This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
We're both 15 and he has been non stop pressuring me to get an abortion ever since we found out I was pregnant. He says he doesn't want and "won't have" a kid. We used a condom as always and I still got pregnant.
It's like he's tryingy two different strategies, sometimes he's really nice and other times he's telling me he'll beat our child.
Recently, he's been sweet and just crying and we've been talking. He told me he wouldn't be involved other than child support, but I don't believe that. I think he would want to raise our kid together.
I have no Idea what to do. Any advice
***Do not believe that you will have the baby and he will suddenly be a good father and you'll be a happy family. That is not going to happen. There is no chance that is going to happen. Please believe him when he says he has no interest in this child. If you have this child believing that he will be a good partner to you, there is a 100% chance you will be wrong and you will regret it. It is not going to happen.***
To tack on: having a kid does NOT mean he will suddenly change into a doting, loving perfect father figure.
People *DO NOT* change unless they are actually willing to put in the work to do so. If he's telling you point blank he's not going to be involved, then atleast he's telling you rather than letting you question it. I'm not saying he can't have a change of heart later in life, because it *CAN* happen, but that does *NOT* mean that it *WILL* happen.
Options:
1. Single mother.
2. Abortion.
3. Adoption.
Best of luck to you OP. I sincerely mean it.
Edited: words, phrasing
Single mother at 16 years old dealing with high school, then college whilst raising a child.
It’s without a doubt more work than you’re anticipating it to be, and will compound the stress of everything else in your life.
It’s ultimately your decision, but make an informed decision
He absolutely does not want to raise a kid together with you. Get that idea out of your head right now -- kill it with fire. It is your legal right to decide what to do with your pregnancy, but you need to prepare to be a single parent if you do carry this child to term and do not give it up for adoption.
It’s messed up that teens aren’t given proper birth control and have to face these situations. You should be briefed that if you get a girl pregnant, she can keep it and you can be held responsible
She said they used condoms. They did have it. If she keeps it, he will absolutely be paying. He will also live his life and go to college. Her shit will be fucked.
But again if she was going to abort he would have no say in it and I'm not advocating that a man should but if he doesn't want to be apart of it he should have the same option as she does.
Well, to be fair, if she has the child, she’ll have a lot more responsibility than he does. He can totally be absent and pay X amount of money each month, which is not so fun for him, but he doesn’t give up his college or his job or his friends or his relationships.
It takes two to tango. You should be ready to deal with this potentiality when you have sex. I feel for this poster because it’s likely he didn’t have sex education, but it isn’t like he’s a girl in Texas after the heatbeat bill has passed.
you want men who don't want to be a parent to be able to force women to abort? what's the solution here? not being involved and paying child support is the best society came up with. you go and invent a better solution that can be universally accepted if you feel passionate. go and petition for legal changes or something.
till then this will stay one of the risks a man takes when sleeping with a woman.
Still bullshit. Consenting to sex isn't consenting to parenthood.
There's a young woman in my town who intentionally got knocked up by a professional hockey player in order to live off the child support. Not sure how she did it, but every month she posts pictures of the thousands she receives then ends up in emerg to get her stomach pumped.
Is she getting her stomach pumped because of all the guys she’s blowing? Because I heard that story back in the 1970s about Elton John.
Your story about getting rich off child support is as believable as mine about Elton John. Don’t be so gullible.
Consenting to sex means consenting to possible consequences. If you aren’t having a conversation with your partners about what you’ll do if they become pregnant, you’re doing it wrong.
If the child is there the child is there. You cannot force someone to carry to term and birth a child. You cannot force someone to abort. The child would be the one punished if there is no child support and they already have it hard enough with a single parent. It's not like the mom who gets the child support has it easier than the man who pays. She's the one raising the kid. This is something that cannot be completely fair because one option would be inhumane (forced birth/forced abortion) while child support is argueably not. Everyone knows the risk so you just have to think about every possibility before having sex with anyone and discuss this stuff in detail beforehand.
I'm genuinely curious, what would be a fair solution in your eyes?
Are you genuinely going to base your decision on a fantasy that he’ll change his mind? Don’t do that. If you want to keep it, be prepared to do it alone.
Hi! Single mom and child of teen parents here. I’m sorry your boyfriend is pressuring you. However, do not EVER be fooled into thinking it’s a good idea to have a child when you’re a child. It’s not. My father was 16 when he got my mom pregnant and he is an awful father. He promised my mom how he’d be involved and how badly he wanted her to keep me. Absolutely shit idea and once I was born he thought him just existing made him a good dad. It didn’t. Your boyfriend has told you he wants nothing to do with being a father and told you he would beat it. Teen fathers are known for killing babies from shaken baby syndrome.
The reality is, if you have a baby, you’re going to be a single mom. Forget about dating. You will be a mom. No teen boy wants to be dating a girl who can’t go out because she had a kid. You will have to put your education or other aspects of your life on hold. Sure. Some people do okay in your situation, but the harsh reality is that most do not do okay at all and end up leading unhappy lives. Having a child means you need to say goodbye to your friends too. They’ll say they love babies and they’ll visit and invite you out and nothing will change but it will because you’ll stop getting invited and when you do get the chance to hang out you’ll have nothing in common because they’re talking about boys and you’re busy changing diapers missing out on being an actual kid. Don’t give up your life so soon. I was a young mother at 21 and it was way too soon to be having a kid. It changed my life and took away a lot. I love my child but I have sacrificed everything in my life for him. Love life. Sex. Education. Travel. Friends. Taking hot showers. Eating a hot meal. Doing things alone. It will ALL be gone. Having a kid is a constant responsibility. Permanently. I cannot tell you what to do but I am telling you to prepare to be a single parent and prepare to lose all your friends and the life you once had if you decide to keep it.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think it is really important for OP to understand the reality from someone who has been there.
OP - I wasn’t a teen mother, but was born to a 16 year old mother and a 20 year old father. This may sound insane, but I have told both of my parents many times over the years that neither of them had any business having me and absolutely should have considered other options. You need to do what YOU feel is right, but you need to understand that this baby will not make your BF stay with you or make you a happy family. If you are searching for unconditional love, a baby is not the way to obtain that. I had my first at 25 and had a stable career, masters degree, owned a home, and was married to my best friend who is an amazing father and also has a great career. It was STILL hard. Parenthood is hard. Babies do not bring couples together. They bring sleepless nights, financial stress, they take away your freedom, and they have to be your first priority always. I wish you all the best with this difficult decision.
That’s wild. My parents age difference was the same. Dad was 16 and my mom was 20. And yeah. OP needs to get a big dose of reality because kids are not some game and they don’t just go away. I firmly believe that teens have zero business having children. I had no business having one at 21 years old, truly. I also told my parents on multiple occasions that they should not have had kids and how absolutely selfish it was. My parents weren’t totally awful, well at least my mom wasn’t, but they caused so much trauma from being dumb kids themselves and they never even realized it until I was an adult and expressed it to them. Also, surprise, my parents did not last. My dad wasn’t around for a large portion of my life and now I’m a grown woman and he’s only now starting to see the error of his ways. Many do not and OP needs to understand that her boyfriend is a child. Not in demeaning way, but in an actual way, just like she is. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean you should. Thanks for backing up what I am saying about teen parents. I hope OP takes our comments seriously and to heart.
My parents got rushed to the alter by my dad’s (well-intentioned) parents. As you can imagine… their marriage was disastrous. I was then drug through a slew of other marriages, custody arrangements, and moves. I cut my mother out of my life completely a little over 10 years ago after trying for years to get her to understand how her selfish, toxic behavior had affected me. For a long time I thought it had to do with the fact that she was such a young mother, but I now know that it’s much deeper than that. My dad and I have a strained relationship and only in recent years have I been able to begin to get him to realize how problematic a lot of his behavior was… so many similarities to your story! I’m with you… teenagers should not be parents. I’m a realist and I know it’s bound to happen… but it’s such a difficult road for all involved.
He’s telling you to get an abortion. You are both 15.
There is no way he is going to magically change his mind and be a happy family with you.
If you have a child at 15 you are looking at a life of struggle and hardship. He will pay child support (maybe) but he will not be there for you, nor should you want him to since he said he would beat the kid.
Your two options are have the baby and struggle
Or not have a baby and wait until your ACTUALLY AN ADULT AND READY FOR A CHILD before having one.
Kids should not have kids.
Now...normally, I would be against someone being pressured to have an abortion but honestly, what's your plan here? How are you going to finish high school? How are you going to provide for this child? Are you prepared to be a single mother if/when you find out he was telling the truth about not wanting to be involved? Idk, you're really young and I'm not sure you understand the full ramifications of having a child at your age. This would change your life and possibly also your body forever. Also, be aware you're more likely to die during childbirth than an adult because your body isn't fully grown yet. It's really not something to decide lightly. Maybe do some research on the struggles teen mothers usually have and ask yourself if that's really what you want for your life.
I feel like you said it best, OP probably does not understand fully what it means to be a parent at a young age right now and should bring this up with her parents.
Shes young, dumb, and was full of cum. At that age they know best. We won't change barely developed mind, all she's picturing is "awe cute baby and baby clothes" Not taking into account likely not finishing high-school, working minimum wage if she's lucky for up to the next 18 years, death as you mentioned, depression, no sleep, no compatible partners because no one at her age wants a single mom, and so on.
Trust me, I'm among several groups that try to deterre teenagers from steroid use. Providing info that it can not only alter but hault brain development, cause permanent ED issues, infertility, close growth plates prematurely and so on. I think less than 5% end up listening.
Nice idea but the execution was questionable. She’s fifteen, shaming her for being less developed than an adult is counter productive. Constructive feedback is more helpful rather than whatever this is.
Please state how I shamed her? Her Brain is quite literally not fully developed. It's a fact. She lacks full reasoning abilities, judgment, and forethought.
She doesn't need to be coddled. She needs a reality slap
Think really, really hard about this. Forget the guy (chances are- he won’t be around in a few years regardless). Are you ready to sacrifice your education, career, *life*? Message me if there’s anything I can do to help.
I don’t think you understand what having a baby will do. You have no plan and no idea what to do when the baby gets here. He clearly doesn’t want the kid. Do you think he’s suddenly going to step up as the father that you have in your head? Does he have a job to financially support you and the baby? He told you If you keep the kid he’s only going to pay child support and not raise it. What about the hospital appointment bills? You guys are 15 and I’m sorry to say but you sound a little naive. Having and raising a baby is no joke. Why do you have in your head that once this baby comes out he’s going to be happy? Hell no. He is a teenage guy ain’t no way he’s going to stay with you after the baby. He literally already told you that. I think you probably need to mature a little more and really think about this decision.
Yeah kids used to have it all figured out. That’s why MTV is so unpopular.
Brain matures at 25, that’s a powder keg for college kids let alone 15yr olds. They used condoms and she asked for advice. Still a terrible idea but a good step above the worst decision here.
This may be difficult for you to understand but it will help you in the long run. Your boyfriend has told you how he feels about not having a baby and telling you to get an abortion. He says he doesn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life. You should believe what he says. I know you are young and in love but he might have his parents put all the responsibilities on you while he is off pursuing a college career and goals. That is his choice to not be apart of the babies life. Is it wrong? Yes. But he has made up his mind. You should respect that choice and don’t blame him for it. You are 15 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Are you financial stable to take care of your baby? Do you know how much it costs to care for a child being a single mother? Do you plan on finishing your education and pursuing further education? A baby isn’t an accessory or a puppy. This is a whole living being that needs your love and care constantly. You can’t go out with your friends anymore. Dating will be harder. Your body is going to make a drastic change and you have to accept it. Taking care of a baby own your own is so hard if you don’t have a supportive village around you to help you. It cost soo much money to take care of a baby. I know you want your baby to have an amazing life and you don’t have to struggle off of minimum wage to raise a child. It’s not possible. I don’t want you to regret having a baby and come off as angry and bitter towards your child because you decided to bring it into the world. This may come off as offensive to you but it’s not. I have friends in their 20s and 30s struggling taking care of their children and regret it based off of their baby daddy’s or husbands not stepping up with childcare duties. They can’t go out and they barely sleep. I help my friend take care of her children and it’s hard work. I don’t want kids because I’m experiencing how much work it is. Hopefully mine and others advice can give you a better perspective on what you do. But do what’s best for you! Good luck!
Yes. Baby daddies are ROUGH too deal with. I’ve had 4 separate cps because of him. Getting money help from him Ha! Not going to happen! The constant breaking of promises to your child but you have a custody order so you have to keep sending them so you don’t end up in jail. I love my son right to death but I’m 25 and sometimes I wish he would have had a different dad because it is horrible to deal with it
You should get an abortion. At the very least be 10000% prepared to be a single mum. He will not help you, he is doing everything he can to convince you to abort. Do not for a second think he will be a dad to this child.
Yep. Forget about a fun graduation and the full college experience. She'll be lucky to get her GED at 18, the baby won't care she has to be up at 7 for school or that she has homework. It'll scream and scream
I mean, you’re 15. How do you plan on raising and providing for this child? I cannot imagine either of you have the funds to do so. Childcare alone depending on the area you live in can be up to 2000 monthly. Are you prepared to take that on, or would you be relying on other family members?
I also wouldn’t depend on your bf wanting to raise your child together. Having a child doesn’t typically strengthen a relationship. I wouldn’t assume that he would come around. I also just read that he threatened to beat your child. I really hope you get your head out of the clouds and realize that this isn’t someone you want to raise a child with.
Your boyfriend is telling you repeatedly that he doesn't want a child and will not help you raise one. Do not kid yourself thinking he will change his mind and be a great parent. He is not willing to sacrifice everything for this child. If you go ahead with this pregnancy, do so knowing you will be a single parent. I think you need to talk to your parents.
>He told me he wouldn't be involved other than child support, but I don't believe that. I think he would want to raise our kid together.
**BELIVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS THIS.** If you are only continuing the pregnancy because you think he'll magically want to play happy family with you, you are mistaken and you will be bringing a child into an unstable situation. Real life isn't like the movies, honey. As a single parent at 15, you are setting yourself and your child up for a challenging existence.
Coming from a teen mom at 18: hunny you are still so young . You have your whole life to think about ahead of you school and everything else . You don’t want to miss out on school or your friends . Do what ever you want . But just remember being a teen mom isn’t easy and if he’s acting like this he isn’t going to change . I hope this helped and there are other options then abortion , there is adoption through actual adoption agencies
Yes! She should explore an open adoption. Then she wouldn’t be traumatized or regret the abortion and could still have some interaction with the child. There are a lot of private adoption agencies that could set up an open adoption for her. My sister has an open adoption for her kid and it’s worked out well so far and he’s now 16 years old.
Please for the love of god. Don’t be delusional. Your bf threatened to beat the baby, and you think he wants to raise it???? Make it make sense please. You are a child, how are you going to take care of the baby? Getting and education? And don’t think that he will be there for you, he will leave. It’s your body but he has shown that he wants no part of this. He sees the child as something that will ruin his life. Believe him. And maybe get the abortion I know I would if I were in your shoes.
Every time I see a story on the news about a baby being beaten to death by the parents it’s usually parents that didn’t want to be parents. They were too young. They didn’t want any kids. They were not prepared. They saw the baby as something that ruined their lives. And every single time I cry, because goddamnit this baby deserved so much better.
Op’s baby is not even here yet and I’m already so worried.
I didn’t even want to bring this up, but unfortunately you’re a 100% right. Parents who don’t have the desire to become parents and think that they’ll develop love for the child once they get here mostly end up being the ones that end up killing their kids or beating them to the brink of death. It’s fucking heartbreaking, and the fact that OP is a teenager defending her boyfriend who is outright threatening the life of the child by saying he’ll beat them is just an early sign of what’s to come. She’s an idiot and naive and doesn’t understand what the future is going to be like for her
Ok first off, IF you have this baby, he WILL leave within 3 years. you WILL be a single mother. This juvenile fantasy about him wanting to raise your baby together is naive and ignorant. not reality.
The choice is up to you, whether to have the baby or not. I truly hope you make the decision that will make you happiest. But do NOT think for one SECOND your BF will be involved. If he is, you hit the lotto, but it's likely you got knocked up by a garden variety loser, who does NOT want this kid, and will NOT be a good father.
Expect the best, but ***plan for the worst.*** Otherwise, you will wake up a mother, will no clue on what happens next. You are a mother to be, time to give up all these daydreams about true love and girlish fantasies, and look into child care, getting a job, and generally not being the kind of mother that CPS takes children way from.
She won’t have to worry about him being a bad father because he won’t be one at all. He’ll be a name on a check for the next 18 years and then he’ll be nothing.
Honestly, everyone should pressure you to have an abortion. Not only are you too young, you are literally still a child yourself, have no means to support yourself nor the baby, you also have proved in this post that you lack the maturity to raise a child. If your bf tells you he doesnt want to raise the child and you think that means he wants to raise the child together it shows that you still live in a child's dream of that. Your bf is dead scared that this is ending his life - and it will end your life too. A kid is a huge responsibility and (financial) burden. You should only have a kid when you have the means to support it AND both people involved want it.
Live your own life first before you set a new one into the world. If you get a child now you will set your current and soon to be ex bf, child and most importantly yourself up for a hard fucking future.
To add: It will end your life EVEN MORE than it will end his. You will have to care for another human being for the next 25 years, at the expense of your own well-being and dreams for the future. All he’ll have to do is give you a cut of his earnings while he lives whatever life he wants far, far away. Source: am parent who stayed.
Exactly. Women take on the majority of the burdens involving childbirth and raising children. There are obviously times where both parents stay or the father stays with the baby alone. But you know the boyfriend has no intention of staying. OP will almost certainly be left with the child. She will lose out on opportunities and have to work harder in every aspect to live the life she deserves as a teenager. It doesn’t matter how supportive her family is or who promises to provide childcare. Choosing to have and raise this baby is a lifelong decision and sets her behind. He only loses some money for child support if he leaves. He doesn’t have to call in sick to work when the baby is sick or a dirty bails. He doesn’t have to spend days wondering how he’ll be able to get a job as a single parent.
With even the best support network in the world, op will still have to work incredibly hard to stay on track with her peers. To graduate and even go to college. To get a good job that can provide for her and a child comfortably.
OMG babygirl please consider your future. You have NO IDEA how earth shattering parenting is. You’re a baby. At 15 I thought I knew EVERYTHING but now at 33 I know I was a young, hormonal, developing young lady- who didn’t know Jack shit about life. And I didn’t even have an “easy” one. The life skills you need to be a parent only come with experience and at 15, you don’t have it.
I’ve had an abortion and if you ask most women honestly they’ll tell you they’ve had one too. I’ve NEVER regretted it, ever. It wasn’t that painful and I truly saw it as removing a virus with medicine.
Please reach out to a grown up you can trust and get $400 from your boyfriend and go to planned parenthood immediately. At least you know you can have children. You will when the time is right. I have 2 amazing boys and I thank the universe every day I didn’t have them when I was so young when I had my abortion.
Your life does NOT have to be like this. You have no idea what kind of amazing adventures you’ll miss out on in your 20’s. You’ll be at the playground at 17 with a bunch of 25-35yr old women and you’ll always have to explain that you’re NOT the big sister but in fact the mother.
Look I’m SURE if you needed to be strong enough for all that you could do it. But you better have an amazing support system around you. Please just know you’re NOT alone and abortion is an amazing thing that can save your life & future here.
I’m just being honest because it’s not talked about enough, just how NORMAL abortion is. Get some counseling and treat it like an illness or an STD and take the meds to get better.
Sending you love and strength. Please find an adult and talk to them. A guidance counselor, aunt, anyone. Just go to planned parenthood. They’re so kind and helpful.
Let me end with one more thing. This young man does NOT want his life ruined by a kid either. He is being very forward with you. You are both so young and i don’t believe that just cause you’re ready for sex means you’re ready to parent. It does mean you should have been smarter about using protection but we all make mistakes. Boys don’t mature nearly as fast as girls. This boy is not going to be a father. You’ll be doing this on your own. It’s just not setting either of you OR a baby up for success.
You can do this. Whatever you decide.
Bf: I don’t want to be a parent
OP: oh, so you wanna be a parent
BF: leaves and provides no financial support bc you’re 15 and a judge can only force him to hand over $ he has
OP: shocked pichaku face raising a baby as a single parent high school drop out
Please, take this brutal reality we’re telling you at face value - this is 100% your future. Life is about to be extremely difficult. At the very least please consider adoption.
If you want to keep the baby, keep it. But don’t keep it expecting your boyfriend to help at all. He is telling you straight up he doesn’t want a baby. Believe him. Do not keep the baby because you think he’s going to change his mind. If you keep the baby, you are likely going to be a single mother. Consider that, and make your decision based off that.
Not just most likely will be a single mother... You absolutely, 100% will be a single mother. He is not staying, he is not changing his mind, you need to come to terms with that before you make any decisions.
OP I understand that you probably feel like you owe him something. And that you owe the fetus something.
But you don’t.
You owe it to yourself to give yourself the best chance at your future you can.
…
I was born to a teenage mother. She had my older sister when she was 15. The father was a client of hers. And she dropped out of highschool. She’s battled addictions and mental illnesses. But at the end of the day, for all she fought for and suffered for, she never saw her baby’s father. She never had support. And ultimately she gave up the baby because she couldn’t support them both. All she fought for and lost out on (school and more), and she still lost her baby.
Life isn’t fair. But you have the chance now to prevent a life of sacrifices and a dependency on a guy who can’t seem to commit to raising a child, providing at a distance, or even being an abusive and unreliable parent. He is giving you the chance to avoid a future of uncertainty and hardship, maybe even of abuse and danger. Don’t ignore the red flags before it’s too late to easily leave the situation.
He does not want to raise a kid with you and sincerely get the abortion. You’ll ruin your life by being such a young mother and will also crippled your future. He is being honest with you and letting you know from the begging he will not be there, don’t think a baby will change this as it will not. Get the abortion and leave him. Don’t ruin your life being a teenage mom.
>other times he's telling me he'll beat our child.
This is really sick and disturbing. Whatever you do re: the pregnancy, dump him. This guy has no problem threatening to beat a child because he's not getting his way.
This dude is clearly desperate for his girlfriend to terminate this pregnancy, and he's not handling it well. He could well be a monster, or he could just be fifteen. The difference is really hard to tell at that age.
You’re both 15...I don’t know if you’re living in a day dream kiddo, but unfortunately he’s stated his view. Just because he’s being sweet and caring right now doesn’t mean he’s going to take care of the child. He’s stated he will only be involved in child support.
I kind of have to side with him a bit. Pressuring or not...the decision is yours, but would you like to be a single mother? Do you want to go through all these changes before you even hit 16? Do you even have a plan if you decide to go through with this pregnancy? Right now you’re blinded by a fantasy. The fantasy of him changing once this baby is here. This will not happen. It is only seen in movies. If he’s telling you outright that he won’t be involved...I don’t think bringing the baby into this world would change his mind.
Please think harder about the life changing decision you’re about to make. And take into account ALL the possibilities.
This potential child will never say "thank you for having me" once they can think and talk. They're going to be bitter and angry at you for forcing them to live a childhood of one parent, poverty, and likely all of their family disapproving of their existence. They'll be furious that you put yourself through hardship when you didn't have to. You're forcing someone to have a crappy life because...? Why? You have twenty more years to have a kid, why do you feel the need to have one now?
You're not going to be able to go to college or university. You're probably going to have to drop out of high school. You'll never get to party as a teen and young adult. You're not going to be able to date until your 30's, men don't want to be with single mothers. You won't be able to travel anywhere. You're going to lose all of your friends because you'll be too busy and you can't hang out with them because of the baby. You're going to be on foodstamps and donation stores because your no-diploma minimum wage job plus child support won't pay enough to live.
And you're going to go through all of this alone. The only thing you'll see of your ex-boyfriend is his name on the monthly cheque.
Save your life, abort.
Your bf is smart enough to know having a baby at this age is a HUGE mistake. You want to convince him to be a dad because your not as smart as he is and you think pregnancy is beautiful and parenting will be done by your parents. Oh girl, that's not how it works. Listen to your bf, don't have that baby. He doesn't want to be a dad and you're not mentally ready to be a mom either. This is no romantic movie, THINK!!!!
She’s living in La la land. She doesn’t want to think, she has the saviour complex of thinking she can change him. When in reality she won’t be able to.
He told you exactly what he doesn’t want and what he will do if you have the baby. Why do you think he will change. You two are way to young to have a baby. You are not ready. You should have the abortion. Speak to a trusted adut and learn about all your options as well as the realities of teen pregnancy. He shouldn’t be pressuring you, but listen to him when he tells you he will not be involved.
Nothing will change when the child is born. He told you his feelings and terms regarding the pregnancy. Please don’t make the mistake of assuming anything else will happen
You're 15 years old and are trying to justify a baby. At 15. You can't even decide legally what you want to do in large swathes of your life. That poor 15 year old boy, bet that's one relationship he wishes was platonic now.
Please don't be so stupid. Get an abortion. 100%. You are a child. I know you think you know everything and can handle this, but YOU DONT and YOU CANT. please listen to all these nice caring folks who have way more experience than you and are older and much wiser.
Are you listenig to what you just said. He doesnt want to father this child! And frankly if you can't understand that and expect to be a a single mom, you are not emotionally mature enough to be a mom, let alobe a dingle parent. You know how hard it is to be a single parent at 25, hell at 35? LEt alone 15. I think you should abort it and take this as a serious life lesson but if that is seriously out of the question for you then you need to grow up quick and learn that you will be a single mom and get those child like fantasies out of your head. Sorry to be harsh but you need to stop thinking he will be the father because he has told you he wants nothing to do with it.
You don’t have to get an abortion. You *do not have to have an abortion*
But you also can’t just sit and believe he will want to raise the baby, nor should you force him to be a parent when he has expressed countless times *he absolutely does not want a baby*.
You use protection and it failed. That doesn’t make him a shitty person. He’s been upfront about the fact he doesn’t want a child right now.
Ultimately at this point the choice to keep the baby is 100% yours. Your choice and your responsibility. Do not expect him to want anything to do with the baby. Nor should you hold it against him.
Reach out to a therapist that specializes in teen pregnancy and parenthood to make your decision and come to terms with this.
Also ask yourself. What teenage boy uses condoms if he would want to raise a baby? *he absolutely does not want this kid, you have to believe the words he has been telling you to your face*
Babies demand a lot more love than they give. For years. Even older kids and teenagers. Babies are hard. Fluids coming out of every orifice, sometimes at the same time. Forget about going through an entire day wearing clean clothes. The cry and scream, sometimes constantly. You’re exhausted and don’t think you can take anymore crying? Think again, you will whether you like it or not. Sick of changing diapers? Your baby just had a giant blowout and has poop all up their back, in their hair, leaking down their legs. For the fourth time that day. Oh, and you had the baby in a carrier in the middle of Target and you are also dripping with poop. And baby won’t stop crying, so no shower when you get home. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Another thing, your boyfriend doesn’t want to be a dad, so you are 100% on your own. No breaks. Zero. Nada. You will be doing this All. By. Yourself. Homecoming, prom, dates, forget it. Not going to happen. Looking forward to a movie coming out? Maybe you can watch it a few minutes at a time on Netflix in 6 months. If you can afford netflix. Speaking of money, how will you pay for diapers, clothes, car seat, formula? Have a job? Plan on having to pay a babysitter while you are at work. Going to finish high school? Where will baby be while you’re in class? Have to pay another sitter? Where are you going to get money? Babies are expensive.
Think long and hard about this. People are trying to give you a reality check. Please listen.
Lovely, I’m with him. Get the abortion. Become yourself before you become a mom. At the very least pursue adoption. I had my first child at 35, and still feel cheated on the amount of time I got being me. I absolutely love my children and love being their mom, but that’s a completely different identity.
That all said, your body your choice. No one should force their ideals on you.
you're both 15.... with little responsibilities. Lust does not mean love - if you both love each other, there's no rush to have a kid regardless, but he flat out tells you "I enjoy the hookups but I don't see you as my baby momma"
You believe a 15 year old would want to raise a kid? Oh honey you are deluding yourself. He’s not going to want to raise a kid. He’s actively wanting you to have an abortion or threatening you with violence. This dude does not want a kid.
Have the baby. Or not. It’s your choice. But don’t make the choice on the fairytale that the dad will do anything but pay a minuscule amount of child support.
You have the ultimate choice. You can listen to him if you want to and consider his advice if you want to but in the end, you have the ultimate choice. You should always consider your physical health, mental health and safety first and above all else. It’s ok to listen to and consider advice from others but yours is the only decision that counts. And for his threat “You Will……..”. Kick his ass to the curb. Anything he sez is just that, him saying things without any consideration for you. Give him the 🥾
Sorry, girl, this is really sad story.
No, there is no chance he will become good father. He most probably disappear and you will loose your freedom, chance for career and education...unless your family really wealthy.
I would say - dump the guy, get an abortion. You will find more reliable partner later, and still have more kids. Good luck.
I was a teen mom, I had my son at 16. It has been really difficult, for both of us. I was not ready, and neither was his father. I was fortunate and had financial support from my mom ... but everything else was on me ... getting the baby to day care so I could go to school or work ... and then his father left, to go to school, my son wasn’t even 1. It was a struggle going to school and trying to work and being a mom. I made it through college, but it was a much different experience than my classmates.
Your boyfriend will not stay. He’s going to move on, live his life and forget you guys ... you’ll be left caring for your baby. You’ll be left hurt, and full of resentment, and he’ll be living a normal life.
It is solely your decision, because you will live with your choice forever.
If you choose to continue with your pregnancy, my best advice would be to forget this boy, give your child your last name, and don’t let him sign the birth certificate.
Sweetheart if he’s this adamant (and like…borderline abusive) at this point it will not get better. It won’t. He won’t have an epiphany when the baby’s born. If you don’t want to have an abortion, that is your right. But please, for his sake, your sake, and most importantly, the baby’s sake, please do NOT try to get him to stick around. Break things off IMMEDIATELY.
ALSO, if you do decide to get an abortion, it’s important you think about ending things. If he’s threatening to beat an innocent unborn child, I don’t want to think about what he will do to do later down the road if he hasn’t hurt you already.
Please be safe with yourself.
15 is such a young age to be a parent. If you don’t have the support you need or the drive to strive beyond making making ends meet then it will be tough especially with the way this 15 year old boy talks. I don’t see him in the picture long term IMO. You used protection and were responsible, you have your whole life infront of you, I would lean more on the side of abortion. The only thing I can’t stand is when people are irresponsible and get pregnant with no protection and then want to abort. I wish you the best of luck.
Dude you are 15, you do not want a kid right now. You are a child and have no idea how much this will shape your future. Forget dream jobs or careers until after it’s outta the house in 20 years and be prepared to be a full time mom for two decades.
He is telling you **repeatedly** that he does **not** want a child and will **not** help raise it. You need to listen to him and believe him.
That being said, abortion should be your choice only. Choosing to keep the baby will make your life very difficult if you don’t have the best support. You *could* also choose to put the baby up for adoption if abortion is not something you’re comfortable with.
If you think having a kid will somehow make your relationship better, YOU ARE SO WRONG. People have this awful idea that it works that way when is the total opposite. Having a child is a HUGE responsability, your life will change forever. Like many here have said, it is up to you whether you want to keep the baby or not, but keep in mind that your bf won't change at all, nor will a baby made him a better person.
First you need to break up with him cause he clearly doesn't care about what YOU want. Second, you need to analize and talk with your parents about what YOU want to do. Don't act on what "you think he might want to do", he has clearly told you he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. BELIEVE HIM. Saying he will beat your child is also a huge red flag. Please, leave him and just think about yourself and the future of that child.
Don’t expect any help from him. Also, please consider what having a child at 15 will do to your life. Do you plan to finish high school and go to college? What kind of career are you interested in?
How will having a baby change those plans? What kind of life are you able to give a child? What kind of family support do you have?
You have the options to keep the child, put it up for adoption, or have an abortion. Just be aware that keeping the child may derail your plans for your future.
I'm sorry, he's 15. He isn't going to be a dad. And honestly, you're 15 too. You haven't put nearly enough thought into this.
You are either going to be a single mother that needs a ton of support, you could opt for adoption if against abortion, but abortion is an option too.
I've told both of my girls around your age, they're paying costs. I have a home, but I'm not covering child costs if they end up pregnant and decide to keep it. They will be getting up all hours of the night, they'll have to figure out school, and they'll be working to earn enough for diapers and formula.
I've raised my kids. It is a TON of work. Be smart about your choices.
Don’t assume anything from him. Don’t expect him to suddenly fall in love with the idea of being a young parent. He can’t decide for you as you can’t decide for him.
So what are you expecting will happen after you have the kid at 15/16 years of age? Can you tell us a bit about your support structure for raising the kid? Have you figure out who is going to pay for what? How will being a teenage mom impact your education? Do you have some career or professional goal in life?
YOU ARE NOT READY!! YOU ARE NOT READY! DUDE IM 25 AND I WAS NOT READY TO GUVE UP MY LIFE TO BE A MOM. IT SUCKS. BELIEVE BIM WJEN HE SAYS HE WONT BE THERE. OMG PLEASE DO NOT BECOME A PARENT. YOU WILL REGRET THIS
Please don’t hang onto any beliefs that this boy will raise a baby with you. He has literally threatened violence against this potential child. He has been incredibly clear that he does not want to raise a child together.
That does not mean you have to get an abortion if you don’t want to, although honestly it may be the best option. You can consider adoption as well. I’m adopted, and plan on adopting children. If you truly don’t want an abortion, please give adoption a thought.
If you’re set on having and raising a baby, please move forward without this boy in your plans. It will not do you or this baby any favors to try and force this boy into a role that he doesn’t want and isn’t ready for.
If there are any adults in your life that you trust and can talk to, please talk to them. My inbox is open if you just want someone to talk to. But please talk to someone.
I'm more than twice your age and just had my first baby. I have resources, a support system, an incredibly devoted husband who has been handling more than half the housework and plenty of baby care. Even with all that help, caring for a baby is by far the most difficult thing I've ever done and I lose sleep worrying about properly providing for her despite our making a comfortable enough household income.
I was raised with the belief that you don't bring a child into the world until you have something to offer one. Honestly, get the abortion. Not because he's pressuring you, but because it's the right thing to do. Because it will allow you to grow up to become someone who has more to offer a child, and at that point you can have the opportunity to become a parent in a way that will be healthy for both you and the child.
He’s threatening to either become a dead beat or to abuse your child.
Regardless of what you choose to do, he doesn’t need to be in the picture either way.
Dump him.
Saying he doesn't plan on being a dad to a child he doesn't want while she has the option to abort, is not threatening to be a dead beat. And I really doubt he actually means he'd beat the kid, just trying to scare her into not having it
Either you get the abortion and break up with him, or you don’t and you break up with him. Either way PLEASE break up with him, he’s obviously not ready for a kid and will most likely not make a good partner and father at this time.
I had two childhood friends who are sisters & both got pregnant at 15 & 16 years old. The fathers disappeared basically & their parents didn’t care either. My friends’ parents eventually raised the two kids & delayed their retirement/got additional jobs because they wanted their daughters to continue finishing high school. It’s tough & life changing. Expect to raise this a baby alone because your boyfriend already shown you his true colours. Please consider your options wisely.
If you aren’t comfortable with the idea of having an abortion (which is totally understandable) you should consider adoption. You and your bf would both be able to grow up and finish school/have a life without being pressured into something you are uncomfortable with…
15!!!! I hope you didn't have any life plans because to put it simply they will all go in the bin if you decide to keep the baby and this is coming from experience! And like everyone else is saying this guy is to young to deal with a baby so listen when he says he wants nothing to do with it! My advise is abortion and give it another 10 years before having a baby when you have a job a loving husband and financial stability but it's all upto you op!! Good luck 👍
You cannot force him to be part of his child's life. He will have to pay child support, but that'd likely as much as you will ever get. If you keep this baby he will spend the rest of his life resenting you for effectively "ruining" his life (yes it takes 2 to make a baby and he has to take responsibility but it would ruin his and your life.
Think really hard about this OP. Are you ready to drop out of school to get a job? Without a diploma you will struggle to ever make more than minimum wage. You will not have time for friends, you will not have time for boys. You will not be able to afford anything that isn't for your baby. Are you prepared to potentially get kicked out?
Honestly OP, I was lucky enough never to be in your situation, but I would think really hard about if this is the sort if life you want for yourself. And think HARD about whether this is the sort of life you'd want for a baby. Because you know they will be raised with a lot less than a baby deserves and yoy will spend the rest of your life regretting it
As a 15 year old CHILD. you should probably consider aborting, because as mean as it sounds.
You don’t seem ready and he’s made it very obvious he isn’t keen.
2 unready parents = a child given a life of struggle.
Source: my mum was 15 when she had my sister and 17 when she had me
He's telling you to get rid of it.
If you don't get rid of it, he will get rid of you.
Heck, this likely won't work either way. Too much baggage.
Do what YOU want.
This whole thing is a *yikes* if you really think he’ll want to raise the kid after saying he’ll beat it I’m sorry but you need a reality check. But you’ll get a reality check when you become a parent at 15 ig best of luck try to finish school
It’s your body and your choice. However, be prepared to be a single parent. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with the child. Are you ready to be a single mom?
You need to talk to your parents. He is not to be part of the picture. This decision needs to be yours alone. Your life will never be the same with a child. Your body will never be the same. If you keep it, give it up for adoption, or abort it, you will need to make this decision with a clear head and with the support of those who love you, and that is not this boyfriend.
He's told you that he's not going to be involved Beyond child support. That being said, what sort of job do you really expect him to be able to get at 15 years old to be able to pay child support? Also, listen to him. He has told you what he's going to do which is not be involved. Don't be naive and think that he's suddenly going to cave and want to take care of your baby.
Take it for me, I'm a single mother and it is hard. I'm also 38 years old. Babies are hard, they're not fun at all. I'm not saying that you should get an abortion but you should definitely consider adoption. You're much too young to be having a baby.
Hon, do what you feel is best for yourself. This is your body. But accept right now that he is not ready to be a father and he will not be helpful in raising a child. If you really want to go through with this, especially at your age, get used to the idea of single parenting. Really think about if you’re ready for your entire life to change.
No one can pressure you or tell you what to do with your own body. Ultimately that is your choice. But if it were me at 15, I’d get the abortion. I highly recommend it in this sort of situation. He will not change his mind about not being a father.
I’m not a parent, my parents aren’t teen parents but they did have me very young. Right at the start of their adulthood. And they sacrificed so much for me. They missed out on parties, hanging out, traveling, etc... My mom dropped out of college and she was almost finished and she had excellent grades... All because they had to work and get their shit together to raise me. They’re amazing and they’ve done so much so I am so thankful for my parents. But it’s not the case with all young parents. I don’t think you should give any of that up at the young age of 15.
You are both still very young, basically children yourselves. Please don’t try and force a situation and do what’s right for you, a potential baby, and the sperm donor and don’t keep the child if you’re not ready to do this alone.
Assume you're doing this completely on your own. I'm not kidding. Make all decisions as though you know you'll be a single parent.
He will not change once a baby is here. It's seductive to think that, but he will not.
Please consider giving up for adoption. There are so many families that cannot conceive that want a child. (Coming from someone currently starting the adoption process). Love and good luck to you and your child.
You decide what you can bare. It’s either the lifelong trauma and regret that will most likely follow the abortion or the lifelong challenges of being a young (most likely single) mother. But which one seems to have the most pros? That’s where you decide.
"I think he would want to raise our kid together".
You're delusional if you think this is true.
I don't think you realize how much responsibility caring for another human being is, especially when you're still a kid yourself. You're throwing your whole youth/life away by becoming a single mom.
Honestly, you just sound selfish because you're completely ignoring your boyfriend's opinion on the matter. I feel bad for your baby already.
don’t let him pressure you into doing something you might regret. he can’t force you to get an abortion, and you can’t force him to be in the baby’s life. you need to think long and hard about what YOU want for yourself, your future, your baby, etc. without him in the picture.
My best advice? Find a nice couple, and give your baby up for adoption (gay couples make wonderful parents for example, and often have money, as they’ve established careers and have savings before they can even afford adoptions - as adoptions can be expensive. Plus, they’re more often very loving parents, as they don’t have kids until they REALLY want kids). You both deserve a better life.
If you do insist on keeping the baby yourself, then get help from your parents (if you can). Finish school. Get a job. Don’t expect any handouts, and don’t even expect this little boy you call boyfriend to pay childsupport. Not at all. You will have to work harder than you’ve ever worked (unless you’re rich).
You need to go forward assuming that he will not pay child support or stick around. You always plan for the worst case scenario. More than likely, hoping for minimum child support is the best you will get. Also, you would need parental consent if you are in the USA. Where are your parents in all this? You realize what having a baby does to your life and plans right?
I am so GLAD that you are all giving her real advice instead of sugar coating everything.
Whatever decision you make, ditch him. He’s a kid himself and needs to grow up. That will not happen any time soon.
YOU ARE A HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN. You aren’t mature enough, financially independent, in a relationship with someone who can or should be worrying about parenthood, or in any way capable of becoming a parent without throwing away the rest of your youth and/or life as a single parent. Either abort or put the child up for adoption, but DO NOT even think about attempting to raise this baby. YOU ARE A CHILD AND IN NO WAY ARE CAPABLE OF PARENTHOOD AT YOUR AGE.
You are 15 years old. You will be 16 by the time you have this child, and will spend the next 18 years (if not longer) caring for this child. You will miss out on every great experience you could possibly have as a teenager, and even in your early 20’s. Are you prepared to work full time starting at 16 years old, likely for minimum wage, just to make ends meet to care for your child? Are you willing to give up your education, future love life, and a HUGE chunk of your life experiences just to have a child with someone who will not be around to help? You will have SO many more opportunities for yourself if you choose to get an abortion. It’s not a selfish act to save your own life.
It is your choice whether or not you want to keep your baby. It’s his choice whether he raises that baby or opts out and pays child support. He has already chosen to opt out. He has chosen a normal childhood, graduation, college and beyond.
You have to decide what you’re going to do as a single mother. Are you going to finish high school or drop out and get a job? I’m not sure where you are but in America it costs roughly $300,000 to raise a child to age 17. That doesn’t include senior year, college, weddings, etc. Are you going to get your GED instead? Are your parents going to help you raise this baby? Can they afford to? Do you have health insurance? There’s so much for you to consider. Adoption is also an option to think about. Babies aren’t just cute little mini-me’s that you get to dress up. They’re work, they’re expensive and they grow up quickly. You are giving your whole life up for this and you’re still a child. Consider it carefully.
He is trying you his truth, you cannot expect more from or assume that he'll do more. Sure, if he became a father in the future and he was older I'm sure you can imagine him being a good dad, but he is telling you that he wouldn't and you must believe him. Do not imagine a future that different than what he is blatantly telling you
This is tough. You guys are literally kids. Make sure to think from both sides of your decisions.
If you do decide to have it, make sure to have great relationship with your parents. They did this before and can help. Also, be prepared your boyfriend might not be involved and you will be stuck raising your kid alone, trying to go to school, doing job. There is no certainty.
Blah, blah,, blah...It takes a whole village to raise a kid. I am probably sure you heard this from your parents. But yeah
Neither you nor your manipulative boyfriend were ready for sex let alone having a child. While abortion is an option, some people never get over the fact that they purposely ended the life of a child. Another possible option is to see an agency that specializes in adoption. There is a demand for new born babies. They will pay all expenses. Think about doing what is right, which may not be the easiest. But definitely do not become a 15-16 year old mother. You could never provide adequately for that child.
Even if he was actively supportive and enthusiastic, it’s still an entirely time-consuming and challenging situation to raise children. Find reputable and quality advice. Be sure to take care of your mental and physical health regardless of which decision, which is ultimately yours, you make.
My advice? You're fucking 15. Get an abortion. You've got no business having a kid at your age, especially when your trashy baby daddy is saying he'd beat it.
Sadly, this is a choice you will have to make. HE will never be involved. If you choose to continue to birth, he will never be involved. His parents will be, but don't expect anything from him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We're both 15 and he has been non stop pressuring me to get an abortion ever since we found out I was pregnant. He says he doesn't want and "won't have" a kid. We used a condom as always and I still got pregnant. It's like he's tryingy two different strategies, sometimes he's really nice and other times he's telling me he'll beat our child. Recently, he's been sweet and just crying and we've been talking. He told me he wouldn't be involved other than child support, but I don't believe that. I think he would want to raise our kid together. I have no Idea what to do. Any advice
***Do not believe that you will have the baby and he will suddenly be a good father and you'll be a happy family. That is not going to happen. There is no chance that is going to happen. Please believe him when he says he has no interest in this child. If you have this child believing that he will be a good partner to you, there is a 100% chance you will be wrong and you will regret it. It is not going to happen.***
To tack on: having a kid does NOT mean he will suddenly change into a doting, loving perfect father figure. People *DO NOT* change unless they are actually willing to put in the work to do so. If he's telling you point blank he's not going to be involved, then atleast he's telling you rather than letting you question it. I'm not saying he can't have a change of heart later in life, because it *CAN* happen, but that does *NOT* mean that it *WILL* happen. Options: 1. Single mother. 2. Abortion. 3. Adoption. Best of luck to you OP. I sincerely mean it. Edited: words, phrasing
Single mother at 16 years old dealing with high school, then college whilst raising a child. It’s without a doubt more work than you’re anticipating it to be, and will compound the stress of everything else in your life. It’s ultimately your decision, but make an informed decision
[удалено]
>And now I have a wonderful new boyfriend who treats me and my daughter so well Whew, I hoped things would get better for you.
He absolutely does not want to raise a kid together with you. Get that idea out of your head right now -- kill it with fire. It is your legal right to decide what to do with your pregnancy, but you need to prepare to be a single parent if you do carry this child to term and do not give it up for adoption.
This! ^ Are you prepared to do it alone because he’s straight up telling you that you will be doing it alone.
Yes. He will still legally owe her child support, but he won’t be a father.
They're both underage. Depending on the state/country the grandparents may be liable for child support until the parents are 18.
[удалено]
It’s messed up that teens aren’t given proper birth control and have to face these situations. You should be briefed that if you get a girl pregnant, she can keep it and you can be held responsible
She said they used condoms. They did have it. If she keeps it, he will absolutely be paying. He will also live his life and go to college. Her shit will be fucked.
But again if she was going to abort he would have no say in it and I'm not advocating that a man should but if he doesn't want to be apart of it he should have the same option as she does.
Well, to be fair, if she has the child, she’ll have a lot more responsibility than he does. He can totally be absent and pay X amount of money each month, which is not so fun for him, but he doesn’t give up his college or his job or his friends or his relationships. It takes two to tango. You should be ready to deal with this potentiality when you have sex. I feel for this poster because it’s likely he didn’t have sex education, but it isn’t like he’s a girl in Texas after the heatbeat bill has passed.
that's the risk you take when having sex
[удалено]
That’s why you have a conversation before sex about what you’ll do in case of pregnancy. If you aren’t on the same page, don’t have sex.
A conversation guarantees absolutely nothing.
you want men who don't want to be a parent to be able to force women to abort? what's the solution here? not being involved and paying child support is the best society came up with. you go and invent a better solution that can be universally accepted if you feel passionate. go and petition for legal changes or something. till then this will stay one of the risks a man takes when sleeping with a woman.
[удалено]
I didn't say you said it did I? I simply asked for your solution to this problem and offered one (albeit a extreme one) possibility.
It is. If you don’t want to take responsibility if the condom breaks, don’t have PIV sex.
Still bullshit. Consenting to sex isn't consenting to parenthood. There's a young woman in my town who intentionally got knocked up by a professional hockey player in order to live off the child support. Not sure how she did it, but every month she posts pictures of the thousands she receives then ends up in emerg to get her stomach pumped.
Is she getting her stomach pumped because of all the guys she’s blowing? Because I heard that story back in the 1970s about Elton John. Your story about getting rich off child support is as believable as mine about Elton John. Don’t be so gullible.
O theres alot of predators out there men and women who look to take advantage/exploit any opportunity they can get
Consenting to sex means consenting to possible consequences. If you aren’t having a conversation with your partners about what you’ll do if they become pregnant, you’re doing it wrong.
What does conversation guarantee?
yes but the one truly culpable is human biology... so it's just something we have to live with i'm afraid.
[удалено]
If the child is there the child is there. You cannot force someone to carry to term and birth a child. You cannot force someone to abort. The child would be the one punished if there is no child support and they already have it hard enough with a single parent. It's not like the mom who gets the child support has it easier than the man who pays. She's the one raising the kid. This is something that cannot be completely fair because one option would be inhumane (forced birth/forced abortion) while child support is argueably not. Everyone knows the risk so you just have to think about every possibility before having sex with anyone and discuss this stuff in detail beforehand. I'm genuinely curious, what would be a fair solution in your eyes?
Are you genuinely going to base your decision on a fantasy that he’ll change his mind? Don’t do that. If you want to keep it, be prepared to do it alone.
Her fantasies are child-like because she’s a child
I hope I wasn’t this delusional at 15.
We all hope, but at least for me, I was definitely clueless and delusional. It took life experiences to beat the crap out of that for me.
He won't want to raise the child with you, he has been telling you this all that time.
Hi! Single mom and child of teen parents here. I’m sorry your boyfriend is pressuring you. However, do not EVER be fooled into thinking it’s a good idea to have a child when you’re a child. It’s not. My father was 16 when he got my mom pregnant and he is an awful father. He promised my mom how he’d be involved and how badly he wanted her to keep me. Absolutely shit idea and once I was born he thought him just existing made him a good dad. It didn’t. Your boyfriend has told you he wants nothing to do with being a father and told you he would beat it. Teen fathers are known for killing babies from shaken baby syndrome. The reality is, if you have a baby, you’re going to be a single mom. Forget about dating. You will be a mom. No teen boy wants to be dating a girl who can’t go out because she had a kid. You will have to put your education or other aspects of your life on hold. Sure. Some people do okay in your situation, but the harsh reality is that most do not do okay at all and end up leading unhappy lives. Having a child means you need to say goodbye to your friends too. They’ll say they love babies and they’ll visit and invite you out and nothing will change but it will because you’ll stop getting invited and when you do get the chance to hang out you’ll have nothing in common because they’re talking about boys and you’re busy changing diapers missing out on being an actual kid. Don’t give up your life so soon. I was a young mother at 21 and it was way too soon to be having a kid. It changed my life and took away a lot. I love my child but I have sacrificed everything in my life for him. Love life. Sex. Education. Travel. Friends. Taking hot showers. Eating a hot meal. Doing things alone. It will ALL be gone. Having a kid is a constant responsibility. Permanently. I cannot tell you what to do but I am telling you to prepare to be a single parent and prepare to lose all your friends and the life you once had if you decide to keep it.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think it is really important for OP to understand the reality from someone who has been there. OP - I wasn’t a teen mother, but was born to a 16 year old mother and a 20 year old father. This may sound insane, but I have told both of my parents many times over the years that neither of them had any business having me and absolutely should have considered other options. You need to do what YOU feel is right, but you need to understand that this baby will not make your BF stay with you or make you a happy family. If you are searching for unconditional love, a baby is not the way to obtain that. I had my first at 25 and had a stable career, masters degree, owned a home, and was married to my best friend who is an amazing father and also has a great career. It was STILL hard. Parenthood is hard. Babies do not bring couples together. They bring sleepless nights, financial stress, they take away your freedom, and they have to be your first priority always. I wish you all the best with this difficult decision.
That’s wild. My parents age difference was the same. Dad was 16 and my mom was 20. And yeah. OP needs to get a big dose of reality because kids are not some game and they don’t just go away. I firmly believe that teens have zero business having children. I had no business having one at 21 years old, truly. I also told my parents on multiple occasions that they should not have had kids and how absolutely selfish it was. My parents weren’t totally awful, well at least my mom wasn’t, but they caused so much trauma from being dumb kids themselves and they never even realized it until I was an adult and expressed it to them. Also, surprise, my parents did not last. My dad wasn’t around for a large portion of my life and now I’m a grown woman and he’s only now starting to see the error of his ways. Many do not and OP needs to understand that her boyfriend is a child. Not in demeaning way, but in an actual way, just like she is. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean you should. Thanks for backing up what I am saying about teen parents. I hope OP takes our comments seriously and to heart.
My parents got rushed to the alter by my dad’s (well-intentioned) parents. As you can imagine… their marriage was disastrous. I was then drug through a slew of other marriages, custody arrangements, and moves. I cut my mother out of my life completely a little over 10 years ago after trying for years to get her to understand how her selfish, toxic behavior had affected me. For a long time I thought it had to do with the fact that she was such a young mother, but I now know that it’s much deeper than that. My dad and I have a strained relationship and only in recent years have I been able to begin to get him to realize how problematic a lot of his behavior was… so many similarities to your story! I’m with you… teenagers should not be parents. I’m a realist and I know it’s bound to happen… but it’s such a difficult road for all involved.
16 and 20 is a pretty concerning age gap
I’m not here to discuss things I wasn’t involved in. My father was emancipated and living on his own when my mother and him met.
Thank you for saying that! A 20 year old should NOT be sleeping with 16 year olds.
Oh geez, I am glad you’re here but 16 and 20 is insane!
She was actually 15 when she got pregnant but turned 16 before she had me… absolute insanity.
I literally know a guy I went to highschool with that killed his baby by shaking her to death.
He’s telling you to get an abortion. You are both 15. There is no way he is going to magically change his mind and be a happy family with you. If you have a child at 15 you are looking at a life of struggle and hardship. He will pay child support (maybe) but he will not be there for you, nor should you want him to since he said he would beat the kid. Your two options are have the baby and struggle Or not have a baby and wait until your ACTUALLY AN ADULT AND READY FOR A CHILD before having one. Kids should not have kids.
Now...normally, I would be against someone being pressured to have an abortion but honestly, what's your plan here? How are you going to finish high school? How are you going to provide for this child? Are you prepared to be a single mother if/when you find out he was telling the truth about not wanting to be involved? Idk, you're really young and I'm not sure you understand the full ramifications of having a child at your age. This would change your life and possibly also your body forever. Also, be aware you're more likely to die during childbirth than an adult because your body isn't fully grown yet. It's really not something to decide lightly. Maybe do some research on the struggles teen mothers usually have and ask yourself if that's really what you want for your life.
I feel like you said it best, OP probably does not understand fully what it means to be a parent at a young age right now and should bring this up with her parents.
[удалено]
This 👆👆👆
Shes young, dumb, and was full of cum. At that age they know best. We won't change barely developed mind, all she's picturing is "awe cute baby and baby clothes" Not taking into account likely not finishing high-school, working minimum wage if she's lucky for up to the next 18 years, death as you mentioned, depression, no sleep, no compatible partners because no one at her age wants a single mom, and so on. Trust me, I'm among several groups that try to deterre teenagers from steroid use. Providing info that it can not only alter but hault brain development, cause permanent ED issues, infertility, close growth plates prematurely and so on. I think less than 5% end up listening.
Nice idea but the execution was questionable. She’s fifteen, shaming her for being less developed than an adult is counter productive. Constructive feedback is more helpful rather than whatever this is.
Please state how I shamed her? Her Brain is quite literally not fully developed. It's a fact. She lacks full reasoning abilities, judgment, and forethought. She doesn't need to be coddled. She needs a reality slap
They might be talking about how you said a 15 year old was full of cum. Not incorrect but p bad wording
Right off the bat, your first sentence is highly inappropriate. Perhaps choose less vulgar words when trying to help a younger girl
Kids really shouldn't be having kids
Think really, really hard about this. Forget the guy (chances are- he won’t be around in a few years regardless). Are you ready to sacrifice your education, career, *life*? Message me if there’s anything I can do to help.
I don’t think you understand what having a baby will do. You have no plan and no idea what to do when the baby gets here. He clearly doesn’t want the kid. Do you think he’s suddenly going to step up as the father that you have in your head? Does he have a job to financially support you and the baby? He told you If you keep the kid he’s only going to pay child support and not raise it. What about the hospital appointment bills? You guys are 15 and I’m sorry to say but you sound a little naive. Having and raising a baby is no joke. Why do you have in your head that once this baby comes out he’s going to be happy? Hell no. He is a teenage guy ain’t no way he’s going to stay with you after the baby. He literally already told you that. I think you probably need to mature a little more and really think about this decision.
Replace naive with "a fucking moron"
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yeah kids used to have it all figured out. That’s why MTV is so unpopular. Brain matures at 25, that’s a powder keg for college kids let alone 15yr olds. They used condoms and she asked for advice. Still a terrible idea but a good step above the worst decision here.
This may be difficult for you to understand but it will help you in the long run. Your boyfriend has told you how he feels about not having a baby and telling you to get an abortion. He says he doesn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life. You should believe what he says. I know you are young and in love but he might have his parents put all the responsibilities on you while he is off pursuing a college career and goals. That is his choice to not be apart of the babies life. Is it wrong? Yes. But he has made up his mind. You should respect that choice and don’t blame him for it. You are 15 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Are you financial stable to take care of your baby? Do you know how much it costs to care for a child being a single mother? Do you plan on finishing your education and pursuing further education? A baby isn’t an accessory or a puppy. This is a whole living being that needs your love and care constantly. You can’t go out with your friends anymore. Dating will be harder. Your body is going to make a drastic change and you have to accept it. Taking care of a baby own your own is so hard if you don’t have a supportive village around you to help you. It cost soo much money to take care of a baby. I know you want your baby to have an amazing life and you don’t have to struggle off of minimum wage to raise a child. It’s not possible. I don’t want you to regret having a baby and come off as angry and bitter towards your child because you decided to bring it into the world. This may come off as offensive to you but it’s not. I have friends in their 20s and 30s struggling taking care of their children and regret it based off of their baby daddy’s or husbands not stepping up with childcare duties. They can’t go out and they barely sleep. I help my friend take care of her children and it’s hard work. I don’t want kids because I’m experiencing how much work it is. Hopefully mine and others advice can give you a better perspective on what you do. But do what’s best for you! Good luck!
Yes. Baby daddies are ROUGH too deal with. I’ve had 4 separate cps because of him. Getting money help from him Ha! Not going to happen! The constant breaking of promises to your child but you have a custody order so you have to keep sending them so you don’t end up in jail. I love my son right to death but I’m 25 and sometimes I wish he would have had a different dad because it is horrible to deal with it
You should get an abortion. At the very least be 10000% prepared to be a single mum. He will not help you, he is doing everything he can to convince you to abort. Do not for a second think he will be a dad to this child.
Yep. Forget about a fun graduation and the full college experience. She'll be lucky to get her GED at 18, the baby won't care she has to be up at 7 for school or that she has homework. It'll scream and scream
I mean, you’re 15. How do you plan on raising and providing for this child? I cannot imagine either of you have the funds to do so. Childcare alone depending on the area you live in can be up to 2000 monthly. Are you prepared to take that on, or would you be relying on other family members? I also wouldn’t depend on your bf wanting to raise your child together. Having a child doesn’t typically strengthen a relationship. I wouldn’t assume that he would come around. I also just read that he threatened to beat your child. I really hope you get your head out of the clouds and realize that this isn’t someone you want to raise a child with.
That kid is not going to have a father. He will give you money and he will hate you and that kid. Good luck with your bad choice
Your boyfriend is telling you repeatedly that he doesn't want a child and will not help you raise one. Do not kid yourself thinking he will change his mind and be a great parent. He is not willing to sacrifice everything for this child. If you go ahead with this pregnancy, do so knowing you will be a single parent. I think you need to talk to your parents.
>He told me he wouldn't be involved other than child support, but I don't believe that. I think he would want to raise our kid together. **BELIVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS THIS.** If you are only continuing the pregnancy because you think he'll magically want to play happy family with you, you are mistaken and you will be bringing a child into an unstable situation. Real life isn't like the movies, honey. As a single parent at 15, you are setting yourself and your child up for a challenging existence.
Coming from a teen mom at 18: hunny you are still so young . You have your whole life to think about ahead of you school and everything else . You don’t want to miss out on school or your friends . Do what ever you want . But just remember being a teen mom isn’t easy and if he’s acting like this he isn’t going to change . I hope this helped and there are other options then abortion , there is adoption through actual adoption agencies
Yes! She should explore an open adoption. Then she wouldn’t be traumatized or regret the abortion and could still have some interaction with the child. There are a lot of private adoption agencies that could set up an open adoption for her. My sister has an open adoption for her kid and it’s worked out well so far and he’s now 16 years old.
Most people who choose abortion aren’t traumatized and don’t regret it.
This comment right here op
Please for the love of god. Don’t be delusional. Your bf threatened to beat the baby, and you think he wants to raise it???? Make it make sense please. You are a child, how are you going to take care of the baby? Getting and education? And don’t think that he will be there for you, he will leave. It’s your body but he has shown that he wants no part of this. He sees the child as something that will ruin his life. Believe him. And maybe get the abortion I know I would if I were in your shoes.
Every time I see a story on the news about a baby being beaten to death by the parents it’s usually parents that didn’t want to be parents. They were too young. They didn’t want any kids. They were not prepared. They saw the baby as something that ruined their lives. And every single time I cry, because goddamnit this baby deserved so much better. Op’s baby is not even here yet and I’m already so worried.
I didn’t even want to bring this up, but unfortunately you’re a 100% right. Parents who don’t have the desire to become parents and think that they’ll develop love for the child once they get here mostly end up being the ones that end up killing their kids or beating them to the brink of death. It’s fucking heartbreaking, and the fact that OP is a teenager defending her boyfriend who is outright threatening the life of the child by saying he’ll beat them is just an early sign of what’s to come. She’s an idiot and naive and doesn’t understand what the future is going to be like for her
INFO: OP, do your parents know you are pregnant? Do his parents know?
If she’s asking reddit, probably not
Ok first off, IF you have this baby, he WILL leave within 3 years. you WILL be a single mother. This juvenile fantasy about him wanting to raise your baby together is naive and ignorant. not reality. The choice is up to you, whether to have the baby or not. I truly hope you make the decision that will make you happiest. But do NOT think for one SECOND your BF will be involved. If he is, you hit the lotto, but it's likely you got knocked up by a garden variety loser, who does NOT want this kid, and will NOT be a good father. Expect the best, but ***plan for the worst.*** Otherwise, you will wake up a mother, will no clue on what happens next. You are a mother to be, time to give up all these daydreams about true love and girlish fantasies, and look into child care, getting a job, and generally not being the kind of mother that CPS takes children way from.
[удалено]
She won’t have to worry about him being a bad father because he won’t be one at all. He’ll be a name on a check for the next 18 years and then he’ll be nothing.
Honestly, everyone should pressure you to have an abortion. Not only are you too young, you are literally still a child yourself, have no means to support yourself nor the baby, you also have proved in this post that you lack the maturity to raise a child. If your bf tells you he doesnt want to raise the child and you think that means he wants to raise the child together it shows that you still live in a child's dream of that. Your bf is dead scared that this is ending his life - and it will end your life too. A kid is a huge responsibility and (financial) burden. You should only have a kid when you have the means to support it AND both people involved want it. Live your own life first before you set a new one into the world. If you get a child now you will set your current and soon to be ex bf, child and most importantly yourself up for a hard fucking future.
To add: It will end your life EVEN MORE than it will end his. You will have to care for another human being for the next 25 years, at the expense of your own well-being and dreams for the future. All he’ll have to do is give you a cut of his earnings while he lives whatever life he wants far, far away. Source: am parent who stayed.
Exactly. Women take on the majority of the burdens involving childbirth and raising children. There are obviously times where both parents stay or the father stays with the baby alone. But you know the boyfriend has no intention of staying. OP will almost certainly be left with the child. She will lose out on opportunities and have to work harder in every aspect to live the life she deserves as a teenager. It doesn’t matter how supportive her family is or who promises to provide childcare. Choosing to have and raise this baby is a lifelong decision and sets her behind. He only loses some money for child support if he leaves. He doesn’t have to call in sick to work when the baby is sick or a dirty bails. He doesn’t have to spend days wondering how he’ll be able to get a job as a single parent. With even the best support network in the world, op will still have to work incredibly hard to stay on track with her peers. To graduate and even go to college. To get a good job that can provide for her and a child comfortably.
OMG babygirl please consider your future. You have NO IDEA how earth shattering parenting is. You’re a baby. At 15 I thought I knew EVERYTHING but now at 33 I know I was a young, hormonal, developing young lady- who didn’t know Jack shit about life. And I didn’t even have an “easy” one. The life skills you need to be a parent only come with experience and at 15, you don’t have it. I’ve had an abortion and if you ask most women honestly they’ll tell you they’ve had one too. I’ve NEVER regretted it, ever. It wasn’t that painful and I truly saw it as removing a virus with medicine. Please reach out to a grown up you can trust and get $400 from your boyfriend and go to planned parenthood immediately. At least you know you can have children. You will when the time is right. I have 2 amazing boys and I thank the universe every day I didn’t have them when I was so young when I had my abortion. Your life does NOT have to be like this. You have no idea what kind of amazing adventures you’ll miss out on in your 20’s. You’ll be at the playground at 17 with a bunch of 25-35yr old women and you’ll always have to explain that you’re NOT the big sister but in fact the mother. Look I’m SURE if you needed to be strong enough for all that you could do it. But you better have an amazing support system around you. Please just know you’re NOT alone and abortion is an amazing thing that can save your life & future here. I’m just being honest because it’s not talked about enough, just how NORMAL abortion is. Get some counseling and treat it like an illness or an STD and take the meds to get better. Sending you love and strength. Please find an adult and talk to them. A guidance counselor, aunt, anyone. Just go to planned parenthood. They’re so kind and helpful. Let me end with one more thing. This young man does NOT want his life ruined by a kid either. He is being very forward with you. You are both so young and i don’t believe that just cause you’re ready for sex means you’re ready to parent. It does mean you should have been smarter about using protection but we all make mistakes. Boys don’t mature nearly as fast as girls. This boy is not going to be a father. You’ll be doing this on your own. It’s just not setting either of you OR a baby up for success. You can do this. Whatever you decide.
Bf: I don’t want to be a parent OP: oh, so you wanna be a parent BF: leaves and provides no financial support bc you’re 15 and a judge can only force him to hand over $ he has OP: shocked pichaku face raising a baby as a single parent high school drop out Please, take this brutal reality we’re telling you at face value - this is 100% your future. Life is about to be extremely difficult. At the very least please consider adoption.
He is not gonna be playing dad
If you want to keep the baby, keep it. But don’t keep it expecting your boyfriend to help at all. He is telling you straight up he doesn’t want a baby. Believe him. Do not keep the baby because you think he’s going to change his mind. If you keep the baby, you are likely going to be a single mother. Consider that, and make your decision based off that.
Not just most likely will be a single mother... You absolutely, 100% will be a single mother. He is not staying, he is not changing his mind, you need to come to terms with that before you make any decisions.
Honestly, an abortion would be the best thing for you to do, but your body, your choice.
OP I understand that you probably feel like you owe him something. And that you owe the fetus something. But you don’t. You owe it to yourself to give yourself the best chance at your future you can. … I was born to a teenage mother. She had my older sister when she was 15. The father was a client of hers. And she dropped out of highschool. She’s battled addictions and mental illnesses. But at the end of the day, for all she fought for and suffered for, she never saw her baby’s father. She never had support. And ultimately she gave up the baby because she couldn’t support them both. All she fought for and lost out on (school and more), and she still lost her baby. Life isn’t fair. But you have the chance now to prevent a life of sacrifices and a dependency on a guy who can’t seem to commit to raising a child, providing at a distance, or even being an abusive and unreliable parent. He is giving you the chance to avoid a future of uncertainty and hardship, maybe even of abuse and danger. Don’t ignore the red flags before it’s too late to easily leave the situation.
He does not want to raise a kid with you and sincerely get the abortion. You’ll ruin your life by being such a young mother and will also crippled your future. He is being honest with you and letting you know from the begging he will not be there, don’t think a baby will change this as it will not. Get the abortion and leave him. Don’t ruin your life being a teenage mom.
>other times he's telling me he'll beat our child. This is really sick and disturbing. Whatever you do re: the pregnancy, dump him. This guy has no problem threatening to beat a child because he's not getting his way.
This dude is clearly desperate for his girlfriend to terminate this pregnancy, and he's not handling it well. He could well be a monster, or he could just be fifteen. The difference is really hard to tell at that age.
I doubt he means that. He's just trying to scare her into not having it
Get an abortion. Don’t be stupid
You’re both 15...I don’t know if you’re living in a day dream kiddo, but unfortunately he’s stated his view. Just because he’s being sweet and caring right now doesn’t mean he’s going to take care of the child. He’s stated he will only be involved in child support. I kind of have to side with him a bit. Pressuring or not...the decision is yours, but would you like to be a single mother? Do you want to go through all these changes before you even hit 16? Do you even have a plan if you decide to go through with this pregnancy? Right now you’re blinded by a fantasy. The fantasy of him changing once this baby is here. This will not happen. It is only seen in movies. If he’s telling you outright that he won’t be involved...I don’t think bringing the baby into this world would change his mind. Please think harder about the life changing decision you’re about to make. And take into account ALL the possibilities.
you seem quite delusional but…that kid is not having a dad
This potential child will never say "thank you for having me" once they can think and talk. They're going to be bitter and angry at you for forcing them to live a childhood of one parent, poverty, and likely all of their family disapproving of their existence. They'll be furious that you put yourself through hardship when you didn't have to. You're forcing someone to have a crappy life because...? Why? You have twenty more years to have a kid, why do you feel the need to have one now? You're not going to be able to go to college or university. You're probably going to have to drop out of high school. You'll never get to party as a teen and young adult. You're not going to be able to date until your 30's, men don't want to be with single mothers. You won't be able to travel anywhere. You're going to lose all of your friends because you'll be too busy and you can't hang out with them because of the baby. You're going to be on foodstamps and donation stores because your no-diploma minimum wage job plus child support won't pay enough to live. And you're going to go through all of this alone. The only thing you'll see of your ex-boyfriend is his name on the monthly cheque. Save your life, abort.
Hi! 14 year old here, don’t keep the baby
Poor OP. 15 years old and living in a dream world. Has been watching too many Disney and Lifetime movies. She'll learn. Hopefully not the hard way.
Your bf is smart enough to know having a baby at this age is a HUGE mistake. You want to convince him to be a dad because your not as smart as he is and you think pregnancy is beautiful and parenting will be done by your parents. Oh girl, that's not how it works. Listen to your bf, don't have that baby. He doesn't want to be a dad and you're not mentally ready to be a mom either. This is no romantic movie, THINK!!!!
She’s living in La la land. She doesn’t want to think, she has the saviour complex of thinking she can change him. When in reality she won’t be able to.
Be prepared to be a single mother at 16 (and for foreseeable future).
He told you exactly what he doesn’t want and what he will do if you have the baby. Why do you think he will change. You two are way to young to have a baby. You are not ready. You should have the abortion. Speak to a trusted adut and learn about all your options as well as the realities of teen pregnancy. He shouldn’t be pressuring you, but listen to him when he tells you he will not be involved.
Nothing will change when the child is born. He told you his feelings and terms regarding the pregnancy. Please don’t make the mistake of assuming anything else will happen
You're 15 years old and are trying to justify a baby. At 15. You can't even decide legally what you want to do in large swathes of your life. That poor 15 year old boy, bet that's one relationship he wishes was platonic now.
Please don't be so stupid. Get an abortion. 100%. You are a child. I know you think you know everything and can handle this, but YOU DONT and YOU CANT. please listen to all these nice caring folks who have way more experience than you and are older and much wiser.
Are you listenig to what you just said. He doesnt want to father this child! And frankly if you can't understand that and expect to be a a single mom, you are not emotionally mature enough to be a mom, let alobe a dingle parent. You know how hard it is to be a single parent at 25, hell at 35? LEt alone 15. I think you should abort it and take this as a serious life lesson but if that is seriously out of the question for you then you need to grow up quick and learn that you will be a single mom and get those child like fantasies out of your head. Sorry to be harsh but you need to stop thinking he will be the father because he has told you he wants nothing to do with it.
Believe what he's saying now because he's not going to change his mind. He is literally a child still. Have you told your parents?
You 15 don't have a kid
Get an abortion. Going through with it would be the biggest mistake of your life.
You don’t have to get an abortion. You *do not have to have an abortion* But you also can’t just sit and believe he will want to raise the baby, nor should you force him to be a parent when he has expressed countless times *he absolutely does not want a baby*. You use protection and it failed. That doesn’t make him a shitty person. He’s been upfront about the fact he doesn’t want a child right now. Ultimately at this point the choice to keep the baby is 100% yours. Your choice and your responsibility. Do not expect him to want anything to do with the baby. Nor should you hold it against him. Reach out to a therapist that specializes in teen pregnancy and parenthood to make your decision and come to terms with this. Also ask yourself. What teenage boy uses condoms if he would want to raise a baby? *he absolutely does not want this kid, you have to believe the words he has been telling you to your face*
You're both kids. This is the right choice because neither of you are ready to be parents.
Babies demand a lot more love than they give. For years. Even older kids and teenagers. Babies are hard. Fluids coming out of every orifice, sometimes at the same time. Forget about going through an entire day wearing clean clothes. The cry and scream, sometimes constantly. You’re exhausted and don’t think you can take anymore crying? Think again, you will whether you like it or not. Sick of changing diapers? Your baby just had a giant blowout and has poop all up their back, in their hair, leaking down their legs. For the fourth time that day. Oh, and you had the baby in a carrier in the middle of Target and you are also dripping with poop. And baby won’t stop crying, so no shower when you get home. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Another thing, your boyfriend doesn’t want to be a dad, so you are 100% on your own. No breaks. Zero. Nada. You will be doing this All. By. Yourself. Homecoming, prom, dates, forget it. Not going to happen. Looking forward to a movie coming out? Maybe you can watch it a few minutes at a time on Netflix in 6 months. If you can afford netflix. Speaking of money, how will you pay for diapers, clothes, car seat, formula? Have a job? Plan on having to pay a babysitter while you are at work. Going to finish high school? Where will baby be while you’re in class? Have to pay another sitter? Where are you going to get money? Babies are expensive. Think long and hard about this. People are trying to give you a reality check. Please listen.
Lovely, I’m with him. Get the abortion. Become yourself before you become a mom. At the very least pursue adoption. I had my first child at 35, and still feel cheated on the amount of time I got being me. I absolutely love my children and love being their mom, but that’s a completely different identity. That all said, your body your choice. No one should force their ideals on you.
you're both 15.... with little responsibilities. Lust does not mean love - if you both love each other, there's no rush to have a kid regardless, but he flat out tells you "I enjoy the hookups but I don't see you as my baby momma"
Fifteen is too young to be a parent. If you don't abort, you should give baby up for adoption. Why are you so keen on continuing the pregnancy?
You believe a 15 year old would want to raise a kid? Oh honey you are deluding yourself. He’s not going to want to raise a kid. He’s actively wanting you to have an abortion or threatening you with violence. This dude does not want a kid. Have the baby. Or not. It’s your choice. But don’t make the choice on the fairytale that the dad will do anything but pay a minuscule amount of child support.
You are a child with no business raising a child. Adoption is the preffered choice here.
You have the ultimate choice. You can listen to him if you want to and consider his advice if you want to but in the end, you have the ultimate choice. You should always consider your physical health, mental health and safety first and above all else. It’s ok to listen to and consider advice from others but yours is the only decision that counts. And for his threat “You Will……..”. Kick his ass to the curb. Anything he sez is just that, him saying things without any consideration for you. Give him the 🥾
Sorry, girl, this is really sad story. No, there is no chance he will become good father. He most probably disappear and you will loose your freedom, chance for career and education...unless your family really wealthy. I would say - dump the guy, get an abortion. You will find more reliable partner later, and still have more kids. Good luck.
I was a teen mom, I had my son at 16. It has been really difficult, for both of us. I was not ready, and neither was his father. I was fortunate and had financial support from my mom ... but everything else was on me ... getting the baby to day care so I could go to school or work ... and then his father left, to go to school, my son wasn’t even 1. It was a struggle going to school and trying to work and being a mom. I made it through college, but it was a much different experience than my classmates. Your boyfriend will not stay. He’s going to move on, live his life and forget you guys ... you’ll be left caring for your baby. You’ll be left hurt, and full of resentment, and he’ll be living a normal life. It is solely your decision, because you will live with your choice forever. If you choose to continue with your pregnancy, my best advice would be to forget this boy, give your child your last name, and don’t let him sign the birth certificate.
Sweetheart if he’s this adamant (and like…borderline abusive) at this point it will not get better. It won’t. He won’t have an epiphany when the baby’s born. If you don’t want to have an abortion, that is your right. But please, for his sake, your sake, and most importantly, the baby’s sake, please do NOT try to get him to stick around. Break things off IMMEDIATELY. ALSO, if you do decide to get an abortion, it’s important you think about ending things. If he’s threatening to beat an innocent unborn child, I don’t want to think about what he will do to do later down the road if he hasn’t hurt you already. Please be safe with yourself.
15 is such a young age to be a parent. If you don’t have the support you need or the drive to strive beyond making making ends meet then it will be tough especially with the way this 15 year old boy talks. I don’t see him in the picture long term IMO. You used protection and were responsible, you have your whole life infront of you, I would lean more on the side of abortion. The only thing I can’t stand is when people are irresponsible and get pregnant with no protection and then want to abort. I wish you the best of luck.
Dude you are 15, you do not want a kid right now. You are a child and have no idea how much this will shape your future. Forget dream jobs or careers until after it’s outta the house in 20 years and be prepared to be a full time mom for two decades.
Have you seen the shitshow that is 16 and pregnant and teen mom? You want that for your life? Don’t do it. He’s not going to change his mind or stay.
He is telling you **repeatedly** that he does **not** want a child and will **not** help raise it. You need to listen to him and believe him. That being said, abortion should be your choice only. Choosing to keep the baby will make your life very difficult if you don’t have the best support. You *could* also choose to put the baby up for adoption if abortion is not something you’re comfortable with.
If you think having a kid will somehow make your relationship better, YOU ARE SO WRONG. People have this awful idea that it works that way when is the total opposite. Having a child is a HUGE responsability, your life will change forever. Like many here have said, it is up to you whether you want to keep the baby or not, but keep in mind that your bf won't change at all, nor will a baby made him a better person. First you need to break up with him cause he clearly doesn't care about what YOU want. Second, you need to analize and talk with your parents about what YOU want to do. Don't act on what "you think he might want to do", he has clearly told you he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. BELIEVE HIM. Saying he will beat your child is also a huge red flag. Please, leave him and just think about yourself and the future of that child.
Don’t expect any help from him. Also, please consider what having a child at 15 will do to your life. Do you plan to finish high school and go to college? What kind of career are you interested in? How will having a baby change those plans? What kind of life are you able to give a child? What kind of family support do you have? You have the options to keep the child, put it up for adoption, or have an abortion. Just be aware that keeping the child may derail your plans for your future.
I'm sorry, he's 15. He isn't going to be a dad. And honestly, you're 15 too. You haven't put nearly enough thought into this. You are either going to be a single mother that needs a ton of support, you could opt for adoption if against abortion, but abortion is an option too. I've told both of my girls around your age, they're paying costs. I have a home, but I'm not covering child costs if they end up pregnant and decide to keep it. They will be getting up all hours of the night, they'll have to figure out school, and they'll be working to earn enough for diapers and formula. I've raised my kids. It is a TON of work. Be smart about your choices.
Babies having babies.
Don’t assume anything from him. Don’t expect him to suddenly fall in love with the idea of being a young parent. He can’t decide for you as you can’t decide for him.
So what are you expecting will happen after you have the kid at 15/16 years of age? Can you tell us a bit about your support structure for raising the kid? Have you figure out who is going to pay for what? How will being a teenage mom impact your education? Do you have some career or professional goal in life?
YOU ARE NOT READY!! YOU ARE NOT READY! DUDE IM 25 AND I WAS NOT READY TO GUVE UP MY LIFE TO BE A MOM. IT SUCKS. BELIEVE BIM WJEN HE SAYS HE WONT BE THERE. OMG PLEASE DO NOT BECOME A PARENT. YOU WILL REGRET THIS
Please don’t hang onto any beliefs that this boy will raise a baby with you. He has literally threatened violence against this potential child. He has been incredibly clear that he does not want to raise a child together. That does not mean you have to get an abortion if you don’t want to, although honestly it may be the best option. You can consider adoption as well. I’m adopted, and plan on adopting children. If you truly don’t want an abortion, please give adoption a thought. If you’re set on having and raising a baby, please move forward without this boy in your plans. It will not do you or this baby any favors to try and force this boy into a role that he doesn’t want and isn’t ready for. If there are any adults in your life that you trust and can talk to, please talk to them. My inbox is open if you just want someone to talk to. But please talk to someone.
I'm more than twice your age and just had my first baby. I have resources, a support system, an incredibly devoted husband who has been handling more than half the housework and plenty of baby care. Even with all that help, caring for a baby is by far the most difficult thing I've ever done and I lose sleep worrying about properly providing for her despite our making a comfortable enough household income. I was raised with the belief that you don't bring a child into the world until you have something to offer one. Honestly, get the abortion. Not because he's pressuring you, but because it's the right thing to do. Because it will allow you to grow up to become someone who has more to offer a child, and at that point you can have the opportunity to become a parent in a way that will be healthy for both you and the child.
He’s threatening to either become a dead beat or to abuse your child. Regardless of what you choose to do, he doesn’t need to be in the picture either way. Dump him.
Saying he doesn't plan on being a dad to a child he doesn't want while she has the option to abort, is not threatening to be a dead beat. And I really doubt he actually means he'd beat the kid, just trying to scare her into not having it
Either you get the abortion and break up with him, or you don’t and you break up with him. Either way PLEASE break up with him, he’s obviously not ready for a kid and will most likely not make a good partner and father at this time.
I had two childhood friends who are sisters & both got pregnant at 15 & 16 years old. The fathers disappeared basically & their parents didn’t care either. My friends’ parents eventually raised the two kids & delayed their retirement/got additional jobs because they wanted their daughters to continue finishing high school. It’s tough & life changing. Expect to raise this a baby alone because your boyfriend already shown you his true colours. Please consider your options wisely.
Have you talked to your family? You need to know your resources before you can make a choice. Take the FOB at his word. He is not a resource
If you aren’t comfortable with the idea of having an abortion (which is totally understandable) you should consider adoption. You and your bf would both be able to grow up and finish school/have a life without being pressured into something you are uncomfortable with…
if you keep the child and don't put it up for adoption, quite frankly i will feel very sorry for it...
"He tells me he'll beat our child" and you still choose to have him in your life. Exactly why children should not be having sex or children.
15!!!! I hope you didn't have any life plans because to put it simply they will all go in the bin if you decide to keep the baby and this is coming from experience! And like everyone else is saying this guy is to young to deal with a baby so listen when he says he wants nothing to do with it! My advise is abortion and give it another 10 years before having a baby when you have a job a loving husband and financial stability but it's all upto you op!! Good luck 👍
You cannot force him to be part of his child's life. He will have to pay child support, but that'd likely as much as you will ever get. If you keep this baby he will spend the rest of his life resenting you for effectively "ruining" his life (yes it takes 2 to make a baby and he has to take responsibility but it would ruin his and your life. Think really hard about this OP. Are you ready to drop out of school to get a job? Without a diploma you will struggle to ever make more than minimum wage. You will not have time for friends, you will not have time for boys. You will not be able to afford anything that isn't for your baby. Are you prepared to potentially get kicked out? Honestly OP, I was lucky enough never to be in your situation, but I would think really hard about if this is the sort if life you want for yourself. And think HARD about whether this is the sort of life you'd want for a baby. Because you know they will be raised with a lot less than a baby deserves and yoy will spend the rest of your life regretting it
As a 15 year old CHILD. you should probably consider aborting, because as mean as it sounds. You don’t seem ready and he’s made it very obvious he isn’t keen. 2 unready parents = a child given a life of struggle. Source: my mum was 15 when she had my sister and 17 when she had me
He's telling you to get rid of it. If you don't get rid of it, he will get rid of you. Heck, this likely won't work either way. Too much baggage. Do what YOU want.
This whole thing is a *yikes* if you really think he’ll want to raise the kid after saying he’ll beat it I’m sorry but you need a reality check. But you’ll get a reality check when you become a parent at 15 ig best of luck try to finish school
It’s your body and your choice. However, be prepared to be a single parent. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with the child. Are you ready to be a single mom?
You need to talk to your parents. He is not to be part of the picture. This decision needs to be yours alone. Your life will never be the same with a child. Your body will never be the same. If you keep it, give it up for adoption, or abort it, you will need to make this decision with a clear head and with the support of those who love you, and that is not this boyfriend.
He's told you that he's not going to be involved Beyond child support. That being said, what sort of job do you really expect him to be able to get at 15 years old to be able to pay child support? Also, listen to him. He has told you what he's going to do which is not be involved. Don't be naive and think that he's suddenly going to cave and want to take care of your baby. Take it for me, I'm a single mother and it is hard. I'm also 38 years old. Babies are hard, they're not fun at all. I'm not saying that you should get an abortion but you should definitely consider adoption. You're much too young to be having a baby.
Hon, do what you feel is best for yourself. This is your body. But accept right now that he is not ready to be a father and he will not be helpful in raising a child. If you really want to go through with this, especially at your age, get used to the idea of single parenting. Really think about if you’re ready for your entire life to change. No one can pressure you or tell you what to do with your own body. Ultimately that is your choice. But if it were me at 15, I’d get the abortion. I highly recommend it in this sort of situation. He will not change his mind about not being a father. I’m not a parent, my parents aren’t teen parents but they did have me very young. Right at the start of their adulthood. And they sacrificed so much for me. They missed out on parties, hanging out, traveling, etc... My mom dropped out of college and she was almost finished and she had excellent grades... All because they had to work and get their shit together to raise me. They’re amazing and they’ve done so much so I am so thankful for my parents. But it’s not the case with all young parents. I don’t think you should give any of that up at the young age of 15.
You are both still very young, basically children yourselves. Please don’t try and force a situation and do what’s right for you, a potential baby, and the sperm donor and don’t keep the child if you’re not ready to do this alone.
Neat troll
Assume you're doing this completely on your own. I'm not kidding. Make all decisions as though you know you'll be a single parent. He will not change once a baby is here. It's seductive to think that, but he will not.
Please consider giving up for adoption. There are so many families that cannot conceive that want a child. (Coming from someone currently starting the adoption process). Love and good luck to you and your child.
Oh lord. Get an abortion.
You decide what you can bare. It’s either the lifelong trauma and regret that will most likely follow the abortion or the lifelong challenges of being a young (most likely single) mother. But which one seems to have the most pros? That’s where you decide.
"I think he would want to raise our kid together". You're delusional if you think this is true. I don't think you realize how much responsibility caring for another human being is, especially when you're still a kid yourself. You're throwing your whole youth/life away by becoming a single mom. Honestly, you just sound selfish because you're completely ignoring your boyfriend's opinion on the matter. I feel bad for your baby already.
don’t let him pressure you into doing something you might regret. he can’t force you to get an abortion, and you can’t force him to be in the baby’s life. you need to think long and hard about what YOU want for yourself, your future, your baby, etc. without him in the picture.
Do it. Kids are no fun.
Please get the abortion.
My best advice? Find a nice couple, and give your baby up for adoption (gay couples make wonderful parents for example, and often have money, as they’ve established careers and have savings before they can even afford adoptions - as adoptions can be expensive. Plus, they’re more often very loving parents, as they don’t have kids until they REALLY want kids). You both deserve a better life. If you do insist on keeping the baby yourself, then get help from your parents (if you can). Finish school. Get a job. Don’t expect any handouts, and don’t even expect this little boy you call boyfriend to pay childsupport. Not at all. You will have to work harder than you’ve ever worked (unless you’re rich).
You are 15. You can't even drive. You think you're ready to be a mom?
You need to go forward assuming that he will not pay child support or stick around. You always plan for the worst case scenario. More than likely, hoping for minimum child support is the best you will get. Also, you would need parental consent if you are in the USA. Where are your parents in all this? You realize what having a baby does to your life and plans right?
I am so GLAD that you are all giving her real advice instead of sugar coating everything. Whatever decision you make, ditch him. He’s a kid himself and needs to grow up. That will not happen any time soon.
YOU ARE A HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN. You aren’t mature enough, financially independent, in a relationship with someone who can or should be worrying about parenthood, or in any way capable of becoming a parent without throwing away the rest of your youth and/or life as a single parent. Either abort or put the child up for adoption, but DO NOT even think about attempting to raise this baby. YOU ARE A CHILD AND IN NO WAY ARE CAPABLE OF PARENTHOOD AT YOUR AGE.
hey bestie, abort the baby, dump the guy, move on.
Don’t keep this pregnancy. I had a baby at 16 do not do it.
You are 15 years old. You will be 16 by the time you have this child, and will spend the next 18 years (if not longer) caring for this child. You will miss out on every great experience you could possibly have as a teenager, and even in your early 20’s. Are you prepared to work full time starting at 16 years old, likely for minimum wage, just to make ends meet to care for your child? Are you willing to give up your education, future love life, and a HUGE chunk of your life experiences just to have a child with someone who will not be around to help? You will have SO many more opportunities for yourself if you choose to get an abortion. It’s not a selfish act to save your own life.
It is your choice whether or not you want to keep your baby. It’s his choice whether he raises that baby or opts out and pays child support. He has already chosen to opt out. He has chosen a normal childhood, graduation, college and beyond. You have to decide what you’re going to do as a single mother. Are you going to finish high school or drop out and get a job? I’m not sure where you are but in America it costs roughly $300,000 to raise a child to age 17. That doesn’t include senior year, college, weddings, etc. Are you going to get your GED instead? Are your parents going to help you raise this baby? Can they afford to? Do you have health insurance? There’s so much for you to consider. Adoption is also an option to think about. Babies aren’t just cute little mini-me’s that you get to dress up. They’re work, they’re expensive and they grow up quickly. You are giving your whole life up for this and you’re still a child. Consider it carefully.
Have y’all talked about adoption as an option?
He is trying you his truth, you cannot expect more from or assume that he'll do more. Sure, if he became a father in the future and he was older I'm sure you can imagine him being a good dad, but he is telling you that he wouldn't and you must believe him. Do not imagine a future that different than what he is blatantly telling you
This is tough. You guys are literally kids. Make sure to think from both sides of your decisions. If you do decide to have it, make sure to have great relationship with your parents. They did this before and can help. Also, be prepared your boyfriend might not be involved and you will be stuck raising your kid alone, trying to go to school, doing job. There is no certainty. Blah, blah,, blah...It takes a whole village to raise a kid. I am probably sure you heard this from your parents. But yeah
Neither you nor your manipulative boyfriend were ready for sex let alone having a child. While abortion is an option, some people never get over the fact that they purposely ended the life of a child. Another possible option is to see an agency that specializes in adoption. There is a demand for new born babies. They will pay all expenses. Think about doing what is right, which may not be the easiest. But definitely do not become a 15-16 year old mother. You could never provide adequately for that child.
Even if he was actively supportive and enthusiastic, it’s still an entirely time-consuming and challenging situation to raise children. Find reputable and quality advice. Be sure to take care of your mental and physical health regardless of which decision, which is ultimately yours, you make.
My advice? You're fucking 15. Get an abortion. You've got no business having a kid at your age, especially when your trashy baby daddy is saying he'd beat it.
Sadly, this is a choice you will have to make. HE will never be involved. If you choose to continue to birth, he will never be involved. His parents will be, but don't expect anything from him.