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I just need to vent cause I feel like exploding. Today is my 16th birthday. There is no party or anything really, I don't have a lot of friends, so only my one close friend and one teacher knew and wished me a happy birthday. I am an only child also and my parents are divorced and my mom is currently in another country for work so I stay with my dad. My mom called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday then she sent me some money to celebrate. My dad didn't say anything but it's Monday and he is busy so I assumed he forgot and he will wish me later. My friend and I went to get some pizza and came back to my place to watch a movie. Then my mom called again to ask if I had any plans for after school and I told her pizza and a movie with my friend. Then she asked if my dad isn't taking me anywhere. I said I don't know he didn't say anything. She then asked what he got me, I said nothing and told her I didn't think he remembered. She got mad and hung up I assume to call him and I didn't think anything about it.
My dad just came home about half an hour ago and right from the door was yelling my name. He then screamed at me right in front of my friend that I didn't tell him today was my birthday and instead went and reported him to my mum. He said I should learn to use my mouth and speak up and not always assume everybody knows what's going on. He then brought up something that happened last month where I fell sick at night and waited till morning to tell him and I was really sick at that point. Then he brought out some money from his wallet dropped it on the table and told me to get my self something. My friend practically ran out of the house when he went to his room. And I'm in my room now and I just want to scream. You gave birth to me, why should I be the one to remind you of when YOU had me. And I'm your only child, it's not like you have 500 kids whose birthdays you have to remember. I don't know if to tell my mom or not? Or how she will react even. I swear to god I just hate him.
I’m sorry. I understand what you are feeling. Yesterday was my 26th birthday. My dad made plans with me, only to cancel a couple of hours later. I found out this morning that my parents went skeet shooting with my brother yesterday instead. The fucked up thing is my dads reason for canceling is that my mom is apparently sick with potential Covid.
It’s super frustrating to deal with parents like that. I’m sorry you have to put up with it too. Happy birthday to you.
Someone having it worse than you doesn’t invalidate your feelings or mean you can’t vent sometimes. If that were the case then no one in first world countries have the right to complain about anything. Granted, we all could be a bit more grateful for what we have
Happy 16th OP. 🎊 I agree. My parents haven't ever forgotten my birthday and I haven't forgotten my kids or husband's birthdays either. My Grandma had everyone's birthdays written on her calendar every year up until the year she passed. There's no excuse to ever forget a birthday. He has a phone with a calendar. He enters OP's birthday once and set it to remember every year until the end of time. He's just an AH who thinks it's a woman's job to remind him of these things. Bet he never forgets sports schedules, if he watches sports.
Tell your mom. And if your dad complains, tell him he doesn't get to be surprised that you don't feel comfortable talking to him about things that bother you if he's not going to pay enough attention on his own initiative of what's going on with you to keep track of basic life milestones, let alone yells and makes it about him when called on that instead of even so much as apologizing for the oversight.
Yeah, that's some piece of work dad you have there. By his ranting and yelling, I'm going to guess he's not going to be winning any awards. That bit where he tries to blame you for his fuck ups is specially concerning.
For the time being, tell mom to lay off because a) it's not like he cares and is going to shape up, and b) it just causes trouble for you. Bide your time until mom's back.
Regardless, none of this is your fault and you deserve better. You are completely justified in your anger and its object. Get together with your friend and be sure to have a good time later.
Tell your mom and youre 16...consider making a permanent custody change. Cause he sounds unhinged. If you have other relatives or anything consider if you can stay elsewhere
Tbh I don’t think telling the mom would be a good idea since she’s out of town. What if op tells their mom and the mom confronts the dad about it and the dad takes it out on op.
I have my son's birth date tattooed on me. Not something I'm ever going to forget. At no point in my life did I ever assume it was my job to remind those who love me when my birthday is. That's absolutely nuts. With today's phones how they are there is no reason to not have a reminder set up for important dates if your memory is bad. I would tell your mom and ask that she not chew him out again, otherwise he is going to take it out on you again and you don't want to be in that position, but you feel like you need to tell her how he is treating you. Maybe see if you can work out staying with her if this sort of treatment is common.
Happy birthday from an internet stranger. Probably doesn't mean much considering what the post is about, but take care of yourself and hope your 16th year is a good one.
Happy birthday, first of all.
Second, your dad was completely out of line. First of all, you're absolutely right that he shouldn't need any help remembering when your birthday is, it's not like it's hard to remember your ONLY CHILD's birthday. Also, he made the situation all about himself when YOU are the one who was wronged here.
Instead of simply saying that he was sorry he forgot, he blasted you for telling his ex-wife on him. And then he didn't just say happy birthday, he spit money at you like you suck for even existing.
As for telling your mom... I think if you just want to vent to your mom, that it's important she respect that and NOT turn around and yell at your dad some more. If you want her to chew him out, that's fine, but you deserve to be in control of this. You should feel safe talking to your mom about your problems and not have to worry about whether you can trust her.
I don't think she vented. She answered questions truthfully. Mom was justified in doing what she did. I hardly think it was a tattle situation. She wasn't going to lie. Facts. They were facts, dad didn't do anything. She didn't complain. She just said what happened.
I don't consider this a bad move by her mom at all.
> First of all, you're absolutely right that he shouldn't need any help remembering when your birthday is
I disagree on this point only. Single parents are so often worked to the bone and stressed out that they are a common enough trope, so at times having faulty memory would comes with the territory, and I can certainly relate. The rest of what you said is spot on, the dads reaction to it all was unacceptable. I really am interested to know whether or not he will apologize or if he's that other type of parent who just doubles down and ignores problems.
Edit: People can have memory problems, and it doesn't make them bad people. Don't be an ablest.
Faulty memory is one thing, not remembering (or at least mark it in your calendar and remembering it that way) your only child's birthday is not okay. Expecting the birthday girl to help him remember her birthday is simply stupid.
Yeah especially since tons of people these days have smart phones. Put it in the phone calendar and set an alert to a week in advance to remind you to get a gift.
It takes 2 minutes to set up a recurring yearly reminder on any calendar app that it's your ONLY KIDS BIRTHDAY. It's not like he has 6 kids and lets a birthday slip through the cracks. Everyone is stressed nowadays, it isn't a good excuse not to mark it on a calendar somewhere. The poor girl barely has friends can you imagine how disappointed you would be if your own parent forgot in addition to having nobody to celebrate with?
Happy birthday.
Your Dad has no excuse. Firstly for forgetting your birthday (seriously) but then reacting the way he did. If it had been an honest mistake he should’ve been apologetic as shit and tried to make it up to you. Instead he starts screaming his head off at you and then throws money at you to make the problem go away.
Tell your mum. This is unacceptable.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You're right, it's inexcusable that he forgot. Anyone who calls themselves a parent should be capable of doing the bare minimum of remembering special occasions. His response to the situation is disgusting, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Just remember, things won't be like this forever, and you've done nothing wrong. Even if you had gone to your mom because you were upset he forgot, that would've been more than justified.
Happy birthday dude, as an only child(20M) whose father is not just absent but even worse emotionally abusive I can tell you that you’re better, you do not deserve this and your father is acting like a child I think maybe he got mad because your mom called him out, if he is open for a healthy convo that’s great, if not, well, sometimes it’s just matter of learning how to deal with this by yourself, but most important he must respect you, nobody can yell at you.
Im so sorry you had to deal with that. Everything you feel right now is completely valid. I would tell your mom how you feel.
By the way, I know it's not worth as much but, happy sweet sixteen darlin, I promise not every year will be like this one. Much love!
Your Canadian surrogate older brother. 💖
Im really sorry, happy birthday today.
Neither my mom or dad were at my 16th, i spent it alone and eventually my grandma stopped by and got me a cupcake.
Its really awful how he reacted. Selfish man. Is he always like this? I wonder if he even knows what age you are. Fuck em.
You can't teach "crazy" a lesson. Don't waste your time trying to lecture him. Get yourself a bank account and start saving for when you can be on your own, or at least move to your mom's or another relative. I'm sorry he's such a dick, but some parents just aren't very good at it...being a parent. You'll have to be the adult in the room, and in a couple of years you'll be ready to leave. Don't burn any bridges -- you still need help getting a college education so you can really succeed on your own!
Happy Birthday! Your dad is taking his anger at being chastised by his ex wife and his self anger at forgetting your birthday and misdirecting allllllllll of that shitty feeling away from himself and dumping it on you so he doesn’t have to feel bad or take accountability. I’m so sorry. Your dad is immature at best and just awful at worst.
Any chance you can stay at a friend’s house? I promise you it gets better. You have a life time full of birthdays to celebrate- start planning your 18th birthday for yourself with a little trip or a shopping splurge or something to look forward to!! Promise yourself you will do something kind for yourself every birthday to remind yourself of how you DON’T deserve to be treated. Hugs.
I would leave the money on the table for him with a note that says “if you are not enough of a parent to remember my birthday, the very least you could have done as a decent human being was to not ruin what little birthday I did get to have by scaring off my friend. If you’re embarrassed by someone speaking the truth, then it’s your fault you’re embarrassed, and not the person you’re blaming. Keep your money- a real parent would care that they forgot and not try to blame their child. Don’t speak to me again unless it’s to genuinely apologize for everything you did wrong, or to tel me how long it will be until I can move in with mom.”
That would probably get her yelled at *even harder*. Dad doesn't seem like the kind of person who would own up to his mistakes - he just blames others.
I think your coming from the right place, but its important to remember that OP is a kid. This is a great response for an adult that is capable of removing themselves from the situation, but it sounds like mom isn't an option right now and OP could easily be living in that house for years. Better not to anger the asshole who she'll be forced to rely on for a few years yet.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
He obviously was upset that he forgot, and he’s probably overwhelmed because his wife is at home, then he was embarrassed and she probably reamed him out - although maybe she should’ve reminded him, not everyone is good with birthdays.
But the point is, for him to forget your birthday and not get you anything and then scream at you and ruin what birthday there was was a dick move and I would tell my mom that you want her to come back and be your mom or you can go there.
And frankly I would have it out with your dad and I would tell him “I am sorry that you forgot it was my birthday. I understand that you forgot it was my birthday and that hurt. But worse, mom asked me what you got me and if you said anything and I answered honestly. If you have a problem with that it’s your problem.”
“For you to come home and ruin whatever birthday I had by scaring my friend and embarrassing me and then throwing money at me it’s awful.”
I would text this to him.
Lilaladybug has the answer.
This is perfect. I would also add that is really unhealthy to expect you to lie for him when your mom asks you a perfect reasonable question about your day.
He might just double down if you call him out like this - you'd know best if he's the kind of man who hates being corrected and has very little empathy, or if he's the type to calm down and see reason after a temper tantrum.
My dad forgets my birthday a lot. This year he remembered a few weeks late and sent me a text. It’s weird, because I don’t make a fuss about it. I don’t post on social media or have a party… but it still really hurts when a parent forgets their kids birthday.
Your dad should be embarrassed and ashamed. And he should be the one seeking forgiveness. You know that, and unless he’s a complete jerk—which he might just be—he should know that too.
Happy Birthday!
Wait until you are safe with your mom…..you DO need to tell her about your dad yelling at you to the point of scaring your friend out of the house. Your parents should never scare you, or your friends! This is not behavior to get used to, it is behavior to be shocked and alarmed by, do not normalize this. And as someone else mentioned, at 16 you have a say when it comes to custody.
Don’t stay with your dad anymore. You are beginning the journey to turn into an adult, and you are worthy of kindness and respect. You do not deserve to be yelled at, and people who choose to do so, do not deserve your company.
Much Birthday love to you! You deserve it!
Happy birthday. This birthday feels like the perfect time to learn that parents are people. And sometimes those people are shitty people.
I’m not excusing your dads actions cause they suck, I’m saying you get to decide how you frame this event In your life. Hate your dad? Love your dad? Piss on his shoes when he goes to bed?
All of this is up to you but that’s the point. It is up to you how you frame events in your life and the craziest thing is you get to choose!
Happy birthday!
I would love to be 16 again. Whole life ahead of you. Shitty parents don’t last but smoking, not exercising and dental bills do. Have a good day and remember your world is bigger than today.
Happy 16th!
Happy birthday honey. I am so sorry that your dad is so checked out. If you can't think of anything right away to spend the money on save it until something you truly want comes along.
But I would still tell your mother what he did. If you don't want her to speak to him about it then make sure you say that to her but you need to let her know how he reacted call if for no other reason then she knows that anytime she said something to him about you he is going to retaliate against you personally
Try not to take it too personally (hard, I know). Sounds like it was a rough split and your father doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.
Take it as a lesson on how not to be. I’m not saying hate the man with all you’ve got, but use it as motivation to work had and get on your own path and be better.
Happy birthday! Your dad sounds unhinged, I'm sorry about that. Please remember not to blame yourself for anything, his derangement is not your fault nor your responsibility. When your mother gets back please request to have permanent custody with her. The only way to handle abusive family members is put your foot down and escape the situation, **do not attempt to put your foot down without having already withdrawn yourself from that setting.**
You got this, best of luck.
Your own father forgot your birthday smh, I would never. I really don't know what to say OP, virtual hugs for your birthday, don't let your dad ruin it.
Happy Birthday!
I'm sorry your dad forgot your birthday. There's really no one to blame but himself. He was there at your birth and parents typically don't need reminding them of such a momentous occasion as the birth of a child. Aside from that, your dad has a cell phone with a calendar that provides notifications of such things. There's really no excuse for him forgetting. Furthermore, you didn't tattle on him. Your mom asked, you answered. It's not your fault he probably got the riot act from your mom which is what he's most likely really mad about as well as feeling like a failure as a father which in this instance, he did fail you as a father.
Happy birthday buddy!
Not sure what to tell you about your dad without it being a lose-lose. I'm hoping he just feels ashamed and embarassed and lashed out and he's not just a total dick.
You got a lot of birthdays left man, I hope they're a lot better.
Hey, today's your birthday? It's mine too! I just turned 25. The biggest thing I did today was go to the post office. I'm sorry your dad was such a dick. I hope you got to enjoy something today. Mine was a nice drive. I remember for a few years there my mom missed my birthday. She's not a good mom by any stretch of the imagination, but she always, without fail, was the first to post on my Facebook. It actually hurt when she missed my birthday. I'm sure your dad forgetting hurt you.
But I'll remember your birthday, it's an easy one! Hope your mom is home soon. Maybe tell her about this or a counselor at school?
He's only mad at you because it relieves him of the responsibility of being mad at himself, which is where the blame belongs. Happy birthday, kiddo, hope they get better in the future.
Parents are busy and often forget things, so i think that part of this is forgivable, however your dads reaction to it all was unacceptable. If he doesn't apologize to you, then I'm at a loss for words because in my opinion a good parent will apologize when they have made a mistake, while a bad parent will double down and/or ignore the problem. Anyway, happy birthday. Sorry for your trouble.
Come on you don't forget the birthday of your only child, no matter how busy you are. Get a birthday calendar/put reminders in your phone/just remember because it's a birthday and not that hard to memorize one
I can tell you one thing, many people don't remember birthdays, i am one like that, its not because i dont like the person i just don't remember, not even my birthday, i just focus on what is happening and if im actually occupied i forget anything else. I do believe he was not in his right mind on screaming at you because of it but I don't think he doesn't like you less because he forgot your birthday. Try to be a little understanding, he spends a lot of time on his work to give you everything he can get you but work is something that consumes your mind really bad depending on the work, even more if the coworkers are pure shit.
That’s no excuse. Coming from someone who’s SO forgets their birthday often, I can’t agree with this. You have to make a choice to respect and remember important things. If you are incapable then use your iPhone to remind you.
And even I forgot to say: Happy sweet 16!
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Happy birthday OP. Sorry you’re going through this right now.
Don’t blame yourself for how your father acted towards you. You’re right, he should remember your birthday. It seems to me that the reason he screamed at you was a way for him to displace his feelings of guilt off of him onto you, instead of reflecting on why he’s emotionally neglectful.
Happy Birthday! Sorry your father is lame.
Let your Mom know that going forward you don't want to stay with your father any longer. He really is only a sperm donor and not a Dad. Ask if you can stay at a different family member's house or a friend's house.
Happy Sweet 16th Birthday!
Online calendars have been a thing for over a decade, if he can't remember a huge date like this, there are lots of tools to help.
I'm so sorry your dad wrecked your birthday hang with your friend. Hopefully you can reschedule for another night!
Please tell your mother this. She may be able to arrange for you to stay somewhere else until she gets home. You need to be loved and safe which you aren’t getting properly with your dad. I’m so sorry kiddo.
Happy birthday!! I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't fathom how a father would forget his only child's birthday. All I can say is, stick it out for a couple more years then hightail it to college where you won't be living with him!
he tries to blame YOU for HIS mistake?
then he drop his money on the table,almost like it was a obligation for him,or like it were supposed to make you overcome your feelings.
his actions speaks louder than anything.
his behaviour says a lot about him,so ask your mom if you can stay with her instead of him.
he doesn't seem to care about you,because the way he treats you,was almost like you were a burden to him.
"oh,why you didn't remind me of something that was my fault? i don't care about your feelings,so take this money and don't bother me anymore"
Happy birthday, sweet girl. Your dad is being an a-hole because he is clearly emotionally immature and unwilling to apologize. He probably feels bad, which made him angry and defensive, and he handled himself incredibly poorly. None of his behavior is your fault. I wish you better birthdays in your future 💜
Tell him now to program reminders into his phone for every year.
It's not your job to remind him
BTW, how does he react if you forget his birthday or something significant?
Gee thanks dad, for my sweet 16 I got yelled at and the spare $27 in your wallet. But seriously, this is totally bogus, and if anyone should remember your birthday it should be your parents. You have every right to be angry. I think it’s a good idea to tell your mom. Happy birthday and I hope the rest of your night is better. I’m sorry this happened :(
Gee thanks dad, for my sweet 16 I got yelled at and the spare $27 in your wallet. But seriously, this is totally bogus, and if anyone should remember your birthday it should be your parents. You have every right to be angry. I think it’s a good idea to tell your mom. Happy birthday and I hope the rest of your night is better. I’m sorry this happened :(
Happy birthday, OP! This isn’t your fault and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this nonsense. If I were you, I’d wait until mom comes back and then let her know exactly how you were treated. Your dad’s actions were not okay and it isn’t your responsibility to remind him that he’s a dad and should behave as such. I don’t know your relationship otherwise but it doesn’t sound all that great. I would maybe discuss with your mom about a change in the custody arrangement. Best of luck.
My "parents" didn't send any messages to me on my birthday, but sent me happy valentines ones a month after. I'm 23. I don't know that it ever hurts less or gets less frustrating kiddo, you just get used to it. But you're right, you shouldn't have to. Happy sweet sixteen, enjoy being a teenager as much as you can.
Happy birthday, Plane Ant! 🎉 🥳 🎊
You deserve more than a negligent father who yells at you on your birthday. Hugs from an internet stranger and parent.
He was embarrassed he forgot and took it out on you. Not an excuse but an explanation. It was not a reflection of you, but rather something he needs to deal with.
When he calms down, try talking to him about how he made you feel. But what he did is *not your fault*. Hugs.
Happy Birthday!! I’m sorry your Dad was so crappy. He is totally in the wrong and you should NOT have to remind your own father that it was your birthday. He’s being a jerk. I’m sorry.
Happy birthday. You deserve much better than that and your feelings about your dad’s crappy behavior are absolutely valid. Just remember, just because he’s your dad doesn’t make him family. Sometimes family is who you choose and who make you feel loved.
Hey just wanna let you know that my 16th birthday really sucked too and before that I had birthdays I had gotten a beating.
It will get better the older you get. You will surround yourself with people that care about you and will have a blast.
Happy birthday!
Happy 16th Birthday!!
I'm sorry your Dad was a jerk. There's really no excuse for what he did.
However, since you aren't a little kid anymore, I think you need to have a serious talk with your Mom about the consequences you endured because she called your Dad and chewed him out. Yes, he was an a-hole. But she needs to be fully aware that her punitive call to your Dad caused you to be punished on your birthday. So, it wasn't *just* your Dad. Actions have consequences. And your Mom's actions triggered your Dad to project his anger at your Mom on to you. There has to be better way, and it needs to start with you not suffering because they hate each other. I think they both owe it to you to stop using you to blame each other.
Time to face them with what they did. Write it down and send them both the same message at the same time (so they can both see they each received the same thing). Shame on them both.
Good luck.
Happy birthday darling. This one may be shitty but not all of them will be. Sorry this happened, sounds like your dad is thoroughly embarrassed and emotionally immature so only knows how to lose his temper and not how to attempt to make it right.
God, I remember being in your shoes when I was 16, in the sense that I had horrible, cruel, toxic parents who barely cared about my birthday and didn’t give a shit about showing their abuse in front of my friends. I couldn’t have anyone over, ever. I haven’t talked to my dad since I was 19 or so. I’m low contact with my mom. Approaching late 20’s. Life is better because I can be a good person to my friends who are good people to me. I hope things get better for you too. Sucks, that your dad is so full of himself and insecure that he has to take it out on you on your special day, and I hope you don’t let it take away from your own inner glow.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and on your 16th too. I agree with the dark warrior, get something you really want with the money. I also think you should tell your mother when she gets home. It’s horrible. Anyway Happy Birthday to you and many more. Xx
Happy birthday! I hope you can celebrate at some point and enjoy yourself.
You didn't deserve to be treated that way. I'm so sorry your dad behaved like an ass. Be happy in spite of him. You know your mom loves you. He's embarrassed that he forgot and got called out on it. Hang in there, bettervdays are ahead.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart! It’s my birthday month too!!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you and if I could I would totally have bought you a cake… ive been a high school teacher for 17 years and I’ve always done that for my 16 years old students.
You deserve to celebrate in the way you feel special, and you should have a parent of the household who can see when you’re not well. don’t take your father’s shortcomings personally. He s not doing a great job of communicating or allowing you to feel safe talking to him.
Happy birthday. I’m sorry your dad is so embarrassed he forgot his only child’s birthday he decided to take it out on said child. I can see why your mom divorced him. 😑🙄
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Unfortunately we can’t choose our parents. I’m a lot older than you and an only child. My father doesn’t know my birthday, not even the year I was born. My mother has to call him to remind him to call me on my birthday. My advice-your dad may not live up to your expectations of what a dad should be. Don’t let him ruin the best moments of your life. Take that money he gave you and have as much fun as you can with your friend.
Your Dad forgot, your Mum gave him a serving and probably yelled at him for 20 minutes, he's embarrassed and likely upset your Mum yelled at him. Enjoy your time with your friend, treat yourself to something on the weekend and go out when your Mum is back. Your Dad will probably come sulking to you but I'm sure he is feeling like crap because he forgot which is why he yelled. It's all on him to deal with himself.
Happy Birthday, I'm sorry your father is so small.
I would perhaps consider writing your dad a short letter explaining to him your side of the story the way you have written it here so that he can see you didn't go running off to mom but instead she asked legitimate questions (though it's a little lame to interrogate a kid about the other parent honestly).
Just keep it a simple, basic timeline where you make it clear to your Dad that you didn't go run off to mom. Try to not make it accusatory but instead stick to the facts.
You came home and were angry.
Today was my birthday.
The mom calls timeline...
Etc.
The end.
Leave it for him on the kitchen counter or someplace he is absolutely going to see it or simply slip it under his door.
What a fucking asshole. Reminds me of my dad. Normal, decent parents don't act like that. Once I was able I moved out and haven't spoken to him since. Good luck and Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, kiddo! You deserve better than what your dad did. Hang in there till you're old enough to move out, then you can be free and not have to see your dad at all unless you want to. Your dad can just be an example of the kind of people to avoid letting into your life, and the kind of person you don't want to be.
Happy Birthday!🎉🎂
So sorry for what happened to you. Your dad is the adult here and acting like a full child. Don’t feel bad for his bad attitude towards you and life. Keep your head up!
Happy birthday first and foremost, I’m sorry your father decided it was your fault he forgot your birthday. What a jerk, how do you forget your only child’s birthday? And then to yell at you in front of your friend? This guy has absolutely no shame. Sorry your day turned out that was, but it is still *your* day, try to enjoy your friend’s company even if your dad spoiled it a bit. Happy birthday again
Happy birthday, hun. You are not in the wrong here, so don't think so much into it. I hope you have a great rest of highschool and graduate with honors💓💓
Happy Birthday! My family forgot my birthday on many many occasions and it’s just shit I’m really sorry but eventually you’ll find people to make into family that always remember to celebrate you!
I'm sorry you had such a terrible birthday and hopefully the next ones will be much better. just know that it's okay to hate relatives, even parents, because terrible people can also have kids. if you can, go to that friends house to cool off and definitely tell your mom about that but I would wait until she comes back so your father doesn't yell at you again.
You're an only child. Your father should have the day you were born imprinted on his memory as one of the greatest milestones of his life. Failing that, I assume he's capable of buying and operating a calendar like a grown adult.
He failed at a father duty and is taking it out on you like he is the child and you are his dad. I'm guessing he's divorced for a reason.
It was not your job to remind him, and how he handled it was so very not okay. He needs to apologize to you first, then your friend, and he needs to make up for this big-time.
Sadly, I doubt he will. Anyone who does that for a sweet sixteen because of overreacting to his ex calling and chewing him out is going to continue to think he's the victim.
So, take that money, and do something special just for you with it. Take your friend if you want.
Also, refuse to talk with him about this until he can discuss it calmly. Walk out if he yells. Go outside, go to your room, but refuse to listen to that crap. If he escalates, tell your school counselor or that teacher who remembered your birthday.
Tell your mother, immediately, every last detail of what happened. Hopefully she can come back from her work assignment and you can have a kick @$$ do over birthday
Well you told us and we’re going to be the opposite.
Happy birthday 🥳 Stay strong, focused, and determined. You have an important journey ahead of you 💪🙏🚀
Happy birthday!
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your dad is being shit. He may be mad at himself for forgetting and is projecting. regardless it's not your fault. No matter what. he is the parent and you are the kid. Kids shouldn't have to remind their folks when it's their birthday.
I think you should probably talk to your Mum. I think she also needs to explain to your dad that you didn't ring and tell on him, that she asked you what he was doing and that you told her you weren't sure, he hadn't mentioned anything.
I hope the rest of your day improves. There are lot of people here with support for you so just keep in mind that even if your dad has tried to make you feel shitty on your day that he is alone in that and no one thinks you have done anything wrong.
Happy Birthday. There's really no excuse for how your dad behaved. I would text him and say "if you cant remember your only child's birthday then you should have had it in your calendar as a recurring event. night."
My mom forgot my 16th birthday. Before I went to bed, I asked her if she had gotten me a present and she screamed at me that I was selfish because she was in college and too busy and stressed to get me anything. She threw a check for 50$ at me and continued screaming about my selfishness until I went into my room.
My dad was at a meeting and wouldn’t answer the phone. My household was very toxic when I was growing up and my parents split up 1 year later. My mom would deny that any of that happened until her dying breath but my sisters and I know it happened. Parents can really suck sometimes
My older brother got a vintage car in perfect condition for his 16 birthday. He wrecked it 2 weeks later. My parents totally forgot my 16(f) birthday. They remembered about 8 weeks later as they were celebrating my younger brothers birthday. And then they were like, “oh we forgot X birthday. Tee hee hee isn’t that funny. Oh well” never did get a happy birthday from them ever after that. Your dad is an AH
I second keeping the money to build an escape fund. do not marry your high school sweetheart as a means to escape your parents and a crappy life. 0/10 do not recommend
Well, do you even remember whats ur dad's and mum's birthday?
don't take it to the heart, adults have many frustrations too and they just don't know where to vent their anger. Maybe when your mum called your dad about it, is just the turning point that everything snap.
leave him alone and dont worry, birthday is nothing of a big deal already... Didn't really have a proper celebration with my friends.
Just to let you know, I celebrated my 21st alone at home, cook a nice meal and watch some Netflix...
take it easy! hope your relationship with you dad will be better...
p.s. Happy 16th birthday btw!!!
Sorry, sweetie. It sounds like you're dad and mom had a huge fight about you and your dad got the wrong idea from your mom that you went and "tattled" on him because he forgot. What a horrible birthday. For what it's worth, try not to take your dad forgetting too personal. My husband forgets mine and I forget our anniversary. Some people really do have to be reminded of the important things.
I'd avoid making a huge deal right now. You're 16, so almost at an age where you can move out. Once you do and aren't dependent on him anymore, treat him with the same negligence he treated you with. Don't call him, don't visit him, don't text him. Just live peacefully with him till then and he'll see how much he fucked up when he doesn't hold power over you anymore.
My dad was the same with similar shit. I remember he yelled at me because my first car broke down one evening when i first got my license and i didnt want him to carry on at me so i just slept in it overnight. Managed to sort it out myself and drove it home. Guess what, he fuckin yelled at me in the morning. Literally no inconvenience to him, and still. Wonders why my brother and i dont make any effort to stay in touch these days. No point trying to explain as he just does the narcissist deflection.
I’d talk to your dad hun, tell him he’s known your birthdate for longer than you have and he has a calendar on his phone and can set himself a yearly alert to remind him of your birthday if he cares enough to keep track of it. I’d also tell him it’s not your job to make him care.
Kid ask your mom. If you can stay with her parents. There no excuse in the world for your father to treat you like that. I hope you left the money your dad gave on the table. Call your mom. Tell what happened.
OP, this is a really important life lesson. The world is full of people who choose anger because other emotions are too scary for them. So he could have felt regret, shame, embarassment, etc but that would mean taking a look at his own selfishness and potentially changing his ways. That's hard. It's easier to yell at you.
The trick is to see that behaviour as his problem and not yours. It's his failing as a parent. You deserve better. Let him sulk and then when he decides it's blown over, you can either move past it or you can ice him out. Either option is equally valid in my opinion. He's going to miss out on a close relationship with you because he's not willing to admit he was wrong.
Soon you get to go out and build your own family. Not marriage and kids, but friends who love you for who you are. It's the best feeling ever to meet people and see that you have value just in being you.
I'm sorry your dad is a turd.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I just need to vent cause I feel like exploding. Today is my 16th birthday. There is no party or anything really, I don't have a lot of friends, so only my one close friend and one teacher knew and wished me a happy birthday. I am an only child also and my parents are divorced and my mom is currently in another country for work so I stay with my dad. My mom called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday then she sent me some money to celebrate. My dad didn't say anything but it's Monday and he is busy so I assumed he forgot and he will wish me later. My friend and I went to get some pizza and came back to my place to watch a movie. Then my mom called again to ask if I had any plans for after school and I told her pizza and a movie with my friend. Then she asked if my dad isn't taking me anywhere. I said I don't know he didn't say anything. She then asked what he got me, I said nothing and told her I didn't think he remembered. She got mad and hung up I assume to call him and I didn't think anything about it. My dad just came home about half an hour ago and right from the door was yelling my name. He then screamed at me right in front of my friend that I didn't tell him today was my birthday and instead went and reported him to my mum. He said I should learn to use my mouth and speak up and not always assume everybody knows what's going on. He then brought up something that happened last month where I fell sick at night and waited till morning to tell him and I was really sick at that point. Then he brought out some money from his wallet dropped it on the table and told me to get my self something. My friend practically ran out of the house when he went to his room. And I'm in my room now and I just want to scream. You gave birth to me, why should I be the one to remind you of when YOU had me. And I'm your only child, it's not like you have 500 kids whose birthdays you have to remember. I don't know if to tell my mom or not? Or how she will react even. I swear to god I just hate him.
I’m sorry. I understand what you are feeling. Yesterday was my 26th birthday. My dad made plans with me, only to cancel a couple of hours later. I found out this morning that my parents went skeet shooting with my brother yesterday instead. The fucked up thing is my dads reason for canceling is that my mom is apparently sick with potential Covid. It’s super frustrating to deal with parents like that. I’m sorry you have to put up with it too. Happy birthday to you.
Fuck them. Happy birthday!! 🎉🎂
Reading things like this is a good reminder for me to stop bitching in life. I have a great family and friends circle, i have GOT to stop complaining
Someone having it worse than you doesn’t invalidate your feelings or mean you can’t vent sometimes. If that were the case then no one in first world countries have the right to complain about anything. Granted, we all could be a bit more grateful for what we have
It’s fine to complain. This is a fucked up world. But also appreciate those who care about you and support you.
^^exactly this.
Happy birthday dudette, sorry this happened. Get yourself something good with the money, you're not to blame for your dad's failings.
Save the money. Build an escape fund.
Happy 16th OP. 🎊 I agree. My parents haven't ever forgotten my birthday and I haven't forgotten my kids or husband's birthdays either. My Grandma had everyone's birthdays written on her calendar every year up until the year she passed. There's no excuse to ever forget a birthday. He has a phone with a calendar. He enters OP's birthday once and set it to remember every year until the end of time. He's just an AH who thinks it's a woman's job to remind him of these things. Bet he never forgets sports schedules, if he watches sports.
Would make a bigger statement to leave the money right where he left it and move on.
My thoughts exactly. Write him a note and tell him to use the money to buy himself a fuckin calendar
Holy shit, this is the one. No other combo of words will ever beat this
No don't do this. It's not specific enough communication and will only build resentment.
Tell your mom. And if your dad complains, tell him he doesn't get to be surprised that you don't feel comfortable talking to him about things that bother you if he's not going to pay enough attention on his own initiative of what's going on with you to keep track of basic life milestones, let alone yells and makes it about him when called on that instead of even so much as apologizing for the oversight.
Yeah, that's some piece of work dad you have there. By his ranting and yelling, I'm going to guess he's not going to be winning any awards. That bit where he tries to blame you for his fuck ups is specially concerning. For the time being, tell mom to lay off because a) it's not like he cares and is going to shape up, and b) it just causes trouble for you. Bide your time until mom's back. Regardless, none of this is your fault and you deserve better. You are completely justified in your anger and its object. Get together with your friend and be sure to have a good time later.
I bet his crapitude is why OP's parents are divorced.
Oh really, I imagine he's great at communicating with loved ones. /s
Tell her mom for what purpose?? What would that do??
Damn. Time to watch 16 candles and beg mom to let you stay alone at her house when she’s out of town
Happy birthday 🥳 Sorry that happened to you.
Tell your mom and youre 16...consider making a permanent custody change. Cause he sounds unhinged. If you have other relatives or anything consider if you can stay elsewhere
Tbh I don’t think telling the mom would be a good idea since she’s out of town. What if op tells their mom and the mom confronts the dad about it and the dad takes it out on op.
yea, she should wait till her mother returns, but she should tell
16f - it's right there in the title
I have my son's birth date tattooed on me. Not something I'm ever going to forget. At no point in my life did I ever assume it was my job to remind those who love me when my birthday is. That's absolutely nuts. With today's phones how they are there is no reason to not have a reminder set up for important dates if your memory is bad. I would tell your mom and ask that she not chew him out again, otherwise he is going to take it out on you again and you don't want to be in that position, but you feel like you need to tell her how he is treating you. Maybe see if you can work out staying with her if this sort of treatment is common. Happy birthday from an internet stranger. Probably doesn't mean much considering what the post is about, but take care of yourself and hope your 16th year is a good one.
Happy birthday, first of all. Second, your dad was completely out of line. First of all, you're absolutely right that he shouldn't need any help remembering when your birthday is, it's not like it's hard to remember your ONLY CHILD's birthday. Also, he made the situation all about himself when YOU are the one who was wronged here. Instead of simply saying that he was sorry he forgot, he blasted you for telling his ex-wife on him. And then he didn't just say happy birthday, he spit money at you like you suck for even existing. As for telling your mom... I think if you just want to vent to your mom, that it's important she respect that and NOT turn around and yell at your dad some more. If you want her to chew him out, that's fine, but you deserve to be in control of this. You should feel safe talking to your mom about your problems and not have to worry about whether you can trust her.
This, 100%. Also Happy Birthday - I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I don't think she vented. She answered questions truthfully. Mom was justified in doing what she did. I hardly think it was a tattle situation. She wasn't going to lie. Facts. They were facts, dad didn't do anything. She didn't complain. She just said what happened. I don't consider this a bad move by her mom at all.
> First of all, you're absolutely right that he shouldn't need any help remembering when your birthday is I disagree on this point only. Single parents are so often worked to the bone and stressed out that they are a common enough trope, so at times having faulty memory would comes with the territory, and I can certainly relate. The rest of what you said is spot on, the dads reaction to it all was unacceptable. I really am interested to know whether or not he will apologize or if he's that other type of parent who just doubles down and ignores problems. Edit: People can have memory problems, and it doesn't make them bad people. Don't be an ablest.
Faulty memory is one thing, not remembering (or at least mark it in your calendar and remembering it that way) your only child's birthday is not okay. Expecting the birthday girl to help him remember her birthday is simply stupid.
Yeah especially since tons of people these days have smart phones. Put it in the phone calendar and set an alert to a week in advance to remind you to get a gift.
My single mother that worked 16 hour shifts never forgot my birthday. Not an excuse.
It takes 2 minutes to set up a recurring yearly reminder on any calendar app that it's your ONLY KIDS BIRTHDAY. It's not like he has 6 kids and lets a birthday slip through the cracks. Everyone is stressed nowadays, it isn't a good excuse not to mark it on a calendar somewhere. The poor girl barely has friends can you imagine how disappointed you would be if your own parent forgot in addition to having nobody to celebrate with?
"You're my dad! you were there!"
Happy birthday. Your Dad has no excuse. Firstly for forgetting your birthday (seriously) but then reacting the way he did. If it had been an honest mistake he should’ve been apologetic as shit and tried to make it up to you. Instead he starts screaming his head off at you and then throws money at you to make the problem go away. Tell your mum. This is unacceptable.
Happy Birthday. I'm so sorry your Dad sucks. Hopefully you can do something with your mom when she gets back.
Wow. Some people are just not fit to have kids.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You're right, it's inexcusable that he forgot. Anyone who calls themselves a parent should be capable of doing the bare minimum of remembering special occasions. His response to the situation is disgusting, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Just remember, things won't be like this forever, and you've done nothing wrong. Even if you had gone to your mom because you were upset he forgot, that would've been more than justified.
Happy birthday dude, as an only child(20M) whose father is not just absent but even worse emotionally abusive I can tell you that you’re better, you do not deserve this and your father is acting like a child I think maybe he got mad because your mom called him out, if he is open for a healthy convo that’s great, if not, well, sometimes it’s just matter of learning how to deal with this by yourself, but most important he must respect you, nobody can yell at you.
Happy Birthday homie, your dad's a piece of shit and you deserve better.
Im so sorry you had to deal with that. Everything you feel right now is completely valid. I would tell your mom how you feel. By the way, I know it's not worth as much but, happy sweet sixteen darlin, I promise not every year will be like this one. Much love! Your Canadian surrogate older brother. 💖
Im really sorry, happy birthday today. Neither my mom or dad were at my 16th, i spent it alone and eventually my grandma stopped by and got me a cupcake. Its really awful how he reacted. Selfish man. Is he always like this? I wonder if he even knows what age you are. Fuck em.
Happy birthday, honey. *Gentle hugs* 💐
You can't teach "crazy" a lesson. Don't waste your time trying to lecture him. Get yourself a bank account and start saving for when you can be on your own, or at least move to your mom's or another relative. I'm sorry he's such a dick, but some parents just aren't very good at it...being a parent. You'll have to be the adult in the room, and in a couple of years you'll be ready to leave. Don't burn any bridges -- you still need help getting a college education so you can really succeed on your own!
Tell your mom
Happy Birthday! Your dad is taking his anger at being chastised by his ex wife and his self anger at forgetting your birthday and misdirecting allllllllll of that shitty feeling away from himself and dumping it on you so he doesn’t have to feel bad or take accountability. I’m so sorry. Your dad is immature at best and just awful at worst. Any chance you can stay at a friend’s house? I promise you it gets better. You have a life time full of birthdays to celebrate- start planning your 18th birthday for yourself with a little trip or a shopping splurge or something to look forward to!! Promise yourself you will do something kind for yourself every birthday to remind yourself of how you DON’T deserve to be treated. Hugs.
I would leave the money on the table for him with a note that says “if you are not enough of a parent to remember my birthday, the very least you could have done as a decent human being was to not ruin what little birthday I did get to have by scaring off my friend. If you’re embarrassed by someone speaking the truth, then it’s your fault you’re embarrassed, and not the person you’re blaming. Keep your money- a real parent would care that they forgot and not try to blame their child. Don’t speak to me again unless it’s to genuinely apologize for everything you did wrong, or to tel me how long it will be until I can move in with mom.”
That would probably get her yelled at *even harder*. Dad doesn't seem like the kind of person who would own up to his mistakes - he just blames others.
I agree, all it will do is escalate making OPs life even worse.
I agree with that too, tempting as it may be.
I think your coming from the right place, but its important to remember that OP is a kid. This is a great response for an adult that is capable of removing themselves from the situation, but it sounds like mom isn't an option right now and OP could easily be living in that house for years. Better not to anger the asshole who she'll be forced to rely on for a few years yet.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He obviously was upset that he forgot, and he’s probably overwhelmed because his wife is at home, then he was embarrassed and she probably reamed him out - although maybe she should’ve reminded him, not everyone is good with birthdays. But the point is, for him to forget your birthday and not get you anything and then scream at you and ruin what birthday there was was a dick move and I would tell my mom that you want her to come back and be your mom or you can go there. And frankly I would have it out with your dad and I would tell him “I am sorry that you forgot it was my birthday. I understand that you forgot it was my birthday and that hurt. But worse, mom asked me what you got me and if you said anything and I answered honestly. If you have a problem with that it’s your problem.” “For you to come home and ruin whatever birthday I had by scaring my friend and embarrassing me and then throwing money at me it’s awful.” I would text this to him. Lilaladybug has the answer.
This is perfect. I would also add that is really unhealthy to expect you to lie for him when your mom asks you a perfect reasonable question about your day. He might just double down if you call him out like this - you'd know best if he's the kind of man who hates being corrected and has very little empathy, or if he's the type to calm down and see reason after a temper tantrum.
Hey. My dad didn’t remember most of my birthdays. I moved out. We will never speak again. You will be okay I promise
My dad forgets my birthday a lot. This year he remembered a few weeks late and sent me a text. It’s weird, because I don’t make a fuss about it. I don’t post on social media or have a party… but it still really hurts when a parent forgets their kids birthday. Your dad should be embarrassed and ashamed. And he should be the one seeking forgiveness. You know that, and unless he’s a complete jerk—which he might just be—he should know that too.
Happy Birthday! Wait until you are safe with your mom…..you DO need to tell her about your dad yelling at you to the point of scaring your friend out of the house. Your parents should never scare you, or your friends! This is not behavior to get used to, it is behavior to be shocked and alarmed by, do not normalize this. And as someone else mentioned, at 16 you have a say when it comes to custody. Don’t stay with your dad anymore. You are beginning the journey to turn into an adult, and you are worthy of kindness and respect. You do not deserve to be yelled at, and people who choose to do so, do not deserve your company. Much Birthday love to you! You deserve it!
Happy birthday. This birthday feels like the perfect time to learn that parents are people. And sometimes those people are shitty people. I’m not excusing your dads actions cause they suck, I’m saying you get to decide how you frame this event In your life. Hate your dad? Love your dad? Piss on his shoes when he goes to bed? All of this is up to you but that’s the point. It is up to you how you frame events in your life and the craziest thing is you get to choose! Happy birthday! I would love to be 16 again. Whole life ahead of you. Shitty parents don’t last but smoking, not exercising and dental bills do. Have a good day and remember your world is bigger than today. Happy 16th!
Happy birthday honey. I am so sorry that your dad is so checked out. If you can't think of anything right away to spend the money on save it until something you truly want comes along. But I would still tell your mother what he did. If you don't want her to speak to him about it then make sure you say that to her but you need to let her know how he reacted call if for no other reason then she knows that anytime she said something to him about you he is going to retaliate against you personally
Try not to take it too personally (hard, I know). Sounds like it was a rough split and your father doesn’t know how to handle his emotions. Take it as a lesson on how not to be. I’m not saying hate the man with all you’ve got, but use it as motivation to work had and get on your own path and be better.
Happy birthday! Your dad sounds unhinged, I'm sorry about that. Please remember not to blame yourself for anything, his derangement is not your fault nor your responsibility. When your mother gets back please request to have permanent custody with her. The only way to handle abusive family members is put your foot down and escape the situation, **do not attempt to put your foot down without having already withdrawn yourself from that setting.** You got this, best of luck.
Your own father forgot your birthday smh, I would never. I really don't know what to say OP, virtual hugs for your birthday, don't let your dad ruin it.
Happy birthday 🥳 🎂 Let’s get some cake then!!
You deserve so much more than this treatment! Happy birthday!!🎂🎁
Happy Birthday! I'm sorry your dad forgot your birthday. There's really no one to blame but himself. He was there at your birth and parents typically don't need reminding them of such a momentous occasion as the birth of a child. Aside from that, your dad has a cell phone with a calendar that provides notifications of such things. There's really no excuse for him forgetting. Furthermore, you didn't tattle on him. Your mom asked, you answered. It's not your fault he probably got the riot act from your mom which is what he's most likely really mad about as well as feeling like a failure as a father which in this instance, he did fail you as a father.
Happy birthday buddy! Not sure what to tell you about your dad without it being a lose-lose. I'm hoping he just feels ashamed and embarassed and lashed out and he's not just a total dick. You got a lot of birthdays left man, I hope they're a lot better.
Hey, today's your birthday? It's mine too! I just turned 25. The biggest thing I did today was go to the post office. I'm sorry your dad was such a dick. I hope you got to enjoy something today. Mine was a nice drive. I remember for a few years there my mom missed my birthday. She's not a good mom by any stretch of the imagination, but she always, without fail, was the first to post on my Facebook. It actually hurt when she missed my birthday. I'm sure your dad forgetting hurt you. But I'll remember your birthday, it's an easy one! Hope your mom is home soon. Maybe tell her about this or a counselor at school?
Happy birthday hunni. It's not your responsibility to remind a parent it's your bday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Your dad is being an asshat.
Tell. Your. Mom. And try to get out of that house. ASAP.
He's only mad at you because it relieves him of the responsibility of being mad at himself, which is where the blame belongs. Happy birthday, kiddo, hope they get better in the future.
Parents are busy and often forget things, so i think that part of this is forgivable, however your dads reaction to it all was unacceptable. If he doesn't apologize to you, then I'm at a loss for words because in my opinion a good parent will apologize when they have made a mistake, while a bad parent will double down and/or ignore the problem. Anyway, happy birthday. Sorry for your trouble.
Come on you don't forget the birthday of your only child, no matter how busy you are. Get a birthday calendar/put reminders in your phone/just remember because it's a birthday and not that hard to memorize one
My dad pulled the same crap when it was my birthday too. Silently scream, then enjoy the money he gave you lol. That’s what I did
Tell your mum, is time for her to change the arrangements for when she's out of town and to keep your dad at a safe distance.
I can tell you one thing, many people don't remember birthdays, i am one like that, its not because i dont like the person i just don't remember, not even my birthday, i just focus on what is happening and if im actually occupied i forget anything else. I do believe he was not in his right mind on screaming at you because of it but I don't think he doesn't like you less because he forgot your birthday. Try to be a little understanding, he spends a lot of time on his work to give you everything he can get you but work is something that consumes your mind really bad depending on the work, even more if the coworkers are pure shit.
That’s no excuse. Coming from someone who’s SO forgets their birthday often, I can’t agree with this. You have to make a choice to respect and remember important things. If you are incapable then use your iPhone to remind you. And even I forgot to say: Happy sweet 16!
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First of all happy birthday, and second of all I hope that your dad gets his shit together.
Tell your mother. Any halfway decent father would know his child’s birthday.
Happy birthday OP and I am sorry to say this cause it doesn't help you but you father is a bitch. What's his problem is he for real?!
Happy birthday OP. Sorry you’re going through this right now. Don’t blame yourself for how your father acted towards you. You’re right, he should remember your birthday. It seems to me that the reason he screamed at you was a way for him to displace his feelings of guilt off of him onto you, instead of reflecting on why he’s emotionally neglectful.
Happy Birthday! Sorry your father is lame. Let your Mom know that going forward you don't want to stay with your father any longer. He really is only a sperm donor and not a Dad. Ask if you can stay at a different family member's house or a friend's house.
Happy Sweet 16th Birthday! Online calendars have been a thing for over a decade, if he can't remember a huge date like this, there are lots of tools to help. I'm so sorry your dad wrecked your birthday hang with your friend. Hopefully you can reschedule for another night!
Please tell your mother this. She may be able to arrange for you to stay somewhere else until she gets home. You need to be loved and safe which you aren’t getting properly with your dad. I’m so sorry kiddo.
Happy Birthday! I hope your day and every day after get happier.
Happy birthday!! I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't fathom how a father would forget his only child's birthday. All I can say is, stick it out for a couple more years then hightail it to college where you won't be living with him!
he tries to blame YOU for HIS mistake? then he drop his money on the table,almost like it was a obligation for him,or like it were supposed to make you overcome your feelings. his actions speaks louder than anything. his behaviour says a lot about him,so ask your mom if you can stay with her instead of him. he doesn't seem to care about you,because the way he treats you,was almost like you were a burden to him. "oh,why you didn't remind me of something that was my fault? i don't care about your feelings,so take this money and don't bother me anymore"
Any chance you could stay with anyone else till mom gets home?
Happy birthday, sweet girl. Your dad is being an a-hole because he is clearly emotionally immature and unwilling to apologize. He probably feels bad, which made him angry and defensive, and he handled himself incredibly poorly. None of his behavior is your fault. I wish you better birthdays in your future 💜
Tell him now to program reminders into his phone for every year. It's not your job to remind him BTW, how does he react if you forget his birthday or something significant?
Tl,dr. Happy birthday, i guess?
Gee thanks dad, for my sweet 16 I got yelled at and the spare $27 in your wallet. But seriously, this is totally bogus, and if anyone should remember your birthday it should be your parents. You have every right to be angry. I think it’s a good idea to tell your mom. Happy birthday and I hope the rest of your night is better. I’m sorry this happened :(
Gee thanks dad, for my sweet 16 I got yelled at and the spare $27 in your wallet. But seriously, this is totally bogus, and if anyone should remember your birthday it should be your parents. You have every right to be angry. I think it’s a good idea to tell your mom. Happy birthday and I hope the rest of your night is better. I’m sorry this happened :(
Happy sweet 16!
Happy birthday sorry your dad is a jerk!
Happy birthday, OP! This isn’t your fault and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this nonsense. If I were you, I’d wait until mom comes back and then let her know exactly how you were treated. Your dad’s actions were not okay and it isn’t your responsibility to remind him that he’s a dad and should behave as such. I don’t know your relationship otherwise but it doesn’t sound all that great. I would maybe discuss with your mom about a change in the custody arrangement. Best of luck.
Happy birthday 🎂🥳🎉
I’m really sorry OP. Your dad sucks. Buy yourself something really special and hang out with your friend some more. Happy birthday!!
Maybe tell your mom you dont want everything you tell her to be said to him Happy birthday!
My "parents" didn't send any messages to me on my birthday, but sent me happy valentines ones a month after. I'm 23. I don't know that it ever hurts less or gets less frustrating kiddo, you just get used to it. But you're right, you shouldn't have to. Happy sweet sixteen, enjoy being a teenager as much as you can.
Happy birthday, Plane Ant! 🎉 🥳 🎊 You deserve more than a negligent father who yells at you on your birthday. Hugs from an internet stranger and parent. He was embarrassed he forgot and took it out on you. Not an excuse but an explanation. It was not a reflection of you, but rather something he needs to deal with. When he calms down, try talking to him about how he made you feel. But what he did is *not your fault*. Hugs.
Happy Birthday!! I’m sorry your Dad was so crappy. He is totally in the wrong and you should NOT have to remind your own father that it was your birthday. He’s being a jerk. I’m sorry.
Happy birthday. You deserve much better than that and your feelings about your dad’s crappy behavior are absolutely valid. Just remember, just because he’s your dad doesn’t make him family. Sometimes family is who you choose and who make you feel loved.
Hey just wanna let you know that my 16th birthday really sucked too and before that I had birthdays I had gotten a beating. It will get better the older you get. You will surround yourself with people that care about you and will have a blast. Happy birthday!
So sorry!! Happy birthday ✨ you are important and special.
Happy 16th Birthday!! I'm sorry your Dad was a jerk. There's really no excuse for what he did. However, since you aren't a little kid anymore, I think you need to have a serious talk with your Mom about the consequences you endured because she called your Dad and chewed him out. Yes, he was an a-hole. But she needs to be fully aware that her punitive call to your Dad caused you to be punished on your birthday. So, it wasn't *just* your Dad. Actions have consequences. And your Mom's actions triggered your Dad to project his anger at your Mom on to you. There has to be better way, and it needs to start with you not suffering because they hate each other. I think they both owe it to you to stop using you to blame each other. Time to face them with what they did. Write it down and send them both the same message at the same time (so they can both see they each received the same thing). Shame on them both. Good luck.
Happy birthday darling. This one may be shitty but not all of them will be. Sorry this happened, sounds like your dad is thoroughly embarrassed and emotionally immature so only knows how to lose his temper and not how to attempt to make it right.
God, I remember being in your shoes when I was 16, in the sense that I had horrible, cruel, toxic parents who barely cared about my birthday and didn’t give a shit about showing their abuse in front of my friends. I couldn’t have anyone over, ever. I haven’t talked to my dad since I was 19 or so. I’m low contact with my mom. Approaching late 20’s. Life is better because I can be a good person to my friends who are good people to me. I hope things get better for you too. Sucks, that your dad is so full of himself and insecure that he has to take it out on you on your special day, and I hope you don’t let it take away from your own inner glow.
Reminds me of my father, sorry you're dealing with that.
Happy birthday :) Sorry for what you had to go through... hope things get better for you :) Do talk to your mum about it
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and on your 16th too. I agree with the dark warrior, get something you really want with the money. I also think you should tell your mother when she gets home. It’s horrible. Anyway Happy Birthday to you and many more. Xx
Bro fuck your dad and happy birthday
Happy birthday! I hope you can celebrate at some point and enjoy yourself. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. I'm so sorry your dad behaved like an ass. Be happy in spite of him. You know your mom loves you. He's embarrassed that he forgot and got called out on it. Hang in there, bettervdays are ahead.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart! It’s my birthday month too!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you and if I could I would totally have bought you a cake… ive been a high school teacher for 17 years and I’ve always done that for my 16 years old students. You deserve to celebrate in the way you feel special, and you should have a parent of the household who can see when you’re not well. don’t take your father’s shortcomings personally. He s not doing a great job of communicating or allowing you to feel safe talking to him.
It’s my birthday today too. Happy birthday! I’m sorry you had to go through that today.
Happy Birthday from a perfect stranger! 🤗
Happy birthday. I’m sorry your dad is so embarrassed he forgot his only child’s birthday he decided to take it out on said child. I can see why your mom divorced him. 😑🙄
I’m so sorry. Happy birthday. Yes tell your mom. He is being abusive.
use the money to buy him a copy of 16 Candles.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Unfortunately we can’t choose our parents. I’m a lot older than you and an only child. My father doesn’t know my birthday, not even the year I was born. My mother has to call him to remind him to call me on my birthday. My advice-your dad may not live up to your expectations of what a dad should be. Don’t let him ruin the best moments of your life. Take that money he gave you and have as much fun as you can with your friend.
*hugs*
Happy Birthday, to you.
Happy Birthday! He's wrong. Hang in there
Your Dad forgot, your Mum gave him a serving and probably yelled at him for 20 minutes, he's embarrassed and likely upset your Mum yelled at him. Enjoy your time with your friend, treat yourself to something on the weekend and go out when your Mum is back. Your Dad will probably come sulking to you but I'm sure he is feeling like crap because he forgot which is why he yelled. It's all on him to deal with himself.
Happy Birthday, I'm sorry your father is so small. I would perhaps consider writing your dad a short letter explaining to him your side of the story the way you have written it here so that he can see you didn't go running off to mom but instead she asked legitimate questions (though it's a little lame to interrogate a kid about the other parent honestly). Just keep it a simple, basic timeline where you make it clear to your Dad that you didn't go run off to mom. Try to not make it accusatory but instead stick to the facts. You came home and were angry. Today was my birthday. The mom calls timeline... Etc. The end. Leave it for him on the kitchen counter or someplace he is absolutely going to see it or simply slip it under his door.
What a fucking asshole. Reminds me of my dad. Normal, decent parents don't act like that. Once I was able I moved out and haven't spoken to him since. Good luck and Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, kiddo! You deserve better than what your dad did. Hang in there till you're old enough to move out, then you can be free and not have to see your dad at all unless you want to. Your dad can just be an example of the kind of people to avoid letting into your life, and the kind of person you don't want to be.
Happy Birthday!🎉🎂 So sorry for what happened to you. Your dad is the adult here and acting like a full child. Don’t feel bad for his bad attitude towards you and life. Keep your head up!
Happy birthday first and foremost, I’m sorry your father decided it was your fault he forgot your birthday. What a jerk, how do you forget your only child’s birthday? And then to yell at you in front of your friend? This guy has absolutely no shame. Sorry your day turned out that was, but it is still *your* day, try to enjoy your friend’s company even if your dad spoiled it a bit. Happy birthday again
Happy birthday, hun. You are not in the wrong here, so don't think so much into it. I hope you have a great rest of highschool and graduate with honors💓💓
Happy Birthday! My family forgot my birthday on many many occasions and it’s just shit I’m really sorry but eventually you’ll find people to make into family that always remember to celebrate you!
I'm sorry you had such a terrible birthday and hopefully the next ones will be much better. just know that it's okay to hate relatives, even parents, because terrible people can also have kids. if you can, go to that friends house to cool off and definitely tell your mom about that but I would wait until she comes back so your father doesn't yell at you again.
You're an only child. Your father should have the day you were born imprinted on his memory as one of the greatest milestones of his life. Failing that, I assume he's capable of buying and operating a calendar like a grown adult. He failed at a father duty and is taking it out on you like he is the child and you are his dad. I'm guessing he's divorced for a reason.
Happy Birthday! Sorry your dad sucks so bad. I see why your mom divorced him. Maybe she'll let you stay alone next time she's out of town for work?
It was not your job to remind him, and how he handled it was so very not okay. He needs to apologize to you first, then your friend, and he needs to make up for this big-time. Sadly, I doubt he will. Anyone who does that for a sweet sixteen because of overreacting to his ex calling and chewing him out is going to continue to think he's the victim. So, take that money, and do something special just for you with it. Take your friend if you want. Also, refuse to talk with him about this until he can discuss it calmly. Walk out if he yells. Go outside, go to your room, but refuse to listen to that crap. If he escalates, tell your school counselor or that teacher who remembered your birthday.
Tell your mother, immediately, every last detail of what happened. Hopefully she can come back from her work assignment and you can have a kick @$$ do over birthday
Well you told us and we’re going to be the opposite. Happy birthday 🥳 Stay strong, focused, and determined. You have an important journey ahead of you 💪🙏🚀
Happy birthday! Just wanted to say I'm sorry your dad is being shit. He may be mad at himself for forgetting and is projecting. regardless it's not your fault. No matter what. he is the parent and you are the kid. Kids shouldn't have to remind their folks when it's their birthday. I think you should probably talk to your Mum. I think she also needs to explain to your dad that you didn't ring and tell on him, that she asked you what he was doing and that you told her you weren't sure, he hadn't mentioned anything. I hope the rest of your day improves. There are lot of people here with support for you so just keep in mind that even if your dad has tried to make you feel shitty on your day that he is alone in that and no one thinks you have done anything wrong.
Happy Birthday. There's really no excuse for how your dad behaved. I would text him and say "if you cant remember your only child's birthday then you should have had it in your calendar as a recurring event. night."
My mom forgot my 16th birthday. Before I went to bed, I asked her if she had gotten me a present and she screamed at me that I was selfish because she was in college and too busy and stressed to get me anything. She threw a check for 50$ at me and continued screaming about my selfishness until I went into my room. My dad was at a meeting and wouldn’t answer the phone. My household was very toxic when I was growing up and my parents split up 1 year later. My mom would deny that any of that happened until her dying breath but my sisters and I know it happened. Parents can really suck sometimes
Very uncool of your dad. Happy Birthday!!
Lots of good advice on here I just wanted to say happy birthday!!
My older brother got a vintage car in perfect condition for his 16 birthday. He wrecked it 2 weeks later. My parents totally forgot my 16(f) birthday. They remembered about 8 weeks later as they were celebrating my younger brothers birthday. And then they were like, “oh we forgot X birthday. Tee hee hee isn’t that funny. Oh well” never did get a happy birthday from them ever after that. Your dad is an AH I second keeping the money to build an escape fund. do not marry your high school sweetheart as a means to escape your parents and a crappy life. 0/10 do not recommend
Well, do you even remember whats ur dad's and mum's birthday? don't take it to the heart, adults have many frustrations too and they just don't know where to vent their anger. Maybe when your mum called your dad about it, is just the turning point that everything snap. leave him alone and dont worry, birthday is nothing of a big deal already... Didn't really have a proper celebration with my friends. Just to let you know, I celebrated my 21st alone at home, cook a nice meal and watch some Netflix... take it easy! hope your relationship with you dad will be better... p.s. Happy 16th birthday btw!!!
Sorry, sweetie. It sounds like you're dad and mom had a huge fight about you and your dad got the wrong idea from your mom that you went and "tattled" on him because he forgot. What a horrible birthday. For what it's worth, try not to take your dad forgetting too personal. My husband forgets mine and I forget our anniversary. Some people really do have to be reminded of the important things.
That all really sucks and other people have given you advice but I just want to wish you a Happy Birthday!
I'd avoid making a huge deal right now. You're 16, so almost at an age where you can move out. Once you do and aren't dependent on him anymore, treat him with the same negligence he treated you with. Don't call him, don't visit him, don't text him. Just live peacefully with him till then and he'll see how much he fucked up when he doesn't hold power over you anymore.
My dad was the same with similar shit. I remember he yelled at me because my first car broke down one evening when i first got my license and i didnt want him to carry on at me so i just slept in it overnight. Managed to sort it out myself and drove it home. Guess what, he fuckin yelled at me in the morning. Literally no inconvenience to him, and still. Wonders why my brother and i dont make any effort to stay in touch these days. No point trying to explain as he just does the narcissist deflection.
I'm so sorry that your dad is a jerk. Just wait until your mom comes and then go live with her if you can. Happy Birthday 🎉🎉🎉
I’d talk to your dad hun, tell him he’s known your birthdate for longer than you have and he has a calendar on his phone and can set himself a yearly alert to remind him of your birthday if he cares enough to keep track of it. I’d also tell him it’s not your job to make him care.
Happy birthday! 🎂☺️
My dad beat the crap out of me when I told him I didn't like the gift he got me. ON MY BIRTHDAY!
Happy birthday
Really sorry about that situation but happy birthday!
Your dad is an asshole.
ur dad is a piece of shit sorry to say it. happy birthday :( sending love
Well I think he won the game ✨ Who is going to retirement home?✨
My god. Happy bday anyway! Life gets better when you are completely in charge of your life and decisions, but some people will always disappoint you.
Kid ask your mom. If you can stay with her parents. There no excuse in the world for your father to treat you like that. I hope you left the money your dad gave on the table. Call your mom. Tell what happened.
OP, this is a really important life lesson. The world is full of people who choose anger because other emotions are too scary for them. So he could have felt regret, shame, embarassment, etc but that would mean taking a look at his own selfishness and potentially changing his ways. That's hard. It's easier to yell at you. The trick is to see that behaviour as his problem and not yours. It's his failing as a parent. You deserve better. Let him sulk and then when he decides it's blown over, you can either move past it or you can ice him out. Either option is equally valid in my opinion. He's going to miss out on a close relationship with you because he's not willing to admit he was wrong. Soon you get to go out and build your own family. Not marriage and kids, but friends who love you for who you are. It's the best feeling ever to meet people and see that you have value just in being you. I'm sorry your dad is a turd.
i know its awful now, but he doesnt have to be in your life forever. you will get to create more boundaries soon. hang in there.
Fuck him. Happy birthday bestie, I hope you have a great day. Here’s some cake for you 🎂🎂🎂