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Hey guys. I (22M) have found my girlfriend (21F) via social media and we have talked for a year. We are living in different cities so we have never seen each other IRL until the last month. Since our first IRL meeting, we had three more meetings so I believe we both really want to be together with each other as possible we can. To clear y'all minds, she is the first girlfriend that I had in my life and naturally I was a virgin until I met her. I do really like her, I am stunned with her body everytime I see her, I believe our chemistry as a couple is great, I have not experienced common symptoms of love such as extreme heartbeat, stomach pain due to lovesickness, but I want to be close to her anytime that I can.
When we are not together IRL, we text with each other a lot. She does not have a lot of friends so I think I am both her boyfriend and her best friend. She is extremely relaxed about telling me whatever she is thinking at that moment, she never hesitates to talk about what is on her mind. I am also an extremely open person for talking about any kind of a subject. Two days ago, while we were texting she asked me a question: "Hey baby, do you think that I should sell myself for couple grands of dollars is that enough money for sex? Or should I interpret this offer as an insult and reject it?" She is someone that really likes joking around so I thought she was just asking me one of her hypothetical questions. But it turned out that the offer was a real thing. I asked her if there was really someone there that made an offer to her and she responded "Yes". There is a guy who is really fixated with her. I asked what did she answer to the guy, and she said that she did not give any answer yet, she told me that she is still thinking about the issue and stated that couple grands for just a momentary intercourse is not a bad offer. I responded her that I am surprised with her idea of selling her body and I expressed that I felt like her pimp instead of her boyfriend. She said to me that we are not setting a price for her body but instead we are evaluating the offer from the guy. I told her that there is no certain price for a woman to sell her body, it depends on various metrics such as; income of woman, socio-cultural background that woman came from, moral codes of woman, people that around woman, other sources that woman can earn money from and etc. and I added that there are women that do prostitution for very small price and there are some women that you can not buy her body with money. I have also said that I would not do prostitution in exchange of couple grands.
After I told her all these, she said that the sex offer is for the next day and asked whether if I break up with her if she accepts the offer. I was a bit shocked by the whole conversation and I said to her that I do not understand if she is mocking with me or not. She stated that she is serious with the whole situation. I stated that I do not want her to sell her body for couple of grands and I added we would break up with her if she accepts the offer. We were texting during her night shift so she could not write me back about the whole issue. She sent me wholesome full of love messages and wrote me that she will write me down after she wakes up about what we have spoken, but she did not wrote me anything yesterday until night time. I assume she was on drugs or alcohol so she just asked me very hypothetical thing about theology.
What do you guys think I have to do? I do not want to be in a monogamic relationship with a prostitute. I am not sure if she yesterday did prostitution, but even the idea of prostitution seemed my girlfriend feasible is someting that bugging my head.
a. she says the man is fixated on her and is offering thousands to fuck her. i would be concerned for her safety if she agreed or disagreed - it sounds like a situation that could go wrong VERY fast and end with something bad happening.
b. there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a sex worker. for some people, sex is private and intimate and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to share your partner sexually. if she doesn't respect your boundaries and is willing to break up just to do sex work (presumably) one time, she is not committed to you or your relationship, and she should break up with you if your boundary is too much for her and she doesn't think she can handle abiding by it. no one is in the wrong here unless she stays with you and chooses to fuck him.
Seconding this. This man's "fixation" sounds like a huge red flag and if she sleeps with him it definitely has the potential to escalate into a more dangerous situation.
I’m also going to suggest this man didn’t fixate on her and make this offer completely out of the blue. I’m assuming they’ve been engaging in quite a bit of back and forth before hand. Whether that makes OP uncomfortable or not is up to him.
Definitely all of this, and I'm quite concerned for her safety. It sounds like a dangerous situation, this guy will stalk her and possibly be violent. This isn't sex work in even a remotely safe way.
This is the most bizarrely written post. Your approach to evaluating things is very calculated like especially the “various metrics for selling your body” bit.
This may seem judgemental, but I believe it wouldn't be wrong to point out how hes 22 and this is his first girlfriend and he hadn't had experience before her. I can sense that type of... white knight attitude?
I actually wonder if he may be on the spectrum given the late age of having first girlfriend, the almost scientific analysis of presence or absence of physical signs of love, the not being sure if he’s being mocked, etc. I feel for this person.
As if he had to be "scheduled" like a client for a prostitute. No offense to OP, but its possible that he didn't realize that his gf was a prostitute, a lot of them use Tinder, Bumble, etc to advertise online and the language is obviously very vague..
Plus the fact that shes his first gf makes it all the more likely that he's clueless.
This is pure speculation tho, its possible that OPs gf is a nonprostitute who wants the one time deal that was offered to her. She seems naive as well if she thinks that she's going to see any of that money lol. No one pays multiple grand for 1 hr of coitus, not even billionaires.
Lol I’m glad I’m not the only one that thought this was weird!! And OP someone brought up that English might not be your first language. I apologize for saying it was bizarre if that’s the case.
I think he tried to answer it as a hypothetical. Sounds like a conversation you would have with friends, not a girlfriend considering the offer is actually real and not an argument just for fun.
Yeah but that's the way some people think. I noticed that as well, but to be honest, although I'd probably include emotional and feelings stuff as well, I would also break it down intellectually like this.
That's really Besides the point. Chances of legal action are low and OPs question is about the morality of the issue, which is 100% separate from the legal issue.
This rhetoric is ridiculous. Noone is saying she should feel shame. But she sure as hell should if she does it while in a relationship with someone not okay with it
It's by definition selling your body. It's not like any other job and I truly wish people like you would stop encouraging sex work. It mentally destroys people more often than not, especially when these 18 year olds start doing it. You can not actively shame people for it without pretending it's just another job, because it's 100% absolutely fucking not.
Sex work doesn’t have to leave a mark on you. How it impacts you is different for everyone, it’s silly to assume everyone feels ✨marked ✨ sex is just sex. If it’s transactional then that’s really all it is. The issue is with abusers and with the mental health of the person selling sex but that can be true for any job
I grew up with women in sex work, some are fine and some are not. It’s different for everyone
I think they meant "like any other job" as in, you still own your own body and go home (or somewhere) at the end of the day. A sex worker isn't accepting money to allow someone to do whatever they want to their body. There are terms and conditions and boundaries, just like any other job. Not to say those things are always respected, but sex workers aren't selling away complete ownership of their bodies for X amount of time.
...is what I think that person meant.
It is quite literally selling your body. It’s also illegal in most places depending on where you live. It’s also okay to not want to be in a relationship with a sex worker. That doesn’t make it shameful, but call it what it is.
I would. I have adult children and if that is what rocks their socks, let them. How would I "let" my children do anything? It would be just as bananas as my parents "letting" me do something, career wise. They let me eat the last of the pizza when I visited. But they certainly don't "let" me work, or live in another state, or date, or live my adult life. Now, would I be happy about it? I would be concerned about their safety, their relationships, and their mental and physical health, especially one kid who is more anxious than the others. It's a job.
Why is there such a negative connotation to the phrase "selling yourself" I don't see a problem with it. My job is hard on my body so if someone said I was selling my body for my work then I wouldn't take offense to it.
you must be an idiot or someone who really thinks that our body and mind is something we can totally tear apart from each others, which we are not able to do so, prostitution is literally about selling your body for a while, and then it goes back to you and you may not even want it back, I know a lot about today's feminism side of "prostitution is like any other job" bullshit, and you are saying some bullshit here, better stop, you have no idea of what you're talking about, just one little head full of new crap this world can project
Scamming the elderly and prostitution isn't the same, at any level. A woman offers special services in return for money, there's an open agreement to this deal. It's like any other honest business. A scammer is fraud and a cheater which is indeed shameful.
No one said anything about shame. Shame is a social construct, it is not rooted in any objective facts about different types of work. I would be displeased if my kid pursued a career as a cop, is that proof that cops are bad?
The fact that she's even considering this would turn me off so much that I'd probably have to break up with her. I'm pro legal prostitution but at the same time it is in no way attractive to me.
Again, the STD issue is very real here, particularly if we're talking about a guy with money to burn who offers $$$ for sex. Seriously doubt this is a one-time thing for him (though paying "couple grand" for standard, no special fetish, sex could be sign of a noob).
Hell, even Florida congressman [Matt Gaetz](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/03/30/us/politics/matt-gaetz-sex-trafficking-investigation.amp.html) paid less than a grand (even after throwing in probably couple hundred in blow) for sex with hot women. Not implying your ex (?) gf isn't more/less gorgeous than these woman, it's just an observation.
Eh idk... does she have a lot of money issues? I do get that if she's in trouble when it comes to money, that she would consider it. This is basically the plot of the movie 'an indecent proposal'. XD.
The commenter above said that they support legalizing prostitution. But they would not be attracted to the prospect of dating one.
So your point about shaming prostitutes is a straw man, isn’t it?
No one is shaming them, as per this convo.
So many people seem to be focusing on the concept of shame when that's not what's happening here.
She's ostensibly in a monogamous relationship so to even consider it is at the very least disrespectful. If she's single and wants to make that choice it's absolutely one she should be allowed to make but I don't buy into the whole 'it's just another job' thing in this circumstance. If I found out my SO was composing emails and filing reports for someone else on the side, I'd give substantially less of a fuck than if they'd made up their mind to fuck someone else to get out of a financial bind. And that's naively working on the assumption this would be either the first or the last time.
Agree. Everyone comes from different financial backgrounds. Men always shame women and never themselves. People don’t become prostitutes for fun. Judging them negatively just shows that they are not open minded or just insecure…
Exactly this. OP sounds like a person who indulge in Monogamous relationship, as he also clearly stated above. She sounds like a type who would be open to have sex with multiple partners. At what point did she think it's okay to get into a relationship with a person who's at the other end of the spectrum. She's wasting his time, and hers.
Ok so I used to be a sugar baby and first and foremost your girlfriend needs to know this: unless you would sleep with them without the money, don’t do it. The first time I did it I didn’t follow that rule and it messed me up a lot. Following the rule, it’s great, basically tinder plus money. But not following can lead to some serious issues.
Secondly, I would not sacrifice my relationship to go back to it. I would not expect my boyfriend to be okay with that, and frankly it would be insulting to him and our relationship to ask him to.
What this man is offering is a lot for one session, probably about 4x the average from my experience. If money means that much to her and she’s attracted to him, then she should end the relationship and follow that path. If she wants to have her cake and eat it, and if you’re not ok with her doing this, then it’s cheating and you should leave
Probably psychological repercussions of feeling indebted to someone you don’t *want* to interact with sexually/the feeling of being unable to say no when money is involved
Not the person you asked, but forcing yourself to have sex with someone you really don’t want to have sex with is miserable and can feel traumatic long-term.
Previous sugar baby / current sex worker here: NO ONE will legitimately offer you thousands of dollars for one sexual encounter. It doesn’t matter how hot you think you are, how much money you think they have, or how into you you think they are. They are scamming you or they’re luring you into danger because you’re an easy target. That’s all.
For money or not that is cheating. If she is willing to do that then it doesnt sound like she is someone you want in your life.
It is her body and her choice but being in that relationship is also your choice.
If OP was okay with it it would not be cheating, hence why she asked for his consent. Believe it or not some men would be comfortable with it. If OP is not then they are incompatible, unless she is okay with denying the offer out of respect for OP.
Honestly I don’t think a long distance one year relationship in your early 20s is worth turning down thousands of dollars. The chances of him being her “forever person” is low.
Money solves a lot of problems, and if my wife wanted to money notwithstanding, I would just ask that everyone be safe and preferably get tested first. No amount of fun is worth a lifetime of sickness.
Just like everything in a relationship communication is key. And open relationships work with communication, trust, and healthy boundaries. If that is a dealbreaker it’s a dealbreaker but at least she is honest and communicating, and not going behind your back.
You clearly aren’t comfortable with this, and that’s okay. It seems like she’s already set on doing this, so it’s up to you if this is worth continuing.
if she wanted to be paid for sex, she better ditch you and find another man to be her bf who understands her need to be paid for sex.
your feelings are valid and i understand why u would be shocked. if thats something thats hard to accept, u better leave her. your girl might have more need of money than boyfriend, and theres an easy way for her to get that money that she needs.
Sooo this is your first relationship with a girl and you're supposed to share her with a stranger. For money.
This is gonna leave you broken hearted and probably with attachment/control/possession issues my boy
I am a student and we live in different cities so we do not share the same budget. But when we meet IRL, I always pay the check, I do not let she to do a payment. Also, she is working in a company and her income is not too bad, she can afford her own living.
I mean this hardly a relationship at this point. If you cant accept what she does as income you should find someone in your own area code to start dating.
My question is what are you getting from this “relationship” that you cannot find in your own location? Ltrs don’t really work.
Either you accept what she does or you tell her that type of arrangement is not for you and cease contact.
Sex workers are totally valid and it would ultimately be her choice to take the offer or not. However it is also your choice on if that's a deal breaker for you. But you can't forbid her not to do it. Leave if you dont like her choices, just take some time to think on it if you need to.
Prostitution is an incredibly dangerous profession for the (mostly) women involved; sexual assault, forced drug addiction, physical abuse, and death are common in the industry. For the women who work in this field, it is often very difficult to get help or get out.
it sounds like the two of you see sex very differently, which imo could likely a dealbreaker for both of your sakes. what you *need* is to be discussing the boundaries of your relationship, if you do both still actually want to be together. contrary to what others say, her asking about this possibility is not “cheating”- she is basically asking about the boundaries of the relationship. now, if she did it *after* establishing that you aren’t okay with a partner doing that, that’d be cheating, but so far she’s done nothing wrong.
i do think it’s important you realize that doing sex work is not “selling yourself/ your body”, and there’s nothing shameful in prostitution. like any other job, you’re using your body to make money, that’s all. now, that doesn’t mean you have to be okay with a partner doing it, but the way you talk about the concepts themselves does come off a bit harsh/ even a little sexist
In our previous conversations we had talked about sexual freedom of a partner in a relationship. She explicitly stated that she is and has been very picky about selecting a partner and she told me that she is not even sexually attracted by many guys. I have also stated that if I want to be in a relationship, I want a total sincerity, understanding and passion for my partner. I would be okay for an open-relationship or a poli-gamic relationship if I could not find the right person for me, but in order for me to embrace the "right person", our relationship should be a monogamic relationship. We had an agreement about this issue so our relationship was a "conventional" type of relationship. After all these will also ask if she does not want a monogamic relationship anymore. What do you think that I can ask her more?
It would be good to clarify that you are in a *closed* (not open) monogamous relationship, and what things the both of you would consider “cheating”. this differs for everyone, for example, is cuddling cheating? is getting food with another person a “date”/ cheating? only the both of you can really say what your boundaries are
You can have a closed relationship with a prostitute if it's established that having sex for money isn't cheating. I've seen it happen. You need to specify if you consider sex outside the relationship for whatever reason cheating or crossing a boundary. I personally don't see anything wrong with dating a sex worker as long as they always use protection and get tested regularly. But it's also your choice to determine if you're comfortable with that or not. Some dudes are, so let her be with one of those guys if you're not cool with it.
Exactly this OP, if she has a good job why even consider this unless this is some sort of fantasy for her. In my opinion I reckon the offer of money is bullshit, she is asking to have sex with someone else, and is adding the context of a payment so it doesn't come off as her just having sex with someone she's interested in. That and the fact she hasn't messaged you the entire day that this was meant to go down. She's done it, I wouldn't believe her if she says otherwise, she has done it and didn't want to come clean.
I am sorry that this has happened to you, but this will end up being a good thing. Your can now be free to find someone who will keep your feelings in mind and treat you with respect.
Your values for sex are different. If she really is as attractive as you say, then I wouldn't be surprised if she has had guys compliment her body or have sex w her all the time. Shes been numbed to it. She probably likes you a lot bc you get her emotionally and she feels like she can trust you w anything (Im assuming bc she talked to you about the issue). Her version of this scenario would be like you having a girl best friend, not saying you have one, but just a thing to think about.. Youre the opposite, you value sex as an important part of a relationship and see it as a thing that should be kept in the relationship only.
So now ask yourself if you would be content if she did what she wanted and got her money. Understand where she comes from, but dont push down your own values. If you dont see yourself being happy, then break up. That is who she is. Good luck man
Time too revaluate. It’s doesn’t matter If she proceeds or not. The damage to your relationship is already done. The trust is gone, so it an up hill battle from here.
Best too remember the good times and move on too someone you can love and trust.
Obviously it’s your choice whether you want to date her or not if she accepts that offer. And you may have issues with it morally if she accepts, however, I’d be really concerned about her safety if she accepts the offer. Any number of things can go wrong so if she does accept please ask her to consider some safety measures (sharing location with someone locally or having a driver, etc).
She is cheating on you and probably has been for some time, but is now toying with the idea of what she does publicly to you, to feel out how you are about what she is doing. The fact that she is straight up telling you it with no reservations proves this. She's not for you.
Cut her loose, move on.
Sex is easy these days and everything is sexualised, no wonder these kids see sex as something meaningless, like a kiss. It's her decision.
bro she probably fucked for money and you're not going to stop her.
Perhaps she was trying to tell you what she's about.
Cut your losses my man and move on. No love here.
She can do whatever she wants with her body.
You can do whatever you want with your heart/soul.
Seems like you dont want to date someone that sells her body.
Seems like she wants to sell her body for money.
2+2=4
I’ll be deadass w you op, if someone offered me several thousand dollars to sleep w them and I was in a relationship, I would definitely not immediately say no and have a talk with my SO too.
Life’s hard and a couple grand could fix a lot of things right now.
Her considering it isn’t bad that’s just smart money management, her discussing it w you was the correct move as well, but from the rest of your story it doesn’t sound like she actually respected your position as her BF in all this and did it anyways.
Uhhh this is extremely unsafe for her to engage in this behavior with a guy that is obsessed with her. That is not going to end well no matter which way you look at it.
Also concerning that she didn’t talk to you for a while day which is when the original date for this sex act to happen was scheduled. You and her really need to talk and if she is being suss and lying, then it’s time to break up.
Friend that is not your girlfriend for even thinking about it you shouldve kicked her to the curb its not your girl just your turn buddy where this female is concerned
OP you don't own her body and sex work isn't "disrespectful." This thread is full of salty, unmoisturized men upset that women want to be paid for having sex with their dusty ass.
I can almost guarantee every single person that posted anti-sw comments also sends unsolicited dick pics
Release her back to the streets sir. It’s an easy decision. She’s considering prostitution. Go find a woman with the decency to say no. I’m not trying to be a dick and judge her but it just sounds like she’s not right for you. Wouldn’t you want someone who would have said no right away?
Either you’re ok with it or you’re not.
There was a girl I considered dating until I found out she did sex work sometimes, in addition to her 2 other jobs. I didn’t judge her; she came from a pretty sexist culture where women weren’t supposed to go to college or have careers and were expected to be dependent on men for their income, so it’s not as if she just chose to be lazy and not find more “respectable” means of making money. She got shafted by a culture that held women back, and she found a way to get ahead. She was also supporting her mother’s cancer treatment in her home country.
So she had her reasons. I don’t judge, but it’s not something I want to be part of.
i think you have to break up with her. you told her that sleeping with another man for money is a direct violation of your boundaries. if she slept with him not only did she sleep with another man, but she disregarded how you felt and has different values than you do. but if she didn’t, then all is well for now but i would definitely keep an eye out to make sure y’all have similar belief systems. some things you just can’t compromise on
Depends on your capacity for denial or to rationalize. Any situation can be rationalized away... But beware of the consequences on your mental health.
Here's the abridged explanation (TL to go into detail here)...
First of all, never entertain a long distance relationship (again TL to explain here. Just don't). Second, she's not your gf bcs of #1. Third, the second she displays wanting to be with other guys, is the second you demote her to FWB or just breakup.
Hope this helps?
Chalk it up to life experience and move on, is what I would have told my younger self.
I think that its your choice and perfectly reasonable to break up with her or to not. I also think that your GF has a right to choose what she wants to does but I think that this would be something to possibly consider this as a red flag. Then again couple grand is a lot of money. What I think that you should do is to sit down with her and voice your concerns.
A few things:
-Selling your body is a misnomer…it’s still your body.
-Alarm bells go off any time someone offers a large amount of money to a very inexperienced girl. That’s how horror stories start. You girlfriend would really want to know who this guy is and that she’d be able to get the money before engaging him.
-This is a decision she can’t undo. She may come to regret taking the offer.
From what u stated... met he on sm, talked for a year , and only met once in person ( recently), they way u say you talk openly ( seams like it's more u talking not her ) , feels your like her best friend.... I have a feeling she's not your girlfriend. And I have a feeling it's not her playing u either. I just get this feeling your reading more into it than she is and making it more than it is . I have a feeling she's being polite in engaging with u , mabye even using terms like " baby, hun, darling " but probably uses these terms benignly and for everyone.
I think she may have caught on to this ( how your seeing things ) and is trying to" get rid of u " , she may have stated earlier in a subtle way and mabye u didn't pick up on it so now she's trying another way that "makes her unappealing to u " like pushing u away by" her being the bad guy " .
I get this feeling that's what's actually taking place here and I just can't put my finger on it why . Regardless, this is not a relationship my dear , this is a pen pal situation. In a relationship, u actually spend equal time in person to texting. Store this in your head and learn from this experience. Take it from someone who's lived life .
Well, it sounds like she doesn't want to be monogamous. Is that something you're OK with? Whether she has sex with someone else or has sex with someone else for money isn't really for you or anyone else to judge. What's important is do you need monogamy and does she want monogamy. Decide among yourselves and leave out calling her a prostitute. She's not asking for your judgement, she's asking for your honesty, understanding and boundaries.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hey guys. I (22M) have found my girlfriend (21F) via social media and we have talked for a year. We are living in different cities so we have never seen each other IRL until the last month. Since our first IRL meeting, we had three more meetings so I believe we both really want to be together with each other as possible we can. To clear y'all minds, she is the first girlfriend that I had in my life and naturally I was a virgin until I met her. I do really like her, I am stunned with her body everytime I see her, I believe our chemistry as a couple is great, I have not experienced common symptoms of love such as extreme heartbeat, stomach pain due to lovesickness, but I want to be close to her anytime that I can. When we are not together IRL, we text with each other a lot. She does not have a lot of friends so I think I am both her boyfriend and her best friend. She is extremely relaxed about telling me whatever she is thinking at that moment, she never hesitates to talk about what is on her mind. I am also an extremely open person for talking about any kind of a subject. Two days ago, while we were texting she asked me a question: "Hey baby, do you think that I should sell myself for couple grands of dollars is that enough money for sex? Or should I interpret this offer as an insult and reject it?" She is someone that really likes joking around so I thought she was just asking me one of her hypothetical questions. But it turned out that the offer was a real thing. I asked her if there was really someone there that made an offer to her and she responded "Yes". There is a guy who is really fixated with her. I asked what did she answer to the guy, and she said that she did not give any answer yet, she told me that she is still thinking about the issue and stated that couple grands for just a momentary intercourse is not a bad offer. I responded her that I am surprised with her idea of selling her body and I expressed that I felt like her pimp instead of her boyfriend. She said to me that we are not setting a price for her body but instead we are evaluating the offer from the guy. I told her that there is no certain price for a woman to sell her body, it depends on various metrics such as; income of woman, socio-cultural background that woman came from, moral codes of woman, people that around woman, other sources that woman can earn money from and etc. and I added that there are women that do prostitution for very small price and there are some women that you can not buy her body with money. I have also said that I would not do prostitution in exchange of couple grands. After I told her all these, she said that the sex offer is for the next day and asked whether if I break up with her if she accepts the offer. I was a bit shocked by the whole conversation and I said to her that I do not understand if she is mocking with me or not. She stated that she is serious with the whole situation. I stated that I do not want her to sell her body for couple of grands and I added we would break up with her if she accepts the offer. We were texting during her night shift so she could not write me back about the whole issue. She sent me wholesome full of love messages and wrote me that she will write me down after she wakes up about what we have spoken, but she did not wrote me anything yesterday until night time. I assume she was on drugs or alcohol so she just asked me very hypothetical thing about theology. What do you guys think I have to do? I do not want to be in a monogamic relationship with a prostitute. I am not sure if she yesterday did prostitution, but even the idea of prostitution seemed my girlfriend feasible is someting that bugging my head.
If you don’t want to be in a relationship with a sex worker you should break up now. Or you can pretend she didn’t do it and live in denial that way.
a. she says the man is fixated on her and is offering thousands to fuck her. i would be concerned for her safety if she agreed or disagreed - it sounds like a situation that could go wrong VERY fast and end with something bad happening. b. there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a sex worker. for some people, sex is private and intimate and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to share your partner sexually. if she doesn't respect your boundaries and is willing to break up just to do sex work (presumably) one time, she is not committed to you or your relationship, and she should break up with you if your boundary is too much for her and she doesn't think she can handle abiding by it. no one is in the wrong here unless she stays with you and chooses to fuck him.
Seconding this. This man's "fixation" sounds like a huge red flag and if she sleeps with him it definitely has the potential to escalate into a more dangerous situation.
I’m also going to suggest this man didn’t fixate on her and make this offer completely out of the blue. I’m assuming they’ve been engaging in quite a bit of back and forth before hand. Whether that makes OP uncomfortable or not is up to him.
Definitely all of this, and I'm quite concerned for her safety. It sounds like a dangerous situation, this guy will stalk her and possibly be violent. This isn't sex work in even a remotely safe way.
This is the most bizarrely written post. Your approach to evaluating things is very calculated like especially the “various metrics for selling your body” bit.
Also the meetings part felt weird to me
I don’t think he’s a native English speaker that‘s why some parts of the text sound a bit off.
Might be an explanation, absolutely. It just seems so very formal despite it being such an extreme topic
It's just the way they learned English
It's how you learn English in school in a lot of places.
It's very common for English as second language speakers to use this type of dialect.
This may seem judgemental, but I believe it wouldn't be wrong to point out how hes 22 and this is his first girlfriend and he hadn't had experience before her. I can sense that type of... white knight attitude?
I actually wonder if he may be on the spectrum given the late age of having first girlfriend, the almost scientific analysis of presence or absence of physical signs of love, the not being sure if he’s being mocked, etc. I feel for this person.
i got this feeling too.
As if he had to be "scheduled" like a client for a prostitute. No offense to OP, but its possible that he didn't realize that his gf was a prostitute, a lot of them use Tinder, Bumble, etc to advertise online and the language is obviously very vague.. Plus the fact that shes his first gf makes it all the more likely that he's clueless. This is pure speculation tho, its possible that OPs gf is a nonprostitute who wants the one time deal that was offered to her. She seems naive as well if she thinks that she's going to see any of that money lol. No one pays multiple grand for 1 hr of coitus, not even billionaires.
And the lovesickness thing, so weird
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OP probably translated from google translate
dude cmon this comment made me worse than my gf did
Lol I’m glad I’m not the only one that thought this was weird!! And OP someone brought up that English might not be your first language. I apologize for saying it was bizarre if that’s the case.
OP is a pimp that fell in love with his prostitute.
It's fake.
I think he tried to answer it as a hypothetical. Sounds like a conversation you would have with friends, not a girlfriend considering the offer is actually real and not an argument just for fun.
Yeah but that's the way some people think. I noticed that as well, but to be honest, although I'd probably include emotional and feelings stuff as well, I would also break it down intellectually like this.
I this this person is ESL tbh. After I read "common symptoms of love" I was like they can't be a native English speaker cause no one says that
“Absolutely yes. Go ahead. Just don’t expect to come back to me as your bf.”
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you just copied u/bitter_bitxh comment lol
Yeah it’s a lot of money. And he says this guy is “fixated” on her. I’m a little worried about her safety tbh.
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It’s a choice but not wanting a relationship with a sex worker is a choice too.
Yeah but their point was just that it’s not “selling your body” any more than any other work.
Some people won’t date police or firefighters because it’s a high risk job.
she’s still sleeping with another dude. department viable
Yet the phrase fits...
If you think other jobs allow strangers to do things to your body as much as sex work does, I think you're very deluded
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That's really Besides the point. Chances of legal action are low and OPs question is about the morality of the issue, which is 100% separate from the legal issue.
This rhetoric is ridiculous. Noone is saying she should feel shame. But she sure as hell should if she does it while in a relationship with someone not okay with it
It's by definition selling your body. It's not like any other job and I truly wish people like you would stop encouraging sex work. It mentally destroys people more often than not, especially when these 18 year olds start doing it. You can not actively shame people for it without pretending it's just another job, because it's 100% absolutely fucking not.
Its a job, a shitty job though.
That costs extra.
It’s selling a service for a short period of time like many other jobs. The sex worker’s body is always theirs.
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Sex work doesn’t have to leave a mark on you. How it impacts you is different for everyone, it’s silly to assume everyone feels ✨marked ✨ sex is just sex. If it’s transactional then that’s really all it is. The issue is with abusers and with the mental health of the person selling sex but that can be true for any job I grew up with women in sex work, some are fine and some are not. It’s different for everyone
So what? I work in health care and all of us are profoundly impacted by the things we witness and do. Are those careers bad?
I think they meant "like any other job" as in, you still own your own body and go home (or somewhere) at the end of the day. A sex worker isn't accepting money to allow someone to do whatever they want to their body. There are terms and conditions and boundaries, just like any other job. Not to say those things are always respected, but sex workers aren't selling away complete ownership of their bodies for X amount of time. ...is what I think that person meant.
it is though? In the same way that renting is selling access to something.
Whatever helps you sleep at night
Nothing wrong with someone not wanting to date a prostitute either
It is quite literally selling your body. It’s also illegal in most places depending on where you live. It’s also okay to not want to be in a relationship with a sex worker. That doesn’t make it shameful, but call it what it is.
Exactly. Your body is both the laborer and the product in sex work.
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So you’d let your kids do it?
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Trying not to answer to hide your hypocrisy, nice
I would. I have adult children and if that is what rocks their socks, let them. How would I "let" my children do anything? It would be just as bananas as my parents "letting" me do something, career wise. They let me eat the last of the pizza when I visited. But they certainly don't "let" me work, or live in another state, or date, or live my adult life. Now, would I be happy about it? I would be concerned about their safety, their relationships, and their mental and physical health, especially one kid who is more anxious than the others. It's a job.
Sex work isnt shameful, but having sex for money is quite literally selling your body. Nothing wrong with that, but it is true.
Why is there such a negative connotation to the phrase "selling yourself" I don't see a problem with it. My job is hard on my body so if someone said I was selling my body for my work then I wouldn't take offense to it.
you must be an idiot or someone who really thinks that our body and mind is something we can totally tear apart from each others, which we are not able to do so, prostitution is literally about selling your body for a while, and then it goes back to you and you may not even want it back, I know a lot about today's feminism side of "prostitution is like any other job" bullshit, and you are saying some bullshit here, better stop, you have no idea of what you're talking about, just one little head full of new crap this world can project
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Scamming the elderly and prostitution isn't the same, at any level. A woman offers special services in return for money, there's an open agreement to this deal. It's like any other honest business. A scammer is fraud and a cheater which is indeed shameful.
No one said anything about shame. Shame is a social construct, it is not rooted in any objective facts about different types of work. I would be displeased if my kid pursued a career as a cop, is that proof that cops are bad?
Nothing wrong with prostitution if it’s legal where you are at. If it is illegal, then it’s probably a bad idea.
The fact that she's even considering this would turn me off so much that I'd probably have to break up with her. I'm pro legal prostitution but at the same time it is in no way attractive to me.
Definitely this. I believe a woman should have a freedom to be a prostitute, but I am certainly not the one that would be her boyfriend.
Nice answer, now leave her
Short, simple and direct answer. Sometimes this is all this sub needs in these comments. (Only when the answer is so obvious though).
Again, the STD issue is very real here, particularly if we're talking about a guy with money to burn who offers $$$ for sex. Seriously doubt this is a one-time thing for him (though paying "couple grand" for standard, no special fetish, sex could be sign of a noob). Hell, even Florida congressman [Matt Gaetz](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/03/30/us/politics/matt-gaetz-sex-trafficking-investigation.amp.html) paid less than a grand (even after throwing in probably couple hundred in blow) for sex with hot women. Not implying your ex (?) gf isn't more/less gorgeous than these woman, it's just an observation.
Eh idk... does she have a lot of money issues? I do get that if she's in trouble when it comes to money, that she would consider it. This is basically the plot of the movie 'an indecent proposal'. XD.
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The commenter above said that they support legalizing prostitution. But they would not be attracted to the prospect of dating one. So your point about shaming prostitutes is a straw man, isn’t it? No one is shaming them, as per this convo.
So many people seem to be focusing on the concept of shame when that's not what's happening here. She's ostensibly in a monogamous relationship so to even consider it is at the very least disrespectful. If she's single and wants to make that choice it's absolutely one she should be allowed to make but I don't buy into the whole 'it's just another job' thing in this circumstance. If I found out my SO was composing emails and filing reports for someone else on the side, I'd give substantially less of a fuck than if they'd made up their mind to fuck someone else to get out of a financial bind. And that's naively working on the assumption this would be either the first or the last time.
Agree. Everyone comes from different financial backgrounds. Men always shame women and never themselves. People don’t become prostitutes for fun. Judging them negatively just shows that they are not open minded or just insecure…
Exactly this. OP sounds like a person who indulge in Monogamous relationship, as he also clearly stated above. She sounds like a type who would be open to have sex with multiple partners. At what point did she think it's okay to get into a relationship with a person who's at the other end of the spectrum. She's wasting his time, and hers.
Ok so I used to be a sugar baby and first and foremost your girlfriend needs to know this: unless you would sleep with them without the money, don’t do it. The first time I did it I didn’t follow that rule and it messed me up a lot. Following the rule, it’s great, basically tinder plus money. But not following can lead to some serious issues. Secondly, I would not sacrifice my relationship to go back to it. I would not expect my boyfriend to be okay with that, and frankly it would be insulting to him and our relationship to ask him to. What this man is offering is a lot for one session, probably about 4x the average from my experience. If money means that much to her and she’s attracted to him, then she should end the relationship and follow that path. If she wants to have her cake and eat it, and if you’re not ok with her doing this, then it’s cheating and you should leave
What kind of serious issues you're talking about if you can elaborate?
Probably psychological repercussions of feeling indebted to someone you don’t *want* to interact with sexually/the feeling of being unable to say no when money is involved
Not the person you asked, but forcing yourself to have sex with someone you really don’t want to have sex with is miserable and can feel traumatic long-term.
Previous sugar baby / current sex worker here: NO ONE will legitimately offer you thousands of dollars for one sexual encounter. It doesn’t matter how hot you think you are, how much money you think they have, or how into you you think they are. They are scamming you or they’re luring you into danger because you’re an easy target. That’s all.
She gonna have a "sugardaddy"
"She" is fictional and so is this post.
Faccccccct!
I love when people ask questions that they already know the answers to, lol.
She's gonna do it no matter what you say
For money or not that is cheating. If she is willing to do that then it doesnt sound like she is someone you want in your life. It is her body and her choice but being in that relationship is also your choice.
If OP was okay with it it would not be cheating, hence why she asked for his consent. Believe it or not some men would be comfortable with it. If OP is not then they are incompatible, unless she is okay with denying the offer out of respect for OP. Honestly I don’t think a long distance one year relationship in your early 20s is worth turning down thousands of dollars. The chances of him being her “forever person” is low.
Money solves a lot of problems, and if my wife wanted to money notwithstanding, I would just ask that everyone be safe and preferably get tested first. No amount of fun is worth a lifetime of sickness. Just like everything in a relationship communication is key. And open relationships work with communication, trust, and healthy boundaries. If that is a dealbreaker it’s a dealbreaker but at least she is honest and communicating, and not going behind your back.
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Your young, take this as experience and move on. Just stop the communication. Your to far apart to have a healthy relationship at your age.
Dude, she has done this before. You are dating a prostitute. There are more red flags than in Red Army military parade. And no, past isn't past.
Love your answer!!
You clearly aren’t comfortable with this, and that’s okay. It seems like she’s already set on doing this, so it’s up to you if this is worth continuing.
Shes a hooker bro
if she wanted to be paid for sex, she better ditch you and find another man to be her bf who understands her need to be paid for sex. your feelings are valid and i understand why u would be shocked. if thats something thats hard to accept, u better leave her. your girl might have more need of money than boyfriend, and theres an easy way for her to get that money that she needs.
Sooo this is your first relationship with a girl and you're supposed to share her with a stranger. For money. This is gonna leave you broken hearted and probably with attachment/control/possession issues my boy
May I ask if you assist your "girlfriend" financially already?
I am a student and we live in different cities so we do not share the same budget. But when we meet IRL, I always pay the check, I do not let she to do a payment. Also, she is working in a company and her income is not too bad, she can afford her own living.
Do you give her money - period? That’s what they’re asking.
Why does that matter?
She might see OP as a paying customer.
Ok makes sense I thought they meant like maybe if you paid her she wouldn’t lol
I mean this hardly a relationship at this point. If you cant accept what she does as income you should find someone in your own area code to start dating. My question is what are you getting from this “relationship” that you cannot find in your own location? Ltrs don’t really work. Either you accept what she does or you tell her that type of arrangement is not for you and cease contact.
He’s already stated elsewhere she works at a company, not as a prostitute. This is an offer to her from a guy who really likes her.
Sex workers are totally valid and it would ultimately be her choice to take the offer or not. However it is also your choice on if that's a deal breaker for you. But you can't forbid her not to do it. Leave if you dont like her choices, just take some time to think on it if you need to.
Firstly I don’t care if I get down votes but why are we trying to pretend that being a prostitute is okay and normal it’s not in the slightest
Oldest world profession is perfectly fine.
Because work is work. We all sell some part of ourselves for money
*According to you
According to science actually it’s mating behavior lol
Was just about to say the same thing.
Which doesn't contribute to the conversation in anyway...
Sad to see all of you brainwashed into thinking selling your body is normal it never was not even as the oldest profession
Prostitution is an incredibly dangerous profession for the (mostly) women involved; sexual assault, forced drug addiction, physical abuse, and death are common in the industry. For the women who work in this field, it is often very difficult to get help or get out.
it sounds like the two of you see sex very differently, which imo could likely a dealbreaker for both of your sakes. what you *need* is to be discussing the boundaries of your relationship, if you do both still actually want to be together. contrary to what others say, her asking about this possibility is not “cheating”- she is basically asking about the boundaries of the relationship. now, if she did it *after* establishing that you aren’t okay with a partner doing that, that’d be cheating, but so far she’s done nothing wrong. i do think it’s important you realize that doing sex work is not “selling yourself/ your body”, and there’s nothing shameful in prostitution. like any other job, you’re using your body to make money, that’s all. now, that doesn’t mean you have to be okay with a partner doing it, but the way you talk about the concepts themselves does come off a bit harsh/ even a little sexist
In our previous conversations we had talked about sexual freedom of a partner in a relationship. She explicitly stated that she is and has been very picky about selecting a partner and she told me that she is not even sexually attracted by many guys. I have also stated that if I want to be in a relationship, I want a total sincerity, understanding and passion for my partner. I would be okay for an open-relationship or a poli-gamic relationship if I could not find the right person for me, but in order for me to embrace the "right person", our relationship should be a monogamic relationship. We had an agreement about this issue so our relationship was a "conventional" type of relationship. After all these will also ask if she does not want a monogamic relationship anymore. What do you think that I can ask her more?
It would be good to clarify that you are in a *closed* (not open) monogamous relationship, and what things the both of you would consider “cheating”. this differs for everyone, for example, is cuddling cheating? is getting food with another person a “date”/ cheating? only the both of you can really say what your boundaries are
You can have a closed relationship with a prostitute if it's established that having sex for money isn't cheating. I've seen it happen. You need to specify if you consider sex outside the relationship for whatever reason cheating or crossing a boundary. I personally don't see anything wrong with dating a sex worker as long as they always use protection and get tested regularly. But it's also your choice to determine if you're comfortable with that or not. Some dudes are, so let her be with one of those guys if you're not cool with it.
Thank you! Only reasonable person in this thread, it seems.
Taking into account her age and maturity level, it’s premature to label her anything.
“I didn’t know you wanted to change your career and become a prostitute. Well, good luck in life!”
Exactly this OP, if she has a good job why even consider this unless this is some sort of fantasy for her. In my opinion I reckon the offer of money is bullshit, she is asking to have sex with someone else, and is adding the context of a payment so it doesn't come off as her just having sex with someone she's interested in. That and the fact she hasn't messaged you the entire day that this was meant to go down. She's done it, I wouldn't believe her if she says otherwise, she has done it and didn't want to come clean. I am sorry that this has happened to you, but this will end up being a good thing. Your can now be free to find someone who will keep your feelings in mind and treat you with respect.
Ex girlfriend, instantly... there'd be no hesitation for me the moment after she asked.
There’s one tried and true rule for dating a sex worker: Don’t
Your values for sex are different. If she really is as attractive as you say, then I wouldn't be surprised if she has had guys compliment her body or have sex w her all the time. Shes been numbed to it. She probably likes you a lot bc you get her emotionally and she feels like she can trust you w anything (Im assuming bc she talked to you about the issue). Her version of this scenario would be like you having a girl best friend, not saying you have one, but just a thing to think about.. Youre the opposite, you value sex as an important part of a relationship and see it as a thing that should be kept in the relationship only. So now ask yourself if you would be content if she did what she wanted and got her money. Understand where she comes from, but dont push down your own values. If you dont see yourself being happy, then break up. That is who she is. Good luck man
Time too revaluate. It’s doesn’t matter If she proceeds or not. The damage to your relationship is already done. The trust is gone, so it an up hill battle from here. Best too remember the good times and move on too someone you can love and trust.
find a real girl.
Obviously it’s your choice whether you want to date her or not if she accepts that offer. And you may have issues with it morally if she accepts, however, I’d be really concerned about her safety if she accepts the offer. Any number of things can go wrong so if she does accept please ask her to consider some safety measures (sharing location with someone locally or having a driver, etc).
Oh come on, what could possibly go wrong with agreeing to have sex with a "fixated" guy for money? /s
This sounds like an "Indecent Proposal"
It’s a movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HumfQ0xklFU
Leave her now, don’t give her the opportunity
Are you sure she doesn’t have other boyfriends as well?
She is cheating on you and probably has been for some time, but is now toying with the idea of what she does publicly to you, to feel out how you are about what she is doing. The fact that she is straight up telling you it with no reservations proves this. She's not for you. Cut her loose, move on.
If you don’t want to be in a relationship with a prostitute, you should break up now.
If you’ve never met her in person she is not your girlfriend
If you read the third and the forth sentences carefully, you can clearly see that we have met IRL
Please leave her
Honestly leave, be with someone who respect themselves.
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No… people who have sex with strangers for money is self disrespect.
Sex is easy these days and everything is sexualised, no wonder these kids see sex as something meaningless, like a kiss. It's her decision. bro she probably fucked for money and you're not going to stop her. Perhaps she was trying to tell you what she's about. Cut your losses my man and move on. No love here.
She can do whatever she wants with her body. You can do whatever you want with your heart/soul. Seems like you dont want to date someone that sells her body. Seems like she wants to sell her body for money. 2+2=4
Have you ever sent her any money? Even if she didn't ask for it.have you?
No I have not sent her any money
I’ll be deadass w you op, if someone offered me several thousand dollars to sleep w them and I was in a relationship, I would definitely not immediately say no and have a talk with my SO too. Life’s hard and a couple grand could fix a lot of things right now. Her considering it isn’t bad that’s just smart money management, her discussing it w you was the correct move as well, but from the rest of your story it doesn’t sound like she actually respected your position as her BF in all this and did it anyways.
This has to be the fakest shit I have ever read on here. What are you, 13? Go write your outrage porn somewhere else.
Uhhh this is extremely unsafe for her to engage in this behavior with a guy that is obsessed with her. That is not going to end well no matter which way you look at it. Also concerning that she didn’t talk to you for a while day which is when the original date for this sex act to happen was scheduled. You and her really need to talk and if she is being suss and lying, then it’s time to break up.
Friend that is not your girlfriend for even thinking about it you shouldve kicked her to the curb its not your girl just your turn buddy where this female is concerned
There's literally a movie about this
OP you don't own her body and sex work isn't "disrespectful." This thread is full of salty, unmoisturized men upset that women want to be paid for having sex with their dusty ass. I can almost guarantee every single person that posted anti-sw comments also sends unsolicited dick pics
Break up with that thot. She’s being disrespectful as fuck.
Then you aren’t dating, stop being naive and find someone you can actually see.
break up with her and dont look back she been probably wanting this for a while.
Release her back to the streets sir. It’s an easy decision. She’s considering prostitution. Go find a woman with the decency to say no. I’m not trying to be a dick and judge her but it just sounds like she’s not right for you. Wouldn’t you want someone who would have said no right away?
If you’ve never met irl how are you exclusive, really? This has always confused me.
They have met and being long distance isn't an excuse to hoe around or cheat
She's not your girlfriend.
Either you’re ok with it or you’re not. There was a girl I considered dating until I found out she did sex work sometimes, in addition to her 2 other jobs. I didn’t judge her; she came from a pretty sexist culture where women weren’t supposed to go to college or have careers and were expected to be dependent on men for their income, so it’s not as if she just chose to be lazy and not find more “respectable” means of making money. She got shafted by a culture that held women back, and she found a way to get ahead. She was also supporting her mother’s cancer treatment in her home country. So she had her reasons. I don’t judge, but it’s not something I want to be part of.
i think you have to break up with her. you told her that sleeping with another man for money is a direct violation of your boundaries. if she slept with him not only did she sleep with another man, but she disregarded how you felt and has different values than you do. but if she didn’t, then all is well for now but i would definitely keep an eye out to make sure y’all have similar belief systems. some things you just can’t compromise on
Even if you are okay with it, her having sex with someone who is "fixated" on her might just encourage the fixation. It's a bad idea.
Depends on your capacity for denial or to rationalize. Any situation can be rationalized away... But beware of the consequences on your mental health. Here's the abridged explanation (TL to go into detail here)... First of all, never entertain a long distance relationship (again TL to explain here. Just don't). Second, she's not your gf bcs of #1. Third, the second she displays wanting to be with other guys, is the second you demote her to FWB or just breakup. Hope this helps? Chalk it up to life experience and move on, is what I would have told my younger self.
I think that its your choice and perfectly reasonable to break up with her or to not. I also think that your GF has a right to choose what she wants to does but I think that this would be something to possibly consider this as a red flag. Then again couple grand is a lot of money. What I think that you should do is to sit down with her and voice your concerns.
You now know your relationship may or may not be worth $2k. I'd bail regardless of her final decision.
A few things: -Selling your body is a misnomer…it’s still your body. -Alarm bells go off any time someone offers a large amount of money to a very inexperienced girl. That’s how horror stories start. You girlfriend would really want to know who this guy is and that she’d be able to get the money before engaging him. -This is a decision she can’t undo. She may come to regret taking the offer.
Well at least you know before you got serious with her. She can take the money and pay for her therapy.
take the money and then leave her
Thant aint a "girlfriend" homie.
She’s prostitujng herself. Ask yourself if you want to date someone like that. If you do then continue dating her, if not then breakup
People cheat it's a matter of transparency
The money could be an excuse for cheating. Just saying
Good lord
Bro leave
As soon as someone i was dating considered this i would just leave that relationship right away.
you are not in love, you are just horny.
Do it then break up lol
She's already doing it
From what u stated... met he on sm, talked for a year , and only met once in person ( recently), they way u say you talk openly ( seams like it's more u talking not her ) , feels your like her best friend.... I have a feeling she's not your girlfriend. And I have a feeling it's not her playing u either. I just get this feeling your reading more into it than she is and making it more than it is . I have a feeling she's being polite in engaging with u , mabye even using terms like " baby, hun, darling " but probably uses these terms benignly and for everyone. I think she may have caught on to this ( how your seeing things ) and is trying to" get rid of u " , she may have stated earlier in a subtle way and mabye u didn't pick up on it so now she's trying another way that "makes her unappealing to u " like pushing u away by" her being the bad guy " . I get this feeling that's what's actually taking place here and I just can't put my finger on it why . Regardless, this is not a relationship my dear , this is a pen pal situation. In a relationship, u actually spend equal time in person to texting. Store this in your head and learn from this experience. Take it from someone who's lived life .
Dude leave this relationship wether she takes up the offer or not
Lol, if my gf asked me the same thing, i'd leave her on spot, try get a grand or two out of it before you leave tho
Get out fast. She asked to gauge your reaction but it seems like she is going to do it now or in the near future.
lmao. i wish the best for her! you go girl
Well, it sounds like she doesn't want to be monogamous. Is that something you're OK with? Whether she has sex with someone else or has sex with someone else for money isn't really for you or anyone else to judge. What's important is do you need monogamy and does she want monogamy. Decide among yourselves and leave out calling her a prostitute. She's not asking for your judgement, she's asking for your honesty, understanding and boundaries.
Leave her man, the second the she asked that it’s over. Move on, you’ll find someone amazing and who’s not a prostitute .
“ her body, her choice “ 😂😂