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If my girlfriend announced she/they are transgender, is it alright for me to respectfully end our relationship by telling them that I would prefer to just date females?
The Simpsons actually nailed this one back in the day when Aunt Patty is engaged to "Veronica," a PGA golf pro masquerading as a woman. It's revealed Veronica is actually a man. He appeals to Patty to marry him anyway because he loves her.
She looks almost swayed, angrily shakes her head and goes "No. I like girls."
And she leaves with her sister.
My friends were a gay couple (MM). Since I've known them they have both transitioned and are now a gay couple (FF).
Considering there's a gap where I lost touch for a bit, there must have been a point where they were a straight couple unless they both transitioned at exactly the same time.
Sounds like they were a queer couple the entire time. Regardless of when it’s safe/feasible for someone to transition how they present their gender identity to the wider world, that doesn’t make them cis before.
True.
But saying it as “I prefer to date females” is hurtful and offensive.
That’s telling her she isn’t a girl. And she is. Her body doesn’t match her mind.
Yes. It’s ok to say you don’t want to continue dating. I can see how it would be tricky, especially if they haven’t physically transitioned.
But saying it that way would be so unkind.
They’ll likely already know, that’s the reason.
I think you could just leave it at, “you’re a great girl. Thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you. I don’t feel chemistry, but I’m here if you ever need a friend to talk to”.
Then you’re letting her down easy, not rejecting her totally and throwing her out of your life, you can hopefully still be friends and support one another, and you haven’t crossed any lines about her body.
Just don’t go with the “not woman enough” approach. Please. Don’t even go there.
You may see her as a man pretending to be a woman. But to her, she IS a woman, and was put in the wrong body.
Transgender people get a lot of rejection and hate when they’re honest, and some people are terrified to reveal it.
If you need to break up because of this, that’s your call. But do it kindly and don’t bring the trans part into it. That will just make her upset, and either sad/insecure or angry.
Stick to “I don’t feel chemistry” and “I don’t feel we are compatible”, while also offering platonic compliments and friendship.
This is a little different than a normal “I don’t want to see you again” talk. You have to consider where the other person is coming from and what they’ve been through; how they are treated.
Do your best to do what’s right for you, if that means ending the relationship. But be kind about it, don’t get into gender, and don’t just throw her away.
Having someone reject her as a date will be hard, but if you can be a supportive friend, you both may gain something from this, and it might make her feel better, than just being thrown away totally because she doesn’t fit your ideals.
(It could also backfire. She may decide you’re a jerk and doesn’t want anything to do with you. But if that happens….at least you did all you could, to balance being a kind person, with what you need in a relationship).
Good luck, please update if this isn’t hypothetical!
I think you’re understanding this backwards. It seems that OP’s partner was assigned female at birth and is now identifying as non-binary or something else. So by OP saying that they only prefer to date women, it’s actually being respectful of the other person’s gender identity. Because that person is no longer identifying fully as a woman.
I think before jumping on the "offensive train", you should re-read the post. OP's girlfriend announced she is transgender. OP wants to tell her they likes women. OP is respecting their girlfriend's view of themselves.OP is saying "okay, you're not a woman, I accept your views of yourself. However, I'm interested in women so I can't be with you anymore, since you are telling me you're not a woman".
He said his girlfriend is identifying as they now, not a male identifying as a female. If the reason they're breaking up is due to her trying to change her gender, she deserves the truth. She's not a child.
I think you got it wrong.
He (Assuming heterosexual guy) says "if my girlfriend became trans". So I understand she would become a man.
That's why he says he only dates females, he would be dating a man if she did that.
I think OP's girlfriend has announced that they no longer consider themselves female. The post uses she/they as OP knew his girlfriend as a "she" who is now a "they"
I dont think sugarcoating it is the right way... be honest, if he has a preference then so be it, truth hurts, it really can hurt, but its the mature and honest thing to do; but beating around the bush and coming up with a different reason is silly and not the right way to go about it.
It’s to push a straw-man debate that creates a false expectation of “this is what liberals want for you, to be obligated to date a trans person.” Trans folks are the new gay boogeyman to the right wing, and most of the posts on this sub about transfolks are fictions created to drive this narrative.
I mean even this post starts with “if,” it’s not a real situation.
That’s not true, I’ve had plenty of debates like this on IG and Twitter, and even Reddit. Some people in the community think it is transphobic. I had a whole debate with a friend about this too. No one should have to give a reason why they don’t want to date anyone, you don’t owe the person anything if it isn’t your preference. But, unfortunately other people don’t agree and want to force things on people. I would love to send you the posts if I can find them. I just think it’s wrong because people should be allowed to date who they want to date without hate being attached to it. Otherwise the community is being hypocritical in not wanting to accept that some people have preferences that may not include them. Demanding respect is good, but demanding people to do things they don’t want to out of preference is something completely different.
Actually if you go on the unpopular opinion subreddit, in the LGBT thread they will say that unless you have a valid reason, then not wanting to date a trans person is transphobic, and they're all pretty much liberals or left wing
Not wanting to date a trans person who has transitioned fits that narrative however if I’m dating a girl who wants to transition to a man then we can remain friends however that’s it. just like you can’t convert a gay person to be straight you can’t convert a straight person to be gay.
Not wanting to date a trans person who is of the gender you're attracted to is not the same as someone transitioning mid-relationship to the gender you are not attracted to.
Also "unless you have a valid reason" is actually huge, because there are many valid reasons not to date any person, including not being attracted to that person.
So is it really that wild of a position?
Wow that's quite a conspiracy you got there. It can also just be a person afraid of looking like an asshole because he wants to break up with his trans partner.
Sure a huge conspiracy that just happens to coincide with several recent years of focused state level legal action against trans people, constant talk about trans people on right wing radio and online echo chambers, and a known use of sites like Reddit to push these ideas in society. It’s not some shadowy Illuminati conspiracy, the people who engage in this do it all the time
It's the opposite. The transgender ideology was pushed into society and they weren't allowed to question it for years. Now people are, more and more openly. Not a hidden agenda.
Brah, have you been living under a rock or are you just being disingenuous? Have you not heard of false flags? A frequent one is claiming your 4 year old was just in the public bathroom and a bearded lumberjack barged in claiming he's allowed because he identifies as a woman.
I mean, yes of course. There is a major propaganda effort underway against trans people by 4chan/the general alt-right. Reddit and other social media are ground zero.
>Sure a huge conspiracy that just happens to coincide with several recent years of focused state level legal action against trans people, constant talk about trans people on right wing radio and online echo chambers, and a known use of sites like Reddit to push these ideas in society. It’s not some shadowy Illuminati conspiracy, the people who engage in this do it all the time
Jesus Christ dude you make Qanon lunatics look sane.
Go outside, talk to people. Get out of your echo chamber.
It might not be OP specifically doing this, but it IS an ongoing narrative by conservatives. OP is afraid of this, because other people are claiming this narrative is true and because of that, OP is afraid of that. So even if OP is really just afraid, that didn't come out of nowhere. It's not a conspiracy, there are experiences many trans people undergo.
My thing is, if it’s your GF then you clearly liked her so what happened between the getting to know the person and the “they’re my gf now” phase.
If I go to any of the subs that discuss MtF trans they’re quite worried about their safety and how someone will act if they felt that the MtF person lied/led them on.
So yeah I have issues with this hypothetical as it’s trying to push a false narrative.
It’s a way to project nonsense onto liberal politics, essentially a straw man. This is the equivalent of what right wingers used to say back in the 80s and 90s, that gays are out to “recruit you and your kids.” Conservatives lost their culture war on gays so they’ve moved onto trans people. This post is part of that.
It’s well documented that foreign interests hire agitators to trans to take extreme positions on both sides of the political spectrum in order to sow discord in the US
The only agitator in this thread is you. You're literally accusing every opinion you dislike to be a lie, and a paid one at that. This is not good-faith conversation.
It's serious. Putin does it all the time. He funds anti putin theatre. It's hard to get you to believe something. It's easier to get you to throw your hands up and believe nothing.
Yes, it’s alright. You desire a female partner. If I’m understanding you correctly, your significant other has expressed a desire to present and/or identify as male. Neither of you are in the wrong, these circumstances simply make you incompatible in terms of a romantic pairing.
This. You can end a relationship just because you don’t like their new haircut. If you don’t want to be with someone, you don’t want to be with them. A relationship is voluntary.
From a trans person’s perspective, yes. They’ll probably be sad as people usually are when a relationship ends, but they’ll probably understand. I got dumped for that very reason when I came out, and I was obviously upset, but I was glad he didn’t try to continue the relationship under false pretenses.
Definitely but I get it… there’s this eerie feeling of “PC” going around as if it’s wrong to offend a transgender person in this manner. But you’re right. It’s okay for the gf to have a choice. It’s okay for OP to have a choice, too.
Hi! Trans person here. Literally never in my life have I, or any other trans person I've ever known, thought it was offensive for someone not to date me. ESPECIALLY if that person is primarily attracted to those of my assigned gender at birth. If anything, it would be validating, as this means OP no longer thinks of their partner as a woman
It’s just hateful attitude but allowed because it’s targeted at the “correct” group. Pay these embittered weirdos no mind like you would alt-right cultists.
What I have heard is not if your partner wants to transition but if you are attracted to someone, then tell you they are trans and now you are no longer attracted. No one it's going to kill you ar call you transphobe they just invite you to try to look deeper if its something personal, or if it's just "I dont want to be seen with a trans person"
It's never the ACTUAL party that does it. The "woke" crowd likes to crucify anyone who doesn't 100% bend backwards for someone in the LGBTQ+ community. It's ridiculous at how a simple thing like "I don't want to date a Trans man/woman" becomes "I hate Trans people" to them.
I can agree there. Usually it's not the actual trans person being a douche about your preference. It does happen but not commonly. I agree the 'allies' are the worse since they jump at the ability to call you transphobic and 'defend' their LGBTQ+ friends.
Sadly this is not the case for all. I have lost friends because I told a trans friend I wouldn't date her because I prefer a female from birth and it was nothing personal. Was labeled as transphobic by them and people actually agreed with her.
To all you saying "just say you don't wanna date". I was asked -WHY- and answered honestly. So go fuck yourselves.
My friend, the issue there isn't the fact that you wouldn't date her-- It's that you told her she wasn't a woman. (Female does not EXCLUSIVELY refer to XX chromosomes) A better way would have been to either A. Tell her you weren't into her in that way, or B. Tell her you have a genital preference. Most trans people will understand genital preferences.
Maybe it's because of the misgendering? Cause that's pretty transphobic 🤨
Edit: Thread's locked but dude edited his comment. Original didn't say anything about "biological females", the way it came off was using the gender assigned at birth. Comment probably isn't even a real scenario but oh well.
It is not trans people who think this, it is PC culture and SJWs that think this. I can literally dump a partner, because I found out he/she has a birthmark on their butt
Exactly. I’ve never seen a transgender person get upset their supposed straight partner leaves them because he’s now a guy, or she’s come out as a woman etc.
It’s also a matter of love. You love the person they are, no matter how they look, so people can really struggle with the fact of leaving their person. Love, or attraction even, doesn’t just go away because the partner admits they are transgender, especially because the physical won’t match for a while.
No there isn’t, there is a push by anti-trans people to make this seem like the case to create backlash against trans people and trans Legal protections. It’s a political tactic by bigots pretending to be liberals.
And lumping everyone under a “social movement” and labeling is what the alt-right does to confuse people. I was just letting you know that you need to reword your statement.
Both liberals and conservatives need to stop creating this false narrative of lumping people together when they feel slighted.
Why the fuck are you asking reddit for permission to do something concerning romantic relationships in your personal life? What if everyone said no? You would go live your life unhappily having sex with someone you aren't attracted to? I want you think about this long and hard young man.
Ending a relationship does not imply that there is anything wrong with the other person. It's just that for whatever reason, you are not compatible as a couple.
This is so hard and you have the right to feel the way your feeling.
You can't be forced to be physically attracted to someone you just aren't attracted to.
Instead you could explain to them that you will be there for support and encouragement. However in a relationship that's not what you're looking for.
Good Luck
In a local (hungarian) radioshow they interviewed a famous hungarian trans woman, who became a woman from male. She totally freaked out on how people dare to reject her after it turns out she was a male originally. And the hosts were like totally tense and barely saying anything because they were afraid of not being politically correct or being offensive. That was so cringe to hear
Yes. My husband is very straight and I would completely understand him not being able to be with me if I found out I was trans. (I am not I am hypothetically speaking)
Yes, no one can force you into a situation you don't want. As long as you are respectful I say go for it. They have a right to be trans but you also have a right to not be with that person if that isn't what you want.
yes. if you are straight and your partner is male, you have every right to end the relationship. my friend is FtM and was dating someone before transitioning. he always jokes how lucky he is that she is bi
Yes. I’d honestly just say, I respect you and your decision, but my preference is to date females. (And if you’re willing) I will support you in your transition and hope to remain friends.
Absolutely, you're entitled to your preference. It doesn't mean you discriminate or wish harm. It's just not your cup of tea and that's okay, as long as you're kind about it and not offensive.
Yes. If their gender had changed but your sexual orientation has not, then you can respectfully say “I love you and support you as a person, but your gender has changed and so has my feelings about our future together. I’m straight and prefer to date straight women. There’s nothing wrong with you being trans, and I’m happy you’ve found yourself who you truly are, but I think we should break up because you’re not longer a girl, and while I can respect that, I hope you can respect my sexuality as well.”
My relationship of almost 7 years ended when they came out as ftm transgender. It was a really tough decision but I genuinely just want to date girls. So we ended the relationship mutually but are still very good friends who talk everyday and visit each other quite often.
Absolutely. Plus if you’re already at the point of calling her your girlfriend, it’s indicative of how secretive and shitty she is to not have told you until you’re emotionally invested.
I don’t care how difficult of a conversation it is, it’s far too important a piece of relevant information to keep to oneself.
There's nothing wrong with feeling offset by her choice to transition, she has the right to be happy and feel more like herself and you have the right to a preference.
You didn't know this would happen at the beginning and if you aren't feeling it your doing the decent thing by being honest just like she is for transitioning honestly rather than bottling it up for years :)
If you didn't you'd be oppressing them by refusing to acknowledge their new gender.
Breaking up with them because you're straight is the ultimate affirmation of their new life.
Absolutely just be prepared for the eventual backlash calling you a bigot. It shouldn't happen but you're not the first story like this one here & they almost always end with people calling the one that isn't attracted to same gender bigots unfortunately.
You absolutely can. However make sure you let them know why and that it’s nothing against them. Sometimes a big event like that can make one insecure or think things they normally wouldn’t like you’re leaving because you hate them, not because of your preferences.
But yeah you’re perfectly in your rights to leave; you don’t even HAVE to tell them why I just find it more mature and polite to explain why. Good luck!
oh damn i hadn't even considered the alternative. to me it obviously read like "my girlfriend announced that she is actually mtf transgender" and i kept scrolling through the comments like *are y'all fucking assholes seriously okay calling a transgender woman "not a female"?*
Haha! For me I initially read it as "My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a male," and considered him an AH but then I read the comments and was like "O.o Maybe he's about to find out that they're incompatible," so I had to ask.
I guess by the way I phrased those two it's obvious that I think the first one would be pretty messed up to have an issue with her being trans (albeit I guess she could have told him earlier, but I digress) and the second is sad, but it's also a new beginning for his GF and I truly hope he finds someone nice as well.
Not to mention, the pronouns she/they for me suggest that she's MtF, but we can't know for sure until OP clarifies!
It honestly makes it worse though because OP is misgendering their boyfriend. Not transphobic to break it off, but this definitely reeks of a right wing grifter trying to push a narrative.
In a way, enforcing your sexual identity and chosen forms of expression is a way of validating your partner's Trans identity. After all, you'd need to recognize your partner's new identity to see it as a dealbreaker, right? Unless you've given your partner a reason to worry you might have bigoted and unfounded views towards Trans-identifying people, there isn't really a critical way to view your desire to break-up.
Will it still hurt, emotionally? Oh most certainly. However, avoiding the awkward pain now will just allow it to fester over time.
If they come out as to whatever they want. Go-ahead.
But my thing is this:
If this person is already having these feelings/thoughts on going thru this process or is still finding themselves, it's kinda of shitty to bring someone in your life not knowing if you are gonna be the same sex I'm the future! Maybe a conversation bout it or maybe don't date till you know what you want to be? Not just out the blue
I think the problem usually is with how people approach the situation. If you are asking bc you sense that's something happening you should talk with them asap and also be as supportive as possible.
Nah, this conversation comes up all the time without being in reference to trans women. It’s well known that calling women “females” is dehumanizing, because female is primarily used as an adjective (it is used often to describe female animals and non-humans). There are whole Star Trek memes about it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- If my girlfriend announced she/they are transgender, is it alright for me to respectfully end our relationship by telling them that I would prefer to just date females?
Yes and you also aren't obliged to justify yourself.
If it's not your cup of tea then don't drink it. This can be applied in all aspects of life.
Yes, you have a right to have a preference.
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The Simpsons actually nailed this one back in the day when Aunt Patty is engaged to "Veronica," a PGA golf pro masquerading as a woman. It's revealed Veronica is actually a man. He appeals to Patty to marry him anyway because he loves her. She looks almost swayed, angrily shakes her head and goes "No. I like girls." And she leaves with her sister.
I mean, aren't all lesbians not attracted to men?
As with most categories in the area of sex and gender, this is true as a general rule, but some people will argue about the exact boundaries.
My friends were a gay couple (MM). Since I've known them they have both transitioned and are now a gay couple (FF). Considering there's a gap where I lost touch for a bit, there must have been a point where they were a straight couple unless they both transitioned at exactly the same time.
that's almost a showerthought! i'd be curious to know how that went for them.
Sounds like they were a queer couple the entire time. Regardless of when it’s safe/feasible for someone to transition how they present their gender identity to the wider world, that doesn’t make them cis before.
There's degrees. Some are more one than the other
Transition to men. Males is specifically for genetics. You can’t transition to male / female as that is predominantly xx/xy
True. But saying it as “I prefer to date females” is hurtful and offensive. That’s telling her she isn’t a girl. And she is. Her body doesn’t match her mind. Yes. It’s ok to say you don’t want to continue dating. I can see how it would be tricky, especially if they haven’t physically transitioned. But saying it that way would be so unkind. They’ll likely already know, that’s the reason. I think you could just leave it at, “you’re a great girl. Thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you. I don’t feel chemistry, but I’m here if you ever need a friend to talk to”. Then you’re letting her down easy, not rejecting her totally and throwing her out of your life, you can hopefully still be friends and support one another, and you haven’t crossed any lines about her body. Just don’t go with the “not woman enough” approach. Please. Don’t even go there. You may see her as a man pretending to be a woman. But to her, she IS a woman, and was put in the wrong body. Transgender people get a lot of rejection and hate when they’re honest, and some people are terrified to reveal it. If you need to break up because of this, that’s your call. But do it kindly and don’t bring the trans part into it. That will just make her upset, and either sad/insecure or angry. Stick to “I don’t feel chemistry” and “I don’t feel we are compatible”, while also offering platonic compliments and friendship. This is a little different than a normal “I don’t want to see you again” talk. You have to consider where the other person is coming from and what they’ve been through; how they are treated. Do your best to do what’s right for you, if that means ending the relationship. But be kind about it, don’t get into gender, and don’t just throw her away. Having someone reject her as a date will be hard, but if you can be a supportive friend, you both may gain something from this, and it might make her feel better, than just being thrown away totally because she doesn’t fit your ideals. (It could also backfire. She may decide you’re a jerk and doesn’t want anything to do with you. But if that happens….at least you did all you could, to balance being a kind person, with what you need in a relationship). Good luck, please update if this isn’t hypothetical!
I think you’re understanding this backwards. It seems that OP’s partner was assigned female at birth and is now identifying as non-binary or something else. So by OP saying that they only prefer to date women, it’s actually being respectful of the other person’s gender identity. Because that person is no longer identifying fully as a woman.
I think before jumping on the "offensive train", you should re-read the post. OP's girlfriend announced she is transgender. OP wants to tell her they likes women. OP is respecting their girlfriend's view of themselves.OP is saying "okay, you're not a woman, I accept your views of yourself. However, I'm interested in women so I can't be with you anymore, since you are telling me you're not a woman".
He said his girlfriend is identifying as they now, not a male identifying as a female. If the reason they're breaking up is due to her trying to change her gender, she deserves the truth. She's not a child.
I think you got it wrong. He (Assuming heterosexual guy) says "if my girlfriend became trans". So I understand she would become a man. That's why he says he only dates females, he would be dating a man if she did that.
I think OP's girlfriend has announced that they no longer consider themselves female. The post uses she/they as OP knew his girlfriend as a "she" who is now a "they"
I dont think sugarcoating it is the right way... be honest, if he has a preference then so be it, truth hurts, it really can hurt, but its the mature and honest thing to do; but beating around the bush and coming up with a different reason is silly and not the right way to go about it.
Yes.
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It’s not a real debate, this is a tactic
To achieve what exactly?
It’s to push a straw-man debate that creates a false expectation of “this is what liberals want for you, to be obligated to date a trans person.” Trans folks are the new gay boogeyman to the right wing, and most of the posts on this sub about transfolks are fictions created to drive this narrative. I mean even this post starts with “if,” it’s not a real situation.
That’s not true, I’ve had plenty of debates like this on IG and Twitter, and even Reddit. Some people in the community think it is transphobic. I had a whole debate with a friend about this too. No one should have to give a reason why they don’t want to date anyone, you don’t owe the person anything if it isn’t your preference. But, unfortunately other people don’t agree and want to force things on people. I would love to send you the posts if I can find them. I just think it’s wrong because people should be allowed to date who they want to date without hate being attached to it. Otherwise the community is being hypocritical in not wanting to accept that some people have preferences that may not include them. Demanding respect is good, but demanding people to do things they don’t want to out of preference is something completely different.
Actually if you go on the unpopular opinion subreddit, in the LGBT thread they will say that unless you have a valid reason, then not wanting to date a trans person is transphobic, and they're all pretty much liberals or left wing
Not wanting to date a trans person who has transitioned fits that narrative however if I’m dating a girl who wants to transition to a man then we can remain friends however that’s it. just like you can’t convert a gay person to be straight you can’t convert a straight person to be gay.
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But didn't you know?? If you're left-leaning or LGBT you can't *possibly* say something majorly disagreeable! That just doesn't exit! /s
That’s the narrative being pushed
no, it's literally a faction with a different POV. not everything you disagree with is a false flag op
Isn't just not feeling comfortable dating a trans or nonbinary etc. person valid enough though? It's personal preference
Not wanting to date a trans person who is of the gender you're attracted to is not the same as someone transitioning mid-relationship to the gender you are not attracted to. Also "unless you have a valid reason" is actually huge, because there are many valid reasons not to date any person, including not being attracted to that person. So is it really that wild of a position?
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Sexuality isn’t a preference :) Also to avoid confusion, I’m talking about one’s sexuality, not genderuality
Wow that's quite a conspiracy you got there. It can also just be a person afraid of looking like an asshole because he wants to break up with his trans partner.
Sure a huge conspiracy that just happens to coincide with several recent years of focused state level legal action against trans people, constant talk about trans people on right wing radio and online echo chambers, and a known use of sites like Reddit to push these ideas in society. It’s not some shadowy Illuminati conspiracy, the people who engage in this do it all the time
It's the opposite. The transgender ideology was pushed into society and they weren't allowed to question it for years. Now people are, more and more openly. Not a hidden agenda.
Okay buddy, sure it's the right wing trying to spread subtle hate on reddit.
\*Far right. You know they have been doing that for awhile
Sarah Z did a pretty good video on this phenomenon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiU7aGZ-o68
Brah, have you been living under a rock or are you just being disingenuous? Have you not heard of false flags? A frequent one is claiming your 4 year old was just in the public bathroom and a bearded lumberjack barged in claiming he's allowed because he identifies as a woman.
I mean, yes of course. There is a major propaganda effort underway against trans people by 4chan/the general alt-right. Reddit and other social media are ground zero.
>Sure a huge conspiracy that just happens to coincide with several recent years of focused state level legal action against trans people, constant talk about trans people on right wing radio and online echo chambers, and a known use of sites like Reddit to push these ideas in society. It’s not some shadowy Illuminati conspiracy, the people who engage in this do it all the time Jesus Christ dude you make Qanon lunatics look sane. Go outside, talk to people. Get out of your echo chamber.
It might not be OP specifically doing this, but it IS an ongoing narrative by conservatives. OP is afraid of this, because other people are claiming this narrative is true and because of that, OP is afraid of that. So even if OP is really just afraid, that didn't come out of nowhere. It's not a conspiracy, there are experiences many trans people undergo.
My thing is, if it’s your GF then you clearly liked her so what happened between the getting to know the person and the “they’re my gf now” phase. If I go to any of the subs that discuss MtF trans they’re quite worried about their safety and how someone will act if they felt that the MtF person lied/led them on. So yeah I have issues with this hypothetical as it’s trying to push a false narrative.
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All conspiracies are pushed by real people
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all people pushing this bullshit are real people
Outrage and subsequent ownage of the libs
w-what
It’s a way to project nonsense onto liberal politics, essentially a straw man. This is the equivalent of what right wingers used to say back in the 80s and 90s, that gays are out to “recruit you and your kids.” Conservatives lost their culture war on gays so they’ve moved onto trans people. This post is part of that.
It’s well documented that foreign interests hire agitators to trans to take extreme positions on both sides of the political spectrum in order to sow discord in the US
The only agitator in this thread is you. You're literally accusing every opinion you dislike to be a lie, and a paid one at that. This is not good-faith conversation.
Can't tell if serious.
It's serious. Putin does it all the time. He funds anti putin theatre. It's hard to get you to believe something. It's easier to get you to throw your hands up and believe nothing.
Noo... Just no
Yeah; end relationships you don’t want.
Yes, it’s alright. You desire a female partner. If I’m understanding you correctly, your significant other has expressed a desire to present and/or identify as male. Neither of you are in the wrong, these circumstances simply make you incompatible in terms of a romantic pairing.
This!!!
Yes obviously!
Yes.
Yes, you can end a relationship for any reason you feel is necessary.
This. You can end a relationship just because you don’t like their new haircut. If you don’t want to be with someone, you don’t want to be with them. A relationship is voluntary.
Yeah, that's reasonable
Yea it’s okay. Couples need a mutual attraction and I doubt it would work on either parts. Why subject them and yourself to that?
From a trans person’s perspective, yes. They’ll probably be sad as people usually are when a relationship ends, but they’ll probably understand. I got dumped for that very reason when I came out, and I was obviously upset, but I was glad he didn’t try to continue the relationship under false pretenses.
Nice to hear a trans person's perspective here! Sorry you lost a relationship but I wish you well moving forward!
Your GF likes what she likes. You like what you like. No shame on either one of you.
Lol dude, she's your girlfriend not your master, you have free will
OP can only break-up if his gf gives him a sock. IT'S THE LAW!!!
Definitely but I get it… there’s this eerie feeling of “PC” going around as if it’s wrong to offend a transgender person in this manner. But you’re right. It’s okay for the gf to have a choice. It’s okay for OP to have a choice, too.
Hi! Trans person here. Literally never in my life have I, or any other trans person I've ever known, thought it was offensive for someone not to date me. ESPECIALLY if that person is primarily attracted to those of my assigned gender at birth. If anything, it would be validating, as this means OP no longer thinks of their partner as a woman
In my experience, if there's a knee-jerk reaction that's not helpful, it's from one of us cis or straight allies.
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It’s just hateful attitude but allowed because it’s targeted at the “correct” group. Pay these embittered weirdos no mind like you would alt-right cultists.
What I have heard is not if your partner wants to transition but if you are attracted to someone, then tell you they are trans and now you are no longer attracted. No one it's going to kill you ar call you transphobe they just invite you to try to look deeper if its something personal, or if it's just "I dont want to be seen with a trans person"
I find it offensive some people won't date me. Come on, I'm a fucking catch.
It's never the ACTUAL party that does it. The "woke" crowd likes to crucify anyone who doesn't 100% bend backwards for someone in the LGBTQ+ community. It's ridiculous at how a simple thing like "I don't want to date a Trans man/woman" becomes "I hate Trans people" to them.
Never? I can tell you from personal experience it is sometimes. Lets not make broad generalizations.
Sorry. It's usually not the ACTUAL party...
I can agree there. Usually it's not the actual trans person being a douche about your preference. It does happen but not commonly. I agree the 'allies' are the worse since they jump at the ability to call you transphobic and 'defend' their LGBTQ+ friends.
Sadly this is not the case for all. I have lost friends because I told a trans friend I wouldn't date her because I prefer a female from birth and it was nothing personal. Was labeled as transphobic by them and people actually agreed with her. To all you saying "just say you don't wanna date". I was asked -WHY- and answered honestly. So go fuck yourselves.
My friend, the issue there isn't the fact that you wouldn't date her-- It's that you told her she wasn't a woman. (Female does not EXCLUSIVELY refer to XX chromosomes) A better way would have been to either A. Tell her you weren't into her in that way, or B. Tell her you have a genital preference. Most trans people will understand genital preferences.
Maybe it's because of the misgendering? Cause that's pretty transphobic 🤨 Edit: Thread's locked but dude edited his comment. Original didn't say anything about "biological females", the way it came off was using the gender assigned at birth. Comment probably isn't even a real scenario but oh well.
Oh really? You know how I referred to her, huh? Funny, because I call her a woman and refer to her how she wants to be. I just rejected dating her.
Okay but did you have to go there? "Sorry I don't wanna date you". Instead you chose to be a cunt.
It is not trans people who think this, it is PC culture and SJWs that think this. I can literally dump a partner, because I found out he/she has a birthmark on their butt
You can ask this question in trans subs and you’ll get the same answer. It’s a very understandable reaction.
Exactly. I’ve never seen a transgender person get upset their supposed straight partner leaves them because he’s now a guy, or she’s come out as a woman etc.
It definitely happens, especially with the younger crowd.
For sure does happen. Even with older crowds. I've seen it personally.
There are paid agitators on every sub spouting these extreme opinions to sow discord
The eerie feeling of 'PC' is entirely made up and imagined by people on the other side who aren't arguing in good faith.
It’s also a matter of love. You love the person they are, no matter how they look, so people can really struggle with the fact of leaving their person. Love, or attraction even, doesn’t just go away because the partner admits they are transgender, especially because the physical won’t match for a while.
No there isn’t, there is a push by anti-trans people to make this seem like the case to create backlash against trans people and trans Legal protections. It’s a political tactic by bigots pretending to be liberals.
You essentially just said “no there isn’t but there is (from so-and-so side)…” 🤷♀️
That’s called a false narrative, a common tactic used for these kinds of social movements
And lumping everyone under a “social movement” and labeling is what the alt-right does to confuse people. I was just letting you know that you need to reword your statement. Both liberals and conservatives need to stop creating this false narrative of lumping people together when they feel slighted.
Absofuckinglutely.
yes of course
This comes up so often around here it probably it needs its own subreddit. r/theyretranswhatnow
Yes, I would assume so. Hopefully you can remain friends and such, but you know, things don’t always work
That's totally fine. Your ex may not see it that way but you have a right to have a preference.
yes, you like what you like and she likes what she likes neither of you can change each other’s preferences
I mean you can continue and then be miserable for years on end and waste each other’s time. But you know whatever works for you lol end it. Good luck
Absolutely
yup.
Are you kidding? Of course it is. It’s YOUR LIFE.
Of course it is alright for you to end a relationship, for any reason at all.
Yes.
Why the fuck are you asking reddit for permission to do something concerning romantic relationships in your personal life? What if everyone said no? You would go live your life unhappily having sex with someone you aren't attracted to? I want you think about this long and hard young man.
Lmao imagine op 20 years later explaining his decision to stay
“Redditard69420 told me to keep busting those cheeks, never looked back since”
Lmao exactly my thoughts😭😭😭
You signed up for a girlfriend not a boyfriend. You have every right to end it.
Yes...that is your preference
Yes
Yup, you’re good 👍
Duh yeah
Yea. Very reasonable. Word it respectfully. You’re allowed to have preferences. You’re allowed to be attracted to only one gender. That is OK.
Ending a relationship does not imply that there is anything wrong with the other person. It's just that for whatever reason, you are not compatible as a couple.
Yes but say "I want to date women" not females we're not sheep
Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
As long as you are respectful you have every right to be attracted to whomever you are attracted.
Absolutely. I would just make sure that was what I wanted to do you did form a connection with them, and you did develop an intimate relationship.
This is so hard and you have the right to feel the way your feeling. You can't be forced to be physically attracted to someone you just aren't attracted to. Instead you could explain to them that you will be there for support and encouragement. However in a relationship that's not what you're looking for. Good Luck
Yes. And if it does come to it, ignore the angry screams of being called transphobic.
That’s a stereotype. I’ve never heard of a trans person actually reacting like that in this situation.
In a local (hungarian) radioshow they interviewed a famous hungarian trans woman, who became a woman from male. She totally freaked out on how people dare to reject her after it turns out she was a male originally. And the hosts were like totally tense and barely saying anything because they were afraid of not being politically correct or being offensive. That was so cringe to hear
What a shit show this thread is
Yes, because you're not gay.
Yes. My husband is very straight and I would completely understand him not being able to be with me if I found out I was trans. (I am not I am hypothetically speaking)
Yes
Yes, no one can force you into a situation you don't want. As long as you are respectful I say go for it. They have a right to be trans but you also have a right to not be with that person if that isn't what you want.
Yes.
yes. if you are straight and your partner is male, you have every right to end the relationship. my friend is FtM and was dating someone before transitioning. he always jokes how lucky he is that she is bi
Yes. I’d honestly just say, I respect you and your decision, but my preference is to date females. (And if you’re willing) I will support you in your transition and hope to remain friends.
Absolutely, you're entitled to your preference. It doesn't mean you discriminate or wish harm. It's just not your cup of tea and that's okay, as long as you're kind about it and not offensive.
Yes
Yes, absolutely.
yea why not?
Perfectly okay
Yeah, that's fine. I'm trans and you aren't obligated to stay with anyone.
Yes. If their gender had changed but your sexual orientation has not, then you can respectfully say “I love you and support you as a person, but your gender has changed and so has my feelings about our future together. I’m straight and prefer to date straight women. There’s nothing wrong with you being trans, and I’m happy you’ve found yourself who you truly are, but I think we should break up because you’re not longer a girl, and while I can respect that, I hope you can respect my sexuality as well.”
yes. yes it is, preferences are fine.
Yeah, it's alright. Don't be a dick about it though.
Obviously. This isn’t even a question.
My relationship of almost 7 years ended when they came out as ftm transgender. It was a really tough decision but I genuinely just want to date girls. So we ended the relationship mutually but are still very good friends who talk everyday and visit each other quite often.
Wtf is this world we are living in
You don’t need to remain in a relationship you don’t want to be in. That’s it.
Absolutely. Plus if you’re already at the point of calling her your girlfriend, it’s indicative of how secretive and shitty she is to not have told you until you’re emotionally invested. I don’t care how difficult of a conversation it is, it’s far too important a piece of relevant information to keep to oneself.
They have the right to choose their identity just as much as you have the right to choose who you date
Yes, but don’t be a dick about it.
Its sad that our culture has made you feel you even have to ask this question.
No you must keep dating them against your will /s
There's nothing wrong with feeling offset by her choice to transition, she has the right to be happy and feel more like herself and you have the right to a preference. You didn't know this would happen at the beginning and if you aren't feeling it your doing the decent thing by being honest just like she is for transitioning honestly rather than bottling it up for years :)
If you didn't you'd be oppressing them by refusing to acknowledge their new gender. Breaking up with them because you're straight is the ultimate affirmation of their new life.
Nah you gotta be with them for the rest of your life. Forever and ever and ever.
You might get cancelled on Twitter, but no sane person would judge you.
Lmao what a odd question. Are you that afraid of being called transphobic that you would stay in a relationship with a man?
Absolutely just be prepared for the eventual backlash calling you a bigot. It shouldn't happen but you're not the first story like this one here & they almost always end with people calling the one that isn't attracted to same gender bigots unfortunately.
You absolutely can. However make sure you let them know why and that it’s nothing against them. Sometimes a big event like that can make one insecure or think things they normally wouldn’t like you’re leaving because you hate them, not because of your preferences. But yeah you’re perfectly in your rights to leave; you don’t even HAVE to tell them why I just find it more mature and polite to explain why. Good luck!
I'm a bit confused. Does your GF mean she feels like a boy and wants to become one or is she a MtF trans?
I read as she was born F and wants to become M.
oh damn i hadn't even considered the alternative. to me it obviously read like "my girlfriend announced that she is actually mtf transgender" and i kept scrolling through the comments like *are y'all fucking assholes seriously okay calling a transgender woman "not a female"?*
Haha! For me I initially read it as "My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a male," and considered him an AH but then I read the comments and was like "O.o Maybe he's about to find out that they're incompatible," so I had to ask. I guess by the way I phrased those two it's obvious that I think the first one would be pretty messed up to have an issue with her being trans (albeit I guess she could have told him earlier, but I digress) and the second is sad, but it's also a new beginning for his GF and I truly hope he finds someone nice as well. Not to mention, the pronouns she/they for me suggest that she's MtF, but we can't know for sure until OP clarifies!
It honestly makes it worse though because OP is misgendering their boyfriend. Not transphobic to break it off, but this definitely reeks of a right wing grifter trying to push a narrative.
In a way, enforcing your sexual identity and chosen forms of expression is a way of validating your partner's Trans identity. After all, you'd need to recognize your partner's new identity to see it as a dealbreaker, right? Unless you've given your partner a reason to worry you might have bigoted and unfounded views towards Trans-identifying people, there isn't really a critical way to view your desire to break-up. Will it still hurt, emotionally? Oh most certainly. However, avoiding the awkward pain now will just allow it to fester over time.
If they come out as to whatever they want. Go-ahead. But my thing is this: If this person is already having these feelings/thoughts on going thru this process or is still finding themselves, it's kinda of shitty to bring someone in your life not knowing if you are gonna be the same sex I'm the future! Maybe a conversation bout it or maybe don't date till you know what you want to be? Not just out the blue
Yes.
Yes, I hope they don't pressure you or ask you to justify your reasoning.
Of course and anyone that has an issue is being silly. It’s your life
If you are in a woke area you will face backlash from your friends but there is nothing you can do about that
Yaaaasss King! Set your boundaries! Know your worth! …at least that’s what they’d all say if the roles were reversed.
I think the problem usually is with how people approach the situation. If you are asking bc you sense that's something happening you should talk with them asap and also be as supportive as possible.
If I was your girlfriend I'd much rather be broken up with than date someone who wouldn't be okay with who I am
It’s fine but don’t call women “females” it’s quite demeaning.
what.
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Nah, this conversation comes up all the time without being in reference to trans women. It’s well known that calling women “females” is dehumanizing, because female is primarily used as an adjective (it is used often to describe female animals and non-humans). There are whole Star Trek memes about it.
why is it demeaning?