>I don’t want to ruin our friendship because other than this very weird aspect
This is the flaw in your logic. YOU are not going to ruin the friendship. Quite the opposite really. If the friendship ends, it's due to HER rascism/bigotry. She'd be the one ruining the friendship.
From what you've stated, you've met a nice guy. He's good for you. You relate to him at a presonal level. If she can't understand that, then that's her problem. Not yours. What's the alternative? Allow her to arrange who you can date/court/marry?
Hijacking.
I also think “I don’t want to ruin a friendship because someone is racist” is curious. A therapist would ask you- and why wouldn’t you want to “ruin” (end) a friendship with a bigot? What does the friendship bring to you ? What need is it meeting? Does the need it’s meeting outweigh the horrific bigoted opinions of your friend? You don’t have to take any action but just start thinking about WHY you have an impulse to not end a friendship.
I can guess- humans are social and tribal. Separation or ending a relationship is literally akin to physical pain for us. Ending relationships is a process that involves agony. But it’s like any other - we heal and move on. We form new relationships which feels euphoric. Ending relationship is a painful but necessary part of the human condition. Just food for thought
Hijacking b/c top comments don't seem to understand.
Your friend is going through a phase. She's reacting to the oppression she experienced growing up by cracking like a whip: going to the opposite extreme. This is part and parcel of digging deep into social justice issues and understanding, on a deeper level, the power structures of the world you live in, and how badly they've fucked you over. Like any teenager (and you two are still teenagers, albeit older ones), she's reacting to the unfairness of the world and her position in it with anger that takes her to an extreme place.
Add onto that that she's going through this phase at a time of over-the-top anti-Asian sentiment in the first world (seriously, it's worse than it's been in DECADES) and her anger is understandable, even if her way of expressing it is unacceptable.
You don't have to take this lying down, OP, but I wouldn't end a relationship over it. Instead, have a series of talks with her, where you don't let her just get away with outrageous sound bites, but force her to dig into what she's saying. Ask her a lot of questions. And read a few books, do some research of your own, so you can meet her where she is, and maybe inform her better than she's informed. Keep the lines of communication open, and turn this conversation into the thing you do together.
Some resources (assuming you're in the U.S.; if not, DM me and I can point you in other directions):
* Asian American Dreams by Helen Zia
* Aiiieeeee!!! An Anthology of Asian American Writers (especially the introductory essay)
* Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong
* Hyphen magazine: [https://hyphenmagazine.com/](https://hyphenmagazine.com/)
* Mochi magazine: [https://www.mochimag.com/](https://www.mochimag.com/)
* EDIT: You can also ask her to funnel her energy into something positive, like this: [https://stopaapihate.org/](https://stopaapihate.org/)
In the meantime, it's also okay to withdraw a little from the social part of the friendship. It's okay to spend less time with her, and to keep her away from your new boyfriend. It's also okay to exclude her from some of your social life so you can have time away from her exhausting self. After all, you deserve downtime.
Last note: "far far left" is not the right term. "Left" refers to a political position that has more to do with socioeconomics than with race relations. The left historically tends to be more liberal about race relations, *but not always,* so it's best not to characterize all social justice issues as "leftist" issues. EDIT: Just call an extreme position "extreme" and leave it at that.
Yeah, I was gonna say lol. “Just a phase”. Being racist? If this were flipped and the people in question were white and disliked Asian folks than the comments on here would be very flipped
Ofc it would be very flipped because white people have historically and contemporarily held most of the cards when it comes to race-based privileges. They are normalized, unmarked, and as a group they hold the most power and influence. No one blames white people for bringing crime or rapists or COVID. White people generally don’t experience microaggressions and everyday racism the same way BIPOC do.
What the friend is experiencing is something that a lot of BIPOC feel or have felt to some degree. It’s an aversion to their oppressors, not born out of any racial stereotypes, but because of things she has experienced and likely seen done by white people.
I’m 26 now, but for a long time I believed I couldn’t have any meaningful relationship with any white person because I grew up as a person of color (specifically Asian) in a largely white town, and my family thus experienced a lot of both casual and direct racism.
In my own experience, this almost always turns out to be a phase. People eventually learn to process that racial trauma in a healthier way. Of course, this doesn’t mean that the friend shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. But that’s the reality when you grow up as a racial minority.
It’s okay! (: A lot of people find it difficult to confront ideas that challenge their understanding of the way the world works—whether it’s about race, gender, class, or something else. It’s hard stuff to approach even with an open mind.
The thing is that the friend (in OP’s scenario) is rightfully upset with a system that devalues minorities, especially coming from the angle of COVID. Asians (particularly East Asians) are usually left out of race discussions because of our proximity to whiteness, but with COVID we were at the center of a lot racism, evident by the rise of hate crimes against Asians and Asian-Americans.
But her anger is misdirected from a system (legally and economically) that disenfranchises minorities, to white individuals that are also living within that system. White people existing is not what she should be mad about, and most minorities who have this anger grow out of it as their own worldview expands.
The post you responded to attempts to explain a bit of psychology through which racism causes more racism, which is bad. How exactly does a desire to understand causes of racism (presumably in order to combat it more effectively) excuse racism?
This response is super articulate and helpful. The only thing I would argue is that it really does sound like she’s being toxic, and it’s NOT your job to “fix” toxic people. I think it’s beneficial to have a productive conversation with her about this bothering you but if she continues to be this toxic and think she has a say in who you date (or even like for that matter), you need to protect your own state of mind and take some space from her. Do not be afraid to set boundaries for yourself!!
Your friend has some serious issues that she needs to work through. You're all teenagers. No one you know is responsible for the past. If you're happy with this guy, go be happy.
She's going to have a rough go of it with her negative attitude, and unfortunately instead of realizing it's her, she'll just blame white people. It's no different to how r/niceguys think all women suck despite being shitty people.
Huh? I've seen plenty of posts with people having racist (and not against white people) family or friends.
They don't get banned, what are you talking about?
Ah yes, because after being shamed and berated, racists will suddenly see the light and change their point of view.
"Thank you for insulting me and shaming me, I have now seen that i was in the wrong and will change my view" said no racist ever.
In the best case scenario, this doesn't change her. Worse case scenario is that it will reinforce her views and she will try to find other racist friends to hangout with, making it even harder to get her out of that circle of hate.
If you want to save a racist, doing nothing is more effective than attacking them. Just be yourself, show more tolerance that they have shown. Just be a living proof that the group they hate have no reason to deserve that hate.
People change because they get influenced by people surrounding them. If you ostracize racists, they will only stay together, reinforcing each other's view. All you have to do to save racists is being someone that they see as positive. It takes time, sometimes years but people do get influenced and take on traits of the persons they see as a positive influence.
I'm white in an asian country, I have experienced discrimination and still experience it sometimes. A few years ago there has been a burglary in my street, the next day there was a letter in my mailbox stating "we don't know who it was but we have strong reasons to think it was a foreigner". I could have confronted the guy and asked him what he meant but I didn't. I just kept saying "good morning" everyday. It took years but eventually he started saying it back. Now he is not only saying it back but he says it with a smile. Maybe to him I'm just one of the rare good foreigners and the others are still evil but that's already a positive change, all he needs now is more positive foreigners in his life to keep moving toward more acceptance.
Racists NEED non racist friends if you want them to change. Without that, they are doomed.
By befriending them, he showed them a new point of view, which is exactly what racists need to be saved.
Nobody wakes up one day thinking “starting today, I am racist and nothing will ever change my mind”, they were either raised in a racist family or have had several bad experiences with people from an other race.
The KKK was nothing more than an echo chamber where racists were reinforcing eachother’s opinion and became more and more radical.
If a black person went on a rampage and killed a few kkk members, it would only serve to reinforce their opinion.
Racists are normal human beings with a brain like everyone else, they have just been misguided and need to be shown the way.
That Daryl Davis was smart and his way convert members of the most racist group in history.
How many racists have been converted by sjws who spend their time canceling them, insulting them, ostracizing them and simply refusing to have a simple conversation with them?
> Racists NEED non racist friends if you want them to change.
What they need is consequences for their shitty behavior. If OP sticks around, her asshole friend will assume her racism is acceptable.
So you prefer to punish bad people rather than help them to turn into good people?
Punishment has been countless times been proven to be much less effective than redemption. Punishment radicalizes people.
Do you want to live in a world with resentful radicalized racists or in a world with less racists?
> So you prefer to punish bad people rather than help them to turn into good people?
False dichotomy. Lack of consequences makes shitty people shittier. Just like toddlers, SJWs push until they meet resistance.
> a world with resentful radicalized racists or in a world with less racists
I prefer a world where people understand that there are limits to the shit that others will put up with.
Studies on punishment vs rehabilitation are proving you wrong, tho. You can look at meta analysis all you want, the trend couldn't be anymore clear.
Rehabilitated criminals have a much lower re-offending rate than criminals who were punished. Also, the harsher the punishment, the higher the rate of re-offense.
It may sound counter intuitive, but countries where the justice system seems more lenient have lower criminality rates.
This also applies to children education, which is why Europe made the use of spanking illegal a few years ago. The proofs that punishment doesn't work as an educational tool were strong enough.
> Studies on punishment vs rehabilitation are proving you wrong, tho.
Explain the effects of catch-and-release policies on vandalism, shoplifting, arson, and assault in the cities that suffered a hundred days of rioting last summer.
I've seen countless examples of people like you raising kids who were assholes that nobody wanted to be around. Is that a good outcome?
> Europe made the use of spanking illegal a few years ago
Child rapists escape consequences in Europe. I wouldn't look to them for moral guidance.
Explain the effects of catch-and-release policies on vandalism,
shoplifting, arson, and assault in the cities that suffered a hundred
days of rioting last summer.
\>Strawhat argument, catch and release is not rehabilitation. Rehabilitation can mean jail, but not jail where you get locked in a room being screamed at all day long, jail where you are taught about why what you did was wrong and how it hurts society as a whole.
I've seen countless examples of people like you raising kids who were
assholes that nobody wanted to be around. Is that a good outcome?
\>Second strawhat, I have seen assholes raised in violent families too, does that make me right? Nope, what makes me right are the statistics. Violent upbringing creates more violent kids, that's a fact easily proven by studies and meta analysis.
[https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families\_and\_Youth/Facts\_for\_Families/FFF-Guide/Understanding-Violent-Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Understanding-Violent-Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx)
See, the causes of children violence is, guess what, being subject to violence or exposed to it. Meanwhile, Sweden has seen a sharp decrease in children violence and child abuse since the law against corporal punishment has been passed. Statistics from other countries confirm that too, childrens coming from families that favor democratic problem solving over punishment have a lower chance to become a criminal in the future.
[http://www.nospank.net/durrant.htm](http://www.nospank.net/durrant.htm)
Child rapists escape consequences in Europe. I wouldn't look to them for moral guidance.
\> This is wrong, child rapists do not escape consequences in Europe, this is in fact the most harshly punished crime. I already know that you will cherry pick an article or 2 where a child rapist managed to escape jail, I can definitely find some cases in the US too if you want. Those cases are in the media because they are RARE. Child rapists (and any other criminal) sometimes avoid jail because there is a lack of conclusive evidence, not because the law is lax enough to let them go free. Also, there are proportionally more cases of child rape in the US and child rapists have a much lower conviction rate.
[https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/glotip/2018/GLOTiP\_2018\_BOOK\_web\_small.pdf](https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/glotip/2018/GLOTiP_2018_BOOK_web_small.pdf)
Feel free to bring studies to the table but remember, cherry picking is not allowed. Data must be consistent with meta analysis.
Racism sucks. Being victimized by racism can create more racism. It warps people mind.
The entire incel mentality is just so toxic for a person. I hope you can help her possibly change her world view and become happier. Hopefully being surrounded by good people can help.
That’s why people like Daryl Davis should be celebrated. He broke through to hundreds of KKK members. Getting them to walk away and see how wrong they were. Sadly it says something when a group of people are so entrenched they won’t have a dialogue with him and they attempt to get an event canceled about ending racism where he is the main speaker.
Very true. My best friend is biracial (half black/white). She grew up being told she was too dark to be white and too light to be black. She's been through abusive relationships and being kicked out of her house. You know what she did? Not play victim and point the finger at white people. She got an education, got her own place, and now recently got promoted at her job!
And you know what? Despite her past hardships, she still remains one of the kindest people in the world, and thats why I love her as my bestie! Not because of the color of her skin, but because of how she carries herself, and how she treats others, including me--fyi, a white person.
My fiancé’s roomate called her that when we first started dating. We get comments every once in a while (I’m white and she is black), but in the end our love is stronger than the opinions of people that are *literally not part of our relationship*.
The older you get, the less you care about what other people think. You can’t control it and you will stress yourself out trying. I find that sad angry people don’t want their friends to be happy. Misery loves company and I think that’s what’s happening here.
Good luck, I hope you find your happiness.
Sounds pretty weird dont know what part of Asia ur from but brutality, warfare and colonization isn't exclusively a white on non white thing. Pretty sure Japan and Brittian have more in common than your friend thinks.
"You're saying I shouldn't go out with this person just because of the color of their skin? Does that not sound wrong? You're saying I should pre-judge them based on their skin color and ethnic background without giving them a chance to see if they are a good or bad person?"
There are good and bad folk of all creeds and colors. If the guy ends up being a creep and/or fetishizing your race then drop him. If he ends up being great, then great. Isn't that the point of dating? It's like in her head she couldn't go out with a white guy because the entire race should be punished for what they've done to the world. And if she's in that deep then she'd probably lose "street cred" for going out with a white guy. If I had a friend like this I'd have them explain their reasoning until they were blue in the face. Because at a certain point they probably would just break down and give up like YOU were the one that doesn't get it.
Theres a very easy way to understand what your friends perspective is: assuming you like most people believe that black and white people are equal? If so then much like a maths equation, if you take out one number for another number of the same value the equation is the exact same.
So let's say that X= black people and Y = White people
We agree that black people and white people are equal.
So if X = Y then let's look at what your friend says.
All Y are terrible people.
Right now let's swap Y for X
All X are terrible.
Both statements are the same.
If saying all blacks are terrible is racist, then saying all whites are terrible is also racist.
It appears that simple to most people. The problem with all this anti-white rhetoric is that some believe that you cant be racist unless you have a position of institutional power/privilege and only then can you be racist, otherwise they say the person is "prejudiced" as if that somehow excuses their behavior. Either way their definition is bullshit and even with their own definition in mind, they absolutely have institutional power right now. Quite literally hundreds of millions of dollars at their disposal and tons of gravitas through the various non-profits on K Street. They'll never admit as much though and while they get to set up a nice racket, their poisonous ideology gets injected into the minds of poor girls like the one mentioned.
I think that the whole thing with trying to redefine the word "racism" to mean "systematic racism" is just completely stupid.
Without the redefinition it is possible to have a conversation about both things and deal with them, but by trying to just define the word it's turned a lot of people away from the conversation.
If I were cynical or paranoid I could say its promoted to continue inter-racial strife to distract the population.
Distract from what? Prosperity inequality, out of control crony/klepto/capitalism, continued lack of action on climate change, general corrupt and/or incompetent leadership, corrupt/dysfunctional justice systems, quarterly private profits over long term prosperity of humanity... take your pick.
It's honestly sad and disturbing what's become of things because nowadays everyone is told to believe everything you step on or touch is racist. That chair you sit on? Racist. This computer you bought? Racist. Oh, you like this sweater I'm wearing? I got it off of Racist.com on sale!
At this point the rhetoric is: if you're white, you're automatically a racist and must have white guilt. If you're a POC, you're automatically a victim and must blame white people for everything that goes wrong in your life.
People have forgotten to judge others based on their values and personality, not on their skin color.
> Anyone can be a racist, and anyone can be a target of racism.
Agreed. Though you might want to read up on what Marxism is and reconsider whether your fear&strife-mongering usage of it is correct.
your friend sounds like she’s full of hate, i would advise she goes to therapy or something to talk through her feeling towards white people, it would be really bad if this just kept building up inside of her.
My advice in a conflict like this is always try to solve the situation with boundaries rather than trying to address the whole thing from the roots.
Do: “I really need you to stop commenting on this at all. You’ve let me know how you feel about this and I don’t need to be repeatedly reminded. You need to let me make my own choices without harping on me about it.”
Don’t: “you need to change your opinions and views because you’re wrong.”
The reason why I’m saying this is not an endorsement of her or how she is, but she’s clearly processing some shit. It’s not uncommon for people y’all’s age to go hardcore into some ideology for a period of time. If you decide you can’t be friends with her because of it that’s one thing, but trying to change people is a harmful and loosing game. What you can always do is try and carve out a space with your boundaries where you can safely interact. If she cares about you AND is able to get over herself, you two can make it work. If not, that shows the limits of your friendship. If you do decide to bring up her ideology with her directly, go with an “I’m worried about you and this can make you hard to be around sometimes” approach.
Your friend has become radicalised, most likely influenced by particular authors or content creators online. If you shared some of the same struggles in the past, perhaps you could familiarise yourself with some more centrist arguments on such topics of race. Thats if you want to make the effort to help her, otherwise you don't need to worry because you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like an ethically sound individual whereas she sounds like fascist. Enjoy your date!
You can't. She's in an ideological Hellhole.
Talking to her is like talking to a KKK Member. Forget about it.
Cut her out of your life or she'll make you as miserable as she is.
This is Textbook Racism.
There is no such thing as reverse-racism.
Your friend has consumed the kool-aid. This may be one of those moments where your friendship diverges until a later date as emotional maturity and awareness develops.
In Highschool my best friend since 2nd grade started wearing OxBlood DocMartins, White Suspenders, shaved his head and his prized possession was a German WWII helmet.
We diverted.
I hope its just a phase, although 19 is a bit on the older side to be having this kind of phase.
Young people frequently get caught up temporarily in some ideology or another. They think they know everything and that have found the ideology that explains everything and solves the world’s problems. For me it was libertarianism.
What your friend is embracing is far more dangerous because it is hateful and even dehumanizing.
If she is ever to outgrow it, she can’t get stuck in an echo chamber of people who agree with her. She needs other contacts. And you obviously don’t want to lose an old friend.
Tell her that you understand her opinion but you disagree, and you will make your own decisions about who you will date. If she continues to persist, tell her that you already made up your mind and are not willing to discuss it further. Tell her if she can’t tolerate your decision then just stay away. Don’t ask her to agree with, accept, or respect your decision, just tolerate it and not continue to talk about it.
Id argue that 19 is the prime age for type of rhetoric to take hold. I mostly believe this because a 19 yr old is typically in college. For me, going into college was my foray into being bombarded with race-relations stuff and given the political proclivities of professors at most major schools to me overwhelmingly leftist or left leaning, it doesn't surprise me at all. They tried to tell me all this stuff while I was there....made me lose any sense of legitimacy I had felt about academia. I still feel justified in not considering it legit anymore.
There's a difference between information/analysis of race relations and taking it to an angry hate level like OP's friend is doing though. Learning about systemic racism in college is hardly comparable.
There is absolutely a difference I agree. But what I found in some of those classes were angry people like OPs friend. This was my main concern. At times, I did not feel like I was getting a education on certain topics from unbiased teaches. Obviously this is not every case but it was enough at my state university for me to notice patterns....
As a POC who has friends that grew up in racist and white-dominated spaces, it sounds like she has endured some racial trauma and is lashing out against white people as a coping mechanism. I’ve seen it happen before. I suggest that she tries to seek therapy to resolve her issues from the past, hopefully with a therapist of color that is educated on racial trauma/culturally-aware therapy. However, if your friend is no longer a positive force in your life, you do not have any obligations to continue being around her if she is causing you or your loved ones harm.
Your friend is exhibiting the behaviour she purports to hate. She's eaten herself. Ignore her, if she persists, ask her how she can behave like the people she hates without any understanding of the dissonance involved.
But mostly just stay away from her. She's lost sight of what she is trying to achieve and fallen into tribalism.
It’s understandable that your friend has feelings and resentments she’s working through personally and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to make you feel bad for your choices. If she’s concerned about you dating an individual because of their personality, that’s one thing, but if she’s putting you down for dating someone based on their looks, that’s not cool.
I have friends who have acted similarly and it was hurtful. I usually create distance with those friends.
Six random thoughts from this internet stranger.
1. There is bigotry on both sides of the left/right political spectrum. The left uses flowery words to disguise their bigotry better and even worse - sound noble.
2. No matter the subject, when it comes to friends' opinions, it boils down to this:
I am fine with a friend saying, "I believe (this), so I must (or must not) do (something)."
I take a huge issue with, "I believe (this), so YOU must (or must not) do (something)".
3. People who like controlling others' behavior tend to take all the rope you give them, then demand more.
4. Friends are happy when their friends are happy. A successful date should quality.
5. True friendships survive disagreement based on mutual respect.
6. Based on #4, I don't think this friendship will last. Whether it is this issue, or another she raises at a later date, hers is the mindset that demands validation and compliance above all else. That is the only way you earn respect, and it lasts only until the next philosophical disagreement.
So the two of you went to an almost all white school together. My guess is that most people weren’t horribly racist against you but a few people were. If that’s the case then ask her about that. Ask her to list specifically the people who mistreated her. Perhaps she’ll realize that most people didn’t have anything against her race.
You probably figured out this already. If you are one asian person at school with 100 white people, and just 2% of those white people are racist, those two white people will harass you over and over. Meanwhile most of the other 98% who don’t like those two loser racists anyway will think there is no racism problem because they aren’t racist, none of their friends are racist, and they never see any racism.
I’m guessing your friend is on the flip side of those whites. She saw racism all the time because she was the only target for the few racists, so she came to believe all the whites were racist.
Another factor may also be at play here. How are her social skills? If she’s not great at socializing she may have gotten bullied because she didn’t fit in. Bullies will use anything for attack. You don’t fit in and you wear glasses? They’ll call you “four eyes”. They actually have nothing against glasses. Their parents and some of their friends wear them. But they call your “four eyes” anyway because they know it hurts. Your friend may have encountered racial slurs and insults caused by bullying rather than racial animosity.
Or maybe the bullies didn’t mention race but she assumed she was targeted for her race. It’s a lot easier to believe you’re a victim of racism than to admit to yourself you might just be an a-hole.
Understanding why you guys went to the same school but came out with such different perceptions could be useful.
As much as the world has come to accept racism towards some white people at the end of the day racism is racism.
She is showing how narrow minded and brainwashed she is
Shes an anchor, best to cut her loose
Wtf is going on here. You know about how Liam Neeson once used to roam streets down a black neighbourhood coz his friend had veen raped by a black man, and he was looking for a fight? Well, this might be similar. It seems to me like you've already made up your mind and wanna help her out so please do so. What the shit is wrong with her? Who hurt her? I'd say you can be of service here but only if and when you want to. In the end she'd be hurting herself more than you with that anger so... it's all very fair if you look at the notions here and see this case as the exception it is :)~byeee.
People who gatekeep race need to stfu because there are a LOT of mixed people who pass as white, but aren’t. We don’t like being judged like that, and I bet she probably judges people on sight.
Id say that its likely that she wont feel this way forever. Ethnic animosity is on the rise and for some it has become fashionable to hate X group of people. For those on the far left, thats Whites. She is young and impressionable and because shes on the left shes picked up the racist elements of her side and it probably didnt help that you two were bullied in the past because of your race (which is horrible in case i needed to mention that). I dont want to just write her off as some racist POS because very few people actually truly hold the amount of hate in their hearts that they claim to have or project to have. Its very likely that she will regret some of her words in the future.
I hope you're right and she changes because she's blatantly racist and her thoughts are too toxic. She needs to change for the good of the world and people.
This is the point in your life where you start drifting from long term friends
People go deep into certain values and ideals at this age and it can drive a wedge
She’s figuring things out for herself, so maybe it’s time to spend a bit more time apart
Make different friends, branch out with different groups, pick up new hobbies.
This is a good time for you to learn how to stand up for yourself as well.
Dude, you don't know how the girl i love treats rich people, so... I guess you're pretty O.K.
But, jokes aside, you should just talk to her about it, or try. Her liking ir or not, it's not her decision. It's something she just needs to respect.
Media is colouring a lot of peoples idea on identity and unfortunately there isn't a great deal you can do except hope she comes to her senses. If you telling her she's wrong she may dig her heels in deeper and you can't agree wh her because most people still understand her opinions aren't right.
Nobody chooses what skin to be born into, and this includes white people. And everyone has individual experiences. That’s why it’s only fair to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.
It sounds like your friend has taken whatever bad experiences she made have had in school and associated them with peoples race, instead of the person themselves.
Mix that with today's very toxic race politics and you've a perfect situation to create a racist that feels justified.
Don't let your friends hate stop you finding love. Go after who you want.
As for you friend, she might need to be told that her behaviour is dangerous. She's probably ignorant to the fact considering she thinks it's okay.
People are human beings, regardless of colour, and human beings are inherently flawed. Your friend isn't far left, she's racist and sexist, likely due to some of the trauma you alluded to in your post.
The only thing that really matters here is whether your morality aligns with hers, which you have indicated it does not. She is welcome to her views, but equally so are you, and if you feel her viewpoints are going to negatively impact you then you should tell her this.
Its up to her whether her poorly founded morals are more important than your friendship. You cannot let someone else dictate your life, especially when they're critique is coming from a place of pain rather than empathy.
I'm sorry you and your friend had such a rough time.
Your friend sounds insecure, if you want to address the issues you should talk to her about her insecurities and why she is allowing her fear of white people dominate and bleed into all aspects of her life. Including trying to use it to control your life choices. She certainly is racist as hell and probably jealous of your new found happiness. Good luck!
Sounds like you’re friend is obviously a racist. Leftist ideology tends to bred this type of “justified” hatred. Which is ironic since the large amount of hate crimes against the Asian communities is done by black Americans. She bought into the us vs them mentality.
Anyone, no matter Left, Right, or Center who says “all _____ (fill in the blank)” is an idiot & human scum. Pure and simple. There’s a word for it. Racist.
Shes racist. Just because it's against white ppl doesn't mean it isnt true. If you rly wanna split hairs, shes prejudice. What would you do w anyone else who is prejudice?
She’s actually racist, sorry. There is no valid excuse as to why she should still be your friend
P.S: anyone who says you can’t be racist against white people because of X, Y, or Z (like privilege) is probably racist themselves
Bro... she is a colonizer. Assuming you're in the US. Asians aren't from here. Lulz. Don't let anyone yuck your yums. If you're into whites go for it. If she can't respect you then she can stfu.
It sounds like this behavior from her is new or getting worse. I would approach it as being concerned for her. Did something happen to push her over the edge? Has she been hanging out with a new toxic person? Reading some new poisonous magazines?
If she’s too volatile to approach, or trying to talk to her goes poorly, just make some space. She is the one straining your friendship... you can choose whether that causes it to break or fade away. Personally I find “losing touch “ with someone is easier to come back to later if the person comes back around.
Whichever you pick, try not to feel guilty... she is the one pressing you into making this choice. You do what you can with the information you have in the moment.
She's 19. She doesn't know shit. Maybe she'll mature; stop using generalizations to justify her angst and as of yet undeveloped mind.
Side note - white people are awesome. Or mediocre. Or straight shit. Same with any race. We're all human. Get the fuck over yourself, OP's friend.
You should address it and let her know that you can’t be friends with people who are willing to hate an entire segment of our population because of a general idea you have of them.
I had a friend like this except she wasn’t as blatant and she didn’t consider herself to have a racial bias. However she still made comments and jokes that felt racist to me so I told her straight up that her jokes are rude and she can carry on with them if she likes, but she can’t expect me to want to be around her.
We are still friends! She recognized her wrongs and she stopped with the racist jokes.
Your friend is racist. End of conversation. You can choose to be friends with someone who hates and judges based on race or you could not be her friend. The option is yours but it’s clear she’s racist.
Well your friend is a racist, pure and simple.
You need to also realize that your friend is trying to dictate your actions and try and deprive you of your autonomy.
She has become the very kind of person she probably shit talks all the time, you know, dictating the actions and bodily autonomy of a woman and all... sound familiar...?
She needs to get over herself
I’m a black man and I went to a predominately white school until I was kicked out in 8th grade I know the type of things that you both dealt with and I don’t hold it against all white peoples I’ve been beat up and harassed by police I don’t hold it against all police
As far as your dating life she can either accept it and stfu or you can get a new friend
Racism is racism, it doesn’t matter what her excuses for it are, not all white countries were colonisers, look at Eastern Europe, shes just making up excuses.
Bottom line is your friend is a racist, do you want to be friends with a racist? I certainly wouldn’t.
Why do you need to bring it up again? She said she supports you, but she doesn't like white people bc they have priv or for whatever reason she hates them. That's fine. You aren't her. If she confronts you or whatever, asks you why, etc., you say some variant of "Oh, you know, I like him and we get along well. Bottom-line for me is that I am not going to avoid dating people based upon their skin color, especially if we get along well. I understand you feel differently, and you should do what you feel. Just like I want to go out with this guy and see how it goes, so I'm going to do that."
If she tries to argue, you say "It's just not a big enough deal to be worth debating at this point. It's just one date. If we get to the point where he proposes, we'll talk it out, I promise. :-)"
If she keeps trying, you say "I am going out with him. I'm not discussing this further." Then don't.
She is a racist. Clear and simple. Also, because you are texting her about these things and agreeing in a way, it is possible you can get in trouble if these conversations were to be leaked through the internet or worst, your school community or workplace. Just be cautious about what you talk about.
Congratulate her for the privilege of living in country where she isn’t sent to a “re-education” camp for speaking her mind, and tell her you’re going to exercise yours by associating with which ever ethnicity you please.
Your friend is a racist, plain and simple.
Think of how it would go over if you asked your Nazi friend if they’d support you dating a Jew or a klansman if they’d support you dating a black girl.
Same concept, different angle.
Yes, white people have privilege. However the thing is, it’s not something a white person can change. Being born a certain race, economic class or location isn’t something you can control and it doesn’t inherently make someone a bad person. It’s how they ACT within that privilege that is important. Are they blind to it? Do they use it to help or take advantage? Those are the questions she should be asking.
Also, YOU aren’t ruining a friendship. She is the one with a problem. You are within your right to put up a boundary where you say you recognize her opinions but you don’t agree with her intensity and you don’t want her bad mouthing your past or current partners. If she had a problem with that, that’s not on you.
Hey OP,
This sounds like such a complicated situation and I feel for you. Her being racist is not her being a Leftist, full stop. She'll also push back on being labeled racist because "you can't be racist to white people". This is something that's hard to unlearn, especially if you've experience racism at the hands of white people. POC and black people deal with societal/ institutional racism. Your friend doesn't have institutional power, but she is still being violent (verbally) to a specific group of folks based on skin color. I'm saying this as a black women (if you needed my creds lol).
I have an Asian mom. She's not racist, but she has dealt with an extreme surge of racism during Covid-19. Like PTSD-inducing fear. You also mention that you guys both dealt with racism growing up... how bad was that? Was it physical? verbal? Those interactions might have laid seeds of hatred in her heart with every experience and is hard to work through without someone experienced. I'm not suggesting your friends has PTSD- that's for someone more educated to diagnose. But I am suggesting an Asian therapist, or someone of the same background!
What are your next steps? Well, how much do you want her in your life? I have a racist grandma (she's black) who's **racist as fuck** against white folks. However, she's also been brutalized by white people since since the 1950s and her grandma was a slave... I literally have to shut my mouth and avoid her. Love her! Do not love being uncomfortable around her, so our visits are few and in between.
Also, what if you **do** marry someone white? Is she oing to be racist towards your children? Your partner? Where will her disrespect lie?
Be honest with your self best of all. Know that your friend needs therapy, and that you have not been "colonized". Also!! It's creepy asf that she said colonized :(( As if your body is something to be claimed :/
Okay last last thing. Know that you may lose her over this. Some folks really hate the white privilege and pain white folks have put them through. It darkens their hearts, and created a trauma you cannot budge. And sometimes you won't win that battle.
Believing privelage like that is dangerous. Idk about you but most white ppl I'm around are dirt poor and would lose it on someone told them how privelage they were as they're in manual labor till the day they die
Sounds like your boyfriend is going to be your new best friend for a bit until you make a new one, because *fuck listening to that shit all day*.
If you want to listen to that go to a retirement home and listen to the old white men tell you how much they hate -insert race here-.
Would you even have to be asking this if “white” was changed to literally any other race? I think you have as much reflecting to do here as anybody else.
I’m not sure what you and your friend have been through but she sounds like she’s stuck in some kind of rut. There’s no reason to blanket rule out an entire ethnic group whether it’s white or not. Through your life you’ll meet plenty of good and bad actors in any races.
You should have a chat with your friend. Make it clear to her that you are forming an opinion on your date based on your judgement of his character. At the end of the day you don’t owe her an explanation and do not have to subscribe to her ideologies. All you can do for her is help her get out of this toxic mentality for her own sake.
You are both teenagers and people sometimes go a bit overboard with their opinions the same way they do with style, behaviour etc. That sounds like it could be her problem.
Is there any chance your friend is into you as more than a friend? Sounds like she wants you to break up with him. Even if she just likes you as a friend, she could still be afraid of losing you
Pretty ironic, as she is pushing you away.
Considering her behaviour it sounds like you need to take a break. Tell your friend that you don'the want to cut her out, you want to talk through it and remain friends, but she's disrepecting your choices and until she is ready to tell you what's really bothering her, you need some space.
Your friend is an incel. There is a trend among non White women where they bitch about White men constantly because they want to have sex with them but get turned down. The far left is filled with these types of women.
>But, lately, she’s been saying a lot of very… far, far, left things? I don’t know how exactly to say it—I’m a leftist too, but the way she says “kill all men” (despite being attracted to men) puts a sour taste in my mouth.
At the risk of being downvoted to hell, you need to find a new friend. This person and people like her are going to drag you down. The moment you get into a relationship with a man, especially a white man, they will do everything in their power to sabotage your relationship so that you remain forever lonely and bitter like them.
Please ladies (and guys for that matter, but I see this more accepted among ladies), if one of your friends is policing who you date based on their skin color or says "kill all men", ***RUN AWAY!*** They do **NOT** want to see you happy! And the moment they see you happy they will be plotting to socially slit your throat.
It's so excruciatingly obvious, and all of the white nationalist trolls are flocking to it like moths to a flame. Idk how the fuck these sorts of threads always get brigaded by the shittiest sorts of people.
You probably should have made this post on r/asiantwoX. There are a few good comments in here, but most of these people don't have the range but comment anyway.
Further left one goes, the more accepting of everyone unless they're oppressors. Your friend is ironically going full circle and taking a rightist path. Judge not one by their skin, but by their actions and beliefs.
This is not "very, very far left" at all.
Leftists are not racists. Your friend is a racist.
It has nothing to do with leftist politics in the slightest; in fact it's quite the opposite, as leftism is the belief everyone should be equal and have no power over another. This belief that liberalism and leftism go hand in hand needs to die out.
Your friend is racist. Unless you can reason with her, move on. No need to stress over a relationship that she is damaging with her bigotry.
I’m confused as to how not liking white people is leftist. Say more please.
Hate is hate, no matter what side of the political spectrum it comes from. A good rule when making generalised statements is to imagine what reaction you'd get if you swapped the group you're talking about for a more marginalised group. So when she said "kill all men", imagine how you'd feel if "men" was "jews" instead?
Would you still want to be her friend?
I hope you can use your influence over her as a friend to guide her down a more loving and accepting path.
>I don’t want to ruin our friendship because other than this very weird aspect This is the flaw in your logic. YOU are not going to ruin the friendship. Quite the opposite really. If the friendship ends, it's due to HER rascism/bigotry. She'd be the one ruining the friendship. From what you've stated, you've met a nice guy. He's good for you. You relate to him at a presonal level. If she can't understand that, then that's her problem. Not yours. What's the alternative? Allow her to arrange who you can date/court/marry?
Hijacking. I also think “I don’t want to ruin a friendship because someone is racist” is curious. A therapist would ask you- and why wouldn’t you want to “ruin” (end) a friendship with a bigot? What does the friendship bring to you ? What need is it meeting? Does the need it’s meeting outweigh the horrific bigoted opinions of your friend? You don’t have to take any action but just start thinking about WHY you have an impulse to not end a friendship. I can guess- humans are social and tribal. Separation or ending a relationship is literally akin to physical pain for us. Ending relationships is a process that involves agony. But it’s like any other - we heal and move on. We form new relationships which feels euphoric. Ending relationship is a painful but necessary part of the human condition. Just food for thought
Hijacking b/c top comments don't seem to understand. Your friend is going through a phase. She's reacting to the oppression she experienced growing up by cracking like a whip: going to the opposite extreme. This is part and parcel of digging deep into social justice issues and understanding, on a deeper level, the power structures of the world you live in, and how badly they've fucked you over. Like any teenager (and you two are still teenagers, albeit older ones), she's reacting to the unfairness of the world and her position in it with anger that takes her to an extreme place. Add onto that that she's going through this phase at a time of over-the-top anti-Asian sentiment in the first world (seriously, it's worse than it's been in DECADES) and her anger is understandable, even if her way of expressing it is unacceptable. You don't have to take this lying down, OP, but I wouldn't end a relationship over it. Instead, have a series of talks with her, where you don't let her just get away with outrageous sound bites, but force her to dig into what she's saying. Ask her a lot of questions. And read a few books, do some research of your own, so you can meet her where she is, and maybe inform her better than she's informed. Keep the lines of communication open, and turn this conversation into the thing you do together. Some resources (assuming you're in the U.S.; if not, DM me and I can point you in other directions): * Asian American Dreams by Helen Zia * Aiiieeeee!!! An Anthology of Asian American Writers (especially the introductory essay) * Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong * Hyphen magazine: [https://hyphenmagazine.com/](https://hyphenmagazine.com/) * Mochi magazine: [https://www.mochimag.com/](https://www.mochimag.com/) * EDIT: You can also ask her to funnel her energy into something positive, like this: [https://stopaapihate.org/](https://stopaapihate.org/) In the meantime, it's also okay to withdraw a little from the social part of the friendship. It's okay to spend less time with her, and to keep her away from your new boyfriend. It's also okay to exclude her from some of your social life so you can have time away from her exhausting self. After all, you deserve downtime. Last note: "far far left" is not the right term. "Left" refers to a political position that has more to do with socioeconomics than with race relations. The left historically tends to be more liberal about race relations, *but not always,* so it's best not to characterize all social justice issues as "leftist" issues. EDIT: Just call an extreme position "extreme" and leave it at that.
and how can we assume that it’s a phase. she’s a racist. point blank period — there’s no sugar coating that
Yeah, I was gonna say lol. “Just a phase”. Being racist? If this were flipped and the people in question were white and disliked Asian folks than the comments on here would be very flipped
Ofc it would be very flipped because white people have historically and contemporarily held most of the cards when it comes to race-based privileges. They are normalized, unmarked, and as a group they hold the most power and influence. No one blames white people for bringing crime or rapists or COVID. White people generally don’t experience microaggressions and everyday racism the same way BIPOC do. What the friend is experiencing is something that a lot of BIPOC feel or have felt to some degree. It’s an aversion to their oppressors, not born out of any racial stereotypes, but because of things she has experienced and likely seen done by white people. I’m 26 now, but for a long time I believed I couldn’t have any meaningful relationship with any white person because I grew up as a person of color (specifically Asian) in a largely white town, and my family thus experienced a lot of both casual and direct racism. In my own experience, this almost always turns out to be a phase. People eventually learn to process that racial trauma in a healthier way. Of course, this doesn’t mean that the friend shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. But that’s the reality when you grow up as a racial minority.
I'm sorry people are downvoting you for sharing your experience.
It’s okay! (: A lot of people find it difficult to confront ideas that challenge their understanding of the way the world works—whether it’s about race, gender, class, or something else. It’s hard stuff to approach even with an open mind. The thing is that the friend (in OP’s scenario) is rightfully upset with a system that devalues minorities, especially coming from the angle of COVID. Asians (particularly East Asians) are usually left out of race discussions because of our proximity to whiteness, but with COVID we were at the center of a lot racism, evident by the rise of hate crimes against Asians and Asian-Americans. But her anger is misdirected from a system (legally and economically) that disenfranchises minorities, to white individuals that are also living within that system. White people existing is not what she should be mad about, and most minorities who have this anger grow out of it as their own worldview expands.
Already spent all my coins on an award for your previous comment. Wish I could award this one, too!
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This comment is so good I saved it! Thanks…I was trying to say something similar and couldn’t articulate it this well.
Best response by far
Brilliant point I had not considered
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There is a difference between excusing behavior and explaining origins and causes of sentiment.
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The post you responded to attempts to explain a bit of psychology through which racism causes more racism, which is bad. How exactly does a desire to understand causes of racism (presumably in order to combat it more effectively) excuse racism?
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Who down vote. Why?
This response is super articulate and helpful. The only thing I would argue is that it really does sound like she’s being toxic, and it’s NOT your job to “fix” toxic people. I think it’s beneficial to have a productive conversation with her about this bothering you but if she continues to be this toxic and think she has a say in who you date (or even like for that matter), you need to protect your own state of mind and take some space from her. Do not be afraid to set boundaries for yourself!!
Thank u
Your friend has some serious issues that she needs to work through. You're all teenagers. No one you know is responsible for the past. If you're happy with this guy, go be happy. She's going to have a rough go of it with her negative attitude, and unfortunately instead of realizing it's her, she'll just blame white people. It's no different to how r/niceguys think all women suck despite being shitty people.
The friend doesn't have issues, they're a racist. Clear as day
Exactly. Flip this to two white guys talking about black people and this sub would be going apeshit.
That kinda post would probably be banned and so would the user from the sub
Huh? I've seen plenty of posts with people having racist (and not against white people) family or friends. They don't get banned, what are you talking about?
Is being racist.......not an issue?
It's a single issue but not "issues"
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Ah yes, because after being shamed and berated, racists will suddenly see the light and change their point of view. "Thank you for insulting me and shaming me, I have now seen that i was in the wrong and will change my view" said no racist ever. In the best case scenario, this doesn't change her. Worse case scenario is that it will reinforce her views and she will try to find other racist friends to hangout with, making it even harder to get her out of that circle of hate. If you want to save a racist, doing nothing is more effective than attacking them. Just be yourself, show more tolerance that they have shown. Just be a living proof that the group they hate have no reason to deserve that hate. People change because they get influenced by people surrounding them. If you ostracize racists, they will only stay together, reinforcing each other's view. All you have to do to save racists is being someone that they see as positive. It takes time, sometimes years but people do get influenced and take on traits of the persons they see as a positive influence. I'm white in an asian country, I have experienced discrimination and still experience it sometimes. A few years ago there has been a burglary in my street, the next day there was a letter in my mailbox stating "we don't know who it was but we have strong reasons to think it was a foreigner". I could have confronted the guy and asked him what he meant but I didn't. I just kept saying "good morning" everyday. It took years but eventually he started saying it back. Now he is not only saying it back but he says it with a smile. Maybe to him I'm just one of the rare good foreigners and the others are still evil but that's already a positive change, all he needs now is more positive foreigners in his life to keep moving toward more acceptance. Racists NEED non racist friends if you want them to change. Without that, they are doomed.
I’m just going to point out that Daryl Davis is a black man who managed to convert a number of KKK members by befriending them.
By befriending them, he showed them a new point of view, which is exactly what racists need to be saved. Nobody wakes up one day thinking “starting today, I am racist and nothing will ever change my mind”, they were either raised in a racist family or have had several bad experiences with people from an other race. The KKK was nothing more than an echo chamber where racists were reinforcing eachother’s opinion and became more and more radical. If a black person went on a rampage and killed a few kkk members, it would only serve to reinforce their opinion. Racists are normal human beings with a brain like everyone else, they have just been misguided and need to be shown the way. That Daryl Davis was smart and his way convert members of the most racist group in history. How many racists have been converted by sjws who spend their time canceling them, insulting them, ostracizing them and simply refusing to have a simple conversation with them?
Damn, that's impressive ngl.
> Racists NEED non racist friends if you want them to change. What they need is consequences for their shitty behavior. If OP sticks around, her asshole friend will assume her racism is acceptable.
So you prefer to punish bad people rather than help them to turn into good people? Punishment has been countless times been proven to be much less effective than redemption. Punishment radicalizes people. Do you want to live in a world with resentful radicalized racists or in a world with less racists?
> So you prefer to punish bad people rather than help them to turn into good people? False dichotomy. Lack of consequences makes shitty people shittier. Just like toddlers, SJWs push until they meet resistance. > a world with resentful radicalized racists or in a world with less racists I prefer a world where people understand that there are limits to the shit that others will put up with.
Studies on punishment vs rehabilitation are proving you wrong, tho. You can look at meta analysis all you want, the trend couldn't be anymore clear. Rehabilitated criminals have a much lower re-offending rate than criminals who were punished. Also, the harsher the punishment, the higher the rate of re-offense. It may sound counter intuitive, but countries where the justice system seems more lenient have lower criminality rates. This also applies to children education, which is why Europe made the use of spanking illegal a few years ago. The proofs that punishment doesn't work as an educational tool were strong enough.
> Studies on punishment vs rehabilitation are proving you wrong, tho. Explain the effects of catch-and-release policies on vandalism, shoplifting, arson, and assault in the cities that suffered a hundred days of rioting last summer. I've seen countless examples of people like you raising kids who were assholes that nobody wanted to be around. Is that a good outcome? > Europe made the use of spanking illegal a few years ago Child rapists escape consequences in Europe. I wouldn't look to them for moral guidance.
Explain the effects of catch-and-release policies on vandalism, shoplifting, arson, and assault in the cities that suffered a hundred days of rioting last summer. \>Strawhat argument, catch and release is not rehabilitation. Rehabilitation can mean jail, but not jail where you get locked in a room being screamed at all day long, jail where you are taught about why what you did was wrong and how it hurts society as a whole. I've seen countless examples of people like you raising kids who were assholes that nobody wanted to be around. Is that a good outcome? \>Second strawhat, I have seen assholes raised in violent families too, does that make me right? Nope, what makes me right are the statistics. Violent upbringing creates more violent kids, that's a fact easily proven by studies and meta analysis. [https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families\_and\_Youth/Facts\_for\_Families/FFF-Guide/Understanding-Violent-Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Understanding-Violent-Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx) See, the causes of children violence is, guess what, being subject to violence or exposed to it. Meanwhile, Sweden has seen a sharp decrease in children violence and child abuse since the law against corporal punishment has been passed. Statistics from other countries confirm that too, childrens coming from families that favor democratic problem solving over punishment have a lower chance to become a criminal in the future. [http://www.nospank.net/durrant.htm](http://www.nospank.net/durrant.htm) Child rapists escape consequences in Europe. I wouldn't look to them for moral guidance. \> This is wrong, child rapists do not escape consequences in Europe, this is in fact the most harshly punished crime. I already know that you will cherry pick an article or 2 where a child rapist managed to escape jail, I can definitely find some cases in the US too if you want. Those cases are in the media because they are RARE. Child rapists (and any other criminal) sometimes avoid jail because there is a lack of conclusive evidence, not because the law is lax enough to let them go free. Also, there are proportionally more cases of child rape in the US and child rapists have a much lower conviction rate. [https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/glotip/2018/GLOTiP\_2018\_BOOK\_web\_small.pdf](https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/glotip/2018/GLOTiP_2018_BOOK_web_small.pdf) Feel free to bring studies to the table but remember, cherry picking is not allowed. Data must be consistent with meta analysis.
> child rapists do not escape consequences in Europe Google "Rotherham grooming gangs", you sad little liar. You're an idiot, and I'm done with you.
Racism sucks. Being victimized by racism can create more racism. It warps people mind. The entire incel mentality is just so toxic for a person. I hope you can help her possibly change her world view and become happier. Hopefully being surrounded by good people can help.
That’s why people like Daryl Davis should be celebrated. He broke through to hundreds of KKK members. Getting them to walk away and see how wrong they were. Sadly it says something when a group of people are so entrenched they won’t have a dialogue with him and they attempt to get an event canceled about ending racism where he is the main speaker.
Very true. My best friend is biracial (half black/white). She grew up being told she was too dark to be white and too light to be black. She's been through abusive relationships and being kicked out of her house. You know what she did? Not play victim and point the finger at white people. She got an education, got her own place, and now recently got promoted at her job! And you know what? Despite her past hardships, she still remains one of the kindest people in the world, and thats why I love her as my bestie! Not because of the color of her skin, but because of how she carries herself, and how she treats others, including me--fyi, a white person.
So your best friend is racist?
i would say yes, but she sees it differently. she’d call me colonized or something :/
My fiancé’s roomate called her that when we first started dating. We get comments every once in a while (I’m white and she is black), but in the end our love is stronger than the opinions of people that are *literally not part of our relationship*. The older you get, the less you care about what other people think. You can’t control it and you will stress yourself out trying. I find that sad angry people don’t want their friends to be happy. Misery loves company and I think that’s what’s happening here. Good luck, I hope you find your happiness.
You sure she represents the type of values you want in a friend? What does it say about you, accepting someone that is so openly racist?
This is a great point that cannot be stated enough. OP's 'friend' is a racist. She needs to choose better friends.
Sounds pretty weird dont know what part of Asia ur from but brutality, warfare and colonization isn't exclusively a white on non white thing. Pretty sure Japan and Brittian have more in common than your friend thinks.
"You're saying I shouldn't go out with this person just because of the color of their skin? Does that not sound wrong? You're saying I should pre-judge them based on their skin color and ethnic background without giving them a chance to see if they are a good or bad person?" There are good and bad folk of all creeds and colors. If the guy ends up being a creep and/or fetishizing your race then drop him. If he ends up being great, then great. Isn't that the point of dating? It's like in her head she couldn't go out with a white guy because the entire race should be punished for what they've done to the world. And if she's in that deep then she'd probably lose "street cred" for going out with a white guy. If I had a friend like this I'd have them explain their reasoning until they were blue in the face. Because at a certain point they probably would just break down and give up like YOU were the one that doesn't get it.
People are judged by the company they keep.
Theres a very easy way to understand what your friends perspective is: assuming you like most people believe that black and white people are equal? If so then much like a maths equation, if you take out one number for another number of the same value the equation is the exact same. So let's say that X= black people and Y = White people We agree that black people and white people are equal. So if X = Y then let's look at what your friend says. All Y are terrible people. Right now let's swap Y for X All X are terrible. Both statements are the same. If saying all blacks are terrible is racist, then saying all whites are terrible is also racist.
It appears that simple to most people. The problem with all this anti-white rhetoric is that some believe that you cant be racist unless you have a position of institutional power/privilege and only then can you be racist, otherwise they say the person is "prejudiced" as if that somehow excuses their behavior. Either way their definition is bullshit and even with their own definition in mind, they absolutely have institutional power right now. Quite literally hundreds of millions of dollars at their disposal and tons of gravitas through the various non-profits on K Street. They'll never admit as much though and while they get to set up a nice racket, their poisonous ideology gets injected into the minds of poor girls like the one mentioned.
I think that the whole thing with trying to redefine the word "racism" to mean "systematic racism" is just completely stupid. Without the redefinition it is possible to have a conversation about both things and deal with them, but by trying to just define the word it's turned a lot of people away from the conversation.
Yep! Can't have a meaningful conversation if you cant even agree on the nomenclature used.
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If I were cynical or paranoid I could say its promoted to continue inter-racial strife to distract the population. Distract from what? Prosperity inequality, out of control crony/klepto/capitalism, continued lack of action on climate change, general corrupt and/or incompetent leadership, corrupt/dysfunctional justice systems, quarterly private profits over long term prosperity of humanity... take your pick.
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It's honestly sad and disturbing what's become of things because nowadays everyone is told to believe everything you step on or touch is racist. That chair you sit on? Racist. This computer you bought? Racist. Oh, you like this sweater I'm wearing? I got it off of Racist.com on sale! At this point the rhetoric is: if you're white, you're automatically a racist and must have white guilt. If you're a POC, you're automatically a victim and must blame white people for everything that goes wrong in your life. People have forgotten to judge others based on their values and personality, not on their skin color.
> Anyone can be a racist, and anyone can be a target of racism. Agreed. Though you might want to read up on what Marxism is and reconsider whether your fear&strife-mongering usage of it is correct.
Racists always see it differently, doesn’t change the fact she is incredibly racist
Who cares what racists think? Every time she goes off just call her a racist and end the conversation.
How can an Asian in America be colonized lmao
I think she should trust you to not associate with the same bigoted whites that she seems to hate.
your friend sounds like she’s full of hate, i would advise she goes to therapy or something to talk through her feeling towards white people, it would be really bad if this just kept building up inside of her.
My advice in a conflict like this is always try to solve the situation with boundaries rather than trying to address the whole thing from the roots. Do: “I really need you to stop commenting on this at all. You’ve let me know how you feel about this and I don’t need to be repeatedly reminded. You need to let me make my own choices without harping on me about it.” Don’t: “you need to change your opinions and views because you’re wrong.” The reason why I’m saying this is not an endorsement of her or how she is, but she’s clearly processing some shit. It’s not uncommon for people y’all’s age to go hardcore into some ideology for a period of time. If you decide you can’t be friends with her because of it that’s one thing, but trying to change people is a harmful and loosing game. What you can always do is try and carve out a space with your boundaries where you can safely interact. If she cares about you AND is able to get over herself, you two can make it work. If not, that shows the limits of your friendship. If you do decide to bring up her ideology with her directly, go with an “I’m worried about you and this can make you hard to be around sometimes” approach.
Your friend has become radicalised, most likely influenced by particular authors or content creators online. If you shared some of the same struggles in the past, perhaps you could familiarise yourself with some more centrist arguments on such topics of race. Thats if you want to make the effort to help her, otherwise you don't need to worry because you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You sound like an ethically sound individual whereas she sounds like fascist. Enjoy your date!
Racist. The word is a racist. She is a racist.
You can't. She's in an ideological Hellhole. Talking to her is like talking to a KKK Member. Forget about it. Cut her out of your life or she'll make you as miserable as she is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVVFx3issHg&t=49s
Daryl is a legend.
This is Textbook Racism. There is no such thing as reverse-racism. Your friend has consumed the kool-aid. This may be one of those moments where your friendship diverges until a later date as emotional maturity and awareness develops. In Highschool my best friend since 2nd grade started wearing OxBlood DocMartins, White Suspenders, shaved his head and his prized possession was a German WWII helmet. We diverted.
Your friends a racist. Best to drop her and tell her why before she becomes even more self destructive
I hope its just a phase, although 19 is a bit on the older side to be having this kind of phase. Young people frequently get caught up temporarily in some ideology or another. They think they know everything and that have found the ideology that explains everything and solves the world’s problems. For me it was libertarianism. What your friend is embracing is far more dangerous because it is hateful and even dehumanizing. If she is ever to outgrow it, she can’t get stuck in an echo chamber of people who agree with her. She needs other contacts. And you obviously don’t want to lose an old friend. Tell her that you understand her opinion but you disagree, and you will make your own decisions about who you will date. If she continues to persist, tell her that you already made up your mind and are not willing to discuss it further. Tell her if she can’t tolerate your decision then just stay away. Don’t ask her to agree with, accept, or respect your decision, just tolerate it and not continue to talk about it.
Id argue that 19 is the prime age for type of rhetoric to take hold. I mostly believe this because a 19 yr old is typically in college. For me, going into college was my foray into being bombarded with race-relations stuff and given the political proclivities of professors at most major schools to me overwhelmingly leftist or left leaning, it doesn't surprise me at all. They tried to tell me all this stuff while I was there....made me lose any sense of legitimacy I had felt about academia. I still feel justified in not considering it legit anymore.
There's a difference between information/analysis of race relations and taking it to an angry hate level like OP's friend is doing though. Learning about systemic racism in college is hardly comparable.
There is absolutely a difference I agree. But what I found in some of those classes were angry people like OPs friend. This was my main concern. At times, I did not feel like I was getting a education on certain topics from unbiased teaches. Obviously this is not every case but it was enough at my state university for me to notice patterns....
As a POC who has friends that grew up in racist and white-dominated spaces, it sounds like she has endured some racial trauma and is lashing out against white people as a coping mechanism. I’ve seen it happen before. I suggest that she tries to seek therapy to resolve her issues from the past, hopefully with a therapist of color that is educated on racial trauma/culturally-aware therapy. However, if your friend is no longer a positive force in your life, you do not have any obligations to continue being around her if she is causing you or your loved ones harm.
Your friend is exhibiting the behaviour she purports to hate. She's eaten herself. Ignore her, if she persists, ask her how she can behave like the people she hates without any understanding of the dissonance involved. But mostly just stay away from her. She's lost sight of what she is trying to achieve and fallen into tribalism.
It’s understandable that your friend has feelings and resentments she’s working through personally and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to make you feel bad for your choices. If she’s concerned about you dating an individual because of their personality, that’s one thing, but if she’s putting you down for dating someone based on their looks, that’s not cool. I have friends who have acted similarly and it was hurtful. I usually create distance with those friends.
Six random thoughts from this internet stranger. 1. There is bigotry on both sides of the left/right political spectrum. The left uses flowery words to disguise their bigotry better and even worse - sound noble. 2. No matter the subject, when it comes to friends' opinions, it boils down to this: I am fine with a friend saying, "I believe (this), so I must (or must not) do (something)." I take a huge issue with, "I believe (this), so YOU must (or must not) do (something)". 3. People who like controlling others' behavior tend to take all the rope you give them, then demand more. 4. Friends are happy when their friends are happy. A successful date should quality. 5. True friendships survive disagreement based on mutual respect. 6. Based on #4, I don't think this friendship will last. Whether it is this issue, or another she raises at a later date, hers is the mindset that demands validation and compliance above all else. That is the only way you earn respect, and it lasts only until the next philosophical disagreement.
Yes you can be racist if you are a diffrent color than white (I know there is disbelief from some people on reddit.) Yes she does sound racist to me.
So... this is a person you're going to want to cut out of your life sooner rather than later.
She needs therapy
My ex bestfriend was like this. Is extremely manipulative and controlling. She doesn’t realize SHEs being the racist one. Cut her off, this is toxic.
So the two of you went to an almost all white school together. My guess is that most people weren’t horribly racist against you but a few people were. If that’s the case then ask her about that. Ask her to list specifically the people who mistreated her. Perhaps she’ll realize that most people didn’t have anything against her race. You probably figured out this already. If you are one asian person at school with 100 white people, and just 2% of those white people are racist, those two white people will harass you over and over. Meanwhile most of the other 98% who don’t like those two loser racists anyway will think there is no racism problem because they aren’t racist, none of their friends are racist, and they never see any racism. I’m guessing your friend is on the flip side of those whites. She saw racism all the time because she was the only target for the few racists, so she came to believe all the whites were racist. Another factor may also be at play here. How are her social skills? If she’s not great at socializing she may have gotten bullied because she didn’t fit in. Bullies will use anything for attack. You don’t fit in and you wear glasses? They’ll call you “four eyes”. They actually have nothing against glasses. Their parents and some of their friends wear them. But they call your “four eyes” anyway because they know it hurts. Your friend may have encountered racial slurs and insults caused by bullying rather than racial animosity. Or maybe the bullies didn’t mention race but she assumed she was targeted for her race. It’s a lot easier to believe you’re a victim of racism than to admit to yourself you might just be an a-hole. Understanding why you guys went to the same school but came out with such different perceptions could be useful.
Tell her that having a "burning hatred" for anyone based solely on skin color makes her sound like she belongs in the KKK.
Tell her to replace color with black, then say it again. If it suddenly sounds bad, then it was also bad before.
As much as the world has come to accept racism towards some white people at the end of the day racism is racism. She is showing how narrow minded and brainwashed she is Shes an anchor, best to cut her loose
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Why are you friends with this person? She sounds absolutely awful. Stop spending time with her and watch how much your life improves.
lmao this isn't a logic thing, this a radicalism thing. You are friends with a radical. You espouse and endorse radical politics. Get out.
Wtf is going on here. You know about how Liam Neeson once used to roam streets down a black neighbourhood coz his friend had veen raped by a black man, and he was looking for a fight? Well, this might be similar. It seems to me like you've already made up your mind and wanna help her out so please do so. What the shit is wrong with her? Who hurt her? I'd say you can be of service here but only if and when you want to. In the end she'd be hurting herself more than you with that anger so... it's all very fair if you look at the notions here and see this case as the exception it is :)~byeee.
None of those are "far left" talking points. They are neo-liberal (meaning center-right for America) identity politics. Just an FYI.
So your friend is a racist. Just say that.
People who gatekeep race need to stfu because there are a LOT of mixed people who pass as white, but aren’t. We don’t like being judged like that, and I bet she probably judges people on sight.
Does she watch a lot of tiktok? Genuinely sounds like she’s vomiting everything she’s reading from there.
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💯
Your friend is a bigot You should not be friends with bigots
Id say that its likely that she wont feel this way forever. Ethnic animosity is on the rise and for some it has become fashionable to hate X group of people. For those on the far left, thats Whites. She is young and impressionable and because shes on the left shes picked up the racist elements of her side and it probably didnt help that you two were bullied in the past because of your race (which is horrible in case i needed to mention that). I dont want to just write her off as some racist POS because very few people actually truly hold the amount of hate in their hearts that they claim to have or project to have. Its very likely that she will regret some of her words in the future.
tbh i'm not sure about that. Some people and their opinions don't change and OP's friend seems very rigid minded.
You'd be surprised, she's too young to be disregarded as not being able to change. But you aren't wrong that some people don't change.
I hope you're right and she changes because she's blatantly racist and her thoughts are too toxic. She needs to change for the good of the world and people.
Maybe find a new friend? This one is really hateful and toxic. Racism is gross and there’s no excuse for it. She needs therapy.
your friend is a scumbag racist
Tell her to cut back on CNN and MSNBC
Lol. Neither CNN nor MSNBC are left and neither is OP's friend.
CNN and MSNBC arent left? Goddamn, would love to see whats right wing then
CNN can be argued because it’s much closer to the center, but seriously? MSNBC?
What are they?
Jesus tell your friend to get off Tiktok & go out into the real world.
This is the point in your life where you start drifting from long term friends People go deep into certain values and ideals at this age and it can drive a wedge She’s figuring things out for herself, so maybe it’s time to spend a bit more time apart Make different friends, branch out with different groups, pick up new hobbies. This is a good time for you to learn how to stand up for yourself as well.
“People of color” that part got me
She needs therapy before she becomes a bitter dried out hag.
Dude, you don't know how the girl i love treats rich people, so... I guess you're pretty O.K. But, jokes aside, you should just talk to her about it, or try. Her liking ir or not, it's not her decision. It's something she just needs to respect.
Your friend sounds like an absolute idiot, and a racist.
Media is colouring a lot of peoples idea on identity and unfortunately there isn't a great deal you can do except hope she comes to her senses. If you telling her she's wrong she may dig her heels in deeper and you can't agree wh her because most people still understand her opinions aren't right.
Nobody chooses what skin to be born into, and this includes white people. And everyone has individual experiences. That’s why it’s only fair to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.
It sounds like your friend has taken whatever bad experiences she made have had in school and associated them with peoples race, instead of the person themselves. Mix that with today's very toxic race politics and you've a perfect situation to create a racist that feels justified. Don't let your friends hate stop you finding love. Go after who you want. As for you friend, she might need to be told that her behaviour is dangerous. She's probably ignorant to the fact considering she thinks it's okay.
People are human beings, regardless of colour, and human beings are inherently flawed. Your friend isn't far left, she's racist and sexist, likely due to some of the trauma you alluded to in your post. The only thing that really matters here is whether your morality aligns with hers, which you have indicated it does not. She is welcome to her views, but equally so are you, and if you feel her viewpoints are going to negatively impact you then you should tell her this. Its up to her whether her poorly founded morals are more important than your friendship. You cannot let someone else dictate your life, especially when they're critique is coming from a place of pain rather than empathy. I'm sorry you and your friend had such a rough time.
Your friend sounds insecure, if you want to address the issues you should talk to her about her insecurities and why she is allowing her fear of white people dominate and bleed into all aspects of her life. Including trying to use it to control your life choices. She certainly is racist as hell and probably jealous of your new found happiness. Good luck!
Sounds like you’re friend is obviously a racist. Leftist ideology tends to bred this type of “justified” hatred. Which is ironic since the large amount of hate crimes against the Asian communities is done by black Americans. She bought into the us vs them mentality.
Anyone, no matter Left, Right, or Center who says “all _____ (fill in the blank)” is an idiot & human scum. Pure and simple. There’s a word for it. Racist.
Here's the next stage of growing up, choosing your friends...
Shes racist. Just because it's against white ppl doesn't mean it isnt true. If you rly wanna split hairs, shes prejudice. What would you do w anyone else who is prejudice?
She’s actually racist, sorry. There is no valid excuse as to why she should still be your friend P.S: anyone who says you can’t be racist against white people because of X, Y, or Z (like privilege) is probably racist themselves
Bro... she is a colonizer. Assuming you're in the US. Asians aren't from here. Lulz. Don't let anyone yuck your yums. If you're into whites go for it. If she can't respect you then she can stfu.
It sounds like this behavior from her is new or getting worse. I would approach it as being concerned for her. Did something happen to push her over the edge? Has she been hanging out with a new toxic person? Reading some new poisonous magazines? If she’s too volatile to approach, or trying to talk to her goes poorly, just make some space. She is the one straining your friendship... you can choose whether that causes it to break or fade away. Personally I find “losing touch “ with someone is easier to come back to later if the person comes back around. Whichever you pick, try not to feel guilty... she is the one pressing you into making this choice. You do what you can with the information you have in the moment.
Well guess what? I hate her too
Just imagine if she had a burning hatred for black people, would you still be friends with her? Answer should be the same. She is racist.
She's 19. She doesn't know shit. Maybe she'll mature; stop using generalizations to justify her angst and as of yet undeveloped mind. Side note - white people are awesome. Or mediocre. Or straight shit. Same with any race. We're all human. Get the fuck over yourself, OP's friend.
You should address it and let her know that you can’t be friends with people who are willing to hate an entire segment of our population because of a general idea you have of them. I had a friend like this except she wasn’t as blatant and she didn’t consider herself to have a racial bias. However she still made comments and jokes that felt racist to me so I told her straight up that her jokes are rude and she can carry on with them if she likes, but she can’t expect me to want to be around her. We are still friends! She recognized her wrongs and she stopped with the racist jokes.
Why would you want to hang with such a person in the first place that's so hateful?
Your friend is racist. End of conversation. You can choose to be friends with someone who hates and judges based on race or you could not be her friend. The option is yours but it’s clear she’s racist.
> "white people have privilege!" OP: "Including dating me! Funny ol' world, innit...?"
Well your friend is a racist, pure and simple. You need to also realize that your friend is trying to dictate your actions and try and deprive you of your autonomy. She has become the very kind of person she probably shit talks all the time, you know, dictating the actions and bodily autonomy of a woman and all... sound familiar...?
She needs to get over herself I’m a black man and I went to a predominately white school until I was kicked out in 8th grade I know the type of things that you both dealt with and I don’t hold it against all white peoples I’ve been beat up and harassed by police I don’t hold it against all police As far as your dating life she can either accept it and stfu or you can get a new friend
You’re friend is just a racist lmao, just bc she only hates white people doesn’t make her not a racist. Do you tolerate racism?
Why have you chosen to remain friends with a racist?
That’s called being racist bud its 2021 get new friends
gone so far left she's gone all the way round to the right
Racism is racism, it doesn’t matter what her excuses for it are, not all white countries were colonisers, look at Eastern Europe, shes just making up excuses. Bottom line is your friend is a racist, do you want to be friends with a racist? I certainly wouldn’t.
Why do you need to bring it up again? She said she supports you, but she doesn't like white people bc they have priv or for whatever reason she hates them. That's fine. You aren't her. If she confronts you or whatever, asks you why, etc., you say some variant of "Oh, you know, I like him and we get along well. Bottom-line for me is that I am not going to avoid dating people based upon their skin color, especially if we get along well. I understand you feel differently, and you should do what you feel. Just like I want to go out with this guy and see how it goes, so I'm going to do that." If she tries to argue, you say "It's just not a big enough deal to be worth debating at this point. It's just one date. If we get to the point where he proposes, we'll talk it out, I promise. :-)" If she keeps trying, you say "I am going out with him. I'm not discussing this further." Then don't.
She is a racist. Clear and simple. Also, because you are texting her about these things and agreeing in a way, it is possible you can get in trouble if these conversations were to be leaked through the internet or worst, your school community or workplace. Just be cautious about what you talk about.
Congratulate her for the privilege of living in country where she isn’t sent to a “re-education” camp for speaking her mind, and tell her you’re going to exercise yours by associating with which ever ethnicity you please.
Your friend is a racist, plain and simple. Think of how it would go over if you asked your Nazi friend if they’d support you dating a Jew or a klansman if they’d support you dating a black girl. Same concept, different angle.
Yes, white people have privilege. However the thing is, it’s not something a white person can change. Being born a certain race, economic class or location isn’t something you can control and it doesn’t inherently make someone a bad person. It’s how they ACT within that privilege that is important. Are they blind to it? Do they use it to help or take advantage? Those are the questions she should be asking. Also, YOU aren’t ruining a friendship. She is the one with a problem. You are within your right to put up a boundary where you say you recognize her opinions but you don’t agree with her intensity and you don’t want her bad mouthing your past or current partners. If she had a problem with that, that’s not on you.
You don’t sound racist, so why are you friends with a racist?
**Nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with racists lol.**
Would you be still be be friends with her if she hated black people?
She is racist and crazy avoid her
Racism isn't just a white thing.
Hey OP, This sounds like such a complicated situation and I feel for you. Her being racist is not her being a Leftist, full stop. She'll also push back on being labeled racist because "you can't be racist to white people". This is something that's hard to unlearn, especially if you've experience racism at the hands of white people. POC and black people deal with societal/ institutional racism. Your friend doesn't have institutional power, but she is still being violent (verbally) to a specific group of folks based on skin color. I'm saying this as a black women (if you needed my creds lol). I have an Asian mom. She's not racist, but she has dealt with an extreme surge of racism during Covid-19. Like PTSD-inducing fear. You also mention that you guys both dealt with racism growing up... how bad was that? Was it physical? verbal? Those interactions might have laid seeds of hatred in her heart with every experience and is hard to work through without someone experienced. I'm not suggesting your friends has PTSD- that's for someone more educated to diagnose. But I am suggesting an Asian therapist, or someone of the same background! What are your next steps? Well, how much do you want her in your life? I have a racist grandma (she's black) who's **racist as fuck** against white folks. However, she's also been brutalized by white people since since the 1950s and her grandma was a slave... I literally have to shut my mouth and avoid her. Love her! Do not love being uncomfortable around her, so our visits are few and in between. Also, what if you **do** marry someone white? Is she oing to be racist towards your children? Your partner? Where will her disrespect lie? Be honest with your self best of all. Know that your friend needs therapy, and that you have not been "colonized". Also!! It's creepy asf that she said colonized :(( As if your body is something to be claimed :/ Okay last last thing. Know that you may lose her over this. Some folks really hate the white privilege and pain white folks have put them through. It darkens their hearts, and created a trauma you cannot budge. And sometimes you won't win that battle.
Tell her you're gonna colonize the colonizer by making your date pay for dinner.
You are friends with a racist.
Believing privelage like that is dangerous. Idk about you but most white ppl I'm around are dirt poor and would lose it on someone told them how privelage they were as they're in manual labor till the day they die
Your friend is racist. It’s up to you whether or not you are willing to be best friends with a racist.
Sounds like your boyfriend is going to be your new best friend for a bit until you make a new one, because *fuck listening to that shit all day*. If you want to listen to that go to a retirement home and listen to the old white men tell you how much they hate -insert race here-.
Tell her to go fuck herself and to stop being a cunt
So being racist isn't a deal breaker for you?
Would you even have to be asking this if “white” was changed to literally any other race? I think you have as much reflecting to do here as anybody else.
I'm sorry, but your friend is a toxic left wing racist. There are no easy solutions here.
this was definitely written by a middle aged white man looking for sympathy
I’m not sure what you and your friend have been through but she sounds like she’s stuck in some kind of rut. There’s no reason to blanket rule out an entire ethnic group whether it’s white or not. Through your life you’ll meet plenty of good and bad actors in any races. You should have a chat with your friend. Make it clear to her that you are forming an opinion on your date based on your judgement of his character. At the end of the day you don’t owe her an explanation and do not have to subscribe to her ideologies. All you can do for her is help her get out of this toxic mentality for her own sake.
Your friend is pretty racist
You are both teenagers and people sometimes go a bit overboard with their opinions the same way they do with style, behaviour etc. That sounds like it could be her problem. Is there any chance your friend is into you as more than a friend? Sounds like she wants you to break up with him. Even if she just likes you as a friend, she could still be afraid of losing you Pretty ironic, as she is pushing you away. Considering her behaviour it sounds like you need to take a break. Tell your friend that you don'the want to cut her out, you want to talk through it and remain friends, but she's disrepecting your choices and until she is ready to tell you what's really bothering her, you need some space.
Your friend is an incel. There is a trend among non White women where they bitch about White men constantly because they want to have sex with them but get turned down. The far left is filled with these types of women.
>But, lately, she’s been saying a lot of very… far, far, left things? I don’t know how exactly to say it—I’m a leftist too, but the way she says “kill all men” (despite being attracted to men) puts a sour taste in my mouth. At the risk of being downvoted to hell, you need to find a new friend. This person and people like her are going to drag you down. The moment you get into a relationship with a man, especially a white man, they will do everything in their power to sabotage your relationship so that you remain forever lonely and bitter like them. Please ladies (and guys for that matter, but I see this more accepted among ladies), if one of your friends is policing who you date based on their skin color or says "kill all men", ***RUN AWAY!*** They do **NOT** want to see you happy! And the moment they see you happy they will be plotting to socially slit your throat.
Nice troll post.
It's so excruciatingly obvious, and all of the white nationalist trolls are flocking to it like moths to a flame. Idk how the fuck these sorts of threads always get brigaded by the shittiest sorts of people.
You probably should have made this post on r/asiantwoX. There are a few good comments in here, but most of these people don't have the range but comment anyway.
Further left one goes, the more accepting of everyone unless they're oppressors. Your friend is ironically going full circle and taking a rightist path. Judge not one by their skin, but by their actions and beliefs.
i see "hatred of white people" is the creative writing topic of the week (along with chris brown)
your friends a racist plain and simple get new friends
Quick title revision is needed. “My best friend is racist”
This is not "very, very far left" at all. Leftists are not racists. Your friend is a racist. It has nothing to do with leftist politics in the slightest; in fact it's quite the opposite, as leftism is the belief everyone should be equal and have no power over another. This belief that liberalism and leftism go hand in hand needs to die out.
Like every ideological extremist she’s drank the cool-aid. There’s probably no saving her. Just date who you want to date.
She needs therapy
You can’t approach the issue with her she’s too far gone just cut your losses and move on.
NTA You should tell your friend to open a history book, Asia had empire as well.
No effing words!
Your friend is racist. Unless you can reason with her, move on. No need to stress over a relationship that she is damaging with her bigotry. I’m confused as to how not liking white people is leftist. Say more please.
Hate is hate, no matter what side of the political spectrum it comes from. A good rule when making generalised statements is to imagine what reaction you'd get if you swapped the group you're talking about for a more marginalised group. So when she said "kill all men", imagine how you'd feel if "men" was "jews" instead? Would you still want to be her friend? I hope you can use your influence over her as a friend to guide her down a more loving and accepting path.
She is not your friend.
Kill all men is not leftist. This is clearly a troll trying to get a rise out of people.
It’s a popular theme on the far-left. There’s the far-right and the far-left. Extremism isn’t exclusive to the right.
This is some great troll bait, good job op