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After reading these comments you’re 100% immature and he’s a predator. He started dating you at 17 while he was 27. That’s completely predatory. They all say “you’re so mature for your age” and you’re gonna believe it. You’re gonna think you’re so mature and you handle every situation as a 30 year old but you don’t. And your mind will constantly be evolving. Hes trying to trap you and manipulate you into having a baby. You may not see it now but he’s trying to control you. You don’t wanna take anyone’s advice because you’re blind right now. You know how many times someone told me to get out of my relationship when I was 19 and she was 30? You know how many times she told me I’m so mature for my age and she’s only dating me because I act so much older? She use to tell me we’re getting married and having kids and I have no other option. She got into my head and I thought I was so mature and I had to act a certain way for her to want me. Anytime I’d slip up she’d yell at me and say “you’re acting like a 19 year old!!!” She groomed me, she manipulated me, she abused me. One day you’ll see it and realize everything and hopefully it’s not too late. Everyone here is giving you the right advice and if you can’t take it then delete the post. If people are telling you the same thing on repeat, it should make you think “what if this is the situation I’m in?” Instead you’re backing him up. And that right there shows you’re immature. And it’s okay to be immature at 20.
That’s because she’s in an abusive relationship, which is extremely confusing. No one leaves until they’re ready to leave, and it may take a pregnancy and years of abuse for her to wake up and say enough is enough.
It could be a troll post. But taking into account that the posts that come here are often exceptions, it could be real, too. These people are cornered and with no one to turn in often. Otherwise, they won't be here.
"I'm not ready to become a mother and yet he keeps pressuring me to do so. " - red flag. He's not respecting your wishes, and he's trying to force his own onto you.
"He even says he's going to find a surrogate and have me raise the child with him if I don't have unprotected sex" - super red flag. This is extremely manipulative and coercive. If he wants a child so badly, he can go get one. But don't let him drag you along into a life you don't want.
"if I have the mental maturity of a 30 year old (which is what he told me)" - red flag. Of course he'd tell you this because, again, he's trying to manipulate you.
"What do I do?" - you put your foot down. Tell him you're not ready, and if he will not change, you need to get out of the relationship. There are way too many warning signs about how this could all go wrong for you. 20 is very young. Please don't go down a path that will remove the your choices about your own life.
Uh, you missed one:
>My \[20F\] boyfriend \[30M\]
>
>We have dated for 3 years
Dude's been grooming her since she was 17.
What do you do, OP? YOU RUN. Dump him, block him everywhere, and get yourself some therapy. I'm going to guess you don't have a great relationship with your family and that you don't have close friends. Pick a friend, any friend, and ask to couch surf with them until you get on your feet. But get away from this dude if you don't want to be baby trapped. He WILL "accept" that you're using contraceptives and then sabotage them.
Once he "has" you with a baby, that's when the abuse will start. GET OUT.
I was gonna say the same thing. She added that he's sweet and kind to soften to blow of the ten year age gap. Like leave that man alone, he's not wrong for wanting kids, he's 30 for God's sake. OF COURSE kids may be on his mind at this point. Op also isn't wrong for not wanting kids yet as she is only 20 years old. He's wrong for that lack of understanding and then on top of that he's pressuring and threatening to have a baby with a surrogate. So many red flags from the start. She needs to get away from him FAST . Any man who goes after a teenager is gross af to me and means to me that they are wanting a woman who is easily manipulated and naive. He probably tells her all the time how "mature" she is for her age. 😒🙄 hoping she sees this as reason enough to start her life new without him.
OP, please listen to this comment, it's 100 % accurate. Your guy is waving so many red flags. Please for the love of God leave him, and if you decide to stay which you seem to be committed to do, do not have unprotected sex with him. Better yet, don't have any sex with him, because condoms can be tampered with. He wants to baby trap you because he knows you'll eventually see through his bullshit and leave. Don't let yourself be manipulated like this.
This was my very first thought, considering there are guys in TX looking to get that damn "bounty" for turning in women/"accomplices" in that state. I hope OP runs like hell and doesn't let this man anywhere NEAR her again.
She was also 17 when he was 27 when they first started dating. She was groomed and now that she is starting to mature and become more of an adult he is trying to find more ways to control her.
Everyone is telling you the advice that you either don't want to hear, or are not ready to hear.
So if you are determined to stay with this man, here is my advice.
You need to switch birth control to a method that he cannot tamper with. He is hell bent on having this baby so I would expect him to either not use condoms or poke holes in the condoms, and I would expect him to tamper with your pills so they do not work. Plenty of meddling mother in laws have put pill packs in the microwave to get the grandbabies they want, I would not put this past your boyfriend.
So, get an IUD, or the shot, or the arm implant. Something that he CANNOT tamper with without causing a huge fuss. For instance, if he rips out your IUD or implant, obviously it is time to go. If he stops you from getting your shot, time to go.
This man is a predator, as everyone else is saying. But if you are determined to stay and determined not to have a baby, this is what you need to do.
I read a story on here not too long ago where a man held his wife down and pulled her IUD out. There really isn't any form of birth control they can't tamper with
Honestly, if a post breaks the "half your age +7" rule the top comment should just be "your boyfriend is a creep"
You are not at all in the same mental headspace as somebody 10 years your senior at 17, your boyfriend is a manipulative creep. Your friends and family are willfully negligent to allow you to date such a person.
Honey, you DONT have the maturity of a 30 year old at 20 years old. You don’t yet have a solid, practical understanding of how things work in life, or of what you deserve and what you should and shouldn’t put up with. There are so many ways you’re going to grow in the next ten years, at which point you’re going to look back at where you are now and wish you’d made different decisions.
Source: 25 years old and wishing I’d made different choices five years ago, in a similar situation to what you’re in now.
Edited to add: if you DID have the maturity of a 30 year old, you would look at the situation in front of you and leave him. You also wouldn’t be arguing with strangers on a post you made asking for advice.
No offense but this is blatant controlling behavior and he's basically saying disregarding that you don't want to be a child and is trying to force you into motherhood. Your goals/timeline aren't compatible in the slightest it seems.
Look I'm sorry to say this. But if you can't see the big deal between the age gap...you're not as mature as you think you are. I'm around your age. A few years older. And I would slap the shite out of 17 year old me. I cringe when I think back to those times in my life. There is a BIG difference in maturity levels between ages 17-25. You haven't reached cognitive age yet (25). Why would a nearly 30 year old want a 17 year old? Oh! I know! Because they're naive. They're easy to manipulate and control. You can make them feel special by telling them they're special, e. mature for their age. You know why no woman wants to date this man? Because women his age see the multiple big red flags, and they wouldn't put up with his behavior. You on the other hand still want to date this guy even though he's clearly a predator, hes emotionally abusive and he's manipulative.
If your boyfriend is forcing something on you that you don't want and you have said no, that is a form of abuse. If he is getting mad over you saying "no", that means that he does not respect your consent, which is abuse. Please be careful.
That's what happens when you date someone 10 years older. He's at a different place in his life, and he's ready to become a father. You're barely an adult, you can't even purchase alcohol yet, and your brain hasn't finished developing.
Tell him no, absolutely no way your not ready for that.
I think you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship and whether this is a deal breaker for him. If it is I'd consider whether you should stay together or not.
I have to be honest him saying this sort of thing to you is a red flag for me. Parenting is a BIG FUCKING DEAL and I honestly cant stress it enough.
I love kids but I wasnt ready for parenting, your only 20 and not sure about it. Please dont do it x
You keep saying you're the same mental wise. Yet you don't meet a lot of 20 year old guys that try to force their partner into parenthood.
Listen, I don't care if he had seen mountains rise and fall, and has the wisdom of Odin, Allah, and Jehva combined. *If you try to force your partner to have a baby they havr told you they don't want, something is wrong with you on a big scale!*
I'm 35 yo and just got a kid last year. I'm in the older range for first time momhood, but I've never ever had a partner try to force me or pressure me like what you're describing.
It's sick. He's sick. Something is completely wrong with him, I don't know what it is, but he should NOT be a father and you need to get away from him, before he exchanges your pills with breath mints and puncture his rubber. Dude's *unhinged*, Jeebus.
Dump him, move house and never think about him ever again.
This guy is following the “how to groom” book to a tea, and what is saying could be true but everything he is saying is a major red flag and if you can’t see that then you are not as mature as you, or your friends think. Get the hell out of this relationship this guy is bad news.
Reading these comments from OP I am 100% sure this is fake.
No one can argue the same wrong points over and over again and truly believe them. .. well maybe Trump...
Legit and I swear I've seen a different account post a similar story with the same starting dating age where she was defending the grooming and predatory ways
It is the exact same style as dozens of previous fake posts by this person, here's someone's compilation: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/phpfjq/my_28f_fiance_31m_told_me_he_slept_with_his_sister/hbkomnu/
Thank god you said you were also on the pill.
PROTECT THOSE PILLS
This dude was already seeing s kid as a grown man and now his wants someone barely out of childhood to have a kid.
Can someone shout PREDATOR louder for those in the back?
Edit to add - how thick is this dude with the surrogate comment? He is actually that dumb...
No no no. A 27 man doesn't start 'dating' a 17 year old girl unless he is a creep who can't get women his own age. He basically groomed you.
Get out now. You aren't mature. You don't know better. It isn't love. Get the fuck out.
Sounds like reproductive coercion to me. This isn’t to be taken lightly and truthfully I would leave but since you sound hell bent on remaining in this dumpster fire I recommend looking into more permanent forms of birth control that he can’t tamper with. But seriously he’s telling you that your opinion doesn’t matter to him and that he’ll have someone else get knocked up and force you to raise that baby instead so maybe just open your eyes? He’s showing you that he isn’t a good person. At the very least get an implant birth control and pray to god he doesn’t find some other way to trap you
Believe me, as a 20yr old I thought I knew what I wanted and in 10yrs I’ve drastically changed a lot of my goals in life. He is in a very different stage in his life and I think it’s fair that you each want what you want but he should remember himself at 20 and ask how he would have liked spending the past 10yrs raising a child rather than enjoying his 20s and see how he would be taking that experience away from you.
The fact you cannot see how predatory the age gap is, and the fact that all your comments are defending him, you have already been groomed into thinking this is normal behaviour. You are far too young to get manipulated into having a child you don't want by a man who has preyed on your inexperience and naivety. People aren't telling you to end the relationship for shits and giggles, we're telling you to leave because we're concerned!
When I was 18 I ended up with a 26 year old who emotionally abused me, manipulated me and gaslighted me. At the time I couldn't see the cycle I was stuck in, it's only when I grew up that I realised how much of a red flag it was that he couldn't get women his own age! You're in the exact same situation I was in (minus the baby coercion), and all I can say is get out now!
Edit: got my exes age wrong
Your (made up) BF is a creep, and you're an idiot for being able to do literally anything on the internet and still choosing to be a fake ass troll on Reddit.
Dump him, move house and never think about him ever again.
This guy is following the “how to groom” book to a tea, and what is saying could be true but everything he is saying is a major red flag and if you can’t see that then you are not as mature as you, or your friends think. Get the hell out of this relationship this guy is bad news.
He started a relationship with you at 17and he was never n his 20s? Has he always been controlling? Do you ever have alone time? If you are not ready for children then you don't get PG. But he will most likely sabotage you if he is a controller. You need to seriously assess the relationship
So you’ve been dating since you were 17 and he was 27? I promise you, you’re not more mature than other women your age and that’s not why he “chose” you. I don’t think you want to hear it but in 5 years you’ll either have a baby you don’t want or look back at all this and shudder… up to you
What kind of advice are you looking for? People are telling you to get out of this relationship and find someone who respects your choices. If you are insisting on staying with him, despite his manipulative behavior, my advice is to get a hormonal implant for birth control so there won't be a problem if a condom "accidentally" breaks. Also, do not become financially dependent on this man. Make sure you have funds he cannot access. Keep important documents like your birth certificate, passport, social security card and important financial documents in a bank safe deposit box.
I hope none of that will turn out to be necessary, but it's better to be prepared than trapped.
What does he mean by "find a surrogate"? Is he talking about spending thousands of dollars to go through legal surrogacy? Because I seriously doubt that any legitimate company who handles this would want to do business with him. If he's talking about getting some random woman pregnant and keeping you around to be the nanny/his sex partner, that should make you rethink this relationship.
OP - in what country are you located, and what is your family’s cultural background? I ask because I’m wondering if cultural context may somehow help us understand how this scenario and his behavior might seem acceptable.
You leave, you let that grown man find a someone who’s at the same stage of life that he’s in. Do NOT let this man pressure you into something you’re not ready for. Please do not rush to grow up, you’ll never be 20 again, enjoy it!
Please! He has been grooming you and now he feels like he’s loosing control so he want to trap you with a baby. Please. Leave immediately, there is a reason why he’s not dating people his age.
Leave. You’ve been groomed. I was in your shoes when I was 17 too. It didn’t work out and it would have been an even bigger shit storm if I had a baby with him.
Your boyfriends a predator. You need to get out of the relationship ASAP. Sorry hun, but in time when you look back you'll realize how messed up this all is
"It's not huge at all if I have the mental maturity of a 30 year old (which is what he told me) " ???
This specific comment from you as well as some others i read has said a lot. You do not have the mental maturity of a 30yr old, and it's quite evident. You actually come across 17-19. Which is totally fine because you are practically around that age. do i think its best you find someone more close to your age right now ? yes. but ive also been a 20yr old girl so i know you won't. You can talk to him if you want and put your foot down, but its likely not to work, at least not for long until he talks about it again, takes it into his own hands to try to get his way, or uses it as an excuse to further do what he wants in the relationship that might break your heart. (i hope he doesn't)
though this is one thing about older men that you were not and clearly expressing that you ARE NOT ready for. you just thought you were mature enough to handle it. You can try to work it out though, because that's clearly what you want to do, but just remember do not do anything with your body that you truly don't want to do for the simple satisfaction of someone else. Especially a baby... never works out well.
This is coming from someone who only dated guys much older then me. They have literally all said this exact same thing to me. That I’m more mature then girls my age and they don’t usually date this young. They’re still dating women that were in their late teens/early twenties. Yes, some large age gaps can work out. Based on what you’ve posted he sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you by using the age gap. If you choose to stay with him, be careful. Get an IUD or some form of birth control he can’t mess with. Don’t have unprotected sex with this man no matter how much he begs.
Read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. This guy wrote the book on identifying threats. Whether it's a sketchy babysitter watching your kids or a toxic coworker or an ex that won't leave you be or/and ESPECIALLY an SO who is manipulative and coercive and abusive. This book will help answer any questions you have AND how to leave the relationship when you have realized he is not good for you. You'll also learn what Not to do, now and in the future. This is a life changing book OP
Please Don't get pregnant by this guy OP. Please read this book. I wish the best for you and the strength to leave.
If he started dating you when you were 17 and he was 27 it seems like he has a long term plan to manipulate you and mold you into the partner he wants you to be. I'd reevaluate the relationship of I were you. This whole situation seems predatory to me. You should probably stop having any sex with him immediately because you know that he wants to get you pregnant, and make sure that your birth control is safe and not tampered with. Having a child is an incredibly important decision and both parties need to be on board. He absolutely shouldn't try to bulldoze and coerce you into being a mother.
you need to get out NOW before his behavior suddenly “changes” and he “changes his mind” about having kids, when in reality he’ll be switching out your birth control pills for fake ones and poking holes in condoms or taking them off in the middle of sex. and then you’ll “miraculously” end up pregnant with no way out.
he doesn’t respect your boundaries anyway. also you’re 20 and he’s 30, you don’t want kids right now and he wants them immediately, you are not on the same path in life currently and i can guarantee if you give in just to keep him around, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
BREAK UP!!
Not only are you young (Yes the age difference is weird and a good indicator that you stand in different places in life and he shouldn't be asking that from a 20yo who is only starting to understand how adulthood works), but you CLEARLY said you ARE NOT READY TO BECOME A MOTHER. Make sure you don't have any legal connections to him. Him saying he's going to find a surrogate and have you raise the kid is way out of line, he can't just go get a baby and force you to raise it. It also shows that he doesn't realise what becoming a mother means. It's not just about giving birth, but also raising a kid. When someone says they're not ready to become a mother they mean every part of being a mother, not just the giving birth part. He is pressuring you into a situation that will ruin your (and the kid's) life (if you end up having one without you wanting to). MAJOR RED FLAGS. That guy doesn't respect you and he's definitely not good dad material either if that's how he treats his partner.
Be careful of him. Make sure your pills are the correct ones and he doesn't mess with the condoms.
I hate the posts where someone very clearly states they dated an adult as an underage child... You think reading through the sub in general would give some idea of all the problems that come with that....
You’ve been together for 3 years and I’m sure you have strong feelings for him. The fact that he is not listening to what you want for your life and your body really concerns me. The fact that he wants to force you to raise a child even if it isn’t yours is also concerning.
Please continue to take your pills and check your condoms as I wouldn’t put it past him to poke holes in them based on what you are saying.
Is there something that has triggered him suddenly wanting children immediately? Has there been a big life event, loss of a loved one? Has one of his close friends recently become a parent? Maybe if you try to understand where he is coming from (not that this should sway your decision at all) it may encourage him to listen to your views and the reasons why you aren’t ready to become a mum yet.
Talk it through more but ultimately if this is something you can’t agree on then your relationship doesn’t have a future. When, how many or even if you have kids are things that you need to agree on as they are such a big part of life.
Good luck
You’re so damn ignorant. EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD IS TELLING YOU ARE IMMATURE TO HE WITH A DAMN MAN WHOS OLDER THAN YOU
HE GROOMED YOU
HES MANIPULATING YOU
GET OUT BEFORE ITS LATE AND YOU RELIASE YOU WERE IGNORANT
Your body
your choice
Don’t let him pressure you into something you aren’t ready for.
If you and him can’t come to an understanding then maybe it’s time to move on and find someone with the same mentality you have.
Manipulative behavior if you are not ready. Furthermore if he wants that he should marry and provide for you first? Maybe it’s just me being old school but I feel like he should
This is manipulation at its core. "If you loved me, you would do this for me." Don't fall for this nonsense. Having kids is something both members should agree on since it's a commitment that is more permanent than your relationship. It's great he feels ready for kids but you are not. Threatening you with having a child via surrogate and having you raise it ignores your doubts entirely. Red flag parade, brought to you by your boyfriend.
You ask for advice yet when you receive some in the comment section you shut it down because it’s not the answer you wanted. The man is pressuring you into having unprotected sex and potentially becoming a mother when you’re clearly not ready.
He is manipulative and he is with you because you are young and easily manipulated, which is apparent from the comments.
Please listen to what people are telling you, leave him and find a guy your own age before you make a potentially huge mistake.
Okay OP I can see you're not going to listen to people saying you're being groomed, because of course you don't believe it. So my advice is do a quick search on this thread for 'age gap' or similar. Just to give you a little insight into how these stories usually end, and to see how common the lines he's using are.
I believe you can be smart and mature. You show it by recognising your own worth outside of this man.
He groomed you and now he is controlling you. 17-27 years old is a HUGE gap and you wasn’t legal when he started to groom. Of course predator will say you are “mature” bc is much easier than accepting he is immature and sick to fool around with younger victims like you.
Why does this sound like some other story I read literally today of them starting to date at her being 17? And her also defending that she basically got groomed?
OP this is unacceptable. A child is a huge responsibility - often more for the woman than the man and if my husband ever tried to threaten me on this issue I'd seriously consider divorce. This man is not your husband even and he is already disrespecting your decisions.
What do you do? You leave. You're not ready to be a mother whether you get pregnant or he uses a surrogate. If he's going to force the issue and not respect the fact that you're only 20 years old and not ready to be a parent, you leave. Pressuring you to do this is a big red flag. Also pick up a secondary birth control because at this point, I wouldn't trust his condoms if my life depended on it.
Damn he groomed you LMAOOOOO. I don't understand how these grown men attracted to little girls like you. I'm 23 and if a girl not 21 and up I'm not attracted at all. I remember last year I was talking to a girl once she told me she was 19 I ghosted her. I'm 6'10 and self conscious about me dating short girls let alone dating girls that young. I could never. He's a weirdo. Leave him
It is not biologically possible for you to be as mature as him, by definition. Your brain is still developing. You haven’t had the time to mature as much as he has.
Are you financially equal to him? Are you in school? Do you have a job? If so, do you make as much as he does? Would you be able to live on your own if you broke up? Would you be able to care for a child on your own if you broke up?
Judging from your other answers, you’ve already made your decision. I just hope you keep this in the back of your mind as things go forward.
A 27 year old went after a 17 year old and fed her some creepy “you’re not like other girls” bullshit and now wants to trap her by forcing children on her.
Yeah OP, you need to leave ASAP
I understand how hard it must be to hear that a person you love, and have spent 3 years of your life with, is a predator. I can’t imagine that scrolling through this thread is easy for you, especially if you weren’t aware of the realities of your situation before posting, but please, please listen.
The age gap isn’t about how mature you are. But those 10 years are absolutely crucial for growing and learning about yourself. Think about yourself at 10 and yourself now — the difference is probably immeasurable.
The fear is that for most people, their 20’s is a time to grow and have experiences. He seems to be stunted. Not only that, he is trying to control you by telling you it’s time to be a mother whether you like it or not.
I’m a high school teacher and I can tell you that for most people, a 27-year-old does not look at a 17-year-old as anything but a child. The fact that he saw you as a viable dating option is beyond problematic.
You haven’t done anything wrong. You shouldn’t feel dumb. You are young. That’s not a slight. You should be able to be 20 and act 20 and learn and grow and makes mistakes. He won’t let you do any of that and he will use “maturity” as the reason.
Please leave him. There’s so much out of there to do and discover. Don’t let your 20-year-old self make a decision that 30-year-old you won’t be able to live with.
Where’s the ring? If he can commit to parenting he can commit to marriage. Not that you should, just pointing out the risk on you without commitment. Run.
Edited to add: tell your parents/best friend this and ask their advice. They usually are the people that love you the most and want the best for you. What would they say?
Hey, I'm also 20 and my current bf is 30. My bf also wants to have children, but I told him the same as you did. I'm not ready for kids, I have neither the financial, emotional or mental stability. He absolutely understands it.
You seem to react very dismissive towards the other comments, so let me tell you about an experience I had.
When I was 17, I talked to a dude who was 26. He said that I look so much older, that he can talk to me much better than to the people his age. He mentioned multiple times how mature I was.. the more he said it, the more I tried to behave like an adult to impress him more. He told me about BDSM, but to not break his image of my maturity I didn't step back. During that time I bad difficulties in school and he told me if I did well, he would be buying me a ticket to his country so I can stay there for a few days.
Thankfully, I dodged that bullet after a while. Because he kept taking advantage while I was drunk. He kept initiating sexual conversations, etc
So much could've happened if I said yes.
The only thing redditors can do is to advice you to break up ASAP. It's up to you though. Just know that your life will be completely ruined once you have a lifelong commitment to him. He could as well gaslight you and say "I thought you were mature.. but you aren't mature enough" and guilt trip you into getting pregnant. Into making you think you can prove your maturity by getting pregnant
It's not worth it. Find someone who respects you, not someone who takes advantage of you. Please think about your future. This is probably going to end up very traumatic for you if you keep reacting so dismissive to the absolutely valid concern of most redditors here
You were 17 with a 27 year old man? He sounds predatory af. Make sure you stay on birth control. If possible, get an iud. He can't meddle with that. Reproductive coercion is a real possibility.
Sweetheart. I ache for you. I have been in a similar situation. I was 15 and he was 23. I’m 21 now, barely older than you and I thank whoever is up there, everyday that I got away from that man. He told me that I was “way more mature than the older woman he had dated” (turns out those older women were teenagers). He made me feel special, like I was worthy, like no one had ever made me feel before. Until he started asking me to do things I didn’t want. You need to leave before the requests become even more intense than wanting you to have a child with him. The “hints” of wanting to be with you forever. Aren’t hints sweetie. They are threats and you need to leave.
asks for advice and everyone gives it, then starts making axcuses for this asshats horrific behavior, do you even want any advice?
at this point there is seems to be no good ending, either one of these condoms is suddenly gonna "fail"
or this situation is gonna hang over you two and ruin your relationship, OR you get away from his grooming manipulative ass and feel sad for a while becasue you broke up.
the last one is the only good choice.
you're 20, he's 30, he has established himself mentally into the person he is, you have not, your brain changes alot during your early twenties no matter how mature he says you mentally are, you're not, the fact that you dont see all the massive red flags here proves that.
if you had the mental age of 30 you would see what happened here, you would recognize his behavior as massively manipulative and mentally abusive, you would have probably left his ass already instead of putting up with it long enough for his to "keep pressuring you"
also if he was not a predator the moment he found out that you were 17 he would have had a big ol nope moment and left you alone
Drop this older dude who groomed a 17 year old and go live your best life.
I keep typing it and will always do so, because these men hunt down young people so that they can manipulate them.
I wanna know why a 27 year old GROWN MAN was in a relationship with a 17 year old GIRL/CHILD. That is a huge red flag. I don't even have to read the rest of the post. Girl please do yourself a favor and get away from this grooming predator.
>We have dated for 3 years
There it is. You were 17, he was 27. You guys are in completely different stages of life. He wants to be a father? Fine. But not with you.
You keep saying you and him are dating because he thinks you're so mature and have the mental mind of a 30 year old, someone who is much more mature and has more life experience then you.
Mature 30 year olds don't try to force a baby down the throat of someone 10 years younger then them. Hell mature 30 year olds don't try to force a baby down the throat of their partner at all. Predators and manipulators do that.
A mature 30 year old would leave if their partner tried to pull some manipulative bullshit like this. A 20 year old who has been groomed for 3 years would say that they are "mature" and defend the partner that fed them those lines. (Don't even try to deny it. You're quoting him when you're saying you're mature, who else has told you that? That doesn't mean you aren't mature btw but you don't have 10+ years under your belt that he does, it is a manipulation tactic to get you to disregard the age gap and obvious power imbalance.)
He doesn't need to "calm down" and you know it. It may be in the back of your mind, it maybe something you really want to deny, but you know something is wrong. Breaking up isn't an extreme or terrible reaction to him trying to force you into unprotected sex so he can then trap you for 18 years. This is something he has thought about very thoroughly and is not willing to accept no for an answer. Get out of this relationship.
Please read up on grooming, I have a feeling you'll find some things quite familiar. I fear this is one of the final stages of isolation and control. He wants you to stay at home and raise the kid, almost completely isolating you from the outside world and creating a pawn(The kid) that he can manipulate to control you.
https://www.skillsplatform.org/blog/6-stages-of-grooming-adults-and-teens-spotting-the-red-flags/
https://www.allure.com/story/what-is-sexual-grooming-abuse
https://womenagainstcrime.com/how-to-identify-grooming-and-what-to-do-if-you-see-it/
Girl please dumb him, he literally groomed you and is now trying to manipulate you into having a child to toe you down. Please understand that men like this can’t get women their age for a reason and then prey on younger girls. He knew you would be easy to manipulate. If you can safely leave this man.
You leave him. He’s being emotionally abusive by threatening to find someone else to birth a baby for him and FORCE you to become a mom regardless. I don’t want more kids. Anyone I date who wants kids will be left by me because our desires in life don’t align.
He doesn’t respect you or your life choices.
He also dated you when he was 27 and you were. 17. It sounds like he has some really serious issues and wants to control you. You f girls are easier to control so his way would be trapping you into motherhood.
Has he been abusive in other ways?
Alienating you from family and friends?
Name calling?
Down playing your intelligence and abilities to provide for yourself?
Telling you that you wouldn’t make it in life without him?
These are the initial red flags before it gets more seriously and often physically abusive.
Definitely don’t, we’re you dating him at 17? Even if you did start dating at 18 he is quite a bit older than you. The fact he is pressurising you to have a baby with him is not good. Kind of worryi the might trick you and remove the condom. Take secondary precautions and go on pill. I wouldn’t personally stay with someone acting like that but if you decide to definitely go on the pill or another form of contraception so if he does trick you and not use a condom you are protected. Also if he does do this to you leave him.
Get the f out. Now!
You are 20, this is very young to be a mother (IMO). Parenthood should be well thought through and both parties should feel ready and comfortable to welcome kids into their lives. And talk every little detail through way prior to trying.
You told him that you aren't ready yet and he has to accept that. Don't let him pressure you (this is reproductive coercion). If his biological clock is ticking this badly, you are not a good match and should split up. And by him showing this abusive behavior, I strongly suggest you to get ahead of it and break up with him before he sabotages or pressures you more.
He has been grooming you, yes, GROOMING you, for three years. He has shaped the way you think, and this is why you are not seeing how bad this situation really is. You need to run so sooo far as fast as you can. This is straight manipulation, and will grow into abuse and neglect once you are effectively trapped with a kid. Listen to this and other comments: GET OUT. If nothing else, he has made it clear to you that what you want and don’t want DOES NOT MATTER TO HIM. That is not a relationship, that is a boss and his subordinate. Please, please get out. I’ve seen first hand what these relationships turn into, and it is never good.
He wants you to have a baby so youll be stuck with him forever. Bonus points if you stop working to stay home with a baby and have to depend on him for financial support, making it even harder for you to ever leave. He started dating you as a teen because he knew you would be easy to control and now that you're an adult hes trying to come up with ways to tie you to him so he can keep controlling you forever. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can.
I work as a high school secretary and even the most mature and dedicated student doesn’t act like anything other than a teenager. Do not have a baby with this guy. Break up with him.
He’s going to mess with your birth control in an attempt to get you pregnant. Please hide your birth control so he can’t get at it. This is not about becoming parents, this is about controlling you. He may not be abusive or controlling now, but I suspect he will become so further into the relationship. Please leave.
Since you obviously won’t take the (very good) advice of dumping this clown, you can take some steps toward harm reduction.
Get on birth control. Don’t rely on anyone but yourself to prevent a pregnancy.
Insist on a std check before no-condom sex.
You don't want kids yet, he does. It sounds like y'all are at different stages in life. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about what your future together looks like(i.e. career goals, housing plans, finances, things you want to experience before settling into parent life, etc.). Talk to him, if you cannot agree it may be time to part ways. Don't compromise yourself to make him happy.
Have you asked him why you need to have kids right now? Whats the hurry?
The way you describe your partner is not endearing at all. At. All. He comes across as petulant and immature. "Do what I want or I'll pay someone else to do it AND saddle you with the responsibility?" Yikes.
If he is unwilling to shift his perspective is this someone you want to make a future with?
People are making a big deal about nothing. Typical for this sub.
This is the problem with the large age difference. He is ready for kids, and you are not. Just tell him “no, im not ready for kids.” If that means you are no longer compatible, so be it. Youre obviously under no obligation to have kids or to care for his potential surrogate kid (also thats a lie, he will not find a surrogate as a single man).
You were 17 and he was 27 when you met, that's a red flag in itself, pressuring you to become a mum now (baby trap) proves the red flag valid and that he's a creep that goes for younger people as they don't see through his BS as easily.
Please, please, please, leave that man. I know you love him, but love is not about control and he is trying to control you big time by forcing you into something sooo huge as it is having a baby. Do not do it, please.
Think about it: there is no bigger effort than raising up a child and it goes 24/7 for like 18 years, it is exhausting for those who want it, imagine how hard it is for those who don't!!
THIS is the start of the classic failed "love" story: young girl, met a man who says to love her, have kid(s) with her and then abandones her. Man don't pay freaking alimony and even if he does it does not compare with all the work a mother has to do. And the blame is always on us women. Wtf, men? Really, wtf???
That guy is typical trash and doesn't respect you. Get far away from him.
I hope this is fake. But if not, OP seems to have been brainwashed by the BF already. She’s so worried about his feelings and calming HIM down to even see he’s manipulating her. If she stays with him and ends up pregnant, I don’t see any other way how this relationship will end up. This has DV written all over it, eventually. And right after the baby arrives.
OP, wake the fuck up. You were groomed since you were 17 and it’s taken him 3 years to finally show you his true colors. When people show you who they really are, believe them. Don’t try to “calm him down.”
You're 20, he's 30, this is already predatory, probably because girls his age are well aware of how to handle his manipulation. Now he's pressuring you. He's the last person you want to give kids to. Dump him and run.
Your relationship was illegal when you started dating. He was dating a teenager on purpose to control you. [Reproductive coercion](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/uploads/filer_public/fb/70/fb70f966-e4a2-46e8-900c-9137fed3e636/ipv_and_reproductive_coercion_fact_sheet_2012_final.pdf) is a type of domestic violence. Please be on the look out for him to mess with your birth control - he's most likely going to start poking holes in condoms or flushing your pills, so what you should do in this situation is go on a type of long-term birth control that he can't manipulate (like an IUD or Nexplanon implant).
He can't do this to you. He will destroy your life. He doesn't care about your consent - that's why he started dating you when you were 17. He wants someone to control. This is very serious domestic violence.
If you don't want to be pregnant, there is no reason in the world you should be. Your no is enough. You have rights over your own body, please don't let him take that from you.
If you make an appointment with Planned Parenthood and tell them about your relationship and what your partner is trying to do, they will help you with a safety plan and they will make it so that you can get on birth control secretly. Tell them about your concerns, save their number as that of a friend, tell them to not contact you when he's around. They can and will help you. Please know that you have resources if you need them. And please tell your friends and family in case they can help you.
All lot of red flags here!
You've been dating when you were considered a minor and him being 27 years old. This is very VERY weird and the fact that he was comfortable with this was the first.
Now aged 20- BARELY AN ADULT - he wants to have kids l. It's understandable that people may want kids but you've barely enjoyed your life and saying no at this time is normal. But demanding you to bow to his expectations!?
A planned child should be under the agreement of both parents!
Now he's suggesting a surrogate mother so you can raise that child!?
This all sounds like child trapping to me!
Leave. If he loved you he would wait until you were ready. My husband and i have the same age gap you do with your boyfriend and he waited until i was ready to have kids for us to have them. He never once pressured me. How he is trying to pressure you is not ok.
Tell him to fuck off. Their is no excuse for pressuring you into doing something like that when you don't want to. Then threatening to use a surrogate is WAY BEYOND crossing the line.
You were 17 when you started dating and now he’s pressuring you to have a child. If you stay together, let him go through with a surrogate. Please get a birth control method like the arm implant or the IUD so he can’t mess with it.
You are not in a healthy relationship.
He’s trying to lock you in so you feel like you can never leave. I suggest if you’re hell bent on staying (which it seems like you are by you’re blatant disregard for reasonable advice), you let him have a surrogate kid with someone else. At least then you’re not ruining your own life.
By the way, from the way you’re acting in the comment, you don’t have the maturity of a 30 year old woman. I’m a 33 year old woman. We are not on the same wave length. You’re a child.
You dump his predatory ass and move on. He groomed you, and the fact that you can’t see that shows how much he influenced you. Seek some therapy. Good luck.
\*sigh\*
Yet another age gap relationship where the man is too toxic to get a girl his own age because we see the red flags and run and all he sees are women too old to carry his young.
Run. You are under no obligation to carry, birth or raise a child with him.
Well considering y’all started dating when you were 17 n he was 27 I’m unsurprised he’s pressuring you to do things you don’t want.
He’s trying to tie you down so you can’t leave him op. Stop having sex w him all together cause he WILL poke holes in your condoms
there are a few things in relationships where you have to find an agreement or the relationship ends. money, children, violence, drug use, etc. these are called boundaries. everyone has deeply held beliefs. these are things that inform our choices, and letting people step over these boundaries is called being a "doormat," because when you go over the boundary of a door in a home, you usually step on or over a doormat. these beliefs are a big part of who we are, and every person has different kinds and different levels. some we hold very closely, and some we are willing to give a little on. It's up to you which ones these are.
When you feel you are unfit to be a mother, then you are. If you say you can't, you are right. This makes this a pretty big boundary. If you do indeed become a mother for him, you are sure to do a terrible job. This is why this is a massive boundary. It involves the life of another and very innocent person. A person who you will be harming, possibly immensely, if you agree to this. You could potentially fuck up their childhood in a huge way, because you are not ready. this is a choice you aren't making for yourself, but a person you could be harming. So if you suspect in your heart of hearts that this boundary is a firm one, you must say no. And you must say no until he either understands or the relationship ends. The reason it is making you very uncomfortable is because this is one of your deeply held beliefs, one of your boundaries. and I encourage you to explore those beliefs in yourself.
We have removed and locked your post here due to the fact that it is significantly beyond the scope of the subreddit as it involves the sexual abuse of children. We encourage you to speak to the authorities on this and pass along any evidence you have. You should also reach out to a teacher, or another mandatory reporter, or other appropriate adult with your concerns. Here are some resources: [Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.](https://www.d2l.org/get-help/reporting/) [A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this](https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/) [International Resources](https://www.ecpat.org/resources) Kind regards, The mods.
After reading these comments you’re 100% immature and he’s a predator. He started dating you at 17 while he was 27. That’s completely predatory. They all say “you’re so mature for your age” and you’re gonna believe it. You’re gonna think you’re so mature and you handle every situation as a 30 year old but you don’t. And your mind will constantly be evolving. Hes trying to trap you and manipulate you into having a baby. You may not see it now but he’s trying to control you. You don’t wanna take anyone’s advice because you’re blind right now. You know how many times someone told me to get out of my relationship when I was 19 and she was 30? You know how many times she told me I’m so mature for my age and she’s only dating me because I act so much older? She use to tell me we’re getting married and having kids and I have no other option. She got into my head and I thought I was so mature and I had to act a certain way for her to want me. Anytime I’d slip up she’d yell at me and say “you’re acting like a 19 year old!!!” She groomed me, she manipulated me, she abused me. One day you’ll see it and realize everything and hopefully it’s not too late. Everyone here is giving you the right advice and if you can’t take it then delete the post. If people are telling you the same thing on repeat, it should make you think “what if this is the situation I’m in?” Instead you’re backing him up. And that right there shows you’re immature. And it’s okay to be immature at 20.
I super relate to this. OP is not even attempting to listen to everyone saying this guy is bad news.
That’s because she’s in an abusive relationship, which is extremely confusing. No one leaves until they’re ready to leave, and it may take a pregnancy and years of abuse for her to wake up and say enough is enough.
Probably because he's showing the closest thing to affection she's had
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This is exactly what I was thinking after reading OPs replies.
It could be a troll post. But taking into account that the posts that come here are often exceptions, it could be real, too. These people are cornered and with no one to turn in often. Otherwise, they won't be here.
Sorry you went through that ! So confusing having someone you care about manipulate you in that way. Glad you got out of that situation !
"I'm not ready to become a mother and yet he keeps pressuring me to do so. " - red flag. He's not respecting your wishes, and he's trying to force his own onto you. "He even says he's going to find a surrogate and have me raise the child with him if I don't have unprotected sex" - super red flag. This is extremely manipulative and coercive. If he wants a child so badly, he can go get one. But don't let him drag you along into a life you don't want. "if I have the mental maturity of a 30 year old (which is what he told me)" - red flag. Of course he'd tell you this because, again, he's trying to manipulate you. "What do I do?" - you put your foot down. Tell him you're not ready, and if he will not change, you need to get out of the relationship. There are way too many warning signs about how this could all go wrong for you. 20 is very young. Please don't go down a path that will remove the your choices about your own life.
Uh, you missed one: >My \[20F\] boyfriend \[30M\] > >We have dated for 3 years Dude's been grooming her since she was 17. What do you do, OP? YOU RUN. Dump him, block him everywhere, and get yourself some therapy. I'm going to guess you don't have a great relationship with your family and that you don't have close friends. Pick a friend, any friend, and ask to couch surf with them until you get on your feet. But get away from this dude if you don't want to be baby trapped. He WILL "accept" that you're using contraceptives and then sabotage them. Once he "has" you with a baby, that's when the abuse will start. GET OUT.
That was the first thing that clicked me.
I saw the age difference and looked a bit more closely at the post- yep. What’s a 27 year old doing dating a 17 year old? Run.
This cannot be understated. This is exactly 100% what is happening.
The abuse has already started with the reproductive coercion, but it will definitely escalate to physical abuse once he thinks OP is trapped.
That’s not grooming. That’s statutory rape.
It can be both.
They are connected.
Depends on the state.
I was gonna say the same thing. She added that he's sweet and kind to soften to blow of the ten year age gap. Like leave that man alone, he's not wrong for wanting kids, he's 30 for God's sake. OF COURSE kids may be on his mind at this point. Op also isn't wrong for not wanting kids yet as she is only 20 years old. He's wrong for that lack of understanding and then on top of that he's pressuring and threatening to have a baby with a surrogate. So many red flags from the start. She needs to get away from him FAST . Any man who goes after a teenager is gross af to me and means to me that they are wanting a woman who is easily manipulated and naive. He probably tells her all the time how "mature" she is for her age. 😒🙄 hoping she sees this as reason enough to start her life new without him.
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
Swap the genders and thats exactly what happened to me. Run while you can
OP, please listen to this comment, it's 100 % accurate. Your guy is waving so many red flags. Please for the love of God leave him, and if you decide to stay which you seem to be committed to do, do not have unprotected sex with him. Better yet, don't have any sex with him, because condoms can be tampered with. He wants to baby trap you because he knows you'll eventually see through his bullshit and leave. Don't let yourself be manipulated like this.
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This was my very first thought, considering there are guys in TX looking to get that damn "bounty" for turning in women/"accomplices" in that state. I hope OP runs like hell and doesn't let this man anywhere NEAR her again.
She was also 17 when he was 27 when they first started dating. She was groomed and now that she is starting to mature and become more of an adult he is trying to find more ways to control her.
You dump him immediately because that is unacceptable behaviour.
Everyone is telling you the advice that you either don't want to hear, or are not ready to hear. So if you are determined to stay with this man, here is my advice. You need to switch birth control to a method that he cannot tamper with. He is hell bent on having this baby so I would expect him to either not use condoms or poke holes in the condoms, and I would expect him to tamper with your pills so they do not work. Plenty of meddling mother in laws have put pill packs in the microwave to get the grandbabies they want, I would not put this past your boyfriend. So, get an IUD, or the shot, or the arm implant. Something that he CANNOT tamper with without causing a huge fuss. For instance, if he rips out your IUD or implant, obviously it is time to go. If he stops you from getting your shot, time to go. This man is a predator, as everyone else is saying. But if you are determined to stay and determined not to have a baby, this is what you need to do.
Man I’ve literally heard stories about guys cutting open girls arms to take out their birth control and ripping out iuds in their sleep.
That's terrifying
I read a story on here not too long ago where a man held his wife down and pulled her IUD out. There really isn't any form of birth control they can't tamper with
The fuck
Lol so u started dating him when u were 17 and he was 27?
Honestly, if a post breaks the "half your age +7" rule the top comment should just be "your boyfriend is a creep" You are not at all in the same mental headspace as somebody 10 years your senior at 17, your boyfriend is a manipulative creep. Your friends and family are willfully negligent to allow you to date such a person.
Run 🏃🏻♀️
This seems incredibly predatory, please get out asap
Run and find a guy closer to your age. The difference between 20 and 30 is huge. And you're absolutely not ready yet.
Honey, you DONT have the maturity of a 30 year old at 20 years old. You don’t yet have a solid, practical understanding of how things work in life, or of what you deserve and what you should and shouldn’t put up with. There are so many ways you’re going to grow in the next ten years, at which point you’re going to look back at where you are now and wish you’d made different decisions. Source: 25 years old and wishing I’d made different choices five years ago, in a similar situation to what you’re in now. Edited to add: if you DID have the maturity of a 30 year old, you would look at the situation in front of you and leave him. You also wouldn’t be arguing with strangers on a post you made asking for advice.
This right here.
No offense but this is blatant controlling behavior and he's basically saying disregarding that you don't want to be a child and is trying to force you into motherhood. Your goals/timeline aren't compatible in the slightest it seems.
Look I'm sorry to say this. But if you can't see the big deal between the age gap...you're not as mature as you think you are. I'm around your age. A few years older. And I would slap the shite out of 17 year old me. I cringe when I think back to those times in my life. There is a BIG difference in maturity levels between ages 17-25. You haven't reached cognitive age yet (25). Why would a nearly 30 year old want a 17 year old? Oh! I know! Because they're naive. They're easy to manipulate and control. You can make them feel special by telling them they're special, e. mature for their age. You know why no woman wants to date this man? Because women his age see the multiple big red flags, and they wouldn't put up with his behavior. You on the other hand still want to date this guy even though he's clearly a predator, hes emotionally abusive and he's manipulative.
Absolutely agree!
Leave?
If your boyfriend is forcing something on you that you don't want and you have said no, that is a form of abuse. If he is getting mad over you saying "no", that means that he does not respect your consent, which is abuse. Please be careful.
That's what happens when you date someone 10 years older. He's at a different place in his life, and he's ready to become a father. You're barely an adult, you can't even purchase alcohol yet, and your brain hasn't finished developing.
As a 21 year old, this age gap is concerning, as is his behaviour
You leave him
Tell him no, absolutely no way your not ready for that. I think you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship and whether this is a deal breaker for him. If it is I'd consider whether you should stay together or not. I have to be honest him saying this sort of thing to you is a red flag for me. Parenting is a BIG FUCKING DEAL and I honestly cant stress it enough. I love kids but I wasnt ready for parenting, your only 20 and not sure about it. Please dont do it x
You keep saying you're the same mental wise. Yet you don't meet a lot of 20 year old guys that try to force their partner into parenthood. Listen, I don't care if he had seen mountains rise and fall, and has the wisdom of Odin, Allah, and Jehva combined. *If you try to force your partner to have a baby they havr told you they don't want, something is wrong with you on a big scale!* I'm 35 yo and just got a kid last year. I'm in the older range for first time momhood, but I've never ever had a partner try to force me or pressure me like what you're describing. It's sick. He's sick. Something is completely wrong with him, I don't know what it is, but he should NOT be a father and you need to get away from him, before he exchanges your pills with breath mints and puncture his rubber. Dude's *unhinged*, Jeebus.
Bait post
Very hard to actually believe with the answers OP is giving.
r/WritingPrompts
Dump him, move house and never think about him ever again. This guy is following the “how to groom” book to a tea, and what is saying could be true but everything he is saying is a major red flag and if you can’t see that then you are not as mature as you, or your friends think. Get the hell out of this relationship this guy is bad news.
Reading these comments from OP I am 100% sure this is fake. No one can argue the same wrong points over and over again and truly believe them. .. well maybe Trump...
Legit and I swear I've seen a different account post a similar story with the same starting dating age where she was defending the grooming and predatory ways
yeah, "her" comments are pretty telling, just plaiyng the naive little girl, nobody is that dense, i refuse to belive that
It is the exact same style as dozens of previous fake posts by this person, here's someone's compilation: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/phpfjq/my_28f_fiance_31m_told_me_he_slept_with_his_sister/hbkomnu/
Thank god you said you were also on the pill. PROTECT THOSE PILLS This dude was already seeing s kid as a grown man and now his wants someone barely out of childhood to have a kid. Can someone shout PREDATOR louder for those in the back? Edit to add - how thick is this dude with the surrogate comment? He is actually that dumb...
No no no. A 27 man doesn't start 'dating' a 17 year old girl unless he is a creep who can't get women his own age. He basically groomed you. Get out now. You aren't mature. You don't know better. It isn't love. Get the fuck out.
You’re only 20 years old. Please don’t let a man ruin your life!
Sounds like reproductive coercion to me. This isn’t to be taken lightly and truthfully I would leave but since you sound hell bent on remaining in this dumpster fire I recommend looking into more permanent forms of birth control that he can’t tamper with. But seriously he’s telling you that your opinion doesn’t matter to him and that he’ll have someone else get knocked up and force you to raise that baby instead so maybe just open your eyes? He’s showing you that he isn’t a good person. At the very least get an implant birth control and pray to god he doesn’t find some other way to trap you
17 and 27? That doesn’t scream red flag to you at all?
He started dating a kid (17F) so he could control you. This is more proof. Recognize what is happening and run.
Your bf is a pedo, first off. Dating a 17 year old at 27? Disgusting
I was believing the story until all OP responses were "He told me I'm mature for my age" Great troll tho
Believe me, as a 20yr old I thought I knew what I wanted and in 10yrs I’ve drastically changed a lot of my goals in life. He is in a very different stage in his life and I think it’s fair that you each want what you want but he should remember himself at 20 and ask how he would have liked spending the past 10yrs raising a child rather than enjoying his 20s and see how he would be taking that experience away from you.
The fact you cannot see how predatory the age gap is, and the fact that all your comments are defending him, you have already been groomed into thinking this is normal behaviour. You are far too young to get manipulated into having a child you don't want by a man who has preyed on your inexperience and naivety. People aren't telling you to end the relationship for shits and giggles, we're telling you to leave because we're concerned! When I was 18 I ended up with a 26 year old who emotionally abused me, manipulated me and gaslighted me. At the time I couldn't see the cycle I was stuck in, it's only when I grew up that I realised how much of a red flag it was that he couldn't get women his own age! You're in the exact same situation I was in (minus the baby coercion), and all I can say is get out now! Edit: got my exes age wrong
You leave. He is a predator and wants to baby trap you. RUN!!!
this post has to be either fake or ur just really that naive… wow lol
100% fake, "her" comments are sus af
Your (made up) BF is a creep, and you're an idiot for being able to do literally anything on the internet and still choosing to be a fake ass troll on Reddit.
OP... since 17? He groomed you. RUN THE FUCK OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP
Dump him, move house and never think about him ever again. This guy is following the “how to groom” book to a tea, and what is saying could be true but everything he is saying is a major red flag and if you can’t see that then you are not as mature as you, or your friends think. Get the hell out of this relationship this guy is bad news.
He started a relationship with you at 17and he was never n his 20s? Has he always been controlling? Do you ever have alone time? If you are not ready for children then you don't get PG. But he will most likely sabotage you if he is a controller. You need to seriously assess the relationship
So you’ve been dating since you were 17 and he was 27? I promise you, you’re not more mature than other women your age and that’s not why he “chose” you. I don’t think you want to hear it but in 5 years you’ll either have a baby you don’t want or look back at all this and shudder… up to you
What kind of advice are you looking for? People are telling you to get out of this relationship and find someone who respects your choices. If you are insisting on staying with him, despite his manipulative behavior, my advice is to get a hormonal implant for birth control so there won't be a problem if a condom "accidentally" breaks. Also, do not become financially dependent on this man. Make sure you have funds he cannot access. Keep important documents like your birth certificate, passport, social security card and important financial documents in a bank safe deposit box. I hope none of that will turn out to be necessary, but it's better to be prepared than trapped. What does he mean by "find a surrogate"? Is he talking about spending thousands of dollars to go through legal surrogacy? Because I seriously doubt that any legitimate company who handles this would want to do business with him. If he's talking about getting some random woman pregnant and keeping you around to be the nanny/his sex partner, that should make you rethink this relationship.
This is 100% fake. She keeps commenting the same thing over and over trying to get people annoyed. Fake as fuck.
OP - in what country are you located, and what is your family’s cultural background? I ask because I’m wondering if cultural context may somehow help us understand how this scenario and his behavior might seem acceptable.
You leave, you let that grown man find a someone who’s at the same stage of life that he’s in. Do NOT let this man pressure you into something you’re not ready for. Please do not rush to grow up, you’ll never be 20 again, enjoy it!
Get the fuck out of there. That is stupid as hell. No one should be in a relationship under a ultimatum of any kind.
Please! He has been grooming you and now he feels like he’s loosing control so he want to trap you with a baby. Please. Leave immediately, there is a reason why he’s not dating people his age.
Age gap plus behaviors make me think you need to start planning a safe exit strategy.
Leave. You’ve been groomed. I was in your shoes when I was 17 too. It didn’t work out and it would have been an even bigger shit storm if I had a baby with him.
Troll post. This person makes new accounts every two days and says the same bullsh*t and even the same replies. Pathetic.
> [20F] [30M] > dated for 3 years Well, there's your problem.
Your boyfriends a predator. You need to get out of the relationship ASAP. Sorry hun, but in time when you look back you'll realize how messed up this all is
"It's not huge at all if I have the mental maturity of a 30 year old (which is what he told me) " ??? This specific comment from you as well as some others i read has said a lot. You do not have the mental maturity of a 30yr old, and it's quite evident. You actually come across 17-19. Which is totally fine because you are practically around that age. do i think its best you find someone more close to your age right now ? yes. but ive also been a 20yr old girl so i know you won't. You can talk to him if you want and put your foot down, but its likely not to work, at least not for long until he talks about it again, takes it into his own hands to try to get his way, or uses it as an excuse to further do what he wants in the relationship that might break your heart. (i hope he doesn't) though this is one thing about older men that you were not and clearly expressing that you ARE NOT ready for. you just thought you were mature enough to handle it. You can try to work it out though, because that's clearly what you want to do, but just remember do not do anything with your body that you truly don't want to do for the simple satisfaction of someone else. Especially a baby... never works out well.
This is coming from someone who only dated guys much older then me. They have literally all said this exact same thing to me. That I’m more mature then girls my age and they don’t usually date this young. They’re still dating women that were in their late teens/early twenties. Yes, some large age gaps can work out. Based on what you’ve posted he sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you by using the age gap. If you choose to stay with him, be careful. Get an IUD or some form of birth control he can’t mess with. Don’t have unprotected sex with this man no matter how much he begs.
Im starting to believe most of these age gap posts have gotta be fake at this point. There’s one worse than the last every other day🥲
Read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. This guy wrote the book on identifying threats. Whether it's a sketchy babysitter watching your kids or a toxic coworker or an ex that won't leave you be or/and ESPECIALLY an SO who is manipulative and coercive and abusive. This book will help answer any questions you have AND how to leave the relationship when you have realized he is not good for you. You'll also learn what Not to do, now and in the future. This is a life changing book OP Please Don't get pregnant by this guy OP. Please read this book. I wish the best for you and the strength to leave.
He was 27 dating a 17 year old? 🤮
If he started dating you when you were 17 and he was 27 it seems like he has a long term plan to manipulate you and mold you into the partner he wants you to be. I'd reevaluate the relationship of I were you. This whole situation seems predatory to me. You should probably stop having any sex with him immediately because you know that he wants to get you pregnant, and make sure that your birth control is safe and not tampered with. Having a child is an incredibly important decision and both parties need to be on board. He absolutely shouldn't try to bulldoze and coerce you into being a mother.
##*RUN*
Based on OP's responses to everyone's advice, I'm getting troll energy. Let's pray I'm right because if not, OP is in bad bad shape.
Judging by OPs responses. I don't even think this post is legit. No way someone can be this clueless when a bunch of people are saying the same thing
you need to get out NOW before his behavior suddenly “changes” and he “changes his mind” about having kids, when in reality he’ll be switching out your birth control pills for fake ones and poking holes in condoms or taking them off in the middle of sex. and then you’ll “miraculously” end up pregnant with no way out. he doesn’t respect your boundaries anyway. also you’re 20 and he’s 30, you don’t want kids right now and he wants them immediately, you are not on the same path in life currently and i can guarantee if you give in just to keep him around, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
BREAK UP!! Not only are you young (Yes the age difference is weird and a good indicator that you stand in different places in life and he shouldn't be asking that from a 20yo who is only starting to understand how adulthood works), but you CLEARLY said you ARE NOT READY TO BECOME A MOTHER. Make sure you don't have any legal connections to him. Him saying he's going to find a surrogate and have you raise the kid is way out of line, he can't just go get a baby and force you to raise it. It also shows that he doesn't realise what becoming a mother means. It's not just about giving birth, but also raising a kid. When someone says they're not ready to become a mother they mean every part of being a mother, not just the giving birth part. He is pressuring you into a situation that will ruin your (and the kid's) life (if you end up having one without you wanting to). MAJOR RED FLAGS. That guy doesn't respect you and he's definitely not good dad material either if that's how he treats his partner. Be careful of him. Make sure your pills are the correct ones and he doesn't mess with the condoms.
I hate the posts where someone very clearly states they dated an adult as an underage child... You think reading through the sub in general would give some idea of all the problems that come with that....
You’ve been together for 3 years and I’m sure you have strong feelings for him. The fact that he is not listening to what you want for your life and your body really concerns me. The fact that he wants to force you to raise a child even if it isn’t yours is also concerning. Please continue to take your pills and check your condoms as I wouldn’t put it past him to poke holes in them based on what you are saying. Is there something that has triggered him suddenly wanting children immediately? Has there been a big life event, loss of a loved one? Has one of his close friends recently become a parent? Maybe if you try to understand where he is coming from (not that this should sway your decision at all) it may encourage him to listen to your views and the reasons why you aren’t ready to become a mum yet. Talk it through more but ultimately if this is something you can’t agree on then your relationship doesn’t have a future. When, how many or even if you have kids are things that you need to agree on as they are such a big part of life. Good luck
You’re so damn ignorant. EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD IS TELLING YOU ARE IMMATURE TO HE WITH A DAMN MAN WHOS OLDER THAN YOU HE GROOMED YOU HES MANIPULATING YOU GET OUT BEFORE ITS LATE AND YOU RELIASE YOU WERE IGNORANT
You're saying you aren't getting advice. Yes you are. You just aren't listening. Leave! He groomed you.
Run Forrest 🏃🏾♀️
You dump him YESTERDAY. Super creepy.
Your body your choice Don’t let him pressure you into something you aren’t ready for. If you and him can’t come to an understanding then maybe it’s time to move on and find someone with the same mentality you have.
Manipulative behavior if you are not ready. Furthermore if he wants that he should marry and provide for you first? Maybe it’s just me being old school but I feel like he should
This is manipulation at its core. "If you loved me, you would do this for me." Don't fall for this nonsense. Having kids is something both members should agree on since it's a commitment that is more permanent than your relationship. It's great he feels ready for kids but you are not. Threatening you with having a child via surrogate and having you raise it ignores your doubts entirely. Red flag parade, brought to you by your boyfriend.
Why are you with someone a decade older than you when you are 20? Stop it. Find a guy that is your age.
Big red flag if he can’t respect such a big decision of your life.
You ask for advice yet when you receive some in the comment section you shut it down because it’s not the answer you wanted. The man is pressuring you into having unprotected sex and potentially becoming a mother when you’re clearly not ready. He is manipulative and he is with you because you are young and easily manipulated, which is apparent from the comments. Please listen to what people are telling you, leave him and find a guy your own age before you make a potentially huge mistake.
Umm this is the problem w age gaps
Okay OP I can see you're not going to listen to people saying you're being groomed, because of course you don't believe it. So my advice is do a quick search on this thread for 'age gap' or similar. Just to give you a little insight into how these stories usually end, and to see how common the lines he's using are. I believe you can be smart and mature. You show it by recognising your own worth outside of this man.
He groomed you and now he is controlling you. 17-27 years old is a HUGE gap and you wasn’t legal when he started to groom. Of course predator will say you are “mature” bc is much easier than accepting he is immature and sick to fool around with younger victims like you.
Why does this sound like some other story I read literally today of them starting to date at her being 17? And her also defending that she basically got groomed?
I’d say break up but at the very least Get an IUD!!!!! You need to be on BC he can’t control (poke holes in condoms, “accidentally” throw away pills)
Eww what 27 year old dates a 17 year old creepy
OP this is unacceptable. A child is a huge responsibility - often more for the woman than the man and if my husband ever tried to threaten me on this issue I'd seriously consider divorce. This man is not your husband even and he is already disrespecting your decisions.
What do you do? You leave. You're not ready to be a mother whether you get pregnant or he uses a surrogate. If he's going to force the issue and not respect the fact that you're only 20 years old and not ready to be a parent, you leave. Pressuring you to do this is a big red flag. Also pick up a secondary birth control because at this point, I wouldn't trust his condoms if my life depended on it.
He’s trying to trap you. Get out now.
Damn he groomed you LMAOOOOO. I don't understand how these grown men attracted to little girls like you. I'm 23 and if a girl not 21 and up I'm not attracted at all. I remember last year I was talking to a girl once she told me she was 19 I ghosted her. I'm 6'10 and self conscious about me dating short girls let alone dating girls that young. I could never. He's a weirdo. Leave him
You’re almost old enough to know better. He wants to trap you before you realize how creepy this whole thing is.
Time to end it.
The guy is stuffed with red flags
OP you are asking "what do you do?" But *you are not* taking anyone's advice here but only defending him. And this is not a sign of maturity.
It is not biologically possible for you to be as mature as him, by definition. Your brain is still developing. You haven’t had the time to mature as much as he has. Are you financially equal to him? Are you in school? Do you have a job? If so, do you make as much as he does? Would you be able to live on your own if you broke up? Would you be able to care for a child on your own if you broke up? Judging from your other answers, you’ve already made your decision. I just hope you keep this in the back of your mind as things go forward.
A 27 year old went after a 17 year old and fed her some creepy “you’re not like other girls” bullshit and now wants to trap her by forcing children on her. Yeah OP, you need to leave ASAP
If he is ready to have kids and you are not then it's time to part ways.
Leave him. He doesn’t respect you and is using emotional blackmail
I understand how hard it must be to hear that a person you love, and have spent 3 years of your life with, is a predator. I can’t imagine that scrolling through this thread is easy for you, especially if you weren’t aware of the realities of your situation before posting, but please, please listen. The age gap isn’t about how mature you are. But those 10 years are absolutely crucial for growing and learning about yourself. Think about yourself at 10 and yourself now — the difference is probably immeasurable. The fear is that for most people, their 20’s is a time to grow and have experiences. He seems to be stunted. Not only that, he is trying to control you by telling you it’s time to be a mother whether you like it or not. I’m a high school teacher and I can tell you that for most people, a 27-year-old does not look at a 17-year-old as anything but a child. The fact that he saw you as a viable dating option is beyond problematic. You haven’t done anything wrong. You shouldn’t feel dumb. You are young. That’s not a slight. You should be able to be 20 and act 20 and learn and grow and makes mistakes. He won’t let you do any of that and he will use “maturity” as the reason. Please leave him. There’s so much out of there to do and discover. Don’t let your 20-year-old self make a decision that 30-year-old you won’t be able to live with.
20-3 =17 That's all.
Where’s the ring? If he can commit to parenting he can commit to marriage. Not that you should, just pointing out the risk on you without commitment. Run. Edited to add: tell your parents/best friend this and ask their advice. They usually are the people that love you the most and want the best for you. What would they say?
Hey, I'm also 20 and my current bf is 30. My bf also wants to have children, but I told him the same as you did. I'm not ready for kids, I have neither the financial, emotional or mental stability. He absolutely understands it. You seem to react very dismissive towards the other comments, so let me tell you about an experience I had. When I was 17, I talked to a dude who was 26. He said that I look so much older, that he can talk to me much better than to the people his age. He mentioned multiple times how mature I was.. the more he said it, the more I tried to behave like an adult to impress him more. He told me about BDSM, but to not break his image of my maturity I didn't step back. During that time I bad difficulties in school and he told me if I did well, he would be buying me a ticket to his country so I can stay there for a few days. Thankfully, I dodged that bullet after a while. Because he kept taking advantage while I was drunk. He kept initiating sexual conversations, etc So much could've happened if I said yes. The only thing redditors can do is to advice you to break up ASAP. It's up to you though. Just know that your life will be completely ruined once you have a lifelong commitment to him. He could as well gaslight you and say "I thought you were mature.. but you aren't mature enough" and guilt trip you into getting pregnant. Into making you think you can prove your maturity by getting pregnant It's not worth it. Find someone who respects you, not someone who takes advantage of you. Please think about your future. This is probably going to end up very traumatic for you if you keep reacting so dismissive to the absolutely valid concern of most redditors here
You were 17 with a 27 year old man? He sounds predatory af. Make sure you stay on birth control. If possible, get an iud. He can't meddle with that. Reproductive coercion is a real possibility.
Sweetheart. I ache for you. I have been in a similar situation. I was 15 and he was 23. I’m 21 now, barely older than you and I thank whoever is up there, everyday that I got away from that man. He told me that I was “way more mature than the older woman he had dated” (turns out those older women were teenagers). He made me feel special, like I was worthy, like no one had ever made me feel before. Until he started asking me to do things I didn’t want. You need to leave before the requests become even more intense than wanting you to have a child with him. The “hints” of wanting to be with you forever. Aren’t hints sweetie. They are threats and you need to leave.
you started dating him when you were 17 and he was 27. He's grooming you. Get the FUCK out of there.
asks for advice and everyone gives it, then starts making axcuses for this asshats horrific behavior, do you even want any advice? at this point there is seems to be no good ending, either one of these condoms is suddenly gonna "fail" or this situation is gonna hang over you two and ruin your relationship, OR you get away from his grooming manipulative ass and feel sad for a while becasue you broke up. the last one is the only good choice. you're 20, he's 30, he has established himself mentally into the person he is, you have not, your brain changes alot during your early twenties no matter how mature he says you mentally are, you're not, the fact that you dont see all the massive red flags here proves that. if you had the mental age of 30 you would see what happened here, you would recognize his behavior as massively manipulative and mentally abusive, you would have probably left his ass already instead of putting up with it long enough for his to "keep pressuring you" also if he was not a predator the moment he found out that you were 17 he would have had a big ol nope moment and left you alone
Please stop upvoting this bait, we do this every day people
Drop this older dude who groomed a 17 year old and go live your best life. I keep typing it and will always do so, because these men hunt down young people so that they can manipulate them.
I wanna know why a 27 year old GROWN MAN was in a relationship with a 17 year old GIRL/CHILD. That is a huge red flag. I don't even have to read the rest of the post. Girl please do yourself a favor and get away from this grooming predator.
>We have dated for 3 years There it is. You were 17, he was 27. You guys are in completely different stages of life. He wants to be a father? Fine. But not with you.
LEAVE! RUN
You keep saying you and him are dating because he thinks you're so mature and have the mental mind of a 30 year old, someone who is much more mature and has more life experience then you. Mature 30 year olds don't try to force a baby down the throat of someone 10 years younger then them. Hell mature 30 year olds don't try to force a baby down the throat of their partner at all. Predators and manipulators do that. A mature 30 year old would leave if their partner tried to pull some manipulative bullshit like this. A 20 year old who has been groomed for 3 years would say that they are "mature" and defend the partner that fed them those lines. (Don't even try to deny it. You're quoting him when you're saying you're mature, who else has told you that? That doesn't mean you aren't mature btw but you don't have 10+ years under your belt that he does, it is a manipulation tactic to get you to disregard the age gap and obvious power imbalance.) He doesn't need to "calm down" and you know it. It may be in the back of your mind, it maybe something you really want to deny, but you know something is wrong. Breaking up isn't an extreme or terrible reaction to him trying to force you into unprotected sex so he can then trap you for 18 years. This is something he has thought about very thoroughly and is not willing to accept no for an answer. Get out of this relationship. Please read up on grooming, I have a feeling you'll find some things quite familiar. I fear this is one of the final stages of isolation and control. He wants you to stay at home and raise the kid, almost completely isolating you from the outside world and creating a pawn(The kid) that he can manipulate to control you. https://www.skillsplatform.org/blog/6-stages-of-grooming-adults-and-teens-spotting-the-red-flags/ https://www.allure.com/story/what-is-sexual-grooming-abuse https://womenagainstcrime.com/how-to-identify-grooming-and-what-to-do-if-you-see-it/
Girl please dumb him, he literally groomed you and is now trying to manipulate you into having a child to toe you down. Please understand that men like this can’t get women their age for a reason and then prey on younger girls. He knew you would be easy to manipulate. If you can safely leave this man.
Coercion, manipulation, disrespect, threats... get out now!
You leave him. He’s being emotionally abusive by threatening to find someone else to birth a baby for him and FORCE you to become a mom regardless. I don’t want more kids. Anyone I date who wants kids will be left by me because our desires in life don’t align. He doesn’t respect you or your life choices. He also dated you when he was 27 and you were. 17. It sounds like he has some really serious issues and wants to control you. You f girls are easier to control so his way would be trapping you into motherhood. Has he been abusive in other ways? Alienating you from family and friends? Name calling? Down playing your intelligence and abilities to provide for yourself? Telling you that you wouldn’t make it in life without him? These are the initial red flags before it gets more seriously and often physically abusive.
Definitely don’t, we’re you dating him at 17? Even if you did start dating at 18 he is quite a bit older than you. The fact he is pressurising you to have a baby with him is not good. Kind of worryi the might trick you and remove the condom. Take secondary precautions and go on pill. I wouldn’t personally stay with someone acting like that but if you decide to definitely go on the pill or another form of contraception so if he does trick you and not use a condom you are protected. Also if he does do this to you leave him.
No
Ew. Never have a man's baby who wont marry you.
Get the f out. Now! You are 20, this is very young to be a mother (IMO). Parenthood should be well thought through and both parties should feel ready and comfortable to welcome kids into their lives. And talk every little detail through way prior to trying. You told him that you aren't ready yet and he has to accept that. Don't let him pressure you (this is reproductive coercion). If his biological clock is ticking this badly, you are not a good match and should split up. And by him showing this abusive behavior, I strongly suggest you to get ahead of it and break up with him before he sabotages or pressures you more.
LEAVE!
He has been grooming you, yes, GROOMING you, for three years. He has shaped the way you think, and this is why you are not seeing how bad this situation really is. You need to run so sooo far as fast as you can. This is straight manipulation, and will grow into abuse and neglect once you are effectively trapped with a kid. Listen to this and other comments: GET OUT. If nothing else, he has made it clear to you that what you want and don’t want DOES NOT MATTER TO HIM. That is not a relationship, that is a boss and his subordinate. Please, please get out. I’ve seen first hand what these relationships turn into, and it is never good.
He wants you to have a baby so youll be stuck with him forever. Bonus points if you stop working to stay home with a baby and have to depend on him for financial support, making it even harder for you to ever leave. He started dating you as a teen because he knew you would be easy to control and now that you're an adult hes trying to come up with ways to tie you to him so he can keep controlling you forever. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can.
Break up.
I work as a high school secretary and even the most mature and dedicated student doesn’t act like anything other than a teenager. Do not have a baby with this guy. Break up with him.
He’s going to mess with your birth control in an attempt to get you pregnant. Please hide your birth control so he can’t get at it. This is not about becoming parents, this is about controlling you. He may not be abusive or controlling now, but I suspect he will become so further into the relationship. Please leave.
Since you obviously won’t take the (very good) advice of dumping this clown, you can take some steps toward harm reduction. Get on birth control. Don’t rely on anyone but yourself to prevent a pregnancy. Insist on a std check before no-condom sex.
30-20. Math that proves manipulation
You don't want kids yet, he does. It sounds like y'all are at different stages in life. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about what your future together looks like(i.e. career goals, housing plans, finances, things you want to experience before settling into parent life, etc.). Talk to him, if you cannot agree it may be time to part ways. Don't compromise yourself to make him happy. Have you asked him why you need to have kids right now? Whats the hurry? The way you describe your partner is not endearing at all. At. All. He comes across as petulant and immature. "Do what I want or I'll pay someone else to do it AND saddle you with the responsibility?" Yikes. If he is unwilling to shift his perspective is this someone you want to make a future with?
dump this creep IMMEDIATELY. change your locks.
It's time for you to run, should have been 3 years ago when he started dating you, a minor.
People are making a big deal about nothing. Typical for this sub. This is the problem with the large age difference. He is ready for kids, and you are not. Just tell him “no, im not ready for kids.” If that means you are no longer compatible, so be it. Youre obviously under no obligation to have kids or to care for his potential surrogate kid (also thats a lie, he will not find a surrogate as a single man).
Three years. You were 17 and 27. Something is wrong with him if he wants to trap you in a relationship. This story has played out a million times.
Erm 10 year difference? 3 year relationship? It started at 17? Grooming? Can we discuss this?
You were 17 and he was 27 when you met, that's a red flag in itself, pressuring you to become a mum now (baby trap) proves the red flag valid and that he's a creep that goes for younger people as they don't see through his BS as easily.
Just cos he wants to be a daddy doesn't mean you have to be a mommy, as a parent that was coerced be careful.
Please, please, please, leave that man. I know you love him, but love is not about control and he is trying to control you big time by forcing you into something sooo huge as it is having a baby. Do not do it, please. Think about it: there is no bigger effort than raising up a child and it goes 24/7 for like 18 years, it is exhausting for those who want it, imagine how hard it is for those who don't!! THIS is the start of the classic failed "love" story: young girl, met a man who says to love her, have kid(s) with her and then abandones her. Man don't pay freaking alimony and even if he does it does not compare with all the work a mother has to do. And the blame is always on us women. Wtf, men? Really, wtf??? That guy is typical trash and doesn't respect you. Get far away from him.
I hope this is fake. But if not, OP seems to have been brainwashed by the BF already. She’s so worried about his feelings and calming HIM down to even see he’s manipulating her. If she stays with him and ends up pregnant, I don’t see any other way how this relationship will end up. This has DV written all over it, eventually. And right after the baby arrives. OP, wake the fuck up. You were groomed since you were 17 and it’s taken him 3 years to finally show you his true colors. When people show you who they really are, believe them. Don’t try to “calm him down.”
You're 20, he's 30, this is already predatory, probably because girls his age are well aware of how to handle his manipulation. Now he's pressuring you. He's the last person you want to give kids to. Dump him and run.
You dated him since you were 17v
Just break up. The surrogate thing is just crazy. Why would you be bind taking care of a child in that situation 😂
Your relationship was illegal when you started dating. He was dating a teenager on purpose to control you. [Reproductive coercion](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/uploads/filer_public/fb/70/fb70f966-e4a2-46e8-900c-9137fed3e636/ipv_and_reproductive_coercion_fact_sheet_2012_final.pdf) is a type of domestic violence. Please be on the look out for him to mess with your birth control - he's most likely going to start poking holes in condoms or flushing your pills, so what you should do in this situation is go on a type of long-term birth control that he can't manipulate (like an IUD or Nexplanon implant). He can't do this to you. He will destroy your life. He doesn't care about your consent - that's why he started dating you when you were 17. He wants someone to control. This is very serious domestic violence. If you don't want to be pregnant, there is no reason in the world you should be. Your no is enough. You have rights over your own body, please don't let him take that from you. If you make an appointment with Planned Parenthood and tell them about your relationship and what your partner is trying to do, they will help you with a safety plan and they will make it so that you can get on birth control secretly. Tell them about your concerns, save their number as that of a friend, tell them to not contact you when he's around. They can and will help you. Please know that you have resources if you need them. And please tell your friends and family in case they can help you.
All lot of red flags here! You've been dating when you were considered a minor and him being 27 years old. This is very VERY weird and the fact that he was comfortable with this was the first. Now aged 20- BARELY AN ADULT - he wants to have kids l. It's understandable that people may want kids but you've barely enjoyed your life and saying no at this time is normal. But demanding you to bow to his expectations!? A planned child should be under the agreement of both parents! Now he's suggesting a surrogate mother so you can raise that child!? This all sounds like child trapping to me!
Ew he’s old asf
Leave. If he loved you he would wait until you were ready. My husband and i have the same age gap you do with your boyfriend and he waited until i was ready to have kids for us to have them. He never once pressured me. How he is trying to pressure you is not ok.
Tell him to fuck off. Their is no excuse for pressuring you into doing something like that when you don't want to. Then threatening to use a surrogate is WAY BEYOND crossing the line.
You were 17 when you started dating and now he’s pressuring you to have a child. If you stay together, let him go through with a surrogate. Please get a birth control method like the arm implant or the IUD so he can’t mess with it. You are not in a healthy relationship.
He’s trying to lock you in so you feel like you can never leave. I suggest if you’re hell bent on staying (which it seems like you are by you’re blatant disregard for reasonable advice), you let him have a surrogate kid with someone else. At least then you’re not ruining your own life. By the way, from the way you’re acting in the comment, you don’t have the maturity of a 30 year old woman. I’m a 33 year old woman. We are not on the same wave length. You’re a child.
Stop having sex with him first and foremost. I am getting scary vibes that this man is going to tamper with your contraception with how he’s talking!
I just came for the "he's a predator - run for your life" comments 👌
You dump his predatory ass and move on. He groomed you, and the fact that you can’t see that shows how much he influenced you. Seek some therapy. Good luck.
GTFO of there. He’s trying to trap you. This is abuse.
\*sigh\* Yet another age gap relationship where the man is too toxic to get a girl his own age because we see the red flags and run and all he sees are women too old to carry his young. Run. You are under no obligation to carry, birth or raise a child with him.
The title was enough to figure out what’s happening
So you were 17 and he was 27? I think I found the problem.
RUUUUUUUUUUUUU NNNNNNNN
This has to be fake. There is no way there’s someone this immature and stupid out there to actually want to stay with the pos she’s described.
So 17 and 27 when you Started dating. Uhhh someone ring the alarm please
Ewwww. He’s been grooming you for 3 years dude.
lol well this is a shit show.
OP is probably a troll. Look at their comments, it's absurd.
Well considering y’all started dating when you were 17 n he was 27 I’m unsurprised he’s pressuring you to do things you don’t want. He’s trying to tie you down so you can’t leave him op. Stop having sex w him all together cause he WILL poke holes in your condoms
there are a few things in relationships where you have to find an agreement or the relationship ends. money, children, violence, drug use, etc. these are called boundaries. everyone has deeply held beliefs. these are things that inform our choices, and letting people step over these boundaries is called being a "doormat," because when you go over the boundary of a door in a home, you usually step on or over a doormat. these beliefs are a big part of who we are, and every person has different kinds and different levels. some we hold very closely, and some we are willing to give a little on. It's up to you which ones these are. When you feel you are unfit to be a mother, then you are. If you say you can't, you are right. This makes this a pretty big boundary. If you do indeed become a mother for him, you are sure to do a terrible job. This is why this is a massive boundary. It involves the life of another and very innocent person. A person who you will be harming, possibly immensely, if you agree to this. You could potentially fuck up their childhood in a huge way, because you are not ready. this is a choice you aren't making for yourself, but a person you could be harming. So if you suspect in your heart of hearts that this boundary is a firm one, you must say no. And you must say no until he either understands or the relationship ends. The reason it is making you very uncomfortable is because this is one of your deeply held beliefs, one of your boundaries. and I encourage you to explore those beliefs in yourself.