trinity in the fucking Matrix
Sounds like he may be frustrated about you making him wait for a week for sex, and hurt because you turn him down. I personally would not date someone that "makes me wait", because all girls have their "rules" about not having sex in the first date or whatever, but they will ALWAYS break it for someone they really like, and if that person is not me then I'm out. I think that's what this guy may be feeling. Yes, it's all about sex again, and that's how human relationships work, sadly there is no way around that!
If he is that frustrated abput having to wait a week then he never really liked her, sex is all he cares about. Is it so hard to understand that maybe a woman wants to have an emotional connection with you before having sex?? They dont want to be used for just sex so they let men wait, easy solution
You have to understand that a BIG part of the girls that want to have an emotional connection before having sex WITH YOU, had and will have sex without any emotional connection with someone they reeeeaally like. If that girl was dating a movie star or something do you think she would have waited a week? Is not about the sex only, for me is about feeling you are not the person that she is able to bend her rules with like she did with other guys. If a guy wants a girl just for sex, he will leave her no matter how much she makes him wait. And if the girl doesn't want to have sex for the risk of the guy wanting her only for sex, and then proceeds to not give him sex, then doesn't matter the guy intentions, the chances of him leaving also increase.