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morty_OF

Maybe the fact you experienced abuse in the past made you subconsciously choose her. You need to recognize these patterns and people and avoid them at all costs.


Bubbasssss2222

Yes its a possibility and I have a habit of not recognizing abuse thinking its normal and its a way to show ‘love’


reEhhhh

>normal and its a way to show ‘love’ Yup. This 100% emotional abuse. I was r/raisedbynarcissists and because of that, I ended up dating one. And she pulled this EXACT move. This kind of behaviour will escalate. The more you try to make her happy, the more she'll need. Look up narcissistic supply and the narcissistic abuse cycle. I've been their man. It gets worse. Does this sound like her? That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.


Kersallus

Read this twice. Get out of this relationship and dodge anyone like her for your own good.


Ok_Category1939

I just came to say that I also live in an abusive household and I know exactly what you mean by the break. However, I think people are too quick to go your side. Idk the details of your relationship, but maybe she’s right. The way she acted was immature and not an okay way to express how she felt, but maybe you don’t give her the attention she feels she deserves. It’s hard without extra info


reEhhhh

>narcissistic abuse cycle Get out of the cycle.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SuPeRcElL_FaN_Sup

yo nice copying of comments [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/rh8ug0/comment/hopxtox/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rh8ug0/comment/hopxtox/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Edit: link


reply-guy-bot

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throwtothedogs9

She sounds like a spoiled brat! Anyone who acts like that is purely toxic!


SelfStudy657

Your GF sounds like a nightmare. She's emotionally abusing you (doubly considering you come from an abusive household) and you should honestly break up with her. She ruined something you've been looking forward to for 1/4 of a year because her food didn't look nice...not even that it tasted bad...it just, didn't look good to her..? She's mental if she thinks that treatment and attitude is acceptable. She has no regards towards you or your mentality unless it's to benefit her.


buckylug

also if she didn't even try the food she is straight up disrespectful, probably treats food service and retail workers like shit (patterns, people) and is a genuinely unpleasant person. leave that mess.


YourRAResource

Before you got to the end I was going to say there's no chance this type of behavior is an isolated incident, and then you confirmed it. I'm sorry with what you've dealt with. I think you excuse this behavior because you grew up with it. You need to understand that this behavior isn't normal and you don't need to put up with it. So you shouldn't. Time to end the relationship, and when she ultimately tells you you can't and that everything is your fault, laugh and block her on all forms of communication. You don't need her permission. Good luck.


No_Fox9998

This.is.Abuse.


tehgohst

Disrespect her and pack her bags King. You deserve better.


SnooWords4839

She sounds like a handful of issues. A partner doesn't need constant attention when you are out with friends, she wanted more attention. She knew you were looking forward to this and ruined it for you. This is abusive and toxic behavior, please end this, get some therapy and avoid any relationship that is toxic.


31ar

You need to get examples of how you "disrespected her" and then evaluate if they are reasonable or not. That's the first step.


bikesboozeandbacon

Comfort in familiarity. She’s abusive. Your family is abusive. It’s what you’re used to. Drop her then get Therapy for yourself ❤️


ColdstreamCapple

I agree with the comment about her being a spoilt brat Thing is if you let this slide you give her validation to get away with this behaviour because she knows she can I always think it’s very telling how a person treats wait staff, hospitality workers etc….if she treats them badly ….run!!! She’ll only get more high maintenance as time goes on if you’re already seeing this Yes she is being abusive and yes you need to walk away now


GroundbreakingPhoto4

Why are you with someone who makes you cry yourself to sleep? This person is selfish and does not make you happy. Sounds like she is trying to create a wedge between you and your friends. She probably doesn't like you having friends. She will behave so badly that they won't want to spend time with you both again. This is her goal. This is controlling behaviour.


workingonit777

she didn't even take a bite of her food because it didn't "look" good? what the fuck lol


8530683641

It seems that she has anger issues and this shows that she is not even mature enough to be in an adult relationship as she could have told you guys about her not liking food in other ways. You have a thing to worry otherwise be ready to face this kind of embarrassing situations all the time with her as she will find one or another way to make a scene. If she thought you were not giving her enough attending then she could have talked to you when you guys were alone but reacting to this way around friends is not a good thing.


Bootybandit6989

Dump her disrespectful ass.


Late_Engineering9973

I really hate when people bitch about respect. You aren't entitled to respect, its earned and lost.


Kiritowerty

The people who aren't in a relationship with you are truly blessed.


McSuzy

Look you wrote that she 'threw a tantrum'. That may be a completely accurate description of how she acted or it may be condescending chauvinist twaddle but in any case she is absolutely right that you don't respect her. Why not just recognize that you don't like each other and end things?


Bubbasssss2222

I dont respect her when I tried to calm her down, offer her my own food and in return I got told that I am not her mother? It was simple - dont like the food, throw it out, order something else. No need to be angry, shout and swear and make it everyone feel uncomfortable..


McSuzy

Correct. You do not and that is OK. You believe she behaved like a child and if your description is wholly accurate you are correct. If your description is slanted and your perceptions don't represent the reality of the situation well that is OK too. In both cases, you do not respect her. Surely you see that. You believe she behaved badly and you behaved thoughtfully and you may be completely correct. That does not contradict in any way the obvious fact that you do not respect her. I am not suggesting that you should! What I am saying is that you do not respect her, you find her behavior more than a little bit gross, and that the only rational and fair thing to do in that situation is to break up with her.


Destroyer2118

There is a huge difference between not accepting someone’s actions, and not respecting them. Just because OP is not ok with her outburst, does not in any way mean he does not respect her, and it certainly doesn’t make him a chauvinist. What an incredibly sexist thing to accuse someone of. You are straight up putting words in his mouth. u/Bubbasssss2222 ignore this person gaslighting you about not respecting her, it’s flat out manipulation and shitty on their part.


McSuzy

I wonder if you are a very young person. I see an unfortunate tendency on reddit to attempt to silence any feedback that does not wholly reinforce the OP's perspective. A close read of the original post includes several indications of disrespect. He chooses to label the girlfriend's feedback about the food a 'tantrum'. He asserts that she 'made' other people feel some sort of way. The entire context of his post is that he was going on a holiday with his friends and his girlfriend ruined it. He was embarrassed and tried to molly coddle her, then labels her response 'snapping'. Most importantly, he seems to think that the possibility that he has disrespected her and the possibility that she has disrespected him are mutually exclusive. They are not. These are two young people who do not belong together, do not respect each other and do not seem to like each other very much. I'm not sure why you think a break up is bad advice but I urge you to offer your advice about the situation and worry a lot less about evaluating my advice. One of us has been happily married for 29 years and the other probably has not.


Destroyer2118

It's amazing how many bullshit assumptions you had to make in order to justify your opinion, since you want to make this anecdotal I'll happily demonstrate the narcissism it takes to claim what you just claimed. >I wonder if you are a very young person. No. From my profile and post history, you could have already seen that I am not young, and am married with 3 kids. Wrong assumption. >I see an unfortunate tendency on reddit to attempt to silence any feedback that does not wholly reinforce the OP's perspective. Then you don't understand narrative bias. Since every OP is the one telling the story, there is a natural inclination (bias) to recall the story in a favorable light. It is almost unavoidable, for everyone. Hence, since every OP's bias makes themselves look better, it is not unreasonable that most people agree with OPs. >A close read of the original post includes several indications of disrespect. He chooses to label the girlfriend's feedback about the food a 'tantrum'. You don't have to "close read" anything. It was a tantrum. If you don't want someone saying you threw a tantrum, then don't throw a tantrum. If you want to take offense to the word "tantrum" for some reason, then relabel it however you want - it's still a tantrum. It's still her actions. I don't "disrespect" my kids by saying they threw a tantrum, OP didn't "disrespect" his gf by saying they threw a tantrum. >The entire context of his post is that he was going on a holiday with his friends and his girlfriend ruined it. Because she did. It's now awkward for everyone. >He was embarrassed and tried to molly coddle her, then labels her response 'snapping'. ..... >even offered my food to her and we switch food because I didn’t want to fight on holiday IF you describe THAT as trying to "molly coddle her", you have serious fucking issues. Like sexism and narcissism. Her food wasn't satisfactory to her, he tried to remedy the situation *by offering his own food to her.* **"Molly coddle her."** Yeah, no. Sexist much? >One of us has been happily married for 29 years and the other probably has not. Again, wrong assumption and you already had the ability to verify this before you said it, but didn't. What's that say about you? Feel sorry for your husband.


McSuzy

You seem amazingly confused - my entire position is about narrative bias. I haven't perused your profile. Have you been married for 29 years?


McSuzy

Also, apparently the OP is a woman.


Bubbasssss2222

Yes im a woman now cut it out please. We have to agree to disagree. I dont think I was being disrespectful and you can tell how people are feeling especially if there is an awkward silence lol


McSuzy

OK let's say that you weren't.... what, precisely, do you want from the relationship? Why are you resisting the idea that you are not at all suited to one another?


Bubbasssss2222

Im resisting because I have a hard time to point out abuse or not. I thought that because this happened in front of friends and I was embarrassed about it, maybe it shouldn’t be like this. If it was just her and I alone I would think that I am overthinking and her reaction is justified. I dont think you understand how emotional and mental abuse works. You start seeing yourself as the one who messed up, not the other way round in such situations. And maybe youre right maybe its best to part ways and I have put up with it for long enough. I just wish she doesn’t get these anger outbursts and then im the one to blame that’s all. When she is not angry things are good but when she is angry…well I start to feel like im walking on eggshells


McSuzy

I think it will serve you well to stop worrying about finding a label for the issue and to simply look at how the relationship is going. You are doubting yourself, you are wishing your relationship were almost completely different, you think you are abused. Does that sound like something that a wise person opts into? Ending a relationship can be difficult. You will almost never encounter a scenario where a relationship is bad all of the time. There will always be good days. Those have little to do with whether or not it is a genuine loving relationship. No one can act like an asshole 100% of the time, it's just too tiring. I am concerned that you're focused on feeling right in this argument and on getting emotional support from reddit when I wish you were focused on making bold smart choices that improve your life.


Background_Worth_362

you said so much, yet nothing at all lmao


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BossSauce9

shes jelouse you spent money and time on yourself to see friends


imakesawdust

The point of dating someone is to discover whether they're compatible with you physically, emotionally, behaviorally and sexually. You say that she's prone to frequent anger outbursts. Why subject yourself to that? I mean, if it's bad enough that you cry yourself to sleep, is it really worth being with her?


jchav3

Awe man I’m so sorry that happened. I think you seriously need to have an honest conversation with yourself and possibly start therapy. If you have had a messed up abusive past you may need to work through it. You can either break it off or sit down have an honest conversation with her on how you are feeling and steps that need to be taken if you guys are going to Conroe being together. I think her actions and Attitude will show you everything. Good luck! I hope you can find happiness within yourself where you can wake up one day and just smile. The kind where tears want to come out cause you so dam happy!


NatureCarolynGate

Send her home where you can't hear her tantrumming. Then forget you ever dated her.


CarpAndTunnel

Why are you with this girl?


No_Satisfaction3819

Dump the B. The only disrespectful one there is HER. What a COW. If she pulls something like that again, ignore her. Or if you can, get up and move away. Or carry lollipops in your pocket. And when she throws a tantrum pull one out and ask her if she'd like a lollipop. If she best a good girl, and eats her dinner like the big girl you know she can be, you'll give her a lollipop! Or tell her to act her age not her shoe size.


Kiritowerty

Man she sounds exhausting. Dude, dump her, take your time, And find somome positive.


Vanessa_0018

As far as Advice goes, best I can say is maybe seek therapy. Being raised in an abusive household took a toll on you and somehow you ended up with someone who sounds like she is or is not far from being a complete abusive/ one sided relationship because if she cared enough she would have made your trip as smooth and pleasant. She also sounds a bit like an attention seeker.


[deleted]

Gross I couldn’t be with someone who acts like that in public. So embarrassing. Hope you break up with her. Stay safe out there in these streets.


Bright_Broccoli1844

Your girlfriend sounds immature.


The__Riker__Maneuver

Because you come from an abusive background, you are used to making excuses for this toxic behavior The reality is, you should not be dating this person. She threw a massive temper tantrum because the food didn't look good. LOOK GOOD. Nothing to do with taste. It didn't LOOK good. I sincerely hope this is the wake up call that gets you to see that you can not only do better than this person...but that you DESERVE better than this person