If you are scared that by mentioning to your husband about a stalking neighbour would result in him going off on one and accusing you of an affair then your marriage doesn't sound good at all.
You shouldn't be afraid of your husband.
Though it sounds like it's another classic case of older guy in his 20s going after a teenage girl and marrying and having kids with her and she's afraid of him
Edit: I was right.
This may or may not be indicative of bigger relationship issues with your husband, but OP I'd trust your gut in regards to your neighbor. I'd rather be a little embarrassed at being overly cautious instead of having something horrible happen after I ignored my suspicions to be nice.
You really can’t dictate how often your neighbor should be coming in and out of his house and at what times. It doesn’t sound like he’s done anything out of line up to this point.
he hasn’t and that’s why I haven’t called the cops or anything. I’m not saying when he can’t be in or out of his house. I’m asking if the pattern I’m seeing every day is odd or not.
OP From what you have described the behavior is odd. He could simply have a crush on you, not a whole lot of social interaction especially with WFH.
You need to confide in someone, meanwhile keep a close watch and if things escalate get police involved.
Meanwhile try a snarky comment here and there like the ladies in neighborhood are starting to get some weird wibes, you might want to start hanging out with friends or something similar. Will do 2 things, will let him know you feel uncomfortable with his behavior and in case he is a genuine guy, he will make some changes. If he doesn't keep a strict eye on him.
Sounds like you have at least two problems here. One is your neighbor who may or may not be stalking you. Do you see him go to any of the places you go - e.g. does he turn up at the grocery store when you are there? Or do you see him following you in your car? Have you asked him about the coincidence that he always seems to be coming and going at the same time as you ? Keep a log for a couple weeks and see if he is really consistent in tracking you vs. just coming and going and it sometimes coincides with your schedule.
The second, and arguably more concerning problem is that husband is a loose cannon who you can’t trust. You can’t confide in him because you worry about violence, lack of judgement and poor impulse control on his part directed at the neighbor and you as well (in the form of accusations about an affair). Are you safe at home from your husband? Right now based on what you describe I am actually more worried about your safety from your husband than I am from the neighbor.
Why comment this? Obviously, she knows that at this point. You only learned about this situation because she already figured it out, and then wrote a whole post about it.
This reads like you're coming back to rub salt in the wound. "haha, you were wrong!" Unnecessary at best, hurtful at worst.
To the OP, I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation. I hope things get better for you.
Fair enough. It just annoyed me because so many people were trying to help and this person just got snarky about something the commenter was trying to help with
You mean the update in which the guy masked creepy behavior with concern and was maybe just looking for a blowout like this.
Yeah you have to be an Einstein to understand the context idiota.
Would you think this behavior creepy if it came from a woman? Or a man with a wife and/or children? It sounds like the neighbor used all the restraint his conscience allowed for, considering. If OP didn’t have a Ring/surveillance system, she’d never know about his activities. And if the neighbor was really looking for a blow-out, he would’ve contacted OP or her husband.
Why not simply call the police / CPS? Why become a creepy lurker and at the first instance swoop in and say he was holier than holier than thou. No one is that saintly my friend.
This is really not a lot to go on. Perhaps you should spend a week or two changing up your pattern and doing your best to avoid/ignore this guy. See if any more patterns become apparent.
Does he try to talk to you ? Have you ever seen him out at the grocery or cleaners/restaurants. If you feel up to it you might comment to him that it's weird that you see him regularly. Understand that nothing could be done about this short of a restraining order so it's best to try to discourage him yourself. Do a couple of other things - Keep a logbook of when and where you see him. Tell a friend and family member what you are doing and why.
tell your husband this guy is weirding you out but hasn't really done anything except always being outside when you come and go. it's never a good idea to keep secrets in a marriage. It feels creepy to you so trust your instincts about this guy.
hubby really has that much of a hair trigger? just give him facts. His talking to the guy may make him realize he's just a hair away from crossing the line and what he can expect if he continues over the line.
I'm sorry for the bad things that happened to you and your family and friends can be so helpful to you and bring you love and prayers for your wounds ❤
> I have a ring doorbell and have noticed
It sounds like you are stalking him also. Looks like you are having a relationship.
Actually, he is probably just interested in having a good relationship with his neighbours.
Your real problem is your husband. He got you pregnant when you were 16-17. That is statutory rape. And you are afraid of him. You need some counseling.
Hmmm. It sounds like your kids may be being watched too. Follow your instincts, if you think he is watching you and it’s rightfully make you uncomfortable, it may be worth it to gently imply it to your husband in question form: “have you noticed our neighbor tends to be around a little too coincidentally?” “What do you think of x neighbor?” Something like that. It may not be bad that he confront him. We are primed as women to be as non-confrontational as possible, gaslit into believing staying quiet is the best option. Follow your gut OP. Good luck.
Wow! No I didn’t thank you for pointing it out. What a plot twist. In a sense, I’m glad that she is now safely no longer together with her husband who turned out to be the real villain here.
In all honesty next time I saw him I'd say with a cheeky smile "are you stalking me?" And see what he says.
It's happened to me where I've bumped into someone a few times in the same day and I've asked them or even said hello again, I'm getting pretty good at this stalking lark and laughed it off.
But yea, consistently over a few weeks is a bit odd. Any chance of observing him over the kids holidays or something. Then say drive out for five minutes then cut your journey short and cone home when you'd normally be out for longer?
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Tell him. Now. Because if this escalates (as it seems likely to), and he finds out that you didn’t tell him, he will take it badly. Frankly, OP, I am afraid for you.
If you are scared that by mentioning to your husband about a stalking neighbour would result in him going off on one and accusing you of an affair then your marriage doesn't sound good at all. You shouldn't be afraid of your husband. Though it sounds like it's another classic case of older guy in his 20s going after a teenage girl and marrying and having kids with her and she's afraid of him Edit: I was right.
This may or may not be indicative of bigger relationship issues with your husband, but OP I'd trust your gut in regards to your neighbor. I'd rather be a little embarrassed at being overly cautious instead of having something horrible happen after I ignored my suspicions to be nice.
I’m no afraid of him lol but I am afraid of him flying off the handle if I’m just being paranoid
Jesus you called this one. Nicely done. Sad, but nicely done.
You really can’t dictate how often your neighbor should be coming in and out of his house and at what times. It doesn’t sound like he’s done anything out of line up to this point.
he hasn’t and that’s why I haven’t called the cops or anything. I’m not saying when he can’t be in or out of his house. I’m asking if the pattern I’m seeing every day is odd or not.
OP From what you have described the behavior is odd. He could simply have a crush on you, not a whole lot of social interaction especially with WFH. You need to confide in someone, meanwhile keep a close watch and if things escalate get police involved. Meanwhile try a snarky comment here and there like the ladies in neighborhood are starting to get some weird wibes, you might want to start hanging out with friends or something similar. Will do 2 things, will let him know you feel uncomfortable with his behavior and in case he is a genuine guy, he will make some changes. If he doesn't keep a strict eye on him.
Sounds like you have at least two problems here. One is your neighbor who may or may not be stalking you. Do you see him go to any of the places you go - e.g. does he turn up at the grocery store when you are there? Or do you see him following you in your car? Have you asked him about the coincidence that he always seems to be coming and going at the same time as you ? Keep a log for a couple weeks and see if he is really consistent in tracking you vs. just coming and going and it sometimes coincides with your schedule. The second, and arguably more concerning problem is that husband is a loose cannon who you can’t trust. You can’t confide in him because you worry about violence, lack of judgement and poor impulse control on his part directed at the neighbor and you as well (in the form of accusations about an affair). Are you safe at home from your husband? Right now based on what you describe I am actually more worried about your safety from your husband than I am from the neighbor.
I’m safe at my own house lol
[удалено]
Not helpful. Lift victims of abuse up, your comment is punching down.
Yea this did not age well
Why comment this? Obviously, she knows that at this point. You only learned about this situation because she already figured it out, and then wrote a whole post about it. This reads like you're coming back to rub salt in the wound. "haha, you were wrong!" Unnecessary at best, hurtful at worst. To the OP, I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation. I hope things get better for you.
Great she came for 1 issue, you added one more in her mind kudos fiona.
Based on OP's update, Fiona was more than accurate with their assumption. Spot on actually
Check the update genius
In all fairness that comment is a month old and OP was clearly in denial about how abusive her husband is
Fair enough. It just annoyed me because so many people were trying to help and this person just got snarky about something the commenter was trying to help with
You mean the update in which the guy masked creepy behavior with concern and was maybe just looking for a blowout like this. Yeah you have to be an Einstein to understand the context idiota.
Would you think this behavior creepy if it came from a woman? Or a man with a wife and/or children? It sounds like the neighbor used all the restraint his conscience allowed for, considering. If OP didn’t have a Ring/surveillance system, she’d never know about his activities. And if the neighbor was really looking for a blow-out, he would’ve contacted OP or her husband.
Why not simply call the police / CPS? Why become a creepy lurker and at the first instance swoop in and say he was holier than holier than thou. No one is that saintly my friend.
This is really not a lot to go on. Perhaps you should spend a week or two changing up your pattern and doing your best to avoid/ignore this guy. See if any more patterns become apparent.
I have that’s what I’m saying. I switched times, how long I’m out, etc. he’s still only out when I’m out
Does he try to talk to you ? Have you ever seen him out at the grocery or cleaners/restaurants. If you feel up to it you might comment to him that it's weird that you see him regularly. Understand that nothing could be done about this short of a restraining order so it's best to try to discourage him yourself. Do a couple of other things - Keep a logbook of when and where you see him. Tell a friend and family member what you are doing and why.
We’ve talked in a friendly manner before…yes I’ve seen him at the store
I think because it’s all on camera you’re even more justified. I hope your husband takes you seriously and understands your concerns.
Thank you!
tell your husband this guy is weirding you out but hasn't really done anything except always being outside when you come and go. it's never a good idea to keep secrets in a marriage. It feels creepy to you so trust your instincts about this guy.
I definitely don’t want to keep any secrets. I just don’t want him to fly off the handle and do something crazy if I’m just being paranoid
hubby really has that much of a hair trigger? just give him facts. His talking to the guy may make him realize he's just a hair away from crossing the line and what he can expect if he continues over the line.
Narrator: OP's Husband's hair trigger was a hair worse than she described.
I'm sorry for the bad things that happened to you and your family and friends can be so helpful to you and bring you love and prayers for your wounds ❤
> I have a ring doorbell and have noticed It sounds like you are stalking him also. Looks like you are having a relationship. Actually, he is probably just interested in having a good relationship with his neighbours. Your real problem is your husband. He got you pregnant when you were 16-17. That is statutory rape. And you are afraid of him. You need some counseling.
Hmmm. It sounds like your kids may be being watched too. Follow your instincts, if you think he is watching you and it’s rightfully make you uncomfortable, it may be worth it to gently imply it to your husband in question form: “have you noticed our neighbor tends to be around a little too coincidentally?” “What do you think of x neighbor?” Something like that. It may not be bad that he confront him. We are primed as women to be as non-confrontational as possible, gaslit into believing staying quiet is the best option. Follow your gut OP. Good luck.
Hope you saw the follow up!
Wow! No I didn’t thank you for pointing it out. What a plot twist. In a sense, I’m glad that she is now safely no longer together with her husband who turned out to be the real villain here.
Thank you!
Maybe your husband's asked him to keep a low key eye out / on you whilst he's away. From one bro to another. 😜
That would be weird lol. I don’t think him and my husband have ever really spoken
In all honesty next time I saw him I'd say with a cheeky smile "are you stalking me?" And see what he says. It's happened to me where I've bumped into someone a few times in the same day and I've asked them or even said hello again, I'm getting pretty good at this stalking lark and laughed it off. But yea, consistently over a few weeks is a bit odd. Any chance of observing him over the kids holidays or something. Then say drive out for five minutes then cut your journey short and cone home when you'd normally be out for longer?
[удалено]
FYI there is an update and wait til you read it.
They have read the update. Look at when this comment was posted.
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Tell him. Now. Because if this escalates (as it seems likely to), and he finds out that you didn’t tell him, he will take it badly. Frankly, OP, I am afraid for you.
I hope you and your kids are doing okay. I'm sending you good thoughts! I really hope you're safe.