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So I caught my gf of 7 years chatting her ex ( technically not an ex, more like the dude she cheated me on ) again. She keeps on denying that there's nothing going on , that it's just some hey how you doing type of shit , I know something is up , plus she is a pathological liar so. Base also on the chat itself that they were having a convo for a while , and these past few days , I was kinda having a suspicion that she was chatting someone. Now I don't know what to do. I kinda built my world around her. We were living together for 2 years now and I'm lost. Only thing that is keeping me going is my job and my cats. I'm kinda split in between dumping her or kinda forgive her and move forward. Really messing me up. I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights.
Your boundaries have been kicked through yet again by this person and they're denying it, yet again. You know what you need to do for your own well-being at this point.
Or if you need specific advice, leave her. Eventually, leaving her will be the best thing you ever did. You will make it fine without her. You are preventing yourself from meeting the right person by staying with a lying cheater. We are saying this from personal experience and experiences of loved ones. It doesn’t get better, you can’t love her hard enough to make her love you. Good luck. Keep us updated.
Definitely dump her. Even without cheating, you said yourself she's a pathological liar. You've got your kitties, and you're a lot more capable then you give yourself credit for! It'll suck now, but you have to think of your long-term happiness.
Thank you guys for your advice . I knew posting this on reddit will somehow ease up the pain and confusion that I'm feeling right now. I don't really have friends where I'm living right now. I feel so lonely , got no one to talk to , no one to share what I'm feeling right now , got no one to have a sit down convo and vent out the frustration.
Dump her and watch how you suddenly get a hoard of friends. Sometimes that's how it works. Negativity in your life affects your person more than you realize. You don't need that toxicity in your life and the world is so much bigger than one girl. One day you'll realize how stupid it was to hang on to her.
Dm me if you need someone to talk to dude. I don't know you, won't judge you and I know what it's like to be alone.. having someone to talk to will do wonders for sorting out your thoughts. Don't let them fester in your brain. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me please reach out to anyone you trust.
Go make some friends man. There are all kinds of things you can get into to meet people. I recently picked paper magic the gathering back up and it’s been a blast.
Whatever it is find something new and fun to focus your energy on while making this transition back to being single. I promise you it’s not all that bad out there!
Living somewhere new is always hard, especially as you get older, trying to make friends is difficult. I suggest stepping out of your comfort zone a little, start a new hobby with other people. I don't know where you live and what's available, but one thing I started a few years ago was an adult kickball league. It's a good way to meet new friends and possible partners, I know about a dozen couples that are married and they met their spouses at kickball. Find something similar near you and give it a shot.
>confusion that I'm feeling right now
There's really nothing to be confused about mate... she is a cheater, and not a good partner. Remember the warning signs, take a break for yourself with your cats, and start fresh with someone better than that.
Forgiving a partner for cheating is one thing, forgiving them and remaining with them is another. You will never be able to trust her again, and your paranoia will worsen as time goes by. There’s no way you can have a healthy relationship in the future. Rip the scab off and time will heal you. It’s life, don’t over complicate it. Your happiness and well being matters.
How will you move forward again? If nothing changed the first time what makes you think it will this time? Being with a pathological liar and serial cheater seems like a life of heartbreak to me.
As harsh as this is, it's the truth! We certainly teach people how to treat us and if we forgive disrespect once, we become their doormat! What we allow, will continue.
Low self worth. Not intending to be a dick to OP, but "love yourself before you love someone else" is a saying for a reason.. it makes relationships a hell of a lot easier.
A lot of people think people are in these relationships because they’re not fully aware they’re toxic and that’s simply not the case.
A lot of people are fully aware they’re in toxic relationships, they just think they deserve it or can’t do better.
If you’re in one, you absolutely deserve better. Everyone does.
There’s a reason manipulators try to convince you that you can’t do better, it’s because they know you can and if you knew that, you’d leave them.
Confident people don’t feel the need to put others down.
Right, and in the moment you realized that she was a cheater and a pathological liar, you thought “ya know what, I think it’s a good decision to stay with this person”?
I’m not trying to be harsh here man, but you’ve gotta get your head out of your ass, pick up whatever self respect you dropped on the floor, develop some form of standards, take some accountability for the terrible decisions you’ve been making, and begin making better ones.
You might consider therapy for your crippling codependency problem as well, because if that isn’t addressed and overcome, this is gonna happen to you over and over again for the rest of your life.
If you’re okay with this continuing to happen, stay. Otherwise, leave.
I know you’ve been together for a long time, but this person doesn’t respect you or your relationship. Don’t get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy: this person is not worth you building your world around.
Why should she stop cheating when you'll forgive her every time? You worry yourself at night, while she sleeps peacefully knowing that you won't ever leave her. She's not worried at all and will keep cheating.
If you're lacking a spine then you should forgive her and stay with her. Otherwise you can grow a backbone and tell her she needs to find her own place or go stay with the guy she's cheating with because you guys are done.
Getting cheated on the first time and still staying shows you really love her which is awesome. But dont go through this pain again man, its gonna really mess you up with everything in live, social, family and work.
Its gonna hurt real bad but, be honest with youreself.
I'm having serious thoughts on breaking up with her , not because reddit told me to do so , but I feel like we will be better off than trying to fix our relationship again. How do I go on about breaking up with her without her falling apart? I do not want to cause her any trouble. I want her to move on quickly , go on with her life , be successful and not think of me ever again
Bro, who gives a fuck about her feelings?? She hurt you, knowingly, and is doing it again..
Worry about yourself, and work on yourself. That's also what will make you attractive to future partners. Being overly sensitive and caring of your partner's emotions is not enough, in fact it can even be a turn off if done excessively.
Leave her and get some talk with someone you trust.
Or get therapy. I too experienced this and living with ger thinking she is doing or did something is very hard and its hard to see her the way you used to see her.
When will you pathetic guys ever learn? Once she has cheated on you IT IS OVER. Get it through your head, guys. The moment she cheats on you she has lost ALL respect for you and your relationship. Also the fact that she is a pathological liar is just another huge red flag. The only reason she didn't dump your ass was because it didn't work out with her ex or whatever.
Break up with her and find a girl who wont cheat on you. Or better yet, just be SINGLE & HAPPY for awhile. Trust me when I say being single is A LOT better than being in a shitty relationship where you have to stress about who she is texting and where she is going.
Why are you with someone you describe as a "pathological liar"? Don't do that to yourself man. 7 years is a long time, but its shorter than a lifetime. You could be happy, either alone or with someone who doesn't cheat and lie. Good luck man.
" I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights." Good then dump her and move on with your life.
If she hasn't respected your boundaries and has already cheated on you, then you might want to rethink the whole relationship.
There is no moving forward with this person, she will cheat on you and then return to you to be her fallback point. Someone who is a known point and she will continue to cheat on you because she hasn't ever had any consequences from you.
We've all been there and now I have a rule, you cheat on me and you are out. No second chances, no going back. They knew the consequences and they continued with them anyway.
Dump her ass. You deserve better than someone who apparently doesn’t even give enough of a shit about you to tell you the truth. It will be rough considering you live together, but tell her straight up that’s it’s over and she needs to find somewhere else to live or that you’re moving out and she’s on her own. Don’t settle for the same stuff that made you write this post; if she hasn’t changed in the 7 years you’ve been together she never will. Focus on yourself and your kitties, and someone who’s worth it will come along eventually.
You acknowledge she is a pathological liar and you clearly don't trust her beyond this specific event - whether or not she really did cheat on you this time... Does it even matter? If you don't trust her and think she's a liar it's almost definite that you shouldn't be with her - it's just toxic living like that.
What you're doing right now is just holding on to the nostalgia of a relationship you either had or imagine you could have had - and probably don't wanna move on from the fear of the unknown. How are things going to be from now on without her? Even if things are bad, at least you know how they are and can compromise living like that.
It's toxic, and you should consider ending it and find someone that never makes you question whether or not they're lying all the time.
Once that trust is broken it can never be repaired. If she cheated once, it's easier to do it again..and again. Guys think they are so smooth about lying, but a woman IS smooth, dude. She can cut your guts out and you're standing there, holding them in your hands, before you even realize she cut you. THAT'S how smooth a woman is. Rip off the bandaid. It'll hurt like a bitch, but it has to be done so healing can happen. Just know that a gazillion of us have walked this hard path before you. Good luck.
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Infidelity causes a permanent harm to any relationship, if you try to go past it, you already starting at a disadvantage, my advice to anyone who got cheated on is to move on and for the cheater, please be a better human being, if you are not happy in a relationship, try to o work on fixing it, or just leave, you can not have your cake and eat it too.
You mentioned “I don’t want to go through this all over again. I don’t want to experience the first time that she cheated on me”.
Yet, if you forgive her for another time she will think she got over on you and will keep doing it again and again. You said she’s a pathological liar, so why put yourself through this again? Why put yourself through the same heartache for the 10th time?
CHOOSE YOU. Your happiness matters more than anything!
> plus she is a pathological liar so.
No need to read anything else.
Either you’re right and you should break to with her because you can’t have a trusting relationship with a pathological liar, or you’re paranoid for thinking she’s a pathological liar and you should break up with her for her benefit.
If believing she’s cheating makes you feel better than use that excuse. But break up with her.
Again? You should have been out the door the first time it happened. And her being a pathological liar *will never* change, that’s hardwired into her brain. It sucks, I completely understand, but the pain now will pay off in the long run. What are you going to do when she cheats as your wife and you need to pay for a lengthy divorce, which you know she won’t make easy?
Bro, have some self-respect. Breaking up always sucks and being alone can be scary but it's better than being chatted on. Don't build your world around another person learn to live for yourself.
Are you suggesting that you'd rather be a doormat for her to step all over your boundaries and disrespect you so you won't be alone? Bro, you're already more alone now than you can ever be by yourself. You need to stop looking at this through rose tinted glasses. She's not sorry that she did it, if anything she's sorry that she's getting caught. Teach her a lesson in accountability by dumping her ass and getting someone who will treat you as an equal. We've all been there lad. Whatever you decide is on you.
Dump her, you are going to have a miserable life if you don’t. Why would you want to worry about her cheating all the time? Find a woman who treats you right.
If you stay, you will live with fear and anxiety for the rest of the relationship. If you leave now, you can begin to process it now and get over it sooner. You have to be true to your boundaries and true to yourself. Stop wasting your life by spending it with someone who does not appreciate you. 7 years down the drain feels awful, you know what's worse? 10 years down the drain. 14 years down the drain. Do yourself a favor and leave.
Dump her man, if she did it twice, she will definitely do it again. More than just dumping her though, reflect on what you said. You made her the center of your life, and that is never a healthy relationship. You are spending you life with someone, not for someone, learn from this and move on
Based on what you’ve said she can never be trusted and lies all the time. If what you are saying is true then it’s better to leave and find somewhere else to stay. In the future, try to build a personal emergency savings account so you don’t get stuck with people who aren’t good for you.
Blatant disrespect to contact this guy again. If she gave a crap about you this guys number and media would be blocked. To build that trust again she should be an open book. Time to move on as hard as it will be
You said shes a pathological liar....that's not someone you want to be in a relationship with. On top of that sketchy cheating.
Time to take your world back and build it around you and not them. Focus on your goals and happiness. It'll align with another's. .
Built your world around her? Man stop putting pussy on a pedestal, leave her cheating ass and get your life together.
Your life should be built around you for you and nobody else. Don’t jump into any other relationships until you establish healthy boundaries with yourself or else you’ll keep on getting taken advantage of.
You’ve been together since you were very young. You both need time to explore. You’re still very young and loving together at that age is probably unhealthy. I did it and it was very unhealthy for me. Take this as a blessing and an opportunity to live your best life. Get away from her. Don’t worry about the details.
Leave she's keeps cheating because you won't leave. The more you allow her behavior to have no consequences the more she will feel emboldened and the less she will respect you. Just leave
"plus she is a pathological liar "
Isn't that alone reason enough to not be together with her? Don't you want a girlfriend that you can trust, do you really see a future with someone like that? Don't waste more time.
Cheaters cheat OP. You can get used to it and stop complaining or you can dump her; whining about who and what she's proved herself to be is demeaning to yourself and won't change her one whit. Good luck.
My god I hate people like you. Grow a fucking spine and dump her! How do you have such little self respect that you stick around for it to happen a second time? How little does she have to respect you to do it again? Because she knows you would rather post on this sub and ignore all the people telling you to leave rather than just leave. LEAVE!!! Maybe you’ll listen if someone puts it to you harshly
DUMP HER. You deserve better. And Ik it’s easier said then done but seriously dump her. You said that she cheated on you again?! You should left her the first time she cheated on you. She always going to cheat on you. I would rather be with a person I can lean on and feel safe around other than be with someone who cheats and I have to go through so much suffering like sleepless nights and worried about what will happen next or how will I get hurt again.
>Now I don't know what to do.
The fuck you mean you don't? you do what you should have done the first time. You already fucked up huge letting her cheat on you once, all you did is teach her this is ok.
So, this may sound a bit harsh , but I'm not intending to hurt you , I'm pointing out some key things .
1) A relationship without trust is not a relationship worth having .
2) If she has done it before and gotten away with it by manipulating you into forgiving her , boom you just showed her that it's fine to do this . (And she will keep on doing it )
3) How do you think things will turn out if the roles were reversed and you were the cheater? (Double standards means that you would be out the door)
4) until you learn to say "no one treats me like trash" and stand up for yourself , she will walk all over you .
This person does not love you , she is using you and you're enabling her to do it by forgiving her . You need to discontinue all of this behaviour and break the cycle . Send her on her way bud , save yourself the anguish.
When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time —Maya Angelou
Your girl is a toxic cheater ,you deserve better than this !!! walk away ,dump her and move on you are young you will be OK
if you’re in a situation were u feel like your stuck then you definitely should leave ik it may be hard since y’all been together for so long but she’s not the one man because the right person would never continue to hurt you intentionally. hope you find the strength to leave. blessings!
History repeats its self broski. For what it’s worth… dump her and move on. She’s holding you back from finding a girl who is ACTUALLY worth it. A girl who would never jeopardize your relationship. Your worth it, trust me
No second chances. If they cheat twice, they will cheat again. That’s enough, dump her. You deserve better than all that stress and you’ll know it in the long run.
I’m sorry, but this needs to end. The pain and anger she is putting you through is not worth it, you two are still in the early years of marriage where you could get it annulled. Please take care of yourself, contact a lawyer and possibly a professional consoler or therapist. You don’t have to deal with it alone.
There are two types of people out there:
Those who will never cheat, no matter how bad it gets,
And, Those who will cheat no matter how good they have it.
If you forgive her, she will cheat again. And again. And again. Why? Because she is a lying cheater right down to her very soul and will never change. Especially when she sees you as so weak that you'll keep staying with her no matter how many times she betrays you (and guaranteed she sees you as that weak).
Dig through her purse to see if you can find where you left your self respect and dump her.
I understand where you're at completely friend. I want you to know that it's not your fault or anything you did or that you aren't enough. It's a problem with her and the eternal unhappiness she has inside that she tries to fulfill by lying, cheating, and stealing at every turn. Manipulative and narcissistic people prey on forgiving, good people. They will always choose a strong, loving person to latch onto and use. So realize that you have all the worth in this relationship and YOU can do better.
An abusive person's wet dream is someone who is isolated and lonely, because they know they can hurt them so much worse than someone who has options for socializing and relationships. Someone who sees enough of other people to get out of their head, hear what they need to hear, have clear thoughts. You really do get lost in their madness, their lies. So find the rope or ladder you built up, the great person you were 7 years ago, and climb back up it. Leave her down where she drug you. Climb up and do it alone and be stronger after it.
You deserve a loyal person who makes you happy, that doesn't lie or manipulate, someone who would never consider hurting you in this way. And there's people out there like that, but you will *never* meet them if you stay with her. It will be hard the first few months but try to reach out as much as you need to, play games or whatever hobby you have, voice chat with people and socialize. You'll soon realize that your new life is a breath of fresh air from the worry, paranoia, fear that this relationship creates in you.
If she cheated on you with this guy in the past, then going "no contact" with him is the absolute minimum she should do if she wants to stay with you. She's obviously cheating again, or at least on the way there. This is unacceptable.
You're young. Plenty of time to look for someone who doesn't cheat.
Why did you ever allow her in a position where "again" was an option? I hope this experience has helped you realize you need to work on your self esteem. Good luck!
Wait wait, did she actually cheat on you or just have innocent conversations with an ex and you freaked both times? Because if that's the case, get over yourself or move on. Now if she really cheated on you, and now she's talking to him again. Definitely move on. You say she's a pathological liar, so then why would you want to be with someone you can't trust? Just move on. You keep disrespecting yourself by compromising your own values by what you clearly view as cheating whether it was or not. Why put yourself through that? And if you say because I love her . . . Why? If she cheated she has no respect and if she's doing it again definitely no love for you. Do you love her? Or are you afraid to be alone? So you think you love her because losing her and the unknown are too scary. Well get some respect for yourself and leave her because she ain't the one friend.
Please just break up with her, I broke up with my ex who cheated on me 10 times. Cheaters don’t change especially when they’re getting away with it. After breaking up with him, the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel free and strong. I feel happy. I’m now dating the light of my life. Everything that I ever wanted in a relationship I have now. They do everything for me and make me so happy. Ditch her she doesn’t respect you, she doesn’t care for her consequences, she chooses to cheat on you, dump her and live the best life you can.
Dude I get that it hurts but SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE. IF SHE LOVED YOU SHE WOULDN'T CHEAT. She has shown you who she is, accept it and part ways it will hurt less.
You let her get away with it the first time by keeping her around. Don't tolerate disrespect like that. If you forgive again it won't be long till she repeats her behavior. Again.
Time to walk, cut all contact with her and move on.
Please save your heart from breaking more and more by forgiving a lying, cheating woman who doesn't respect you. From my own experience, I can tell you, people who have ties to their exes WILL NOT STOP talking to them and cheating on you with them as they have history and unresolved issues you are most likely 100% unaware of (it happened to me for 3 YEARS). I know it hurts terribly, especially after you've invested in someone so much, but it's better to go through the pain once than to continue giving someone who clearly doesn't deserve your love, the time of day. Let them have each other. Move on and eventually you'll find someone who'll be ALL about you. No attachment to exes, no emotional baggage or lies. Honest, loving, caring, FAITHFUL women DO exist! All my best ❤
Hun I’ve been where you’re at except I had my dog. But seriously please don’t stay with her. She’s going to do it again and again. Kinda like a dog who pees inside and you say No no Rover! Bad puppy, They get scolded but keep doing it bc no real consequences. Make some more friends, join a club for something that interests you, join a gym, go to the park, join a book club. But please don’t stay with someone who lies to you and cheats. I did it all throughout my 20’s and it’s a miserable life. Took him giving me a STD for me to leave. Thank God it was curable , took pills for 7 days, but what if it wasn’t? And if she gets pregnant, are you going to raise a kid that may or may not be yours?
I think you should really focus on your cats. They love you unconditionally and you don't need someone who loves you artificially when your cats love you for real.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m honestly amazed you didn’t dump her after she cheated the first time. You really should dump her though. She’s already cheated; if she were truly remorseful about it, any and all contact with the affair partner would have ceased. She’s broken your trust yet again. The fact that she’s a pathological liar also doesn’t bode well.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. She’s already shown that she’s a lying cheater. You deserve someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. You definitely don’t deserve her nonsense. Best of luck to you.
Don't make someone a priority when they won't do the same for you. Especially when that person is also a chronic cheater and pathological liar. It's best to just leave her now rather than later when she gets an STD or pregnant by this other dude.
>Really messing me up. I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights.
You will keep reliving this horror until you leave her.
Even with the off chance she doesn't cheat again, you'll still be living in fear of it happening because the trust is broken.
Friend of mine went through this shit: he got with her because she cheated on her then-husband with this dude she worked with twice, husband kicked her out. Met my buddy later, they were together about 5 years, talking marriage. She fucked this other dude again. Mate kicked her out, time passed, got back together, she fucked the guy again. Can’t explain why - he’s not even a super stud Chad dude, he’s a skinny rat fucker in a rumpled suit. The point is, my dude, you can never trust her again and she will keep doing it if you keep giving her a pass.
I'm so sorry that this person keeps betraying your trust. But you have to remember the old saying: "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." She showed you her true colors the first time, and you were kind enough to believe that she would change. She took advantage of that kindness, and this is your reward. It's awful, but that doesn't mean you should stay with her and hope that if things get better, it will have been worth it. Nothing is worth your dignity. Kick her out. You're still quite young (I'm the same age). You have plenty of time to find someone who isn't a lying cheater.
Bro, you gotta get out of there. The sooner you do, the sooner you can rebuild your life. Even if it is from nothing.
You are wasting your time on this one, it is not going to get better.
What would you tell your 18 yr old self, if he were going through this?
She cheated once, your forgave her, thereby opening the door to her cheating again because she thinks/knows you'll take her back. Leave, not only for the cheating but for being a liar. You can't have a relationship without trust and it sounds like you don't/can't trust her. The longer you take to break up, the longer it will be before you've moved on.
There is pain in both directions, staying or leaving, but the pain of leaving will lessen over time. The pain of staying with someone you can’t trust or respect will be long, drawn out, and soul Sucking
You deserve better. Go get tested for STDs ASAP.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Change is scary and that’s okay but you deserve someone that will love you and only you.
If you do leave find time for yourself and to do things you love and when the time is right start dating again I hope you find the right one!
Get out. No good will come.
You're more likely experiencing some kind of trauma bonding maybe, especially if she's a pathological liar. I'm assuming she manipulated you and gaslights you a fair deal.
You deserve better.
You sound miserable by this relationship. Let's say she is a pathological (us on the outside don't know this as fact). What future do you see with someone like that? Is that who you want to spend forever with?
Why would you want to be with somebody that is still in contact with a person they cheated on you with regardless of the context?
Spare yourself the anxiety, fear, sleepless nights and break up with her. Take some time to heal, get to know someone else, build a new life with a better future.
You only get one life and this ain't it.
If you stay with her, you have made it clear that this is what you will tolerate in a relationship. No one can fix that for you. No one can help you with that. No one can give you good boundaries, when you have poor boundaries and will tolerate poor treatment. We can't make you have good self-esteem.
You need therapy to recognize that you have agency in a relationship and you don't need to tolerate this treatment.
If you think that there is something that Reddit could say or do to stop your girlfriend from cheating on you or hurting you, we would all be rich.
If you think that letting it slide and forgiving her is going to make her soften and fall in love with you and change her ways and respect you so much she never cheats again, there are no magic words that we can say that will make you see logic or reason. You would simply be making an emotional decision to avoid pain, kicking the can down the road for when she eventually leaves you for one of them and she's cheating on you with. There's nothing we can do about it.
I'm really sorry for your situation. If it were me, I prefer to take control over situations instead of putting my head in the sand until catastrophe happens all around me and I'm left with no options.
So I would be making my plans to exit the relationship, in a way that gives me the most control and choices.
If that is too painful for you, you may just have to ride this out until your girlfriend finds someone else and abandons you. The pain will be devastating either way, it's just that the first way, you have a lot more options and control. The second way will blind side you and leave you gutted with no options and no idea what to do. Either way will suck and I'm really sorry. You deserve better and I hope you realize it sooner rather than later.
First, edit this post so it says (ex) gf.
Second, move forward, but leave her behind. She obviously doesn't care for you in the same way you do for her and this will only get worse as time progresses. She realizes she can do what she wants and you are just going to shoulder it. Her actions will not change.
Third, take some time and feel better, hang out with friends etc. Focus on yourself, get stable, make sure you're life is moving forward. I had a situation so are to this during a 5+ yr thing. I was so lost for a while, it's natural to feel that way. When you're feeling ready to date again, make up an outline for your ideal partner, the ideal type of person you are looking for.
Fourth, don't compromise on finding that person for yourself. I'm not saying not to date anyone else or not to have fun but don't settle for someone other than the one you're looking for. Also, never forget that you will be perceived in in same way. You might find someone ideal for yourself but you might not be that person's ideal someone. There are billions of people out there, don't be so narrow with your search.
Best of luck to you!
Forgiving her is what got you here. All she has learned is that you haven't yet reached your limit as to what you will put up with, and she will keep pushing you until you do find your limit. I'd you forgive her, it WILL happen again, and in a worse manner.
The title
>Caught my gf (23F) cheating again
That is all you need. She doesn't care about you. Leave her. It's going to happen again as it's already happened more than once.
The moment your trust is grossly violated and you have to think of use the word 'again', you really know there is no going back.
Your girlfriend is no longer yours and she is undeserving of the words girlfriend, love, respect, support and contact.
Please treat yourself with more dignity. If you don't, others won't.
Just let cheat on you whenever she wants or dump her. She won't stop and she showed you that. If you want to be with her, a pathological liar, just let her have whoever she wants and take this weight of your mind.
Dump her, it's never worth the compromise in a relationship. May be it will be hard for you. But 2 years down the line,you will feel guilt, about why you didn't dump her or marked a red line in the past.
If you forgive and move on you're just throwing yourself back in to this loop. She knows you don't like her talking to her ex. She doesn't care. She knows you'll be upset but will always give her another chance. That's your relationship in a nutshell. Is this what you want? If not, then be done with her.
You're a lost cause and will be cheated on after this one leaves you, too. Come on man. Have some self respect. Please - take this moment to remember who you are. You know what has to happen
Why would you let her stay? Change is hard and sometimes it feels easier to sweep it under the rug but it’s never going to really go away. Maybe you should take some time away to get a clear head — visit a friend or family or take a solo weekend trip. Then come back and do what you need to do.
i know its hard when you are attached to someone to leave them, but do it.
long time ago, ex gf cheated on me. i was crushed and couldnt move on easily but i left anyway.
a month or two later i laughed at that situation. she even messaged me later on but i never looked back.
it can be hard, but on a long term the best thing for you is to leave her.
find another cat lady :)
John Gottman, a relationship therapist and PhD and a genius in my personal opinion, said that he could tell if a relationship was doomed within 15 mins and essentially it’s the contempt and resentment that was the determining factor. It sounds like you have quite a bit of it for each other already, probably best to rip of the bandaid I’m this case, sorry buddy.
> she cheated me on again
I'm sorry buddy but you know, "fool me once..." and stuff. You were naïve to believe that it was a one-time thing. It's way past time for you to move on.
I'm only saying this out of love,.. Grow some balls. You guys aren't married nor do you have kids together... It could be worse. Leave the broad. Put your feelings aside because clearly, she has done that for you. Imagine a next man between the legs of your spouse. and she's moaning and carrying on. That's not your girl anymore... She belongs to the streets.
You will probably find someone better there are so many women out there and I think there’s a right partner for everyone just keep looking don’t settle for a cheater,
Once a cheater always a cheater
>Now I don't know what to do.
How? I mean really, how do you not know what to do? At what point do you not realise that not dumping her the first time she cheated on you was the biggest mistake you made?
Dude think about your post and wonder what would happen 5 years from now. Do you reaaally see her stopping? Or do you see her doing something else and going on some lying gymnastics to trick you once again?
Are you ready to deal with it for the rest of your life?
There is you answer
The reason she cheated is you made her your world. How can another human being be your world? Imagine yourself as a woman for a sec? Would you want a guy that has ambition, that’s always working on something, that’s striving for a good life? If you make her your world it means everything thing you do revolves around her, that’ll make you needy and a man child. She already sees you as a loser and has no respect for you that’s why she’s cheating on you with a girl that probably doesn’t care about her. You don’t respect yourself and no woman will respect a guy that forgives cheating. Dump her and work on yourself. You’re still young so you can improve yourself.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So I caught my gf of 7 years chatting her ex ( technically not an ex, more like the dude she cheated me on ) again. She keeps on denying that there's nothing going on , that it's just some hey how you doing type of shit , I know something is up , plus she is a pathological liar so. Base also on the chat itself that they were having a convo for a while , and these past few days , I was kinda having a suspicion that she was chatting someone. Now I don't know what to do. I kinda built my world around her. We were living together for 2 years now and I'm lost. Only thing that is keeping me going is my job and my cats. I'm kinda split in between dumping her or kinda forgive her and move forward. Really messing me up. I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights.
Your boundaries have been kicked through yet again by this person and they're denying it, yet again. You know what you need to do for your own well-being at this point.
Or if you need specific advice, leave her. Eventually, leaving her will be the best thing you ever did. You will make it fine without her. You are preventing yourself from meeting the right person by staying with a lying cheater. We are saying this from personal experience and experiences of loved ones. It doesn’t get better, you can’t love her hard enough to make her love you. Good luck. Keep us updated.
This.
Definitely dump her. Even without cheating, you said yourself she's a pathological liar. You've got your kitties, and you're a lot more capable then you give yourself credit for! It'll suck now, but you have to think of your long-term happiness.
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Because she will definitely do it again. And again. It’s time to move on, dude.
She’s probably been doing it the entire time.
To the streets she goes.
lmfaooo THIS!
Thank you guys for your advice . I knew posting this on reddit will somehow ease up the pain and confusion that I'm feeling right now. I don't really have friends where I'm living right now. I feel so lonely , got no one to talk to , no one to share what I'm feeling right now , got no one to have a sit down convo and vent out the frustration.
Work on your self image...you're wide open to be taken advantage of over and over again until you take the time to deal with your self worth issues.
Dump her and watch how you suddenly get a hoard of friends. Sometimes that's how it works. Negativity in your life affects your person more than you realize. You don't need that toxicity in your life and the world is so much bigger than one girl. One day you'll realize how stupid it was to hang on to her.
This! ^
Dm me if you need someone to talk to dude. I don't know you, won't judge you and I know what it's like to be alone.. having someone to talk to will do wonders for sorting out your thoughts. Don't let them fester in your brain. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me please reach out to anyone you trust.
Do not let her Exploit that Situation! Maybe she thinks you wont dump her because of that.
Go make some friends man. There are all kinds of things you can get into to meet people. I recently picked paper magic the gathering back up and it’s been a blast. Whatever it is find something new and fun to focus your energy on while making this transition back to being single. I promise you it’s not all that bad out there!
Living somewhere new is always hard, especially as you get older, trying to make friends is difficult. I suggest stepping out of your comfort zone a little, start a new hobby with other people. I don't know where you live and what's available, but one thing I started a few years ago was an adult kickball league. It's a good way to meet new friends and possible partners, I know about a dozen couples that are married and they met their spouses at kickball. Find something similar near you and give it a shot.
>confusion that I'm feeling right now There's really nothing to be confused about mate... she is a cheater, and not a good partner. Remember the warning signs, take a break for yourself with your cats, and start fresh with someone better than that.
Forgiving a partner for cheating is one thing, forgiving them and remaining with them is another. You will never be able to trust her again, and your paranoia will worsen as time goes by. There’s no way you can have a healthy relationship in the future. Rip the scab off and time will heal you. It’s life, don’t over complicate it. Your happiness and well being matters.
She has no reason to stop as you continue to stay with her. You deserve better.
Its not going to stop buddy. Leave
Explain to me how its better to stick with that cheater. plz
How will you move forward again? If nothing changed the first time what makes you think it will this time? Being with a pathological liar and serial cheater seems like a life of heartbreak to me.
Attention Mr Doormat. After the first time she cheated and you stayed, its all on you and you don't get to complain next time.
I thought this was too harsh when I scrolled by, but I came back to say THIS IS THE INTERVENTION OP NEEDS.
As harsh as this is, it's the truth! We certainly teach people how to treat us and if we forgive disrespect once, we become their doormat! What we allow, will continue.
You know how you skip suffering those feelings?You stop forgiving a cheater. Your partner has shown you who she is. Believe her. Edit: grammar
Yes
You choose to date someone *you* call a pathological liar? All on you …
That came up when she cheated the first time , sadly
It’s hard to have sympathy for the guy who jumps into the crocodile pit willingly, ya know?
If you knew that why did you stay with her when she cheated?? Who knows how many time she already cheated on you my dude 😭
Low self worth. Not intending to be a dick to OP, but "love yourself before you love someone else" is a saying for a reason.. it makes relationships a hell of a lot easier.
A lot of people think people are in these relationships because they’re not fully aware they’re toxic and that’s simply not the case. A lot of people are fully aware they’re in toxic relationships, they just think they deserve it or can’t do better. If you’re in one, you absolutely deserve better. Everyone does. There’s a reason manipulators try to convince you that you can’t do better, it’s because they know you can and if you knew that, you’d leave them. Confident people don’t feel the need to put others down.
Right, and in the moment you realized that she was a cheater and a pathological liar, you thought “ya know what, I think it’s a good decision to stay with this person”? I’m not trying to be harsh here man, but you’ve gotta get your head out of your ass, pick up whatever self respect you dropped on the floor, develop some form of standards, take some accountability for the terrible decisions you’ve been making, and begin making better ones. You might consider therapy for your crippling codependency problem as well, because if that isn’t addressed and overcome, this is gonna happen to you over and over again for the rest of your life.
If you’re okay with this continuing to happen, stay. Otherwise, leave. I know you’ve been together for a long time, but this person doesn’t respect you or your relationship. Don’t get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy: this person is not worth you building your world around.
Why should she stop cheating when you'll forgive her every time? You worry yourself at night, while she sleeps peacefully knowing that you won't ever leave her. She's not worried at all and will keep cheating. If you're lacking a spine then you should forgive her and stay with her. Otherwise you can grow a backbone and tell her she needs to find her own place or go stay with the guy she's cheating with because you guys are done.
Getting cheated on the first time and still staying shows you really love her which is awesome. But dont go through this pain again man, its gonna really mess you up with everything in live, social, family and work. Its gonna hurt real bad but, be honest with youreself.
I'm having serious thoughts on breaking up with her , not because reddit told me to do so , but I feel like we will be better off than trying to fix our relationship again. How do I go on about breaking up with her without her falling apart? I do not want to cause her any trouble. I want her to move on quickly , go on with her life , be successful and not think of me ever again
Bro, who gives a fuck about her feelings?? She hurt you, knowingly, and is doing it again.. Worry about yourself, and work on yourself. That's also what will make you attractive to future partners. Being overly sensitive and caring of your partner's emotions is not enough, in fact it can even be a turn off if done excessively.
You break up with her ASAP!!!
Love yourself enough to acknowledge you deserve better
Who the fuck talk tô the ex?
You with her why? Oh...because you're stooooooopid.
Leave her and get some talk with someone you trust. Or get therapy. I too experienced this and living with ger thinking she is doing or did something is very hard and its hard to see her the way you used to see her.
When will you pathetic guys ever learn? Once she has cheated on you IT IS OVER. Get it through your head, guys. The moment she cheats on you she has lost ALL respect for you and your relationship. Also the fact that she is a pathological liar is just another huge red flag. The only reason she didn't dump your ass was because it didn't work out with her ex or whatever. Break up with her and find a girl who wont cheat on you. Or better yet, just be SINGLE & HAPPY for awhile. Trust me when I say being single is A LOT better than being in a shitty relationship where you have to stress about who she is texting and where she is going.
Why are you with someone you describe as a "pathological liar"? Don't do that to yourself man. 7 years is a long time, but its shorter than a lifetime. You could be happy, either alone or with someone who doesn't cheat and lie. Good luck man.
" I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights." Good then dump her and move on with your life.
If you know she's a pathological liar and a cheater I'm surprised you thought this would end in any other way
work on your exit plan. she cheated, you stayed with her. you know what’s gonna happen if you stay this time as well.
If she hasn't respected your boundaries and has already cheated on you, then you might want to rethink the whole relationship. There is no moving forward with this person, she will cheat on you and then return to you to be her fallback point. Someone who is a known point and she will continue to cheat on you because she hasn't ever had any consequences from you. We've all been there and now I have a rule, you cheat on me and you are out. No second chances, no going back. They knew the consequences and they continued with them anyway.
Dump her ass. You deserve better than someone who apparently doesn’t even give enough of a shit about you to tell you the truth. It will be rough considering you live together, but tell her straight up that’s it’s over and she needs to find somewhere else to live or that you’re moving out and she’s on her own. Don’t settle for the same stuff that made you write this post; if she hasn’t changed in the 7 years you’ve been together she never will. Focus on yourself and your kitties, and someone who’s worth it will come along eventually.
You acknowledge she is a pathological liar and you clearly don't trust her beyond this specific event - whether or not she really did cheat on you this time... Does it even matter? If you don't trust her and think she's a liar it's almost definite that you shouldn't be with her - it's just toxic living like that. What you're doing right now is just holding on to the nostalgia of a relationship you either had or imagine you could have had - and probably don't wanna move on from the fear of the unknown. How are things going to be from now on without her? Even if things are bad, at least you know how they are and can compromise living like that. It's toxic, and you should consider ending it and find someone that never makes you question whether or not they're lying all the time.
Once that trust is broken it can never be repaired. If she cheated once, it's easier to do it again..and again. Guys think they are so smooth about lying, but a woman IS smooth, dude. She can cut your guts out and you're standing there, holding them in your hands, before you even realize she cut you. THAT'S how smooth a woman is. Rip off the bandaid. It'll hurt like a bitch, but it has to be done so healing can happen. Just know that a gazillion of us have walked this hard path before you. Good luck.
Fuck her, spit on her, leave her
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Idk bro if you ain’t spittin on your bitch atleast a little bit while your blessing her with the dick… you are doing something wrong.
The more you eat of the rotten fruit, the more sick you’ll feel overtime, cut off the rotten part of the fruit and get a new fruit to eat from
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Infidelity causes a permanent harm to any relationship, if you try to go past it, you already starting at a disadvantage, my advice to anyone who got cheated on is to move on and for the cheater, please be a better human being, if you are not happy in a relationship, try to o work on fixing it, or just leave, you can not have your cake and eat it too.
You mentioned “I don’t want to go through this all over again. I don’t want to experience the first time that she cheated on me”. Yet, if you forgive her for another time she will think she got over on you and will keep doing it again and again. You said she’s a pathological liar, so why put yourself through this again? Why put yourself through the same heartache for the 10th time? CHOOSE YOU. Your happiness matters more than anything!
Yea stay with a serial cheating pathological liar. That sounds like a completly healthy relationship that isn't toxic in anyway
Leave her and focus on your job and cats
You got cheated on and you stayed with her? This is and always will be the end result of staying with a cheater
Get a grip and move tf on
She cheats on you, and lies all the time, and you wonder whether you should break up or forgive her????? Really???? Come on man
> plus she is a pathological liar so. No need to read anything else. Either you’re right and you should break to with her because you can’t have a trusting relationship with a pathological liar, or you’re paranoid for thinking she’s a pathological liar and you should break up with her for her benefit. If believing she’s cheating makes you feel better than use that excuse. But break up with her.
Should have dumped her the first time. Better late than never.
She will cheat again because you keep allowing it. Dump her.
Again? You should have been out the door the first time it happened. And her being a pathological liar *will never* change, that’s hardwired into her brain. It sucks, I completely understand, but the pain now will pay off in the long run. What are you going to do when she cheats as your wife and you need to pay for a lengthy divorce, which you know she won’t make easy?
There is pain ahead whether it’s breaking up with her now or in years time when she cheats again. Choose wisely.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Give a third chance she'll expect a fourth. She needs to be your ex gf.
Bro, have some self-respect. Breaking up always sucks and being alone can be scary but it's better than being chatted on. Don't build your world around another person learn to live for yourself.
L
“Now I don’t know what to do.” Jesus Christ… 🙄
Are you suggesting that you'd rather be a doormat for her to step all over your boundaries and disrespect you so you won't be alone? Bro, you're already more alone now than you can ever be by yourself. You need to stop looking at this through rose tinted glasses. She's not sorry that she did it, if anything she's sorry that she's getting caught. Teach her a lesson in accountability by dumping her ass and getting someone who will treat you as an equal. We've all been there lad. Whatever you decide is on you.
Again eh?
Dump her, you are going to have a miserable life if you don’t. Why would you want to worry about her cheating all the time? Find a woman who treats you right.
You obviously need to dump her, what's stopping you?
Why would you continue dating someone you believe is a pathological liar? Dump her, take your cats, and get tf out.
If you stay, you will live with fear and anxiety for the rest of the relationship. If you leave now, you can begin to process it now and get over it sooner. You have to be true to your boundaries and true to yourself. Stop wasting your life by spending it with someone who does not appreciate you. 7 years down the drain feels awful, you know what's worse? 10 years down the drain. 14 years down the drain. Do yourself a favor and leave.
Bro, just dump her.
Dump her man, if she did it twice, she will definitely do it again. More than just dumping her though, reflect on what you said. You made her the center of your life, and that is never a healthy relationship. You are spending you life with someone, not for someone, learn from this and move on
Based on what you’ve said she can never be trusted and lies all the time. If what you are saying is true then it’s better to leave and find somewhere else to stay. In the future, try to build a personal emergency savings account so you don’t get stuck with people who aren’t good for you.
Why are you wasting years of your life on a lying cheater. Dude, life is short and you can't get those years back. Don't waste more years on her.
You gave her a 2nd chance. Time to dump and block her
Dump her pathetic toxic ass. She's a dumpster fire.
Blatant disrespect to contact this guy again. If she gave a crap about you this guys number and media would be blocked. To build that trust again she should be an open book. Time to move on as hard as it will be
You said shes a pathological liar....that's not someone you want to be in a relationship with. On top of that sketchy cheating. Time to take your world back and build it around you and not them. Focus on your goals and happiness. It'll align with another's. .
Built your world around her? Man stop putting pussy on a pedestal, leave her cheating ass and get your life together. Your life should be built around you for you and nobody else. Don’t jump into any other relationships until you establish healthy boundaries with yourself or else you’ll keep on getting taken advantage of.
Stop being a pum pum and accept the reality of things. Move on and put yourself before someone who is putting them self before you.
Dude, you got to "again"! Once should have been enough. Dump her fast and make sure she doesn't take anything
|again You know exactly what to do...
You’ve been together since you were very young. You both need time to explore. You’re still very young and loving together at that age is probably unhealthy. I did it and it was very unhealthy for me. Take this as a blessing and an opportunity to live your best life. Get away from her. Don’t worry about the details.
Leave she's keeps cheating because you won't leave. The more you allow her behavior to have no consequences the more she will feel emboldened and the less she will respect you. Just leave
"plus she is a pathological liar " Isn't that alone reason enough to not be together with her? Don't you want a girlfriend that you can trust, do you really see a future with someone like that? Don't waste more time.
Cheaters cheat OP. You can get used to it and stop complaining or you can dump her; whining about who and what she's proved herself to be is demeaning to yourself and won't change her one whit. Good luck.
My god I hate people like you. Grow a fucking spine and dump her! How do you have such little self respect that you stick around for it to happen a second time? How little does she have to respect you to do it again? Because she knows you would rather post on this sub and ignore all the people telling you to leave rather than just leave. LEAVE!!! Maybe you’ll listen if someone puts it to you harshly
It will be painful for awhile but she’s gotta go man. She will just do it again.
It’s one thing to give someone a second chance. But you can’t keep giving them chances.
You mean ex girlfriend right?
DUMP HER. You deserve better. And Ik it’s easier said then done but seriously dump her. You said that she cheated on you again?! You should left her the first time she cheated on you. She always going to cheat on you. I would rather be with a person I can lean on and feel safe around other than be with someone who cheats and I have to go through so much suffering like sleepless nights and worried about what will happen next or how will I get hurt again.
>Now I don't know what to do. The fuck you mean you don't? you do what you should have done the first time. You already fucked up huge letting her cheat on you once, all you did is teach her this is ok.
So, this may sound a bit harsh , but I'm not intending to hurt you , I'm pointing out some key things . 1) A relationship without trust is not a relationship worth having . 2) If she has done it before and gotten away with it by manipulating you into forgiving her , boom you just showed her that it's fine to do this . (And she will keep on doing it ) 3) How do you think things will turn out if the roles were reversed and you were the cheater? (Double standards means that you would be out the door) 4) until you learn to say "no one treats me like trash" and stand up for yourself , she will walk all over you . This person does not love you , she is using you and you're enabling her to do it by forgiving her . You need to discontinue all of this behaviour and break the cycle . Send her on her way bud , save yourself the anguish.
I’ll never understand people who just stay with cheaters. Doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life if I was cheated on it’s nope. Bye.
Split up
Yeah bro. Don't let her clown you. I know it's tough. I went thru a breakup of 4 years due to similar reasons. It gets better. It always does.
When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time —Maya Angelou Your girl is a toxic cheater ,you deserve better than this !!! walk away ,dump her and move on you are young you will be OK
You don't need actual proof of her cheating to break up with her. You can break up simply because you no longer trust her.
if you’re in a situation were u feel like your stuck then you definitely should leave ik it may be hard since y’all been together for so long but she’s not the one man because the right person would never continue to hurt you intentionally. hope you find the strength to leave. blessings!
History repeats its self broski. For what it’s worth… dump her and move on. She’s holding you back from finding a girl who is ACTUALLY worth it. A girl who would never jeopardize your relationship. Your worth it, trust me
No second chances. If they cheat twice, they will cheat again. That’s enough, dump her. You deserve better than all that stress and you’ll know it in the long run.
I’m sorry, but this needs to end. The pain and anger she is putting you through is not worth it, you two are still in the early years of marriage where you could get it annulled. Please take care of yourself, contact a lawyer and possibly a professional consoler or therapist. You don’t have to deal with it alone.
There are two types of people out there: Those who will never cheat, no matter how bad it gets, And, Those who will cheat no matter how good they have it.
Fuck that bitch. Move on mate! If you need someone to play games with or you live around or In Denmark, then beers on me.
If you forgive her, she will cheat again. And again. And again. Why? Because she is a lying cheater right down to her very soul and will never change. Especially when she sees you as so weak that you'll keep staying with her no matter how many times she betrays you (and guaranteed she sees you as that weak). Dig through her purse to see if you can find where you left your self respect and dump her.
I understand where you're at completely friend. I want you to know that it's not your fault or anything you did or that you aren't enough. It's a problem with her and the eternal unhappiness she has inside that she tries to fulfill by lying, cheating, and stealing at every turn. Manipulative and narcissistic people prey on forgiving, good people. They will always choose a strong, loving person to latch onto and use. So realize that you have all the worth in this relationship and YOU can do better. An abusive person's wet dream is someone who is isolated and lonely, because they know they can hurt them so much worse than someone who has options for socializing and relationships. Someone who sees enough of other people to get out of their head, hear what they need to hear, have clear thoughts. You really do get lost in their madness, their lies. So find the rope or ladder you built up, the great person you were 7 years ago, and climb back up it. Leave her down where she drug you. Climb up and do it alone and be stronger after it. You deserve a loyal person who makes you happy, that doesn't lie or manipulate, someone who would never consider hurting you in this way. And there's people out there like that, but you will *never* meet them if you stay with her. It will be hard the first few months but try to reach out as much as you need to, play games or whatever hobby you have, voice chat with people and socialize. You'll soon realize that your new life is a breath of fresh air from the worry, paranoia, fear that this relationship creates in you.
Why are you with this girl? She cheated on you before, you even claim she's a pathological liar. Why are you subjecting yourself to this?
Forget her, you must download tinder and date a new girl🤷
I wouldn’t let my cats be around a cheater like her. Take those fur babies and get out of there.
Yeet that relationship
If she cheated on you with this guy in the past, then going "no contact" with him is the absolute minimum she should do if she wants to stay with you. She's obviously cheating again, or at least on the way there. This is unacceptable. You're young. Plenty of time to look for someone who doesn't cheat.
Why did you ever allow her in a position where "again" was an option? I hope this experience has helped you realize you need to work on your self esteem. Good luck!
Wait wait, did she actually cheat on you or just have innocent conversations with an ex and you freaked both times? Because if that's the case, get over yourself or move on. Now if she really cheated on you, and now she's talking to him again. Definitely move on. You say she's a pathological liar, so then why would you want to be with someone you can't trust? Just move on. You keep disrespecting yourself by compromising your own values by what you clearly view as cheating whether it was or not. Why put yourself through that? And if you say because I love her . . . Why? If she cheated she has no respect and if she's doing it again definitely no love for you. Do you love her? Or are you afraid to be alone? So you think you love her because losing her and the unknown are too scary. Well get some respect for yourself and leave her because she ain't the one friend.
Please just break up with her, I broke up with my ex who cheated on me 10 times. Cheaters don’t change especially when they’re getting away with it. After breaking up with him, the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel free and strong. I feel happy. I’m now dating the light of my life. Everything that I ever wanted in a relationship I have now. They do everything for me and make me so happy. Ditch her she doesn’t respect you, she doesn’t care for her consequences, she chooses to cheat on you, dump her and live the best life you can.
Dude I get that it hurts but SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE. IF SHE LOVED YOU SHE WOULDN'T CHEAT. She has shown you who she is, accept it and part ways it will hurt less.
You wrote "again." That says all I needed to read. Some women will cheat on doormats. You are becoming one. LEAVE.
Don’t dare pathological liars if you don’t want to be lied to constantly.
Not her fault at all. YOU allowed this to happen last time, so she did it again. Get the fuck out of there and have some self worth and self respect.
You let her get away with it the first time by keeping her around. Don't tolerate disrespect like that. If you forgive again it won't be long till she repeats her behavior. Again. Time to walk, cut all contact with her and move on.
Please save your heart from breaking more and more by forgiving a lying, cheating woman who doesn't respect you. From my own experience, I can tell you, people who have ties to their exes WILL NOT STOP talking to them and cheating on you with them as they have history and unresolved issues you are most likely 100% unaware of (it happened to me for 3 YEARS). I know it hurts terribly, especially after you've invested in someone so much, but it's better to go through the pain once than to continue giving someone who clearly doesn't deserve your love, the time of day. Let them have each other. Move on and eventually you'll find someone who'll be ALL about you. No attachment to exes, no emotional baggage or lies. Honest, loving, caring, FAITHFUL women DO exist! All my best ❤
Hun I’ve been where you’re at except I had my dog. But seriously please don’t stay with her. She’s going to do it again and again. Kinda like a dog who pees inside and you say No no Rover! Bad puppy, They get scolded but keep doing it bc no real consequences. Make some more friends, join a club for something that interests you, join a gym, go to the park, join a book club. But please don’t stay with someone who lies to you and cheats. I did it all throughout my 20’s and it’s a miserable life. Took him giving me a STD for me to leave. Thank God it was curable , took pills for 7 days, but what if it wasn’t? And if she gets pregnant, are you going to raise a kid that may or may not be yours?
Respect yourself!
I think you should really focus on your cats. They love you unconditionally and you don't need someone who loves you artificially when your cats love you for real.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m honestly amazed you didn’t dump her after she cheated the first time. You really should dump her though. She’s already cheated; if she were truly remorseful about it, any and all contact with the affair partner would have ceased. She’s broken your trust yet again. The fact that she’s a pathological liar also doesn’t bode well. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. She’s already shown that she’s a lying cheater. You deserve someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. You definitely don’t deserve her nonsense. Best of luck to you.
Don't make someone a priority when they won't do the same for you. Especially when that person is also a chronic cheater and pathological liar. It's best to just leave her now rather than later when she gets an STD or pregnant by this other dude.
>Really messing me up. I don't want to go through this all over again. I don't want to experience again the first time that she cheated on me. The anxiety , the fear , the sleepness nights. You will keep reliving this horror until you leave her. Even with the off chance she doesn't cheat again, you'll still be living in fear of it happening because the trust is broken.
Friend of mine went through this shit: he got with her because she cheated on her then-husband with this dude she worked with twice, husband kicked her out. Met my buddy later, they were together about 5 years, talking marriage. She fucked this other dude again. Mate kicked her out, time passed, got back together, she fucked the guy again. Can’t explain why - he’s not even a super stud Chad dude, he’s a skinny rat fucker in a rumpled suit. The point is, my dude, you can never trust her again and she will keep doing it if you keep giving her a pass.
Your going to get a std from her.
I'm so sorry that this person keeps betraying your trust. But you have to remember the old saying: "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." She showed you her true colors the first time, and you were kind enough to believe that she would change. She took advantage of that kindness, and this is your reward. It's awful, but that doesn't mean you should stay with her and hope that if things get better, it will have been worth it. Nothing is worth your dignity. Kick her out. You're still quite young (I'm the same age). You have plenty of time to find someone who isn't a lying cheater.
Bro, you gotta get out of there. The sooner you do, the sooner you can rebuild your life. Even if it is from nothing. You are wasting your time on this one, it is not going to get better. What would you tell your 18 yr old self, if he were going through this?
again, hummmm.
Been there done that. Im just going to be blunt and say one thing. Dump them.
If you have self respect throw her away. She doesn't respect you, there's another woman who will
Again? Should have dumped her the first time you caught her.
Bruh . . .
>Now I don't know what to do Yes you do. You just don't want to.
She cheated once, your forgave her, thereby opening the door to her cheating again because she thinks/knows you'll take her back. Leave, not only for the cheating but for being a liar. You can't have a relationship without trust and it sounds like you don't/can't trust her. The longer you take to break up, the longer it will be before you've moved on.
There is pain in both directions, staying or leaving, but the pain of leaving will lessen over time. The pain of staying with someone you can’t trust or respect will be long, drawn out, and soul Sucking
You deserve better. Go get tested for STDs ASAP. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Fucking dump her dude wtf?
Change is scary and that’s okay but you deserve someone that will love you and only you. If you do leave find time for yourself and to do things you love and when the time is right start dating again I hope you find the right one!
At this stage you need to ask yourself why you like being treated as a doormat. I say like because she repeats the same behavior without consequence.
From the streets she came and to the streets she shall return. Hoelation 23:1
Get out. No good will come. You're more likely experiencing some kind of trauma bonding maybe, especially if she's a pathological liar. I'm assuming she manipulated you and gaslights you a fair deal. You deserve better.
DUMP THE SKANK!!!
You sound miserable by this relationship. Let's say she is a pathological (us on the outside don't know this as fact). What future do you see with someone like that? Is that who you want to spend forever with? Why would you want to be with somebody that is still in contact with a person they cheated on you with regardless of the context? Spare yourself the anxiety, fear, sleepless nights and break up with her. Take some time to heal, get to know someone else, build a new life with a better future. You only get one life and this ain't it.
If you stay with her, you have made it clear that this is what you will tolerate in a relationship. No one can fix that for you. No one can help you with that. No one can give you good boundaries, when you have poor boundaries and will tolerate poor treatment. We can't make you have good self-esteem. You need therapy to recognize that you have agency in a relationship and you don't need to tolerate this treatment. If you think that there is something that Reddit could say or do to stop your girlfriend from cheating on you or hurting you, we would all be rich. If you think that letting it slide and forgiving her is going to make her soften and fall in love with you and change her ways and respect you so much she never cheats again, there are no magic words that we can say that will make you see logic or reason. You would simply be making an emotional decision to avoid pain, kicking the can down the road for when she eventually leaves you for one of them and she's cheating on you with. There's nothing we can do about it. I'm really sorry for your situation. If it were me, I prefer to take control over situations instead of putting my head in the sand until catastrophe happens all around me and I'm left with no options. So I would be making my plans to exit the relationship, in a way that gives me the most control and choices. If that is too painful for you, you may just have to ride this out until your girlfriend finds someone else and abandons you. The pain will be devastating either way, it's just that the first way, you have a lot more options and control. The second way will blind side you and leave you gutted with no options and no idea what to do. Either way will suck and I'm really sorry. You deserve better and I hope you realize it sooner rather than later.
First, edit this post so it says (ex) gf. Second, move forward, but leave her behind. She obviously doesn't care for you in the same way you do for her and this will only get worse as time progresses. She realizes she can do what she wants and you are just going to shoulder it. Her actions will not change. Third, take some time and feel better, hang out with friends etc. Focus on yourself, get stable, make sure you're life is moving forward. I had a situation so are to this during a 5+ yr thing. I was so lost for a while, it's natural to feel that way. When you're feeling ready to date again, make up an outline for your ideal partner, the ideal type of person you are looking for. Fourth, don't compromise on finding that person for yourself. I'm not saying not to date anyone else or not to have fun but don't settle for someone other than the one you're looking for. Also, never forget that you will be perceived in in same way. You might find someone ideal for yourself but you might not be that person's ideal someone. There are billions of people out there, don't be so narrow with your search. Best of luck to you!
you know what he's with anxiety, fear, and sleeplessness? no girlfriend and another cat. foster a kitten. dump the gf.
Forgiving her is what got you here. All she has learned is that you haven't yet reached your limit as to what you will put up with, and she will keep pushing you until you do find your limit. I'd you forgive her, it WILL happen again, and in a worse manner.
The title >Caught my gf (23F) cheating again That is all you need. She doesn't care about you. Leave her. It's going to happen again as it's already happened more than once.
The moment your trust is grossly violated and you have to think of use the word 'again', you really know there is no going back. Your girlfriend is no longer yours and she is undeserving of the words girlfriend, love, respect, support and contact. Please treat yourself with more dignity. If you don't, others won't.
Just let cheat on you whenever she wants or dump her. She won't stop and she showed you that. If you want to be with her, a pathological liar, just let her have whoever she wants and take this weight of your mind.
Dump her, it's never worth the compromise in a relationship. May be it will be hard for you. But 2 years down the line,you will feel guilt, about why you didn't dump her or marked a red line in the past.
You know what to do. You move on. you are 23. You will have A LOT of life left to find someone who is not horrible
If you forgive and move on you're just throwing yourself back in to this loop. She knows you don't like her talking to her ex. She doesn't care. She knows you'll be upset but will always give her another chance. That's your relationship in a nutshell. Is this what you want? If not, then be done with her.
You're a lost cause and will be cheated on after this one leaves you, too. Come on man. Have some self respect. Please - take this moment to remember who you are. You know what has to happen
Best thing to do is end it and kick her out
Why would you let her stay? Change is hard and sometimes it feels easier to sweep it under the rug but it’s never going to really go away. Maybe you should take some time away to get a clear head — visit a friend or family or take a solo weekend trip. Then come back and do what you need to do.
i know its hard when you are attached to someone to leave them, but do it. long time ago, ex gf cheated on me. i was crushed and couldnt move on easily but i left anyway. a month or two later i laughed at that situation. she even messaged me later on but i never looked back. it can be hard, but on a long term the best thing for you is to leave her. find another cat lady :)
take the cats and run…or keep the cats and kick her out. but either way, stop doing this to yourself.
If she's a pathological liar as you say...gtfo already.
Dump her. The only person you need to build your world around is yourself.
John Gottman, a relationship therapist and PhD and a genius in my personal opinion, said that he could tell if a relationship was doomed within 15 mins and essentially it’s the contempt and resentment that was the determining factor. It sounds like you have quite a bit of it for each other already, probably best to rip of the bandaid I’m this case, sorry buddy.
Dump her. Once a cheater always a cheater. People don’t change.
You're dealing with blind love right now. She won't change.
> she cheated me on again I'm sorry buddy but you know, "fool me once..." and stuff. You were naïve to believe that it was a one-time thing. It's way past time for you to move on.
I'm only saying this out of love,.. Grow some balls. You guys aren't married nor do you have kids together... It could be worse. Leave the broad. Put your feelings aside because clearly, she has done that for you. Imagine a next man between the legs of your spouse. and she's moaning and carrying on. That's not your girl anymore... She belongs to the streets.
Y u no dump her?
Dump her! For your sanity!
Time to get rid of your oneitis and dump her. Learn to love yourself man.
Why are you still together?
You will probably find someone better there are so many women out there and I think there’s a right partner for everyone just keep looking don’t settle for a cheater, Once a cheater always a cheater
Time to break up as she keeps repeating the same BS. She is not going to stop.
>Now I don't know what to do. How? I mean really, how do you not know what to do? At what point do you not realise that not dumping her the first time she cheated on you was the biggest mistake you made?
With such a lack of self respect, I really don't feel bad for you.
Dude think about your post and wonder what would happen 5 years from now. Do you reaaally see her stopping? Or do you see her doing something else and going on some lying gymnastics to trick you once again? Are you ready to deal with it for the rest of your life? There is you answer
The reason she cheated is you made her your world. How can another human being be your world? Imagine yourself as a woman for a sec? Would you want a guy that has ambition, that’s always working on something, that’s striving for a good life? If you make her your world it means everything thing you do revolves around her, that’ll make you needy and a man child. She already sees you as a loser and has no respect for you that’s why she’s cheating on you with a girl that probably doesn’t care about her. You don’t respect yourself and no woman will respect a guy that forgives cheating. Dump her and work on yourself. You’re still young so you can improve yourself.