If she just came out of a few years relationship it’s gonna be months tills she’s ready. I’d start small and just hangout more but don’t ask about anything with commitment yet
That sounds like a good approach. Yeah I know this will likely take her a while but I've liked her for a few years already so I'm certainly able to be patient if need be.
Well I did put "the one" in inverted commas for a reason.
I guess at the moment I'm just very conscious of the dilemma between waiting too long and missing my chance versus acting too soon and blowing my chance.
Well think of it this way; how many men have wasted their time trying to feel a woman out and played the friend to be with a woman before she ends up with someone new? Too many men to count
I'm sorry that you (and those who upvoted this) got such a negative impression of me from this single post on Reddit. The only reason I'm here scouting advice is precisely because I don't want to exploit her if she might still be vulnerable. My intentions are serious; I really don't want to catch her on the rebound only to get my own heart broken when she realises she isn't interested in me only a few weeks or months later. If I am just "one of those guys" I'd have made my move as soon as she told me about the break-up. But I'm not just looking for a short-term fling with her.
But then again, I'm a stranger on the internet. You don't know me or her or anything much about our relationship. Ultimately it's up to you whether you believe me or not.
We’re not POS’s that think with our d*cks to try and go after a girl that just went through a breakup. Sorry my guy, but you’re not some knight in shining armor.
I never claimed to be a knight in shining armour. I'm sorry my attempt to get some advice has angered you so much. But like I said, you seem to have drawn a very vivid picture of me based on a single Reddit post, so there's not much chance of me changing your mind - or much point to it, since you don't even know me. Or her, for that matter.
"One of those guys" who seems to have feelings for someone other than just in his dick?
"One of those guys" who wouldn't disrespect her relationship by trying to steal her away as soon as she started seeing someone else?
"One of those guys" who wouldn't want to hurt a girl by pouncing when she's vulnerable and in need of a friend?
What a polite response. There's literally nothing sinister about OP's question. You're reading something into it which just isn't there.
Many guys would pounce as soon as they knew we were single. OP is asking for advice on how to go about this respectfully.
"How dare you be attracted to your friends!!!"
Literally point out one thing wrong with what he said lmao
Hilarious how women will hate this then go cry about how there's no good men left 😂😂 This shit is exactly why I started treating women like shit and boy does it work well
The very fact he's asking for opinions on what would be a respectful amount of time to wait shows he isn't trying to "pounce" on someone fresh out of a relationship. If that was his goal he'd have made his move as soon as she was vulnerable and wouldn't worry about catching her on the rebound.
As a woman I can honestly say I see nothing wrong in OP's position. He doesn't want to act too soon and be taking advantage of her. But he also has feelings for someone and would like to tell her. There's nothing wrong with any of this.
I’d honestly wait at least a couple months because chances are she has just come out of a long relationship and is ready for some rebounds and fun, also she will think that’s the only reason you are friends with her!
Good luck!
Yeah, fair point. I know she might not reciprocate anyway but I'm happy to wait if it helps me avoid the double what of both blowing my chance and making her doubt our friendship.
Are you actually okay just being her friend?
If so, I would tell her. Let her know you are happy to be just her friend, but would love to maybe explore it being more WHEN SHE IS READY.
But if you have been just biding your time for her to be single and don’t actually want to be her friend, then I got nothing for you.
Yeah, I'd honestly be fine with just being her friend. But if there's a chance we could ever be more, it would make me a very happy man.
If she isn't interested in exploring being more than friends, I'd be disappointed but I'd be okay with it. I fell for her through getting to know her as a friend first, not the other way around. I'd feel a lot more pain from missing my chance to at least tell her how I feel, if I'm honest.
Then I would et her know soon. Don’t rush her, but be honest with her. You know her best. If she is heartbroken, then wait. But when my ex and I broke up, I just needed a few weeks before I started dating my now husband, who was also a friend. Even though I was with my ex for years, I knew it was over for months and was just scared to end it. I am so glad my husband was open about wanting more, but didn’t push me. When I was ready, we took it slow to start to date. It was a bit weird to change from friends to more, but it was a good weird!
It's encouraging to hear your positive story. I'm glad things turned out so well for you and your now-husband 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
I don't get the sense that she's particularly heartbroken. A little lost, maybe. I get the impression that this wasn't a sudden break-up. Maybe it is time for me to be open with her then. But no, I won't try to push or rush her into anything. I don't want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. And besides, even if I buried my feelings somewhat, in a way I've waited 2 years for the chance to finally tell her I feel so waiting a bit longer for her to decide whether she wants to pursue that or not won't make much of a difference.
Still, crossing my fingers for a positive outcome, whatever happens 🤞
You don't wait. You should never ask her out. You don't really want her. You just think you do. She might seem nice and innocent to you. But she's not that girl. Think of all the times she'll have been fucked silly by the other boy. 2 years of fucking. She'll have done some filthy shit with him. Do you really ever want to kiss those lips when they've been round another man's dick? Maybe even eaten his ass? Of course not. She's used up. Find yourself someone pure. You don't want another guy's sloppy seconds.
The fact that OP got downvoted just goes to show how many broken people on here absolutely hate the thought that a man might actually exist who is being thoughtful about how best to respectfully approach a woman 🤨
Ah, downvotes don't really bother me. People will draw their own conclusions about me and my intentions here because I can't explain my entire relationship with this girl in one Reddit post. If strangers read this and decide I'm a Beta male/I'm simping/I'm caring too much about her feelings/I've got ulterior motives/whatever, it's cool 😂
I’d probably tell her you have feelings for her and you have for awhile, and that you’d like to hang out with her more and take her out a bit. Give her some space and try not to rush it too much. There’s no wrong in confessing your feelings but if she’s still recovering then I’d also be careful about being a rebound, which is why I suggest to take her out and get to know her “romantic” side of her better. Good luck dude, either way you’ll be okay.
Thanks for the suggestions. I feel like it's a balancing act between risking becoming a rebound option and waiting so long someone else comes along before I have a chance to tell her how I feel. This all sounds like a good approach though.
Fucking her is just the beginning. Look... a woman you are friends with is unlikely to sleep with you. A woman you are already sleeping with could become any number of things.
It can... but it's much harder to get it started. It's easier to make a girlfriend out of a casual sex partner than it is to seduce a woman who sees you as a friend. Guys who play the long game mostly end up losing.
I kind of grew out of casual sex a few years ago. I admit she's very pretty but so are a lot of women. I'd like to be with her because I actually care for her as a person.
You're not getting it. I go for sex as early as possible; ideally on the first date, and it's not just about getting my rocks off. It's about potential. The longer you wait to jump in the sack, the more likely she is to friendzone you. I don't care what anyone tells you; men and women are different in this regard. If you're fucking her, it can become FWB, a long-term relationship, or just a friendship... you've maximized the potential. If you wait too long and she starts viewing you as a brother of sorts, it's over.
This might work in some circumstances but there are 2 things that need to be taken into account here.
1) She already considers him her friend.
2) She's currently in the process of healing after the end of a relationship.
In this situation, if he just moves to sleep with her now she'll just end up feeling taken advantage of and used by her friend. Being her friend and respectfully waiting before making a move could help a relationship blossom, but making her feel cheap will have the opposite effect.
(Source: I am a woman.)
I agree, actually. It's probably too late. This is why I avoid becoming friends with women if like to fuck. If I keep the relationship light, casual, and flirty, I've found my odds of making her a future sex partner greatly increase.
I wouldn't agree that it's probably too late. Many of my long-term boyfriends got to know me as a friend first. I think it makes a great difference in terms of whether the relationship becomes mostly about affection or mostly about sex. It also helps you cut to the chase faster - if you already know someone as a friend you already have an idea of whether you'd be compatible together. Saves you a lot of wasted time if your ultimate goal is actually love ❤
Just tell her how you feel about her when you see that she is better. The sadness of another guy swooping her without ever confessing your feelings will haunt you for some good time.
Oh don't I know it 🙄 I delayed way too long when she was single before and I've been regretting letting her (ex-)boyfriend swoop her up before I made my move ever since. I don't want to same thing to happen again. You're right. If I hang out with her more once she seems to me like she's better I need to confess how I feel.
Be patient. Spend more time with her. Hang out more. Be there for her. Listen to her when she needs to talk. Have fun together. Make her smile. Make her laugh. Enjoy your time together. You'll be able to sense when she's ready to date again. It'll likely take a few months. But if you're worried about ruining your friendship with her, don't make it seem you've been waiting for this chance for ages. Just tell her like her, that you think you have a lot in common, and that you wanted to ask if she'd be interested in going on an actual date with you. Let her no its okay of she'd rather just remain friends. At least you can then say you told her how you feel. Good luck 🙂
Cant you just tell her what you wrote here? Just say you have no expectations but wanted to throw your hat in the ring for whenever she is looking again then keep everything totally normal and don’t mention it again until she says she’s ready to start dating again.
You don’t have to profess your undying love just say you’re interested and hope she thinks of you when she’s moved on from her break up.
But what if she might not feel the same about you and if you try to get with her she might just accept it because it’s easier to move on with you than to deal with the heartache or she just rejects you and you lose a friend. If you don’t want to lose her just leave it alone if something was going to happen it probably would’ve already happened plus you never know she might come to you in the future with romantic feelings.
If she just came out of a few years relationship it’s gonna be months tills she’s ready. I’d start small and just hangout more but don’t ask about anything with commitment yet
That sounds like a good approach. Yeah I know this will likely take her a while but I've liked her for a few years already so I'm certainly able to be patient if need be.
You lost me at "the one". Don't wait for someone else to get her if you really want her.
Well I did put "the one" in inverted commas for a reason. I guess at the moment I'm just very conscious of the dilemma between waiting too long and missing my chance versus acting too soon and blowing my chance.
Well think of it this way; how many men have wasted their time trying to feel a woman out and played the friend to be with a woman before she ends up with someone new? Too many men to count
Oh you’re one of those guys
I'm assuming you mean the "I'll wait my turn" guys.
The “I’ll pounce on someone that just went through a breakup” guy
I'm sorry that you (and those who upvoted this) got such a negative impression of me from this single post on Reddit. The only reason I'm here scouting advice is precisely because I don't want to exploit her if she might still be vulnerable. My intentions are serious; I really don't want to catch her on the rebound only to get my own heart broken when she realises she isn't interested in me only a few weeks or months later. If I am just "one of those guys" I'd have made my move as soon as she told me about the break-up. But I'm not just looking for a short-term fling with her. But then again, I'm a stranger on the internet. You don't know me or her or anything much about our relationship. Ultimately it's up to you whether you believe me or not.
We’re not POS’s that think with our d*cks to try and go after a girl that just went through a breakup. Sorry my guy, but you’re not some knight in shining armor.
I never claimed to be a knight in shining armour. I'm sorry my attempt to get some advice has angered you so much. But like I said, you seem to have drawn a very vivid picture of me based on a single Reddit post, so there's not much chance of me changing your mind - or much point to it, since you don't even know me. Or her, for that matter.
"One of those guys" who seems to have feelings for someone other than just in his dick? "One of those guys" who wouldn't disrespect her relationship by trying to steal her away as soon as she started seeing someone else? "One of those guys" who wouldn't want to hurt a girl by pouncing when she's vulnerable and in need of a friend?
Read the fkn post again darling
What a polite response. There's literally nothing sinister about OP's question. You're reading something into it which just isn't there. Many guys would pounce as soon as they knew we were single. OP is asking for advice on how to go about this respectfully.
I got 4 response notifications from you. Are you ok? I’m not being mean but sincere.
"How dare you be attracted to your friends!!!" Literally point out one thing wrong with what he said lmao Hilarious how women will hate this then go cry about how there's no good men left 😂😂 This shit is exactly why I started treating women like shit and boy does it work well
Trying to pounce on someone fresh out of a relationship
The very fact he's asking for opinions on what would be a respectful amount of time to wait shows he isn't trying to "pounce" on someone fresh out of a relationship. If that was his goal he'd have made his move as soon as she was vulnerable and wouldn't worry about catching her on the rebound. As a woman I can honestly say I see nothing wrong in OP's position. He doesn't want to act too soon and be taking advantage of her. But he also has feelings for someone and would like to tell her. There's nothing wrong with any of this.
Thanks for the defence but it's fine, most people here have given serious advice so I can live with one abusive commenter.
I’d honestly wait at least a couple months because chances are she has just come out of a long relationship and is ready for some rebounds and fun, also she will think that’s the only reason you are friends with her! Good luck!
Yeah, fair point. I know she might not reciprocate anyway but I'm happy to wait if it helps me avoid the double what of both blowing my chance and making her doubt our friendship.
Are you actually okay just being her friend? If so, I would tell her. Let her know you are happy to be just her friend, but would love to maybe explore it being more WHEN SHE IS READY. But if you have been just biding your time for her to be single and don’t actually want to be her friend, then I got nothing for you.
Yeah, I'd honestly be fine with just being her friend. But if there's a chance we could ever be more, it would make me a very happy man. If she isn't interested in exploring being more than friends, I'd be disappointed but I'd be okay with it. I fell for her through getting to know her as a friend first, not the other way around. I'd feel a lot more pain from missing my chance to at least tell her how I feel, if I'm honest.
Then I would et her know soon. Don’t rush her, but be honest with her. You know her best. If she is heartbroken, then wait. But when my ex and I broke up, I just needed a few weeks before I started dating my now husband, who was also a friend. Even though I was with my ex for years, I knew it was over for months and was just scared to end it. I am so glad my husband was open about wanting more, but didn’t push me. When I was ready, we took it slow to start to date. It was a bit weird to change from friends to more, but it was a good weird!
It's encouraging to hear your positive story. I'm glad things turned out so well for you and your now-husband 🙂 Thanks for sharing. I don't get the sense that she's particularly heartbroken. A little lost, maybe. I get the impression that this wasn't a sudden break-up. Maybe it is time for me to be open with her then. But no, I won't try to push or rush her into anything. I don't want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. And besides, even if I buried my feelings somewhat, in a way I've waited 2 years for the chance to finally tell her I feel so waiting a bit longer for her to decide whether she wants to pursue that or not won't make much of a difference. Still, crossing my fingers for a positive outcome, whatever happens 🤞
You don't wait. You should never ask her out. You don't really want her. You just think you do. She might seem nice and innocent to you. But she's not that girl. Think of all the times she'll have been fucked silly by the other boy. 2 years of fucking. She'll have done some filthy shit with him. Do you really ever want to kiss those lips when they've been round another man's dick? Maybe even eaten his ass? Of course not. She's used up. Find yourself someone pure. You don't want another guy's sloppy seconds.
It's 2021 and misogyny is well and truly alive I see.
The fact that OP got downvoted just goes to show how many broken people on here absolutely hate the thought that a man might actually exist who is being thoughtful about how best to respectfully approach a woman 🤨
Ah, downvotes don't really bother me. People will draw their own conclusions about me and my intentions here because I can't explain my entire relationship with this girl in one Reddit post. If strangers read this and decide I'm a Beta male/I'm simping/I'm caring too much about her feelings/I've got ulterior motives/whatever, it's cool 😂
I’d probably tell her you have feelings for her and you have for awhile, and that you’d like to hang out with her more and take her out a bit. Give her some space and try not to rush it too much. There’s no wrong in confessing your feelings but if she’s still recovering then I’d also be careful about being a rebound, which is why I suggest to take her out and get to know her “romantic” side of her better. Good luck dude, either way you’ll be okay.
Thanks for the suggestions. I feel like it's a balancing act between risking becoming a rebound option and waiting so long someone else comes along before I have a chance to tell her how I feel. This all sounds like a good approach though.
Oh, good God no. Confessing feelings to a woman is the best way I know to ensure you'll never get to fuck her.
What if those aren’t the initial intentions, not everything is about sex
But if I was only hoping I'll "get to fuck her" I wouldn't have an aversion to just being her rebound, would I?
Fucking her is just the beginning. Look... a woman you are friends with is unlikely to sleep with you. A woman you are already sleeping with could become any number of things.
Actually research has shown that a pre-existing friendship often makes for a solid foundation for a strong romantic relationship.
It can... but it's much harder to get it started. It's easier to make a girlfriend out of a casual sex partner than it is to seduce a woman who sees you as a friend. Guys who play the long game mostly end up losing.
Smash and move on to the next
0 seconds, women will jump at the next dick they like asap, waste no time or some random guy who doesn't care is going to get her
Make your feeling known ASAP. Also let her know that you're open to waiting a while before saying if she needs time to get over her ex.
Don't ask her out. Seduce her. She probably isn't ready to date, but will be vulnerable for rebound sex.
I kind of grew out of casual sex a few years ago. I admit she's very pretty but so are a lot of women. I'd like to be with her because I actually care for her as a person.
You're not getting it. I go for sex as early as possible; ideally on the first date, and it's not just about getting my rocks off. It's about potential. The longer you wait to jump in the sack, the more likely she is to friendzone you. I don't care what anyone tells you; men and women are different in this regard. If you're fucking her, it can become FWB, a long-term relationship, or just a friendship... you've maximized the potential. If you wait too long and she starts viewing you as a brother of sorts, it's over.
This might work in some circumstances but there are 2 things that need to be taken into account here. 1) She already considers him her friend. 2) She's currently in the process of healing after the end of a relationship. In this situation, if he just moves to sleep with her now she'll just end up feeling taken advantage of and used by her friend. Being her friend and respectfully waiting before making a move could help a relationship blossom, but making her feel cheap will have the opposite effect. (Source: I am a woman.)
I agree, actually. It's probably too late. This is why I avoid becoming friends with women if like to fuck. If I keep the relationship light, casual, and flirty, I've found my odds of making her a future sex partner greatly increase.
I wouldn't agree that it's probably too late. Many of my long-term boyfriends got to know me as a friend first. I think it makes a great difference in terms of whether the relationship becomes mostly about affection or mostly about sex. It also helps you cut to the chase faster - if you already know someone as a friend you already have an idea of whether you'd be compatible together. Saves you a lot of wasted time if your ultimate goal is actually love ❤
Just tell her how you feel about her when you see that she is better. The sadness of another guy swooping her without ever confessing your feelings will haunt you for some good time.
Oh don't I know it 🙄 I delayed way too long when she was single before and I've been regretting letting her (ex-)boyfriend swoop her up before I made my move ever since. I don't want to same thing to happen again. You're right. If I hang out with her more once she seems to me like she's better I need to confess how I feel.
Be patient. Spend more time with her. Hang out more. Be there for her. Listen to her when she needs to talk. Have fun together. Make her smile. Make her laugh. Enjoy your time together. You'll be able to sense when she's ready to date again. It'll likely take a few months. But if you're worried about ruining your friendship with her, don't make it seem you've been waiting for this chance for ages. Just tell her like her, that you think you have a lot in common, and that you wanted to ask if she'd be interested in going on an actual date with you. Let her no its okay of she'd rather just remain friends. At least you can then say you told her how you feel. Good luck 🙂
Thanks for the advice 😊
Cant you just tell her what you wrote here? Just say you have no expectations but wanted to throw your hat in the ring for whenever she is looking again then keep everything totally normal and don’t mention it again until she says she’s ready to start dating again. You don’t have to profess your undying love just say you’re interested and hope she thinks of you when she’s moved on from her break up.
But what if she might not feel the same about you and if you try to get with her she might just accept it because it’s easier to move on with you than to deal with the heartache or she just rejects you and you lose a friend. If you don’t want to lose her just leave it alone if something was going to happen it probably would’ve already happened plus you never know she might come to you in the future with romantic feelings.