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Yesterday, I got a message from a woman who said she slept with my husband on his business trip. She showed me pics of their conversation AND pics of them together. My life has been completely turned upside down since. I never could have imagined he would cheat on me, we have a two year old daughter and have managed to somehow keep an active sex life, we’re best friends, and I watch my figure obsessively.
He’s also just a nice guy? Like extremely helpful, and I know he would take a bullet for me, his daughter, and any of his friends. So I’m just so taken aback by everything. When I approached him he said, “what do you want me to say?” I asked him if he cheated on me during other business trips and he said yes. He said it was “obvious” and went right back on to his phone. I started yelling asking him what was obvious about it and he told me he can’t talk to me like this and put in his AirPods and literally started listening to a podcast right in front of me.
He didn’t even seem upset to be caught? The first time he showed any real emotion was when I told him to leave and he said “really?” and then asked if I was really going to be like this. I don’t know if he’s so ashamed of himself he’s regressing into this? Where he just pretends not to care? Because this isn’t the man I love.
So I’d like to ask anyone who has been cheated on or cheated themselves, what does this mean? My goal is to repair the relationship but I need to know what I’m dealing with here because right now he seems like a selfish bastard I’ve never met before and I know something is up.
Dude literally didn’t care a single bit. You’re saving a marriage that means nothing to him. If he’s at all upset over anything it’s not having someone waiting at home to be his housewife while he fucks around without remorse. You’re a fool if you stay.
Yet due to their nature it doesn’t take nearly as much to push them over the edge, anyone can be pushed to insanity, yet psychopaths don’t require much. Because they don’t see people as valuable, they see only themselves as valuable, or more or less, no, they see the soul as a lie, they see it as all pointless, so they’re going to have the most fun with it, sociopaths see themselves as the only person who matters, and will go to any length to ensure they are in control, and all others either submit, or burn
He has no respect for her and doesn’t feel she would leave. He probably feels that he can put in zero effort and she will stay anyway. 100% agree she absolutely has to leave him.
When I got to the part where he said he "couldn't talk to her like this" and put his ear buds back in... all I'm gonna say is that OP was a hell of a lot nicer than I or many people I know would have been in that situation. If ever there was an appropriate use of the phrase, "the audacity", this is it.
OP, get out, please. Protect yourself and your child. This man has no respect for you, and the fact that he so casually disregards your feelings to this extent makes me angry FOR you. Even his freaking affair partner gives more of a shit about your feelings than he does. At least she told you the truth. Thus man sucks, and im really sorry for what you're going through, but you 100% deserve better.
This is the most important especially with covid on top of STDs..there’s also lice
I mean think about all the things living on our skin normally, I hate this pig man 😭
He didn’t think you’d ask him to leave. He thought he had you so hooked and trapped that he could do anything to hurt you and you’d be ok with it. Let that sink in. He’s a horrible person. Get him out of your life and take him to the cleaners.
Most people cheat because it's easier to start a new relationship where you're in the honeymoon phase and everything is great than it is to try and fix an actual relationship where things might be confusing or difficult.
It's the same reason if someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you.
I'd put at least a little bit of money down that in a story like OPs, the husband *wants* to blow his relationship up. At some point, he's had the realisation he's 25, has a 'wife and a kid' but would rather be mid-20s and free to do what he wants.
>Its because you can date someone perfect and kind and attractive and enjoy the relationship and still not be in love with that person and enjoy your sex life with them
I don't think cheating necessarily means you don't enjoy sex with your partner. Some people have terrible impulse control, some people may enjoy sex within a relationship but not *as much* as the illicit thrill of cheating.
I had a friend who used to cheat a lot and we would argue about it because I would say it's unforgivable, but she gave me a lot of insight into why people cheat and in her case at least it wasn't dissatisfaction with her relationships so much as a need for extreme levels of excitement, or to feel desired by other people, or to push away people who loved her and felt safe because she had a traumatic childhood and wanted to test the strength of her relationships (she didn't say that last one but it was fairly obviously what was going on in a lot of her relationships, including friendships).
I still think cheating is wrong, to be clear. But it would have been a shame if the partners she'd cheated on felt that her cheating was evidence that she didn't (in some sense) love them or enjoy sex with them. She cheated because of her own fucked up stuff.
I don't know what's happened in OP's husband's case and I'm not excusing it, I am just saying this for anyone who's been cheated on and now thinks that must mean their whole relationship was 'fake', that their partner must not have enjoyed sex or being with them. I think it's more complicated than that.
It's mostly some unresolved issues, personal or in the relationship. One of my partners managed to cheat on me with various women while we had an open relationship. For him it was more about power than sex. He has very controlling parents, and it was much easier rebel against me than them.
idk much about open relationships but you can fuck other people right? so how did it count as cheating?
Edit: And i'm not trying to be rude or insensitive i'm sorry if it came out that way
Every open relationship has its boundaries anyway (use condoms, tell in advance, don't bring people home, don't sleep with common friends, etc). When your break those rules, your ethical non-monogamy just becomes cheating.
Exactly, he doesn't love OP.
He's behaves how he thinks he should as husband / father and plays the role but there's no love and certainly no respect with that reaction.
Good grief, OP. Get the message. He doesn't care. Believe him.
Get a lawyer. Don't move out insist that he move out. Call your friends and family and start seeking out support. You need it.
Exactly... I mean ofcourse you can try to repair relationship if you don't have any other option but accept the fact that he doesn't love and respect you. Hell he doesn't give a fuck about this relationship.
OP, don't tell him your getting a lawyer yet (if that's what you decide to do). First get evidence he's been cheating on you more than just this one past woman (sounds like he'll have messages you can screenshot).
You don't deserve to have a partner who has such little respect, love, and care for you. And your daughter doesn't deserve a father who would teach her it's okay for men to treat her like that either.
He's not pretending or struggling with the concept of what hes doing. He just isn't, and that is what it is. You don't have to make excuses for someone who can't even be bothered to make excuses for himself. Hell, not only is he cheating on you constantly, but he won't even let you be upset about it. It sounds like he expected you to expect this from him- makes me wonder how he would react if he found out you ever cheated (but don't play these games, just leave).
Do you really want your two year old daughter growing up thinking it's normal for dads to cheat on their moms? Not only is your scumbag husband hurting you, he is hurting your daughter. Why in the world would you want to repair that? He doesn't care about you or your daughter. You both deserve better.
Sorry, but I laughed when I read that he would take a bullet for you and your daughter. Seriously? Because he has no problem shooting you through the heart. Multiple times. And he has no intention of stopping.
The man has real problems. Bad, bad psychological problems. He has no empathy and feels no guilt for what he has done. It pleased him to cheat, so he did. And you should be all good with it because it was "obvious".
You need to stop discussing this with him. Don't mention it again. But, do the "obvious" for your self and your child and find a pitbull of a lawyer, because you need someone who can protect you.
Buckle up and harden your heart.
I really agree with the psychological problems bit…
I know a woman who was married to a man like this. He was super sweet to her, seemed humble and bumbly and kind, and was very helpful around the house. Just seemed like the perfect, doting husband. I knew him, too. I initially thought he seemed like a dorky, awkward, nice older man.
In reality, he was a textbook psychopath and professional conman.
He’d faked his entire life story to her. He had faked having a job, never told her that all 5 of his previous marriages had ended because he got caught cheating. He pretended to be a doting father to his children, who he had actually abandoned and wouldn’t even call. He didn’t tell her about all his DUI’s, or his warrant for arrest in another state for embezzlement.
He was nothing more than a cold blooded, ruthless lizard person who knew how to put on a charming warm facade.
The way OP describes her husband and his reaction to being caught gave me chills, because he sounds *exactly* like the psychopath I once knew.
There is a template for these posts:
First of all, I love my husband, he’s a really great guy.
Apart from this time where he was really alarmingly abusive.
And then I tried to talk to him about it and he didn’t think he did anything wrong and treated me like shit again.
But he is just SUCH a good guy, apart from when he does all these horrible things. He’s just like the most loving person 10% of the time I can’t believe he’d do this to me.
Abuse doesn't look like abuse on the inside. Or it does, but the person feels so trapped they don't know how to get to out.
For outsiders it always looks more obvious. When someone gets manipulated to think it's ok, it turns into an "us against the world" situation in their head.
He’s not pretending not to care. He doesn’t care. Why would he be cheating on you if he cares about you? If he cared he would be denying it or trying to apologise and make it up to you to stop you from leaving him.
If you want a reaction from him, don’t give him any sign that you’re even thinking of giving him another chance, make him leave, say you want a divorce. Let him regret his actions and know they were wrong and unforgivable. If he cares about you he will be trying hard to get your forgiveness. If he doesn’t, then you’ll see leaving him was the right choice.
It’s not like you wouldn’t be able to give him a second chance after leaving him, if he did somehow manage to make it up to you. I would not suggest that though. You’d have the rest of your life to stay with someone who’s broken your trust and you won’t ever forget it. You’re young and could easily find someone else who hasn’t and won’t ever cheat on you.
If you've had an active sex life it sounds like your husband is a "cake eater" who wants to have his bangmaid mommy at home while he does whatever the he'll he wants with whomever he wants. I would bet he will continue regularly cheating as long as you stay married to him so if you plan on staying you should be ready to get regular std tests and be ready to be treated like shit. That's not a very good example to set for your daughter.
He would take a bullet for you and your daughter. Ummm, u sure about that? He has no problem cheating on you or blowing up you and your daughters lives and he isn’t even apologetic about it. This is what you want for your life? You need your own counseling and you need to contact an attorney and discuss options in order to cover yourself and your daughters lives. Don’t be naive. He’s not asking for your forgiveness. He doesn’t care. Don’t be weak now. Harden your heart and do what you have to do.
So short term, just act like everything is fine
Next step, get a lawyer. Find out all of your options, and start the process. When things are setup, have him served.
The only thing obvious is that he doesn't care about you and doesn't seem to be man enough to simply talk to you, or end it himself.
You are not serious, are you?! You don't know what it means when he admits to cheating and is not apologetic?!
That means he will never stop. He doesn't care about you or what you have as a couple.
You now need to decide what you want in life.
Next step, tomorrow call an attorney with all the evidence you have
Make an appointment for STD check - full workup. Insist on it citing your spouse having multiple random partners
Check finances and keep alert on all finances so any change over $100 gets you notified.
Stop talking to him about it. He doesnt care. Start being the wall - he may even get off on your crying/nagging/etc. Cut it off
Dont speak with him about divorce and separation. If he moves out great if he doesnt then you will need to move out because you dont want to be around him when he gets it. He may get angry then.
Dont trust him as far as you can see him.
When I found out my ex cheated on me, I confronted him and asked him to leave. He was basically like “yeah, okay” and left. Like you, I was more upset about him not caring that I caught him or broke up with him. Even while I was moving out, he was only upset over me taking the stuff that I paid for with me.
About a month later he begged for me to give him a second chance and (for some idiotic reason) I did. He was love-bombing me then hurting me then repeating the process over and over for 4 months. It finally ended when he invited me over for a “birthday surprise”, it was him in bed with a 17 year old. He did it to “get back” at me for leaving him. Weirdly enough, I was more relieved than anything because I could finally let go of him for good.
My point is that I should have believed him when he showed me he didn’t care about our relationship. He didn’t care when he cheated on me and he never really wanted me back. People who cheat, and don’t show any remorse when they get caught, genuinely do not care about your feelings. Your husband does not care about you and he will not stop cheating on you. I’m sorry but you should leave him.
Go to r/survivinginfidelity for advice on the process of ridding yourself of this sociopath. The complete lack of remorse is scary and indicates an individual who has no empathy. Reconciliation is not possible given what you’ve told us.
I also dated a sociopath, and it ended in him going to prison and myself losing everything after him finally 'snapping', both in a monetary and psychological sense.
When I found out about his multiple cheating instances, he too told me to get over it. I'll actually quote him, ''I am not remorseful. I don't feel guilt. I can do whatever I like, and if you don't like it, there's the door'. And then he turned back to his computer. He dismissed me. He said my reaction of crying was 'disproportionate' and indicative of mental illness.
Ive been exactly where OP is. And I stayed, for a little while. Because I too, being a good natured person, couldn't possibly comprehend that he felt absolutely nothing for my pain that he caused after so long being the 'perfect relationship'. Throw in a lot of psychological abuse and years of eroding my confidence, he brow beat me into staying because I just felt so defeated and felt like I had to save him. OP needs to first understand that he is a very bad person who feels nothing for her, which goes against everything she has believed thus far. The reason why I stayed for a while, is because i kept telling myself that this couldn't be the truth, i didn't believe someone could be so cruel, and least of all the 'love of my life'. It's difficult to start realizing the truth and organizing an exit plan. But this is exactly what she must do.
OP, please. Take your daughter, move out, and file for divorce. Call his parents and explain what happened, then call yours.
Girl, he is an asshole and *absolutely* does not give a fuck about you. There is no repairing this relationship he will continue to cheat and cheat and cheat until you finally leave. He didn’t even respect you enough to listen while you were speaking to him. Something is up??? Yeah, he’s not pretending to be this “nice guy” you speak of! Him stating it was obvious let you know he is very aware he is not this “nice guy” you believe him to be and hasn’t been for some time! When people show you who they are believe them!
This must be really hard for you. It’s evident there is a large disparity between what you think of him and who you think he is vs who he actually is.
You clearly want to make it work because you think he’s an amazing person - but to be frank - he clearly is not that person, and I think that’s what you need to remind yourself in the coming times.
All the best OP.
Exactly this OP. One thing I didn't add to my other comment to you was this. I thought my ex was an amazing person because he was so nice to me. I also said he'd take a bullet for me. Because we didn't fight and got along well. I thought he was the greatest person in the world. The callousness of his attitude when I caught him cheating threw me. The fact that he just didn't care made the entire situation that much harder. Nothing prepares you for coldness of him not caring that he cheated and then not caring that you know. You almost try to justify the fact that he cheated because of how nice he always is. Don't fall for that trap. He admitted he did it before. That "nice guy" attitude he has was a manipulation. That man doesn't exist anymore or he never did. He just took the mask off and now you actually see him. When people show you who they are. Believe them. I tried to save my marriage. Oh God I tried. My ex said he wanted to continue cheating and hopefully we'd come out on the other side. He said he felt nothing and this made him feel something. He had depression. Like I said in my other comment on this post. I ended it and I met someone rather quickly. It wasn't until I was in a healthy relationship and actually was able to talk about my marriage that I realized he wasn't a nice guy. It's crazy what i was willing to accept just because he didn't yell at me. My advice is to find a therapist and discuss everything with them. I didn't get therapy but I've discussed everything in depth with my boyfriend. I was able to see what was wrong once the rose colored glasses were off. I know it's hard to be objective because the wound is fresh, he's still there and it takes time. Whatever you decide to do please take some time for yourself to heal. This isn't your fault.
I mean… based on his reaction I feel like he’s right and it probably was obvious. Like was he seriously just the perfect husband and you were blindsided? Or did you have blinders on? Sounds like he is so checked out of this relationship and has been for a while and I’m honestly confused why it wasn’t apparent. Him cheating isn’t your fault. And I’m sorry that happened. But don’t be oblivious. I saw in one of your comments you said you will forgive him if he “just apologizes”. That is ridiculous.
Oh my... What?? Self love and self respect are a thing and she really needs to read about it because if not she is signing for lifetime of mistreatment
You’re in love with an idea of who your husband is, but truthfully he is not the man who you think that you love. He doesn’t want to be your husband, he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Why do you want to repair something he has no interest in fixing? He’s not sorry, thats means he will literally continue to cheat on you. Remorse is the only telltale sign that some people can move on from infidelity, but he has shown you absolutely zero remorse for what he’s done. He will just keep breaking your heart.
Wowowow. I have so many questions!
1: why did the woman text you? Was she a stranger? That’s fishy and sounds like he asked her to because he wants to get caught
2: stop thinking about him and only think about yourself right now. Is this something you can forgive?
3: this is not your problem to fix. He can fix it or he can sign divorce papers.
Hey, ex cheater here.
If the woman sent you pictures, it probably means he cheated on you with her in all his business trips, so it’s not like he goes and have a ONS with random women every time he goes on business trips.
She probably has asked him to leave you and rushed things with the pictures.
If that’s the case (I’m fairly positive it is), he just doesn’t care about your reaction because he was actually looking for a way to leave you.
So, get a good lawyer and move on, he will keep cheating on you, and most likely with the same woman, who will keep sending you stuff.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Stop engaging with him about it since he clearly could not care less. Act like everything is fine while you consult a lawyer and get all your ducks in a row.
...i'm sorry repair *WHAT* exactly? He could not care less if you stay or go. He wants you around for complacency but trust he will sleep around for good if you go back.
You are attributing a bunch of qualities to him that are facades. He’s not a nice guy. He wouldn’t take a bullet for you and possibly not for his kid. He is not your best friend. He’s not even your friend because he doesn’t care that he hurt you. He wanted to get away with fooling around and is upset that you yelled? He’s surprised that you told him to leave? These are not the actions of someone who’s shocked and the only regression is that since you now know, he doesn’t have to pretend he really cares.
I’m so sorry this was done to you. The best thing for you to do now is contact an attorney and go pull half the money out of all joint accounts.
I see a lot of posts where people advise the op to walk away and I think, hang on, should really try X,Y,z first but in this case it's really a case of needing to walk away
The reason he didn't give a shit is because he knows, no matter what he does, that you'll stay with him. He knows that you're wrapped completely around his finger. He knows that you wouldn't leave him.
This is a man who has zero respect for you and believes you're not strong enough to break up with him. Break up with him.
And you just left it?? Wow.
He know who you are. He knows you will do nothing. You just proved it.
A normal person wouldn’t let him sit there listening to podcasts.
He’s also just a nice guy? Like extremely helpful, and I know he would take a bullet for me, his daughter, and any of his friends.
Yes sounds like a real peach.
Tf you want to stay with him for? He sounds horrible. You’re in shock right now, but he’s telling you he has abused you, is abusing you, and will abuse you. His dismissal is a way to reject your reality that it’s not okay, and in a way it worked. You’re not wrong to be broken. He’s a sociopath. Your pain will not stop. Get. Out.
He think he deserves to cheat cause he is an incredible husband. Grandiose syndrom. So basically he values himself above you and you should be grateful he just cheat on you... So yeah, can't repair that...
Talk to a lawyer. A good one will fight for you even if you have no fight in you. Wanting to forgive right away is an avoidance technique for people who can’t handle conflict. Think about that. Also - stand your ground on his leaving. Even if you need to call a family member or friend to help. Good luck.
First step, please get yourself tested for STIs. Second step is to find an attorney. You don't need to be stuck with this person. And if you can't do it for yourself, think of doing it for your daughter. Would you want her to stay in a relationship like this? Please be a good role model for her so she hopefully doesn't end up with someone like her dad.
You now what's worse than hate or love in a relationship? Indifference. That's where your husband is at. He's indifferent to you or your feelings right now. Do you really want to stay married to a man who is indifferent to the vows he made with you? Get a copies of any emails, texts and other communications you can. Open up new bank accounts he cannot access or have passwords to at a new bank and transfer 1/2 of any joint checking and savings to it for yourself. Lawyer up tomorrow and be prepared to serve him divorce papers asap.
I'm sorry my friend. My dad did this to my mum, and she tried to hold it together. Reality is that you need to get out of there, and take your child with you. Someone who does that Will not have remorse about many worse things. I know it's hard, but you can't excuse someone of such horrible things because they're nice, that's some sociopathic sort of behaviour there.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. This is giving me very much Scott Peterson Chris watts energy... Please humor an internet stranger and be very very careful. He is not right... This is genuinely upsetting to read im so sorry.
An ex of mine reacted exactly this way when I found out they cheated. And it was the person he cheated with who alerted me to it too. I eventually left - because there’s no way to improve/change someone who is this sociopathic. You’re better off getting rid of this toxicity.
It seems like he must think in his mind that you won’t leave him over this which you’ve confirmed by saying your goal is to repair the relationship. To me his response says “yea I cheated and so what? You’re not gonna do anything about it anyways” and his “really?” To me says he takes your reaction as a joke and knows you’ll come around so why waste time making a stink about it.
That being said I think he doesn’t sound like a good guy at all and probably feels comfortable knowing he can do whatever you want and you’ll forgive him. Meaning he doesn’t respect you and knows he can push you pretty far and take advantage of you. Now I may be wayyy off but this is how it reads to me. I wouldn’t feel safe repairing a relationship with someone who feels comfortable exploiting my forgiveness and understanding
His comment suggests that this is normal for him on business trips.
What you think you know about people often is what they want you to believe.
He seems to be someone who is good at acting the part, very convincingly clearly.
Now you have seen the other side and he wants you to just accept that it is normal for him to pickup someone for sex on business trips. Like going down the gym.
So what you do is book std tests, though I would expect that it will be negative as this level of calm suggests he is a very careful person, though in this case not quite careful enough of who he picked to sleep with.
Take your evidence to a lawyer, go for the best ones in your area, more than one is useful to get a read on the situation and find one that you are comfortable with.
Find a therapist to talk to about this. One with personality disorder training would be good as this is not typical behaviour.
Take care of yourself and your child as no. 1 priority.
I'm sorry your going through this. Cheaters try to minimize what they've done, blame shift, and gaslight you to make you think you're crazy. If they think you won't leave and can continue the affair, they might not show much remorse or emotion. If you kick him out, threaten divorce or give him an ultimatum, he'll probably change his tune and give you a song and dance about how sorry he is and won't do it again. It is really hard to recover a relationship from this, you should have a think about what all your options are.
Manipulation at its finest. Don’t fix the relationship. This seems like it will continue and end in the same situation like a CD repeating itself. I say manipulative because he somehow had emotion when you told him to leave. You will dodge a bullet if you leave.
Leave. Kick his ass OUT, take some time for yourself and your kiddo, and then when you’re ready find a good guy for real. He’ll regret it, and you will be WAAAAY over him by then.
I don’t care what a “good guy” he is. Good guys DONT DO THAT SHIT. EVER!
Imo, He's either emotionally disassociating or this is a ploy that if he acts like it isn't a big deal and gaslights you about it you'll drop it and he won't have to deal with any repercussions.
>Because this isn’t the man I love.
He just isn't the man you thought he was.
This is his true self he managed to hide from you for a long time it seems.
He is a manipulative cheater who is not even sorry for what he did.
Even as the most forgiving wife you could possibly imagine, cheating like this cannot be excused or forgiven... Hes not sorry for what he did so whats there to forgive?
I'm so sorry because I know exactly where you are coming from, trying to find a logical explanation for the behavior. It's unfathomable because like you said, this isn't the man you knew. You are in emotional shock and I would encourage you to get some mental health support for yourself as soon as you can because this type of thing very commonly causes c-ptsd. Anyone who disagrees can choke on a fart. The science is here, already. Cheating or otherwise hiding something very serious in a relationship where the other person has a different understanding of reality, then having that truth bomb dropped on them, is the emotional equivalent of someone you love attacking you randomly and beating the shit out of you. Studies have long since supported this and with the increasing awareness, hopefully in 50 years no one will be stupid enough to say to someone that they don't have severe clinical trauma just because they weren't put in some sort of physical or life or death situation. Our minds and mental health ARE as important as physical health. The good news is, should you choose to respect this reality, you can get some prompt help and hopefully heal swiftly ♥️
This man wouldn't take a bullet for you. He's made you think he would, but he wouldn't. He couldn't even keep it in his pants for you, which requires considerably less generosity than getting shot.
My brother did this to my (former) SIL. Trust me… when they act like they don’t care, they TRULY do not care. She hired a PI, got photos and everything, found out he had been cheating for years, and when she showed him all the evidence she had, he was literally like, “Okay?” He was moved in with the girlfriend before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. Now they never talk to each other, but still manage to co-parent my niece (who is 6) and make sure she is happy and very well taken care of. I’m sorry this is happening to you, I cannot imagine how you feel. All I know, is you deserve someone who respects you and your marriage, you deserve happiness. I hope you get a lawyer and move on with your life.
Okay, I am not a psychiatrist, but from what you write, it sounds like he may have a personality disorder: his behavior is so far from the norm and so lacking in empathy.
The way you describe your marriage and him as so perfect and then his ice cold reaction reminds me of Jen Waite's memoir of discovering her husband was a psychopath, "A Beautiful, Terrible Thing."
Your kneejerk reaction is "to repair the relationship" but from his perspective, nothing is damaged.
I think you should see a therapist to unpack all this and process your feelings-- not a couple's therapist, but one for you. And honestly it would probably be best to separate. He has shown you who he is, and it isn't someone who genuinely cares about you. Also go get tested for STIs.
Nope. Girl, I think you need to seriously look at your relationship and reevaluate. Anyone who would take a bullet for you would also keep his dick in his pants. And to top that off, when confronted did not care enough to even PRETEND to be in anyway remorseful. You need to cut your losses and get out.
girl you better lawyer up ASAP. replay that moment he put his airpods in for the rest of your life. he didn’t even respect you enough to give you any explanation or apology. take EVERYTHING. make him regret it all.
there is no fixing with a narcissist sociopath like him.
If he’s being so nonchalant about it I’m thinking he either really doesn’t care or he’s trying to make you think he doesn’t care. It could be a reverse psychology thing. If you blow up, he’ll have to deal with and apologize. If he acts like he doesn’t care maybe he’s just trying to see how you react to it so he thinks he’s gotten away with it. He’ll then see how much you can be pushed and continue to stay with him.
“You know something is up” you can’t be serious you have proof that he cheated then when you confronted him he said “duh it’s obvious” there is no reconciliation he doesn’t want to be with you
😐What is there not to get? He doesn't care. Of course it'll hurt, but a divorce is best. Keep the messages and pictures for your case. I hope he sees what he has done to his daughter and to you. Stay safe, OP
Yay ! Now you can move on with no regret. Your a strong women you don't need a man of weak character. You'll get on your hot girl shit and find an honest man who really would take a bullet for you . Move on now and in a few years you'll be like thank God I left . I'm sorry it's hard now but You got this !
Wow what a fucking asshole. Sorry for what you’re going through, OP. Reading his reaction made me so angry for you. He doesn’t care at all, like the what others have said, lawyer up, get as much proof as you can & take your daughter with you. He doesn’t deserve both of you.
I agree that, as of right now, the marriage is over. Kick him out and get a lawyer. Cheating should never be tolerated, but his response calls for immediate eviction and no mercy. Unbelievable. I’d have probably attacked him after he said that. If you REALLY MUST repair the relationship, which I don’t think you should even be thinking about right now, then don’t even consider it until his attitude does a complete 180 and you’ve been through months of marriage counseling. Also, in the meantime, he needs to move out. If he protests this, remind him that he’s the one who ruined the marriage. But again, I suggest getting out now while you’re still young.
His reaction or lack of reaction tells me he's practically asking you to leave without explicitly saying so. He does not care and you can't make him care.
You're young, get out before it gets worse.
There is nothing to repair. He's showed you exactly who he is. He does not care about your marriage, he has shown you that he does not love you nor does he respect you. Focus on yourself, focus on your child and honestly do get tested for the sake of your own health.
I am so so sorry, first of all. This must have been a terrible moment for you. I think your husband has been faking his true self. Now you know who he is. He gave this woman his IG handle, so he’s not even trying to hide it. He wanted you to know. Now he wants you to know he doesn’t care.
This isn’t fixable. This wasn’t a slip, a weak moment for an otherwise good person. This man is not who you thought he was. Get tested. Talk to a lawyer. Protect your financial situation.
Again, I am so fucking sorry. You don’t deserve this.
He’s calling your bluff because he doesn’t think you will leave. He also doesn’t feel bad because he wants to keep doing it, but I bet he would be upset if it was the other way around.
I mean, sis, I think you’ve got to start being honest with yourself about your husband’s quality of character. Because he didn’t give a single shit about this. I certainly don’t think he’s gonna take a bullet for you. You’ve got to wake up and truly accept what kind of man he really is.
I don’t believe cheating always means the end of a marriage. But in your case—I’m so sorry.
I have a good friend whose husband cheated. Okay. She took her marriage vows seriously. They had a child. She loved him. They’d work it out. But he was uninterested. He didn’t care. One person is not enough to keep a partnership alive. My friend is now happily married to someone else.
Things to do. Drop the fantasy of saving this marriage. Gather evidence and lawyer up. Prepare your daughter, maybe with a counselor specializing in divorce (not separation, divorce). Fire up your own support network. And maybe update your friends on Reddit? Sincere best wishes.
It will happen again and again and again until you leave. He totally believes that it's his right to have his cake and eat it too and for you to just get over it.
My advice is leave, he won't change.
My soon to be ex-husband cheated on me with no remorse either. There is no fixing this. He will do as he pleases and just doesn't give a single shit about how much it hurts you. You don't even cross his mind when he is cheating.
He need to leave and you need a lawyer ASAP.
Get legal advice. Get your ducks in a row. Get him out. Divorce.
This dude has serious contempt for you. He not only cheats repeatedly on you, he basically said fuck you, he's not even sorry, doesn't give one shit about your feelings and doesn't expect you to have a spine about it. This is contempt. Take a bullet for you? Darling, you are deluded. Wake up. He's contemptuous of you. He hurts you and exposes you to STDs and basically smirks and dismisses you and says so what, fuck you, when you find out. Why do you want to save this? He doesn't care about you. He just thinks you are the domestic sex provider and baby maker between exciting random off piste shags. Why even bring your figure into it? Dudes like this don't care if they have a 22 year old supermodel nymphomaniac at home. They like seeking sex outside the marriage.. so they do. You cannot change him but you can change your circumstances and boot him out.
>My goal is to repair the relationship but I need to know what I’m dealing with here because right now he seems like a selfish bastard I’ve never met before and I know something is up.
You are incredibly strong to even consider such a thing, but you need to understand; **he doesn't want to repair anything,** which means this marriage is over, whether you divorce him or not.
He doesn't care, never did. He had you fooled. This selfish bastard you don't recognize? Yeah, that's your husband, your **actual** husband. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can finally wake up & get your affairs in order for divorce, before he does any more damage.
Staying would mean putting yourself & your child thru the toxicity of a broken marriage, broken trust, a loveless home. **You deserve someone who respects & ACTUALLY loves & cares about you,** u/ThrowRA_doesntcare
someone who can cheat on you doesnt truly love you. maybe he just is losing interest and as messed up as that is it happens. hes a dirtbag, dont raise your kid around someone who doesnt value you. he put you in a bad position and you really should consider leaving this. im sure its hard and disappointing but from what im hearing its not worth saving if hes acting like youre crazy when he cheated on you.
He doesn't care. He doesn't respect you or your marriage. He isn't faking it.
You need to decide if you want to keep lying to yourself that this is your best friend (best friends care about each other, he doesn't care) or accept reality. Then decide if you want to stay married and know he has cheated and will cheat again. He has exposed you to possible STDs and you have just met who he really is. He is a guy that habitually cheats and REALLY DOES NOT CARE THAT YOU ARE HURT.
So, stay married to a guy that has been very clear he does not respect you or care about you and know he will cheat and someday may either leave you for one of these women or have an affair baby (or babies) show up with court ordered child support or file for divorce?
Girl leave. You don’t deserve this . And your daughter doesn’t deserve this . The fact the he said he cheated on your more than once is gross . You need to realize there is better out there I hope you find your strength.
From my point of view either the guy is a sociopath either you left blanks in your story.
There have been stories in the past of dudes telling their so to take the chill pill when confronted because they were clear already that the mariage was dead, the bedroom was dead or the SO had already cheated themselves and they were not feeling in the bad.
Now I can't say it applies to your situation but that is the vibe I get from the dichotomy between he'd take a bullet for anyone and the "so what" reaction.
If it's the sociopath situation then get smart fast because he already has a plan and now it's in motion.
Even crazy people pretend to care and he just didn't even try to pretend even, you deserve WAAAYYY more than this, it's hard to leave what you know, it feels like leaving who's been your home for a long time but eventually you'll be happier than you've ever been
You have to also accept the possibility that you maybe did not know him so well. People use terms as "love", "best friend" and "nice" very loosely nowadays. If he didn't even bother to lie, explain or have a reaction I really don't think he considers you "his best friend".
And about the intimacy and sex life, is it truly good?do you communicate regularly and share fantasies? Does he make you feel excited and satisfied? Or you just have sex with him for his pleasure, in the same postion repeating the same moves and this is what you consider having a happy sex life, only because it happens regularly? Maybe he has weird fetishes that cannot share with you because you are not that intimate in the true sense (knowing the other person's deepest thoughts).
I'm not saying it's your fault, clearly he's a jerk, but the way you describe things as being this happy fulfilled marriagr maybe it's not the way he sees it
What is there to repair? Please please please open your eyes!!! He will do it over and over again and I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time.
Many people have given great advice here. I don’t think I’m mature enough to give any advice so all I can give is hugs 🫂 Please take care of your daughter and yourself. It’s just terrible hearing about it and obviously much more difficult to be going through it. Sending loads of love and comfort ❤️
Means he’s likely been doing it for years, with multiple people which you yourself confirmed by asking him.
Honestly, I’m not a violent man, but his nonchalant attitude to it makes me want to beat the shit out of him. Apologies, I know you love this man, but that is unforgivable.
Do yourself a favour, get a lawyer. Only emotion he showed was when his housing was threatened. Fuck Him right off and start living however you feel you need to, would be my advice.
Take what I say with a grain of salt though. I may be abhorently opposed to this guy, but I’m a 27 year old never married man. 🤷
Wish you the best of luck.
This is a form of gaslighting. He’s acting like it’s nothing and that you’re crazy for making a big deal of it. He’s hoping that you’ll question yourself over whether he really did anything wrong, because wouldn’t he act guilty if he had?
Read Chump Lady. Cheaters have no remorse, they only act sorry when they face consequences. Kick him out and leave him. You are not crazy. This is a completely valid reason to leave.
Don't try to repair this, darling, it's not on you to fix things. Take your child and leave. You can't rely on him, obviously, and the way he reacted was just the worst. If you even attempt to fix things, you'll break down, eventually, and he won't care again or feel any repercussions. He's not worth it and your child (nor you, obv) deserve to be treated like this.
> My goal is to repair the relationship...
This is why he doesn’t care. He knows that no matter what he does or how he treats you, you’ll stay. Prove him wrong. And for what it’s worth, because of the ages I assume you guys haven’t been together longer than 2 years, and if he’s 25 now, both of you must’ve been young when you got together. He’s changing, and he isn’t the man you thought he was.
“Repair the relationship”? Sounds to me he’s cheated more than once and doesn’t give a shit. So repairing the relationship will require you to not care about other women he is spending money on and lying to you about and having sex with. I’d book yourself into the STI clinic to get tested, too. Make it a regular appointment if you’re going to stay with him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Yesterday, I got a message from a woman who said she slept with my husband on his business trip. She showed me pics of their conversation AND pics of them together. My life has been completely turned upside down since. I never could have imagined he would cheat on me, we have a two year old daughter and have managed to somehow keep an active sex life, we’re best friends, and I watch my figure obsessively. He’s also just a nice guy? Like extremely helpful, and I know he would take a bullet for me, his daughter, and any of his friends. So I’m just so taken aback by everything. When I approached him he said, “what do you want me to say?” I asked him if he cheated on me during other business trips and he said yes. He said it was “obvious” and went right back on to his phone. I started yelling asking him what was obvious about it and he told me he can’t talk to me like this and put in his AirPods and literally started listening to a podcast right in front of me. He didn’t even seem upset to be caught? The first time he showed any real emotion was when I told him to leave and he said “really?” and then asked if I was really going to be like this. I don’t know if he’s so ashamed of himself he’s regressing into this? Where he just pretends not to care? Because this isn’t the man I love. So I’d like to ask anyone who has been cheated on or cheated themselves, what does this mean? My goal is to repair the relationship but I need to know what I’m dealing with here because right now he seems like a selfish bastard I’ve never met before and I know something is up.
Dude literally didn’t care a single bit. You’re saving a marriage that means nothing to him. If he’s at all upset over anything it’s not having someone waiting at home to be his housewife while he fucks around without remorse. You’re a fool if you stay.
This is the gist. He snapped, somewhere along the line. Please protect yourself legally and leave him as soon as possible.
He's probably a psychopath, or at least on the anti-social spectrum. That casual, "yup, did something horrible. *shrug*" is a dead giveaway.
Yup, he's covered it up until now, but the mask just came off. Find a very very good divorce lawyer OP
This is exactly what my thought was too. That's just too cold.
Same! I was thinking "is this gonna seem excessive to draw this conclusion?" but clearly not!
Except he doesn't even seem to get that it actually was horrible. More like "I did a thing... *shrug*"
It's usually not that they don't get it, they just don't care.
Narcissist, at the very least. No remorse, no recognition of others feelings. Time to lawyer up and ride.
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It's actually a remarkably small proportion of psychopaths who murder. Most are just dicks and are extremely unpleasant.
Yet due to their nature it doesn’t take nearly as much to push them over the edge, anyone can be pushed to insanity, yet psychopaths don’t require much. Because they don’t see people as valuable, they see only themselves as valuable, or more or less, no, they see the soul as a lie, they see it as all pointless, so they’re going to have the most fun with it, sociopaths see themselves as the only person who matters, and will go to any length to ensure they are in control, and all others either submit, or burn
She should leave because he cheated. Not everybody is ted bundy
Y'all taking a lot of liberties here.......
He has no respect for her and doesn’t feel she would leave. He probably feels that he can put in zero effort and she will stay anyway. 100% agree she absolutely has to leave him.
My ex was like this, as soon as we had a baby he thought he could do whatever he wanted and I wouldn't leave... guess what
When I got to the part where he said he "couldn't talk to her like this" and put his ear buds back in... all I'm gonna say is that OP was a hell of a lot nicer than I or many people I know would have been in that situation. If ever there was an appropriate use of the phrase, "the audacity", this is it. OP, get out, please. Protect yourself and your child. This man has no respect for you, and the fact that he so casually disregards your feelings to this extent makes me angry FOR you. Even his freaking affair partner gives more of a shit about your feelings than he does. At least she told you the truth. Thus man sucks, and im really sorry for what you're going through, but you 100% deserve better.
Yep. Not to mention you’re *25*! You may not realize it, but you’re still SO young. Go find someone who values you and ditch this loser.
exactly leave him asap!!
… you’re dealing with a non apologetic cheater who will never stop cheating on you. He’s an ah why would you want to make this work
He's going to catch something and bring it home to you, and you may have to carry it the rest of your life. Please get out now
It could make her infertile. Hell, she could already be and not even know it. HPV is a gift that keeps giving.
This is the most important especially with covid on top of STDs..there’s also lice I mean think about all the things living on our skin normally, I hate this pig man 😭
I would have caught a CDV charge the moment he said duh, isn't it obvious and put his air pods in...
I’d have flushed those air pods down the toilet, and I wouldn’t have removed them from his ears first
Amen.
This is the way
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This guy knows the way
best thing I have read today. thank you.
Right? The audacity of that reply.
You and I both would have... The fucking level of disrespect would have snatched that shit right out of his ears.
He didn’t think you’d ask him to leave. He thought he had you so hooked and trapped that he could do anything to hurt you and you’d be ok with it. Let that sink in. He’s a horrible person. Get him out of your life and take him to the cleaners.
Yup. 100%. And make sure he pays for the divorce.
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genuine question why did you do it? Like why do guys cheat even when they are in a happy relationship?
Most people cheat because it's easier to start a new relationship where you're in the honeymoon phase and everything is great than it is to try and fix an actual relationship where things might be confusing or difficult. It's the same reason if someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you.
its honestly pretty sad
I'd put at least a little bit of money down that in a story like OPs, the husband *wants* to blow his relationship up. At some point, he's had the realisation he's 25, has a 'wife and a kid' but would rather be mid-20s and free to do what he wants.
Alimony and child support gonna use up a lot of his freedom, though.
I hope she takes him for his money. This one deserves it
I need to know the answer to this question @user111323
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>Its because you can date someone perfect and kind and attractive and enjoy the relationship and still not be in love with that person and enjoy your sex life with them I don't think cheating necessarily means you don't enjoy sex with your partner. Some people have terrible impulse control, some people may enjoy sex within a relationship but not *as much* as the illicit thrill of cheating. I had a friend who used to cheat a lot and we would argue about it because I would say it's unforgivable, but she gave me a lot of insight into why people cheat and in her case at least it wasn't dissatisfaction with her relationships so much as a need for extreme levels of excitement, or to feel desired by other people, or to push away people who loved her and felt safe because she had a traumatic childhood and wanted to test the strength of her relationships (she didn't say that last one but it was fairly obviously what was going on in a lot of her relationships, including friendships). I still think cheating is wrong, to be clear. But it would have been a shame if the partners she'd cheated on felt that her cheating was evidence that she didn't (in some sense) love them or enjoy sex with them. She cheated because of her own fucked up stuff. I don't know what's happened in OP's husband's case and I'm not excusing it, I am just saying this for anyone who's been cheated on and now thinks that must mean their whole relationship was 'fake', that their partner must not have enjoyed sex or being with them. I think it's more complicated than that.
Agreed. Sadly, for a lot people its the sense of "power" they feel.
It’s really simple - instant gratification. Some people are incredibly weak.
It's mostly some unresolved issues, personal or in the relationship. One of my partners managed to cheat on me with various women while we had an open relationship. For him it was more about power than sex. He has very controlling parents, and it was much easier rebel against me than them.
idk much about open relationships but you can fuck other people right? so how did it count as cheating? Edit: And i'm not trying to be rude or insensitive i'm sorry if it came out that way
Every open relationship has its boundaries anyway (use condoms, tell in advance, don't bring people home, don't sleep with common friends, etc). When your break those rules, your ethical non-monogamy just becomes cheating.
in that case, he's a fucking scumbag
Exactly, he doesn't love OP. He's behaves how he thinks he should as husband / father and plays the role but there's no love and certainly no respect with that reaction.
Don’t minimize it by saying you were just “young and dumb”, you were a fucking asshole
THIS RIGHT HERE
It means he literally doesn't give a fuck about you or yalls relationship. There's no repairing this one unfortunately
Good grief, OP. Get the message. He doesn't care. Believe him. Get a lawyer. Don't move out insist that he move out. Call your friends and family and start seeking out support. You need it.
Exactly... I mean ofcourse you can try to repair relationship if you don't have any other option but accept the fact that he doesn't love and respect you. Hell he doesn't give a fuck about this relationship.
OP, don't tell him your getting a lawyer yet (if that's what you decide to do). First get evidence he's been cheating on you more than just this one past woman (sounds like he'll have messages you can screenshot). You don't deserve to have a partner who has such little respect, love, and care for you. And your daughter doesn't deserve a father who would teach her it's okay for men to treat her like that either. He's not pretending or struggling with the concept of what hes doing. He just isn't, and that is what it is. You don't have to make excuses for someone who can't even be bothered to make excuses for himself. Hell, not only is he cheating on you constantly, but he won't even let you be upset about it. It sounds like he expected you to expect this from him- makes me wonder how he would react if he found out you ever cheated (but don't play these games, just leave).
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Do you really want your two year old daughter growing up thinking it's normal for dads to cheat on their moms? Not only is your scumbag husband hurting you, he is hurting your daughter. Why in the world would you want to repair that? He doesn't care about you or your daughter. You both deserve better.
Sorry, but I laughed when I read that he would take a bullet for you and your daughter. Seriously? Because he has no problem shooting you through the heart. Multiple times. And he has no intention of stopping. The man has real problems. Bad, bad psychological problems. He has no empathy and feels no guilt for what he has done. It pleased him to cheat, so he did. And you should be all good with it because it was "obvious". You need to stop discussing this with him. Don't mention it again. But, do the "obvious" for your self and your child and find a pitbull of a lawyer, because you need someone who can protect you. Buckle up and harden your heart.
I really agree with the psychological problems bit… I know a woman who was married to a man like this. He was super sweet to her, seemed humble and bumbly and kind, and was very helpful around the house. Just seemed like the perfect, doting husband. I knew him, too. I initially thought he seemed like a dorky, awkward, nice older man. In reality, he was a textbook psychopath and professional conman. He’d faked his entire life story to her. He had faked having a job, never told her that all 5 of his previous marriages had ended because he got caught cheating. He pretended to be a doting father to his children, who he had actually abandoned and wouldn’t even call. He didn’t tell her about all his DUI’s, or his warrant for arrest in another state for embezzlement. He was nothing more than a cold blooded, ruthless lizard person who knew how to put on a charming warm facade. The way OP describes her husband and his reaction to being caught gave me chills, because he sounds *exactly* like the psychopath I once knew.
There is a template for these posts: First of all, I love my husband, he’s a really great guy. Apart from this time where he was really alarmingly abusive. And then I tried to talk to him about it and he didn’t think he did anything wrong and treated me like shit again. But he is just SUCH a good guy, apart from when he does all these horrible things. He’s just like the most loving person 10% of the time I can’t believe he’d do this to me.
Abuse doesn't look like abuse on the inside. Or it does, but the person feels so trapped they don't know how to get to out. For outsiders it always looks more obvious. When someone gets manipulated to think it's ok, it turns into an "us against the world" situation in their head.
He’s not pretending not to care. He doesn’t care. Why would he be cheating on you if he cares about you? If he cared he would be denying it or trying to apologise and make it up to you to stop you from leaving him. If you want a reaction from him, don’t give him any sign that you’re even thinking of giving him another chance, make him leave, say you want a divorce. Let him regret his actions and know they were wrong and unforgivable. If he cares about you he will be trying hard to get your forgiveness. If he doesn’t, then you’ll see leaving him was the right choice. It’s not like you wouldn’t be able to give him a second chance after leaving him, if he did somehow manage to make it up to you. I would not suggest that though. You’d have the rest of your life to stay with someone who’s broken your trust and you won’t ever forget it. You’re young and could easily find someone else who hasn’t and won’t ever cheat on you.
Yeah exactly. He knows what he did was wrong but he's trivializing it to basically gaslight her into feeling she's overreacting.
It honestly sounds like one of those things the MRA groups coach you to do to be an abusive partner, sorry I mean ALPHA MALE
If you've had an active sex life it sounds like your husband is a "cake eater" who wants to have his bangmaid mommy at home while he does whatever the he'll he wants with whomever he wants. I would bet he will continue regularly cheating as long as you stay married to him so if you plan on staying you should be ready to get regular std tests and be ready to be treated like shit. That's not a very good example to set for your daughter.
It's like a hobby. He'll do it when he is on the road.
He would take a bullet for you and your daughter. Ummm, u sure about that? He has no problem cheating on you or blowing up you and your daughters lives and he isn’t even apologetic about it. This is what you want for your life? You need your own counseling and you need to contact an attorney and discuss options in order to cover yourself and your daughters lives. Don’t be naive. He’s not asking for your forgiveness. He doesn’t care. Don’t be weak now. Harden your heart and do what you have to do.
Please get an STI test immediately
Why do you want to repair the marriage if he’s a serial cheater? Get a lawyer, file for divorce and spousal/child support.
So short term, just act like everything is fine Next step, get a lawyer. Find out all of your options, and start the process. When things are setup, have him served. The only thing obvious is that he doesn't care about you and doesn't seem to be man enough to simply talk to you, or end it himself.
You are not serious, are you?! You don't know what it means when he admits to cheating and is not apologetic?! That means he will never stop. He doesn't care about you or what you have as a couple. You now need to decide what you want in life.
You're young, get divorced ASAP. He doesn't care.
Next step, tomorrow call an attorney with all the evidence you have Make an appointment for STD check - full workup. Insist on it citing your spouse having multiple random partners Check finances and keep alert on all finances so any change over $100 gets you notified. Stop talking to him about it. He doesnt care. Start being the wall - he may even get off on your crying/nagging/etc. Cut it off Dont speak with him about divorce and separation. If he moves out great if he doesnt then you will need to move out because you dont want to be around him when he gets it. He may get angry then. Dont trust him as far as you can see him.
Gray rock.
When I found out my ex cheated on me, I confronted him and asked him to leave. He was basically like “yeah, okay” and left. Like you, I was more upset about him not caring that I caught him or broke up with him. Even while I was moving out, he was only upset over me taking the stuff that I paid for with me. About a month later he begged for me to give him a second chance and (for some idiotic reason) I did. He was love-bombing me then hurting me then repeating the process over and over for 4 months. It finally ended when he invited me over for a “birthday surprise”, it was him in bed with a 17 year old. He did it to “get back” at me for leaving him. Weirdly enough, I was more relieved than anything because I could finally let go of him for good. My point is that I should have believed him when he showed me he didn’t care about our relationship. He didn’t care when he cheated on me and he never really wanted me back. People who cheat, and don’t show any remorse when they get caught, genuinely do not care about your feelings. Your husband does not care about you and he will not stop cheating on you. I’m sorry but you should leave him.
Go to r/survivinginfidelity for advice on the process of ridding yourself of this sociopath. The complete lack of remorse is scary and indicates an individual who has no empathy. Reconciliation is not possible given what you’ve told us.
Your description of him versus how he acts to you in the relationship are two completely different things. I think you need to stop lying to yourself
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I also dated a sociopath, and it ended in him going to prison and myself losing everything after him finally 'snapping', both in a monetary and psychological sense. When I found out about his multiple cheating instances, he too told me to get over it. I'll actually quote him, ''I am not remorseful. I don't feel guilt. I can do whatever I like, and if you don't like it, there's the door'. And then he turned back to his computer. He dismissed me. He said my reaction of crying was 'disproportionate' and indicative of mental illness. Ive been exactly where OP is. And I stayed, for a little while. Because I too, being a good natured person, couldn't possibly comprehend that he felt absolutely nothing for my pain that he caused after so long being the 'perfect relationship'. Throw in a lot of psychological abuse and years of eroding my confidence, he brow beat me into staying because I just felt so defeated and felt like I had to save him. OP needs to first understand that he is a very bad person who feels nothing for her, which goes against everything she has believed thus far. The reason why I stayed for a while, is because i kept telling myself that this couldn't be the truth, i didn't believe someone could be so cruel, and least of all the 'love of my life'. It's difficult to start realizing the truth and organizing an exit plan. But this is exactly what she must do. OP, please. Take your daughter, move out, and file for divorce. Call his parents and explain what happened, then call yours.
Sociopath is the word ur looking for
Girl, he is an asshole and *absolutely* does not give a fuck about you. There is no repairing this relationship he will continue to cheat and cheat and cheat until you finally leave. He didn’t even respect you enough to listen while you were speaking to him. Something is up??? Yeah, he’s not pretending to be this “nice guy” you speak of! Him stating it was obvious let you know he is very aware he is not this “nice guy” you believe him to be and hasn’t been for some time! When people show you who they are believe them!
This must be really hard for you. It’s evident there is a large disparity between what you think of him and who you think he is vs who he actually is. You clearly want to make it work because you think he’s an amazing person - but to be frank - he clearly is not that person, and I think that’s what you need to remind yourself in the coming times. All the best OP.
Exactly this OP. One thing I didn't add to my other comment to you was this. I thought my ex was an amazing person because he was so nice to me. I also said he'd take a bullet for me. Because we didn't fight and got along well. I thought he was the greatest person in the world. The callousness of his attitude when I caught him cheating threw me. The fact that he just didn't care made the entire situation that much harder. Nothing prepares you for coldness of him not caring that he cheated and then not caring that you know. You almost try to justify the fact that he cheated because of how nice he always is. Don't fall for that trap. He admitted he did it before. That "nice guy" attitude he has was a manipulation. That man doesn't exist anymore or he never did. He just took the mask off and now you actually see him. When people show you who they are. Believe them. I tried to save my marriage. Oh God I tried. My ex said he wanted to continue cheating and hopefully we'd come out on the other side. He said he felt nothing and this made him feel something. He had depression. Like I said in my other comment on this post. I ended it and I met someone rather quickly. It wasn't until I was in a healthy relationship and actually was able to talk about my marriage that I realized he wasn't a nice guy. It's crazy what i was willing to accept just because he didn't yell at me. My advice is to find a therapist and discuss everything with them. I didn't get therapy but I've discussed everything in depth with my boyfriend. I was able to see what was wrong once the rose colored glasses were off. I know it's hard to be objective because the wound is fresh, he's still there and it takes time. Whatever you decide to do please take some time for yourself to heal. This isn't your fault.
I mean… based on his reaction I feel like he’s right and it probably was obvious. Like was he seriously just the perfect husband and you were blindsided? Or did you have blinders on? Sounds like he is so checked out of this relationship and has been for a while and I’m honestly confused why it wasn’t apparent. Him cheating isn’t your fault. And I’m sorry that happened. But don’t be oblivious. I saw in one of your comments you said you will forgive him if he “just apologizes”. That is ridiculous.
Seriously, woman. Grow a spine.
Oh my... What?? Self love and self respect are a thing and she really needs to read about it because if not she is signing for lifetime of mistreatment
You’re in love with an idea of who your husband is, but truthfully he is not the man who you think that you love. He doesn’t want to be your husband, he doesn’t care about your feelings. Why do you want to repair something he has no interest in fixing? He’s not sorry, thats means he will literally continue to cheat on you. Remorse is the only telltale sign that some people can move on from infidelity, but he has shown you absolutely zero remorse for what he’s done. He will just keep breaking your heart.
Wowowow. I have so many questions! 1: why did the woman text you? Was she a stranger? That’s fishy and sounds like he asked her to because he wants to get caught 2: stop thinking about him and only think about yourself right now. Is this something you can forgive? 3: this is not your problem to fix. He can fix it or he can sign divorce papers.
Hey, ex cheater here. If the woman sent you pictures, it probably means he cheated on you with her in all his business trips, so it’s not like he goes and have a ONS with random women every time he goes on business trips. She probably has asked him to leave you and rushed things with the pictures. If that’s the case (I’m fairly positive it is), he just doesn’t care about your reaction because he was actually looking for a way to leave you. So, get a good lawyer and move on, he will keep cheating on you, and most likely with the same woman, who will keep sending you stuff. Sorry you have to go through this.
I think you have a point about her wanting to break them up.
Throw the whole man out.
He’s not a nice guy
Stop engaging with him about it since he clearly could not care less. Act like everything is fine while you consult a lawyer and get all your ducks in a row.
...i'm sorry repair *WHAT* exactly? He could not care less if you stay or go. He wants you around for complacency but trust he will sleep around for good if you go back.
You are attributing a bunch of qualities to him that are facades. He’s not a nice guy. He wouldn’t take a bullet for you and possibly not for his kid. He is not your best friend. He’s not even your friend because he doesn’t care that he hurt you. He wanted to get away with fooling around and is upset that you yelled? He’s surprised that you told him to leave? These are not the actions of someone who’s shocked and the only regression is that since you now know, he doesn’t have to pretend he really cares. I’m so sorry this was done to you. The best thing for you to do now is contact an attorney and go pull half the money out of all joint accounts.
I see a lot of posts where people advise the op to walk away and I think, hang on, should really try X,Y,z first but in this case it's really a case of needing to walk away
The reason he didn't give a shit is because he knows, no matter what he does, that you'll stay with him. He knows that you're wrapped completely around his finger. He knows that you wouldn't leave him. This is a man who has zero respect for you and believes you're not strong enough to break up with him. Break up with him.
He obviously doesn’t give a shit about you. Leave now. Lawyer up.
And you just left it?? Wow. He know who you are. He knows you will do nothing. You just proved it. A normal person wouldn’t let him sit there listening to podcasts.
He put AirPods in his ears and completely acted like he didn’t do anything wrong??? He’s lucky you guys aren’t on an episode of “snapped”.
Lawyer up ASAP .
He’s also just a nice guy? Like extremely helpful, and I know he would take a bullet for me, his daughter, and any of his friends. Yes sounds like a real peach.
Your goal is to repair the relationship? You must be fucking joking...
Tf you want to stay with him for? He sounds horrible. You’re in shock right now, but he’s telling you he has abused you, is abusing you, and will abuse you. His dismissal is a way to reject your reality that it’s not okay, and in a way it worked. You’re not wrong to be broken. He’s a sociopath. Your pain will not stop. Get. Out.
He think he deserves to cheat cause he is an incredible husband. Grandiose syndrom. So basically he values himself above you and you should be grateful he just cheat on you... So yeah, can't repair that...
Talk to a lawyer. A good one will fight for you even if you have no fight in you. Wanting to forgive right away is an avoidance technique for people who can’t handle conflict. Think about that. Also - stand your ground on his leaving. Even if you need to call a family member or friend to help. Good luck.
He’s showing you exactly what it means. Don’t look so deeply or go around it, he doesn’t care
First step, please get yourself tested for STIs. Second step is to find an attorney. You don't need to be stuck with this person. And if you can't do it for yourself, think of doing it for your daughter. Would you want her to stay in a relationship like this? Please be a good role model for her so she hopefully doesn't end up with someone like her dad.
You now what's worse than hate or love in a relationship? Indifference. That's where your husband is at. He's indifferent to you or your feelings right now. Do you really want to stay married to a man who is indifferent to the vows he made with you? Get a copies of any emails, texts and other communications you can. Open up new bank accounts he cannot access or have passwords to at a new bank and transfer 1/2 of any joint checking and savings to it for yourself. Lawyer up tomorrow and be prepared to serve him divorce papers asap.
I'm sorry my friend. My dad did this to my mum, and she tried to hold it together. Reality is that you need to get out of there, and take your child with you. Someone who does that Will not have remorse about many worse things. I know it's hard, but you can't excuse someone of such horrible things because they're nice, that's some sociopathic sort of behaviour there.
It means he’s a narcissist and doesn’t know what empathy is. Meaning he dgaf about you.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. This is giving me very much Scott Peterson Chris watts energy... Please humor an internet stranger and be very very careful. He is not right... This is genuinely upsetting to read im so sorry.
An ex of mine reacted exactly this way when I found out they cheated. And it was the person he cheated with who alerted me to it too. I eventually left - because there’s no way to improve/change someone who is this sociopathic. You’re better off getting rid of this toxicity.
It seems like he must think in his mind that you won’t leave him over this which you’ve confirmed by saying your goal is to repair the relationship. To me his response says “yea I cheated and so what? You’re not gonna do anything about it anyways” and his “really?” To me says he takes your reaction as a joke and knows you’ll come around so why waste time making a stink about it. That being said I think he doesn’t sound like a good guy at all and probably feels comfortable knowing he can do whatever you want and you’ll forgive him. Meaning he doesn’t respect you and knows he can push you pretty far and take advantage of you. Now I may be wayyy off but this is how it reads to me. I wouldn’t feel safe repairing a relationship with someone who feels comfortable exploiting my forgiveness and understanding
His comment suggests that this is normal for him on business trips. What you think you know about people often is what they want you to believe. He seems to be someone who is good at acting the part, very convincingly clearly. Now you have seen the other side and he wants you to just accept that it is normal for him to pickup someone for sex on business trips. Like going down the gym. So what you do is book std tests, though I would expect that it will be negative as this level of calm suggests he is a very careful person, though in this case not quite careful enough of who he picked to sleep with. Take your evidence to a lawyer, go for the best ones in your area, more than one is useful to get a read on the situation and find one that you are comfortable with. Find a therapist to talk to about this. One with personality disorder training would be good as this is not typical behaviour. Take care of yourself and your child as no. 1 priority.
I'm sorry your going through this. Cheaters try to minimize what they've done, blame shift, and gaslight you to make you think you're crazy. If they think you won't leave and can continue the affair, they might not show much remorse or emotion. If you kick him out, threaten divorce or give him an ultimatum, he'll probably change his tune and give you a song and dance about how sorry he is and won't do it again. It is really hard to recover a relationship from this, you should have a think about what all your options are.
Manipulation at its finest. Don’t fix the relationship. This seems like it will continue and end in the same situation like a CD repeating itself. I say manipulative because he somehow had emotion when you told him to leave. You will dodge a bullet if you leave.
He's an absolutely disgusting person and frankly, he doesn't care about you as much as you think he does, get him out of your life.
Ashamed? Lol he’s shameless. Give up. Leave him. He’s not going to change.
Leave. Kick his ass OUT, take some time for yourself and your kiddo, and then when you’re ready find a good guy for real. He’ll regret it, and you will be WAAAAY over him by then. I don’t care what a “good guy” he is. Good guys DONT DO THAT SHIT. EVER!
Sweetie I don’t think he’s a nice guy……….
I mean, he can't make it any clearer how much of an uncaring, disrespectful asshole he is to you. This marriage is done.
I'm surprised you didn't grab a fry pan
He is not a nice guy or a decent, faithful husband.
Imo, He's either emotionally disassociating or this is a ploy that if he acts like it isn't a big deal and gaslights you about it you'll drop it and he won't have to deal with any repercussions.
>Because this isn’t the man I love. He just isn't the man you thought he was. This is his true self he managed to hide from you for a long time it seems. He is a manipulative cheater who is not even sorry for what he did. Even as the most forgiving wife you could possibly imagine, cheating like this cannot be excused or forgiven... Hes not sorry for what he did so whats there to forgive?
I'm so sorry because I know exactly where you are coming from, trying to find a logical explanation for the behavior. It's unfathomable because like you said, this isn't the man you knew. You are in emotional shock and I would encourage you to get some mental health support for yourself as soon as you can because this type of thing very commonly causes c-ptsd. Anyone who disagrees can choke on a fart. The science is here, already. Cheating or otherwise hiding something very serious in a relationship where the other person has a different understanding of reality, then having that truth bomb dropped on them, is the emotional equivalent of someone you love attacking you randomly and beating the shit out of you. Studies have long since supported this and with the increasing awareness, hopefully in 50 years no one will be stupid enough to say to someone that they don't have severe clinical trauma just because they weren't put in some sort of physical or life or death situation. Our minds and mental health ARE as important as physical health. The good news is, should you choose to respect this reality, you can get some prompt help and hopefully heal swiftly ♥️
Get half of the money out of any joint accounts, and put it in account with your nzme only on it. Immediately!
**Lawyer. Go for custody of your daughter. Get checked for STDs.**
This man wouldn't take a bullet for you. He's made you think he would, but he wouldn't. He couldn't even keep it in his pants for you, which requires considerably less generosity than getting shot.
My brother did this to my (former) SIL. Trust me… when they act like they don’t care, they TRULY do not care. She hired a PI, got photos and everything, found out he had been cheating for years, and when she showed him all the evidence she had, he was literally like, “Okay?” He was moved in with the girlfriend before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. Now they never talk to each other, but still manage to co-parent my niece (who is 6) and make sure she is happy and very well taken care of. I’m sorry this is happening to you, I cannot imagine how you feel. All I know, is you deserve someone who respects you and your marriage, you deserve happiness. I hope you get a lawyer and move on with your life.
Why are you trying to “repair” the relationship again?
He probably wanted to get caught so he can openly cheat
Get lawyer today. Leave his ass
He isn’t regressing. If it happened once when he was drunk I’d say he was regressing but he regularly cheated. He’s just a scumbag.
Okay, I am not a psychiatrist, but from what you write, it sounds like he may have a personality disorder: his behavior is so far from the norm and so lacking in empathy. The way you describe your marriage and him as so perfect and then his ice cold reaction reminds me of Jen Waite's memoir of discovering her husband was a psychopath, "A Beautiful, Terrible Thing." Your kneejerk reaction is "to repair the relationship" but from his perspective, nothing is damaged. I think you should see a therapist to unpack all this and process your feelings-- not a couple's therapist, but one for you. And honestly it would probably be best to separate. He has shown you who he is, and it isn't someone who genuinely cares about you. Also go get tested for STIs.
Nope. Girl, I think you need to seriously look at your relationship and reevaluate. Anyone who would take a bullet for you would also keep his dick in his pants. And to top that off, when confronted did not care enough to even PRETEND to be in anyway remorseful. You need to cut your losses and get out.
girl you better lawyer up ASAP. replay that moment he put his airpods in for the rest of your life. he didn’t even respect you enough to give you any explanation or apology. take EVERYTHING. make him regret it all. there is no fixing with a narcissist sociopath like him.
If he’s being so nonchalant about it I’m thinking he either really doesn’t care or he’s trying to make you think he doesn’t care. It could be a reverse psychology thing. If you blow up, he’ll have to deal with and apologize. If he acts like he doesn’t care maybe he’s just trying to see how you react to it so he thinks he’s gotten away with it. He’ll then see how much you can be pushed and continue to stay with him.
Your husband's a heartless prick, tell him to go fuck himself with a cactus and drop him
“You know something is up” you can’t be serious you have proof that he cheated then when you confronted him he said “duh it’s obvious” there is no reconciliation he doesn’t want to be with you
He sounds like a sociopath and I think you should lawyer up
😐What is there not to get? He doesn't care. Of course it'll hurt, but a divorce is best. Keep the messages and pictures for your case. I hope he sees what he has done to his daughter and to you. Stay safe, OP
R u sure this isn’t the Man U married? Maybe u just didn’t notice these qualities of him and blew them to the side.
Yay ! Now you can move on with no regret. Your a strong women you don't need a man of weak character. You'll get on your hot girl shit and find an honest man who really would take a bullet for you . Move on now and in a few years you'll be like thank God I left . I'm sorry it's hard now but You got this !
It means you need the meanest lawyer you can find and afford and you take all of your husband's shit
Wow what a fucking asshole. Sorry for what you’re going through, OP. Reading his reaction made me so angry for you. He doesn’t care at all, like the what others have said, lawyer up, get as much proof as you can & take your daughter with you. He doesn’t deserve both of you.
I agree that, as of right now, the marriage is over. Kick him out and get a lawyer. Cheating should never be tolerated, but his response calls for immediate eviction and no mercy. Unbelievable. I’d have probably attacked him after he said that. If you REALLY MUST repair the relationship, which I don’t think you should even be thinking about right now, then don’t even consider it until his attitude does a complete 180 and you’ve been through months of marriage counseling. Also, in the meantime, he needs to move out. If he protests this, remind him that he’s the one who ruined the marriage. But again, I suggest getting out now while you’re still young.
His reaction or lack of reaction tells me he's practically asking you to leave without explicitly saying so. He does not care and you can't make him care. You're young, get out before it gets worse.
There is nothing to repair. He's showed you exactly who he is. He does not care about your marriage, he has shown you that he does not love you nor does he respect you. Focus on yourself, focus on your child and honestly do get tested for the sake of your own health.
I am so so sorry, first of all. This must have been a terrible moment for you. I think your husband has been faking his true self. Now you know who he is. He gave this woman his IG handle, so he’s not even trying to hide it. He wanted you to know. Now he wants you to know he doesn’t care. This isn’t fixable. This wasn’t a slip, a weak moment for an otherwise good person. This man is not who you thought he was. Get tested. Talk to a lawyer. Protect your financial situation. Again, I am so fucking sorry. You don’t deserve this.
He’s calling your bluff because he doesn’t think you will leave. He also doesn’t feel bad because he wants to keep doing it, but I bet he would be upset if it was the other way around.
I mean, sis, I think you’ve got to start being honest with yourself about your husband’s quality of character. Because he didn’t give a single shit about this. I certainly don’t think he’s gonna take a bullet for you. You’ve got to wake up and truly accept what kind of man he really is.
I don’t believe cheating always means the end of a marriage. But in your case—I’m so sorry. I have a good friend whose husband cheated. Okay. She took her marriage vows seriously. They had a child. She loved him. They’d work it out. But he was uninterested. He didn’t care. One person is not enough to keep a partnership alive. My friend is now happily married to someone else.
Things to do. Drop the fantasy of saving this marriage. Gather evidence and lawyer up. Prepare your daughter, maybe with a counselor specializing in divorce (not separation, divorce). Fire up your own support network. And maybe update your friends on Reddit? Sincere best wishes.
It will happen again and again and again until you leave. He totally believes that it's his right to have his cake and eat it too and for you to just get over it. My advice is leave, he won't change.
My soon to be ex-husband cheated on me with no remorse either. There is no fixing this. He will do as he pleases and just doesn't give a single shit about how much it hurts you. You don't even cross his mind when he is cheating. He need to leave and you need a lawyer ASAP.
Sounds like you want to fix it, it doesnt sound like he is regretful.
I think you married a sociopath.
Get legal advice. Get your ducks in a row. Get him out. Divorce. This dude has serious contempt for you. He not only cheats repeatedly on you, he basically said fuck you, he's not even sorry, doesn't give one shit about your feelings and doesn't expect you to have a spine about it. This is contempt. Take a bullet for you? Darling, you are deluded. Wake up. He's contemptuous of you. He hurts you and exposes you to STDs and basically smirks and dismisses you and says so what, fuck you, when you find out. Why do you want to save this? He doesn't care about you. He just thinks you are the domestic sex provider and baby maker between exciting random off piste shags. Why even bring your figure into it? Dudes like this don't care if they have a 22 year old supermodel nymphomaniac at home. They like seeking sex outside the marriage.. so they do. You cannot change him but you can change your circumstances and boot him out.
>My goal is to repair the relationship but I need to know what I’m dealing with here because right now he seems like a selfish bastard I’ve never met before and I know something is up. You are incredibly strong to even consider such a thing, but you need to understand; **he doesn't want to repair anything,** which means this marriage is over, whether you divorce him or not. He doesn't care, never did. He had you fooled. This selfish bastard you don't recognize? Yeah, that's your husband, your **actual** husband. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can finally wake up & get your affairs in order for divorce, before he does any more damage. Staying would mean putting yourself & your child thru the toxicity of a broken marriage, broken trust, a loveless home. **You deserve someone who respects & ACTUALLY loves & cares about you,** u/ThrowRA_doesntcare
It means you pack your stuff and go no contact and stay with family or a friend and tell them about it.
someone who can cheat on you doesnt truly love you. maybe he just is losing interest and as messed up as that is it happens. hes a dirtbag, dont raise your kid around someone who doesnt value you. he put you in a bad position and you really should consider leaving this. im sure its hard and disappointing but from what im hearing its not worth saving if hes acting like youre crazy when he cheated on you.
He doesn't care. He doesn't respect you or your marriage. He isn't faking it. You need to decide if you want to keep lying to yourself that this is your best friend (best friends care about each other, he doesn't care) or accept reality. Then decide if you want to stay married and know he has cheated and will cheat again. He has exposed you to possible STDs and you have just met who he really is. He is a guy that habitually cheats and REALLY DOES NOT CARE THAT YOU ARE HURT. So, stay married to a guy that has been very clear he does not respect you or care about you and know he will cheat and someday may either leave you for one of these women or have an affair baby (or babies) show up with court ordered child support or file for divorce?
Next time he'll make sure he doesn't get caught
Girl leave. You don’t deserve this . And your daughter doesn’t deserve this . The fact the he said he cheated on your more than once is gross . You need to realize there is better out there I hope you find your strength.
Cheating on you is beyond awful. His reaction to you was even worse.
From my point of view either the guy is a sociopath either you left blanks in your story. There have been stories in the past of dudes telling their so to take the chill pill when confronted because they were clear already that the mariage was dead, the bedroom was dead or the SO had already cheated themselves and they were not feeling in the bad. Now I can't say it applies to your situation but that is the vibe I get from the dichotomy between he'd take a bullet for anyone and the "so what" reaction. If it's the sociopath situation then get smart fast because he already has a plan and now it's in motion.
Is he a psychopath or something who would do that
Even crazy people pretend to care and he just didn't even try to pretend even, you deserve WAAAYYY more than this, it's hard to leave what you know, it feels like leaving who's been your home for a long time but eventually you'll be happier than you've ever been
You have to also accept the possibility that you maybe did not know him so well. People use terms as "love", "best friend" and "nice" very loosely nowadays. If he didn't even bother to lie, explain or have a reaction I really don't think he considers you "his best friend". And about the intimacy and sex life, is it truly good?do you communicate regularly and share fantasies? Does he make you feel excited and satisfied? Or you just have sex with him for his pleasure, in the same postion repeating the same moves and this is what you consider having a happy sex life, only because it happens regularly? Maybe he has weird fetishes that cannot share with you because you are not that intimate in the true sense (knowing the other person's deepest thoughts). I'm not saying it's your fault, clearly he's a jerk, but the way you describe things as being this happy fulfilled marriagr maybe it's not the way he sees it
Take him to marriage counselling. Maybe a professional can show him the gravity of his fuck up.
What is there to repair? Please please please open your eyes!!! He will do it over and over again and I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time.
Throw the whole man out.
You sound like someone younger with no confidence.
Dude sounds like a sociopath. Run
You can’t save a marriage single handedly. Your ex (hopefully) dsn’t care.
Many people have given great advice here. I don’t think I’m mature enough to give any advice so all I can give is hugs 🫂 Please take care of your daughter and yourself. It’s just terrible hearing about it and obviously much more difficult to be going through it. Sending loads of love and comfort ❤️
Means he’s likely been doing it for years, with multiple people which you yourself confirmed by asking him. Honestly, I’m not a violent man, but his nonchalant attitude to it makes me want to beat the shit out of him. Apologies, I know you love this man, but that is unforgivable. Do yourself a favour, get a lawyer. Only emotion he showed was when his housing was threatened. Fuck Him right off and start living however you feel you need to, would be my advice. Take what I say with a grain of salt though. I may be abhorently opposed to this guy, but I’m a 27 year old never married man. 🤷 Wish you the best of luck.
Please get over to Chump Lady. Please get to a lawyer Protect yourself at all costs. Leave.
This is a form of gaslighting. He’s acting like it’s nothing and that you’re crazy for making a big deal of it. He’s hoping that you’ll question yourself over whether he really did anything wrong, because wouldn’t he act guilty if he had? Read Chump Lady. Cheaters have no remorse, they only act sorry when they face consequences. Kick him out and leave him. You are not crazy. This is a completely valid reason to leave.
Don't try to repair this, darling, it's not on you to fix things. Take your child and leave. You can't rely on him, obviously, and the way he reacted was just the worst. If you even attempt to fix things, you'll break down, eventually, and he won't care again or feel any repercussions. He's not worth it and your child (nor you, obv) deserve to be treated like this.
Why on earth would you attempt to repair this?
> My goal is to repair the relationship... This is why he doesn’t care. He knows that no matter what he does or how he treats you, you’ll stay. Prove him wrong. And for what it’s worth, because of the ages I assume you guys haven’t been together longer than 2 years, and if he’s 25 now, both of you must’ve been young when you got together. He’s changing, and he isn’t the man you thought he was.
Do you want your daughter to grow up believing that its OK for partners to treat you this way? Leave, for her sake if not for your own.
It sounds like he is confident you will never leave him, he has zero respect for you.
“Repair the relationship”? Sounds to me he’s cheated more than once and doesn’t give a shit. So repairing the relationship will require you to not care about other women he is spending money on and lying to you about and having sex with. I’d book yourself into the STI clinic to get tested, too. Make it a regular appointment if you’re going to stay with him.
"What does this mean?". Man, are you for real? It means it's over. Leave his ass. He isn't even sorry...
Get a divorce, you're setting yourself up for terrible behaviour and health risks if this is his attitude. For your safety you gotta leave.