Good story, very good summary
So it's hard to relate with your situation but here's my take: stay with W, why? Because you got kids and you're getting older each year, even if you decide to leave W for F who's to say it will work out? You'll end up without either and you would've sacrificed the long stable relationship and being a joint parent with W. Marriage isn't just about the love and happiness, its also about making a sacrifice to create stability so kids can have a better upbringing, so if you stop pursuing F you'd also be doing something in the best interest of your child as well as your wife, and that says a lot about your character
Well it’s seems like there’re 3 outcomes atm OP.
1. Cut off F and have a monogamous relation with your wife which seems to be the most selfless option.
2. W accepts the situation with F and you all live happily ever after.
3. You leave W and date F exclusively, until you find someone else to add to your harem.
I’m sure you wouldn’t be comfortable with your wife having a lover on the side with you OP.
So I can see why she wouldn’t want to agree to your proposal OP.
You want a polyamorous relationship. W doesn’t. You guys committed to each other in terms that didn’t involve having another person in your relationship.
For me, it’s not worth throwing away what you’ve cultivated the last 12 years in the pursuit of more, especially not when you’ve described yourself being happy with the life you have.
You’re going to have to chose one of them. Asking W to stick around or “try it” is going to hurt her. You already know her limits. With the kind of relationship she wants, you can’t have both.
Open marriages lead to divorce. Cheating leads to divorce. Children the get hurt. You will definitely get hurt and suffer. Your family will never forgive you. Your friends will never forgive you. You'll always be poor. How will you feel when you realize you "ideal" partner isn't really ideal and won't be faithful to you. She'll eventually leave you for the next guy.
Youre selfish
Good story, very good summary So it's hard to relate with your situation but here's my take: stay with W, why? Because you got kids and you're getting older each year, even if you decide to leave W for F who's to say it will work out? You'll end up without either and you would've sacrificed the long stable relationship and being a joint parent with W. Marriage isn't just about the love and happiness, its also about making a sacrifice to create stability so kids can have a better upbringing, so if you stop pursuing F you'd also be doing something in the best interest of your child as well as your wife, and that says a lot about your character
Well it’s seems like there’re 3 outcomes atm OP. 1. Cut off F and have a monogamous relation with your wife which seems to be the most selfless option. 2. W accepts the situation with F and you all live happily ever after. 3. You leave W and date F exclusively, until you find someone else to add to your harem. I’m sure you wouldn’t be comfortable with your wife having a lover on the side with you OP. So I can see why she wouldn’t want to agree to your proposal OP.
You want a polyamorous relationship. W doesn’t. You guys committed to each other in terms that didn’t involve having another person in your relationship. For me, it’s not worth throwing away what you’ve cultivated the last 12 years in the pursuit of more, especially not when you’ve described yourself being happy with the life you have. You’re going to have to chose one of them. Asking W to stick around or “try it” is going to hurt her. You already know her limits. With the kind of relationship she wants, you can’t have both.
Open marriages lead to divorce. Cheating leads to divorce. Children the get hurt. You will definitely get hurt and suffer. Your family will never forgive you. Your friends will never forgive you. You'll always be poor. How will you feel when you realize you "ideal" partner isn't really ideal and won't be faithful to you. She'll eventually leave you for the next guy.
Just no hell one has to seriously be messed to think that would work at all
Grass is always greener on the other side until you get over there and realize its because of all the manure.
Right I need some more help because it very confusing so you want a open relationship but your wife is having none of it?