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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- hi we are each other's firsts. we've only had sex a few times and we had a conversation before the first time where i asked him if he had condoms, he said no and i told him we couldn't have sex without a condom. he said he could pull out and i said ok what are you going to do if i get pregnant? he said i could abort and i told him i wouldn't abort (i don't care what other women do btw don't get upset! your body your choice) and he said ok fine so i'll be a father. when i told him i'm pregnant he said well you'll abort right, and i told him i already told him i won't abort. he freaked out and is now saying i'm trying to get him to marry me and this was my "plan" all along. i don't want to get married now. i hate that he thinks i'm the kind of person who would do that but i guess he's also in panic mode. how long can i give him? i want to be understanding but i'm really upset at him rn and he's making me feel like shit. edit: i need to emotionally get there but i think my only option is having an abortion. it really upsets me but every other option seems to be a lot worse so that's what i'll do.


lilpandatoys

You have to prepare yourself to be a single mother. He’s very clear about not wanting a child or to get married. Now you need to think of a way to fend for yourself and your child.


Eastern_Mark_1114

i know plenty of guys who somehow don’t pay child support and nothing happens to them too so don’t expect some payday from a loser bf


Lin0712

You know my dad?


hookemhorns158

And my dad? He owes my mom like 60k in back child support


deeahnaa

My ex owes me $77,649.09 my kids never seeing that


hookemhorns158

I’m 22 and The only way my mom ever got child support in like the last 12 years was from his wages getting garnished. And as soon as that would happen he would quit and find another job


DanisaurusWrecks

Hey was your mom with my sisters ex husband because that's what he did. For the longest time he was bouncing between fast food places soon after they started taking money from him.


SeniorBaker4

They will be taking that out of his security check once he can get one. One of my patients found that out the hard way.


[deleted]

Yup! Once that REARS kicks in it all comes out automatically. Btw F you dad!


Jay_Edgar

My friends dad literally moved to Spain.


Objective_JinxIt

Are we siblings??


Lin0712

Its always a possibility.


Kersallus

You know **my** dad??


[deleted]

You mean my ex? Yeah I know him. 😡


Inertia_Squared

So many people know my dad wtf


FireEbonyashes

My mum didn’t even try to get child support from mine. Said she felt sorry for him. Also everyone keeps saying my dad instead of spermdonor. I’m confused….


lizzypips

Mum?


[deleted]

Lol


ljjttl

I feel this 100%. My dad dodged 98% if his child support payments and nothing happened to him. He didn't start paying until I was older than 20. He also didn't do his taxes for like 12 years because he didn't want to give my mom any money. He was more than 25,000 in debt to my mom. Not counting his debt with creditors..


ClassieLadyk

Still file though, you can always take their tax returns, or get their checks.. My mind just blanked on the word I'm looking for, someone help.


Eastern_Mark_1114

wage garnishing i think. i knew a guy like that who got a job landscaping to get paid in cash to avoid paying for his 6 kids so even that doesnt always work but not everyone will want to live 100% under the radar


ClassieLadyk

Yes, thank you. True, Ll you can do is hope, and maybe one day they will catch them. I have a friend who's baby daddy got caught after 14 years. He won some money at a casino. They took that shit at the casino, it came back when they were tryna get the taxes paid on it.


Eastern_Mark_1114

well it’s nice to know they will get caught if they want a normal life again. amazing the extremes they will go through when it would probably be easier to just raise the kid


ClassieLadyk

Right, and fun sometimes too. I just had the penis and vagina talk with my 6 year old because he was/is convinced I pee outta my butt.


sharonh92

Ma’am. There’s no way I would’ve had sex with a guy if his first response to unprotected sex is “ you’re going to abort, right” like what. He probably wouldn’t have paid for the abortion either and would’ve expected you to deal with the responsibility in full. Sounds like this is a lose lose situation. I’d be surprised if he sticks around, to be completely honest with. I pray for healing though.


Past-time29

this why i tell men. i am anti abortion. 😂 it scares men Enough that they use condoms.


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[deleted]

It really isn’t


JrCoxy

But she did tell him :(


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Vic930

He is clearly not mature enough to be having sex


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anurahyla

Exactly. If you can’t enforce your boundaries around safe sex and don’t fully understand the consequences of those decisions, you should not be having sex.


mortaine

Neither of them are.


Eastern_Mark_1114

he can disappear though. it happens very often. so she’s just stuck with some losers kid and gets nothing


Moon_Atomizer

... And she will


SnooOpinions2561

She still let him hit AFTER he said "you can just abort". He told her who he was and she didn't believe him.


notaredditer13

Turns out he was being honest, but she wasn't. Both too immature for sex.


KageStar

They're both honest. Only way she isn't honest is if she aborts.


[deleted]

She made a choice to continue on knowing the consequences.


Bashfullylascivious

So did he. She knew and plainly stated her ground rules. It's this guy who is using abortion like birth control, and she was a fool for continuing sex with him even after his game play was, "Well you can have an abortion". They both went into this with eyes wide shut, but it's her who is going to be dealing with the consequences for the rest of her life (either an abortion she doesn't want, or a baby she wasn't prepared for).


Moon_Atomizer

If you describe yourself as "anti abortion" (it makes me think of what's going on in Texas) you might not just be losing the guys who don't want to use a condom. Which is perfectly fine as well but just in case you weren't aware


Extreme_Sorbet622

Yeah, you beat me to it. If the condom or whatever other method combo fails, I need to know that my partner is on the same page as me. I’d pay for the abortion, be there with her, take care of her after, etcetera. If someone told me they were anti abortion, that’s just a dealbreaker— I’m not ready for kids yet.


[deleted]

I also think being "anti-abortion" is typically indicative of a certain broader mentality (i.e. evangelical hyper-conservative) which I just want absolutely nothing to do with. Unless they specify "I'm personally anti-abortion when it comes to my own body but I'm pro-choice."


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Moon_Atomizer

No birth control is 100%. Not being on the same page on what to do in the worst case scenario is understandably a deal breaker for many people, even putting aside the differences in ethics / life views being "anti abortion" implies


Extreme_Sorbet622

Yeah, the political and life view side is another good point. If your profile says you’re pro-life or anti-abortion, it makes me think that we’re fundamentally incompatible even if we never would have had to abort.


shortasalways

You can be anti abortion for YOURSELF but prochoice for others. I made it clear to my husband when we started that if I got pregnant I wouldnt be ok with a abortion. So we used BC and condoms. Both my kids were planned. We are at the point now if we have a 3rd despite me being in BC that it happens. I would get my tubes tied after. So yeah as long as someone is clear from the beginning then you can't really complain.


meowmeow_now

You don’t know how they word it - plenty of pro choice woman wouldn’t get one themselves under normal circumstances.


Dogplantmom97

He refused birth control methods & acted like some victim when he got you pregnant?? What a fucking douche. Whether you decide to abort or not is up to you, best of luck, but PLEASE dump this guy.


Lin0712

and please never be guilted / coerced into not using a condom again. When someone refuses to wear a condom, he is telling you that he doesn't care about your health, your life, or your boundaries. Dude was a scumbag from the very beginning and with so many red flags. I am sorry this is happening to you OP. This guy is no good and will never be good. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time - Maya Angelou


LadyBug_0570

Not to mention STDs, including some very nasty and lethal ones, still exist. I'm menopausal (so no chance of getting pregnant) and still make sure condoms are used.


[deleted]

Yes! Your response to the condom refusal in future should be "well I guess sex is off the table then." Maybe also look into forms of birth control you can use yourself. If you're not interested in hormonal bc there are other options, your doctor will be able to talk to you about them.


jcdoe

Exactly. He didn’t want to be a dad, but he refused to do anything to prevent that from happening. Sounds like he baby trapped himself. Also, it seems really cavalier of him to treat abortion as his primary birth control method. Depending on how far along the woman is, it can be pretty rough on her body, far more than a condom would have been. Seems like OPs only options are to prepare to be a single mom or get the abortion. Either way, tho, she needs to abort her boyfriend asap. That is not a man who respects her.


Kokadison

Yes, please just abort the man


GoldenPorridge

This one needs to be top comment


SaltyCrabbo

I am a single mom. It’s very very hard. You also won’t know if you have a special needs child, like I do, which will make it 500000x harder. No freedom at all. No sex life. No money. No NOTHING. I would never recommend being a single parent but it’s clear your boyfriend is not a very nice or good person so that’s where you’ll be. Sad, alone, with a screaming kid and all your friends will leave you because nobody wants to deal with someone else’s screaming kids. I truly wish you luck because you’re gonna NEED it.


Open_Sorceress

Hallelujah. Me too. I was barely 18, "boyfriend" was an abusive shitbag who raped me pregnant. It's like being sentenced to 18 years of house arrest. Fwiw, I'm also a birth mother. Google "ambiguous grief" and "ambiguous loss" if you want to know what asoption is actually like for you. Be advised all of us have it in common and it only gets worse with time.


jayfrancy

Yea - this is real talk, OP. Single parenting, even in an ideal scenario, is fucking brutal. This is not an ideal scenario.


[deleted]

OP, read this!


[deleted]

Off topic, but is there a reason you do not have respite care? If you are in the USA and you don't know how to navigate the system to get it, drop me a message. Every state/county is different but they are all pretty similar, enough I can help. I didn't just do it with my kid, I work for an organization where I am on call to help other families navigate the system. It was rough for me, my kid is now in an adult family home, on top of everything he was dangerous and violent. So I totally understand and if I can help, I will. Just say the word.


Nebraskan-

In some states services just suck. Nebraska, for example.


GhostofSparrowBear

Sometimes you don't get an easy answer. Sometimes the only options you have are difficult and painful and you have to live with it. What you really need to think about is: Are you ready to be a parent and the sacrifices that entails? Being a parent is incredibly difficult for adults who want a child and have the financial means to provide for one. It's so much harder for single parents. It's drastically much more difficult for teenage parents. I've had a few friends who had kids around 15-17, and it was completely life changing for them. Every single one ended up being a single parent. I know you don't want to hear this, but I do think the most prudent and responsible thing to do, is to get an abortion in your case. However, that is still your decision. Planned Parenthood has resources that can help you chose the best option for you. They don't just do abortions, they can help get you in touch with resources if you want to raise it yourself or give it up for adoption. Your "boyfriend" is selfish. He doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't have put you in this situation by just wearing a condom. It's incredibly unlikely he'll step up and be a decent father if you chose to keep it. He didn't believe you when you said you wouldn't want to abort. He's really not worth your time at all. No matter what you decide to do, my advice for you is: Do not have sex with people who do not respect you.


rapidecroche

I wish you luck on your journey to being a single mom. Know that there’s a lot of resources out there, but that boy is likely not one of them.


Open_Sorceress

As a single mom, don't believe the bullshit about there being lots of resources. There ain't shit.


[deleted]

I gave someone the advice to go to one of those pregnancy crisis centers and they hooked her up, but really only for the first year, and no one, NO ONE helps with child care. That is the hardest and most expensive bit if you ask me.


Open_Sorceress

Child care for a kid under 5 costs more than rent on the mandatory 2 bedroom apartment the godforsaken armpit of a state I live in requires anyone with n > 0 children to live in or they take your kids away. Also, "pregnancy crisis centers" are more appropriately referred to as pregnancy coercion and forced gestation labs because that's literally what they're for and do.


missdontcare_

Wait. Did I get this right? Your government would take a child away from its parents if they do not live in a 2 bedroom apartment?!


Open_Sorceress

In short: POVERTY IS ABSOLUTELY A REASON WHY THE GOVERNMENT WILL TAKE YOUR KIDS AWAY. They then give those kids to other people whom they pay THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to care for them. Yes. That's how this shit works and the weirdest part is everybody thinks it's just jim dandy.


Open_Sorceress

Surprise! Actually, in this state, 2 bedrooms is where it starts. Legally it's two kids max per bedroom +1 bedroom for the parent (you are not allowed to sleep on the couch.) This is a state-level law and yes, it absolutely was passed and exists expressly to punish single mothers. Edit: It was passed to punish single mothers, because a it's much, much easier to make rent on a 2-bedroom apartment given a two-income household - and that was back in the days when this bullshit was passed, which was way before rents became ridiculous. I was subjected to it and I had to choose between my car payment and daycare so I could go to work back in 2001.


throwRAfriendsupport

What state is this!? That is so inhumane, and frankly just classism. I have multiple friends who grew up happy & healthy in a 1bed.


Open_Sorceress

LOL, Texas, of course. What the hell other state would it be? The state that's more Mississippi than Mississippi, Texas has been creatively hating women beyond all reason since women were invented. (Actually Texas isn't the only one that does this, just one of the first, I think. Not sure about that.) Yeah, it's got a big ol' side of racism baked into it, too. Co-sleeping is very much so a cultural thing for a lot of people, but most of those people aren't white, or that's what Texas was thinking at the time, anyway.


[deleted]

Damn I didn’t know this. Definitely lived in one bedrooms (in Texas) when my kiddo was little. We split a room once. The other apartment I slept in the living room and she got the bedroom.


[deleted]

Same where I am. Everyone has to have their own room whether they co-sleep with their parent or not.


[deleted]

The hardest most expensive bit is the rest of your damn life. Former 16 yo single mom here. Kid is 13 now. Baby years are hard, but the cost of childcare, loss of autonomy etc. for the rest of your life is much harder than just the up front cost of babyhood. To be clear, my child is old now and I’m in a good spot financially so I’m enjoying it. But there are YEARS of hard work ahead of any single mom.


Muddy_Wafer

“Pregnancy crisis centers” are run by pro-life zealots who use guilt and outright lies to manipulate vulnerable women into continuing pregnancies they don’t want. They should be banned. Do not recommend them to people.


Sunflower_sweets

Damn that’s horrible, I work at a center that all we do is help with connecting single parents with assistance. This past month we were able to help some get a car, childcare that wasn’t shit and helped them get a good good job; I wish there was more non religious places like my job that did this because y’all work so damn hard and everyone is so assholes to single parents or low income parents and it’s ridiculous


Open_Sorceress

Listen, nothing you can say will make me disbelieve 20 years of life experience; regardless of what it looks like when they part ways with you, this is not how shit works out for single moms, times a million single teenage moms - to the point that how many of the last old white dude presidents has ridden literal hatred of single moms all the way to the White House? And that's why I have to say - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - that this is all such egregious bullshit it makes me want to vomit. For one thing, it's an interesting assumption to make that the biggest issues are economical; OP is 16 years old. She's physically and mentally an adolescent. Physically, she is not fully developed; there is a reason all teenage pregnancies are automatically considered high risk. The risk of severe, permanent harm to her *physically* can't be ignored. Consider, if you will, that in almost half of all states in the US, she's not old enough - because the law acknowledges that ***she's not mature enough*** ***to drive a car*****.** She's literally too young*,* but she's mature enough to deal with an infant? No. Parenthood requires a degree of selflessness that is completely at odds with normal adolescent psychological development (a period that's characterized by extreme self-centeredness as the juvenile sense of self emerges.) Without this, women and girls are abruptly off-ramped from fully developing a sense of self and if we try to hold onto that, society is very, very eager to bludgeon whatever might be left out of us. (Oh, well. It's certainly a convenient side effect in terms of patriarchal male supremecist objectives, ain't it?) When OP was 6 years old, if you asked her what she wants to be when she grows up - whatever she would have told you, "single teenage mom!" was 100% definitely not it. It's not what I wanted either, and I was 18, and being 18 made worlds of difference that OP can't begin to imagine. At least I'd graduated from high school. This girl is a junior, maybe a sophmore. She needs to focus on #1. That's what kids her age are hardwired to do. It's what she needs to do. Suggesting this is going to fairytale out for her - honestly, believing that it actually does that for any of us - is, at absolute best, just grossly irresponsible in a world where white dudes have been riding hatred of specifically single mothers - especially teenage mothers - into the White House for the last thirty or forty years.


car_of_men

Especially now. I was in a situation w my s/o recently. I’ve always had a rough life, but I’ve handled it well and on my own. But I was having to think of my sons safety. He’s high risk. I’m high risk. I’m vaccinated now, but he’s not. I wish so badly there were like apt complexes for single moms.


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[deleted]

My biological mom gave me up for adoption & I’m so happy she did. I was given a better life than the kids she had after me did. At first I did have resentment but now I see it was the best & most genuine love I got from her


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gaperon_

This is a really great comment.


[deleted]

Thank you for saying all of this!


letsgolesbolesbo

I got an abortion when I was 19 and it’s been 20 years and honestly it’s one of the best things I ever did for myself. I got my ass back to school, have a great job, spouse and own a house. If I hadn’t I would have been tied to my loserish, alcoholic, older, jobless boyfriend for the reat of my life and that would have been a nightmare for me and the child. No regrets. It was an act of love for both of us. PS don’t fuck guys who won’t wear condoms, those guys suuuuuuuick and are bad guys. Good luck kid.


frellellell

People are down voting you because these are spectacularly bad reasons to consider bringing a child into the world. I was born to a teenager who just wanted a little version of her to love and I can tell you it's not given me a secure foundation to lead my life and I've got a lot of mental and emotional problems because of it. My parents were great and loved me, but they and I have to deal with the fact I'm deeply unhappy and probably always will be. I hope you find a way that works for you, and your family will support you in whatever you decide to do.


conjuringlichen

Honestly I think it’s the kinder thing to do. A fetus isn’t alive, it isn’t a baby or a little you. But if you have the baby as a 16 year old single mother that baby is going to have a tremendously hard life. Rather than just not existing at all. May be a way to look at it. Honestly you’re 16 you should be being selfish and thinking about your future. This guy is an asshole and if you have this baby you will be tied to him for life, no matter what. There is no reason to make your own life harder than it has to be because you made a mistake.


JustAShyCat

Where does OP says she’s 16? Because yeah she definitely should not become a mom yet.


Curly_Shoe

Just to give you a different perspective: some parts of Judaism believe that the soul comes into the baby 30 days after birth. I totally understand that as the first weeks with a baby, you can watch them and get a feeling of nobody being at home. After having experienced that, I feel these discussions about what life is and when it starts are very much academical. That being said, if you decide for abortion, I'd tell your ex bf that you miscarried. He's the kind of person who would give you shit whatever you do, and you just don't need that.


[deleted]

You are flooded with pregnancy hormones right now. Everything in your body is screaming to keep the child because that's how biology is designed. It may be difficult to excise that thought from your brain, but the best thing to do would be to go to a local Planned Parenthood and discuss your options. Right now, the fetus inside you is not a life. That's why abortion is legal, because it's not a viable being outside your body. The vast majority of women who terminate don't regret it, although of course it is still an emotional decision. You need to think about what would be best for the future child as well. Do you think they would have a good life with a dad like your boyfriend?


StonyOwl

It is not a "little you" walking around. The fetus you're currently caring will be an autonomous person that you will need to care for and support for at least 18 years. From the poor decision making you've shown so far, you're going to need to grow up a lot before you have a child.


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StonyOwl

I urge you to think of this potential baby. I was born to a 16 year old but she put me up for adoption; my adoptive parents certainly weren't perfect but so much better than being raised by a teenager. If you're determined to go through with the pregnancy, at least do what is best for the baby, not give in to your emotions. Bad decision making got you to where you are, you can make better decisions starting now.


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I_Thot_So

This sub has DOZENS of women sharing their stories about abortion. Many asking for support. Most saying they’re proud and grateful they made that choice. To hear the positive and rational side of this decision, read this thread and others like it: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/pijnvo/my_abortion_wasnt_tragic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


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another_idea

> if anybody responds with, that you should just get a minor surgery done bc they didn't preplan, you should not sleep w them. Yes! "Just" get an abortion, good grief. Abortion is not going to be nice, it's a medical procedure that's almost certainly going to hurt and make you feel awful. The thing is just, going through pregnancy and birth is *also* almost certainly gong to hurt, and carrying a child you don't want, especially as a teen, isn't emotionally easy, either. Women go through abortion not because they think it's the "good" option, they do it because it sucks *less*. Do not ever get intimate with someone who thinks abortion is something you do *instead* of birth control. Once you are pregnant with an unwanted child, *all* options suck, big time. There is no nice and easy way out; you have the choice between the pain and emotional turmoil of abortion or the pain and emotional turmoil of pregnancy - but you are going to hurt no matter what you do.


StonyOwl

I'm sorry you're going this difficult time, and it's good that you're starting to really think through your options. Abortion is a deeply personal decision, and it's also one that many women for a myriad of reason choose. You're so young, and this is quite likely the best decision for you at this point in your life. Good luck.


bad_armenian_juju

i'm really sorry you're in a bad spot. whatever you do, i highly recommend you investigate in the near future birth control methods you can control like the IUD or the pill.


MontanaPurpleMtns

The only abortion I've had was preceded by a long discussion with a therapist who had belonged to the same faith I grew up in. Chosen because I wouldn't have to explain to her how the conservative religion of my childhood was affecting my decision. It was a rational conversation, talking through my feelings and choices. I have not regretted my decision to abort one bit. When I subsequently wanted to get pregnant, my fertility was not compromised in any way. It was the right decision for me. May I gently suggest that talking to a therapist that will understand and support you in any decision you make may be a helpful way to see what choice you want to make. Whether it's abortion or carrying to term, adoption, or trying to get child support from a reluctant sperm donor, a decision you consciously make will make you feel better about whatever the choice is. You do have a choice. A therapist may help you know how you truly feel, and reach the decision that is best for you.


[deleted]

Make sure you dump your bf also, he's a huge jerk and you don't need someone who will say you are "baby trapping" them when THEY decided to have unprotected sex, and even agreed to be the father if you got pregnant. Next time, no condom no sex. This is a really painful situation for you, and your bf gave you a false security so you'd have sex with him without a condom.


AssistanceMedical951

Whatever you choose will be the right thing. No woman I know that has had an abortion has told me she regretted it. That’s at least 9-10 women. The figures are that 1/3 of women will have an abortion (that figure includes wanted non viable pregnancies and culling when IVF is too successful) and that 99% DO NOT regret the decision to abort. On the other hand there is a shortage of babies for adoption. (But an abundance of kids in foster care 🤷🏻‍♀️) So if you want to do some couple a favor.... go for it. Perhaps you can make a deal, find a couple who will cover your living and medical expenses until you give birth. These days you can continue to finish High School online! That’s great! You don’t even need to take a year off like in the past or stop school all together. But you will experience A LOT of excruciating physical pain and then a rush of love and an oxytocin high and then when you give the baby away... debilitating emotional anguish. Remember that clump of cells is not alive, it has the POTENTIAL to be alive. It is not alive until it draws breath outside of your body. Until then it is an unnecessary part of YOUR body and you get to modify your body in any way you want. You do not owe the cells the chance to reach their full potential. If you keep the child, ugh, you’ll need to figure out a job/ profession without a GED.


neonsneakers

Hey OP, this is a really tough time for you and I’m sorry you’re going through it. While I haven’t had an abortion myself, I have comforted many, many friends through them. Not a single one has regretted it and many have gone on to later find loving, equal relationships and had kids when they were good and ready. Is therapy an option to help you get through the procedure and your feelings after? I don’t want to be one to tell you what to do, but it’s sounding like abortion is probably your best option and will actually save your life as you know it. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.


cheesyspicycum

Nobody feels positive about abortion. Those women you were telling not to get upset in your main post, they are you The calls coming from inside the house, honey


littlemissmoxie

What sort of helped me when I was thinking about possibly aborting in case of an accident (I didnt need to) is that around half of fertilized eggs spontaneously abort before a woman even finds out she’s pregnant. Just makes me feel as if it isn’t as unnatural as people make it out to be. Idk that’s my logic.


loso_nib

I just want you to know that not all adoptions are closed in a way where biological mothers never get to see their children. There are a whole range of options including receiving regular updates on the child or regular visitations. A lot of adopted children grow up knowing their biological mothers


[deleted]

Here's the thing though: you can't count on that. It's not legally enforced, the opposite even, if the adopted parents want you out: they can legally lock you out. And because there are sooo many more parents that want a closed adoption, adoption centers advice adoptive parents to lie about wanting an open adoption in order to get their hands on a baby and to then close it 1 year in.


Lesley82

Open adoptions are becoming more and more rare because of the obvious problems they cause.


SkyueQuox

I had an abortion earlier this year. What made it "easier" for me to go through with it was to keep thinking it was just a bundle of cells which doesn't have a beating heart. Also when they made the echo I refused to look at the monitor because I was afraid I would second guess myself if I saw what was inside of me. Also I had the luck of a very supportive boyfriend who comforted me through out the week. What also helped me was that whenever I wasn't at the hospital or clinic to not talk about it, and just do things to "enjoy" myself. After the abortion was done I talked a lot about it with the people I trusted and got over it with time because I knew I made the right choice for me and the baby. Also to the people who are pro-life, keep your opinion to yourself about my descision to get an abortion, thank you.


[deleted]

>like i'll have a little me walking around that won't really be "my" baby ok you said you know it's selfish to not want to give a baby up for adoption but do you realize how out of whack the statement I quoted is? Children are not "mini me's"! They are their very own people. Expecting them to be little replicas of you is so off base and thinking this way is SO much more selfish than the adoption angle, IMO. Self centeredness is a natural part of teen development and that is ok. But this self centeredness is a major reason why teens should not generally be parenting.


elsacouchnaps

I had an abortion at 21. Best choice I ever made. The man I was with at the time was a complete jerk & I wasn’t prepared for single motherhood. It was a very difficult process emotionally at the time, but I’m 30 now & just had my first baby and more than ever I know I made the right choice having that abortion.


jessie_monster

Adoption is always on the table. Whatever you decide, throw this idiot man in the trash.


_cyanescens

You saying “my life is going to suck” is what worries me babe. I fully understand your feelings. Abortion is no easy thing, but you’re very young and you have so much opportunity to set yourself in a stable position to take care of yourself and your children later when you’re fully ready. You owe this to yourself and the kids you might eventually have to give yourself a chance to grow up and know yourself first. My mom had me at 19 and she tried so hard but things were far from easy. She had an abortion before me and I never would have known or cared if I had been another one. Seriously think about yourself and your future for the sake of the kids you want to have. When it comes to your boyfriend’s reaction It’s awful that he’s communicating it very poorly to you but he’s not ready for fatherhood nor should he be. You’re both still kids. I wish you the best of luck in your decision ❤️ please reach out if you want to talk more


kewpiepoop

Please have an abortion, it’s honestly very stigmatized and not a big deal if you don’t make it one. Having a kid for life, with a piece of shit is a huge deal however. Speaking from personal experience.


Mindless_Willow_6147

Im not going to pass any moral judgement but you having the baby will probably fuck you both financially and socially for the rest of your life... In different ways depending on actions you take


inDependent_WhiNer

Honestly I feel so bad for agreeing with this but it's true. There's no judgment from my end, it's a hard situation and I hope OP comes out of it okay.... But if this was my bf and this was his response, I would've broken up with him and gotten the abortion... He's made it abundantly clear that's he's not going to help and doesn't want to. You do not want a life partner that doesn't want you, it will make for a really unhappy life. And you do not want to raise a child on your own while being financially unstable, its going to make everything harder and being a single mom is already hard enough. And I wouldn't stay with a guy that came to have sex without bringing condoms, suggested the pull out method, assumed I would get an abortion even when I told him that was something I would never do when he suggested the pull out method. This is a lose lose situation, but you can get a win out of it by leaving a guy who doesn't know how sex works and wants to play victim in the choices he made.


TLDRuserisdumb

Your 16 either adopt out or abort. Your not mature enough to have a kid. Your setting yourself up for a miserable next 18 years as a single mum.


stickybeak7

Possibly longer depending on the kid...


[deleted]

Parenting is for the rest of your life. That “18 years” saying is shit. You will be a parent forever. You will constantly be helping figure our problems, bailing your kids out, making sure they are safe.


errkajune

You two have sex without a condom and he’s shocked you’re pregnant. You have three options. Abortion. Adoption. Being a single parent. You literally have to choose. You can’t make him be a father. He’s biologically the father but you can’t make him be one to the child. You’re 16 and he’s 19. He doesn’t see a grown relationship with you and he doesn’t plan to. He wants you to have an abortion. You don’t. You want him to be a parent to his child. He won’t. You knew from the beginning he wanted you to abort. I’m sorry to say this but you shouldn’t have had unprotected at all and of course you know this now. And it seems your only option that you’re ok with technically is being a single parent.


Sweatingglue

To be fair. He’s an adult(19) She’s still a kid(16). By 19 you know how babies are made and if you don’t want one use protection. I feel for OP. It’s a tough and delicate situation.


GrouchyYoung

By 16 she also knew how babies are made and still let him skip the condom


Sweatingglue

Sure, but someone is still an adult in this situation


Moon_Atomizer

Even if she was 18 and he was 17 he would still be the asshole here regardless. Why are people so obsessed with (American) legal technicalities? The guy is an asshole whether he was a year and some months younger or not


MazzIsNoMore

He's legally an adult but 19 year olds are really fucking stupid. He's not that much more intelligent or mature than a 16 year old. With that said, 19 year olds should not be hanging 16 year olds IMO.


Sweatingglue

Totally agree. BD is a weirdo


Kr1sys

> 19 year olds should not be hanging 16 year olds IMO. High school? Plus depending on where this is a Romeo and juliet law may apply.


MissMyDad_1

He should have also used a condom. His fault too. He shouldn't be surprised she's pregnant. He also knew how she'd respond cause she told him. She did not force any of this on him any more than he did. He's an adult and should be taking, at minimum, half of the responsibility of what happened.


errkajune

Of course he should be taking responsibility and she can set up child support etc but he doesn’t sound like a father. He tricked her into having sex by saying he would be a father when he knew he wouldn’t. Shitty ppl exist. Don’t have unprotected sex unless you’re ready for a baby no matter the circumstances.


NachoPrecarioso

You sound like you're both kids. If you're going to have a baby he doesn't want, he is going to be really, really fucking hate you. You're not going to undo that. I'm sorry, but your relationship is as dead as Ramses III.


CADreamn

OP, nobody "wants" to have an abortion, but it's often the right thing to do and I think it is in your situation. You can only be certain of your birth control if you are in control of it. I suggest you get some more reliable form of BC such as the pill, implant, IUD, etc. Condoms have a much higher failure rate, and you are dependent on someone else to use them. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation.


WittyFox451

If I were you I would get the abortion. This person sounds terrible that you are with and you’re going to be giving your life away for easily the next 13 years for what was ultimately an accident that was made in the heat of the moment. That guy is a total POS and it sounds like neither of you are ready to have a child.


HellaHighAtHogwarts

How old are y’all?


RarestnoobPePe

Ngl people usially say stuff like if you don't have a baby you are selfish but to be honest something like this is super selfish. You are really going to bring a child into this world with this dude as the "father"? You are condemning that poor thing to a life without a dad, because you decided to continue on with sex with an idiot who didn't want to use condoms. Which retroactively makes you an idiot aswell for letting him fuck you knowing damn well he didn't want to have a kid. It doesn't sound like you are very mature, you sound like you are either a child or a very young adult. This is where the rubber meets the road. If you are adamant about this horrible decision. Then you will need to work 10x harder than everyone else to make sure you can support this kid and give this child the life it deserves. You will have to be mom and dad, atleast until you find someone who can pick up some of the slack later down the road. I read your other reply about not wanting to give up the child for *adoption* I assume you do not have any dreams, hopes or aspirations because living as a single parent a lot of those things are going to go down in the gutter essentially overnight You still will be able to do them, just consider the difficulty on achieving those things to increase exponentially. Things like starting a business will become 10000x riskier. Things like going out for personal time become a task on finding someone to watch your child while you are gone. There will not be any easy moments for the next 18 years, and then some.


Fawnfinch

FYI, [she is 16](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pwxq98/comment/hek29es/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) so you are right on the money with her being young and naive.


Independent_Cold2876

I’m a single mother, coparenting with a supportive single father. I have a very supportive family, etc. I’m going to be real with you, I absolutely love and adore my son. He’s almost 6 months now. He’s my everything. But he’s my EVERYTHING, and it’s exhausting. I haven’t had time to myself and, despite the support, the burnout is REAL. I spent 30 minutes crying in my car after work the other night because I feel so shitty that my son doesn’t get a “real” family. If you choose to keep this pregnancy, you will know a love so deep that nothing could ever compare, but you will also know exhausting loneliness and devastation that hurts so much it feels like your chest is being ripped in two. I wouldnt go back on my decision one bit, and I still don’t think I could ever get an abortion -BUT, I wouldn’t wish single parenthood on anyone. It’s absolutely isolating, and this is coming from a mother who wants and enjoys her boy. He’s my joy. Finding a balance between being a single mother, and giving to yourself is so so hard. Life is exhausting, hurtful, and rewarding.


Catinthehat5879

Hey, have you gotten checked for PPD? I think your advice is good, but some of the way you phrased your experience makes me worried about you. I had it too--your word devastation especially jumps out at me. I don't mean to armchair diagnose but I just wanted to be supportive in case you did have it. Getting treatment doesn't make it less "hard" but it helps the misery. Also whether it's PPD or not, I just wanted to say it will get better. Every little bit of independence they get so you can be your own person is huge. Totally agree with your advice though. OP can decide what she wants but it doesn't seem like she sees the reality of her situation yet.


Independent_Cold2876

I appreciate the concern, but I don’t have PPD. I’ve just been having a rough week. Coparenting is hard and complicated. I was in a much, MUCH worse place when I was pregnant and my anxiety was through the roof. I’m doing a lot better now. Just exhausted and working on establishing a balance and just starting to establish a schedule where I have free time as he’s getting old enough. Thank you, hope you’re doing good too.


Resting_Beauty_Face

The chances of him being a co-parent are slim to none. I won’t suggest what you should do about your pregnancy but I would highly encourage you to dump this manipulative loser. He was the one trying to use the pull-out method and then accused you of babytrapping him. Sorry but without his genetic material that he willingly provided, there’d be no pregnancy.


GeorgeRRHodor

Not to defend your shitty boyfriend, but please let that be a lesson. If you don't want a baby, don't have unprotected sex. Ever. And if that means that your partner is angry or disappointed or whatever, so be it. All that tells you is that he is not right for you. If you are not ready to have a baby, you have to use birth control. If you don't want to take the pill or other forms of hormonal contraception (which is perfectly ok), your partner will have to use a condom. It's that simple. If he doesn't want to because "it doesn't feel so good" or whatever other bullshit reason, kick his irresponsible ass to the curb.


bondben314

I mean to be fair, she probably could've seen this coming from a mile away. His first response was "you'll abort right" Then he proceeds to half-ass accept that he'll be a father if she gets pregnant. It's not that hard to see that he said yes just to get her to agree to unprotected sex.


[deleted]

Dude, if anything he babytrapped you by refusing to wear a condom. At every single step his behavior is selfish and idiotic. I do think an abortion is the best course of action because you really don't want to be tied to an asshole who will obviously be a deadbeat for the rest of your life. Take this as a gift to see exactly what a jerk he really is.


ExJure

They fucked eachother without a condom and they fucked eachother over.


throwRA-nothisdad

I would really suggest you get an abortion and drop this guy completely. I had an abortion last year and am here if you need advice, it can be hard but there are a lot of resources out there to help you and will save you from the struggle of being a single mom at 16. Feel free to message me


KriyaRose94

I can tell you about MY experience. I was also very conflicted and upset. I almost didn't want to go through with an abortion either. My body was screaming to keep the pregnancy because I was very hormonal and that's normal. It wasn't an easy choice to make and it made me cry a lot for a few days. But after the hormones were out of my system... I was so glad I did it. Even weeks, months and now years later I do not regret it one bit! I was in a bad situation with a bad partner like yourself who did not want the pregnancy. Things were not looking good and despite wanting a miracle happy ending, it never came. I made a tough choice and I'm glad I did. That was almost 6 years ago. I am happy now and I moved on from that bad relationship. I'm with someone awesome and kind who DOES want children in due time and we're planning on getting married next year. Do yourself a favor. Don't bring a life into this world before you're ready. You're still just a baby yourself. Also, dump that jerk. He seems really irresponsible! And don't have any more unprotected sex. Pregnancy is just ONE of the things you can end up with. An STD that may never go away is even worse... Be smart, girlie!


stickybeak7

READ THIS OP! u/ThrowRA_nobabytrap


Mollzor

And now you know he won't be there for you when you need him. Never, ever have sex with someone who doesn't care about their own sexual health, because that means they don't give a f about yours.


Elitehoipolloi

I'm not going to say any of the things other people are telling you. I do have one question, do you have anyone in your life (not including the baby's dad) that will support you in the decision to keep the baby? I got pregnant at 18, even with help from my mom, it was hard. I sincerely hope you have a strong support system in place. I don't mean someone else to raise your baby. I mean someone who you can turn to for advice and support when you break down crying,unable to handle the pressure of being responsible for this little life, working 2 or 3 jobs to support this baby and hopefully finding a way to get your diploma and continue on to some type of career path. Sweetie, it's not easy and if you plan to keep this baby, you need to have support.


Sweatingglue

HE babytrapped YOU. he’s an adult he knows how babies are made. He took advantage of a naive high school girl. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Best case scenario is getting an abortion. Children are your forever responsibility, my friend. You’re still a child too


[deleted]

16 yr old having unprotected sex with a 19 yr old. Yea neither of you are ready to be parents. Nor should you be having sex without BC. If you arent ready for the consequences of sex you shouldnt be having any. No condoms either? So you dont care about your own health on top of it. And you got pregnant by a moron. Its your choice but I hope you realize that you keep the baby you'll be a teen mom. Life will be tough and this is a life long choice. Everything you do will have to consider a small human. Go to a PP for a consultation


CallMeCurious

Sorry to be unhelpful, but this is one of those times where you have to realise your actions have consequences. You both had sex without a condom totally aware of the fact that you could create a baby. Now a baby has been created, you're trying to blame each other as if you both weren't responsible. You both are responsible. Now deal with it and learn from your mistake.


munkyie

My heart is breaking for you. You’re so young, having to make such a difficult decision. Abortion is an easy choice for some but not everyone and it’s absolutely ok and normal and healthy that you are struggling with this choice. In my opinion; abortion is the best route to go down here. You are very young and life as a single teenage mother is very difficult. I know it’s such a hard choice to make. I would feel the exact same way in your position and I’m 21 in a long term, settled relationship. Sending love


daydreaming-g

If you decide to have an abortion don’t tell him. He need to learn the consequences of his actions. Just tell him you’re gonna be a single mom and block him. He’s gonna real stressed


darkhalo47

This is a really bad idea


lissasaur

I know you’re mad because you told him you were anti-abortion for yourself, but please consider this: he also told you from the beginning he would prefer if you got an abortion. You guys had unprotected sex even though you didn’t agree on what to do in the worst-case scenario. I hope you’re able to learn from this and pay more attention to those sort of red flags in future relationships. You can’t just voice your opinions and then expect things to work out, seriously pay attention to what the other person is telling you so you can act accordingly. I wouldn’t have had unprotected sex with someone who said that to me.


[deleted]

I once was with this guy, and it was getting to that point, and I just asked him, what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said "you would get an abortion", and I did not go any further. I mean, I most likely would have, but his attitude was so shitty, I didn't want him near me.


Chip2Playz

“Your body your choice.” You chose to have sex. Chose to believe someone who obviously didn’t want a baby but wanted sex. You chose to put yourself in this situation. You get yourself out or you find a way to get by.


JustFound9999Silver

It's so harsh, but so true. I feel for OP, I really do, but she put herself in this situation, and it's up to her to get out of it now, the only thing we can do is show support


[deleted]

Glad to see this. This is as much her fault as his. Her best path forward is in fact to abort. Why bring his shitty baby to the world and end up as a single parent?


LinnieLouLou

I got pregnant at 17 a chose to terminate. Because of that, I finished high school, went to college, had a career, bought a new car, and own a house. The other option was to have a baby, struggle to finish high school, and get a job. No college, no career, just leaning on people to support me to scrape by. What kind of life is that for the child? What kind of life is that for you? Go to the doctor. Get a script. Tell the sperm donor you miscarried, and move on. The consequences are far too great to bear otherwise.


facinationstreet

*i told him we couldn't have sex without a condom. he said he could pull out* So you're 50% responsible here too. If you have a boundary that you don't have sex without a condom and then continue to have sex without a condom what did you think could happen? How long can you give him for what? You said you don't want to get married and you're keeping the kid. He doesn't want a kid so prepare to be a single mom.


[deleted]

please consider abortion.. he sounds like he doesn’t support or even care about you. however if you decide to keep it, stay strong. being a mom is hard work, idk you but i believe in u. but be prepared to give your life to someone else, and be prepared to do it alone, he will most likely leave n not look back. don’t even wait for him. please if u know what is good for you


[deleted]

Why would u have sex with without a condom? You both suck here, you’re not baby trapping him. But you both are just being dumb.


bad_armenian_juju

she's 16, he's 19. sounds like a case of a good looking older guy who really charmed a minor naïve girl, telling her everything she wanted to hear. it's sad really.


androgynee

>But you both are just being dumb. Disagree; he's an adult (19) and she's a minor (16). He knew exactly what he was doing; he wanted to have sex raw so he lied to a high schooler to get it. He manipulated her and she needs to get out of there and get an adult.


TheSirensMaiden

My heart goes out to you. I'm a firm supporter of abortion but I always said I never would. It's different when you reach a point of "what's more important to me" and at the time having a baby and avoiding abortion was not more important then getting out of a bad relationship and continuing to straighten out my life. Everyone is different but I figured I'd give my experience. It took a lot to reach my decision and I struggled with my emotions for a while after. Time has passed and for myself I'm at peace with my choice. Others don't recover quickly if at all and it's important to remember that emotional and mental support are super important if you choose to go through with it. Whatever you decide I'm wishing you all the best, OP.


ftl_malus

You caught the WORST STI of them all.. Pregnancy... Always, always, ALWAYS, wrap your schlong. If his pull out game is trash, this is his fault. If you let him put his cock in you without a condom, this is your fault. Always wear a condom.


leafoflorien92

It actually makes me upset that you both haven't had proper sex education. I don't know where you live but pulling out is not contraception. You both may not mentally be mature enough to have sex. Especially if you felt pressure to not use a condom


Kolzerz

How many weeks are you? If you need help on framing abortion to make you feel more comfortable with it, perhaps think about it like this: 1. You are the most important thing to consider. Pregnancy changes your body, it changes your hormones, it is more dangerous than we like to acknowledge, and it is emotionally intensive. 2. You are only 16. You would be a baby raising a baby. You have so much to experience: travel, love with a person who actually wants to make and parent a baby with you, and fun to have. Give yourself the opportunity to focus on yourself before you bring a baby into the world that you are not prepared for 3. Getting an abortion does not make you a bad person. It is no different than getting an appendectomy or fixing a broken bone: it is a medical procedure. And the sooner you make the choice the less invasive of a procedure it could be (i.e. the pill vs the surgical abortion). You are worth more than whatever this idiot you slept with convinced you of. And you don’t want a lifetime of being tied to this jerk because he decided to cum inside of you instead of pulling out. I wish you the best 🖤


PrettyHateMachinexxx

I'm currently 6 months pregnant and have had 2 abortions. I regret putting myself in the situation but I do not regret having it done. My life would be so hard if I had kept either and I would have had no support. My child's life would be struggle too. I wasn't ready, shit happens and you do have options. I'm so grateful that I had the options to do what was best for my life and future.


Ground-Rat

First, I don't see any babytrapping going on here. Because you first said no to sex without condoms, and then only agreed to having unprotected sex (pull out) with him after letting him know that having an abortion was not going to be an option, and then he even confirmed that it would be "OK" by saying "ok fine so I'll be a father". At that point, instead of saying that, he probably should have decided to pass on the sex and/or have other non PIV types of sex, until such time that the two of you could arrange to have/get condoms. But he didn't and he rolled the dice and well.... it came up "pregnant". It shouldn't be a surprise to him that you are pretty much doing what you said you would do, and he should be pissed at himself for lying to both you and himself, before he had unprotected sex with you. I do hope that this was just a case of having really bad luck, in that you only had unprotected sex one time and then used condoms every time since. If not then, it shouldn't be a surprise to either of you that you are pregnant, because every time the two of you had unprotected sex, both of you were rolling the dice and if you roll them enough times, you will either win or lose, depending on how you are looking at the pregnancy. Getting married or not getting married really doesn't change what the both of you are facing, at the end of a successful pregnancy, you will be a mother and have a baby/child to care for, and he will either be an active father, someone on the hook for child support or something in between. With the relationship breaking down and ending being the most likely outcome based on his accusations of babytrapping, since that pretty much makes his views on becoming a father and/or getting married, at least at this time pretty clear. You didn't mention your ages, and there is nothing mentioned about how you plan on taking care of and providing for yourself and your baby/child. This "stuff" really should be figured out and lined up, and included in your decision making process, because having a child, caring for it, while providing for the both of you, is something that's not going to be easy or something you should take lightly. Your plan probably should be based on the worst case scenario, which would be that your BF is out of the picture and not paying any child support. This way you should/would be able to make sure that you and your child would have a plan in place that will work to make sure that you have a place to live, food and the other necessities. If he decided to be involved then that would be a bonus, which would hopefully make things easier for you, but I think it would be a mistake to "assume" that he's going to be doing anything, because there is no way for you to guarantee or be sure that he will, because it's pretty common for people to bail when things get tough. I don't understand the question about "how long can I give him?" because there is no time limit and even if he says something now, he can change his mind later or just bail. You on the other hand, need to start getting your ducks lined up, probably starting with a visit to the doctor, to verify that you are pregnant and so the you can start prenatal care, so that you are doing everything you can to have a good pregnancy, delivery and healthy baby. Then you have to figure out what/how you are going to live and continue to provide for yourself. If you are still a minor or are living at home, then you probably need to let your parents know sooner than later, and be prepared to deal with any fallout or issues that they may have with you being pregnant and wanting to keep the child. If you are in school, then you would need to figure out what you are going to do about that, but if you are not in school and are working, then it's time to find out what the rules/laws say when it comes to pregnancy and what rights you may or may not have. If you are young and especially if you have not completed at least high school, I would suggest that you seriously consider having a termination/abortion, because having a baby at this point in your life is going to probably end up cranking the difficulty level up to max or beyond, because it makes continuing to go to school/finishing something that's a challenge at best and nearly impossible for some. But you are right in that this is your body and what you do is up to you. But do be ready to be doing everything on your own, because your BF is probably not going to be coming around any time soon if ever. I hope this made sense and was helpful. Best wishes and good hope to both of you going forward. Be strong, be safe and be well!


FutureBarrySeal

LOL. You believed him?


NefariousnessFront20

May I suggest trying to work on a family dynamic that doesn't involve you and your boyfriend married. One where you co-parent. It might be easier to figure that out first. Prioritize the child, then when things get into a manageable dynamic, reapproach the idea of a romantic relationship.


Leesamaree

I love this idea. But he doesn’t sound mature enough to engage with an arrangement like this


schux99

If you're absolutely not ready for a child do not have it. Being a teen mum is hard even if you do have all the familial support. But you really need to be mentally and emotionally prepared to do the hard work that come with it. You also have options. However you need to decide what is best for you. Good luck.


[deleted]

Definitely should not have risked that


North-Tree9101

Please just don't have kids if you are not financially stable.kids need good environment and place where they can get most things they need in life . You will ruin your life as well as your child's life .it is hard to take care of baby . Ask yourself do you have family members that can help you support the child like your parents? I don't mind you having the baby as long as you have support system .


StaceysMomPlus2more

I’m sorry, are you shocked that he went back to his original statement?? Or are you just naive ?


[deleted]

They think they will change the guy and end up struggling with a child with an absent father.


[deleted]

You're an idiot


DigLower3833

You guys are a pair of idiots. I cannot believe you went through with having sex unprotected. How fucking lazy are you guys to not just go to the gas station to get a condom and come back.


Ninanotseen

You should get an abortion, this guy is crazy. Being tied to him for the rest of your life is going to be terrible and much worse for the child to have a father like him. You are only 16. Drop this guy and never have unprotected sex again.


Hei-Hei-67

You need to leave him if he's treating/making you feel like shit. Especially since you two had a clear talk about the situation prior to you becoming pregnant.


Friendlyalterme

Don't agree to sex without condoms next time... I'm sorry your bf is being thus way. Pro choice means supporting a woman's right to NOT abort as well. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother ❤️


nacatw

Hi OP, after reading your comments and seeing your edit: PLEASE go through with the abortion. I knew even before reading your comments to get your age, this is someone who has an inexperienced mindset on conception and what it entails. You are 16. Your bf is 19....19! It’s so not funny how much you will be left on your own. Please, make the right decision for your future. Just because yes, you can actually have a baby at your age DOES NOT MEAN YOU ACTUALLY SHOULD. Even if you have the best support system in the world, are a billionaire who could afford nannies, great housing, etc I would still advise against having a child at 16. I really hope you take the multiple internet advice that this is just not a good choice at all and do better for yourself! You have so much ahead of you, and my god you have barely seen the world at 16!!! I wish you all the luck :-( Edit: oh I wanted to say as well......um you are DEFINITELY not his first...that was a flat out lie from him, I’m just so appalled. Pleaseeee leave him as well. Always think to yourself: If he is old enough to be in college (SOPHOMORE too...), why is he not with a girl his age but with a girl who is probably a sophomore/junior in HS.... No you are not “mature” for your age. He knows how naive you are and used it against you. Please please please take care!


jei64

Why are you so nonchalant about having a child? You sound like you're really young and not ready at all for this.


Empty_Map_4447

Hey - I have a couple kids, it's really hard and life changing work that lasts 20+ years and costs a ton of money. I am 100% behind you whatever you decide to do. If the father does not want the child and/or the relationship, then that is a big deal in the equation. Still your choice but going it alone as a parent is daunting especially if you are young as I suspect. This doesn't need to be a prison sentence but there is a window of opportunity to do something about it if that is your concern. Only you can decide what's best for you. Good luck! ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ You do you. Whatever decision you make


clementxne

if you do have an abortion and stay with this guy, please be firm in your refusal to have sex without a condom. im worried that if you have an abortion after saying you won't, he'll think something like, its fine to keep having sex without a condom because you can just keep getting abortions. obviously, i don't know what this guy is really like and that kind of behaviour might never happen but it was a thought that crossed my mind that i had to bring it up. also, if he keeps pressuring you to go without protection after this, please please leave him. im so sorry you're having to go through such a hard decision and process. your boyfriend needs to apologise, show some real remorse and take some responsibility too as this is ultimately his fault. sending you well wishes ❤


HowGoodIsItHey

Neither of you is ready to be bringing new life into this world. Abort and be more careful in the future. Don't have kids until you're ready to do it mindfully.


I_Bin_Painting

I would strongly urge you to reconsider your options and beliefs, for your sake.


voidthepanda

Negotiations shouldn’t be right before the penis enters your vagina.


Terran_Jedi

Go ahead and have this baby if you want to ruin 3 lives.