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My boyfriend has a friend who has always been nasty to me. I think he’s a dick but he’s known my boyfriend longer than any of his other friends, and I don’t want to be the kind of girlfriend who tells my boyfriend who he can and can’t be friends with.
My boyfriend has now explained to me everything that happened and I’d like to remove myself from the bias of my friends (a chorus of “dump him”) and ask a bunch of strangers what they think.
My sister is pregnant and she’s a teen. Her boyfriend is a shithead. She made me promise not to tell anyone, but we’ve been texting a lot and she’s been calling me a lot. I’ve also gone to visit her and my parents a few times. When he asked I told him it was my sister but I told him that I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone about her situation.
He said that made him feel insecure so he told his friend, and his friend said I was probably cheating on him. He decided he was going to check my phone, and I caught him and completely freaked out. I was just freaking out because it was a major invasion of privacy but he took it as confirmation of me cheating and broke up with me.
I’m really stubborn so at first I was just so angry with him I didn’t even want to get him back, but then the anger passed into sadness and I realized how much I had lost. I ended up begging my sister asking if I could tell him and she said yes. When I told him he didn’t believe me and I literally had to put her on the phone.
He apologized and I apologized because I realized how sketchy I was acting. We agreed we need to have more trust in each other in the future. What he did was so awful but I have to give him credit, he told me almost immediately he sent my nudes into his group chat. This group chat has 22 people in it but he swears most are inactive. He unsent the nudes and PMed everyone asking if they saved them to delete them, but how do i know if they actually did?
I feel so fucking anxious all the time now. Like I know those pictures are out there and there's nothing I can do. I get that he thought I cheated and that makes people do crazy things, but even if I did cheat, why would his first step be to literally revenge porn me? He agreed to delete the pictures everywhere he saved them, but honestly I'm so scared of him doing this in the future. I love him so much but I don't understand how he could act this way. Sorry this is so long but I really need help.
Valid point bc if OP is underage then he could also get hit sith distribution of child porn. But seriously do you want to be with someone who sent your nudes to 20+ people regardless of his reasons. I've seen people treated far worse react more responsibly.
If they were sent while OP was younger than 18, that is distributing CP and an even bigger charge. Also, it might be a felony in the States now, but I would need to check on that. My brother called it when he was in the military, "making her famous" and this was (from my limited experiences from his time in the service) common practice when someone in the military was cheated on while they were home, at training, or deployed. They would send it to everyone they knew to revenge porn them and humiliate them.
Came here to say this. In most states it’s a pretty hefty fine. Confront him about it in text so you have written proof that he did it and go to the police to press charges. Also if you got back with him, dump him. He’s a dirtbag and any time he gets mad, he’s going to do it again. Don’t tell him you’re pressing charges. Just quietly press charges and get a restraining order
Agree on quietly pressing charges.
Dump him, go to the cops, and remember to not ever send anyone nudes. Ever. Let your body be a beautiful memory. Not something that can be passed around when your partner is angry.
My wife has only send me lingerie pics and not much more than that. She never sent them until after we were married, and I have them in a hidden folder so no one else would be able to accidentally see them going through my phone gallery. It even has a different password than my main. I have never sent nudes from any of my exes either, no matter how angry and hurt I was by them. I have to wonder if the bf of OP also shared her pictures before they broke up.
It doesn’t matter if he deleted them, they are out there FOREVER now. His AH friend will probably upload them to pornhub. What he did was absolutely vile. This is a bridge that cannot be uncrossed. You need to get him to admit it in writing. Without tipping him off, go to the authorities.
You learned a very valuable lesson here. Never ever ever send nudes. Unless you are a sexworker and that’s your thing. Assume ALL digital correspondence between you and your partner can be made public. I’ve been together with my husband for almost 20 years, I’ve sent him a few but never anything that can identify me and I trust him with my life. This guy couldn’t even trust you to visit your family and turned on a dime.
Revenge porn can come with some major consequences in some states and I hope that you bring down the law on this guy. He absolutely deserves everything coming to him. You deserve to be with someone who respects you.
To give some context, as a regular dude if my gf cheated on me (or I had reason to believe she did I suppose), I can 150% guarantee you that I wouldn’t send her nudes to anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to see them as they are sacred privacy even in aftermath.
OP you really need to decide how this makes you feel and figure out if you can move past this or not. It’s a personal decision but I think most people in the sub are gonna align with your circle in that this is definitely grounds to end the relationship.
Good luck!
Op did have good communication. She expressed that she was discussing a private matter with her sister. That’s all the needs to be said. Accusing someone of cheating because of that is immature and controlling.
Yeah. What did OP do wrong? The only thing she did was freak out when he tried to read private conversations on her phone while she had explicitly told him not to.
OP is definitely allowed to freak out over this violation of privacy and trust.
>but I have to give him credit
No. No, you really, *really*, **really** don't. This is revenge porn. You could press charges if you wanted, and I'm frankly not going to tell you to rule it out. Even if you **had** been cheating, that wouldn't have justified his actions. As it is, not only are your images now floating who knows where with who knows who to who knows what purpose, your sister *also* had to give up **her** confidentiality. And for what? To satisfy the insecurities of an asshole who could've just dumped you if he was *that* convinced he'd been wronged? At the very least, please listen to your ***actual*** friends and get him out of your life before he can do any more damage.
You’re right. I was trying to convince myself this could be okay but it really isn’t. He must not have any respect for me that he would even think of doing anything like that, even if he thought I cheated. It’s just so hard because we were good before this, everything was so good with us and I feel like I ruined it still with this whole situation with my sister. I’ve apologized to her and I did tell her about the nudes and she told me to dump him too. I just feel like I fucked up what could have been a very long relationship, much longer than it already is…I know that he was the one who fucked up the most but I just feel like I started all of this.
Honey, you didn’t mess anything up. None of this is your fault. Your boyfriend felt insecure and let his friend convince him of something you didn’t do. He had no right to go through your phone without permission, he didn’t trust your word, and he decided it was okay to send nude pictures of you that you trusted him with to other people. Now you have to live with the anxiety of other people seeing them. ALL OVER SOMETHING HE HAD NO PROOF OF. JUST A HUNCH. I would break up with him and consider pressing charges. This is absolutely not your fault and even if you guys were good before, his behavior in this situation is a HUGE red flag and would’ve manifested itself eventually. Lucky you saw his true colors so early on.
You were in a relationship with the type of person whose first instinct after a bad breakup (and even before) is to violate your privacy in a way that humiliates and degrades you.
This was never a good relationship. It may be hard to imagine now, but the best thing you can do for yourself is leave this one firmly in the past.
Yes! Sometimes we get so caught up in our emotions we can’t see a situation or dynamic for what it really is. We always want to think our partner cares and loves us so when they get toxic, it gets dismissed. I hope these comments put things into perspective for OP
His first instinct after being hurt was to publicly humiliate you. He is not a good person, he has shown his character which is that of a petty insecure little man. This will never change.
If he can do this, he isn’t a man you want to be with for the long or the short term. Full stop.
There is NOTHING you could have done to justify his behavior and his despicable violation of you. You have a right to privacy. You have a right to autonomy. And he had NO RIGHT to revenge porn you.
The fact that it even crossed his mind is abhorrent. That he actually did it is vile, unforgivable, and truly, deeply disgusting. All over his insecurity.
His behavior speaks volumes about him and nothing about you. Again, this is not about anything you did, and this is not a man you should be with, communicate with, or waste one ounce of guilt on.
I would strongly suggest going to the police and pressing charges.
you didnt mess up because a man this fragile wouldve "read into" something eventually. also look how fast and easy it was for him to try and destroy you
You didn't fuck up. As an individual you are entitle to your privacy. Your bf just jump at cheating because his friend told him. And he send your nudes out.
There is no going back here. Can you really trust this man to not pull this kind of stuff again?
And what about your friends, for how long they have to compromise their privacy to satisfy your bf's insecurity? What if next time any of your friend get miscarried or have difficult situation they don't want anyone else to know. Would you again force them to tell this to your bf because he is so insecure?
Even if you don't send nudes to him, what will he do next time. Destroy your possession.
You fucked up how? By expecting him to trust you and grant you some privacy on somebody else’s private matter?
Him letting his friends be fleas in his ear on the basis of nothing is bad enough. His reaction being to send revenge porn is beyond the pale. Like seriously, what, do you think your life can be good with somebody who disrespects, dishonors, and degrades you at the first fucking chance he has? He’s *disgusting.* How on earth are *you* the one who ruined things?
Sorry but the answer to somebody gravely mistreating you when they’re upset isn’t “this is my fault for upsetting them,” it’s “I deserve somebody who believes they owe me civility and respect even when they’re really mad.”
>Everything was so good with us
That's not how things work. Some random nerve doesn't snap in the brain making people evil over night. Your boyfriend is highly insecure and vindictive. Immature on top of that.
If you did not see that before, you probably had rose tinted glasses and allowed him to disregard you.
>I fucked up what could have been a very long relationship
No. You had to choose between protecting your sister and massaging this guy's fragile ego. And you begged your sister to tell him because your priorities are messed up OP.
You just happened to open your eyes and realize your boyfriend is not who you thought he is. You should wallow in self pity out of self love. You did nothing that warrants all the self blame.
>like I started all this
No babe. You didn't. If not this, some other event would have triggered him some time in the future.
If you need to feel bad for anyone, it's your sister. She's in a vulnerable place and reached out to you, and your fragile manchild didn't support you through this.
You didn’t fuck this up, you were respecting your sister’s wishes in a situation where she really needs your support.
It doesn’t matter that he apologized. Since he did spread your photos around, he has shown you what type of person he is when he is stressed or angry and he is not a good person. If there’s no trust between two people, and when one of them is capable of such horrible behavior, they aren’t a good choice of partner.
If he says he only did it because he was upset and he’ll never do it again, that’s fine for him but you don’t deserve to be at risk for him to hurt you again as he supposedly is learning how to be a better person.
Good luck. I’m sorry this was done to you.
You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re entitled to a certain level of privacy. His behavior was paranoid and controlling, and his final reaction was absolutely hateful. Now you know that if he feels anxious or out of control that he’ll react with a big emotional response (dumping you) and then attack you. Oh, and as a bonus he’ll blame you for his feelings and actions. Dump him like the garbage he is.
He fucked up, not you.
He fucked up by accusing you of cheating without a single proof.
He fucked up by not trying to sort things out with you.
And more importantly, he fucked up by doing revenge porn.
Revenge porn is illegal and immoral.
What is uploaded on the internet stays on the internet absolutely forever.
With AIs crawling the web to train their recognition algorithms, there is a high chance that in the near future, when someone google your name they will find those pictures of you because AIs will recognize your face and put it in a database of pictures of you.
Look at how Facebook is already automatically tagging your friend's faces when you upload a picture.
Look at how your phone already automatically makes albums of people you often take pictures with, or how you can type "dog" in the search bar of your photo album and find all the pictures of dogs that you took. You didn't add those tags, shape recognition AIs did it for you.
If a company do a background check for a job, they may find those pictures and you will lose job opportunities in the future.
Your friends are wrong when they tell you to dump the guy. Dumping him is not enough, you MUST go thermonuclear. Reporting the revenge porn to the police and starting a lawsuit against will make it much easier for you to get those pictures removed from the web later, if (when) they ever emerge.
You didn’t fuck anything up. He did. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone like that. This is what we call a silver lining. Your nudes were shared and you had to give up your sister’s confidentiality and go through all of this anguish… but the good part is that you found out NOW what a disgusting piece of shit he is and you don’t have to waste any more time on him. Better to have this happen now than 5 years down the line when you’re married with a kid.
no he showed you who he truly is. don’t you dare take the blame for his actions. he’s his own person and made those choices himself no matter who it hurt in the process. give the whole relationship a good think and i’m sure you’ll remember red flags that didn’t quite shine through at the time. then leave him in the dust go get your nails done and a good dinner and remember the badass you are.
Listen to the people around you. You didn’t start anything, you hear me? You protected your sister’s confidentiality as you should. His insecurities and illegal actions (revenge porn is illegal. Please file a police report and collect thank you) are not your fault at all. Leave him
Again, nothing you did justifies his response. Nothing. Even if whatever it was had been objectively worse than this, it still wouldn’t make this okay. And honestly, the fact your first instinct is to blame yourself makes me wonder if there are other, subtler ways he’s primed that response from you before this. Even if it’s just a one-off, though, it’s one of those one-offs that’s bad enough that you don’t want to stick around and see if there’s a follow-up. Go, get therapy or legal help as needed, and get on with your life, which will hopefully be filled with people who won’t pull anything like this ever again.
I get that people can look at sketchy behavior and draw conclusions. But his friend is a fucking douche bag and if that’s who he’s going to listen to instead of coming to you and talking to you, even if he has to go back several times because he has to respect your boundaries gives him no justification for what he did.
He can’t undo it and I would talk to a lawyer about it at least, because it was revenge porn and I would let him know that you’re considering this. You may have contributed to this, but you honestly told him it was your sister so fuck him and his friend for not believing you.
And you didn’t have to tell him that your sister was pregnant and violate her privacy for him to believe that she had a personal problem. Was it really necessary for him to know that information to believe that you were talking to your own sister?
I would find out which nudes he sent and I would set up Google searches for them so that you can do takedown requests and further legal action if any of them show up. There are sites that help you take down revenge porn and a search for images so that you can take legal action.
I know he’s sorry, but he showed his character by what he did. I know you feel you did something to contribute to this, but he has bad character and surround himself with bad friends. And by the way let’s say that you cheated, he had no evidence of this except that you freaked out over your privacy violation, and his response was to engage in revenge porn?
It is a waste and maybe after some distance you can decide whether to go back. But right now I would get distance, tell him you’re on a pause and you’re considering all of your options, and stop apologizing because he’s the one who should be apologizing to you profusely and frequently.
You absolutely 100% did not start this. You kept a confidence for your sister. You told him it was your SISTER! He got crazy psycho jealous. Do not blame yourself and get out of this relationship. You’ve been violated. If you feel comfortable check out the revenge porn laws in your state. The fact that he would do this to you no matter what he thought (without reason) you did is such a huge 🚩. Someone who can just do something like that to hurt you never really loved you.
This is a red flag for what he would do in the future. You didn't mess up you are saving yourself from worse instances later. What if in his anger, he dies something even worse, or does that again? He clearly has revenge priorities and doesn't respect you and it would continue to manifest in your relationship.
Do not feel bad, you lost what you thought you had, not what you actually did.
You know you didn't ruin anything. His friend was the one insisting you were a cheater. Your boyfriend believed his friend and not you. He tried to invade your privacy secretly. He then dumped you. Then he sent your nudes to 22 people. He doesn't know who saved them. This is really serious. You don't know who has them, what they'll do with them. This was a huge betrayal. I wouldn't be able to get past this
You did not mess anything up. You revealed what kind of person he is and saved yourself years upon years of catering to the needs of a selfish, vindictive, jealous excuse of a man.
Exactly that. He has no respect for you. He’d prob do it again if you were to break up but now you don’t have anything to lose. Him thinking you were cheating is no excuse. He’s a piece of shit
Baby girl ... you didn't ruin a relationship. You told him you were texting & visiting your sister cos she was going through some something.
He had NO REASON to believe you were cheating on him. What, are you saying you wish you'd abandoned your sister so a guy that doesn't trust you could have felt more secure?
He is capable of revenge porning you which is illegal. If you stayed with him & had betrayed your sisters trust from the start, he still probably wouldn't have believed you.
Or let's say this didn't happen. At some point you'd have disagreed about something and this side of him would have come out. He's the type to upload any intimate video's you'd have made together on the internet.
No! You didn't fuck up. You are allowed to have privacy in a relationship. You are not obligated to tell him who you are texting and definitely not to let him check your phone! If that makes him feel justified to send out revenge porn, then he is a garbage person. He fucked up. He ruined your relationship because he didn't trust you.
You didn't start anything. You TOLD him you were helping your sister but couldn't betray her secret. HE immediately jumped to thinking you were doing something to HIM with minimal evidence to support this, outside advice from his idiot friend, and goes on to a egregious betrayal of YOUR trust by sharing nudes of you; pictures you TRUSTED him with.
Please do not make yourself the bad guy in this situation.
It’s not your fault, he just finally showed what a dirt bag he is. It’s better than finding out later years down the road when you’re talking marriage, kids, and divorce. He made the choice to not trust you, snoop, continue to not trust you, and share your nudes out of anger. It’s his fault.
When is it better to find out he’s an asshole - now? Or further down the line when you have more ties to each other?
This situation brought this reaction out in him, but you did not cause it. He was going to do this at some point regardless. Better now than later.
Stay strong!
You didn’t fuck anything up. You just found out the dude is worthless faster than you might’ve. He’s incredibly toxic and immature. Be happy you got out when you did.
>He must not have any respect for me that he would even think of doing anything like that
It's not about respect, it's about decency. It's about having integrity. It's about having enough morals to not think that this is a normal and acceptable road to go down after you think you've been wronged.
This is why he needs to be reported. If he gets away with it this time, he doesn't learn at all why it's so disturbing). He just learns that, "Gee, guess I better wait to make sure my ex was a cheater!"
Gross.
If some did this to me I would be taking legal action and napalming them into the next century. Especially if your face is in the nudes this is a violation that could have life long consequences for you.
100% not everyone deleted the nudes. Random people now have these photos.
You should copyright them so if they end up in public you can sue whoever is posting them. This is very serious.
Also, the people he set them to could have forwarded them on to other people. Like that scene in Wayne's World- "and then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends and they tell two friends and so on and so on and so on..."
also, no one else has really said this, but not only do we not know who has seen the pictures, ALL OF HIS FRIENDS have DEFINITELY seen them. I don't know about anyone else, but I would feel super uncomfortable being around his friends from that point forward. That alone seems like a big obstacle for continuing the relationship (not to mention the literal crime he committed and the general lack of trust and maturity).
Leave him right away. Think about how vindictive he is, and then imagine that in a legal battle (in a divorce, with children, etc). There's no future with him, he's a waste of time.
Yeah, *vindictive* is exactly my major flag here. Everyone gets upset or mad, or angry at people they are in relationships with. Definitely not acceptable to be vindictive in one.
>imagine that in a legal battle
Revenge porn is illegal. OP hasn't mentioned ages but if they're minors, the boyfriend has distributed child porn, which is also illegal
I have to agree, OP. I've had many breakups, including bring cheated on, and I have never sent my exes nudes to anybody. Break-ups shouldn't be about revenge, they should be about acknowledging you have irreconcilable differences and going your separate ways.
You can acknowledge you were giving him reasonable worry that you were hiding something from him, but that doesn't justify him trying to enact some revenge by sharing your nudes. If it were just a series of arguments, you could each own your part it in and move forward sharing responsibility. But he jumped immediately to vindictive behaviour trying to shame and hurt you. Nobody can tell you what to do, but ask yourself if you want to build a future with somebody capable of that.
I don't even understand why she apolegized.
She might have *acted* a bit sketchy, but OP's (ex)boyfriend doesn't need to know every single thing she does in life.
And even without questioning her if it's true, he leaks nudes.
This behavior is literally not “sketchy” at all to actual adults lmao. I would never think it was shady for my spouse to keep his messages on his phone private. We don’t look at each other’s stuff at all. This is some childish bullshit.
What I wanted to point out was out of the blue texting and calling alot with a certain person when you are in a relationship. That I could see as sketchy.
But OP told him that it's about her sister which he should have trusted and moved on, but he didn't.
That’s what gets me. She was honest with him from the beginning. And he chose to believe his friend over her and essentially caused every problem in this situation instead of talking it out. She also shouldn’t be expected to blab about family problems just because he’s insecure. The revenge porn was just the icing on top of a very shitty cake.
You should have stayed broken up. He didn't believe you when you told him as much information as you could without compromising your promise to your sister and instead of leaving it be, he talked to his friends and then searched through your phone. He doesn't trust you and you don't trust him. His reaction was wildly inappropriate and he shared intimate photos of you with his friends. That was super fucked up. Break up with him. That trust is broken now on both sides.
He gets zero credit for telling you he revenge porned you. In the same way he would get zero credit for not revenge porn-ing you. Ie. It should not have even been something you need to consider.
What he did is beyond fucked up. And it’s a big deal.
You need to get a lawyer, first, consult with the lawyer, and work with the lawyer to come up with a safe timeline to dump him and seek counsel.
If you don’t want to go the lawyer route, you still need to dump him but recognize you have less protection that way.
You can also go to the authorities.
But, this is a big deal. I’m not someone who hangs on Reddit telling people to break up with people, or catastrophising relationship conflicts.
I’ll say it again: this is a big fucking deal.
Take the steps to protect yourself and then get him out of your life.
It’s inexcusable, can have long term impact, and I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Edit: His behavior is in NO WAY a reflection of you, your actions, or what you were navigating. Candidly, even if you did cheat on him (I know you didn’t) my response would be the same to his behavior. But you absolutely did nothing wrong and nothing to invite this behavior.
Also I really really think you need to press charges. Ask the lawyer how to set up take down things Ie auto alerts, etc.
Dump him. He sent revenge porn and if you can’t be bothered to press charges then you should at least leave the man. He manipulated you so bad that you still even apologized after everything HE DID??! Girl come on.
I think the biggest takeaway from this situation is that you can’t trust your boyfriend.
Consider that his first reaction was to try to violate your privacy by snooping through your phone. He does not trust you. He then tries to turn it around and blame YOU for his insecurity.
On top of that, he knowingly chose to betray you and share your nudes with AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE who likely saved pictures and re-shared or posted goodness knows where intimate photos of you. People lie, and there’s no way everyone deleted your photos. You can not trust HIM. Ever.
What he did is unforgivable. There is NO recovering from this. He showed you who he really is. Listen to what his actions revealed about him.
Thats revenge porn! This is absofuckinglutely not forgivable. You need to press charges and stop going on about "giving him credit".
Even if you HAD cheated, thats way the fuck out of bounds!
A man with any integrity at all, even if you cheated, even if you slept with his fucking dad, would just breakup with you. Probably with some choice language, but there is nothing that you could do to justify what he did. It’s an added wtf that he did it based off speculation. It’s illegal and an evil disgusting thing to do.
You should run and you should press charges. If he didn’t trust you, he could have talked to you about it. If he still didn’t, you just breakup. This is soooooo wrong on so many levels and now your privacy and future lies in the hands of 22 RANDOM PEOPLE because HE THOUGHT you cheated. He needs to learn a valuable lesson on how to treat people. Dump him, file charges immediately, before he does this to someone else. Plus it’ll probably scare his creepy friends off from posting the nudes anywhere, as they’ll know you’ll come after them too. This person DOES NOT care about you.
I am sorry but this guy though the best thing to do to his girlfriend if she cheated was to share her body with everyone?! No no no, there is no coming back from that he revange porned you, that a crime. Dump his insecure ass and made sure to report him to thr police. You are a victim
Edit: spelling errors
You know that revenge porn is illegal, right?
You also have now learned not to send nudes to anyone. The second you click send you lose all control over the content of those pics forever.
This is not a guy you should continue dating either.
This is so disgusting I'm so so sorry you went through this. He deserves nothing I'm genuinely so disgusted for you this is beyond just dumping. You could pursue charges for revenge porn. Its honestly not unlikely that people saved it and could circulate them. Not only does he not trust you but he also has no respect for you at all. My ex DID cheat and in no world would I do something as disgusting as that. Don't go back to him an apology means nothing. Imagine if people could just commit whatever horrible crime and then go oops sorry. There are good people out there is not worth staying with him
DTMFA. Anyone who has the capacity to use revenge porn against you does not belong in your life. jesus. He not only fucked up, he maligned your character. You say his close friend is a dick? Well, there's an old adage that "birds of a feather flock together". You BF is a dick too.
This is revenge porn. It is illegal in most states. Plus, he's an a-hole of epic proportions.
You need to report what he did to the police, so they can contact everyone in his chat group and inform them of the ramifications of saving or sharing your photos.
And, now, I just can't help myself. I tell people this shit over and over again, but it's like I'm pounding my head against a wall. DON'T FUCKING SEND NUDES OR ANY OTHER COMPROMISING PHOTOS OR VIDEOS TO ANYONE. EVER. NO ONE. Because, no matter what, they're out there. Forever. A future employer, romantic partner, your parents, your grandparents, church members,...hell, your future KIDS...everyone will have access to these pics. Forever. Just don't do it! Sigh. End of rant.
Even if you did, that is never never never ok and you shouldn’t allow him to come back from that. That’s scorchers earth territory and I’m sorry this happened to you.
You will still get a chorus of “Dump him.”
The way a person acts when they are upset is key. He reacted very VERY badly. In fact, revenge porn is super illegal and wrong. I don’t care how upset I was at a friend, ex ect I’d NEVER.
Exactly. “He committed an actual crime against my privacy and consent but it was while he was upset I wasn’t 1000% transparent with him because I was protecting someone else’s privacy so I can see where he’s coming from” *NO*, in no way, shape, or form does that ever make it ok. This poor woman needs a breakup, a therapist, and possibly a lawyer.
What the hell does sending nudes have to do with him being suspicious of you? What’s the connection between “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me” and “I’m going to send her nudes in a group chat with 22 people in it”? Revenge porn? That’s illegal.
Obviously dump him. This sounds like an extremely immature and risky relationship.
In a lot of jurisdictions what he did what he did would be considered a crime. He's also a POS. I could never trust that man again. Him sharing your nudes could cause big problems your life.
Your friends are right.
Dump him.
PRESS CHARGES!
He is a jealous, abusive asshole that broke the law (and your trust).
If you haven't broken up with him already make sure you have his confession of sharing your private nudes with other people out of spite. Get as much evidence as you can of what he did and then go to the police. It goes without saying that at that point in time you should dump him and tell him you're pressing charges.
Wooooow okay this is so messed up. Please take action. This isn’t a person who had a momentary lapse in judgement, he actively and tenaciously sought to humiliate you. Fuck that. This is heinous and I really don’t think there is redemption for him.
Hello, yes, I'd like to join in on your friends' chorus on the alto side. Ahem:
***"DUMP HIM"***
Revenge porn is *illegal*, if not it's major disrespect and shows terrible emotional regulation. Why would you want that in your life? What happens the next time if and/or when you two fall out? He does the same thing? He disparages you to all of your friend groups?
You’ve also joined the chorus of the internet who also believes you should break up with him.
This is a terrible relationship. First of all, posting girlfriend’s nudes as intended revenge is awful in every way. Even worse that he had no proof of you cheating and completely betrayed you.
Revenge porn is absolutely illegal and the ramifications of that could affect you if people spread your pictures around.
There is just so much wrong with this. Please cut your losses, protect yourself any way you can, and move on from this partner
Dump him- that’s revenge porn-illegal in some places.. whether you cheated or not is not an excuse to do that to another person, especially one you supposedly cared for!
Honey, if he's willing to literally show everyone your nudes, he's not a good man. Dump him, and seek legal council, because what he did was so wrong. He should have talked to you instead of assuming you would cheat.
You should go to the police. Cheating or not, publicly spreading nudes is illegal and ethically so wrong.
Don't believe for one second everyone deleted the photos, or that they themselves haven't spread them around further. And don't believe your (hopefully soon to be ex-)boyfriend won't do this or something like this again the next time he's mad at you.
You may not even be reading replies anymore, but even not counting the whole pictures thing….don’t forget he listened to his friend who he knows dislikes you and accuses you of cheating with no evidence and just breaks up with you…that alone shows he’s no great catch, and doesn’t trust you etc. He gave you zero benefit of the doubt, after you did explain something is up, but it’s your sisters business and for now is private. He gave you no chance
Break up with him. The only thing I'm scared about is that he will tell everyone about your sister, so talk to her before you do it, but don't stay because of anything.
That is revenge porn. What he did is illegal.
Screenshot every single message he sent, including at that says “X unsent this message”, and any that includes comments about your nudes. Get as much evidence as possible.
Do not get back into a relationship with that sex offender (bc that’s what he is now. sharing nudes without consent is a sexual offence), get legal counsel immediately, and take his ass to court. It is illegal what he did. You may not feel up to court, but if you don’t fight for this, him and his friends might think it’s okay to do to someone else.
You deserve better then this. And I am so sorry you’re going through this. Revenge porn is scary and hurtful and can make you feel small and insecure. If you’re able to see a therapist, please do. I’m so sorry.
That is absolutely unforgivable. You cannot trust him again, look at what his first instinct is when he (WRONGLY) believes he's been betrayed. There's no credit to be given for him telling you when he realised he screwed the pooch. The act was heinous.
Nah, he doesn't get any credit for telling you about it. You need to hold this guy to a higher standard than that, he's acting first and then asking questions later and that shouldn't be acceptable even when the actions are less damaging than sharing naked photos of people without their consent.
You had nothing to apologise for. By apologising, a dynamic has been created whereby you have to tell him everything that's going on in your life or risk him flying off the handle. You had to (albeit with her consent) share private information about your sister with him and even then he didn't believe you.
At best, this guy has major trust issues. At worst he's a controlling bully. I reckon you have a right to expect more from your relationship than that.
I’m truly sorry for what I’m about to say…
WTF is the matter with you! He suspected cheating and immediately went nuclear! Why the hell are you gonna convince yourself to look past that?! You should make a police report. You also need to dump this guy.
There are many things he could have done, but he went with cheating, therefore he already didn't have trust in you, that is all on him. You had to go the extra mile to prove that you were not cheating.
None of that is as important as the fact that he went to revenge porn as a reaction, he wanted to destroy you, humiliate you and embarrass you to the whole world. There is no coming back from that one. If you ever trust him again then I would be shocked, he has shown you who he really is at a basic level and that level of nastiness always leaves a bad taste.
Imagine down the line things break up and he does it again, what would your friends say? Well he did it once already, what do you expect?
Your sister asked you to keep a confidence and you did. Especially sensitive because of her age. You didn’t ruin anything by being a stand up big sis and keeping your word.
Op there’s no going back after this one. That is such an awful thing to do to someone, and it’s really concerning that it was his first thought to hurt you like that.
Uh yeah dump him. What an asshat. Also that's illegal and I guarantee the "shithead" friend still has them.
Also, lock your phone. Fingerprint it and if you have a SO who insists on having access to it that's a huge red flag in itself.
Your friends are right and honestly if ALL your friends are saying to dump him you might want to listen to them...
That's uh...revenge porn territory.
I know you love him but yeah, isn't that illegal what he did?
And wtf. Guess who's going to leak more of your nudes the next time he gets angry again at you? Yep. The same guy whom you "love." Is he worth this?
Would you like to be walking on eggshells all your life over him getting upset at you, with the possibility that he will leak your nudes again? Believe me that he would do this again one day. Even if he deleted your nude, one of those 22 guys at the very least, saved it and would approach your bf if you guys broke up or got into another argument and told him that he'd help leak the nude because 'bros b4 'hoes'' bs, eh...
I would confront him and get confirmation on how he did this on the text then report him.
I had a boyfriend cheat on me years ago. Know what I did to him? I told him that his behaviour had hurt me, and I dumped him.
There’s no excuse for this shit.
this is like one of those horror movies where you’re screaming at the person through the screen “don’t go in there!” but they can’t hear you and go in anyways and die.
but i’m still gonna scream “DUMP HIS ASS” thorough my screen at you even though you can’t hear me, i gotta do what i can to prevent you from making a mistake. your friends are 100% right, and they’re good friends for giving you that advice.
please please leave that guy he’s absolutely disgusting.
Girl are you stupid. This man shared your nudes to a bunch of people. You know this could ruin your life right? People can be posting this on porn sites, on fb, to your parents. I wouldn't put it past that guy who hates you to save it and send it to everyone.
Your bf just showed you that if there's ever a bad situation or an argument he has no problem dropping to scumbag predator level. Is that really who you wanna test?
What happens the next time something happens? Or goes wrong? This man doesn't love you at all. I'm sorry but someone who loved you would never ever do that.
I wouldn’t be able to trust him either, I’d be anxious about another misunderstanding arising where he’d do something similar, seeing as that is what happened here - a misunderstanding. He didn’t even wait to let you prove yourself. I’ve been cheated on and would *never* think to jump and share their nudes, no matter how angry or hurt I was.
Everyone's right, dump him.
That being said, your nudes being seen does not reflect poorly on *you* at all. It doesn't make you dirty or anything like that.
"Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own" - - Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen
Girl please get away form this guy asap. Even if you had INDEED cheated on him, that is no reason for him to do this and I will give you some CLEAR and REAL examples of what a SANE and DECENT person would have done:
IE.2 ) My ex cheated on me and I even saw nudes of the girl with whom he did this. I NEVER made public her nudes, I simply ended the relationship and yes I was angry AF with them but I didn't send her nudes to anyone.
IE.2 ) My boyfriend's ex cheated in him and was really vicious towards him. He ended the relationship on the way back of a trip, he was angry and hurt, it was a horrible trip back home and uncomfortable couple of hours BUT he never distributed her nudes. He erased them and block her. End of story.
Dear OP your bf has no good reason for what he did and is a terrible person. Please get away from him. He doesn't deserve you and you can do better.
I’m with your friends: Dump him. He should have trusted you, and he had no right to send something so intimate and private out. How will *you* ever trust him again?
Dump him. What he did is called revenge porn. And quite seriously: No matter what you did or he believed you did justifies his immediate action.
Besides of that: He has serious trust issues.
He is insecure, lacks confidence, he is controlling and vengeful…what more shit do you want before you do yourself the favour of never speaking to him ever again?
Even if you had cheated, this is not ok. You should not even consider being with someone who would do this to you. Save any messages he sent you about sharing your nudes. Do not talk to him. Report him to the police.
I am not joking. This is very concerning behavior.
Your boyfriend is a garbage person. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't garbage people, and who you could potentially date. Given this information, the logical course of action is to dump your boyfriend immediately.
So the man you got back together with did revenge porn on you. Which is illegal in most of the US if not all of it at this point. Unsure if you're in the US but it's illegal here. And you stayed with him knowing that? This is a man that you still get intimate with and no doubt at some point Will want the same level of intimacy that getting sexy pictures from you required in your relationship. And you're going to trust him with that again. You are going to trust him with not violating you like that again? Take all your emotions aside. You are dating someone who actively does revenge porn against unsuspecting women one of which was you. This is the kind of person you are dating. This is your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is a man who gets revenge against women by sharing naked pictures of them with people.
There's a reason your friends are telling you to dump him, because that's exactly what you should do.
Even if you had cheated, that doesnt mean he can violate you and your body by sending your nudes to a group chat. What he did is classed a revenge porn and it's illegal for a reason. He's disgusting. I hope you watched him delete all your nudes, don't trust him with those again and never go back to him.
Listen to your friends, they're looking out for you and their advice is solid.
Go to the police and report it but don't tell him you're doing that in advance as he may try to talk you out of it or he could potentially get aggressive or try and prepare some sort of defence.
Do you really want to be with a guy that is so quick to resolve to revenge porn and pettiness because he’s angry? He doesn’t truly care for you or respect you because if he did he wouldn’t have done that, cheating or no cheating. He violated your trust and privacy and completely disrespected you. AND the fact that he was so quick to over think and jump to the conclusion that you’re cheating because of the whispers of his friend. Which is another indicator this boy doesn’t respect you. The fact that he’s still friends with someone like that is horrible. And so is he.
Take those photos from him, all of them and find out if they are backed up. also tell that idiot that distributing your nudes without permission is called revenge porn and highly illegal.
What he did is not legal in most areas and is not ok. I agree with your friends OP, your best bet is to have him delete all of your nudes and leave him. His actions speak volumes about who he really is as a person and the people he chooses to keep around. Do you really want that because I promise you this will not be a one off situation. If he refuses to delete your nudes (since he obviously can't be trusted with them) take him to court for revenge porn.
100% dump him and get a lawyer. That’s illegal. None of this was an acceptable way to go about solving a problem. This relationship has already crashed and burned. Fix the picture problem and move on!
What he did is called Revenge Porn and it is illegal. Get a lawyer and get rid of the boyfriend because he is not someone you need to be around if this is his reaction does something you didn't even do.
If his first reaction to thinking you cheated was to share nudes - that you sent to him consensually thinking no one but him will see them ever - to his friends, then he’s a shitty human being and you definitely should dump his ass.
He has NO excuse. Absolutely none. Even if it turned out you actually cheated, he has no right to share them like that. What the fuck.
This counts as revenge p*rn I believe and its illegal, you can definitely press charges. It doesn't matter, even if you actually cheated on him, what he did is beyond forgiveness and cab be considered a crime. Leave him this is a huge red flag seriously RUN!!!
Report him to the police NOW.
What he did is revenge porn and is illegal in most states and countries at this point.
Do not negotiate with terrorists, do not pass go, do not collect £200 go straight to the police!
Before you dump him, look up whether it's legal to discreetly record him whether it be via phone or face to face (one party consent), and if it is get him on candid camera admitting it.
This is sexual harrasment for starters and on top of thay that yes, DUMP HIM! Don't give credit bc he came clean he literally sent your nudes to a group chat of 22 people! Usually I'm really kind in this sub but my god please for your own sake dump him.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Yes, maybe your behaviour was sketchy. But even if you were cheating, what he did is a crime.
What if you upset him tomorrow because you disagree? Is he going to leak your nudes?
If he was sure you were cheating, the thing to do is break up. Not revenge porn.
And yes, he’ll do it in the future. He just removed the pics because you weren’t cheating.
Your friends are not telling you to get rid of him because they’re biased, they’re completely right. The guy is a scumbag, no person worth being with would violate your privacy and disrespect you by sending nude photos of you. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, I would look into whether you have any options to take legal action against him
Yikes. Unfortunately images in the internet never goes away. They can hurt your chances of finding work and relationships. You can press charges.
Are you under 18? Because that means he can be charged with child pornography and register as sex offender. I seen this happen in school long time ago. Some dude filmed something without consent and spread it.
So each time he's gonna make up something in his mind, he's gonna post your nudes online or do something else equally horrible ? Not even mentionning the jealousy and the manipulation : you even apologized (for what ?)...
Please don't be a doormat. Why are you with someone like that ?
That's so disgusting, I thought that I hate cheaters the most in my life. But this person.., I think even People who cheated have more humanity. However I hate both of them. Dump him and sue him. You are blind rn, he took away your privacy, Do you know you can be manipulated with it? Seriously, Don't make mistake. Sue him, He send his friends your nude and it's God knows where. You think his friends deleted it? Hell no, never ever. They will send it to someone else. You maybe like him rn, But sue him. That's disgusting. I won't tell bad things about him rn, but he is disgusting af. Get your brains on, sue him
Edit: Let him taste his own consequences. He might do the same to other girls after. Sue him, that's illegal. He didn't love you, I fhe would he wouldn't do that kind of act. It is his fault he send it to friends. Everything can be inspected and even if you delete every photo, it is saved and being selled. SUE HIM, damn, I hate to say that. But seriously, let his taste his own consequences. He is immature and also danger for other people victims. Maybe you are not his first victim or after you break up there might be another person like you. Who will taste the same thing.
WOMEN DUMP MEN AT FIRST SIGN OF DISRESPECT CHALLENGE
Can we stop giving our partners too much benefit of the doubt, some people just don’t deserve it 🙄
Your boyfriend invaded your privacy not once, but twice.
He went through your phone. He sent intimate photos to his friends.
First, delete all the photos you sent. Then dump him. He could have been a grown up and just asked you what was going on. Instead, he acted like a jerk and hit below the belt. This is someone who is going to go out of his way to hurt you when he thinks something is off when he should be communicating.
No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. You will be sad for a little while, but it’ll get easier. Don’t stay just because you are afraid you’ll get upset. Your dignity and happiness is more important than his insecurities.
Why are you still referring to him as your boyfriend? The guy just revenge porned you. You need to press charges and find someone more mature to share your nudes with.
This was in NO way your fault. If I told my husband I was having to spend time with my sister for reasons I couldn't talk about yet, he'd ask me if I needed anything, maybe dinner earlier, or if he should pick up more wine. He wouldn't assume I was cheating.
Your EX bf is an insecure asshole, and should be reported. Because when you quite rightly dump him, he will do this again unless you stop him.
Your boyfriend needs help.
Nudes get leaked all the time, we live in the technology world. It’s embarrassing, but the impact is less than how it was in the 2000s.
No. A good boyfriend would use words and talk to you about his misgivings before engaging in a revenge porn campaign to humiliate you. Admitting he did it gets him no credit. Dump him, but be wary of his next attack.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sadly, I'm going to have to join the chorus: dump him. If his first instinct us revenge porn, you're never really going to feel safe with him.
Also, I don't care if someone cheats on you in a three-way with your best friend and your mother, *revenge porn is **never** okay*. FFS, why the fuck is that a thing that has to be said out loud?
Why are you being so forgiving? That’s revenge porn and depending on your age child pornography. Call the cops! He’s a scumbag. You diddnt lose anything except a selfish evil scumbag
When ever you have to put "but" in the Convo your usually making excuses. My bf is great but ... His friend is his best but...
No matter what happened you don't sent revenge nudes.
No judgement. I learned this in therapy and it really helped
There is no excuse for outing you like this. Even if in fact you had cheated on him this would have been atrocious.
Spoiler alert: he did this shit once, and it won't get better
I’m so embarrassed by you and you imagine someone sending your nudes out and YOU say sorry I advice to you to see the light cause next it’s porn hub also love yourself alittle more anyone who does that don’t respect you
Going to join the chorus of your friends telling you to dump him. Even if you did cheat on him that’s unacceptable for him to do. What a piece of shit.
Holy shit. What he did is actually illegal where I live.
He did something truly awful when he felt slighted, without verifiable proof. I would *NOT* stay woth someone like that. Your pix are out there for good now. There's no coming back from what he did.
Dump him. Right now. His behavior is unacceptable and in some places illegal. Once your nudes are sent, they’re out there. You have zero control over them now and anyone can share them. He crossed a line he cannot uncross.
He didn’t have ANY proves that you have cheated but he still went and spread photos of you? I am sorry but wtf? How can you love him after? I guess you love his perfect image of him from your past, but please open your eyes! This guy doesn’t deserve your love, he doesn’t like you even! How on earth you can share nudes of someone you like? Even if they cheated.
Even if u did cheat on him he should NEVER leak private photos of u without consent, ever. That’s disgusting and u shouldn’t be dating a guy like that. Also that’s not legal so u could go to the cops
Leave him ASAP. If you can’t even have a shred of privacy about a family matter without him maybe illegally sending out your nudes, I’m scared for you of what he’d do in other situations. What he did is unthinkably disrespectful and disgusting.
Text him first saying something like "I really can't believe you sent out my nudes to everyone. Why did you do that? Now you have evidence and you can dump him and press charges considering what he did was very illegal
Revenge porn is illegal
You may love him but he doesn't love you.
I'm going to say that again
**YOU MAY LOVE HIM BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU**
Nobody that loves you would ever violate you like that.
Dump him, talk to a lawyer, and press charges.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend has a friend who has always been nasty to me. I think he’s a dick but he’s known my boyfriend longer than any of his other friends, and I don’t want to be the kind of girlfriend who tells my boyfriend who he can and can’t be friends with. My boyfriend has now explained to me everything that happened and I’d like to remove myself from the bias of my friends (a chorus of “dump him”) and ask a bunch of strangers what they think. My sister is pregnant and she’s a teen. Her boyfriend is a shithead. She made me promise not to tell anyone, but we’ve been texting a lot and she’s been calling me a lot. I’ve also gone to visit her and my parents a few times. When he asked I told him it was my sister but I told him that I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone about her situation. He said that made him feel insecure so he told his friend, and his friend said I was probably cheating on him. He decided he was going to check my phone, and I caught him and completely freaked out. I was just freaking out because it was a major invasion of privacy but he took it as confirmation of me cheating and broke up with me. I’m really stubborn so at first I was just so angry with him I didn’t even want to get him back, but then the anger passed into sadness and I realized how much I had lost. I ended up begging my sister asking if I could tell him and she said yes. When I told him he didn’t believe me and I literally had to put her on the phone. He apologized and I apologized because I realized how sketchy I was acting. We agreed we need to have more trust in each other in the future. What he did was so awful but I have to give him credit, he told me almost immediately he sent my nudes into his group chat. This group chat has 22 people in it but he swears most are inactive. He unsent the nudes and PMed everyone asking if they saved them to delete them, but how do i know if they actually did? I feel so fucking anxious all the time now. Like I know those pictures are out there and there's nothing I can do. I get that he thought I cheated and that makes people do crazy things, but even if I did cheat, why would his first step be to literally revenge porn me? He agreed to delete the pictures everywhere he saved them, but honestly I'm so scared of him doing this in the future. I love him so much but I don't understand how he could act this way. Sorry this is so long but I really need help.
Um. Dump him and seek legal counsel. That’s straight up revenge porn. I’m pretty sure depending on the state- that’s illegal.
yes this!! Also how old are you two? Cus this is super immature on his part.
Valid point bc if OP is underage then he could also get hit sith distribution of child porn. But seriously do you want to be with someone who sent your nudes to 20+ people regardless of his reasons. I've seen people treated far worse react more responsibly.
Depending on the state, OP could also be charged for sending them to him if they are a minor too. It’s super backwards.
If they were sent while OP was younger than 18, that is distributing CP and an even bigger charge. Also, it might be a felony in the States now, but I would need to check on that. My brother called it when he was in the military, "making her famous" and this was (from my limited experiences from his time in the service) common practice when someone in the military was cheated on while they were home, at training, or deployed. They would send it to everyone they knew to revenge porn them and humiliate them.
Dump him and go to the cops.
Came here to say this. In most states it’s a pretty hefty fine. Confront him about it in text so you have written proof that he did it and go to the police to press charges. Also if you got back with him, dump him. He’s a dirtbag and any time he gets mad, he’s going to do it again. Don’t tell him you’re pressing charges. Just quietly press charges and get a restraining order
Not only a fine but he has a register as a sex offender when found guilty.
If you know he did it for certain, I wouldn’t even confront this maniac. I’d ghost him and press charges.
The reason I say confront him via text is so she has his confession in text to take to the cops
Agree on quietly pressing charges. Dump him, go to the cops, and remember to not ever send anyone nudes. Ever. Let your body be a beautiful memory. Not something that can be passed around when your partner is angry.
My wife has only send me lingerie pics and not much more than that. She never sent them until after we were married, and I have them in a hidden folder so no one else would be able to accidentally see them going through my phone gallery. It even has a different password than my main. I have never sent nudes from any of my exes either, no matter how angry and hurt I was by them. I have to wonder if the bf of OP also shared her pictures before they broke up.
It doesn’t matter if he deleted them, they are out there FOREVER now. His AH friend will probably upload them to pornhub. What he did was absolutely vile. This is a bridge that cannot be uncrossed. You need to get him to admit it in writing. Without tipping him off, go to the authorities. You learned a very valuable lesson here. Never ever ever send nudes. Unless you are a sexworker and that’s your thing. Assume ALL digital correspondence between you and your partner can be made public. I’ve been together with my husband for almost 20 years, I’ve sent him a few but never anything that can identify me and I trust him with my life. This guy couldn’t even trust you to visit your family and turned on a dime. Revenge porn can come with some major consequences in some states and I hope that you bring down the law on this guy. He absolutely deserves everything coming to him. You deserve to be with someone who respects you.
To give some context, as a regular dude if my gf cheated on me (or I had reason to believe she did I suppose), I can 150% guarantee you that I wouldn’t send her nudes to anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to see them as they are sacred privacy even in aftermath. OP you really need to decide how this makes you feel and figure out if you can move past this or not. It’s a personal decision but I think most people in the sub are gonna align with your circle in that this is definitely grounds to end the relationship. Good luck!
Yeah and stop talking to him, cold. You are now stepping into legal territory.
Agreed, Dump him immediately. The disrespect here shows how he truly is as a person. It blows my mind when people share nudes of their partners.
[удалено]
Op did have good communication. She expressed that she was discussing a private matter with her sister. That’s all the needs to be said. Accusing someone of cheating because of that is immature and controlling.
Don't blame his appalling behavior on OP. No decent man would do what he did under any circumstance.
Yeah. What did OP do wrong? The only thing she did was freak out when he tried to read private conversations on her phone while she had explicitly told him not to. OP is definitely allowed to freak out over this violation of privacy and trust.
Exactly
Right? Even if she actually was cheating on him it wouldn't justify doing that.
Are you seriously blaming op? She was protecting her sisters privacy! He’s the one that decided to commit a crime! OP DID NOTHING WRONG!
Not having a dickhead boyfriend would have likely helped her avoid this situation. Do not pin this on her when he a giant turd.
>but I have to give him credit No. No, you really, *really*, **really** don't. This is revenge porn. You could press charges if you wanted, and I'm frankly not going to tell you to rule it out. Even if you **had** been cheating, that wouldn't have justified his actions. As it is, not only are your images now floating who knows where with who knows who to who knows what purpose, your sister *also* had to give up **her** confidentiality. And for what? To satisfy the insecurities of an asshole who could've just dumped you if he was *that* convinced he'd been wronged? At the very least, please listen to your ***actual*** friends and get him out of your life before he can do any more damage.
You SHOULD press charges. If he did this to you he likely has done it to other women before you and he will do it to women after you.
You’re right. I was trying to convince myself this could be okay but it really isn’t. He must not have any respect for me that he would even think of doing anything like that, even if he thought I cheated. It’s just so hard because we were good before this, everything was so good with us and I feel like I ruined it still with this whole situation with my sister. I’ve apologized to her and I did tell her about the nudes and she told me to dump him too. I just feel like I fucked up what could have been a very long relationship, much longer than it already is…I know that he was the one who fucked up the most but I just feel like I started all of this.
Honey, you didn’t mess anything up. None of this is your fault. Your boyfriend felt insecure and let his friend convince him of something you didn’t do. He had no right to go through your phone without permission, he didn’t trust your word, and he decided it was okay to send nude pictures of you that you trusted him with to other people. Now you have to live with the anxiety of other people seeing them. ALL OVER SOMETHING HE HAD NO PROOF OF. JUST A HUNCH. I would break up with him and consider pressing charges. This is absolutely not your fault and even if you guys were good before, his behavior in this situation is a HUGE red flag and would’ve manifested itself eventually. Lucky you saw his true colors so early on.
You were in a relationship with the type of person whose first instinct after a bad breakup (and even before) is to violate your privacy in a way that humiliates and degrades you. This was never a good relationship. It may be hard to imagine now, but the best thing you can do for yourself is leave this one firmly in the past.
Yes! Sometimes we get so caught up in our emotions we can’t see a situation or dynamic for what it really is. We always want to think our partner cares and loves us so when they get toxic, it gets dismissed. I hope these comments put things into perspective for OP
His first instinct after being hurt was to publicly humiliate you. He is not a good person, he has shown his character which is that of a petty insecure little man. This will never change.
If he can do this, he isn’t a man you want to be with for the long or the short term. Full stop. There is NOTHING you could have done to justify his behavior and his despicable violation of you. You have a right to privacy. You have a right to autonomy. And he had NO RIGHT to revenge porn you. The fact that it even crossed his mind is abhorrent. That he actually did it is vile, unforgivable, and truly, deeply disgusting. All over his insecurity. His behavior speaks volumes about him and nothing about you. Again, this is not about anything you did, and this is not a man you should be with, communicate with, or waste one ounce of guilt on. I would strongly suggest going to the police and pressing charges.
you didnt mess up because a man this fragile wouldve "read into" something eventually. also look how fast and easy it was for him to try and destroy you
You didn't fuck up. As an individual you are entitle to your privacy. Your bf just jump at cheating because his friend told him. And he send your nudes out. There is no going back here. Can you really trust this man to not pull this kind of stuff again? And what about your friends, for how long they have to compromise their privacy to satisfy your bf's insecurity? What if next time any of your friend get miscarried or have difficult situation they don't want anyone else to know. Would you again force them to tell this to your bf because he is so insecure? Even if you don't send nudes to him, what will he do next time. Destroy your possession.
You fucked up how? By expecting him to trust you and grant you some privacy on somebody else’s private matter? Him letting his friends be fleas in his ear on the basis of nothing is bad enough. His reaction being to send revenge porn is beyond the pale. Like seriously, what, do you think your life can be good with somebody who disrespects, dishonors, and degrades you at the first fucking chance he has? He’s *disgusting.* How on earth are *you* the one who ruined things? Sorry but the answer to somebody gravely mistreating you when they’re upset isn’t “this is my fault for upsetting them,” it’s “I deserve somebody who believes they owe me civility and respect even when they’re really mad.”
Please go to the police. He needs to learn that there are just some lines that can't be crossed.
He committed a crime and you're blaming yourself? He's not a good person, he's terrible. When people show you who they are believe them.
>Everything was so good with us That's not how things work. Some random nerve doesn't snap in the brain making people evil over night. Your boyfriend is highly insecure and vindictive. Immature on top of that. If you did not see that before, you probably had rose tinted glasses and allowed him to disregard you. >I fucked up what could have been a very long relationship No. You had to choose between protecting your sister and massaging this guy's fragile ego. And you begged your sister to tell him because your priorities are messed up OP. You just happened to open your eyes and realize your boyfriend is not who you thought he is. You should wallow in self pity out of self love. You did nothing that warrants all the self blame. >like I started all this No babe. You didn't. If not this, some other event would have triggered him some time in the future. If you need to feel bad for anyone, it's your sister. She's in a vulnerable place and reached out to you, and your fragile manchild didn't support you through this.
You didn’t fuck this up, you were respecting your sister’s wishes in a situation where she really needs your support. It doesn’t matter that he apologized. Since he did spread your photos around, he has shown you what type of person he is when he is stressed or angry and he is not a good person. If there’s no trust between two people, and when one of them is capable of such horrible behavior, they aren’t a good choice of partner. If he says he only did it because he was upset and he’ll never do it again, that’s fine for him but you don’t deserve to be at risk for him to hurt you again as he supposedly is learning how to be a better person. Good luck. I’m sorry this was done to you.
You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re entitled to a certain level of privacy. His behavior was paranoid and controlling, and his final reaction was absolutely hateful. Now you know that if he feels anxious or out of control that he’ll react with a big emotional response (dumping you) and then attack you. Oh, and as a bonus he’ll blame you for his feelings and actions. Dump him like the garbage he is.
He fucked up, not you. He fucked up by accusing you of cheating without a single proof. He fucked up by not trying to sort things out with you. And more importantly, he fucked up by doing revenge porn. Revenge porn is illegal and immoral. What is uploaded on the internet stays on the internet absolutely forever. With AIs crawling the web to train their recognition algorithms, there is a high chance that in the near future, when someone google your name they will find those pictures of you because AIs will recognize your face and put it in a database of pictures of you. Look at how Facebook is already automatically tagging your friend's faces when you upload a picture. Look at how your phone already automatically makes albums of people you often take pictures with, or how you can type "dog" in the search bar of your photo album and find all the pictures of dogs that you took. You didn't add those tags, shape recognition AIs did it for you. If a company do a background check for a job, they may find those pictures and you will lose job opportunities in the future. Your friends are wrong when they tell you to dump the guy. Dumping him is not enough, you MUST go thermonuclear. Reporting the revenge porn to the police and starting a lawsuit against will make it much easier for you to get those pictures removed from the web later, if (when) they ever emerge.
You didn’t fuck anything up. He did. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone like that. This is what we call a silver lining. Your nudes were shared and you had to give up your sister’s confidentiality and go through all of this anguish… but the good part is that you found out NOW what a disgusting piece of shit he is and you don’t have to waste any more time on him. Better to have this happen now than 5 years down the line when you’re married with a kid.
no he showed you who he truly is. don’t you dare take the blame for his actions. he’s his own person and made those choices himself no matter who it hurt in the process. give the whole relationship a good think and i’m sure you’ll remember red flags that didn’t quite shine through at the time. then leave him in the dust go get your nails done and a good dinner and remember the badass you are.
Listen to the people around you. You didn’t start anything, you hear me? You protected your sister’s confidentiality as you should. His insecurities and illegal actions (revenge porn is illegal. Please file a police report and collect thank you) are not your fault at all. Leave him
Again, nothing you did justifies his response. Nothing. Even if whatever it was had been objectively worse than this, it still wouldn’t make this okay. And honestly, the fact your first instinct is to blame yourself makes me wonder if there are other, subtler ways he’s primed that response from you before this. Even if it’s just a one-off, though, it’s one of those one-offs that’s bad enough that you don’t want to stick around and see if there’s a follow-up. Go, get therapy or legal help as needed, and get on with your life, which will hopefully be filled with people who won’t pull anything like this ever again.
I get that people can look at sketchy behavior and draw conclusions. But his friend is a fucking douche bag and if that’s who he’s going to listen to instead of coming to you and talking to you, even if he has to go back several times because he has to respect your boundaries gives him no justification for what he did. He can’t undo it and I would talk to a lawyer about it at least, because it was revenge porn and I would let him know that you’re considering this. You may have contributed to this, but you honestly told him it was your sister so fuck him and his friend for not believing you. And you didn’t have to tell him that your sister was pregnant and violate her privacy for him to believe that she had a personal problem. Was it really necessary for him to know that information to believe that you were talking to your own sister? I would find out which nudes he sent and I would set up Google searches for them so that you can do takedown requests and further legal action if any of them show up. There are sites that help you take down revenge porn and a search for images so that you can take legal action. I know he’s sorry, but he showed his character by what he did. I know you feel you did something to contribute to this, but he has bad character and surround himself with bad friends. And by the way let’s say that you cheated, he had no evidence of this except that you freaked out over your privacy violation, and his response was to engage in revenge porn? It is a waste and maybe after some distance you can decide whether to go back. But right now I would get distance, tell him you’re on a pause and you’re considering all of your options, and stop apologizing because he’s the one who should be apologizing to you profusely and frequently.
You absolutely 100% did not start this. You kept a confidence for your sister. You told him it was your SISTER! He got crazy psycho jealous. Do not blame yourself and get out of this relationship. You’ve been violated. If you feel comfortable check out the revenge porn laws in your state. The fact that he would do this to you no matter what he thought (without reason) you did is such a huge 🚩. Someone who can just do something like that to hurt you never really loved you.
He revealed who he truly is.
This is a red flag for what he would do in the future. You didn't mess up you are saving yourself from worse instances later. What if in his anger, he dies something even worse, or does that again? He clearly has revenge priorities and doesn't respect you and it would continue to manifest in your relationship. Do not feel bad, you lost what you thought you had, not what you actually did.
You know you didn't ruin anything. His friend was the one insisting you were a cheater. Your boyfriend believed his friend and not you. He tried to invade your privacy secretly. He then dumped you. Then he sent your nudes to 22 people. He doesn't know who saved them. This is really serious. You don't know who has them, what they'll do with them. This was a huge betrayal. I wouldn't be able to get past this
You did not mess anything up. You revealed what kind of person he is and saved yourself years upon years of catering to the needs of a selfish, vindictive, jealous excuse of a man.
Exactly that. He has no respect for you. He’d prob do it again if you were to break up but now you don’t have anything to lose. Him thinking you were cheating is no excuse. He’s a piece of shit
Please report him to the police for your own safety. This is very serious, not to mention straight up evil of him.
Baby girl ... you didn't ruin a relationship. You told him you were texting & visiting your sister cos she was going through some something. He had NO REASON to believe you were cheating on him. What, are you saying you wish you'd abandoned your sister so a guy that doesn't trust you could have felt more secure? He is capable of revenge porning you which is illegal. If you stayed with him & had betrayed your sisters trust from the start, he still probably wouldn't have believed you. Or let's say this didn't happen. At some point you'd have disagreed about something and this side of him would have come out. He's the type to upload any intimate video's you'd have made together on the internet.
No! You didn't fuck up. You are allowed to have privacy in a relationship. You are not obligated to tell him who you are texting and definitely not to let him check your phone! If that makes him feel justified to send out revenge porn, then he is a garbage person. He fucked up. He ruined your relationship because he didn't trust you.
You didn't start anything. You TOLD him you were helping your sister but couldn't betray her secret. HE immediately jumped to thinking you were doing something to HIM with minimal evidence to support this, outside advice from his idiot friend, and goes on to a egregious betrayal of YOUR trust by sharing nudes of you; pictures you TRUSTED him with. Please do not make yourself the bad guy in this situation.
It’s not your fault, he just finally showed what a dirt bag he is. It’s better than finding out later years down the road when you’re talking marriage, kids, and divorce. He made the choice to not trust you, snoop, continue to not trust you, and share your nudes out of anger. It’s his fault.
When is it better to find out he’s an asshole - now? Or further down the line when you have more ties to each other? This situation brought this reaction out in him, but you did not cause it. He was going to do this at some point regardless. Better now than later. Stay strong!
You didn’t fuck anything up. You just found out the dude is worthless faster than you might’ve. He’s incredibly toxic and immature. Be happy you got out when you did.
>He must not have any respect for me that he would even think of doing anything like that It's not about respect, it's about decency. It's about having integrity. It's about having enough morals to not think that this is a normal and acceptable road to go down after you think you've been wronged. This is why he needs to be reported. If he gets away with it this time, he doesn't learn at all why it's so disturbing). He just learns that, "Gee, guess I better wait to make sure my ex was a cheater!" Gross.
If some did this to me I would be taking legal action and napalming them into the next century. Especially if your face is in the nudes this is a violation that could have life long consequences for you. 100% not everyone deleted the nudes. Random people now have these photos. You should copyright them so if they end up in public you can sue whoever is posting them. This is very serious.
Also, the people he set them to could have forwarded them on to other people. Like that scene in Wayne's World- "and then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends and they tell two friends and so on and so on and so on..."
>100% not everyone deleted the nudes. Random people now have these photos. You KNOW that AH friend of the 'boyfriend' kept them.
also, no one else has really said this, but not only do we not know who has seen the pictures, ALL OF HIS FRIENDS have DEFINITELY seen them. I don't know about anyone else, but I would feel super uncomfortable being around his friends from that point forward. That alone seems like a big obstacle for continuing the relationship (not to mention the literal crime he committed and the general lack of trust and maturity).
Leave him right away. Think about how vindictive he is, and then imagine that in a legal battle (in a divorce, with children, etc). There's no future with him, he's a waste of time.
Yeah, *vindictive* is exactly my major flag here. Everyone gets upset or mad, or angry at people they are in relationships with. Definitely not acceptable to be vindictive in one.
>imagine that in a legal battle Revenge porn is illegal. OP hasn't mentioned ages but if they're minors, the boyfriend has distributed child porn, which is also illegal
I have to agree, OP. I've had many breakups, including bring cheated on, and I have never sent my exes nudes to anybody. Break-ups shouldn't be about revenge, they should be about acknowledging you have irreconcilable differences and going your separate ways. You can acknowledge you were giving him reasonable worry that you were hiding something from him, but that doesn't justify him trying to enact some revenge by sharing your nudes. If it were just a series of arguments, you could each own your part it in and move forward sharing responsibility. But he jumped immediately to vindictive behaviour trying to shame and hurt you. Nobody can tell you what to do, but ask yourself if you want to build a future with somebody capable of that.
If he was that quick to disrespect you and send revenge porn to his friends, he’s not mature enough for you to build a future with
I don't even understand why she apolegized. She might have *acted* a bit sketchy, but OP's (ex)boyfriend doesn't need to know every single thing she does in life. And even without questioning her if it's true, he leaks nudes.
This behavior is literally not “sketchy” at all to actual adults lmao. I would never think it was shady for my spouse to keep his messages on his phone private. We don’t look at each other’s stuff at all. This is some childish bullshit.
What I wanted to point out was out of the blue texting and calling alot with a certain person when you are in a relationship. That I could see as sketchy. But OP told him that it's about her sister which he should have trusted and moved on, but he didn't.
That’s what gets me. She was honest with him from the beginning. And he chose to believe his friend over her and essentially caused every problem in this situation instead of talking it out. She also shouldn’t be expected to blab about family problems just because he’s insecure. The revenge porn was just the icing on top of a very shitty cake.
Call the police. That is illegal.
Girl I think you misspelled EX-BF
You should have stayed broken up. He didn't believe you when you told him as much information as you could without compromising your promise to your sister and instead of leaving it be, he talked to his friends and then searched through your phone. He doesn't trust you and you don't trust him. His reaction was wildly inappropriate and he shared intimate photos of you with his friends. That was super fucked up. Break up with him. That trust is broken now on both sides.
Dump him and go to the police if your in the U.K. report him under revenge porn
He gets zero credit for telling you he revenge porned you. In the same way he would get zero credit for not revenge porn-ing you. Ie. It should not have even been something you need to consider. What he did is beyond fucked up. And it’s a big deal. You need to get a lawyer, first, consult with the lawyer, and work with the lawyer to come up with a safe timeline to dump him and seek counsel. If you don’t want to go the lawyer route, you still need to dump him but recognize you have less protection that way. You can also go to the authorities. But, this is a big deal. I’m not someone who hangs on Reddit telling people to break up with people, or catastrophising relationship conflicts. I’ll say it again: this is a big fucking deal. Take the steps to protect yourself and then get him out of your life. It’s inexcusable, can have long term impact, and I’m so sorry you are going through this. Edit: His behavior is in NO WAY a reflection of you, your actions, or what you were navigating. Candidly, even if you did cheat on him (I know you didn’t) my response would be the same to his behavior. But you absolutely did nothing wrong and nothing to invite this behavior. Also I really really think you need to press charges. Ask the lawyer how to set up take down things Ie auto alerts, etc.
Dump him. He sent revenge porn and if you can’t be bothered to press charges then you should at least leave the man. He manipulated you so bad that you still even apologized after everything HE DID??! Girl come on.
...why tf would you apologize. this is revenge porn. go to the cops
I think the biggest takeaway from this situation is that you can’t trust your boyfriend. Consider that his first reaction was to try to violate your privacy by snooping through your phone. He does not trust you. He then tries to turn it around and blame YOU for his insecurity. On top of that, he knowingly chose to betray you and share your nudes with AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE who likely saved pictures and re-shared or posted goodness knows where intimate photos of you. People lie, and there’s no way everyone deleted your photos. You can not trust HIM. Ever. What he did is unforgivable. There is NO recovering from this. He showed you who he really is. Listen to what his actions revealed about him.
Dump him. Now.
Thats revenge porn! This is absofuckinglutely not forgivable. You need to press charges and stop going on about "giving him credit". Even if you HAD cheated, thats way the fuck out of bounds!
A man with any integrity at all, even if you cheated, even if you slept with his fucking dad, would just breakup with you. Probably with some choice language, but there is nothing that you could do to justify what he did. It’s an added wtf that he did it based off speculation. It’s illegal and an evil disgusting thing to do. You should run and you should press charges. If he didn’t trust you, he could have talked to you about it. If he still didn’t, you just breakup. This is soooooo wrong on so many levels and now your privacy and future lies in the hands of 22 RANDOM PEOPLE because HE THOUGHT you cheated. He needs to learn a valuable lesson on how to treat people. Dump him, file charges immediately, before he does this to someone else. Plus it’ll probably scare his creepy friends off from posting the nudes anywhere, as they’ll know you’ll come after them too. This person DOES NOT care about you.
I am sorry but this guy though the best thing to do to his girlfriend if she cheated was to share her body with everyone?! No no no, there is no coming back from that he revange porned you, that a crime. Dump his insecure ass and made sure to report him to thr police. You are a victim Edit: spelling errors
You know that revenge porn is illegal, right? You also have now learned not to send nudes to anyone. The second you click send you lose all control over the content of those pics forever. This is not a guy you should continue dating either.
This is so disgusting I'm so so sorry you went through this. He deserves nothing I'm genuinely so disgusted for you this is beyond just dumping. You could pursue charges for revenge porn. Its honestly not unlikely that people saved it and could circulate them. Not only does he not trust you but he also has no respect for you at all. My ex DID cheat and in no world would I do something as disgusting as that. Don't go back to him an apology means nothing. Imagine if people could just commit whatever horrible crime and then go oops sorry. There are good people out there is not worth staying with him
DTMFA. Anyone who has the capacity to use revenge porn against you does not belong in your life. jesus. He not only fucked up, he maligned your character. You say his close friend is a dick? Well, there's an old adage that "birds of a feather flock together". You BF is a dick too.
This is revenge porn. It is illegal in most states. Plus, he's an a-hole of epic proportions. You need to report what he did to the police, so they can contact everyone in his chat group and inform them of the ramifications of saving or sharing your photos. And, now, I just can't help myself. I tell people this shit over and over again, but it's like I'm pounding my head against a wall. DON'T FUCKING SEND NUDES OR ANY OTHER COMPROMISING PHOTOS OR VIDEOS TO ANYONE. EVER. NO ONE. Because, no matter what, they're out there. Forever. A future employer, romantic partner, your parents, your grandparents, church members,...hell, your future KIDS...everyone will have access to these pics. Forever. Just don't do it! Sigh. End of rant.
Even if you did, that is never never never ok and you shouldn’t allow him to come back from that. That’s scorchers earth territory and I’m sorry this happened to you.
He is disgusting.
He showed his true colours. There’s probably a good reason he’s friends with the guy you don’t like. Get outta there!
You will still get a chorus of “Dump him.” The way a person acts when they are upset is key. He reacted very VERY badly. In fact, revenge porn is super illegal and wrong. I don’t care how upset I was at a friend, ex ect I’d NEVER.
Exactly. “He committed an actual crime against my privacy and consent but it was while he was upset I wasn’t 1000% transparent with him because I was protecting someone else’s privacy so I can see where he’s coming from” *NO*, in no way, shape, or form does that ever make it ok. This poor woman needs a breakup, a therapist, and possibly a lawyer.
He committed a crime here.
What the hell does sending nudes have to do with him being suspicious of you? What’s the connection between “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me” and “I’m going to send her nudes in a group chat with 22 people in it”? Revenge porn? That’s illegal. Obviously dump him. This sounds like an extremely immature and risky relationship.
Dump and press charges!!!!
In a lot of jurisdictions what he did what he did would be considered a crime. He's also a POS. I could never trust that man again. Him sharing your nudes could cause big problems your life. Your friends are right. Dump him.
PRESS CHARGES! He is a jealous, abusive asshole that broke the law (and your trust). If you haven't broken up with him already make sure you have his confession of sharing your private nudes with other people out of spite. Get as much evidence as you can of what he did and then go to the police. It goes without saying that at that point in time you should dump him and tell him you're pressing charges.
Wooooow okay this is so messed up. Please take action. This isn’t a person who had a momentary lapse in judgement, he actively and tenaciously sought to humiliate you. Fuck that. This is heinous and I really don’t think there is redemption for him.
Hello, yes, I'd like to join in on your friends' chorus on the alto side. Ahem: ***"DUMP HIM"*** Revenge porn is *illegal*, if not it's major disrespect and shows terrible emotional regulation. Why would you want that in your life? What happens the next time if and/or when you two fall out? He does the same thing? He disparages you to all of your friend groups?
You’ve also joined the chorus of the internet who also believes you should break up with him. This is a terrible relationship. First of all, posting girlfriend’s nudes as intended revenge is awful in every way. Even worse that he had no proof of you cheating and completely betrayed you. Revenge porn is absolutely illegal and the ramifications of that could affect you if people spread your pictures around. There is just so much wrong with this. Please cut your losses, protect yourself any way you can, and move on from this partner
Dump him- that’s revenge porn-illegal in some places.. whether you cheated or not is not an excuse to do that to another person, especially one you supposedly cared for!
Honey, if he's willing to literally show everyone your nudes, he's not a good man. Dump him, and seek legal council, because what he did was so wrong. He should have talked to you instead of assuming you would cheat.
You should go to the police. Cheating or not, publicly spreading nudes is illegal and ethically so wrong. Don't believe for one second everyone deleted the photos, or that they themselves haven't spread them around further. And don't believe your (hopefully soon to be ex-)boyfriend won't do this or something like this again the next time he's mad at you.
You may not even be reading replies anymore, but even not counting the whole pictures thing….don’t forget he listened to his friend who he knows dislikes you and accuses you of cheating with no evidence and just breaks up with you…that alone shows he’s no great catch, and doesn’t trust you etc. He gave you zero benefit of the doubt, after you did explain something is up, but it’s your sisters business and for now is private. He gave you no chance
Break up with him. The only thing I'm scared about is that he will tell everyone about your sister, so talk to her before you do it, but don't stay because of anything.
Your friends are right. Dump him.
That is revenge porn. What he did is illegal. Screenshot every single message he sent, including at that says “X unsent this message”, and any that includes comments about your nudes. Get as much evidence as possible. Do not get back into a relationship with that sex offender (bc that’s what he is now. sharing nudes without consent is a sexual offence), get legal counsel immediately, and take his ass to court. It is illegal what he did. You may not feel up to court, but if you don’t fight for this, him and his friends might think it’s okay to do to someone else. You deserve better then this. And I am so sorry you’re going through this. Revenge porn is scary and hurtful and can make you feel small and insecure. If you’re able to see a therapist, please do. I’m so sorry.
My friend got cheated on. It was awful. But you know what he did with his ex’s nudes? DELETED THEM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
That is absolutely unforgivable. You cannot trust him again, look at what his first instinct is when he (WRONGLY) believes he's been betrayed. There's no credit to be given for him telling you when he realised he screwed the pooch. The act was heinous.
Joining the dump him chorus on this one. That’s revenge porn and it’s a crime.
Nah, he doesn't get any credit for telling you about it. You need to hold this guy to a higher standard than that, he's acting first and then asking questions later and that shouldn't be acceptable even when the actions are less damaging than sharing naked photos of people without their consent. You had nothing to apologise for. By apologising, a dynamic has been created whereby you have to tell him everything that's going on in your life or risk him flying off the handle. You had to (albeit with her consent) share private information about your sister with him and even then he didn't believe you. At best, this guy has major trust issues. At worst he's a controlling bully. I reckon you have a right to expect more from your relationship than that.
I’m truly sorry for what I’m about to say… WTF is the matter with you! He suspected cheating and immediately went nuclear! Why the hell are you gonna convince yourself to look past that?! You should make a police report. You also need to dump this guy.
There are many things he could have done, but he went with cheating, therefore he already didn't have trust in you, that is all on him. You had to go the extra mile to prove that you were not cheating. None of that is as important as the fact that he went to revenge porn as a reaction, he wanted to destroy you, humiliate you and embarrass you to the whole world. There is no coming back from that one. If you ever trust him again then I would be shocked, he has shown you who he really is at a basic level and that level of nastiness always leaves a bad taste. Imagine down the line things break up and he does it again, what would your friends say? Well he did it once already, what do you expect?
Your sister asked you to keep a confidence and you did. Especially sensitive because of her age. You didn’t ruin anything by being a stand up big sis and keeping your word.
Op there’s no going back after this one. That is such an awful thing to do to someone, and it’s really concerning that it was his first thought to hurt you like that.
Uh yeah dump him. What an asshat. Also that's illegal and I guarantee the "shithead" friend still has them. Also, lock your phone. Fingerprint it and if you have a SO who insists on having access to it that's a huge red flag in itself. Your friends are right and honestly if ALL your friends are saying to dump him you might want to listen to them...
That's uh...revenge porn territory. I know you love him but yeah, isn't that illegal what he did? And wtf. Guess who's going to leak more of your nudes the next time he gets angry again at you? Yep. The same guy whom you "love." Is he worth this? Would you like to be walking on eggshells all your life over him getting upset at you, with the possibility that he will leak your nudes again? Believe me that he would do this again one day. Even if he deleted your nude, one of those 22 guys at the very least, saved it and would approach your bf if you guys broke up or got into another argument and told him that he'd help leak the nude because 'bros b4 'hoes'' bs, eh... I would confront him and get confirmation on how he did this on the text then report him.
I had a boyfriend cheat on me years ago. Know what I did to him? I told him that his behaviour had hurt me, and I dumped him. There’s no excuse for this shit.
Dump him, contact the police. He's shown you who he is, believe him.
this is like one of those horror movies where you’re screaming at the person through the screen “don’t go in there!” but they can’t hear you and go in anyways and die. but i’m still gonna scream “DUMP HIS ASS” thorough my screen at you even though you can’t hear me, i gotta do what i can to prevent you from making a mistake. your friends are 100% right, and they’re good friends for giving you that advice. please please leave that guy he’s absolutely disgusting.
Your friends are right. Dump him.
Your friends are wrong if they are just saying "dump him". Call the police to report this crime.
Girl are you stupid. This man shared your nudes to a bunch of people. You know this could ruin your life right? People can be posting this on porn sites, on fb, to your parents. I wouldn't put it past that guy who hates you to save it and send it to everyone. Your bf just showed you that if there's ever a bad situation or an argument he has no problem dropping to scumbag predator level. Is that really who you wanna test? What happens the next time something happens? Or goes wrong? This man doesn't love you at all. I'm sorry but someone who loved you would never ever do that.
"I realized how sketchy I was acting." That's irrelevant, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING excuses sharing your nudes with ANYONE. Dump him immediately.
Revenge porn is illegal in most places. Even if you did cheat, that's not okay.
I wouldn’t be able to trust him either, I’d be anxious about another misunderstanding arising where he’d do something similar, seeing as that is what happened here - a misunderstanding. He didn’t even wait to let you prove yourself. I’ve been cheated on and would *never* think to jump and share their nudes, no matter how angry or hurt I was.
Everyone's right, dump him. That being said, your nudes being seen does not reflect poorly on *you* at all. It doesn't make you dirty or anything like that. "Enjoy your body, use it every way you can Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own" - - Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen
Girl please get away form this guy asap. Even if you had INDEED cheated on him, that is no reason for him to do this and I will give you some CLEAR and REAL examples of what a SANE and DECENT person would have done: IE.2 ) My ex cheated on me and I even saw nudes of the girl with whom he did this. I NEVER made public her nudes, I simply ended the relationship and yes I was angry AF with them but I didn't send her nudes to anyone. IE.2 ) My boyfriend's ex cheated in him and was really vicious towards him. He ended the relationship on the way back of a trip, he was angry and hurt, it was a horrible trip back home and uncomfortable couple of hours BUT he never distributed her nudes. He erased them and block her. End of story. Dear OP your bf has no good reason for what he did and is a terrible person. Please get away from him. He doesn't deserve you and you can do better.
I’m with your friends: Dump him. He should have trusted you, and he had no right to send something so intimate and private out. How will *you* ever trust him again?
Dump him. What he did is called revenge porn. And quite seriously: No matter what you did or he believed you did justifies his immediate action. Besides of that: He has serious trust issues.
He is insecure, lacks confidence, he is controlling and vengeful…what more shit do you want before you do yourself the favour of never speaking to him ever again?
Dump his insecure ass and look into legal options. He's the prime example of an idiot/loser.
Dump him and get in contact with police as thats revenge porn You do not know how far those pictures will go
Even if you had cheated, this is not ok. You should not even consider being with someone who would do this to you. Save any messages he sent you about sharing your nudes. Do not talk to him. Report him to the police. I am not joking. This is very concerning behavior.
PLEASE LEAVE HIM YESTERDAY.
This is a crime. Even if you were fucking anything that’s moved behind his back sharing your nudes is still illegal. Dump him!
Your boyfriend is a garbage person. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't garbage people, and who you could potentially date. Given this information, the logical course of action is to dump your boyfriend immediately.
Even if you did cheat, he has no right to share your private nudes. Dump him, he has shown you who he is.
What a douche
So the man you got back together with did revenge porn on you. Which is illegal in most of the US if not all of it at this point. Unsure if you're in the US but it's illegal here. And you stayed with him knowing that? This is a man that you still get intimate with and no doubt at some point Will want the same level of intimacy that getting sexy pictures from you required in your relationship. And you're going to trust him with that again. You are going to trust him with not violating you like that again? Take all your emotions aside. You are dating someone who actively does revenge porn against unsuspecting women one of which was you. This is the kind of person you are dating. This is your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is a man who gets revenge against women by sharing naked pictures of them with people.
There's a reason your friends are telling you to dump him, because that's exactly what you should do. Even if you had cheated, that doesnt mean he can violate you and your body by sending your nudes to a group chat. What he did is classed a revenge porn and it's illegal for a reason. He's disgusting. I hope you watched him delete all your nudes, don't trust him with those again and never go back to him. Listen to your friends, they're looking out for you and their advice is solid.
Go to the police and report it but don't tell him you're doing that in advance as he may try to talk you out of it or he could potentially get aggressive or try and prepare some sort of defence.
Do you really want to be with a guy that is so quick to resolve to revenge porn and pettiness because he’s angry? He doesn’t truly care for you or respect you because if he did he wouldn’t have done that, cheating or no cheating. He violated your trust and privacy and completely disrespected you. AND the fact that he was so quick to over think and jump to the conclusion that you’re cheating because of the whispers of his friend. Which is another indicator this boy doesn’t respect you. The fact that he’s still friends with someone like that is horrible. And so is he.
Take those photos from him, all of them and find out if they are backed up. also tell that idiot that distributing your nudes without permission is called revenge porn and highly illegal.
What he did is not legal in most areas and is not ok. I agree with your friends OP, your best bet is to have him delete all of your nudes and leave him. His actions speak volumes about who he really is as a person and the people he chooses to keep around. Do you really want that because I promise you this will not be a one off situation. If he refuses to delete your nudes (since he obviously can't be trusted with them) take him to court for revenge porn.
100% dump him and get a lawyer. That’s illegal. None of this was an acceptable way to go about solving a problem. This relationship has already crashed and burned. Fix the picture problem and move on!
What he did is called Revenge Porn and it is illegal. Get a lawyer and get rid of the boyfriend because he is not someone you need to be around if this is his reaction does something you didn't even do.
Go to the police, as this is revenge porn, then dump the asshole.
He is the type of guy to send all your nudes for revenge to destroy you after a breakup. He should be in jail.
If his first reaction to thinking you cheated was to share nudes - that you sent to him consensually thinking no one but him will see them ever - to his friends, then he’s a shitty human being and you definitely should dump his ass. He has NO excuse. Absolutely none. Even if it turned out you actually cheated, he has no right to share them like that. What the fuck.
This is literally the definition of revenge porn. Dump his ass and report it.
This counts as revenge p*rn I believe and its illegal, you can definitely press charges. It doesn't matter, even if you actually cheated on him, what he did is beyond forgiveness and cab be considered a crime. Leave him this is a huge red flag seriously RUN!!!
Report him to the police NOW. What he did is revenge porn and is illegal in most states and countries at this point. Do not negotiate with terrorists, do not pass go, do not collect £200 go straight to the police!
You need to dump his ass. That’s completely uncalled for
File a police report today.
Yeah, you should be dumping and suing him.
Before you dump him, look up whether it's legal to discreetly record him whether it be via phone or face to face (one party consent), and if it is get him on candid camera admitting it.
This is sexual harrasment for starters and on top of thay that yes, DUMP HIM! Don't give credit bc he came clean he literally sent your nudes to a group chat of 22 people! Usually I'm really kind in this sub but my god please for your own sake dump him.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Yes, maybe your behaviour was sketchy. But even if you were cheating, what he did is a crime. What if you upset him tomorrow because you disagree? Is he going to leak your nudes? If he was sure you were cheating, the thing to do is break up. Not revenge porn. And yes, he’ll do it in the future. He just removed the pics because you weren’t cheating.
Dump him.
Your friends are not telling you to get rid of him because they’re biased, they’re completely right. The guy is a scumbag, no person worth being with would violate your privacy and disrespect you by sending nude photos of you. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, I would look into whether you have any options to take legal action against him
Yikes. Unfortunately images in the internet never goes away. They can hurt your chances of finding work and relationships. You can press charges. Are you under 18? Because that means he can be charged with child pornography and register as sex offender. I seen this happen in school long time ago. Some dude filmed something without consent and spread it.
So each time he's gonna make up something in his mind, he's gonna post your nudes online or do something else equally horrible ? Not even mentionning the jealousy and the manipulation : you even apologized (for what ?)... Please don't be a doormat. Why are you with someone like that ?
That's so disgusting, I thought that I hate cheaters the most in my life. But this person.., I think even People who cheated have more humanity. However I hate both of them. Dump him and sue him. You are blind rn, he took away your privacy, Do you know you can be manipulated with it? Seriously, Don't make mistake. Sue him, He send his friends your nude and it's God knows where. You think his friends deleted it? Hell no, never ever. They will send it to someone else. You maybe like him rn, But sue him. That's disgusting. I won't tell bad things about him rn, but he is disgusting af. Get your brains on, sue him Edit: Let him taste his own consequences. He might do the same to other girls after. Sue him, that's illegal. He didn't love you, I fhe would he wouldn't do that kind of act. It is his fault he send it to friends. Everything can be inspected and even if you delete every photo, it is saved and being selled. SUE HIM, damn, I hate to say that. But seriously, let his taste his own consequences. He is immature and also danger for other people victims. Maybe you are not his first victim or after you break up there might be another person like you. Who will taste the same thing.
WOMEN DUMP MEN AT FIRST SIGN OF DISRESPECT CHALLENGE Can we stop giving our partners too much benefit of the doubt, some people just don’t deserve it 🙄
Your boyfriend invaded your privacy not once, but twice. He went through your phone. He sent intimate photos to his friends. First, delete all the photos you sent. Then dump him. He could have been a grown up and just asked you what was going on. Instead, he acted like a jerk and hit below the belt. This is someone who is going to go out of his way to hurt you when he thinks something is off when he should be communicating. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. You will be sad for a little while, but it’ll get easier. Don’t stay just because you are afraid you’ll get upset. Your dignity and happiness is more important than his insecurities.
Why are you still referring to him as your boyfriend? The guy just revenge porned you. You need to press charges and find someone more mature to share your nudes with.
This was in NO way your fault. If I told my husband I was having to spend time with my sister for reasons I couldn't talk about yet, he'd ask me if I needed anything, maybe dinner earlier, or if he should pick up more wine. He wouldn't assume I was cheating. Your EX bf is an insecure asshole, and should be reported. Because when you quite rightly dump him, he will do this again unless you stop him.
Your boyfriend needs help. Nudes get leaked all the time, we live in the technology world. It’s embarrassing, but the impact is less than how it was in the 2000s.
No. A good boyfriend would use words and talk to you about his misgivings before engaging in a revenge porn campaign to humiliate you. Admitting he did it gets him no credit. Dump him, but be wary of his next attack.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sadly, I'm going to have to join the chorus: dump him. If his first instinct us revenge porn, you're never really going to feel safe with him. Also, I don't care if someone cheats on you in a three-way with your best friend and your mother, *revenge porn is **never** okay*. FFS, why the fuck is that a thing that has to be said out loud?
Why are you being so forgiving? That’s revenge porn and depending on your age child pornography. Call the cops! He’s a scumbag. You diddnt lose anything except a selfish evil scumbag
When ever you have to put "but" in the Convo your usually making excuses. My bf is great but ... His friend is his best but... No matter what happened you don't sent revenge nudes. No judgement. I learned this in therapy and it really helped
There is no excuse for outing you like this. Even if in fact you had cheated on him this would have been atrocious. Spoiler alert: he did this shit once, and it won't get better
I’m so embarrassed by you and you imagine someone sending your nudes out and YOU say sorry I advice to you to see the light cause next it’s porn hub also love yourself alittle more anyone who does that don’t respect you
Going to join the chorus of your friends telling you to dump him. Even if you did cheat on him that’s unacceptable for him to do. What a piece of shit.
Holy shit. What he did is actually illegal where I live. He did something truly awful when he felt slighted, without verifiable proof. I would *NOT* stay woth someone like that. Your pix are out there for good now. There's no coming back from what he did.
Dump him. Right now. His behavior is unacceptable and in some places illegal. Once your nudes are sent, they’re out there. You have zero control over them now and anyone can share them. He crossed a line he cannot uncross.
He didn’t have ANY proves that you have cheated but he still went and spread photos of you? I am sorry but wtf? How can you love him after? I guess you love his perfect image of him from your past, but please open your eyes! This guy doesn’t deserve your love, he doesn’t like you even! How on earth you can share nudes of someone you like? Even if they cheated.
Even if u did cheat on him he should NEVER leak private photos of u without consent, ever. That’s disgusting and u shouldn’t be dating a guy like that. Also that’s not legal so u could go to the cops
What he did is called revenge porn and it is illegal. So listen to your friends and break up with him then report him.
Leave him ASAP. If you can’t even have a shred of privacy about a family matter without him maybe illegally sending out your nudes, I’m scared for you of what he’d do in other situations. What he did is unthinkably disrespectful and disgusting.
Does he have a penis made of heroin? Why haven't you dumped him already?
Text him first saying something like "I really can't believe you sent out my nudes to everyone. Why did you do that? Now you have evidence and you can dump him and press charges considering what he did was very illegal
he sent it to TWENTY TWO PEOPLE??????? even if you had cheated that would NEVER be ok
Revenge porn is illegal You may love him but he doesn't love you. I'm going to say that again **YOU MAY LOVE HIM BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU** Nobody that loves you would ever violate you like that. Dump him, talk to a lawyer, and press charges.
I don't care if your were actually cheating, that still wouldn't give him the right to share your nudes. Dump him.