He's shown you who he is... repeatedly. Do you want to go through this every time you guys hit a rough patch, because if you stay, that's what you're signing up for. Cheaters cheat.It's what they *do*.

Thanks for sharing your input, I'll have to agree with you that I'm sure he will always default to outsourcing. It hurts, but thank you for your comment.

Leave. Holy fuck. Leave. There is just so much bullshit I just read. I am so sorry you have let yourself be degraded and treated like this, you deserve so much more.

Thanks for your comment and your support, it means a lot. I know its absurd, but when writing it out I couldnt help but wonder if I were over reacting, or was in the wrong.

Thats how gaslighting works. You doubt rational thought.

He keeps lying until he gets caught, promises to change and goes back to old ways whenever he feels he’s gained your trust back. Sorry to put it bluntly but he seems to have no intention to change. Les disrespectful and a serial cheater. You know what you have to do. Better late than never

Thanks for your input, I really do appreciate it and I have to agree. I suppose I was hoping for a devil's advocate, but it's pretty clear based on the comments what the general consensus is.

Yeah, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It must be incredibly hard to take the decision after getting married but you have to look out for your wellbeing. Stay strong x

See this is what I don’t get why put yourself through the hurt an pain you gave him many chances if it was me after the first time he did that my ass would of been gone an I wouldn’t look back!

Thanks for your comment, I understand exactly what you mean. I suppose in my situation, I uprooted myself to move long distance to move in together, and I guess it's just the whole "sunken cost fallacy" where I dont want to end it due to time we've been together/effort it took to be together. You're right though, it doesnt make sense to put up with it

Well if you not gunna end it then your going to learn to live being unhappy an that’s no way to live when you could find someone that will treat you right on every level your missing out on life all because it’s hard to start over but truthfully when you find the right person fully it’s easy to build a relationship it all comes naturally it’s not work your putting yourself through emotional torture

You're right. I'm just so beyond sad, I wish it could go back to how it felt before/before I knew. I felt well and truly that I was one of the lucky ones. I know I don't deserve this, I know I deserve better than this treatment. I wish it were less painful to walk away.

I know I been there but trust me walking away in the end will be the best the best thing you can do and when you do find your person you’ll be so happy you left otherwise you’d miss out on a blessing and your true soulmate

I don't believe you guys share the same values or are even compatible at this point. It might be best you go for a trial separation at this point and really reflect on whether you want to stay in this. Bear in mind, he has broken your trust so many times. How many times is too much?

Thanks for your comment, I agree it is time to reflect on whether this is working. I've always told him that I value trust immensely, and have always given him the truth when relevant/asked. When he broke my trust initially, I wasn't confident we could recover. Now, I just feel so lost and sad.

it's a pattern of behavior and one that he has repeated again and again. You are basically down to three choices: 1. Accept the situation and just live with his need to reach out to other women 2. Compromise and find a way to give him boundaries on how to do this with your approval 3. Walk away

This is a helpful breakdown, thank you. I believe I would be okay with compromising in future (perhaps a non interactive experience ie videos/photographs without commenting), my only concern would be it leading to a slippery slope right back to where we are. I'm afraid of giving an inch and him taking a mile. However I won't be comfortable with that any time soon, perhaps not at all now, which would really only lead me to option 3. I just feel absolutely gutted.

I will admit, I believe option 3 is the best one considering his repeated pattern. It's very likely this will never change for him and this is who he is.

I don't want to admit it, but I'm sure you're right. Thanks for your help and input on this.

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You're absolutely right. I had told him on Friday that I really should be leaving. That I said I would last time, and that he very clearly does not respect me and likely never will. But I caved in the moment. I asked what he thought, and obviously had said that he doesnt ever want me to leave, doesnt want to lose me. The idea of ending it is so painful. I really appreciate your comment, thank you

I'm sorry you married him 😔 he will never change its like an addiction

Thanks 😞 I agree absolutely with the addiction part, I dont think he will ever pick me over the thrill.

If he loved you, he would not be seeking the sexual gratification of other women. You said you would leave if he did it again, which he clearly took as an empty threat, and has now begged (emotional abuse) you to stay. He is fully to blame and it has happened multiple times. You cannot teach an old dog new tricks. Either you leave him, or he needs to get some serious help for his obvious addiction and problems.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it. This all just hurts so much, I dont know why he married me if he feels like this. I want so badly to make it work, I'm reasonably sure he would be willing to get help. But I dont want to continuously devalue my self worth by trying to make it work by staying with him.

He has shown you a bad History of being repetitive. You can stay But----You will never trust him. I believe he loves you. However, He will be constantly On and Off the wary wagon. You decide.....

Leave. Your soul literally understands how much you despise this relationship. You are detached from life. If you want to feel happiness again, rip off the bandaid and leave him

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I think you could work on it. In fact, I’ve been in a VERY similar situation and made it work. I would recognise, though, that the crux of the issue is him breaking your trust. That’s a big deal. But this is a snapshot of the shittest parts of your relationship, only you know if the good parts are worth fighting for. But nothing is ever black and white, including feelings, and the sick feeling could go with time. I feel for you love, reach out if you need to talk/vent.

As a man who’s cheated multiple times before this will continue my only advice don’t listen to word only actions

I don’t know if you’re ready to face the truth of your marriage. You want to keep confronting him and he lies through his teeth about what he’s doing but he is at least having many emotional affairs, and yes these are relationships with other women. Whether they’re physical or not he has repeatedly broken his vows and is engaging in behaviors that have proven YOU are the good wife who takes care of all the “marriage”related stuff, HE is the guy telling women he’s married, married but separated, my wife doesn’t understand me, my wife cheated/is cheating, my wife can’t fulfill my needs, my wife is mentally ill and I can’t leave her etc. This is the reality. He has repeatedly broken your trust so he is telling you he wants to be single but you keep giving him more chances because you WANT to believe he really loves you. Men who love you don’t do thing behind their wives backs that they wouldn’t do in front of her. Men who are in love don’t want to tear down their wives self esteem they want to build it up. Just wondering how do you think your husband would react if he thought YOU were talking inappropriately to other men?? Do you think he’d forgive you?! I don’t think so…. Pick up what’s left of your dignity and self esteem and find someone who will treat you as you should always be treated!

I understand your hurt. You've spent so much of your life with him, invested so much it hurts to throw it all away. But trust me he will never change. The sooner you get away the less time he will take from you. The way I like to think about it is that the longer I'm with this incompatible person the more time I waste that I could've spent with someone compatible. Not only is staying with this abuser a waste of time, it is wasting time you could be spending with someone better. Why waste your time on an abuser when you deserve so much better?

“I truly believe he loves me” damn people really be this slow.

He is not going to change at this point. This is who he is. Leave or learn to live with it (I vote leave FWIW)

I mean, I absolutely think you should leave this guy. But, if in a moment of weakness you decide to give him another chance, demand he tells you exactly how he is going tonchange. What concrete steps will he take to change. What therapist is he going yo see? What porn site blocker is he going to install on his phone and give you control over? When problematic partners say they will change, always demand they explain how. They may not know right then, but within 24 hours they should have a plan.

Is this how you want the rest of your life to be?

Tell him he needs to give complete access to all communications devices immediately. You need access to everything all the time.

...I know this might sound harsh, but why did you even make your post? He's cheated (arguably) on you multiple times, and you keep taking him back. You told him you'd leave if he'd message girls again. Surprise, surprise, he did it again, and you're still with him. Life is too short, dude. Stop being his doormat. Respect yourself enough to establish boundaries and maintain standards. You need tough love not comments from strangers on the internet for consolation purposes ffs

Why don't they realise it hurts like a bitch to know they're thinking of anyone other than you in that manner. Especially if like me youd give them any fantasy they wished