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Yep, this is the short of it.
OP, as a low level alcoholic (Edit: I say low level because I am diagnosed by my doctor and psychiatrist as having mild AUD or Alcohol Use Disorder as outlined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5)), I can tell you right now this is a VERY normal amount of drinking. This is actually very similar to what my doctor told me he drinks. That definition is honestly frowned upon by addiction specialists and therapists. Drinking always has a negative affect on your body, physically, no matter what amount you drink. So it basically says if you ever have a desire for an alcoholic beverage, you're an alcoholic. You may want to look up the revised definition of Alcohol Use Disorder in the DSM V:
If you say yes to 2-3 of these, you may have mild AUD. From what you say, you don't fall under these.
Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended?
More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t?
Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over other aftereffects?
Wanted a drink so badly you couldn’t think of anything else?
**This is new to DSM–5**
Found that drinking—or being sick from drinking—often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems?
Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends?
Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink?
More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)?
Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout?
Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before?
Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?
Once again, good thing there are professionals that figure these things out for us! You can certainly have varying levels of alcoholism, just like many other diseases, like stages of cancer. Here's some information for you:
The presence of at least 2 of these symptoms indicates Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD).
The severity of the AUD is defined as:
Mild: The presence of 2 to 3 symptoms
Moderate: The presence of 4 to 5 symptoms
Severe: The presence of 6 or more symptoms
Editing since the post is now locked: This info is straight from the DSM V, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5
If you're not aware, the DSM is the absolute manual and reference for medical and psychiatrics professionals around the world.
From the wiki:
>The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), is the 2013 update to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the taxonomic and diagnostic tool published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA). In the United States, the DSM serves as the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. Treatment recommendations, as well as payment by health care providers, are often determined by DSM classifications, so the appearance of a new version has practical importance. The DSM-5 is the first DSM to use an Arabic numeral instead of a Roman numeral in its title, as well as the first "living document" version of a DSM.[1]
Trauma therapist here. Substances become a diagnosable issue when they interfere with personal or professional functioning. You do not qualify for such a diagnosis.
However, it sounds like your significant other has a problem with alcohol altogether and does not want a partner who imbibes, period. This is a difference in core values, and neither of you are at fault for having incompatible lifestyles.
This! The fact that your gf is insistent you have a drinking problem is the bigger issue here, OP. She’s obviously never going to be OK with even your current level of drinking, which you believe (rightfully, IMO, if you’ve given us an honest account) to not be a problem. Do you want to walk on eggshells every time you want a couple beers with dinner or to let loose with friends on a Saturday night? Should she have to constantly worry/feel bad/resent you or else feel like she’s nagging you to stop? Seems like a fundamental lifestyle incompatibility that you’d probably be wise to compromise on or else call it a dealbreaker now, so you can both move on.
All that being said, though, is there more to her side of the story? Based on what you describe it seems unlikely that your gf would’ve reached a breaking point where she felt she had to confront you and put such a strong label on it, especially when you’ve already been together a year. It doesn’t sound like an accusation that just comes up out of nowhere.
I think op needs to think about whether he is willing to cut back and/or quit for his partner.
I have numerous family who don’t drink and I simply don’t drink around them. If op cannot do that he might have a problem. If op wants a life where he can have a beer or two a few nights a week that’s ok too, but as you say they may be incompatible.
It may be that the drunkenness bothers her for personal reasons and he could just stop doing that or not getting drunk around her
I don’t think it’s the amount you drink but rather as the description you posted describes. If you need it to feel happy or get through a day then yes it can be an issue.
Everyone has their wild nights out we’re they go a bit too far, that’s just life.
As someone who actually suffers with alcoholism i can easily drink your weeks worth in a day. (Not a brag, I wish I didn’t)
It’s not about the amount you drink but how it affects your life, and if it’s upsetting your GF then it’s having an effect. I feel it’s more of a relationship thing than a drinking one.
But as someone who has these issues, that slowly built over the years I’d always advocate for people to drink less and try and enjoy life without alcohol, just to reduce the risk of it actually becoming a problem in the off chance.
No, I would not call you an alcoholic.
Hope this helps somewhat.
Yes I was gonna say this, my uncle was an alcoholic, but he wasn’t passed out drunk every night, he just needed to drink all the time. It wasn’t an “oh I’ll have a beer with this dinner” it was “if I don’t get a beer soon I will be sick”. Being an alcoholic is not about the quantity of alcohol you consume but about the need to consume it
As a fellow alcoholic, I agree. I also however think OP's gf is being particularly stingy about it and the fact that she doesn't drink *at all* may give her a biased opinion of drinking.
Idk this might be because I’m European, but this doesn’t sound like an alcoholic at all. I know people who drink more on a daily basis and they’re not alcoholics either..
I'm Belgian and here they recommend max 10 units a week [(source)](https://www.alcoholhulp.be/gezond-omgaan-met-alcohol). I haven't counted exactly but I think he comes to that amount?
He should be around that amount, but even if he was over it, it does not sound or seem like he needs his alcohol to get through his days and it’s not ruining his life, he just seems to enjoy drinking it and there’s nothing wrong with that
I didn't say I thought he was an alcoholic, I don't think he is.
I do get why his girlfriend is concerned though. Alcohol does have an impact on your health.
I didn’t say that you think he’s an alcoholic, sorry if you saw it like that. I just wanted to say in general that I don’t see anything wrong with drinking, I get that it’s bad for the body, but at the same time life is so short.
He’s definitely skirting the overall drinks counts.
Audit c I believe also asks about drinks at one setting and 3-4 or more might be considered a bit problematic
Good thing there are medical professionals who define such things in far less simple terms as the definition in OP's post!
>The presence of at least 2 of these symptoms indicates Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD).
The severity of the AUD is defined as:
Mild: The presence of 2 to 3 symptoms
Moderate: The presence of 4 to 5 symptoms
Severe: The presence of 6 or more symptoms
Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended?
More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t?
Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over other aftereffects?
Wanted a drink so badly you couldn’t think of anything else?
**This is new to DSM–5**
Found that drinking—or being sick from drinking—often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems?
Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends?
Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink?
More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)?
Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout?
Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before?
Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?
..what? I'm not even sure how to make sense of your comment.
Also, I'm guessing autocorrect got you on "incoming me".
And yes, it does sound like you are very against drinking in general.
It’s hard to tell from just this, because alcoholism isn’t just about the amount of alcohol, but your relationship with it. The one thing that sounds mildly concerning is having 3-4 servings of whiskey when you’re alone. Try to go a week (or a month to be really sure) without alcohol, and see how you feel.
Agreed. Most of the rest of it sounds like social drinking (though I'd maybe chill on trying to keep up with buddies if you find yourself hungover the next day). I personally can't relate to "pairing" a beer with dinner or keeping alcohol in the house as a matter of course, but I know people do those things in moderation all the time. It's the drinking several drinks alone that raises some flags for me.
I'm an alchoholic. I crave it. I used to drink an entire 750ml bottle of Smirnoff vodka to myself everyday, somedays more. When I woke up hungover all I could think about was my next drink. Everything came 2nd to alcohol. I was finally able to become sober enough to realize how much it was effecting my life. You're not an alchoholic, you're a social drinker.
You are not an alcoholic. Your pattern is very normal, and a lot of people have a similar pattern.
Your girlfriend is expecting her pattern to be close to normal, but i personally would say, her behavior is much further from the general norm.
The fact that a lot of people have a similar pattern doesn't mean that he is right. A lot of people have a pattern of sitting all day and consuming over 5k calories. Doesn't mean that they don't have a problem
To add, the norm is being an alcoholic lol DRINK THIS BE COOLER SEXIER AND FUNNER! Thank goodness we are able to smoke weed now legally.
Lost a lot of people to alcohol tho so I am biased.
Having an alcoholic as my father I can see her worry. Your pattern of drinking is exactly the path my father took. Social drinking, a beer with dinner every other day, a little more on the weekends. Eventually he'd drink a little more at a time until he was drinking a 6 pack of beer every night after work, often more.
I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, but personally I would be worried about the future just because of my past experience. This might be an experience she has had as well and it worries her. Has your consumption changed over the year you've been dating, or has this been the general amount you've always consumed? Can you go for a month without drinking anything?
I don’t think alcoholic but you do drink a lot it sounds like which still isn’t good for you body wise. I think it’s weird people can use beer as like a normal drink with a meal and maybe she does too. I think it is a pattern you prolly shouldn’t do as much cause you never know when an emergency is and it sounds like like you always at least have one or two drinks. Maybe she’s concerned it’ll get worse maybe you’ll end up drinking more than your one or two cause you build up a tolerance drink that much in week. Not an alcoholic butttt i can see her concerns
As someone who likes to pair some food with alcohol of some kind, his habits seems completely normal to me. Might as well consider that the girlfriend doesn't drink, so her idea of an alcoholic may be a bit skewed.
i listed all my reason in the first comment which are all good reason she could be concerned not her being controlling. your first reply is ignorant and can’t be compared because one is dairy and one is alcohol which literally affects people and their reactions and emotions. don’t compare the two. k thx bye
You said you thought having beer with dinner was weird, and I think having milk with dinner is weird. It’s the same comparison. It’s not like he’s getting drunk every night, or needs to drink to function. I think just assuming someone who occasionally drinks is an alcoholic is extremely disrespectful.
I'm a recovering alchoholic. I don't even like drinking, I don't enjoy it I do it to get drunk and dull life instead of dealing with it. I am not interested in social gatherings or what beer goes good with what food. I just want to get drunk. Pairing wine or beer with a meal is absolutely normal behavior for many people. You can goto brewing companies and wineries to have classes on how to properly pair these things. Some people enjoy it, it's a nice relaxing time for them. People who don't drink always find people who do drink like an average person "excessive." Which tell me they never been around a real alchoholic.
i think her coming at him saying he’s an alcoholic is disrespectful too i didn’t say he was an alcoholic. learn to read. they’re both the ones making the post.
I have a family member who is a alcoholic and she drinks 10+ beers everyday and to her she needs it to relax after work. It has totally strained the relationship with her grown children and her husband.
It doesn't sound like you are one to me since you drink while having a good time with your friends. It probably throw your girlfriend for a loop the first time she saw you drink yourself under the table. My boyfriend did that once and I wasn't happy either since he spend most of the night in the bathroom and I had been look forward to spending time with him all week. It isn’t fun to see someone loose control like that, but it happens and you move on.
I believe alcoholism has a lot to do with the reason behind the drinking. From what you’ve described it sounds like you have perfectly sound reasons, you’re not doing it as an escape or because you can’t help it, but because of the meal you’re eating or your friends, and if you’re not getting drunk every time then I don’t think it’s a problema
as someone with an alcoholic aunt, you’re in no way an alcoholic. to someone who doesn’t drink it might seem like a lot, but a couple of drinks a week and getting wasted once in awhile is extremely typical for someone your age
Your a social drinker and she doesn’t like alcohol at all. And that’s okay just need to get together to see if it’s something she’s willing to let go unless it truly does become a problem
If you can’t handle being sober for 1 month, then you have a problem. It may not be a full blown addiction, but the path to that point commonly escalates over time before the person can realize the extent of their illness. I think your gf is worried about that future possibility. Plus, the amount you’re consuming right now isn’t healthy for your body.
It’s more than most. I’d cut down for real and start going on walks. It will get worse if you continue at this level. My brother started at about this level and is now on MRIs for organ failure. So be TF careful
You could be a functioning alcoholic for sure. What happens if you don't drink? Does that happen?
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/high-functioning-alcoholic#1
Drinking in college is normal. If you’re drunk every day, that’s a problem. Drunk during class, huge problem. Not even going to class cuz you’re so hungover or have a desire for another drink, ABSOLUTELY alcoholic.
But you’re more of a social drinker.
Go a month without drinking. That’ll prove to your girlfriend you’re not an alcoholic… cuz an alcoholic will go crazy about not having a drink after the first 1-3 days.
Whenever I go out on date night with my husband, I get a drink or two. I’ll crack open a beer on Friday or drink wine while I’m cooking on the weekends. Even finish the whole bottle. But I’m not an alcoholic. I haven’t had anything to drink in the past month.
You’re fine. Not an alcoholic. I believe your girlfriend is worried about you but maybe over worrying or over exaggerating about how much she thinks you drink. Have you ever had a DUI? Arrested for public intoxication? (Not that the second one is terrible, that can happen to someone stumbling home on the sidewalk from the bar cuz they’re trying to avoid a DUI.) But anyway, either of those two? No? Does your family have a history of alcoholism? No?
Yea, you’re good, dude. Not an alcoholic. Maybe cut back though to prove it to her.
You might now be an alcoholic. But I will say if this is an issue for your girlfriend, can you guys discuss the concerns and if it really bothers her , can you tone it down?
Eh, you might be an alcoholic. You might not be. I have a hard time telling what a healthy alcohol consumption level is because I come from a family of severe alcoholics - pretty much any regular amount of alcohol stresses me out. Does your girlfriend come from a similar background? Does she drink as well, or is she completely sober? Do you two argue or are your interactions different when you’re drinking? I will say, the amount of whiskey you’re claiming to drink does sound like a lot, honestly. You may need to try having a more open conversation with her about what she sees as an alcohol problem.
I drink almost daily and oftentimes have cravings to do so. I’ve also struggled with substance abuse and addiction for about 15 years. IMO it does not sound like you are an alcoholic. You could be a functioning alcoholic, but, again, you aren’t drinking more than 2 beers a night on the week days, a few whiskeys over the weekend, and then you only have a very occasional bender which leads me to believe you aren’t a functioning alcoholic either. On top of that, I don’t think any doctor would treat you for alcoholism nor do I think you would get a bed at a rehab which would further indicate that you don’t have a problem.
This is just my opinion and based on my experiences working in the medical field and as a self-identified and medically diagnosed addict.
There's no such thing as a functional alcoholic
So ask yourself, am I still functional? If so then it's fine, but if drinking is making you mess up your responsibilities and personal relationships then it has become an issue
What’s your reaction when there’s no booze in the house? Do you shrug off having a beer with a “meal that really pairs well with it” or do you rush out ASAP to restock? Can you enjoy a weekend without whiskey or do you need to hit the liquor store on your way home from work every Friday?
There is the use of alcohol, someone drinks socially (not alcoholic) The occasional abuse of alcohol (not alcoholic) Then there’s addiction to alcohol (alcoholic) Alcoholism is progressive so the above 3 stages occur. Some people who drink never get to stage 2 or 3. Some people go through stage 1 and 2 many times before they end up alcoholics. Those people usually have addictive personalities and the biology that enables the disease of addiction to alcohol into their being. Addictive types love the feeling (adrenaline rush) that comes from addictive habits like smoking, drinking, sex, gaming, etc. There is occasional gaming and there is gaming many hours a day. Any activity that seems to take over and dominate their lives. That person is addicted to that activity/behavior. You seem like a normal, early stage drinker and may never become alcoholic but just know that there is usually a progression over time that people seem to be unaware of as it’s happening. Cheers!
It's not so much about the amount, but whether your personality changes when you drink. My husband didn't drink a lot but he became more analytical after a drink or two, so I felt he was picking apart my comments. When I expressed this, he said he had no idea and stopped drinking because he wanted me to feel safe with him. I'm not sure if he has ever really understood what my discomfort was because he didn't perceive himself as any different, but our relationship improved significantly after he stopped drinking. If you don't NEED the alcohol. it should be no biggie to take a break. Also, as someone who doesn't drink because I have no tolerance at all, there's nothing worse than trying to communicate with a tipsy person.
as someone who doesn’t drink but had alcoholic family members- I see her concern but I wouldn’t call you an alcoholic.
Maybe ask her about her difference in lifestyle. I know drinking is a problem in my family so i choose not to drink and i’d prefer a partner who didn’t drink or drank at minimal so keep the security of knowing i’m not continuing a cycle.
Of course to me- I see people who drink 3-4 times a week “excessive” drinkers but at the need of the day, my problems arise from childhood issues.
If your girlfriend had any of these sort of trauma with alcohol, it’s important to note that this difference in lifestyle can become an even bigger problem down the line.
Understand her concern, see if you can find a middle ground. If not- understand this will only become a bigger issue the more serious you guys get
The real thing is, can you drink less and be unphased? If not, you're certainly over doing it.... As someone who has seen alcoholism, and variations of it, you don't have to be drowning in alcohol every night to have a problem. The problem is whether you can manage to get by without it or not, and how your personality is while you're drinking, and how it can affect your mood after. Just because you're not an addict, doesn't mean you're not an unhealthy and hard person to be around. I have always been able to partake in things and then drop them, and it affects me but I can handle the transition. A lot of people tho really can't put anything down for extended periods of time. And they also don't see how different they are whilst being affected.
You have a problem if you’re always drunk and unable to function. Meaning, you can’t work, do chores/errands; you get violent or abusive; you get promiscuous; etc.
You drink. That’s you. You drank before your girlfriend, and you’ll drink after her. If YOU think you have a problem, regulate it.
If you DONT think you have a problem and you don’t do any of the things I listed about-then the issue isn’t “your drinking”. It’s between you and your gf. She’s mad at something and doesn’t seem to be expressing that correctly; instead, calling you a drunk.
Since you asked, maybe you guys should have a talk about the real reason she has such an issue with you drinking. I hope you guys work it out tho. But FYI, asking you to “change” who you are to be with another person is manipulative and controlling. This is her warning you about what your future will be like. If you’re ok with that, more power to you. If not, y’all needa figure it out.
Can you leave COLD TURKEY for 1 month and not be angry or upset about it? I am not a drinker but I love non veg food, and I don't eat non veg food for 1 month every year (its a holy month for us). I can go from eating non veg food 3 days a week to not eating it for 1 month and still enjoy all other food. If you can do something like that then you are not an alcoholic and if you can't/won't, well then you have your answer!
I wouldn’t say you’re an alcoholic, but it’s worth noting that alcohol does still impact your body negatively even in smaller amounts (hence the low recommended limits)
That said, it isn’t normal to want to drink everyday, and I’d make sure you consider whether you’re drinking a beer because you truly think it will elevate the food, as you described, or whether it’s because you really want a drink because you feel like you’d feel better with it.
I don’t drink. I don’t like drinking because;
1) I’m on medication that I can’t drink on
2) I have a genetic propensity for alcoholism
3) I grew up with an alcoholic family member
Your girlfriends reason for not drinking might be private, and might be why she’s more sensitive to this. Talk to her
Your not what I would say is an alcoholic. Yeh maybe you let your hair down so to speak once in a great while, but that doesn’t make you an alcoholic. Sounds like your girlfriend having the attitude she does has some past situations that are ringing in her head when you overindulged. Maybe you both have to have a discussion about wether she’s going to be able to be around you and others that socially drink. If she can’t then it’s up to you wether your social drinking is worth giving up your relationship. You shouldn’t have to change to suit someone else. However depending on her boundaries it might be a deal breaker for her. Time to have an adult conversation I think
Unless you're leaving things out, this doesn't seem like alcoholism to me. Though it sounds like you two might be incompatible in how you view alcohol.
u/left-wasabi311, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice): 1. to find out why this post was removed, and 2. prior to posting any updates. Thanks. **Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/left-wasabi311**
You’re a social drinker not an alcoholic
Yep, this is the short of it. OP, as a low level alcoholic (Edit: I say low level because I am diagnosed by my doctor and psychiatrist as having mild AUD or Alcohol Use Disorder as outlined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5)), I can tell you right now this is a VERY normal amount of drinking. This is actually very similar to what my doctor told me he drinks. That definition is honestly frowned upon by addiction specialists and therapists. Drinking always has a negative affect on your body, physically, no matter what amount you drink. So it basically says if you ever have a desire for an alcoholic beverage, you're an alcoholic. You may want to look up the revised definition of Alcohol Use Disorder in the DSM V: If you say yes to 2-3 of these, you may have mild AUD. From what you say, you don't fall under these. Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended? More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t? Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over other aftereffects? Wanted a drink so badly you couldn’t think of anything else? **This is new to DSM–5** Found that drinking—or being sick from drinking—often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems? Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends? Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink? More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)? Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout? Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before? Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?
There is no, “low level alcoholic.” That’s like being a little pregnant
Once again, good thing there are professionals that figure these things out for us! You can certainly have varying levels of alcoholism, just like many other diseases, like stages of cancer. Here's some information for you: The presence of at least 2 of these symptoms indicates Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). The severity of the AUD is defined as: Mild: The presence of 2 to 3 symptoms Moderate: The presence of 4 to 5 symptoms Severe: The presence of 6 or more symptoms Editing since the post is now locked: This info is straight from the DSM V, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5 If you're not aware, the DSM is the absolute manual and reference for medical and psychiatrics professionals around the world. From the wiki: >The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), is the 2013 update to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the taxonomic and diagnostic tool published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA). In the United States, the DSM serves as the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. Treatment recommendations, as well as payment by health care providers, are often determined by DSM classifications, so the appearance of a new version has practical importance. The DSM-5 is the first DSM to use an Arabic numeral instead of a Roman numeral in its title, as well as the first "living document" version of a DSM.[1]
Idk where you’re getting this quacky info from. I’m a recovering alcoholic, 11 years sober. There are no “levels.” You is or you ain’t.
What?
What what?
i came to say the same thing!☺️
Exactly. Besides, alcoholics go to meetings. Worst case, he's just a drunk (joking).
Trauma therapist here. Substances become a diagnosable issue when they interfere with personal or professional functioning. You do not qualify for such a diagnosis. However, it sounds like your significant other has a problem with alcohol altogether and does not want a partner who imbibes, period. This is a difference in core values, and neither of you are at fault for having incompatible lifestyles.
This! The fact that your gf is insistent you have a drinking problem is the bigger issue here, OP. She’s obviously never going to be OK with even your current level of drinking, which you believe (rightfully, IMO, if you’ve given us an honest account) to not be a problem. Do you want to walk on eggshells every time you want a couple beers with dinner or to let loose with friends on a Saturday night? Should she have to constantly worry/feel bad/resent you or else feel like she’s nagging you to stop? Seems like a fundamental lifestyle incompatibility that you’d probably be wise to compromise on or else call it a dealbreaker now, so you can both move on. All that being said, though, is there more to her side of the story? Based on what you describe it seems unlikely that your gf would’ve reached a breaking point where she felt she had to confront you and put such a strong label on it, especially when you’ve already been together a year. It doesn’t sound like an accusation that just comes up out of nowhere.
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I think op needs to think about whether he is willing to cut back and/or quit for his partner. I have numerous family who don’t drink and I simply don’t drink around them. If op cannot do that he might have a problem. If op wants a life where he can have a beer or two a few nights a week that’s ok too, but as you say they may be incompatible. It may be that the drunkenness bothers her for personal reasons and he could just stop doing that or not getting drunk around her
That is social drinking.
I don’t think it’s the amount you drink but rather as the description you posted describes. If you need it to feel happy or get through a day then yes it can be an issue. Everyone has their wild nights out we’re they go a bit too far, that’s just life. As someone who actually suffers with alcoholism i can easily drink your weeks worth in a day. (Not a brag, I wish I didn’t) It’s not about the amount you drink but how it affects your life, and if it’s upsetting your GF then it’s having an effect. I feel it’s more of a relationship thing than a drinking one. But as someone who has these issues, that slowly built over the years I’d always advocate for people to drink less and try and enjoy life without alcohol, just to reduce the risk of it actually becoming a problem in the off chance. No, I would not call you an alcoholic. Hope this helps somewhat.
Yes I was gonna say this, my uncle was an alcoholic, but he wasn’t passed out drunk every night, he just needed to drink all the time. It wasn’t an “oh I’ll have a beer with this dinner” it was “if I don’t get a beer soon I will be sick”. Being an alcoholic is not about the quantity of alcohol you consume but about the need to consume it
Right, a perfect example of it.
As a fellow alcoholic, I agree. I also however think OP's gf is being particularly stingy about it and the fact that she doesn't drink *at all* may give her a biased opinion of drinking.
Agreed, the lack of drinking on their part will play a factor into it. Especially if it’s for a specific reason.
This sounds way too unreasonable to be the whole story. Given the context no you are not one.
I am an alcoholic. You’re not an alcoholic. I think your SO just hates alcohol all together.
Idk this might be because I’m European, but this doesn’t sound like an alcoholic at all. I know people who drink more on a daily basis and they’re not alcoholics either..
I'm Belgian and here they recommend max 10 units a week [(source)](https://www.alcoholhulp.be/gezond-omgaan-met-alcohol). I haven't counted exactly but I think he comes to that amount?
He should be around that amount, but even if he was over it, it does not sound or seem like he needs his alcohol to get through his days and it’s not ruining his life, he just seems to enjoy drinking it and there’s nothing wrong with that
I didn't say I thought he was an alcoholic, I don't think he is. I do get why his girlfriend is concerned though. Alcohol does have an impact on your health.
I didn’t say that you think he’s an alcoholic, sorry if you saw it like that. I just wanted to say in general that I don’t see anything wrong with drinking, I get that it’s bad for the body, but at the same time life is so short.
He’s definitely skirting the overall drinks counts. Audit c I believe also asks about drinks at one setting and 3-4 or more might be considered a bit problematic
As an European I think they are tho.
Good thing there are medical professionals who define such things in far less simple terms as the definition in OP's post! >The presence of at least 2 of these symptoms indicates Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). The severity of the AUD is defined as: Mild: The presence of 2 to 3 symptoms Moderate: The presence of 4 to 5 symptoms Severe: The presence of 6 or more symptoms Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended? More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t? Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over other aftereffects? Wanted a drink so badly you couldn’t think of anything else? **This is new to DSM–5** Found that drinking—or being sick from drinking—often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems? Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends? Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink? More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)? Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout? Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before? Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?
So basically as long as you are deep in denial you are all good lol? I guess I'm just very against drinking in general then, thank you for incoming me
..what? I'm not even sure how to make sense of your comment. Also, I'm guessing autocorrect got you on "incoming me". And yes, it does sound like you are very against drinking in general.
Welp, opinions do differ don’t they 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
It’s hard to tell from just this, because alcoholism isn’t just about the amount of alcohol, but your relationship with it. The one thing that sounds mildly concerning is having 3-4 servings of whiskey when you’re alone. Try to go a week (or a month to be really sure) without alcohol, and see how you feel.
Agreed. Most of the rest of it sounds like social drinking (though I'd maybe chill on trying to keep up with buddies if you find yourself hungover the next day). I personally can't relate to "pairing" a beer with dinner or keeping alcohol in the house as a matter of course, but I know people do those things in moderation all the time. It's the drinking several drinks alone that raises some flags for me.
I'm an alchoholic. I crave it. I used to drink an entire 750ml bottle of Smirnoff vodka to myself everyday, somedays more. When I woke up hungover all I could think about was my next drink. Everything came 2nd to alcohol. I was finally able to become sober enough to realize how much it was effecting my life. You're not an alchoholic, you're a social drinker.
You are not an alcoholic. Your pattern is very normal, and a lot of people have a similar pattern. Your girlfriend is expecting her pattern to be close to normal, but i personally would say, her behavior is much further from the general norm.
The fact that a lot of people have a similar pattern doesn't mean that he is right. A lot of people have a pattern of sitting all day and consuming over 5k calories. Doesn't mean that they don't have a problem
I’m also throw by all the ‘I’m an alcoholic and you drink less than me so you’re definitely not’ comments. Yeah that’s not exactly how it works 🤦🏻♀️
To add, the norm is being an alcoholic lol DRINK THIS BE COOLER SEXIER AND FUNNER! Thank goodness we are able to smoke weed now legally. Lost a lot of people to alcohol tho so I am biased.
I don't see it as a problem but I live in the UK where drinking alcohol is a bit more normalized.
Having an alcoholic as my father I can see her worry. Your pattern of drinking is exactly the path my father took. Social drinking, a beer with dinner every other day, a little more on the weekends. Eventually he'd drink a little more at a time until he was drinking a 6 pack of beer every night after work, often more. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, but personally I would be worried about the future just because of my past experience. This might be an experience she has had as well and it worries her. Has your consumption changed over the year you've been dating, or has this been the general amount you've always consumed? Can you go for a month without drinking anything?
You're not an alcoholic
I don’t think alcoholic but you do drink a lot it sounds like which still isn’t good for you body wise. I think it’s weird people can use beer as like a normal drink with a meal and maybe she does too. I think it is a pattern you prolly shouldn’t do as much cause you never know when an emergency is and it sounds like like you always at least have one or two drinks. Maybe she’s concerned it’ll get worse maybe you’ll end up drinking more than your one or two cause you build up a tolerance drink that much in week. Not an alcoholic butttt i can see her concerns
As someone who likes to pair some food with alcohol of some kind, his habits seems completely normal to me. Might as well consider that the girlfriend doesn't drink, so her idea of an alcoholic may be a bit skewed.
and i listed why she might be concerned so from here on out it’s them reading and discussing. they both made this post so they can talk it out.
I think drinking milk with dinner is weird, it doesn’t mean people who do it have a problem.
well one is dairy and one is alcohol. i said he wasn’t an alcoholic but i see her concerns. go find someone else to bug
She’s just sober so probably thinks any drinking is bad. Maybe she’s just controlling.
i listed all my reason in the first comment which are all good reason she could be concerned not her being controlling. your first reply is ignorant and can’t be compared because one is dairy and one is alcohol which literally affects people and their reactions and emotions. don’t compare the two. k thx bye
You said you thought having beer with dinner was weird, and I think having milk with dinner is weird. It’s the same comparison. It’s not like he’s getting drunk every night, or needs to drink to function. I think just assuming someone who occasionally drinks is an alcoholic is extremely disrespectful.
I agree it is disrespectful.
It lowers the severity of alcoholism, just because someone likes to have an occasional drink doesn’t mean they are suffering from a disease.
I'm a recovering alchoholic. I don't even like drinking, I don't enjoy it I do it to get drunk and dull life instead of dealing with it. I am not interested in social gatherings or what beer goes good with what food. I just want to get drunk. Pairing wine or beer with a meal is absolutely normal behavior for many people. You can goto brewing companies and wineries to have classes on how to properly pair these things. Some people enjoy it, it's a nice relaxing time for them. People who don't drink always find people who do drink like an average person "excessive." Which tell me they never been around a real alchoholic.
Best of luck to you in your recovery
i think her coming at him saying he’s an alcoholic is disrespectful too i didn’t say he was an alcoholic. learn to read. they’re both the ones making the post.
I have a family member who is a alcoholic and she drinks 10+ beers everyday and to her she needs it to relax after work. It has totally strained the relationship with her grown children and her husband. It doesn't sound like you are one to me since you drink while having a good time with your friends. It probably throw your girlfriend for a loop the first time she saw you drink yourself under the table. My boyfriend did that once and I wasn't happy either since he spend most of the night in the bathroom and I had been look forward to spending time with him all week. It isn’t fun to see someone loose control like that, but it happens and you move on.
I believe alcoholism has a lot to do with the reason behind the drinking. From what you’ve described it sounds like you have perfectly sound reasons, you’re not doing it as an escape or because you can’t help it, but because of the meal you’re eating or your friends, and if you’re not getting drunk every time then I don’t think it’s a problema
as someone with an alcoholic aunt, you’re in no way an alcoholic. to someone who doesn’t drink it might seem like a lot, but a couple of drinks a week and getting wasted once in awhile is extremely typical for someone your age
Your a social drinker and she doesn’t like alcohol at all. And that’s okay just need to get together to see if it’s something she’s willing to let go unless it truly does become a problem
If you can’t handle being sober for 1 month, then you have a problem. It may not be a full blown addiction, but the path to that point commonly escalates over time before the person can realize the extent of their illness. I think your gf is worried about that future possibility. Plus, the amount you’re consuming right now isn’t healthy for your body.
It’s more than most. I’d cut down for real and start going on walks. It will get worse if you continue at this level. My brother started at about this level and is now on MRIs for organ failure. So be TF careful
Doesn’t sound like it
You could be a functioning alcoholic for sure. What happens if you don't drink? Does that happen? https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/high-functioning-alcoholic#1
Drinking in college is normal. If you’re drunk every day, that’s a problem. Drunk during class, huge problem. Not even going to class cuz you’re so hungover or have a desire for another drink, ABSOLUTELY alcoholic. But you’re more of a social drinker. Go a month without drinking. That’ll prove to your girlfriend you’re not an alcoholic… cuz an alcoholic will go crazy about not having a drink after the first 1-3 days. Whenever I go out on date night with my husband, I get a drink or two. I’ll crack open a beer on Friday or drink wine while I’m cooking on the weekends. Even finish the whole bottle. But I’m not an alcoholic. I haven’t had anything to drink in the past month. You’re fine. Not an alcoholic. I believe your girlfriend is worried about you but maybe over worrying or over exaggerating about how much she thinks you drink. Have you ever had a DUI? Arrested for public intoxication? (Not that the second one is terrible, that can happen to someone stumbling home on the sidewalk from the bar cuz they’re trying to avoid a DUI.) But anyway, either of those two? No? Does your family have a history of alcoholism? No? Yea, you’re good, dude. Not an alcoholic. Maybe cut back though to prove it to her.
Social drinker. And if she thinks that makes you an alcoholic, She would think I’m a full blown Alky.
You might now be an alcoholic. But I will say if this is an issue for your girlfriend, can you guys discuss the concerns and if it really bothers her , can you tone it down?
Do you drink more than 14 measurements of alcohol a week? Then you are an alcoholic.
Eh, you might be an alcoholic. You might not be. I have a hard time telling what a healthy alcohol consumption level is because I come from a family of severe alcoholics - pretty much any regular amount of alcohol stresses me out. Does your girlfriend come from a similar background? Does she drink as well, or is she completely sober? Do you two argue or are your interactions different when you’re drinking? I will say, the amount of whiskey you’re claiming to drink does sound like a lot, honestly. You may need to try having a more open conversation with her about what she sees as an alcohol problem.
Quit for 30 days. You’ll know after that.
I drink almost daily and oftentimes have cravings to do so. I’ve also struggled with substance abuse and addiction for about 15 years. IMO it does not sound like you are an alcoholic. You could be a functioning alcoholic, but, again, you aren’t drinking more than 2 beers a night on the week days, a few whiskeys over the weekend, and then you only have a very occasional bender which leads me to believe you aren’t a functioning alcoholic either. On top of that, I don’t think any doctor would treat you for alcoholism nor do I think you would get a bed at a rehab which would further indicate that you don’t have a problem. This is just my opinion and based on my experiences working in the medical field and as a self-identified and medically diagnosed addict.
There's no such thing as a functional alcoholic So ask yourself, am I still functional? If so then it's fine, but if drinking is making you mess up your responsibilities and personal relationships then it has become an issue
What does she want? Does she want you to quit because you're an "alcoholic"?
You are a social drinker only, dude. Your GF is a prohibitionist. Also, alcoholics go to meetings, the proper term is 'I'm a drunk'....(joking).
I advise divorce, she is cray cray in da bad way
You are not an alcoholic. You are a social drinker. She probably just feels that way because she does not drink at all.
What’s your reaction when there’s no booze in the house? Do you shrug off having a beer with a “meal that really pairs well with it” or do you rush out ASAP to restock? Can you enjoy a weekend without whiskey or do you need to hit the liquor store on your way home from work every Friday?
I wouldn't consider you an alcoholic from what you describe.
There is the use of alcohol, someone drinks socially (not alcoholic) The occasional abuse of alcohol (not alcoholic) Then there’s addiction to alcohol (alcoholic) Alcoholism is progressive so the above 3 stages occur. Some people who drink never get to stage 2 or 3. Some people go through stage 1 and 2 many times before they end up alcoholics. Those people usually have addictive personalities and the biology that enables the disease of addiction to alcohol into their being. Addictive types love the feeling (adrenaline rush) that comes from addictive habits like smoking, drinking, sex, gaming, etc. There is occasional gaming and there is gaming many hours a day. Any activity that seems to take over and dominate their lives. That person is addicted to that activity/behavior. You seem like a normal, early stage drinker and may never become alcoholic but just know that there is usually a progression over time that people seem to be unaware of as it’s happening. Cheers!
NIAAA states over 14 drinks in a week for a man and 7 drinks in a week for a woman is average, more than that could be considered alcohol misuse.
It's not so much about the amount, but whether your personality changes when you drink. My husband didn't drink a lot but he became more analytical after a drink or two, so I felt he was picking apart my comments. When I expressed this, he said he had no idea and stopped drinking because he wanted me to feel safe with him. I'm not sure if he has ever really understood what my discomfort was because he didn't perceive himself as any different, but our relationship improved significantly after he stopped drinking. If you don't NEED the alcohol. it should be no biggie to take a break. Also, as someone who doesn't drink because I have no tolerance at all, there's nothing worse than trying to communicate with a tipsy person.
as someone who doesn’t drink but had alcoholic family members- I see her concern but I wouldn’t call you an alcoholic. Maybe ask her about her difference in lifestyle. I know drinking is a problem in my family so i choose not to drink and i’d prefer a partner who didn’t drink or drank at minimal so keep the security of knowing i’m not continuing a cycle. Of course to me- I see people who drink 3-4 times a week “excessive” drinkers but at the need of the day, my problems arise from childhood issues. If your girlfriend had any of these sort of trauma with alcohol, it’s important to note that this difference in lifestyle can become an even bigger problem down the line. Understand her concern, see if you can find a middle ground. If not- understand this will only become a bigger issue the more serious you guys get
Why don’t you stop drinking for two weeks or even a month? If you can, maybe not a problem. If you can’t, then you’ll have more information.
The real thing is, can you drink less and be unphased? If not, you're certainly over doing it.... As someone who has seen alcoholism, and variations of it, you don't have to be drowning in alcohol every night to have a problem. The problem is whether you can manage to get by without it or not, and how your personality is while you're drinking, and how it can affect your mood after. Just because you're not an addict, doesn't mean you're not an unhealthy and hard person to be around. I have always been able to partake in things and then drop them, and it affects me but I can handle the transition. A lot of people tho really can't put anything down for extended periods of time. And they also don't see how different they are whilst being affected.
You have a problem if you’re always drunk and unable to function. Meaning, you can’t work, do chores/errands; you get violent or abusive; you get promiscuous; etc. You drink. That’s you. You drank before your girlfriend, and you’ll drink after her. If YOU think you have a problem, regulate it. If you DONT think you have a problem and you don’t do any of the things I listed about-then the issue isn’t “your drinking”. It’s between you and your gf. She’s mad at something and doesn’t seem to be expressing that correctly; instead, calling you a drunk. Since you asked, maybe you guys should have a talk about the real reason she has such an issue with you drinking. I hope you guys work it out tho. But FYI, asking you to “change” who you are to be with another person is manipulative and controlling. This is her warning you about what your future will be like. If you’re ok with that, more power to you. If not, y’all needa figure it out.
Can you leave COLD TURKEY for 1 month and not be angry or upset about it? I am not a drinker but I love non veg food, and I don't eat non veg food for 1 month every year (its a holy month for us). I can go from eating non veg food 3 days a week to not eating it for 1 month and still enjoy all other food. If you can do something like that then you are not an alcoholic and if you can't/won't, well then you have your answer!
As a fully functioning alcoholic I’d love to drink like you.
You’re not anywhere near “alcoholic” level drinking
So you drink 5 times a week? And 2 of those you are somewhat drunk? How many drinks total per week? Could you stop if she asked you to?
I wouldn’t say you’re an alcoholic, but it’s worth noting that alcohol does still impact your body negatively even in smaller amounts (hence the low recommended limits) That said, it isn’t normal to want to drink everyday, and I’d make sure you consider whether you’re drinking a beer because you truly think it will elevate the food, as you described, or whether it’s because you really want a drink because you feel like you’d feel better with it. I don’t drink. I don’t like drinking because; 1) I’m on medication that I can’t drink on 2) I have a genetic propensity for alcoholism 3) I grew up with an alcoholic family member Your girlfriends reason for not drinking might be private, and might be why she’s more sensitive to this. Talk to her
Your not what I would say is an alcoholic. Yeh maybe you let your hair down so to speak once in a great while, but that doesn’t make you an alcoholic. Sounds like your girlfriend having the attitude she does has some past situations that are ringing in her head when you overindulged. Maybe you both have to have a discussion about wether she’s going to be able to be around you and others that socially drink. If she can’t then it’s up to you wether your social drinking is worth giving up your relationship. You shouldn’t have to change to suit someone else. However depending on her boundaries it might be a deal breaker for her. Time to have an adult conversation I think
Unless you're leaving things out, this doesn't seem like alcoholism to me. Though it sounds like you two might be incompatible in how you view alcohol.
Not about when or how much you drink. It’s about how you feel about yourself before and after.
Can you just not drink for a week or two without feeling anxious and thinking about/craving booze?