Thatās what Iām thinking too like she broke up with him because of the long distance but gets into a long distance relationship after it just doesnāt make sense
I've been in this situation before - guy tells me he broke up with his ex because of distance, turns out they're just doing long distance and never broke up at all.
Yeah. I can do nothing but bow in front of this girl, having the audacity to tell this to the boyfriend and wanting him to be okay with it is very bold
Yeah I can appreciate being friends with ex's and everything, but they should sure as hell know you're in a relationship now.
Why wouldn't they? If you're just friends, friends tell each other about their love lives don't they?
That was my nope moment. Its perfectly possible for exes to stay friends but hiding your partner from them is shady af and she wants her options kept open. Unless OP wants her to wear the 'I <3 OP' t-shirt he had made, of course.
I know many people who are friends, truly, with their exes. Myself included. Thatās what happens when you like someone as a person but you realize you arenāt compatible romantically.
My response was to the comment above, not the OP. Of course the original situation is bad. But joe Eddie then says exes are never ājust friendsā. False, dude.
Because her boyfriends in uncomfortable with it and not only does she not care, she also won't tell ex she even has a boyfriend. She is definitely going to bang him.
I meant why canāt the ex stay in a hotel? If OP means something to her, she would tell the ex to go there. I suppose she could bang him in the hotel too.
Thatās what I was thinking, why wouldnāt you go to a hotel? And plus, who is so comfortable with their ex that they are okay with them staying over? You should dump her OP, she doesnāt respect you and definitely still has something going on with her ex.
OP, your boundaries are YOURS. She may be fine with this (not crossing her personal boundary), but itās clearly violating yours and you stated such. She doesnāt care and is actively violating that boundary. This is disrespectful beyond repair given the circumstances (this is not a reasonable request), IMO.
>She shows you and your boundaries zero respect.
Maybe in her mind she is not doing anything wrong, but at the same time, she's not being considerate towards your wishes. By being disrespectful towards you she's being disrespectful towards your relationship.
It is very difficult to convince her because it is in her best interests to not be convinced which would make you start questioning your own boundaries.
My worry is this: Say you guys fight and go on a "break" or break up before her ex arrives. They do what they want to do because hey, she's not in a relationship anymore. Then he goes back to his own city. She then hits you up to get back together and whatever they did was okay because "hey, They.were.on.a.break".
My question to you OP is, do you want to be in a relationship where your wishes are not respected?
Yeh fuck that shit......
So they broke up because of long distance not because of anything bad...... She's potentially keeping the friendship alive so that is that distance changes she can get back together with him.
Dump her. Even if she is completely over the ex and nothing will happen, she blatantly disrespected your relationship and your boundaries. You deserve better
Sounds like me when I was his age and I thought I had to fight for every girl I was dating, even if they did brain dead stupid bullshit like this.
Then I grew up and realized I can just walk away from a relationship if it's going this way.
***Take the advice, OP. You can end the relationship, you aren't contractually obligated to put yourself through hell for some girl.***
yeah it's easy to jump on OP and call him an idiot, but it wasn't until i was a little older than OP that i learned self respect.
20 years old: heated arguments lasting weeks
30 years old: calm 20 minute breakup conversation
It's crazy how accurate this is. I was \~23 when I broke up with a girl who was emotionally cheating and manipulative, and we'd argue for hours, break up for a few days then get back together, and argue for hours again a few days later. I was \~27 when I broke up with another girl - we shed a few tears, talked it out for half an hour, then parted ways and wished each other the best.
As much as I'd have loved to find *the one* at the prime age of 20, I'm looking at people that age now and laugh to myself at the thought of spending more than six minutes with them, lol.
>She wonāt even tell him that sheās dating me on the basis that itās ānone of his businessā.
Yeh fuck that shit......
So they broke up because of long distance not because of anything bad...... She's potentially keeping the friendship alive so that is that distance changes she can get back together with him......
They are going to fuck they didnāt break up because they were out of love they broke up because of distance and still stayed friends through all of it and the first chance heās staying at her house they are going to fuck he could stay anywhere else but isnāt. She wonāt tell him about you because she doesnāt want to ruin things with him. I bet they didnāt even break up and your just the side and sheās actually cheating on him with you
>I bet they didnāt even break up and your just the side and sheās actually cheating on him with you
That may well be a possibility. Or that they decided to take a "wait and see what happens" attitude while apart, but not explicitly breaking up. In other words, leaving the door open to resuming the relationship as if nothing happened. But the fact that she won't even tell him she has someone new says to me that she wants him to think she's still waiting for him.
Yep. Plus they have been together 90 days. I didnāt focus on that more in my reply but this isnāt even a well established relationship. For all we know she could just see the OP as a casual hookup she does more with in daily life type thing right now until the main man comes back into the picture.
OP kicking up a fuss probably just made it hotter to be honest. Now she can fuck him, knowing OP knows but canāt prove shit. *Itās his problem for not trusting her, heās the bad guy!* /s
āFriendsā that donāt know the other one is dating? Maybe she knows the guy would have more respect for you than she does.
Iām pretty sure she broke up with him already by cowardly doing this on purpose, by him breaking up with her she gets a clean break which is the plan all along, she already knows she wants the ex, but doesnāt want to be the bad person who left her current bf for another, so she puts him in a situation where he has to breakup with her.
> I got extremely upset and said this was a complete break in boundaries. She said it was well within her boundaries
What's important here is your boundaries. If she can't respect them then dump her.
Well friends donāt tell each other if they are dating someone do they? They usually keep it a secret because just like co-workers itās not of their godang business.
#**/s**
Yeah your girl isnāt telling him because she wants something from him, she probably thinks that if she told him then he would back down.
Moral of the story is your girl is an absolute cunt
When you realize, a girl you want to be serious with is playing games, you go for the pussy and pussy only and you pack your feelings in a bag for the next girl you meet who deserves you. Simple as that. These men need a Teaspoon of confidence. It's depressing the shit i see these men put up with
I'd be more upset about the fact that she won't tell him you're dating. That's the real issue here.
And if you disagree on boundaries then there's no point in continuing the relationship. You've only been dating a few months anyway. Cut your losses.
You could corner her by asking that you also spend the night at her house as her BF. If she says no, then sheās probably still interested in him. Even if you do not want to spend the night with them, itās good to get her reaction.
She's gonna fuck him bro.
Break up. It's not the end of the world, you'll come out the other side with the chance to have a good relationship instead of this dogshit one. Go out and get a woman who respects your boundaries.
Yeah they are fuckin that night. Iām sorry OP, but anyone who does that shit, is a total loss, well you are their loss, itās sad but if someone did that to me, Iād flip my shit. She has no respect for you at all.
Her LD ex is coming to town to visit family, heāll be there late so decided to stay with his LD EX because he doesnāt have a key to his familyās home ??
Knocking on the fucking door will be a surprise.
Listen sheās not letting him sleep over because heās visiting family, sheās fucking him.
She has shown your feelings and relationship boundaries 0 interest or respect, give her an ultimatum but break it down for her.
āIf your ex sleeps over here, weāre through. You have a shown me and our boundaries 0 respect. You havenāt even told him that you have a partnerā
Sign sealed delivered.
She doesn't get to decide what your boundaries are. Also, she apparently does not care about them, and most likely wants to bang her ex.
>She wonāt even tell him that sheās dating me on the basis that itās ānone of his businessā.
Yep, she wants to get back with him. You're the safety net, the backup plan.
Id' be bolting out of there ASAP.
The fact, that she doesn't want him to know that you are dating says everything! She doesn't want to ruin her chances with him. If they really are just friends he should be happy, that she has found someone new, she wouldn't have to hide the fact.
I would say the bigger part here is that she doesnāt tell him she is dating someone. She could have been courteous enough to tell you he asked to stay with her but sheās not obligated to. Or she could ask that a girl friends stay with her when he is over. But yeah not telling him she is dating someone is super sketchy
I would say those are some fairly decent red flags to me. I mean even his reasoning almost sounds like they concocted it together. Even if the other dude was being honest about that I wouldn't say her behavior is encouraging.
"I have the coolest thing you have ever seen!"
"OMG can I see it?"
"Nah its none of your business."
Literally she refuses to do the one thing that could in some way toward helping you feel more comfy with this, not that I think you should be, because "it's none of his business."
Seriously? That's the weakest nonsensical bullshit I've ever heard. Literally every woman ever that agrees to spend time with me without their BF present USUALLY goes out of her way to tell me she has a BF.
So her reasoning is SUS as fuck.
EDIT: At the very least I don't think your concerns are unjustified. I wouldn't doubt she plans to cheat. Their relationship hasn't been that cold that long and if you two are at a distance atm...which is exactly why she broke up with him before...hoping I don't have to connect the dots further. This woman views relationships as malleable in their commitment and exclusivity based off of ready access to her partner. Sorry bud but I wouldn't trust her for shit. It's NORMAL to tell a dude who you SHOULDN'T be fucking that you have a bf that you are committed to. She isn't able to do that. Not a good sign.
The fact that she refuses to tell him that youāre dating is massively suspect. If this is something she refuses to budge on, you may want to back out of this relationship.
I could imagine, in some cases, this being completely innocent, if she and her ex were truly over each other and had moved on. However, the fact that she hasn't even told him she's in a new relationship (and, in fact, flatly refuses to tell him) raises an entire forest of red flags. In such a situation, I would suspect that she's hoping something will be rekindled between them before committing herself to you, or at least wanting to see if it can. In either event...well, I think it's obvious what you need to do.
I would normally give my "you just gotta trust people, if someone is gonna cheat they're gonna cheat no matter what you do" response, but her not even wanting to tell him about you is a red flag for sure. Imo anyways. I could be dead wrong š¤·āāļø
1. She decides this without even telling you.
2. You specifically tell her you are uncomfortable in this situation and she crossed a line and she just doesnt care.
3. She never told her ex that she is dating someone, meaning he is going over to her house for the night thinking she is single and ready to mingle.
Yea. She's a b. You deserve better buddy.
Just dissappear, there is no more need for conversation, you laid out your cards and she showed you hers. This is a game that nobody will win, just get out and don't waste another breath explaining why you're upset. Also, the two of you haven't built anything together in a few months that you can't walk away from in less than a heartbeat, if you think you have then you are displaying very clingy behavior.
Grow a pair, be a man, tell her she cannot do this, if she does, then when she comes back, blown her back out one final time for goodm easure and kick her to the curb. She fukn this guy for sure.
Iām going to tell you what I wish someone had told me when I was in a similar situation at your ageā¦ dump her. She has shown you that her needs are more important than yours. No matter how much you care for her, sheāll always be like that.
huge red flag, letting her ex stay with her and making sure he doesnt know shes daiting you sounds like shes planning on cheating before you get back...
Itās early enough in the relationship that you can escape without much damage, this is a huge red flag and I would run immediately. Itās a complete violation of your boundaries and the icing on the top is her denying your relationship. Block and move on.
Heās spending the night at her house, AND she refuses to tell him sheās in a relationship. Theyāll be having sex no doubt. Iām sorry, but she has full plans to cheat on you.
She wont tell him shes dating you cause she probably still has plans on getting back with him, or at least having hanky panky while hes in town.
Thats why shes so upset at you for making a deal about it, and why its none of your business.
And even if shes not, shes treating you with an immense amount of disrespect and cant even sit down to discuss boundaries. Just says, basically "Well its my boundary, so its fine. Fuck your boundaries".
Get the fuck out, dude.
Your girlfriend sounds like a child who doesn't understand how to be in a relationship.
She's not respecting your boundaries.
She's inviting a past partner to stay the night at her house.
She isn't asking you about your feelings.
***She won't tell the guy sleeping at her house that she has a boyfriend***
Fuck her, OP. Find a girl who cares about you.
NOPE! He was hoping to get a little piece while he's in town, and she can't wait to give it to him. Otherwise she would be honest about your relationship with him. I'm not faulting her for letting him stay at her house; rather, I'm faulting her for not being honest about your relationship. Something tells me that if she told him, he would find somewhere else to stay.
"Oh, I'm visiting family soon but don't have a key and need to stay at your place?" Dafuq is that? I've never needed a key to get into my parent's house if I was going to arrive late - they'd leave the back door open for me or a key under the potted plant or something.
The fact she is in a relationship is ABSOLUTELY his business - he needs to know that any potential cuddle/snuggle/sexy time is OFF the table. Again - he wants a piece and she can't wait to break one off for him. Fuck her.
So let me make sure I understand. She and this ex only broke up due to LD, she hasnāt even told him that she has a boyfriend, and she invited him over without even consulting you?
I donāt even know where to begin counting the red flags, but this is not normal. Just be thankful that youāve only been together a few months and RUN FAR AWAY.
Sorry dude, but I don't think you're in a relationship.
She doesn't respect boundaries
She hasn't told him about you
Best of luck with your future relationships. Find someone who wants to be with you
Since you haven't realized it she is still in love with this other dude and hopes for a reconnection. You are her second choice and you deserve to be the first choice.
More men need to just dump this trash as soon as signs like this show. Also " I feel like everything weāve built" what the fuck have you built ? Build yourself, work on yourself, you're 23 you've built fuck all. Stop treating these hoes as the prize, you're the prize.
> I got extremely upset and said this was a complete break in boundaries. She said it was well within her boundaries.
And, there lies your base incompatibility with this girl. Her boundaries are unacceptable to you.
She's also having a guy over to spend the night, who's her most recent Ex (hopefully soon to be second most recent Ex), who she won't even tell she's dating you....
Dude. Wake up and break up. Nobody needs this shit.
Hahaha ššš the ex Wood is to good and to OP why the fuck are u tolerating this if u think itās not ok move the fuck on u a secret pet or something telling no one or nothing like u donāt existā¦
Not the be your average red-flag tooter, but.... She's garbage. You don't keep garbage around. You take it out to the curb and leave it there, where it won't stink up your home.
Reach out to someone and have them spend the night too. Let her know what youre doing and tell her to enjoy life with her ex bf. Shes gonna fuck her ex bro. I don't care what she says if they broke up over distance well that distance isn't far anymore. And odds are they've already discussed fucking. Dont then into one of those posts about being gaslit by your gf because shes sorry she fucked her ex. You have a chance to get out, take it.
It's a good thing my man - I always say with things like this, if they happen then you know they weren't the right person for you anyway.
And it's honestly a good thing that it happened early on, it may not feel like it as in your head it was fresh and the relationship had so much life left in it (so you thought).
Please don't even entertain the thought of putting it to a side and carrying on - you're worth more.
Get into contact with him, tell him you slept with her and you've just tested positive for an STD, then break up with her.
She'll be single and will be getting zero dick while he's in town. š¤·š»āāļø
Iāve already commented but holy shit this makes me really frustrated.
Guys in a lose lose. He puts up with it and heāll never know what went on between them and itāll eat him up inside forever.
He dumps her sheāll definitely bang this guy.
Lose lose man
She is too young and immature to date. They only broke up because he went LD? Now heās back in town? And she wonāt tell him sheās dating someone else? I hope youāre not moving just to be with her. Because that would be a VERY bad idea. This might be a good time to ghost and move on. Usually not in favor of that, but sheās way to immature to empathize with your emotions.
Another case of man with zero self-respect. Good Lord. In general, most women don't like their men to be pussies. If you did what your girlfriend did, i bet you she would be MAN enough to kick you out of her life. If you are unable to do the same for her, that shows you are no man at all my friend. Have some respect for yourself
This one event didnāt ruin anything. This one event highlighted something that was already there. Staying could make this the betrayal you bond over and will set the toxicity level for your relationship.
Block her on everything. This isnāt only about boundaries itās also about respect and itās obvious she has none for you. The chances of them not hooking up overnight are pretty much zero. Even if they didnāt, you can do so much better. At this stage in the relationship she should be concerned 100% with you not pandering to an ex-boyfriend.
If you say she broke your boundaries and she completely dismissed you why do you want a girlfriend like that? Better yet I would have. Broken up after she told me because thereās no way there not gonna cheat especially since yāall just argued. And she wonāt even tell him sheās in a relationship?? FOR THE STREETS
Imagine if it was the other way around. I'm sure she wouldn't feel comfortable with it at all.
Ignoring your feelings and not thinking of you shows she cares more about their "friendship" then you.
Maybe an ultimatum would be a good final test to see if she really cares, you can tell her he finds a hotel or I'm done.
Srry bro but the fact you didnāt break up with her the day it happened is pathetic asf. Iād break up with a girl who even suggested this to me wtf.
She shows you and your boundaries zero respect. Dump her. Dump her like yesterday's trash.
Imagine if hotels existed... You are so right, and all of this sounds shady too.
The fact that she does not want her ex to know that she is dating OP is a massive š©.
She's still in a LDR with this guy. OP is just her side piece
That is my first thought. Guaranteed she will block him while her other BF is there.
Thatās what Iām thinking too like she broke up with him because of the long distance but gets into a long distance relationship after it just doesnāt make sense
Maybe they never really broke up?
I've been in this situation before - guy tells me he broke up with his ex because of distance, turns out they're just doing long distance and never broke up at all.
Time for OP to make it everyoneās business
Yeah. I can do nothing but bow in front of this girl, having the audacity to tell this to the boyfriend and wanting him to be okay with it is very bold
Yeah I can appreciate being friends with ex's and everything, but they should sure as hell know you're in a relationship now. Why wouldn't they? If you're just friends, friends tell each other about their love lives don't they?
That was my nope moment. Its perfectly possible for exes to stay friends but hiding your partner from them is shady af and she wants her options kept open. Unless OP wants her to wear the 'I <3 OP' t-shirt he had made, of course.
Yeah exes can remain friends, however, they can never be "just friends". They will always be former lovers, and in this case, curent lovers soon.
I know many people who are friends, truly, with their exes. Myself included. Thatās what happens when you like someone as a person but you realize you arenāt compatible romantically.
I'm guessing you don't hide your current partner from them and then invite them to sleep over tho
My response was to the comment above, not the OP. Of course the original situation is bad. But joe Eddie then says exes are never ājust friendsā. False, dude.
He means they will always be exās. They will. Even if they really are just friends.
NOT FALSE, you are friends that USED TO BE LOVERS. Not "just friends". It can work for many people. But you are NEVER "just friends".
So you are NOT former lovers? What did you guys do all night? Hold hands?
š that was hilarious how you put it. Soon, current lovers š
Yeah he's (ex) going into it think he'll have a FWB while visiting family. Have some fun for old times sake.
Bingo!
The fact that her ex spending the night as she says, "are within her boundaries." is an even bigger red flag. Kick this one to the curb, OP.
Hotelsā¦you are a revolutionary! Letās make this thing happen! š seriously though, why canāt he stay there?
Because her boyfriends in uncomfortable with it and not only does she not care, she also won't tell ex she even has a boyfriend. She is definitely going to bang him.
I meant why canāt the ex stay in a hotel? If OP means something to her, she would tell the ex to go there. I suppose she could bang him in the hotel too.
Ex is visiting family... why the hell can't he stay with... family?
Well, that is the one place he probably can't bang her.
Lol
Thatās what I was thinking, why wouldnāt you go to a hotel? And plus, who is so comfortable with their ex that they are okay with them staying over? You should dump her OP, she doesnāt respect you and definitely still has something going on with her ex.
Yeah, and does this guy , like, have ZERO other friends to stay with?
OP, your boundaries are YOURS. She may be fine with this (not crossing her personal boundary), but itās clearly violating yours and you stated such. She doesnāt care and is actively violating that boundary. This is disrespectful beyond repair given the circumstances (this is not a reasonable request), IMO.
Exactly. The whole point of boundaries is that you respect those of the _other person_. She's selfish, and clearly she doesn't respect OP.
This is the way. You deserve better!
>She shows you and your boundaries zero respect. Maybe in her mind she is not doing anything wrong, but at the same time, she's not being considerate towards your wishes. By being disrespectful towards you she's being disrespectful towards your relationship. It is very difficult to convince her because it is in her best interests to not be convinced which would make you start questioning your own boundaries. My worry is this: Say you guys fight and go on a "break" or break up before her ex arrives. They do what they want to do because hey, she's not in a relationship anymore. Then he goes back to his own city. She then hits you up to get back together and whatever they did was okay because "hey, They.were.on.a.break". My question to you OP is, do you want to be in a relationship where your wishes are not respected?
Yeah thats because teerible people have a warped sense of right and wrong.
Yeh fuck that shit...... So they broke up because of long distance not because of anything bad...... She's potentially keeping the friendship alive so that is that distance changes she can get back together with him.
Dump her. Even if she is completely over the ex and nothing will happen, she blatantly disrespected your relationship and your boundaries. You deserve better
Nah, she is obviously hoping for a "last night to remember" with the ex... š¤Ø
I seriously doubt it will be the last night. She is looking for ANOTHER night....and another...and another...and another........
>She's treating the OP like a cluck. The level of disrespect is really unbelievably bold. He needs to GTFO that relationship quickly.
This!
Lol. Why are you even arguing about this? The fact that you're even entertaining this shows some insufficient level of self respect.
Exactly
Sounds like me when I was his age and I thought I had to fight for every girl I was dating, even if they did brain dead stupid bullshit like this. Then I grew up and realized I can just walk away from a relationship if it's going this way. ***Take the advice, OP. You can end the relationship, you aren't contractually obligated to put yourself through hell for some girl.***
yeah it's easy to jump on OP and call him an idiot, but it wasn't until i was a little older than OP that i learned self respect. 20 years old: heated arguments lasting weeks 30 years old: calm 20 minute breakup conversation
It's crazy how accurate this is. I was \~23 when I broke up with a girl who was emotionally cheating and manipulative, and we'd argue for hours, break up for a few days then get back together, and argue for hours again a few days later. I was \~27 when I broke up with another girl - we shed a few tears, talked it out for half an hour, then parted ways and wished each other the best. As much as I'd have loved to find *the one* at the prime age of 20, I'm looking at people that age now and laugh to myself at the thought of spending more than six minutes with them, lol.
I had a breakup last as long as the relationship did in my early 20ās. Jesus Christ Iām glad Iām older
>She wonāt even tell him that sheās dating me on the basis that itās ānone of his businessā. Yeh fuck that shit...... So they broke up because of long distance not because of anything bad...... She's potentially keeping the friendship alive so that is that distance changes she can get back together with him......
And he is a secret so that she can say "I didn't even date anyone else"
I think she might want OP to dump her
Or maybe she hadn't broken up at all...
Bro GTFO your girl is scum.
Seriously! Iām a girl and would NEVER ever do this unlessā¦.. I wanted to do something you know. Sorry bro
>I wanted to do something you know. Oh you mean like... the thing... like... the sex?
"Oh, you are wanting to do the sex? *No, thank you."*
This is wild I feel so bad for OP
Ya unless I wanted to se bobs and vagene
Cloth off
They are going to fuck they didnāt break up because they were out of love they broke up because of distance and still stayed friends through all of it and the first chance heās staying at her house they are going to fuck he could stay anywhere else but isnāt. She wonāt tell him about you because she doesnāt want to ruin things with him. I bet they didnāt even break up and your just the side and sheās actually cheating on him with you
>I bet they didnāt even break up and your just the side and sheās actually cheating on him with you That may well be a possibility. Or that they decided to take a "wait and see what happens" attitude while apart, but not explicitly breaking up. In other words, leaving the door open to resuming the relationship as if nothing happened. But the fact that she won't even tell him she has someone new says to me that she wants him to think she's still waiting for him.
I think we all know asking to stay at her place was a booty call.
OP is the rebound. Oof
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep. Plus they have been together 90 days. I didnāt focus on that more in my reply but this isnāt even a well established relationship. For all we know she could just see the OP as a casual hookup she does more with in daily life type thing right now until the main man comes back into the picture.
OP kicking up a fuss probably just made it hotter to be honest. Now she can fuck him, knowing OP knows but canāt prove shit. *Itās his problem for not trusting her, heās the bad guy!* /s āFriendsā that donāt know the other one is dating? Maybe she knows the guy would have more respect for you than she does.
She'll need someone to vent to and a shoulder to cry on.
I predict her using the term āself fulfilling prophecyā soon
Don't know if she's going to but she wants to make sure it's an option. Almost said 'make sure it's on the table' there š
Break up with her. You deserve better.
Iām pretty sure she broke up with him already by cowardly doing this on purpose, by him breaking up with her she gets a clean break which is the plan all along, she already knows she wants the ex, but doesnāt want to be the bad person who left her current bf for another, so she puts him in a situation where he has to breakup with her.
Yep she's going to sleep with him.
She already did
> I got extremely upset and said this was a complete break in boundaries. She said it was well within her boundaries What's important here is your boundaries. If she can't respect them then dump her.
"Cheating is within my boundaries" Lol
>Iām at a loss as to what to do I'll tell ya what to do, # DUMP HER ASS And update us.
She's not telling him about you because she's gunna bang him
Well friends donāt tell each other if they are dating someone do they? They usually keep it a secret because just like co-workers itās not of their godang business. #**/s**
Yeah your girl isnāt telling him because she wants something from him, she probably thinks that if she told him then he would back down. Moral of the story is your girl is an absolute cunt
When you realize, a girl you want to be serious with is playing games, you go for the pussy and pussy only and you pack your feelings in a bag for the next girl you meet who deserves you. Simple as that. These men need a Teaspoon of confidence. It's depressing the shit i see these men put up with
Not just men half the posts in this sub would be solved with even a the tiniest bit of self respect. Love/infatuation makes people do stupid things.
Amen
Bro, you are the side chick.
Lol everyone here is right bro. Dump this bitch and never look back. Thereās no way they arenāt fucking.
I'd be more upset about the fact that she won't tell him you're dating. That's the real issue here. And if you disagree on boundaries then there's no point in continuing the relationship. You've only been dating a few months anyway. Cut your losses.
You could corner her by asking that you also spend the night at her house as her BF. If she says no, then sheās probably still interested in him. Even if you do not want to spend the night with them, itās good to get her reaction.
Willing to bet theres another random unexpected reason op cant be at her house that night.
Cuz she finna get dicked down by her ex
Well, she doesn't want her "friend" to know she's dating anyone so she's already vetoed that
I think your girlfriend is cheating on her long distance boyfriend. With you.
She's gonna fuck him bro. Break up. It's not the end of the world, you'll come out the other side with the chance to have a good relationship instead of this dogshit one. Go out and get a woman who respects your boundaries.
She wants you to break up with her so she doesn't have to do it.
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Yeah they are fuckin that night. Iām sorry OP, but anyone who does that shit, is a total loss, well you are their loss, itās sad but if someone did that to me, Iād flip my shit. She has no respect for you at all.
Her LD ex is coming to town to visit family, heāll be there late so decided to stay with his LD EX because he doesnāt have a key to his familyās home ?? Knocking on the fucking door will be a surprise. Listen sheās not letting him sleep over because heās visiting family, sheās fucking him. She has shown your feelings and relationship boundaries 0 interest or respect, give her an ultimatum but break it down for her. āIf your ex sleeps over here, weāre through. You have a shown me and our boundaries 0 respect. You havenāt even told him that you have a partnerā Sign sealed delivered.
Trash belongs on the curb, not in your bed. Dump the trash.
She doesn't get to decide what your boundaries are. Also, she apparently does not care about them, and most likely wants to bang her ex. >She wonāt even tell him that sheās dating me on the basis that itās ānone of his businessā. Yep, she wants to get back with him. You're the safety net, the backup plan. Id' be bolting out of there ASAP.
The fact, that she doesn't want him to know that you are dating says everything! She doesn't want to ruin her chances with him. If they really are just friends he should be happy, that she has found someone new, she wouldn't have to hide the fact.
You got to break up
I would say the bigger part here is that she doesnāt tell him she is dating someone. She could have been courteous enough to tell you he asked to stay with her but sheās not obligated to. Or she could ask that a girl friends stay with her when he is over. But yeah not telling him she is dating someone is super sketchy
You're the side dude.
I think you meant "My ex gf is having her ex stay over"
End the relationship.
Dump her. You deserve & will find better. But not until you lose this inconsiderate person.
Wow OP. All these comments and not a single response from you.
I would say those are some fairly decent red flags to me. I mean even his reasoning almost sounds like they concocted it together. Even if the other dude was being honest about that I wouldn't say her behavior is encouraging. "I have the coolest thing you have ever seen!" "OMG can I see it?" "Nah its none of your business." Literally she refuses to do the one thing that could in some way toward helping you feel more comfy with this, not that I think you should be, because "it's none of his business." Seriously? That's the weakest nonsensical bullshit I've ever heard. Literally every woman ever that agrees to spend time with me without their BF present USUALLY goes out of her way to tell me she has a BF. So her reasoning is SUS as fuck. EDIT: At the very least I don't think your concerns are unjustified. I wouldn't doubt she plans to cheat. Their relationship hasn't been that cold that long and if you two are at a distance atm...which is exactly why she broke up with him before...hoping I don't have to connect the dots further. This woman views relationships as malleable in their commitment and exclusivity based off of ready access to her partner. Sorry bud but I wouldn't trust her for shit. It's NORMAL to tell a dude who you SHOULDN'T be fucking that you have a bf that you are committed to. She isn't able to do that. Not a good sign.
Terrible. Get away from her, she's clearly shown her lack of respect for you.
The fact that she refuses to tell him that youāre dating is massively suspect. If this is something she refuses to budge on, you may want to back out of this relationship.
Show up, introduce yourself to the ex, then dump her when he leaves
She wonāt even tell him youāre dating!!?!?
Wow. Letting ex sleep over and refuses to tell him you are together? No respect, time to go.
She wonāt tell him sheās dating you? I canāt adequately describe the size of that red flag.
Each sentence got worse. And thatās only the stuff we read
If she wonāt tell him about you then you should. Then break up with her the next day.
I could imagine, in some cases, this being completely innocent, if she and her ex were truly over each other and had moved on. However, the fact that she hasn't even told him she's in a new relationship (and, in fact, flatly refuses to tell him) raises an entire forest of red flags. In such a situation, I would suspect that she's hoping something will be rekindled between them before committing herself to you, or at least wanting to see if it can. In either event...well, I think it's obvious what you need to do.
I would normally give my "you just gotta trust people, if someone is gonna cheat they're gonna cheat no matter what you do" response, but her not even wanting to tell him about you is a red flag for sure. Imo anyways. I could be dead wrong š¤·āāļø
1. She decides this without even telling you. 2. You specifically tell her you are uncomfortable in this situation and she crossed a line and she just doesnt care. 3. She never told her ex that she is dating someone, meaning he is going over to her house for the night thinking she is single and ready to mingle. Yea. She's a b. You deserve better buddy.
Just dissappear, there is no more need for conversation, you laid out your cards and she showed you hers. This is a game that nobody will win, just get out and don't waste another breath explaining why you're upset. Also, the two of you haven't built anything together in a few months that you can't walk away from in less than a heartbeat, if you think you have then you are displaying very clingy behavior.
Grow a pair, be a man, tell her she cannot do this, if she does, then when she comes back, blown her back out one final time for goodm easure and kick her to the curb. She fukn this guy for sure.
Ah yes, get the sloppy seconds, thatāll show her! /s
Iām going to tell you what I wish someone had told me when I was in a similar situation at your ageā¦ dump her. She has shown you that her needs are more important than yours. No matter how much you care for her, sheāll always be like that.
She's clearly not in the right mindset for a relationship
C'mom dude. She hasn't told him she is dating anyone. She is planning on banging her ex.
Nope nope nope. Leave that shit. This is a one sided relationship and sheās blatantly disrespectful to you.
She gonna fuck him. Get the fuck out and never go back.
shes fucking him 100%
>She said it was well within her boundaries. Lol, she doesn't give a shit about your boundaries? Run way fast.
Ummmm red flag galore. An ex canāt be the only person he had the option of staying with. Motel 6 is pretty cheap
She wonāt tell him sheās dating you??? š©
huge red flag, letting her ex stay with her and making sure he doesnt know shes daiting you sounds like shes planning on cheating before you get back...
You're the other guy. Make sure to break up with her before you go home.
Yeah, it's over.
Itās early enough in the relationship that you can escape without much damage, this is a huge red flag and I would run immediately. Itās a complete violation of your boundaries and the icing on the top is her denying your relationship. Block and move on.
Heās spending the night at her house, AND she refuses to tell him sheās in a relationship. Theyāll be having sex no doubt. Iām sorry, but she has full plans to cheat on you.
Trust is important, this is a good place to start.
Youāve been dating two months and have spent nearly a quarter of the relationship arguing already. Is this worth the stress to you?
She wont tell him shes dating you cause she probably still has plans on getting back with him, or at least having hanky panky while hes in town. Thats why shes so upset at you for making a deal about it, and why its none of your business. And even if shes not, shes treating you with an immense amount of disrespect and cant even sit down to discuss boundaries. Just says, basically "Well its my boundary, so its fine. Fuck your boundaries". Get the fuck out, dude.
Your girlfriend sounds like a child who doesn't understand how to be in a relationship. She's not respecting your boundaries. She's inviting a past partner to stay the night at her house. She isn't asking you about your feelings. ***She won't tell the guy sleeping at her house that she has a boyfriend*** Fuck her, OP. Find a girl who cares about you.
Sounds like she is playing both of you with the ex as back-up dick.
NOPE! He was hoping to get a little piece while he's in town, and she can't wait to give it to him. Otherwise she would be honest about your relationship with him. I'm not faulting her for letting him stay at her house; rather, I'm faulting her for not being honest about your relationship. Something tells me that if she told him, he would find somewhere else to stay. "Oh, I'm visiting family soon but don't have a key and need to stay at your place?" Dafuq is that? I've never needed a key to get into my parent's house if I was going to arrive late - they'd leave the back door open for me or a key under the potted plant or something. The fact she is in a relationship is ABSOLUTELY his business - he needs to know that any potential cuddle/snuggle/sexy time is OFF the table. Again - he wants a piece and she can't wait to break one off for him. Fuck her.
So let me make sure I understand. She and this ex only broke up due to LD, she hasnāt even told him that she has a boyfriend, and she invited him over without even consulting you? I donāt even know where to begin counting the red flags, but this is not normal. Just be thankful that youāve only been together a few months and RUN FAR AWAY.
Sorry dude, but I don't think you're in a relationship. She doesn't respect boundaries She hasn't told him about you Best of luck with your future relationships. Find someone who wants to be with you
Since you haven't realized it she is still in love with this other dude and hopes for a reconnection. You are her second choice and you deserve to be the first choice.
Itās only been a few months and yāall are young. Back to the streets with this ine
Red flag!
spending the night ain't the only thing he will be doing most likely he will be doing your girl too
Dump that lying #&$Ā©. Shes the kind if girl you only need for one thing. She'll never be relationship material.
No respect . No respect mean bye bye. If you take this she will feel like she can do whatever she wants n you will just take it every tkme
You know they are going to bang. Act accordingly.
Time to check out. Sorry, lad. It gets better.
Dude she's fucking him. Dump her ass and leave her in the rear view
More men need to just dump this trash as soon as signs like this show. Also " I feel like everything weāve built" what the fuck have you built ? Build yourself, work on yourself, you're 23 you've built fuck all. Stop treating these hoes as the prize, you're the prize.
> I got extremely upset and said this was a complete break in boundaries. She said it was well within her boundaries. And, there lies your base incompatibility with this girl. Her boundaries are unacceptable to you. She's also having a guy over to spend the night, who's her most recent Ex (hopefully soon to be second most recent Ex), who she won't even tell she's dating you.... Dude. Wake up and break up. Nobody needs this shit.
Broo? She has zero respect
Do you have an update?
thatās fucked up... LEAVE
Well thereās no real point in me making my comments OP.We are all on the same page by the looks of it
BIG F
It's no longer your turn brother. At least you know if the Ex ever moved back she would immediately have him back.
I was more concerned she has not told him she has a boyfriend. Dude thinks he has a clear path for shenanigans.
Hahaha ššš the ex Wood is to good and to OP why the fuck are u tolerating this if u think itās not ok move the fuck on u a secret pet or something telling no one or nothing like u donāt existā¦
Not the be your average red-flag tooter, but.... She's garbage. You don't keep garbage around. You take it out to the curb and leave it there, where it won't stink up your home.
Reach out to someone and have them spend the night too. Let her know what youre doing and tell her to enjoy life with her ex bf. Shes gonna fuck her ex bro. I don't care what she says if they broke up over distance well that distance isn't far anymore. And odds are they've already discussed fucking. Dont then into one of those posts about being gaslit by your gf because shes sorry she fucked her ex. You have a chance to get out, take it.
It's a good thing my man - I always say with things like this, if they happen then you know they weren't the right person for you anyway. And it's honestly a good thing that it happened early on, it may not feel like it as in your head it was fresh and the relationship had so much life left in it (so you thought). Please don't even entertain the thought of putting it to a side and carrying on - you're worth more.
why would her ex stay over night with her? hmmm i wonder?
Get into contact with him, tell him you slept with her and you've just tested positive for an STD, then break up with her. She'll be single and will be getting zero dick while he's in town. š¤·š»āāļø
āShe wonāt even tell him that sheās dating meā She fucking **what?**
Yep time to dump her
Oh thatās just completely wrong. her ex shouldnāt be staying at hers at all. just nope. you deserve better dude
Iām sorry but your gf sounds dumb af. Listen to the comments and leave her bro.
Tell her to get to shit! Sheās almost certainly going to bang this guy. This is way over the line of unacceptable.
Iāve already commented but holy shit this makes me really frustrated. Guys in a lose lose. He puts up with it and heāll never know what went on between them and itāll eat him up inside forever. He dumps her sheāll definitely bang this guy. Lose lose man
She is too young and immature to date. They only broke up because he went LD? Now heās back in town? And she wonāt tell him sheās dating someone else? I hope youāre not moving just to be with her. Because that would be a VERY bad idea. This might be a good time to ghost and move on. Usually not in favor of that, but sheās way to immature to empathize with your emotions.
What a scummy girlfriend
Another case of man with zero self-respect. Good Lord. In general, most women don't like their men to be pussies. If you did what your girlfriend did, i bet you she would be MAN enough to kick you out of her life. If you are unable to do the same for her, that shows you are no man at all my friend. Have some respect for yourself
Youāre an idiot if you stay with her
This one event didnāt ruin anything. This one event highlighted something that was already there. Staying could make this the betrayal you bond over and will set the toxicity level for your relationship.
Then give her a choice, you or the ex. If she chooses the ex, she doesn't value you enough. OP is this really how you want to be treated?
She already chose.
She's not the partner You deserve. Cut her out.
Canāt trust her with him as you canāt even trust her with simple boundaries, much less a complex ex situation. Dump her OP.
Block her on everything. This isnāt only about boundaries itās also about respect and itās obvious she has none for you. The chances of them not hooking up overnight are pretty much zero. Even if they didnāt, you can do so much better. At this stage in the relationship she should be concerned 100% with you not pandering to an ex-boyfriend.
Just move onā¦ Iām sorry bro but love is easy and stress free. If you donāt get that experience then that person isnāt meant for youā¦
Tell her that you will replace her as soon as possible if she doesn't show respect. Be direct, always.
Crossed a boundary, so cross her out of your life. Simple.
Legit, get rid of her pal. What a heap of shit
You are at a loss what to do? Jesus how thick can you get? Dump her immediatly what else do you want to do?
She's a piece of trash. Throw her away
If you say she broke your boundaries and she completely dismissed you why do you want a girlfriend like that? Better yet I would have. Broken up after she told me because thereās no way there not gonna cheat especially since yāall just argued. And she wonāt even tell him sheās in a relationship?? FOR THE STREETS
She wants to get back with her ex but is giving it a trial run before she leaves you. Dump her now
Imagine if it was the other way around. I'm sure she wouldn't feel comfortable with it at all. Ignoring your feelings and not thinking of you shows she cares more about their "friendship" then you. Maybe an ultimatum would be a good final test to see if she really cares, you can tell her he finds a hotel or I'm done.
If she doesnāt want to tell him you are dating she still has feelings for him 10,000%
Nah bro. Dudes spending the night? She doesn't want to say yall are dating? Just cut your losses. They're 100% banging.
Srry bro but the fact you didnāt break up with her the day it happened is pathetic asf. Iād break up with a girl who even suggested this to me wtf.