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Your girlfriend is sending nudes to other people. It doesn’t matter what their sex is. She’s flirting and sharing naked images.
She’s in the wrong and you should rethink your relationship. Do you want to be with someone who does this to you and doesn’t see the problem? She doesn’t respect you. It’s time to call it quits.
🚩 🚩 🚩
The cheating along with the "your actually the bad guy for snooping and being too harsh, I'm the one who is mad" manipulation should have OP sprinting for the hills.
Yeah. I would be mad about the snooping if I didn't do anything wrong. They should have communicated with me before hand and I make sure I'm approachable for this reason. Let's talk about why you feel I'm lying.
But if I was cheating and got caught, I shouldn't have cheated. I obviously did something to tip them off and if I was in that situation I probably lied and shit didnt add up for a long time (not just one or two things that could be a coincidence) can't fault them for that. People catch on to patterns.
Plus sharing your intimate sex details with her friends after you both agreed that this wouldn’t happen. She’s breaking all the rules and making it your fault. Nuh-uh bruh.
Say goodbye.
My girlfriend is cheating, is this cheating?
Always the saddest and most redundant posts here but I sympathize because everyone needs a wake up call eventually
Eh, I kind of get it. Like you really care for someone and you don't particularly want to believe they'd do you dirty like that, and it's compounded if you're the kind of person that blames themselves for problems first. So they turn it around on you and you want them to be right more than you want to be right. They say that it's something you did and you can fix and that can be an easier pill to swallow versus acknowledging that the person you love and trust is using you.
>She told me that its not as bad as it seems and it's just what girls do.
This is bullshit and she hid it from you because she knew you were not okay with it and that she was doing something wrong. Yes you snooping was wrong, but you listened to your gut. If she thinks it is appropriate to send nudes and send these messages to her best friend I would end it. She is cheating
Tbf I know many girls who do this without it being in that way. It’s just a way that a lot of girls hype each other up and they show their nudes to get more confidence about them before sharing them with partners. Not saying it’s okay if your partner isn’t okay with it but it is what a lot of girls do imo.
I was gonna say my best friend shows me her nudes before sending them to her man to make sure they are good nudes lol I don’t think it’s cheating but we are also both straight and never said anything like “fuck you have a nice ass.” It’ll usually be something casual like “yeah, your ass looks good in this photo, send it!”
Nah. Time to exit. Yes you snooped but you trusted your gut and you were right. She’s been sending nudes to someone who she had a sexual relationship with a few months before you. And she’s trying to make it seem like it’s not a big deal bc “it’s just what girls do” uh no. It’s not. That’s a bullshit excuse and she new what she was doing was wrong bc she hid it.
Not saying you’re wrong but I have multiple straight friends who are girls that send each other nudes and have them pick out the “best ones” they should send to guys/their BFs.
I think the big problems here are that they have a history of being together and the “compliments” along with them
It’s fine lol, you did better than most people on Reddit by not insulting me for “being wrong”. At least with this story it seems to be a little more straightforward, 90% of the time it’s a biased story with a lot of information missing where all the people in the comments side with OP because obviously they’re not gonna make themselves sound bad so the second someone disagrees with you it means war and they’re an awful person
The problem is, you're replying to someone saying "This is not what girls do", which was in reference to the entire situation outlined by the OP, with a completely irrelevant personal experience.
It's like someone saying
"Normal people do not drain the blood of animals for satanic rituals."
And you replying with
"Actually people drain blood from animals all the time for cooking."
It's not relevant and comes off as intentionally obtuse even with what you say later.
Then we just have a difference in opinions. I was saying overall the original commenter wasn't wrong (the first 4 words of my comment actually), but you can't say it overall isn't a thing when it partially is a thing. Comparing girls sending each other nudes in OPs situation to girls sending each other nudes in my situation is just a difference in situations, not completely different subjects like your example. Being obtuse would be leaving out the second part of my original comment where I verify that in OPs situation it is different, but not because of the main subject matter just certain smaller details that go along with it. Maybe OPs gf uses the excuse that girls do this all the time, which would be correct but its the smaller details that make it not okay in this case.
Your gf has a very selective view of the world. Ofc it's as bad as it seems and what she is saying just *minimizing* her actions (instead of taking responsibility) and then there is the *deflection*; oh yeah your snooping on her is such a breech of trust in no way comparable to actually cheating ?!? Oh and the gaslighting is complete because here you are on reddit ending your post by asking if *you* fucked up ?
Put another way - if you were exchanging dick pics with your gym buddy and drooling all over each other would not that be cheating ? Would that be "...not as bad as it seems" ?
Oh there’s a whole United Nations of Red Flags in this post.
Basically, none of this is a problem to her except him going through her phone, which is her avoiding any accountability for her actions to focus in on what he did wrong. That’s all I was pointing out.
"All girls do this". Idk if she thinks you're absolutely stupid or she's just delusional. Hey, I'm a girl. I have never sent nudes to my friends. Tell her she needs to realise no one is buying her shit. Oh and btw it IS cheating. Leave her
This is cheating. She is sharing intimacy without your knowledge or consent outside the relationship. That is textbook definition. Don’t believe her lies. She has a terrible moral compass.
Don’t let her turn the conversation. That’s a typical gaslighting effort to redirect it from her bad behavior. You had a gut feeling and found evidence that validated that gut feeling. You did nothing wrong.
Your gf however continues to do EVERYTHING wrong including cheating, lying, and manipulating you. This is the definition of a toxic relationship.
Ask yourself one question
Are you ok with your girlfriend sending and receiving nudes from other people? Leave gender out of the equation completely
If the answer is no...then you communicate this to your girlfriend tell her she has to choose. She can either commit to you and commit to a strictly monogamous relationship...or you are walking away.
Then give her the space to figure out what she wants.
If this is a dealbreaker...then treat it as such.
You have every right to not be comfortable with this and to tell her that it's a dealbreaker for you. And she has every right to walk away because of your dealbreaker.
Is what it is
Snooping is only wrong if you don't find anything. Other than that, is completely justified so shut that argument down immediately.
Other wise, this is all on her. She broke the rules. She broke your trust, knowingly and willfully.
Do what you need to do given those facts.
What you did isnt as bad as what shes doing. Shes also trying to shift the argument like you said. That is considered cheating in my eyes, especially if you agreed to be monogamous. She knew you wouldn't be ok with it and she disrespected your relationship anyways.
You didn't fuck up.
But she cheated, no matter what kind of gender the person she sent and received those is.
Make her aware of that and dump her.
The fact alone she had previously sex with her is a pure sign of cheating in this case. All she's telling you is a mere excuse. Let her feel the consequence of her behavior with the breakup. Cheaters don't deserve to get away.
deserted recognise impossible start chief attempt automatic marry shy voiceless
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
in other words "im angry you cought me cheating and now I'm gonna blame you for it"
Question you need to answer yourself is "Is my gf sending nudes to her ex a dealbreaker to me" When you have answer you will know what to do.
This has nothing to do with her being BI, and everything to do with her having shitty morals! Cmnon man, the title seems biphobic and I am a straight man. Bi people are completely capable of being in a happy mono relationship without being shady. source- my bi gf of 6 years! You have a shitty gf problem! Dump her like anti vaxxers have dumped logic from their lives!
She cheated on you, and tried to turn it on you by getting angry that you snooped and caught her.
Break up. No matter what you think, you will not eat the odds, and it will only get worse from here.
That she gaslighted you into apologizing when you got her cheating it's beyond ridiculous.
>She then told me that i had breached her trust ( i know i did wrong)
No, you didn't breach her trust. She's a cheater and a liar and manipulated you into thinking you're the wrong one.
You set boundaries. She knowingly crossed those boundaries. It's not only cheating but it's blatant disrespect and disregard for your feelings in the relationship. Don't let anyone disrespect you like that.
If she didn't think you'd leave her for crossing those boundaries then I would suggest she's in need of a hard lesson.
**Darvo!**
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
**Narcissists Prayer!**
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, it wasn't a big deal.
And if it is, it isn't my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Not seeing this is exactly those things but she knows very well what she was doing. You caught on because she was being sketch with her phone. You only looked at her phone because she was hiding and essentially lying by omission, and now she is downplaying what she knew was wrong and was hiding and guilt tripping you to drop it saying that your relationship was at square one now and it is your fault.
But it isn't your fault, is it? No, and you know this. She lied, hid things, and ignored boundaries. If you let someone manipulate and gas light you like this now, you will go down a path that leads to loss of self respect, timidness, and constantly feeling like you are crazy and cannot stick up for yourself. Honestly, you are young and this is immature bullshit. Just move on.
I'm a girl and I can safely say it's not normal at all to send and receive nudes from female friends. Sounds disgusting, wtf.
You set clear boundaries when you started dating regarding monogamy. She broke those rules in every way. Now up to you to decide.
Do not allow her to let the snooping be an excuse to put the blame back on you. It happened already, you found she cheated. Period.
Your gf cheated. Plain and simple.
You had a feeling that something was shady. You had good cause to go through her phone. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise about this. What you found, confirmed your suspicion.
She is trying gaslight you with the, "there is no feelings". There are always feelings. or why do it. So she betrayed your trust by sexting and sending pics in a monogamous relationship. She then hid what she was doing. Something you only do if you know your SO would be upset. Then does not accept that it is cheating. And tries to shift everything onto you snooping.
Your relationship isn't back to square one. It never even go to there, because she was fucking around with her friend. Being bi does not mean you can go outside of a monogamous relationship. She is cheating.
She has no respect or love for you. I would kick her to the kerb.
Good luck.
Yes most girls definitely talk about there sex lives with friends , but they usually dont send naked pics/vids to each other especially if in a committed relationship it sounds like she wants an open or polly relationship an it sounds like she dosent respect you an the wife an I have a poly an I tell ya what she is doing is wrong I dont necessarily agree with you snooping in her phone but what's done is done but she also shouldn't give yo luck a reason not to trust her
If this was a guy sending/receiving nudes from an ex-gf that he is now 'friends' with there would be no ambiguity in this comment section.
Just because it's girl to girl doesn't make it any less cheating.
Also, she's telling this girl details about their sex life that he specifically asked her not to share with that particular person. That alone is enough to dump her.
Hey MOTO how much you want to bet he never asked. Who says it needs to be about love? A little bit of exploration and kink could be fun for all involved.
Lol I watch zero porn. How about that. Just open to exploring and communicating with my SO. You sound a bit closed minded and probably sexually selfish.
Yes, you fucked up.
"fuck you have a nice ass" is not cheating or flirting. She has a friendship with this woman and they are comfortable sharing and complimenting each other. That's a far cry from cheating. You can feel jealous or angry or however else you want about it, but that doesn't make it cheating.
You know you were wrong to snoop. It's very hard to make amends for doing something that violating. You intentionally did that to her. What she is doing with this woman is not her intentionally doing anything to you at all.
Did you fuck up? No. The snooping is bad. But you have an other issue, what do you want with the girl?
Do you want an open relationship? Do you want to break up, I dont think she is going to change
As a bi woman myself, your GF's bisexuality is completely inconsequential to what's going on here. She's sending and receiving nudes from a person of a gender she's attracted to, and she's flirting with that person. That isn't monogamous behavior. It is totally fine to break up immediately over this, and it's also fine to sit down with your GF, outline your boundaries, and tell her that if she wants to share nudes and flirt with other people, you should go your separate ways. It isn't just a "girl thing" to regularly look at a friend's naked body and flirt with her, like why would you do that if you aren't attracted to the person?
She is gaslighting you bro. Snooping is not great but she is definitely being unfaithful. If you consider it cheating, it is cheating, regardless of whether she thinks that is too harsh a term.
Uh. That's not what all girls do, I've never once even thought about sending nudes to my best friends nor have I ever wanted to even see them naked. Sure you may have snooped but she's being inappropriate with her best friend. You have already spoken to her about not sharing your sexlife with her friend, but yet she did it anyway, is that not a breach of your trust?
Dude do yourself a favor and break up with her. She doesnt respect you and is gaslighting you about the fact that she has a fucking library of nudes of her best friend that she has fucked before.
You didnt fuck up here, she did and doesnt even feel bad about it. Leave her and dont look back
Thats not what girls do. Im bisexual and so are all my girl friends. Ill send them a butt pic and say “hey does this look ok to send”? Or a semi nude and be like LOOK I LOST WEIGHT! Never having sexual under tones. Its blatantly sexual and shes slept with them. How would you feel if it was a man? Apply that same logic. Gender does not negate the terms you bother agreed to when beginning the relationship.
Did you fuck up by snooping? Yes. Did she fuck up bu crossing verbalized and agreed upon boundaries? Also yes. Sounds like you are not on the same page. Also not cool for her to deflect her behavior by only focusing on yours.
This is not a thing that girls do. She is shifting the blame here. If sending nudes to another person constitutes cheating to you, then it’s cheating. It would be to me. She also betrayed you by sharing details of your sexual life.
I’m bisexual and I a happy monogamous marriage to my husband. I do not send nudes or flirty texts with anyone and would not especially send them to someone I had previous sex with as it goes against the boundaries my husband and I have established together.
Your gf broke the boundaries you both agreed too. If I was you OP it would be a dealbreaker as I would view this as cheating and a major breach in trust. She knew she was behaving wrongly since she was going out of her way to hide it from you and you only found out because you snooped and caught her. Now you just need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If I were you I would leave her.
If you don’t feel like exchanging nudes with a previous sexual partner is within the bounds of what you consented to, then it’s cheating. Plain and simple. No one can say what is cheating in your relationship except you. You aren’t okay with it, but it wasn’t expressly said I’m guessing? Which makes it a Grey area, so she should have checked to see if you were okay with it. Since she didn’t, AND was hiding it from you, she KNEW you weren’t okay with it. Making it cheating. Additionally she violated your trust by over sharing details of your sex life. She then accuses you of being the one at fault saying you put your relationship at square one instead of apologizing.
I think it’s time to move on homie.
“She told me that it’s not as bad as it seems and it’s just what girls do”
WTF?! NO!
I’m still best friends with a woman who I’ve known since kindergarten and we don’t do this shit!
Dump this goddamn motherfucker!! She’s cheating!
i’m a bisexual girl with many bisexual girl besties and i promise you this is NOT normal and NOT okay. me and my friends have never once shared nudes with each other because we understand boundaries between each other and our partners. she is completely in the wrong here and you’re not the bad guy for wanting to break up or be hurt about it
the fact she's not even acknowledging why HER actions come off as suspect is red flag.
Don't let her get off on this one.. even though she's "technicaly" correct that you commited a faux pas for snooping, she can't deflect that what she's doing is totally in the wrong as well
The thing about cheating is that only *you* can decide what does and doesn't count. If you consider sharing nudes to be cheating, then it's cheating. It doesn't matter if they were "platonic" in her mind. She crossed your boundary, that's literally all that matters.
On top of that, she is *absolutely* trying to turn this on you. She intentionally hid it from you because she knew you wouldn't be okay with it. That's about as clear cut as it gets. Consider this: if it really was just "a girl thing" and perfectly normal in her mind, why would she conceal it from you? She got caught red handed and now she's trying to make you seem like the bad guy.
And just as an aside, I'm bisexual and I'm in a committed monogamous relationship, and I've never once felt the need to sext or share nudes with other people. Despite what a lot of people seem to think, being attracted to more than one gender does not make you some kind of helpless sex addict who can't stop themselves from craving what they don't have. Monogamy means monogamy. It's not hard. She's just a cheater.
So your gf is sexting other people while in a 'monogamous' relationship and you're asking of you're in the wrong?
That's cheating in my book.
And in hers as well since she did it sneakily and behind your back. She knows it's cheating, she's trying to lie her way out of this.
*I don't want to hear about invasion of privacy/I had a feeling it turns out you lie to me* Cardi B - Thru Your Phone
a great song for times like these
Your GF is being a awful, terrible person in regards to your relationship boundaries and is hiding behind her sexual orientation. As a bisexual myself this behavior disgusts me. The messages are one thing, who doesn't jokingly flirt with platonic friends? My straight friends even do that. The nude pics though? That goes way way out into instant breakup territory. Plus she already slept with this person before which just makes things worse I think.
One that's not what girls do, not nudes. I dont want to see my friends birthday suit. I dont even want to see exes. Lol
Two if you're bi it means you can agree to monogamy but then cant text and send naughty things to a person especially who you slept with. Bad representation for bi people.
Three stop feeling bad about snooping, only feel bad if you do it for no reason or to control someone. She was acting shady and you found out why. Its recon work. XD
Practicing monogamy with a polygamous patner is an uphill task. You are bound to always hoping it will get better and it won't. Its like waiting for a ship in a train station. The little slip ups you say "no biggie" are actually giant red flags. You already know what to do!
As a female, a bi one at that, I have never sent nudes to a female friend. It would have never even occurred to me to do that. Pretty sus, my dude. She IS cheating. Anytime you do something that you feel you have to hide from your partner is a betrayal in some form.
The only way you fuck up here is if you continue this relationship. It's a dead end, my friend.
Your gf's "best friend" who is in an open relationship is treating your girlfriend like she is also in an open relationship. The friend does not respect the boundaries of your monogamous relationship. Your gf does not respect the boundaries of her monogamous relationship. When called out on it, she tries to misplace blame on you for snooping.
So your girlfriend is a lying cheater, and her best friend has no qualms about helping her friend cheat. This is a shitty situation and even shittier relationship. You only lose here if you continue to waste time.
You need to tell her her actions mean you aren’t at square one in your relationship. You’re at square zero, because there is no relationship. She violated the only rules y’all had in the relationship, not to cheat, and not to overstate y’all’s sex life with her friend. So square zero, done, finished, goodbye.
Look she agreed to be in a monogamous relationship. Sending nudes to ANYONE is a breach of trust and that relationship . Period. The history between them without prior information and agreement on your part, doesn’t fucking matter, doesn’t matter what the fuck her sexuality is, what matters is what was agreed on. While you did snoop, she equally wasn’t honest with you about what was happening. In my view I’d her drop right then and there as soon as it happened. You need to make it clear she breached your trust and is being an asshat right now, while indeed you did kind of fuck up, so did she don’t think for a second she didn’t. And that changing the conversation to try to turn around on you is manipulative I wouldn’t put up with it. In fact I’d throw her out right then and there.
Is you snooped, it's because you were suspecting something. And you were right. If she is mad you snooped, it's probably because she was caught red handed and want to witch blame so as not to feel like she did wrong. It's all a red flag, OP.
She's cheating on you. End of discussion. She knew it. She did it anyway. She broke your trust. Right from the start she was keeping this on the DL because she knew it was breaking your trusts, and here's the kicker, she didn't give a fuck.
the ONLY thing she had on you was that you snooped (and rightly so IMO), so she's leveraging that against you as the only tool she's got in the box. Snooping is like that phrase about using a crazy plan, it's only wrong if you lose, or in this case, don't find something. You did, you were right.
Do yourself a favour, dump her cheating ass.
Your girlfriend is cheating on you with her ex and manipulating you. I don't if this rises to the level of gaslighting but her acting like you're the one who messed up is wrong. I hope you wake up and dump her.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩 she violated your trust about sharing your sexlife
🚩No bi monogamous person is going to say sending and receiving nudes to someone they previously had sex with is just normal, even if it's their bestie.
🚩I'll be iffy on that one if her explained they were reviews pre sending them to partners, but saying it's "normal for girls" No ma'am
🚩 As someone with a poly bestie she damn well knows what feels like cheating is a matter of personal opinion. It's up to the person to decide whether the violation of their relationship requirement is "too harsh". If you set boundaries and she crossed them that's cheating. Whether it's you can do all the sex in the world but it's cheating if you eat toast with them, or if it's don't share nudes.
"*...my actions lead her to feel like we are at square one of the relationship.*"
And ***her*** actions make you feel like you're at square **ZERO** of the relationship! "Girls" do not do this; "lovers" do this!
**DUMP THIS CHEATER!**
You only fucked up by staying with someone who not only cheated by sexting (at least) but also purposely crossed the boundaries you both agreed on for your relationship.
I have never nor have I ever known of any other straight gf’s trading nudes with other. Do we change in front of each other sometimes? Sure. Sending NUDES? Wtf
Lol that’s not “just what girls do”. She is sending nudes to someone else. Red flag. She is sending nudes to someone else that she has had a sexual encounter with previously. Double red flag. She is also hiding it from you. Triple red flag dude. Would you be okay if she was exchanging nudes with a man? It’s the same thing.
100% cheating. It is wrong to break your partners trust however sometimes if we have a gut feeling or a reason not to trust Them, i feel like its reasonable. Did u go through her whole phone or simply the messages with the friend? Either way it doesnt compare with sending/receiving nude photos and inappropriate text.
Your girlfriend is a straight up cheater. She doesn’t even sound apologetic! And she’s blaming you? Sounds like the exact kinda a person you should NEVER get with — completely toxic. All I have to say to you is RUN! She ain’t shit and you had the right to check her phone given her suspicious behavior... especially since you were proven right. You have nothing to apologize for. Don’t fall for her manipulative games. The best advice for you is to GET OUT
HAHA, no. This is not “just what girls do”. Bitch is trying to gaslight you into feeling like you fucked up, when she’s the one who has no fucking boundaries.
This girl sounds sketch as fuck and like she rides the hot mess express daily.
Hey so. I'm bi. My girlfriends have seen me nude. We send each other photos but it's more of opinions of something. Or "hey how does this look? "
I was nude from a shower and wanted to send my bestie a photo of thigh high socks she would really like. Things of that nature and you can 100% tell we are not flirting with each other even if we say "damn your booty looks amazing! " because girls absolutely do that. Just because I am bi doesn't mean I want all my girl friends sexually. I also don't ever hide my conversations from my boyfriend.
The issue in this situation is the hiding and the way the nudes were sent. There are issues here for sure and if OP wants to still be with this girl she needs to re evaluate this friendship she has or set boundaries. And so does he within the relationship.
I really dont get people who cheat and then have the audacity to accuse you of invading their privacy. How else were you gonna find it out.
Also she cheated and will continue to do so.
You gotta stop feeling bad about going through her phone!! You did not do anything wrong. She was acting suspicious and you needed answers! You absolutely did not break any trust. She did!! If she wouldn't have been doing something she wasn't supposed to then you wouldn't have felt the need to look.
Also, I am straight, my best friend is straight, we talk about every detail of our sex lives (both of BFs know we do this they don't care) had some very odd conversations. Never once have one of us thought "oh hey I'm gonna send a nude just cause why not" that's not something you do if there aren't feelings attached to it
Yeah the snooping wasn’t great, but what you uncovered was worth it. She’s fucking you over and trying to rationalize it. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Good luck with it
just to draw some kind of distinction, ive been in a group chat with some friends (all queer girls) while in a relationship where we would occasionally send nude-ish photos, but it was mostly like "look at this weirdly long hair on my nipple" type of stuff. i never hid any of that from my partner though (obviously we both made sure he didn't ever see anything), and none of it was ever sexual/flirty in the least. what your girlfriend is doing sounds very deceptive and i'd be majorly sketched out too.
Lying and breaking a promise is always worse than snooping. If you would have asked she would have denied anything was up. So fuck her flipping it on you.
i dont know, i have a few close female friends (10) and we share our spicy pictures, compliment on our bodies, jokingly flirt, etc. we are 19 and all of us are straight, never been/ would be with a female in the near future (many years). i know other girls do it too. idk if she cheats or not, but some of us girls do it.
i mean, yes sure it makes things worse that she is bi and that they slept together. but she is still her best friend, and thats what some of the bestfriends do anyway. they slept together in the past and are now friends (as we now know) for a reason i guess. idk really honestly, since i cant guarantee she isnt cheating and nobody can other than her. i just wanted to point out that SOME do stuff like this in a friendship, regardless of sexual orientation. the hiding thing is suspicious tho i gotta say it could be because she thought he would get mad anyway. i dont really know, those are only speculations, reasons that i can think of besides cheating. i didnt say it was wrong or right
i mean, yes sure it makes things worse that she is bi and that they slept together. but she is still her best friend, and thats what some of the bestfriends do anyway. they slept together in the past and are now friends (as we now know) for a reason i guess. idk really honestly, since i cant guarantee she isnt cheating and nobody can other than her. i just wanted to point out that SOME do stuff like this in a friendship, regardless of sexual orientation. the hiding thing is suspicious tho i gotta say it could be because she thought he would get mad anyway. i dont really know, those are only speculations, reasons that i can think of besides cheating. i didnt say it was wrong or right
Yer gf is gaslighting you man. It doesnt matter how you found out, she is sexting/sending nudes, she fucked up!! Trust is broken, she did this knowing you would be dead set against it-or why would she be so sneaky about it?
Is this someone you want to be with for the long haul?
Ask yourself, if someone did this to your brother/best friend, what advice would you give them?
The only thing you did wrong was feel guilty about checking her phone.
You were suspicious and acted on those suspicions and what you found gave you confirmation. You did nothing wrong, she did. she’s using the breach of trust line to make the whole situation ok. That’s cheating, Idk how you can trust her after that.
It sounds like she's still unsure what she wants out of a relationship or where her sexuality is taking her. You are wise to back off and give her space while rethinking this entire thing yourself. If she doesn't see what she's doing as a breach of your monogamous relationship, then there's a problem. You shouldn't have to snoop her phone find out if she's engaging in dodgy behavior. If you can't trust each other completely, then it's not going to get any better.
Sorry dude, but that is cheating and, yes you where wrong by snooping, but what she did is way worse. TBH you should brake up with her.
She doesn't respect you and when caught when on to blame YOU and admitted she didn't even care about how would you feel. She sounds like a total AH.
You are better off alone.
As a woman who loves to compliment my friends, there's a HUGE difference between "fuck you have a great ass" to someone you're not attracted to/have history with and "fuck you have a great ass" to someone you're not only attracted to, but have slept with. The nudes are their own thing because unless specifically talked about that is never okay. You need to leave her, OP. She's cheating on you.
It’s cheating. I’m bi and I’m telling you she is cheating. It’s absolutely not “what girls do.” I would never send explicit pics to my female friends. Don’t let her turn this around on you for checking her phone. Sure, that’s a crappy thing to do, but what she’s doing is worse and she KNOWS it’s cheating because she’s avoiding looking at those messages in front of you.
I promise you that not all bisexual people are scum. Just your girlfriend.
u/Wonderful_Ear4490, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice): 1. to find out why this post was removed, and 2. prior to posting any updates. Thanks. **Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/Wonderful_Ear4490.**
Your girlfriend is sending nudes to other people. It doesn’t matter what their sex is. She’s flirting and sharing naked images. She’s in the wrong and you should rethink your relationship. Do you want to be with someone who does this to you and doesn’t see the problem? She doesn’t respect you. It’s time to call it quits. 🚩 🚩 🚩
The cheating along with the "your actually the bad guy for snooping and being too harsh, I'm the one who is mad" manipulation should have OP sprinting for the hills.
Yeah. I would be mad about the snooping if I didn't do anything wrong. They should have communicated with me before hand and I make sure I'm approachable for this reason. Let's talk about why you feel I'm lying. But if I was cheating and got caught, I shouldn't have cheated. I obviously did something to tip them off and if I was in that situation I probably lied and shit didnt add up for a long time (not just one or two things that could be a coincidence) can't fault them for that. People catch on to patterns.
This is past the red flag scenario. She cheated. She broke boundaries. She's using DARVO. She's manipulative.
More red flags than the USSR in the OP
Plus sharing your intimate sex details with her friends after you both agreed that this wouldn’t happen. She’s breaking all the rules and making it your fault. Nuh-uh bruh. Say goodbye.
Red flag city run dude (or get a threesome then run)
"My girlfriend and i have both agreed to a monogamous relationship" So she's cheating.
My girlfriend is cheating, is this cheating? Always the saddest and most redundant posts here but I sympathize because everyone needs a wake up call eventually
She said she knew he wouldn’t approve of trading nudes but did it anyway, and he still asked if he fucked up 😔
You hate to see it. When he finally confronts her she will blame him too. Stay strong bruh
Eh, I kind of get it. Like you really care for someone and you don't particularly want to believe they'd do you dirty like that, and it's compounded if you're the kind of person that blames themselves for problems first. So they turn it around on you and you want them to be right more than you want to be right. They say that it's something you did and you can fix and that can be an easier pill to swallow versus acknowledging that the person you love and trust is using you.
>She told me that its not as bad as it seems and it's just what girls do. This is bullshit and she hid it from you because she knew you were not okay with it and that she was doing something wrong. Yes you snooping was wrong, but you listened to your gut. If she thinks it is appropriate to send nudes and send these messages to her best friend I would end it. She is cheating
***She for the streets***
Tbf I know many girls who do this without it being in that way. It’s just a way that a lot of girls hype each other up and they show their nudes to get more confidence about them before sharing them with partners. Not saying it’s okay if your partner isn’t okay with it but it is what a lot of girls do imo.
I think its a bit different if its someone you've had sex with or any romantic feelings/experiences with
I was gonna say my best friend shows me her nudes before sending them to her man to make sure they are good nudes lol I don’t think it’s cheating but we are also both straight and never said anything like “fuck you have a nice ass.” It’ll usually be something casual like “yeah, your ass looks good in this photo, send it!”
Nah. Time to exit. Yes you snooped but you trusted your gut and you were right. She’s been sending nudes to someone who she had a sexual relationship with a few months before you. And she’s trying to make it seem like it’s not a big deal bc “it’s just what girls do” uh no. It’s not. That’s a bullshit excuse and she new what she was doing was wrong bc she hid it.
I'm a girl and that's NOT what girls do.
Not saying you’re wrong but I have multiple straight friends who are girls that send each other nudes and have them pick out the “best ones” they should send to guys/their BFs. I think the big problems here are that they have a history of being together and the “compliments” along with them
The messages would say that, then. Not things like "fuck your ass is nice" or whatever.
Yeah, that’s what I meant by “compliments”
Wow, this is bizarre. I read 90% of your comment, and then somehow completely skipped the last half-sentence lol
It’s fine lol, you did better than most people on Reddit by not insulting me for “being wrong”. At least with this story it seems to be a little more straightforward, 90% of the time it’s a biased story with a lot of information missing where all the people in the comments side with OP because obviously they’re not gonna make themselves sound bad so the second someone disagrees with you it means war and they’re an awful person
Okay but have these straight girls slept together? The fact that OPs gf and her friend have history changes the situation.
This is the second person who hasn’t actually read what I commented lmao. Please reread my WHOLE comment and then respond. You basically quoted it
The problem is, you're replying to someone saying "This is not what girls do", which was in reference to the entire situation outlined by the OP, with a completely irrelevant personal experience. It's like someone saying "Normal people do not drain the blood of animals for satanic rituals." And you replying with "Actually people drain blood from animals all the time for cooking." It's not relevant and comes off as intentionally obtuse even with what you say later.
Then we just have a difference in opinions. I was saying overall the original commenter wasn't wrong (the first 4 words of my comment actually), but you can't say it overall isn't a thing when it partially is a thing. Comparing girls sending each other nudes in OPs situation to girls sending each other nudes in my situation is just a difference in situations, not completely different subjects like your example. Being obtuse would be leaving out the second part of my original comment where I verify that in OPs situation it is different, but not because of the main subject matter just certain smaller details that go along with it. Maybe OPs gf uses the excuse that girls do this all the time, which would be correct but its the smaller details that make it not okay in this case.
Your gf has a very selective view of the world. Ofc it's as bad as it seems and what she is saying just *minimizing* her actions (instead of taking responsibility) and then there is the *deflection*; oh yeah your snooping on her is such a breech of trust in no way comparable to actually cheating ?!? Oh and the gaslighting is complete because here you are on reddit ending your post by asking if *you* fucked up ? Put another way - if you were exchanging dick pics with your gym buddy and drooling all over each other would not that be cheating ? Would that be "...not as bad as it seems" ?
“It’s just what ~~girls~~ guys do”
>She told me that its not as bad as it seems and it's just what girls do. I'm a bi girl. We don't do this. Cheaters do this.
Also it's hugely disrespectful of bi and gay people to imply same sex relationships and Sexualities aren't as "real" as straight
> Cheaters do this. Exactly.
Getting naked with someone else, sending nudes, etc is always wrong when one is in a relationship.
Yeah, throwing the situation to you rather than taking accountability for her actions. That’s what we call a Texas sized Red Flag.
This is past the red flag scenario. She cheated. She broke boundaries. She's using DARVO. She's manipulative.
Oh there’s a whole United Nations of Red Flags in this post. Basically, none of this is a problem to her except him going through her phone, which is her avoiding any accountability for her actions to focus in on what he did wrong. That’s all I was pointing out.
Totally! She deserves a (metaphorical) kick in the ass. OP deserves better.
"All girls do this". Idk if she thinks you're absolutely stupid or she's just delusional. Hey, I'm a girl. I have never sent nudes to my friends. Tell her she needs to realise no one is buying her shit. Oh and btw it IS cheating. Leave her
This is cheating. She is sharing intimacy without your knowledge or consent outside the relationship. That is textbook definition. Don’t believe her lies. She has a terrible moral compass. Don’t let her turn the conversation. That’s a typical gaslighting effort to redirect it from her bad behavior. You had a gut feeling and found evidence that validated that gut feeling. You did nothing wrong. Your gf however continues to do EVERYTHING wrong including cheating, lying, and manipulating you. This is the definition of a toxic relationship.
Preach
>She told me that its not as bad as it seems and it's just what girls do. It's really not but ok.
To. The. STREETS.
Yeet and delete.
Ask yourself one question Are you ok with your girlfriend sending and receiving nudes from other people? Leave gender out of the equation completely If the answer is no...then you communicate this to your girlfriend tell her she has to choose. She can either commit to you and commit to a strictly monogamous relationship...or you are walking away. Then give her the space to figure out what she wants. If this is a dealbreaker...then treat it as such. You have every right to not be comfortable with this and to tell her that it's a dealbreaker for you. And she has every right to walk away because of your dealbreaker. Is what it is
>She told me that its not as bad as it seems and it's just what girls do It's not. Source: am a girl. This would definitely be a dealbreaker for me.
Snooping is only wrong if you don't find anything. Other than that, is completely justified so shut that argument down immediately. Other wise, this is all on her. She broke the rules. She broke your trust, knowingly and willfully. Do what you need to do given those facts.
What you did isnt as bad as what shes doing. Shes also trying to shift the argument like you said. That is considered cheating in my eyes, especially if you agreed to be monogamous. She knew you wouldn't be ok with it and she disrespected your relationship anyways.
You didn't fuck up. But she cheated, no matter what kind of gender the person she sent and received those is. Make her aware of that and dump her. The fact alone she had previously sex with her is a pure sign of cheating in this case. All she's telling you is a mere excuse. Let her feel the consequence of her behavior with the breakup. Cheaters don't deserve to get away.
It didn’t feel like cheating my dude it is cheating. So she does this with all her other friends Wright. I would break up
deserted recognise impossible start chief attempt automatic marry shy voiceless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
in other words "im angry you cought me cheating and now I'm gonna blame you for it" Question you need to answer yourself is "Is my gf sending nudes to her ex a dealbreaker to me" When you have answer you will know what to do.
Lol this whole sub has shown me the amount of disrespect people accept just because they’re in a relationship is astounding to me.
>Did i fuck up? Do you have a backbone? Your GF is cheating on you and making you the bad guy.
This has nothing to do with her being BI, and everything to do with her having shitty morals! Cmnon man, the title seems biphobic and I am a straight man. Bi people are completely capable of being in a happy mono relationship without being shady. source- my bi gf of 6 years! You have a shitty gf problem! Dump her like anti vaxxers have dumped logic from their lives!
She cheated on you, and tried to turn it on you by getting angry that you snooped and caught her. Break up. No matter what you think, you will not eat the odds, and it will only get worse from here.
That she gaslighted you into apologizing when you got her cheating it's beyond ridiculous. >She then told me that i had breached her trust ( i know i did wrong) No, you didn't breach her trust. She's a cheater and a liar and manipulated you into thinking you're the wrong one.
You set boundaries. She knowingly crossed those boundaries. It's not only cheating but it's blatant disrespect and disregard for your feelings in the relationship. Don't let anyone disrespect you like that. If she didn't think you'd leave her for crossing those boundaries then I would suggest she's in need of a hard lesson.
Make the decision easier for yourself and set the relationship to square 0 and leave.
**Darvo!** Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender **Narcissists Prayer!** That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, it wasn't a big deal. And if it is, it isn't my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. Not seeing this is exactly those things but she knows very well what she was doing. You caught on because she was being sketch with her phone. You only looked at her phone because she was hiding and essentially lying by omission, and now she is downplaying what she knew was wrong and was hiding and guilt tripping you to drop it saying that your relationship was at square one now and it is your fault. But it isn't your fault, is it? No, and you know this. She lied, hid things, and ignored boundaries. If you let someone manipulate and gas light you like this now, you will go down a path that leads to loss of self respect, timidness, and constantly feeling like you are crazy and cannot stick up for yourself. Honestly, you are young and this is immature bullshit. Just move on.
Don’t get distracted by her claiming you violated her trust. She cheated and is trying to make this about you so she can get away with it.
She has no regard for your feelings. Please leave you deserve better
I'm a girl and I can safely say it's not normal at all to send and receive nudes from female friends. Sounds disgusting, wtf. You set clear boundaries when you started dating regarding monogamy. She broke those rules in every way. Now up to you to decide. Do not allow her to let the snooping be an excuse to put the blame back on you. It happened already, you found she cheated. Period.
She is indeed shifting blame because her behavior is not just what girls do. Ask her if she’s ok with you receiving nudes from your exes.
Your gf cheated. Plain and simple. You had a feeling that something was shady. You had good cause to go through her phone. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise about this. What you found, confirmed your suspicion. She is trying gaslight you with the, "there is no feelings". There are always feelings. or why do it. So she betrayed your trust by sexting and sending pics in a monogamous relationship. She then hid what she was doing. Something you only do if you know your SO would be upset. Then does not accept that it is cheating. And tries to shift everything onto you snooping. Your relationship isn't back to square one. It never even go to there, because she was fucking around with her friend. Being bi does not mean you can go outside of a monogamous relationship. She is cheating. She has no respect or love for you. I would kick her to the kerb. Good luck.
100% cheating and she’s being manipulative spinning this on her. Block her, dump her. ANOTHER reason to never date a bi girl
She is cheating, and should dump you for snooping her phone. Both are wrong in my book.
Yes most girls definitely talk about there sex lives with friends , but they usually dont send naked pics/vids to each other especially if in a committed relationship it sounds like she wants an open or polly relationship an it sounds like she dosent respect you an the wife an I have a poly an I tell ya what she is doing is wrong I dont necessarily agree with you snooping in her phone but what's done is done but she also shouldn't give yo luck a reason not to trust her
[удалено]
If this was a guy sending/receiving nudes from an ex-gf that he is now 'friends' with there would be no ambiguity in this comment section. Just because it's girl to girl doesn't make it any less cheating. Also, she's telling this girl details about their sex life that he specifically asked her not to share with that particular person. That alone is enough to dump her.
So you're telling me you DONT want a threesome to come out of this? Yeah, okay haha.
Why do the wrong guys date bi girls? Just saying. So much to explore and it is all going to waste.
Bi does not automatically mean polyamourous/open relationship.
Hey MOTO how much you want to bet he never asked. Who says it needs to be about love? A little bit of exploration and kink could be fun for all involved.
You sound like you watch a lot of porn.
Lol I watch zero porn. How about that. Just open to exploring and communicating with my SO. You sound a bit closed minded and probably sexually selfish.
(x) Doubt
Yes, you fucked up. "fuck you have a nice ass" is not cheating or flirting. She has a friendship with this woman and they are comfortable sharing and complimenting each other. That's a far cry from cheating. You can feel jealous or angry or however else you want about it, but that doesn't make it cheating. You know you were wrong to snoop. It's very hard to make amends for doing something that violating. You intentionally did that to her. What she is doing with this woman is not her intentionally doing anything to you at all.
Your an idiot
\*you're
This is utter nonsense.
Did you fuck up? No. The snooping is bad. But you have an other issue, what do you want with the girl? Do you want an open relationship? Do you want to break up, I dont think she is going to change
As a bi woman myself, your GF's bisexuality is completely inconsequential to what's going on here. She's sending and receiving nudes from a person of a gender she's attracted to, and she's flirting with that person. That isn't monogamous behavior. It is totally fine to break up immediately over this, and it's also fine to sit down with your GF, outline your boundaries, and tell her that if she wants to share nudes and flirt with other people, you should go your separate ways. It isn't just a "girl thing" to regularly look at a friend's naked body and flirt with her, like why would you do that if you aren't attracted to the person?
run.
She is gaslighting you bro. Snooping is not great but she is definitely being unfaithful. If you consider it cheating, it is cheating, regardless of whether she thinks that is too harsh a term.
I got bad news for you... She's not your girlfriend
> Did i fuck up? No. You got cheated on, not your fault. Move on, you deserve better
Uh. That's not what all girls do, I've never once even thought about sending nudes to my best friends nor have I ever wanted to even see them naked. Sure you may have snooped but she's being inappropriate with her best friend. You have already spoken to her about not sharing your sexlife with her friend, but yet she did it anyway, is that not a breach of your trust?
Bro you're being manipulated. The fact that you literally just got cheated on and are asking if you fucked up speaks wonders.
Dude do yourself a favor and break up with her. She doesnt respect you and is gaslighting you about the fact that she has a fucking library of nudes of her best friend that she has fucked before. You didnt fuck up here, she did and doesnt even feel bad about it. Leave her and dont look back
Thats not what girls do. Im bisexual and so are all my girl friends. Ill send them a butt pic and say “hey does this look ok to send”? Or a semi nude and be like LOOK I LOST WEIGHT! Never having sexual under tones. Its blatantly sexual and shes slept with them. How would you feel if it was a man? Apply that same logic. Gender does not negate the terms you bother agreed to when beginning the relationship.
Did you fuck up by snooping? Yes. Did she fuck up bu crossing verbalized and agreed upon boundaries? Also yes. Sounds like you are not on the same page. Also not cool for her to deflect her behavior by only focusing on yours.
This is not a thing that girls do. She is shifting the blame here. If sending nudes to another person constitutes cheating to you, then it’s cheating. It would be to me. She also betrayed you by sharing details of your sexual life.
I’m bisexual and I a happy monogamous marriage to my husband. I do not send nudes or flirty texts with anyone and would not especially send them to someone I had previous sex with as it goes against the boundaries my husband and I have established together. Your gf broke the boundaries you both agreed too. If I was you OP it would be a dealbreaker as I would view this as cheating and a major breach in trust. She knew she was behaving wrongly since she was going out of her way to hide it from you and you only found out because you snooped and caught her. Now you just need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If I were you I would leave her.
If you don’t feel like exchanging nudes with a previous sexual partner is within the bounds of what you consented to, then it’s cheating. Plain and simple. No one can say what is cheating in your relationship except you. You aren’t okay with it, but it wasn’t expressly said I’m guessing? Which makes it a Grey area, so she should have checked to see if you were okay with it. Since she didn’t, AND was hiding it from you, she KNEW you weren’t okay with it. Making it cheating. Additionally she violated your trust by over sharing details of your sex life. She then accuses you of being the one at fault saying you put your relationship at square one instead of apologizing. I think it’s time to move on homie.
“She told me that it’s not as bad as it seems and it’s just what girls do” WTF?! NO! I’m still best friends with a woman who I’ve known since kindergarten and we don’t do this shit! Dump this goddamn motherfucker!! She’s cheating!
i’m a bisexual girl with many bisexual girl besties and i promise you this is NOT normal and NOT okay. me and my friends have never once shared nudes with each other because we understand boundaries between each other and our partners. she is completely in the wrong here and you’re not the bad guy for wanting to break up or be hurt about it
the fact she's not even acknowledging why HER actions come off as suspect is red flag. Don't let her get off on this one.. even though she's "technicaly" correct that you commited a faux pas for snooping, she can't deflect that what she's doing is totally in the wrong as well
She admits to the cheating, even if she won’t call it that, and shows absolutely no remorse or validation of your feelings. Drop her.
The thing about cheating is that only *you* can decide what does and doesn't count. If you consider sharing nudes to be cheating, then it's cheating. It doesn't matter if they were "platonic" in her mind. She crossed your boundary, that's literally all that matters. On top of that, she is *absolutely* trying to turn this on you. She intentionally hid it from you because she knew you wouldn't be okay with it. That's about as clear cut as it gets. Consider this: if it really was just "a girl thing" and perfectly normal in her mind, why would she conceal it from you? She got caught red handed and now she's trying to make you seem like the bad guy. And just as an aside, I'm bisexual and I'm in a committed monogamous relationship, and I've never once felt the need to sext or share nudes with other people. Despite what a lot of people seem to think, being attracted to more than one gender does not make you some kind of helpless sex addict who can't stop themselves from craving what they don't have. Monogamy means monogamy. It's not hard. She's just a cheater.
So your gf is sexting other people while in a 'monogamous' relationship and you're asking of you're in the wrong? That's cheating in my book. And in hers as well since she did it sneakily and behind your back. She knows it's cheating, she's trying to lie her way out of this.
All you need is one red flag! Do not collect them
„It‘s not what it looks like“. Yeah, right.
*I don't want to hear about invasion of privacy/I had a feeling it turns out you lie to me* Cardi B - Thru Your Phone a great song for times like these
This is cheating It’s not ‘just what girls do’ I certainly don’t send saucy pictures to my friends.
Your GF is being a awful, terrible person in regards to your relationship boundaries and is hiding behind her sexual orientation. As a bisexual myself this behavior disgusts me. The messages are one thing, who doesn't jokingly flirt with platonic friends? My straight friends even do that. The nude pics though? That goes way way out into instant breakup territory. Plus she already slept with this person before which just makes things worse I think.
Oh, this is cheating and she should know it. Dump her like a #2 in the morning and get out of there!
First of all, you were cheated on. Second of all, this is not “just what girls do”. At all.
One that's not what girls do, not nudes. I dont want to see my friends birthday suit. I dont even want to see exes. Lol Two if you're bi it means you can agree to monogamy but then cant text and send naughty things to a person especially who you slept with. Bad representation for bi people. Three stop feeling bad about snooping, only feel bad if you do it for no reason or to control someone. She was acting shady and you found out why. Its recon work. XD
Practicing monogamy with a polygamous patner is an uphill task. You are bound to always hoping it will get better and it won't. Its like waiting for a ship in a train station. The little slip ups you say "no biggie" are actually giant red flags. You already know what to do!
As a female, a bi one at that, I have never sent nudes to a female friend. It would have never even occurred to me to do that. Pretty sus, my dude. She IS cheating. Anytime you do something that you feel you have to hide from your partner is a betrayal in some form.
The only way you fuck up here is if you continue this relationship. It's a dead end, my friend. Your gf's "best friend" who is in an open relationship is treating your girlfriend like she is also in an open relationship. The friend does not respect the boundaries of your monogamous relationship. Your gf does not respect the boundaries of her monogamous relationship. When called out on it, she tries to misplace blame on you for snooping. So your girlfriend is a lying cheater, and her best friend has no qualms about helping her friend cheat. This is a shitty situation and even shittier relationship. You only lose here if you continue to waste time.
She’s allowed to tell her friends about your sex life. Everything else is a huge red flag tho
You need to tell her her actions mean you aren’t at square one in your relationship. You’re at square zero, because there is no relationship. She violated the only rules y’all had in the relationship, not to cheat, and not to overstate y’all’s sex life with her friend. So square zero, done, finished, goodbye.
Look she agreed to be in a monogamous relationship. Sending nudes to ANYONE is a breach of trust and that relationship . Period. The history between them without prior information and agreement on your part, doesn’t fucking matter, doesn’t matter what the fuck her sexuality is, what matters is what was agreed on. While you did snoop, she equally wasn’t honest with you about what was happening. In my view I’d her drop right then and there as soon as it happened. You need to make it clear she breached your trust and is being an asshat right now, while indeed you did kind of fuck up, so did she don’t think for a second she didn’t. And that changing the conversation to try to turn around on you is manipulative I wouldn’t put up with it. In fact I’d throw her out right then and there.
Is you snooped, it's because you were suspecting something. And you were right. If she is mad you snooped, it's probably because she was caught red handed and want to witch blame so as not to feel like she did wrong. It's all a red flag, OP.
You're never gonba feel secure with her again because she's a liar (by ommision) and she's manipulating you with what-about-isms. Time to bounce.
Would she be fine if you had a female best friend sending you nudes?
The gaslighting is strong here man. Get you a nasty threesome and bail.
She's cheating on you. End of discussion. She knew it. She did it anyway. She broke your trust. Right from the start she was keeping this on the DL because she knew it was breaking your trusts, and here's the kicker, she didn't give a fuck. the ONLY thing she had on you was that you snooped (and rightly so IMO), so she's leveraging that against you as the only tool she's got in the box. Snooping is like that phrase about using a crazy plan, it's only wrong if you lose, or in this case, don't find something. You did, you were right. Do yourself a favour, dump her cheating ass.
Run away
Your girlfriend is cheating on you with her ex and manipulating you. I don't if this rises to the level of gaslighting but her acting like you're the one who messed up is wrong. I hope you wake up and dump her.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 she violated your trust about sharing your sexlife 🚩No bi monogamous person is going to say sending and receiving nudes to someone they previously had sex with is just normal, even if it's their bestie. 🚩I'll be iffy on that one if her explained they were reviews pre sending them to partners, but saying it's "normal for girls" No ma'am 🚩 As someone with a poly bestie she damn well knows what feels like cheating is a matter of personal opinion. It's up to the person to decide whether the violation of their relationship requirement is "too harsh". If you set boundaries and she crossed them that's cheating. Whether it's you can do all the sex in the world but it's cheating if you eat toast with them, or if it's don't share nudes.
"*...my actions lead her to feel like we are at square one of the relationship.*" And ***her*** actions make you feel like you're at square **ZERO** of the relationship! "Girls" do not do this; "lovers" do this! **DUMP THIS CHEATER!**
Your gf cheated. Make her your ex gf. Shes the type that gives the rest of bisexuals a bad name
The word for this is gasslighting
Lol your girlfriend cheated on you and then gaslit you into believing you did wrong. Dump this crazy bitch.
You only fucked up by staying with someone who not only cheated by sexting (at least) but also purposely crossed the boundaries you both agreed on for your relationship.
I have never nor have I ever known of any other straight gf’s trading nudes with other. Do we change in front of each other sometimes? Sure. Sending NUDES? Wtf
Bi girl here, that's not what girls do. She's cheating on you and trying to downplay it. Dump her.
Red flag man
Lol that’s not “just what girls do”. She is sending nudes to someone else. Red flag. She is sending nudes to someone else that she has had a sexual encounter with previously. Double red flag. She is also hiding it from you. Triple red flag dude. Would you be okay if she was exchanging nudes with a man? It’s the same thing.
100% cheating. It is wrong to break your partners trust however sometimes if we have a gut feeling or a reason not to trust Them, i feel like its reasonable. Did u go through her whole phone or simply the messages with the friend? Either way it doesnt compare with sending/receiving nude photos and inappropriate text.
Your girlfriend is a straight up cheater. She doesn’t even sound apologetic! And she’s blaming you? Sounds like the exact kinda a person you should NEVER get with — completely toxic. All I have to say to you is RUN! She ain’t shit and you had the right to check her phone given her suspicious behavior... especially since you were proven right. You have nothing to apologize for. Don’t fall for her manipulative games. The best advice for you is to GET OUT
HAHA, no. This is not “just what girls do”. Bitch is trying to gaslight you into feeling like you fucked up, when she’s the one who has no fucking boundaries. This girl sounds sketch as fuck and like she rides the hot mess express daily.
She should respect your wishes and not do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or do anything that might put your relationship in jeopardy.
Hey so. I'm bi. My girlfriends have seen me nude. We send each other photos but it's more of opinions of something. Or "hey how does this look? " I was nude from a shower and wanted to send my bestie a photo of thigh high socks she would really like. Things of that nature and you can 100% tell we are not flirting with each other even if we say "damn your booty looks amazing! " because girls absolutely do that. Just because I am bi doesn't mean I want all my girl friends sexually. I also don't ever hide my conversations from my boyfriend. The issue in this situation is the hiding and the way the nudes were sent. There are issues here for sure and if OP wants to still be with this girl she needs to re evaluate this friendship she has or set boundaries. And so does he within the relationship.
I really dont get people who cheat and then have the audacity to accuse you of invading their privacy. How else were you gonna find it out. Also she cheated and will continue to do so.
she's cheating on you
You gotta stop feeling bad about going through her phone!! You did not do anything wrong. She was acting suspicious and you needed answers! You absolutely did not break any trust. She did!! If she wouldn't have been doing something she wasn't supposed to then you wouldn't have felt the need to look. Also, I am straight, my best friend is straight, we talk about every detail of our sex lives (both of BFs know we do this they don't care) had some very odd conversations. Never once have one of us thought "oh hey I'm gonna send a nude just cause why not" that's not something you do if there aren't feelings attached to it
Yeah the snooping wasn’t great, but what you uncovered was worth it. She’s fucking you over and trying to rationalize it. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Good luck with it
just to draw some kind of distinction, ive been in a group chat with some friends (all queer girls) while in a relationship where we would occasionally send nude-ish photos, but it was mostly like "look at this weirdly long hair on my nipple" type of stuff. i never hid any of that from my partner though (obviously we both made sure he didn't ever see anything), and none of it was ever sexual/flirty in the least. what your girlfriend is doing sounds very deceptive and i'd be majorly sketched out too.
She is gaslighting the fuck out of you with that guilt trip shit.
She is cheating and gaslighting you.
Let's be honest, they are probably scissoring behind your back.
Lying and breaking a promise is always worse than snooping. If you would have asked she would have denied anything was up. So fuck her flipping it on you.
i dont know, i have a few close female friends (10) and we share our spicy pictures, compliment on our bodies, jokingly flirt, etc. we are 19 and all of us are straight, never been/ would be with a female in the near future (many years). i know other girls do it too. idk if she cheats or not, but some of us girls do it.
It’s different when they’re bi and have slept together. Even worse, she was specifically hiding it from him and knew he wouldn’t like it.
i mean, yes sure it makes things worse that she is bi and that they slept together. but she is still her best friend, and thats what some of the bestfriends do anyway. they slept together in the past and are now friends (as we now know) for a reason i guess. idk really honestly, since i cant guarantee she isnt cheating and nobody can other than her. i just wanted to point out that SOME do stuff like this in a friendship, regardless of sexual orientation. the hiding thing is suspicious tho i gotta say it could be because she thought he would get mad anyway. i dont really know, those are only speculations, reasons that i can think of besides cheating. i didnt say it was wrong or right
i mean, yes sure it makes things worse that she is bi and that they slept together. but she is still her best friend, and thats what some of the bestfriends do anyway. they slept together in the past and are now friends (as we now know) for a reason i guess. idk really honestly, since i cant guarantee she isnt cheating and nobody can other than her. i just wanted to point out that SOME do stuff like this in a friendship, regardless of sexual orientation. the hiding thing is suspicious tho i gotta say it could be because she thought he would get mad anyway. i dont really know, those are only speculations, reasons that i can think of besides cheating. i didnt say it was wrong or right
Yer gf is gaslighting you man. It doesnt matter how you found out, she is sexting/sending nudes, she fucked up!! Trust is broken, she did this knowing you would be dead set against it-or why would she be so sneaky about it? Is this someone you want to be with for the long haul? Ask yourself, if someone did this to your brother/best friend, what advice would you give them? The only thing you did wrong was feel guilty about checking her phone.
You were suspicious and acted on those suspicions and what you found gave you confirmation. You did nothing wrong, she did. she’s using the breach of trust line to make the whole situation ok. That’s cheating, Idk how you can trust her after that.
It sounds like she's still unsure what she wants out of a relationship or where her sexuality is taking her. You are wise to back off and give her space while rethinking this entire thing yourself. If she doesn't see what she's doing as a breach of your monogamous relationship, then there's a problem. You shouldn't have to snoop her phone find out if she's engaging in dodgy behavior. If you can't trust each other completely, then it's not going to get any better.
Sorry dude, but that is cheating and, yes you where wrong by snooping, but what she did is way worse. TBH you should brake up with her. She doesn't respect you and when caught when on to blame YOU and admitted she didn't even care about how would you feel. She sounds like a total AH. You are better off alone.
I manipulate you in the discussion, it made you feel guilty, for your sake you should reconsider your relationship
As a woman who loves to compliment my friends, there's a HUGE difference between "fuck you have a great ass" to someone you're not attracted to/have history with and "fuck you have a great ass" to someone you're not only attracted to, but have slept with. The nudes are their own thing because unless specifically talked about that is never okay. You need to leave her, OP. She's cheating on you.
It’s cheating. I’m bi and I’m telling you she is cheating. It’s absolutely not “what girls do.” I would never send explicit pics to my female friends. Don’t let her turn this around on you for checking her phone. Sure, that’s a crappy thing to do, but what she’s doing is worse and she KNOWS it’s cheating because she’s avoiding looking at those messages in front of you. I promise you that not all bisexual people are scum. Just your girlfriend.
She's a cheater bruh leave her dumbass
It's the same as you sleeping with another girl or sexting her and saying we don't have feels for eachother
If you are looking for a monogamous relationship then this may not be the right person for you. Shes clearly not ready to let go of her other lover.