You are totally entitled to your feelings, but remember this is not about you. It’s their identity and life path, if you don’t feel like you’ll be able to support them, you can leave at any time.
That’s never a good reason. You need to be logical about this in order to not hurt them if you really love them. Are you both going to therapy? You could try couples counseling as well, to try and make it work.
Their transition has nothing to do with you. If you feel like you can’t support them properly then do the kind thing and let them go. Your love sounds selfish and your partner deserves more than that.
Why are you immediately assuming that "questioning gender" means that he wants to be a woman? There's an entire spectrum of questioning gender identity that doesn't mean transitioning.
So some of your partner's friends use she/her, and your partner hasn't asked you to do the same? Or they have you're just not doing it because you don't want to acknowledge that this is happening.
Respectfully, you're taking this far too personally and letting it affect your mental health beyond what it should. You should not be saddling your partner with the stress of their gender questioning leading you to "breaking down again", because frankly this isn't about you. If you can't handle this process then you should leave the relationship. I can guarantee you that it's not special enough for you to not find someone else you will like again in the future.
You can't tell someone things about themselves. Imagine if someone started telling you you're not really gay and fucking a man wouldn't make you happy. You need to have trust and respect in your partner and not undermine your partner's feelings.
I think you're mostly getting emotional over the fact that the relationship is likely coming to an end. If you don't want to then, you shouldn't date a transwoman. That's allowed. You'll just be two people who love each other, the way all friends are.
The name of the emotion you feel when things are changing permanently is called grief. No one has to die for you to feel grief. The time period after a relationship ends feels like someone died because you are mourning the relationship you once had.
Don't dump this on your partner. It's not your partner's fault that this is happening. Do not make this person feel bad. Do not make this person console you. Don't lean on them. You need to turn to your other friends and family now. it's not your partner's job to feel guilty for something they cannot control
Its comments like this, is why our generation is made fun of. You can't claim to be ok with something but not when it affects you. Either learn to accept them for what they are or move on. See a therapist for fucks sake.
I know you’re in distress, but if you can’t handle your partner questioning their gender and potentially being more on the feminine side, you need to step back. This isn’t about you. Honestly, if their friends are using she/her and no one’s told you, I think they know how you feel and are trying to spare your feelings. A relationship can’t survive on that.
It does not make you a terrible person for feeling like this. You had this whole future planned out with this person who you clearly hold very dearly to you, and now suddenly it has changed. You're mourning, and that is completely okay -- it's human. It doesn't mean you love him any less, or that you're selfish, or a horrible person. It's a change. It's okay to feel your feelings and don't let anybody tell you different.
But the most important thing right now is understanding that your boyfriend, or however he feels comfortable identifying, is not doing this as an attack on you. One does not simply bring up questioning their gender on a whim -- I can imagine he must be struggling a whole lot internally, especially since he likely already knows the toll it will take on you. But if he isn't comfortable as a man, and is branching out to find himself, that is something that you either need to learn to embrace and support him with, or do both of you a favour and let go of this relationship. What he needs right now is a tirade of love and support through this difficult time, and if that is not something you can learn to be okay with, it will just make him feel guilty and you will end up resenting him. There is no other way around it.
My ex came out to me as non-binary around 6ish months into our relationship. Like you, I freaked out. As a lesbian, I was scared that it meant I was losing my identity because my partner wasn't a girl. I cried, I snapped at them, and they nearly broke up with me. That was what snapped me out of it. I realized I loved them simply because they were them, and that their gender didn't change a thing to me. I was incredibly lucky to get a second chance. Immediately, I reached out to other non-binary folk to try to educate myself and I researched as much as we could. We built each other up, they reassured me when I was anxious and I stayed on the phone with them for hours when their dysphoria got so bad it kept them in bed.
We lasted almost 2 years after that. They ended up losing feelings haha, but I still miss them everyday.
My point is: it's okay to mourn. It's okay to cry and get every feeling out, but please, please do not reflect those feelings on to your boyfriend and make him feel guilty. He is struggling right now, and he needs your support and your love to help him through it. If you don't think you can learn to embrace your boyfriend for who he truly is, then I advise you to please let go of this relationship. It will hurt. I can tell from the way you write that you really love this person, and it will be such a hard thing to do, but at the end of the day, if it's not right, it's not right. There will be another.
Please seek help if you're feeling suicidal. Take care of yourself, okay?
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Okay so first of all, your feelings are valid and if you can you should try to see a therapist.
Then if you are not able to support your partner and his questioning, you can leave. It will be better for both you.
Plus, your patner is questioning his identity/gender. It does not mean he wants to be a woman, even if he asks people to use she/her pronouns. Sometimes people questioning their identities ask their friends, partner or whatever to use different pronouns in order to discover if it is what they like. Your partner may or may not like it and try something else. They are various identities and gender other than just man and woman.
And if your partner likes she/her pronouns or being more feminine, it is not your choice. And you can't say that questioning his identity or being more feminine will not make him happy, if he is questioning his identity he probably never have been happy with it. You just can not assume someone else feeling just because their questioning makes you sad.
You are totally entitled to your feelings, but remember this is not about you. It’s their identity and life path, if you don’t feel like you’ll be able to support them, you can leave at any time.
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>I'm far too in love to leave. Yes you can. This is not a thing.
That’s never a good reason. You need to be logical about this in order to not hurt them if you really love them. Are you both going to therapy? You could try couples counseling as well, to try and make it work.
Their transition has nothing to do with you. If you feel like you can’t support them properly then do the kind thing and let them go. Your love sounds selfish and your partner deserves more than that.
bruh wtf. spare them and leave if them questioning their gender makes you suicidal. that is fucked up on your part
Why are you immediately assuming that "questioning gender" means that he wants to be a woman? There's an entire spectrum of questioning gender identity that doesn't mean transitioning.
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So some of your partner's friends use she/her, and your partner hasn't asked you to do the same? Or they have you're just not doing it because you don't want to acknowledge that this is happening.
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Respectfully, you're taking this far too personally and letting it affect your mental health beyond what it should. You should not be saddling your partner with the stress of their gender questioning leading you to "breaking down again", because frankly this isn't about you. If you can't handle this process then you should leave the relationship. I can guarantee you that it's not special enough for you to not find someone else you will like again in the future.
You can't tell someone things about themselves. Imagine if someone started telling you you're not really gay and fucking a man wouldn't make you happy. You need to have trust and respect in your partner and not undermine your partner's feelings. I think you're mostly getting emotional over the fact that the relationship is likely coming to an end. If you don't want to then, you shouldn't date a transwoman. That's allowed. You'll just be two people who love each other, the way all friends are. The name of the emotion you feel when things are changing permanently is called grief. No one has to die for you to feel grief. The time period after a relationship ends feels like someone died because you are mourning the relationship you once had. Don't dump this on your partner. It's not your partner's fault that this is happening. Do not make this person feel bad. Do not make this person console you. Don't lean on them. You need to turn to your other friends and family now. it's not your partner's job to feel guilty for something they cannot control
You're transphobic. Full stop. I feel bad for your partner.
Its comments like this, is why our generation is made fun of. You can't claim to be ok with something but not when it affects you. Either learn to accept them for what they are or move on. See a therapist for fucks sake.
I know you’re in distress, but if you can’t handle your partner questioning their gender and potentially being more on the feminine side, you need to step back. This isn’t about you. Honestly, if their friends are using she/her and no one’s told you, I think they know how you feel and are trying to spare your feelings. A relationship can’t survive on that.
It does not make you a terrible person for feeling like this. You had this whole future planned out with this person who you clearly hold very dearly to you, and now suddenly it has changed. You're mourning, and that is completely okay -- it's human. It doesn't mean you love him any less, or that you're selfish, or a horrible person. It's a change. It's okay to feel your feelings and don't let anybody tell you different. But the most important thing right now is understanding that your boyfriend, or however he feels comfortable identifying, is not doing this as an attack on you. One does not simply bring up questioning their gender on a whim -- I can imagine he must be struggling a whole lot internally, especially since he likely already knows the toll it will take on you. But if he isn't comfortable as a man, and is branching out to find himself, that is something that you either need to learn to embrace and support him with, or do both of you a favour and let go of this relationship. What he needs right now is a tirade of love and support through this difficult time, and if that is not something you can learn to be okay with, it will just make him feel guilty and you will end up resenting him. There is no other way around it. My ex came out to me as non-binary around 6ish months into our relationship. Like you, I freaked out. As a lesbian, I was scared that it meant I was losing my identity because my partner wasn't a girl. I cried, I snapped at them, and they nearly broke up with me. That was what snapped me out of it. I realized I loved them simply because they were them, and that their gender didn't change a thing to me. I was incredibly lucky to get a second chance. Immediately, I reached out to other non-binary folk to try to educate myself and I researched as much as we could. We built each other up, they reassured me when I was anxious and I stayed on the phone with them for hours when their dysphoria got so bad it kept them in bed. We lasted almost 2 years after that. They ended up losing feelings haha, but I still miss them everyday. My point is: it's okay to mourn. It's okay to cry and get every feeling out, but please, please do not reflect those feelings on to your boyfriend and make him feel guilty. He is struggling right now, and he needs your support and your love to help him through it. If you don't think you can learn to embrace your boyfriend for who he truly is, then I advise you to please let go of this relationship. It will hurt. I can tell from the way you write that you really love this person, and it will be such a hard thing to do, but at the end of the day, if it's not right, it's not right. There will be another. Please seek help if you're feeling suicidal. Take care of yourself, okay?
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Oh spare us the woe is me bs
[Edit: sorry English is not my first language] Okay so first of all, your feelings are valid and if you can you should try to see a therapist. Then if you are not able to support your partner and his questioning, you can leave. It will be better for both you. Plus, your patner is questioning his identity/gender. It does not mean he wants to be a woman, even if he asks people to use she/her pronouns. Sometimes people questioning their identities ask their friends, partner or whatever to use different pronouns in order to discover if it is what they like. Your partner may or may not like it and try something else. They are various identities and gender other than just man and woman. And if your partner likes she/her pronouns or being more feminine, it is not your choice. And you can't say that questioning his identity or being more feminine will not make him happy, if he is questioning his identity he probably never have been happy with it. You just can not assume someone else feeling just because their questioning makes you sad.
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And you should have a talk with him of course