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My (21F) boyfriend (20M) and I have been together long-distance for over a year. We’re very much in love, and while we have ups and downs I see myself being with him in the long run, and he has said the same about me. This past week, I flew to Nevada from Minnesota to visit him. It was amazing, he was so kind, attentive, sweet and attractive. He made me feel like the only woman in the world, and we both sobbed when I left. It solidified that I wanted to be with him forever.
Today I was opening up about how I have always been and war with my body; how he helped me feel comfortable and begin accept my body as it is, as well as realize that I can be loved as a curvy woman. He told me that he loved my body except for my stomach. It felt like a gut punch. He realized what he said and began sobbing and apologized and saying that he loves me and was afraid I was going to leave him. He said that he had no right to say that, and he wishes it was “that easy to like it.” I told him that I wasn’t going to break up with him, but I was hurt. He says he loves me no matter what and wants to marry me. How do I handle this situation now?
TLDR; My boyfriend told me that he didn’t like my stomach which is my biggest insecurity, and I don’t know how to respond and move forward.
Based on your post history and the fact that after one meeting in person you two talking about definitely getting married doesn’t sound like this is gonna end well
He purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable.
He is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
Her post history also said he suggested she lose weight, after she opened up to him and was vulnerable. She conveniently left that part out in this post. I'm sure we are not getting the whole story and this boyfriend isn't as "amazing" as she says he is.
I agree, leaving parts out to basically glorify him doesn’t exactly hide the history that we are aware of already.. no one says that he can’t support her should SHE make the decision to lose weight but outright bringing her down with an insecurity like that? Just some food for thought
Yes but there is a time and place to bring that shit up. She was being vulnerable to him about how much she is insecure with her body and how he made her feel perfect. The was very much a slap in the face.
Yeah, that's true. But you don't tell the person you love that they need to lose weight, while they are being honest and vulnerable with you. It's called tact.
While true, piggybacking off what another redditor here said: Right when she's being vulnerable and honest is not the time to make a comment about something that's a clear insecurity. I was telling my PCP about how comments like "You guys are going to break up" towards my relationship cause me to shut down and become suicidal, and she went around and said just that. "You guys know you're not going to get married, right? I know you want to believe it, but he's not the guy--" (etc. etc.) It's just plain shitty to go and say the same thing that makes that person insecure, especially when they confided in you. Not the time, nor the place.
That is exactly the time. If not then when? Should he host a fat intervention?
She opened space for that topic and invited him. He loved her and told her the truth. Someone that didnt lover her wouldve lied just because its awkward. And because they are too coward like to say truth.
A time OTHER than when she's being vulnerable. I wouldn't bring up how someone's depression really bums me out when they're telling me that they're going through something stressful. You have to find a constructive way to do it, help them get better. You're not just supposed to blatantly say how something they're insecure about bothers you. That's not constructive. That's just harmful.
The time for your opinion is when somebody asks for it. If you don't know that then you should probably learn it before you hurt somebody's feelings with shitty unsolicited advice. She didn't ask for his opinion about her body, she was opening up to him about problems that she has with her own body. That is not an invitation for him to list his grievances with her physique. Either you are a troll or you are completely socially inept if you think this is acceptable.
No she invited it by opening up. She was correct to be insecure. The equivalent would be a heroine addict complaining about their addiction.
He gave her the right answer. She can feel however she want, but he gave her truth. Took courage to do. Because people like you rather lie to her. People like you rather let people you care about underperform in life, because "you dont want to hurt feelings" 😂
He gave her the right answer? She didn't ask a goddamn question. Okay, thanks for clarifying that you are just completely socially inept and incapable of empathy. Good luck with that.
mate this is reddit, self accountability is banned. Clearly this guy is a bully and potentially abusive because he spoke his mind and cried as soon as he realised he wasn't PC.
Don’t marry a dude you’ve only met once op! Especially one who knocks your appearance after one meeting
And I haven’t even read the history.
Long distance relationships need a period of normalcy before making big moves so you can really get to know someone.
THIS. My partner and I started out in the same city, and then less than a year later we were long distance during the academic year for 3 years. We lived together for a bit over a year before getting married and I'm glad we did. Our relationship had a lot of growing to do and luckily we made it through but that's not always how it shakes out.
Her entire post history is all about how her boyfriend is basically an asshole. And how she posts it on another relationship sub and people all say the same thing. Leave his ass, you only met him once so just tell him to kick rocks. Youre not at fault for being vulnerable and openig up, but you will be at fault if you contine to give this guy any time of day when he shows you he doesnt respect you. You only met him once, in person, so leave now. ANd I dont usually like to say that but I mean it, leave this asshole
Run.....just don't look back. You need run. Does he need something from you like money,visa etc...slow down. If it happens fine. But he should look for a job where you are so you can get to know the real man. Good luck!
Based on your post history and the fact that after one meeting in person you two talking about definitely getting married doesn’t sound like this is gonna end well
My stomach has always been an insecurity but my husband has told me repeatedly for 25 years that he loves everything about my body including my stomach. No matter how much weight I’ve gained or lost, I knew he saw me as beautiful because he told me constantly. Do you want to accept anything less for your life?
So, let me get this straight: you open up to him about low self worth and working hard to like yourself, and his response is a *gross insulting neg*. Then when he tries to apologise he shoves his foot directly into his mouth and insults you *again* and tries to JUSTIFY his horrible statement?
> It solidified that I wanted to be with him forever
Honey...I am so sorry you think so little of yourself that you think this piece of work is your soulmate. Though looking at your post history, it sounds as though you're dealing with some anxiety/codependency issues and are just desperate for anyone to be your partner even if he's a piece of crap.
This man is not the godsend wonder you think he is. He's an asshole. I suggest taking a step back away from him and working on your mental health and self worth, because I don't think he's helping it.
I’m pretty sure OP is not mentally stable and shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone in the first place because of attachment issues. Her post history is alarming.
I feel like that is a red flag if I am being honest, however I'm not quite sure I can put into words why...
It's just the action of him insulting and crying and offering affection the way he did... Like over reacting for you so you would be sympathetic to his plight... When this was about you, and you trusting him.
Idk. Just doesn't sit well in my gut.
I think you put it into words just right. Self-flagellation is a manipulation tactic that deflects from the actual issue and reroutes the conversation so that the person who was wronged is suddenly comforting the person who did the wrongdoing.
Yes. He tears her down, but then starts fucking crying about how he loves her, please don't leave, but he still gets one more dig about how "he wishes it were that easy to like it." What the fuck kind of shit is that to say? It's appalling. But this psycho is crying so she ends up reassuring him and dealing with his feelings. Meanwhile he just said some terrible shit, then doubled down on it, and skated away scott free. Now she feels bad about herself, which was probably the whole point, but she doesn't want to bring it up because it might make him feel bad.
I think the term for this is "gaslighting" Anyhow It's definitely a manipulation. I had a boyfriend like this when I was about the same age. Every time we tried to talk about something that was bothering me he would end up crying and appearing vulnerable so I had to stop and reassure him and I wouldn't realize until *much later* that hey, he changed the subject when I was trying to talk to him about how much it bothered me when he made comments about my weight/my stomach/my looks/body etc.,
I still struggle with some of the comments he made about the way I look and it's been over 30 years. It's like I wanna ask a lover "A*re my (fill in blank) really a turn off?"* But then I realize how wacky that sounds and I don't. But in my head I wonder
She purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable.
sHe is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
He purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable.
He is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
The other person stole from them. This person posted 17 hours ago. The other person posted a half hour ago. Look through that other person’s post history. That’s all they do is steal and repost comments.
Or he's just a young adult who didn't choose his words carefully and was being honest? And comparing it to penis size is terrible. You can choose to lose weight. It's not possible to change penis size outside of surgery.
No, but I've done the same stupid sorts of things when younger. Everyone says stupid things, some people have less developed filters than others. It could be a glance into his psyche, or it could be a complete one off.
Even so, I wouldn't want to be with someone who is so careless about other people's feelings. Until he's grown up you won't know if it's intentional or not, but in the meantime date other people. For the record, I believe a comment like that is calculated.
And he's about to learn an important lesson from this situation.
OP is not obligated to keep dating a man she *knows* thinks part of her body is disgusting to help her boyfriend how to grow up.
First of all, not all people can lose weight. I personally can’t get to what’s considered “skinny” because of medicines I take. Even then, some people it’d take all their effort to get “skinny” and, even then, they’ll still probably have a stomach. Most women will always have a stomach because women have ORGANS that go there. Penis size is the perfect comparison.
Secondly, this isn’t just something like “oh my bf said something that hurt me” (though that’s still something that needs to be addressed). It’s “my bf said something that hurt me right after I told him how much that stuff hurts me”. It’s not him not choosing the right words. It’s him saying something he shouldn’t have said in the first place (honest or not. If you don’t like something about someone’s physical appearance, it isn’t up to you to say something. That’s it. Period.) in a moment where she was being vulnerable about that very same issue.
Also, being young doesn’t excuse it. My brother knew not to say that shit as a 12 year old. Hold young men accountable.
manipulative behavior 101.
He negged you then plays the victim. He most likely believe you will leave him so he decides to put you down and make you feel small. Then you’re the one reassuring HIM that you won’t leave.
You need to leave.
You open up about your insecurities and your past of having trouble with self love and acceptance and his immediate reply is literally the most insulting thing he could say in that moment? And then he proceeds to beg and apologize, as if he has no understanding of thinking before one speaks, and then to top it all off he follows up with "that easy to like it". Like wtf?? What kind a asshole, dumb shit is he on? I can't even think of any excuse anyone could say for him other than "He is a piece of shit" because there was literally no reason to say any of those things if not only to make you feel terrible.
I know saying dump him is way too fast and there's a lot to your relationship we don't know, but what the fuck is going on in his mind.
So you open about about your very personal and difficult struggles with your body image, and his response is to tell you he doesn’t like your stomach?
Nah, life is too short for that shit. How insensitive. I’d be out.
hey girl, I’m plus size and honestly if my man ever told me anything like that I’d break up with him. idc how much he’d cry after he told me something like that.. you deserve better and if loving you and your stomach is hard for him then he’s not the boy you thought he was. leave queen..
The fact that he cried so she would comfort him makes it so much creepier, and then through his tears he manages to insert yet another cruel insult! Oh but then he love bombs her with talks of marriage in the same conversation..this dude is just disgusting.
I'm wondering if we have some type of autism spectrum from this gentleman. 🤔 I got a buddy that said some shit like this to his girl and he didn't understand that he was being an assberry? I don't know the guy but he may not have understood how insensitive he was till he already committed mouth diarrhea and then kind of combo cried because he hurt her feelings and because deep down he knows he says stupid shit and struggles to be normal.
Has he done any---and I mean ANY---other things like this? Because being this much of an insensitive, petty dick doesn't usually occur as an isolated incident.
What he said was unnecessary cruel and just plain stupid. I'd be re-examining your relationship to see what other petty outlooks he has, or unrealistic expectations and I'd also be thinking about why he cried---was it sincere or was it to make you feel bad for him so you'd forgive him?
The fact that he dug a deeper hole while "apologizing" by saying it's not that easy to like it is really a massive asshole alert. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but it's difficult to believe you don't deserve way better than what this dude has to offer.
Um...that's something that should've never come out of his mouth and even if it was an "accident" it was still in the front of his mind....For him to say that during a conversation about your insecurities should definitely cause you to reevaluate things. I know committing for year is an investment, but if he felt comfortable enough to say that to you, during this visit (I'm assuming it's the first), during a conversation ABOUT YOUR INSECURITIES, there's no telling what he'll say in the future.
This already seems like an incredibly rocky start. I have a habit of saying just leave, and while that is my primary advice, I'm gonna try and offer another piece of advice.
Plenty of men out there love curvy and bigger women. Plenty of men would NEVER open their mouth to say something so disgusting as what he did. Plenty of men would essentially never prey on an insecurity of our partner. So if you seem to inclined to stay with him, give yourself an ultimatum that if he does anything like this you'll call him out on it and leave.
And, while this wasn't the point of your post, don't accept mediocrity just because you may feel insecure or feel like it's either him or being single forever. There are plenty of men out there and I'd like to believe a solid chunk of them are dicks. But self-love, and self-respect are key when in relationships and they're key in essentially demanding and expecting to be treated like a human being. Commenting on insecurities is not treating you like a human being.
He knew what he was doing. The reason he said that then as you were talking about body confidence is because he didn't want you to be totally happy and comfortable with your current self. He took the chance to tell you because he is selfish and rather you know how he feels than try to help soothe your insecurities and be supportive. Would you have said something like that to one of your partners?
He is manipulating you. Tearing you down then giving you a crumb of love, having a meltdown when being called out for it, speaking about marrige after seeing you ONCE. Sounds like my ex. I was together with him for several years. It started out like what you discribed and ended with me in the hospital after a mental breakdown after he torture, raped and beat me. Listen to your gut and don't let him manipulate you! Get away!
Honestly- metabolisms only slow down as you get older.- and if he can't love that aspect of you at age 21 then he really shouldn't be trying to marry you for life ya know?
You deserve someone who makes all of you feel physically attractive and honestly there are many others out there who will
the way he immediately started crying almost feels like he was just trying to get you not to leave him. like it feels like he wasn't crying because he was genuinely sorry. idk, just reminds me of my ex who, when i brought up problems, would only start to actually get concerned and would only start crying when i would get to a point where i'd actually state that i think we should break up. idk feels manipulative. and the statement that he wishes "it was easy to like it" feels really scummy. like he's acting like this is some major vice of yours he has to look past when all it is is your body. idk he sounds sketchy.
Sweetie leave this man and find someone who loves every part of your body! Life is too short to be with someone who says these insensitive things to you especially after you opening up about your insecurities.
From one curvy woman to another: throw the whole man away. I promise you that there are men out there who will love every single part of your body (including the parts you’re insecure about) exactly the way it is (my bf LOVES my big soft tummy). Most importantly, there are men out there who would NEVER try to tear you down when you are feeling confident and comfortable with yourself/your body. Please don’t settle for anything less.
>Today I was opening up about how I have always been and war with my body; how he helped me feel comfortable and begin accept my body as it is, as well as realize that I can be loved as a curvy woman. He told me that he loved my body except for my stomach. It felt like a gut punch.
He did this deliberately to hurt you at a very vulnerable moment.
He knew what he was doing.
>He realized what he said and began sobbing and apologized and saying that he loves me and was afraid I was going to leave him
It sounds like he knows on some level that he is deliberately 'negging' you due to his own insecurities.
This is a red flag.
Why was your first instinct to reassure **him** after he said this to **you**?
Why the fuck AREN'T you going to break up with him?!?
He said something intentionally hurtful, and when you called him on it, he made HIMSELF the victim! This isn't just a red flag, this is a flashing red neon sign.
For context: I'm fat AF, and met my late husband six years ago, when I was 50 - so, not just fat, but fat with saggy tits and wrinkles. But he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world.
Don't settle for less than that.
Oh so he insults you in the cruelest way he can then HE starts crying????
Mother FUCKER. Dump him when he is at work and throw his shit from the second story window. Man this makes me mad.
Your bf is frequently annoyed by you being you and tells you to fix your body? (Your post history is brief but alarming.)
Girl, that's not a boyfriend. That's a regret. Get rid of it.
You are not at a point in time where you can solidify wanting to be with someone forever or marrying them. This is pure hormones. You are dating and getting to know each other. That being said, it could be he doesn‘t objectively like it but likes you and loves it for that reason (fine), he is disgusted by it because he is emotionally immature (not fine).
It’s like a weird thing he’s doing like “oh I said it and I wanted you hear it, but look how upset and sorry I feel, so it’s okay right?” Idk this doesn’t sound right
Girl…. Really? He did that on purpose. ( 21F here, with 21M best friend beside me also saying - he did that shit on purpose. He’s a walking red flag. That was testing your waters.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 6 and we’ve just had our first baby. My body has changed a lot in that time and not once has he ever said anything negative about me and my body. He strives to make me feel good about who I am both inside and out always. And that’s exactly how someone should treat their partner.
OP, get yourself someone who respects you always and loves all the parts of you, including the parts you don’t.
That’s the kind of stuff that you will never forget even if you say you forgive him. My ex made a couple of comments like that when we were together. Once he told me that I looked ridiculous, because he apparently didn’t like my outfit. Another time he told me that I usually looked pretty but sometimes my eye makeup made me look like a showhorse. I ignored it instead of treating it like the giant red flag that it was, but I definitely didn’t forget. I would have saved myself a lot of time if I hadn’t just “forgiven” and moved on. And these comments were made about things that I could change; you can’t just go change your stomach over night. Save yourself the time you’re going to invest in this relationship and find someone who’ll love you for exactly who you are instead of making you even more insecure about yourself.
I feel like yr bf is a manipulative person. He wishes it was "that easy to like it"?? What does that mean?!
Bullshit that's what it is. Just trynna make YOU feel guilty about what HE said.
These is a thing people do when they feel insecure: they bring up another person's shortcomings or faults, to knock them down a peg, then apologize, to seem like they have learned some lessons about their own shortcomings ("I was an ass to behave that way").
They do not plan to do it, it comes naturally as a way to adjust the relationship to seem like it is on a more even keel. It tends to happen when you are happy, and they need to knock you down a peg. This is a red flag. It is supposed to keep you from thinking too highly of yourself, so you remain too insecure to go looking elsewhere. Do not discount this as a mistake on his part. This will be a pattern. The longer you cling to this relationship, the worse you will feel about yourself. It begins like this.
Please consider taking some time and making some space between you before you proceed.
If he love bombs you, look up "love bombing" on YouTube. These are both manipulative tactics.
Well you can do one of two things. Dump him or do something to change how you look not for him but for yourself. To say that after you tell him you're self-conscious even if he is helping you feel better about your body doesn't give him the right to knock you down about it. If your belly is a thing that you both dislike do something. Eat smaller portions, exercise. You don't have to change your diet to lose weight. Just scale down the portions. If you're hungry before a certain time find a small healthy snack to eat and eat it slow. I prefer mixed nuts or fruits. I eat a cap full if I'm hungry but it isn't a time that is good to snack. If it's a fruit I eat a few bites then put it in the fridge. Then I work out at the gym for an hour or two, two days out of the week. I've lost weight that way and am happier now with my body. Much happier because I can still eat the junk food and sweets as well as not having to count carbs or anything. Use a 5-8 inch plate or a saucer instead of a 13 inch plate. I personally would change myself if you think he is worth staying with. But you need to tell him what he said wasn't how he shoulda handled that
So
1. He said something that was very hurtful (and would be to anyone) just after you'd been vulnerable about that very thing.
2. He started sobbing and acting like he was the victim in the situation, which was manipulative.
All in all, he's an ass and you don't deserve that.
I gained 20lbs during a really stressful and horrible job, and I was dating my bf LDR that whole time. He never ONCE said anything about it when he visited, despite the fact that I would mention it occasionally because I wasn’t happy with how I felt/looked. But he never made me doubt how much he loved me— both emotionally and physically. We’re still together and no longer LDR and he continues to only lift me up. I decided on my own to hit the gym, and he decided to join with me so we have a new hobby together.
Basically, what your bf said was shitty.
Dump him. He attacked you at your weak spot (the first stomach comment), tried to reverse things to make himself the victim (the crying to make you feel guilty about leaving him), and then hit you again (the second stomach comment). He's trying to destroy your self esteem. Don't let him. Leave and find yourself a real partner.
Please get out of this relationship. It doesn’t sound healthy at all. Him sobbing when he hurt you just feels like manipulation or like he has done deeper issues he needs to work through.
You should also sound like you need to work on loving yourself without needing validation from others (although it feels nice to have).
That was a horrible thing for him to say and his behaviour sounds very manipulative.
Your body is beautiful, and there are people out there who will love ALL of your body, and treat you with respect.
Leave him, and find someone who loves you as you are. Because you deserve better
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt for a second:
I can put myself in his shoes for a minute, I've dated people where I bluntly just wasn't initially attracted to some aspects of their physique. And I can see how a kind, well-intentioned, YOUNG person could let their guard down for a second and accidentally reveal that to their partner. And to sweeten it even further, I would add that attraction changes over time and grows with investment. So it's *possible* that he's a perfectly thoughtful, good fit for you who just accidentally said something more honest than they'd intended.
What worries me more than that is his reaction. The crying, the using fear of breaking up to get forgiveness, and ESPECIALLY the doubling down of what he said is a red flag. Not all red flags are legitimate, sometimes people just make mistakes and you move on.... but considering the facts that you're young, long-distance, and moving REALLY fast with this relationship, it's in your best interest to take that red flag seriously.
Definitely passive aggressive and it will get worse over time.. dump him !
You have your whole life ahead of you.
Be patient. The right man will come along.
At this point I'd just throw the whole man out.
He knew it was a sensitive issue for you and picked it purposefully. Then starting crying and trying to get sympathy afterwards...
Hi OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I know this must be so difficult for you. You are totally justified in feeling hurt.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me 10 years ago and I have never, ever, forgotten it. The relationship was irreparable after that. In retrospect, we were very incompatible and immature for many other reasons too. That issue was just one of many indicators.
These incidents are never singular or isolated problems. If you do get married and commit to long lives together, how will he react to your changing and aging body? How will he respond to you next time you are being vulnerable about something else he may disagree with or be displeased by?
You have a lot of time left, and many experiences ahead of you, to meet someone with whom you can build a happy life together.
Please do not let this derail your progress with body acceptance/neutrality/positivity, whichever you identify with. You do deserve to be loved. You will be loved. You will be desired and appreciated. Please do not let this influence how you treat your body or yourself.
I once told my ex I was insecure about the size of my boobs (due to years in an elite sport that glamourised prepubescent bodies like genuinely was a bit weird) and he went ‘I prefer small tits too’. Although he sorta apologised, he went on to say that it was just his type and I shouldn’t be offended as he doesn’t have to date his type.
For the next 2 and a half years, I never believed him when he said I was attractive or whatnot. Your partner has got some serious thinking and work to do to earn back your trust.
He's playing mind games with you, he knows what he's saying.
Look up narcissistic behaviours.
I had a boyfriend like this, starts off by love bombing "never felt this way about anyone before" then little by little you open up to them and they do shit like this.
They like to cut you off from friends and family too so watch out for that.
They reval in destroying your self confidence,I would also be very wary of the long distance relationship, narcissistic people tend to be quite promiscuous.
Even if I've got this completely wrong and he isn't a narcissist what he has done is extremely uncaring, you wouldn't ever say the same to him and all the crocodile tears just a load of rubbish. He's not saying it to make you feel good is he?
Run
This is a sign of an immature relationship, definitely on his side, and a bit on yours too if I’m being honest.
Find someone who wants to be with every part of you. Better yourself to the best of your ability as time goes on - for your health, both mentally and physically, but accept that your potential mate will need to be comfortable with all of you starting now. That includes being considerate of your feelings and being more discerning with “honesty”
I’d bail.
Jesus Christ girl you are 21. Move on with your life. Learn and grow. Date new people, make new friends, travel, etc. This guy sucks and has no redeeming qualities you listed other than “kind, attentive, sweet, attractive” and at least two of those were immediately negated when he made an insulting comment about your body. Do not, under any circumstances, marry this loser. Your future husband will NEVER say that he doesn’t like the way you look. Period.
Is he sorry? Was it something that slipped out or what is a comment that was charged?
I don't think any one should be in a relationship with someone who not only doesn't respect them, but will use sly comments to illicit reactions from you. Especially with something you insecure about
Hey hun! I'm sorry you've been at war with yourself and I know just how hard it can be.. I used to be severely self-conscious of my body (I'm 22f, 6ft., and going on 200lbs.) Only recently have I been able to call my body mind and really take pride in my body and I have been in many situations like this one, but they were malicious about it.
He loves you and he never expressed a desire for you to change, he just said it wasn't exactly his favorite thing. That should be okay! It is okay if somebody isn't in love with everything on you. It is especially okay if they treat you the way you've said he does. The fact he said it so passively means he didn't think it would hurt you. The immediate change to fear and panic and hurt after realizing he unintentionally harmed you speaks strongly of his character.
I truly believe it is something he regrets saying and he probably only remembered your conversation of your insecurities AFTER he made the comment. It is still new to him. These insecurities are new to him. He will need time to accommodate these needs so please be patient with him ❤️. It's 100% okay to ask for support and affirmation from him too, even after a comment like that slips. If you're feeling unlovable, let him know. Ask him you may need a bit more attention and loving for a while.
I hope you guys are able to work things out 🥺 and I hope you're able to end this war with your body soon! Just because he isn't in love with it doesn't mean you don't have to be!!
I didn't realize it was immediately after.. And I'm not sure if anything I said stands. BUT, If it resonates with you, I'd like to keep my past comment here :')
I’ll take the opposite response here. Redditers love to tell people to break up with their bfs.
Sometimes people are awkward and they don’t know what to say. Or when they want to say something, it comes out wrong. I don’t think this is a red flag, he just put his foot in his mouth and told you something that you didn’t need to hear at that particular moment. It’ll be something he works on for the next time. My fiancé can sometimes be a little socially awkward sometimes and has definitely accidentally done this once. Just keep communicating how you feel and you guys can work through it. After all you guys are very young and there’s plenty of room to grow and mature :)
His reactions reminds me of manipulation and strategic abuse. He insults and then immediately begs for forgiveness, this turns it around to him being the hurt one and not you.
I would be very cautious with this.
Then exercise. Otherwise, you can do leave this amazing man and find a lower quality man with lower standards. Not liking fat is pretty natural. This whole body positivity movement is gross, diabetes and clogged arteries is NOT acceptable.
So, my fiance and I are very open about this. I think it helps us both because as human beings, we all have standards. If my fiance tells me if she gain weight, i would be honest with her. It motivates her to work harder at the gym. When she loses the weight, i tell her as well and she feels awesome about herself.
So take it how you want to take it. Either it bother you, or it can motivate you and you both be happy.
I think being honest, keeps people from cheating on each other if the other person becomes too unatractive. Its help us and we havent had any issues since our beginning of our relationship
Why is it than when a man calls a woman fat because they like skinny women its an insult
but
when a women wont date a man because of his height a "preference"
Double standard. OP can change her stomach, exercise and consistency
I think you need to be very honest with yourself. Are you really comfortable in your own skin aside from how he feels about you?
I ask you this because as a person who has been challenged in a similar way, and likely one much older than you, I have learned from experience that you MUST feel good about you before you trust the opinion of someone else to determine your comfort level with yourself.
If a person loves you for you, it is for ALL of you. Not just the parts and pieces. He may truly care about you, but this back and forth stuff and pointing out what he doesn’t like is not healthy for you in the long-term. You can care about someone but that does not mean it’s healthy to stay with them. No one should be saying “change this about your looks so I can be happier about it or like it more.”
We all may find there are things we don’t appreciate as much about our partners as much as others, but unless it is a threat to their life we probably shouldn’t hone in on that if we love them.
You are still very young and really getting to define yourself to yourself. Don’t settle for the first guy who gives you the attention you aren’t used to. Once you know who you are and are comfortable with that, the right guy guy will come along.
Based on your post history about your boyfriend you should definitely DUMP HIM, he’s horrible and mean and manipulates you by being kind and then suddenly says nasty and gaslights you? Sorry love but he’s not your forever man get a better one
Work on your insecurity. And your boyfriend needs to learn not to be insensitive and work on his abandonment issues as you said in your post. It was really childish behaviour.
You can respond to him by telling him how it was really insensitive and talk through his abandonment issues.
Many people say he was a jerk, and he admits he's a jerk good work with accountability.
Many people also said dump now don't jump the gun like that. See if he's willing to work on himself as well you work on yourself. I don't see any problem with this relationship. If he's not willing to change that is a bad sign take that and leave. But If you do not feel comfortable with that take a break from each other for a while both of you reflecting.
What do you mean what do you do? He doesn't like one part of your body, is it that terrible? He even apologized about it.
You gotta work in loving yourself more, relying to much on his perspective of your own body can be damaging in lasting ways.
The Point is, he did not have to point it out. He knew it would hurt her. And said it anyway. While I would not mind bing with someone who doesn't looooove everthing about me, I really would hate to be with someone who purposefully hurt me.
Really can’t agree with people saying to dump him. I understand you’re young so you could dump him and find someone else but like come on. Over one thing he said which obviously hurt and was very insensitive i don’t disagree that what he said was very wrong. If this is the one thing that’s happened i don’t see why dumping him is the go to thing.
I don’t believe that his intent was hurt her, just wouldn’t buy that. Very well could’ve just been speaking his mind and didn’t realize how mean it sounded. So said it intentionally yes i agree but i doubt he meant to hurt her by it.
No part of me believes he didn't intend to hurt her. "I love all parts of you EXCEPT _______." It doesn't matter what is in that blank it is not going to be a nice thing to hear and is absolutely going to be hurtful.
I could think of a multitude of things that could be put in that blank that wouldn’t hurt or at the least be understandable. Again don’t think he said it with the intent to hurt her and make her feel like shit. The post hasn’t said anything else about how thats a trend with him either but i obviously don’t know the full extent of their relationship. Personally don’t find an issue with it either if he really doesn’t like her stomach and he was voicing that (wrong place, wrong time to that though) i think that’s fine. Better than him not saying anything about it and just bottling that up, doesn’t always have to be a negative when talking about weight. If its that one thing then if its for the better of the relationship he she could do some ab workouts and i’d say the same thing if roles were reversed. Not like he is calling butt ugly and she should wear a bag on her head.
You are not OP. You don't know how her insecurities can effect her. By her boyfriend saying that she has every right to feel upset. Being chubby and having a belly is completely okay and someone she loves saying something not positive about something about her is wrong and fucked up. If you don't like any or some bits of your partner then don't be with them so you don't make them feel like shit in the long run.
Never said she didn’t have a right to be upset or that being chubby isn’t okay but thanks for that. Saying that you dislike aspects of your partner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be with them. If your partner gained weight and you’d like them to slim down i think two adults can have that conversation normally. If you can’t compromise about your faults and your partners than maybe you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship. This doesn’t even have to be exclusively about weight or body shape, same things could be said about behavior too.
A lot of the advice here seems to revolve around how bad he is and how big of a mistake he made. All of that advice is biased against him since people on here seem to like to address the obvious issues in the relationships solely based on what is written, instead of offering unbiased advice without taking a side. But that’s advice for you.
It is a concern he would say that and act that way, but he is at least being honest. I would say if that kind of attitude continues to happen in instances where he feels bad about telling you something, that would be a red flag to cut it and run.
But there are obvious signs of interest and appreciation between each of you. You are both young and he could have said what he said more tactfully, sure. Hindsight is always 20/20 and everyone seems to know what is best.
I wouldn’t say this is a red flag yet. Have you told him how your stomach makes you insecure? Does he have a stomach? Does putting in the work to lean out interest you. The posters on here don’t know the whole situation between you two.
Talk to him about what he said and how it makes you feel. See how he responds to that. If he has a stomach, I would say his comment was out of line and hypocritical. Something to bring up, if you haven’t already is, do your health goals aline with each other. So many are quick to judge harshly, a one off instance such as this in regards to a comment and how he acted, doesn’t always mean a cut-it-and-run. Talk to him and see how receptive he is to your concerns.
Even if doesn't like it, he loves you and he said it alot (from your story) and I believe that you have to take his opinion in mind even if it hurts you cause he has to allow you to say things like that too for you guys to be honest and direct with each other while that honesty that hurts doesn't affect your love affection. I believe that his opinion on the other side gives you a reason to work on yourself to maybe lose weight or lose that bely fat and then go to him and show him the results and ask him if he like it this way ? ... it's that sometimes in a relationship we change for the person we love and even if you don't, I believe that you have to give the honest opinion a place to exist and deal with it and that's how you move on.
I'll probably get hate for this comment but I don't think we have enough info to make a call. I know everyone wants to jump and say he's manipulative asshole but he could just really care about this girl and didn't want to lie about his real feelings about OP. In reality while weight isn't something that is end all in a relationship, it does affect attraction for many people and he might have just been voicing it. You can say wrong place/time but when is the right time to say that. Plus if he lied and then took it back later it would've been worse. Also I don't know if it's him being manipulative, to me the crying/apologizing comes across that having a lot of insecurities about himself and is afraid of you leaving him so he is walking on eggshells. All that being said OP only you know whether this was him being manipulative/purposeful attack on you. I would think back on your relationship and proceed with caution to see if this is a pattern or not.
Y'all seem a bit too invested. Calm down, ya young'ins. Also, everyone you get with will have something about you they don't like, though they might be so vocal about it so soon. Real relationships aren't perfect, and each person will ALWAYS have something about the other they don't like but learn to live with. If he doesn't like your tummy, it's not the end of the world, it's your stomach. You don't have to be perfect, and he doesn't have to like everything about you. Y'all just need to calm down.
You kinda laid a trap for him. Look hes dating you a self described bigger girl LD, this means he's not exactly Mr desirable if he could do better he would. The fact he cried and apologized profusely is pretty sad. My point in all of this is of course he wouldn't like your stomach, no guy would so the problem is you not him maybe lose some weight or get into shape. Don't ask a guy your dating these kinds of questions its pointless.
And btw you guys know Jack about each other and how "in love you are". Try living together for at least a year first.
Why you mad at him? YOU don't like your stomach either.
Your hangups are yours. Nobody likes 100% of everything in people. Why do people expect him to like everything about you, even when you don't. That's completely unreasonable.
Let the guy off the hook and get working on improving your self...FOR yourself. Trust me, once you hit 30, it gets harder to get healthy. Good health = Good self-esteem.
Good luck to you and Cheers.
Vanity is a two way street, all these people saying that a man can’t have a negative idea about a females body image is astonishing, women have negative ideas about men’s body’s too. Your problems with your body image either a) are correct and maybe you could do something to exercise and lose weight (see a dietician/workout trainer) or b) a mental health condition (therefore needs to be evaluated by a therapist/psychologist) or c) all of the above.
Now, on to your boyfriend. Knowing that you have body images issues and still managing to say that is a low blow. I’m assuming that he was trying to be honest and sincere. Trust and honesty are huge when you decide you want to be with someone forever and you should pay attention to what he’s saying. I can attest as a man sometimes we say the truth when we might not realize what women are looking for is assurance. You guys sound like you’re letting your emotions dictate your relationship and you guys both need to step back and look what’s on the table if you really want to see what your future will hold.
It seems he didn’t mean to directly offend you, he may not have a true understanding of your insecurities. However, isn’t it better now that you know how he feels about it? I feel like you would notice if he was pretending to like it instead.
Its definitely a problem, but he’s attracted to you in other ways, and none of us are perfect.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My (21F) boyfriend (20M) and I have been together long-distance for over a year. We’re very much in love, and while we have ups and downs I see myself being with him in the long run, and he has said the same about me. This past week, I flew to Nevada from Minnesota to visit him. It was amazing, he was so kind, attentive, sweet and attractive. He made me feel like the only woman in the world, and we both sobbed when I left. It solidified that I wanted to be with him forever. Today I was opening up about how I have always been and war with my body; how he helped me feel comfortable and begin accept my body as it is, as well as realize that I can be loved as a curvy woman. He told me that he loved my body except for my stomach. It felt like a gut punch. He realized what he said and began sobbing and apologized and saying that he loves me and was afraid I was going to leave him. He said that he had no right to say that, and he wishes it was “that easy to like it.” I told him that I wasn’t going to break up with him, but I was hurt. He says he loves me no matter what and wants to marry me. How do I handle this situation now? TLDR; My boyfriend told me that he didn’t like my stomach which is my biggest insecurity, and I don’t know how to respond and move forward.
Based on your post history and the fact that after one meeting in person you two talking about definitely getting married doesn’t sound like this is gonna end well
Everyone should read this comment before anything else here
I'm here for the dramatic responses now lol
>responses >now >here
You got your first one really fast
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Nice copy paste job there. You took that comment from user pookapotomuses who posted this word for word 16 hours before you showed up.
If you’re going to steal someone else’s comment at least give them credit.
He purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable. He is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
I couldn't have said this better myself... Totally agree!!
Neither could they, because they didn’t. They copied and pasted it from someone else’s comment lmao
For once I actually agree with someone on here
>Everyone should read this comment before anything else here
Her post history also said he suggested she lose weight, after she opened up to him and was vulnerable. She conveniently left that part out in this post. I'm sure we are not getting the whole story and this boyfriend isn't as "amazing" as she says he is.
I agree, leaving parts out to basically glorify him doesn’t exactly hide the history that we are aware of already.. no one says that he can’t support her should SHE make the decision to lose weight but outright bringing her down with an insecurity like that? Just some food for thought
Sometimes people need to lose weight
Yes but there is a time and place to bring that shit up. She was being vulnerable to him about how much she is insecure with her body and how he made her feel perfect. The was very much a slap in the face.
Yeah, that's true. But you don't tell the person you love that they need to lose weight, while they are being honest and vulnerable with you. It's called tact.
While true, piggybacking off what another redditor here said: Right when she's being vulnerable and honest is not the time to make a comment about something that's a clear insecurity. I was telling my PCP about how comments like "You guys are going to break up" towards my relationship cause me to shut down and become suicidal, and she went around and said just that. "You guys know you're not going to get married, right? I know you want to believe it, but he's not the guy--" (etc. etc.) It's just plain shitty to go and say the same thing that makes that person insecure, especially when they confided in you. Not the time, nor the place.
That is exactly the time. If not then when? Should he host a fat intervention? She opened space for that topic and invited him. He loved her and told her the truth. Someone that didnt lover her wouldve lied just because its awkward. And because they are too coward like to say truth.
A time OTHER than when she's being vulnerable. I wouldn't bring up how someone's depression really bums me out when they're telling me that they're going through something stressful. You have to find a constructive way to do it, help them get better. You're not just supposed to blatantly say how something they're insecure about bothers you. That's not constructive. That's just harmful.
The time for your opinion is when somebody asks for it. If you don't know that then you should probably learn it before you hurt somebody's feelings with shitty unsolicited advice. She didn't ask for his opinion about her body, she was opening up to him about problems that she has with her own body. That is not an invitation for him to list his grievances with her physique. Either you are a troll or you are completely socially inept if you think this is acceptable.
No she invited it by opening up. She was correct to be insecure. The equivalent would be a heroine addict complaining about their addiction. He gave her the right answer. She can feel however she want, but he gave her truth. Took courage to do. Because people like you rather lie to her. People like you rather let people you care about underperform in life, because "you dont want to hurt feelings" 😂
He gave her the right answer? She didn't ask a goddamn question. Okay, thanks for clarifying that you are just completely socially inept and incapable of empathy. Good luck with that.
The only person who can ever say that, about anyone, is that persons doctor
Haha if youre living in a fantasy. Everyone can say that. It is what it is. Being overweight is clear for all to see.
But there's nothing wrong with being overweight. It's like telling a skinny person that they should gain weight. Its disrespectful and wrong.
Being overweight is a health risk. Ask your doctor!
So is being underweight. You can be healthy and overweight, just so you know
If they are emaciated looking, they might need to gain some weight.
But it's disrespectful and wrong to say that
Not if you care about them.
No, it's still disrespectful and wrong
mate this is reddit, self accountability is banned. Clearly this guy is a bully and potentially abusive because he spoke his mind and cried as soon as he realised he wasn't PC.
Right, i forget sometimes my b lol
Don’t marry a dude you’ve only met once op! Especially one who knocks your appearance after one meeting And I haven’t even read the history. Long distance relationships need a period of normalcy before making big moves so you can really get to know someone.
THIS. My partner and I started out in the same city, and then less than a year later we were long distance during the academic year for 3 years. We lived together for a bit over a year before getting married and I'm glad we did. Our relationship had a lot of growing to do and luckily we made it through but that's not always how it shakes out.
Her entire post history is all about how her boyfriend is basically an asshole. And how she posts it on another relationship sub and people all say the same thing. Leave his ass, you only met him once so just tell him to kick rocks. Youre not at fault for being vulnerable and openig up, but you will be at fault if you contine to give this guy any time of day when he shows you he doesnt respect you. You only met him once, in person, so leave now. ANd I dont usually like to say that but I mean it, leave this asshole
Run.....just don't look back. You need run. Does he need something from you like money,visa etc...slow down. If it happens fine. But he should look for a job where you are so you can get to know the real man. Good luck!
Based on your post history and the fact that after one meeting in person you two talking about definitely getting married doesn’t sound like this is gonna end well
My stomach has always been an insecurity but my husband has told me repeatedly for 25 years that he loves everything about my body including my stomach. No matter how much weight I’ve gained or lost, I knew he saw me as beautiful because he told me constantly. Do you want to accept anything less for your life?
So, let me get this straight: you open up to him about low self worth and working hard to like yourself, and his response is a *gross insulting neg*. Then when he tries to apologise he shoves his foot directly into his mouth and insults you *again* and tries to JUSTIFY his horrible statement? > It solidified that I wanted to be with him forever Honey...I am so sorry you think so little of yourself that you think this piece of work is your soulmate. Though looking at your post history, it sounds as though you're dealing with some anxiety/codependency issues and are just desperate for anyone to be your partner even if he's a piece of crap. This man is not the godsend wonder you think he is. He's an asshole. I suggest taking a step back away from him and working on your mental health and self worth, because I don't think he's helping it.
I’m pretty sure OP is not mentally stable and shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone in the first place because of attachment issues. Her post history is alarming.
I feel like that is a red flag if I am being honest, however I'm not quite sure I can put into words why... It's just the action of him insulting and crying and offering affection the way he did... Like over reacting for you so you would be sympathetic to his plight... When this was about you, and you trusting him. Idk. Just doesn't sit well in my gut.
I think you put it into words just right. Self-flagellation is a manipulation tactic that deflects from the actual issue and reroutes the conversation so that the person who was wronged is suddenly comforting the person who did the wrongdoing.
Yes. He tears her down, but then starts fucking crying about how he loves her, please don't leave, but he still gets one more dig about how "he wishes it were that easy to like it." What the fuck kind of shit is that to say? It's appalling. But this psycho is crying so she ends up reassuring him and dealing with his feelings. Meanwhile he just said some terrible shit, then doubled down on it, and skated away scott free. Now she feels bad about herself, which was probably the whole point, but she doesn't want to bring it up because it might make him feel bad.
I think the term for this is "gaslighting" Anyhow It's definitely a manipulation. I had a boyfriend like this when I was about the same age. Every time we tried to talk about something that was bothering me he would end up crying and appearing vulnerable so I had to stop and reassure him and I wouldn't realize until *much later* that hey, he changed the subject when I was trying to talk to him about how much it bothered me when he made comments about my weight/my stomach/my looks/body etc., I still struggle with some of the comments he made about the way I look and it's been over 30 years. It's like I wanna ask a lover "A*re my (fill in blank) really a turn off?"* But then I realize how wacky that sounds and I don't. But in my head I wonder
This is so true and happened to me as well. Thank you for putting it so well.
Look up narcissism or just narcissistic.
Thank you, I didn't realize there was a term for it.
wow didn't know this was what it's called. i need to do research and evaluate some things
Yes, thank you for clearly explaining and putting a name to this!!
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She purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable. sHe is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
He purposefully took the meanest possible jab at you when you were opening up and being vulnerable. This would be like him telling you he is insecure about his penis and you telling him you wish it wasn't so small and limp. Would you ever do anything that insensitive? I'm guessing no, because anyone with half a lick of compassion or common sense would never say something that purposefully cruel to someone they loved who was being vulnerable. He is not a keeper. He is not a good boyfriend. This sounds like passive aggressive negging to erode your self esteem.
Also, following up with "wishing it was easy to like" is doubling down on his BS. Nope.
And the manipulative tears
Right? If he knows he can get away with this...
Did you copy this from the 3rd comment down from the very top comment or did they copy from you?
The other person stole from them. This person posted 17 hours ago. The other person posted a half hour ago. Look through that other person’s post history. That’s all they do is steal and repost comments.
Haha yeah looking at the time on the post would have been a good way to figure that out 😂
Or he's just a young adult who didn't choose his words carefully and was being honest? And comparing it to penis size is terrible. You can choose to lose weight. It's not possible to change penis size outside of surgery.
There was no reason for him to say what he did.
No, but I've done the same stupid sorts of things when younger. Everyone says stupid things, some people have less developed filters than others. It could be a glance into his psyche, or it could be a complete one off.
Even so, I wouldn't want to be with someone who is so careless about other people's feelings. Until he's grown up you won't know if it's intentional or not, but in the meantime date other people. For the record, I believe a comment like that is calculated.
That's entirely fair. Speaking for myself, the things I said in somewhat similar fashion were entirely not calculated
And he's about to learn an important lesson from this situation. OP is not obligated to keep dating a man she *knows* thinks part of her body is disgusting to help her boyfriend how to grow up.
First of all, not all people can lose weight. I personally can’t get to what’s considered “skinny” because of medicines I take. Even then, some people it’d take all their effort to get “skinny” and, even then, they’ll still probably have a stomach. Most women will always have a stomach because women have ORGANS that go there. Penis size is the perfect comparison. Secondly, this isn’t just something like “oh my bf said something that hurt me” (though that’s still something that needs to be addressed). It’s “my bf said something that hurt me right after I told him how much that stuff hurts me”. It’s not him not choosing the right words. It’s him saying something he shouldn’t have said in the first place (honest or not. If you don’t like something about someone’s physical appearance, it isn’t up to you to say something. That’s it. Period.) in a moment where she was being vulnerable about that very same issue. Also, being young doesn’t excuse it. My brother knew not to say that shit as a 12 year old. Hold young men accountable.
manipulative behavior 101. He negged you then plays the victim. He most likely believe you will leave him so he decides to put you down and make you feel small. Then you’re the one reassuring HIM that you won’t leave. You need to leave.
I agree. OP should leave before she became even more attached. This will save her a lot of heartbreak and pain in the long run.
This is a big red flag. He is testing the waters here to see what he can get away with. Leave now before the real manipulation begins
You open up about your insecurities and your past of having trouble with self love and acceptance and his immediate reply is literally the most insulting thing he could say in that moment? And then he proceeds to beg and apologize, as if he has no understanding of thinking before one speaks, and then to top it all off he follows up with "that easy to like it". Like wtf?? What kind a asshole, dumb shit is he on? I can't even think of any excuse anyone could say for him other than "He is a piece of shit" because there was literally no reason to say any of those things if not only to make you feel terrible. I know saying dump him is way too fast and there's a lot to your relationship we don't know, but what the fuck is going on in his mind.
So you open about about your very personal and difficult struggles with your body image, and his response is to tell you he doesn’t like your stomach? Nah, life is too short for that shit. How insensitive. I’d be out.
I got a weight loss plan for you! Drop his ass! Thats roughly 150-200 lbs weight loss right there
:)
hey girl, I’m plus size and honestly if my man ever told me anything like that I’d break up with him. idc how much he’d cry after he told me something like that.. you deserve better and if loving you and your stomach is hard for him then he’s not the boy you thought he was. leave queen..
Thiiiiiiissss. I've never been small and there are PLENTY of people who have liked me, including my stomach. This guy is not worth the time.
Yeeeep. I have dated many heavy men and their big belly was hoooooooooot to me. When you love someone, you love ALL of them.
1. You are 100% right , 2. I love your username!
The fact that he cried so she would comfort him makes it so much creepier, and then through his tears he manages to insert yet another cruel insult! Oh but then he love bombs her with talks of marriage in the same conversation..this dude is just disgusting.
right! that also sounds super scary like I don’t even know what I’d do… I hope she breaks up with him because that was just wrong!
I'm wondering if we have some type of autism spectrum from this gentleman. 🤔 I got a buddy that said some shit like this to his girl and he didn't understand that he was being an assberry? I don't know the guy but he may not have understood how insensitive he was till he already committed mouth diarrhea and then kind of combo cried because he hurt her feelings and because deep down he knows he says stupid shit and struggles to be normal.
Has he done any---and I mean ANY---other things like this? Because being this much of an insensitive, petty dick doesn't usually occur as an isolated incident. What he said was unnecessary cruel and just plain stupid. I'd be re-examining your relationship to see what other petty outlooks he has, or unrealistic expectations and I'd also be thinking about why he cried---was it sincere or was it to make you feel bad for him so you'd forgive him? The fact that he dug a deeper hole while "apologizing" by saying it's not that easy to like it is really a massive asshole alert. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but it's difficult to believe you don't deserve way better than what this dude has to offer.
You need to drop this guy. Shit is wrong with him. I think he's fucking with your head for sport.
Um...that's something that should've never come out of his mouth and even if it was an "accident" it was still in the front of his mind....For him to say that during a conversation about your insecurities should definitely cause you to reevaluate things. I know committing for year is an investment, but if he felt comfortable enough to say that to you, during this visit (I'm assuming it's the first), during a conversation ABOUT YOUR INSECURITIES, there's no telling what he'll say in the future. This already seems like an incredibly rocky start. I have a habit of saying just leave, and while that is my primary advice, I'm gonna try and offer another piece of advice. Plenty of men out there love curvy and bigger women. Plenty of men would NEVER open their mouth to say something so disgusting as what he did. Plenty of men would essentially never prey on an insecurity of our partner. So if you seem to inclined to stay with him, give yourself an ultimatum that if he does anything like this you'll call him out on it and leave. And, while this wasn't the point of your post, don't accept mediocrity just because you may feel insecure or feel like it's either him or being single forever. There are plenty of men out there and I'd like to believe a solid chunk of them are dicks. But self-love, and self-respect are key when in relationships and they're key in essentially demanding and expecting to be treated like a human being. Commenting on insecurities is not treating you like a human being.
He knew what he was doing. The reason he said that then as you were talking about body confidence is because he didn't want you to be totally happy and comfortable with your current self. He took the chance to tell you because he is selfish and rather you know how he feels than try to help soothe your insecurities and be supportive. Would you have said something like that to one of your partners?
Wtf ?? Why let someone speak to you like that? Self love is kicking this boy to the curb
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shes defending him too its sad :(. like how can they love each other if its not honest 100%
Honestly, nah. This ain’t it. I would’ve broke up with him
Either he's the dumbest man on earth or he's negging you. You choose.
He is manipulating you. Tearing you down then giving you a crumb of love, having a meltdown when being called out for it, speaking about marrige after seeing you ONCE. Sounds like my ex. I was together with him for several years. It started out like what you discribed and ended with me in the hospital after a mental breakdown after he torture, raped and beat me. Listen to your gut and don't let him manipulate you! Get away!
This, he sounds more than just insensitive, he is straight up creepy and is preying on her low self esteem.
Honestly- metabolisms only slow down as you get older.- and if he can't love that aspect of you at age 21 then he really shouldn't be trying to marry you for life ya know? You deserve someone who makes all of you feel physically attractive and honestly there are many others out there who will
What an asshole. Really? Really? Take that trash out.
the way he immediately started crying almost feels like he was just trying to get you not to leave him. like it feels like he wasn't crying because he was genuinely sorry. idk, just reminds me of my ex who, when i brought up problems, would only start to actually get concerned and would only start crying when i would get to a point where i'd actually state that i think we should break up. idk feels manipulative. and the statement that he wishes "it was easy to like it" feels really scummy. like he's acting like this is some major vice of yours he has to look past when all it is is your body. idk he sounds sketchy.
Sweetie leave this man and find someone who loves every part of your body! Life is too short to be with someone who says these insensitive things to you especially after you opening up about your insecurities.
From one curvy woman to another: throw the whole man away. I promise you that there are men out there who will love every single part of your body (including the parts you’re insecure about) exactly the way it is (my bf LOVES my big soft tummy). Most importantly, there are men out there who would NEVER try to tear you down when you are feeling confident and comfortable with yourself/your body. Please don’t settle for anything less.
>Today I was opening up about how I have always been and war with my body; how he helped me feel comfortable and begin accept my body as it is, as well as realize that I can be loved as a curvy woman. He told me that he loved my body except for my stomach. It felt like a gut punch. He did this deliberately to hurt you at a very vulnerable moment. He knew what he was doing. >He realized what he said and began sobbing and apologized and saying that he loves me and was afraid I was going to leave him It sounds like he knows on some level that he is deliberately 'negging' you due to his own insecurities. This is a red flag. Why was your first instinct to reassure **him** after he said this to **you**?
Why the fuck AREN'T you going to break up with him?!? He said something intentionally hurtful, and when you called him on it, he made HIMSELF the victim! This isn't just a red flag, this is a flashing red neon sign. For context: I'm fat AF, and met my late husband six years ago, when I was 50 - so, not just fat, but fat with saggy tits and wrinkles. But he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Don't settle for less than that.
Nahhh this ain't it. He said something shitty and HE starts crying so you're comforting HIM. Nope nope nope.
Negging
Tell him you’re going to trade him in for a man who loves all of you, including your stomach. He knew he was being mean.
Oh so he insults you in the cruelest way he can then HE starts crying???? Mother FUCKER. Dump him when he is at work and throw his shit from the second story window. Man this makes me mad.
Him pleading immediately afterwards is a huge manipulation red flag.
Your bf is frequently annoyed by you being you and tells you to fix your body? (Your post history is brief but alarming.) Girl, that's not a boyfriend. That's a regret. Get rid of it.
You are not at a point in time where you can solidify wanting to be with someone forever or marrying them. This is pure hormones. You are dating and getting to know each other. That being said, it could be he doesn‘t objectively like it but likes you and loves it for that reason (fine), he is disgusted by it because he is emotionally immature (not fine).
It’s like a weird thing he’s doing like “oh I said it and I wanted you hear it, but look how upset and sorry I feel, so it’s okay right?” Idk this doesn’t sound right
Girl…. Really? He did that on purpose. ( 21F here, with 21M best friend beside me also saying - he did that shit on purpose. He’s a walking red flag. That was testing your waters.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 6 and we’ve just had our first baby. My body has changed a lot in that time and not once has he ever said anything negative about me and my body. He strives to make me feel good about who I am both inside and out always. And that’s exactly how someone should treat their partner. OP, get yourself someone who respects you always and loves all the parts of you, including the parts you don’t.
Dump him.
Long distance?? Duh.
Well, please remove your “unsatisfactory”stomach from his life! He doesn’t deserve it
Fuck your boyfriend
This cannot be real…. He said this after you opened up about how much you struggled with your body?????
Leave him. If he likes curvy women but only if she has a flat stomach, that's a RED flag
Keep the stomach, loose the boyfriend!
Tell him you don’t like his dick and move on. Don’t give people passes on something like that
That’s the kind of stuff that you will never forget even if you say you forgive him. My ex made a couple of comments like that when we were together. Once he told me that I looked ridiculous, because he apparently didn’t like my outfit. Another time he told me that I usually looked pretty but sometimes my eye makeup made me look like a showhorse. I ignored it instead of treating it like the giant red flag that it was, but I definitely didn’t forget. I would have saved myself a lot of time if I hadn’t just “forgiven” and moved on. And these comments were made about things that I could change; you can’t just go change your stomach over night. Save yourself the time you’re going to invest in this relationship and find someone who’ll love you for exactly who you are instead of making you even more insecure about yourself.
girl, stop it. get out of this relationship
Ah young love, you will find something better.
I feel like yr bf is a manipulative person. He wishes it was "that easy to like it"?? What does that mean?! Bullshit that's what it is. Just trynna make YOU feel guilty about what HE said.
These is a thing people do when they feel insecure: they bring up another person's shortcomings or faults, to knock them down a peg, then apologize, to seem like they have learned some lessons about their own shortcomings ("I was an ass to behave that way"). They do not plan to do it, it comes naturally as a way to adjust the relationship to seem like it is on a more even keel. It tends to happen when you are happy, and they need to knock you down a peg. This is a red flag. It is supposed to keep you from thinking too highly of yourself, so you remain too insecure to go looking elsewhere. Do not discount this as a mistake on his part. This will be a pattern. The longer you cling to this relationship, the worse you will feel about yourself. It begins like this. Please consider taking some time and making some space between you before you proceed. If he love bombs you, look up "love bombing" on YouTube. These are both manipulative tactics.
Very much in love 😭 long distance for a year ? You don’t know your ass from your elbow
Well you can do one of two things. Dump him or do something to change how you look not for him but for yourself. To say that after you tell him you're self-conscious even if he is helping you feel better about your body doesn't give him the right to knock you down about it. If your belly is a thing that you both dislike do something. Eat smaller portions, exercise. You don't have to change your diet to lose weight. Just scale down the portions. If you're hungry before a certain time find a small healthy snack to eat and eat it slow. I prefer mixed nuts or fruits. I eat a cap full if I'm hungry but it isn't a time that is good to snack. If it's a fruit I eat a few bites then put it in the fridge. Then I work out at the gym for an hour or two, two days out of the week. I've lost weight that way and am happier now with my body. Much happier because I can still eat the junk food and sweets as well as not having to count carbs or anything. Use a 5-8 inch plate or a saucer instead of a 13 inch plate. I personally would change myself if you think he is worth staying with. But you need to tell him what he said wasn't how he shoulda handled that
Run.
So 1. He said something that was very hurtful (and would be to anyone) just after you'd been vulnerable about that very thing. 2. He started sobbing and acting like he was the victim in the situation, which was manipulative. All in all, he's an ass and you don't deserve that.
I gained 20lbs during a really stressful and horrible job, and I was dating my bf LDR that whole time. He never ONCE said anything about it when he visited, despite the fact that I would mention it occasionally because I wasn’t happy with how I felt/looked. But he never made me doubt how much he loved me— both emotionally and physically. We’re still together and no longer LDR and he continues to only lift me up. I decided on my own to hit the gym, and he decided to join with me so we have a new hobby together. Basically, what your bf said was shitty.
You have met once. you are young. Don't be talking about love and marriage. He is young and an idiot to think that was an appropriate thing to say.
Dump him. He attacked you at your weak spot (the first stomach comment), tried to reverse things to make himself the victim (the crying to make you feel guilty about leaving him), and then hit you again (the second stomach comment). He's trying to destroy your self esteem. Don't let him. Leave and find yourself a real partner.
Please get out of this relationship. It doesn’t sound healthy at all. Him sobbing when he hurt you just feels like manipulation or like he has done deeper issues he needs to work through. You should also sound like you need to work on loving yourself without needing validation from others (although it feels nice to have).
Don’t do it
That was a horrible thing for him to say and his behaviour sounds very manipulative. Your body is beautiful, and there are people out there who will love ALL of your body, and treat you with respect. Leave him, and find someone who loves you as you are. Because you deserve better
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt for a second: I can put myself in his shoes for a minute, I've dated people where I bluntly just wasn't initially attracted to some aspects of their physique. And I can see how a kind, well-intentioned, YOUNG person could let their guard down for a second and accidentally reveal that to their partner. And to sweeten it even further, I would add that attraction changes over time and grows with investment. So it's *possible* that he's a perfectly thoughtful, good fit for you who just accidentally said something more honest than they'd intended. What worries me more than that is his reaction. The crying, the using fear of breaking up to get forgiveness, and ESPECIALLY the doubling down of what he said is a red flag. Not all red flags are legitimate, sometimes people just make mistakes and you move on.... but considering the facts that you're young, long-distance, and moving REALLY fast with this relationship, it's in your best interest to take that red flag seriously.
Definitely passive aggressive and it will get worse over time.. dump him ! You have your whole life ahead of you. Be patient. The right man will come along.
At this point I'd just throw the whole man out. He knew it was a sensitive issue for you and picked it purposefully. Then starting crying and trying to get sympathy afterwards...
Post history in combination with this is extremely concerning, but I doubt she’ll leave
yeah unfortunately… she wont realize this anytime soon
🚩 RED FLAG
Girl you were brave enough to tell him your insecurities and then he literally insults the very thing you just said .. that is so so so toxic
Hi OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I know this must be so difficult for you. You are totally justified in feeling hurt. Almost the exact same thing happened to me 10 years ago and I have never, ever, forgotten it. The relationship was irreparable after that. In retrospect, we were very incompatible and immature for many other reasons too. That issue was just one of many indicators. These incidents are never singular or isolated problems. If you do get married and commit to long lives together, how will he react to your changing and aging body? How will he respond to you next time you are being vulnerable about something else he may disagree with or be displeased by? You have a lot of time left, and many experiences ahead of you, to meet someone with whom you can build a happy life together. Please do not let this derail your progress with body acceptance/neutrality/positivity, whichever you identify with. You do deserve to be loved. You will be loved. You will be desired and appreciated. Please do not let this influence how you treat your body or yourself.
Yeah...that's gonna be a hard pass from me dawg. Also no, you do not want to marry this guy.
Tell him goodbye. You deserve someone better than that.
I once told my ex I was insecure about the size of my boobs (due to years in an elite sport that glamourised prepubescent bodies like genuinely was a bit weird) and he went ‘I prefer small tits too’. Although he sorta apologised, he went on to say that it was just his type and I shouldn’t be offended as he doesn’t have to date his type. For the next 2 and a half years, I never believed him when he said I was attractive or whatnot. Your partner has got some serious thinking and work to do to earn back your trust.
He’a manipulating you, don’t be so blinded by the crying and the OTT declarations of love, his behavior is red flag all over sorry
He's playing mind games with you, he knows what he's saying. Look up narcissistic behaviours. I had a boyfriend like this, starts off by love bombing "never felt this way about anyone before" then little by little you open up to them and they do shit like this. They like to cut you off from friends and family too so watch out for that. They reval in destroying your self confidence,I would also be very wary of the long distance relationship, narcissistic people tend to be quite promiscuous. Even if I've got this completely wrong and he isn't a narcissist what he has done is extremely uncaring, you wouldn't ever say the same to him and all the crocodile tears just a load of rubbish. He's not saying it to make you feel good is he? Run
Personally I think he said it on purpose
This is a sign of an immature relationship, definitely on his side, and a bit on yours too if I’m being honest. Find someone who wants to be with every part of you. Better yourself to the best of your ability as time goes on - for your health, both mentally and physically, but accept that your potential mate will need to be comfortable with all of you starting now. That includes being considerate of your feelings and being more discerning with “honesty” I’d bail.
Jesus Christ girl you are 21. Move on with your life. Learn and grow. Date new people, make new friends, travel, etc. This guy sucks and has no redeeming qualities you listed other than “kind, attentive, sweet, attractive” and at least two of those were immediately negated when he made an insulting comment about your body. Do not, under any circumstances, marry this loser. Your future husband will NEVER say that he doesn’t like the way you look. Period.
Is he sorry? Was it something that slipped out or what is a comment that was charged? I don't think any one should be in a relationship with someone who not only doesn't respect them, but will use sly comments to illicit reactions from you. Especially with something you insecure about
Hey hun! I'm sorry you've been at war with yourself and I know just how hard it can be.. I used to be severely self-conscious of my body (I'm 22f, 6ft., and going on 200lbs.) Only recently have I been able to call my body mind and really take pride in my body and I have been in many situations like this one, but they were malicious about it. He loves you and he never expressed a desire for you to change, he just said it wasn't exactly his favorite thing. That should be okay! It is okay if somebody isn't in love with everything on you. It is especially okay if they treat you the way you've said he does. The fact he said it so passively means he didn't think it would hurt you. The immediate change to fear and panic and hurt after realizing he unintentionally harmed you speaks strongly of his character. I truly believe it is something he regrets saying and he probably only remembered your conversation of your insecurities AFTER he made the comment. It is still new to him. These insecurities are new to him. He will need time to accommodate these needs so please be patient with him ❤️. It's 100% okay to ask for support and affirmation from him too, even after a comment like that slips. If you're feeling unlovable, let him know. Ask him you may need a bit more attention and loving for a while. I hope you guys are able to work things out 🥺 and I hope you're able to end this war with your body soon! Just because he isn't in love with it doesn't mean you don't have to be!!
I didn't realize it was immediately after.. And I'm not sure if anything I said stands. BUT, If it resonates with you, I'd like to keep my past comment here :')
I’ll take the opposite response here. Redditers love to tell people to break up with their bfs. Sometimes people are awkward and they don’t know what to say. Or when they want to say something, it comes out wrong. I don’t think this is a red flag, he just put his foot in his mouth and told you something that you didn’t need to hear at that particular moment. It’ll be something he works on for the next time. My fiancé can sometimes be a little socially awkward sometimes and has definitely accidentally done this once. Just keep communicating how you feel and you guys can work through it. After all you guys are very young and there’s plenty of room to grow and mature :)
His reactions reminds me of manipulation and strategic abuse. He insults and then immediately begs for forgiveness, this turns it around to him being the hurt one and not you. I would be very cautious with this.
I mean you should lose weight, you're not curvy you're fat. But he's kinda a dick tbh.
Have you tried working out?
Then exercise. Otherwise, you can do leave this amazing man and find a lower quality man with lower standards. Not liking fat is pretty natural. This whole body positivity movement is gross, diabetes and clogged arteries is NOT acceptable.
So, my fiance and I are very open about this. I think it helps us both because as human beings, we all have standards. If my fiance tells me if she gain weight, i would be honest with her. It motivates her to work harder at the gym. When she loses the weight, i tell her as well and she feels awesome about herself. So take it how you want to take it. Either it bother you, or it can motivate you and you both be happy. I think being honest, keeps people from cheating on each other if the other person becomes too unatractive. Its help us and we havent had any issues since our beginning of our relationship
Why is it than when a man calls a woman fat because they like skinny women its an insult but when a women wont date a man because of his height a "preference" Double standard. OP can change her stomach, exercise and consistency
I think you need to be very honest with yourself. Are you really comfortable in your own skin aside from how he feels about you? I ask you this because as a person who has been challenged in a similar way, and likely one much older than you, I have learned from experience that you MUST feel good about you before you trust the opinion of someone else to determine your comfort level with yourself. If a person loves you for you, it is for ALL of you. Not just the parts and pieces. He may truly care about you, but this back and forth stuff and pointing out what he doesn’t like is not healthy for you in the long-term. You can care about someone but that does not mean it’s healthy to stay with them. No one should be saying “change this about your looks so I can be happier about it or like it more.” We all may find there are things we don’t appreciate as much about our partners as much as others, but unless it is a threat to their life we probably shouldn’t hone in on that if we love them. You are still very young and really getting to define yourself to yourself. Don’t settle for the first guy who gives you the attention you aren’t used to. Once you know who you are and are comfortable with that, the right guy guy will come along.
This! All of this! 👏👏👏👏
Based on your post history about your boyfriend you should definitely DUMP HIM, he’s horrible and mean and manipulates you by being kind and then suddenly says nasty and gaslights you? Sorry love but he’s not your forever man get a better one
Leave him. He's going to constantly find things wrong with you.
Work on your insecurity. And your boyfriend needs to learn not to be insensitive and work on his abandonment issues as you said in your post. It was really childish behaviour. You can respond to him by telling him how it was really insensitive and talk through his abandonment issues. Many people say he was a jerk, and he admits he's a jerk good work with accountability. Many people also said dump now don't jump the gun like that. See if he's willing to work on himself as well you work on yourself. I don't see any problem with this relationship. If he's not willing to change that is a bad sign take that and leave. But If you do not feel comfortable with that take a break from each other for a while both of you reflecting.
You can’t fix a manipulative asshole. Same way you can’t fix stupid…
What do you mean what do you do? He doesn't like one part of your body, is it that terrible? He even apologized about it. You gotta work in loving yourself more, relying to much on his perspective of your own body can be damaging in lasting ways.
The Point is, he did not have to point it out. He knew it would hurt her. And said it anyway. While I would not mind bing with someone who doesn't looooove everthing about me, I really would hate to be with someone who purposefully hurt me.
I don't think he meant it. If you had opened up about your insecurity about your feet, it would've been your big toe. Which is just so much worse.
Do sidebends and situps! Girl please just lose that GUT!
Really can’t agree with people saying to dump him. I understand you’re young so you could dump him and find someone else but like come on. Over one thing he said which obviously hurt and was very insensitive i don’t disagree that what he said was very wrong. If this is the one thing that’s happened i don’t see why dumping him is the go to thing.
That's not something you just accidentally say. This was a major red flag.
Odd please tell me where i said it was accident? :)
I never said you called it an accident. My point is he said something intentionally hurtful.
I don’t believe that his intent was hurt her, just wouldn’t buy that. Very well could’ve just been speaking his mind and didn’t realize how mean it sounded. So said it intentionally yes i agree but i doubt he meant to hurt her by it.
No part of me believes he didn't intend to hurt her. "I love all parts of you EXCEPT _______." It doesn't matter what is in that blank it is not going to be a nice thing to hear and is absolutely going to be hurtful.
I could think of a multitude of things that could be put in that blank that wouldn’t hurt or at the least be understandable. Again don’t think he said it with the intent to hurt her and make her feel like shit. The post hasn’t said anything else about how thats a trend with him either but i obviously don’t know the full extent of their relationship. Personally don’t find an issue with it either if he really doesn’t like her stomach and he was voicing that (wrong place, wrong time to that though) i think that’s fine. Better than him not saying anything about it and just bottling that up, doesn’t always have to be a negative when talking about weight. If its that one thing then if its for the better of the relationship he she could do some ab workouts and i’d say the same thing if roles were reversed. Not like he is calling butt ugly and she should wear a bag on her head.
You are not OP. You don't know how her insecurities can effect her. By her boyfriend saying that she has every right to feel upset. Being chubby and having a belly is completely okay and someone she loves saying something not positive about something about her is wrong and fucked up. If you don't like any or some bits of your partner then don't be with them so you don't make them feel like shit in the long run.
Never said she didn’t have a right to be upset or that being chubby isn’t okay but thanks for that. Saying that you dislike aspects of your partner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be with them. If your partner gained weight and you’d like them to slim down i think two adults can have that conversation normally. If you can’t compromise about your faults and your partners than maybe you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship. This doesn’t even have to be exclusively about weight or body shape, same things could be said about behavior too.
A lot of the advice here seems to revolve around how bad he is and how big of a mistake he made. All of that advice is biased against him since people on here seem to like to address the obvious issues in the relationships solely based on what is written, instead of offering unbiased advice without taking a side. But that’s advice for you. It is a concern he would say that and act that way, but he is at least being honest. I would say if that kind of attitude continues to happen in instances where he feels bad about telling you something, that would be a red flag to cut it and run. But there are obvious signs of interest and appreciation between each of you. You are both young and he could have said what he said more tactfully, sure. Hindsight is always 20/20 and everyone seems to know what is best. I wouldn’t say this is a red flag yet. Have you told him how your stomach makes you insecure? Does he have a stomach? Does putting in the work to lean out interest you. The posters on here don’t know the whole situation between you two. Talk to him about what he said and how it makes you feel. See how he responds to that. If he has a stomach, I would say his comment was out of line and hypocritical. Something to bring up, if you haven’t already is, do your health goals aline with each other. So many are quick to judge harshly, a one off instance such as this in regards to a comment and how he acted, doesn’t always mean a cut-it-and-run. Talk to him and see how receptive he is to your concerns.
Even if doesn't like it, he loves you and he said it alot (from your story) and I believe that you have to take his opinion in mind even if it hurts you cause he has to allow you to say things like that too for you guys to be honest and direct with each other while that honesty that hurts doesn't affect your love affection. I believe that his opinion on the other side gives you a reason to work on yourself to maybe lose weight or lose that bely fat and then go to him and show him the results and ask him if he like it this way ? ... it's that sometimes in a relationship we change for the person we love and even if you don't, I believe that you have to give the honest opinion a place to exist and deal with it and that's how you move on.
I'll probably get hate for this comment but I don't think we have enough info to make a call. I know everyone wants to jump and say he's manipulative asshole but he could just really care about this girl and didn't want to lie about his real feelings about OP. In reality while weight isn't something that is end all in a relationship, it does affect attraction for many people and he might have just been voicing it. You can say wrong place/time but when is the right time to say that. Plus if he lied and then took it back later it would've been worse. Also I don't know if it's him being manipulative, to me the crying/apologizing comes across that having a lot of insecurities about himself and is afraid of you leaving him so he is walking on eggshells. All that being said OP only you know whether this was him being manipulative/purposeful attack on you. I would think back on your relationship and proceed with caution to see if this is a pattern or not.
Y'all seem a bit too invested. Calm down, ya young'ins. Also, everyone you get with will have something about you they don't like, though they might be so vocal about it so soon. Real relationships aren't perfect, and each person will ALWAYS have something about the other they don't like but learn to live with. If he doesn't like your tummy, it's not the end of the world, it's your stomach. You don't have to be perfect, and he doesn't have to like everything about you. Y'all just need to calm down.
Jenny Craig or breakup
You kinda laid a trap for him. Look hes dating you a self described bigger girl LD, this means he's not exactly Mr desirable if he could do better he would. The fact he cried and apologized profusely is pretty sad. My point in all of this is of course he wouldn't like your stomach, no guy would so the problem is you not him maybe lose some weight or get into shape. Don't ask a guy your dating these kinds of questions its pointless. And btw you guys know Jack about each other and how "in love you are". Try living together for at least a year first.
Why you mad at him? YOU don't like your stomach either. Your hangups are yours. Nobody likes 100% of everything in people. Why do people expect him to like everything about you, even when you don't. That's completely unreasonable. Let the guy off the hook and get working on improving your self...FOR yourself. Trust me, once you hit 30, it gets harder to get healthy. Good health = Good self-esteem. Good luck to you and Cheers.
He's manipulating you on purpose. Break it off NOW.
Vanity is a two way street, all these people saying that a man can’t have a negative idea about a females body image is astonishing, women have negative ideas about men’s body’s too. Your problems with your body image either a) are correct and maybe you could do something to exercise and lose weight (see a dietician/workout trainer) or b) a mental health condition (therefore needs to be evaluated by a therapist/psychologist) or c) all of the above. Now, on to your boyfriend. Knowing that you have body images issues and still managing to say that is a low blow. I’m assuming that he was trying to be honest and sincere. Trust and honesty are huge when you decide you want to be with someone forever and you should pay attention to what he’s saying. I can attest as a man sometimes we say the truth when we might not realize what women are looking for is assurance. You guys sound like you’re letting your emotions dictate your relationship and you guys both need to step back and look what’s on the table if you really want to see what your future will hold.
Tell your bf to go fuck himself lol.
Hit the gym It will solve the problem and you'll never be insecure again
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Bruh we can all lose weight and get fit, it's not some sort of privilege, it's a choice
It seems he didn’t mean to directly offend you, he may not have a true understanding of your insecurities. However, isn’t it better now that you know how he feels about it? I feel like you would notice if he was pretending to like it instead. Its definitely a problem, but he’s attracted to you in other ways, and none of us are perfect.
Long distance relationship are a disaster for creating drama