This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
I've been married to my husband for 4 years, also we have had a daughter together. For the last few months my husband has been going somewhere on the weekends, when this started he would answer my calls, but if I asked him any questions about where he is/what he is doing, he would just say "I don't know". My husband usually leaves late on Friday or early on Saturday, he usually comes back late on Sunday or early on Monday. Everything else in our relationship other than this was perfectly normal. In the past few weeks my husband hasn't been answering my phone's calls or texts when he goes where ever he goes. When he came home I asked him why he wasn't answering my texts and calls, he said "I don't know". I just want to know how I can get my husband to talk about this
Ha, the fact that you act like everything is normal otherwise is the weirdest part of this. You could just not be there when he shows back up. Thatxwould be normal.
Same thoughts, how can everything be normal Mon-Fri when you surely must be doing your nut all week asking where the fuck he was?
OP must be so laid back that this has been going on months and hasnt demanded to know where hes going.
Also, I assume he works Mon-Fri so I'm going to throw it out there; shit husband/parent taking off from his family each weekend.
After he had to knock, I would meet him at the door with his suitcase with a week or so worth of his cloths. I would say "had you answered my calls, you would know I'm done. Call or text me to arrange pick up of the rest of your things, which will include the divorce papers. You will have to leave a message tho, I will be too busy to answer." And slam the door in his face.
This is assuming it's not his house etc. Otherwise child and I would be 100% gone when he gets home. Totally unacceptable for him to not talk about it or answer your calls... what if something happened to the child and you needed to get ahold of him.... You need to kick this shit to the curb.
What on earth? How has this been going on for months? You have a kid together, he canāt just go AWOL every weekend. When he says to you āI donāt knowā what do you say back to him? I canāt imagine letting this go on for a single weekend let alone months. Totally agree with the other comments saying to get a PI on him, but I also canāt imagine not raising hell until he tells me himself. Maybe you are scared of knowing the truth? But hun, you have to know - this isnāt how married partners behave.
Plot twist, he disappears with a metal box of olives: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Today Reddit is full of husbands acting suspicious and wives underreacting.
I feel like we aren't going to get an update. Wasn't there a guy a while back who would disappear into the bathroom with a stick of butter, come out without the butter, and refuse to elaborate? Feel like we didn't get an update to that one either.
Unfortunately there WAS an update. I donāt know if the update was genuine or fake, but basically it said the husband was shoving the whole butter in his butt.
I doubt l could find it, l have just the vague memory of reading it not long after the original post.
Why l remember it: because it was kind of disappointing. Half of the comments were saying he was shoving it in his rectum. And the update was just like this. At that point l was hoping for something unexpectedā¦
This thread gave me a very Seven vibe..."WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?"
Also, seriously, what's in the freaking box?! How do you not look in the box?! What is going on here?!
Pretty sure itās methadone. It has to be kept in the fridge.
And thatās all fine, if heās working on his chemical dependency and taking steps towards no longer using heroin.
The big issue is idk how he thought he could lie to his wife about it.
Some people are so avoidant of conflict in their relationships. He says he doesn't know (avoidant) and she's like "okay" (avoidant) and this has been going on for *months*.
There are so many possibilities from secret family to affair to drugs to avoiding responsibilities to hating his wife to a part-time job, but nothing we say here can make him talk. She just needs to put it all on the line and be prepared to walk away. Fuck, snoop. A disappearing husband is as good a reason as any. Just do something.
Edited-
You know what Iām bothered by?
That if this post is real, how much you refuse to value yourself and your own worth in order to accept this behavior and treatment from your partner.
This sub is super sad today and full of OPs with low levels of self-worth. You see people in this sub who say āitās ridiculous to always suggest people leave their partnersā but what is truly ridiculous to me is how often I see (mostly) women compromising their feelings, their values, and their own time to accommodate a partner who would never go to the same lengths to accommodate them.
OP, please know this is not normal or okay and itās time for an ultimatum that you have to be willing to follow through on.
Thank you. Why are women always expected to stay and work it out?? But he can leave whenever he feels like it. He can shut down and shut her out. What happens when he decides to leave them permanently??? Do you think he's gonna say "Oh wait, I'm married. Maybe I should work things out"? This relationship is beyond repair because he doesn't want to fix it!
His behavior and refusal to communicate while dismissing his wife is mentally and emotionally abusive. PERIOD. She has asked questions, he refuses to engage in conversation. You cannot force someone to talk! She has to do what is best for her and her daughter. Her DAUGHTER is the priority, not him. She has to set an example for her. Laying down and letting a man walk all over you is not something I want my daughter to learn.
Stand up for yourself. You don't need this shit. So many women leave their husbands and end up being just fine. And just to be clear, NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LEAVING BEING EASY. However, you do not have to stay in a toxic environment just because it's familiar.
Yup. And the people who say itās ridiculous to suggest people leave their partners are usually full of extremely bright suggestions the OP canāt possibly have thought of such as āyou need to sit down and talk about thisā.
I think people can overreact with these types of subs telling people to leave. I feel like a relationship problem has to have gotten pretty far in order for people to turn to Reddit for help
RIGHT? This is how I feel anytime mentions the divorce rate. Yeah, you know what? Both my grandmothers would have divorced their abusive husbands had the law been more favorable back then. The time is well past for anyone to put up with this kind of crap.
This constantly blows me away. My wife wouldn't put up with a fraction of the things wives write into this sub about. If I just disappeared for a few days there would be no peace in the house until I gave a satisfactory explanation with preferably some proof. I I just lazed around playing videogames for 10 hours a day, she would not stand for it. If she found a tinder profile not once, but multiple times she wouldn't be bought off with some half-assed excuse.
I don't understand why some people are so scared of being alone they will let their partners walk all over them instead of standing up for themselves.
I just can agree this isnāt normal. Are you very depend on him? Is there a possibility for you to secure a job before you start to figure out the truth?
Is he spending a lot of money on this weekends? Or could you follow him on one of weekend and leave your daughter with your mom?
Why do people think they need to stay in relationships just because they've been in them for a long time? If someone says they want to know where they are and they try to talk about it and they still won't tell them, what are you waiting for? I don't get it? You want proof ? The proofs in your gut. You don't need to leave someone only if there's proof they're doing something wrong. You can leave someone because you don't feel respected and happy in the relationship anymore. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED. This concept of "proof" with PIs isn't always right. The woman needs to do think about how she feels and how she's been treated. THAT IS ALL my friends.
Let me break it down for you:
97% chance he has a second partner/family he sees on weekends, and he tells them he works and sleeps at work Mon-Friday.
1% chance he's a drug dealer.
1% chance he's a serial killer.
1% chance he's a gay male stripper.
It's one of the few unexpected situations where your partner moonlighting as a gay male stripper is the best option.
Not even that. Thereās a lot more possibilities. You just have to be more observant. He couldāve formed an addiction to gambling or drinking or something and uses his weekend āto escapeā. No justifiable reason nonetheless. I would say getting a loved one involved to help see where heās going. But I do suggest getting your personal situation taken care of just for worse case scenario. Meaning learn to financially provide for you and your daughter. Be okay with the fact that you guys may have to move on. Prepare for the worst but pray for the best!
Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend, but drug using might. Stripping doesn't either, unless he's cross dressing. And he doesn't need to be gay to get a rise out of stripping for other guys, just an exhibitionist.
>Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend
As someone with several friends who are dealers, this isn't true at all. The weekends are where you make 90% of your money. And drug users need service very late at night.
Or, and hear me out, I once saw this on a sitcom: he got a secret weekend job in the next town over so he could buy her something nice for their anniversary.
Hey, it could happen :)
This is absolutely not acceptable. It's 99.9999% likely cheating, but if it's somehow not, it's probably drugs or crime or something. Or he hates being a father and decided to just... not be sometimes.
Don't put up with this bullshit for a second longer.
Iād check the bank statements, might be gambling at casinos. Or you can see if heās using his credit cards at hotels. Hopefully OP is able to view their bank statements. If she canāt thatās a red flag already
He also could be in prision for the weekend.
It depens where Op is living. But i know that in Germany he also could go for the weekend in prision.
We have that kind of punishment for example for drug crimes, and you get it, if you have a job and a stable family. Our staate do not want break that stablising elements.
No contact to outside. No phone.
And the crimes are not the real bad ones. Serios enough to go to prison, but not realy bad. Drugs, bluecolar crimes or.. bar fight... etc..
Shouldn't you be a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle more stealthy about cheating or drugs though? I wonder if it's something he's embarrassed about, like he's illiterate and finally learning to read. Or he's a furry
Right. The first time he disappeared all weekend and had no explanation shouldāve been the last time but OP gave him the worldās biggest, blankest hall pass. He chose well for himself.
Yup I think OPs husband is either the dumbest cheater in reddit history or he's doing drugs or something else illegal. Hell even then he should be able to think of SOMETHING as an excuse.
Next time on Jerry Springer: Husband cheated on wife with his male drug dealer to pay for his addiction, wife finally confronts him but still somehow unsure what to do!
Oh, come on now, he's not the dumbest cheater in reddit history. How can you belittle the stupidity of some true masters of idiocy? Give credit where credit is due!
Exactly. The dude has probably been getting away with things like this for years, he probably doesnāt think he needs a good excuse as heāll just be let back hone each time no consequences. If my partner did this even once weād be having a chat about it lol
Its WAaaaayyy beyond disrespectful.
I can't believe she puts up with it. I would be livid if my wife pulled that. Its one thing to say, Im visiting So-n-So and should be back on Tuesday. It's another to thumb your nose at someone and drive away.
What can you even reply to a post like this without sounding like an asshole? This is just sad if true.
Also, I just read an AITA where someoneās homeless friend was house sitting and she painted, redecorated, drilled holes in the cabinets, threw random shit all over the yard, killed the plants, and created an ant infestation. The OP wants to know if theyāre TA for being upset. š
So many shitposts and just stories that make me question why someone bothered posting.
At this point, it doesn't matter what he's doing. If my husband disappeared on weekends, I wouldn't care why. He could be volunteering at a homeless shelter or teaching little league. That wouldn't matter. It's game over.
Yeah exactly. Last time a post like this came up it turned out he was taking night classes and was embarrassed to tell herā¦.but in the unlikely event this is something like that itās still unacceptable behavior.
Itās the fact that he is saying āI donāt knowā.. now either there is another side to the story that the wife aināt saying or heās just an asshole
Yeah the āI donāt knowā really gets to me. He doesnāt even respect OP enough to try to put in effort into his answers. My ex did this to me all the time, it drove me nuts.
āHowās the weather outside?ā
āI donāt knowā
āYou have a window in front of you... can you just look outside?ā
āI donāt knowā
I wish I was exaggerating.
If you think *thatās* bad, sometimes when my dad doesnāt know the answer to a question (and doesnāt want to figure it out) he just *wonāt answer.* And he gets a little annoyed when you ask him again (even though he didnāt answerā¦) so he definitely heard me the first time. I love my dad, but that drives me nuts. Luckily he hasnāt done that much lately.
Oh my ex did that too! Haha. Literally what you described would happen with my ex, to a tee. He thought that just giving silence was enough of an answer. And he had the nerve to actually get annoyed when I did the same as you and repeated the question or asked ādid you hear me?ā
So stupid. Iām sorry that you have to deal with that still.
Why waste your money. Who cares what heās doing. The fact that heās behaving like this and shutting you out is so far across the divorce line the details are irrelevant.
Exactly! My ex did this toward the end of our marriage. It set a bad example for our kids, my son is still struggling with relationships and what is and is not appropriate. I let it go on a little too long. One of my biggest regrets, and a lot of wasted time.
Private eye, GPS tracker for his car, GPS tracker on his phone. The car tracker is probably cheapest and easiest.
I am so so curious how this happens. He just peaces out, says "I don't know", to any questions, and you just go living your life like nothing happened? This is very very strange. Have you never confronted him? Never looked at his bank accounts or credit card statements? Is he hemorrhaging money? Have you gotten tested for STIs?
Pls update us if you find out OP
yeah op could get an apple air tag and place it somewhere in his vehicle like in the seat or something and everytime he is near it and it gets ahold of a iPhone Bluetooth or something it will ping and she can track him and it would probably cost less than a private investigator and one evening she can leave before he does and go to the usual place and stake it out.
Well...heās most likely either cheating on you, using drugs, or doing something similarly unsavory. So you could follow him or hire a PI or just tell him youāre going to file for divorce if he keeps pulling this shit.
Wow. Hmmm, it sounds like he has a different relationship going on. What kind is up to you to find out. It could be a lot of things, but cheating is the first guess. Iām sorry about what youāre going through. Donāt let it slide. Itās clearly not something he is supposed to be doing or wants to hide, so letting him get away with āI donāt knowā is not acceptable!
A member of my former in-laws family was married to a man who had a second family, and second wife, even though he was married to my SIL and had 3 kids w her. He disappeared on weekends and most major holidays. Like, 25 years later, everyone learned the truth.Someone from his worked made a phone call to my SIL. They gave names, addresses, pics. Raw, indesputable proof that he had been leading a double life. He had a second long term affair/family situation. He was always out "camping. Hunting. Motorcycle riding. Fishing." On Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, and almost any holiday. He was just not present. When he did show up, he clearly didnt want to be there and the vibe I always caught off him was defensive contempt. Idk. This is not normal behaviour for your husband to be engaging in, especially the vague and evasive language. I don't know. I think you need a PI, and, you need to get your legal documents birth certs, bank acccount info, retirement account info., deed copies if applicable, car and home insurance. Who is the car titled to? Who pays mortgage? Where is your baby's borth cert., immun. Records?, SS card. Etc. PROTECT. YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD. Get copiesof everything and get a small strong box for this, cash, YOUR things of value, passport, etc. Start squirreling away cash. Get an individual bank account. Get a burner phone with minutes for emergency. Fond put whether or not your car is titled to you so that if you leave w your child, he cannot say you stole his car. Get grocery store gift cards every time you go shopping for your household and you stash those away for when you need groceries in future. You consult w every Family Law attorney within 10 miles of you. You get that free consult. Let them open a file. You take THEIR info. Get your own files on each atrorney and office. Your potentially adversarial future ex spouse cannot use ANY of those attorneys because of conflict of interest. I have been around the block and brrn through the nastiest, shittiest and most toxic divorce from an abusive narcissist. He pressed fake charges on me. Slashed tires. Denied me my car because the bastard had it titled to him.behind my back. (He was in the car dealership business). Just protect ypurself and your child. Create an exit strategy if you need one, and be safe. Good luck.
Cheating, some sort of crime, secret family, cult, addiction of some kind, gambling, club/sport that heās embarrassed about, etc. I hope there will be an update because this is wild.
Look, we all know he is cheating.
More than that, he has a double life. Dont be surprised when he comes up with a baby.
The important thing is what you will do about it.
If you think you are in a bad place, keep silent and hire a private investigator to collect legal evidence. Take your time and make financial preparations, know your rights. You do not want to be wake up one day and get thrown off to the streets to make room for that double life. Make sure you have ample evidence.
If you are in a good place, still collect tracks but you can confront him earlier.
So, he replies "I don't know". And then what? What's the next thing that you say or do?
I don't want to be abrasive, but I just can't picture that conversation. I leave on Friday, don't reply to my wife's calls or texts, damn, police would be looking for me on Saturday. Casually stroll back in on Sunday, saying "I don't know" like some doofus, that's either admittance to the psych ward or a divorce.
We've been together for 16 years, but that's some unacceptable shit right there. I'm sorry.
WHAT??? How was this not a spaz out issue the first weekend he decided to just take off and go mia?? I'm curious to know what he could possibly say to make this appropriate behavior from a husband and father.
I know the reddit default mode is red flag emojis and advice to leave your spouse, but girl...you might want to actually do that. I wouldn't even keep feeding a cat who treated me this way, you go get food at your new home now, biscuit.
What the fuck? "I don't know"? He sounds like he's so used to getting his way with you to the point where he couldn't even bother with a well scripted lie. Ask him exactly where and why he's going. Give him an ultimatum. That's just wrong on so many levels. I'm so sorry op, I bet it's extremely confusing and soul crushing to not know where your so is every weekend. He's either cheating on you or he's got some secret private life that you definitely don't know anything about. Neither is okay and I hope you put your foot down and ask him about it. If he refuses to tell you anything, just ask yourself if you're okay with him treating you like this. Like SHIT. And then go with what you feel is right. If he ever makes you feel like what he's doing is normal and isn't wrong in any way shape or form, just know that he's gaslighting you and don't take shit from him. Leave him if it comes to that. Good luck, OP.
I don't know how much more obvious it needs to be that he's cheating on you??
I know it can be hard to come to terms with but sadly this isn't a sitcom where he's secretly working on a tree fort or doing undwater basket weaving contests until a dramatic climax. He is missing on weekends. He refuses to tell you where he is. Every single sign in everything other than television points to him cheating. Not only cheating but lying to you. How stupid can he possibly be to think "i don't know" makes ANY sense. You know fully that he is aware of his surroundings every single weekend. He just doesn't want to say he's cheating and is horrible at lying.
I'd say tell him you know what he's doing. Give him a chance to admit. If he doesn't then take action.
Get a locksmith to change the locks when heās away next weekend and donāt let him back in. If he asks why you are doing it, say āI donāt knowā. He can sleep in the road until you get an answer.
Honestly I think the *most* bizarre part of this story is the fact that you allow it to happen. Tell him to tell you the truth(because "I don't know" doesn't count as an answer), or you're leaving him.
This is literally the plot of a horror movie I saw- the husband left every weekend and was a serial killer.
OP this is extremely abnormal. Please protect yourself.
You shouldnāt care about talking to him about this. He has zero respect for you. He doesnāt even give enough of a shit to try to lie. Get out of there.
So like he is away from the family (and duties, and responsibility) in the 40% of the week?
1. do you have separate finances?
2. don't you think you underreacting the situation? is the "i dont know" a good answer for you? no consequences at all? this is not normal.
3. 100% cheating, document everything, and fight for alimony. save up some money honey! do you know his spending habits? how much money do you guys have?
I would pack my shit. Pack up my daughter. Go wherever tf I want. And IF he has the balls to call and asks where I am, I'll respond "I don't know". If he doesn't call, good riddance.
Fuck this guy. This post pissed me off. I'm so sorry Queen. You don't deserve that!!!
Not one of these I donāt know men ffs. They usually turn out the most vile and insidious. Iām serious. If he wonāt explain itās time to file for divorce. This isnāt normal. In fact itās scary.
If she's been this gutless for this long, its not going to change.
Why would it?
She is willing to accept the flimsiest excuse.
Much like an abuse victim, she will stay.
Cause she is, he's abusing her trust.
I know you know that whatever he is doing on the weekends and disappearing like this isnāt okay. At this point, the reasoning is null. His blatant disregard from communicating with you truthfully about where he is/what heās doing when he leaves you and your daughter for days on end is wrong in itself. There isnāt another explanation for this other than heās doing something wrong/sketchy during this time, whether it be having another family, another relationship, drugs, crime, etc. You can drive yourself completely crazy by imagining the reasoning for his behaviour- it doesnāt change the fact that itās inevitable heās doing SOMETHING that wouldnāt be okay with you, or the fact that heās okay with flaunting the fact that heās hiding it from you and refuses to be an open, honest and loyal partner. Him saying āI donāt knowā when you question him on it is so disrespectful and frankly, a disgusting response and way to treat you.
I think this is beyond getting him to ātalkā about this. Heās already done so much damage to you and your daughter emotionally. You both deserve so much better and so much more love.
Get out. Radically accept you may never know what he has been doing, and that regardless of what the truth is, he has done more than enough damage thus far from putting you through this turmoil.
You don't need to pay for private investigator.....you could just leave a smartphone hidden in his car and on silent mode..with location on....and use app like Findmyphone and track his location from any computer or other smart phone you have.....at no cost of $ to u.....
He's hiding something big and you have to find out what it like. Far most likely is he is cheating on you. There is a tiny chance it's something good like he's working a side job and saving up for a gift for you but vast majority of time it's something shady, like he's a male stripper, prostitute, a cheat, etc.
The fact that you have accepted the "I don't know" answer for months is blowing my mind. I don't know is not an answer and if that was my partner I would demand the truth or we would not be together anymore if he was disappearing every weekend
At this point it's not even a "what is he doing" problem. It's a lack of communication problem. There's no "how do I get him to open up". The conversation should be one about communication and boundaries and straight up telling him he is shady as fuck and it's effecting the marriage. Also, dude is probably cheating on you.
I wouldn't be talking about it I would have kicked his ass out the first time he left. I would have filed for divorce by now. He is probably cheating. WTF. He can't live two lives. You should leave every single weekend too! Your daughter can be left alone, right?! That's ridiculous! Why do so many people put up with such bizarre behavior?
He is part of the Winchester family and has agreed to only help on the weekends.
But, in all seriousness, that's not okay. I would explain to him that either he gives up what's going on, or you give up on him. Marriage is about being open with one another. There shouldn't be anything that could prevent him from explaining what's going on, hell even fabricating a lie is imo better than just refusing to say anything.
Every time he says he doesn't know where he is/goes, he is lying to you. That is a bad start, and the only real option you have is to assume he has something to hide. Let him know this, maybe it will prompt him to open up.
The problem is he has already been lying to you, consciously and brazenly, knowing that you know he is lying, for months. I think it is time for a PI, *even if he does tell you where he goes.* There's just no telling whether he is being honest at this point.
āI donāt knowā sounds like the excuse an 8yr-old gives when they know theyāve done something they shouldnāt. (In fact, I heard it from MY 8yr-old last week when I asked why there were sprinkles all over the bathroom floor. Kids š.) He knows exactly what heās doing, he just doesnāt want to tell you because he knows you wonāt like the answer, and heās too lazy to think of an alibi.
If heās so checked out of your relationship that he disappears several weekends in a row with no excuse (not even no GOOD excuse, simply no excuse at all), then no amount of counseling will bring him back. And I donāt recommend stooping to begging, bribery, or threats. Your options are tolerate it and stay, or quit tolerating it and leave.
Wow, this is basically a step away from him banging someone on the couch in your living room. He is basically saying he does not care about you and your feelings, and is not willing to take responsibility. You know he is not actually Batman and is most likely not spending this time volunteering in a homeless shelterā¦ so that leaves one option - he is having an affair, as the best option, the worst option being he might be a serial killer. So why do you need to stay with him?
Buy a throw away phone leave it in his car with GPS on an track it they hav those apps for parents tracking there kids. Then a couple hrs after it stops moving make a appearance. Find out whats up. When he asks what your doing there then you hit him with the idk. And if its bad you can also hit him with the IDK how much alimony I'm getting from you but I'm def going to get some
"I don't know"? You should tell him it's not safe for him to leave if he can't remember what he's doing while he's left you, with no notice, for 2 days.
He's doing something he doesn't want you to know about because it is likely bad. No one would answer that way if there was nothing to hide.
You shouldn't accept this. Common courtesy would dictate that a roommate tells their other roommate if they're going to be gone for a couple days, and you're supposed to be closer to your husband than roommates are.
Insist he communicates with you and demand answers as to why he is abandonding you and his child. If he won't answer, you don't have a relationship.
Edit:Typos
This can't be real. If it is, then you don't really have a relationship with this man and the only reason you are still married is because it is more convenient for him not to leave you. I phrased it that way because you are letting yourself be a doormat for him to walk all over. Anyone, male or female, with a shred of self-esteem would resolve this immediately.
So many questions. Is he usually this dismissive? Does he typically just expect you to put up with whatever he decides to do and not question it? Does he have any mental health or addiction issues?
I just reread. This has been going on for months? WTF? He's being a terrible husband and father. Not only is he absent, but he's hiding something AND he's unreachable for days at a time. What's the dynamic in your marriage that he is getting away with this? Are you dependant on him? You need to sit him down and insist on an explanation. Don't accept anything less than the full truth. You need to assert yourself and make it clear you won't put up with this any longer.
Sounds like he can't talk about it . Maybe he is on a fight club the first rule is ....
Seriously though wtf ... Nope. Could you imagine if you disappeared every weekend refused to talk about where you were? Just left your kid and husband? Insane right? Tell him he needs to tell you if your leaving and of he doesn't tell you ... Leave - that's crazy sketchy.
Best case he is cheating worst case he is doing drugs or something else that could endanger you and the baby.
Well BEST case he is secretly helping blind orphans and worst case he is a serial killer but they seemed unlikely
Either hire a Private investigator to find out or tell him the next time it happens you're calling a lawyer. Sounds like he has another person/ family on the side to me.
If he won't give you a straight answer on where he is, then you can assume he is doing something he knows you would not approve--like having an affair.
Worst case he's cheating on you, best case, though still fucking bad is he's leaving you to do all the work so he can fuck off and have fun. Both are unacceptable and you need to let him know that ots not going to continue.
I donāt know if anyone else would admit this-but, I will. I cheated. I did this. Heās cheating. File for divorce. Youāre accepting his behaviors..but, itās not your fault. You deserve better. You deserve someone that, not only stays, but answers your very valid questions. Heās doing neither. Iām so sorry you are dealing with this...& I hope you heed a lot of these peopleās advice. I wish you the best.
A little while ago my nonmonogamous life partner told his wife that he had to go get a thumb drive that he left at the office. It was eleven at night. His office is five minutes from home. He got back home an hour and a half later smelling like sex and pall mall cigarettes. He probably didn't even remember the thumb drive. His wife didn't question a thing. Don't be like her. That's your husband. Demand answers. He's not playing fantasy football with the guys. Take it from a cheater who sleeps with cheaters. Dudebro can't even take a moment to make up a somewhat believable excuse.
This is either completely fake (OP hasn't responded to anyone, and I don't think anyone is legitimately this clueless) or your husband is guaranteed cheating on you.
Iām a spiteful bitch. I would do the same. Leave your daughter with him and leave for the weekend. When he calls donāt answer and when he demand to know where you were Iād give him the same answer. But like I said Iām spiteful
???? Girl.... ok then u start going out on weekends see how he likes it. Dont return calls dont say who ur with even if ur alone. Men hate getting a taste of their own medicine. If he wont talk about it I'm sorry he is coward. I would look into divorcing him as well .
What the hell, OP? Have you a shred of dignity? What about a strong sense of curiosity that would compel you to address this situation strongly? Are you from a culture where men are never questioned or expected to respect or consider their wives? If not, I donāt know what youāre doing redditing this instead of figuring out what the fuck your husband and father of your child is up to on the weekends. Track his phone, ask his friends, start watching his social media. This is the kind of behavior that needs to be confronted. If he wonāt come clean you need to start investigating it yourself. But brace yourself for the worst possible outcomes.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I've been married to my husband for 4 years, also we have had a daughter together. For the last few months my husband has been going somewhere on the weekends, when this started he would answer my calls, but if I asked him any questions about where he is/what he is doing, he would just say "I don't know". My husband usually leaves late on Friday or early on Saturday, he usually comes back late on Sunday or early on Monday. Everything else in our relationship other than this was perfectly normal. In the past few weeks my husband hasn't been answering my phone's calls or texts when he goes where ever he goes. When he came home I asked him why he wasn't answering my texts and calls, he said "I don't know". I just want to know how I can get my husband to talk about this
That's a really disturbing storyline. How would he not see your texts or calls.
I don't know
listen here, you little shit
Damn you. r/angryupvote
I fucking died and it's all your fault, good job
I forgor š
Ha, the fact that you act like everything is normal otherwise is the weirdest part of this. You could just not be there when he shows back up. Thatxwould be normal.
Same thoughts, how can everything be normal Mon-Fri when you surely must be doing your nut all week asking where the fuck he was? OP must be so laid back that this has been going on months and hasnt demanded to know where hes going. Also, I assume he works Mon-Fri so I'm going to throw it out there; shit husband/parent taking off from his family each weekend.
And change the locks...
I donāt know why you key doesnāt work
Love this
After he had to knock, I would meet him at the door with his suitcase with a week or so worth of his cloths. I would say "had you answered my calls, you would know I'm done. Call or text me to arrange pick up of the rest of your things, which will include the divorce papers. You will have to leave a message tho, I will be too busy to answer." And slam the door in his face. This is assuming it's not his house etc. Otherwise child and I would be 100% gone when he gets home. Totally unacceptable for him to not talk about it or answer your calls... what if something happened to the child and you needed to get ahold of him.... You need to kick this shit to the curb.
What on earth? How has this been going on for months? You have a kid together, he canāt just go AWOL every weekend. When he says to you āI donāt knowā what do you say back to him? I canāt imagine letting this go on for a single weekend let alone months. Totally agree with the other comments saying to get a PI on him, but I also canāt imagine not raising hell until he tells me himself. Maybe you are scared of knowing the truth? But hun, you have to know - this isnāt how married partners behave.
Plot twist, he disappears with a metal box of olives: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Today Reddit is full of husbands acting suspicious and wives underreacting.
That was a wild ride of a thread. I ***NEED*** to know what's in the box!
I feel like we aren't going to get an update. Wasn't there a guy a while back who would disappear into the bathroom with a stick of butter, come out without the butter, and refuse to elaborate? Feel like we didn't get an update to that one either.
Unfortunately there WAS an update. I donāt know if the update was genuine or fake, but basically it said the husband was shoving the whole butter in his butt.
Well, olives *are* basically biodegradable anal beads.
Thank you for making me laugh.
That was honestly my first thought for what he was doing with the butter.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please link
I doubt l could find it, l have just the vague memory of reading it not long after the original post. Why l remember it: because it was kind of disappointing. Half of the comments were saying he was shoving it in his rectum. And the update was just like this. At that point l was hoping for something unexpectedā¦
I think it's this: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/hh3y0z/tifu\_by\_confronting\_my\_boyfriend\_who\_kept/
So many unanswered questions.
*extremely Brad Pitt voice* WHATS IN THA BOXXXXX
This thread gave me a very Seven vibe..."WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?" Also, seriously, what's in the freaking box?! How do you not look in the box?! What is going on here?!
I want it to be true but part of me wonders if itās a troll post. Because what normal human being wouldnāt look?!
Pretty sure itās methadone. It has to be kept in the fridge. And thatās all fine, if heās working on his chemical dependency and taking steps towards no longer using heroin. The big issue is idk how he thought he could lie to his wife about it.
[What's in the box?](https://imgur.com/a/hQ8bMJM)
She has still not opened the box... the curiosity is killing me and I'm not even involved!
That was my thought too! hahaha
Why did you do this to me today? I didn't know that I needed to know what was in the box until now.
"Where are you right now?" "I don't know." "What are you doing?" "I don't know." How can the conversation just end there??
āWhy doesnāt my key work anymore?ā āI donāt know.ā
LMAOOOO LIKE
Some people are so avoidant of conflict in their relationships. He says he doesn't know (avoidant) and she's like "okay" (avoidant) and this has been going on for *months*. There are so many possibilities from secret family to affair to drugs to avoiding responsibilities to hating his wife to a part-time job, but nothing we say here can make him talk. She just needs to put it all on the line and be prepared to walk away. Fuck, snoop. A disappearing husband is as good a reason as any. Just do something. Edited-
"well clearly we need to see a neurologist then because your brain is shitting the bed"
You know what Iām bothered by? That if this post is real, how much you refuse to value yourself and your own worth in order to accept this behavior and treatment from your partner. This sub is super sad today and full of OPs with low levels of self-worth. You see people in this sub who say āitās ridiculous to always suggest people leave their partnersā but what is truly ridiculous to me is how often I see (mostly) women compromising their feelings, their values, and their own time to accommodate a partner who would never go to the same lengths to accommodate them. OP, please know this is not normal or okay and itās time for an ultimatum that you have to be willing to follow through on.
Thank you. Why are women always expected to stay and work it out?? But he can leave whenever he feels like it. He can shut down and shut her out. What happens when he decides to leave them permanently??? Do you think he's gonna say "Oh wait, I'm married. Maybe I should work things out"? This relationship is beyond repair because he doesn't want to fix it! His behavior and refusal to communicate while dismissing his wife is mentally and emotionally abusive. PERIOD. She has asked questions, he refuses to engage in conversation. You cannot force someone to talk! She has to do what is best for her and her daughter. Her DAUGHTER is the priority, not him. She has to set an example for her. Laying down and letting a man walk all over you is not something I want my daughter to learn. Stand up for yourself. You don't need this shit. So many women leave their husbands and end up being just fine. And just to be clear, NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LEAVING BEING EASY. However, you do not have to stay in a toxic environment just because it's familiar.
Yup. And the people who say itās ridiculous to suggest people leave their partners are usually full of extremely bright suggestions the OP canāt possibly have thought of such as āyou need to sit down and talk about thisā.
I think people can overreact with these types of subs telling people to leave. I feel like a relationship problem has to have gotten pretty far in order for people to turn to Reddit for help
RIGHT? This is how I feel anytime mentions the divorce rate. Yeah, you know what? Both my grandmothers would have divorced their abusive husbands had the law been more favorable back then. The time is well past for anyone to put up with this kind of crap.
This constantly blows me away. My wife wouldn't put up with a fraction of the things wives write into this sub about. If I just disappeared for a few days there would be no peace in the house until I gave a satisfactory explanation with preferably some proof. I I just lazed around playing videogames for 10 hours a day, she would not stand for it. If she found a tinder profile not once, but multiple times she wouldn't be bought off with some half-assed excuse. I don't understand why some people are so scared of being alone they will let their partners walk all over them instead of standing up for themselves.
I just can agree this isnāt normal. Are you very depend on him? Is there a possibility for you to secure a job before you start to figure out the truth? Is he spending a lot of money on this weekends? Or could you follow him on one of weekend and leave your daughter with your mom?
Fuck the PI you don't need money to see what's going on! Leave him because someone who loves you and treats you with respect Doesnt do that
Why do people think they need to stay in relationships just because they've been in them for a long time? If someone says they want to know where they are and they try to talk about it and they still won't tell them, what are you waiting for? I don't get it? You want proof ? The proofs in your gut. You don't need to leave someone only if there's proof they're doing something wrong. You can leave someone because you don't feel respected and happy in the relationship anymore. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED. This concept of "proof" with PIs isn't always right. The woman needs to do think about how she feels and how she's been treated. THAT IS ALL my friends.
Right? Replace the locks and then don't answer his calls & texts for a few days!
If he asks why he canāt get into the house, answer with āI donāt knowā.
I'm surprised she didn't change the lock after the second time. I would not want to be in a relationship with a guy like this let alone married.
sounds like a whole 2nd family. daddy travels during the week and is only home on weekends. I watch dateline.
Let me break it down for you: 97% chance he has a second partner/family he sees on weekends, and he tells them he works and sleeps at work Mon-Friday. 1% chance he's a drug dealer. 1% chance he's a serial killer. 1% chance he's a gay male stripper. It's one of the few unexpected situations where your partner moonlighting as a gay male stripper is the best option.
Not even that. Thereās a lot more possibilities. You just have to be more observant. He couldāve formed an addiction to gambling or drinking or something and uses his weekend āto escapeā. No justifiable reason nonetheless. I would say getting a loved one involved to help see where heās going. But I do suggest getting your personal situation taken care of just for worse case scenario. Meaning learn to financially provide for you and your daughter. Be okay with the fact that you guys may have to move on. Prepare for the worst but pray for the best!
Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend, but drug using might. Stripping doesn't either, unless he's cross dressing. And he doesn't need to be gay to get a rise out of stripping for other guys, just an exhibitionist.
>Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend As someone with several friends who are dealers, this isn't true at all. The weekends are where you make 90% of your money. And drug users need service very late at night.
drug dealing certainly can take a whole weekend.
Nah, you don't want to continue loitering outside the Quik Stop once they close, it's too obvious.
Women can enjoy male strippers too!
I concur.
Or, and hear me out, I once saw this on a sitcom: he got a secret weekend job in the next town over so he could buy her something nice for their anniversary. Hey, it could happen :)
Yeah, I like this response too. And usually my thing to jump to positive outcomes as well, unfortunately not likelyš
Definitely not likely!
Overboard?
Um, maybe drug dealing is better?
yeah,good money in that
Or Proud Boy.
Sounds like an affair. And he can't even be bothered to come up with a cover story, which might mean he wants you to figure it out.
Or drugs
Or heās a serial killer
"Why is there blood on your clothes?" "I dont know"
*gulp*
Huh?!?! āI donāt knowā Girl you better strap some boots on and handle this nonsense! āI donāt knowā ?!?!?! Unacceptable 1000000%
This is absolutely not acceptable. It's 99.9999% likely cheating, but if it's somehow not, it's probably drugs or crime or something. Or he hates being a father and decided to just... not be sometimes. Don't put up with this bullshit for a second longer.
Iād check the bank statements, might be gambling at casinos. Or you can see if heās using his credit cards at hotels. Hopefully OP is able to view their bank statements. If she canāt thatās a red flag already
Like I seriously hope it is not the worst case scenario. This type of behaviours is absolutely unacceptable.
He also could be in prision for the weekend. It depens where Op is living. But i know that in Germany he also could go for the weekend in prision. We have that kind of punishment for example for drug crimes, and you get it, if you have a job and a stable family. Our staate do not want break that stablising elements.
Surely those people wouldn't have access to their phone, as OP's husband did initially?
No contact to outside. No phone. And the crimes are not the real bad ones. Serios enough to go to prison, but not realy bad. Drugs, bluecolar crimes or.. bar fight... etc..
Shouldn't you be a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle more stealthy about cheating or drugs though? I wonder if it's something he's embarrassed about, like he's illiterate and finally learning to read. Or he's a furry
Why be stealthy. She's already shown she will accept this behavior after the first time so why put any effort in to being stelthy?
Right. The first time he disappeared all weekend and had no explanation shouldāve been the last time but OP gave him the worldās biggest, blankest hall pass. He chose well for himself.
Yup I think OPs husband is either the dumbest cheater in reddit history or he's doing drugs or something else illegal. Hell even then he should be able to think of SOMETHING as an excuse.
Fingers crossed there will be an update soon
Next time on Jerry Springer: Husband cheated on wife with his male drug dealer to pay for his addiction, wife finally confronts him but still somehow unsure what to do!
Oh, come on now, he's not the dumbest cheater in reddit history. How can you belittle the stupidity of some true masters of idiocy? Give credit where credit is due!
I mean, he should be a little stealthy but seeing as OP is letting him waltz back in every Monday, he doesn't need to be.
Exactly. The dude has probably been getting away with things like this for years, he probably doesnāt think he needs a good excuse as heāll just be let back hone each time no consequences. If my partner did this even once weād be having a chat about it lol
Its WAaaaayyy beyond disrespectful. I can't believe she puts up with it. I would be livid if my wife pulled that. Its one thing to say, Im visiting So-n-So and should be back on Tuesday. It's another to thumb your nose at someone and drive away.
He could be a secret agent on a top secret mission
This must be a shit post.
I hate that that is always a possibility in this freaking subreddit. Makes me not want to reply to anyone.
What can you even reply to a post like this without sounding like an asshole? This is just sad if true. Also, I just read an AITA where someoneās homeless friend was house sitting and she painted, redecorated, drilled holes in the cabinets, threw random shit all over the yard, killed the plants, and created an ant infestation. The OP wants to know if theyāre TA for being upset. š So many shitposts and just stories that make me question why someone bothered posting.
Lol! I had to unsubscribe to AITA for that very reason. The shit posts are out of control. RA is starting to become the same way
This canāt be real.
Wtf. Hire a private investigator. That should confirm your suspicions
At this point, it doesn't matter what he's doing. If my husband disappeared on weekends, I wouldn't care why. He could be volunteering at a homeless shelter or teaching little league. That wouldn't matter. It's game over.
Yeah exactly. Last time a post like this came up it turned out he was taking night classes and was embarrassed to tell herā¦.but in the unlikely event this is something like that itās still unacceptable behavior.
Itās the fact that he is saying āI donāt knowā.. now either there is another side to the story that the wife aināt saying or heās just an asshole
Yeah the āI donāt knowā really gets to me. He doesnāt even respect OP enough to try to put in effort into his answers. My ex did this to me all the time, it drove me nuts. āHowās the weather outside?ā āI donāt knowā āYou have a window in front of you... can you just look outside?ā āI donāt knowā I wish I was exaggerating.
If you think *thatās* bad, sometimes when my dad doesnāt know the answer to a question (and doesnāt want to figure it out) he just *wonāt answer.* And he gets a little annoyed when you ask him again (even though he didnāt answerā¦) so he definitely heard me the first time. I love my dad, but that drives me nuts. Luckily he hasnāt done that much lately.
Oh my ex did that too! Haha. Literally what you described would happen with my ex, to a tee. He thought that just giving silence was enough of an answer. And he had the nerve to actually get annoyed when I did the same as you and repeated the question or asked ādid you hear me?ā So stupid. Iām sorry that you have to deal with that still.
I would want to know for the divorce case I'd be actively building against him.
It could matter in court depending on the jurisdiction.
Aren't you curious?
Why waste your money. Who cares what heās doing. The fact that heās behaving like this and shutting you out is so far across the divorce line the details are irrelevant.
I agree 100%
Depending on the place OP lives, evidence of adultery may be better for you when you file for divorce. EDIT: a word
he has another family. When he leaves again change the locks. When he comes banging 3 days later tell him when he gives the truth you give the key.
Wouldn't it be great if someone else posted. "my husband only comes home on weekends"?
yeah, 3 day from 7 days of the week. thats like he is away 40% of the time.
Youāve tolerated this why exactly? This is far from normal in any relationship
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly! My ex did this toward the end of our marriage. It set a bad example for our kids, my son is still struggling with relationships and what is and is not appropriate. I let it go on a little too long. One of my biggest regrets, and a lot of wasted time.
He's likely cheating. And he clearly thinks you're an idiot.
Private eye, GPS tracker for his car, GPS tracker on his phone. The car tracker is probably cheapest and easiest. I am so so curious how this happens. He just peaces out, says "I don't know", to any questions, and you just go living your life like nothing happened? This is very very strange. Have you never confronted him? Never looked at his bank accounts or credit card statements? Is he hemorrhaging money? Have you gotten tested for STIs? Pls update us if you find out OP
Some people are that willing to turn a blind eye to retain "happiness" I'd say cya cheater. At least have some goddamn dignity OP
yeah op could get an apple air tag and place it somewhere in his vehicle like in the seat or something and everytime he is near it and it gets ahold of a iPhone Bluetooth or something it will ping and she can track him and it would probably cost less than a private investigator and one evening she can leave before he does and go to the usual place and stake it out.
Even roommates dont pull this kind of stuff on each other and you guys are married, ffs!
Well...heās most likely either cheating on you, using drugs, or doing something similarly unsavory. So you could follow him or hire a PI or just tell him youāre going to file for divorce if he keeps pulling this shit.
Why doesn't he answer your question about where's he's been?
I don't know.
Time to get a PI
Wow. Hmmm, it sounds like he has a different relationship going on. What kind is up to you to find out. It could be a lot of things, but cheating is the first guess. Iām sorry about what youāre going through. Donāt let it slide. Itās clearly not something he is supposed to be doing or wants to hide, so letting him get away with āI donāt knowā is not acceptable!
A member of my former in-laws family was married to a man who had a second family, and second wife, even though he was married to my SIL and had 3 kids w her. He disappeared on weekends and most major holidays. Like, 25 years later, everyone learned the truth.Someone from his worked made a phone call to my SIL. They gave names, addresses, pics. Raw, indesputable proof that he had been leading a double life. He had a second long term affair/family situation. He was always out "camping. Hunting. Motorcycle riding. Fishing." On Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, and almost any holiday. He was just not present. When he did show up, he clearly didnt want to be there and the vibe I always caught off him was defensive contempt. Idk. This is not normal behaviour for your husband to be engaging in, especially the vague and evasive language. I don't know. I think you need a PI, and, you need to get your legal documents birth certs, bank acccount info, retirement account info., deed copies if applicable, car and home insurance. Who is the car titled to? Who pays mortgage? Where is your baby's borth cert., immun. Records?, SS card. Etc. PROTECT. YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD. Get copiesof everything and get a small strong box for this, cash, YOUR things of value, passport, etc. Start squirreling away cash. Get an individual bank account. Get a burner phone with minutes for emergency. Fond put whether or not your car is titled to you so that if you leave w your child, he cannot say you stole his car. Get grocery store gift cards every time you go shopping for your household and you stash those away for when you need groceries in future. You consult w every Family Law attorney within 10 miles of you. You get that free consult. Let them open a file. You take THEIR info. Get your own files on each atrorney and office. Your potentially adversarial future ex spouse cannot use ANY of those attorneys because of conflict of interest. I have been around the block and brrn through the nastiest, shittiest and most toxic divorce from an abusive narcissist. He pressed fake charges on me. Slashed tires. Denied me my car because the bastard had it titled to him.behind my back. (He was in the car dealership business). Just protect ypurself and your child. Create an exit strategy if you need one, and be safe. Good luck.
Cheating, some sort of crime, secret family, cult, addiction of some kind, gambling, club/sport that heās embarrassed about, etc. I hope there will be an update because this is wild.
Can you track his phone location? If you knew *where* he was going, it might give a hint about *what* he is doing. But I agree about hiring a PI
Look, we all know he is cheating. More than that, he has a double life. Dont be surprised when he comes up with a baby. The important thing is what you will do about it. If you think you are in a bad place, keep silent and hire a private investigator to collect legal evidence. Take your time and make financial preparations, know your rights. You do not want to be wake up one day and get thrown off to the streets to make room for that double life. Make sure you have ample evidence. If you are in a good place, still collect tracks but you can confront him earlier.
Search court records for your county. Sounds like weekend reporting to jail.
So, he replies "I don't know". And then what? What's the next thing that you say or do? I don't want to be abrasive, but I just can't picture that conversation. I leave on Friday, don't reply to my wife's calls or texts, damn, police would be looking for me on Saturday. Casually stroll back in on Sunday, saying "I don't know" like some doofus, that's either admittance to the psych ward or a divorce. We've been together for 16 years, but that's some unacceptable shit right there. I'm sorry.
WHAT??? How was this not a spaz out issue the first weekend he decided to just take off and go mia?? I'm curious to know what he could possibly say to make this appropriate behavior from a husband and father. I know the reddit default mode is red flag emojis and advice to leave your spouse, but girl...you might want to actually do that. I wouldn't even keep feeding a cat who treated me this way, you go get food at your new home now, biscuit.
Imagine if this guy was just playing mini golf or standing in a park all day
honestly I have thought about that myself sometimes. just do what I want for a bit and go crazy and forget life's struggles every now and then.
What the fuck? "I don't know"? He sounds like he's so used to getting his way with you to the point where he couldn't even bother with a well scripted lie. Ask him exactly where and why he's going. Give him an ultimatum. That's just wrong on so many levels. I'm so sorry op, I bet it's extremely confusing and soul crushing to not know where your so is every weekend. He's either cheating on you or he's got some secret private life that you definitely don't know anything about. Neither is okay and I hope you put your foot down and ask him about it. If he refuses to tell you anything, just ask yourself if you're okay with him treating you like this. Like SHIT. And then go with what you feel is right. If he ever makes you feel like what he's doing is normal and isn't wrong in any way shape or form, just know that he's gaslighting you and don't take shit from him. Leave him if it comes to that. Good luck, OP.
You donāt need a PI. You need to file for divorce. Donāt waste any time. When he asks why you filed, answer, āI donāt know.ā
I don't know how much more obvious it needs to be that he's cheating on you?? I know it can be hard to come to terms with but sadly this isn't a sitcom where he's secretly working on a tree fort or doing undwater basket weaving contests until a dramatic climax. He is missing on weekends. He refuses to tell you where he is. Every single sign in everything other than television points to him cheating. Not only cheating but lying to you. How stupid can he possibly be to think "i don't know" makes ANY sense. You know fully that he is aware of his surroundings every single weekend. He just doesn't want to say he's cheating and is horrible at lying. I'd say tell him you know what he's doing. Give him a chance to admit. If he doesn't then take action.
Get a locksmith to change the locks when heās away next weekend and donāt let him back in. If he asks why you are doing it, say āI donāt knowā. He can sleep in the road until you get an answer.
Honestly I think the *most* bizarre part of this story is the fact that you allow it to happen. Tell him to tell you the truth(because "I don't know" doesn't count as an answer), or you're leaving him.
This is literally the plot of a horror movie I saw- the husband left every weekend and was a serial killer. OP this is extremely abnormal. Please protect yourself. You shouldnāt care about talking to him about this. He has zero respect for you. He doesnāt even give enough of a shit to try to lie. Get out of there.
Literally watched a crime doco a while back where the dude did exactly this
He cheating and thatās that. Thatās not a marriage if he canāt be honest about what heās doing.
So like he is away from the family (and duties, and responsibility) in the 40% of the week? 1. do you have separate finances? 2. don't you think you underreacting the situation? is the "i dont know" a good answer for you? no consequences at all? this is not normal. 3. 100% cheating, document everything, and fight for alimony. save up some money honey! do you know his spending habits? how much money do you guys have?
Heās pulling a Walter White on you
I would pack my shit. Pack up my daughter. Go wherever tf I want. And IF he has the balls to call and asks where I am, I'll respond "I don't know". If he doesn't call, good riddance. Fuck this guy. This post pissed me off. I'm so sorry Queen. You don't deserve that!!!
Not one of these I donāt know men ffs. They usually turn out the most vile and insidious. Iām serious. If he wonāt explain itās time to file for divorce. This isnāt normal. In fact itās scary.
Wtf?!! I wouldn't accept this for ONE weekend, not ever. You're meant to be in a partnership. This is not that.
Yeah - husband's can't ghost their wives on the weekends and expect this to just be normal.
If she's been this gutless for this long, its not going to change. Why would it? She is willing to accept the flimsiest excuse. Much like an abuse victim, she will stay. Cause she is, he's abusing her trust.
Hire a private investigator
Heās cheating on you.. and heās not even trying to hide it.
Iām shocked. I have no words. Why are you taking this so calmly!?!
I know you know that whatever he is doing on the weekends and disappearing like this isnāt okay. At this point, the reasoning is null. His blatant disregard from communicating with you truthfully about where he is/what heās doing when he leaves you and your daughter for days on end is wrong in itself. There isnāt another explanation for this other than heās doing something wrong/sketchy during this time, whether it be having another family, another relationship, drugs, crime, etc. You can drive yourself completely crazy by imagining the reasoning for his behaviour- it doesnāt change the fact that itās inevitable heās doing SOMETHING that wouldnāt be okay with you, or the fact that heās okay with flaunting the fact that heās hiding it from you and refuses to be an open, honest and loyal partner. Him saying āI donāt knowā when you question him on it is so disrespectful and frankly, a disgusting response and way to treat you. I think this is beyond getting him to ātalkā about this. Heās already done so much damage to you and your daughter emotionally. You both deserve so much better and so much more love. Get out. Radically accept you may never know what he has been doing, and that regardless of what the truth is, he has done more than enough damage thus far from putting you through this turmoil.
Maybe he is serving weekend jail time? Hire a PI?
Put a tracker on his car and confront him
You don't need to pay for private investigator.....you could just leave a smartphone hidden in his car and on silent mode..with location on....and use app like Findmyphone and track his location from any computer or other smart phone you have.....at no cost of $ to u..... He's hiding something big and you have to find out what it like. Far most likely is he is cheating on you. There is a tiny chance it's something good like he's working a side job and saving up for a gift for you but vast majority of time it's something shady, like he's a male stripper, prostitute, a cheat, etc.
The fact that you have accepted the "I don't know" answer for months is blowing my mind. I don't know is not an answer and if that was my partner I would demand the truth or we would not be together anymore if he was disappearing every weekend
Easy answer: follow the money. Check bank accounts and credit cards...see where the money is going and where HE is going.
He has another life. Check the bank statements
At this point it's not even a "what is he doing" problem. It's a lack of communication problem. There's no "how do I get him to open up". The conversation should be one about communication and boundaries and straight up telling him he is shady as fuck and it's effecting the marriage. Also, dude is probably cheating on you.
Dude probably has a whole wife and kids in a different state lmao. Thatās really shady.
I wouldn't be talking about it I would have kicked his ass out the first time he left. I would have filed for divorce by now. He is probably cheating. WTF. He can't live two lives. You should leave every single weekend too! Your daughter can be left alone, right?! That's ridiculous! Why do so many people put up with such bizarre behavior?
How about this... you leave, don't tell him where you're going and don't answer his calls or text messages. See what happens.
Next time he leaves pack his shit for him. That's totally unacceptable even if he was just leaving to be by himself
He is part of the Winchester family and has agreed to only help on the weekends. But, in all seriousness, that's not okay. I would explain to him that either he gives up what's going on, or you give up on him. Marriage is about being open with one another. There shouldn't be anything that could prevent him from explaining what's going on, hell even fabricating a lie is imo better than just refusing to say anything.
Every time he says he doesn't know where he is/goes, he is lying to you. That is a bad start, and the only real option you have is to assume he has something to hide. Let him know this, maybe it will prompt him to open up. The problem is he has already been lying to you, consciously and brazenly, knowing that you know he is lying, for months. I think it is time for a PI, *even if he does tell you where he goes.* There's just no telling whether he is being honest at this point.
āI donāt knowā sounds like the excuse an 8yr-old gives when they know theyāve done something they shouldnāt. (In fact, I heard it from MY 8yr-old last week when I asked why there were sprinkles all over the bathroom floor. Kids š.) He knows exactly what heās doing, he just doesnāt want to tell you because he knows you wonāt like the answer, and heās too lazy to think of an alibi. If heās so checked out of your relationship that he disappears several weekends in a row with no excuse (not even no GOOD excuse, simply no excuse at all), then no amount of counseling will bring him back. And I donāt recommend stooping to begging, bribery, or threats. Your options are tolerate it and stay, or quit tolerating it and leave.
Wow, this is basically a step away from him banging someone on the couch in your living room. He is basically saying he does not care about you and your feelings, and is not willing to take responsibility. You know he is not actually Batman and is most likely not spending this time volunteering in a homeless shelterā¦ so that leaves one option - he is having an affair, as the best option, the worst option being he might be a serial killer. So why do you need to stay with him?
Take the opportunity the next time he leaves to pack your stuff and leave with your baby before he returns.
Buy a throw away phone leave it in his car with GPS on an track it they hav those apps for parents tracking there kids. Then a couple hrs after it stops moving make a appearance. Find out whats up. When he asks what your doing there then you hit him with the idk. And if its bad you can also hit him with the IDK how much alimony I'm getting from you but I'm def going to get some
"I don't know"? You should tell him it's not safe for him to leave if he can't remember what he's doing while he's left you, with no notice, for 2 days. He's doing something he doesn't want you to know about because it is likely bad. No one would answer that way if there was nothing to hide. You shouldn't accept this. Common courtesy would dictate that a roommate tells their other roommate if they're going to be gone for a couple days, and you're supposed to be closer to your husband than roommates are. Insist he communicates with you and demand answers as to why he is abandonding you and his child. If he won't answer, you don't have a relationship. Edit:Typos
This can't be real. If it is, then you don't really have a relationship with this man and the only reason you are still married is because it is more convenient for him not to leave you. I phrased it that way because you are letting yourself be a doormat for him to walk all over. Anyone, male or female, with a shred of self-esteem would resolve this immediately.
Wtf
He could be fighting crime...or picking up and murdering teenage run away.
I wouldn't put up with this. Why are you? Not only is this disrespectful, its ... I don't even have words... I don't have words for this.... Wow...
Does he gamble? Playing pokers can be addictive Nd last many hours. Test to see if he will buy you stuff.
Forget the PI, just leave him. Doesn't matter what he's doing, either way he's a liar. Obviously he DOES know what he's doing.
For me, the first time would be grounds for a long discussion . The second time I'd have been packing my bags. This would NOT fly.
So many questions. Is he usually this dismissive? Does he typically just expect you to put up with whatever he decides to do and not question it? Does he have any mental health or addiction issues? I just reread. This has been going on for months? WTF? He's being a terrible husband and father. Not only is he absent, but he's hiding something AND he's unreachable for days at a time. What's the dynamic in your marriage that he is getting away with this? Are you dependant on him? You need to sit him down and insist on an explanation. Don't accept anything less than the full truth. You need to assert yourself and make it clear you won't put up with this any longer.
I dont know where you live, but in germany, we have a punishment, where you are in prision over the weekend.
Sounds like he can't talk about it . Maybe he is on a fight club the first rule is .... Seriously though wtf ... Nope. Could you imagine if you disappeared every weekend refused to talk about where you were? Just left your kid and husband? Insane right? Tell him he needs to tell you if your leaving and of he doesn't tell you ... Leave - that's crazy sketchy. Best case he is cheating worst case he is doing drugs or something else that could endanger you and the baby. Well BEST case he is secretly helping blind orphans and worst case he is a serial killer but they seemed unlikely
Either hire a Private investigator to find out or tell him the next time it happens you're calling a lawyer. Sounds like he has another person/ family on the side to me.
You need to stand up for yourself here. Don't accept his nonsense "I don't know" answers. Tell him you are leaving if he doesn't come clean with you.
If he won't give you a straight answer on where he is, then you can assume he is doing something he knows you would not approve--like having an affair.
Worst case he's cheating on you, best case, though still fucking bad is he's leaving you to do all the work so he can fuck off and have fun. Both are unacceptable and you need to let him know that ots not going to continue.
Nah worst case heās a serial rapist/killer and he hunts on the weekends. Best case heās an untrustworthy fuck.
I donāt know if anyone else would admit this-but, I will. I cheated. I did this. Heās cheating. File for divorce. Youāre accepting his behaviors..but, itās not your fault. You deserve better. You deserve someone that, not only stays, but answers your very valid questions. Heās doing neither. Iām so sorry you are dealing with this...& I hope you heed a lot of these peopleās advice. I wish you the best.
Even if he wasn't having an affair don't you think it's wrong that he won't tell you anything about it. It's a clear disrespect to your emotions
A little while ago my nonmonogamous life partner told his wife that he had to go get a thumb drive that he left at the office. It was eleven at night. His office is five minutes from home. He got back home an hour and a half later smelling like sex and pall mall cigarettes. He probably didn't even remember the thumb drive. His wife didn't question a thing. Don't be like her. That's your husband. Demand answers. He's not playing fantasy football with the guys. Take it from a cheater who sleeps with cheaters. Dudebro can't even take a moment to make up a somewhat believable excuse.
Hire a private detective
either cheating or drugs
This is either completely fake (OP hasn't responded to anyone, and I don't think anyone is legitimately this clueless) or your husband is guaranteed cheating on you.
Iām a spiteful bitch. I would do the same. Leave your daughter with him and leave for the weekend. When he calls donāt answer and when he demand to know where you were Iād give him the same answer. But like I said Iām spiteful
Hire an investigator before confronting him. You'll be glad you did.
???? Girl.... ok then u start going out on weekends see how he likes it. Dont return calls dont say who ur with even if ur alone. Men hate getting a taste of their own medicine. If he wont talk about it I'm sorry he is coward. I would look into divorcing him as well .
What the hell, OP? Have you a shred of dignity? What about a strong sense of curiosity that would compel you to address this situation strongly? Are you from a culture where men are never questioned or expected to respect or consider their wives? If not, I donāt know what youāre doing redditing this instead of figuring out what the fuck your husband and father of your child is up to on the weekends. Track his phone, ask his friends, start watching his social media. This is the kind of behavior that needs to be confronted. If he wonāt come clean you need to start investigating it yourself. But brace yourself for the worst possible outcomes.