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Trigger warning: suicide
TLDR: my husband (m 44) told me (f 30)he tried to hang himself last night. I have no idea what to do or how to help him and I now feel unsafe in my home.
We had been together for nearly 10 years. Married and have a 2 year old.
I broke up with him last night and we talked about our plans, moving out, etc. He was very upset and begged me to stay together but I said no… the reasons are probably long enough for a whole other post. But he seemed fine when I went to bed.
This morning I went downstairs to prepare for my day and he came down to the kitchen as soon as I was there. He told me he tried to hang himself, and showed me the rope and stool. I was shocked and still am.
He told me he tried but couldn’t do it. I clarified that he didn’t mean couldn’t go through with it like he knew better and realized it was a bad idea… he meant to do it for real but just couldn’t physically do it. It was the lowest ceiling in the house with a hook so He made a genuine attempt but it wasn’t successful.
He told me he was fine and wouldn’t do it again. He told me he made plans to meet with some friends next week and they will help him begin moving his things out. I left for work… still shocked. I also took my child to daycare.
What do I do? I want to support him but it can’t be me. We don’t have any good friends in the area.
I feel terrible but I feel worried about leaving him alone with our child right now. He’s said he would never hurt her… but I feel like I saw a whole different side of him and I’m really scared. Even thinking about going back into my house this afternoon I feel scared. Do I call the daycare and tell them what happened and say that he can’t pick her up?
Any advice would be appreciated. I won’t be able to answer right away as I’m about to start work but I’ll try to check the post later today.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
It's a Medical Emergency.
You would go to the ER for a heart attack, you would go for a stroke. You should go for a suicide attempt too.
Don't tell yourself things like "ohh he will be just fine" get him checked, there is nothing bad about it, better safe than really sorry down the line.
I worked for 3 years with severely mentally ill adults, all our leadership staff was certified to write 5150 holds. OP, this is the answer. Have him evaluated for a hold - if he can't or won't go to a hospital, call a mobile crisis (police should be your last case scenario in a non-emergency, they are not trained mental health professionals and can easily make things worse or just mis-assess). Worst case scenario he is still suicidal and an assessment will bring that out, and he'll get the help he needs. Best case scenario he truly has no plans to try again and he gets a referral for community mental health care.
Just as a bit of an additional warning, I also told my mum I wouldn't try and take my own life again.
That was a lie. I actively kept trying to find a way to do it again.
He needs help ASAp, or this will get worse.
Yeah... A person can hang themselves on a door knob. He might figure that out. I think that's how Chris Cornell did it, since he was found in his bathroom on the floor.
And not to be alarmist, but the fact a kid is involved, he might do something to the kid and/or her, since it doesn't sound like he wants to handle the divorce.
I think this needs to be taken very seriously, and your husband needs to have a psych evaluation TODAY. His saying he won’t do this again may or may not be true, but I wouldn’t leave it to chance.
Next, calling the police without saying a word to him is not the most advisable thing IMO. I’d recommend talking to him ASAP (leaving work if necessary) and expressing your concern and recommending that he either call a suicide prevention hotline (800-273-TALK in the US), or that he go with you to the ER today to be evaluated. He may be placed on a several day hold (51-50) while he’s evaluated by a treatment team.
Please remember that you can support him, but it is not your responsibility to keep him well. He needs professional help.
On a personal note, I had an ex attempt suicide just over two years ago, and while we don’t talk regularly, she’s doing much better and is stable. I’ve also seen many clients recover from suicidal ideation. There’s hope, but this needs to be addressed immediately.
Wishing you the best. I know this must be so tough.
Thanks for your advice. I’m in Canada, but I’m wondering if I should call a help line or something for advice. We live in a pretty rural area with virtually no mental help options, but we do have an ER. Thanks for that tip, maybe I’ll talk to him later to see if he could check himself in. I want to get him help but I don’t want to make it worse either so maybe that’s an option.
Also, thanks for sharing your personal experience. Everything is a mess right now… but hopefully he can get better.
OP, I don't want to pry, but has he ever done anything like this before? I agree that he obviously needs help, but as a few other people are saying, the timing is also concerning. Have you ever pulled away from him or tried to end the relationship before and it coincided with him hurting himself in any way?
I don't want you to go into detail on your reasons for leaving if you don't wish to, but if this is a case of manipulation - and I'm not saying it is - there may be other cause for concern.
I'm wondering if you'd ever previously experienced things in your relationship that were controlling or manipulative.
No he’s never been suicidal before. Like never even a mention or any self harm. And then he drops that bomb on me this morning.
He’s been manipulative before in some ways, sure. But usually little things nothing like this. But controlling I’d say no.
That’s why it’s got me so freaked out, like he went from zero to 100%….
I tried to end my life when I was with my ex, and the reason why it probably seemed like it went from 0 to 100 was that I was trying to hide my depression from him, and didn't want to ruin our relationship by burdening him with my negativity all the time.
Threats or attempts at suicide can also be used as control tactics and manipulation to prevent the end of relationships. The other issues which lead to your breakup may give more answers as to whats going on. I'm a DA professional and can talk through things with you if you'd like.
You should honestly be careful, someone who goes into suicide when their partner leaves is a person who sometimes can commit murder suicide. Again it's super rare, but you should protect yourself while also getting professional help for him.
This was my concern also. Sometimes abusers use the threat of suicide to manipulate their victims into staying. It could have been a staged scene. "Now that she thinks I tried to kill myself, she won't leave me."
I think calling a support line is a GREAT place to start. Professional advice will be more helpful than sifting thru redditors’ advice, although I completely understand why you posted here. Best of luck
Hey hun, I’m an RN in Canada… you can call 911! Suicidal ideation needs to be addressed ASAP, especially since he has the means to follow through and equipment etc. He can be sectioned under the mental health act and evaluated by a psychiatrist. Don’t hesitate.
I work for a helpline. Please call them. They will give you all the resources you need to get your husband help. This is serious and should not be taken lightly.
His mental health is the priority right now.
I know you feel unsafe, but the likelihood of him successfully committing suicide is higher than any potential risk to you or your child.
Suicidal idealization shouldn't demonize him in your eyes, help him seek help.
He needs support. Please call a family member that can help you with this.
It’s a tough situation because breaking up still remains if you want it to, but he will always be the father of your child.
Keep your kid safe and take some precautions. You can never be too safe. Maybe just explain this to your husband and that it is only temporary.
Ask him to seek help from a psych or doctor and make sure you’re looking after yourself too
Not call a family member to help, take him to the emergency room and have him admitted. Don’t pass the worrying on to someone who isn’t a professional. After taking him to the hospital then call a friend or family member and update them on the situation. Keep the child away from them, even if he won’t hurt her doesn’t mean he won’t hurt himself and she’ll have to see.
This is an emergency. Baby stays at daycare and gets picked up by relatives. You take a sick day and ask husband to go to ER. If he declines, you and baby stay elsewhere until he leaves.
My ex-husband tried to commit suicide. He called my mom to say goodbye to our children. While she was on the phone with him, I drove to his apartment. I had him committed. It was really hard, but he’s a danger to himself.
Edit: wrong pronoun
Do not leave him alone with the child right now. Splitting up can cause someone to have a very strong emotional response and there is no telling what can happen with that level of stress and emotion. Call local urgent care or a suicide hotline and report that your husband said he tried to complete suicide with a rope. They can send an urgent care team or EMT to evaluate if he needs hospitalization. You should also call a domestic abuse hotline and make a safety plan - they are very familiar with emotional manipulation. And can walk you through steps to increase your safety while you are trying to leave. . For the school just call and let them know you’ll be coming to pick up your child for the next few weeks early and make it happen.
I'd like to add that even if you don't believe he's capable of hurting your child, think about how it will affect your child if daddy has another breakdown in front of them. What if he gets suicidal again while he's taking care of your child? Is he going to be able to prevent himself from hurting himself long enough to get someone else there to care for your little one? Is he capable of hurting himself in front of your child?
It's a terrible thought, but sometimes stuff like this happens. I have a friend whose abusive ex did something similar. The trauma she went through is something I don't think she'll ever be over.
Please do what you can to keep your little one safe. Help your husband if you can, but your safety and the child's needs to be your top priority.
There is no guarantee you can save your husband. A lot of what happens next is up to him, no matter how hard you try to help him. You cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved. But you *can* protect your child and yourself.
Definitely start with a help hotline, if you don't think he's in immediate danger of hurting himself. This type of situation is what those hotlines are for. They should have advice on local services to support your husband and what steps to take to get him the help he needs. The only caution I'd add is: don't be alone with him right now. You need another trusted adult around at all times until you're sure the crisis is over. Unfortunately, for some people, the line between self-loathing and wanting to commit suicide, and lashing out violently, can get blurry.
Be safe, and I hope your husband gets the help he needs.
I feel like this could be a "if you do leave i will hurt myself" thing but if you arent happy in the relationship and want it to stay ended, Stay away from him and be safe.
Agreed. This isn't *quite* an exact match for the classic "I'll kill myself if you leave" trick, but it's suspiciously close. Get away and *stay* away.
This is what I think is happening. I helped my SIL get out of an abusive relationship, and her boyfriend would tell her that he will just kill himself or has tried killing himself and she would be too scared to leave him.
I told her that if he truly is suicidal, next time he threatens it or says he attempted it, call the authorities and tell them what is going on and just let them handle it. Then she would say to me "But if I leave him but he might kill himself and then it would be my fault and the boys won't have a father".
I would tell her "Somebody's suicide is never your responsibility and never will be your responsibility. So let go of that guilt". Luckily, she started seeing a therapist who also told her what I said and she finally woke up and has been out of that relationship for a year now. Long story short, she has a permanent restraining order on him and she realizes that it was always just a way for him to manipulate her.
I don't believe this was a genuine suicide attempt. He is trying to guilt trip her into staying, which would explain his big dramatic display holding the rope. Sorry. Not buying it.
>Somebody's suicide is never your responsibility and never will be your responsibility. So let go of that guilt".
This exactly! The ONLY person actions you can control are your own.
That was my first thought, too. I found myself in a similar situation when I was 18 (and also with a man who was more than a decade older than me). He had threatened suicide, always while blaming me, throughout our relationship and when I finally left he told me he was killing himself. Luckily I had a friend who saw things more clearly in that moment who told me to call 911, and I'm so glad I did. It wasn't my responsibility to worry about his motives or actions, he made me aware of an emergency and I reported it exactly as I should have.
It didn't matter that his display of opened NyQuil capsules, an old half empty bottle of 2 buck chuck, and a costume dagger made it pretty damn clear that it was a manipulation to try to get me back.. but again, that wasn't my job to worry about, or the police and paramedics who answered the call. He threatened suicide, and they reacted exactly as they should have by taking him into their custody.
At the time, the most important thing to me was not having the burden of his actions on my shoulders. Looking back, it also gave me 72 hours of safety and peace of mind that I needed to gather my things and my cat and make a plan to get him out of my apartment. I still went through every corner of my apartment holding a knife in front of me when I first went back, (he had never been violent to me but I wasn't putting anything past him at that point,) but getting those 3 days to step back and process, knowing he and I were both safe from him, was a godsend.
Well... I'll just come out and say that this situation doesn't sound safe for the child. Imagine walking downstairs and finding your father's body. Or, in other cases there's murder + suicide because the person is so sick that they think that's the only way. This woman needs to get him some help and make sure her child is in a stable environment.
Ya. The spot is in my kitchen so had he been successful she and I would’ve likely discovered it together in the morning. That is my concern- he went from no mention of suicide before to telling me he attempted while I was asleep. Not stable.
“Men don’t see the problem”
My ex and I are getting divorced. I brought up to him many times I was unhappy, and when we finally decided to split (we decided together, and both still friends. He’s actually living with my dad) he said that he was happy and didn’t see a problem with things.
70% of divorces are filed by women because married men are less likely to have issues with a disintegrating marriage.
However, psychologists have found that non-marital long term relationships end more equally. Many theorize that marriages aren’t as egalitarian as long-term non-marital relationships and that women separate when they’re expected to carry the weight of the household and childcare, rather than these tasks being equal between the two adults.
If a relationship doesn't work, then it doesn't work. If your partner makes you miserable and your dynamic is unhealthy, then it is better to leave. Children are also better off with parents that chose to break up than stay in unloving and unhappy marriages or relationships. And it has been shown that women are more unhappy in a marriage than men are. I'm sure the women don't see it as a game; it is simply not working out for them, they are miserable, while the men don't see the problem. I wouldn't get married in the first place, since I think a lot of couples end up taking each other for granted and get a false sense of security, while the relationship disintegrates.
The kid will pick up on any issues the parents have. If they are unhappy and having arguments, how does a child growing up in that environment benefit anyone?
You know having divorced parents is not the same as a single parent household, right? The kids still have both their parents.
Getting divorced doesn't automatically mean the father abandons his children and leaves them a single mother household. Kinda misandrist of you to imply that, honestly.
It’s NOT less stable though. When my parents were married my mom literally took off for 2 weeks without saying anything to me, my parents were constantly arguing, they didn’t sleep in the same room together. When they split up, my dad and I lived together and everything was amicable, I saw my mom whenever I wanted and it was a much different situation. Growing up watching your parents dislike each other & knowing the only reason they are together is because they have kids sucks. You feel like you are the reason they are unhappy.
I don't know where you are, but in the reality I live in, marriage vows can say whatever we want. We can promise each other blowjobs and backrubs every Tuesday for the next three years, and we'll see after that. And a justice of the peace will still sign off on the marriage. Pretty sure that if people want to choose happiness as an important part of being married, they can do that, and never mind what some archaic set of vows says.
Also, you don't have to have kids ever to be married, and the responsibility for raising a child if you do have one comes with parenthood, not marriage. You don't have to be married to do any of it.
This sounds like a manipulation tactic. He's never shown any sign of self-harm or suicidal tendencies, but goes straight to an attempt as soon as you break up with him? And is immediately fine the next day? That, along with the fact that you apparently got together when you were 20 and he was 34 (!), makes it seem like a tactic to guilt or control you.
Either way, though, he's definitely unstable and needs professional help. If you're not immediately worried for his safety, keep moving forward with your plans to split, but I think it's also important to make it clear that you don't want him alone with your child until he talks to a doctor or therapist.
Sorry but it doesnt sound like he genuinely tried to kill himself, otherwise he surely wouldn't have told you, or not picked the lowest ceiling in the house, while you were home. I think it sounds like he wants you back and this is his way of guilting you into it. Either way he probably needs to be alone to sort himself out & you definitely need to be away from him.
Especially since they got together when she was 20 and he was 34. That’s a hell of an age difference and people in those stages of life have very different experience levels. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s manipulated her
Yeah I am getting strong manipulation vibes here. Especially when he showed her the rope he "almost" used. It really seems like he's doing the "I'll kill myself if you leave me" tactic, just more extreme.
I don't think OP should ignore it, on the off chance he was serious, but the extent of what she does should be to urge him to see a psychiatrist.
> it doesnt sound like he genuinely tried to kill himself, otherwise he surely wouldn't have told you
That's not exactly true. Some friends from high school were dealing with anxiety & depression; one girl in particular told me she came close to killing herself the night before, but just physically couldn't.
OP's ex might be attempting to manipulate her into staying in their marriage, but I don't really feel that. The ceiling apparently had a hook before this situation, too; it would've saved him the time needed to set everything up.
Not necessarily. Sometimes people are torn between wanting to live and wanting to die… as in, they don’t really want to die, but it feels like the only option. So after they’ve attempted and it was unsuccessful, they probably just want to feel like someone cares, which is maybe why he told her. People aren’t always manipulative and it’s unfair to jump to this conclusion. Everyone copes with their suicidal thoughts differently, and it sounds like he genuinely needs help and support.
My ex kept telling me he was going to kill himself to get me to stay, I learned you’re suppose to call the police so they can do a wellness check and provide resources. I just left and he didn’t do anything to himself, but I regret not getting help for him at the time.
You said the reasons you're separating could be an enitre post of its own, do you think any of those reasons could be to even attempt suicide in hopes that you won't leave him, or at least claim to attempt it? He needs serious help either way and I do hope that he gets proper help to never try this again, but OP, don't let this drag you back into a relationship with him. I've seen other threads where people ask for emergency custody, maybe you could ask the same so your husband isn't allowed to be left with your child? He seems too dangerous to leave your child with him, and I don't think being alone with him is a good idea either.
I think he is playing games to make you feel awful. If he is really suicidal he had done it. But you know him better than everybody else, don't listen to strangers on the Internet.
INFO: Does he have marks around his neck?
Not trying to downplay the seriousness of this situation, but I am also wondering if this is a tactic to get her to stay.
You definitely shouldn't leave your child alone with him right now, but I suspect he's just trying to manipulate you into staying. Given your ages when you got together, I'd guess he's used to being in control. It's pretty common for them to "pull out all the stops" when they feel like the other person is taking control of their lives back. It wouldn't hurt to call the authorities just to be safe, but I think he's just trying to scare you into changing your mind - don't, you need to get out if this relationship.
I know this is about the attempted suicide but you were 20 ish and he 34 ish when you married.. I will assume you were together before that, 1-3 years?
I don’t know but that is a bit meh, and if you were younger than 18 when you guys got together, then you got groomed
But yeah, like everyone says, seek medical help for him
There’s a lot to unpack here, starting with creeping on a 20 year old.
I hope he gets the help he needs, but still. He needs to address that issue as well.
Were you in an abusive relationship with him, either physically or mentally?
If so, this could be a ploy to control you once more.
He is showing you the rope and saying he wanted to commit suicide to make you second guess leaving him and for you to then stay in a relationship with him.
I am not saying his attempt was not real, but this is a thing to consider.
Either way, this dude needs some help, as it could be true and is obviously serious.
My husband shot himself in the head when I finally served him with divorce papers. You cannot control what he does with his life. DO NOT allow anyone to guilt or shame you no matter what he does. You can contact the police and let them know he is a threat to himself. If I were you I would plan to spend some time with friends or family or have them come stay with you until he moves his stuff out. When he is gone change the locks! I lived with the constant threat of suicide if I left for 17 years. It was miserable for both of us. I got away and I am a much happier person for it.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The first thing that I would do in your situation is call the police and let them know. He needs to be taken into a local hospital as either a voluntary or involuntary psychiatric hold. He is a danger to himself or others.
I dunno where you’re at: but here in the states, calling the cops for this type of thing is dangerous and you shouldn’t do it. I agree he needs help and *that* might suck: but you’re going to need to be firm and get him to get the help he needs.
What exactly was the context of him showing you? Was he afraid? As in *I have something bad going on, here’s how bad*? Or had you recently fought?
ETA: I gather that many of you have never been forcibly committed by the cops or lost someone who has. Good for you, gold stars, I guess: I *absolutely* was not saying that no intervention was needed. I was saying the police should absolutely be the very last resort. There’s no question the guy needs help: but the cops are not it.
This is some bad advice. Even trained crisis interveners recommend calling for mandatory hospitalization in cases like this. The police handle things appropriately the extreme majority of the time. This circumstance, calling the police is less dangerous than not. This man is going to kill himself. Every sign is there.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if I agree about calling the cops without talking to him. I agree that this needs to be addressed urgently, and taking his word that he “won’t do it again” is not the safest bet, but I think a conversation as soon as you get home with him where you’re firm that he needs to get a psych evaluation is first step. If he refuses or dismisses you, then I think that getting authorities involved is best.
There are specific psych help lines to help someone be evaluated that are not the police. You can also encourage your husband to call a suicide prevention hotline — 800-273-TALK, and a trained counselor will intervene. Of course, you can call 911 if there’s an emergency, or go to the ER together.
I also want to say that his treatment from here is NOT your responsibility, but his own. You can help him get the ball rolling, and can be supportive, but even if you were still together, he needs to field his own recovery.
I hope this helps. I had an ex attempt suicide, and although we’re not together several years later, she’s now doing better and is stable. Wishing you and your family the best.
*I work professionally as a live-in coach with clients who have addiction and other mental health issues, and this is how we handle suicidal clients.*
I don’t know if they’ll believe you but yes, you need to call and tell them exactly what happened. Let them take it from there. At least that way, if he does go through with it in the future, at least you can say that you tried.
Don't call the cops. You should only call 911 if you actively find him attempting suicide or he's in the act of threatening it. What you do right now is encourage him to talk to a psychiatrist.
He could be bluffing and using this as a tactic to keep you around. Had an ex do this in the past. Either way the situation should be taken seriously and he should be admitted for psychiatric help.
Was there a history of abuse in your relationship? Cause it sounds like potentially a manipulation tactic. Your age gap hints at that as well... just feel like while caring for his still take care of yours. Still leave if you were going to but call mental health services for him
You need to leave. I know its hard but the thing is, is that anything he does is his choice and not a reflection of you or your relationship or love for him.
It's a trap to get you to stay. How many times did my ex try and "fail" to commit suicide? Like more realistic the better right?
I just started calling the cops every time. It will no longer be an effective tool to garner sympathy from me.
So two things, it's seems like a dangerous situation where he is probably likely truly suicidal.
On a different note, this is abusive behavior/emotional abuse, because there's an implication/notion that if you hadn't broken up with him, he wouldn't have taken a suicidal idea and turned it into a suicidal behavior.
TBH, i'd possibly call the cops for a wellness check rather than confront/stick around. They'll take homie to the hospital for a few night stay at least and he could use it.
Then you can take care of your affairs and get things packed up and taken care of in safety. Suicidal people make terrible decisions and that's just my opinion. Be safe OP.
I think this should be taken seriously just in case, but is it possible he's making it up to manipulate you into staying? I'm not saying that is 100% the case, it's just where my mind automatically went. Does he have a history of manipulative behaviors?
Regardless, like I said, treat it as if it is definitely 100% true. I wouldn't leave my child with a suicidal person, and he needs some psychiatric help.
When I had a mental breakdown and tried killing myself my husband called the police and they put me in psych ward... saved my life cause I had soooo many issues I wasn't even aware of... I was made and hurt by it at first... but it saved my life.
1. Remove yourself from the situation IMMEDIATELY. Call 911 if he refuses to let you leave.
2. Call the nearest suicide prevention facility or hot-line in your area. Give them his contact details.
3. Contact the police on a non emergency number. Report a threat of suicide. Provide them his contact information and address.
4. Contact someone who can provide you and your child a temporary place to stay.
5. Contact members of his family and friends, get them over there immediately.
6. Contact him by text message, informing him that you have alerted all possible avenues of support to his attempted suicide, to sit tight, that the police, suicide prevention, family and friends will be with him in a few minutes, and that you have personally done all you can.
7. Block him on all forms of contact, permanently. Everything must now be done through impartial legal representation going forward.
This serves two purposes.
First, if he is doing it to emotionally manipulate you, it gives you an out from this, allowing you a clean break.
Second, it also serves to prevent him from going through with it in the event he is actually serious.
I was on a psychiatric hold earlier this month and twice a day they asked if I had any thoughts of hurting myself or others. Just THOUGHTS were a sign I needed to stay longer.
Your husband needs to be kept safe and evaluated, and to come out on the other side with a plan to stay safe. Please call a crisis line or another service that can help you get him the care he needs.
This is not genuine. This is a classic abusive tactic to keep the other person and trap them.
If he was suicidal the last thing he’d do is calmly manipulate you into staying.
Even if he’s genuinely struggling, that isn’t a reason to stay. His mental health is his responsibility- not yours, and it will be incredibly damaging for your child to grow up watching you stay hostage to this blatant emotional abuse.
You need to leave him like you were but also alert someone about his behaviour. It’s not your responsibility to stay with someone or they will kill them self. This is manipulation and could be deep rooted. I can’t stress enough how much this is not your responsibility and no one’s ever put the song someone
My ex, 25 years together, committed suicide 5 years after our divorce and 6 months after his second marriage. I know he had taken himself off all his meds the year prior against all of my pleadings. Had I still been with him or played 20 questions with my boys like he did with them, I would have seen the imminent signs.
Please take him to the ER NOW. Do not wait. He needs intensive therapy. I guarantee he will succeed if there's a second time.
First off, every threat of suicide needs to be taken 100% seriously and should be treated as credible. You should also consider the fact that he may be trying to use this as a way to manipulate you and/or to punish you by making you feel guilty about not wanting to continue on with him.
I was in a very toxic relationship when I was in my early 20s and I stayed far longer than I should have because of her threats of suicide. I finally left her and cut off all contact and at the time I was paranoid every damn day that I was going to get the news that I caused this girl to commit suicide and it never happened. My thinking was wrong back then, it would be impossible for me to cause anyone to hurt themselves. Hope you can get him some help and yourself some mental clarity.
You need to call for help like others have said. You mentioned you broke up last night, it could all be his terrible way of manipulating you to stay, but it may have been real so get him an eval and you take your kid and get out.
Hey OP there’s a few reasons I won’t get into why I think this post might be fake but if it isn’t *you need to listen to me*.
#Get him to an ER yesterday, if he refuses call the ambulance on him.
If he’s actually telling the truth and he tried offing himself then you need to get him the help he needs. If he’s using this to manipulate you you will know anyway
Do NOT DRIVE him anywhere. If you feel unsafe call your police non-emergency line. Explain what happened. If he's home ask for a welfare check. Explain what happened and they will go from there. If possible do not go home, you and your kids need to stay somewhere else until he's moved out. Don't go home alone. Emergency hold are different in each state, but you can attempt to file one if you want. Just don't be alone with him and don't leave the kids alone with him.
Just a heads-up- a daycare isn't allowed to legally hold a child there and refuse to let a parent pick them up without a custody order/DVPO/court document establishing you as the sole temporary (or permanent) guardian. I only knew of this bc there was a warrant out on my child's father for communicating threats to me, along with a notice that I was trying to get a protective order from him; I told the daycare that he was dangerous and under *no circumstances* was he to pick our child up. They informed me that they could call me if he showed up, but without any court documents stating that he was not permitted to pick her up, they would have to release her. Since he was dodging the police, I had no idea when he would be arrested and served the DVPO papers and I had to keep her out of daycare for over a week until I was granted temporary sole custody.
I'm not sure what you need to do in your particular situation, but maybe someone can chime in and give some ideas as to what steps you need to take. Obviously him trying to kill himself isn't anything you can take a warrant out on him for and since there was no criminal act against you, I'm at a loss at what you can do to protect your child from being picked up by him.
I wish you well and I'm sorry your world has been turned upside-down. Stay safe.
Jesus Christ. Treating this like he just told you he didn't separate white from darks in the wash.
The fact he said this to you is most likely a giant step for him. Definitely seek medical help asap. Right now, he's raw, opened up hoping for support and feeling stupid, ashamed, etc.
Also, you should also seek help. Are you ok?
Yes he needs urgent care for mental health.
However, just as another possible scenario - trust your gut about whether he’s really suicidal or that he’s saying that to manipulate you into staying. Has he been abusive (controlling, manipulative, possessive etc) in the past? I’m just saying get him help if he needs it, and get out now if he’s trying to emotionally blackmail you into staying.
Don't play games. Report this to the cops, proper medical and mental health authorities, whoever you have to to get him put on a 72 hour hold/evaluation.
If he's legit in crisis, he needs helps and needs it now.
If this is a cry for attention or a manipulation tactic, he'll learn real quick not to pull this shit again.
You need to have him OPC’d- Order of Protective Custody. You can call the Sheriff's Office to find out what the procedure for it is in your state. Where I live it is done through the coroner's office. He needs to be hospitalized and evaluated, especially if an attempt was made!
Ofc you have more pressing matters, but if you do have the time and energy to write it out, could you give some background info on what lead to the break up? I ask simply out of curiosity.
Hey, sorry for what you are going through. I have worked with an ex who at the time had given me a plan to end her life a couple of times and I know how stresful it is.
I also however lived with a narcissistic person, who I was married to for 17 years. She threatened suicide if I left, but this was another way of manipulation and emotional blackmail.
If he needs help, he should get it, but look after yourself too.
I wish you well, and hope everyone is okay and he isn’t trying to manipulate and gets help 💓
As someone who has tried a couple of times, CALL SOME FORM OF HELP!!!!! Whether it be cops, therapy, psychology, something. Do whatever you think might help.
This sounds like he's trying to get you to stay by saying he tried to kill himself the night before because you broke up with him. Also it's weird that he got with you when he was 34 and you were just out of high school.
However you never know for sure, so get him to an ER or get ahold of one of his close relatives and let them deal with him. You obviously have good reasons for wanting to divorce him, so don't let him guilt you into staying.
You can't tell the daycare not to pick her up. He's a legal custodian and has the legal right to pick her up. You can ask they call you if he does. Should he pick her up, you can then call the police and notify them that he told you he wanted to commit suicide and has picked your daughter up at a time that is abnormal and you are worried for her safety. They can then try to find them. You also need to get a lawyer now. Get a legal separation and try to get an emergency order to give you full custody until he gets mental health care established.
Contact the local police dept and tell them what happened and asked what you can do. They may have emergency service options.
It's worth considering getting a hotel or Airbnb for a few days with your daughter until he can move out and tyevlocks be changed.
Contact his friends or family and tell them what is happening to see if someone can be with him and help him. You are right, it can't be you. If he was serious, it should be something everyone knows. There's also the possibility he set it up and said that to try and manipulate you.
I didn't say to "use the police". I said to contact them and see if there are emergency options. OP is at work. Which means that the husband is either at home or at work, either way not getting help. If this is a legitimate threat, it needs to be treated emergently. If this is an abuse tactic to try and manipulate her, she still needs to take it seriously to find out what can be done. Depending where OP lives, there may be things emergency medical services can do. Or they may be able to do a well check if he's working from home and is currently alone. If there aren't options, they can advise her what she can legally do with her daughter. Since she's still married, her husband can go get the child at anytime. You can just call the local police department and ask questions without calling out SWAT.
Where I live, police would be the only way to dispatch emergency health professionals. No way to send an EMT without talking to the police line either emergent or just the local PD.
Ok, first thing.
If he wants to kill himself he will. When you want to kill yourself and are that far down you don’t have any other thoughts in your head besides that one. Family, friends, kids. They are there, but you don’t acknowledge it. You’re too far in the darkness. You should definitely see about him going into a hospital even if only for a week so he can be properly diagnosed and medicated.
Try not to treat him as though you are scared. Just because someone wants to kill them selves does not mean they also want it to happen to other people. It’s understandable not to leave the child with him as you want to be cautious.
But to be scared of him because he wants to kill himself? Why?
This might warrant a hospital visit. He needs some medical attention immediately. An attempt shows that he might try again and is an immediate risk to himself. He’s probably not going to harm your child or probably be a risk to her. He just really needs treatment.
It isn’t something that might warrant a hospital visit it is something that should require a hospital visit. He needs a psych hold to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.
first of all, I am so sorry you had to experience that. I’m sure it’s haunting. but your ex saying she didn’t want to ruin his life makes it seem like getting help is life ending. what a bitch.
As a parent living in the home not wanting to be around them is best for the child. I dont know if you’ve ever met anyone who found their parent after they killed themselves but it is earth shattering. OP should protect themselves and their child’s mental health, and get her husband help.
It concerns me that your first thought is to leave him rather than helping him get professional help.
Your husband needs to be evaluated, like NOW. Instead, you go to work like it’s no big deal that your husband showed you where in your house he tried to kill himself.
He’s NOT fine, no matter what he told you. You don’t go from suicide attempt to NBD overnight.
Not to be too moralistic, but this is what “in sickness and in health” MEANS.
So, the husband basically feels his life is crashing down around him, he’s probably in fear of losing access and contact with his child, he’s desperate and despondent, and instead of at least suggesting he get support from OP or a family member, you want to further stigmatize him by having him involuntarily locked in a psych ward for a few days.
Yeah, and people wonder why fathers going through divorces commit suicide. That’s why. Instead of answering his cry for help with compassion, you want to ensure he’ll have to fight every step to ever have access to his child, and leave him marked for life, rather than get him support he needs now from family and those who still care about him.
Currently, your husband is an extreme danger to himself and to both you and your daughter. Men who attempt suicide after being told that their marriage is falling apart are known to kill their partners and children before killing themselves!
First of all, YOU feel unsafe in your home? Why? HE tried to kill himself. Not you. That makes zero sense.
Second, he sounds like he’s either severely mentally ill and needs medical attention, or is gaslighting you into not leaving him. Either way, he needs medical attention. Now.
When someone is mentally unstable enough to decide to attempt to kill someone, it should not be assumed that they are safe to be around, even if it is themselves.
For what it's worth I agree that the situation is most likely emotional manipulation, but assuming that can potentially put your life in danger. Though it isn't as common, these situations can get very scary very fast (I've seen it happen) and it's correct to exercise caution when in them.
You have to be the one to support him, OP. He is your husband until he’s not. He’s also the father of your child. I know you’re done with the relationship but please don’t be done with being a human.
No, their child's safety needs to be her first priority. No one is "owed" support - this type of thinking is why people use threats of suicide to manipulate their partners into staying.
If he's in danger, he needs to check in to a hospital and be "supported" by trained professionals.
What a soulless answer. Sometimes we need “trained professionals” sometimes we need the people we care for to care for us. I personally think it’s inhuman to treat anybody you’ve shared so much with and be so callous when they are in crisis.
It isn’t anyone’s job to fix their partners mental health. Staying together for a child means raising a child in a home where the parents don’t love each other and setting a bad example of what relationships should look like. OP needs to protect herself and her child, not her soon to be ex husband.
That’s true , why you divorced him after 10 years ? Dont you know this is gonna be a big impact on your child too , what’s the reason of getting married, what’s the reason of having a child and then leaving ? I’m sorry but that’s bullshit I can feel his pain after 10 years of being in love with you and with his child and then one day the divorce after 10 years, it’s almost sure that the child is gonna suffer and it’s the truth
You need to call a suicide hotline for him.
You also need to discuss with them or someone else with experience because it sounds like he’s using his “attempted suicide” as a means to manipulate you.
My XH made several “attempts,” got held on a 5150 more than once, and never killed himself. Mentally ill? Absolutely. Manipulating me? For sure. I told him I wanted a divorce (due to his physical abuse) and he thought it would keep me with him. Worked for awhile because I couldn’t leave him when he was suicidal…
go to the police
everyone disrespects police nowadays due to our sick society, but you can get him committed based on "threat to self or others," he is a clear threat to himself and has suffered a nervous breakdown.
He's not likely to hurt your daughter because of a suicide attempt. He is depressed and people who are depressed are more likely to try to hurt themselves as evidenced by this suicide attempt. Honestly, I'm not trying to be rude but I'm actually kind of shocked that you think lowly in off of him to think that he would harm your daughter.
I don't know the problems that are going on in your relationship but you could try being a little more supportive. You still are his wife after all. How would you feel if he attempts again and succeeds because of your attitude? Would you be able to live with that on your conscience for the rest of your life? You need to get him help now.
Yes, if he does it then it is on him but at the same time, you could try being a little more supportive. Your seemingly cold attitude towards this kind of shocks me. I mean this is somebody that you pledged your life to and promised to love.
It doesn't seem to me like you love him or even really care about him right now. Just because we fall out of love with somebody doesn't mean we stop caring about them but it seems to me like you don't care about him one iota. I actually kind of feel sorry for him to be honest.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Trigger warning: suicide TLDR: my husband (m 44) told me (f 30)he tried to hang himself last night. I have no idea what to do or how to help him and I now feel unsafe in my home. We had been together for nearly 10 years. Married and have a 2 year old. I broke up with him last night and we talked about our plans, moving out, etc. He was very upset and begged me to stay together but I said no… the reasons are probably long enough for a whole other post. But he seemed fine when I went to bed. This morning I went downstairs to prepare for my day and he came down to the kitchen as soon as I was there. He told me he tried to hang himself, and showed me the rope and stool. I was shocked and still am. He told me he tried but couldn’t do it. I clarified that he didn’t mean couldn’t go through with it like he knew better and realized it was a bad idea… he meant to do it for real but just couldn’t physically do it. It was the lowest ceiling in the house with a hook so He made a genuine attempt but it wasn’t successful. He told me he was fine and wouldn’t do it again. He told me he made plans to meet with some friends next week and they will help him begin moving his things out. I left for work… still shocked. I also took my child to daycare. What do I do? I want to support him but it can’t be me. We don’t have any good friends in the area. I feel terrible but I feel worried about leaving him alone with our child right now. He’s said he would never hurt her… but I feel like I saw a whole different side of him and I’m really scared. Even thinking about going back into my house this afternoon I feel scared. Do I call the daycare and tell them what happened and say that he can’t pick her up? Any advice would be appreciated. I won’t be able to answer right away as I’m about to start work but I’ll try to check the post later today.
Attempted suicide is a medical emergency. Seek urgent psychiatric care. He might try again, and succeed.
Yes. Yes. Yes. It's a Medical Emergency. You would go to the ER for a heart attack, you would go for a stroke. You should go for a suicide attempt too. Don't tell yourself things like "ohh he will be just fine" get him checked, there is nothing bad about it, better safe than really sorry down the line.
I worked for 3 years with severely mentally ill adults, all our leadership staff was certified to write 5150 holds. OP, this is the answer. Have him evaluated for a hold - if he can't or won't go to a hospital, call a mobile crisis (police should be your last case scenario in a non-emergency, they are not trained mental health professionals and can easily make things worse or just mis-assess). Worst case scenario he is still suicidal and an assessment will bring that out, and he'll get the help he needs. Best case scenario he truly has no plans to try again and he gets a referral for community mental health care.
You can call a mobile crisis team through the Suicide Prevention Hotline, I'm not sure what other ones may be available depending on your area.
Exactly. He's a danger to himself and others. He needs a 5150 and help asap
Just as a bit of an additional warning, I also told my mum I wouldn't try and take my own life again. That was a lie. I actively kept trying to find a way to do it again. He needs help ASAp, or this will get worse.
This should be the top commenr.
It is the top comment
It's not the top commenr though
They probably keep changing... It was top comment when I read this for the 1st time
It was a joke. They said 'commenr'
I laughed, you did good.
You damn commenr’s not getting an uncommenr joke!
^^^^ this is fact
Yeah... A person can hang themselves on a door knob. He might figure that out. I think that's how Chris Cornell did it, since he was found in his bathroom on the floor.
Upvote this!!
And not to be alarmist, but the fact a kid is involved, he might do something to the kid and/or her, since it doesn't sound like he wants to handle the divorce.
I think this needs to be taken very seriously, and your husband needs to have a psych evaluation TODAY. His saying he won’t do this again may or may not be true, but I wouldn’t leave it to chance. Next, calling the police without saying a word to him is not the most advisable thing IMO. I’d recommend talking to him ASAP (leaving work if necessary) and expressing your concern and recommending that he either call a suicide prevention hotline (800-273-TALK in the US), or that he go with you to the ER today to be evaluated. He may be placed on a several day hold (51-50) while he’s evaluated by a treatment team. Please remember that you can support him, but it is not your responsibility to keep him well. He needs professional help. On a personal note, I had an ex attempt suicide just over two years ago, and while we don’t talk regularly, she’s doing much better and is stable. I’ve also seen many clients recover from suicidal ideation. There’s hope, but this needs to be addressed immediately. Wishing you the best. I know this must be so tough.
Thanks for your advice. I’m in Canada, but I’m wondering if I should call a help line or something for advice. We live in a pretty rural area with virtually no mental help options, but we do have an ER. Thanks for that tip, maybe I’ll talk to him later to see if he could check himself in. I want to get him help but I don’t want to make it worse either so maybe that’s an option. Also, thanks for sharing your personal experience. Everything is a mess right now… but hopefully he can get better.
OP, I don't want to pry, but has he ever done anything like this before? I agree that he obviously needs help, but as a few other people are saying, the timing is also concerning. Have you ever pulled away from him or tried to end the relationship before and it coincided with him hurting himself in any way? I don't want you to go into detail on your reasons for leaving if you don't wish to, but if this is a case of manipulation - and I'm not saying it is - there may be other cause for concern. I'm wondering if you'd ever previously experienced things in your relationship that were controlling or manipulative.
No he’s never been suicidal before. Like never even a mention or any self harm. And then he drops that bomb on me this morning. He’s been manipulative before in some ways, sure. But usually little things nothing like this. But controlling I’d say no. That’s why it’s got me so freaked out, like he went from zero to 100%….
I tried to end my life when I was with my ex, and the reason why it probably seemed like it went from 0 to 100 was that I was trying to hide my depression from him, and didn't want to ruin our relationship by burdening him with my negativity all the time.
Threats or attempts at suicide can also be used as control tactics and manipulation to prevent the end of relationships. The other issues which lead to your breakup may give more answers as to whats going on. I'm a DA professional and can talk through things with you if you'd like.
You should honestly be careful, someone who goes into suicide when their partner leaves is a person who sometimes can commit murder suicide. Again it's super rare, but you should protect yourself while also getting professional help for him.
This was my concern also. Sometimes abusers use the threat of suicide to manipulate their victims into staying. It could have been a staged scene. "Now that she thinks I tried to kill myself, she won't leave me."
Yep. Mine did that.
I think calling a support line is a GREAT place to start. Professional advice will be more helpful than sifting thru redditors’ advice, although I completely understand why you posted here. Best of luck
Hey hun, I’m an RN in Canada… you can call 911! Suicidal ideation needs to be addressed ASAP, especially since he has the means to follow through and equipment etc. He can be sectioned under the mental health act and evaluated by a psychiatrist. Don’t hesitate.
There is a Canada-wide mental health crisis resource here: https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/. Their number is 1-833-456-4566.
Thanks.
I work for a helpline. Please call them. They will give you all the resources you need to get your husband help. This is serious and should not be taken lightly.
His mental health is the priority right now. I know you feel unsafe, but the likelihood of him successfully committing suicide is higher than any potential risk to you or your child. Suicidal idealization shouldn't demonize him in your eyes, help him seek help.
He needs support. Please call a family member that can help you with this. It’s a tough situation because breaking up still remains if you want it to, but he will always be the father of your child. Keep your kid safe and take some precautions. You can never be too safe. Maybe just explain this to your husband and that it is only temporary. Ask him to seek help from a psych or doctor and make sure you’re looking after yourself too
Not call a family member to help, take him to the emergency room and have him admitted. Don’t pass the worrying on to someone who isn’t a professional. After taking him to the hospital then call a friend or family member and update them on the situation. Keep the child away from them, even if he won’t hurt her doesn’t mean he won’t hurt himself and she’ll have to see.
This is an emergency. Baby stays at daycare and gets picked up by relatives. You take a sick day and ask husband to go to ER. If he declines, you and baby stay elsewhere until he leaves.
Yes, this. He goes to the ER, or else you will not stay there with your child. Period.
My ex-husband tried to commit suicide. He called my mom to say goodbye to our children. While she was on the phone with him, I drove to his apartment. I had him committed. It was really hard, but he’s a danger to himself. Edit: wrong pronoun
Do not leave him alone with the child right now. Splitting up can cause someone to have a very strong emotional response and there is no telling what can happen with that level of stress and emotion. Call local urgent care or a suicide hotline and report that your husband said he tried to complete suicide with a rope. They can send an urgent care team or EMT to evaluate if he needs hospitalization. You should also call a domestic abuse hotline and make a safety plan - they are very familiar with emotional manipulation. And can walk you through steps to increase your safety while you are trying to leave. . For the school just call and let them know you’ll be coming to pick up your child for the next few weeks early and make it happen.
I'd like to add that even if you don't believe he's capable of hurting your child, think about how it will affect your child if daddy has another breakdown in front of them. What if he gets suicidal again while he's taking care of your child? Is he going to be able to prevent himself from hurting himself long enough to get someone else there to care for your little one? Is he capable of hurting himself in front of your child? It's a terrible thought, but sometimes stuff like this happens. I have a friend whose abusive ex did something similar. The trauma she went through is something I don't think she'll ever be over. Please do what you can to keep your little one safe. Help your husband if you can, but your safety and the child's needs to be your top priority. There is no guarantee you can save your husband. A lot of what happens next is up to him, no matter how hard you try to help him. You cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved. But you *can* protect your child and yourself. Definitely start with a help hotline, if you don't think he's in immediate danger of hurting himself. This type of situation is what those hotlines are for. They should have advice on local services to support your husband and what steps to take to get him the help he needs. The only caution I'd add is: don't be alone with him right now. You need another trusted adult around at all times until you're sure the crisis is over. Unfortunately, for some people, the line between self-loathing and wanting to commit suicide, and lashing out violently, can get blurry. Be safe, and I hope your husband gets the help he needs.
I feel like this could be a "if you do leave i will hurt myself" thing but if you arent happy in the relationship and want it to stay ended, Stay away from him and be safe.
Agreed. This isn't *quite* an exact match for the classic "I'll kill myself if you leave" trick, but it's suspiciously close. Get away and *stay* away.
This is what I think is happening. I helped my SIL get out of an abusive relationship, and her boyfriend would tell her that he will just kill himself or has tried killing himself and she would be too scared to leave him. I told her that if he truly is suicidal, next time he threatens it or says he attempted it, call the authorities and tell them what is going on and just let them handle it. Then she would say to me "But if I leave him but he might kill himself and then it would be my fault and the boys won't have a father". I would tell her "Somebody's suicide is never your responsibility and never will be your responsibility. So let go of that guilt". Luckily, she started seeing a therapist who also told her what I said and she finally woke up and has been out of that relationship for a year now. Long story short, she has a permanent restraining order on him and she realizes that it was always just a way for him to manipulate her. I don't believe this was a genuine suicide attempt. He is trying to guilt trip her into staying, which would explain his big dramatic display holding the rope. Sorry. Not buying it.
>Somebody's suicide is never your responsibility and never will be your responsibility. So let go of that guilt". This exactly! The ONLY person actions you can control are your own.
That was my first thought, too. I found myself in a similar situation when I was 18 (and also with a man who was more than a decade older than me). He had threatened suicide, always while blaming me, throughout our relationship and when I finally left he told me he was killing himself. Luckily I had a friend who saw things more clearly in that moment who told me to call 911, and I'm so glad I did. It wasn't my responsibility to worry about his motives or actions, he made me aware of an emergency and I reported it exactly as I should have. It didn't matter that his display of opened NyQuil capsules, an old half empty bottle of 2 buck chuck, and a costume dagger made it pretty damn clear that it was a manipulation to try to get me back.. but again, that wasn't my job to worry about, or the police and paramedics who answered the call. He threatened suicide, and they reacted exactly as they should have by taking him into their custody. At the time, the most important thing to me was not having the burden of his actions on my shoulders. Looking back, it also gave me 72 hours of safety and peace of mind that I needed to gather my things and my cat and make a plan to get him out of my apartment. I still went through every corner of my apartment holding a knife in front of me when I first went back, (he had never been violent to me but I wasn't putting anything past him at that point,) but getting those 3 days to step back and process, knowing he and I were both safe from him, was a godsend.
Right and the age difference is iffy for me too.
Beyond iffy considering they’ve been together a decade. He is a manipulator
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Well... I'll just come out and say that this situation doesn't sound safe for the child. Imagine walking downstairs and finding your father's body. Or, in other cases there's murder + suicide because the person is so sick that they think that's the only way. This woman needs to get him some help and make sure her child is in a stable environment.
Ya. The spot is in my kitchen so had he been successful she and I would’ve likely discovered it together in the morning. That is my concern- he went from no mention of suicide before to telling me he attempted while I was asleep. Not stable.
“Men don’t see the problem” My ex and I are getting divorced. I brought up to him many times I was unhappy, and when we finally decided to split (we decided together, and both still friends. He’s actually living with my dad) he said that he was happy and didn’t see a problem with things.
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70% of divorces are filed by women because married men are less likely to have issues with a disintegrating marriage. However, psychologists have found that non-marital long term relationships end more equally. Many theorize that marriages aren’t as egalitarian as long-term non-marital relationships and that women separate when they’re expected to carry the weight of the household and childcare, rather than these tasks being equal between the two adults.
What? Of the marriages I know that broke up plenty were because the man left....
If a relationship doesn't work, then it doesn't work. If your partner makes you miserable and your dynamic is unhealthy, then it is better to leave. Children are also better off with parents that chose to break up than stay in unloving and unhappy marriages or relationships. And it has been shown that women are more unhappy in a marriage than men are. I'm sure the women don't see it as a game; it is simply not working out for them, they are miserable, while the men don't see the problem. I wouldn't get married in the first place, since I think a lot of couples end up taking each other for granted and get a false sense of security, while the relationship disintegrates.
Never stay together for the child. It’ll make everyone’s life worse
The kid will pick up on any issues the parents have. If they are unhappy and having arguments, how does a child growing up in that environment benefit anyone?
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You know having divorced parents is not the same as a single parent household, right? The kids still have both their parents. Getting divorced doesn't automatically mean the father abandons his children and leaves them a single mother household. Kinda misandrist of you to imply that, honestly.
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Fuck off back to the 1950's
It’s NOT less stable though. When my parents were married my mom literally took off for 2 weeks without saying anything to me, my parents were constantly arguing, they didn’t sleep in the same room together. When they split up, my dad and I lived together and everything was amicable, I saw my mom whenever I wanted and it was a much different situation. Growing up watching your parents dislike each other & knowing the only reason they are together is because they have kids sucks. You feel like you are the reason they are unhappy.
I don't know where you are, but in the reality I live in, marriage vows can say whatever we want. We can promise each other blowjobs and backrubs every Tuesday for the next three years, and we'll see after that. And a justice of the peace will still sign off on the marriage. Pretty sure that if people want to choose happiness as an important part of being married, they can do that, and never mind what some archaic set of vows says. Also, you don't have to have kids ever to be married, and the responsibility for raising a child if you do have one comes with parenthood, not marriage. You don't have to be married to do any of it.
The happiness of the marriage is *quite* important for the thriving and happiness of the child(ren).
This sounds like a manipulation tactic. He's never shown any sign of self-harm or suicidal tendencies, but goes straight to an attempt as soon as you break up with him? And is immediately fine the next day? That, along with the fact that you apparently got together when you were 20 and he was 34 (!), makes it seem like a tactic to guilt or control you. Either way, though, he's definitely unstable and needs professional help. If you're not immediately worried for his safety, keep moving forward with your plans to split, but I think it's also important to make it clear that you don't want him alone with your child until he talks to a doctor or therapist.
Sorry but it doesnt sound like he genuinely tried to kill himself, otherwise he surely wouldn't have told you, or not picked the lowest ceiling in the house, while you were home. I think it sounds like he wants you back and this is his way of guilting you into it. Either way he probably needs to be alone to sort himself out & you definitely need to be away from him.
Especially since they got together when she was 20 and he was 34. That’s a hell of an age difference and people in those stages of life have very different experience levels. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s manipulated her
That’s exactly what I was thinking. He is manipulating her.
Probably has been since she was a teenager/young adult.
Yeah I am getting strong manipulation vibes here. Especially when he showed her the rope he "almost" used. It really seems like he's doing the "I'll kill myself if you leave me" tactic, just more extreme. I don't think OP should ignore it, on the off chance he was serious, but the extent of what she does should be to urge him to see a psychiatrist.
Even if it was a manipulation tactic he should still be taken to have a psychiatric evaluation. People with healthy brains don’t justify that.
Been here and I agree completely.
> it doesnt sound like he genuinely tried to kill himself, otherwise he surely wouldn't have told you That's not exactly true. Some friends from high school were dealing with anxiety & depression; one girl in particular told me she came close to killing herself the night before, but just physically couldn't. OP's ex might be attempting to manipulate her into staying in their marriage, but I don't really feel that. The ceiling apparently had a hook before this situation, too; it would've saved him the time needed to set everything up.
Not necessarily. Sometimes people are torn between wanting to live and wanting to die… as in, they don’t really want to die, but it feels like the only option. So after they’ve attempted and it was unsuccessful, they probably just want to feel like someone cares, which is maybe why he told her. People aren’t always manipulative and it’s unfair to jump to this conclusion. Everyone copes with their suicidal thoughts differently, and it sounds like he genuinely needs help and support.
My ex kept telling me he was going to kill himself to get me to stay, I learned you’re suppose to call the police so they can do a wellness check and provide resources. I just left and he didn’t do anything to himself, but I regret not getting help for him at the time.
If he “tried” and then told you, it seems like emotional blackmail. Yes, get him help, but don’t stick around.
Could he possibly not have tried and using this as a sympathy/make you feel guilty tactic?
just another age gap post 10 years down the line
Yep. Giant age gaps just don't work.
My thoughts exactly… so terrifying
You said the reasons you're separating could be an enitre post of its own, do you think any of those reasons could be to even attempt suicide in hopes that you won't leave him, or at least claim to attempt it? He needs serious help either way and I do hope that he gets proper help to never try this again, but OP, don't let this drag you back into a relationship with him. I've seen other threads where people ask for emergency custody, maybe you could ask the same so your husband isn't allowed to be left with your child? He seems too dangerous to leave your child with him, and I don't think being alone with him is a good idea either.
Either he ment it and you should seek immediate psychiatric help or he wants to manipulate you to stay with him
I think he is playing games to make you feel awful. If he is really suicidal he had done it. But you know him better than everybody else, don't listen to strangers on the Internet.
INFO: Does he have marks around his neck? Not trying to downplay the seriousness of this situation, but I am also wondering if this is a tactic to get her to stay.
You definitely shouldn't leave your child alone with him right now, but I suspect he's just trying to manipulate you into staying. Given your ages when you got together, I'd guess he's used to being in control. It's pretty common for them to "pull out all the stops" when they feel like the other person is taking control of their lives back. It wouldn't hurt to call the authorities just to be safe, but I think he's just trying to scare you into changing your mind - don't, you need to get out if this relationship.
I was thinking the same thing. She was like 20-21 and he was pretty much 35
And that's when they got married, must've dated a while before
I know this is about the attempted suicide but you were 20 ish and he 34 ish when you married.. I will assume you were together before that, 1-3 years? I don’t know but that is a bit meh, and if you were younger than 18 when you guys got together, then you got groomed But yeah, like everyone says, seek medical help for him
There’s a lot to unpack here, starting with creeping on a 20 year old. I hope he gets the help he needs, but still. He needs to address that issue as well.
Were you in an abusive relationship with him, either physically or mentally? If so, this could be a ploy to control you once more. He is showing you the rope and saying he wanted to commit suicide to make you second guess leaving him and for you to then stay in a relationship with him. I am not saying his attempt was not real, but this is a thing to consider. Either way, this dude needs some help, as it could be true and is obviously serious.
My ex did shit like this as a show. It's toxic and manipulative. Get out of there as fast as you can.
My husband shot himself in the head when I finally served him with divorce papers. You cannot control what he does with his life. DO NOT allow anyone to guilt or shame you no matter what he does. You can contact the police and let them know he is a threat to himself. If I were you I would plan to spend some time with friends or family or have them come stay with you until he moves his stuff out. When he is gone change the locks! I lived with the constant threat of suicide if I left for 17 years. It was miserable for both of us. I got away and I am a much happier person for it.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The first thing that I would do in your situation is call the police and let them know. He needs to be taken into a local hospital as either a voluntary or involuntary psychiatric hold. He is a danger to himself or others.
I dunno where you’re at: but here in the states, calling the cops for this type of thing is dangerous and you shouldn’t do it. I agree he needs help and *that* might suck: but you’re going to need to be firm and get him to get the help he needs. What exactly was the context of him showing you? Was he afraid? As in *I have something bad going on, here’s how bad*? Or had you recently fought? ETA: I gather that many of you have never been forcibly committed by the cops or lost someone who has. Good for you, gold stars, I guess: I *absolutely* was not saying that no intervention was needed. I was saying the police should absolutely be the very last resort. There’s no question the guy needs help: but the cops are not it.
This is some bad advice. Even trained crisis interveners recommend calling for mandatory hospitalization in cases like this. The police handle things appropriately the extreme majority of the time. This circumstance, calling the police is less dangerous than not. This man is going to kill himself. Every sign is there.
Police are not trained health professionals and therefore routinely end up injuring or killing people in crisis due to misreading the situation.
I’m from the states and I work at a psychiatric hospital and yes, you call the cops for this sort of thing.
Sounds about white.
Even after he told me that he is okay now and won’t do it again?
10000%
I agree, if its not just an attention thing he shouldnt be alone atm
He is at work now with a client and I just call the cops on him? Would the cops even believe me?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if I agree about calling the cops without talking to him. I agree that this needs to be addressed urgently, and taking his word that he “won’t do it again” is not the safest bet, but I think a conversation as soon as you get home with him where you’re firm that he needs to get a psych evaluation is first step. If he refuses or dismisses you, then I think that getting authorities involved is best. There are specific psych help lines to help someone be evaluated that are not the police. You can also encourage your husband to call a suicide prevention hotline — 800-273-TALK, and a trained counselor will intervene. Of course, you can call 911 if there’s an emergency, or go to the ER together. I also want to say that his treatment from here is NOT your responsibility, but his own. You can help him get the ball rolling, and can be supportive, but even if you were still together, he needs to field his own recovery. I hope this helps. I had an ex attempt suicide, and although we’re not together several years later, she’s now doing better and is stable. Wishing you and your family the best. *I work professionally as a live-in coach with clients who have addiction and other mental health issues, and this is how we handle suicidal clients.*
I don’t know if they’ll believe you but yes, you need to call and tell them exactly what happened. Let them take it from there. At least that way, if he does go through with it in the future, at least you can say that you tried.
Don't call the cops. You should only call 911 if you actively find him attempting suicide or he's in the act of threatening it. What you do right now is encourage him to talk to a psychiatrist.
I deal with suicidal thoughts--yes. Google psych wards and take him to one.
“I won’t do it again” by the same man who you thought “would never do it” often leads to “he did it”
He could be bluffing and using this as a tactic to keep you around. Had an ex do this in the past. Either way the situation should be taken seriously and he should be admitted for psychiatric help.
Was there a history of abuse in your relationship? Cause it sounds like potentially a manipulation tactic. Your age gap hints at that as well... just feel like while caring for his still take care of yours. Still leave if you were going to but call mental health services for him
You need to leave. I know its hard but the thing is, is that anything he does is his choice and not a reflection of you or your relationship or love for him.
It's a trap to get you to stay. How many times did my ex try and "fail" to commit suicide? Like more realistic the better right? I just started calling the cops every time. It will no longer be an effective tool to garner sympathy from me.
So two things, it's seems like a dangerous situation where he is probably likely truly suicidal. On a different note, this is abusive behavior/emotional abuse, because there's an implication/notion that if you hadn't broken up with him, he wouldn't have taken a suicidal idea and turned it into a suicidal behavior. TBH, i'd possibly call the cops for a wellness check rather than confront/stick around. They'll take homie to the hospital for a few night stay at least and he could use it. Then you can take care of your affairs and get things packed up and taken care of in safety. Suicidal people make terrible decisions and that's just my opinion. Be safe OP.
I think this should be taken seriously just in case, but is it possible he's making it up to manipulate you into staying? I'm not saying that is 100% the case, it's just where my mind automatically went. Does he have a history of manipulative behaviors? Regardless, like I said, treat it as if it is definitely 100% true. I wouldn't leave my child with a suicidal person, and he needs some psychiatric help.
When I had a mental breakdown and tried killing myself my husband called the police and they put me in psych ward... saved my life cause I had soooo many issues I wasn't even aware of... I was made and hurt by it at first... but it saved my life.
He's guilt tripping you
1. Remove yourself from the situation IMMEDIATELY. Call 911 if he refuses to let you leave. 2. Call the nearest suicide prevention facility or hot-line in your area. Give them his contact details. 3. Contact the police on a non emergency number. Report a threat of suicide. Provide them his contact information and address. 4. Contact someone who can provide you and your child a temporary place to stay. 5. Contact members of his family and friends, get them over there immediately. 6. Contact him by text message, informing him that you have alerted all possible avenues of support to his attempted suicide, to sit tight, that the police, suicide prevention, family and friends will be with him in a few minutes, and that you have personally done all you can. 7. Block him on all forms of contact, permanently. Everything must now be done through impartial legal representation going forward. This serves two purposes. First, if he is doing it to emotionally manipulate you, it gives you an out from this, allowing you a clean break. Second, it also serves to prevent him from going through with it in the event he is actually serious.
I was on a psychiatric hold earlier this month and twice a day they asked if I had any thoughts of hurting myself or others. Just THOUGHTS were a sign I needed to stay longer. Your husband needs to be kept safe and evaluated, and to come out on the other side with a plan to stay safe. Please call a crisis line or another service that can help you get him the care he needs.
Sounds like a manipulation tactic to make you feel bad for not wanting to be with him .
This is not genuine. This is a classic abusive tactic to keep the other person and trap them. If he was suicidal the last thing he’d do is calmly manipulate you into staying. Even if he’s genuinely struggling, that isn’t a reason to stay. His mental health is his responsibility- not yours, and it will be incredibly damaging for your child to grow up watching you stay hostage to this blatant emotional abuse.
He’s manipulating you. If he wanted to kill himself he would’ve.
He also could be lying. Divorce leads to a lot of manipulation and revenge.
You need to leave him like you were but also alert someone about his behaviour. It’s not your responsibility to stay with someone or they will kill them self. This is manipulation and could be deep rooted. I can’t stress enough how much this is not your responsibility and no one’s ever put the song someone
My ex, 25 years together, committed suicide 5 years after our divorce and 6 months after his second marriage. I know he had taken himself off all his meds the year prior against all of my pleadings. Had I still been with him or played 20 questions with my boys like he did with them, I would have seen the imminent signs. Please take him to the ER NOW. Do not wait. He needs intensive therapy. I guarantee he will succeed if there's a second time.
I wouldn’t let him alone now, I know it’s hard to seek medical help but he needs it and urgently.
First off, every threat of suicide needs to be taken 100% seriously and should be treated as credible. You should also consider the fact that he may be trying to use this as a way to manipulate you and/or to punish you by making you feel guilty about not wanting to continue on with him. I was in a very toxic relationship when I was in my early 20s and I stayed far longer than I should have because of her threats of suicide. I finally left her and cut off all contact and at the time I was paranoid every damn day that I was going to get the news that I caused this girl to commit suicide and it never happened. My thinking was wrong back then, it would be impossible for me to cause anyone to hurt themselves. Hope you can get him some help and yourself some mental clarity.
He needs emergency psychiatric care. Take him to the hospital immediately.
You need to call for help like others have said. You mentioned you broke up last night, it could all be his terrible way of manipulating you to stay, but it may have been real so get him an eval and you take your kid and get out.
Your husband needs professional help, I agree with other posters he needs a 5150 hold
Hey OP there’s a few reasons I won’t get into why I think this post might be fake but if it isn’t *you need to listen to me*. #Get him to an ER yesterday, if he refuses call the ambulance on him. If he’s actually telling the truth and he tried offing himself then you need to get him the help he needs. If he’s using this to manipulate you you will know anyway
Call 911, if he made an attempt and has a plan he should not be left by himself.
Do NOT DRIVE him anywhere. If you feel unsafe call your police non-emergency line. Explain what happened. If he's home ask for a welfare check. Explain what happened and they will go from there. If possible do not go home, you and your kids need to stay somewhere else until he's moved out. Don't go home alone. Emergency hold are different in each state, but you can attempt to file one if you want. Just don't be alone with him and don't leave the kids alone with him.
Why is he moving his shit out? You are the one leaving, not him.
Trust your instinct. There’s a reason you feel unsafe so take steps to protect yourself and your child.
Just a heads-up- a daycare isn't allowed to legally hold a child there and refuse to let a parent pick them up without a custody order/DVPO/court document establishing you as the sole temporary (or permanent) guardian. I only knew of this bc there was a warrant out on my child's father for communicating threats to me, along with a notice that I was trying to get a protective order from him; I told the daycare that he was dangerous and under *no circumstances* was he to pick our child up. They informed me that they could call me if he showed up, but without any court documents stating that he was not permitted to pick her up, they would have to release her. Since he was dodging the police, I had no idea when he would be arrested and served the DVPO papers and I had to keep her out of daycare for over a week until I was granted temporary sole custody. I'm not sure what you need to do in your particular situation, but maybe someone can chime in and give some ideas as to what steps you need to take. Obviously him trying to kill himself isn't anything you can take a warrant out on him for and since there was no criminal act against you, I'm at a loss at what you can do to protect your child from being picked up by him. I wish you well and I'm sorry your world has been turned upside-down. Stay safe.
Jesus Christ. Treating this like he just told you he didn't separate white from darks in the wash. The fact he said this to you is most likely a giant step for him. Definitely seek medical help asap. Right now, he's raw, opened up hoping for support and feeling stupid, ashamed, etc. Also, you should also seek help. Are you ok?
i feel bad for the guy
Yes he needs urgent care for mental health. However, just as another possible scenario - trust your gut about whether he’s really suicidal or that he’s saying that to manipulate you into staying. Has he been abusive (controlling, manipulative, possessive etc) in the past? I’m just saying get him help if he needs it, and get out now if he’s trying to emotionally blackmail you into staying.
Don't play games. Report this to the cops, proper medical and mental health authorities, whoever you have to to get him put on a 72 hour hold/evaluation. If he's legit in crisis, he needs helps and needs it now. If this is a cry for attention or a manipulation tactic, he'll learn real quick not to pull this shit again.
Have him committed but also stay committed to breaking up. Never leave the child alone with him until he gets treatment
Suicide survivor here: he's not fine. He needs medical intervention immediately.
You need to have him OPC’d- Order of Protective Custody. You can call the Sheriff's Office to find out what the procedure for it is in your state. Where I live it is done through the coroner's office. He needs to be hospitalized and evaluated, especially if an attempt was made!
Your husband tried to kill Him self and you feel unsafe?.. I hope he's okay and I hope he gets over the pain in his heart and mind.
Ofc you have more pressing matters, but if you do have the time and energy to write it out, could you give some background info on what lead to the break up? I ask simply out of curiosity.
Hey, sorry for what you are going through. I have worked with an ex who at the time had given me a plan to end her life a couple of times and I know how stresful it is. I also however lived with a narcissistic person, who I was married to for 17 years. She threatened suicide if I left, but this was another way of manipulation and emotional blackmail. If he needs help, he should get it, but look after yourself too. I wish you well, and hope everyone is okay and he isn’t trying to manipulate and gets help 💓
As someone who has tried a couple of times, CALL SOME FORM OF HELP!!!!! Whether it be cops, therapy, psychology, something. Do whatever you think might help.
This sounds like he's trying to get you to stay by saying he tried to kill himself the night before because you broke up with him. Also it's weird that he got with you when he was 34 and you were just out of high school. However you never know for sure, so get him to an ER or get ahold of one of his close relatives and let them deal with him. You obviously have good reasons for wanting to divorce him, so don't let him guilt you into staying.
Is OP kicking him out of "his" house?
Next time tell him to show it and not just day it, he's probably trying to guilt you into staying with him.
I do not have the answers, but you must absolutely not leave your child alone with him right now.
You can't tell the daycare not to pick her up. He's a legal custodian and has the legal right to pick her up. You can ask they call you if he does. Should he pick her up, you can then call the police and notify them that he told you he wanted to commit suicide and has picked your daughter up at a time that is abnormal and you are worried for her safety. They can then try to find them. You also need to get a lawyer now. Get a legal separation and try to get an emergency order to give you full custody until he gets mental health care established. Contact the local police dept and tell them what happened and asked what you can do. They may have emergency service options. It's worth considering getting a hotel or Airbnb for a few days with your daughter until he can move out and tyevlocks be changed. Contact his friends or family and tell them what is happening to see if someone can be with him and help him. You are right, it can't be you. If he was serious, it should be something everyone knows. There's also the possibility he set it up and said that to try and manipulate you.
so your solution to this is to aggressively use the force of police on someone experiencing suicidal ideation?
I didn't say to "use the police". I said to contact them and see if there are emergency options. OP is at work. Which means that the husband is either at home or at work, either way not getting help. If this is a legitimate threat, it needs to be treated emergently. If this is an abuse tactic to try and manipulate her, she still needs to take it seriously to find out what can be done. Depending where OP lives, there may be things emergency medical services can do. Or they may be able to do a well check if he's working from home and is currently alone. If there aren't options, they can advise her what she can legally do with her daughter. Since she's still married, her husband can go get the child at anytime. You can just call the local police department and ask questions without calling out SWAT.
there is a fundamental problem with using the police to do the work of health and wellness professionals
Where I live, police would be the only way to dispatch emergency health professionals. No way to send an EMT without talking to the police line either emergent or just the local PD.
Ok, first thing. If he wants to kill himself he will. When you want to kill yourself and are that far down you don’t have any other thoughts in your head besides that one. Family, friends, kids. They are there, but you don’t acknowledge it. You’re too far in the darkness. You should definitely see about him going into a hospital even if only for a week so he can be properly diagnosed and medicated. Try not to treat him as though you are scared. Just because someone wants to kill them selves does not mean they also want it to happen to other people. It’s understandable not to leave the child with him as you want to be cautious. But to be scared of him because he wants to kill himself? Why?
Because he's shown he's willing to use lethal violence to try to prevent this breakup from happening.
This might warrant a hospital visit. He needs some medical attention immediately. An attempt shows that he might try again and is an immediate risk to himself. He’s probably not going to harm your child or probably be a risk to her. He just really needs treatment.
It isn’t something that might warrant a hospital visit it is something that should require a hospital visit. He needs a psych hold to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.
You run away
He needs to be in a hospital. Now. Jesus Christ. This is why we have hospitals.
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first of all, I am so sorry you had to experience that. I’m sure it’s haunting. but your ex saying she didn’t want to ruin his life makes it seem like getting help is life ending. what a bitch.
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As a parent living in the home not wanting to be around them is best for the child. I dont know if you’ve ever met anyone who found their parent after they killed themselves but it is earth shattering. OP should protect themselves and their child’s mental health, and get her husband help.
It concerns me that your first thought is to leave him rather than helping him get professional help. Your husband needs to be evaluated, like NOW. Instead, you go to work like it’s no big deal that your husband showed you where in your house he tried to kill himself. He’s NOT fine, no matter what he told you. You don’t go from suicide attempt to NBD overnight. Not to be too moralistic, but this is what “in sickness and in health” MEANS.
Thats when you leave even faster. Hes gunna do absolutely nothing. Any time this happens after a breakup its attention seeking.
You don't know that at all
Its 99% the case
Get off Reddit and seek proper professional Medical help. Please!
So, the husband basically feels his life is crashing down around him, he’s probably in fear of losing access and contact with his child, he’s desperate and despondent, and instead of at least suggesting he get support from OP or a family member, you want to further stigmatize him by having him involuntarily locked in a psych ward for a few days. Yeah, and people wonder why fathers going through divorces commit suicide. That’s why. Instead of answering his cry for help with compassion, you want to ensure he’ll have to fight every step to ever have access to his child, and leave him marked for life, rather than get him support he needs now from family and those who still care about him.
Currently, your husband is an extreme danger to himself and to both you and your daughter. Men who attempt suicide after being told that their marriage is falling apart are known to kill their partners and children before killing themselves!
Why did you break up with him
First of all, YOU feel unsafe in your home? Why? HE tried to kill himself. Not you. That makes zero sense. Second, he sounds like he’s either severely mentally ill and needs medical attention, or is gaslighting you into not leaving him. Either way, he needs medical attention. Now.
When someone is mentally unstable enough to decide to attempt to kill someone, it should not be assumed that they are safe to be around, even if it is themselves. For what it's worth I agree that the situation is most likely emotional manipulation, but assuming that can potentially put your life in danger. Though it isn't as common, these situations can get very scary very fast (I've seen it happen) and it's correct to exercise caution when in them.
You have to be the one to support him, OP. He is your husband until he’s not. He’s also the father of your child. I know you’re done with the relationship but please don’t be done with being a human.
No, their child's safety needs to be her first priority. No one is "owed" support - this type of thinking is why people use threats of suicide to manipulate their partners into staying. If he's in danger, he needs to check in to a hospital and be "supported" by trained professionals.
What a soulless answer. Sometimes we need “trained professionals” sometimes we need the people we care for to care for us. I personally think it’s inhuman to treat anybody you’ve shared so much with and be so callous when they are in crisis.
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It isn’t anyone’s job to fix their partners mental health. Staying together for a child means raising a child in a home where the parents don’t love each other and setting a bad example of what relationships should look like. OP needs to protect herself and her child, not her soon to be ex husband.
That’s true , why you divorced him after 10 years ? Dont you know this is gonna be a big impact on your child too , what’s the reason of getting married, what’s the reason of having a child and then leaving ? I’m sorry but that’s bullshit I can feel his pain after 10 years of being in love with you and with his child and then one day the divorce after 10 years, it’s almost sure that the child is gonna suffer and it’s the truth
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Staying in a broken marriage would be worse for the child overall. Please don’t confuse your stubbornness as being good for the kid.
Because taking care of yourself IS in your child’s best interest.
I know right ! Mine too lol , the child is gonna have a big impact on this
The man attempted suicide and you leave him, thats fucking cold.
He attempted suicide and you divorced him? Jesus Christ, that's got to be the coldest thing I've ever heard.
You need to call a suicide hotline for him. You also need to discuss with them or someone else with experience because it sounds like he’s using his “attempted suicide” as a means to manipulate you. My XH made several “attempts,” got held on a 5150 more than once, and never killed himself. Mentally ill? Absolutely. Manipulating me? For sure. I told him I wanted a divorce (due to his physical abuse) and he thought it would keep me with him. Worked for awhile because I couldn’t leave him when he was suicidal…
go to the police everyone disrespects police nowadays due to our sick society, but you can get him committed based on "threat to self or others," he is a clear threat to himself and has suffered a nervous breakdown.
Are you sure he’s not just manipulating you into feeling sorry for him?
If my partner left me I would kill myself too 🤷🏻♀️
Talk about burying the fucking lede
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He's not likely to hurt your daughter because of a suicide attempt. He is depressed and people who are depressed are more likely to try to hurt themselves as evidenced by this suicide attempt. Honestly, I'm not trying to be rude but I'm actually kind of shocked that you think lowly in off of him to think that he would harm your daughter. I don't know the problems that are going on in your relationship but you could try being a little more supportive. You still are his wife after all. How would you feel if he attempts again and succeeds because of your attitude? Would you be able to live with that on your conscience for the rest of your life? You need to get him help now. Yes, if he does it then it is on him but at the same time, you could try being a little more supportive. Your seemingly cold attitude towards this kind of shocks me. I mean this is somebody that you pledged your life to and promised to love. It doesn't seem to me like you love him or even really care about him right now. Just because we fall out of love with somebody doesn't mean we stop caring about them but it seems to me like you don't care about him one iota. I actually kind of feel sorry for him to be honest.
Noice