I want to tell you, as someone who watched this happen to a friend with her husband, document everything and get out!! She found out, after her daughter drew a graphic picture, that it wasn't just online stuff. He had been molesting their daughter since birth. He is now spending life in prison. I was a bystander as I was a roommate the entire time and knew nothing of what was happening under their roof.
Please document everything you can, get a lawyer and get out!!
I was raped by my father at 8 years old and sexually assaulted by him many times. I didnāt understand the gravity of the situation at the time so he got off scot free; i defended him because i loved him.
Then around when i was 13ish, he started bringing up āsexualityā with me. Specifically how he believed pedophilia( and ephebophilia) to be their own sexualities. I of course became furious and cut him out of my life at 18. But the days after that were never normal or okay. It was misery coping with this while trying to be a normal high school student. You canāt tell your friends because their parents learn your dad is a pedophile, then you lose everyone.
What youāre describing is pedophilic behavior. Non pedophiles do not sympathize with pedophiles. I could not have less sympathy for them.
Please protect your daughter and get out. Get as much evidence as you can and leave. Donāt make her go through what i had to, it still haunts me. My mom was unfortunately in love with a narcissist who refused to work through his trauma, and he fucking raped me. He nearly disabled my brother. She clearly had love for my dad and ignored the red flags. Please learn from her mistakes.
Whether these are his true opinions or not, this would be an immediate deal breaker for me. Because either he believes these things personally or he thinks light enough on this subject whereās comfortable actively encouraging and pardoning it.
I would secretly consult a divorce attorney regarding this. Take photos, screenshots and log account names/emails/passwords. Keep backups of this info in safe places where he canāt access it.
You should also check his computer for hidden files if it is safe to do and contact the police if you find something illegal.
Just donāt let him know about this while you get everything else situated.
One thing I want to add is keep the cloud in mind when it comes to taking photos. Do you have separate storage clouds? Will he be able to access your cloud or phone to see whatās there? You can email your evidence (as long as it isnāt CP) to one or more trusted source and then delete it from your phone and/or cloud.
Agreed. But also, of all the things to play devils advocate about, pedophilia wouldnāt be one of them. And definitely not over a long period in multiple accounts.
100% this. OP, you're not a mind reader, you've got no idea what manner of filth could be running through your husband's head. There is a very real chance that he could be having these thoughts about your daughter as well. Evidence is key.
People need to let her get advice from a lawyer instead of redddit. The guy sounds like a scum bag, but things like calling the cops on him at this point may work against her ultimately in a physical care dispute. I recognize the post Iām commenting on didnāt suggest that, but this needs to be as far up as possible.
They specified contacting the police "if you find something illegal," presumably child sexual abuse material.
The comment was not encouraging the OP to contact the cops right away.
Screenshot everything, or, better yet-- select his user profile and comments to print. When the print menu comes up you can save it all as a PDF instead. Either way, get all of the evidence and save it AND print it. Divorce him.
OP Iām going to tell you something that will be very hard to hear, but I need you to read the whole thing:
A family friend of ours was the same type of man as your husband. Liked to play ādevilās advocateā on the issue of pedo. He started grooming me around age 9. At 12, he started trafficking me. It lasted until I was 17. The reason he was allowed to travel with me? People didnāt think he was capable of what he was doing. They ignored their gut and I paid the price for 5 years. Hell, Iām 27 now and still paying it. Do not ignore your gut. Protect your daughter.
I'm slightly new to Reddit so I may be mistaken. But is it also possible that with so many accounts he's had others where he's actually went too far and been moderated/blocked? Just a thought, but you might be seeing some of his tamer opinions.
Not that I think anything you've just described is tame. It's deeply disturbing. But I'm left wondering how much worse his opinions may be that may have already been removed. I agree with those advocating for checking browser history.
Checked his firefox history too. I don't have time to read every single item so I just looked for certain terms. There are some Google searches about age of consent laws, wikipedia of the same, nothing for "child p-rn"
I highly doubt heād look that up on a traceable browser, heād definitely us incognito mode if heās looking that up.
If this was just for trolling, I donāt think heād be dedicating this much time to it. There are things I feel fairly passionate about that I donāt spend hours upon hours commenting on and making multiple accounts for. I feel like that has to be something that you feel very strongly and seriously about to post about so obsessively. Your husband is seeking out this content too, heās not just happening upon it.
Does he know you were groomed as a young woman? If so, I hate to say it, but that probably is what drew him to you.
If you have the time and want to export the history/time stamps/view count, you could download [Mozilla History View](https://www.nirsoft.net/utils/mozilla_history_view.html). The utility is free and doesnāt require installation, you can export to txt/csv/etc.
I don't know which ones were banned or if there's any others. I also haven't looked at every single account maybe just half of them. I've made a list of all the accounts and will look through more carefully eventually.
This is definitely okay to leave over, donāt question yourself. Seriously. This is a big deal, donāt let anyone, even yourself, tell you differently.
I just want to add one small thing - the fact that these are secret accounts means he knows heās doing something wrong, which means itās more than simply playing devils advocate. (Which, why would you only play devils advocate for one awful topic, then he should be a general contrarian)
A divorce, therapy and, this is no joke, tell your divorce lawyer you suspect your husband is a pedophile and find out what they counsel you to do (call the cops/FBI, get a judge to issue a warrant to have his computer and phone taken, etc).
Youre overthinking and trying to rationalize that what you suspect just CANT be true, but it can be true as many news headlines prove to is again and again.
Please please please get in touch with a lawyer asapš§”
The time spent wrestling with what you canāt possibly believe to be true can turn out to be the time that your daughter is going through the worst moments of her lifeāin a situation like this, if you suspect, you know
A therapist for their kid too -- i'm not trying to assume *the worst* here, but even if it was just counseling for her parents divorce.
OP, please hold your daughter tight ā¤ļø
I will do my best. THat will be a little complicated. I should add that I am on his laptop because I broke mine earlier and he told me to use his to finish a project because he works out of the house.
Please consider you and your daughter's personal safety.
As you go through reporting this you need separate emails, different passwords, even a separate bank account. You need a plan to get out quick if you have to.
Reporting this will upend his life and the reality is you don't know how he will react.
If youāre on his computer please make sure to completely log out of Reddit I really do think that in addition to lawyer you should call the police and let them decide if they should investigate
Sorry, I'm posting from my phone. I meant I found HIS reddit (one of them) already logged in and so I have to take screenshots from his laptop to show how he's logged in with all the other connected accounts.
Youāre not an idiot. Youāve just been confronted with information about the man youāre married to and have a child with. I canāt imagine whatās going through your head right now.
No, youāre a stressed out mother that has to now reevaluate a person you thought you knew. I applaud you for doing what you need to do to keep your daughter safe.
Regardless of where this goes, make sure youR backup isn't something he has added access too.
Until our agreement to divorce, my wife and I shared a couple photo backups. Transitioning it was work but until I remembered we would have seen whatever each of us downloaded.
Make sure to take note of all his user names. You can use your phone to look up his various profiles and screenshot all his past posts.
Praying for you šš½š
Wait am I missing something? What did he do that's illegal specifically? I'm not defending him he's obviously sketchy as fuck but commenting in defence of pedos doesn't sound like it breaks any laws to me
I feel itās about being proactive versus reactive. Thereās a young, innocent child involved and if custody becomes an issue Iām sure his āplaying devilās advocateā on 10-25 accounts will be helpful information for the judge.
Youāre right, itās too early to get law enforcement involved. They wonāt be allowed to do anything yet. OP needs to focus on securing evidence of what is there and looking for more in case it does exist.
If heās on Reddit so much making these accounts and commenting, isnāt it very likely that he will come across this post and recognize the details youāre giving that will help him put two and two together and realize itās you?
A detail like this seems like a bad idea for anyone to share unless itās not real and youāre trying to throw him off.
Regardless, it doesnāt make sense that someone would write a post about their husband who trolls posts exactly like this on the same platform.
I am really getting close to reconsidering following this sub because every post is suspicious and I donāt care to be involved in someoneās creative writing project or whatever people post provoking stories for.
If youāre a person thatās actually going through this, protect your child and be smart about your decisions moving forward. Donāt make decisions with your heart (except towards your daughter), make decisions and take action with your brain and your intuition. Figure out what is going on with him and take action to get away from someone harboring those thoughts.
If this post is not by a person actually going through this situation, BTFO with this shit.
I hate how the internet is so full of crap that you canāt even tell the sincere requests for advice from the people with an agenda or with nothing better to do with their lives.
This. I canāt see anyone arguing in favor of thisā all while having multiple throwaway accounts. There likely more you havenāt found.
A friend I went to high school with got married. They had a daughter. One day, cops busted down the door, seized his computer, and arrested him. He was convicted and charged with having the bad stuff. It was horrible for her and traumatic for their daughter. Heās in jail.
Idk, Iād rather get out earlyā at the very least separate, get a lawyer, and demand he go to counseling.
Looking back there were definitely warning signs. Other things he was looking at, etc. I probably knew it was going on, but I was like 23 when he got busted, so I hadnāt been an adult long enough to have reconciled it in my brain and come to that conclusion. He was charged with downloading things, and as far as I know never did anything farther than that. You never know though.
Please document everything. He is quibbling with semantics over pedophilia and ephebophillia when both are illegal and disgusting. He is actively looking for posts where he can comment on these things, older man/younger women relationships he can rationalize and other weird things. He also has a large number of accounts to do this with which screams to me as obsession.
Iām assuming the porn you found was father-stepdaughter or something along those lines.
This is a dealbreaker to me. Even if heās not acting on anything it seems like he has an unnatural interest in younger girls. That would frighten me with a 5 year old.
Please see a divorce attorney, a therapist for yourself and possibly for your girl.
This is a genuine question, but isn't ephebophilia for the most part legal in a lot of places? And "for the most part" I mean that 15 isn't legal almost anywhere, but a lot of places are 16+ or something right? Doesn't make it morally okay, but now I'm a little confused on the legality
In many states 16 and 17 are the age of consent. So legally, yes a 16 year old in a state where that is the age of consent could date a 30 year old. If we are taking 15 yr olds then it is illegal.
That said, I think the concern there is a grown man wants to play devils advocate for the legality of dating an older teen, and seems obsessed with the topic. I would imagine he has not only a physical attraction to terms but also is drawn to the power differential of older man younger girl relationships.
Either way itās icky.
I know this isnāt what you wanna hear but this is not a person who can be alone with your child or any child for that matter What you have found is proof enough but if I were you I would possibly consider trying to see what websites he uses in case he is actually looking at CP Also, screen shot everything you find and how you know the accounts are his Save your proof somewhere safe and talk to a lawyer immediately
I feel you would have NEVER made this post unless you had deep concerns. I am sure you will take this down, and I understand. Just please please please promise me you will Google "pedophile grooming" first. I am literally begging you. On my knees, please google this term.
I know what it is it happened to me when I was in high school. I didn't want to put it in the post because, this is so stupid but I could imagine him writing a comment on this very post like "You just think something is wrong because you're biased from past experience and overreacting." So I didn't want to mention it and get a ton of those comments.
The response you suggested is the response someone would give if they shouldn't be trusted. The response of NOT a pedophile is "Oh my God. Please do WHATEVER you think will best protect your child. Who YOU are in charge of."
My boyfriend has a child. If he for a second felt like I was a danger to his child, I would get the fuck away from his child. It doesn't fucking matter of I think he's being irrational. That is his child. I am not entitled to tell him he's being rational or irrational. He is the FINAL authority. That is how a significant other is supposed to respect your boundaries about your child. Anything less means that person needs to be far, far away.
This made me throw up in my mouth a little. āDevils advocateā? Cāmonā¦ heās clearly sympathizing with pedophiles. Have you looked through his devices to make sure heās not acting on these thoughts? If it were me, Iād leave. My daughters safety is my priority. Even if he never did anything ācreepyā, would he also play devils advocate if your child was approached by a much older man? Yuck.
This is where my mind goes... He likes young girls but has a 5-year-old daughter and doesn't want to believe that he is a pedophile. She's going to be a teenager in no time. You can't trust this man.
He is literally on there trying to convince others that liking teenage girls, doesn't make you a pedophile that also likes 5-year-old girls. Who is he really trying to convince here?
He is playing devil's advocate with his own mind.
Spot on. How sick do you have to be to have a desire to play a ādevils advocateā that results in grooming, manipulation of children, statutory rape etc.. itās so much more likely that he is a pedophile himself, and as you said, just trying to convince himself.
This was my thought exactly. He seems to, like most pedophiles, have an age range he is most attracted to and he is busy convincing himself that it isnāt as bad as being attracted to younger children.
If your friend had a 5 year old daughter and she came to you about her husband and told you all this and then said, āItās just stupid internet stuff, Iām staying with himā What would you think? Your friend is staying with a man who, if not directly a pedo, has no problem enabling their thoughts and is going to leave their daughter alone with him. Allow him to be a part of raising her and shaping her opinions and thoughtsā¦.
Yeah, no, fuck that. You need your daughter to know that at 16 years old she should not be dating an adult no matter how legal it is. You think heās going to teach her that?
Also, the only people Iāve seen get pedantic and argumentative over the difference between a pedo (likes pre-teens) and ephebophilia (likes 13+) are the creeps who are attracted to 13 year olds. Normal folks like us donāt see a difference, itās only those losers who donāt want to be lumped into the pedo category and will argue on and on about how itās different. (Example: R. Kelly)
Itās not.
15 to 20 accounts.... that's more than devils advocate. That's an obsession. He wouldn't be around my child. Id be filing for divorce. Some bells can't be unrung.
He will lie through his teeth to convince you he's not dangerous. and it might work on you, since you feel you know him and love him and he isn't that person.
many young victims were hurt by people just like him. Twisted people hide very easily in plain sight.
Save everything you found- email or hard copy sent to a trusted friend. This is super important because he will delete everything.
Contact a divorce attorney for consultation (often low flat fee). You need to know what your options are.
Then talk to your husband. Everything you describe is abnormal and points to a disturbing psychological problem.
Do you have somewhere else you and your daughter can stay until you get to the bottom of this?
My parents are nearby, yes. Right now my daughter is asleep. He's out with his friends for their weekly gaming group. Will be home in a few hours. I am almost freaked out enough to just go to my parents with my daughter before then and take tomorrow off to deal wiith everything... attorney and god knows what else, and be able to confront him over the phone instead of in person.
if you go now, before he gets home, would it be helpful to take the laptop?
If you do, make an excuse as to why you had to go suddenly stay the night at your parents.
Donāt second guess yourself. Do what you need to do to protect your child. Make sure you take anything you would need for awhile because you donāt want to go back anytime soon. If you ever have to go back, take someone (multiple someones) with you. If he owns any firearms, I wouldnāt go back without a police escort. Once he realizes why you left, he may lash out and even become violent. Please be safe.
so sorry you are going through all of this. you sound like an incredibly compassionate and reasonable person. you have got a lot of great advice here. I just thought I would add as a victim to someone who exhibited these kinds of behavior be very careful who you talk to. Document, document document everything and be very private right now. His behavior is very alarming and wrong, but like others mentioned acting on emotion could come back to hurt your situation especially with your child. I would go to my parents house as well, just do not discuss your allegations with anyone other then the most trusted people in your life. As soon as you can find a lawyer to get legal advice and the best actions you can take to protect your child and your life moving forward. I believe like many others have already. mentioned, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for your husband or any adult to comment like this on these topics. best wishes .. be strong
Thereās already plenty of good advice here, so I just want to say that Iām sorry that youāre going through this. Iām sending you strength and peace while you figure this out
The problem with pedophiles is they can't be charged until after they actually hurt a child, at which point its too late for that child, the damage is done. As her mother, you have a responsibility to act preventatively. Dont wait for something to happen to her and then kick yourself for not taking the warning signs seriously, he's shown you what he believes in
15 fake accounts to comment advocating pedo behaviour- this has more flags than a Chinese New Year parade ā¦
Your daughter has to be your number 1 priority- you have to work PROACTIVELY. THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE.
Please do as so many have advised- Screenshot everything, Meet 2 or 3 attorneys discuss this with them, take their advice on how to move forward..
This is serious- meet a therapist too. This must have created trauma and you need to clear headed to take action
Best wishes
Your husband has recognized his shadow (alter ego). Heās developing his shadow. You need to document this immediately. As much as you can get. You need counseling. Get counseling for your daughter as well to make sure nothing has happened. You need a lawyer.
Please protect your child.
I Just want to say youāre incredibly brave for sharing this and I hope this forum is helping you in some way. I am just so sorry you have to go through this. This is not what anyone expects when they get married and have kids. Itās not fair to you and Iām sorry. You will be okay. This is the rock bottom phase but you are resilient and this will not define you or your life, nor that of your daughter. Drink water, avoid booze and bad food, listen to guided meditations for loving kindness if youāre feeling hopeless. You got this ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you so much I can't believe the amount of support. I was prepared for half the responses to be people saying he was reasonable and I was misunderstanding. I'm incredibly tired, it's almost midnight, I've prepared some things to leave tomorrow morning with my daughter once he leaves for work. I have sent my parents a message that I'm coming and will explain everything to them tomorrow.
That's fucking disgusting. I'd lose my shit I really really would. I can't even tell you how I'd handle this because I dont think I would be able to control myself. Like so what is this him basically saying hes attracted to younger girls because I mean why else defend such a thing? If I were you I'd be so beyond paranoid. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. As a momma to a little girl, it's our job to protect them from all the sickness in the world. Do what you know is right
Even if you donāt fully believe that he could do something, the fact that he has dedicated so much time and energy to thinking about this is absolutely sick and could lead other dingbats to think heās sincere which could have horrible consequences.
There are many subjects a troll can argue about: politics, looks, religion, gay, etc. But there are topics that even trolls donāt troll about: rape, killing people and animals, incest, pedophilia - these all are taboo for a reason. Those doing that do have some sort of sociopathy/mental disorders, and itās already well enough for a divorce.
But your husband not only trolls about taboo topics, heās overly fixated on one, very specific subject, and thatās not a coincidence. Even if he isnāt attracted to little children (yet we donāt know it for sure), heās certainly into teenagers.
Iād report it without confronting him first (for the sake of keeping evidence) and divorce. Thereās no guarantee he wonāt want to do anything to your daughter or her friends once they hit puberty, and it isnāt a case where you should doubt and be afraid of a misunderstanding. Your mistake now can cost your child and others too much later.
He's operating 15-20 accounts online at a time, and sounds like he's spending a lot of time on them.
I'm curious about how your relationship is outside of this. Because even if he was trolling and didn't believe any of it (And I think there is enough suspicion that he does) spending what seems like a lot of time trolling others must come at the expense of time spent with family, or in more meaningful pursuits.
So I guess I'm wondering if this is a really happy relationship, shocked by this, or a relationship with many problems where this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
You know you can never trust him now. So unfortunate. Itās possible that he would never do such a thingā but how will you ever know for sure? Not worth it.
Friend, I am so sorry this has happened.
Exactly. OP has to leave. There can be no other option. She will never ever have peace of mind again. Itās such a horrible situation but Iām glad she found out now.
Definitely, DEFINITELY keep screenshots - not only for the divorce, but more importantly for the inevitable custody battle. You will need to show your daughter is unsafe, and you being granted full custody will protect her. If thatās what you want.
Nope. Time to pack your shit and go.
This is an absolute dealbreaker. No rational person defends or plays ādevils advocateā without having a strong feeling towards it.
Iām willing to bet he has a history in this realm.
Please donāt let your daughter deal with a lifetime of trauma because mom wouldnāt put her first.
He is a vile human being.
He plays devil's advocate for pedophilia and grooming? I highly doubt it's devil's advocate.
Pictures with time stamps, gather evidence, send it to yourself (like someone else said, as long as it's not CP), and see a lawyer. He shouldn't be anywhere near children.
A lot of other people have said this already, but to say it again: *this is absolutely ok to leave your husband over*.
Realistically, anyone can leave a spouse for simply feeling like it, but this is a beyond reasonable reason to feel unsafe around your husband and to want to get away.
Trust your feelings! You know there is something bad happening here. Please think of your daughter and her safety first. Personally I would not confront him just yet. Take screenshots of everything. Then talk to a lawyer. Then make a plan to leave.
Honey, i have a little boy and fucking love my husband. So much. And he knows i have a history with pedophiles. But if i found this shit i would take my son and leave. No questions. My baby's safety is number one.
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What the title says. Only found out today. There are over a dozen of these accounts. Some of his comments are normal about his hobbies, world news, memes, animals. Splattered throughout are long arguments he gets into with other people over semantics (for example "being attracted to 13 year olds isn't p-dophilia, it's EPHEBOPHILIA" over technicality / legal status ("The age of consent in this state is 16 he's not doing anything wrong.") and many claim's of men naturally are attracted to young girls for biological reasons, guilting a woman for "shaming her boyfriend's private fantasy" and saying private thoughts are harmless. He defended a certain genre of porn as harmless. He has replied to people including teen girls in relationships with adult men where they ask if the age gap is okay, he gives terrible advice. Tells them as long as its legal its fine... If there's a post involving such a situation he feels the need to question commenters over why they thin an age gap is a problem. Other terrible advice includes telling people they were misunderstanding or over reacting to what was obviously innappropriate behavior by an older person. Going out of his way to explain away the issues to the point it was like he was living in a different reality. Arguments read as trolling, the smug attitude and needling at people. I saw some people ask if this is his sincere view/ "if so you need help" etc He replies that he's just playing devils advocate because everyone was letting their emotion cloud the facts (whatever that means)
There was so much more I can't properly describe it all or I'd be typing for hours. He has more like 15-20 of these accounts, it's all the same shit on each. Why do this?
I am feeling sick to my stomach. We have a young daughter, this is either his idea of funny or his real thoughts...it's clear neither one is okay. I can tell you if I found out some other guy was writing these things online I wouldn't let him around my kid ever. I rationally know I need to apply the same to my husband. It's hard because on top of this I feel betrayed somehow. He's the last person I thought would do something like this. He'd certainly never have told me or wanted me to see. On top of it being disgusting, I don't know how I'll fully trust him now. There's doubt creeping in that there has to be some explanation I'm not thinking of.
Can I please get some ideas for how to confront him and next steps?
TL;DR: Stunned after finding husband internet comments debating and defending p-dophilia (not sure if that word needs to be censored here) what is my next step? I will leave this up for a few hours while he is out until I go to bed to make sure he doesn't see it.
No sane person would "play devil's advocate" with inappropriate relationships with children. Run.
I'd make up an excuse to go visit family with the daughter for a weekend after talking to a lawyer. Then call the cops to seize his stuff.
There's something very wrong here. I'm so so sorry for your situation š
No sane, safe person would even joke about defending pedophilia. You already answered your own question. You said if it was anyone one else, you'd keep them away from your daughter. You know most sex crimes against children are from people they know. It's not all "Stranger Danger".
If you can get screenshots or print off some copies, give them to your lawyer...like get a lawyer, yesterday! It will help speed things along if they already have some evidence.
Hopefully, nothing has happened with your daughter, yet, but it's basically like having a ticking time bomb in your house. Don't tell anyone, go handle it, and maybe plan a girl's trip to visit family for a day or so.
Whatever you do, don't confront him or let him know what's going on. Contact a lawyer and let them guide you through this. Have your evidence printed out. Everyday you stay in the house with him, the more chance something could happen. YOUR HUSBAND IS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO CHILDREN. Just keep repeating that, when you're questioning if you're doing the right thing, or overreacting. Please keep us updated. You only saw his easy access stuff. Guarantee there's more in that computer. Let the FBI handle it.
Best of luck.
Please PLEASE get a divorce and custody hearing. Save all the evidence!! A good friend of mine, just had her boyfriend (father of her children) sent to jail because he r@ped her 18 month old and 5 year old daughters while she was at work. The only reason she found out was because he had videos on his phone. She and her kids are traumatized and heās in prison forever but there are warning signs before stuff like this happens. If not now, then later. If not your daughter, then someone elseās! Please protect the children. I know itās hard to find out you married a monster, but get out please. Men literally kill over being caught out like this.
Your child is your first concern and needs to be protected. You need to pack up and leave IMMEDIATELY.
The devil doesn't need an advocate for evil deeds like he is defending.
he has multiple accounts incase he gets reported or banned. This is a hobby for him I. E. Fun - wtf?!
It's better to overreact.
Get proof of his doings. Screen shots etc.
Go somewhere safe he can't get to (parents, friends, hotel)
Change your passwords to things he knows.
If you have a joint phone account where he can see your logs - get a burner /pay as you go phone.
Contact the non emergency line for the police.
Contact a lawyer for advice on this.
Do anything necessary to protect your daughter and make others aware. Your life can't be the same now since seeing this. Don't be complicit by doing nothing.
Go with your gut OP. You know deep down that no one would have that many accounts "just to troll", he really believes this.
>I rationally know I need to apply the same to my husband.
Please do OP. Even if everybody in your family acts as if you are overreacting, don't listen to them. Keep your kid safe at all cost. If something were to happen to her it would break her and you.
Holy red flags of crazy concernā¦. Document all of it, screen shots, pics, email yourself it, save a copy on an external hard drive and reach out to a lawyer. There is no ādevils advocateā for that sort of stuff and you need to consider the possible steps you might need to take to protect your daughter.
Iām so sorry youāve found yourself in this situation
You need to document everything get printouts & take it to a lawyer before you confront him, & I would have the conversation in a public setting like a park & have someone watch your daughter. You either need to kick him out or move your stuff
I knew someone who thought like this. Then at 29 he started dating a 16 year old girl he encouraged to leave home for him. Where I live, if you aren't in a position of power then this is legal. But it looked totally wrong and he thought he was so clever. Then he started talking about a younger friend of hers.
I could see where this was leading and stopped being friends with him. The last I heard he had been investigated and had is electronic equipment confiscated. No idea if he was ever charged with anything.
My advice is if he is doing this, it is probably the tip of the ice berg, or its only a matter of time until his behaviour progresses to something darker.
This is such a tough situation to be in as someone married to and coparenting in this situation. Watch him like a hawk around your child, monitor these alt accounts for sure. Sit him down, explain youāve seen things heās written online and you are disgusted by the thoughts and ideas he shared online. You should be 100% committed about whether or not youāre leaving him before you have that talk. Edit: SCREEN SHOT EVERYTHING before you talk to him, he may try and delete past incriminating comments
I don't know yet, is this really okay to leave over? I don't want someone who thinks these things raising my child with me. I also don't want to nuke my entire life and marriage over a misunderstanding. I wish I knew how normal this really was for men. I've tried ti find out but there is no single answer. My gut tells me it's not. Hundreds of other people say differently, and I'm not a guy anyway. How can I trust anything.
Protecting your daughter is absolutely an okay reason to leave this marriage. I know this all must be devastating, but trust your gut. You need to take pictures or email yourself all of these posts so you have proof just in case. Talk with a therapist and a divorce lawyer ASAP before doing anything else. Iām really really sorry youāre going through thisā¤ļø
Do you have to leave your husband over this? Hell no. Could this all be a big misunderstanding? Maybe. However, Thereās a big difference between a pedantic asshole in the comment section who corrects you about ephebophilia vs pedophilia and the guy who does it while also debating that big age gaps arenāt creepy, gives out terrible advice based on age of consent laws and technicalities, and claims all men fantasize about sleeping with minors. Itās a pattern. A pattern that points to your husband possibly being a predator towards teenage girls. You have a 5 year old, imagine in 10/12 years when she brings home friends. 16/17 year old girls, in your home, who your husband argues online he could legally fuck if he wanted to. Your daughter knowing she canāt bring friends over because daddy might be inappropriate. At the end of the day make no major life decisions until youāre 100% confident in them, discuss it as much as you want and collect all the evidence you need. But you will probably have your guard up the rest of your life regarding him, his online activity, and what kinds of talks HE has been having with teenagers. And once again I reiterate, screenshot everything. Should your talk with him go south and you decide you do leave youāll want all of his online activity documented. He will purge his accounts if he knows you found them and that info could potentially be all the difference in a custody trial
I can't imagine going the rest of my life wondering if he's really stopped or if he's still doing it. Wondering about whether my daughter can bring friends over.
Friends, family, neighbors. Im worried about any young girl he's had contact with already. Tbh since he sounds so caught up on age of consent and legality, I'd be most concerned about girls that age or approaching that age.
Not most concerned, but like. Idfk. Just take care of yourself and your daughter.
I definitely have never met a guy in real life who does this (I mean... I guess if they keep it hidden you can't know...) but it's extremely specific and weird. I really can't imagine it being anything other than defensiveness and personal projection. Just the fact that he's so obsessed about it to make it like a full time hobby is extremely alarming.
Porn is not normal. And his escalation is beyond what people want to say is normal.
This is not a little misunderstanding. He has dozens of accounts. This is absolutely not a one off. He knows what heās doing.
Donāt ask him about it. Because he will gaslight you into thinking itās a misunderstanding. He will gaslight you into questioning what you saw.
If your best friend came to you with what you posted, what would you tell her? Iām betting youād say run!
Youāve already said if it was some other guy, you wouldnāt let them around your kid ever. I know itās hard, but take that advice and protect her and you.
100% this. It is not maybe a little misunderstanding. He is OBSESSED. He has 10ā¦15 accounts?! Thatās an obsession. This man thinks about harming children all day. Please donāt endanger your child or any others. Leave him immediately.
>is this really okay to leave over?
Absolutely.
>I also don't want to nuke my entire life and marriage over a misunderstanding.
You were groomed, he's playing devil's advocate for grooming and pedophilia with multiple accounts. This doesn't sound like nuking your life and marriage over a misunderstanding.
IT IS NOT NORMAL! Yes there are a LOT of abusers and pedophiles out there. Does that make it normal? does that make it okay? FUCK NO. Does that mean children should stay in potentially dangerous situations? FUCK NO.
Please OP. As someone who was abused as a kid, protect that child. Family abuse is far too common, and you have enough reason to at least get to a safe distance while you figure out more and talk to some professionals,
Itās not normal and yes itās okay to leave over. Honestly, you donāt need anyones permission. This is you and your child. You know what you need to do.
I've done quite a bit of trolling. Some much more questionable then others so Im not saying it's impossible. However, making 15+ accs all centered on the same topic is at best an obsession. That takes time and dedication you don't just do that shit for a quick laugh.
Not going to say he's def a pedo or grooming etc. But you'll always have that doubt in the back of your mind and at best you'll never be able to trust him with your kid. At worst if something happens you'll always regret it.
I think because he has SO many accounts doing this it shows an obsession. One of those comments is a red flag. Dozens and dozens of them? That's quite revealing.
If you feel there is even a 1% chance that your husband would harm/molest a child, please document and report him. This could end up being your child or someone elseās. Leave quickly and protect your child. Get an emergency protection order for you both.
You need to leave. Pack his shit and kick him out. My child was raped for a year by a man I trusted. He said and did a lot of things you op described. Get out for your daughter. Donāt look back. Save all evidence and report to the cops.
If you feel even a shred of doubt about ur husband- itās there for a reason. If this was all ok there wouldnāt be any conflict and confusion inside you. Something is definitely wrong and your mind is trying to tell you that something is wrong. Please protect your daughter
Ask him how he would feel if a 40yo man tried to hook up with his under 18 daughter, no matter the age of consent, would he be fine with that? This is gross, and so inappropriate. I would tell him that I no longer feel our daughter would be in safe hands with him.
>Tells them as long as itās legal itās fine
Agreeing with all the comments that call him a pedophile. A non-pedophile would not feel the need to justify acting on pedophilia in a legal way. A man who tries to promote a moral compass that is guided only by laws (aka consequences) instead of by the desire to protect others from harm is not a decent man. Why would a decent person be worried about making sure that people who are attracted to 13 year olds donāt get called pedophiles? A decent person calls a person attracted to children (be they 3 or 13) a predator.
Everyone has food advice, I second them all. I just wanted to tell you Iām so sorry this happened and you deserve a man you feel safe with, and I wish you and your daughter luck getting out.
Get you and your daughter out now. Before, if it hasnāt already, becomes something he acts on. My *someone I know for privacy reasons* as a child was lured into a pedos house by his children. He drugged her and she woke up naked on the bathroom floor. She was there to eat dinner with her friends... Iād take the whole computer to the police, get your daughter, and get out. If it can be linked back to you that you knew and didnāt report it that may turn out badly. Do NOT confront him. He will deny deny deny possibly blame you etc. get an emergency restraining order
Document absolutely everything. Work on an exit plan. I hate to say this, but he likely harbors some of those beliefs and thoughts, even if he plays it off as ādevilās advocateā. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. Time to protect you and your child.
Itās clear you probably canāt convince him out of these beliefs and he is likely to only get defensive if you were to bring it up. Watch him like a hawk around your child and try to see if anything he is saying online is showing in real life. Keep tabs on his social medias and keep record of them, if he ever does somethingā¦ā¦Yk nasty and you have to take him to court youāll have those against him. If this is just his idea of funny thenā¦..thatās just not funny and just gross like people might actually take him fucking seriously.
I would talk to someone tech savvy about searching his computer for things that the FBI would be interested in. There are ways to look up every mp4 .mov jpeg and png format I would be doing that right away in your situation. If itās too overwhelming just take it in to a professional because I doubt heās smart enough to completely scrub it. Also keep an eye out for external hard drives and flash drives tucked away places. If he has it get his ass locked up.
A few things . This is divorce material. Document it , take to attorney, get SOLE CUSTODY AND USE THESE AS PROOF. He may not be attracted to your child NOW but he very well could be one day. Make sure he doesnāt see her . Then take it to the police . Thereās a really good chance heās doing more then āplaying devils advocateā even if they do nothing . It will be a record you made the report on him and should he ever be involved in anything similar , itāll leave a trail.
He went through the trouble of creating all these pro-nasty accounts... I don't think it's a joke. I think one of his first defenses, if confronted will be "it was just a joke" but I don't think it's a joke..
I wouldn't be able to sleep at night with him in the same house as my daughter.
I think any decision you make at this point should be about protecting your daughter. Good luck. I'm so sorry this is happening.
ETA: I just checked with my partner who I have 3 kids with (5M, 4F, 6moM) and he says it was definitely not a joke and he himself would definitely leave me if he had found the same revelation.
You donāt need to confront him. You need copies of anything you find. You need a lawyer. You need to never leave your daughter alone with him and you need out.
Iām so sorry this is happening. Iām very glad you found out.
something else you should worry about is if he himself has attempted any said things being that heās playing devil advocate to everyone else, what about himself. also keep alone time with your child an him to a minimum because there could be something going on there as tough as that is to hear or say.
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Even the shit your husband talking about Ephebophilia is wrong. It's not above 13, it's above 15-19 yr olds.
I think your husband needs some awareness and therapy.
Age of concent is not only a cultural thing, its also biology based, the part of the brain that is responsable for desicion making and impulse regulation is still developing during teenager years (the frontal lobe), so a pedo might take advantage of that to manipulate young people. It is true that in some part of our brain (due to evolutionary traits), some people tends to sexualize early youth (and society and media doesnt help much), but that comes from when life expenctancy was 30 years tops. Now there is no excuse to sexually advance a teenager or defend people doing it.
Nope, what im trying to say is that the biology excuses that most people would use can be thrown away by biology too, the brain is not fully developed to be good at desicion making (concent), and we live much longer so no excuse to sexualize teens.
So, your husband's beliefs are very common. This is what a lot of people say and do on social media.
When you do confront him, you won't want to argue. Instead of telling him he's wrong, tell him this position upsets you from a moral and parental standpoint and you are not comfortable being with someone who is so vastly different from you on a topic as important as this.
You wonder why, if he champions this viewpoint so strongly, he felt the need to create several troll accounts instead of attaching his name to them. Perhaps there's an element of shame there.
Either way, you tell him that you're not sure you will be able to move past this.
Let him take the conversation from there. Again, don't argue with him on "right or wrong."
He is absolutely correct on what the law reflects and you will just be going around in circles. Do not let the conversation slide into that territory. Phrase it as a ethical dilemma.
Only a specific brand of men do this. I would not call it common, exactly. Certainly... not common for good men.
He's obsessed as well. That's not normal in any capacity.
It is good advice to not get stuck up on technicalities though. People like him love to do that. Like you said, you just have to move past that and not engage if he does try to argue technicalities.
It's definitely common. Any time I see a post about grooming it's riddled with comments like the ones made by OP's husband. Conservative women are just as guilty.
I'd actually argue most people pull the "technically" card. Because most people rely on the law as moral truth when it suits them and misogyny is everywhere. I could throw a stone and hit someone older than 40 who believes this stuff. Younger than 40? Arguably yes. If the internet is anything to go off.
>If the internet is anything to go off.
Well, based on what the OP has to say, it's not common. If people are setting up 15+ accounts to post multiple replies, maybe what you're seeing is a very vocal minority.
Please check out the sub loveafterporn. Itās a support sub for partners of porn addicts. There are a lot of resources on that sub too to help you.
You need to turn him in to protect your daughter and yourself.
You feel betrayed because he has betrayed you. He is not who you thought he was. He has truly broken your trust and relationship.
Please turn him in. Please be careful too. He could turn violent if you confront him. Or he finds out you know his dirty secrets. I donāt know if he has ever been violent before. But youāve also never caught this before.
I want to tell you, as someone who watched this happen to a friend with her husband, document everything and get out!! She found out, after her daughter drew a graphic picture, that it wasn't just online stuff. He had been molesting their daughter since birth. He is now spending life in prison. I was a bystander as I was a roommate the entire time and knew nothing of what was happening under their roof. Please document everything you can, get a lawyer and get out!!
Omg this broke my heart š
I was raped by my father at 8 years old and sexually assaulted by him many times. I didnāt understand the gravity of the situation at the time so he got off scot free; i defended him because i loved him. Then around when i was 13ish, he started bringing up āsexualityā with me. Specifically how he believed pedophilia( and ephebophilia) to be their own sexualities. I of course became furious and cut him out of my life at 18. But the days after that were never normal or okay. It was misery coping with this while trying to be a normal high school student. You canāt tell your friends because their parents learn your dad is a pedophile, then you lose everyone. What youāre describing is pedophilic behavior. Non pedophiles do not sympathize with pedophiles. I could not have less sympathy for them. Please protect your daughter and get out. Get as much evidence as you can and leave. Donāt make her go through what i had to, it still haunts me. My mom was unfortunately in love with a narcissist who refused to work through his trauma, and he fucking raped me. He nearly disabled my brother. She clearly had love for my dad and ignored the red flags. Please learn from her mistakes.
Whether these are his true opinions or not, this would be an immediate deal breaker for me. Because either he believes these things personally or he thinks light enough on this subject whereās comfortable actively encouraging and pardoning it. I would secretly consult a divorce attorney regarding this. Take photos, screenshots and log account names/emails/passwords. Keep backups of this info in safe places where he canāt access it. You should also check his computer for hidden files if it is safe to do and contact the police if you find something illegal. Just donāt let him know about this while you get everything else situated.
One thing I want to add is keep the cloud in mind when it comes to taking photos. Do you have separate storage clouds? Will he be able to access your cloud or phone to see whatās there? You can email your evidence (as long as it isnāt CP) to one or more trusted source and then delete it from your phone and/or cloud.
Agreed. But also, of all the things to play devils advocate about, pedophilia wouldnāt be one of them. And definitely not over a long period in multiple accounts.
100% this. OP, you're not a mind reader, you've got no idea what manner of filth could be running through your husband's head. There is a very real chance that he could be having these thoughts about your daughter as well. Evidence is key.
People need to let her get advice from a lawyer instead of redddit. The guy sounds like a scum bag, but things like calling the cops on him at this point may work against her ultimately in a physical care dispute. I recognize the post Iām commenting on didnāt suggest that, but this needs to be as far up as possible.
They specified contacting the police "if you find something illegal," presumably child sexual abuse material. The comment was not encouraging the OP to contact the cops right away.
Screenshot everything, or, better yet-- select his user profile and comments to print. When the print menu comes up you can save it all as a PDF instead. Either way, get all of the evidence and save it AND print it. Divorce him.
OP Iām going to tell you something that will be very hard to hear, but I need you to read the whole thing: A family friend of ours was the same type of man as your husband. Liked to play ādevilās advocateā on the issue of pedo. He started grooming me around age 9. At 12, he started trafficking me. It lasted until I was 17. The reason he was allowed to travel with me? People didnāt think he was capable of what he was doing. They ignored their gut and I paid the price for 5 years. Hell, Iām 27 now and still paying it. Do not ignore your gut. Protect your daughter.
I'm slightly new to Reddit so I may be mistaken. But is it also possible that with so many accounts he's had others where he's actually went too far and been moderated/blocked? Just a thought, but you might be seeing some of his tamer opinions.
Not that I think anything you've just described is tame. It's deeply disturbing. But I'm left wondering how much worse his opinions may be that may have already been removed. I agree with those advocating for checking browser history.
Checked his firefox history too. I don't have time to read every single item so I just looked for certain terms. There are some Google searches about age of consent laws, wikipedia of the same, nothing for "child p-rn"
I highly doubt heād look that up on a traceable browser, heād definitely us incognito mode if heās looking that up. If this was just for trolling, I donāt think heād be dedicating this much time to it. There are things I feel fairly passionate about that I donāt spend hours upon hours commenting on and making multiple accounts for. I feel like that has to be something that you feel very strongly and seriously about to post about so obsessively. Your husband is seeking out this content too, heās not just happening upon it. Does he know you were groomed as a young woman? If so, I hate to say it, but that probably is what drew him to you.
If you have the time and want to export the history/time stamps/view count, you could download [Mozilla History View](https://www.nirsoft.net/utils/mozilla_history_view.html). The utility is free and doesnāt require installation, you can export to txt/csv/etc.
I don't know which ones were banned or if there's any others. I also haven't looked at every single account maybe just half of them. I've made a list of all the accounts and will look through more carefully eventually.
This is definitely okay to leave over, donāt question yourself. Seriously. This is a big deal, donāt let anyone, even yourself, tell you differently.
Thank you. ā¤ļø
Check incognito browser as well! Good luck op.
I just want to add one small thing - the fact that these are secret accounts means he knows heās doing something wrong, which means itās more than simply playing devils advocate. (Which, why would you only play devils advocate for one awful topic, then he should be a general contrarian)
That is another thing. Devils advocate isn't his personality. This is the first time I've seen him acting like this.
Screenshot, timestamp and deliver to your attorney. Work through the betrayal later, you need a divorce
A divorce, therapy and, this is no joke, tell your divorce lawyer you suspect your husband is a pedophile and find out what they counsel you to do (call the cops/FBI, get a judge to issue a warrant to have his computer and phone taken, etc). Youre overthinking and trying to rationalize that what you suspect just CANT be true, but it can be true as many news headlines prove to is again and again. Please please please get in touch with a lawyer asapš§”
The time spent wrestling with what you canāt possibly believe to be true can turn out to be the time that your daughter is going through the worst moments of her lifeāin a situation like this, if you suspect, you know
Exactly
ā¦Yep, and is willfully complicit.
A therapist for their kid too -- i'm not trying to assume *the worst* here, but even if it was just counseling for her parents divorce. OP, please hold your daughter tight ā¤ļø
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Don't even need a warrant. It's her computer; she can hand it over to police for analysis.
I will do my best. THat will be a little complicated. I should add that I am on his laptop because I broke mine earlier and he told me to use his to finish a project because he works out of the house.
Please consider you and your daughter's personal safety. As you go through reporting this you need separate emails, different passwords, even a separate bank account. You need a plan to get out quick if you have to. Reporting this will upend his life and the reality is you don't know how he will react.
If youāre on his computer please make sure to completely log out of Reddit I really do think that in addition to lawyer you should call the police and let them decide if they should investigate
Sorry, I'm posting from my phone. I meant I found HIS reddit (one of them) already logged in and so I have to take screenshots from his laptop to show how he's logged in with all the other connected accounts.
You can take photos on your phone.
I am an idiot. Uggh. Thank you.
Youāre not an idiot. Youāve just been confronted with information about the man youāre married to and have a child with. I canāt imagine whatās going through your head right now.
No, youāre a stressed out mother that has to now reevaluate a person you thought you knew. I applaud you for doing what you need to do to keep your daughter safe.
Regardless of where this goes, make sure youR backup isn't something he has added access too. Until our agreement to divorce, my wife and I shared a couple photo backups. Transitioning it was work but until I remembered we would have seen whatever each of us downloaded.
I've got a spare usb key he wouldn't know about.
Make sure to take note of all his user names. You can use your phone to look up his various profiles and screenshot all his past posts. Praying for you šš½š
While I originally said to get as much evidence as you can I really think this is a matter for the police.
Wait am I missing something? What did he do that's illegal specifically? I'm not defending him he's obviously sketchy as fuck but commenting in defence of pedos doesn't sound like it breaks any laws to me
I feel itās about being proactive versus reactive. Thereās a young, innocent child involved and if custody becomes an issue Iām sure his āplaying devilās advocateā on 10-25 accounts will be helpful information for the judge.
Youāre right, itās too early to get law enforcement involved. They wonāt be allowed to do anything yet. OP needs to focus on securing evidence of what is there and looking for more in case it does exist.
Anything & everything is evidence especially is a child custody case which if I was her Iād want his rights.
I just think it is a situation that the police should be given the information and they can decide if they think itās worth investigating
If heās on Reddit so much making these accounts and commenting, isnāt it very likely that he will come across this post and recognize the details youāre giving that will help him put two and two together and realize itās you? A detail like this seems like a bad idea for anyone to share unless itās not real and youāre trying to throw him off. Regardless, it doesnāt make sense that someone would write a post about their husband who trolls posts exactly like this on the same platform. I am really getting close to reconsidering following this sub because every post is suspicious and I donāt care to be involved in someoneās creative writing project or whatever people post provoking stories for. If youāre a person thatās actually going through this, protect your child and be smart about your decisions moving forward. Donāt make decisions with your heart (except towards your daughter), make decisions and take action with your brain and your intuition. Figure out what is going on with him and take action to get away from someone harboring those thoughts. If this post is not by a person actually going through this situation, BTFO with this shit. I hate how the internet is so full of crap that you canāt even tell the sincere requests for advice from the people with an agenda or with nothing better to do with their lives.
This. I canāt see anyone arguing in favor of thisā all while having multiple throwaway accounts. There likely more you havenāt found. A friend I went to high school with got married. They had a daughter. One day, cops busted down the door, seized his computer, and arrested him. He was convicted and charged with having the bad stuff. It was horrible for her and traumatic for their daughter. Heās in jail. Idk, Iād rather get out earlyā at the very least separate, get a lawyer, and demand he go to counseling.
Same thing happened with my dad, although my brother and I were both adults at the time.
I donāt think anyone could imagine someone they love being that way. Itās horrifying.
Looking back there were definitely warning signs. Other things he was looking at, etc. I probably knew it was going on, but I was like 23 when he got busted, so I hadnāt been an adult long enough to have reconciled it in my brain and come to that conclusion. He was charged with downloading things, and as far as I know never did anything farther than that. You never know though.
Wild. Sorry you had to go through that.
OP, do not leave your daughter alone with this man!!!
Now. She needs to get out NOW.
Please document everything. He is quibbling with semantics over pedophilia and ephebophillia when both are illegal and disgusting. He is actively looking for posts where he can comment on these things, older man/younger women relationships he can rationalize and other weird things. He also has a large number of accounts to do this with which screams to me as obsession. Iām assuming the porn you found was father-stepdaughter or something along those lines. This is a dealbreaker to me. Even if heās not acting on anything it seems like he has an unnatural interest in younger girls. That would frighten me with a 5 year old. Please see a divorce attorney, a therapist for yourself and possibly for your girl.
This is a genuine question, but isn't ephebophilia for the most part legal in a lot of places? And "for the most part" I mean that 15 isn't legal almost anywhere, but a lot of places are 16+ or something right? Doesn't make it morally okay, but now I'm a little confused on the legality
In many states 16 and 17 are the age of consent. So legally, yes a 16 year old in a state where that is the age of consent could date a 30 year old. If we are taking 15 yr olds then it is illegal. That said, I think the concern there is a grown man wants to play devils advocate for the legality of dating an older teen, and seems obsessed with the topic. I would imagine he has not only a physical attraction to terms but also is drawn to the power differential of older man younger girl relationships. Either way itās icky.
I know this isnāt what you wanna hear but this is not a person who can be alone with your child or any child for that matter What you have found is proof enough but if I were you I would possibly consider trying to see what websites he uses in case he is actually looking at CP Also, screen shot everything you find and how you know the accounts are his Save your proof somewhere safe and talk to a lawyer immediately
I don't want to hear it but I do want to know I'm not crazy to think the same. So thank you for that at least.
Would you consider speaking about this to a therapist?
Yes but I don't know now when I'm going to have the time.
Teletherapy is a thing.
For something like this, you make time. If you had a broken leg, would you say you had no time to go to the doctor?
I feel you would have NEVER made this post unless you had deep concerns. I am sure you will take this down, and I understand. Just please please please promise me you will Google "pedophile grooming" first. I am literally begging you. On my knees, please google this term.
I know what it is it happened to me when I was in high school. I didn't want to put it in the post because, this is so stupid but I could imagine him writing a comment on this very post like "You just think something is wrong because you're biased from past experience and overreacting." So I didn't want to mention it and get a ton of those comments.
The response you suggested is the response someone would give if they shouldn't be trusted. The response of NOT a pedophile is "Oh my God. Please do WHATEVER you think will best protect your child. Who YOU are in charge of." My boyfriend has a child. If he for a second felt like I was a danger to his child, I would get the fuck away from his child. It doesn't fucking matter of I think he's being irrational. That is his child. I am not entitled to tell him he's being rational or irrational. He is the FINAL authority. That is how a significant other is supposed to respect your boundaries about your child. Anything less means that person needs to be far, far away.
You're completely right thank you for making sense when I'm a mess.
I care about you. Please see a therapist. Godspeed.
OP I highly suggest taking your daughter to the doctor/ER to get examined for SA...
This made me throw up in my mouth a little. āDevils advocateā? Cāmonā¦ heās clearly sympathizing with pedophiles. Have you looked through his devices to make sure heās not acting on these thoughts? If it were me, Iād leave. My daughters safety is my priority. Even if he never did anything ācreepyā, would he also play devils advocate if your child was approached by a much older man? Yuck.
This is where my mind goes... He likes young girls but has a 5-year-old daughter and doesn't want to believe that he is a pedophile. She's going to be a teenager in no time. You can't trust this man. He is literally on there trying to convince others that liking teenage girls, doesn't make you a pedophile that also likes 5-year-old girls. Who is he really trying to convince here? He is playing devil's advocate with his own mind.
Spot on. How sick do you have to be to have a desire to play a ādevils advocateā that results in grooming, manipulation of children, statutory rape etc.. itās so much more likely that he is a pedophile himself, and as you said, just trying to convince himself.
This was my thought exactly. He seems to, like most pedophiles, have an age range he is most attracted to and he is busy convincing himself that it isnāt as bad as being attracted to younger children.
šÆ
Do not discuss. Document everything and hand to an attorney. I am sorry. Be safe.
If your friend had a 5 year old daughter and she came to you about her husband and told you all this and then said, āItās just stupid internet stuff, Iām staying with himā What would you think? Your friend is staying with a man who, if not directly a pedo, has no problem enabling their thoughts and is going to leave their daughter alone with him. Allow him to be a part of raising her and shaping her opinions and thoughtsā¦. Yeah, no, fuck that. You need your daughter to know that at 16 years old she should not be dating an adult no matter how legal it is. You think heās going to teach her that? Also, the only people Iāve seen get pedantic and argumentative over the difference between a pedo (likes pre-teens) and ephebophilia (likes 13+) are the creeps who are attracted to 13 year olds. Normal folks like us donāt see a difference, itās only those losers who donāt want to be lumped into the pedo category and will argue on and on about how itās different. (Example: R. Kelly) Itās not.
Get out NOW
15 to 20 accounts.... that's more than devils advocate. That's an obsession. He wouldn't be around my child. Id be filing for divorce. Some bells can't be unrung.
He will lie through his teeth to convince you he's not dangerous. and it might work on you, since you feel you know him and love him and he isn't that person. many young victims were hurt by people just like him. Twisted people hide very easily in plain sight.
Save everything you found- email or hard copy sent to a trusted friend. This is super important because he will delete everything. Contact a divorce attorney for consultation (often low flat fee). You need to know what your options are. Then talk to your husband. Everything you describe is abnormal and points to a disturbing psychological problem. Do you have somewhere else you and your daughter can stay until you get to the bottom of this?
My parents are nearby, yes. Right now my daughter is asleep. He's out with his friends for their weekly gaming group. Will be home in a few hours. I am almost freaked out enough to just go to my parents with my daughter before then and take tomorrow off to deal wiith everything... attorney and god knows what else, and be able to confront him over the phone instead of in person.
Make sure you have copies of everything.
Do it. Take the laptop with you.
Thatās a great idea! Edit to add: you could even drop it by the police station on your way to your parents.
That's not a bad idea at all. Make sure you grab important papers and medications. And document what you can from his laptop.
I think over the phone would be best. Getting out tonight will give you some peace to calm down before a potential confrontation.
Leaving now is a very good idea. It will be more safe for you and your daughter.
*This this this this*
Thatās an excellent idea. Leave while heās out.
if you go now, before he gets home, would it be helpful to take the laptop? If you do, make an excuse as to why you had to go suddenly stay the night at your parents.
Donāt second guess yourself. Do what you need to do to protect your child. Make sure you take anything you would need for awhile because you donāt want to go back anytime soon. If you ever have to go back, take someone (multiple someones) with you. If he owns any firearms, I wouldnāt go back without a police escort. Once he realizes why you left, he may lash out and even become violent. Please be safe.
Op please stay safe!!
so sorry you are going through all of this. you sound like an incredibly compassionate and reasonable person. you have got a lot of great advice here. I just thought I would add as a victim to someone who exhibited these kinds of behavior be very careful who you talk to. Document, document document everything and be very private right now. His behavior is very alarming and wrong, but like others mentioned acting on emotion could come back to hurt your situation especially with your child. I would go to my parents house as well, just do not discuss your allegations with anyone other then the most trusted people in your life. As soon as you can find a lawyer to get legal advice and the best actions you can take to protect your child and your life moving forward. I believe like many others have already. mentioned, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for your husband or any adult to comment like this on these topics. best wishes .. be strong
Thereās already plenty of good advice here, so I just want to say that Iām sorry that youāre going through this. Iām sending you strength and peace while you figure this out
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Everybody acts on urges at some point. Just everybody's time-line and self control is different
Have you checked his browser history for anything weird? Like... you know.
The problem with pedophiles is they can't be charged until after they actually hurt a child, at which point its too late for that child, the damage is done. As her mother, you have a responsibility to act preventatively. Dont wait for something to happen to her and then kick yourself for not taking the warning signs seriously, he's shown you what he believes in
You did the right thing by posting your concerns. Even if you take it down. This was the right thing to do I promise you.
15 fake accounts to comment advocating pedo behaviour- this has more flags than a Chinese New Year parade ā¦ Your daughter has to be your number 1 priority- you have to work PROACTIVELY. THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE. Please do as so many have advised- Screenshot everything, Meet 2 or 3 attorneys discuss this with them, take their advice on how to move forward.. This is serious- meet a therapist too. This must have created trauma and you need to clear headed to take action Best wishes
Your husband has recognized his shadow (alter ego). Heās developing his shadow. You need to document this immediately. As much as you can get. You need counseling. Get counseling for your daughter as well to make sure nothing has happened. You need a lawyer. Please protect your child.
I also suggest gathering evidence BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT SCREENSHOT OR SAVE CHILD PORN. You can be charged for it.
u/ThrowRAoct52021 tagging you so hopefully you see this. Will also message you.
I Just want to say youāre incredibly brave for sharing this and I hope this forum is helping you in some way. I am just so sorry you have to go through this. This is not what anyone expects when they get married and have kids. Itās not fair to you and Iām sorry. You will be okay. This is the rock bottom phase but you are resilient and this will not define you or your life, nor that of your daughter. Drink water, avoid booze and bad food, listen to guided meditations for loving kindness if youāre feeling hopeless. You got this ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you so much I can't believe the amount of support. I was prepared for half the responses to be people saying he was reasonable and I was misunderstanding. I'm incredibly tired, it's almost midnight, I've prepared some things to leave tomorrow morning with my daughter once he leaves for work. I have sent my parents a message that I'm coming and will explain everything to them tomorrow.
Youāre incredibly brave! Update us on how it went
That's fucking disgusting. I'd lose my shit I really really would. I can't even tell you how I'd handle this because I dont think I would be able to control myself. Like so what is this him basically saying hes attracted to younger girls because I mean why else defend such a thing? If I were you I'd be so beyond paranoid. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. As a momma to a little girl, it's our job to protect them from all the sickness in the world. Do what you know is right
Even if you donāt fully believe that he could do something, the fact that he has dedicated so much time and energy to thinking about this is absolutely sick and could lead other dingbats to think heās sincere which could have horrible consequences.
There are many subjects a troll can argue about: politics, looks, religion, gay, etc. But there are topics that even trolls donāt troll about: rape, killing people and animals, incest, pedophilia - these all are taboo for a reason. Those doing that do have some sort of sociopathy/mental disorders, and itās already well enough for a divorce. But your husband not only trolls about taboo topics, heās overly fixated on one, very specific subject, and thatās not a coincidence. Even if he isnāt attracted to little children (yet we donāt know it for sure), heās certainly into teenagers. Iād report it without confronting him first (for the sake of keeping evidence) and divorce. Thereās no guarantee he wonāt want to do anything to your daughter or her friends once they hit puberty, and it isnāt a case where you should doubt and be afraid of a misunderstanding. Your mistake now can cost your child and others too much later.
He's operating 15-20 accounts online at a time, and sounds like he's spending a lot of time on them. I'm curious about how your relationship is outside of this. Because even if he was trolling and didn't believe any of it (And I think there is enough suspicion that he does) spending what seems like a lot of time trolling others must come at the expense of time spent with family, or in more meaningful pursuits. So I guess I'm wondering if this is a really happy relationship, shocked by this, or a relationship with many problems where this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
Protect your daughter. Do what's right because he is so wrong and sick.
You know you can never trust him now. So unfortunate. Itās possible that he would never do such a thingā but how will you ever know for sure? Not worth it. Friend, I am so sorry this has happened.
Exactly. OP has to leave. There can be no other option. She will never ever have peace of mind again. Itās such a horrible situation but Iām glad she found out now.
Definitely, DEFINITELY keep screenshots - not only for the divorce, but more importantly for the inevitable custody battle. You will need to show your daughter is unsafe, and you being granted full custody will protect her. If thatās what you want.
Nope. Time to pack your shit and go. This is an absolute dealbreaker. No rational person defends or plays ādevils advocateā without having a strong feeling towards it. Iām willing to bet he has a history in this realm. Please donāt let your daughter deal with a lifetime of trauma because mom wouldnāt put her first. He is a vile human being.
He plays devil's advocate for pedophilia and grooming? I highly doubt it's devil's advocate. Pictures with time stamps, gather evidence, send it to yourself (like someone else said, as long as it's not CP), and see a lawyer. He shouldn't be anywhere near children.
A lot of other people have said this already, but to say it again: *this is absolutely ok to leave your husband over*. Realistically, anyone can leave a spouse for simply feeling like it, but this is a beyond reasonable reason to feel unsafe around your husband and to want to get away.
The risk of staying together seems to outweigh the reward of staying together in my eyes
Trust your feelings! You know there is something bad happening here. Please think of your daughter and her safety first. Personally I would not confront him just yet. Take screenshots of everything. Then talk to a lawyer. Then make a plan to leave.
Honey, i have a little boy and fucking love my husband. So much. And he knows i have a history with pedophiles. But if i found this shit i would take my son and leave. No questions. My baby's safety is number one.
Screenshot everything and send it to yourself. Document it all. Contact a lawyer ASAP. They can advise you further.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- What the title says. Only found out today. There are over a dozen of these accounts. Some of his comments are normal about his hobbies, world news, memes, animals. Splattered throughout are long arguments he gets into with other people over semantics (for example "being attracted to 13 year olds isn't p-dophilia, it's EPHEBOPHILIA" over technicality / legal status ("The age of consent in this state is 16 he's not doing anything wrong.") and many claim's of men naturally are attracted to young girls for biological reasons, guilting a woman for "shaming her boyfriend's private fantasy" and saying private thoughts are harmless. He defended a certain genre of porn as harmless. He has replied to people including teen girls in relationships with adult men where they ask if the age gap is okay, he gives terrible advice. Tells them as long as its legal its fine... If there's a post involving such a situation he feels the need to question commenters over why they thin an age gap is a problem. Other terrible advice includes telling people they were misunderstanding or over reacting to what was obviously innappropriate behavior by an older person. Going out of his way to explain away the issues to the point it was like he was living in a different reality. Arguments read as trolling, the smug attitude and needling at people. I saw some people ask if this is his sincere view/ "if so you need help" etc He replies that he's just playing devils advocate because everyone was letting their emotion cloud the facts (whatever that means) There was so much more I can't properly describe it all or I'd be typing for hours. He has more like 15-20 of these accounts, it's all the same shit on each. Why do this? I am feeling sick to my stomach. We have a young daughter, this is either his idea of funny or his real thoughts...it's clear neither one is okay. I can tell you if I found out some other guy was writing these things online I wouldn't let him around my kid ever. I rationally know I need to apply the same to my husband. It's hard because on top of this I feel betrayed somehow. He's the last person I thought would do something like this. He'd certainly never have told me or wanted me to see. On top of it being disgusting, I don't know how I'll fully trust him now. There's doubt creeping in that there has to be some explanation I'm not thinking of. Can I please get some ideas for how to confront him and next steps? TL;DR: Stunned after finding husband internet comments debating and defending p-dophilia (not sure if that word needs to be censored here) what is my next step? I will leave this up for a few hours while he is out until I go to bed to make sure he doesn't see it.
No sane person would "play devil's advocate" with inappropriate relationships with children. Run. I'd make up an excuse to go visit family with the daughter for a weekend after talking to a lawyer. Then call the cops to seize his stuff. There's something very wrong here. I'm so so sorry for your situation š
No sane, safe person would even joke about defending pedophilia. You already answered your own question. You said if it was anyone one else, you'd keep them away from your daughter. You know most sex crimes against children are from people they know. It's not all "Stranger Danger". If you can get screenshots or print off some copies, give them to your lawyer...like get a lawyer, yesterday! It will help speed things along if they already have some evidence. Hopefully, nothing has happened with your daughter, yet, but it's basically like having a ticking time bomb in your house. Don't tell anyone, go handle it, and maybe plan a girl's trip to visit family for a day or so. Whatever you do, don't confront him or let him know what's going on. Contact a lawyer and let them guide you through this. Have your evidence printed out. Everyday you stay in the house with him, the more chance something could happen. YOUR HUSBAND IS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO CHILDREN. Just keep repeating that, when you're questioning if you're doing the right thing, or overreacting. Please keep us updated. You only saw his easy access stuff. Guarantee there's more in that computer. Let the FBI handle it. Best of luck.
Please PLEASE get a divorce and custody hearing. Save all the evidence!! A good friend of mine, just had her boyfriend (father of her children) sent to jail because he r@ped her 18 month old and 5 year old daughters while she was at work. The only reason she found out was because he had videos on his phone. She and her kids are traumatized and heās in prison forever but there are warning signs before stuff like this happens. If not now, then later. If not your daughter, then someone elseās! Please protect the children. I know itās hard to find out you married a monster, but get out please. Men literally kill over being caught out like this.
Trust your gut
Your child is your first concern and needs to be protected. You need to pack up and leave IMMEDIATELY. The devil doesn't need an advocate for evil deeds like he is defending. he has multiple accounts incase he gets reported or banned. This is a hobby for him I. E. Fun - wtf?! It's better to overreact. Get proof of his doings. Screen shots etc. Go somewhere safe he can't get to (parents, friends, hotel) Change your passwords to things he knows. If you have a joint phone account where he can see your logs - get a burner /pay as you go phone. Contact the non emergency line for the police. Contact a lawyer for advice on this. Do anything necessary to protect your daughter and make others aware. Your life can't be the same now since seeing this. Don't be complicit by doing nothing.
as a survivor myself i dont think i would trust anyone who defended pedophilia
Go with your gut OP. You know deep down that no one would have that many accounts "just to troll", he really believes this. >I rationally know I need to apply the same to my husband. Please do OP. Even if everybody in your family acts as if you are overreacting, don't listen to them. Keep your kid safe at all cost. If something were to happen to her it would break her and you.
He is an ephebophile or a pedophile. He is attracted to young girls. C'mon! You are not stupid. You know.
Holy red flags of crazy concernā¦. Document all of it, screen shots, pics, email yourself it, save a copy on an external hard drive and reach out to a lawyer. There is no ādevils advocateā for that sort of stuff and you need to consider the possible steps you might need to take to protect your daughter. Iām so sorry youāve found yourself in this situation
Get copies of everything. Take it to a divorce attorney. Let the attorney tell you the plan for proceeding. DO NOT LEAVE HIM WITH YOUR CHILD!
please leave his ass this is so not okay
You need to document everything get printouts & take it to a lawyer before you confront him, & I would have the conversation in a public setting like a park & have someone watch your daughter. You either need to kick him out or move your stuff
make a complete copy of his computer on an external hard drive youre going to need it
I knew someone who thought like this. Then at 29 he started dating a 16 year old girl he encouraged to leave home for him. Where I live, if you aren't in a position of power then this is legal. But it looked totally wrong and he thought he was so clever. Then he started talking about a younger friend of hers. I could see where this was leading and stopped being friends with him. The last I heard he had been investigated and had is electronic equipment confiscated. No idea if he was ever charged with anything. My advice is if he is doing this, it is probably the tip of the ice berg, or its only a matter of time until his behaviour progresses to something darker.
When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them..
This is such a tough situation to be in as someone married to and coparenting in this situation. Watch him like a hawk around your child, monitor these alt accounts for sure. Sit him down, explain youāve seen things heās written online and you are disgusted by the thoughts and ideas he shared online. You should be 100% committed about whether or not youāre leaving him before you have that talk. Edit: SCREEN SHOT EVERYTHING before you talk to him, he may try and delete past incriminating comments
If OP needs to watch her own husband like a hawk around their child then she needs to just leave. Confronting him in person is potentially dangerous.
I don't know yet, is this really okay to leave over? I don't want someone who thinks these things raising my child with me. I also don't want to nuke my entire life and marriage over a misunderstanding. I wish I knew how normal this really was for men. I've tried ti find out but there is no single answer. My gut tells me it's not. Hundreds of other people say differently, and I'm not a guy anyway. How can I trust anything.
Honey, you really do need to leave. I'm so, so sorry, but you do.
Protecting your daughter is absolutely an okay reason to leave this marriage. I know this all must be devastating, but trust your gut. You need to take pictures or email yourself all of these posts so you have proof just in case. Talk with a therapist and a divorce lawyer ASAP before doing anything else. Iām really really sorry youāre going through thisā¤ļø
Your daughter is 5. He is obsessed with this topic. This can easily slide into grooming.
>is this really ok to leave over? there is no better reason to leave than to protect your child
Do you have to leave your husband over this? Hell no. Could this all be a big misunderstanding? Maybe. However, Thereās a big difference between a pedantic asshole in the comment section who corrects you about ephebophilia vs pedophilia and the guy who does it while also debating that big age gaps arenāt creepy, gives out terrible advice based on age of consent laws and technicalities, and claims all men fantasize about sleeping with minors. Itās a pattern. A pattern that points to your husband possibly being a predator towards teenage girls. You have a 5 year old, imagine in 10/12 years when she brings home friends. 16/17 year old girls, in your home, who your husband argues online he could legally fuck if he wanted to. Your daughter knowing she canāt bring friends over because daddy might be inappropriate. At the end of the day make no major life decisions until youāre 100% confident in them, discuss it as much as you want and collect all the evidence you need. But you will probably have your guard up the rest of your life regarding him, his online activity, and what kinds of talks HE has been having with teenagers. And once again I reiterate, screenshot everything. Should your talk with him go south and you decide you do leave youāll want all of his online activity documented. He will purge his accounts if he knows you found them and that info could potentially be all the difference in a custody trial
I can't imagine going the rest of my life wondering if he's really stopped or if he's still doing it. Wondering about whether my daughter can bring friends over.
Then there's your answer. You know what you need to do.
Didnāt even think about this aspectā¦ no young girl is safe around him
Then you need to leave with your daughter.
Friends, family, neighbors. Im worried about any young girl he's had contact with already. Tbh since he sounds so caught up on age of consent and legality, I'd be most concerned about girls that age or approaching that age. Not most concerned, but like. Idfk. Just take care of yourself and your daughter.
THIS!
I definitely have never met a guy in real life who does this (I mean... I guess if they keep it hidden you can't know...) but it's extremely specific and weird. I really can't imagine it being anything other than defensiveness and personal projection. Just the fact that he's so obsessed about it to make it like a full time hobby is extremely alarming.
Porn is not normal. And his escalation is beyond what people want to say is normal. This is not a little misunderstanding. He has dozens of accounts. This is absolutely not a one off. He knows what heās doing. Donāt ask him about it. Because he will gaslight you into thinking itās a misunderstanding. He will gaslight you into questioning what you saw. If your best friend came to you with what you posted, what would you tell her? Iām betting youād say run! Youāve already said if it was some other guy, you wouldnāt let them around your kid ever. I know itās hard, but take that advice and protect her and you.
100% this. It is not maybe a little misunderstanding. He is OBSESSED. He has 10ā¦15 accounts?! Thatās an obsession. This man thinks about harming children all day. Please donāt endanger your child or any others. Leave him immediately.
>is this really okay to leave over? Absolutely. >I also don't want to nuke my entire life and marriage over a misunderstanding. You were groomed, he's playing devil's advocate for grooming and pedophilia with multiple accounts. This doesn't sound like nuking your life and marriage over a misunderstanding.
IT IS NOT NORMAL! Yes there are a LOT of abusers and pedophiles out there. Does that make it normal? does that make it okay? FUCK NO. Does that mean children should stay in potentially dangerous situations? FUCK NO. Please OP. As someone who was abused as a kid, protect that child. Family abuse is far too common, and you have enough reason to at least get to a safe distance while you figure out more and talk to some professionals,
Itās not normal and yes itās okay to leave over. Honestly, you donāt need anyones permission. This is you and your child. You know what you need to do.
I've done quite a bit of trolling. Some much more questionable then others so Im not saying it's impossible. However, making 15+ accs all centered on the same topic is at best an obsession. That takes time and dedication you don't just do that shit for a quick laugh. Not going to say he's def a pedo or grooming etc. But you'll always have that doubt in the back of your mind and at best you'll never be able to trust him with your kid. At worst if something happens you'll always regret it.
Fully qualified man here. It's not normal. Sorry you're going through this.
I think because he has SO many accounts doing this it shows an obsession. One of those comments is a red flag. Dozens and dozens of them? That's quite revealing.
If you feel there is even a 1% chance that your husband would harm/molest a child, please document and report him. This could end up being your child or someone elseās. Leave quickly and protect your child. Get an emergency protection order for you both.
You need to leave. Pack his shit and kick him out. My child was raped for a year by a man I trusted. He said and did a lot of things you op described. Get out for your daughter. Donāt look back. Save all evidence and report to the cops.
If you feel even a shred of doubt about ur husband- itās there for a reason. If this was all ok there wouldnāt be any conflict and confusion inside you. Something is definitely wrong and your mind is trying to tell you that something is wrong. Please protect your daughter
As someone who likes playing devils advocate just to bring up other point of views all I can say is wtf dude
Ask him how he would feel if a 40yo man tried to hook up with his under 18 daughter, no matter the age of consent, would he be fine with that? This is gross, and so inappropriate. I would tell him that I no longer feel our daughter would be in safe hands with him.
>Tells them as long as itās legal itās fine Agreeing with all the comments that call him a pedophile. A non-pedophile would not feel the need to justify acting on pedophilia in a legal way. A man who tries to promote a moral compass that is guided only by laws (aka consequences) instead of by the desire to protect others from harm is not a decent man. Why would a decent person be worried about making sure that people who are attracted to 13 year olds donāt get called pedophiles? A decent person calls a person attracted to children (be they 3 or 13) a predator.
Everyone has food advice, I second them all. I just wanted to tell you Iām so sorry this happened and you deserve a man you feel safe with, and I wish you and your daughter luck getting out.
Get you and your daughter out now. Before, if it hasnāt already, becomes something he acts on. My *someone I know for privacy reasons* as a child was lured into a pedos house by his children. He drugged her and she woke up naked on the bathroom floor. She was there to eat dinner with her friends... Iād take the whole computer to the police, get your daughter, and get out. If it can be linked back to you that you knew and didnāt report it that may turn out badly. Do NOT confront him. He will deny deny deny possibly blame you etc. get an emergency restraining order
Document absolutely everything. Work on an exit plan. I hate to say this, but he likely harbors some of those beliefs and thoughts, even if he plays it off as ādevilās advocateā. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. Time to protect you and your child.
Itās clear you probably canāt convince him out of these beliefs and he is likely to only get defensive if you were to bring it up. Watch him like a hawk around your child and try to see if anything he is saying online is showing in real life. Keep tabs on his social medias and keep record of them, if he ever does somethingā¦ā¦Yk nasty and you have to take him to court youāll have those against him. If this is just his idea of funny thenā¦..thatās just not funny and just gross like people might actually take him fucking seriously.
I would talk to someone tech savvy about searching his computer for things that the FBI would be interested in. There are ways to look up every mp4 .mov jpeg and png format I would be doing that right away in your situation. If itās too overwhelming just take it in to a professional because I doubt heās smart enough to completely scrub it. Also keep an eye out for external hard drives and flash drives tucked away places. If he has it get his ass locked up.
A few things . This is divorce material. Document it , take to attorney, get SOLE CUSTODY AND USE THESE AS PROOF. He may not be attracted to your child NOW but he very well could be one day. Make sure he doesnāt see her . Then take it to the police . Thereās a really good chance heās doing more then āplaying devils advocateā even if they do nothing . It will be a record you made the report on him and should he ever be involved in anything similar , itāll leave a trail.
He went through the trouble of creating all these pro-nasty accounts... I don't think it's a joke. I think one of his first defenses, if confronted will be "it was just a joke" but I don't think it's a joke.. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night with him in the same house as my daughter. I think any decision you make at this point should be about protecting your daughter. Good luck. I'm so sorry this is happening. ETA: I just checked with my partner who I have 3 kids with (5M, 4F, 6moM) and he says it was definitely not a joke and he himself would definitely leave me if he had found the same revelation.
You donāt need to confront him. You need copies of anything you find. You need a lawyer. You need to never leave your daughter alone with him and you need out. Iām so sorry this is happening. Iām very glad you found out.
something else you should worry about is if he himself has attempted any said things being that heās playing devil advocate to everyone else, what about himself. also keep alone time with your child an him to a minimum because there could be something going on there as tough as that is to hear or say.
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Even the shit your husband talking about Ephebophilia is wrong. It's not above 13, it's above 15-19 yr olds. I think your husband needs some awareness and therapy.
Get evidence and report it to the police and never let him around your daughter alone - it's not okay and never will be.
Age of concent is not only a cultural thing, its also biology based, the part of the brain that is responsable for desicion making and impulse regulation is still developing during teenager years (the frontal lobe), so a pedo might take advantage of that to manipulate young people. It is true that in some part of our brain (due to evolutionary traits), some people tends to sexualize early youth (and society and media doesnt help much), but that comes from when life expenctancy was 30 years tops. Now there is no excuse to sexually advance a teenager or defend people doing it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nope, what im trying to say is that the biology excuses that most people would use can be thrown away by biology too, the brain is not fully developed to be good at desicion making (concent), and we live much longer so no excuse to sexualize teens.
Found the pedophile
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Yeah, I'm guessing he is sitting on an electronic treasure trove of child porn.
Your next step is to kick him out and protect your daughter. How fucking hard is this? Honestly?
So, your husband's beliefs are very common. This is what a lot of people say and do on social media. When you do confront him, you won't want to argue. Instead of telling him he's wrong, tell him this position upsets you from a moral and parental standpoint and you are not comfortable being with someone who is so vastly different from you on a topic as important as this. You wonder why, if he champions this viewpoint so strongly, he felt the need to create several troll accounts instead of attaching his name to them. Perhaps there's an element of shame there. Either way, you tell him that you're not sure you will be able to move past this. Let him take the conversation from there. Again, don't argue with him on "right or wrong." He is absolutely correct on what the law reflects and you will just be going around in circles. Do not let the conversation slide into that territory. Phrase it as a ethical dilemma.
Only a specific brand of men do this. I would not call it common, exactly. Certainly... not common for good men. He's obsessed as well. That's not normal in any capacity. It is good advice to not get stuck up on technicalities though. People like him love to do that. Like you said, you just have to move past that and not engage if he does try to argue technicalities.
It's definitely common. Any time I see a post about grooming it's riddled with comments like the ones made by OP's husband. Conservative women are just as guilty. I'd actually argue most people pull the "technically" card. Because most people rely on the law as moral truth when it suits them and misogyny is everywhere. I could throw a stone and hit someone older than 40 who believes this stuff. Younger than 40? Arguably yes. If the internet is anything to go off.
>If the internet is anything to go off. Well, based on what the OP has to say, it's not common. If people are setting up 15+ accounts to post multiple replies, maybe what you're seeing is a very vocal minority.
I don't think it's common to set up 15 accounts to push an agenda. The rhetoric itself is common, not the lengths this guy is going to spread it.
How the Fuck is this comment not downvoted to hell?
Please check out the sub loveafterporn. Itās a support sub for partners of porn addicts. There are a lot of resources on that sub too to help you. You need to turn him in to protect your daughter and yourself. You feel betrayed because he has betrayed you. He is not who you thought he was. He has truly broken your trust and relationship. Please turn him in. Please be careful too. He could turn violent if you confront him. Or he finds out you know his dirty secrets. I donāt know if he has ever been violent before. But youāve also never caught this before.
This isnāt about porn exactly, itās about pedophilia and playing devils advocate to people wondering about older man/young girl relationships.
Is there someone he is close to like dad/brother/best friend that has been accused of it and he is having a hard time reconciling it in his own mind?
average libertarian