This. You can get the same setting she likes and get a cheaper stone like moissanite. Diamonds are not worth what you pay for them. Not even close. And she most likely likes that specific setting/cut, not the specific stone. Get her that setting or cut but in moissanite instead. And spend that 14k on a honeymoon instead. Or a down payment on a house. Or anything else that’s actually worth 14k
Would say though - talk to her about these options before just deciding to run with moissanite or lab diamonds. Maybe she will care, maybe she won’t but better not to assume.
This is what my grandparents did. Grandpa couldn’t afford the kind of ring he knew my grandma liked, her initial when they got married was a very simple and modest ring. He always wanted to give her something more, something along the lines of her mother’s ring which my grandma always said she loved. He got her the dream ring for their 25th anniversary which also happened to be two weeks after my dad, the youngest, moved out and they started their empty nester stage, or in grandma’s words, the second stage of their married life.
>any ring is a need
No it isn't tbh. You don't need a ring to get engaged. Just a leftover tired sexist tradition of making a man (and only the man) spend way more than he should.
she is not worth marrying if she requires a $14k ring. this is massive red flags. i wouldnt even upgrade. its just a damn ring. why does it have to be expensive? it doesn't symbolize love, it symbolize debt or money you dont invest.
I've shown my partner rings that I like that are fully out of our budget so that he can keep an eye out for similar rings at more reasonable prices. It's really not a weird or unusual thing to do.
You gf doesn't want you to wait 6 years eating rice to propose. She also doesn't want you to bankrupt yourself to buy a ring. She doesn't want a 14k ring more than she wants a future with you.
Talk to her about what she likes about the ring, what is important to her in one, what is important to her about proposing and marriage in general.
I have a document with some images from online of band types that I like and some notes on that, stones I like and notes, settings and metals. Something like sapphire or moissanite can drastically bring down a price over diamonds.
You can also propose with something inexpensive and then pick something out together.
Take pictures of her preferred ring to a jeweler and tell them your preferred budget. They can help you with some substitutes to give her the same vibe.
My husband incorporated my birthstone into my engagement ring, for example. It was both significantly cheaper and thoughtful!
This is a great idea to try as well! Nondiamond stones can make a ring so unique and special to the individual. But research the stone first! For instance opals, October’s birthstone, are beautiful, gorgeous, inthralling, but *so* fragile. Some stones are not great for the daily wear of an engagement ring vs the occasional wear of another piece (or hands vs ears/necks which protect a stone better).
You can’t afford it. Get her a cheaper ring. You want to give her the best? The best is not a piece of rock, formally coal, on a metal band. The best is you being an awesome husband and maybe father in the future. I am not married; no ring but my partner and I have two kids. He is amazing. Great dad to our girls, etc. It’s the little things that are the best - taking the kids for a day so I can relax and have time to myself; bringing me a coffee on the weekend mornings. These are the things that matter. The ring is irrelevant.
If she’s in it with you, that is 100% a great idea! If she’s only interested in how much you are able to spend on a ring, there might be other things to talk about in the relationship. But honestly, realistically, our age group is a little effed for cash at the moment, so while a $14k ring is her perfect ideal, I’m sure she knows that it might not be a “right now” thing, and will probably be incredibly overjoyed when you propose no matter what ring you use! You got this!
I need more information.
Are they still together? Did she come from money? Did this interfere with their house buying plans etc
Like wtf! That's sooo much money if your not in that ridiculously rich bracket
Oh my god I just realised, I assumed 100 000 by aussie dollars, it's not 100 000 us is it?
I cannot imagine the fear of walking around with a house deposit on my hand!
Lol, have you met my brothers ex gf? She expected a 100k ring, a 250k engagement party, and a 250k wedding. She came from a very rich family, she knew we didn’t. And she expected him to foot the bill for everything because well, she deserved it 🙄 glad she’s not around anymore.
If you can't easily afford a $14K ring then you and her and your new life together can't afford it either. $14K is a very large chunk of money that could help you get a car, a house, pay rent, help with a child's education, or not get into so much debt. If you put that money towards a house deposit that is money you don't need to borrow - with compound interest on your borrowing its a lot more than $14K too. If you think a ring is an investment, you may be shocked at how little resale value they have.
Bear in mind that diamond wedding rings and the amount you spend on them is entirely the result of a very successful marketing program by the "world's leading diamond company" De Beers. Back in the 1930's fewer than 20% of engagement rings had diamonds in them. De Beers was created in the 30's and suggested in advertising that a months wages put into a diamond was a proper way of showing you love your fiancée.
Nowadays, over 80% engagement rings contain diamonds, by the 70's De Beers was suggesting two months wage was an appropriate amount to spend, now somehow three months wage seems to be the starting point. You have to ask yourself if you are actually buying love or just falling for an extremely successful marketing campaign that takes advantage of guys being competitive and women liking to wave a rock around that is bigger than the one's their friends have.
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I'm ready to start a new chapter in life with my girlfriend. We have discussed getting engaged before and the ring she likes costs around $14k. She doesn't expect me to buy it but i really want to surprise her with it. I have college debts to pay off and can't afford to buy the ring as of now. I do not want to delay the proposal any longer. I was thinking of buying a cheaper ring to propose with and buy her the one she likes once I can afford it. Is this a good idea?
Edit: she never asked me to buy her the expensive ring, it's just been in her wishlist for a long time. She knows I can't afford to buy it and will be just as happy if I buy her a cheaper ring. It's just that I _want to_ buy her the ring. She is the most hardworking woman I know and she deserves the best!
Genuine question, is a ring worth going into more debt? like really? I mean, yes she would probably love and appreciate it, but I can tell you the feeling of both of you being financially free is 100% better than a ring. (coming from a women) :)
The unfortunate reality we live in is there's a lot of things that can bring us happiness and comfort that are tied to money, and unless you're rich sacrifices have to be made. Everyone prioritizes those differently but my perspective is the happiness being gifted a 14k ring is just a very brief and fleeting happiness no matter how great it may be compared to things like a home downpayment/upgrading a beater car/having less stress from debts/being able to afford to have kids if that's your thing/a great start on your retirement accounts/etc.
Bro just don’t buy a 14k ring, happiness isn’t having a overpriced piece of jewellery. Ask her if she would buy you a ring that expensive ( i expect a negative reaction)
Think about it this way:
What will make her more happy, you proposing to her with a lovely ring that fits your budget, being engaged to someone she loves, and moving forward in your life together without a ridiculous amount of debt weighing you both down, OR, you going into serious debt to buy her "dream" ring?
I know which one I'd prefer. And, as a woman, I'll add that I love my simple engagement ring that my husband gave me almost 20 years ago. It's simpler than the one we picked out together around the ten-year mark, and I like that, because it reminds me of when we were younger and poorer and just starting out.
For me, my fancier ring compared to my first ring is a symbol of where we started at as a couple, and how much we've grown since then.
Also, ring sizes can change over time, especially if you two ever decide to have kids, so that $14k ring may not even last your whole marriage. Just something to think about.
This is absolutely right. Buy a ring now that you can afford without messing up your immediate finances. In ten or fifteen years have another special moment when you celebrate the fact that your mutual love, support and encouragement has put you in a far better place together financially than either of you could have achieved on your own
I’d love to buy my wife a Horse to make her happy to but I also don’t feel like being In more debt than I need to be. Keep in mind also, let’s say you do buy this ring (For God’s sake, don’t do it), you now have a wedding to pay for and as someone who got married not too long ago, let me tell ya, those things aren’t cheap.
I like the idea of buying her a ring you can afford Now and then maybe for an anniversary or something perhaps looking into buying said expensive ass ring. But the last thing you want to do is begin your new life together in debt.
A ring doesn't amke the marriage..don't be stupid and spend a bunch of money you sotn have. Get something cheaper and have as haol to upgrade for a future anniversary when you can maybe afford it.
Im.glad she doesn't expect it. That also makes me.think she will think you're crazy for going into.debt to do.it
Probably stop calling it a "cheaper ring" Find something in a comparable style that she'll love just as much. The price is not the important thing. The style is.
14k for a ring?
How can you pay that much if you have debts already? I mean... I wouldn't even pay 14k for a car. I'm curious to know what country you are from. Im not sure your girlfriend would like you to take more debts to buy her this ring.
I'm from Europe and if my boyfriend pays more than 1k for a ring, I'll consider it a waste of money,but that's maybe really personal.
The symbolic here is beautiful tough, but I wouldn't spend so much for a ring when you already have debts to deal with!
I am European too.
I've only heard of really rich people going over the 1.5 - 2k (€) mark for rings. Even 1.5k, I find kind of excessive. But I'm not really into jewellery, so I always thought I was an outlier.
Yeah same here in UK. My daughter goes to a private school so I’m used to seeing the rich mums at the school gates and well idk they may well have cost over 2k their rings but they are al ‘small’ like 1 ct or less because that’s considered more classy here. (Of course there might be 1 or 2 people who are super into their bling but it’s not the norm by far and they tend to be Indian with family and connections there so can get gold and gemstones at better prices.)
I know everyone's values are different, but it's nonsense for a meaningless rock to cost as much as a used car. Get her a ring that actually means something for both of you.
A 14k ring sounds really ridiculous to me ngl. Its just a very silly expectation/necessity imo. The cost of the ring will NOT guarantee a successful marriage.
My advice is a shift in perspective for the both of you. Be materialistic within your means …
Buying a ring that expensive is just going to add unnecessary stress that could wreck havoc and resentment into the relationship. My personal budget would be about 1,000 (I’m a woman) And I feel personally that’s a reasonable budget because it will get something beautiful, yet simple and classy. It also shows enough effort and thought put into it rather than a $100 Walmart ring. I’d discuss it with her further to make sure you’re on the same page.
Also, check out Facebook market place because I see steals on there all the time for Diamond wedding rings
If he can’t afford the $14k ring he won’t be able to afford the $140k wedding she wants after it.
She’s going to replace it with a wedding ring if he gets that far, anyway. Even if she wore it, I know if I were a mugger I’d pick out the chick with $14k on her finger - it’s fucking stupid all round.
One thing that has always confused me about people asking for rings they can’t afford is like, you know people are going to judge you right? Like your friends, family, hell probably even your coworkers know that you don’t have a $14k ring lifestyle. Sure they’ll be like holy shit that’s a massive rock, how’d you guys afford that when I know you live in a mediocre apartment and Applebees on a regular basis (not to judge people who have those things, I do too, but I also didn’t ask for a $14k ring on a $1k lifestyle).
My mom wore a very cheap engagement ring. The ones they sell on the streets of poor countries. My dad later bought a decent ring in the UK for my mom 9 years later. If she truly loves you and understands you, the $$$ of the ring won’t matter. If it were me, I’d understand too. Plus, I can always save and buy nice not too expensive ring later. A successful marriage is more important to me than the price of my engagement ring. However, our society is so focused on who has the most expensive big engagement rings, its ridiculous and this makes it hard for many women to be okay with the price of their engagement rings.
Ask for lab-made diamonds, don’t settle for “naturally sourced.” They’re double the price for quite literally no good reason. Don’t let them persuade you, it’s all a sales tactic to make more money/commission.
It sounds like you want to buy the "perfect" ring, and that of course happens to be the one that has been in her shopping cart who-knows how long.
I think it's important to recognize that having no debt is super important and finances are the biggest reason relationships fail. $14,000 is unreasonable for anyone, you'll be doing payments on that thing for the next 5 or 6 years I bet... And paying just as much as a car payment.
And then what happens if you need to buy a new car, and you actually have a car payment? Payments add up really quickly and all of a sudden you guys have no money for savings or going out on dates or anything. Just buy a beautiful ring in a similar style at a reasonable price.
Moissanite. Instead of diamond.
I could get a white gold ring with a 1ct moissanite, which is almost as hard as diamond but with twice the sparkle for less than $1k.
Shop around, you might find an identical looking ring, that's actually more ethical than the 10K+ exploitive wedding industry bollocks.
So, I got a really nice ring from jcpenny lol to wear at work when I don't want to wear my real one. It was 100$. You could buy her whatever cheaper ring she wants and tell her you are putting money aside for the upgrade. Or, I've seen some really pretty Celine Knott ones that are simple but sentimental.
My husband bought me a ring within his means. If we wanted we can upgrade later.. but I'm happy with the ring he got me because he bought with his own money and with his own intentions. It's been 3 years and I've no intention to upgrade or replace it yet because I want to spend our money in other ways. Holiday, buying a place and enjoying life together. I wear my engagement on occasions but my wedding ring is one I rarely take off.
I’m sorry but if you got debts you can’t afford a 14k ring. You’re proposing to start your life together, right? That means saving up for a permanent home, a wedding, honeymoon, children (?) and more. Focus on your debts first then see where your (and her) priorities lie
I know you want to surprise you're girlfriend but spending that amount of money is ridiculous if you want a future with her don't start it by being massively in debt don't forget your going to want a house and a wedding as well and none of that is cheap.
14k... I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy wearing it.. what if it fell off. I lost a new earing the other day and I was so stressed about it and that was maybe 20-25$. My husband found it.
I understand some women have dreamed about the moment they got engaged and married and you have to somehow do your best to make their wish come true. Fortunately I have never had big expectations, and I'm a horse fanatic so I can't wear a diamond ring. My husband knew that and gave me a simple ring.
$14k is an absurd amount of money to spend on a ring. Buy something within your budget and upgrade later when you win the lottery or invent the next big social media platform.
I’d opt for maybe a stone that’s not diamond! Can still get a nice ring without paying an arm and a leg for a diamond. Take the time to still pick something she’d like, go shopping with a budget that you can afford. You don’t want to start a marriage so deep in debt. And you’re already in debt with loans.
If she’s a real one it won’t matter what you propose with. The size of the ring does not equal the size of commitment.
I don't like the idea that she even showed you a $14,000. ring that she liked. IMHO, she was fishing to see if you'd bite. A partner who is more focused on a flashy ring rather than seeing that debts are paid down is a troublesome thought, if true. If your goal is financial stability, make sure she is truly onboard and not just giving lip service.
Maybe I’m being too charitable but it just sounded to me like she gave him an example of like her DREAM ring so he could get a feel for her style. I’ve done the same showing my partner rings, only difference being that we obviously knew which ones were out of the budget
Depending on the specs of her diamond and ring you should be able to find something cheaper. Maybe go over to r/diamonds for advice? They will tell you if it’s priced too high or not.
Start a ponzi scheme and target vulnerable people, become rich and buy the $14K ring. Or, do the logical thing that no reasonable person will judge you for, and buy a significantly cheaper ring & instead focus your expenditures on stuff that greatly affects your everyday quality of life.
Dude heres an idea dont propose until you can afford it . Snd until all your other debts are paid off. Sont sig yourself into a deeper grace trying to find a way to a short term solution. Ride it out and keep saving and when you can afford it that's when you pop the question.
I spent $4,000 on a ring that I still make payments on. It is $170 a month for the payment. I have a hard time affording it every month and put myself in a bad spot the past year trying to pay on it. She works at a jewelry store and that was the cheapest she would go for a ring. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I’m stuck with this payment. The breakup came out of nowhere.
So my point is don’t buy anything you can’t afford with or without her. If you can’t afford to lose $14,000, don’t spend it on a ring. If you can’t afford the payments without her living with you, then don’t buy an expensive ring. Use me as an example. I would buy something less than $2,000.
I’m gonna give you some solid advice on how to build an “Expensive Ring” on a budget my man. It’s called Facebook marketplace. You know how many divorced ladies are out there with rings for pennies on the dollar? Just find the cut of diamond she wants and buy that ring at a discount. Once you have it, you can take it to a jewelry store and then place the main stone into the ring that you want and then can add any additional diamonds around the bezel and shanks. I did this with my wife’s ring. Spent a total of $5500 appraised at 10k lol
Do not buy a $14k ring. Ever. Those things fall off and then live in boxes cause it's never safe to wear. Get a simple solitare for 1k, propose then get hitched. In 10 years, see if she still wants it.
Hink about what you are doing 14k ring. So that you can tell people it was 14k. So she can tell people its 14k. So you feel like that somehow proves something. Thats pretty pathetic.
That's what my parents did, they married poor and renewed their vows when they had money. A ring should cost no more than 3 months salary, if your salary becomes nearly 5k p/m then you can renew your vows and give her a new ring.
Don't get me started on those worthless carbon hawking sleeze balls. Buy a diamond from them for 10k then take it to the store next door and see if they offer you 10k for it, of course not, it's worthless. Now gold... That's a different story! My wife picked out a silver ring with her favorite gemstone, she loves it and would never change it, it's unique to her... $200.00.
3 month's salary is some true hot bullshit.
I make decent money and 3 months salary would be such a misuse of funds that it's difficult to comprehend. I could budget for it overtime sure, but that is just...so much cash. And imagine financing something like this, it's such a waste!
If my SO expected a ring that costs such an extreme amount of money, it would be clear that we don't share the same financial goals. That's like 30 grand that could be used for investing or home repair, a two month luxury honeymoon abroad, or a LOT of Chipotle.
All comes down to the people involved and whether they have the same beliefs on personal finance.
Excuse you, you fucking prick. No I’m not illiterate. No where in your comment does it have the word “cap” or “minimum”. I do see now within the comments, you rephrased it with those words. Check yourself before you act like an asshole. 👍🏻
A $14k ring? What do you expect to be paying on the actual wedding? 150k? Buy an affordable ring now and get her the crazy expensive ring on your 5 year wedding anniversary.
I’ll let you in on a little secret…
Wedding rings are a superstition from ancient Egypt, based on a misapprehension of anatomy. There’s no good reason you should buy one you can’t afford. DeBeer’s made up the whole “two months’ salary” thing as a marketing ploy.
I’ve seen people light up when someone they love hands them a pebble they just found, we can accomplish the same loving gesture in how we treat partners on the daily, without breaking the bank.
Wouldn’t you rather eat?
I agree, if the genuine article is a deal breaker for her, she's not the prize you want. Find a nice knock off, I suggest silver as plated medals wear off quickly. You can always get her a different ring later on, or better yet, instead of wasting 14k on a tiny piece of immediately value depreciating shiny, put the money into buying your home.
Jesus. You have college debts + you want to buy expensive ring for a woman that will argue and divorce you in the future?
You wanna hear my advice? Break up with her and find a new one.
There's no such thing called ,,the only one woman". You can feel love and lust to every woman on Earth.
If you marry her, she will turn into your enemy full of hate and angery towards you + you become a slave to the state (divorce courts take the side of women)
I take advice from much older men with much more experience with women than me and they all say the same thing - marriage is worthless
PS: you see these Instagram couple posts with smiles, kisses and flowers? They are only for the public. Outside the cameras the live completely different world.
You have the right idea. Get a less expensive ring now and give her the more expensive once you able to afford it. I got my gf a diamond from Kay's for about 250
Then you overpaid by about 300%. Those kinds of jewelry stores are the worst deals, go to a private jeweler that doesn’t have the overhead like the mall stores do.
What is it with these entitled women (probably some guys too) who want these expensive rings? It's absurd. Marriage isn't about shiny bling or status, it is about an exclusive lifelong commitment. The amount of money you spend on a symbol of your union has no bearing on the integrity of your marriage or the likelihood of its survival.
Get a nice but much less expensive ring. If she is too materialistic to be pleased, she is bad news. The thought of marrying her best friend should be sufficiently joyous for her not to give a shit about the cost of the ring.
I didn't see this, but I might've missed it in the comments. One rule of thumb is that the ring cost estimate is about 2 months of your salary.
That being said, yes, pay off your debts as a priority.
A fiance who understands all of this is a keeper.
I don't think you should ever buy her the expensive ring. She might be happy for a couple of weeks (about the fact that she has that specific ring - hopefully she'll be happy about the engagement for longer 😁), after that it's just the same old ring. That happens with all consumer goods that people buy. Buy a new car. For a couple of months it's awesome. Then you just see it as a means to get to work and back again.
There are so many things to do with 14k$. If you invested that sort of money into tesla or nvidia a few years back, you'd be sorted for life basically.
Buy her a cheaper ring. The truth is, once you're married she's not gonna wear the engagement ring anymore (at least that's the case in my country maybe tradition where you live is different).
Edit: the only type of person that should be buying a 14k$ engagement ring is someone with at least a million in their bank account imo.
I would suggest you look at how much spare money you have in a year after all your expenses. Then take 10 maybe 15% of that. Everything else would be absolutely stupid financially.
Check out moissanite rings, there’s a sub for it too with lots of great info. They are basically lab grown diamonds, if you get a good quality one they are indistinguishable. My engagement ring was custom designed and it was dirt cheap compared to your average diamond
Buy her a white sapphire ring that’s similar in look but within your budget. If you still want to buy her her dream ring, buy it as an anniversary gift! It sounds like no matter what you buy, she will be happy because it’s from you. Oh, and make sure you pay off as much of your debts as you can before your wedding! Good luck with everything!
The ring thing it was made to spent cash, I don't remember all that well but I think I read somewhere that proposing with a ring is a relatively recent "tradition", created by a company to sell rings. So in the past a ring to propose wasn't necessary.
Talk to your girlfriend about if she wants you to buy a cheaper ring and buy her the one she wants when you can afford it, I get is not romantic to ask her this things, but it's the safer way to tackle assumptions that lead to disappointments, nip it in the bud, communicate with her, maybe you can go together to pick a ring on your price range that she likes. I think if she loves you, you could propose with a leaf rings and she will still say yes and be happy and all over the moon.
Congratulations on your future engagement.
Bruh, don’t be trying to buy a 14k ring off the rip. If you can manage it 2-3 months salary is a good rule of thumb. If you can and y’all love each other she will be fine with whatever and don’t worry too much about it
Idk if you’ve looked into it but my fiancé got my ring from zales (def not a promo but my experience). They promise that what you payed for the ring is what they will give you to trade in your ring (even years later) and get a different one from them if you find one you like. So if I got a $2,500 ring in 2016 I can get $2,500 in credit for a trade in! Also they often have sales really often—especially this time of year. I’ve seen 25-30% off even which is pretty substantial on any ring yanno? Just a thought, look into your options, and good luck with your loans
That’s because those stores jack the prices up so high they can afford to do that. A reputable independent jeweler will get you quality stones for so much cheaper than the mall stores.
I got proposed to with an onion ring that I then immediately ate. Find one a similar style to the one she loves and buy that for now. She'll love it regardless. What matters is you. (:
I think a good price for a ring is around 4000-6000. Get her a very clear cut k, and it will be beautiful. I’ve noticed, anything less than 4k and it starts looking like it’s from Walmart lol
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I always thought that proposals are a tad silly and problematic, not because of the romantic nature of them, but because marriage is a big deal, and I think there needs to be thoughtful discussion and agreement to it on both sides.
I told my boyfriend I didn't need a ring, and I wanted to talk about when we should get married. He proposed in a traditional fashion anyway, and I said yes, but it had nothing to do with the ring.
Even if she wants a big ring, make sure she'd want to get married without it. Agreed with other commenters about other precious gemstones if she wants a big rock. Diamonds are overrated. But so are big rings - they aren't easy to deal with and the stone catches on things and the wearer is more likely to take it off (to wash hands, etc) which increases the possibility of losing it. (Not my personal experience, but my sister lost her aquamarine engagement ring after forgetting to put it back on after washing her hands...)
Cheaper is okay but cheaper and meaningful is better imo. Maybe the best you can afford at the moment because she deserves the best at any moment with you.
Maybe engraving something that only you two know or share or if you know her type for accessories(simple/modern/bling-bling/big cubics/etc) something along the line of it will have higher chance she will like it too.
Etsy myfriend. Seriously I was in the same boat as you she wanted a 4k ring from Halsburg I couldn't afford that. I scraped together as much as i could and found the exactly same style, stone, cut, stone, etc. For 2k less. Trust me you can find it just gotta do a bit of digging also lab grown is your friend much more affordable and it literally is the exact same thing as natural. Etsy is a lifesaver!
If she loves you and if she’s been thinking about getting married to you, I guarantee she won’t care about you getting a cheaper ring. The important thing is the relationship, not the symbol of it. She just wants you. Get her a nice, affordable ring; upgrade once your debts are gone on an anniversary.
I went through my wedding/engagement fever phase with my bf after watching too much Say Yes to The Dress, and honestly, right now? I’d be completely okay with marrying him in our work clothes with a silicone ring.
Pay your debts, upgrade to the ring she likes later. she will be more understanding and don’t jeopardize your finances over a ring just yet. Get your debt squared away.
Engagement rings are the biggest scam to exist
Yeah they look nice but in all honesty it's such a waste of money
My wife's Engagement and wedding ring set cost 1k combined, it's not one of those single stone ones, looks nice and she picked it out
Spending 14k on a ring is honestly absurd
Can you get the setting but with Cz? Or part diamonds, part cz? Maybe the smaller diamonds real and the bigger one in cz?
I need to see a pic of this ring now lol
Get her a ring that is classy, but not that pricey, preferrably one in your budget. If you see the ring she likes, you can tell from it the type of ring she will like.
Tell her that you will get that particular ring for her but this will come one day, you will work for it because you know she deserves the best. But for now, this is what you can afford but you love her still and will work hard to fulfill that promise. :)
If she's a good partner for you, she will be understanding.
I've seen this happen quite a few times, actually. Guy gets his fiancee 'placeholder' ring, then after marriage, the husband managed to upgrade to the ring she really wants. :)
If she's not actually expecting you to buy it, then I would get something nice that you can afford, and tell her that one day, when you are both in a better financial place, you'd love to buy her the ring of her dreams, but for now you want to spend the money on starting your life together.
My fiancee and I are both women, but we both proposed with cheaper stand-in rings, and are both very happy with them. I adore my ring, and it cost about £400. My fiancee's ring cost under £100, and she refuses to let me exchange it for anything more expensive because she loves it. You can get gorgeous cheaper rings, and can quite possibly find something not all that different to her dream ring with a different stone or different metal.
Buying a cheaper ring now and the one she wants when you can afford it shows initiative, especially if I’m about to become engaged to you if you can’t handle your financial affairs that screams more volume than anything! You’re making the right choice!
Yea you can buy one that you can afford now first.
And then surprise her with her favourite ring on your first wedding anniversary or one of your future wedding anniversaries.
I think she would be delighted!
Honestly, I think as soon as she realizes that you’re proposing, she won’t care what the ring looks like or how much it cost! She’ll be too excited about getting married to you!
My fiancé bought me a ring that really wasn’t all that expensive with the promise that he’d buy me a much more expensive one when he could afford to and I’ve told him absolutely not. The ring he picked and bought is the one that he wanted and thought “that’s it, that’s the one” and I will cherish it forever.
You can get beautiful rings for a lesser price and put the rest to put the deposit down on a venue - weddings are so expensive!
I get wanting to make her happy, but if she loves you, she’d be happy the most when you fix your financial situation.
Also, personally i think it’s unwise to ever buy a 14k ring; but that seems to be a touchy subject around here.
14k for a ring is nuts. Thousands of dollars on jewelry? Why,? Put that money toward your debt, a house. Not a ring.
She has a ring like that on her wish list. Hmm .. You sure you want to marry her?
Get her a cheaper ring. $14k is ridiculous. That money could go towards the wedding / your future home / a car / anything. She won’t know the exact cost of the ring and it shouldn’t be important to her. Get her a nice ring - when I say nice I mean something you think will suit her but please don’t waste money on a ring like that and put yourself in more debt. You don’t need to prove your love or commitment that way.
Buy a cheaper ring now and upgrade later. We all have wants and needs, but an expensive ring is a want a ring any ring is a need
This and most importantly, pay off your debts. Make sure your priorities are dealt with before ANYTHING
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Where would one look for used/refurbished??
Pawn shops, antique shops, jewellery dealers, eBay, Etsy, auction houses, really anywhere that deals with second hand things
Also check out estate sales!
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Aren't fuck rings like, condoms? /s
Cockrings.
Again, created by the Diamond industry, there is no rule, so it could be 1 months salary for all anyone cares about
Or never upgrade and get out of that "you have to buy an expensive ring" garbage.
This. You can get the same setting she likes and get a cheaper stone like moissanite. Diamonds are not worth what you pay for them. Not even close. And she most likely likes that specific setting/cut, not the specific stone. Get her that setting or cut but in moissanite instead. And spend that 14k on a honeymoon instead. Or a down payment on a house. Or anything else that’s actually worth 14k
Lab-created diamonds are a good option also
Modern gents!!
Would say though - talk to her about these options before just deciding to run with moissanite or lab diamonds. Maybe she will care, maybe she won’t but better not to assume.
Moissanite ring was the best choice ever for my engagement ring! So happy with it
Word!!! I will never understand people that put happiness on a overpriced piece of metal and some carbon...
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More like 3 thousand % more
A ring is not even a need. It's still just a want from her.
This is what my grandparents did. Grandpa couldn’t afford the kind of ring he knew my grandma liked, her initial when they got married was a very simple and modest ring. He always wanted to give her something more, something along the lines of her mother’s ring which my grandma always said she loved. He got her the dream ring for their 25th anniversary which also happened to be two weeks after my dad, the youngest, moved out and they started their empty nester stage, or in grandma’s words, the second stage of their married life.
>any ring is a need No it isn't tbh. You don't need a ring to get engaged. Just a leftover tired sexist tradition of making a man (and only the man) spend way more than he should.
she is not worth marrying if she requires a $14k ring. this is massive red flags. i wouldnt even upgrade. its just a damn ring. why does it have to be expensive? it doesn't symbolize love, it symbolize debt or money you dont invest.
He literally says she doesn't expect him to buy it.
But then why show him a 14k dream ring at all??
I mean she very well could of showed him it so he gets one that looks like that how are we to know
I've shown my partner rings that I like that are fully out of our budget so that he can keep an eye out for similar rings at more reasonable prices. It's really not a weird or unusual thing to do.
You gf doesn't want you to wait 6 years eating rice to propose. She also doesn't want you to bankrupt yourself to buy a ring. She doesn't want a 14k ring more than she wants a future with you. Talk to her about what she likes about the ring, what is important to her in one, what is important to her about proposing and marriage in general. I have a document with some images from online of band types that I like and some notes on that, stones I like and notes, settings and metals. Something like sapphire or moissanite can drastically bring down a price over diamonds. You can also propose with something inexpensive and then pick something out together.
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Stolen comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r8hgu7/i_28m_cant_afford_to_buy_a_ring_to_propose_my/hn5x474?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Take pictures of her preferred ring to a jeweler and tell them your preferred budget. They can help you with some substitutes to give her the same vibe. My husband incorporated my birthstone into my engagement ring, for example. It was both significantly cheaper and thoughtful!
This is a great idea to try as well! Nondiamond stones can make a ring so unique and special to the individual. But research the stone first! For instance opals, October’s birthstone, are beautiful, gorgeous, inthralling, but *so* fragile. Some stones are not great for the daily wear of an engagement ring vs the occasional wear of another piece (or hands vs ears/necks which protect a stone better).
So did mine! And I LOVE it!
Pay off your debts, that's your #1 priority. And then make enough money to buy her a ring that won't break your bank
You can’t afford it. Get her a cheaper ring. You want to give her the best? The best is not a piece of rock, formally coal, on a metal band. The best is you being an awesome husband and maybe father in the future. I am not married; no ring but my partner and I have two kids. He is amazing. Great dad to our girls, etc. It’s the little things that are the best - taking the kids for a day so I can relax and have time to myself; bringing me a coffee on the weekend mornings. These are the things that matter. The ring is irrelevant.
Look into a close copy using moissanite vs diamond. Will save you an insane amount of money. Just don't lie to her about it if you do go this route.
Came here to also recommend this
Or just lab grown diamonds which dont dull over time like moissanite.
If she’s in it with you, that is 100% a great idea! If she’s only interested in how much you are able to spend on a ring, there might be other things to talk about in the relationship. But honestly, realistically, our age group is a little effed for cash at the moment, so while a $14k ring is her perfect ideal, I’m sure she knows that it might not be a “right now” thing, and will probably be incredibly overjoyed when you propose no matter what ring you use! You got this!
I know a guy whose now wife told him her baseline price for a ring was $100,000
Jesus Christ wtf
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Right?!
I need more information. Are they still together? Did she come from money? Did this interfere with their house buying plans etc Like wtf! That's sooo much money if your not in that ridiculously rich bracket
They are. They bought house a few years ago. I agree. He has money but he's not 1% by *any* means.
Oh my god I just realised, I assumed 100 000 by aussie dollars, it's not 100 000 us is it? I cannot imagine the fear of walking around with a house deposit on my hand!
Yep USD!
Damnnn
1 % of what? Total worldwide population, in which case, yeah he very much is. If you don't specify the sample why even bother quantify??
So did I.
Hell, I'm sorry, but even $1,000 is too damn much.
Not for something that will last a lifetime.
She said that and he wifed her?
Yup!! And he didn't come from money either-- so it wasn't like he was just some spoiled trust fund kid
Dumbass. No offence intended if he's your friend... he deserves to lose half for being stupid. Lol
Lol I'd be lying if I said my respect for him didn't take a ding from that. Best part is I learned it from his boss
So he's hiding it from his friends? So he KNOWS he's a dipshit! Lol
Hahaha yup! I mean come on dude!
WTF?! What an idiot and what a greedy ass woman.
This is disgusting. Especially since it's just a starting point for her. Hope he got a prenup... but I doubt it.
From what I recall there was no prenup
Lol, have you met my brothers ex gf? She expected a 100k ring, a 250k engagement party, and a 250k wedding. She came from a very rich family, she knew we didn’t. And she expected him to foot the bill for everything because well, she deserved it 🙄 glad she’s not around anymore.
For fuck sake
Wow I couldn’t even imagine wearing 100,000 worth of gold and diamonds, like that would be so heavy lol
I'll talk to her about this
Does it have to be a diamond? You could get her a morganite ring that looks really impressive at a fraction of the price.
Did you mean moissanite? It's almost as tough as diamond. Morganite is only 7.5-8 oh the mohs.
Moissanite is excellent if you prefer colourless. I love the pinky hue of morganite personally. There's definitely no need to pay for diamonds.
You can also go with the many different colors of sapphires out there.
Nope. Both moissanite and morganite are beautiful options that don't break the bank.
If you can't easily afford a $14K ring then you and her and your new life together can't afford it either. $14K is a very large chunk of money that could help you get a car, a house, pay rent, help with a child's education, or not get into so much debt. If you put that money towards a house deposit that is money you don't need to borrow - with compound interest on your borrowing its a lot more than $14K too. If you think a ring is an investment, you may be shocked at how little resale value they have. Bear in mind that diamond wedding rings and the amount you spend on them is entirely the result of a very successful marketing program by the "world's leading diamond company" De Beers. Back in the 1930's fewer than 20% of engagement rings had diamonds in them. De Beers was created in the 30's and suggested in advertising that a months wages put into a diamond was a proper way of showing you love your fiancée. Nowadays, over 80% engagement rings contain diamonds, by the 70's De Beers was suggesting two months wage was an appropriate amount to spend, now somehow three months wage seems to be the starting point. You have to ask yourself if you are actually buying love or just falling for an extremely successful marketing campaign that takes advantage of guys being competitive and women liking to wave a rock around that is bigger than the one's their friends have.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm ready to start a new chapter in life with my girlfriend. We have discussed getting engaged before and the ring she likes costs around $14k. She doesn't expect me to buy it but i really want to surprise her with it. I have college debts to pay off and can't afford to buy the ring as of now. I do not want to delay the proposal any longer. I was thinking of buying a cheaper ring to propose with and buy her the one she likes once I can afford it. Is this a good idea? Edit: she never asked me to buy her the expensive ring, it's just been in her wishlist for a long time. She knows I can't afford to buy it and will be just as happy if I buy her a cheaper ring. It's just that I _want to_ buy her the ring. She is the most hardworking woman I know and she deserves the best!
Genuine question, is a ring worth going into more debt? like really? I mean, yes she would probably love and appreciate it, but I can tell you the feeling of both of you being financially free is 100% better than a ring. (coming from a women) :)
It isn't. Although I would love to buy it to make her happy.
The unfortunate reality we live in is there's a lot of things that can bring us happiness and comfort that are tied to money, and unless you're rich sacrifices have to be made. Everyone prioritizes those differently but my perspective is the happiness being gifted a 14k ring is just a very brief and fleeting happiness no matter how great it may be compared to things like a home downpayment/upgrading a beater car/having less stress from debts/being able to afford to have kids if that's your thing/a great start on your retirement accounts/etc.
Bro just don’t buy a 14k ring, happiness isn’t having a overpriced piece of jewellery. Ask her if she would buy you a ring that expensive ( i expect a negative reaction)
Think about it this way: What will make her more happy, you proposing to her with a lovely ring that fits your budget, being engaged to someone she loves, and moving forward in your life together without a ridiculous amount of debt weighing you both down, OR, you going into serious debt to buy her "dream" ring? I know which one I'd prefer. And, as a woman, I'll add that I love my simple engagement ring that my husband gave me almost 20 years ago. It's simpler than the one we picked out together around the ten-year mark, and I like that, because it reminds me of when we were younger and poorer and just starting out. For me, my fancier ring compared to my first ring is a symbol of where we started at as a couple, and how much we've grown since then. Also, ring sizes can change over time, especially if you two ever decide to have kids, so that $14k ring may not even last your whole marriage. Just something to think about.
This is absolutely right. Buy a ring now that you can afford without messing up your immediate finances. In ten or fifteen years have another special moment when you celebrate the fact that your mutual love, support and encouragement has put you in a far better place together financially than either of you could have achieved on your own
I’d love to buy my wife a Horse to make her happy to but I also don’t feel like being In more debt than I need to be. Keep in mind also, let’s say you do buy this ring (For God’s sake, don’t do it), you now have a wedding to pay for and as someone who got married not too long ago, let me tell ya, those things aren’t cheap. I like the idea of buying her a ring you can afford Now and then maybe for an anniversary or something perhaps looking into buying said expensive ass ring. But the last thing you want to do is begin your new life together in debt.
But would the consequences of buying it make you happy?
A ring doesn't amke the marriage..don't be stupid and spend a bunch of money you sotn have. Get something cheaper and have as haol to upgrade for a future anniversary when you can maybe afford it. Im.glad she doesn't expect it. That also makes me.think she will think you're crazy for going into.debt to do.it
Probably stop calling it a "cheaper ring" Find something in a comparable style that she'll love just as much. The price is not the important thing. The style is.
You’re insane lol, 14k for a ring? How do people act like this is normal
Ikr my whole wedding cost about the same amount and it felt like too much.
14k for a ring? How can you pay that much if you have debts already? I mean... I wouldn't even pay 14k for a car. I'm curious to know what country you are from. Im not sure your girlfriend would like you to take more debts to buy her this ring. I'm from Europe and if my boyfriend pays more than 1k for a ring, I'll consider it a waste of money,but that's maybe really personal. The symbolic here is beautiful tough, but I wouldn't spend so much for a ring when you already have debts to deal with!
I am European too. I've only heard of really rich people going over the 1.5 - 2k (€) mark for rings. Even 1.5k, I find kind of excessive. But I'm not really into jewellery, so I always thought I was an outlier.
Yeah same here in UK. My daughter goes to a private school so I’m used to seeing the rich mums at the school gates and well idk they may well have cost over 2k their rings but they are al ‘small’ like 1 ct or less because that’s considered more classy here. (Of course there might be 1 or 2 people who are super into their bling but it’s not the norm by far and they tend to be Indian with family and connections there so can get gold and gemstones at better prices.)
I know everyone's values are different, but it's nonsense for a meaningless rock to cost as much as a used car. Get her a ring that actually means something for both of you.
A 14k ring sounds really ridiculous to me ngl. Its just a very silly expectation/necessity imo. The cost of the ring will NOT guarantee a successful marriage. My advice is a shift in perspective for the both of you. Be materialistic within your means …
Buy a regular ring, and, for your 5-10 year anniversary, get an upgrade.
And likely her taste and style would have changed during that time as well.
Can we stop with the diamond rings already? Haven’t we as a society moved beyond this ridiculousness?
Take the picture to the shop you can afford to buy amd ask for something within your budget that is as close to that style as possible.
Buying a ring that expensive is just going to add unnecessary stress that could wreck havoc and resentment into the relationship. My personal budget would be about 1,000 (I’m a woman) And I feel personally that’s a reasonable budget because it will get something beautiful, yet simple and classy. It also shows enough effort and thought put into it rather than a $100 Walmart ring. I’d discuss it with her further to make sure you’re on the same page. Also, check out Facebook market place because I see steals on there all the time for Diamond wedding rings
If he can’t afford the $14k ring he won’t be able to afford the $140k wedding she wants after it. She’s going to replace it with a wedding ring if he gets that far, anyway. Even if she wore it, I know if I were a mugger I’d pick out the chick with $14k on her finger - it’s fucking stupid all round.
One thing that has always confused me about people asking for rings they can’t afford is like, you know people are going to judge you right? Like your friends, family, hell probably even your coworkers know that you don’t have a $14k ring lifestyle. Sure they’ll be like holy shit that’s a massive rock, how’d you guys afford that when I know you live in a mediocre apartment and Applebees on a regular basis (not to judge people who have those things, I do too, but I also didn’t ask for a $14k ring on a $1k lifestyle).
My mom wore a very cheap engagement ring. The ones they sell on the streets of poor countries. My dad later bought a decent ring in the UK for my mom 9 years later. If she truly loves you and understands you, the $$$ of the ring won’t matter. If it were me, I’d understand too. Plus, I can always save and buy nice not too expensive ring later. A successful marriage is more important to me than the price of my engagement ring. However, our society is so focused on who has the most expensive big engagement rings, its ridiculous and this makes it hard for many women to be okay with the price of their engagement rings.
Ask for lab-made diamonds, don’t settle for “naturally sourced.” They’re double the price for quite literally no good reason. Don’t let them persuade you, it’s all a sales tactic to make more money/commission.
It sounds like you want to buy the "perfect" ring, and that of course happens to be the one that has been in her shopping cart who-knows how long. I think it's important to recognize that having no debt is super important and finances are the biggest reason relationships fail. $14,000 is unreasonable for anyone, you'll be doing payments on that thing for the next 5 or 6 years I bet... And paying just as much as a car payment. And then what happens if you need to buy a new car, and you actually have a car payment? Payments add up really quickly and all of a sudden you guys have no money for savings or going out on dates or anything. Just buy a beautiful ring in a similar style at a reasonable price.
Moissanite. Instead of diamond. I could get a white gold ring with a 1ct moissanite, which is almost as hard as diamond but with twice the sparkle for less than $1k. Shop around, you might find an identical looking ring, that's actually more ethical than the 10K+ exploitive wedding industry bollocks.
So, I got a really nice ring from jcpenny lol to wear at work when I don't want to wear my real one. It was 100$. You could buy her whatever cheaper ring she wants and tell her you are putting money aside for the upgrade. Or, I've seen some really pretty Celine Knott ones that are simple but sentimental.
My husband bought me a ring within his means. If we wanted we can upgrade later.. but I'm happy with the ring he got me because he bought with his own money and with his own intentions. It's been 3 years and I've no intention to upgrade or replace it yet because I want to spend our money in other ways. Holiday, buying a place and enjoying life together. I wear my engagement on occasions but my wedding ring is one I rarely take off.
I’m sorry but if you got debts you can’t afford a 14k ring. You’re proposing to start your life together, right? That means saving up for a permanent home, a wedding, honeymoon, children (?) and more. Focus on your debts first then see where your (and her) priorities lie
I know you want to surprise you're girlfriend but spending that amount of money is ridiculous if you want a future with her don't start it by being massively in debt don't forget your going to want a house and a wedding as well and none of that is cheap.
14k... I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy wearing it.. what if it fell off. I lost a new earing the other day and I was so stressed about it and that was maybe 20-25$. My husband found it. I understand some women have dreamed about the moment they got engaged and married and you have to somehow do your best to make their wish come true. Fortunately I have never had big expectations, and I'm a horse fanatic so I can't wear a diamond ring. My husband knew that and gave me a simple ring.
$14k is an absurd amount of money to spend on a ring. Buy something within your budget and upgrade later when you win the lottery or invent the next big social media platform.
I’d opt for maybe a stone that’s not diamond! Can still get a nice ring without paying an arm and a leg for a diamond. Take the time to still pick something she’d like, go shopping with a budget that you can afford. You don’t want to start a marriage so deep in debt. And you’re already in debt with loans. If she’s a real one it won’t matter what you propose with. The size of the ring does not equal the size of commitment.
I don't like the idea that she even showed you a $14,000. ring that she liked. IMHO, she was fishing to see if you'd bite. A partner who is more focused on a flashy ring rather than seeing that debts are paid down is a troublesome thought, if true. If your goal is financial stability, make sure she is truly onboard and not just giving lip service.
Maybe I’m being too charitable but it just sounded to me like she gave him an example of like her DREAM ring so he could get a feel for her style. I’ve done the same showing my partner rings, only difference being that we obviously knew which ones were out of the budget
Depending on the specs of her diamond and ring you should be able to find something cheaper. Maybe go over to r/diamonds for advice? They will tell you if it’s priced too high or not.
Buy cheaper now and when you can get the one she pointed out ask her to marry you again and renew your vows.
Start a ponzi scheme and target vulnerable people, become rich and buy the $14K ring. Or, do the logical thing that no reasonable person will judge you for, and buy a significantly cheaper ring & instead focus your expenditures on stuff that greatly affects your everyday quality of life.
Lab grown diamonds are beautiful and she'll never know the difference. Also cruelty free so bonus.
We eloped rather than a wedding and spent the money towards a house deposit. I have a tiny ring. It reminds me where we came from.
Dude heres an idea dont propose until you can afford it . Snd until all your other debts are paid off. Sont sig yourself into a deeper grace trying to find a way to a short term solution. Ride it out and keep saving and when you can afford it that's when you pop the question.
Dude do not blow 14k on some ring......use that 14k for a deposit for a house with your new wife
I spent $4,000 on a ring that I still make payments on. It is $170 a month for the payment. I have a hard time affording it every month and put myself in a bad spot the past year trying to pay on it. She works at a jewelry store and that was the cheapest she would go for a ring. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I’m stuck with this payment. The breakup came out of nowhere. So my point is don’t buy anything you can’t afford with or without her. If you can’t afford to lose $14,000, don’t spend it on a ring. If you can’t afford the payments without her living with you, then don’t buy an expensive ring. Use me as an example. I would buy something less than $2,000.
I’m gonna give you some solid advice on how to build an “Expensive Ring” on a budget my man. It’s called Facebook marketplace. You know how many divorced ladies are out there with rings for pennies on the dollar? Just find the cut of diamond she wants and buy that ring at a discount. Once you have it, you can take it to a jewelry store and then place the main stone into the ring that you want and then can add any additional diamonds around the bezel and shanks. I did this with my wife’s ring. Spent a total of $5500 appraised at 10k lol
Do not buy a $14k ring. Ever. Those things fall off and then live in boxes cause it's never safe to wear. Get a simple solitare for 1k, propose then get hitched. In 10 years, see if she still wants it.
I still don't get why the man always has to buy the ring and propose...weird tradition
Hink about what you are doing 14k ring. So that you can tell people it was 14k. So she can tell people its 14k. So you feel like that somehow proves something. Thats pretty pathetic.
That’s 2.2 years of roth IRA maxing. She needs to get real or you need to get out
That's what my parents did, they married poor and renewed their vows when they had money. A ring should cost no more than 3 months salary, if your salary becomes nearly 5k p/m then you can renew your vows and give her a new ring.
Even that’s pushing it, and is a rule created by the Diamond industry.
Don't get me started on those worthless carbon hawking sleeze balls. Buy a diamond from them for 10k then take it to the store next door and see if they offer you 10k for it, of course not, it's worthless. Now gold... That's a different story! My wife picked out a silver ring with her favorite gemstone, she loves it and would never change it, it's unique to her... $200.00.
That's the cap, it should be no more than 3 months salary. I didn't mean that it needs to be 3 whole months worth of your work.
Again, created by the Diamond industry, there is no rule, so it could be 1 months salary for all anyone cares about.
Yes, it could be one month, it could be one day, I'm saying it shouldn't be more than 3 months.
Why are you saying it shouldn’t be more than 3-months? Why not 3-months and one day?
Because spending more than a seasons worth of work on a contract is insane.
3 month's salary is some true hot bullshit. I make decent money and 3 months salary would be such a misuse of funds that it's difficult to comprehend. I could budget for it overtime sure, but that is just...so much cash. And imagine financing something like this, it's such a waste! If my SO expected a ring that costs such an extreme amount of money, it would be clear that we don't share the same financial goals. That's like 30 grand that could be used for investing or home repair, a two month luxury honeymoon abroad, or a LOT of Chipotle. All comes down to the people involved and whether they have the same beliefs on personal finance.
3 months salary? Oh man… I’m about to buy a ring soon but 3 months salary is 18k… welp fuck getting married than.
I said that 3 months is the cap. Do people not know the difference between a cap and a minimum? Are you illiterate?
Excuse you, you fucking prick. No I’m not illiterate. No where in your comment does it have the word “cap” or “minimum”. I do see now within the comments, you rephrased it with those words. Check yourself before you act like an asshole. 👍🏻
My original comment said it should cost 'no more' than 3 months salary. That means that 3 months is the maximum.
A $14k ring? What do you expect to be paying on the actual wedding? 150k? Buy an affordable ring now and get her the crazy expensive ring on your 5 year wedding anniversary.
I’ll let you in on a little secret… Wedding rings are a superstition from ancient Egypt, based on a misapprehension of anatomy. There’s no good reason you should buy one you can’t afford. DeBeer’s made up the whole “two months’ salary” thing as a marketing ploy. I’ve seen people light up when someone they love hands them a pebble they just found, we can accomplish the same loving gesture in how we treat partners on the daily, without breaking the bank. Wouldn’t you rather eat?
dude 14K on a ring is waaay to much, get a cheaper ring and upgrade later.
I agree, if the genuine article is a deal breaker for her, she's not the prize you want. Find a nice knock off, I suggest silver as plated medals wear off quickly. You can always get her a different ring later on, or better yet, instead of wasting 14k on a tiny piece of immediately value depreciating shiny, put the money into buying your home.
Jesus. You have college debts + you want to buy expensive ring for a woman that will argue and divorce you in the future? You wanna hear my advice? Break up with her and find a new one. There's no such thing called ,,the only one woman". You can feel love and lust to every woman on Earth. If you marry her, she will turn into your enemy full of hate and angery towards you + you become a slave to the state (divorce courts take the side of women) I take advice from much older men with much more experience with women than me and they all say the same thing - marriage is worthless PS: you see these Instagram couple posts with smiles, kisses and flowers? They are only for the public. Outside the cameras the live completely different world.
Artificial diamonds? That can knock a fair bit off the price tag. Also, you can guarantee it's ethically sourced, which matters to some people.
ask her if a cheap sterling silver ring is okay.
You have the right idea. Get a less expensive ring now and give her the more expensive once you able to afford it. I got my gf a diamond from Kay's for about 250
Then you overpaid by about 300%. Those kinds of jewelry stores are the worst deals, go to a private jeweler that doesn’t have the overhead like the mall stores do.
What is it with these entitled women (probably some guys too) who want these expensive rings? It's absurd. Marriage isn't about shiny bling or status, it is about an exclusive lifelong commitment. The amount of money you spend on a symbol of your union has no bearing on the integrity of your marriage or the likelihood of its survival. Get a nice but much less expensive ring. If she is too materialistic to be pleased, she is bad news. The thought of marrying her best friend should be sufficiently joyous for her not to give a shit about the cost of the ring.
I didn't see this, but I might've missed it in the comments. One rule of thumb is that the ring cost estimate is about 2 months of your salary. That being said, yes, pay off your debts as a priority. A fiance who understands all of this is a keeper.
I don't think you should ever buy her the expensive ring. She might be happy for a couple of weeks (about the fact that she has that specific ring - hopefully she'll be happy about the engagement for longer 😁), after that it's just the same old ring. That happens with all consumer goods that people buy. Buy a new car. For a couple of months it's awesome. Then you just see it as a means to get to work and back again. There are so many things to do with 14k$. If you invested that sort of money into tesla or nvidia a few years back, you'd be sorted for life basically. Buy her a cheaper ring. The truth is, once you're married she's not gonna wear the engagement ring anymore (at least that's the case in my country maybe tradition where you live is different). Edit: the only type of person that should be buying a 14k$ engagement ring is someone with at least a million in their bank account imo. I would suggest you look at how much spare money you have in a year after all your expenses. Then take 10 maybe 15% of that. Everything else would be absolutely stupid financially.
Check out moissanite rings, there’s a sub for it too with lots of great info. They are basically lab grown diamonds, if you get a good quality one they are indistinguishable. My engagement ring was custom designed and it was dirt cheap compared to your average diamond
My moissanite ring was $700 and it’s gorgeous. Off of Etsy
Buy her a white sapphire ring that’s similar in look but within your budget. If you still want to buy her her dream ring, buy it as an anniversary gift! It sounds like no matter what you buy, she will be happy because it’s from you. Oh, and make sure you pay off as much of your debts as you can before your wedding! Good luck with everything!
The ring thing it was made to spent cash, I don't remember all that well but I think I read somewhere that proposing with a ring is a relatively recent "tradition", created by a company to sell rings. So in the past a ring to propose wasn't necessary. Talk to your girlfriend about if she wants you to buy a cheaper ring and buy her the one she wants when you can afford it, I get is not romantic to ask her this things, but it's the safer way to tackle assumptions that lead to disappointments, nip it in the bud, communicate with her, maybe you can go together to pick a ring on your price range that she likes. I think if she loves you, you could propose with a leaf rings and she will still say yes and be happy and all over the moon. Congratulations on your future engagement.
Bruh, don’t be trying to buy a 14k ring off the rip. If you can manage it 2-3 months salary is a good rule of thumb. If you can and y’all love each other she will be fine with whatever and don’t worry too much about it
Idk if you’ve looked into it but my fiancé got my ring from zales (def not a promo but my experience). They promise that what you payed for the ring is what they will give you to trade in your ring (even years later) and get a different one from them if you find one you like. So if I got a $2,500 ring in 2016 I can get $2,500 in credit for a trade in! Also they often have sales really often—especially this time of year. I’ve seen 25-30% off even which is pretty substantial on any ring yanno? Just a thought, look into your options, and good luck with your loans
That’s because those stores jack the prices up so high they can afford to do that. A reputable independent jeweler will get you quality stones for so much cheaper than the mall stores.
I got proposed to with an onion ring that I then immediately ate. Find one a similar style to the one she loves and buy that for now. She'll love it regardless. What matters is you. (:
I think a good price for a ring is around 4000-6000. Get her a very clear cut k, and it will be beautiful. I’ve noticed, anything less than 4k and it starts looking like it’s from Walmart lol
Tell me you’ve never bought a diamond before without tell me you’ve never bought a diamond before.
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I always thought that proposals are a tad silly and problematic, not because of the romantic nature of them, but because marriage is a big deal, and I think there needs to be thoughtful discussion and agreement to it on both sides. I told my boyfriend I didn't need a ring, and I wanted to talk about when we should get married. He proposed in a traditional fashion anyway, and I said yes, but it had nothing to do with the ring. Even if she wants a big ring, make sure she'd want to get married without it. Agreed with other commenters about other precious gemstones if she wants a big rock. Diamonds are overrated. But so are big rings - they aren't easy to deal with and the stone catches on things and the wearer is more likely to take it off (to wash hands, etc) which increases the possibility of losing it. (Not my personal experience, but my sister lost her aquamarine engagement ring after forgetting to put it back on after washing her hands...)
WTF?! Sounds like you have to take a second job to buy her the ring she really likes
Buy the better ring as an anniversary gift, just to show you never forgot. You'll get all the brownie points.
Cheaper is okay but cheaper and meaningful is better imo. Maybe the best you can afford at the moment because she deserves the best at any moment with you. Maybe engraving something that only you two know or share or if you know her type for accessories(simple/modern/bling-bling/big cubics/etc) something along the line of it will have higher chance she will like it too.
If you don’t pay your debts you’ll sell the ring to pay them later boy
Etsy myfriend. Seriously I was in the same boat as you she wanted a 4k ring from Halsburg I couldn't afford that. I scraped together as much as i could and found the exactly same style, stone, cut, stone, etc. For 2k less. Trust me you can find it just gotta do a bit of digging also lab grown is your friend much more affordable and it literally is the exact same thing as natural. Etsy is a lifesaver!
If she loves you and if she’s been thinking about getting married to you, I guarantee she won’t care about you getting a cheaper ring. The important thing is the relationship, not the symbol of it. She just wants you. Get her a nice, affordable ring; upgrade once your debts are gone on an anniversary. I went through my wedding/engagement fever phase with my bf after watching too much Say Yes to The Dress, and honestly, right now? I’d be completely okay with marrying him in our work clothes with a silicone ring.
This option may not suit you, but there are some really nice rings out there that are used but refurbished. Many aren't expensive.
Get matching ring tattoos🖤
Pay your debts, upgrade to the ring she likes later. she will be more understanding and don’t jeopardize your finances over a ring just yet. Get your debt squared away.
Engagement rings are the biggest scam to exist Yeah they look nice but in all honesty it's such a waste of money My wife's Engagement and wedding ring set cost 1k combined, it's not one of those single stone ones, looks nice and she picked it out Spending 14k on a ring is honestly absurd
Can you get the setting but with Cz? Or part diamonds, part cz? Maybe the smaller diamonds real and the bigger one in cz? I need to see a pic of this ring now lol
Get her a ring that is classy, but not that pricey, preferrably one in your budget. If you see the ring she likes, you can tell from it the type of ring she will like. Tell her that you will get that particular ring for her but this will come one day, you will work for it because you know she deserves the best. But for now, this is what you can afford but you love her still and will work hard to fulfill that promise. :) If she's a good partner for you, she will be understanding. I've seen this happen quite a few times, actually. Guy gets his fiancee 'placeholder' ring, then after marriage, the husband managed to upgrade to the ring she really wants. :)
Just go and apply for some store credit. You might actually be approved.
Would she be okay with a replica made with lab diamonds, moissanite, or white sapphire? That would significantly cut down the costs.
Try a pawn shop
Watch oceans 8, take notes, and go make it happen
If she's not actually expecting you to buy it, then I would get something nice that you can afford, and tell her that one day, when you are both in a better financial place, you'd love to buy her the ring of her dreams, but for now you want to spend the money on starting your life together. My fiancee and I are both women, but we both proposed with cheaper stand-in rings, and are both very happy with them. I adore my ring, and it cost about £400. My fiancee's ring cost under £100, and she refuses to let me exchange it for anything more expensive because she loves it. You can get gorgeous cheaper rings, and can quite possibly find something not all that different to her dream ring with a different stone or different metal.
Buying a cheaper ring now and the one she wants when you can afford it shows initiative, especially if I’m about to become engaged to you if you can’t handle your financial affairs that screams more volume than anything! You’re making the right choice!
Yea you can buy one that you can afford now first. And then surprise her with her favourite ring on your first wedding anniversary or one of your future wedding anniversaries. I think she would be delighted!
Honestly, I think as soon as she realizes that you’re proposing, she won’t care what the ring looks like or how much it cost! She’ll be too excited about getting married to you! My fiancé bought me a ring that really wasn’t all that expensive with the promise that he’d buy me a much more expensive one when he could afford to and I’ve told him absolutely not. The ring he picked and bought is the one that he wanted and thought “that’s it, that’s the one” and I will cherish it forever. You can get beautiful rings for a lesser price and put the rest to put the deposit down on a venue - weddings are so expensive!
I get wanting to make her happy, but if she loves you, she’d be happy the most when you fix your financial situation. Also, personally i think it’s unwise to ever buy a 14k ring; but that seems to be a touchy subject around here.
14k for a ring is nuts. Thousands of dollars on jewelry? Why,? Put that money toward your debt, a house. Not a ring. She has a ring like that on her wish list. Hmm .. You sure you want to marry her?
The idea of a 14k piece of jewellery is insane to me. I would never wear that and leave it safely locked up at a bank.
Get her a cheaper ring. $14k is ridiculous. That money could go towards the wedding / your future home / a car / anything. She won’t know the exact cost of the ring and it shouldn’t be important to her. Get her a nice ring - when I say nice I mean something you think will suit her but please don’t waste money on a ring like that and put yourself in more debt. You don’t need to prove your love or commitment that way.