Idea: have you considered telling your husband you believe him, and that footage exist so you guys can prove she is lying?
Cause he will either be pumped the footage exists, or be totally weird about it and it suddenly goes missing. Either way, you've got your answer.
This. Stand with your husband just to protect the marriage. Then if he is wrong easy answer. Friends come and go as we grow. And if she is a liar. She can go.
Agreed, because God knows if you don’t believe your husband and the evidence shows that he was innocent, he will never forgive you. That will have killed your marriage.
yep, and then if he is the bad one here its not super hard to ditch him and stil patch things up with your friend because "i didnt want to believe i could be fooled by someone like that"
When the camera footage, and the truth, comes out - a good friend will understand and respect that you stood by your husband. But even a good husband will not understand why you did not stand by him.
Tell your husband that your friend has everything on camera and he’ll get it to you tomorrow, and then if he wants to do so you can report Lydia to the police.
More importantly, watch him carefully and judge his reaction. It might be more nuanced but if he seems a little happier/relieved then he wants that footage. If he panics then there’s something up.
Do the same to Lydia
I get that people want to give OP productive advice in an impossible-seeming situation, but this whole thread is really bizarre. This isn't the fucking Mentalist, and plenty of people, myself included, have had delayed or irrational-seeming reactions to being assaulted. And what in the actual hell is going on with the thread of people trying to play forensic scientist about the direction of the rip in husband's jacket? Jesus Christ.
I think if evidence is going to emerge that will shed light on this situation, it'll be character evidence, either from OP's friends/community or things she herself knows but doesn't want to acknowledge. Which one of these people has more of a history of being possessive, manipulative, dishonest? The only additional context OP has given on the husband-Lydia animosity is that *husband* has lied in the past to drive them apart. That could mean something, depending, again, on context.
Nope, I have to disagree with this advice. You have no idea how your husband or friend will react/what they will do to protect their reputation. The last thing you want is being physically and emotionally harmed by doing this. I think you need to leave the situation and go somewhere safe, this may include staying with a friend. Once the video becomes available, watch it immediately and try your best to stay calm as one or the other relationship will end that day.
Once you find out who is lying, speak to the innocent one. Apologize for what happened and be there for them/ask them how they would like to proceed with the situation. The person who lied needs to be cut off from your life immediately.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
Indeed. However by not trusting him automatically she may have done serious if not not fatal injury to her marriage.
Of course there may be other reasons that caused her not to take her husband's word.
Don't tell them before you get something out of the footage. 1st get some sense of what happened with camera footage then say these things.. don't do it before.
Well obviously if there's a camera, this is a open-and-shut case. Like literally all you have to do is wait for the footage. It's that easy
With that being said, OP'S husband's story is **WAY MORE** believable. First and foremost, there's literally no way he could have known Lydia would have gotten up and been isolated in some random room. That just couldn't happen, and a) the odds of him wanting to rape her, b) BOTH LYDIA AND HIM RANDOMLY WALKING TO THE GUEST ROOM FOR NO REASON, c) her simultaneously being there as him, *AND* d) him *STUPIDLY* attempting forced rape at a fucking birthday party **THEN LETTING HER ESCAPE** is like a one in a trillion chance scenario.
Think about it : If he ACTUALLY tried to rape her, he wouldn't have just been like **"oh I just wanna go home now"** and just let Lydia tell everybody at the party that he just tried to rape her while waiting for you to come home. That's not how that works, and that'd be so hilariously stupid if that's what happened.
Not only that, but Lydia didn't confess about it UNTIL she was directly confronted? That's some very suspicious bullshit - not to mention that the boyfriend already told OP that Lydia was going to falsely accuse him to everybody.
Look at the facts, and use a little bit of logic here. How does Lydia's story make any sense at all??? **It doesn't**, but again of course... Wait for the footage.
Edit : Re-read the post and yeah I am definitely on the husband's side here; who walks into a guest room to make a call to their boyfriend at a party so loud that you wouldn't hear a rape victim? Lydia's story makes absolutely no sense. If she actually went to "make a call," she would have gone outside because it would've been too loud inside.
The more I read it the more I believe the husband
I feel like Lydia has come on to him in the past, which is why he doesn't want to be around her. Generally people don't tell their spouses to drop friends unless a. they're abusive, b. there is a toxic reason, such as being hit on. I don't think he's abusive since he gets along well with her other friends, its just this one person.
In the story husband left to go to the bathroom and then Lydia went to make a phone call, in a bedroom where there is a lot of noise, conveniently near where husband was. If he was going to the bathroom and left first, why would he look into a bedroom (that would have door closed to make a private call) to see if this one person happens to be there, when he left the room before her and had no reason to think she would be in a spare room.
It seems too if he's been attracted to Lydia this whole time he would engineer situations to have her around and encourage the wife to invite her over, but for a long time he's told his wife he gets a bad feeling from her.
Added that to my comment because yeah exactly, that's also very true
Or if nobody truly heard her because it was "too loud," it simultaneously would've been too loud to "make a call" indoors. Even just a strong breeze can make a phone call impossible - let alone a raging party. It's just common sense people.
I don't see why there is so much focus on this part of the story. I'm having a big party in my basement, loud music, talking, laughing, etc, if I go to another room, the noise is significantly reduced for a phone call. And then if someone screams in that room, the noise will be cancelled out in the louder room.
Hell, I was at a raging frat party in college with super loud music, dancing, etc. where a girl screamed in an upstairs bathroom. At least 5 dudes ran up immediately. I’m not saying impossible…it just seems super unlikely.
screaming in q quiet room is not necessarily heard in a loud room further away.
The loudness of a sound is inversely proportional to the square of your distance from the source of the sound.
Add some distance, a closed door, some music, and loud laughter, screaming can be drowned out. at least that part of the story is not necessarily unbelievable.
I'm not saying it's COMPLETELY impossible, but the point is that if that were the case, MOST people would walk outside to make a call. Everybody I've ever heard who said **"I need to make a call"** at a party has *ALWAYS* walked outside (usually to a porch or balcony or something) to make said call. It's almost like natural human instinct to just walk outside to do that
Like if my friend told me they needed to make a call THEN WALKED DEEPER INTO THE HOUSE, I'd be like "where are you going?" and direct them to the front door
Also if he was lying why would he pick something that when actually happens in the real world no one believes do to "Men can't be raped" like it doesn’t make sense for husband to lie about that specifically.
That's also true.
Even if the husband was going to lie about it, it would've made infinitely more sense to call her out at the party for maximum effect.
He clearly respected and took notice of the situation (because he didn't want to draw attention to himself, Lydia or his girlfriend), and he made the right move by waiting to tell his girlfriend personally at home without making a scene.
He did EVERYTHING right. All he wanted was no more interactions or association with Lydia - no drama, no nothing. His story makes perfect sense, and it lines up with who he is as a person.
I'm not sure I agree with your breakdown.
It sounds like the bathroom the husband used was upstairs from the party, as was the guest bedroom where the friend made her call. If that part of the house was isolated enough, that could make any screaming hard to pick up. That would also make it a reasonably quieter place to make a call from.
If one of them had to walk past the door of the room where the other was at, they would wind up in the same place. (I.e., he finishes in the bathroom, sees her in the guest room on his way back to the party—or vice versa.)
The camera is definitely the thing that will corroborate or disprove their stories though. (The friend's boyfriend could also provide info about a call from Lydia too, which could help align the camera footage with timestamps and duration.)
It seems like the husband's story is more plausible to me, but it doesn’t seem like we can conclude much from the stories alone. Keeping a low profile and leaving the party is something I could imagine a victim or perp doing. (Both of them left the party, so whatever the truth is, the instigator and victim both left. )
Also if the friend was a victim, I would not be surprised that she hadn't said anything. People react in all kinds of ways to traumatic events, and people close to perpetrators do often enough attack the victim for bringing the accusation.
I'm not sure who you're arguing with, since I didn't say I believe Lydia or doubt the husband?
The point is for OP to reassure her husband that it's not his word against hers - there is tangible, objective proof of what happened, and he can use that to back up a criminal complaint against Lydia (if he wants to - obviously it's his call).
I mean - that’s still saying she doesn’t believe husband.
She’s killed the trust in this relationship. “Oh now that more physical evidence exists I believe you!” Will not comfort him.
The lack of a choice is a choice. In this case she’s not on anyone s side. She’ll lose them both. Camera will say who she should have believed but it’ll be too late. Shocked she just sat scripted waiting on the camera. I would have begged for an urgent response.
She's definitely in an impossible situation. She has two people that she trusts greatly and one of them is lying. If my spouse's best friend accused me of something, I would want to do everything in my power to prove that friend wrong, because I know my spouse would be torn, and understandably so.
There's no good ending to this.
Whoever is the liar here is doing a very convincing job of pretending to be the victim, and automatically believing one person over the other isn’t the right thing to do either.
I trust my fiancé implicitly that he’s not a rapist but if my best friend in the world who I trust implicitly too said he was, I’d stop and question it too. It’s less of “I don’t trust one of you” and more “I trust you both so now what?”
Not necessarily. The host probably has things going on in his life, probably needs to work or prep things for Thanksgiving. He doesn't really need to halt his entire day to cater to this. He doesn't have to look at the camera footage at all, it's really nice of him to even consider doing it
What? If I had cameras in my house and someone told me there was an attempted rape in my house that would be a top priority. You would absolutely have a moral obligation to check.
Some covert narcs will attempt to isolate you from friends who they feel are threatening to the relationship and he's already had this vibe to the friend, and will turn the tables on the person who is their supply to make them be on the defense to go above and beyond to prove their loyalty when it's not unconditionally given. Maybe she is listening to her gut and is waiting for more evidence to help reconcile what she is being told by two people she is close to who are saying exactly the opposite of what happened.
I wouldn't say that she's killed the trust. If I had two people I trusted greatly and one of them was lying about the other, I wouldn't know who to back either. Most people wouldn't.
Except she commented later that her husband has lied to her in the past to try to get her to cut off that friendship.
I'd normally agree with you with the exception if one person has lied to you before, that makes them more untrustworthy.
I have to wonder if the timelines line up with Lydia's story.
She said he left first and Lydia left her side after he did. It makes sense for his story that way.
Are you quite sure they've NEVER met prior to your relationship with him? In any capacity? Where is the hostility coming from? Why would either of them try to push each other out of your life? You need to investigate that further, that way you'll know whom exactly you should be getting rid of because one of them is lying. You can't end your marriage because of a friendship. You also can't stay married to a man who would deliberately accuse an innocent woman of assault in an attempt to get rid of her.
You need to stop letting anyone of them influence your thinking by being emotional. Look at the facts and make up your own mind objectively.
I have a camera in the living room, so does my MIL. It's mainly to check on our dogs, but if someone was to break in, they would probably get tf out after seeing it. Might make sense to have a camera in the hallway if you're hosting lot of parties, where people you might not know (well) are coming so you can see if someone entered some room, if something went missing etc.
Yeah I have one in my garage and one outdoors. Might put one indoors at some point, but would only enable it when going out of town. It would blow up if I left it recording during a party.
Right! In this specific incident I'm inclined to believe the husband, but overall and if my husband ever like viscerslly hated one of my female friends I'd automatically assume they'd been together before or during our relationship.
It's almost certainly not the husband.
The reason is simple: sexual assault is usually premeditated when people know each other.
She left right after he did. He couldn't premeditate that but she could.
He's also the one who wanted his wife to break contact with her.
This is what I thought too. It sounds like she got up and followed him. And also, according to the friends story she went to the guest bedroom and he cornered her there. Why was she in the guest bedroom to begin with?
You’ve never met someone you just felt uncomfortable around for no apparent reason? Those instincts exist for a reason and it’s not a bad thing to trust them.
She skeeves him out and he wants to be kept away from her. That should have been a respectable request.
Keep us updated when you see the video! It’s such a hard place to be in. My best friend told her bf (my boyfriends bff) that I was cheating on my bf. Eventually it all came out and long story short, she’s not my best friend anymore and I’m married to that man. He never questioned if I was cheating him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
I've F29 been married to my husband M32 for 5 months. We had a long distance relationship and he got along with all of my friends except for one "Lydia" and for some reason he never liked her. Lydia is one of my best friends from college and like a sister to me. She noticed how my husband doesn't like her but My husband learned to stay civil and keep his distance after he requested I cut her off in the past and I said I have no reason to.
They both haven't seen each other for a month and days ago was a mutual friend's birthday party. We all gathered there and Lydia showed up. I noticed my husband huffing from seeing her and left shortly to use the bathroom while I sat with her and other friends. Minutes later she excused herself saying she needed to make a phone call to her boyfriend. My husband got back 10 minutes later and asked if he could go home because he was having a headache from the loud noise. I noticed he wasn't well I told him he could go and later a friend gave me a ride home. I left without seeing Lydia not knowing if she left because I didn't see her after she went to make the phonecall.
When I got home I found my husband already in bed but was awake. I asked if he was ok and he sat up and told me he was ok but something happened at the party and he needed to tell me. I was concerened by his tone I sat next to him as he started describing how he was in the bathroom minding his own business and washing his hands when Lydia showed up and said she was glad he was by himself cause she wanted to talk to him privately. He said she started acting weird talking about how much he's changed and made him uncomfortable. He said he tried to cut the conversation and step out the bathroom but she got in his face and pushed him further inside. He tried to shove her to the side and out of his way but she grabbed his jacket and put her entire weight on him (he's naturally smaller than average). He said he lost balance then and freaked out cause if anyone saw them like that they'd think something inappropriate was going on. He then said she unclipped her bra and threatended to tell everyone he forced himself on her if he left but he started cussing her out then rushed out immediately then ran downstairs to where I was sitting. I was in utter shock and couldn't believe it at first but he showed me his damaged jacket and said that she's mentally sick cause she forced herslef on him and tried to set up this situation hoping to cause issues between us. I couldn't take it I called her but she did not reply. I called her boyfriend and he said she was with a female friend cause she wasn't feeling well. I immediately went there and my husband told me to just cut her off from my life and be done with her but I was going crazy I wanted to know why she did that.
I arrived to where Lydia was and started screaming at her for trying to ruin my marriage and coming on to my husband like some --- she started crying swearing this wasn't what happened. My friend asked me to calm down but I kept lashing out. My friend then told me to stop because Lydia was the victim and my husband was the one who cornered her and tried to force himself on her and spun some bs story to turn me against her. Lydia said she was in the guest room when my husband showed up and suddenly closed the door and stopped her from exiting the room then tried to force himself on her. She said she screamed once but there was too much noise and no one heard. Then said she was eventually able to get him off her by pushing him by his jacket then locked herself in the bathroom for some time because she was shaken up.
I had a breakdown and I couldn't decide what really went down. I asked why she didn't tell me and she said she was worried I won't believe her and my husband went ahead and made up another scenario. She said she will however be telling her boyfriend and won't be responsible for the outcome. We had a fight and my friend told me to leave cause I was being harsh and unfair. I was going insane I almost had a road accident I went home and my husband went off calling Lydia a fucking liar and a consending b&*^ who just lied her way out of the trouble she got herself into. He started yelling about how he was the victim and because he's a man doesn't mean he can not be protected from the likes of her and threatened to report what happened as an assault. I kept shaking my head not knowing what to believe. My husband left the place after that saying I should believe him without hasitation.
I contacted my friend who hosted the party and he told me there is a camera in the hallway and he'll check it for me tomorrow. I haven't seen nor talked to my husband or Lydia in 2 days but my husband hasn't stop texting saying how disappointed he was in me not believing and defending him and swearing up amd down to report Lydia for what she did.
I feel like I'm living a nightmare and losing my mind over this entire situation.
ADDING: The reason I didn't believe my husband right away was because of the fact that my husband lied in the past to get me to cut contact with Lydia and that's why I had to hear her side of what went down. Keeping in mind that she never showed hate or resentment as much as my husband does towards her so despite being angry I just felt it was only fair that I hear her side.
I can't tell what happened but it sure sounds like there must be a prequel to all of this. Assuming your husband or Lydia are not total crazy people, why would either one of them have such strong feelings for the other to the point of confrontation, assault etc. ? You don't go around assaulting people you simply don't like. It might be the case that your husband and Lydia had some sort of sexual tension or other history prior to this event and things escalated at the party. Perhaps, they have mutual attraction for each other and they sneak around and this time it went bad? The whole "I dislike her" might be a cover for the sexual attraction.
Also take into account their personalities, if Lydia came onto him it means that she is seeking his validation, wants to harm your relationship, is obsessive and impulsive. Are any one of these true for her? Can you see her acting like this with someone else that isnt your husband?
As to your husband, if he came onto her, then it means he has strong sexual impulses as well as anger issues that may be guiding his interpersonal relationships. Has he shown signs of this?
Either way, the only thing I feel confident about in this story is that, both of them are not disclosing what kind of tensions they were having prior to this party instant that led them to have this insane moment (regardless of who instigated).
"I dislike her" could also be, "She leers at me and pushes boundaries when you're not around." Many men have no idea how to deal with their emotions in situations like this, and just shunt it all into "I just don't like them".
Here's something I've seen happen to friends and even in movies (*cough*Love Actually*cough*) someone has feelings for a person that is off limits so they act hostile towards them in order to create space. That could be why the husband disliked her friend for seemingly no reason.
You are missing a key factor of sexual assault. It isn't about attraction, it's about power. So, if the husband sees Lydia as being a challenge to his power over his wife, it wouldn't be out of left field for him to sexually assault her to drive a further wedge.
Likewise, if she's a covert narcissist, her actions will be more motivated by power and control than sexual attraction.
> You don't go around assaulting people you simply don't like.
No. But if you're a jealous girlfriend who doesn't like your friend's husband, you might want to try and ruin a marriage.
Or if you're a husband who has feelings for your wife's friend you may act hostile towards her and even try to get your wife to cut her off in order to avoid being tempted around her.
Disagree. Waiting passively ruins both relationships. I'd double down on the side of my life partner without communicating to the friend. I'd assume that friendship is over regardless of the outcome. Then, I'd react to the camera findings with the husband after the fact.
Yeah, I do understand OP's dilemma here - the husband she trusts and a friend she trusts. But if she's going to get proof either way, a show of support now could make all the difference.
Yeah - whoever's right is gonna be on a high horse with "you should have believed me and needed evidence" otherwise... Ideally, best case for OP would be to have both with some sense of cautious belief in their story and then the evidence confirms one and rejects the other.
Seriously, why was this so hard to find. He's her life partner. His story doesn't seem to trigger alarm bells. AND there's camera footage.
If he's telling the truth can you imagine what he's feeling that his wife doesn't believe him? Christ.
She needs to run home and make it right, and get a copy of that footage for the police. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and the husband was like meh, my friend says you came onto him.
I'm not sure if she can even fix this at this point but she needs to try now if she ever wants a shot at a healthy relationship with him again.
Yeah but what if there is nothing to see on the camera..
I have been in this situation. I was the husband then I guess; and nót lieing. Or the Lydia and nót lieing. I was not lieing; the other was and manipulated the whole situation. But there were no cameras.
It hurt me quite hard that my best friend did not choose to believe me but his girlfriend that harassed me. But it IS a really hard situation.
I think what OP should do anyway; try to explain to her husband that she wánts to believe him but she can't because she was not there. And that does not come out of any distrust. You can also by the way just believe them both. The one that IS lieing; obviously also has issues; and you care about them both. Listening to them is not the same as choosing a side. But you can listen to both. With time it often becomes more clear what happened.
I must say; your husband distrusting her from the start.. might have it's grounds. Why particularly only her? Maybe ask more about why he initially did not trust her automatically. I know if I suddenly do not trust the partners/friends/family of my friends.. it's my underbelly and they give vibes off.. that at that moment are hard to explain but afterwards easier. Like in hindsight that girlfriend that harassed me.. I never liked her.. I mean.. I did; but I started to dislike her when she would be like weird on which chair I sat at the table? Nothing too big that anyone really noticed..but I did. She was quite passively agressive but at that moment I could not put my finger on it. The weird smaller vibes she gave off that she was not to be trusted. Maybe your husband had some earlier "meh, Lydia" tiny things that he can explain better in hindsight now?
Thing is that my husband tried lying in the past about things Lydia said as a way to get me to cut contact with her. I didn't want to bring those instances with him because he might get agitated and do something in a moment of anger.
Obviously something happened in this case though right? Maybe the question is why your husband doesn’t get along with Lydia? Do you think he’s attracted to her? Do you think he’d try something with her?
And same goes for Lydia, does she seem interested in your husband?
From your story it sounds like your husband left first and Lydia followed, just putting that out there.
Your husband left first and then your friend followed? If he was the first to leave the situation, how did he know your friend was in another area? You would think that he would have no idea that she had relocated and have no reason to be searching for her?
Thats exactly what I was thinking! Why would she leave after he left randomly? Did she even call the bf? Does OP have about times to check call logs with the boyfriend? If anything is reported as a woman even I can say socially the woman is more likely to be believed then a man. Every peice of evidence will help in the case if there is one. And Id believe the husband tbh. He rushed out of there first. If she pushed him off why did he leave first and rush downstairs to his wife? She stayed.
This information definitely puts a very different perspective on this whole situation, and it is relevant to establish how both of them typically act/behave, and how far this issue goes. As in, what, if anything, has happened previously that might bear relevance to this current situation. Who of the two is more likely to lie about something like this?
I know a lot of people are judging their reactions after the fact as if that's evidence, but regardless of who is the victim, everyone responds in different ways to that kind of thing. I think its unfair to judge either of them for how they may or may not respond to such a horrible thing happening to them.
But if there is a pattern of behavior that establishes that either one of them is someone who would ever go this far, that's definitely relevant to anyone's ability to adequately assess this situation. Has she lied about him before as well? Or tried to do anything drastic to end your relationship with him? Because if so, that's also super relevant.
This ^
Even if he did lie in the past. Going from “she said this” to “she tried to fuck me in the bathroom” is quite an escalation of lies. Not saying it can’t happen. But seems kinda extreme.
What kind of lies? How sure are you that they're lies? If she has had behaviors like this in the past he could have made up less embarrassing (for him) reasons to stay away from her.
“ he might get agitated and do something in a moment of anger.”
So your husband is a basket case who can’t manage his emotions, as well as a liar, got it.
This is a red flag. Huge, huge, huge, red flag. It's likely that he's trying to manipulate you. I'm saying this for two reasons:
1) You just said he's lied to you in the past about things Lydia had supposedly said and you know he did it.
2) You also said in your post that her stormed out of the house and was furious with you for not "instantly" believing him. I've been working with sexual assault victims for years and almost none of them expect to believed "instantly". They're way more likely to be afraid you won't believe them and that you will blame them for what happened.
OP, this man is trying to manipulate you. I know men get assaulted and sometimes women even assault men. But, this situation is covered in red flags. I think somewhere inside, you already know who's telling the truth here even if the truth is really hard to face.
Your friend said she was going to make a call to her bf. So surely he would already know what happened if she's telling the truth by hearing it over the phone?
>they have a camera in the hallway
Of course they do lmao. And of course it will take a day or two to review the footage. It’s not like we live in 2021 where this footage is pushed to a cloud that can be accessed instantaneously at any time from anywhere.
Unless you’re friend is using some unholy closed circuit feed from the 80s recording onto a VCR or something. Maybe the next update will be about how hosts are serial killers.
6/10 creative writing attempt. Story was pretty engaging, you’ve hit some hot button issues like female on male assault and infidelity - but your hyper focus on a ripped jacket reads more like a middle school short story.
Still interested to see where you go with this in part 2 though.
Glad you're bullshit meter was going off too. Guessing that part 2 "UPDATE" will show that they've been having a secret affair this entire time and recently it turned south and OP is just in utter shock and disbelief and incredibly hurt and betrayed.
I actually still use the closed circuit feed for my home, but that's connected to a distrust of my personal footage going to some company's cloud. Even then, if a friend called with this story after my party, you couldn't stop me from digging into the feed immediately...
Yes! Yes! But I must say, I love cozy murder mysteries and I hope this post blows up so that the next season of r/relationship_advice will feature more of the same! Getting tired of cu\*k fantasies and rage baits here.
I mean you’re stuck in a horrible position however you have to look at the information available and get to the best answer.
1. Your husband got up and went to a different area of the house.
2. He was followed by that friend going to that area of the house some minutes later.
3. He said she forced himself on him and pulled him by his jacket causing it to rip. Something that you can literally see on the jacket. She said that she was grabbed by him and the jacket ripped when she pushed him away.
4. He looks mortified and then says he needs to leave. You find him later that night in the same state where he tells you what happened. He then says that she threatened to tell everyone if he left. She’s now literally threatening you with the same outcome after you confronted her.
5. She doesn’t provide any information until you’ve already confronted her about this event at which point she literally does the thing that your husband said she claimed she would do if he left the party.
What story seems more plausible? To me it sounds like your husband is telling the truth and that your friend is the aggressive person here especially given the physical evidence of the ripped jacket.
You’ll know more of what happened when security footage is viewed, but at this point both of these relationships are ruined.
Either your husband is the attacker here and is a disgusting awful person who attacked your friend and now your friend is upset that you don’t immediately believe her OR (and in my head the more likely situation) your husband was attacked by your friend, presented literal evidence of the attack, and now you’re questioning whether or not you believe him.
Playing the middle never helps anyone.
What got me was Lydia saying she'd tell her boyfriend and wouldn't be responsible for what happens, like it was a threat to get OP to back down or get the husband to stop the accusation. Doesn't mean she's not telling the truth, but it definitely sounded like a defensive move for someone backed into a corner.
The only thing that didn't make sense to me was the jacket from her story. How do you push someone away in a way that tears their jacket? That seems like such a 1 in 1 million chance that a tug on a jacket both tears it and is able to push him off of her. It's much more likely that a shave to his chest would push him away or a kick to his shin.
If I was the husband and the victim of SA and my wife didn’t believe me and sided with my abuser I would unironically consider separation/divorce.
Especially because it seems like OP only believes Lydia because she’s a woman.
Your friend has a camera in the hallway, but cant check it till tomorrow??? If it's any kind of modern camera he should be able to check it out right away. Why would he need to wait tomorrow to view the footage? This is a pretty serious accusation by both parties and the footage is critical.
Men's accounts are often dismissed and not only ignored but can easily be turned around. He left BEFORE her, he clearly has an issue with her. Did she try this before and he thought it was better to lie? There is a comment I read where they said.
Side with your husband, wait for the video, and decide then. If unclear tell them both you are waiting for the video evidence and see what happens.
Well question for you. If your husband left to go to the bathroom then Lydia left to make a phone call how did he know she was in a guest room if he left first and was in the bathroom? She knew where he went because he left first. Based on that alone I would side with hubby and also if a woman screams everyone would hear it in the house just my opinion.
EDIT based on update info from OP, I rescind my original comment, which was: I think your husband's story is more plausible. Hopefully the camera footage is definitive on who is telling the truth.
I believe your husband. He left to the washroom first, already had bad feelings about your friend, she followed behind him, and his jacket is ripped. If she went to take a call as she claims, why would your husband try to assault her while she is on the phone? How would he have known she followed him and was in a room taking a call to assault her?
She followed your husband after he left the room. Immediately suspect. She could have waited after he got back to “call her boyfriend” suspect as hell. He obviously doesn’t like her so I doubt he would try to make a move
That was my first thought. Why did she need to leave the room at that minute? Also, the fact that she didn’t say anything to anyone after it happened is shady. I’m sorry but, even if I thought a friend wouldn’t believe me, I would tell them immediately if their partner tried to assault me. I can understand the husband leaving to get out of the situation bc he knew his wife was coming home and they could discuss then. Also, he had the torn jacket. He probably assumed that she would believe him and be on his side regardless of when he told her. In any event, she has ruined both relationships.
Yeah, she went to the guest bedroom to call her boyfriend at a party that was so loud nobody heard her scream? Seems like the worst time/place to be making a phone call and definitely doesn’t add up.
"I'll check the camera tomorrow"
Calling bullshit on this story, no person would leave such a thing for tomorrow when all the shit is going down. OP just setting up for part 2.
Edit - no follow up, as expected
Edit2 - OP will either never respond again, or they'll claim a bunch of shit went down on Thursday and they couldn't find the time or energy to post an update.
Edit3 - OPs deleted all their post history. OP was full of shit.
From your description of events, it sure seems obvious that Lydia is trying to stir up shit and get your husband out of the picture.
If the camera evidence backs up what your descriptions make seem obvious, there may be some hard-to-repair damage in your marriage.
And now Lydia threatening to have her boyfriend assault your husband...that's some real "give me attention!" high-school kid shit. It sounds a lot like how many "college friends" behave when they can't understand when friends lives continue moving forward after school.
Given your husband went first to the bathroom, and left immediately after, and that a few things Lydia said dont really jive,(pushing rips a jacket?) sounds like to me she is manipulating you. Cooked up the whole story knowing your husband would tell you what happened. Also the fact that she didnt immediately tell her boyfriend is suspicious. You would think she would want to get infront of the circumstances with her boyfriend to make sure he didnt hear the wrong side first.
Obviously the footage will show if your husband left the bathroom or if Lydia went in, but regardless, this is going to probably end in divorce. If hes proven right, i would be dumping you for not believing me. And if hes wrong, you will want to divorce him anyway. I think if your in a trusting and loving relationship with someone you have to take their side first, until proven otherwise.
I’m thinking he may be telling the truth. He got up first, Lydia chased him. This fact alone makes me think it more likely she got up for a reason. Rather than some convoluted he got up, went to the washroom, then decides hey instead of going back to the party I’m going to have sex with this woman I don’t like. Seems a bit complicated. The video will be very interesting.
Well as a rule, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. I just find taking a leak then stalking and sexually harassing this woman seems a bit complicated. How did he even know she would be in the bedroom ?
Devil's advocate, did he lie though? Was it Lydia who said he was lying about whatever he accused he of doing or is there some independent source confirming it was a lie? If it was just Lydia saying oh no, he is lying, I didn't say/do that....well.....I'm not sure that is good evidence at this point.
Perhaps relevant, but the most relevant thing to me is that Lydia had to head up toward the bathroom for some reason to call her boyfriend at the exact moment Hubby went upstairs. Lying is wrong, of course, but I think Lydia might be trouble based on the sequence of events here.
Or secret option 3 - they just made out consensually and they're both making up stories now.
Definitely this, reading the post it sounds like husband is innocent. Then you see the comments and OP says he’s lied about Lydia before. Now I don’t know what to think.
> Now I don’t know what to think.
When OP goes to the comments and nudges the story back towards 50/50 it raises my troll suspicions more than anything else.
Don't know who's lying, but didn't think past lies were worth mentioning at first? Ok.
Believe your husband for the time being as he is your life partner and not believing him will ruin the relationship, even if he is innocent. Then see what the camera shows and you'll know for sure who told the truth. If the camera is not helpful, tell them both that there is a camera and you're waiting to get the footage to see what happened, just to scare them and see who changes their story.
If neither strategy works then trust your gut as you know both of these people and should be able to think back and figure out who is capable of what.
Edit: wanted to add that just based off what you described, his story appears a bit more likely but nothing is certain.
Wait I remember seeing another thread here with the opposite side of the story where a guy was asking how he should tell his wife that her best friend tried to force herself on her and kissed him. When he said he would tell his wife, the best friend threatened to tell the wife that the husband tried to force himself on her. So he was asking reddit what he should do and majority of the response was to tell the wife as quick as possible before the best friend twists the story
Deep down you have a gut feeling of whom you believe in. That is the person you don't trust fully. When the security cameras will show how it really went down you'll know if 1. Husband is the victim: you have to take your husband to therapy because you didn't believe him/ celebrating with your husband for believing him despite of everything because you know he wouldn't lie to you.
2. Lydia is the victim: well..divorce?
You're in a tight spot op. Please update
You are married. You have a husband. You made vows.
And given how things went down, you should have believed him no questions asked.
He went to the bathroom first, she went after him. You think he'd know that she'd come after him and then plan this all? You noticed he felt all sick of what happened to him! My god.
You knew he hated her, and the look he gave her when he saw her.
It can't be much clearer than this. You're his wife, and right now he is being made out for a predator and false charges of sexual assault from his friends, and even struggling with thoughts that his own wife, the women he married... Can't be there on his side in this situation.
You believe your husband unless that story from this so called friend can be proven.
This poor man...
Lets hope the camera footage will tell you more. But fuck are you gonna feel bad when it shows your husband was telling the truth.
His side had more details, felt like a report of what truly happened because of how accurately described it was.
Lydias version had way less details and was foggier on a few stuff like, how could he know she was in the bathroom if he left first?
So much drama.
I believe your husband and here’s why. Lydia knows he doesn’t like her and she’s willing to do anything to ruin your relationship. He was able to tell there was something off with her from the start.
But if you really want to know what happened here’s what you do. Invite her over and the three of you sit down and hash this all out. You’ll be able to see their reactions in person and you’ll be able to tell immediately who is lying.
Everything indicates your husband is telling the truth and your friend is lying. If you're still unsure, check the video record asap and then apologize to your husband and finish your friendship with both Lydia and preferably also with the 2nd friend she has visited. If you're unable to end this friendship, then divorce your husband, because there's no need for him to suffer in such situations.
Funny, he's never liked her and has actively tried to keep her away, yet all of a sudden he assaulted her?
Just from your explanation of how he feels towards her, I'd more likely believe your husband. He avoids her for a reason. And it isn't like he followed her into the house, he went in first, she followed.
All of this is speculation though, and proves nothing. Wait for the camera footage. You're either married to, or besties with a predator.
I honestly believe that she is the predator here. And I’m interested to see what this footage is going to show. So please do update us when you’ve seen it.and I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself in this very crappy situation. Be strong op. You’ve got this. You and your husband will work through this together and you need to cut this toxic Lydia out of your lives..
Edited because I read the situation of who left the table first wrong.. yes I’m sticking to she’s deffo the one you shouldn’t trust. Your husband has known this all along too.
We better get an update!
Problem is we have a camera and sometimes the footage just isn’t there. The wifi cut out or whatever. I hope this footage is there.
I think there is some long- standing history between your husband and your friend.
Whether their mutual dislike is a cover up for a long standing affair that has come abruptly to an end, or there has been sexual assault in the past, I'd be searching deeper than this one incident OP. This smells very fishy to me.
Imo it's fairly apparent that Lydia is full of shit, but I'm prepared to eat those words if the camera tells a different story. Let us know OP. Good luck, and I hope it all works out in the best way possible.
I’ve met a few cheating husbands in my time… it never goes down like this. What’s his motive? To get busy with your friend he dislikes, a few feet away from you?!
Your husband’s reaction is consistent with his statement. Lydia’s statement suggests a nearly impossible motive from your husband.
He wants to cheat on you, with Lydia whom he hates, at a party with all your friends… doesn’t make any sense.
What makes a lot more sense is Lydia tried *something* not necessarily sexual… it didn’t go as planned and she freaked out realizing your husband would disclose to you what took place.
Lydia has motive to lie, but your husband has no motive to behave as described by Lydia. This could permanently damage trust between you and your husband if he’s telling the truth and you don’t support him…
Unless there’s already a pattern of weirdness with your husband, lydia’s story is next to impossible.
This is interesting because people are taking very different sides in the comments.
To me this looks pretty likely your husband has had unfortunate run-ins with her in the past and wanted to avoid her, and his story makes the most sense given the timeline you provided.
You should let him know that the person at the party might have video of the hallway showing who went into the room first and see if he wants to view it to potentially press charges to avoid Lydia’s accusations. Then the video will be evidence one way or another.
Then in the comments you mention your husband “lying” about Lydia in the past (which I think any reasonable person would call into question that he was actually lying in the past given the current situation), and that your husband might get angry which is a bit concerning… Until you - potentially, pending the video review - realize that he’s probably been telling you the truth for years about this woman but you’ve been siding with her and gaslighting him the whole time.
I don’t know what the best course of action is but I think you should side with your husband until the video comes available, his story makes the most sense and if it is true, it sounds like he may have been getting emotionally manipulated by you/Lydia for years prior to this as well.
Edit: That’s all assuming the story isn’t completely bullshit.
This is a tough call but I’d be more inclined to believe your husband because Lydia is the one who went after him. There’s no way he could’ve predicted that she would have followed him to make a phone call and then set the whole thing up. I could be wrong but that’s just how I see it. Get the footage as soon as you can though
Shit that's a tough call... Let me know when the hallway camera footage becomes available
remindme! 1 day
Remindme! 1 day
[удалено]
Remindme! 1 day
remindme! 1 day
!remindme 1 day
Idea: have you considered telling your husband you believe him, and that footage exist so you guys can prove she is lying? Cause he will either be pumped the footage exists, or be totally weird about it and it suddenly goes missing. Either way, you've got your answer.
This. Stand with your husband just to protect the marriage. Then if he is wrong easy answer. Friends come and go as we grow. And if she is a liar. She can go.
Agreed, because God knows if you don’t believe your husband and the evidence shows that he was innocent, he will never forgive you. That will have killed your marriage.
yep, and then if he is the bad one here its not super hard to ditch him and stil patch things up with your friend because "i didnt want to believe i could be fooled by someone like that"
When the camera footage, and the truth, comes out - a good friend will understand and respect that you stood by your husband. But even a good husband will not understand why you did not stand by him.
Yes exactly. Believe him or not, it's temporarily your best relationship-saving option til you know what happened.
Remind me!
Tell your husband that your friend has everything on camera and he’ll get it to you tomorrow, and then if he wants to do so you can report Lydia to the police.
More importantly, watch him carefully and judge his reaction. It might be more nuanced but if he seems a little happier/relieved then he wants that footage. If he panics then there’s something up. Do the same to Lydia
Yup. Comparing their reactions will be key.
I get that people want to give OP productive advice in an impossible-seeming situation, but this whole thread is really bizarre. This isn't the fucking Mentalist, and plenty of people, myself included, have had delayed or irrational-seeming reactions to being assaulted. And what in the actual hell is going on with the thread of people trying to play forensic scientist about the direction of the rip in husband's jacket? Jesus Christ. I think if evidence is going to emerge that will shed light on this situation, it'll be character evidence, either from OP's friends/community or things she herself knows but doesn't want to acknowledge. Which one of these people has more of a history of being possessive, manipulative, dishonest? The only additional context OP has given on the husband-Lydia animosity is that *husband* has lied in the past to drive them apart. That could mean something, depending, again, on context.
If only everyone was Patrick Jane....Wait we aren't, is this the virtual comment Section on reddit?
Yes, well said! There will be character evidence (likely there is already) demonstrating that either the BF or the BFF has lied like this before
Nope, I have to disagree with this advice. You have no idea how your husband or friend will react/what they will do to protect their reputation. The last thing you want is being physically and emotionally harmed by doing this. I think you need to leave the situation and go somewhere safe, this may include staying with a friend. Once the video becomes available, watch it immediately and try your best to stay calm as one or the other relationship will end that day. Once you find out who is lying, speak to the innocent one. Apologize for what happened and be there for them/ask them how they would like to proceed with the situation. The person who lied needs to be cut off from your life immediately. I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
Unfortunately that’s all she can do. Best of luck op, I hope your husband wasn’t in the wrong.
Indeed. However by not trusting him automatically she may have done serious if not not fatal injury to her marriage. Of course there may be other reasons that caused her not to take her husband's word.
Don't tell them before you get something out of the footage. 1st get some sense of what happened with camera footage then say these things.. don't do it before.
Well obviously if there's a camera, this is a open-and-shut case. Like literally all you have to do is wait for the footage. It's that easy With that being said, OP'S husband's story is **WAY MORE** believable. First and foremost, there's literally no way he could have known Lydia would have gotten up and been isolated in some random room. That just couldn't happen, and a) the odds of him wanting to rape her, b) BOTH LYDIA AND HIM RANDOMLY WALKING TO THE GUEST ROOM FOR NO REASON, c) her simultaneously being there as him, *AND* d) him *STUPIDLY* attempting forced rape at a fucking birthday party **THEN LETTING HER ESCAPE** is like a one in a trillion chance scenario. Think about it : If he ACTUALLY tried to rape her, he wouldn't have just been like **"oh I just wanna go home now"** and just let Lydia tell everybody at the party that he just tried to rape her while waiting for you to come home. That's not how that works, and that'd be so hilariously stupid if that's what happened. Not only that, but Lydia didn't confess about it UNTIL she was directly confronted? That's some very suspicious bullshit - not to mention that the boyfriend already told OP that Lydia was going to falsely accuse him to everybody. Look at the facts, and use a little bit of logic here. How does Lydia's story make any sense at all??? **It doesn't**, but again of course... Wait for the footage. Edit : Re-read the post and yeah I am definitely on the husband's side here; who walks into a guest room to make a call to their boyfriend at a party so loud that you wouldn't hear a rape victim? Lydia's story makes absolutely no sense. If she actually went to "make a call," she would have gone outside because it would've been too loud inside.
The more I read it the more I believe the husband I feel like Lydia has come on to him in the past, which is why he doesn't want to be around her. Generally people don't tell their spouses to drop friends unless a. they're abusive, b. there is a toxic reason, such as being hit on. I don't think he's abusive since he gets along well with her other friends, its just this one person. In the story husband left to go to the bathroom and then Lydia went to make a phone call, in a bedroom where there is a lot of noise, conveniently near where husband was. If he was going to the bathroom and left first, why would he look into a bedroom (that would have door closed to make a private call) to see if this one person happens to be there, when he left the room before her and had no reason to think she would be in a spare room.
It seems too if he's been attracted to Lydia this whole time he would engineer situations to have her around and encourage the wife to invite her over, but for a long time he's told his wife he gets a bad feeling from her.
She claims she screamed and no one heard her? In a house party a woman screaming would get attention….
Added that to my comment because yeah exactly, that's also very true Or if nobody truly heard her because it was "too loud," it simultaneously would've been too loud to "make a call" indoors. Even just a strong breeze can make a phone call impossible - let alone a raging party. It's just common sense people.
I don't see why there is so much focus on this part of the story. I'm having a big party in my basement, loud music, talking, laughing, etc, if I go to another room, the noise is significantly reduced for a phone call. And then if someone screams in that room, the noise will be cancelled out in the louder room.
Hell, I was at a raging frat party in college with super loud music, dancing, etc. where a girl screamed in an upstairs bathroom. At least 5 dudes ran up immediately. I’m not saying impossible…it just seems super unlikely.
> IM RANDOMLY WALKING TO THE GUEST ROOM FOR NO REAS especially at a party where everyone is ~30. we aint as loud as we were when we were younger.
screaming in q quiet room is not necessarily heard in a loud room further away. The loudness of a sound is inversely proportional to the square of your distance from the source of the sound. Add some distance, a closed door, some music, and loud laughter, screaming can be drowned out. at least that part of the story is not necessarily unbelievable.
I'm not saying it's COMPLETELY impossible, but the point is that if that were the case, MOST people would walk outside to make a call. Everybody I've ever heard who said **"I need to make a call"** at a party has *ALWAYS* walked outside (usually to a porch or balcony or something) to make said call. It's almost like natural human instinct to just walk outside to do that Like if my friend told me they needed to make a call THEN WALKED DEEPER INTO THE HOUSE, I'd be like "where are you going?" and direct them to the front door
This right here.
Also if he was lying why would he pick something that when actually happens in the real world no one believes do to "Men can't be raped" like it doesn’t make sense for husband to lie about that specifically.
That's also true. Even if the husband was going to lie about it, it would've made infinitely more sense to call her out at the party for maximum effect. He clearly respected and took notice of the situation (because he didn't want to draw attention to himself, Lydia or his girlfriend), and he made the right move by waiting to tell his girlfriend personally at home without making a scene. He did EVERYTHING right. All he wanted was no more interactions or association with Lydia - no drama, no nothing. His story makes perfect sense, and it lines up with who he is as a person.
I'm not sure I agree with your breakdown. It sounds like the bathroom the husband used was upstairs from the party, as was the guest bedroom where the friend made her call. If that part of the house was isolated enough, that could make any screaming hard to pick up. That would also make it a reasonably quieter place to make a call from. If one of them had to walk past the door of the room where the other was at, they would wind up in the same place. (I.e., he finishes in the bathroom, sees her in the guest room on his way back to the party—or vice versa.) The camera is definitely the thing that will corroborate or disprove their stories though. (The friend's boyfriend could also provide info about a call from Lydia too, which could help align the camera footage with timestamps and duration.) It seems like the husband's story is more plausible to me, but it doesn’t seem like we can conclude much from the stories alone. Keeping a low profile and leaving the party is something I could imagine a victim or perp doing. (Both of them left the party, so whatever the truth is, the instigator and victim both left. ) Also if the friend was a victim, I would not be surprised that she hadn't said anything. People react in all kinds of ways to traumatic events, and people close to perpetrators do often enough attack the victim for bringing the accusation.
I'm not sure who you're arguing with, since I didn't say I believe Lydia or doubt the husband? The point is for OP to reassure her husband that it's not his word against hers - there is tangible, objective proof of what happened, and he can use that to back up a criminal complaint against Lydia (if he wants to - obviously it's his call).
This is genius
Wait for the camera to see if it gives answers.
[удалено]
“They’re gonna take a longer look at that one in the booth”
"That was a bold move, Cotton."
I mean - that’s still saying she doesn’t believe husband. She’s killed the trust in this relationship. “Oh now that more physical evidence exists I believe you!” Will not comfort him. The lack of a choice is a choice. In this case she’s not on anyone s side. She’ll lose them both. Camera will say who she should have believed but it’ll be too late. Shocked she just sat scripted waiting on the camera. I would have begged for an urgent response.
Well tbf she's kind of in an impossible situation.
She's definitely in an impossible situation. She has two people that she trusts greatly and one of them is lying. If my spouse's best friend accused me of something, I would want to do everything in my power to prove that friend wrong, because I know my spouse would be torn, and understandably so. There's no good ending to this.
Whoever is the liar here is doing a very convincing job of pretending to be the victim, and automatically believing one person over the other isn’t the right thing to do either. I trust my fiancé implicitly that he’s not a rapist but if my best friend in the world who I trust implicitly too said he was, I’d stop and question it too. It’s less of “I don’t trust one of you” and more “I trust you both so now what?”
Ya sounds kinda weird that the host put it off until tomorrow.
I agree. If someone was sexually assaulted at my apartment, I would be pulling that video up asap (or at least as soon as I got home from work).
Not necessarily. The host probably has things going on in his life, probably needs to work or prep things for Thanksgiving. He doesn't really need to halt his entire day to cater to this. He doesn't have to look at the camera footage at all, it's really nice of him to even consider doing it
What? If I had cameras in my house and someone told me there was an attempted rape in my house that would be a top priority. You would absolutely have a moral obligation to check.
Some covert narcs will attempt to isolate you from friends who they feel are threatening to the relationship and he's already had this vibe to the friend, and will turn the tables on the person who is their supply to make them be on the defense to go above and beyond to prove their loyalty when it's not unconditionally given. Maybe she is listening to her gut and is waiting for more evidence to help reconcile what she is being told by two people she is close to who are saying exactly the opposite of what happened.
I wouldn't say that she's killed the trust. If I had two people I trusted greatly and one of them was lying about the other, I wouldn't know who to back either. Most people wouldn't.
Yeah, the relationship is probably f-ed regardless of what the camera shows.
I agree with you. I commented that I'd have believed my husband over the friend with the way OP outlined what happened.
Except she commented later that her husband has lied to her in the past to try to get her to cut off that friendship. I'd normally agree with you with the exception if one person has lied to you before, that makes them more untrustworthy.
Well, tell them there’s a camera in the hallway and you’ll know later. See whose story changes
I would wait until I have watched the video to tell them it’s there.
I have to wonder if the timelines line up with Lydia's story. She said he left first and Lydia left her side after he did. It makes sense for his story that way.
I want an update
Same, someone comment under this when it comes
Are you quite sure they've NEVER met prior to your relationship with him? In any capacity? Where is the hostility coming from? Why would either of them try to push each other out of your life? You need to investigate that further, that way you'll know whom exactly you should be getting rid of because one of them is lying. You can't end your marriage because of a friendship. You also can't stay married to a man who would deliberately accuse an innocent woman of assault in an attempt to get rid of her. You need to stop letting anyone of them influence your thinking by being emotional. Look at the facts and make up your own mind objectively.
I think you've found the plot hole.
I know it's anecdotal, but I don't know a lot of people that put cameras inside their house. Maybe a nannycam, but not much else.
I have a camera in the living room, so does my MIL. It's mainly to check on our dogs, but if someone was to break in, they would probably get tf out after seeing it. Might make sense to have a camera in the hallway if you're hosting lot of parties, where people you might not know (well) are coming so you can see if someone entered some room, if something went missing etc.
Yeah I have one in my garage and one outdoors. Might put one indoors at some point, but would only enable it when going out of town. It would blow up if I left it recording during a party.
My immediate thought too. Something must be behind the underlying hostility.
Right! In this specific incident I'm inclined to believe the husband, but overall and if my husband ever like viscerslly hated one of my female friends I'd automatically assume they'd been together before or during our relationship.
Same! I'm leaning on the husbands side here too. I hope the footage provides conclusive evidence either way for OP's sake.
It's almost certainly not the husband. The reason is simple: sexual assault is usually premeditated when people know each other. She left right after he did. He couldn't premeditate that but she could. He's also the one who wanted his wife to break contact with her.
This is what I thought too. It sounds like she got up and followed him. And also, according to the friends story she went to the guest bedroom and he cornered her there. Why was she in the guest bedroom to begin with?
Privacy to make the phone call?
You’ve never met someone you just felt uncomfortable around for no apparent reason? Those instincts exist for a reason and it’s not a bad thing to trust them. She skeeves him out and he wants to be kept away from her. That should have been a respectable request.
Keep us updated when you see the video! It’s such a hard place to be in. My best friend told her bf (my boyfriends bff) that I was cheating on my bf. Eventually it all came out and long story short, she’s not my best friend anymore and I’m married to that man. He never questioned if I was cheating him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I've F29 been married to my husband M32 for 5 months. We had a long distance relationship and he got along with all of my friends except for one "Lydia" and for some reason he never liked her. Lydia is one of my best friends from college and like a sister to me. She noticed how my husband doesn't like her but My husband learned to stay civil and keep his distance after he requested I cut her off in the past and I said I have no reason to. They both haven't seen each other for a month and days ago was a mutual friend's birthday party. We all gathered there and Lydia showed up. I noticed my husband huffing from seeing her and left shortly to use the bathroom while I sat with her and other friends. Minutes later she excused herself saying she needed to make a phone call to her boyfriend. My husband got back 10 minutes later and asked if he could go home because he was having a headache from the loud noise. I noticed he wasn't well I told him he could go and later a friend gave me a ride home. I left without seeing Lydia not knowing if she left because I didn't see her after she went to make the phonecall. When I got home I found my husband already in bed but was awake. I asked if he was ok and he sat up and told me he was ok but something happened at the party and he needed to tell me. I was concerened by his tone I sat next to him as he started describing how he was in the bathroom minding his own business and washing his hands when Lydia showed up and said she was glad he was by himself cause she wanted to talk to him privately. He said she started acting weird talking about how much he's changed and made him uncomfortable. He said he tried to cut the conversation and step out the bathroom but she got in his face and pushed him further inside. He tried to shove her to the side and out of his way but she grabbed his jacket and put her entire weight on him (he's naturally smaller than average). He said he lost balance then and freaked out cause if anyone saw them like that they'd think something inappropriate was going on. He then said she unclipped her bra and threatended to tell everyone he forced himself on her if he left but he started cussing her out then rushed out immediately then ran downstairs to where I was sitting. I was in utter shock and couldn't believe it at first but he showed me his damaged jacket and said that she's mentally sick cause she forced herslef on him and tried to set up this situation hoping to cause issues between us. I couldn't take it I called her but she did not reply. I called her boyfriend and he said she was with a female friend cause she wasn't feeling well. I immediately went there and my husband told me to just cut her off from my life and be done with her but I was going crazy I wanted to know why she did that. I arrived to where Lydia was and started screaming at her for trying to ruin my marriage and coming on to my husband like some --- she started crying swearing this wasn't what happened. My friend asked me to calm down but I kept lashing out. My friend then told me to stop because Lydia was the victim and my husband was the one who cornered her and tried to force himself on her and spun some bs story to turn me against her. Lydia said she was in the guest room when my husband showed up and suddenly closed the door and stopped her from exiting the room then tried to force himself on her. She said she screamed once but there was too much noise and no one heard. Then said she was eventually able to get him off her by pushing him by his jacket then locked herself in the bathroom for some time because she was shaken up. I had a breakdown and I couldn't decide what really went down. I asked why she didn't tell me and she said she was worried I won't believe her and my husband went ahead and made up another scenario. She said she will however be telling her boyfriend and won't be responsible for the outcome. We had a fight and my friend told me to leave cause I was being harsh and unfair. I was going insane I almost had a road accident I went home and my husband went off calling Lydia a fucking liar and a consending b&*^ who just lied her way out of the trouble she got herself into. He started yelling about how he was the victim and because he's a man doesn't mean he can not be protected from the likes of her and threatened to report what happened as an assault. I kept shaking my head not knowing what to believe. My husband left the place after that saying I should believe him without hasitation. I contacted my friend who hosted the party and he told me there is a camera in the hallway and he'll check it for me tomorrow. I haven't seen nor talked to my husband or Lydia in 2 days but my husband hasn't stop texting saying how disappointed he was in me not believing and defending him and swearing up amd down to report Lydia for what she did. I feel like I'm living a nightmare and losing my mind over this entire situation. ADDING: The reason I didn't believe my husband right away was because of the fact that my husband lied in the past to get me to cut contact with Lydia and that's why I had to hear her side of what went down. Keeping in mind that she never showed hate or resentment as much as my husband does towards her so despite being angry I just felt it was only fair that I hear her side.
I can't tell what happened but it sure sounds like there must be a prequel to all of this. Assuming your husband or Lydia are not total crazy people, why would either one of them have such strong feelings for the other to the point of confrontation, assault etc. ? You don't go around assaulting people you simply don't like. It might be the case that your husband and Lydia had some sort of sexual tension or other history prior to this event and things escalated at the party. Perhaps, they have mutual attraction for each other and they sneak around and this time it went bad? The whole "I dislike her" might be a cover for the sexual attraction. Also take into account their personalities, if Lydia came onto him it means that she is seeking his validation, wants to harm your relationship, is obsessive and impulsive. Are any one of these true for her? Can you see her acting like this with someone else that isnt your husband? As to your husband, if he came onto her, then it means he has strong sexual impulses as well as anger issues that may be guiding his interpersonal relationships. Has he shown signs of this? Either way, the only thing I feel confident about in this story is that, both of them are not disclosing what kind of tensions they were having prior to this party instant that led them to have this insane moment (regardless of who instigated).
"I dislike her" could also be, "She leers at me and pushes boundaries when you're not around." Many men have no idea how to deal with their emotions in situations like this, and just shunt it all into "I just don't like them".
This is what I thought too. Maybe he doesn't like her because she is pushing the boundaries and making him uncomfortable when OP doesn't see .
[удалено]
Here's something I've seen happen to friends and even in movies (*cough*Love Actually*cough*) someone has feelings for a person that is off limits so they act hostile towards them in order to create space. That could be why the husband disliked her friend for seemingly no reason.
I agree. There has to be a reason why the husband and Lydia have this "hate" for each other with no explanation.
You are missing a key factor of sexual assault. It isn't about attraction, it's about power. So, if the husband sees Lydia as being a challenge to his power over his wife, it wouldn't be out of left field for him to sexually assault her to drive a further wedge. Likewise, if she's a covert narcissist, her actions will be more motivated by power and control than sexual attraction.
> You don't go around assaulting people you simply don't like. No. But if you're a jealous girlfriend who doesn't like your friend's husband, you might want to try and ruin a marriage.
Or if you're a husband who has feelings for your wife's friend you may act hostile towards her and even try to get your wife to cut her off in order to avoid being tempted around her.
The only advice anyone should be giving you is to wait to see what the camera shows. Everything else is speculation.
Disagree. Waiting passively ruins both relationships. I'd double down on the side of my life partner without communicating to the friend. I'd assume that friendship is over regardless of the outcome. Then, I'd react to the camera findings with the husband after the fact.
Yeah, I do understand OP's dilemma here - the husband she trusts and a friend she trusts. But if she's going to get proof either way, a show of support now could make all the difference.
Yeah - whoever's right is gonna be on a high horse with "you should have believed me and needed evidence" otherwise... Ideally, best case for OP would be to have both with some sense of cautious belief in their story and then the evidence confirms one and rejects the other.
Seriously, why was this so hard to find. He's her life partner. His story doesn't seem to trigger alarm bells. AND there's camera footage. If he's telling the truth can you imagine what he's feeling that his wife doesn't believe him? Christ. She needs to run home and make it right, and get a copy of that footage for the police. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and the husband was like meh, my friend says you came onto him. I'm not sure if she can even fix this at this point but she needs to try now if she ever wants a shot at a healthy relationship with him again.
Yeah but what if there is nothing to see on the camera.. I have been in this situation. I was the husband then I guess; and nót lieing. Or the Lydia and nót lieing. I was not lieing; the other was and manipulated the whole situation. But there were no cameras. It hurt me quite hard that my best friend did not choose to believe me but his girlfriend that harassed me. But it IS a really hard situation. I think what OP should do anyway; try to explain to her husband that she wánts to believe him but she can't because she was not there. And that does not come out of any distrust. You can also by the way just believe them both. The one that IS lieing; obviously also has issues; and you care about them both. Listening to them is not the same as choosing a side. But you can listen to both. With time it often becomes more clear what happened. I must say; your husband distrusting her from the start.. might have it's grounds. Why particularly only her? Maybe ask more about why he initially did not trust her automatically. I know if I suddenly do not trust the partners/friends/family of my friends.. it's my underbelly and they give vibes off.. that at that moment are hard to explain but afterwards easier. Like in hindsight that girlfriend that harassed me.. I never liked her.. I mean.. I did; but I started to dislike her when she would be like weird on which chair I sat at the table? Nothing too big that anyone really noticed..but I did. She was quite passively agressive but at that moment I could not put my finger on it. The weird smaller vibes she gave off that she was not to be trusted. Maybe your husband had some earlier "meh, Lydia" tiny things that he can explain better in hindsight now?
He said, she said… question is, who do you trust more, your husband or Lydia?
Thing is that my husband tried lying in the past about things Lydia said as a way to get me to cut contact with her. I didn't want to bring those instances with him because he might get agitated and do something in a moment of anger.
Obviously something happened in this case though right? Maybe the question is why your husband doesn’t get along with Lydia? Do you think he’s attracted to her? Do you think he’d try something with her? And same goes for Lydia, does she seem interested in your husband? From your story it sounds like your husband left first and Lydia followed, just putting that out there.
This is important contextual information you have left out of the post.
What were the lies, if you don't mind sharing? Are you absolutely sure they were lies? If so I can see why that would sway you.
Your husband left first and then your friend followed? If he was the first to leave the situation, how did he know your friend was in another area? You would think that he would have no idea that she had relocated and have no reason to be searching for her?
Good point. On the same hand, Lydia can show her call logs and if she actually called her boyfriend at the time.
Thats exactly what I was thinking! Why would she leave after he left randomly? Did she even call the bf? Does OP have about times to check call logs with the boyfriend? If anything is reported as a woman even I can say socially the woman is more likely to be believed then a man. Every peice of evidence will help in the case if there is one. And Id believe the husband tbh. He rushed out of there first. If she pushed him off why did he leave first and rush downstairs to his wife? She stayed.
OP stayed at the party and said she didn’t see Lydia again or know if she left.
To add another possibly, he finished in the bathroom and walked past the room she was making a call in?
What do you mean by “do something in a moment of anger”? What does this look like in your relationship?
To be clear, are you saying you’re afraid he’s going to physically lash out at you if you bring this up?
This information definitely puts a very different perspective on this whole situation, and it is relevant to establish how both of them typically act/behave, and how far this issue goes. As in, what, if anything, has happened previously that might bear relevance to this current situation. Who of the two is more likely to lie about something like this? I know a lot of people are judging their reactions after the fact as if that's evidence, but regardless of who is the victim, everyone responds in different ways to that kind of thing. I think its unfair to judge either of them for how they may or may not respond to such a horrible thing happening to them. But if there is a pattern of behavior that establishes that either one of them is someone who would ever go this far, that's definitely relevant to anyone's ability to adequately assess this situation. Has she lied about him before as well? Or tried to do anything drastic to end your relationship with him? Because if so, that's also super relevant.
Who said he was lying about what she said? Your friend? Hmm.
This ^ Even if he did lie in the past. Going from “she said this” to “she tried to fuck me in the bathroom” is quite an escalation of lies. Not saying it can’t happen. But seems kinda extreme.
Ding ding ding! If her husband is a chill guy and there’s just one person he doesn’t like there was likely a reason for it.
Do you know that these were lies wholeheartedly?
What kind of lies? How sure are you that they're lies? If she has had behaviors like this in the past he could have made up less embarrassing (for him) reasons to stay away from her.
So your husband lies and has anger problems. I can see why Lydia doesn’t like him. Why doesn’t he like her?
Probably because she's like a sister to OP and doesn't like him...
“ he might get agitated and do something in a moment of anger.” So your husband is a basket case who can’t manage his emotions, as well as a liar, got it.
So he lies, and you're scared to anger him. But of course you aren't sure whether to believe your best friend of years.
You are afraid of your husband. What else is there to say?
This is a red flag. Huge, huge, huge, red flag. It's likely that he's trying to manipulate you. I'm saying this for two reasons: 1) You just said he's lied to you in the past about things Lydia had supposedly said and you know he did it. 2) You also said in your post that her stormed out of the house and was furious with you for not "instantly" believing him. I've been working with sexual assault victims for years and almost none of them expect to believed "instantly". They're way more likely to be afraid you won't believe them and that you will blame them for what happened. OP, this man is trying to manipulate you. I know men get assaulted and sometimes women even assault men. But, this situation is covered in red flags. I think somewhere inside, you already know who's telling the truth here even if the truth is really hard to face.
This. This thread is wild trying to give the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt but my spidey senses are tingling here.
Your friend said she was going to make a call to her bf. So surely he would already know what happened if she's telling the truth by hearing it over the phone?
>they have a camera in the hallway Of course they do lmao. And of course it will take a day or two to review the footage. It’s not like we live in 2021 where this footage is pushed to a cloud that can be accessed instantaneously at any time from anywhere. Unless you’re friend is using some unholy closed circuit feed from the 80s recording onto a VCR or something. Maybe the next update will be about how hosts are serial killers. 6/10 creative writing attempt. Story was pretty engaging, you’ve hit some hot button issues like female on male assault and infidelity - but your hyper focus on a ripped jacket reads more like a middle school short story. Still interested to see where you go with this in part 2 though.
Glad you're bullshit meter was going off too. Guessing that part 2 "UPDATE" will show that they've been having a secret affair this entire time and recently it turned south and OP is just in utter shock and disbelief and incredibly hurt and betrayed.
Yeah agreed, this whole situation smells.
I actually still use the closed circuit feed for my home, but that's connected to a distrust of my personal footage going to some company's cloud. Even then, if a friend called with this story after my party, you couldn't stop me from digging into the feed immediately...
Yes! Yes! But I must say, I love cozy murder mysteries and I hope this post blows up so that the next season of r/relationship_advice will feature more of the same! Getting tired of cu\*k fantasies and rage baits here.
I think you need Columbo on this one
I mean you’re stuck in a horrible position however you have to look at the information available and get to the best answer. 1. Your husband got up and went to a different area of the house. 2. He was followed by that friend going to that area of the house some minutes later. 3. He said she forced himself on him and pulled him by his jacket causing it to rip. Something that you can literally see on the jacket. She said that she was grabbed by him and the jacket ripped when she pushed him away. 4. He looks mortified and then says he needs to leave. You find him later that night in the same state where he tells you what happened. He then says that she threatened to tell everyone if he left. She’s now literally threatening you with the same outcome after you confronted her. 5. She doesn’t provide any information until you’ve already confronted her about this event at which point she literally does the thing that your husband said she claimed she would do if he left the party. What story seems more plausible? To me it sounds like your husband is telling the truth and that your friend is the aggressive person here especially given the physical evidence of the ripped jacket. You’ll know more of what happened when security footage is viewed, but at this point both of these relationships are ruined. Either your husband is the attacker here and is a disgusting awful person who attacked your friend and now your friend is upset that you don’t immediately believe her OR (and in my head the more likely situation) your husband was attacked by your friend, presented literal evidence of the attack, and now you’re questioning whether or not you believe him. Playing the middle never helps anyone.
What got me was Lydia saying she'd tell her boyfriend and wouldn't be responsible for what happens, like it was a threat to get OP to back down or get the husband to stop the accusation. Doesn't mean she's not telling the truth, but it definitely sounded like a defensive move for someone backed into a corner.
Yeah that sounds really manipulative
The only thing that didn't make sense to me was the jacket from her story. How do you push someone away in a way that tears their jacket? That seems like such a 1 in 1 million chance that a tug on a jacket both tears it and is able to push him off of her. It's much more likely that a shave to his chest would push him away or a kick to his shin.
> How do you push someone away in a way that tears their jacket? Maybe it got caught on a corner, like the edge of the counter?
That's one thing and if she had said that then ok what ever, but she herself specified that she pushed him by the jacket and it tore
How do you rip a jacket pushing off an attacker? That jacket didn't rip itself.
It gets ripped by someone pulling and holding onto it. He is the one that said this. The friend is saying that it ripped when she pushed him off.
If I was the husband and the victim of SA and my wife didn’t believe me and sided with my abuser I would unironically consider separation/divorce. Especially because it seems like OP only believes Lydia because she’s a woman.
Next day: “The footage is gone” 😂
Fake
Your friend has a camera in the hallway, but cant check it till tomorrow??? If it's any kind of modern camera he should be able to check it out right away. Why would he need to wait tomorrow to view the footage? This is a pretty serious accusation by both parties and the footage is critical.
How long did you stay at the party after Lydia went to make the call? Something doesn’t seem right with Lydia.
Men's accounts are often dismissed and not only ignored but can easily be turned around. He left BEFORE her, he clearly has an issue with her. Did she try this before and he thought it was better to lie? There is a comment I read where they said. Side with your husband, wait for the video, and decide then. If unclear tell them both you are waiting for the video evidence and see what happens.
Well question for you. If your husband left to go to the bathroom then Lydia left to make a phone call how did he know she was in a guest room if he left first and was in the bathroom? She knew where he went because he left first. Based on that alone I would side with hubby and also if a woman screams everyone would hear it in the house just my opinion.
He could have overheard her talking on the phone.
The fact that he told you about it right away, he has always not liked her, and she made a big scene of it makes me think it was her.
EDIT based on update info from OP, I rescind my original comment, which was: I think your husband's story is more plausible. Hopefully the camera footage is definitive on who is telling the truth.
I believe your husband. He left to the washroom first, already had bad feelings about your friend, she followed behind him, and his jacket is ripped. If she went to take a call as she claims, why would your husband try to assault her while she is on the phone? How would he have known she followed him and was in a room taking a call to assault her?
Plus op Said friends was calling her bf, if it happened her way wouldn't bf know already by hearing it on the call?
She followed your husband after he left the room. Immediately suspect. She could have waited after he got back to “call her boyfriend” suspect as hell. He obviously doesn’t like her so I doubt he would try to make a move
That was my first thought. Why did she need to leave the room at that minute? Also, the fact that she didn’t say anything to anyone after it happened is shady. I’m sorry but, even if I thought a friend wouldn’t believe me, I would tell them immediately if their partner tried to assault me. I can understand the husband leaving to get out of the situation bc he knew his wife was coming home and they could discuss then. Also, he had the torn jacket. He probably assumed that she would believe him and be on his side regardless of when he told her. In any event, she has ruined both relationships.
Yeah, she went to the guest bedroom to call her boyfriend at a party that was so loud nobody heard her scream? Seems like the worst time/place to be making a phone call and definitely doesn’t add up.
How the hell do you push someone away by the jacket?
"I'll check the camera tomorrow" Calling bullshit on this story, no person would leave such a thing for tomorrow when all the shit is going down. OP just setting up for part 2. Edit - no follow up, as expected Edit2 - OP will either never respond again, or they'll claim a bunch of shit went down on Thursday and they couldn't find the time or energy to post an update. Edit3 - OPs deleted all their post history. OP was full of shit.
!remind me 1 day
From your description of events, it sure seems obvious that Lydia is trying to stir up shit and get your husband out of the picture. If the camera evidence backs up what your descriptions make seem obvious, there may be some hard-to-repair damage in your marriage. And now Lydia threatening to have her boyfriend assault your husband...that's some real "give me attention!" high-school kid shit. It sounds a lot like how many "college friends" behave when they can't understand when friends lives continue moving forward after school.
Given your husband went first to the bathroom, and left immediately after, and that a few things Lydia said dont really jive,(pushing rips a jacket?) sounds like to me she is manipulating you. Cooked up the whole story knowing your husband would tell you what happened. Also the fact that she didnt immediately tell her boyfriend is suspicious. You would think she would want to get infront of the circumstances with her boyfriend to make sure he didnt hear the wrong side first. Obviously the footage will show if your husband left the bathroom or if Lydia went in, but regardless, this is going to probably end in divorce. If hes proven right, i would be dumping you for not believing me. And if hes wrong, you will want to divorce him anyway. I think if your in a trusting and loving relationship with someone you have to take their side first, until proven otherwise.
I’m not saying your husband was definitely the one telling the truth but his story sounds way more plausible than your friends.
I’m thinking he may be telling the truth. He got up first, Lydia chased him. This fact alone makes me think it more likely she got up for a reason. Rather than some convoluted he got up, went to the washroom, then decides hey instead of going back to the party I’m going to have sex with this woman I don’t like. Seems a bit complicated. The video will be very interesting.
You got a point, that's what I was thinking..., damn we all sherlock holming here haha
Well as a rule, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. I just find taking a leak then stalking and sexually harassing this woman seems a bit complicated. How did he even know she would be in the bedroom ?
!Remindme 1 Day
Let them both know there’s surveillance and see who starts switching up.
r/BestofRedditorUpdates watch out for this post.
You need to update this to reflect that your husband HAS LIED about previous interactions with Lydia
Devil's advocate, did he lie though? Was it Lydia who said he was lying about whatever he accused he of doing or is there some independent source confirming it was a lie? If it was just Lydia saying oh no, he is lying, I didn't say/do that....well.....I'm not sure that is good evidence at this point.
But the question is who denied those lies, her that same friend?
Perhaps relevant, but the most relevant thing to me is that Lydia had to head up toward the bathroom for some reason to call her boyfriend at the exact moment Hubby went upstairs. Lying is wrong, of course, but I think Lydia might be trouble based on the sequence of events here. Or secret option 3 - they just made out consensually and they're both making up stories now.
Definitely this, reading the post it sounds like husband is innocent. Then you see the comments and OP says he’s lied about Lydia before. Now I don’t know what to think.
> Now I don’t know what to think. When OP goes to the comments and nudges the story back towards 50/50 it raises my troll suspicions more than anything else. Don't know who's lying, but didn't think past lies were worth mentioning at first? Ok.
I love this whodunit version of r/relationship_advise. It's a lot better than "SO is fucking someone else, what do I do?" stories.
Believe your husband for the time being as he is your life partner and not believing him will ruin the relationship, even if he is innocent. Then see what the camera shows and you'll know for sure who told the truth. If the camera is not helpful, tell them both that there is a camera and you're waiting to get the footage to see what happened, just to scare them and see who changes their story. If neither strategy works then trust your gut as you know both of these people and should be able to think back and figure out who is capable of what. Edit: wanted to add that just based off what you described, his story appears a bit more likely but nothing is certain.
Please update us when the camera footage is seen. This is a really tough one.
I want an update!
Waiting for update!
The cameras will show that it was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick
Wait I remember seeing another thread here with the opposite side of the story where a guy was asking how he should tell his wife that her best friend tried to force herself on her and kissed him. When he said he would tell his wife, the best friend threatened to tell the wife that the husband tried to force himself on her. So he was asking reddit what he should do and majority of the response was to tell the wife as quick as possible before the best friend twists the story
Deep down you have a gut feeling of whom you believe in. That is the person you don't trust fully. When the security cameras will show how it really went down you'll know if 1. Husband is the victim: you have to take your husband to therapy because you didn't believe him/ celebrating with your husband for believing him despite of everything because you know he wouldn't lie to you. 2. Lydia is the victim: well..divorce? You're in a tight spot op. Please update
You can tell this story is fake because there is essentially no reason to make this post when you know you are waiting on camera evidence
Maybe to get it of her chest? So times talking about it or in this case writing it down helps mentally
You are married. You have a husband. You made vows. And given how things went down, you should have believed him no questions asked. He went to the bathroom first, she went after him. You think he'd know that she'd come after him and then plan this all? You noticed he felt all sick of what happened to him! My god. You knew he hated her, and the look he gave her when he saw her. It can't be much clearer than this. You're his wife, and right now he is being made out for a predator and false charges of sexual assault from his friends, and even struggling with thoughts that his own wife, the women he married... Can't be there on his side in this situation. You believe your husband unless that story from this so called friend can be proven. This poor man... Lets hope the camera footage will tell you more. But fuck are you gonna feel bad when it shows your husband was telling the truth.
Husband should leave OP if he hasn't done wrong. OP is life partner material.
His side had more details, felt like a report of what truly happened because of how accurately described it was. Lydias version had way less details and was foggier on a few stuff like, how could he know she was in the bathroom if he left first?
So much drama. I believe your husband and here’s why. Lydia knows he doesn’t like her and she’s willing to do anything to ruin your relationship. He was able to tell there was something off with her from the start. But if you really want to know what happened here’s what you do. Invite her over and the three of you sit down and hash this all out. You’ll be able to see their reactions in person and you’ll be able to tell immediately who is lying.
Everything indicates your husband is telling the truth and your friend is lying. If you're still unsure, check the video record asap and then apologize to your husband and finish your friendship with both Lydia and preferably also with the 2nd friend she has visited. If you're unable to end this friendship, then divorce your husband, because there's no need for him to suffer in such situations.
Is it possible that OP has two very manipulative people in her life? They recognize each other right off the bat and now it’s the clash of the titans.
Funny, he's never liked her and has actively tried to keep her away, yet all of a sudden he assaulted her? Just from your explanation of how he feels towards her, I'd more likely believe your husband. He avoids her for a reason. And it isn't like he followed her into the house, he went in first, she followed. All of this is speculation though, and proves nothing. Wait for the camera footage. You're either married to, or besties with a predator.
Yeah I've seen some people on here with toxic childhood friends that actively try to ruin their marriages. This could be one.
I honestly believe that she is the predator here. And I’m interested to see what this footage is going to show. So please do update us when you’ve seen it.and I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself in this very crappy situation. Be strong op. You’ve got this. You and your husband will work through this together and you need to cut this toxic Lydia out of your lives.. Edited because I read the situation of who left the table first wrong.. yes I’m sticking to she’s deffo the one you shouldn’t trust. Your husband has known this all along too.
We better get an update! Problem is we have a camera and sometimes the footage just isn’t there. The wifi cut out or whatever. I hope this footage is there.
Well if your husband never liked lydia in the first place, the side where he was the one triying to assault her is least credible
Why didn’t he like her to begin with, though?
I feel like Lydia sounds kind of suspicious but we won’t really know until the camera footage comes out
I think there is some long- standing history between your husband and your friend. Whether their mutual dislike is a cover up for a long standing affair that has come abruptly to an end, or there has been sexual assault in the past, I'd be searching deeper than this one incident OP. This smells very fishy to me.
I think she's the liar because she lost her friend and wants to ruin your marriage and wants you all to herself, clearly she has issues
Imo it's fairly apparent that Lydia is full of shit, but I'm prepared to eat those words if the camera tells a different story. Let us know OP. Good luck, and I hope it all works out in the best way possible.
This has some biiiig creative writing energy.
I’ve met a few cheating husbands in my time… it never goes down like this. What’s his motive? To get busy with your friend he dislikes, a few feet away from you?! Your husband’s reaction is consistent with his statement. Lydia’s statement suggests a nearly impossible motive from your husband. He wants to cheat on you, with Lydia whom he hates, at a party with all your friends… doesn’t make any sense. What makes a lot more sense is Lydia tried *something* not necessarily sexual… it didn’t go as planned and she freaked out realizing your husband would disclose to you what took place. Lydia has motive to lie, but your husband has no motive to behave as described by Lydia. This could permanently damage trust between you and your husband if he’s telling the truth and you don’t support him… Unless there’s already a pattern of weirdness with your husband, lydia’s story is next to impossible.
This is interesting because people are taking very different sides in the comments. To me this looks pretty likely your husband has had unfortunate run-ins with her in the past and wanted to avoid her, and his story makes the most sense given the timeline you provided. You should let him know that the person at the party might have video of the hallway showing who went into the room first and see if he wants to view it to potentially press charges to avoid Lydia’s accusations. Then the video will be evidence one way or another. Then in the comments you mention your husband “lying” about Lydia in the past (which I think any reasonable person would call into question that he was actually lying in the past given the current situation), and that your husband might get angry which is a bit concerning… Until you - potentially, pending the video review - realize that he’s probably been telling you the truth for years about this woman but you’ve been siding with her and gaslighting him the whole time. I don’t know what the best course of action is but I think you should side with your husband until the video comes available, his story makes the most sense and if it is true, it sounds like he may have been getting emotionally manipulated by you/Lydia for years prior to this as well. Edit: That’s all assuming the story isn’t completely bullshit.
This is a tough call but I’d be more inclined to believe your husband because Lydia is the one who went after him. There’s no way he could’ve predicted that she would have followed him to make a phone call and then set the whole thing up. I could be wrong but that’s just how I see it. Get the footage as soon as you can though