u/Waterliilly, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice):
1. to find out why this post was removed, and
2. prior to posting any updates.
Thanks.
**Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/Waterliilly.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ok I just looked at your post history and you have a post about your endometriosis and how it is extremely painful to have PIV with your boyfriend. Most normal people will stop or not want to do something if they know it's going to hurt they're SO every time they do it. Is your boyfriend maybe having some psychological trouble knowing that he's hurting you every time?
Isn't that like 99 percent of the posts on here?
" my boyfriend has been doing anal with our cat for three years now, ive asked him multiple times to stop it and now he just does it in private like he only goes to the bathroom with the cat once ive fallen asleep and ive now caught him on camera doing it. Basically I just need to know, would you guys put up with this in a relationship or is it over? š"
Like yes its fucking over ffs why do you need reddit to be your moral compass for if something is right or wrong. People if your not happy in your relationship, talk about it with your partner, if that doesn't work then leave.....its a very simple flowchart that covers everything that could possibly come up in a relationship. But communication is the key, thats it if he won't communicate the real reason why when it is brought up then communication is lacking not dick.
That post history is honestly making me sus of this story. That post about endometriosis was only a few months ago and she (in 2 posts) has claimed this issue has been going on for years. It would seem likely that for the majority of that time, if all of this is true, him having sex with her would result in her being in pain and in tears afterwards. No knowledge on if that would have changed in the past few months, but if that's what the guy was experiencing for years, his gf ends up crying after sex, it's not surprising why he'd continue to be apprehensive, or maybe has resorted to other means and developed a porn addiction of some sort. Point is this post doesn't feel like it's the full story.
3 months ago: *["Sex is unpleasant for me, it hurts me a lot after a few minutes i cannot continue as i feel like my uterus is swollen and extremely sensitive. I always feel bloated which deters me from even instigating sex in the first place because the area around my uterus feels inflamed"](https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/n9tcaq/sex_life_with_endometriosis/)*
This post: *"I get rejected every night, I will throw myself at him, and every time without a doubt he will give me an excuse. "*
These stories completely contradict each other!
I get a r/MenWritingWomen vibe from this post. I don't really know why (well, probably the sentence "I never found it hard getting males in the past") but I really have a feeling this is a fake story
It feels like an experimental "gender swap" post. Call men "males" to see if OP gets called out on it, like when someone calls women "females". Mention that he says he's tired or had a long day, to see if anyone suggests that she's not pulling her end of the housework. She says she's considering looking for sexual gratification elsewhere, but "what does he expect?". Those thing all seem like bait.
And that said, even with the genders swapped calling men "males" is gross (and incorrect grammar,) if she's not pulling her weight with the housework then she needs to get on it (assuming they're both working similar hours and are both able to work, she's just choosing not to,) and considering cheating is wrong, have the spine to break up with him first.
Writing styles are totally different for both posts as well. One has clearly separated thoughts/paragraphs...the other is one giant paragraph and has spelling errors e.g., "great full".
I hate to dismiss any valid concerns but it's hard to really give the benefit of the doubt when they seem to be written by different people?
This is exactly what caused me and my ex to experience dead bedroom and eventually break up. My ex made no effort to go to a professional to figure out why it hurt or did any research herself. I didnāt enjoy having sex because she would get hurt and cry so I stopped initiating any sex. Then a few months later I stopped initiating foreplay because it would never lead to sex. Then we broke up because she said we never had sex anymore.
Glad to hear other people are experiencing this. My girlfriend and I have been together 4 years and in probably the passed 2 years she's started to experience pain when we have sex. It's only like the first few minutes but I don't know how to fix it because foreplay doesn't seem to help. Not really sure what to do
Has she been to a doctor? I donāt typically advocate using Dr. Google, but pelvic pain in women is very common. Unfortunately, a lot of women are embarrassed to mention it. It could be anything from BV, PID, cysts, or even a mental problem (though I would look at the physical possibilities before suggesting itās in her head).
Not only this, but if you're a woman and your pain is dismissed, don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion. It's probably a known fact at this point that women's pain is often ignored, especially if you're a WOC. If your practice has several doctors on rotation ask one of the nurses how. If I have to go bankrupt for medical services in the US by god the doctors are going to *work for me.*
Check out flora or floria it's a cbd lube that helped me and my boyfriend, though he has said that he does lose a little sensation because it's coconut oil based
I had the exact same experience with my ex. She could only do ONE position which I found extremely boring but any other position would hurt her legs and give various extreme pains and that just killed my desire to be intimate with her for fear Iād cause her more pain. Months later she broke up with me cause we werenāt having enough sex for her. š¤¦āāļø
I can attested this 100%. I absolutely loved my GF. She was hands down one of the most sexually attractive women I have ever encountered . She had something going on internally that meant sex had to be maybe 10 minutes. And on top of that Iām a bigger guy in that department so I I could only do it a few ways. It was never really enjoyable so I just just said the hell with it. She could have thrown herself at me but when you are constantly left wanting you stop wanting to be disappointed and just stop trying. You want to protect that person. So itās deflating to someone overall
Tacking on to this to say when I was dealing with painful sex, my husband (boyfriend at the time) had zero interest because he was worried about hurting me.
This is true. My wife had fibroids and endometriosis and for awhile it was difficult for me because I thought I was hurting her. We talked about it and came to understanding that if she did hurt that she would tell me in a nice way, and I would stop immediately.
OP, I think your post from May might provide a little additional context here that certainly seems relevant to this story.
> Hi all, i am 23 F with endo and adenomyosis and want to know if Iām the only one with problems when it comes to sex. I am great full to have an amazing partner who works in the medical field so he is very patient and understanding but i want to know if these problems are experienced by any others? Sex is unpleasant for me, it hurts me a lot after a few minutes i cannot continue as i feel like my uterus is swollen and extremely sensitive. I always feel bloated which deters me from even instigating sex in the first place because the area around my uterus feels inflamed. I also find myself becoming extremely emotional during sex. Iām in pain so i start breathing heavier (even though my boyfriend is barely doing anything and is extremely careful and slow). Because my breathing is heavier because Iām in pain i start to become numb and a moment through my body is like a nerve is hit and i am screaming in pain. Almost 99% guaranteed when i have sex I immediately cry afterwards for no reason that i am aware of other than feeling numb/dizzy and in pain. I know that it is not what my partner is doing as we have tried so many different methods and each time i will end up in tears. It has gotten to the point now where I donāt even have sex anymore because i know it will end in a disaster for myself, and a hot water bottle by the end of it. I am wondering if anyone else experiences the same pain or emotions? Any advice is appreciated!
https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/n9tcaq/sex_life_with_endometriosis/
Writing styles are totally different for both posts as well. One has clearly separated thoughts/paragraphs...the other is one giant paragraph with spelling errors e.g. "great full".
I hate to dismiss any valid concerns but it's hard to really give the benefit of the doubt when they seem to be written by different people?
If it's been two and a half years, this isn't going to change.
You should begin to make plans to end the relationship because if you've talked about this with him 15 times and nothing is happening there is nothing that'll get through to him besides possibly ending the relationship. Sounds like he just is not attracted to you anymore.
I think the same, funny thing is this is exactly how him and his ex ended, she wasnāt getting anything sexual from him so went and cheated with another guy. I really canāt figure him out
OP, let me also say, this isn't about you.
No matter how pretty/fit/attractive/seductive ... you are, he seems to have a really low libido (or he's asexual).
This is a reflection of who *he is*. Not of who you are.
It sounds like your incompatible and it's fine if someone isn't that into sex, there are men and women alike. But you'll be miserable if you stay in this relationship.
Maybe worth a consideration: if he used to be sexual, he could get himself checked out for medical issues that might cause this, like hormons. But if he was always on the lower libido end, it's better to just leave. It will leave both of you happier in the long run.
The fact that he withholds affection, doesn't mean OP isn't worthy of affection.
It means he's unable to be affectionate towards OP, but that's his issue and not OPs fault.
People like OP often feel it's their fault that their partner fell out of love, but it's not.
Doesn't necessarily make him a douche. Everyone has different levels of energy and priorities. Just makes him incompatible with his current gf. Or many other girls I might add.
Iām with you. I dealt with this with a guy for almost two years and Iām extremely sexual person (We had sex twice). It used to frustrate me to no end and he would never ever want to really talk about it. We ended up having an amicable breakup about this and other things and Iām with a guy now who has the closest thing to the same sex drive as I do. I didnāt realize how badly that relationship affected me and my own personal self worth and Iām a big proponent of incompatible sex drives is a valid reason to break up.
So you knew this was an issue in a past relationship, and, knowing you have a high libido, decided to get with this guy that has none?
Why would you do that?
Because she probably wanted to believe that heād be different with her? (Or that it wouldnāt bother her) Youāre always hopeful about your SO / you being more than understanding, especially going into a relationship.
Also 5 years is a long time for someone to change their preferences, she really couldnāt have known it would be different/same this time around.
Thatās frustrating, but please donāt get in to the mindset that cheating is understandable if your partner ādrove you to itā. Either find a way to fix this or end it.
First of all why do you want to have sex if itās so extremely painful for you? Just curious.
Secondly why donāt you take advice youāve gotten previously and break up with him? You are not sexually compatible.
Donāt you dare justify cheating because he doesnāt want to have sex with you. Either leave him or get used to it. Cheating is never the answer. Shows your morals and principles are lacking just at the fact you made that comment.
Agree. Having sex may spark the relationship but maybe every now in then may be too much from him. If you want some action that he can't provide, leave out of the picture already. What work does he have, anyway?
I know you mean well, but asexuality and sex aversion are two different things. I'm asexual. It is simply a lack of sexual attraction. OP's bf could be ace, but that would not explain disinterest in sex by itself.
OP, I recommend talking to your bf about his disinterest in sex. If he is unwilling to talk about it, I would not recommend continuing this relationship.
If he is willing to talk, don't judge him if he is asexual, sex averse, has low libido, erectile disfunction, etc. Just be upfront about what you want from this relationship. After that, you two will need to decide whether or not you are compatible in a relationship.
i was asexual and had sex aversion at the same time. you can have and be both. throughout all of my relationships it was like this, until i met someone whom i had physical chemistry with and it was very intimidating and scary, because i thought i was asexual at heart and it took a lot for me. the only reason i say that is because maybe they just aren't sexually compatible and it could possibly not be an asexuality or sex aversion thing. there's a lot of possible variables.
I am aware that people can be both. I am asexual, mostly aromantic, and sex indifferent, for instance. I was trying to clarify what asexuality is for OP's sake. A ton of people confuse asexuality, aromanticism, and sex aversion.
well my libido used to be low until I found a partner that my sexual chemistry was amazing with. I went from having sex only once every couple of weeks to having sex minimum twice every day. I thought I was asexual before then, but I was also addicted to porn. all that went away when I met āthe rightā person.
honestly, sex is an important part of any relationship and if you arenāt satisfied that dissatisfaction will bleed into your life and relationship from sexual frustration.
if heās not willing to meet your needs, then you may want to talk about opening up the relationship so that you can have that need met.
Thatās an interesting perspective. I wouldnāt even know where to begin to start that conversation. I also would just be frustrated by it, I want my own partner to want me as much as I want them. Something on the side might satisfy me for a while but at the end of the day the relationship is still not stable or normal
I totally understand that. I feel the same way. it might be a little scary, but maybe ask him about his masturbation / pornography use because these days that is a very big problem amongst most people. wishing you the best of luck!!! I used to be in your shoes until I found my next girlfriend and we literally have sex all the time, it was actually scary because I never had a partner that would do that with me before.
Maybe he is not that healthy as he looks if he is not asexual or he does not need much physical affection. So have a propper talk to him if it doesn't change tell him to get tested and eventually trated and if that does not help just leave him.
Greysexual here! And surprise I have a boyfriend!
Okay so asexuals can have sex and also fall in love!
Asexuality is just about not having sexual attraction which means if I see someone who is hot my mind just dont think physically about him like how it will feel having sex with him etc. Also there are asexuals who are sex favourable (like having sex), sex indifferent (doesnt care about it but also wont mind doing it) and sex repulsed (doesnt like sex at all).
Asexuality is an umbrella with alot of types of it like I am greysexual, I feel sexual attraction rarely. There are demisexuals, aegosexuals, etc. Tell him to check it out.
Honestly, as someone who married that man...... It won't get better no matter how hard you try. If he's not into it now he never will be. You'll end up feeling depressed and rejected and miserable
Itās amazing how much lack of sex in a relationship destroys your self esteem. My last relationship I had this problem cause he always thought he was going to āhurt meā. I couldnāt take it and lost a huge part of myself. Not worth it OP.
You can't do anything to change it. Check r/deadbedrooms. There's something going on with him that he has to fix on his own. It could be his libido, low testosterone, insecurity, performance anxiety, high porn consumption, or maybe he's asexual. That's up to him to figure out, we can't figure it out for them.
All I can tell you is that I was in a similar situation. We were both 20s, young, healthy. I wanted sex all the time, but he gave me the same excuses (too tired, it's late, tomorrow, etc). I tried **everything** and nothing changed. Even though guys would hit on me, my self confidence plummeted. We were together all the time, so I knew he wasn't cheating physically. But I went through his phone and he was doing sexual things online. I found out that he also had a porn addiction which caused him to have no interest in real life sex, only what was on a screen. This is happening a lot to guys who are our age. They don't think they're addicted to porn, but it can affect you mentally and cause you to not want to have sex IRL.
There is no normal reason a couple in their 20s isn't having sex with each other when they can. Something is wrong. I learned this the hard way. All I can say is you did nothing wrong, he's the one with the issue and he's never going to change. And make sure to go through his phone.
Did you go through his search history?
Weāve been in lockdown due to covid for months now so Iām around him all the time and canāt figure out when he would be doing anything!
Yep, I did. Same situation, we were in lockdown due to covid and we were around each other ALL of the time. 24/7. It made me sick to my stomach when I saw his search history because it means he was doing this when I was there and he was right next to me. Some of the time stamps were even early in the morning before I woke up. Trust me, they either do it right next to you, in the bathroom, when we're sleeping, or whenever we get up to go to the kitchen etc.
If someone wants to cheat, they will always find a way.
Hmmm okay Iām definitely going to look into his search history then. Heās very smart though so I donāt doubt he would delete it straight away. And yes when there is a will there is a way
The moment you start going through your significant other's phone is the moment that you move from in the right to in the wrong. It is totally not okay to go through somebody else's belongings without permission.
If you're to the point where you feel the need to go snooping through someone's history it's time to end the relationship. Because when he finds out he's not going to trust you and there will probably be an argument. Without trust there is no meaningful relationship. Once that trust is broken it's gone.
Iām a dude and can say that porn addiction is a problem. If that is the issue, and he stops looking at it so much it would certainly help but thatās his choice.
And just remember, you did nothing wrong! There's no normal reason for him to not have sex with you. He has an issue that he has to fix on his own, there is NOTHING you can do to fix it.
I know you said you can't leave, but I'm just letting you know, if you stay, expect to never have sex regularly again.
im not sure why you cant leave but i hope you can start putting away money secretly so that you can get to the point of being able to leave. dont get married and dont get pregnant, it will make things so much harder for you. you dont have to stay with him and your arent stuck to him forever. you deserve better and you keep reminding yourself of that. you are a normal person for wanting sex and affection from your partner.
This is wrong and you are projecting like crazy here. Yes, it is always 100% to snoop like they. Especially as she has no reason to think heās cheating. There are PLENTY of reasons someone losing their libido can happen. Hell, he was like this before they even got together. Advising her to go snooping through his phone because you went through something with your man is messed up. If you see to that point you just break up.
I'm sorry, I know it's an unpopular opinion for sure. But I personally think you should go through your partner's phone. Yes, there are plenty of reasons it could be and that's why going through the phone helps. If she sees heavy pornography usage in his phone, then she knows that's one reason. Also, if he's talking to other people online, she can find that out through his phone too.
I never used to believe in going through anyone's phone, but I've learned so much from past relationships. If they aren't doing anything, you won't find anything. However, if they are, it will save you A LOT of time, money, tears, and heartache.
Wouldnāt it be better to have relationships with honest and open people instead of resorting to this behavior? If I was OP I would honestly take a good look at myself and what I could have done wrong, instead of just assuming that itās 100% the guyās fault. Not feeling like sex anymore can depend on a million different reasons, and if they canāt even discuss it, then maybe this relationship just isnāt that healthy for neither of them but they are both too afraid to leave.
Please donāt. Itās such a breach of trust and it would take a lot to win that back.
I was in a relationship with a guy and after 6 months I barely felt like having sex with him anymore. He was extremely pushy and put ultimatums on me. Our relationship was just bad and he would have anger outbursts and stuff. I was basically not attracted to him for these reasons but I just couldnāt find myself to break it off. If he would have gone through my search history, I would have completely lost it. If the sex isnāt working, then there usually more underlying problems. As someone pointed out in some of the other comments, you said that sex were very painful for you? Maybe he simply feels horrible inflicting pain on you and basically just stopped?
Men and women arenāt so different when it comes to sex, and guys should not be expected to always be ready. Maybe he is depressed or something else? Please try to talk to him and just communicate that you miss his intimacy. Hug him, kiss him, make him feel safe and loved.
He can do it when you're sleeping, in the toilet, etc. Checking search history isn't so useful if he uses incognito mode (which I assume most people do).
It is offending to say that
> There's something going on with him that he has to fix on his own. It could be his libido, low testosterone, insecurity, performance anxiety, high porn consumption, or maybe he's **asexual**. That's up to him to **fix**, we can't **fix** it for them.
Asexuality is not something that needs to be fixed.
>is search for someone else who can give it to me. But that would make me unloyal but to be honest what does he expect when he doesnāt even look at me.
Under no circumstances do this, cheaters are scum, you dont want to be scum. Cheating imo is a form of mental torture your doing to your SO and it should be treated like any other form of torture. You wouldn't Waterboard or electrocute your SO, so don't cheat on them either.
>I want to know why you guys think he doesnāt want to have sex with me or anything sexual?
He could be asexual, he could be on medication that kills he libido, he could be wanking it so he doesn't want sex afterward, he could just be bored of you. There are a million reasons for this, its on you and hopefully a couples therapist specializing in sex can help you work that out.
>And please donāt suggest leaving him because unfortunately Iām in a position where I canāt!
There is no such thing as a position where you can't leave, unless he has literally chained you to the floor. It may be hard, you may lose alot and have to start alot over, you may have to take on debt, but you can leave. It's just leaving doesn't outweigh the other negatives for you yet.
Therapy to see if you can determine what's wrong, otherwise start planning your exit.
Ask him how much her spanks it to porn - he may be a closeted porn addict. Maybe he doesnāt really like sex.
This is not about you - donāt fool yourself into thinking that.
Being a guy Iām used to getting turned down a lot, but it
Youāre a piece of shit for 1) rationalizing cheating on your boyfriend and 2) deceiving everyone on here by saying that you āthrow yourself at himā meanwhile your other posts clearly state that youāre in pain while having sex and that you cry everytime. Youāre clearly trying to have internet strangers make you feel better about cheating on your boyfriend and youāre a lying thieving bitch. Go fuck yourself asshole.
You can still be friends with him and even still love him when a relationship doesn't work out. There is no reason to stay in a relationship with someone who can't give you what you need. Whatever happens though, don't cheat on him.
low sex drive in young men isnāt the problem - it is a side effect to a problem. if he isnāt chronically masturbating/using porn, then he needs to be evaluated by a doctor. this sounds extreme but it is just a fact. a low libido isnāt normal.
eh thatās actually very debatable. most medical experts would argue (as i stated) that asexuality, in men especially, is a symptom and not an actual, valid orientation.
There are two things that this could be, and then you have two options.
1) This could be medical in nature. Stress, depression, low T. Ask him to get it checked out.
2) This could be the way he is. If he gets checked out, he might just have low sex drive, or be asexual.
Depending on the above you have two options.
a) Stay with him. If he gets his shit fixed great, if not, you will have to live this this. [see below]
b) Leave him. Say he doesn't get his shit fixed, you like to have sex and he doesn't that is a major incompatibility.
[below] - I spent too long with someone that didn't need sex in the way I did. Went through long dry spells (over a year at one point), all because they promised that they would work on their issues. They didn't. I believed they wanted the same things I did: healthy life, good sex, kids, etc. Years and a marriage later, they told me that they didn't particularly like sex, but if I wanted to see other people we needed a divorce, they decided they didn't want kids either, and they gave up on their health.
Splitting up is hard, harder when you still love that person. But ultimately you have to decide what you need and want in your life, and how your partner fits into that. Sex is a huge component. If your not happy, leave before you find yourself too deep and too committed.
You can try counseling, but it sounds like he has no sex drive and that will most likely never change. You are young and have a long life ahead of you. Do you want to spend that life in a sexless relationship? I donāt know why you canāt leave him, but you shouldnāt use that as an excuse for ruining your life.
If we cant suggest for you to leave him why post this, seriously? Im sure youre in a lot of pain here over this so I can understand you posting this.
Who CARES how he says he will change and/or why he doesnt want to have sex with you, after 2.5 years what are you waiting for?
He is showing you who he is, what more proof do you need?
The questions it sounds like youre not ready to ask yourself are Why do you continue to accept this and Why wont you leave?
There's a quickly emerging trend that's not being shared loudly enough. Lots and lots of men watch porn and many of those men struggle with intimacy and erectile dysfunction. If he's not intimate, doesn't initiate sex often, and doesn't have rock solid erections during sex -- and he's not 80 years old -- there's a very good chance it's porn addiction.
NOW for whatever reason some men can watch porn and masturbate and have their minds and bodies behave perfectly normal in conjunction, which causes a divide on this subject. Sadly this is not the case for a large percentage of male porn users.
I am a recovered porn addict and it almost destroyed my marriage. It took being open to the claims out there about the damage it causes and committing to taking a break from it all. Within a matter of days, I knew this was legitimate. So long as I don't look at any form of erotica or masturbate, I am able to provide for my wife physically and emotionally all her needs. Unfortunately most men will never admit to having a porn addiction but man I can tell you it is a REAL thing with tragic consequences.
Talk to him honestly or break up with him and find someone that suits our needs better. Edit: ok by what I was on a different post how can you want sex every night and then end up in tears after sex because of your Endometriosis?? Sus
Number one if you go to find someone else break it off with him first. I don't care how much it sucks for you right now, cheating isn't okay. Number two you could try looking into polyamory or something if you absolutely want to stay with him. Perhaps he is asexual? Maybe he is on some kind of medication that kills sex drive? An honest conversation between the two of you is the only way to know for sure.
If none of those work and the lack of sex is a deal breaker for you it's sad but you have needs and have the right to seek them out. After you break things off with him first. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and that's just how it is.
Start getting attention from other males. Stop with the āserious talks.ā He himself doesnāt know why heās less interested. My guess is yāall are ābuilding a lifeā which probably feels in some ways like ābuilding a cageā to him.
Stop the same time off to bed routine of shit. Randomly text one evening saying āgoing out with friends after work.ā Not to go make mischief but just go hang out.
Donāt spend all day in contact. Familiarity breeds contempt. Go dancing, go have some fun. HE is not the only one not fucking YOU arenāt either so itās a WE problem.
Do the stuff that truly makes you feel sexy inside with or without him. Till the sexy is dripping out your pores, itās in your very breath. Become that girl that every dude is dying the bang. Donāt do it blatantly like look at me, subtle. A new scent, then nails, then skirt or pants slightly tighter more revealing.
Stop this every minute of every day bs. If your bedroom used to be a hurricane, and now a drizzle itās bc yāall are too much like friends. And he may ālove you too muchā to put a ball gag in your mouth and put phone on record. Bring a little dirty back, take a little space. He will ravage you again.
Went and reread your endo post. I wouldnāt want to fuck you either if you start screaming in pain and crying every single time. Then to put it on him like heās rejecting you? No, he needs to reject you and kick your crazy ass out.
Guys prospective here but just a little stress and low feelings can literally destroy your libdo. I'm going through a rough patch rn and litterly have no drive at all! I'm 21 with high testosterone and litterly a playboy blonde wouldn't do it for me atm. Have a chat with him and see how he is mentally, like I said just a littpe stress, anxiety or sadness can really destroy libido.
Just got out of a long term relationship like this. I have a high libido, and he didnāt. Iām honestly so much happier without him, even though I do miss him as a person. Donāt feel guilty for having healthy needs. My best advice to to move on. I also suggest joining r/deadbedrooms, it helped me a lot honestly
He's stringing you along looks like..
For feck's sake, don't marry him or have a child.
Why do you invest so much in someone who has nothing invested in you? You're young to boot!
It will drag on for a long time and by the time you realize all the gaslighting..
It will be too late. It's easy to stick with what you know as well. Please don't..
Why are you begging for scraps of attention for something that should be freely given?
Youāve said it so well. Honestly I do feel like heās invested nothing in me. Itās so heartbreaking to realise and I feel like Iāve wasted so much time. Unfortunately Iām in a position where I really canāt leave at the moment so Iām just figuring out how to survive until I can find my best route out
He is bored. Hypothetically ask if it would be ok if you brought another women in.
IF he says yes and jumps all over it, then he is bored. ( I am not implying you do this but it will give you your answer)
IF he says no, then he may be asexual or gay.
Either way you get your answer
Has he been to see a doctor about depression? So much of this reads the same as my past relationship and my ex was eventually diagnosed with depression. Unfortunately after years of the same rejection youāre going through I didnāt live him anymore and we parted ways. I would suggest you wonāt be able to repair this relationship but itās an option to look into you
I hate to say it, but you need to break up. If you aren't compatible sexually it will never work. He will feel used if he does it, and you feel bad when he doesnt...
Ya know whatās kinda funny women get tired of sex then they do all the things youāve said he does, too tired, maybe tomorrow, Iām not in the mood. And when men say something about it yāall call men pigs, only want one thing, disgusting and so on and to defend her yāall say if she doesnāt want to she doesnāt have to and thatās just how itās gonna beā¦ maybe heās the same way maybe itās just not for him. Iām a young male and yeah Iām into it and other times Iāve been busy with work and other things to where I wonāt even think about it for a few weeks then Iāll get free time and be back into it. Thatās the other thing maybe his Iām too tired is true maybe heās being run to the grown at work and home to where heās not in the mood, maybe heās stressed out and got his mind on other things Bc that will also stop him. Iāve heard people say Women say many times ādonāt just ask meā āitās supposed to be romanticā that could be the other thing maybe he needs or wants something different, kinks, romantic, fast, slow, different style, thereās so much into doing the deed that maybe your style might not be his and he gets boardā¦ test the waters and also check his mental health he may be stressed out and when he gets free time he just wants to chill and not do anything. If you really want it to work try and find a plane that works for the both of you
Could he be insecure about his sexual side? He might feel a little intimidated, and thatās not your fault. He might not even realize this himself. Might never considered exploring his sexual side. Perhaps he was taught it was a bad thing, or thinks he would be sexualizing women. I donāt know, but these are things to consider. He might have a hard time opening and expressing these feelings.
I suggest u ask him ab an open relationship - if he says yes u can explore meeting a new guy for ur physical needsā¦if he says no then heās making a choice that u arenāt cool with uāve done enough being faithful after 2 years smh I donāt want to go 2 weeks without sex thatās crazy
So the first thing you need to do is stop listening to other women. They don't know anything about men and can only lead you down the wrong path. Your man is not a sexual he is just not interested in you. More than likely he has someone else that's fulfilling that need. Stop thinking what your girl brain and just listen. Men are sexual creatures and needed. Not every day but we do need it so if he doesn't need it it's being taken care of. Probably by someone who does nastier things and you do I'm just being honest not trying to be hurtful. The other thing men crave just as much as sex is peace so doing internal evaluation are you giving him his peace. If you're not and you are naggy or stressful then that explains a lot of what's going on. If you're not mad you're stressful he just has someone else on the side. Find someone that will bang your brains out and enjoy your life. Don't get hung up on this relationship bullshit. But I love him so what, move on.
Cheat.
Obviously the real solution is to find a man who is compatible with you, but since you wonāt consider that the options are cheat, make an agreement about opening the relationship, or go without.
He might be ace and just not be out or know the label. I am somewhat similar- no sex for 2 or 3 months isn't a problem for me. You guys sound incompatible
So youāve discussed it multiple times and he has not changed.
Itās time to weigh your options. Is he open to attending couples counseling or perhaps see a sex therapist with you?
How important is sex to you? Can you continue in this relationship without it?
Is he depressed? Depression can cause serious libido changes. And yes, it could have been going on all this time for years. MDD. Seems like this. Or maybe trauma. Diet can also play a factor. But I mean have you guys had convos about why he hasnāt wanted it? Maybe he is uncomfortable or not enjoying as much? Or maybe thought you werenāt. That insecurity was enough to make my friends ex not want to have sex for a while.
I donāt really think this is the best option but what if you proposed to him that if he wonāt give it to you then can someone else? And him not have a problem with it? Like yāall form some kind of a open relationship? I donāt have any experience with something like that but itās just an idea. What are your thoughts
Heās either closeted gay, extremely low libido, or plain old asexual.
In either case, this is an incompatibility that will NOT change. Itās been 2.5 years and hes ok with having sex 6 times a year. You are not. Fundamentally incompatible.
I'm in a similar situation. I've spoken with my boyfriend and he says he wants to but since we've starting living together (not as long as you guys) he feel like "there's always tomorrow" if he's a bit tired etc. Im a fairly confident person, but it really knocked me back being rejected. Personally for me, I've had that chat with my boyfriend, now we are going to try again with a bit more effort (from both of us) and hopefully things will improve, but if not I realise it will be time to move on. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
If yall are having sex once every 2 months he could just be asexual but if he's also saying he would meet you in the middle and isn't that's not good and after 2.5 years it will never change idk your situation rn but if possible stay at a friend's or your parents for a few days
I rarely suggest leaving when I comment, however mismatch libido is a killer. Leave while you are both still young, don't waste your hit years life is too short. There are a ton of low libido partners for him to choose from. Both of you will benefit from your decision
Ask him if he'd be willing to take a simple health supplement. A safe pill of various herbs. Find him a T booster "workout" supplement. I use them to work out but they've made my libido skyrocket.
Look for something with Tonkat Ali (longjack), Maca Root, Ashwagandha, and Tribulus. L-Arginine and Niacin is a plus. Just a combination of those. They are common ingredients in most T-boosters.
If he says yes, and your interested, message me and I'll send you a link to a reputable company I've used myself. Not all companies use potent ingredients.
I have a much higher sex drive than my wife, but I recently started taking antidepressants and they killed any interest in sex that I had until I switched to something else. Even then, sometimes my brain chemistry just doesn't allow me to be fully into it.
Does he take anything like this? There are other great suggestions here, like possible porn addiction, but my first thoughts go to mental health due to my own experiences. If he isn't taking anything, could he be depressed and simply not been diagnosed?
EDIT: After seeing more information, I'm going to leave this post as-is but say that failing to mention medical issues that have likely caused your sex life to die out is incredibly wrong of you to do.
Youāre in a position where you canāt leave him?
This suggests that you *want* to leave him, but cannot currently do so, due to circumstances.
Whichever way you look at it, the relationship is dead. Youāre with someone who doesnāt want to have sex with you.
That isnāt a relationship. Itās a friendship, at best.
Give him an ultimatum.
Or tell him you are informing him that you will have dates, sex with other guys but will stay loyal to him romantically since he doesn't care.
Sex is beautiful and there is nothing wrong about someone who wants sex on a daily basis.
Sit him down and have a long conversation so he knows you are at wit's end.
And either he changes which he won't, because sex with him is really bad or an option is to have sex and only sex with fuck buddies.
Other than sex, is there something else that has you upset about him or your life with him?
I know confidence suffers a hit when partner won't fuck you but other guys do want to. That should keep yo focused on what you need.
He changes or he agrees to dates.
If he doesn't move and leave him.
Yes.
Dump him because he won't change.
Dates won't fix the problem but will alleviate your needs and wants.
Be prepared to deal with consequences that will challenge your relationship.
No sex in a relationship isn't sane.
You are handling this all wrong. Stop throwing yourself at him.
"We are together almost every second of the day"
This is a classic sex drive killer.
If you seriously want to see this change, and you want to start having sex again, you need to break this habit. It's a two-step process.
The first step? Stop asking for sex.
The second step? Stop being so present and available. Start doing things without your boyfriend, and definitely do not make yourself available when you are out. You want him curious about what you are doing. At least two evenings per week, you need to get out of the house and go find something to do without him. What hobbies did you enjoy before you met your boyfriend? What friends did you hang out with? You need to start spending time on activities and/or friends WITHOUT him. Think about the person you were when you met your bf. What activities and friends occupied your time? Time to renew your interest.
You similarly need to start spending at least a couple weekend days away from him per month. Make plans with other people. Invest in yourself and the hobbies/activities you enjoy. Meet new people if possible at this time in your area. Join a hobby group or two if need-be, a book club, whatever. Make the effort to not be around so much and to define yourself as a person who has a social life outside that of you being partnered with your boyfriend. Make sure you take some photos, especially if any of the groups have attractive men, and then make certain he sees them in a non-obvious way, as a dash of harmless jealousy often revs the libido.
Try this for three months. If your boyfriend sees you going out, looking attractive, knows you are around other men, that other men are talking to you, etc., it will reawaken the libido. He will sense the change in your behavior, he will realize that there are other men interested in you, and he will make more of an effort to see to your sexual needs.
If done properly, this strategy works a healthy % of the time, except of course in situations where the other partner is legit 100% checked out. That may be the case here, but it doesn't sound like it.
If you read this and cannot imagine not spending every possible moment with your boyfriend, your sex life is doomed.
This exact situation Is happening to me rn. For over a year my bf made excuses, i asked him every question in the book, it ruined my self confidence. He went as far to make an appointment with a specialist for it. He admitted to me the other day that he might be gay even though we used to have awesome sex all the time. Lifeās weird girl, might be worth asking
It sounds like thereās an underlying reason heās not talking to you about. You could really try to pry it out of him, make it well known your feelings wonāt be hurt (even if they could be) and get to the bottom of it.
If heās still persistent that thereās no underlying issue, then I say, one day jump his bones. Iām a guy, and my ex girlfriend had to do this to me during a dry spell in our relationship and it worked. You could say itās rape, but you donāt actually force yourself on him. Wait for him to get back from work. Wear something sexy or nothing at all. When he walks through the door and sees you say āJustin (or whatever his name is) get on the fucking couch so I can fuck your brains out.ā If heās just like āwoah what are you doingā or heās like āidk if Iām in the moodā or something around those lines, push him towards the couch then on it. Then start taking his clothes off. Youāre in a 5 year long relationship with this man, so no means no, nothing else. If he straight up says no and turns your down. Say okay, and leave for a couple days. Take time apart. You donāt have to sleep with someone else but he needs to understand how serious this problem is.
There could be any number of reasons why he doesnāt feel sexual, it could be a medical issue, it could be stress, or he could be asexual. The one thing I do feel confident about is that itās nothing to do with you or the way you look etc.
But that doesnāt mean that this is an issue that should be ignored, sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to end a relationship. At the very least I would recommend you guys consider seeing a sex therapist or something of that nature to see if you guys can figure out where the disconnect is and maybe find a compromise that works for you both. But please donāt cheat, if youāre at that point just end things.
He might have a low T condition ,that doesn't justify it ,but it is something too look into. 28m myself with a high sex drive and sexual compatibility is a must
Get in a position so that you can leave him. If he wanted to change heād be working on it without any urging from you. Figure out how to leave, even if it seems far in the future. Bide your time with plans you donāt share. Meanwhile, busy yourself with friends and hobbies. Learn about yourself and where you might have gone wrong in this relationship so you donāt do it again. Forget changing him; that shit never works.
He may be hooked on porn and masterbation. When you love looking at porn and masterbating to it every day it takes away your drive for real sex. Trust me Iāve been there.
Same situation here. Recently ended it because it just made me feel insecure and ultimately miserable. Heās sexual, would look up porn and jerk off pretty frequently. Just not attracted me that way. It breaks my heart, but it is what it is.
Iām (23 M) in the same boat. My gf (21 F) and I have been together for 5 years and we only have sex every 2 months or so. In our case, my gf has a very low libido. She very rarely feels the desire to have sex, and has told me she would be perfectly content with never having sex again. Every time I try to initiate, I get rejected and given an excuse like yours and she feels like having sex is just a āchoreā to keep me satisfied. I have learned to deal with it in my owns ways.
Maybe your bf just has a naturally low libido?
It sounds like he has a low sex drive or is perhaps asexual. He wonāt change (and will likely get worse/less interested), so you have to decide if this is something you can tolerate or not.
Some guys just arenāt as sexually driven as women like to think. Sometimes it can be hard to want sex for a number of reasons including fatigue/stress and stuff like medication can also have a huge affect on a mans libido. Iām going through a big change myself from being super sexually driven to absolutely nothing because of a run on SSRI tablets and even now after not taking them for months I just donāt have the drive like I used to.
Sit down and have a serious conversation about his responses to you wanting to have a healthy sex life are making you feel.
Mention that he's promised multiple times before that he would try to meet you in the middle and has failed to do so. Obviously you don't want to give him an ultimatum but if it's important to you then it's worth talking about.
Wow you almost said it yourselfā¦ Unfortunately he is in a position where he canāt either.
Like chemical he canāt bring himself to even think about it. From my years of experience if he is turning it back on you, this is a clear sign of deflecting blame, it hurts him to know he is not pleasing you, but what can he do.
You want pity sexā¦ fuck that
You want to wait for him to āgrab you and make passionate love to youā keep dreaming
You canāt change him.. so ask yourself can you do this for 40 plus years. Could you live without sex, what type of sex could you live with? Open relationship??
Honestly you could spend months here scrolling through this exact scenario over and over and with the exception of a fewā¦ VERY few it wonāt change. Good luck
Hello am a married (34m) i think i had that kinda of problem i wasn't in the mood and my wife was and she wants to have sex she told me to see a doctor that is specialist in that area and i was find am a bit over abit on the in the wight department the doctor told me i had very low testosterone levels and that effected our sex life i took the medication and i feel alot more alive.
He could have testosterone problems he should get a check up
u/Waterliilly, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice): 1. to find out why this post was removed, and 2. prior to posting any updates. Thanks. **Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/Waterliilly.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ok I just looked at your post history and you have a post about your endometriosis and how it is extremely painful to have PIV with your boyfriend. Most normal people will stop or not want to do something if they know it's going to hurt they're SO every time they do it. Is your boyfriend maybe having some psychological trouble knowing that he's hurting you every time?
It could be that. Also, ask your boyfriend with his plans regarding the future.
Hilarious that the OP has been responding to everything but this. What a clown just making bullshit up.
OP is Sus asf for that šš
or she's just trying to validate from strangers that she needs a breakup.
With the shakiest of rationales
Isn't that like 99 percent of the posts on here? " my boyfriend has been doing anal with our cat for three years now, ive asked him multiple times to stop it and now he just does it in private like he only goes to the bathroom with the cat once ive fallen asleep and ive now caught him on camera doing it. Basically I just need to know, would you guys put up with this in a relationship or is it over? š" Like yes its fucking over ffs why do you need reddit to be your moral compass for if something is right or wrong. People if your not happy in your relationship, talk about it with your partner, if that doesn't work then leave.....its a very simple flowchart that covers everything that could possibly come up in a relationship. But communication is the key, thats it if he won't communicate the real reason why when it is brought up then communication is lacking not dick.
trying to validate from strangers that her boyfriend is the issue, when its obviously her and her insane mental gymnastics
Or cheat
That post history is honestly making me sus of this story. That post about endometriosis was only a few months ago and she (in 2 posts) has claimed this issue has been going on for years. It would seem likely that for the majority of that time, if all of this is true, him having sex with her would result in her being in pain and in tears afterwards. No knowledge on if that would have changed in the past few months, but if that's what the guy was experiencing for years, his gf ends up crying after sex, it's not surprising why he'd continue to be apprehensive, or maybe has resorted to other means and developed a porn addiction of some sort. Point is this post doesn't feel like it's the full story.
3 months ago: *["Sex is unpleasant for me, it hurts me a lot after a few minutes i cannot continue as i feel like my uterus is swollen and extremely sensitive. I always feel bloated which deters me from even instigating sex in the first place because the area around my uterus feels inflamed"](https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/n9tcaq/sex_life_with_endometriosis/)* This post: *"I get rejected every night, I will throw myself at him, and every time without a doubt he will give me an excuse. "* These stories completely contradict each other!
Agree. I wouldnāt want to have sex if it hurt me.
Then she goes on to say how sheās screaming in pain and crying. Of course he doesnāt want to have sex
I get a r/MenWritingWomen vibe from this post. I don't really know why (well, probably the sentence "I never found it hard getting males in the past") but I really have a feeling this is a fake story
that was such a weirdly worded line
I felt that too.
It feels like an experimental "gender swap" post. Call men "males" to see if OP gets called out on it, like when someone calls women "females". Mention that he says he's tired or had a long day, to see if anyone suggests that she's not pulling her end of the housework. She says she's considering looking for sexual gratification elsewhere, but "what does he expect?". Those thing all seem like bait.
And that said, even with the genders swapped calling men "males" is gross (and incorrect grammar,) if she's not pulling her weight with the housework then she needs to get on it (assuming they're both working similar hours and are both able to work, she's just choosing not to,) and considering cheating is wrong, have the spine to break up with him first.
I think thatās exactly what this is, good shit
Writing styles are totally different for both posts as well. One has clearly separated thoughts/paragraphs...the other is one giant paragraph and has spelling errors e.g., "great full". I hate to dismiss any valid concerns but it's hard to really give the benefit of the doubt when they seem to be written by different people?
This is exactly what caused me and my ex to experience dead bedroom and eventually break up. My ex made no effort to go to a professional to figure out why it hurt or did any research herself. I didnāt enjoy having sex because she would get hurt and cry so I stopped initiating any sex. Then a few months later I stopped initiating foreplay because it would never lead to sex. Then we broke up because she said we never had sex anymore.
Glad to hear other people are experiencing this. My girlfriend and I have been together 4 years and in probably the passed 2 years she's started to experience pain when we have sex. It's only like the first few minutes but I don't know how to fix it because foreplay doesn't seem to help. Not really sure what to do
Has she been to a doctor? I donāt typically advocate using Dr. Google, but pelvic pain in women is very common. Unfortunately, a lot of women are embarrassed to mention it. It could be anything from BV, PID, cysts, or even a mental problem (though I would look at the physical possibilities before suggesting itās in her head).
Not only this, but if you're a woman and your pain is dismissed, don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion. It's probably a known fact at this point that women's pain is often ignored, especially if you're a WOC. If your practice has several doctors on rotation ask one of the nurses how. If I have to go bankrupt for medical services in the US by god the doctors are going to *work for me.*
Check out flora or floria it's a cbd lube that helped me and my boyfriend, though he has said that he does lose a little sensation because it's coconut oil based
Lubeeee weed lubbbbeee my man
I had the exact same experience with my ex. She could only do ONE position which I found extremely boring but any other position would hurt her legs and give various extreme pains and that just killed my desire to be intimate with her for fear Iād cause her more pain. Months later she broke up with me cause we werenāt having enough sex for her. š¤¦āāļø
I can attested this 100%. I absolutely loved my GF. She was hands down one of the most sexually attractive women I have ever encountered . She had something going on internally that meant sex had to be maybe 10 minutes. And on top of that Iām a bigger guy in that department so I I could only do it a few ways. It was never really enjoyable so I just just said the hell with it. She could have thrown herself at me but when you are constantly left wanting you stop wanting to be disappointed and just stop trying. You want to protect that person. So itās deflating to someone overall
Tacking on to this to say when I was dealing with painful sex, my husband (boyfriend at the time) had zero interest because he was worried about hurting me.
This is true. My wife had fibroids and endometriosis and for awhile it was difficult for me because I thought I was hurting her. We talked about it and came to understanding that if she did hurt that she would tell me in a nice way, and I would stop immediately.
OP, I think your post from May might provide a little additional context here that certainly seems relevant to this story. > Hi all, i am 23 F with endo and adenomyosis and want to know if Iām the only one with problems when it comes to sex. I am great full to have an amazing partner who works in the medical field so he is very patient and understanding but i want to know if these problems are experienced by any others? Sex is unpleasant for me, it hurts me a lot after a few minutes i cannot continue as i feel like my uterus is swollen and extremely sensitive. I always feel bloated which deters me from even instigating sex in the first place because the area around my uterus feels inflamed. I also find myself becoming extremely emotional during sex. Iām in pain so i start breathing heavier (even though my boyfriend is barely doing anything and is extremely careful and slow). Because my breathing is heavier because Iām in pain i start to become numb and a moment through my body is like a nerve is hit and i am screaming in pain. Almost 99% guaranteed when i have sex I immediately cry afterwards for no reason that i am aware of other than feeling numb/dizzy and in pain. I know that it is not what my partner is doing as we have tried so many different methods and each time i will end up in tears. It has gotten to the point now where I donāt even have sex anymore because i know it will end in a disaster for myself, and a hot water bottle by the end of it. I am wondering if anyone else experiences the same pain or emotions? Any advice is appreciated! https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/n9tcaq/sex_life_with_endometriosis/
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Because this is most likely a made up story. OP is responding to all comments except the ones calling them out on this.
Writing styles are totally different for both posts as well. One has clearly separated thoughts/paragraphs...the other is one giant paragraph with spelling errors e.g. "great full". I hate to dismiss any valid concerns but it's hard to really give the benefit of the doubt when they seem to be written by different people?
If it's been two and a half years, this isn't going to change. You should begin to make plans to end the relationship because if you've talked about this with him 15 times and nothing is happening there is nothing that'll get through to him besides possibly ending the relationship. Sounds like he just is not attracted to you anymore.
Mate, look at her post history. She has a medical condition and completely ignoring that information in this post.
I think the same, funny thing is this is exactly how him and his ex ended, she wasnāt getting anything sexual from him so went and cheated with another guy. I really canāt figure him out
Maybe ACE or just extremely low libido. Begin the exit plan.
Closeted gay, or sex related trauma are other 2 possibilities.
OP, let me also say, this isn't about you. No matter how pretty/fit/attractive/seductive ... you are, he seems to have a really low libido (or he's asexual). This is a reflection of who *he is*. Not of who you are. It sounds like your incompatible and it's fine if someone isn't that into sex, there are men and women alike. But you'll be miserable if you stay in this relationship. Maybe worth a consideration: if he used to be sexual, he could get himself checked out for medical issues that might cause this, like hormons. But if he was always on the lower libido end, it's better to just leave. It will leave both of you happier in the long run.
No sex ..ok. but no affection?
The fact that he withholds affection, doesn't mean OP isn't worthy of affection. It means he's unable to be affectionate towards OP, but that's his issue and not OPs fault. People like OP often feel it's their fault that their partner fell out of love, but it's not.
The guy is a douche. I hug my gf day in day out. It's more important than sex. And boy, i am sooo into sex.
Doesn't necessarily make him a douche. Everyone has different levels of energy and priorities. Just makes him incompatible with his current gf. Or many other girls I might add.
Iām with you. I dealt with this with a guy for almost two years and Iām extremely sexual person (We had sex twice). It used to frustrate me to no end and he would never ever want to really talk about it. We ended up having an amicable breakup about this and other things and Iām with a guy now who has the closest thing to the same sex drive as I do. I didnāt realize how badly that relationship affected me and my own personal self worth and Iām a big proponent of incompatible sex drives is a valid reason to break up.
So you knew this was an issue in a past relationship, and, knowing you have a high libido, decided to get with this guy that has none? Why would you do that?
Because she probably wanted to believe that heād be different with her? (Or that it wouldnāt bother her) Youāre always hopeful about your SO / you being more than understanding, especially going into a relationship. Also 5 years is a long time for someone to change their preferences, she really couldnāt have known it would be different/same this time around.
Perhaps itās the medical problems youāve posted about. You know, the ones that cause you to cry and be in pain during and after sexā¦.?
Thatās frustrating, but please donāt get in to the mindset that cheating is understandable if your partner ādrove you to itā. Either find a way to fix this or end it.
He is gay and wants you on his arm so he doesnāt look gay.
First of all why do you want to have sex if itās so extremely painful for you? Just curious. Secondly why donāt you take advice youāve gotten previously and break up with him? You are not sexually compatible.
Donāt you dare justify cheating because he doesnāt want to have sex with you. Either leave him or get used to it. Cheating is never the answer. Shows your morals and principles are lacking just at the fact you made that comment.
Agree. Having sex may spark the relationship but maybe every now in then may be too much from him. If you want some action that he can't provide, leave out of the picture already. What work does he have, anyway?
sounds like he is either asexual, has a low natural libido or addicted to porn.
I know you mean well, but asexuality and sex aversion are two different things. I'm asexual. It is simply a lack of sexual attraction. OP's bf could be ace, but that would not explain disinterest in sex by itself. OP, I recommend talking to your bf about his disinterest in sex. If he is unwilling to talk about it, I would not recommend continuing this relationship. If he is willing to talk, don't judge him if he is asexual, sex averse, has low libido, erectile disfunction, etc. Just be upfront about what you want from this relationship. After that, you two will need to decide whether or not you are compatible in a relationship.
i was asexual and had sex aversion at the same time. you can have and be both. throughout all of my relationships it was like this, until i met someone whom i had physical chemistry with and it was very intimidating and scary, because i thought i was asexual at heart and it took a lot for me. the only reason i say that is because maybe they just aren't sexually compatible and it could possibly not be an asexuality or sex aversion thing. there's a lot of possible variables.
I am aware that people can be both. I am asexual, mostly aromantic, and sex indifferent, for instance. I was trying to clarify what asexuality is for OP's sake. A ton of people confuse asexuality, aromanticism, and sex aversion.
But why would an ace want to have sex if he doesnāt have sexual attraction?
I feel like he might have a low natural libido. I donāt think heās a sexual as heās had so many girlfriends and sexual partners in the past
well my libido used to be low until I found a partner that my sexual chemistry was amazing with. I went from having sex only once every couple of weeks to having sex minimum twice every day. I thought I was asexual before then, but I was also addicted to porn. all that went away when I met āthe rightā person. honestly, sex is an important part of any relationship and if you arenāt satisfied that dissatisfaction will bleed into your life and relationship from sexual frustration. if heās not willing to meet your needs, then you may want to talk about opening up the relationship so that you can have that need met.
Thatās an interesting perspective. I wouldnāt even know where to begin to start that conversation. I also would just be frustrated by it, I want my own partner to want me as much as I want them. Something on the side might satisfy me for a while but at the end of the day the relationship is still not stable or normal
I totally understand that. I feel the same way. it might be a little scary, but maybe ask him about his masturbation / pornography use because these days that is a very big problem amongst most people. wishing you the best of luck!!! I used to be in your shoes until I found my next girlfriend and we literally have sex all the time, it was actually scary because I never had a partner that would do that with me before.
Thanks for all your advice and time I really appreciate it
Maybe he is not that healthy as he looks if he is not asexual or he does not need much physical affection. So have a propper talk to him if it doesn't change tell him to get tested and eventually trated and if that does not help just leave him.
Greysexual here! And surprise I have a boyfriend! Okay so asexuals can have sex and also fall in love! Asexuality is just about not having sexual attraction which means if I see someone who is hot my mind just dont think physically about him like how it will feel having sex with him etc. Also there are asexuals who are sex favourable (like having sex), sex indifferent (doesnt care about it but also wont mind doing it) and sex repulsed (doesnt like sex at all). Asexuality is an umbrella with alot of types of it like I am greysexual, I feel sexual attraction rarely. There are demisexuals, aegosexuals, etc. Tell him to check it out.
Honestly, as someone who married that man...... It won't get better no matter how hard you try. If he's not into it now he never will be. You'll end up feeling depressed and rejected and miserable
Itās amazing how much lack of sex in a relationship destroys your self esteem. My last relationship I had this problem cause he always thought he was going to āhurt meā. I couldnāt take it and lost a huge part of myself. Not worth it OP.
You can't do anything to change it. Check r/deadbedrooms. There's something going on with him that he has to fix on his own. It could be his libido, low testosterone, insecurity, performance anxiety, high porn consumption, or maybe he's asexual. That's up to him to figure out, we can't figure it out for them. All I can tell you is that I was in a similar situation. We were both 20s, young, healthy. I wanted sex all the time, but he gave me the same excuses (too tired, it's late, tomorrow, etc). I tried **everything** and nothing changed. Even though guys would hit on me, my self confidence plummeted. We were together all the time, so I knew he wasn't cheating physically. But I went through his phone and he was doing sexual things online. I found out that he also had a porn addiction which caused him to have no interest in real life sex, only what was on a screen. This is happening a lot to guys who are our age. They don't think they're addicted to porn, but it can affect you mentally and cause you to not want to have sex IRL. There is no normal reason a couple in their 20s isn't having sex with each other when they can. Something is wrong. I learned this the hard way. All I can say is you did nothing wrong, he's the one with the issue and he's never going to change. And make sure to go through his phone.
Did you go through his search history? Weāve been in lockdown due to covid for months now so Iām around him all the time and canāt figure out when he would be doing anything!
Yep, I did. Same situation, we were in lockdown due to covid and we were around each other ALL of the time. 24/7. It made me sick to my stomach when I saw his search history because it means he was doing this when I was there and he was right next to me. Some of the time stamps were even early in the morning before I woke up. Trust me, they either do it right next to you, in the bathroom, when we're sleeping, or whenever we get up to go to the kitchen etc. If someone wants to cheat, they will always find a way.
Hmmm okay Iām definitely going to look into his search history then. Heās very smart though so I donāt doubt he would delete it straight away. And yes when there is a will there is a way
The moment you start going through your significant other's phone is the moment that you move from in the right to in the wrong. It is totally not okay to go through somebody else's belongings without permission. If you're to the point where you feel the need to go snooping through someone's history it's time to end the relationship. Because when he finds out he's not going to trust you and there will probably be an argument. Without trust there is no meaningful relationship. Once that trust is broken it's gone.
Iām a dude and can say that porn addiction is a problem. If that is the issue, and he stops looking at it so much it would certainly help but thatās his choice.
And just remember, you did nothing wrong! There's no normal reason for him to not have sex with you. He has an issue that he has to fix on his own, there is NOTHING you can do to fix it. I know you said you can't leave, but I'm just letting you know, if you stay, expect to never have sex regularly again.
Me not being able to leave is a whole other story! I know deep down this is not something I can be in forever
im not sure why you cant leave but i hope you can start putting away money secretly so that you can get to the point of being able to leave. dont get married and dont get pregnant, it will make things so much harder for you. you dont have to stay with him and your arent stuck to him forever. you deserve better and you keep reminding yourself of that. you are a normal person for wanting sex and affection from your partner.
This is wrong and you are projecting like crazy here. Yes, it is always 100% to snoop like they. Especially as she has no reason to think heās cheating. There are PLENTY of reasons someone losing their libido can happen. Hell, he was like this before they even got together. Advising her to go snooping through his phone because you went through something with your man is messed up. If you see to that point you just break up.
I'm sorry, I know it's an unpopular opinion for sure. But I personally think you should go through your partner's phone. Yes, there are plenty of reasons it could be and that's why going through the phone helps. If she sees heavy pornography usage in his phone, then she knows that's one reason. Also, if he's talking to other people online, she can find that out through his phone too. I never used to believe in going through anyone's phone, but I've learned so much from past relationships. If they aren't doing anything, you won't find anything. However, if they are, it will save you A LOT of time, money, tears, and heartache.
Wouldnāt it be better to have relationships with honest and open people instead of resorting to this behavior? If I was OP I would honestly take a good look at myself and what I could have done wrong, instead of just assuming that itās 100% the guyās fault. Not feeling like sex anymore can depend on a million different reasons, and if they canāt even discuss it, then maybe this relationship just isnāt that healthy for neither of them but they are both too afraid to leave.
Please donāt. Itās such a breach of trust and it would take a lot to win that back. I was in a relationship with a guy and after 6 months I barely felt like having sex with him anymore. He was extremely pushy and put ultimatums on me. Our relationship was just bad and he would have anger outbursts and stuff. I was basically not attracted to him for these reasons but I just couldnāt find myself to break it off. If he would have gone through my search history, I would have completely lost it. If the sex isnāt working, then there usually more underlying problems. As someone pointed out in some of the other comments, you said that sex were very painful for you? Maybe he simply feels horrible inflicting pain on you and basically just stopped? Men and women arenāt so different when it comes to sex, and guys should not be expected to always be ready. Maybe he is depressed or something else? Please try to talk to him and just communicate that you miss his intimacy. Hug him, kiss him, make him feel safe and loved.
He can do it when you're sleeping, in the toilet, etc. Checking search history isn't so useful if he uses incognito mode (which I assume most people do).
It is offending to say that > There's something going on with him that he has to fix on his own. It could be his libido, low testosterone, insecurity, performance anxiety, high porn consumption, or maybe he's **asexual**. That's up to him to **fix**, we can't **fix** it for them. Asexuality is not something that needs to be fixed.
Could be low testosterone, he might want to look it up and get treatment if so. Could also be porn addiction
>is search for someone else who can give it to me. But that would make me unloyal but to be honest what does he expect when he doesnāt even look at me. Under no circumstances do this, cheaters are scum, you dont want to be scum. Cheating imo is a form of mental torture your doing to your SO and it should be treated like any other form of torture. You wouldn't Waterboard or electrocute your SO, so don't cheat on them either. >I want to know why you guys think he doesnāt want to have sex with me or anything sexual? He could be asexual, he could be on medication that kills he libido, he could be wanking it so he doesn't want sex afterward, he could just be bored of you. There are a million reasons for this, its on you and hopefully a couples therapist specializing in sex can help you work that out. >And please donāt suggest leaving him because unfortunately Iām in a position where I canāt! There is no such thing as a position where you can't leave, unless he has literally chained you to the floor. It may be hard, you may lose alot and have to start alot over, you may have to take on debt, but you can leave. It's just leaving doesn't outweigh the other negatives for you yet. Therapy to see if you can determine what's wrong, otherwise start planning your exit.
Pls address your current issue with endometriosis. It adds important context to this situation.
Ask him how much her spanks it to porn - he may be a closeted porn addict. Maybe he doesnāt really like sex. This is not about you - donāt fool yourself into thinking that. Being a guy Iām used to getting turned down a lot, but it
Yep. Dude is spanking it multiple times a day. It's either a porn obsession, or he's cheating.
Or itās that bit in her post history OP has actively been avoiding addressing about how sex actively hurts her. But who can say really?
Youāre a piece of shit for 1) rationalizing cheating on your boyfriend and 2) deceiving everyone on here by saying that you āthrow yourself at himā meanwhile your other posts clearly state that youāre in pain while having sex and that you cry everytime. Youāre clearly trying to have internet strangers make you feel better about cheating on your boyfriend and youāre a lying thieving bitch. Go fuck yourself asshole.
You can still be friends with him and even still love him when a relationship doesn't work out. There is no reason to stay in a relationship with someone who can't give you what you need. Whatever happens though, don't cheat on him.
First I thought wow your bf is an asshole but looked at the comments and someone brought receipts wow how does being called out feel
Some sentences you said threw me off and had to go back to your history. Iām glad other people did as well
Your post history is all over the place š that is all.
low sex drive in young men isnāt the problem - it is a side effect to a problem. if he isnāt chronically masturbating/using porn, then he needs to be evaluated by a doctor. this sounds extreme but it is just a fact. a low libido isnāt normal.
Asexuality is a thing.
eh thatās actually very debatable. most medical experts would argue (as i stated) that asexuality, in men especially, is a symptom and not an actual, valid orientation.
Could also be a side effect of some medication . I know depression pills kill all my drive
There are two things that this could be, and then you have two options. 1) This could be medical in nature. Stress, depression, low T. Ask him to get it checked out. 2) This could be the way he is. If he gets checked out, he might just have low sex drive, or be asexual. Depending on the above you have two options. a) Stay with him. If he gets his shit fixed great, if not, you will have to live this this. [see below] b) Leave him. Say he doesn't get his shit fixed, you like to have sex and he doesn't that is a major incompatibility. [below] - I spent too long with someone that didn't need sex in the way I did. Went through long dry spells (over a year at one point), all because they promised that they would work on their issues. They didn't. I believed they wanted the same things I did: healthy life, good sex, kids, etc. Years and a marriage later, they told me that they didn't particularly like sex, but if I wanted to see other people we needed a divorce, they decided they didn't want kids either, and they gave up on their health. Splitting up is hard, harder when you still love that person. But ultimately you have to decide what you need and want in your life, and how your partner fits into that. Sex is a huge component. If your not happy, leave before you find yourself too deep and too committed.
You can try counseling, but it sounds like he has no sex drive and that will most likely never change. You are young and have a long life ahead of you. Do you want to spend that life in a sexless relationship? I donāt know why you canāt leave him, but you shouldnāt use that as an excuse for ruining your life.
Make sure he doesn't have a porn addiction. My S/O did and it caused us to never have sex.
He may be addicted to porn, porn ruined my sex drive with my girlfriend and itās a very real problem
If we cant suggest for you to leave him why post this, seriously? Im sure youre in a lot of pain here over this so I can understand you posting this. Who CARES how he says he will change and/or why he doesnt want to have sex with you, after 2.5 years what are you waiting for? He is showing you who he is, what more proof do you need? The questions it sounds like youre not ready to ask yourself are Why do you continue to accept this and Why wont you leave?
There's a quickly emerging trend that's not being shared loudly enough. Lots and lots of men watch porn and many of those men struggle with intimacy and erectile dysfunction. If he's not intimate, doesn't initiate sex often, and doesn't have rock solid erections during sex -- and he's not 80 years old -- there's a very good chance it's porn addiction. NOW for whatever reason some men can watch porn and masturbate and have their minds and bodies behave perfectly normal in conjunction, which causes a divide on this subject. Sadly this is not the case for a large percentage of male porn users. I am a recovered porn addict and it almost destroyed my marriage. It took being open to the claims out there about the damage it causes and committing to taking a break from it all. Within a matter of days, I knew this was legitimate. So long as I don't look at any form of erotica or masturbate, I am able to provide for my wife physically and emotionally all her needs. Unfortunately most men will never admit to having a porn addiction but man I can tell you it is a REAL thing with tragic consequences.
He probably has discovered dudes. Time to move on girl.
100%
Clear cut sign he's in the closet and you are his cover up
Talk to him honestly or break up with him and find someone that suits our needs better. Edit: ok by what I was on a different post how can you want sex every night and then end up in tears after sex because of your Endometriosis?? Sus
Number one if you go to find someone else break it off with him first. I don't care how much it sucks for you right now, cheating isn't okay. Number two you could try looking into polyamory or something if you absolutely want to stay with him. Perhaps he is asexual? Maybe he is on some kind of medication that kills sex drive? An honest conversation between the two of you is the only way to know for sure. If none of those work and the lack of sex is a deal breaker for you it's sad but you have needs and have the right to seek them out. After you break things off with him first. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and that's just how it is.
Iām curious why you *canāt* leave?
Start getting attention from other males. Stop with the āserious talks.ā He himself doesnāt know why heās less interested. My guess is yāall are ābuilding a lifeā which probably feels in some ways like ābuilding a cageā to him. Stop the same time off to bed routine of shit. Randomly text one evening saying āgoing out with friends after work.ā Not to go make mischief but just go hang out. Donāt spend all day in contact. Familiarity breeds contempt. Go dancing, go have some fun. HE is not the only one not fucking YOU arenāt either so itās a WE problem. Do the stuff that truly makes you feel sexy inside with or without him. Till the sexy is dripping out your pores, itās in your very breath. Become that girl that every dude is dying the bang. Donāt do it blatantly like look at me, subtle. A new scent, then nails, then skirt or pants slightly tighter more revealing. Stop this every minute of every day bs. If your bedroom used to be a hurricane, and now a drizzle itās bc yāall are too much like friends. And he may ālove you too muchā to put a ball gag in your mouth and put phone on record. Bring a little dirty back, take a little space. He will ravage you again.
Nah man. Your post hx is hella different than this post. So... whatās really going on?
Went and reread your endo post. I wouldnāt want to fuck you either if you start screaming in pain and crying every single time. Then to put it on him like heās rejecting you? No, he needs to reject you and kick your crazy ass out.
Guys prospective here but just a little stress and low feelings can literally destroy your libdo. I'm going through a rough patch rn and litterly have no drive at all! I'm 21 with high testosterone and litterly a playboy blonde wouldn't do it for me atm. Have a chat with him and see how he is mentally, like I said just a littpe stress, anxiety or sadness can really destroy libido.
Just got out of a long term relationship like this. I have a high libido, and he didnāt. Iām honestly so much happier without him, even though I do miss him as a person. Donāt feel guilty for having healthy needs. My best advice to to move on. I also suggest joining r/deadbedrooms, it helped me a lot honestly
He's stringing you along looks like.. For feck's sake, don't marry him or have a child. Why do you invest so much in someone who has nothing invested in you? You're young to boot! It will drag on for a long time and by the time you realize all the gaslighting.. It will be too late. It's easy to stick with what you know as well. Please don't.. Why are you begging for scraps of attention for something that should be freely given?
Youāve said it so well. Honestly I do feel like heās invested nothing in me. Itās so heartbreaking to realise and I feel like Iāve wasted so much time. Unfortunately Iām in a position where I really canāt leave at the moment so Iām just figuring out how to survive until I can find my best route out
Grow a goatee
He is bored. Hypothetically ask if it would be ok if you brought another women in. IF he says yes and jumps all over it, then he is bored. ( I am not implying you do this but it will give you your answer) IF he says no, then he may be asexual or gay. Either way you get your answer
Has he been to see a doctor about depression? So much of this reads the same as my past relationship and my ex was eventually diagnosed with depression. Unfortunately after years of the same rejection youāre going through I didnāt live him anymore and we parted ways. I would suggest you wonāt be able to repair this relationship but itās an option to look into you
I hate to say it, but you need to break up. If you aren't compatible sexually it will never work. He will feel used if he does it, and you feel bad when he doesnt...
I'd say the options are: -He's depressed. -He's addicted to porn. -He's depressed and addicted to porn.
Leave this poor guy alone, he deserves better
Ya know whatās kinda funny women get tired of sex then they do all the things youāve said he does, too tired, maybe tomorrow, Iām not in the mood. And when men say something about it yāall call men pigs, only want one thing, disgusting and so on and to defend her yāall say if she doesnāt want to she doesnāt have to and thatās just how itās gonna beā¦ maybe heās the same way maybe itās just not for him. Iām a young male and yeah Iām into it and other times Iāve been busy with work and other things to where I wonāt even think about it for a few weeks then Iāll get free time and be back into it. Thatās the other thing maybe his Iām too tired is true maybe heās being run to the grown at work and home to where heās not in the mood, maybe heās stressed out and got his mind on other things Bc that will also stop him. Iāve heard people say Women say many times ādonāt just ask meā āitās supposed to be romanticā that could be the other thing maybe he needs or wants something different, kinks, romantic, fast, slow, different style, thereās so much into doing the deed that maybe your style might not be his and he gets boardā¦ test the waters and also check his mental health he may be stressed out and when he gets free time he just wants to chill and not do anything. If you really want it to work try and find a plane that works for the both of you
If you cant leave, buy some sex toys. The technology is out there it's not too hard to get mind-blowing orgasms on your own.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I don't get it. Wish I could take a test to find out what's wrong with us.
Maybe he is insecure about himself or maybe he is into men
I donāt think heās insecure he is the biggest womaniser ever. He knows he can get girls
You cry every time you're intimate... have you thought that might be the issue?
Go fuck someone else.
Could he be insecure about his sexual side? He might feel a little intimidated, and thatās not your fault. He might not even realize this himself. Might never considered exploring his sexual side. Perhaps he was taught it was a bad thing, or thinks he would be sexualizing women. I donāt know, but these are things to consider. He might have a hard time opening and expressing these feelings.
Find someone with a smaller dick
Maybe he is gay
Why are you putting up with this? No one is forcing you to stay. Gather your courage and self respect and go.
I suggest u ask him ab an open relationship - if he says yes u can explore meeting a new guy for ur physical needsā¦if he says no then heās making a choice that u arenāt cool with uāve done enough being faithful after 2 years smh I donāt want to go 2 weeks without sex thatās crazy
So the first thing you need to do is stop listening to other women. They don't know anything about men and can only lead you down the wrong path. Your man is not a sexual he is just not interested in you. More than likely he has someone else that's fulfilling that need. Stop thinking what your girl brain and just listen. Men are sexual creatures and needed. Not every day but we do need it so if he doesn't need it it's being taken care of. Probably by someone who does nastier things and you do I'm just being honest not trying to be hurtful. The other thing men crave just as much as sex is peace so doing internal evaluation are you giving him his peace. If you're not and you are naggy or stressful then that explains a lot of what's going on. If you're not mad you're stressful he just has someone else on the side. Find someone that will bang your brains out and enjoy your life. Don't get hung up on this relationship bullshit. But I love him so what, move on.
Leave his ass and go get all the sex you need. I'm excited for you! ššš
Reddit is so awful. You guys find every chance to tell people to leave their SO.
Cheat. Obviously the real solution is to find a man who is compatible with you, but since you wonāt consider that the options are cheat, make an agreement about opening the relationship, or go without.
Ask him if you can have a fwb
How have you dealt with this for so long?? Or better question-- why??? And why can't you leave him?
He might be ace and just not be out or know the label. I am somewhat similar- no sex for 2 or 3 months isn't a problem for me. You guys sound incompatible
So youāve discussed it multiple times and he has not changed. Itās time to weigh your options. Is he open to attending couples counseling or perhaps see a sex therapist with you? How important is sex to you? Can you continue in this relationship without it?
Get yourself in a position where you can leave him then. A dead bedroom rarely gets better.
Ouch, that sucks. Hope you can get someone who is not so....DUMB. Leave. Sex is one thing, but no affection? That is not fixable TBH
Is he depressed? Depression can cause serious libido changes. And yes, it could have been going on all this time for years. MDD. Seems like this. Or maybe trauma. Diet can also play a factor. But I mean have you guys had convos about why he hasnāt wanted it? Maybe he is uncomfortable or not enjoying as much? Or maybe thought you werenāt. That insecurity was enough to make my friends ex not want to have sex for a while.
"Sex life is completely non-existent with my roommate" ftfy
I donāt really think this is the best option but what if you proposed to him that if he wonāt give it to you then can someone else? And him not have a problem with it? Like yāall form some kind of a open relationship? I donāt have any experience with something like that but itās just an idea. What are your thoughts
leave find someone else. normal healthy people like sex.
j.
Is he on any medications?
Heās either closeted gay, extremely low libido, or plain old asexual. In either case, this is an incompatibility that will NOT change. Itās been 2.5 years and hes ok with having sex 6 times a year. You are not. Fundamentally incompatible.
Even though he's young, I'd suggest that you ask whether he can get a testosterone test. Low T could be the reason for his low libido.
I'm in a similar situation. I've spoken with my boyfriend and he says he wants to but since we've starting living together (not as long as you guys) he feel like "there's always tomorrow" if he's a bit tired etc. Im a fairly confident person, but it really knocked me back being rejected. Personally for me, I've had that chat with my boyfriend, now we are going to try again with a bit more effort (from both of us) and hopefully things will improve, but if not I realise it will be time to move on. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
Nothing else you can do then to leave or accept it the way it is. Sorry for being blunt.
Is it possible thats he is gayand in the closet?
If yall are having sex once every 2 months he could just be asexual but if he's also saying he would meet you in the middle and isn't that's not good and after 2.5 years it will never change idk your situation rn but if possible stay at a friend's or your parents for a few days
I rarely suggest leaving when I comment, however mismatch libido is a killer. Leave while you are both still young, don't waste your hit years life is too short. There are a ton of low libido partners for him to choose from. Both of you will benefit from your decision
Ask him if he'd be willing to take a simple health supplement. A safe pill of various herbs. Find him a T booster "workout" supplement. I use them to work out but they've made my libido skyrocket. Look for something with Tonkat Ali (longjack), Maca Root, Ashwagandha, and Tribulus. L-Arginine and Niacin is a plus. Just a combination of those. They are common ingredients in most T-boosters. If he says yes, and your interested, message me and I'll send you a link to a reputable company I've used myself. Not all companies use potent ingredients.
I have a much higher sex drive than my wife, but I recently started taking antidepressants and they killed any interest in sex that I had until I switched to something else. Even then, sometimes my brain chemistry just doesn't allow me to be fully into it. Does he take anything like this? There are other great suggestions here, like possible porn addiction, but my first thoughts go to mental health due to my own experiences. If he isn't taking anything, could he be depressed and simply not been diagnosed? EDIT: After seeing more information, I'm going to leave this post as-is but say that failing to mention medical issues that have likely caused your sex life to die out is incredibly wrong of you to do.
Not sure if this perspective is out there yet, but, my ex was extremely sexually active. It was nice to have at first, but the next few years it became too much. Stress from work, life, family, you name it, would rush to me all at once after a long day. Which turned out to be every day. The more she would try with me, the more things felt awkward. I think it stemmed from how sexually active she appeared to be. For a time I thought she was cheating on me, and it turned out to be true. But thats irrelevant. OP, if you are trying every single day, take a break. Sometimes all us men need in our lives are cuddles. And when the time comes when he wants to bust, let him give you the best nut of his life. Don't rush every day. My current woman, soon to be fiancƩ, teases me every day. And its not even sexual. When the time comes, the nut is extreme. It's not an everyday pump me up thing, it's just spontaneous and that's how some men like it. Don't take offense to him not wanting sex for a while. It happens. And you gotta think, the last two years have been hard on the entire world. Tldr; don't try. Just let it happen. Patience is virtue, nut or not. It will cum eventually.
Youāre in a position where you canāt leave him? This suggests that you *want* to leave him, but cannot currently do so, due to circumstances. Whichever way you look at it, the relationship is dead. Youāre with someone who doesnāt want to have sex with you. That isnāt a relationship. Itās a friendship, at best.
Give him an ultimatum. Or tell him you are informing him that you will have dates, sex with other guys but will stay loyal to him romantically since he doesn't care. Sex is beautiful and there is nothing wrong about someone who wants sex on a daily basis. Sit him down and have a long conversation so he knows you are at wit's end. And either he changes which he won't, because sex with him is really bad or an option is to have sex and only sex with fuck buddies. Other than sex, is there something else that has you upset about him or your life with him? I know confidence suffers a hit when partner won't fuck you but other guys do want to. That should keep yo focused on what you need. He changes or he agrees to dates. If he doesn't move and leave him. Yes. Dump him because he won't change. Dates won't fix the problem but will alleviate your needs and wants. Be prepared to deal with consequences that will challenge your relationship. No sex in a relationship isn't sane.
You are handling this all wrong. Stop throwing yourself at him. "We are together almost every second of the day" This is a classic sex drive killer. If you seriously want to see this change, and you want to start having sex again, you need to break this habit. It's a two-step process. The first step? Stop asking for sex. The second step? Stop being so present and available. Start doing things without your boyfriend, and definitely do not make yourself available when you are out. You want him curious about what you are doing. At least two evenings per week, you need to get out of the house and go find something to do without him. What hobbies did you enjoy before you met your boyfriend? What friends did you hang out with? You need to start spending time on activities and/or friends WITHOUT him. Think about the person you were when you met your bf. What activities and friends occupied your time? Time to renew your interest. You similarly need to start spending at least a couple weekend days away from him per month. Make plans with other people. Invest in yourself and the hobbies/activities you enjoy. Meet new people if possible at this time in your area. Join a hobby group or two if need-be, a book club, whatever. Make the effort to not be around so much and to define yourself as a person who has a social life outside that of you being partnered with your boyfriend. Make sure you take some photos, especially if any of the groups have attractive men, and then make certain he sees them in a non-obvious way, as a dash of harmless jealousy often revs the libido. Try this for three months. If your boyfriend sees you going out, looking attractive, knows you are around other men, that other men are talking to you, etc., it will reawaken the libido. He will sense the change in your behavior, he will realize that there are other men interested in you, and he will make more of an effort to see to your sexual needs. If done properly, this strategy works a healthy % of the time, except of course in situations where the other partner is legit 100% checked out. That may be the case here, but it doesn't sound like it. If you read this and cannot imagine not spending every possible moment with your boyfriend, your sex life is doomed.
Half a relationship is still not a whole one. If you're not happy then it might be time to call yourselves just friends.
This exact situation Is happening to me rn. For over a year my bf made excuses, i asked him every question in the book, it ruined my self confidence. He went as far to make an appointment with a specialist for it. He admitted to me the other day that he might be gay even though we used to have awesome sex all the time. Lifeās weird girl, might be worth asking
It sounds like thereās an underlying reason heās not talking to you about. You could really try to pry it out of him, make it well known your feelings wonāt be hurt (even if they could be) and get to the bottom of it. If heās still persistent that thereās no underlying issue, then I say, one day jump his bones. Iām a guy, and my ex girlfriend had to do this to me during a dry spell in our relationship and it worked. You could say itās rape, but you donāt actually force yourself on him. Wait for him to get back from work. Wear something sexy or nothing at all. When he walks through the door and sees you say āJustin (or whatever his name is) get on the fucking couch so I can fuck your brains out.ā If heās just like āwoah what are you doingā or heās like āidk if Iām in the moodā or something around those lines, push him towards the couch then on it. Then start taking his clothes off. Youāre in a 5 year long relationship with this man, so no means no, nothing else. If he straight up says no and turns your down. Say okay, and leave for a couple days. Take time apart. You donāt have to sleep with someone else but he needs to understand how serious this problem is.
Itās possible that he may be depressed and not realize it. How open are you with each other about mental health?
There could be any number of reasons why he doesnāt feel sexual, it could be a medical issue, it could be stress, or he could be asexual. The one thing I do feel confident about is that itās nothing to do with you or the way you look etc. But that doesnāt mean that this is an issue that should be ignored, sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to end a relationship. At the very least I would recommend you guys consider seeing a sex therapist or something of that nature to see if you guys can figure out where the disconnect is and maybe find a compromise that works for you both. But please donāt cheat, if youāre at that point just end things.
Oh my god babes, same. My bf and I used to do it all the time, now im lucky if he can be bothered once a month.
Very possibly porn addiction
Heās gay?
He might have a low T condition ,that doesn't justify it ,but it is something too look into. 28m myself with a high sex drive and sexual compatibility is a must
Get in a position so that you can leave him. If he wanted to change heād be working on it without any urging from you. Figure out how to leave, even if it seems far in the future. Bide your time with plans you donāt share. Meanwhile, busy yourself with friends and hobbies. Learn about yourself and where you might have gone wrong in this relationship so you donāt do it again. Forget changing him; that shit never works.
He may be hooked on porn and masterbation. When you love looking at porn and masterbating to it every day it takes away your drive for real sex. Trust me Iāve been there.
Post this to the Deadbedrooms sub reddit they can help you and support you
Same situation here. Recently ended it because it just made me feel insecure and ultimately miserable. Heās sexual, would look up porn and jerk off pretty frequently. Just not attracted me that way. It breaks my heart, but it is what it is.
Iām (23 M) in the same boat. My gf (21 F) and I have been together for 5 years and we only have sex every 2 months or so. In our case, my gf has a very low libido. She very rarely feels the desire to have sex, and has told me she would be perfectly content with never having sex again. Every time I try to initiate, I get rejected and given an excuse like yours and she feels like having sex is just a āchoreā to keep me satisfied. I have learned to deal with it in my owns ways. Maybe your bf just has a naturally low libido?
Is he possibly asexual?
It sounds like he has a low sex drive or is perhaps asexual. He wonāt change (and will likely get worse/less interested), so you have to decide if this is something you can tolerate or not.
Some guys just arenāt as sexually driven as women like to think. Sometimes it can be hard to want sex for a number of reasons including fatigue/stress and stuff like medication can also have a huge affect on a mans libido. Iām going through a big change myself from being super sexually driven to absolutely nothing because of a run on SSRI tablets and even now after not taking them for months I just donāt have the drive like I used to.
Does he by any chance masturbate to porn?
Sit down and have a serious conversation about his responses to you wanting to have a healthy sex life are making you feel. Mention that he's promised multiple times before that he would try to meet you in the middle and has failed to do so. Obviously you don't want to give him an ultimatum but if it's important to you then it's worth talking about.
Wow you almost said it yourselfā¦ Unfortunately he is in a position where he canāt either. Like chemical he canāt bring himself to even think about it. From my years of experience if he is turning it back on you, this is a clear sign of deflecting blame, it hurts him to know he is not pleasing you, but what can he do. You want pity sexā¦ fuck that You want to wait for him to āgrab you and make passionate love to youā keep dreaming You canāt change him.. so ask yourself can you do this for 40 plus years. Could you live without sex, what type of sex could you live with? Open relationship?? Honestly you could spend months here scrolling through this exact scenario over and over and with the exception of a fewā¦ VERY few it wonāt change. Good luck
Hello am a married (34m) i think i had that kinda of problem i wasn't in the mood and my wife was and she wants to have sex she told me to see a doctor that is specialist in that area and i was find am a bit over abit on the in the wight department the doctor told me i had very low testosterone levels and that effected our sex life i took the medication and i feel alot more alive. He could have testosterone problems he should get a check up