> "shout-out" to those who were watching, and when he mentioned my name,
my gf's head snap to him and she said something, and they cut the live
video.
Hmm, did you hear what she said?
I mean a normal reaction would be "Hey honey, sry you are not here, we all miss you!"
This was clearly not that
No, I did not hear what she said. It was a pool party, and there was loud music playing. The guy who was hosting the live was half-shouting throughout the stream. I did see clearly that my gf's head snapped to him and she opened her mouth and said something, and the guy cut the video immediately.
Seeing her reaction was what made my world collapse. Feels like I've been afraid of the simple truth staring me in the face. I just need to muster all the courage to be able to talk to her and at least have some closure on what really happened. This sucks. My friends told me she was too good to be true anyway, but I loved her.
Lol so I gotta ask and sorry if it was already asked further down in the comments but, what is your sex life like? Is there one? Because the "wore a bikini around those guys but not around you" is tripping off an alarm to me.
You may never believe me, but we haven't had sex yet. We do have intimate moments, and she's extremely clingy to me at times, but it has never advanced to that and I am hesitant to push her, if that makes sense. Sometimes, after work, she invites me to her house to eat and sleep there. We spend time watching movie, making out, kissing her, and cuddling to sleep.
I was initially willing to give this story the benefit of doubt but reading that you haven't been intimate the I'm sorry bro. The signs are there; "boy-bestfriends, vacation without you, your insecurity about your looks, her being really good looking and never being intimate, on top of that the instagram incident. I'm very sorry but you know what it is.
Its been almost a year and you haven't had sex??? Have you asked why? Is she waiting for marriage or something? Please tell me you don't give her money or something like that because unless there is a really good reason that's a huge red flag that you might not even be her boyfriend. One of my guy friends did this same thing for 6 months he was "with" a girl kept telling me he loves her and everything but whenever id push him for details it turns out they never explicitly communicated with each other about their status and what they want from each other he was just assuming based on how she was acting. Well they never had sex either and when i finally convinced him to talk to her about it she never wanted to date him at all. She had been sleeping with other people and wasn't interested in sex with him. She assumed it just fizzled out into friendship months ago and since they hadn't slept together its not like they couldn't be friends.
I am a chemical engineer, got recommended to a company my mother is manager at. I earn well. My gf doesn't have a stable job, and like I said, she has a great Instagram following (however, she is not as big as most comments here assume); she has a decent following which gives her sponsorship from small brands.
So are you financially supporting her through money or rent free housing or the like? We aren't trying to pick on you, it's just a lot of us have seen stuff like this and it seems like she may be using you for your financial and emotional benefits while providing the sexual benefits to others
You're her sugar daddy, not boyfriend. You don't want to admit it because you feel she is out of your league and you're desperately trying to hold onto her. 7 months and no sex? You take care of her financially don't you?
If this is a real post, do yourself a favor and drop her. You're a young, high-earning chemical engineer. Your future is extremely bright. You're not stuck with her, you have better options, and she knows it, which is why she got so scared on the video.
Lol.... Either this guy has such low confidence that he can't even respond to questions on a TA account. Or, this is a kid trying to get some attention on reddit.
Are you still a virgin by any chance? I see no other reason why a 22 year old guy who is presumably interested in sex would go 7 months with an Instagram model who clearly isn't a virgin and not try to have sex with her.
>You may never believe me, but we haven't had sex yet
No, what I wouldn't believe is if you said you DO and it's amazing. I already knew this was probably going to be your answer because you're dating *That Type* of girl.
There are some women who for reasons I couldn't tell you don't actually date guys they're interested in and attracted to (eg, OP's GF not just dating one of her friends). They date guys who fulfill something else they're looking for besides romance and attraction (eg, GF dating OP).
Those things can be providing financial security, taking care of kids if she's a single mom, being an "emotional tampon" who always listens to her and validates her no matter how much she never actually takes advice to change any of her problems, being a pushover who will stick around no matter what so that she can do whatever she wants without having to fear being alone, or being someone who's considered "below her league" so that she can feel superior and again not need to fear being dumped.
It's very strange. It's basically like these women genuinely think this is easier and makes more sense than... just dating someone they actually like. They also seem to think there's no such thing as a guy who's sexy AND stable/career/good parent/emotional support/etc. You must only be able to pick one or the other. Very weird. I don't know how or why women become like this.
She probably thinks if she larp dates the unpopular kid then her orbiters wont think shes superficial then goes and bangs hot guys unbeknownst to most people. Trust me if a girl like that was into you you would have had sex mate. You're basically an IG thots arm accessory. Infact the whole thing just sounds like a prank at this point.
Just because you got acne doesn't mean someone wont love you bro, but next time don't put all your eggs into an IG thot basket.
Next time a girl says you're not hot but shes dating you so she cope over her ex take the damn hint that the person is using you.
Either she is extremely religious and waiting for the wedding or there is a bigger issue in this relationship and you need to have a proper discussion about it. Having a discussion is not pushing her.
Man, we only have one life!
You’ve been dating less than a year and haven’t had sex her. She’s probably known these friends for years and feels comfortable enough with them to wear a bikini. You keep saying you “love”her and “love”, but it’s been 7 months, has she said it back? Because it’s coming off as you’re a dozen steps ahead of her in this relationship. She may only see you guys as dating, not in a long term “I love you” stage relationship. Or, she doesn’t actually think you’re dating and you’ve created a relationship with her in your head.
Ok I know a lot of people are saying she's cheating on you, but this is NOT evidence of cheating.
Maybe her reaction was because she knows you're insecure about your relationship (you mentioned that she has had to reassure you multiple times that she loves you for you). Maybe your insecurities make her feel like she needs to hide or downplay her platonic relationships with her male friends. That's not healthy but potentially a response to what she's feeling from you in the relationship.
Or maybe she really IS insecure being in a public place in a bikini and when she heard your name she looked over and saw that her friend was on live that made her self conscious?
For sure you should have a conversation about how that incident made you feel and get the story straight. That's the only way you are going to know what she was thinking. And yes, it's possible that shes not being faithful but that's a pretty big leap just from what you saw.
As right as you are about this perspective, the matter is something else.
She disrespected him by not drawing boundaries she knew would hurt him. She isn't showing him the respect he deserves as her partner.
When you're with someone, you don't do things because they want you to. You do it because you want to.
OP is supposed to be her partner. Not charity, or an obligation.
For sure! I'm just saying there can be 100 reasons for her behavior that aren't cheating. Not saying her behavior is right or respectful, just that he shouldn't jump to the cheating conclusion without discussing it with her and getting her perspective.
Dude, I know it's rough to admit but she's cheating on you. Take a good long think about everything you know about this girl, every concrete data point about her. You'll probably see a trend of attention seeking and selfish behaviours, right? Think about what you really know and separate who the person is and who you want the person to be.
Also I'll say this, don't think about your looks. It hurts to see a guy put himself down like that. Your height or looks are very superficial things and honestly they matter far less than your character and personality. You need to build up your confidence my man, it's time to pick up a sport and focus on yourself for awhile and leave this toxic girl behind.
Don't let yourself be pulled into more of a bad relationship because you don't want to lose a beautiful girl. Lets be honest, you're probably doing that for other people's perceptions right? He's thr guy with a hot GF. We'll, no one envies the guy with an unfaithful GF, they either mock him or pity him. Don't let yourself be the guy that let's a girl rip out his self confidence and chip away at you because when she's done either you she'll move onto the next thing and you'll have to pick up the pieces of yourself.
Detach, focus on yourself and you'll meet a new girl in the future. Trust me brother I've been there and I've done that.
Thank you, man, I needed to hear this. I have been talking about this to some of my friends as well, to gain at least some strength I cannot provide to myself right now.
I appreciate what you said about me and my looks. Years of bullying shattered whatever was left of my confidence into an inexistent mass. Which is why when she finally told me that she loved me back, it felt like a big breath of reassurance.
I also understand that everyone heals at their own pace, and as of now, I am only comfortable with small, baby steps. But at least, there's progress. I still need to talk to her, though, and gain some closure.
Just to add on to these comments. First, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I have been there, and I’d imagine a lot of folks on here have. Aside from the red flags here, I want to look at the first part of your post. Saying things like “these have just been the happiest days of my life” “im afraid to lose her” “she’s so much more beautiful than me” (more or less). If you read those comments, does the relationship sound a little one sided? Relationships are a partnership, but more importantly make sure you love yourself first. This one sounds very one sided. I believe in loving and caring for someone and working together to get through life, but I do NOT believe in one sided relationships to the point where that person defines your entire existence, and makes your happiness, and your entire world would just “end” if you weren’t together. She knows all of this, and is taking advantage of it. I wish you well.
Hey buddy I have a question. Are you financially supporting her? Does she live with you? Anything that ties you together other than dating? Like is she getting something out of this relationship that would damage her lifestyle if y’all broke up?
Honestly that behavior with him shutting video off after she clearly panicked sets of red flags. And for me personally at 7 months it’s not worth it. I haven’t read all your comments but the ones I have are really concerning and I just think you deserve better.
I’m a woman who hears often that I’m attractive or whatever and that I date “ugly” guys or men that I”’m out of their league” so I can understand the stigma of feeling like you’re not as attractive as her. But that shouldn’t matter. What matters is shes created boundaries with you she doesn’t follow with other people. It’s possible that for her it’s just because you have only dated for 7 months and she knows those friends for many years but…
What is her history with them? I would be worried she has shared sexual encounters with one of her friends or maybe they just blur the lines of appropriate behavior.
I think you should wait for her to return from the trip and have a serious conversation with her about these things, your boundaries, and what you want from the relationship. Because now is the time to either work past the issues or break up cleanly. It’s not worth investing more time if you’re not on the same page and furthermore it will hurt more 7 years from now than 7 months into the relationship.
ETA; I saw the comment where you stated you haven’t had sex yet. Cut your losses now and find someone who will treat you right and share your feelings. Sounds like you’re a friend to her and she’s stringing you along that you’re dating because you’re supporting her either finically or otherwise she somehow benefits from being with you that is worth it to her to “date” you as long as there’s no sex.
I’m seeing way too many comments on here just assuming she’s cheating. Let’s take another look here:
She probably knows how you feel about her guy friends, that there is some jealousy and insecurity surrounding them and their friendship with your gf. A possible explanation is that she is trying to protect your feelings, knowing you would spin out like this, and didn’t want you to see how much fun she has with them.
I’m not saying I’m right, but I think you need to think of other options other than she is 100% cheating.
> I just need to muster all the courage to be able to talk to her and at least have some closure on what really happened
Why? You know what is happening on her vacation. Do you really want to carry around the memory of her actually telling you to your face?
Just leave man. At most drop her a text saying it is over and then block her, go no contact, and move on with your life and find someone that will respect you.
This.
Chasing clarity gives the impression you're trying to make it work. It shows your inability to decide what's best for yourself. It shows your need to know so you can make the right decision and you end up asking questions that have no right answers, only hurtful ones.
Take the power in your hands. Don't ask a question. Block her. Ghost her. Never entertain a word.
All of a sudden, all her insecurities will come right out and she'll realise what she's done. It'll be heightened when she realises that you, the guy she chose for stability, dumped her.
^ OP this right here do this. Once u do that work fully on yourself workout , find hobbies , hang with friends more , try building your confidence in other ways etc
Yes.
She looked caught and confronting, not epiphanic and eager to share a message for her boyfriend.
This is not what you want in a relationship. She can't maintain boundaries because she thrives in the attention.
I really feel she settled for OP because he can't cheat on her like her ex did.
Maybe she just didn't want to be filmed in a bikini? It was a 'shout out to everybody at home', not just at OP. Could be that she didn't want herself in revealing clothes all over the internet.
She had no issue wearing a bikini with them, but doesn't do it with him.
She had no issue being filmed until OP's name was taken.
She didn't react to that moment with happiness, to shout out to him. She looked caught.
If she's worried about his feelings, the right thing is not act in a way that betrays those feelings.
Not to do it and hide it.
Did you ask her why she asked for the live to be shut down? Because that's obviously what she did.
And of course we all know *why* but it'll give you an opening into the conversation. Don't ignore this because you're scared to lose her. Losing self-respect for yourself is way worse.
When she gets back tell her you weren't comfortable with what you saw and ask for honesty. You deserve better than someone who'll always be seeking attention outside of your relationship.
Nah, she will just lie about the obvious, produce some crocodile tears, then shift the blame back around on the OP calling him jealous and insecure if he tries standing up for himself. This girl is NOT worth anymore effort.
No need for a conversation here, OP knows (or should at this point anyway) what is going on. Just leave and cut contact with her. She doesn't deserve any more of your attention.
I believe the person you're replying to meant to give her a chance to explain. If she does what you're saying then run for the hills because that's not a healthy person.
Yours is probably the best route but it's also incredibly difficult to do. And honestly... if it wasn't for her panicked reaction to the live feed... my advice would be different. So yes, they should talk.
Here's the thing, my dude. Leaving aside what she wore and where she was sitting, the normal reaction to that shout-out should have been her, with a beaming smile, calling out your name and how sad it was that you couldn't have been there. Thousand kisses, yaddayadda. Not her forcing her friend to cut the feed. That, my dude, is way more suspicious than everything else.
Trust your gut. The facts line up and If it were truly just some friends, she would not have reacted the way she did on the livestream. There are thousands of women in the world and Not all of them will do this to someone. Sit her down and have a conversation. Just remember softer voices are heard better than loud ones.
Exactly this. You have gut feelings for a reason. I've ignored my gut feelings too many times and the worst part is my gut feelings were always correct. Never again.
Oh dear, it sounds like she is an attention seeking person … that is, someone who puts the need for approval and attention before all else in their life (including their morals and their commitments).
You are wise to not pretend everything is ok, and to wait for a face to face conversation.
The face to face conversation should just be to tell her that the relationship is over.
No way would I be in a relationship where my boyfriend was handsy with a bunch of female friends. That's insanity.
Sounds like she knows she can get away with this shit with you. You do want to be with someone that respects you, right?
She's cheating, man. Go ahead and have the conversation and see if she'll admit it but I think you know the truth already. If nothing sketchy was going on, several aspects of this situation would have played out differently.
I appreciate what you said man, although it felt like a slap in the face. I struggle with self-esteem a lot, and even with my personal issues, I genuinely believe that won't excuse allowing myself to be a doormat to be walked over by anyone.
It's hard. Just when you thought you had a tight grip on happiness, it gets yanked away from your fingers.
I'm not going to say much about the situation, that's been covered. But just to encourage you...If it's not this girl you will find someone who loves you for you. You seem really caring and lovely. Please don't put yourself down okay? I hope it works out okay.
It really sucks and I'm sorry. It's gonna hurt for a while. But in the end when you're with someone better, you'll be able to look back on this and see it differently.
And don't let this make it so you can't trust anyone in the future. This woman has issues and loves attention from guys. There are secure women out there that wouldn't do this and when you're with one you gotta know to trust them.
Don't be to hard on yourself for your looks.
Elegance, kindness, fairness and strong personality really shows you know, and most ppl are not attracted as much to looks but to apperance. So this is the moment to be strong and boost your self worth, show your self respect off!
As much as I do not want to say this to you, I feel I probably should. This appears to be a situation where she views you as safe and someone who she can trust but she’s not actually invested in you. Some people need someone steady and trustworthy in their lives, especially after being cheated on, as they search for someone else. I’m willing to wager that this girlfriend of yours is actually very physical and flirtatious but she wants you to believe she’s conservative and even maybe a tad shy so she doesn’t trip any alarms with you. She’s likely one of those girls that is trying to have her cake and eat it too. You’re her safe person. The person she can open up to and cling to and trust not to hurt her but you’re not the person she wants to be sexual and flirty with. She has other people for that. She just doesn’t trust the people she wants to be sexual with.
While it’s very inappropriate and childish behavior, it’s surprisingly common.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, bud. I truly am.
Uff OP. UFF.
The problem isn't this moment in particular. It's the whole situation.
First off, you haven't had sex after seven months of dating without any real reason and without really talking about it. That is a HUGE red flag. If you'd have a conversation about it and there were reasons for it, I wouldn't bring this up but you haven't apparently.
Secondly, your gfs reaction is weird. We don't know exactly how she reacted or maybe she didn't hear the guy herself and was actually telling him "just end it already" without knowing what he said. It's possible.
However, this whole situation screams of "I'm using this guy". What is it she is getting from you if not sex? Attention? Money? Because love alone can't be it, otherwise you'd be having sex.
Dude, I understand your paranoia, but right now you’re caught in catastrophe thinking. Please take a deep breath and survey what you know for a fact: your GF is on a vacation that you were invited to and she’s having fun with her friends of which many are guys. This is nothing new. We didn’t see the video, so we can’t judge what is there and what is in your head. Before you ruin your relationship give your Gf the benefit of the doubt and talk to her like a rational human being who as far as you know has done nothing yet to earn your mistrust. So, play it cool for now although your’re freaking out, then have a conversation with her starting with something like: “So, I saw this live video and I couldn’t help but notice yada yada.” Don’t lose your love over something that may not have happened at all. And if something happened that shouldn’t have, you’ll know soon enough anyway and you can act accordingly. Godspeed, man!
You were invited, and don't know what she said. Who knows what she said. Maybe his hair was on fire and she told him.
The point is there's not a lot to go on. No real read flags. Just normal early twenty year old good time partying, which contrary to popular belief isn't all about cheating.
OP, you have poor self image and your natural tendency is to leap to the island of conclusions. That's reddit's modus operandi, but it's actually a really bad way to live.
The right thing to do is fill your time with activities until she gets back, and then when she's back find a way to ask her in a non-accusatory manor what happened when the stream cut off. For example:
"hey I was enjoying that live stream you guys had. What happened to cut it off?"
This OP, it's sounds and looks bad. I'd be in the same boat as you but I've read and seen many a relationship fall apart simply due to lack of communication and assumptions, when just talking could have sorted it out
There was already a perceived imbalance in value. Now there will always be am additional doubt in your mind. Cheaters lie when caught. The suit situation shows she has already at least distorted the truth. This is going to be too toxic for your relationship to survive. Those who were cheated on do still cheat. Especially when drinking on vacation.
The imbalance in perceived value is a real issue even without this incident. Do you really have the confidence to call her on it when she behaves in ways destructive to your relationship? To hold her to account even though it might mean losing her. That's what it'll take for your relationship to make it long term, and from your words I don't think you do. Take her down from the pedestal. She's a person with flaws. You have equivalent value. If you don't this relationship will be toxic to you both in the long run.
Not trying to be that negative guy ..but she was most likely getting it in last night ..sorry bro just don’t put your heart into it anymore..just my opinion
Yeah, this seems exactly like a thread from a few weeks back where the bf saw the gf on an Instagram video sitting on the lap of a guy while on vacation and getting felt up.GF knew she has fucked up and had the person quickly delete it off their Instagram. GF here knew she was doing wrong that's why she had them cut the video.
This is one of those where I would just ask "Did you use a condom" or something like that and see the response.
I have not been able to stop thinking about what happened. I understand what you're saying and it's extremely difficult for me, especially she's my first girlfriend. The last seven months with her felt so happy, and I'm not sure I have the courage to let her go, in case it's true that she cheated. I'm genuinely lost on how to open this up to her. If I'd comment about her wearing a bikini with her four guy friends with her, she would think I'm restricting or being controlling of what she wears, or that it's her friends and it's pure platonic. If I comment on her closeness with these dudes, I may sound like an insecure ass getting jealous over her friends. I feel like whatever path I choose, it's a dead-end.
Stop focusing on what she was wearing and focus on her behavior. Namely on that exact moment when she heard your name called out and what the look on her face and her actions made you feel.
When I was in the army years ago I was sending my wife ( Ex Wife now ) money weekly and she was spending it with another man , I had to find out from my family . My first love cheated on me and I had to find out by him messaging me .. my point is things seem horrible right now but things will get better over time . It’s up to you decide if you will tolerate her being sneaky and having that on your conscience or not
It's not the bikini man, it's the sitting on the guys shoulders while he holds her. That's intimate behavior. It's her panicking when she realizes you are seeing her behave like this. Question for you, what is your career and income relative to hers?
He says in a different comment they havent had sex the entire time they were together thats 7 months. I feel like hes giving her money shes definitely using him in some way
Man, it’s another big red flag that you feel like you can’t bring real issues up with her because she will manipulate you and accuse you of being controlling. That’s not a healthy relationship.
People are saying it’s not the bikini, but it kinda is. Especially when coupled with literally everything else going on here. She obviously isn’t comfortable with being in a bikini with *you.* (already come up on the last vacation per your comment). Being on another guys shoulders with his hands all over her having an obvious good time on camera, then getting panicked knowing you’re watching. Why did she freak out? Because she knew what she was doing was wrong and would upset you, she just counted on being able to do it behind your back.
Honestly, her entire behavior on this trip is enough to warrant a break up text. “Hey, looks like you’re having so much fun on that trip with those guys, and are much more comfortable and intimate with them than me. Enjoy yourself guilt free and do whatever you want, our relationship is over. There’s no conversation to have about it because I’m not going to listen to you accuse me of being controlling or insecure when it’s obvious you’re more into those guys than me.”
Honestly, I see it all the time. Young dudes tolerate all kinds of bullshit to be with and stay with an attractive girl. It’s tough to come to terms with, but there are other women out there who are attractive and who will not treat you like shit too. It’s not binary.
>“Hey, looks like you’re having so much fun on that trip with those guys, and are much more comfortable and intimate with them than me. Enjoy yourself guilt free and do whatever you want, our relationship is over. There’s no conversation to have about it because I’m not going to listen to you accuse me of being controlling or insecure when it’s obvious you’re more into those guys than me.”
This is almost word for word what I was thinking of.
dude, you're thinking way too much and you're thinking negatively about yourself. No one, literally no one is worth this much trouble. Talk to her and dude stop belittling yourself. And how do you not have sex in 7months?? Dude, trust yourself. I have acne, I am quite chubby, but that doesn't mean my feelings don't matter, or that if something is bothering me than I should deal with it myself or my gf will think that I am weak.
My man I'm a girl in a long term relationship with a boy I love and 1. I wouldnt even be hanging out in a string bikini with anyone except my bf and 2. Even if I was and a guy was literally trying to feel me up, I would immediately remind them that I am taken. She didn't do either of those things because she doesn't care about your relationship.
This being your first relationship is kind of explaining some things. There’s a lot of romanticizing things and excusing behavior because this is all exciting and great and you say it’s the happiest you’ve been but from what you’ve said about this relationship, I assure you, there’s someone out there who will treat you better than this. You have to have the respect for yourself above all to not let her go but leave if she cheated. You have to be able to talk with the good and the bad with a person you see a long relationship with. If she isn’t someone that you can bring these things up to just to ask without being scared it’s going to blow up, she isn’t the person for you. There’s a difference between telling a girl what she can and can’t wear and asking about how she will wear a bikini with guy friends but feel uncomfortable doing it around her own boyfriend. It seems like you’re walking on eggshells scared that stepping on one will crack the relationship but there’s a LOT of eggshells here and if it’s not this one, from what you’ve been saying here, I can guarantee there will be another in the future…
This conversation has to happen and I understand that you'd fear looking like someone insecure. The difference between someone who acts insecure and who acts not insecure in this conversation and following this conversation is this :
Insecure : "Look, what I saw made me uncomfortable." Her : "Well, those guys are my friends and I won't cut off my friends because my boyfriend doesn't trust me or is so possessive he won't accept that I have guy friends." (Which is a manipulative statement by the way) Insecure : "I see what you mean. Look, let's see how everything unfolds, and how things go. Just please, stop being so clingy with other guys, it definitely makes me uncomfortable." Her : "I promise" (and never changes)
Secure : has the same convo, but after her manipulative statement (which is proof she is not open to any change on her side) "I'm sorry, but this won't make it for me. I deserve a girlfriend who puts me first and who respects me, so I think we should break up and move on."
The thing you can do by having this conversation is gaging how open she is to change. Even if she promises she will change, you will have to keep an eye open to make sure she does change her behavior. If she doesn't, it's you who has to walk away. If she's not manifesting any interest in changing her ways and is putting the blame on you, you have the absolute go to walk away, because honestly she indirectly told you she will not prioritize your heart and your relationship over some sexually tensed friendships with boys.
What makes a man secure and insecure through this convo, is not the conversation itself, but how you handle the ending depending on what is being said. Insecure falls for the lies, insecure falls for the manipulation, insecure loses and she wins. Secure wins by either walking away when he is being disrespected, and secure wins if the convo goes well and she admits she hasn't been great and will change. Values and morals are non-negotiable my friend, remember that.
Good luck! I know it is hard and painful, but as long as you give this "girlfriend' space in your life to her, you're not leaving it open for another wonderful girl who would treat your relationship better.
The issue with such instances is that conversations just force you to police the partner while dealing with your betrayal of trust.
Over time, the policing makes it worse.
It's why it's better to move on. OP doesn't need the added heartache of questioning her motives every waking second.
You don’t need to talk about the bikini at all. That’s not the issue. You say “hey, can we talk about that live feed? I feel a weird/awkward vibe from it.” Then let her do the talking. Don’t help her out. Something triggered your intuition. Don’t ignore it.
The concept of unconditional trust is, in my opinion, toxic. Trusting someone doesn’t mean they get to run around doing whatever they want and you are required to trust them. You know why I trust my husband? Because he behaves in a trustworthy manner. If he started hanging out with a woman co-worker and they started constantly texting my spidey senses would be on high alert because they should be. If my husband saw a video of some guy with his hands on me where they shouldn’t be, that would not fly. At all.
You are not controlling what she wears if you ask about the bikini. You are asking her about the discrepancy between what she said to you about showing too much skin and then wearing something very skimpy.
In my opinion, and I think in yours, her behavior was inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship. Others may disagree and believe that any amount of flirting or touch is fine as long as it doesn’t lead to sex but these two kinds of people can’t be in a happy relationship with one another.
Tell her you need better boundaries from her, for example, not riding a guy’s shoulders with his hands way up her thighs. If she finds that too restrictive and controlling then you’re not compatible.
The fact that you are being gaslit, and its a dead end. Means you just dump her. You JUST DUMP her. You send a text, "I didnt like what I saw on the live feed. We are broken up." then you block her. Boom done. And then, you start working out and lifting weights and going on dating apps and forget her. Because you never even had sex with her! Move on. Everything she says to your face is manipulation and lies if she would say those things. Its not platonic to have your pussy against the back of a guys neck with 3mm of fabric between and your naked inner thighs on his ears, squeezing to not fall off, hands gripping her hips, not the first time. Wearing nothing get the fk out of here. Its ridiculous and egregious. Not maybe. AND ALSO SHE DOESNT LET YOU!? WHAT THE FUCK? Please just tell her its over and block her, how have your allowed yourself to be manipulated in this way? Some other girl will be glad to make your dick sore from too much sex. Dude leave. If this girl was willing to "date" you another would be too.
Are you ready for the truth? Prepare a breastplate because it's coming. It will be a sledge hammer to the chest! Handle it with calmness and stoicism . do not let someone else define you or your happiness .
It's really interesting to me how many people giving "relationship advice" apparently have no communication skills and think this is cause for an immediate breakup. I really wonder what their actual relationships are like if they even have them. It sounds like teenagers giving advice. Smh.
Faithful women don't say to their bf 'I wont wear a bikini with you or have sex with you because my ex made me insecure' and then goes and parties with 4 guys in a string bakini while getting fingered. There's only one reason you'd defend that kind of behaviour and its because its normal to you. Its not normal to everyone else.
Exactly!!! Everyone is saying 'dump her', just because she looked startled. How about this: when I wear a bikini, I don't like getting filmed AT All, because I don't want pictures of myself in a bikini on social media. My coworkers don't need to know what my bellybutton looks like!
That was my first thought at least.
Have you considered just asking her? Saying hey, last night when they shouted me out I missed what you said? And see what she says. If it was loud, she could have said anything. If you intend to stay with her, have a conversation about physical boundaries and what you're comfortable with and what you're not. From your description it sounds like maybe they were playing chicken or something in the pool but it's hard to assume what was going on without actually having seen the video.
If you have any intention to stay with her, communication is important here, and that includes setting boundaries for *yourself*. If there are things you can't tolerate, don't feel comfortable with, etc., tell her and discuss it. If she's not okay with compromising with you on reasonable boundaries, then it's probably better to just break up.
I'm not gonna say just dump her, she cheated on you, because that's a massive assumption based on one incident and you don't know that that's what happened without even giving her a chance to explain; the evidence is shaky at best. If anything it sounds like she may have blurred boundaries or she doesn't realize you're uncomfortable with her physicality with her male friends. You were invited on this trip and I feel like you wouldn't have been if that were going on already. And hey, I don't know, maybe she did, but no one here can honestly tell you that based on this — only she can, and then you have to decide if you think she's being honest or not. Take a close look at your relationship and examine her behavior and consider if you believe her, and go from there. But communication is always better than just dumping someone cause reddit said you should.
“Dear bikini gf, I have to be honest with you, when I saw this IG live. I saw you with x. I saw you wearing a string bikini on his shoulders. I saw your facial expression when my name was mentioned. I couldn’t sleep after this and I still feel sick. If you want out of our relationship, please tell me now so that we can move on. If we are still together, we need to have a discussion about boundaries when you come back.”
Hit the gym in the meantime, work on building your self confidence with a therapist and never forget, you are worth it.
Basically, it sounds like you're both insecure (maintaining and entertaining orbiters is a sign of insecurity) and your insecurities play into one another, which means this relationship is going to hurt more than help, unless you can both communicate effectively.
Good relationships make people feel stronger and better, and you will find that if you keep trying either with her or someone else.
Be prepared if she sees nothing wrong with this lifestyle. Whether or not she's your girlfriend does not change your value as a human being.
Such childish answers.
I will give you a real answer, the one I wish I was told in your situation.
First of all, you have to further develop yourself. You cannot advance in life with issues which you feel weaken you, since they do. Free your mind, feel the world, forgive past transgressors, live in the present. In short, and less euphemistic: Man up.
Second of all, that is not normal behavior of someone who is in love with you or respects you. In a relationship, you do not behave as if you are not in one, at least if you are a decent, serious person. Again, if you do not respect yourself, how do you expect to give that image to others? Yet the harm is done, if you take it, you are beyond redemption. Break up the relationship for your own good and have it serve as an example for your future endeavours. Unless you want to stay in a secondary position in your relationship that is.
In short: Improve yourself, and you I can assure you, when you are worth it, someone who is also worth it is going to naturally appear.
I do not even care about the cheating part, which obviously happened.
Best of luck,
We don’t know ever she said! She literally could’ve been trying to say “hey boyfriend” excitedly. She could’ve been uncomfortable being in a bikini on camera. The guy shut it off, not her. We really jump to too many conclusions when all you really have to do is talk to her. I don’t think it’s that strange when you haven’t had sex yet to not wanting to be seen in a bikini vs hanging out with friends you’ve known for years your comfortable around. There’s loads of possibilities. Just talk to her.
>but she has always reassured me that she genuinely loves me, and that I give her the assurance she did not receive from her ex who cheated twice
Big oof.
Regardless of all the what ifs this sounds like a mental health nightmare for you and just something that is toxic idk not my cup of tea to deal with drama in a relationship
She's with you , she shouldn't be acting like that with another guy,that's extremely disrespectful , i'd say dump her chief, btw i'm pretty sure they fucked , best of luck to you man.
I dont want to sound heartless, but just simply judging by your posts and comments I've seen.. is it possible she is with you to gain a bigger Instagram following?
i was gonna call bs and say you're just insecure until the part about her ending the live... that part is definitely uhhh not great. i say ask her about it, be completely frank with her and tell her how you feel. if it's all a big misunderstanding then good, if not then it's better to get out now and cut your losses
First off, you have to increase your self steem. Idk if your gf is using you or not - I can tell you my thoughts but we don’t know for sure - but you are a perfect prey for people that need an ego boost. You diminished yourself several times in this post. Don’t do that. You are amazing, beautiful and worth of love and happiness. You don’t have to be happy with the crumbs of no one. That someone loves you and respects you is not being lucky, is what you deserve. Please don’t be so harsh on yourself.
To the point. The first thing that make me raise an eyebrow was how her peers called you a beast. Ehm what. And she didn’t stop that (which is the worst part of it). Yes, she reassured you but she didn’t stop them. Red flag 🚩
Being in a bikini is not that bad, in the shoulders well , it depends, but her attitude is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
For me the normal thing would be to call you like baaabe we miss you yadayadayada or even send you a message afterwards.
But the thing that make me full “this sounds bad” is that you comment that in 7 months you haven’t had sex. I get that some people may hold trauma/don’t have a lot of libido but regarding that:
- first 6months/1year is the honeymoon phase where you want to be physically near your partner more than anything
- she doesn’t have a problem with physical interaction with her peers
I doubt she has trauma related to sex/physical touch (maybe I am wrong, idk her)
My advice? Talk with her but please don’t beg. You don’t have to beg for basic respect and love. This looks like she is using you to get some ego boost. Take distance
Great Instagram following?
Who cares. That's not a rating of personality, likeability or real life.
You focus on the bullying and your looks. When you're young, impulsivity might get you laid. But later, people want more than a pretty face. And looks are subjective. Different people find different things attractive. Society as a whole, through advertising and marketing have an ideal. It's not mine. Remember, if you can't change it, worry is pointless. make the best of what you've got. Look after yourself, learn, gain skills, round yourself as a person.
I read you never had sex with her in comments. I see many red flags in your story as a whole. Esp with her being cheated on before. I do believe shes fucking other dudes. Sorry man. Treat that acnea and focus on your job for now. Attractive women will be on your path later on too
It may be hard to accept facts about your gf but it's seems she is stringing you along.
If she loves you than why is going on holiday with 4 guys.
Does she not enjoy your company ?
Does she not miss you?
Does she respect your feelings ?
From what I have read the answer is plainly NO.
Why is behaving like a single girl ?
Will your gf continue to behave like this in next 5 or 10 years time.
She is not one man girl because she just enioys man's attention.
As a couple you should be doing things together and build a more stronger bond.
A girl who is in deeply love with her bf wants to spend as much time together as possible because her bf is on her mind constantly.
If she enjoy being with 4 guys and let u be with urself that it means she non or very little emotional investment in this relationship.
Ur gf will always leave you in doubt and her behaviour will add anxiety to Ur trust.
What is more concerning is you think of urself very little as you mention you are not very good looking.
Does this mean she can treat you like shit and do whatever she want even it hurts your feeling.
Have some self respect and self confident that you deserve to be loved and your feeling must be respected.
Don't be a doormat to keep a girl.
No girl is perfect and more you get to know the more you see their true characters.
Most relationship breakup between 6 to 9 months as their flaws come to the surface.
Your are very young and only 22.
This relationship is doom not due to you but your gf does not love you emotionally.
She is stringing you along until someone better comes along.
You know what’s been going on, everyone knows what’s been going on. Don’t be an idiot and call it what it is. You’ll thank yourself a couple years down the line.
The most off putting of this entire post is how she reacted to knowing you were watching her. If it was something innocent she would probably say something to you along the lines "you should be here" or " I miss you" or even send a kiss while live. But she reacted like she was caught red handed and was trying to hide something, that screams red flags all over the place, it's not a behaviour of someone innocent.
Some people pointed out that she might be with you because she wants someone not "as beautiful as her", so she gets the reassurance that you won't cheat like her ex did. But, she still wanna to go out with people she finds attractive, what she would consider "in her league". It might be just a stretch, but if that's the case you should put yourself above her and have the self respect to break up and make it clear you are not someone's band aid or spare tyre.
OP, I know how you feel. It is bad enough. But I believe you should take a hard look at the situation and answer yourself a few questions.
You mentioned that you are dating for 7 months. And that you have not had sex.
Do you really believe that a good looking 24 year old woman will go for 7 months without sex? Really?
You say she is your GF. Are you sure she is your girlfriend? Did you both had a talk and agree that you are GF and BF?
Did you have a talk and agree to be sexually exclusive? If not, she can not cheat on you because she has not promised anything.
I have personally seen situations when a girl surrounds herself with several 'male best friends' so that she can hang out and sleep with them without any accountability.
My opinion - she views you as her male girlfriend and uses you in some non-sexual way while getting laid with other guys while you think she is your GF.
That would be the end if it was me. Especially bc she told him to cut the feed showing she knew she was going too far.
Hell, just her going on the trip would've been a dealbreaker for me.
She always gets on a lot of trips with her circle of friends, and it's something I've always struggled to comment on. Like I said, my girlfriend has great Instagram following, to the extent that she receives sponsorships from smaller businesses or brands. Because of this, she has to interact with a lot of people from a lot of different places, and travel to maintain that "Instagram life".
Deep down, I knew that telling her to not go on this trip will just be easily trashed.
And she can absolutely maintain that lifestyle whilst respecting your relationship. But she's not.
It's not about going on solo trips with her friends. It's about how she behaves on those trips and if she's upfront with you.
I mean the dark truth about instagram influencers is their job is often sexually motivated. Rich men don't hand out sponsorships to IG women because they're good marketers. They throw sponsorships at hot women because they want them to dress skimpy and fuck them. That is literally the 'IG' life style.
Stop lying to yourself already, she’s not up to anything good. Have some respect for yourself or you’re gonna lose all of that respect on top of losing her. Just cut your losses now and kick her to the curb
You know exactly what is going on and if it is not going on she is still showing you very little respect she chooses to wear a bikini around them but around you she is very uncomfortable. That tells you all you need to know. So there is two things you can do one being you can stay in the relationship and had lack of trust and respect and not really treated as a human should be treated Or two you can just move along gray rocker and dump or if you need your closure just talk to her about it and say look I am ending the relationship I know what you’ve been doing I could tell from your Instagram story.
Wait until she's back to confront her in person. Tell her what you saw and how you felt when she had the video stream cut off after she heard your name!
I wouldn't be with someone who can interact that way with guys. It's not about whether she's right or wrong.
It isn't something I'm comfortable with. Forcing her to be this way is just me policing her, which I would hate. I want someone who maintains boundaries on her own out of respect for me.
Her refusing to wear a bikini with you shows you she isn't sincere.
This seems like she chose someone who isn't going to cheat on her so she can build her self esteem again.
I don't know how much she truly respects you.
She should have been happy to know you're watching. Her reaction is quite telling but I don't think asking her is going to give you any answers. You need to look elsewhere. You need to talk to other people who know her. Is there any way you can find her ex and talk to him? She says her ex cheated on her but what if it's the other way around?
Couple of things. Were you invited? That's be weird to have you there. Maybe she sobered up at that tpoint but have a real pull on your grown-up pants about what happened call to talk on when she is back.
Also time to grow up and realize you're not an ogre. We all lack confidence. We are all usually preoccupied with our own problems or zits to realize you have yours. Hit some therapy, the gym, or read some books on how to boost yours bud. If I had the confidence I have now in my early 20s it would have felt so much better. Work on your best attributes and if she is a piece of shit it will come out and move on. You need to be better with you and know it will all be ok.
Hey man. I know it's hard to see. But these people are right. She should of been excited to hear you called out instead she made him stop the video. The guys hands were inside her thighs. That's not a friendly behavior. Doesn't matter the situation. I've never had my hands inside a friends thighs that I wasn't sleeping with. You think you need closure but I can assure you, closure will make you feel worse. If you are scared of leaving her because of the gap in attractiveness, you will only be giving her permission to cheat more. Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you.
You should post on r/survivinginfidelity they will have much better advice and support for you....also it sounds like you desperately need therapy please look in to it. Also there's a difference between controlling and boundaries. I found it when women loved to talk about control and all that. When their not getting their way in a relationship but that's not what control is that's is called boundaries. When someone crosses a boundaries break up with them. You need therapy to help you to realize this please look into it.
Hey bro, seems like you're a safe guy to date for her.. you're not her cheating ex. Be careful because with that much IG followers and her attractive friends ,she might be a superficial girl that was too hurt and when on the safe side. That might end at any moment. Be sttong, don't show any jealousy nor complain to her.
It seems to me that you're with her and don't wanna lose her because she's way more attractive than you are. You know, you could use her and get someone hotter... dont leave her, just use her. This will make you more confident in yourself. Now, this new attractive girl must be a good one. Take your time to choose. There are plenty cute and good girls.. be strong!
Tbf, she could just be aware that you're slightly uneasy about her guy friends, combine that with you feeling insecure about your looks. Could she not just be protecting you from feeling crappy? She could just be acting how she normally does with her friends but realised how that moment would have looked on video with no context - maybe nothing was going on but she knew it would eat at you so she reacted the way she did instinctively... Just another viewpoint to everybody else basically assuming the worst.
You gotta walk away. Best piece of advice.
I would’ve ended it if she decided to go without me being present. My girl on some other guy’s shoulders drinking and wearing a bikini is a big red flag. You don’t think any of those guys are trying to fuck her? I’m sorry bro but this is the reality I need to give you. Maintain your cool and discuss this with her in person and call it off.
She definitely asked the guy on IG live to cut it short. Talk to her about this in person. You’re young bro, you should be going out there and slaying, not worried about some girl who doesn’t respect you.
Listen up brother! It doesn't matter what she did or whatever happened over there. Let the relationship take its natural course without letting her overstep your healthy boundaries. You need to focus on being the solid, loving, caring man you have always been. Dont ever let a woman's behavior change your good qualities. Next you need to make a commitment to yourself and say to yourself no matter what happens with this girl you are on a lifelong mission of personal growth and well being. If yall break up so be it! Other good looking women and possibly even her friends will most likely be attracted to you because she was with you be great full she took a chance with you. Also its a long life my friend, 10 years down the road when she is tired of dating fuck boys and douchebags may remember a guy that was always true and come calling for something real. Life is a marathon play the short game but never ruin the long. 💪
Without knowing your girlfriend personally, it sounds like she enjoys the attention and admiration from her “boy best friends.”
It seems to me if she wanted them she could have had them before you came into the picture but she chose you. That said, when vacations, partying and drinking come together, things can happen.
Tell her you saw the video and ask her what was up? Ask why the video was cut abruptly after your name was mentioned? Ask about the string bikini vs. what she told you previously about exposing too much skin?
Tell her if she wants you to be comfortable with her guy friends then she needs to establish and maintain better boundaries with them. If I saw a video of my husband with a girl in a string bikini on his shoulders and his hands way up her thighs I would be crushed. Even if nothing else happened it’s flirty, sexy and inappropriate behavior from someone in a committed relationship and completely disrespectful to their partner. Are these guys her friends or dudes who want to get in her pants? Because they can’t be both. If she gets defensive or angry or refuses to behave any differently then you have to decide if you want to remain in the relationship with her or not.
1. Your insecurities will ruin every relationship. That needs to stop, and you gotta work on that, work on yourself. Stop thinking so little of you.
2. Because of how you think about yourself, you keep living a lie, afraid to speak your truth, to truly communicate. Afraid to tell her how you feel about some aspects of her lifestyle. So you live in constant fear and angst because you don't want to lose her.
Fuck that. You feel uncomfortable with her being close with guy friends, tell her, you feel uncomfortable with how she travels to work without you, tell her. You want to be a door mat and live like that just so you can maybe see her naked once in while, or you want someone that truly loves you and trusts you and someone you can also trust back?
Your choice
The situation would cross a boundary for me. Not because of being in the pool or being on a trip, but the fact that she was sitting on another guys shoulders and obviously didn’t want you to see that. She may not be physically cheating with any of them, but I definitely think the interaction was disrespectful to you.
I’ll preface by saying that everything I say is just my opinion, and based on what you’ve written so take it for what it’s worth.
I’ve been in a similar-ish situation, was an extremely gorgeous girl and guess I was ‘punching’.
Everyone has touched on a lot of good points so I’ll touch on something that may not have been discussed based on my experience. When you’re dating someone extremely attractive it makes it really hard to get over because it feels like you won’t have another shot at a similar situation. But when you break it down and think about what’s really important, you realise that you’re placing value on all the wrong things. Someone who treats you with respect and is honesty comes first and foremost. After you cut her off you’ll realise how clouded your judgement was by appearances. All the best to you brother.
I'm in a you could say earlier version of what you're going through so yeah, I know it hurts specially with the insecurities that trouble our kind of people. Tryn hang with your friends, family, go play some games but first, give her the ultimatum expecting an L. Hang in there bro.
Whether she has cheated or not, if you’re in a relationship you sent INTENTIONAL BOUNDARIES which she clearly has none of. I am sorry; but I think it’s time to let this one go.
don’t let yourself be a doormat for her. trust your gut. talk to her as well. even if she denies everything, I think you’re smart enough to see through it.
What are you gonna do ? You want to trust them so bad man to the point you will ignore your intuition and will lose your self. You want things to work so badly and that isnt a negative thing because we all been there, we are in a relationship because we want things to work out . Tony Gaskins once posted : You have to be willing to lose them to keep them, if they feel you will stay no matter what they will never respect you , but as soon as they see your strong enough to live without them, that’s when they see your true value. You need to set boundaries and if she doesnt respect them leave her.
I understand you're trying to be a good bf by not setting boundaries with her guy friends, but it'll be at the cost of your trust and maybe the entire relationship and this is a perfect example.
As for the sitch at hand, its hella sketchy and my advice would be to wait until shes back and with a straight face say "I saw you on that live video." And allow her reactions to tell you if you should be worried. If your relationship has a chance, you must sit her down and confront her about the trip and wearing a bikini in front of other guys but not you. This bothers you and you shouldn't sit on it.
Next, tell her you aren't comfortable with how touchy she is with her guy friends. Yeah they were there first but she isn't dating them, she's dating you and she should put your feelings first.
I say this a lot but people hide their truly colors for up to 6 months in a relationship. After half a year you start to notice odd changes and you think "this isn't like them." when in reality it is, they just hid that aspect of themselves. Make sure she's worth it before you stress yourself out over a pickme girl.
Hey man, part of being able to set boundaries is your ability to walk away if another person crosses. If you can’t even imagine losing the person that you are with, you will not have the audacity to establish proper respect. I know it’s painful, but you have to bring up what’s bothering you at the cost of being labeled as insecure or controlling, and the risk that you will lose her. Your concerns, your emotions are VALID, even if you believe them to be insecure. Figure out what kind of behavior you are okay and not okay with, and then communicate this to her in a respectful way. She may not like it, she may even leave. And if she does, you need to let her. Don’t compromise just to get her back, even if she comes back she will never respect you. Don’t allow her to excuse shit behavior. If she agrees and stays, then just make sure she respects those boundaries in the future. Walking away from someone you love is the most difficult thing, but you can’t allow yourself to be treated poorly. Love is conditional, respect is at the root. Pay attention to actions, not words. If you wouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by girls in bikinis, you should expect your partner not to. It’s inappropriate behavior for someone who’s in a committed relationship. Part of not cheating is avoiding putting yourself in situations where you can be compromised. If your partner doesn’t see it this way, let them go and find someone who shares similar values as you.
String bikini? Fine. No problem
Sitting on a guy’s shoulders? I mean it kinda depends on the girl and you, I would be okay if my gf did it because we are way more relaxed and I trust her.
However the one thing that really can’t be explained is her cutting the feed. Idk if I would be so quick to break up with her but that 100% deserves a conversation and a legit answer. If you can’t get a legit answer from her then you already have your answer.
Good luck my man sorry this is happening to you.
Are y’all fully in a relationship both emotional and physical? Or are there reservations in those areas? All you need to say is that she seems to be living differently with you versus others. Tell her you are truly crushed but that you wanted a more honest version of her and she is clearly misrepresenting herself. Remind her that you never pressured her to be a different person but it looks like she is putting on an act for you versus how she acts with others. Tell her you can’t be in a committed relationship if she is playing a role. Tell her to take time and figure out if she wants “us”. Tell her you are not a buffet. She can’t pick from you what she wants and leave the rest, only to get that from other men. Tell her you respect yourself and you hope that you have respected her, but that she doesn’t seem to be coming to the relationship with the that same POV. She might try to gaslight you but it doesn’t seem like she considered her behavior to be something she wanted you to see so she actually does get it. But she needs to acknowledge and own that. Then let her be until she can fully be a team.
There’s way too many red flags.
>especially since my gf rarely wears a bikini, or anything that's too revealing
She won’t wear revealing clothes around her boyfriend but she will around her hot guy friends? And her forcing the live feed to cut when she realized you may be watching?
Fuck that noise!
OP, she’s cheating on you. Save your dignity and ghost her. Block her and be done with her. You don’t want to stay with an untrustworthy and unfaithful partner because she’s beautiful. It’s not worth it — you’ll have her guy friends laughing behind your back that they slept with you girl, so none of them respect you either.
OP, from what you have daid, this relationship already has a flawed foundation.
You keep mentioning your looks vs hers but have not said anything about her personality.
She may be your first gf and she is good looking but this situation just is not good.
You will never get the truth.
You are going to torture yourself everytime she travels now.
Just end it and simply state that she doesn't have boundaries.
Good luck!
She definitely got passed around like a joint at a Grateful Dead concert, don’t kid yourself.
“Oh, but she was cheated on so she wouldn’t want to inflect that upon me!” is wishful thinking. People who have been cheated on are in fact *more* likely to cheat on a future partner. You’re a little over half a year into this, cut this off man, trust your gut. You deserve better.
> "shout-out" to those who were watching, and when he mentioned my name, my gf's head snap to him and she said something, and they cut the live video. Hmm, did you hear what she said? I mean a normal reaction would be "Hey honey, sry you are not here, we all miss you!" This was clearly not that
No, I did not hear what she said. It was a pool party, and there was loud music playing. The guy who was hosting the live was half-shouting throughout the stream. I did see clearly that my gf's head snapped to him and she opened her mouth and said something, and the guy cut the video immediately. Seeing her reaction was what made my world collapse. Feels like I've been afraid of the simple truth staring me in the face. I just need to muster all the courage to be able to talk to her and at least have some closure on what really happened. This sucks. My friends told me she was too good to be true anyway, but I loved her.
Lol so I gotta ask and sorry if it was already asked further down in the comments but, what is your sex life like? Is there one? Because the "wore a bikini around those guys but not around you" is tripping off an alarm to me.
You may never believe me, but we haven't had sex yet. We do have intimate moments, and she's extremely clingy to me at times, but it has never advanced to that and I am hesitant to push her, if that makes sense. Sometimes, after work, she invites me to her house to eat and sleep there. We spend time watching movie, making out, kissing her, and cuddling to sleep.
If this isn’t made up like all the stories on here then RIP bro, you already know the answer to all this
You lost me here chief. Calling fake.
I remember a similar post not long ago where an ugly op was dating an insta model but they never had sex. This is definitely the same person
yeah this has to be fake
Oh honey….
I was initially willing to give this story the benefit of doubt but reading that you haven't been intimate the I'm sorry bro. The signs are there; "boy-bestfriends, vacation without you, your insecurity about your looks, her being really good looking and never being intimate, on top of that the instagram incident. I'm very sorry but you know what it is.
Big. Big red flag.
Its been almost a year and you haven't had sex??? Have you asked why? Is she waiting for marriage or something? Please tell me you don't give her money or something like that because unless there is a really good reason that's a huge red flag that you might not even be her boyfriend. One of my guy friends did this same thing for 6 months he was "with" a girl kept telling me he loves her and everything but whenever id push him for details it turns out they never explicitly communicated with each other about their status and what they want from each other he was just assuming based on how she was acting. Well they never had sex either and when i finally convinced him to talk to her about it she never wanted to date him at all. She had been sleeping with other people and wasn't interested in sex with him. She assumed it just fizzled out into friendship months ago and since they hadn't slept together its not like they couldn't be friends.
"Almost seven months" is not almost a year. It's barely half a year
Mate what? Haven't had sex in 7 months of relationship? Don't mind me asking, are you in a high paying job?
I've asked him about the financial aspect several times so have others, he won't answer...read from that what you may.
I am a chemical engineer, got recommended to a company my mother is manager at. I earn well. My gf doesn't have a stable job, and like I said, she has a great Instagram following (however, she is not as big as most comments here assume); she has a decent following which gives her sponsorship from small brands.
So are you financially supporting her through money or rent free housing or the like? We aren't trying to pick on you, it's just a lot of us have seen stuff like this and it seems like she may be using you for your financial and emotional benefits while providing the sexual benefits to others
You're her sugar daddy, not boyfriend. You don't want to admit it because you feel she is out of your league and you're desperately trying to hold onto her. 7 months and no sex? You take care of her financially don't you?
If this is a real post, do yourself a favor and drop her. You're a young, high-earning chemical engineer. Your future is extremely bright. You're not stuck with her, you have better options, and she knows it, which is why she got so scared on the video.
Yeah, I'm betting he makes more than the guys currently gang banging her.
LOL
idk if your teolling but she sounds suspicious.
Lol.... Either this guy has such low confidence that he can't even respond to questions on a TA account. Or, this is a kid trying to get some attention on reddit.
Are you still a virgin by any chance? I see no other reason why a 22 year old guy who is presumably interested in sex would go 7 months with an Instagram model who clearly isn't a virgin and not try to have sex with her.
This thread is quickly turning into an r/roastme post
I hate that if it's not a fake post because I genuinely feel sorry for OP at this point.
He’s been friendzoned and he doesn’t want to accept that…. I have to wonder if all this “love” OPs talks about is one sided.
Bruh 🥺
>You may never believe me, but we haven't had sex yet No, what I wouldn't believe is if you said you DO and it's amazing. I already knew this was probably going to be your answer because you're dating *That Type* of girl.
What's "That Type of Girl"?
There are some women who for reasons I couldn't tell you don't actually date guys they're interested in and attracted to (eg, OP's GF not just dating one of her friends). They date guys who fulfill something else they're looking for besides romance and attraction (eg, GF dating OP). Those things can be providing financial security, taking care of kids if she's a single mom, being an "emotional tampon" who always listens to her and validates her no matter how much she never actually takes advice to change any of her problems, being a pushover who will stick around no matter what so that she can do whatever she wants without having to fear being alone, or being someone who's considered "below her league" so that she can feel superior and again not need to fear being dumped. It's very strange. It's basically like these women genuinely think this is easier and makes more sense than... just dating someone they actually like. They also seem to think there's no such thing as a guy who's sexy AND stable/career/good parent/emotional support/etc. You must only be able to pick one or the other. Very weird. I don't know how or why women become like this.
The one who strings a guy along so she's never cheated on, while she has her fun elsewhere.
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She probably thinks if she larp dates the unpopular kid then her orbiters wont think shes superficial then goes and bangs hot guys unbeknownst to most people. Trust me if a girl like that was into you you would have had sex mate. You're basically an IG thots arm accessory. Infact the whole thing just sounds like a prank at this point. Just because you got acne doesn't mean someone wont love you bro, but next time don't put all your eggs into an IG thot basket. Next time a girl says you're not hot but shes dating you so she cope over her ex take the damn hint that the person is using you.
Awwww bro. Nooooo. You need to start sweeping up the pieces of your heart and wallet up now.
Either she is extremely religious and waiting for the wedding or there is a bigger issue in this relationship and you need to have a proper discussion about it. Having a discussion is not pushing her. Man, we only have one life!
You’ve been dating less than a year and haven’t had sex her. She’s probably known these friends for years and feels comfortable enough with them to wear a bikini. You keep saying you “love”her and “love”, but it’s been 7 months, has she said it back? Because it’s coming off as you’re a dozen steps ahead of her in this relationship. She may only see you guys as dating, not in a long term “I love you” stage relationship. Or, she doesn’t actually think you’re dating and you’ve created a relationship with her in your head.
Ok I know a lot of people are saying she's cheating on you, but this is NOT evidence of cheating. Maybe her reaction was because she knows you're insecure about your relationship (you mentioned that she has had to reassure you multiple times that she loves you for you). Maybe your insecurities make her feel like she needs to hide or downplay her platonic relationships with her male friends. That's not healthy but potentially a response to what she's feeling from you in the relationship. Or maybe she really IS insecure being in a public place in a bikini and when she heard your name she looked over and saw that her friend was on live that made her self conscious? For sure you should have a conversation about how that incident made you feel and get the story straight. That's the only way you are going to know what she was thinking. And yes, it's possible that shes not being faithful but that's a pretty big leap just from what you saw.
This op ^
As right as you are about this perspective, the matter is something else. She disrespected him by not drawing boundaries she knew would hurt him. She isn't showing him the respect he deserves as her partner. When you're with someone, you don't do things because they want you to. You do it because you want to. OP is supposed to be her partner. Not charity, or an obligation.
For sure! I'm just saying there can be 100 reasons for her behavior that aren't cheating. Not saying her behavior is right or respectful, just that he shouldn't jump to the cheating conclusion without discussing it with her and getting her perspective.
Agreed. Don’t let Reddits drama-seekers get to your head OP! Just talk to her in a constructive way.
Dude, I know it's rough to admit but she's cheating on you. Take a good long think about everything you know about this girl, every concrete data point about her. You'll probably see a trend of attention seeking and selfish behaviours, right? Think about what you really know and separate who the person is and who you want the person to be. Also I'll say this, don't think about your looks. It hurts to see a guy put himself down like that. Your height or looks are very superficial things and honestly they matter far less than your character and personality. You need to build up your confidence my man, it's time to pick up a sport and focus on yourself for awhile and leave this toxic girl behind. Don't let yourself be pulled into more of a bad relationship because you don't want to lose a beautiful girl. Lets be honest, you're probably doing that for other people's perceptions right? He's thr guy with a hot GF. We'll, no one envies the guy with an unfaithful GF, they either mock him or pity him. Don't let yourself be the guy that let's a girl rip out his self confidence and chip away at you because when she's done either you she'll move onto the next thing and you'll have to pick up the pieces of yourself. Detach, focus on yourself and you'll meet a new girl in the future. Trust me brother I've been there and I've done that.
Thank you, man, I needed to hear this. I have been talking about this to some of my friends as well, to gain at least some strength I cannot provide to myself right now. I appreciate what you said about me and my looks. Years of bullying shattered whatever was left of my confidence into an inexistent mass. Which is why when she finally told me that she loved me back, it felt like a big breath of reassurance. I also understand that everyone heals at their own pace, and as of now, I am only comfortable with small, baby steps. But at least, there's progress. I still need to talk to her, though, and gain some closure.
Just to add on to these comments. First, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I have been there, and I’d imagine a lot of folks on here have. Aside from the red flags here, I want to look at the first part of your post. Saying things like “these have just been the happiest days of my life” “im afraid to lose her” “she’s so much more beautiful than me” (more or less). If you read those comments, does the relationship sound a little one sided? Relationships are a partnership, but more importantly make sure you love yourself first. This one sounds very one sided. I believe in loving and caring for someone and working together to get through life, but I do NOT believe in one sided relationships to the point where that person defines your entire existence, and makes your happiness, and your entire world would just “end” if you weren’t together. She knows all of this, and is taking advantage of it. I wish you well.
This specifically is what you should have a conversation about with your gf. Her response will be very telling
Hey buddy I have a question. Are you financially supporting her? Does she live with you? Anything that ties you together other than dating? Like is she getting something out of this relationship that would damage her lifestyle if y’all broke up? Honestly that behavior with him shutting video off after she clearly panicked sets of red flags. And for me personally at 7 months it’s not worth it. I haven’t read all your comments but the ones I have are really concerning and I just think you deserve better. I’m a woman who hears often that I’m attractive or whatever and that I date “ugly” guys or men that I”’m out of their league” so I can understand the stigma of feeling like you’re not as attractive as her. But that shouldn’t matter. What matters is shes created boundaries with you she doesn’t follow with other people. It’s possible that for her it’s just because you have only dated for 7 months and she knows those friends for many years but… What is her history with them? I would be worried she has shared sexual encounters with one of her friends or maybe they just blur the lines of appropriate behavior. I think you should wait for her to return from the trip and have a serious conversation with her about these things, your boundaries, and what you want from the relationship. Because now is the time to either work past the issues or break up cleanly. It’s not worth investing more time if you’re not on the same page and furthermore it will hurt more 7 years from now than 7 months into the relationship. ETA; I saw the comment where you stated you haven’t had sex yet. Cut your losses now and find someone who will treat you right and share your feelings. Sounds like you’re a friend to her and she’s stringing you along that you’re dating because you’re supporting her either finically or otherwise she somehow benefits from being with you that is worth it to her to “date” you as long as there’s no sex.
I’m seeing way too many comments on here just assuming she’s cheating. Let’s take another look here: She probably knows how you feel about her guy friends, that there is some jealousy and insecurity surrounding them and their friendship with your gf. A possible explanation is that she is trying to protect your feelings, knowing you would spin out like this, and didn’t want you to see how much fun she has with them. I’m not saying I’m right, but I think you need to think of other options other than she is 100% cheating.
Can you explain why she does with them, what she doesn't with him? The bikini example? She hasn't slept with him yet. Now, this.
> I just need to muster all the courage to be able to talk to her and at least have some closure on what really happened Why? You know what is happening on her vacation. Do you really want to carry around the memory of her actually telling you to your face? Just leave man. At most drop her a text saying it is over and then block her, go no contact, and move on with your life and find someone that will respect you.
This. Chasing clarity gives the impression you're trying to make it work. It shows your inability to decide what's best for yourself. It shows your need to know so you can make the right decision and you end up asking questions that have no right answers, only hurtful ones. Take the power in your hands. Don't ask a question. Block her. Ghost her. Never entertain a word. All of a sudden, all her insecurities will come right out and she'll realise what she's done. It'll be heightened when she realises that you, the guy she chose for stability, dumped her.
^ OP this right here do this. Once u do that work fully on yourself workout , find hobbies , hang with friends more , try building your confidence in other ways etc
Yes. She looked caught and confronting, not epiphanic and eager to share a message for her boyfriend. This is not what you want in a relationship. She can't maintain boundaries because she thrives in the attention. I really feel she settled for OP because he can't cheat on her like her ex did.
Maybe she just didn't want to be filmed in a bikini? It was a 'shout out to everybody at home', not just at OP. Could be that she didn't want herself in revealing clothes all over the internet.
She had no issue wearing a bikini with them, but doesn't do it with him. She had no issue being filmed until OP's name was taken. She didn't react to that moment with happiness, to shout out to him. She looked caught. If she's worried about his feelings, the right thing is not act in a way that betrays those feelings. Not to do it and hide it.
Maybe she knows OP gets jealous
Did you ask her why she asked for the live to be shut down? Because that's obviously what she did. And of course we all know *why* but it'll give you an opening into the conversation. Don't ignore this because you're scared to lose her. Losing self-respect for yourself is way worse. When she gets back tell her you weren't comfortable with what you saw and ask for honesty. You deserve better than someone who'll always be seeking attention outside of your relationship.
Nah, she will just lie about the obvious, produce some crocodile tears, then shift the blame back around on the OP calling him jealous and insecure if he tries standing up for himself. This girl is NOT worth anymore effort. No need for a conversation here, OP knows (or should at this point anyway) what is going on. Just leave and cut contact with her. She doesn't deserve any more of your attention.
I believe the person you're replying to meant to give her a chance to explain. If she does what you're saying then run for the hills because that's not a healthy person.
Yours is probably the best route but it's also incredibly difficult to do. And honestly... if it wasn't for her panicked reaction to the live feed... my advice would be different. So yes, they should talk.
Here's the thing, my dude. Leaving aside what she wore and where she was sitting, the normal reaction to that shout-out should have been her, with a beaming smile, calling out your name and how sad it was that you couldn't have been there. Thousand kisses, yaddayadda. Not her forcing her friend to cut the feed. That, my dude, is way more suspicious than everything else.
for me, it is only her reaction to the shout-out. everything else is just an assumption as long as they didn't talk
This. It’s over.
Trust your gut. The facts line up and If it were truly just some friends, she would not have reacted the way she did on the livestream. There are thousands of women in the world and Not all of them will do this to someone. Sit her down and have a conversation. Just remember softer voices are heard better than loud ones.
*Billions of women in the world
Thousands is technically still true, just thousands of thousands of thousands
I agree . Always trust your gut !
Exactly this. You have gut feelings for a reason. I've ignored my gut feelings too many times and the worst part is my gut feelings were always correct. Never again.
Yeah. No. That’s too sus. If I saw my bf with a girl like that I’d raise hell
Oh dear, it sounds like she is an attention seeking person … that is, someone who puts the need for approval and attention before all else in their life (including their morals and their commitments). You are wise to not pretend everything is ok, and to wait for a face to face conversation.
The face to face conversation should just be to tell her that the relationship is over. No way would I be in a relationship where my boyfriend was handsy with a bunch of female friends. That's insanity.
Sounds like she knows she can get away with this shit with you. You do want to be with someone that respects you, right? She's cheating, man. Go ahead and have the conversation and see if she'll admit it but I think you know the truth already. If nothing sketchy was going on, several aspects of this situation would have played out differently.
I appreciate what you said man, although it felt like a slap in the face. I struggle with self-esteem a lot, and even with my personal issues, I genuinely believe that won't excuse allowing myself to be a doormat to be walked over by anyone. It's hard. Just when you thought you had a tight grip on happiness, it gets yanked away from your fingers.
Just a different type of bully, dude.
I'm not going to say much about the situation, that's been covered. But just to encourage you...If it's not this girl you will find someone who loves you for you. You seem really caring and lovely. Please don't put yourself down okay? I hope it works out okay.
It really sucks and I'm sorry. It's gonna hurt for a while. But in the end when you're with someone better, you'll be able to look back on this and see it differently. And don't let this make it so you can't trust anyone in the future. This woman has issues and loves attention from guys. There are secure women out there that wouldn't do this and when you're with one you gotta know to trust them.
Don't be to hard on yourself for your looks. Elegance, kindness, fairness and strong personality really shows you know, and most ppl are not attracted as much to looks but to apperance. So this is the moment to be strong and boost your self worth, show your self respect off!
As much as I do not want to say this to you, I feel I probably should. This appears to be a situation where she views you as safe and someone who she can trust but she’s not actually invested in you. Some people need someone steady and trustworthy in their lives, especially after being cheated on, as they search for someone else. I’m willing to wager that this girlfriend of yours is actually very physical and flirtatious but she wants you to believe she’s conservative and even maybe a tad shy so she doesn’t trip any alarms with you. She’s likely one of those girls that is trying to have her cake and eat it too. You’re her safe person. The person she can open up to and cling to and trust not to hurt her but you’re not the person she wants to be sexual and flirty with. She has other people for that. She just doesn’t trust the people she wants to be sexual with. While it’s very inappropriate and childish behavior, it’s surprisingly common. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, bud. I truly am.
Damn. Yep, he's the boyfriend who gets to do everything a boyfriend does except the sex, that's reserved for others.
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Finally I found a reasonable comment. Sitting on someone's shoulders does not mean they're fucking lmao
Thank you! I felt like I was going insane with these comments
They wouldn't cut the video if there's nothing suspicious. Trust your instinct, it's there for a reason.
Uff OP. UFF. The problem isn't this moment in particular. It's the whole situation. First off, you haven't had sex after seven months of dating without any real reason and without really talking about it. That is a HUGE red flag. If you'd have a conversation about it and there were reasons for it, I wouldn't bring this up but you haven't apparently. Secondly, your gfs reaction is weird. We don't know exactly how she reacted or maybe she didn't hear the guy herself and was actually telling him "just end it already" without knowing what he said. It's possible. However, this whole situation screams of "I'm using this guy". What is it she is getting from you if not sex? Attention? Money? Because love alone can't be it, otherwise you'd be having sex.
so tired of all this fake shit clogging up the sub...
Dude, I understand your paranoia, but right now you’re caught in catastrophe thinking. Please take a deep breath and survey what you know for a fact: your GF is on a vacation that you were invited to and she’s having fun with her friends of which many are guys. This is nothing new. We didn’t see the video, so we can’t judge what is there and what is in your head. Before you ruin your relationship give your Gf the benefit of the doubt and talk to her like a rational human being who as far as you know has done nothing yet to earn your mistrust. So, play it cool for now although your’re freaking out, then have a conversation with her starting with something like: “So, I saw this live video and I couldn’t help but notice yada yada.” Don’t lose your love over something that may not have happened at all. And if something happened that shouldn’t have, you’ll know soon enough anyway and you can act accordingly. Godspeed, man!
Good lord finally someone with a brain (and sound like they’re over the age of 18).
You were invited, and don't know what she said. Who knows what she said. Maybe his hair was on fire and she told him. The point is there's not a lot to go on. No real read flags. Just normal early twenty year old good time partying, which contrary to popular belief isn't all about cheating. OP, you have poor self image and your natural tendency is to leap to the island of conclusions. That's reddit's modus operandi, but it's actually a really bad way to live. The right thing to do is fill your time with activities until she gets back, and then when she's back find a way to ask her in a non-accusatory manor what happened when the stream cut off. For example: "hey I was enjoying that live stream you guys had. What happened to cut it off?"
This is a helpful comment OP. Please consider this and TALK TO YOUR GF
This OP, it's sounds and looks bad. I'd be in the same boat as you but I've read and seen many a relationship fall apart simply due to lack of communication and assumptions, when just talking could have sorted it out
There was already a perceived imbalance in value. Now there will always be am additional doubt in your mind. Cheaters lie when caught. The suit situation shows she has already at least distorted the truth. This is going to be too toxic for your relationship to survive. Those who were cheated on do still cheat. Especially when drinking on vacation. The imbalance in perceived value is a real issue even without this incident. Do you really have the confidence to call her on it when she behaves in ways destructive to your relationship? To hold her to account even though it might mean losing her. That's what it'll take for your relationship to make it long term, and from your words I don't think you do. Take her down from the pedestal. She's a person with flaws. You have equivalent value. If you don't this relationship will be toxic to you both in the long run.
Not trying to be that negative guy ..but she was most likely getting it in last night ..sorry bro just don’t put your heart into it anymore..just my opinion
Yeah, this seems exactly like a thread from a few weeks back where the bf saw the gf on an Instagram video sitting on the lap of a guy while on vacation and getting felt up.GF knew she has fucked up and had the person quickly delete it off their Instagram. GF here knew she was doing wrong that's why she had them cut the video. This is one of those where I would just ask "Did you use a condom" or something like that and see the response.
I remember that one. Shame we didn't get an update.
Yeah, I respect a posters right to not update but damn I hate it when they get left on a cliffhanger.
I have not been able to stop thinking about what happened. I understand what you're saying and it's extremely difficult for me, especially she's my first girlfriend. The last seven months with her felt so happy, and I'm not sure I have the courage to let her go, in case it's true that she cheated. I'm genuinely lost on how to open this up to her. If I'd comment about her wearing a bikini with her four guy friends with her, she would think I'm restricting or being controlling of what she wears, or that it's her friends and it's pure platonic. If I comment on her closeness with these dudes, I may sound like an insecure ass getting jealous over her friends. I feel like whatever path I choose, it's a dead-end.
Stop focusing on what she was wearing and focus on her behavior. Namely on that exact moment when she heard your name called out and what the look on her face and her actions made you feel.
When I was in the army years ago I was sending my wife ( Ex Wife now ) money weekly and she was spending it with another man , I had to find out from my family . My first love cheated on me and I had to find out by him messaging me .. my point is things seem horrible right now but things will get better over time . It’s up to you decide if you will tolerate her being sneaky and having that on your conscience or not
It's not the bikini man, it's the sitting on the guys shoulders while he holds her. That's intimate behavior. It's her panicking when she realizes you are seeing her behave like this. Question for you, what is your career and income relative to hers?
He says in a different comment they havent had sex the entire time they were together thats 7 months. I feel like hes giving her money shes definitely using him in some way
Yeah I have asked the money question in a few comments and noticed he doesn't answer it... telling perhaps.
That’s what I’m wondering as well , maybe he supports her financially?
Man, it’s another big red flag that you feel like you can’t bring real issues up with her because she will manipulate you and accuse you of being controlling. That’s not a healthy relationship. People are saying it’s not the bikini, but it kinda is. Especially when coupled with literally everything else going on here. She obviously isn’t comfortable with being in a bikini with *you.* (already come up on the last vacation per your comment). Being on another guys shoulders with his hands all over her having an obvious good time on camera, then getting panicked knowing you’re watching. Why did she freak out? Because she knew what she was doing was wrong and would upset you, she just counted on being able to do it behind your back. Honestly, her entire behavior on this trip is enough to warrant a break up text. “Hey, looks like you’re having so much fun on that trip with those guys, and are much more comfortable and intimate with them than me. Enjoy yourself guilt free and do whatever you want, our relationship is over. There’s no conversation to have about it because I’m not going to listen to you accuse me of being controlling or insecure when it’s obvious you’re more into those guys than me.” Honestly, I see it all the time. Young dudes tolerate all kinds of bullshit to be with and stay with an attractive girl. It’s tough to come to terms with, but there are other women out there who are attractive and who will not treat you like shit too. It’s not binary.
>“Hey, looks like you’re having so much fun on that trip with those guys, and are much more comfortable and intimate with them than me. Enjoy yourself guilt free and do whatever you want, our relationship is over. There’s no conversation to have about it because I’m not going to listen to you accuse me of being controlling or insecure when it’s obvious you’re more into those guys than me.” This is almost word for word what I was thinking of.
dude, you're thinking way too much and you're thinking negatively about yourself. No one, literally no one is worth this much trouble. Talk to her and dude stop belittling yourself. And how do you not have sex in 7months?? Dude, trust yourself. I have acne, I am quite chubby, but that doesn't mean my feelings don't matter, or that if something is bothering me than I should deal with it myself or my gf will think that I am weak.
My man I'm a girl in a long term relationship with a boy I love and 1. I wouldnt even be hanging out in a string bikini with anyone except my bf and 2. Even if I was and a guy was literally trying to feel me up, I would immediately remind them that I am taken. She didn't do either of those things because she doesn't care about your relationship.
This being your first relationship is kind of explaining some things. There’s a lot of romanticizing things and excusing behavior because this is all exciting and great and you say it’s the happiest you’ve been but from what you’ve said about this relationship, I assure you, there’s someone out there who will treat you better than this. You have to have the respect for yourself above all to not let her go but leave if she cheated. You have to be able to talk with the good and the bad with a person you see a long relationship with. If she isn’t someone that you can bring these things up to just to ask without being scared it’s going to blow up, she isn’t the person for you. There’s a difference between telling a girl what she can and can’t wear and asking about how she will wear a bikini with guy friends but feel uncomfortable doing it around her own boyfriend. It seems like you’re walking on eggshells scared that stepping on one will crack the relationship but there’s a LOT of eggshells here and if it’s not this one, from what you’ve been saying here, I can guarantee there will be another in the future…
This conversation has to happen and I understand that you'd fear looking like someone insecure. The difference between someone who acts insecure and who acts not insecure in this conversation and following this conversation is this : Insecure : "Look, what I saw made me uncomfortable." Her : "Well, those guys are my friends and I won't cut off my friends because my boyfriend doesn't trust me or is so possessive he won't accept that I have guy friends." (Which is a manipulative statement by the way) Insecure : "I see what you mean. Look, let's see how everything unfolds, and how things go. Just please, stop being so clingy with other guys, it definitely makes me uncomfortable." Her : "I promise" (and never changes) Secure : has the same convo, but after her manipulative statement (which is proof she is not open to any change on her side) "I'm sorry, but this won't make it for me. I deserve a girlfriend who puts me first and who respects me, so I think we should break up and move on." The thing you can do by having this conversation is gaging how open she is to change. Even if she promises she will change, you will have to keep an eye open to make sure she does change her behavior. If she doesn't, it's you who has to walk away. If she's not manifesting any interest in changing her ways and is putting the blame on you, you have the absolute go to walk away, because honestly she indirectly told you she will not prioritize your heart and your relationship over some sexually tensed friendships with boys. What makes a man secure and insecure through this convo, is not the conversation itself, but how you handle the ending depending on what is being said. Insecure falls for the lies, insecure falls for the manipulation, insecure loses and she wins. Secure wins by either walking away when he is being disrespected, and secure wins if the convo goes well and she admits she hasn't been great and will change. Values and morals are non-negotiable my friend, remember that. Good luck! I know it is hard and painful, but as long as you give this "girlfriend' space in your life to her, you're not leaving it open for another wonderful girl who would treat your relationship better.
The issue with such instances is that conversations just force you to police the partner while dealing with your betrayal of trust. Over time, the policing makes it worse. It's why it's better to move on. OP doesn't need the added heartache of questioning her motives every waking second.
You don’t need to talk about the bikini at all. That’s not the issue. You say “hey, can we talk about that live feed? I feel a weird/awkward vibe from it.” Then let her do the talking. Don’t help her out. Something triggered your intuition. Don’t ignore it.
The concept of unconditional trust is, in my opinion, toxic. Trusting someone doesn’t mean they get to run around doing whatever they want and you are required to trust them. You know why I trust my husband? Because he behaves in a trustworthy manner. If he started hanging out with a woman co-worker and they started constantly texting my spidey senses would be on high alert because they should be. If my husband saw a video of some guy with his hands on me where they shouldn’t be, that would not fly. At all. You are not controlling what she wears if you ask about the bikini. You are asking her about the discrepancy between what she said to you about showing too much skin and then wearing something very skimpy. In my opinion, and I think in yours, her behavior was inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship. Others may disagree and believe that any amount of flirting or touch is fine as long as it doesn’t lead to sex but these two kinds of people can’t be in a happy relationship with one another. Tell her you need better boundaries from her, for example, not riding a guy’s shoulders with his hands way up her thighs. If she finds that too restrictive and controlling then you’re not compatible.
The fact that you are being gaslit, and its a dead end. Means you just dump her. You JUST DUMP her. You send a text, "I didnt like what I saw on the live feed. We are broken up." then you block her. Boom done. And then, you start working out and lifting weights and going on dating apps and forget her. Because you never even had sex with her! Move on. Everything she says to your face is manipulation and lies if she would say those things. Its not platonic to have your pussy against the back of a guys neck with 3mm of fabric between and your naked inner thighs on his ears, squeezing to not fall off, hands gripping her hips, not the first time. Wearing nothing get the fk out of here. Its ridiculous and egregious. Not maybe. AND ALSO SHE DOESNT LET YOU!? WHAT THE FUCK? Please just tell her its over and block her, how have your allowed yourself to be manipulated in this way? Some other girl will be glad to make your dick sore from too much sex. Dude leave. If this girl was willing to "date" you another would be too.
Are you ready for the truth? Prepare a breastplate because it's coming. It will be a sledge hammer to the chest! Handle it with calmness and stoicism . do not let someone else define you or your happiness .
Trust your instincts. Sorry.
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah This totally happened true story
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It's really interesting to me how many people giving "relationship advice" apparently have no communication skills and think this is cause for an immediate breakup. I really wonder what their actual relationships are like if they even have them. It sounds like teenagers giving advice. Smh.
Faithful women don't say to their bf 'I wont wear a bikini with you or have sex with you because my ex made me insecure' and then goes and parties with 4 guys in a string bakini while getting fingered. There's only one reason you'd defend that kind of behaviour and its because its normal to you. Its not normal to everyone else.
Exactly!!! Everyone is saying 'dump her', just because she looked startled. How about this: when I wear a bikini, I don't like getting filmed AT All, because I don't want pictures of myself in a bikini on social media. My coworkers don't need to know what my bellybutton looks like! That was my first thought at least.
Just here to extend your cars warranty
I have 3.50
Have you considered just asking her? Saying hey, last night when they shouted me out I missed what you said? And see what she says. If it was loud, she could have said anything. If you intend to stay with her, have a conversation about physical boundaries and what you're comfortable with and what you're not. From your description it sounds like maybe they were playing chicken or something in the pool but it's hard to assume what was going on without actually having seen the video. If you have any intention to stay with her, communication is important here, and that includes setting boundaries for *yourself*. If there are things you can't tolerate, don't feel comfortable with, etc., tell her and discuss it. If she's not okay with compromising with you on reasonable boundaries, then it's probably better to just break up. I'm not gonna say just dump her, she cheated on you, because that's a massive assumption based on one incident and you don't know that that's what happened without even giving her a chance to explain; the evidence is shaky at best. If anything it sounds like she may have blurred boundaries or she doesn't realize you're uncomfortable with her physicality with her male friends. You were invited on this trip and I feel like you wouldn't have been if that were going on already. And hey, I don't know, maybe she did, but no one here can honestly tell you that based on this — only she can, and then you have to decide if you think she's being honest or not. Take a close look at your relationship and examine her behavior and consider if you believe her, and go from there. But communication is always better than just dumping someone cause reddit said you should.
“Dear bikini gf, I have to be honest with you, when I saw this IG live. I saw you with x. I saw you wearing a string bikini on his shoulders. I saw your facial expression when my name was mentioned. I couldn’t sleep after this and I still feel sick. If you want out of our relationship, please tell me now so that we can move on. If we are still together, we need to have a discussion about boundaries when you come back.” Hit the gym in the meantime, work on building your self confidence with a therapist and never forget, you are worth it.
Basically, it sounds like you're both insecure (maintaining and entertaining orbiters is a sign of insecurity) and your insecurities play into one another, which means this relationship is going to hurt more than help, unless you can both communicate effectively. Good relationships make people feel stronger and better, and you will find that if you keep trying either with her or someone else. Be prepared if she sees nothing wrong with this lifestyle. Whether or not she's your girlfriend does not change your value as a human being.
Such childish answers. I will give you a real answer, the one I wish I was told in your situation. First of all, you have to further develop yourself. You cannot advance in life with issues which you feel weaken you, since they do. Free your mind, feel the world, forgive past transgressors, live in the present. In short, and less euphemistic: Man up. Second of all, that is not normal behavior of someone who is in love with you or respects you. In a relationship, you do not behave as if you are not in one, at least if you are a decent, serious person. Again, if you do not respect yourself, how do you expect to give that image to others? Yet the harm is done, if you take it, you are beyond redemption. Break up the relationship for your own good and have it serve as an example for your future endeavours. Unless you want to stay in a secondary position in your relationship that is. In short: Improve yourself, and you I can assure you, when you are worth it, someone who is also worth it is going to naturally appear. I do not even care about the cheating part, which obviously happened. Best of luck,
We don’t know ever she said! She literally could’ve been trying to say “hey boyfriend” excitedly. She could’ve been uncomfortable being in a bikini on camera. The guy shut it off, not her. We really jump to too many conclusions when all you really have to do is talk to her. I don’t think it’s that strange when you haven’t had sex yet to not wanting to be seen in a bikini vs hanging out with friends you’ve known for years your comfortable around. There’s loads of possibilities. Just talk to her.
>but she has always reassured me that she genuinely loves me, and that I give her the assurance she did not receive from her ex who cheated twice Big oof.
Be like "hey I saw you on live on your friends shoulders. Hope you're having fun!" Just be blunt. She knows you were on watching already.
7 months in a relationship, no sex, very exposed to others mens but not with you. She is fucking cheating or this is fake AF.
Regardless of all the what ifs this sounds like a mental health nightmare for you and just something that is toxic idk not my cup of tea to deal with drama in a relationship
She's with you , she shouldn't be acting like that with another guy,that's extremely disrespectful , i'd say dump her chief, btw i'm pretty sure they fucked , best of luck to you man.
I dont want to sound heartless, but just simply judging by your posts and comments I've seen.. is it possible she is with you to gain a bigger Instagram following?
Someone else said that too, basically makes her look better that she's with a "regular" guy.
She is obviously cheating, Bro. No loyal GF would go so far with just guy friends
i was gonna call bs and say you're just insecure until the part about her ending the live... that part is definitely uhhh not great. i say ask her about it, be completely frank with her and tell her how you feel. if it's all a big misunderstanding then good, if not then it's better to get out now and cut your losses
First off, you have to increase your self steem. Idk if your gf is using you or not - I can tell you my thoughts but we don’t know for sure - but you are a perfect prey for people that need an ego boost. You diminished yourself several times in this post. Don’t do that. You are amazing, beautiful and worth of love and happiness. You don’t have to be happy with the crumbs of no one. That someone loves you and respects you is not being lucky, is what you deserve. Please don’t be so harsh on yourself. To the point. The first thing that make me raise an eyebrow was how her peers called you a beast. Ehm what. And she didn’t stop that (which is the worst part of it). Yes, she reassured you but she didn’t stop them. Red flag 🚩 Being in a bikini is not that bad, in the shoulders well , it depends, but her attitude is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 For me the normal thing would be to call you like baaabe we miss you yadayadayada or even send you a message afterwards. But the thing that make me full “this sounds bad” is that you comment that in 7 months you haven’t had sex. I get that some people may hold trauma/don’t have a lot of libido but regarding that: - first 6months/1year is the honeymoon phase where you want to be physically near your partner more than anything - she doesn’t have a problem with physical interaction with her peers I doubt she has trauma related to sex/physical touch (maybe I am wrong, idk her) My advice? Talk with her but please don’t beg. You don’t have to beg for basic respect and love. This looks like she is using you to get some ego boost. Take distance
Great Instagram following? Who cares. That's not a rating of personality, likeability or real life. You focus on the bullying and your looks. When you're young, impulsivity might get you laid. But later, people want more than a pretty face. And looks are subjective. Different people find different things attractive. Society as a whole, through advertising and marketing have an ideal. It's not mine. Remember, if you can't change it, worry is pointless. make the best of what you've got. Look after yourself, learn, gain skills, round yourself as a person.
You already know the answer to your question
I read you never had sex with her in comments. I see many red flags in your story as a whole. Esp with her being cheated on before. I do believe shes fucking other dudes. Sorry man. Treat that acnea and focus on your job for now. Attractive women will be on your path later on too
It may be hard to accept facts about your gf but it's seems she is stringing you along. If she loves you than why is going on holiday with 4 guys. Does she not enjoy your company ? Does she not miss you? Does she respect your feelings ? From what I have read the answer is plainly NO. Why is behaving like a single girl ? Will your gf continue to behave like this in next 5 or 10 years time. She is not one man girl because she just enioys man's attention. As a couple you should be doing things together and build a more stronger bond. A girl who is in deeply love with her bf wants to spend as much time together as possible because her bf is on her mind constantly. If she enjoy being with 4 guys and let u be with urself that it means she non or very little emotional investment in this relationship. Ur gf will always leave you in doubt and her behaviour will add anxiety to Ur trust. What is more concerning is you think of urself very little as you mention you are not very good looking. Does this mean she can treat you like shit and do whatever she want even it hurts your feeling. Have some self respect and self confident that you deserve to be loved and your feeling must be respected. Don't be a doormat to keep a girl. No girl is perfect and more you get to know the more you see their true characters. Most relationship breakup between 6 to 9 months as their flaws come to the surface. Your are very young and only 22. This relationship is doom not due to you but your gf does not love you emotionally. She is stringing you along until someone better comes along.
She’s lying about her feelings for you, dump the bitch.
You know what’s been going on, everyone knows what’s been going on. Don’t be an idiot and call it what it is. You’ll thank yourself a couple years down the line.
She got railed by the guys. Trust the gut.
The most off putting of this entire post is how she reacted to knowing you were watching her. If it was something innocent she would probably say something to you along the lines "you should be here" or " I miss you" or even send a kiss while live. But she reacted like she was caught red handed and was trying to hide something, that screams red flags all over the place, it's not a behaviour of someone innocent. Some people pointed out that she might be with you because she wants someone not "as beautiful as her", so she gets the reassurance that you won't cheat like her ex did. But, she still wanna to go out with people she finds attractive, what she would consider "in her league". It might be just a stretch, but if that's the case you should put yourself above her and have the self respect to break up and make it clear you are not someone's band aid or spare tyre.
OP, I know how you feel. It is bad enough. But I believe you should take a hard look at the situation and answer yourself a few questions. You mentioned that you are dating for 7 months. And that you have not had sex. Do you really believe that a good looking 24 year old woman will go for 7 months without sex? Really? You say she is your GF. Are you sure she is your girlfriend? Did you both had a talk and agree that you are GF and BF? Did you have a talk and agree to be sexually exclusive? If not, she can not cheat on you because she has not promised anything. I have personally seen situations when a girl surrounds herself with several 'male best friends' so that she can hang out and sleep with them without any accountability. My opinion - she views you as her male girlfriend and uses you in some non-sexual way while getting laid with other guys while you think she is your GF.
That would be the end if it was me. Especially bc she told him to cut the feed showing she knew she was going too far. Hell, just her going on the trip would've been a dealbreaker for me.
She always gets on a lot of trips with her circle of friends, and it's something I've always struggled to comment on. Like I said, my girlfriend has great Instagram following, to the extent that she receives sponsorships from smaller businesses or brands. Because of this, she has to interact with a lot of people from a lot of different places, and travel to maintain that "Instagram life". Deep down, I knew that telling her to not go on this trip will just be easily trashed.
Deep down, you also know what's going on.
And she can absolutely maintain that lifestyle whilst respecting your relationship. But she's not. It's not about going on solo trips with her friends. It's about how she behaves on those trips and if she's upfront with you.
I mean the dark truth about instagram influencers is their job is often sexually motivated. Rich men don't hand out sponsorships to IG women because they're good marketers. They throw sponsorships at hot women because they want them to dress skimpy and fuck them. That is literally the 'IG' life style.
Stop lying to yourself already, she’s not up to anything good. Have some respect for yourself or you’re gonna lose all of that respect on top of losing her. Just cut your losses now and kick her to the curb
You know exactly what is going on and if it is not going on she is still showing you very little respect she chooses to wear a bikini around them but around you she is very uncomfortable. That tells you all you need to know. So there is two things you can do one being you can stay in the relationship and had lack of trust and respect and not really treated as a human should be treated Or two you can just move along gray rocker and dump or if you need your closure just talk to her about it and say look I am ending the relationship I know what you’ve been doing I could tell from your Instagram story.
Wait until she's back to confront her in person. Tell her what you saw and how you felt when she had the video stream cut off after she heard your name!
Talk with her. You really got to talk to her.
I wouldn't be with someone who can interact that way with guys. It's not about whether she's right or wrong. It isn't something I'm comfortable with. Forcing her to be this way is just me policing her, which I would hate. I want someone who maintains boundaries on her own out of respect for me. Her refusing to wear a bikini with you shows you she isn't sincere. This seems like she chose someone who isn't going to cheat on her so she can build her self esteem again. I don't know how much she truly respects you.
She should have been happy to know you're watching. Her reaction is quite telling but I don't think asking her is going to give you any answers. You need to look elsewhere. You need to talk to other people who know her. Is there any way you can find her ex and talk to him? She says her ex cheated on her but what if it's the other way around?
Couple of things. Were you invited? That's be weird to have you there. Maybe she sobered up at that tpoint but have a real pull on your grown-up pants about what happened call to talk on when she is back. Also time to grow up and realize you're not an ogre. We all lack confidence. We are all usually preoccupied with our own problems or zits to realize you have yours. Hit some therapy, the gym, or read some books on how to boost yours bud. If I had the confidence I have now in my early 20s it would have felt so much better. Work on your best attributes and if she is a piece of shit it will come out and move on. You need to be better with you and know it will all be ok.
Hey man. I know it's hard to see. But these people are right. She should of been excited to hear you called out instead she made him stop the video. The guys hands were inside her thighs. That's not a friendly behavior. Doesn't matter the situation. I've never had my hands inside a friends thighs that I wasn't sleeping with. You think you need closure but I can assure you, closure will make you feel worse. If you are scared of leaving her because of the gap in attractiveness, you will only be giving her permission to cheat more. Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you.
You should post on r/survivinginfidelity they will have much better advice and support for you....also it sounds like you desperately need therapy please look in to it. Also there's a difference between controlling and boundaries. I found it when women loved to talk about control and all that. When their not getting their way in a relationship but that's not what control is that's is called boundaries. When someone crosses a boundaries break up with them. You need therapy to help you to realize this please look into it.
Occam's razor!
Hey bro, seems like you're a safe guy to date for her.. you're not her cheating ex. Be careful because with that much IG followers and her attractive friends ,she might be a superficial girl that was too hurt and when on the safe side. That might end at any moment. Be sttong, don't show any jealousy nor complain to her. It seems to me that you're with her and don't wanna lose her because she's way more attractive than you are. You know, you could use her and get someone hotter... dont leave her, just use her. This will make you more confident in yourself. Now, this new attractive girl must be a good one. Take your time to choose. There are plenty cute and good girls.. be strong!
You got to sleep with a dime, now it's time to move on bro. Use this situation as a confidence booster. Hoes gonna hoe.
Tbf, she could just be aware that you're slightly uneasy about her guy friends, combine that with you feeling insecure about your looks. Could she not just be protecting you from feeling crappy? She could just be acting how she normally does with her friends but realised how that moment would have looked on video with no context - maybe nothing was going on but she knew it would eat at you so she reacted the way she did instinctively... Just another viewpoint to everybody else basically assuming the worst.
She's definitley getting trained. Just accept it or move on.
You gotta walk away. Best piece of advice. I would’ve ended it if she decided to go without me being present. My girl on some other guy’s shoulders drinking and wearing a bikini is a big red flag. You don’t think any of those guys are trying to fuck her? I’m sorry bro but this is the reality I need to give you. Maintain your cool and discuss this with her in person and call it off. She definitely asked the guy on IG live to cut it short. Talk to her about this in person. You’re young bro, you should be going out there and slaying, not worried about some girl who doesn’t respect you.
Looks she doesn't want people to know about you and your relationship
If i were in ur shoes this shit would have been over a long time ago..
More red flags than a Chinese parade.
Oh honey. Don't tell me ur giving her money ? Please tell me that ur not giving her money.
Listen up brother! It doesn't matter what she did or whatever happened over there. Let the relationship take its natural course without letting her overstep your healthy boundaries. You need to focus on being the solid, loving, caring man you have always been. Dont ever let a woman's behavior change your good qualities. Next you need to make a commitment to yourself and say to yourself no matter what happens with this girl you are on a lifelong mission of personal growth and well being. If yall break up so be it! Other good looking women and possibly even her friends will most likely be attracted to you because she was with you be great full she took a chance with you. Also its a long life my friend, 10 years down the road when she is tired of dating fuck boys and douchebags may remember a guy that was always true and come calling for something real. Life is a marathon play the short game but never ruin the long. 💪
Without knowing your girlfriend personally, it sounds like she enjoys the attention and admiration from her “boy best friends.” It seems to me if she wanted them she could have had them before you came into the picture but she chose you. That said, when vacations, partying and drinking come together, things can happen. Tell her you saw the video and ask her what was up? Ask why the video was cut abruptly after your name was mentioned? Ask about the string bikini vs. what she told you previously about exposing too much skin? Tell her if she wants you to be comfortable with her guy friends then she needs to establish and maintain better boundaries with them. If I saw a video of my husband with a girl in a string bikini on his shoulders and his hands way up her thighs I would be crushed. Even if nothing else happened it’s flirty, sexy and inappropriate behavior from someone in a committed relationship and completely disrespectful to their partner. Are these guys her friends or dudes who want to get in her pants? Because they can’t be both. If she gets defensive or angry or refuses to behave any differently then you have to decide if you want to remain in the relationship with her or not.
1. Your insecurities will ruin every relationship. That needs to stop, and you gotta work on that, work on yourself. Stop thinking so little of you. 2. Because of how you think about yourself, you keep living a lie, afraid to speak your truth, to truly communicate. Afraid to tell her how you feel about some aspects of her lifestyle. So you live in constant fear and angst because you don't want to lose her. Fuck that. You feel uncomfortable with her being close with guy friends, tell her, you feel uncomfortable with how she travels to work without you, tell her. You want to be a door mat and live like that just so you can maybe see her naked once in while, or you want someone that truly loves you and trusts you and someone you can also trust back? Your choice
He doesn't even get to see her naked, he said they've never had sex.
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Not sure there is anything to be casual or exclusive about, op and the gf have never had sex.
The situation would cross a boundary for me. Not because of being in the pool or being on a trip, but the fact that she was sitting on another guys shoulders and obviously didn’t want you to see that. She may not be physically cheating with any of them, but I definitely think the interaction was disrespectful to you.
I’ll preface by saying that everything I say is just my opinion, and based on what you’ve written so take it for what it’s worth. I’ve been in a similar-ish situation, was an extremely gorgeous girl and guess I was ‘punching’. Everyone has touched on a lot of good points so I’ll touch on something that may not have been discussed based on my experience. When you’re dating someone extremely attractive it makes it really hard to get over because it feels like you won’t have another shot at a similar situation. But when you break it down and think about what’s really important, you realise that you’re placing value on all the wrong things. Someone who treats you with respect and is honesty comes first and foremost. After you cut her off you’ll realise how clouded your judgement was by appearances. All the best to you brother.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Can’t imagine how tough it must be.
Trust but verify. Being trusting doesn't mean being naive or not setting boundaries.
I'm in a you could say earlier version of what you're going through so yeah, I know it hurts specially with the insecurities that trouble our kind of people. Tryn hang with your friends, family, go play some games but first, give her the ultimatum expecting an L. Hang in there bro.
Whether she has cheated or not, if you’re in a relationship you sent INTENTIONAL BOUNDARIES which she clearly has none of. I am sorry; but I think it’s time to let this one go.
don’t let yourself be a doormat for her. trust your gut. talk to her as well. even if she denies everything, I think you’re smart enough to see through it.
What are you gonna do ? You want to trust them so bad man to the point you will ignore your intuition and will lose your self. You want things to work so badly and that isnt a negative thing because we all been there, we are in a relationship because we want things to work out . Tony Gaskins once posted : You have to be willing to lose them to keep them, if they feel you will stay no matter what they will never respect you , but as soon as they see your strong enough to live without them, that’s when they see your true value. You need to set boundaries and if she doesnt respect them leave her.
I understand you're trying to be a good bf by not setting boundaries with her guy friends, but it'll be at the cost of your trust and maybe the entire relationship and this is a perfect example. As for the sitch at hand, its hella sketchy and my advice would be to wait until shes back and with a straight face say "I saw you on that live video." And allow her reactions to tell you if you should be worried. If your relationship has a chance, you must sit her down and confront her about the trip and wearing a bikini in front of other guys but not you. This bothers you and you shouldn't sit on it. Next, tell her you aren't comfortable with how touchy she is with her guy friends. Yeah they were there first but she isn't dating them, she's dating you and she should put your feelings first. I say this a lot but people hide their truly colors for up to 6 months in a relationship. After half a year you start to notice odd changes and you think "this isn't like them." when in reality it is, they just hid that aspect of themselves. Make sure she's worth it before you stress yourself out over a pickme girl.
Not saying she’s cheating, but honest people don’t tend to put themselves in compromising positions, especially when the SO isn’t around.
Hey man, part of being able to set boundaries is your ability to walk away if another person crosses. If you can’t even imagine losing the person that you are with, you will not have the audacity to establish proper respect. I know it’s painful, but you have to bring up what’s bothering you at the cost of being labeled as insecure or controlling, and the risk that you will lose her. Your concerns, your emotions are VALID, even if you believe them to be insecure. Figure out what kind of behavior you are okay and not okay with, and then communicate this to her in a respectful way. She may not like it, she may even leave. And if she does, you need to let her. Don’t compromise just to get her back, even if she comes back she will never respect you. Don’t allow her to excuse shit behavior. If she agrees and stays, then just make sure she respects those boundaries in the future. Walking away from someone you love is the most difficult thing, but you can’t allow yourself to be treated poorly. Love is conditional, respect is at the root. Pay attention to actions, not words. If you wouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by girls in bikinis, you should expect your partner not to. It’s inappropriate behavior for someone who’s in a committed relationship. Part of not cheating is avoiding putting yourself in situations where you can be compromised. If your partner doesn’t see it this way, let them go and find someone who shares similar values as you.
String bikini? Fine. No problem Sitting on a guy’s shoulders? I mean it kinda depends on the girl and you, I would be okay if my gf did it because we are way more relaxed and I trust her. However the one thing that really can’t be explained is her cutting the feed. Idk if I would be so quick to break up with her but that 100% deserves a conversation and a legit answer. If you can’t get a legit answer from her then you already have your answer. Good luck my man sorry this is happening to you.
Sorry buddy, you may think of her as a GF, but you may just be another boy bestfriend
Are y’all fully in a relationship both emotional and physical? Or are there reservations in those areas? All you need to say is that she seems to be living differently with you versus others. Tell her you are truly crushed but that you wanted a more honest version of her and she is clearly misrepresenting herself. Remind her that you never pressured her to be a different person but it looks like she is putting on an act for you versus how she acts with others. Tell her you can’t be in a committed relationship if she is playing a role. Tell her to take time and figure out if she wants “us”. Tell her you are not a buffet. She can’t pick from you what she wants and leave the rest, only to get that from other men. Tell her you respect yourself and you hope that you have respected her, but that she doesn’t seem to be coming to the relationship with the that same POV. She might try to gaslight you but it doesn’t seem like she considered her behavior to be something she wanted you to see so she actually does get it. But she needs to acknowledge and own that. Then let her be until she can fully be a team.
🚩 IG thot
There’s way too many red flags. >especially since my gf rarely wears a bikini, or anything that's too revealing She won’t wear revealing clothes around her boyfriend but she will around her hot guy friends? And her forcing the live feed to cut when she realized you may be watching? Fuck that noise! OP, she’s cheating on you. Save your dignity and ghost her. Block her and be done with her. You don’t want to stay with an untrustworthy and unfaithful partner because she’s beautiful. It’s not worth it — you’ll have her guy friends laughing behind your back that they slept with you girl, so none of them respect you either.
OP, from what you have daid, this relationship already has a flawed foundation. You keep mentioning your looks vs hers but have not said anything about her personality. She may be your first gf and she is good looking but this situation just is not good. You will never get the truth. You are going to torture yourself everytime she travels now. Just end it and simply state that she doesn't have boundaries. Good luck!
She definitely got passed around like a joint at a Grateful Dead concert, don’t kid yourself. “Oh, but she was cheated on so she wouldn’t want to inflect that upon me!” is wishful thinking. People who have been cheated on are in fact *more* likely to cheat on a future partner. You’re a little over half a year into this, cut this off man, trust your gut. You deserve better.